The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep #170: Mishka Shubaly, Doug and Chad talk serious shit

Episode Date: October 5, 2016

Mishka Shubaly and Doug compare book passages and Police Beat with Chad Shank.Doug's new special is now out on Seeso.com. Click here to sign up now and use offer code "stanhope" to get your first 2 months free!Recorded June 22, 2016 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Mishka Shubaly (@MishkaShubaly), Jobi (@StanhopeCDP), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS: MIshka Shubaly & Kristine Levine Tour Dates Available at http://www.mishkashubaly.com/events/   Stanhope Sept-Oct 2016 Tour Dates with Andy Andrist & Junior Stopka - http://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates/ Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/   Closing song, "For Anyone" by Star Anna From the CD "Go To Hell". Available on iTunes.   Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com    Order Doug's audio book, "Digging Up Mother", HERE.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Ladies and gentlemen, if I can have your attention, we are the new Smash Singing Sensation tandem of Footloose and Fancy Free. And then we serenaded ourselves out with Loggins and Bessina. How'd it go? How'd it go over? As horrible as you could possibly imagine. I'm glad I can finally fucking retire.

I'm sick of this gig. Terrible, terrible gig. I'm rooting for the new up-and-comers. We're going. Mishka Shabali. Mishka. Ow. I'd like to say for a limited time only,

but he's staying for like weeks. Yeah. Are you sick of me already? We're just rolling in. Is it okay if I stay from the 21st to the 7th? Sure. I have nowhere else

to go. People are like, what are you doing down there? I was like, living? I don't know. Freeloading? Scratching out an existence. Good place to do it. Dispatch from the UK. Malingering, right?

Malingerer's paradise. We thought we were going to be out of town anyway, so we didn't care. But now, plans have changed. Aren't you the one crashing the party now? Yeah, I'll be here. You're going to be rotated. Blue room, guest house, rape trailer. I'm good with getting passed around.

Yeah, you're fine with it. We know. That's why we book you. No complaints. Community horse. So you've been doing book tours, and your book is fucking fantastic. You haven't been on since I read your book, right? No.

The title? I swear I'll make it up to you. Very good. My fans will drift off on the last two chapters where you get sober. But I really had no idea that you were that fucked up yeah i uh i mean to fucking to maintain you get good at keeping secrets you know i mean you get good at like uh living a double life and shit like that but also i mean i uh like we weren't hanging out a ton you know i mean i would see you a little bit yeah there was some was some stuff about me in the book.

I went, nah, that's not right. You didn't know there was a little bit of an issue? We were all drunk. We were all drunk, but we weren't trying to begging someone to kick us in the nuts. But that's goofy Brendan Wall shit. I think that was a high point. That was a high point for me, knowing how high you were. think that was a high point that was a high point for me like knowing how high you were the level of drug abuse that you were doing throughout your life from your teen years

yeah i had no idea you just seemed like a goofy drunk to me you were one of us i didn't know you were smart i can i can i can pass right you keep showing up here, so you're slippery. I always told him, who writes your songs? Because you're too stupid to come up with a day like this. High praise. Well, Chad is my ghost writer. No, I assume that everybody had the cough syrup thing where the smell of a cherry cough drop makes you start to barf because you've like thrown up off cough syrup so many times no

no no no not till i read your book i knew a lot of shit about you after that book my sister put a cherry cough drop in when we were in the car and i had to fucking roll down all the windows she was like what's wrong? I was like, oh. You could smell it from her mouth? Yeah. That was it? My throat is closing up right now just talking about that smell. I went into convulsions once. What kind of cough syrup were you drinking?

I'll show you next time we're at Safeway. Dollar store. I mean, it's worth doing once, Chad. When I was a teenager, we drank robitussin before robo raiders robo tripping robo tripping my brother in the marine corps they called themselves the robo raiders even then i didn't understand that because my friends would steal the robitussin and then we would drink it and i was like if we're stealing it, can't we just steal booze? I don't understand why we're stealing cough syrup. I mean, it's a different high completely.

I mean, we had it down to, you know, you get like a four ounce bottle of the maximum strength, which was the least amount of stuff you had to drink, you know, to get off. He was watching his weight. How many calories in four ounce? i was calories on that jimbo the weight watchers no it's just that you have to choke down less of that fucking disgusting liquid um but i think i drank like 12 ounces the night that i went into convulsions it's like a nodding right uh well it's i mean i would compare it to like an opiate high or like mushrooms you know so it's too very.

Yeah. I mean, it's really. Are you guys going to fucking go and do it now? I'm going to talk to you. Not at this age, but earlier in life, probably. You missed your window. There's probably a lot of listeners that are racing out to buy Robitussin right now. Well, don't do it.

But if you do, it's four fluid ounces of the maximum strength the generic don't pay for the the brand name because uh who was it yes brand or put it down someone was here that read your book uh and said that he's i read the book i think it was alex who said i read the book and you can tell he's a musician because he writes so poetically that there's times I had to put the book down and go, the phraseology, which is I had to just stop and drink it in. Fucking good writer, sir. I just made that comment to Tracy because I just finished Hennigan's book and I'm on yours and I'm at the point where you're going to college early.

So it's pretty early on. It's the first three chapters. Yeah, I think that yours and I'm at the point where you're going to college early. So it's pretty early on. It's the first three chapters. Yeah, I think that's where I am. Yeah. And I have to tell you, I would tell you this off mic, but, you know, Doug brings it up. It's wonderfully phrased.

I mean, there's... Lyrical. Very, very. For the record, they're never this nice to me off the air. I know. That's actually me. Chaley just pins me against the wall and fucking tears a strip off me later. You're still fucking making all the air. Oh, no. That's actually me. Chaley just pins me against the wall

and fucking tears a strip off me later. You're still fucking making all the mistakes, Miska. Oh, I still... That is true. I've seen it. I think the guy that writes your songs wrote your book. When do we meet him? It's like the inverse of Good Will Hunting.

Oh, shit! Joby! Things just got weird around here. Joby! I thought you guys knew that was going to happen and didn't tell me. Joby likes to make an entrance and ruin Mishka Shabali's praise.

The usurper. You want to stop and get into the mic up? No, she'll make him a drink. He'll drift in. He needs to settle in. But fucking Joby's here. Does that mean your mother's dead? Let's get an update.

Not yet. Get him a drink. He'll come in. Joby will be here in a minute. I'm still waiting. Back to Joby. Have you read Mishka's book? A portion. A portion. He read read mishka's book a portion a portion he read

the back cover that's that's a portion have you got have you got any like serious reviews yeah i um the fuck you then i got dick the uh did you promote your book on Howard Stern this week? It doesn't matter because you probably sold 10 times the amount of fucking copies that I have. But I got Los Angeles review of books today. Nice. And I got Publishers Weekly. Guardian did a thing. Oh, nice. There you go.

I still haven't sold dick, but yeah. Well, you will after this podcast. Mishka Shibali. I swear I'll make it up to you. Chad, we should have had you do the fucking audio book. He'd do it now. I enjoy doing audio books for a number of reasons, sir. I would be glad to do that.

Your eyes got all twitchy. Chad, save me. You know what glad to do that. Your eyes got all twitchy. Like Chad, Richard, why? You know what? And oh, fuck, Mishka,

we have to get that. We'll do that separately. But we've, we've had a bunch of people that are in my book do that have come in. Are you going to have me do the four words where I'm in there? Yes. You know why? Because someone wrote me and said the part where that one guy that opened for you at the milestone at the end of the book made me cry so yes a lot of people that are have

been in the book including my a 13 year old best friend juvenile delinquent came down here so we're doing director's commentary for the audio book where i'll just read it and then we talk about a podcast style oh awesome because you you got that scene totally wrong it's in a complete wrong setting the book opens with hey i'm a drunk i probably have a lot of this shit wrong and that's exactly why we're doing this yeah we did four days straight here with a guy i can't believe you did that in four days and it was doug and chad actually i. We did four days straight here with a guy. I can't believe you did that in four days. And it was Doug and Chad. Actually, I did mine in four days by myself.

So fuck both of you guys. It would have been two with Chad. It was fucking brutal. Chad can read. By the end, I had like a hemorrhoid in my throat that every time I swallowed, it would go down and then come back up. Oh, you should listen to this recent podcast.

We just did. Yeah, I can't believe I missed the pants pooping one. I had a couple of good stories. It'll happen again. Don't worry about it. Someone did point out that Chaley already told that story. But you know what? It's a good fucking story. Listen, the reason we did that was because we had Patty here,

and that was what Doug was getting to, was after we did the four days of recording, then Doug has now booked all these people, you included now, being here to say, this is how you got it wrong in the book. And we're including that in the Audible broadcast. I hope I haven't tilted the deck on what Pattyty's patty is the girl if you read the book that said uh she saw my show and found me completely disgusting and it cuts to later on when i get booked back there fucking her in the ass with her head out the window in a hotel and she had i'll save it for the audio book but she

had the most wonderful uh no that's not how it happened but when you hear her take you're like really that was that's how i got it wrong you were the one with your head out the window? No, no. Save it for the audio book. So you can see how weird that would get. Like having someone explain how you got it wrong, but Doug's the one who wrote it. But we're all drunk.

At some point. Do you have your book all drunk. Yeah. At some point, we will break. Do you have your book with you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a creepy good memory for a lot of that shit, which is weird. I remember my sister's horseback riding teacher and her horseback riding teacher's

mother, and my sister doesn't remember that. I had hot teachers, too. That's important. That's how you remember. The part about me, I remember going, no, no, no, no, no. So we will break at some point during this. Grab your book, and I'll find that part. Yeah. Oh, wait.

So I got the part about you wrong? Yeah. Well, you made it sound like I didn't book you because you were a drunk. Well, I think that was my perception at the time, but it may have just been, like, paranoia or whatever. We'll do exactly what we did on our audio book. I'll read what you wrote and then tell you what I remember. Fact-checking.

I think you both prefaced your book with, I'm fucking, my memory's fucked and I'm going to fuck. This is just how I remember it. It doesn't mean it's accurate. And I'm saying this. You did a lot of drugs, and drugs are better than alcohol when it comes to remembering shit. If you were doing coke that night,

if you were doing fucking hallucinogens, yeah, you're going to have a way better memory than if you're just drinking cough medicine. So I still have graphic, detailed memories of doing mushrooms where I should remember. No, I was on mushrooms. I remember a lot. That's a public service announcement from Doug Stanton.

Drugs are better than alcohol. I feel like I was mostly just a, with the exception of the cough syrup, I was mostly just a drunk until the year before I met you. Like 2007 is when I really started doing a lot of pills and shit. And before that, I was just a fucking, just a pure drunk. Again, I don't have instant recall of your book, but it seemed like you were doing a lot of crazy shit from the time you were a teenager. Fucking cough syrup is not a normal. I never really get into drugs.

You were drinking fucking Robitussin. If you're listening to the podcast and you want Doug to drink the Robitussin, please tweet Doug. We'll get a Kickstarter going for... I have a friend in rehab right now that I've been tweeting. I'm trying to keep her spirits up. And as this weekend

has gone on, I go, hey, can you scooch over to make room for two more? Because Bingo and I, after this weekend in New York City, she took me seriously. She's like, no, we to make room for two more? Because Bingo and I, after this week in New York City, she took me seriously. She's like, no, we can make room for you. No, no. It's kidding, but not really. I'm not going to rehab, but I should.

Nurse Betty is here. Betty is also someone we have to get on the audio book. Becker's coming in. We got to get him. He's in the book. We got Mishka, Betty, Bingo, both first chapter. We need to find out. So, Betty, what we're doing for the audio book is we've already read the actual words poorly me chad shank we

went back and forth we went to i just stutter and stumble and they go fuck chad you do the next chapter but the people that are in the book so you will be in the book. I'll read what is in the book. And then we stop and do director's commentary of what you remember. Mishka, he's in there for like one fucking sentence, and he's already telling me I'm wrong. So you did the same, though, in the next three weeks, we will have you b Bingo, anyone who is around for that time, that we can make the audio book weird and fun so we can sell the same book twice. Really? Different product.

Absolutely. We're just going to go in and undermine everything that you said. I just found out from Hannigan we're actually in negotiations. I don't want to say too much, but 8-track coming up. 8-track tape. We will be selling the players at DougStanup.com. Cutting edge technology. Watch the video on Betamax.

Books on Braille. You can have it on Abacus. So Betty just showed up Joby just showed up But Mishka, your book You've been doing like actual book tours I want to stop before I forget Hudson fucking news

They're in every God damn airport in the Fucking world They monopolize it Every bookstore They're like the Cinnabon of bookstores Exactly in the fucking world. They monopolize it. Every bookstore in an airport is Hudson News. They're like the Cinnabon of bookstores.

Exactly. And candy and water. Their Twitter is at Hudson underscore news. So bust their balls because you know my crazy shit. I take crazy flights just to get miles. I could do these book signings everywhere, and they don't carry my book.

I could just fly. I would do a Guinness Book World Record longest flight without leaving an airport and just hit every one of their, I think, 93 bookstores they have. And I don't think they believe me. So you've been doing shit you've been going out and just doing book signings to people show up no i've i've done i've done a couple i've done a couple of book signings but when i was like putting this tour together it was my understanding that i would be doing like book signings early and then shows later because

you don't get paid anything for the book signings and i gotta live and then uh like all the readings never came through i mean i think that like you know there were always you know i did one in uh i didn't want to upstate new york uh yeah i didn't want to minneapolis i didn't want in uh in wyoming i did one in upstate new york i didn't want in new york city did one in colorado mostly... I get a backup to the Wyoming one because that has to be a good story. Wyoming? No, Wisconsin. I always get those fucking things.

No, that's so different. So different. Spoken like a true Canadian. I rescind my small comment. Idaho, Iowa. It's like fucking states and shit, you know. Fuck geography. Like, you never confuse those states, you know. Fuck geography. Like you never confuse those states, Chad.

I don't think about those states. I have no cause to think about either of those states. You know, the W states. I don't follow sports teams and shit. Yeah. So Wisconsin. Anyway, so you show up at these book signings. I only had to do two, but there was L.A. and New York,

so I knew people would show up. You're doing shit in Wyoming. Wyoming slash Wisconsin. Milwaukee, Wyoming. Viroqua, Wisconsin. Oh, wow. Yeah, there was a shout out to the fucking Killer Termites. Every single show that I did, I did 50 shows in 60 days in three different countries.

Killer Termites at every single show. Fucking love them. You know what? July 3rd, Killer Termites Day was announced at City Council last night, Betty. Yes. Yeah. Justin Johnson and Gene Connors pushed that through. That's awesome.

Yes, so Sunday baseball, July 3rd. Come on down. Doubleheader. We're going to have a monster July 4th weekend here. Wait, you're not inviting the random people to July 4th weekend? Yes, I am. To baseball. Okay.

Only to baseball. I was just clarifying because I have to be here too. It's a good week. Of course. Of course our security will be here. The only gap in the security here is Doug. It's like everybody else is like, no, no fucking weirdos. And Doug's like, yeah, come on.

The weirder, the better. I've been trying to point that out for a long time, and I've never been able to put it that succinctly. The chain of command here is deeply flawed. The weak link is the best. I've been trying to point that out for a long time, and I've never been able to put it that succinctly. The chain of command here is deeply flawed. The weak link is the boss. Pay it downward. Yeah, I have a tendency at baseball to get drunk and then... Yeah, sure.

Everyone at the baseball game can come over. Yes, and that is not valid. It's not a real offer. Well, if you're standing near Doug when he says it. But there's usually not a lot of people who show up to the baseball game that we don't know. Yeah, you have to sit through baseball, which is tough. We're not fans.

We're fans of heckling. I feel like Chad has to read the fine print every time the dog issues there's there's been some people who've shown up at the baseball game and then not even tried to come back to the fun house afterwards and then you go what did i do wrong at baseball no i've noticed those people and i'm like those are the ones we probably want to come over after the baseball game but they don't want to force themselves michigan knows those people like after the show there's always the guy that want to force themselves over. Michigan knows those people. After the show, there's always the guy that's punching you in the chest going,

I read your book, man. You owe me. I spent 16 bucks on your book. You owe me. And he gets you in a headlock. And then there's really nice people. Hack on it. And then all the cool people go I don't want to be that guy and they walk out

and you go oh I wish I could have met that guy there was this incredibly cute tattoo artist when I was in Guildford what was his name I was going there I stopped myself though it was dumb but I'm allowed to say sad story anyway and now it's just sadder

um no but there's you have to lie well no because he's gonna hear this no because i and i have two waves of weirdos i have the i have the fucking the killer termites and the fucking black hoodies the like you, still living in their mom's basements. And then I have the weird sober freaks. Misfits t-shirt. Yeah, the weird sober freaks who want to talk to me about running and sobriety and stuff like that. And then behind those two walls of unfuckability,

there's the super cute tattoo artist who is like. First of all, Mishka Shabali, you know when you see a a fairly hot female comedian that bitch is about i can't get a date and you're like anyone would fuck you in any bar anywhere mishka shibali is the male version of that this guy was getting so much pussy on the road you go oh i think he fired me because i was a drunk no because you got all the pussy would be a better answer i believe there were times where it's like yeah what time are we leaving tomorrow shaley i'll meet you there it was a thing where like he would meet up with

us i don't remember that i'm sure you don't remember smells more like pussy right now than you do and you have blood on your shirt. I'm soaking in it. And you're wearing pussy blood. That's from an old podcast even though I'm still wearing the same shirt. Sorry. Yeah, you would get...

Wow, you had a problem with some... We might have talked about this on a podcast. I think we dealt with that already. I think you you're hitting a spot don't act like you don't still get all the pussy you could possibly handle all the time okay this is this is the thing is that uh i can say check the back of his shirt for blood really quick i can say that nothing happens on the road and that would be inaccurate but if i say that i get tons of pussy on the road that will quickly be inaccurate so i'm gonna go with my official story of nothing happened happening on the road and no one's buying

inaccurate in my favor that's like amy schumer going oh i can't get laid and they got hollywood calls me fat well you're not fat you're not fat anywhere in the real world new york and la you're pudgy at best in the real world everyone's fucking you so yes don't amy schumer me on my own podcast you guys saw the joke you guys saw that joey just walked in, right? We should check in with Joby. Joby actually has a problem getting pussy, and he shouldn't because he's better looking than you. He's actually a better human being as well. He's choosier. He doesn't have a lot to say to the ladies because they're annoying.

You. You're dumb. I'm batting. I have a perfect record in bisbee i have uh i'm on i have uh you know i'm fucking clean as the driven snow in bisbee i know how small it is here you i can't say her name i was gonna say you haven't fucked her nope you're gonna i know who you're talking about. Everybody knows who I'm talking about. Let's stay tuned until a later podcast. She's going to be here for a little bit. By the way, he'll be here until the 7th. We should put money on that.

No. He's sober, though. She'll tell. Oh, she'll tell. Oh, she'll tell sober oh she'll tell oh she'll tell i met a friend of hers in safeway who went oh yeah turns out i i don't know if i brought this let me phrase this carefully but another girl that fucked a friend of ours who also fucked this girl said, oh, I ran into so-and-so. Guess we don't have AIDS because the one girl

got tested after she found out that the same guy had fucked around the other girl. Well, that's how you tell in Bisbee if you have AIDS. Somebody else that you fucked gets a test. I was going to say. It's a Hedberg joke.

It's a Hedberg joke. Is it? Yeah. The roundabout Hedberg joke. Oh, I remember that. Tell the joke, Charlie. I'm not going to do it right. It's like you would go down and do an AIDS test, but you do the other one, the roundabout one. You ask your friend if you know anyone who's got AIDS, and they say no, and you go, oof.

Well, you know me. You don't know me. You don't know me. That's right anyway fuck whoever you like in town we're not you know what let's not even tell them who it is

I know who it is he's avoided that one a few times already that's my goal while I'm in town here to get AIDS. Who has cigarettes? You do. So, book signings

in Wyoming or China. You don't know where the fuck you are. I did one in London. It's fun. Do you actually read? Yeah, I read the most depressing passage in the book. And it's good because there's a couple of laugh lines

before I get into the, like, you will get raped part. And then everybody... I just watch everybody fold up inside themselves. It's like when you made me play... We're at the Funhouse. It's packed. And you made me play I Can't Remember When You Were Mine. And everybody's, like, on mushrooms. play I Can't Remember When You Were Mine. And everybody's like on mushrooms.

And I just watched people fold up inside themselves and like, oh, yeah, think about your life for the rest of the evening. See if that bums you out a little bit. I invite you. Did you see that tweet today? Someone said, because you tweeted about your lost luggage. And my favorite song of yours is boxes and boxes of unlabeled crap. If I die, will they ever get unpacked? Why?

All three of us are singing it poorly when Michigan is silent. I became aware of that within three words and I just shut up. It was good. You guys were like blindfolded children around a pinata, like just swinging wildly. We end with hitting each other in the face. But yeah, so you lost your luggage, which did not show up today. Yeah, I figure it'll come in tomorrow. So someone tweeted that line,

bags and bags of unlabeled crap. If he doesn't show up, will they not get it? Someone was deep cuts on the podcast. To be fair, I've never seen Mischka wear anything different every time I've been here for days on end, so I don't think it matters

that his luggage is lost. What does he own? Where do you live? What, are you going to change into some different cut-off pants? Just for the record, I'm getting torn down by Chad Shank on my fashion sense here. Our resident. I don't have any ground to stand on. I mean, fire back.

He does have laces on his shoes, Chad. I need to get the Floyd. 112 degrees. I wore flip flops. Fuck you guys. The backwards baseball hat. Bros gone wild. Have you ever seen me with my hat on forwards?

You know why I wear it backwards. That's quite a change. This is kind of terrifying. That's like when Clark Kent turns into Superman, but the reverse. Not the same image. It was like over the top. It's like you turn Kent turns into Superman, but the reverse. Not the same image. It was like over the top. Like you turned your truck's engine off. Without a hat.

It's all bad. I told you. I've said before. Two options are bad and worse. You know what it's like to recognize how ugly you are and try to grow facial hair to cover it up and then realize you grow horrible facial hair? It's a fucking bad cycle all the way around. Yeah, some of us can't hide ugly and mishka ain't one so so you go to these book signings and you just scope it out for chicks hold on a second you said you were doing a book signing and a show that night

so oh yeah i mean a couple of times i've done that i'll go and do the book signing early so that wasn't all of them. No, no. That was the plan, but I couldn't make it come together. You're leading me in a Q&A for a book signing here in Bisbee on the Friday before 4th of July at the Royale. Yeah, yeah. I'm supposed to do Brian Hennigan, right? I brought my Tam O'Shanter.

My sheep is in the bag. My pointy little shoes. My wee pot of gold. My orange horseshoes, purple clovers. Good at ripping the guy who ain't here. Me lucky charms. You'd never say that to his wee face. Probably would.

Yeah, he would. So, yeah, we have to do that that's all we always have to plug the Bisbee bookstore in the Bisbee book and music Bisbee bam yes the Bisbee book and music in the convention center has

autographed copies of the book if you're coming down for killer termites day official July 3rd for the baseball stop in the convention center and get my book autographed and uh they're they're they're sponsoring the book signing at the bisbee royale on the friday which i think is the first whatever the friday is before fourth of july it's uh july 1st i think it's uh oh which is canada day maybe i should come in the

national not familiar with that oh shit canada day that's probably the day that kenny announces that as a mayoral candidate he's bringing a canadian football team to bisbee as a professional sports team can i get a uh some like ambassador status or something probably okay good we got killer termites day done we can probably get you ambassadors. There's a form, I'm sure. At DougStanhope.com, an online form. Leadership in Bisbee is vacant. The city manager

just left. We can get away with whatever we want now. Oh, but we're gonna get hammered with him tomorrow night. We're gonna give him a good send-off. Is he coming here? Yeah. Is he going on some like diplomatic trip to North Korea? No, he to get the fuck out of this stupid town? It's done. Dumbass mayor ran him out of town.

The only the only decent city manager we've had and one of three black people in town. Your sister ran him out of town. In the French Alps. I love that Mischka thinks that Bisbee city manager is some stepping stone to some international man of intrigue. What's the council that Iron Man is part of?

Legion of Doom or something. No, that's not it. None of us know. Nerds of Ecuador. Something of the galaxy. Tweet at Mishka Shivali and tell him exactly. Joby has no mic, but he has all the answers. something of the galaxy tweet there we go Joby has no mic

but he has all the answers isn't that the rub and isn't it ironic don't you think whenever you quote another song all you do is just devalue any nice thing you've ever said about my music you're like oh yeah

I know all the great artists like Mishka Shabali, Alanis Morissette, and Counting Crows. Wait, whoa, whoa. What's wrong with the Counting Crows? Yeah, Counting Crows. Alanis Morissette's still in the game, my friend. All right, all right. Isn't she a fellow Canadian? What are you doing bashing your countrymen?

What's his name? What's the guy with the dreadlocks from Counting Crows? Adam Durst. Adam Durst. Yeah. When he talks about doing heroin, he's still doing it. Adam Durst. I mixed him up.

I don't know. They're the same guy, basically. Did you just call him Adam Durst? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, if I could just get hate mail from the Counting Crows, I would be so happy. Oh, my God. Look, Counting Crows just acknowledged me.

You'd rip down everything on the walls in the funhouse and put that letter up yeah ceases to exist yeah he doesn't jog yeah all his heroin songs are uh he's still doing it i don't know he i shouldn't say that with this plague of lawsuits going around i shouldn't say oh they're giving you shit just kidding it's just your opinion are you have with raya there's this new dating app that's just for famous people and it exists which means we need to find a way to fucking get on it and adam duritz is on it i got an idea let's get famous the first i think only it's in the, I thought that's what we were doing here. One of us here is Twitter verified, and I think that's all you need. Only one of us?

Are you not Twitter verified? Yeah, we're going to get HD fatty. You're not? No, man. Wait a minute. If you thought Chad was, did you think Doug wasn't? No, I was talking about Chad, getting Chad on this dating thing. Oh, I thought you said, like, oh, one of us is verified.

Speaking of, hang on. I got to back up, and then we'll take a break. But your wife is coming with pizza. Where was she? Was she in fucking Senoita or something? Because I preheated the oven, and it's already 114 degrees, and now the oven's been going for an hour. You definitely prematurely preheated the oven, but it's 808, and I got a text from her at 8.05 saying, I have four pizzas, do you need anything else?

So I would assume it would be soon. The oven is very well preheated, though. It's warm. That's a non-answer. I'm not sure I'll preheat you later. All right. I want to take a quick break so you can grab that book. Yeah.

We'll get your book, too. We'll do some drunk fact check. I'm going to write a book real quick. Get everything wrong, and then everyone can dispute you. Joby's got the saddest book ever already in his head. We'll get to Joby. We'll get to Mishka, where I can point out some fallacies in his book. Fallacies?

Factual inaccuracies. Yes. Is that a fallacy? his book. Fallacies? Factual inaccuracies. Yes. Is that a fallacy? Smart fuck. No, I think it's not. We'll look it up during the break. All right. No, we won't.

No, we won't at all. All right. We'll be right back after you listen to some shit we pre-recorded. Hey, this is Mishka Shabali, Doug Stanhope's favorite coattail rider. I'll be out on the road with Christine Levine, one of Doug's favorite comedians, October 5th until October 18th.

She will be telling jokes and I will be talking in between songs. Whether you come out or not, you'll regret it. Details and dates at mishkashabali.com. Goodbye, Jamie. Dead on the pad. Boxes and boxes of... I have... Now we're going.

I have no chance of taking over first place at this point from Carlos Valencia. We're at the half point of the year. Do you see the points Carlos Valencia has up? We need to do a code red on Carlos. Yeah, if I got every hit I needed, I lost second place to Lucy. Lucy St. John. Lucy is tearing it up.

Yeah. I got up. Bernie Worrell is about to fucking die and I'll pull back into second place no problem. I'm not worried about that. I'm not even fighting for first anymore. Joby called in on a podcast I did and I i go all right who's got more picks you or me and i i think he beat me by one yeah uh for what celebrity death pool

well i know that but i mean arty lang's podcast it was arty lang's and they were like who's so i called again this is one of these memories I'm just remembering now. During the podcast. So Artie's guys called me up from the studio to patch me in to the podcast. To see how many, who has more people, me, you, or Ralphie May. And Ralphie was a distant third, I think. No, Ralphie was only one point below you. Oh.

Artie was the winner of all three by a long shot. All right. So, yeah, he had quite a few more. Lindsay Lohan was not on the podcast. God, surprisingly. Is she still number one site-wide? No, I think right now it's... You've got George H.W. Bush. Muhammad Ali was up there when he died.

He had hundreds of picks. So Lohan is down on the list. Low-hanging fruit. People are actually doing research now and not taking the obvious shots. That would explain Carloslos valencia's 500 something points yeah the fucking uh former uh parliamentary member of the philippines he's doing a lot of research those guys won't even get approved now yes all right somebody had to take that all right yeah but gordon downey was like that's the big one of last trade round was gordon downey so i got and i amar i can't pronounce his last name suliev tell the story of this guy mma

guy he's only 40 now he left the mma he fought chuck liddell he fought a bunch of people then he went into being a hitman in the russian mafia he's like ukrainian got released from prison because he's got stage 85 fucking stomach cancer or something i'm like he and joey went all the hip kids because the guys from the tragically hip it took me a minute to catch on yeah it's got announced brain cancer all the hip kids are going with Gordon Downey. I'm like, no, I got this fucking guy. The one thing that I've noticed is that if you get compassionate release

from prison, you're going to hang on for a while. Oh, yeah? Because you bullshit your way out of prison. Wouldn't you fucking exaggerate? Three million rubles he had to pay to get compassionate release i'm just saying i've i've got a couple of people on compassionate release and i've held on to him

for two years so yeah fucking he was getting zero medical attention in prison so if he's out and he had three million rubles and what he lost like 60 pounds or something he like 48 pounds over the christmas holidays 48 pounds there's a picture of him you go all right that guy ain't faking it is it is it one of those stomach cancers where they poisoned him with some radioactive kernel when he was in prison or something because didn't they do that too uh yeah the camera that was silver poisoning or something the ukrainian prime minister, Yushchenko. I think it might have been a former KGB guy. I know who you're talking about.

I think we're conflating two different fallacies. All right. Conflating and fallacies. Wow. I'm a book writer. I use two big words in one sentence. Says the guy who didn't know who he was talking about, but still knew the name Yashenko. Plutonium.

I was poisoned with plutonium as the... In Wyoming. Yes. In Central America. Is there bonus points for that? The callback. If you win next year, you can make one. I can't win because of fucking Carlos Valencia. Did you get the book?

He's finding. I got them both. All right. Betty, if you have to leave, tell us. We'll take a book. I'm trying to check that. I think I do. We can do you anytime. Yeah, I think we can do you. Hey, I think you should sign a book. I can sign a book in the middle of a podcast.

It's a good time to say that you could. You see what happened to that girl in Orlando? You know the forgotten Orlando victim? It was these things come in threes. She was like the lookout. She was a singer from The Voice. Went out after a gig to sign autographs. She was ahead of her time.

And was shot and stabbed to death by a fan not in a database by the way and then and then completely unforeseeable as as soon as that oh we're gonna have a memorial and we're gonna have a vigil nope and then oh nope someone killed 49 people two days later and then an alligator ate a baby. So no one remembers that girl. I just want to bring up, since you brought it up, that in the beginning we talked about this, and they said it was 50 people. And then I found out that they counted himself. You can't count yourself. That's bullshit.

Well, he wasn't the guy reporting. Yeah, he was number 50. You can't count the 50th guy. You can't count yourself. And then I've since read reports that the cops may have... Some of those people may be collateral damage from the cops' crossfire.

So his kill count is going down. So his 49 is getting lower. I'm just bringing it up because... Well, it's like hockey. If you score on yourself, it still counts. Listen, hockey is a game we play in my country, Chad. Hockey is not the same thing as mass murder. It's a game I play. Let me tell you how.

I don't even... He targeted a group of people who are not going to fight back, which is what a lot of these fucking people do, and I don't think that's fair. Your kill count should not count if you target a group of people that can't fight back. Andy Andrus used to have a bit about, hey, if you want to get high score in mass murders, why don't you do old folks homes?

You don't even have to have a gun. You just push them down the stairs. Just wait. There were more jokes to it. That's the premise. If I can get 30 at an NRA meeting or a gun show. That counts double. That's where people can fire back.

Chad had this beautiful, he goes, you know what? If I go on a mass murder spree, I'm going to just start screaming, I got it through a loophole at a fucking gun show. Just for my political friends. I want to help them out. Balance it out. It's a horrible thing, but there's a cause to it. So if you're going to be a school shooter,

it's got to be at a school for target practice? Well, yeah. Don't be a school shooter where there's children. I mean, they can't fight back. That's hardly victims. What about a drunk driving school? Chad's puzzled by that one. No, I'm still, you're still.

No, I get it. I get it. You're still targeting people who can't fight back. You're targeting people who have no, if you target an NRA meeting or a gun show, these people are expecting this and it's what they want to happen. So you can expect some fire back immediately. And I think that's the only way, that's the only way that's the only way to get any credibility at this point because it's like it's like when uh when isis uh declared

war on russia do you guys remember this so i feel like it was like uh pretend to once you start talking about it a year ago and then and then putin was just like all right fuck you and they there was like a huge assault by russians in oh my god wyoming well i don't know in one of those fucking one of those end of the earth wasteland places we'll say it was wyoming i don't know we'll uh we'll get we'll have the uh yeah uh was it syria we'll have the uh the bisbee fact checking the drunk fact checking team we'll get our crack research team you got 30 seconds into your story and then didn't know Was it Syria? We'll have the Bisbee fact-checking, the drunk fact-checking team. We'll get our crack research team on that. You got 30 seconds into your story and then didn't know any facts. You keep this going.

When I'm reading the book, that means you've got to carry it. You're getting grilled by Chad the Librarian. I'm just saying, there was no... I still believe an NRA rally or a gun show would be the place. You'd get more credibility. I was agreeing with you. I just didn't have any. Oh, I didn't realize that because I'm drunk.

Now you're going to let me coast? And I'm confrontational, and I automatically think people are disagreeing with me. Fuck you. You're right. No, no. Hang on. Go ahead.

You keep talking. I don't have anything else to talk about i just started let me see the book okay i just started reading the book that's the only portion that i found with doug we'll talk to joey for a second while he finds the part about i allegedly fired him for being too much of a drunk but that's joey's here i didn't intimated joe b's mom still on the brink of uh whatever every time we see joe b you're like is she dead you just show up out of nowhere we always expect the worst but you're here for a while you're here for fourth of july is anyone else coming out that you know of hack or anyone uh no no i i don't know of anybody uh but i'll probably be heading back to england for a couple of weeks go see him at the end of the year yeah just to get out of the

country it's the only way i can take a break from family so i gotta get out of the country yeah but uh family yeah today is the one year anniversary of uh amy dying so it's been a year your sister yeah there's a lot of am's. There was Whiskey Girl Amy. A lot of dead Amy's. Bingo's dead. Oh, did we mention that? No, Bingo's not really dead. But after last night, we should have killed ourselves.

See, I hadn't planned it around. And then Mishka called me up and said, yeah, I think I'm going to Bisbee around 21st, 22nd. I was like, Doug invited me to come down for two weeks. Let's do this. Perfect. You invited yourself and I said, absolutely, as long as you like. We'll just have to move you around to different houses.

Hennigan's coming down for Saturday through Wednesday. So he has to have the guest house because no one wants to be around him. He sleeps naked with his giant fucking uncut Scotsman cock and just walks around. Yeah, you get a private house. Mishka's okay in the blue room, but that's all I have to do. He sleeps with his nematode laying all over the sheets.

Really? I sleep in that bed. Ew. Oh, don't worry we change the sheets regularly that's that's a fucking blatant lie sir that's why i that that's why i meet it out regularly or someone does i'm guessing someone does someone does i don. I don't know. I don't go in that house. I have to take a dump that's really loud. And that's why you're sleeping in the blue room is because you're a road person. And a loud dump, just a terrifying graphic, windy, meaty, wet dump is not going to disturb you at all.

Like dropping a plate of spaghetti bolognese into an industrial fan. I was like having... See, these are the lyrics you will read in Mishka Shabali's book. I swear I'll make it up to you. Available now on Amazon.

Or available at Signed Copies. We sell your book and Assface over here didn't even tell me that until the break. We're kind of in a promo push

for your book right now, Doug. We sell a lot of people's shit. Who's behind your business? We sell Jeff Tate still. We sell Mishka Shibali CDs. Do we sell the Matoid? No, we do not. We should.

We push the Matoid heavily. We should have a store. There should be a merch button on my website. Oh, wow. What about the storefront? There is. What about storefront? I'll talk to your web guy about that.

Yeah, and a place to store all the merch. That's a good idea, too. We'll talk to your web guy about that. Yeah, and a place to store all the merch? That's a good idea, too. We'll talk to your business manager. All right. Do you want to take a break and jive what we're going to do here? Yeah, I got to go outside anyway. I'll see you guys in a minute. All right, we won't take a real break.

What we're going to do is pause and then come back. We can pause. Wait, no, we have a commercial for my book, right? Because we're going to push my book, right? Because we got to push my book and we'll push Mishka Shabali's book. I swear I'll make it up to you. Both available on Amazon. And the day I called you is because it was the day

my publisher called me and went, have you seen the Amazon rankings? Yeah, that was... You're at 57. We're happy if we break 10 000 including christopher hitchens we've never hit above 90 you're at 57 and keep going dog keep going no no i called you to give you shit to make you feel really bad about yourself it worked well what i didn't know is they change hourly and it was only at 57 because we put out the email blast and within it peaked hours we're fucking 100 300 800 now we're

like 1500 so yeah i called you not knowing that my dreams were about to be shattered on an hourly basis so yeah i was i was gonna call you the next day and be like oh what's the number now but because you looked it up and went but i was like don't fucking do that yeah i didn't i didn't know how that shit worked but who cares when we uh when we when we come back from this commercial break, I will read the original blurb that Doug gave me that we had to edit down. You remember the original blurb? You have it? Yeah, I have it in my email somewhere.

Perfect. We'll be right back. I'm going to read through this. We'll be right back. We'll do some dumb fake commercial or some shit, and then we'll be right back. That's right. Digging Up Mother is on audible.com, audible.com for all your audio book needs.

If you spend any time whatsoever in traffic, get audio books. They will change the world for you. And if you've listened to Digging Up Mother with myself and Chad Shank doing the reading and you want to give me shit about how much I suck worse than Chad Shank, do that, but make sure you include at audible.com in the tweet so Audible knows that you want more Chad Shank reading books because I think he's launching a new career.

So when you give me shit and congratulate Chad Shank in a tweet, make sure you add at audible.com. I would appreciate that. I've been reading all of the reviews on Audible. A couple of people have been very nice to me, so thanks. Maybe I'll read more books. So, yeah, that's our commercial, audible.com.

And they have other shit, too. They probably have other books that they have out, or is it just my book? It's just yours. It's just mine. Flagship book. Audible.com for all your audio book needs. And we're back. How was that three hour break? Oh, we didn't do that in real time?

Mishka Shibali is here. You know this story, Chad Shank. Mishka Shibali is here. You know this story, Chad Shank. But Mishka, in one of your poorly attended book signings. Self-admitted. In Chicago. Brutal.

Did Junior Stopka show up in Chicago? No. What a dick. What a fucking dick. Fuck that dick. Did you send a town car? I think... Yeah, I think he forgot his amp. Be fair, I didn't tweet him or I didn't reach out to him.

I mean, when you're on the road, it's like, oh, I'm in another town. You forget all the fucking people who live there you're supposed to reach out to. Yeah, you never forget me. Hey, can you retweet this? I'm going to stay with forget all the fucking people who live there you're supposed to reach out to you never forget me hey can you retweet this I'm going to stay with you until the 7th in your bedroom

I uh no it was a show in Chicago and um we've been out for a while by this point and fucking you know shit's getting a little you're touring and book signings yeah I'm touring and doing book signings yeah i'm touring and

doing book signings it's you know we left uh march 30th so i've probably been out for 35 days now without a break with like you know probably two days off and um so we're we're playing the show and i'm up and i'm i'm like maybe i think i'm playing gideon's bible i'm like uh like three songs into my set and this dude comes up and they have peanuts in the shell and they uh so he puts two peanuts like right in front of my shoes and then like goes and walks away like you're playing for peanuts yeah that's how i would have interpreted it and so when i i just looked at him and i was like you know and i finished the song and i was like oh yeah he would have said free peanuts.

Go ahead. I, you know, I'm used to playing for peanuts, but it's not, you know, usually literally peanuts. You said this out loud. And I said, you know, and the guy was where he had like a plaid flannel shirt and overalls, you know, so I said, I'd like to thank, you know, JB's big boy for their charitable donation. You know, and I saw his for their charitable donation. Nice. You know, and I saw his head sort of like turn a little bit.

And I was like, you know, seriously, dude, are you a model for Oshkosh Bagosh? Or, you know, and then he was like, fuck you, man. This is what the working class looks like. And I was like, you know what, dude? I actually drove all fucking day to come up here and perform a job for less than the working class yeah i'll bet you anything you made more money last year than i did and uh and so i said uh eat it this is where his accountant jumps in eat a dick is always a great move yeah block fights my battles bitch start off passive

aggressive and then escalate to eat a dick right away that's how i do it too i figured that would sort of like you know roll it back a bit you know yeah and uh and i saw him uh come running towards the stage and i was like uh and i'm playing that same guitar that i played in fucking 2008 out in the desert you know i mean i've had that guitar for a while and i was like this guy's not gonna fuck up my guitar so i had enough time to like take my guitar off lean it against the uh the kick drum and then there was like a three foot stage so the minute that he got his foot up on the stage and was like coming up at me when he's at that point of like off balance. The least amount of balance.

Yeah. I just vulnerable stiff armed them. Yeah. And we went back over the monitors and fell and broke the head off a like a big upright base. Oh, shit. Not yours. Not mine. The fiddlehead part.

Yeah. Yeah. The beautifully scrolled and figured wood part of the... That three months worth of pay. And I'm going to guarantee that no one was filming. Oh, yeah. Nobody was even watching. People will film your set and put all your shit on YouTube,

but once a fight breaks out, they put their camera away. Go, this is the shit I need. That's a billion hits. How'd the second fight go? The guy who owned the base the broken base yeah that one was actually worse than the first one no so i mean i i he like the dude caught me once in the side of the head but i mean i i like my arm i got the fucking long monkey arm so i just held him away from me and then waited for security to come and you know the the uh bar back leapt over the bar which was great it was it was beautiful and uh just held him got him in a full nelson uh held him until they like dragged him out and then

i got back up on stage and i said anyone else because fuck you like you know what i mean you fucking come up on the stage that's like coming behind the bar you know you're gonna that was that was always my thing on stage was like you could do whatever you want don't fucking do anything that like like don't spit on me don't touch me yeah because that's it then that's it's then you've crossed that line yeah and i wasn't i wasn't gonna wait for him to get up on stage and then deal with throwing because it was gonna happen exactly yeah What happened when he paid his cover again and came back in? Anything? Yeah.

Cover. It's Mishka. Oh, that's right. Oh, he was on the list, dude. My stepbrother's always welcome. Wait, that was Junior. All right. All right.

Mishka will now read from his book the passage about me that I don't remember succinctly, but I know that I had an issue with it. You will refute it, much as he will do with your book at another time. Chad Shank as referee. What's the name of the book by the way? Oh, this book is called Look at the cover. Literally, he just flipped to the cover.

We have a teleprompter for this, right? And if you could read the author. I swear I'll make it up to you. A Life on the Low Road by Mishka Chabal. Someone tweeted, I don't know if you can judge a book by its cover, but if it's yours versus Mishka's, Mishka's is better. It's a good cover.

It's embossed, by the way. It's one of my, yeah, like a Daniel Steele novel. I like that. So you know it's romance. I don't know who he is. Go ahead. Finally, my chaos alienated even stanhope he had been a little thrilled when he found out i was every bit the drunken mess my songs promised had that thrill diminished when

they held back some of his pay to cover a table i couldn't recall breaking or when the club had to call the cops in portland or was that tacoma Was it when I had to retain a criminal lawyer? Or was it just the same thing that had plagued me my whole life? That I was almost good enough, but not quite. Alright, see, there's a lot of stuff. There's one more pair.

Let's go beat by beat. Don't fucking eat my bit, John. Come on. This is my tight closer. Hey, where's your guitar no talking between songs all right dicks we always used to give them shit yeah i'd fucking chaley call call me from alaska that one time no talking between songs after one particularly chaotic trip the show offers stopped coming then stanhope stopped calling. Then he stopped picking up my calls.

Then he had a new opener. The carnival never stopped, but if you were careless, it left town without you. Doug was going on with his life. I was left to deal with mine. The end. Beautifully written. Beautifully written, but let's

go back to the beginning. First of all. First of all, Tacoma. Tacoma, I remember you got some really ugly girl to blow you on a staircase. Jazz Bones? I don't remember that at all. Jazz Bones. I think what you're thinking of is.

The truth? No, they. You were bragging about getting that blowjob in a stairwell. But someone saw who was blowing you. It may have been Hannigan. That's exactly what he did when he saw it. When you say stairwell, it is Jazz Bones. Jazz Bones is like three or four stories.

I remember where we stood outside to smoke cigarettes on the third level of a fire escape. The green room was, yeah, and it was also the same level as the sushi. The bar upstairs. The stairwell was outside. That's what I'm saying. That's where we went outside to smoke. All right.

Go back, because I don't remember paying for a broken table. That was Jazz Bones, because they had uh fucking um i didn't they had uh karaoke right after afterwards immediately oh my god like hurry up i bought a painting off the wall that looked like tim burton shit and it yeah it was awful we gave it away after a while and uh to to joey all these stories are verified still happy is it up on your only contribution you don't have a wall um that is one of the walls now the um yeah and there was yeah no we did uh karaoke there was like karaoke right afterwards after the bar cleared out and i fucking got shit faced and did like a springsteen song and stepped on a table and it broke and we had to pay for it that's what that's what walsh

told me the next day was that you had gotten a call that there was can't trust walsh he's fucking with you we didn't pay for shit you know what walsh does fucks with you his entire being is fucking with anyone are you you sure? The general you. Yeah. I would fucking Walsh know. Walsh wouldn't have had to pay for it. I think he was giving me shit where he was like, you're out of control, man.

He was the one you were trying to get to kick you in the nuts. In Tacoma. Was it Walsh or Bingo? Bingo might have been involved. Were you kicking them in the nuts in Tacoma. Was it Walsh or Bingo? No. Bingo might have been involved. Bingo, were you kicking them in the balls? No, I think Walsh

would have kicked me in the balls all night. Yeah, Bingo was kicking him in the balls. I think you stopped Walsh because Walsh was going to do total foot. The foot was going to get up there and just pancake your nuts. I was the kicker. So Walsh mediated the rules of the kicking because you were very specific. But you see in his writing how he makes this very somber.

I was out of control. They cut me loose. No, you and Walsh were giddy as fuck, kicking each other in the balls or having Bingo kick you in the balls to see who could take it more. You didn't have a not fun time fun time no that night was fucking awesome and the next morning i don't know if you've had i stopped calling he went on with his carnival went on without me oh fuck you all how come that music is getting softer? I can't hear it anymore. All right. Let's get to the criminal attorney part.

Let's save that for one of the Evergreen podcasts, right? There we go. All right. So there was a criminal attorney hired for some unknown circumstance that I don't remember specifically. Okay. Yeah. All right.

I didn't know about the attorney that you had to hire. But then there was also, there was, was this Spokane? There was a thing where I almost got into a fist fight with a couple of frat boys. Like, they were fucking heckling me or something. No, we never played Spokane and then later that no later that I'm trying to remember which place

Olympia maybe or no it was Laffs or the Laff Factory or something Laffs and Chili Dogs Club yeah yeah yeah Kirkland that's what it was Kirkland, Spokane oh we get chucked out of a Motel 6 there.

Yeah, exactly. Jackie Trinker was there. Yeah. So there were these guys who were like fucking heckling me during my stay. Hang on. Is that from this podcast or a previous podcast? The last podcast, someone said, how low will you go when you stay at a Motel 6? I got chucked out of a-

Travel Lodge. Travel Lodge. Wait. No. No, it was a Motel 6. It was a Motel 6. I remember the fake Hardwood Club. lodge. Travel lodge. Wait, no. No, it's a motel. It's a motel. Six. I remember.

I absolutely know. Yeah. But not only did we get banned, they couldn't book any comedians into that hotel because of us. So, yeah, the last part, I was ready to kick you off the tour after that. Wasn't our fault. Yeah. That was definitely other people's problems. A bunch of people from the show were staying there. Some people that were at the show came by the room,

and we had the door open, and Jackie Trinkle went batshit on him, going, you know what? The show's fucking over. Leave him the fuck alone. He doesn't need this shit. I'm like, Jackie, geez. Sweetest girl in the world, she she had a couple of beverages and went just apoplectic all i wanted her to go

on tour i wanted her with us she was 100 right she was security that night uh but no there was a thing there where the cops got called right i fucking got into it with a couple of frat boys who have been heckling me during the front desk called the cops. No, no, no. Not before the Motel 6 at the fucking at the venue. Yeah, the venue. I don't remember that. There were a bunch of like fucking white hat frat boys who

got pulled who got pulled out of there by the cops. All right. Well, Washington, when you when you say the carnival moved on without me. Fuck you. You know, it's no, let's do this. It's well written. We're goofing on you because we know you. When you say the carnival moved on without me. Fuck you. No, let's do this. It's well written. We're goofing on you because we know you. When you read that, you go, oh, this guy's a great writer.

But when we know you, you're like, the reason I was working construction in Queens, dude, it was not a high point. Not that night. The reason that we stopped using you is because, first of all, we rotate people out all the time. Hey, we work six months, and hopefully you get enough of a fan base to work from that. But the problem, same with the mattoid, is you both are brilliant musicians, but your lyrics border on comedy. So it would confuse the audience where they go, he's not that funny. You're not really funny.

He's not being funny. His lyrics tilt towards funny, but he's a musician. So it would confuse the audience. The mattoid the same way. Party time. Where's the joke? It's not a fucking joke. He's a musician.

So I would get so upset at the fucking audience watching the ones that didn't get that you're a brilliant musician because they thought it's a comedy show. So I would go up enraged already yeah no i i remember in uh in philly you were the first thing you did was come out and scream at everybody yeah yeah i had problems with that you fucking idiots how dare you i don't i don't understand that was the same we've talked about before with the Hedberg tour it's like can't you enjoy the fact that these two comedians together are performing with Stephen Lynch

with Lynch can't you like sometimes Lynch would open most of the times Hedberg would close but can't you just enjoy you don't have to yell from the balcony in the middle of Hedberg's set up of a joke bring back Stephen Lynch and he'd be like what the You don't have to yell from the balcony in the middle of Hedberg's setup of a joke. Bring back Steven Rich! Oh, we love you, Steven!

And he'd be like, what the? I mean, television is set up. I've done bits about it where everything has to be a competition. You could be all selling merch after a show, three good friends, and then someone comes up, hey, you were pretty good, but you're not as good as that guy. You should be headlined. It's not a fucking competition.

And we hate you more than anyone. You fucking asshole audience member. We tour together for a reason because we're friends. So, by the way, that's in the book. Did I miss anything in that passage? What was after the? There was a fight an attorney and then the carnival moved on without me sorry signed mary poppins is there anything that you you wanted to write write that later you thought you should have written in the book? Yeah, I mean, there was a lot of shit that wound up in Kindle singles or articles I wrote or stuff like that,

where because of the word count, this book was far longer than it was supposed to be anyway. I remember that. When you're writing it, you hit a point that you're like, fuck, I still am not done. Yeah. It was supposed to be 80 i remember that when you're writing it you hit a point yeah that you're like fuck i still i'm not done yeah yeah it was supposed to be 80 000 words this is 120 000 words and i had 160 000 words or 180 000 words that's like well that's what happens when you get sober you get a lot of free time to add extra words what happens when you can remember shit doug yeah i was drunk i fucking barely hit 110 it's like nirvana putting all those singles on never mind what the fuck this is three albums

worth what are you what are you doing stretch it stretch it uh the uh do you remember your working title for my memoir yeah you're when i told you i was writing a memoir your suggested title was I'm only 30 or I'm a stupid faggot who's only half lived his life I don't deserve to write a memoir so thanks for the encouragement pal I would have bought that book I think I bought the website

the URL foolforac a client.com all right uh didn't you guys start writing the book at about the same time no this was started i read his when i was writing mine i i read kreischer's arty lang's crash and burn i i read like four different ones one couple of rock and roll guys. Ministry was great. I think I read that before. The guy that... Lamb of God.

Yeah. Lamb of God. Just anything to inspire me. I think Mischka started writing his book, or you were in the middle of writing your book, when you did the 30 Days in the Hole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the time.

Actually, I read yours after I wrote mine. So it was Christchurch during you want to hear the original blurb that Doug wrote for the book? Of course I do so we had to tighten it up a little bit. I'm sorry we're out of time we've got to go to commercial break

I'm glad you kept this on your cell phone it's in my fucking what's the date on this? how long did you keep this just it's in my fucking gmail it keeps everything oh all right actually you don't own it by the way if you read the fine print uh all right do i should i do doug's voice what is this doing hennigan doing doug's voice read this one more time i'd like to hear that what is this this is the full text of Doug's blurb

for my book before we edited it down to the good bits I fell in love with Mishka's writing in the opening verse of the first of his songs that I ever heard the verse was the potato peelings in the sink did not turn into vodka as I had hoped I don't think a better lyric

has ever been scrawled on the back of a cocktail napkin i was immediately hooked and dove into the rest of his library of music like a giddy teenager with a new pop idol i remember that night bingo bingo get in here listen to this it's back before shawnee built all this fucking distractions. We just had that stupid house and a VHS player. So we actually listened to stupid CDs. People randomly sent us every song leaked brilliance. Mishka's music and lyrics are the definitive soundtrack and narrative for the life of any remorseless lifelong drunk, which is a great quote, right? Among many other things,

this book deals with Mishka Shabali's newly found and much-needed turn to sobriety. While most will find it inspirational, it's heartbreaking to me. I have not and will not read it. Straightforward. While I am sure his writing will still live up to the masterful turns of phrase and poetry of his lyrics the subject is just too dispiriting to me i prefer to remember

him in the same glory as when i was first introduced to his music we all have heroes i would never want to imagine tom waits going to therapy or bukowski running a 10k in my in my heart mishka will always be spilled over the bar next to me and playing on the jukebox of my soul. Pretty good one. That was pretty good. My editor's response to this was, he was like, wow, we've definitely gotten blurbs from people who I'm pretty sure

haven't read the book yet, but this is the first blurb we've ever gotten where the guy brags about not having read a fucking word and swears he won't read the book yet, but this is the first blurb we've ever gotten where the guy brags about not having read a fucking word and swears he won't read any of it. I'll just read the one sentence from Louis C.K. From who? Louis C.K. I'll just, the sentence that's

appropriate, blah, blah, blah. I'm never gonna read his book because I'm too self-absorbed. Louis? But you should. Self-absorbed. The rest of it's nice.

But yeah, I get the same one from Louis C.K. Yeah. So you're going to be here for like... It'll feel like an eternity. What do they call that? A residency. Mishka's doing a residency here in Bisbee. We're going to close out on the police beat so we can get drunk like normal human beings,

except for Mishka, who will just sit there and take notes of all the things we said when we were drunk, and he'll remember them. Wish he was in the carnival. Chad Shank, what's going on on the mean streets of Bisbee? Joby's back in town. He needs to know what streets to avoid the bad neighborhoods.

Besides my own. Cochise Row. He's on the worst of them. We don't have MLK Boulevard. We have Cochise Row. We do have Campbell Avenue. And a caller advised he had been told that someone shot his chickens on Campbell Avenue.

Is that a euphemism? Chicken lives matter! I don't know. Yep. This shit happens all the time. And they call 911. Did they eat the chickens? We have no follow-up.

Still up for grabs. Delicious chicken. That's the next day. Someone called in and said we had delicious organic free-range fried chicken. Go ahead, Chad. I'm sorry. I made light of a serious situation. That's all right, Doug.

I'll make light of a serious situation as well. I'm not sure if you and Chris O'Connor were in town during this time, but a pickup was egged on Tenor Avenue. Extra patrol was requested. We're scared. Send more cops. When Chris O'Connor, who's in the book, my 13-year-old friend, Oki,

we were juvenile delinquents. He came to town. Happened. Officer Bob Friendly was here that night, and I said, listen, this is my juvenile delinquent friend. At some point point we're gonna have to egg a car for the good old days so when you get that call just know it was us

we never get around to egging a car but that made the police beat that week and I had to call him up I go it wasn't us we forgot we Go ahead, Chad Shag. A female subject with no shoes was stumbling in and out of the road on Tombstone Canyon. Shoo the people living in the streets. Oh, oh, there's a solution. That's bingo, dude. That's footloose and fancy free. We're a goddamn smash tandem singing duo.

All right. What else you got? That was a shameless plug for me and Bingo's new Carpenters style band of the 90s. We're the Carpenters of the 90s. What did you say on the podcast? You said Sonny and Cher without the tree? And the Botox. Or talent.

And the Botox. And the talent. I feel insulted. You should. So do we. Good. I hope you get shot out there. What street are you on now, Chad?

Doug, closer to home and something you actually should be concerned about. A drug needle was found at the Warren Ballpark. Oh, that's right down the street. And I need a needle. I thought that was lost and found. I can pick that up. Isn't that one of the other uh the local teams the saguaro drug needles that was for you dad minor league close enough yeah what do you get chad a plane flies over the caller's house in double adobe.

At the same time, she also receives a phone call. She believes she's being watched. We got our, yeah, let's watch her. Why make her feel paranoid when we can make her right? You do have a plane that does flyovers in business. We do, yeah. I forget it. Sorry, I forget the pilot's name, but

yeah, we have a flyover guy. Yeah. But that's probably not him. He doesn't call. No, we can see her from here. On top. We're watching you, lady. We're watching you. lady. We're watching you.

The calls are coming from inside the house. The plane is coming from inside the house. Alright, what else do you get, Chad? Doug, in a reference back to a previous police beat, a stray black pit bull

on the porch trapped a Bisbee resident in her house. Yeah, that was the last podcast we did. There was a pit bull that kept people for an hour. They kept people for an hour. The only thing I recall with the porch was you having a hard-on on the porch. That wasn't me. Did that make the police beat? That was a way earlier podcast, That wasn't me. Did that make the police beat? That was a way earlier podcast,

and I made sure that did not make the police beat. Jenny, say nothing! You're not under oath. You don't have to say a word. Ah! I got a boner! I'm on 2CB! I do still have some 2CB,

so stay tuned for future stories. Tarzan 2, The Return. Boner on the Roof. Boner 2. Boner Palooza. The Revenge. We got more? Because how much crime can 5,000 people make?

Maybe more. A double Adobe woman advised of UDAs at her front door. Undocumented aliens. You call them illegals. Correct, sir. She was unsure of their gender or number. Like, number isn't how many or the one she thought they must have tattooed on their arms like Jews in a Trump world. I understood it.

Since it says she was unsure of their gender or number, I assume she was trying to figure out which bathroom they wanted to use and for what purpose. Hey, what's your number? Number one or number two? Cinco or dos? Oh, no, wait. It's uno or dos. Sorry. I don't know my Spanish very well. That would reduce the line to each of the portals. You go to the non-Spanish speaking bathroom.

To be fair, I've taken a cinco here a lot of times. No el baño for you. I thought that was in the parking lot. All five. All right. One more?

We've got one more. Chad Shank, wrap this up. Hopefully something that doesn't instill fear in the hearts of Bisbee residents. Doug, finally, extra patrol was requested on Hazard Street. That's somewhere we know. Home to one of our quiet homes. That's it? That's it?

That's it? That was the only. Well, that's what I wrote down. We pick another one. That was the money shot? No, you didn't just instill fear into the populace of the Warren district of Bisbee. That comes close to home because I have a home on hazard. I thought maybe you requested the extra patrol. I was trying to fish for a deeper story.

I think we should get out there and patrol it ourselves. Fucking neighborhood watch. The hard-itting of investigative journalism of chad shane we got uh brandon is that your name yeah i'll take brandon yep brandon yeah we we we we anyway that's too much to get into we close strong listen if you're in the Bisbee area in the Warren District and you're on hazard, keep an eye out because there's fucked up shit going on. Why else would they call the police? If you see something, say something.

No, no. Call the police beat where they do nothing about it. All right. That's a podcast. Joby is here. Joby is at Stan Hope. At Stan Hope CDP. Celebrity Death Pool CDP.

Mishka Shabali is at Mishka Shabali. Mishka, M-I-S-H-K-A Shubali S-H-U-B-A-L-Y If you listen to the podcast And you don't know that already Fuck you Not his real name by the way Chad Shank is at fuck you

What are you going to do about it dot com He's at HD Fatty As in Harley Davidson Fatty With a Y not not an IE. Greg Chaley, at Greg Chaley, C-H-A-I-L-L-E. I'm at Doug Stanhope. Please pick up the book from our store. Signed.

Signed. Signed copies. By Mishka Shabali. I swear I'll make it up to you. And buy my book, too, while you're at it. It's a check to cover digging up mother signed, signed, signed. Yeah. Oh, can we can we outro to a star?

Oh, that's right. Michigan's going to play us out live. So we'll we'll pause, but you'll never hear it because I cut this part out. So suit up. Oh, boy. All right. What? I'll dim the lights and everything.

I don't have a guitar here. I didn't bring a guitar with me. Who would you have play us out if you couldn't play us out live? I would play a Stariana song on the pod. And what's the song? The song is Oh, wow. The song is For Anyone by Star Anna. So let's do

this. Say, hey, thanks for listening. And then it's the song. All right. Ready? Hey, Mishka, how are we going to close this out? We're going to close out the Doug Stanhope shot clog podcast. No, we dumped that. We just went back to Doug Stanhope podcast. Big fan.

Big fan, Mr. Stanhope. Big fan. I just got the shot clog tattoo. That's why we changed it. It's not the worst one on your body. Closing out the Doug Stanhope podcast, here is Star Anna off her record, Go to Hell. This song is for anyone.

Buzzing and pounding Like a heavyweight fight I'm not feeling like myself tonight That devil moon comes in Gets me right at the end Cut straight like pebbles Through the warm of the breeze Dragging dry the memories of stranger days

Just lie down next to you In a shallow grave on my back Chasing words down to the rivers and They watch believers and they face the death I built you an altar I bowed my head crying out for anyone I built you an altar. I bowed my head, crying out for anyone. Shadow of a dream. Is lost wonder.

Was it wretched as it seems? Leave everything you heard. I'll tell you all about it. Thank you. Still got your name Stored out Across my back I should have known You'd let me Weep like that I found a brand new sound A new Girl's brain To look like you.

I've been learning to never see you again. You fell right through me like a one-way train. Goddamn, I loved you. And I'll take away your real forgiveness. In the emptiness of my life. You were gone when I was born to choose. You moved out of the body. You left me twisted I'm tired

Nothing but a soul I don't wanna stay With anyone