The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #172: James Inman Is So Goddamn Sorry

Episode Date: October 18, 2016

A periscope clip of James Inman on the the Doug Stanhope podcast at Barleycorns in Wichita, KS.Why not add @gregchaille for more periscope clips?     James Inman meets up with Doug, Andy Andrist, Junior Stopka, Chaille pre show at Barleycorns in Wichita, KS to apologize for everything.Doug's new special is now out on Seeso.com. Click here to sign up now and use offer code "stanhope" to get your first 2 months free!Recorded Oct 15, 2016 at Barleycorns in Wichita, KS with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), James Inman (@jzenman), Andy Andrist (@AndyAndrist), Junior Stopka (@JuniorStopka), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS: James Inman Merch "The Greyhound Diaries" - https://www.amazon.com/Greyhound-Diary-James-Inman/dp/1411649222   Misogynist Clown CD - https://www.amazon.com/Misogynist-Clown-Outtakes-Bootlegs-Complete/dp/B01DKO6VLY/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1476761551&sr=8-2-fkmr1&keywords=james+inman+comedy   Pander Monkey CD - https://www.amazon.com/Pander-Monkey-Bootlegs-Complete-Explicit/dp/B01DFGMYS6/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1476761551&sr=8-3-fkmr1&keywords=james+inman+comedy   ESPN 30 for 30 “Catching Hell” - http://www.espn.com/video/clip?id=13883887 *Remember, #Bartman any time the CUBS play.   TWEET @DougStanhope your review of "The UnBookables" DVD   Amazon Prime - https://www.amazon.com/Unbookables-Unavailable/dp/B01BNZKTE2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1476499094&sr=8-1&keywords=the+unbookables   Google Play Store - https://store.playstation.com/#!/en-us/movies/the-unbookables/cid=UV0183-NPVB21210_CN-0000000000301989 Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/   Closing song, "VodkaSodaBurg", by Birdcloud recorded live opening the Doug Stanhope & Friends show at Zanies in Nashville - Oct 05, 2016.   Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com    Order Doug's audio book, "Digging Up Mother", HERE.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

We're going. Alright, we're live. We're going. Shush. Hey. Shut your cunts. Shut your cunts. Shut your cunts. Shut your cunt hole.

What's that? Barleycorns? Wichita? Back patio? Creeping ivy? Creepy people? What we're gonna do, let's just briefly recap last few nights. And then we'll have James Inman, who's going to be here to give a public apology to the Plaza Hotel,

to all the guests that we had in Las Vegas, to his family, to the listeners. We have a prepared statement for you. I'm assuming that James has some prepared apology. You're not here yet, James. Having driven out here or conned Glenn to drive him out here. It's Gene. Gene? Is it Gene?

I'm sorry, Gene. We call him Bootstraps because that's how he got pulled here. Anyway. We got two nights to go. We're going to do this show in a little bit and then Tulsa. But we last podcasted from Penguins in Des Moines. No, Cedar Rapids. They all fucking blur into one shitty fucking cigarette-burned hotel after another.

We decided we should have called this tour the Martin Luther King Boulevard tour because we've been on every one in every city. Where's the hotel? I'm sure Martin Luther King Boulevard is going to come up. We're crossing MLK now. We're close. Yeah. So it's been uneventful except for that fucking Des Moines Club,

which I don't know how that slipped past the censors for Do Not Book Again. The stage is about six inches tall. It's all standing. It's a shotgun bar, a balcony. And that was the one with the crowd, right? Yeah. Yeah, that was fucking scary. Jeff Tate showed up. He was playing across town at

a 7 p.m. show, so he was there. Johansson was in town. Jeff Tate was doing a pizza party somewhere. And a comic I know, and I think Andy knows him, Derek Sheen was also in town. Des Moines is the new Reno. Two for two.

It was the show towards the end of the tour where you just hit your tolerance of fucking weirdos and creepy people. You were there in 2012 with Jeff Tate.

We had started the tour there with him and Brett Erickson, and he reminded us that it was 9-11. You know what? Do you have Jeff recorded? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just play that clip. Here it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Jeff Tate!

Special guest! Tate! Special guest! Hey. Doug Sandhove, right? I thought Doug was a headliner. Boom. Why do you... I remember this gig now. Fuck this gig. I remember this gig now.

Fuck this gig. I remember this gig now, Doug. It was on September 11th, and it's what I refer to. It went like this, and I now refer, that is my September 11th. Like, when I say September 11th,

I'm talking about the one in 2012 where the same six fucking maniacs got to the front and hollered the whole time. That's my September 11th. I hear there was another one, but there's always one. Okay, so yeah, that's what we were up against. It was rough. Some dude came in early. You met him first. Well, first there was some weird chick

that, of course, Andy has in the green room when I get there. No, she popped in. I was sitting in there. She was second. And she came in, and she introduced herself and said, Doug, and then told me

that she was with our ladies, the group. She called you Doug first off. Yeah. Okay. Big fan. Big fan. Right. Yeah.

Well, she's friends with those ladies. She had no idea. Bird Cloud. She said she's their manager? Yeah. I called Bird Cloud and asked. I never get a response. But Aaron.

Well, the gentleman we were concerned with was Matt. Matt Kelly. We don't know. He said he was a comedian from Minneapolis and that the door guy had made him drive down from Minneapolis. Yeah, he said we needed a host.

I'm getting things set up in the back with the sound man because I've got a way to record and do all this stuff. I've got to do all this stuff. I do. I don't have fucking time to deal with a guy walking into our green room, which is in an unsecure area. It's down the hall with the restrooms, and there's not even a doorknob on the door, let alone a lock. And he's going in there, and I go, dude, where are you going? And he looks at me like I just caught him going into the bathroom.

The ladies' room. No, I thought the bathroom was over here kind of thing. No, dude, the bathroom's over there. He goes, oh, I'm the opening act. Oh, really? We don't have an opening act. I'm the fucking opening act. Because the doorman said, I go, well, I'm sorry, I was wrong. I go, you're a

comic? You're a local comic? He goes, well, I'm from Minneapolis. I drove down. I go, what? I go, Andy, make him a drink. I mean, sorry. Let him in. And then proceeded to get creeped out, I mean, progressively until it was time for him to. Yeah, no, he creeped everybody out. We had to actually ask him to leave the green room.

But more in like that way, like he might pull a gun out type thing. He wasn't like, you know, he's just a little off. That was Des Moines? Yeah, that was Des Moines? Yeah, that was Des Moines. But the room we were in, that green room was, like you said, but it felt like a porn booth with a piano in it.

Like a peek-a-boo show? Yeah, like a glory hole should have been in the wall. Yeah, that was weird. So yeah, we told them, hey, listen, there's not enough room in here. We're trying to get ready for the show, this and that. You can go out and watch the show from behind the curtain.

And he just stood there leering. And then that was when we did the Irish goodbye, as they say. It was our UK dismount, we should call it. It's where Chaley said, fuck merch. Let's just get the hell out of here afterwards. And he had the car waiting at the end of the show in the back alley. He had me secured in there already, so that would be not something to have fuck up on. I said goodnight. We got a standing ovation because it was a standing room.

And I ran out the back curtain, ran right by that kid, didn't say goodbye. He's standing there like he's going to get in the van with us. Like he's on the tour. I didn't even fucking make eye contact. I just brushed past him into the waiting car before the first audience was out of there. That was where in the back we were smoking out back.

Me and Jeff Tate and some dude and another dude come up and the guy's got a camera like a big thing. This is in the back like all the drinking and smoking areas. with this is in the back like like like all the drinking and smoking areas that's all in the front this is by trash cans and like like abandoned couches right in the back there there's no confusion that they're they missed the side entrance i think the guy probably just bought one of those giant lens cameras thinking he can use it as a backstage pass anywhere oh there's a live watch. I can just walk in the back with my camera and say I'm the photographer

because that's what he tried with us. He didn't know who we were. He thought, are you guys in the band? And we were saying, yeah. Are you playing right now? When do you start? What? He's like, yeah, I'm here to take pictures.

I go, you've got to get a manager to tell me that. I can't just let you in. And he's like, oh, well, I was just tell me that. I can't just let you in. He's like, oh, well, I was just in the front. Where they wouldn't let you in. And then Jeff Tate started getting his fucking dander up. He goes, I don't know how many other ways I can tell you. You're not coming

in here. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be irritating. Well, I don't know how to say you're not being irritating because you're being irritating. He's puffing up. Tate with his beanie and his scruffy look, he looks like a union stage manager anyway. He's such a sweetheart in general that you forget how big that dude is. He's a big fucking dude.

He starts to stretch his shoulders. He's Chad Shank-esque. When he's not smiling, he's really not fucking smiling. So then we did Lincoln Nebraska that was a really fucking great audience all three of you said the same thing to me at different times

they're really nice I could pause without people hollering shit I had low expectations for that place well you fixed it, Chaley saw that. That was a dance club. It was a jazz hall when I went there. And I talked shit about

Coach Riley. He was a coach for Oregon State. Now he's a coach at Nebraska. And I talked shit about him. And everybody is like, oh, he's actually a really... They haven't been winning as much as they used to. They're trying to talk you into it. That told me more about them than anything. They wouldn't go down that like, no, he's a good dude, man.

It's a building year. Come on, man. We're going to do this. It's a football town, and usually they'd start bagging on the coach because their team lost a fucking game, and they don't in Lincoln, Nebraska. Let's get to the end of Matt Kelly before I forget. We get back to the hotel. Back in Des Moines.

and to Matt Kelly before I forget. We get back to the hotel. Back in Des Moines. And I get an email where, yeah, another shithole fucking Motel 6 under construction. Oh, yeah. With the fucking jackhammers going at fucking 8 o'clock in the morning. And Tate's there with us.

And I get an email from that kid saying, hey, I'm sorry I imposed on your green room and whatever. It might be midnight or just before midnight. Yeah, that was the night. And he said, I said, I just emailed back. You're good, sir. Have a good night. And he sent back, am I good enough to open?

And I just ignored it. And then I stopped checking my emails. In the morning, I had 37 more emails from this kid. Oh, my God. Like, trashing us or trashing me. Tate should be killed. Get rid of him. Kill him.

I don't know. Lock him up. Lock him up. Every email was one sentence. Oh, really? It was nothing more than one or two sentences. All in a row. All within like two hours.

Yeah. Just one after another. We had to put your phone in the bathroom. We were right. Fucking lunatic. Yeah, yeah. Oh, so he was a lunatic. Yeah.

Oh, you'll see him. He's opening tonight. Yeah, he's opening instead of you. So yeah, if anyone, if there is actually some fucking open-miker in Minneapolis named Matt Kelly, fucking... Stay away from him. Watch out. Don't sell that kid a weapon.

Because that's the only thing that kept that night uneventful. He was going after everyone. Brian and fucking... Yeah, yeah. But didn't he like me? The British guy. Yeah. No.

One of them said that he liked everyone but me. One of them said we were all great. It was just like fucking romantic depression. Anyway, that's enough. We're here. We got two more nights. Nothing matters. This is a great little bar.

I don't know if you guys got to see walking through the door. Yeah, but we have to do comedy at it. Yeah, I would rather watch the Colorado football game than I can't find a place to watch it. So that's going to be fucked. Let's take the night off. Fuck this place. Let's bring James Inman in. He's been sitting here the whole time.

And the last time we saw James was in Vegas. Yeah, I guess you're... Do you have a prepared statement to apologize to everyone for everything you've ever done? My entire life? I apologized before I went to Vegas. I don't know if you

remember the tweet where I said I apologize before I come to Vegas. Oh, but that was after. But that was an apology that connects all time and history of the universe. No.

Well, let's go back. I've already covered it. Let's get back to that night. Do you really want me to apologize? I mean, comics don't apologize. I just thought that's why you came. I thought you'd changed your ways. You were going to be...

No, you told me when I first started comedy never to apologize for anything. You used to mock me when I said sorry. I'm not saying you should. I used to say sorry too much. And you're like,

Inman, quit saying sorry. You just said sorry. I'm not saying you should. I used to say sorry too much, and you're like, Inman, quit saying sorry. You just said sorry. I stopped. You said sorry four times and not once to Mr. Stanhope. He told me not to say sorry. I just said five right there. That's five. He said never apologize.

James, I said I thought you were going to apologize. I'm not asking for it. I just thought that's what you came for. No, it's a decent thing to do, but fuck it. Why do I have to apologize? You secretly recorded me without my knowledge, which is a felony

in Nevada, in the state of Nevada. That's a felony. You can't record somebody. That's like NSA national... You're a fucking cop. You're like National Security Agency recording me. There's a thing called reasonable expectation of privacy. Did you, did you, if you were in that car and you were fucking someone, could you get arrested?

You have no reasonable expectation of privacy. See, you have a lawyer, I don't have a lawyer. I don't know what you're talking about. Well, I've done a lot of hidden cameras, so I know when you can record and when you can't record, and in what states. I know, I'm not really mad. One or two party consent states. Actually, it was record, and in what states. I know. I'm not really mad. One or two party consent states. It was funny, but it was like, you know. Here's a little tip I learned from my uncle. He's a lawyer.

You should probably expect to be somehow being recorded when a fucking microphone is in your hand. Yeah. Right. I know I'm being recorded right now. But I mean, on the drive home? I mean, to the airport? That was sent to us from WikiLeaks, dude. We received that.

Oh, my God. James, let's ignore that. How about were you secretly recorded when you left me a series of voicemails that we've played on a previous... See, that's another thing. See, ever since I've known you, I'll send you an email, which is like me, James Inman, sending you an email, Doug Stanhope, and you'll forward that email to like 900 people. Like, look what James wrote, blah, blah, blah.

When I send an email, I just expect this is something I'm saying to that person. You've got to blast it all over the place. Look at what James said. Why don't you quit liking me? Just stop liking me. I think in the messages, and I wish I had transcripts, I think you were saying, tell Chad Shank that he's a fucking asshole.

I was drunk because when I got home, I drank... I stayed drunk for two days straight. After I got back from Las Vegas. So he's supposed to know from an email whether you're drunk or not? He can tell by my voice inflection. I can tell by the fact you're drunk or not? Does he smell it? He can tell by the fucking, by voice inflection, leaving it in an email? I can tell by the fact you're awake.

What if, you know, what if I took your answer machine messages and just like, hey, everybody, I've got this answer machine message that you don't stand a call on me. Well, you did threaten me with that. You said on one of the messages, you said, I know a lot of shit about you. No one knows you better than me. Jesus, here it comes. It's going to be nonstop. Why don't you release these tapes like Trump's taxes? It is like National Security Agency secreted tape recording people and taking my phone messages and making it fucking crazy.

phone messages and, like, make it fucking crazy. Now I don't trust either one of you because I feel like you're going to record me whatever I do, everywhere I go. I'm going to be recorded by Doug and Shaley. James, are you wearing a wire right now? You're going to be. Yeah, we should check that. Well, let's get back to it. Last we saw you, you went up to pack your stuff in Vegas on a different floor suite.

We had a flight. I was sharing a room with Jim. Yes. And he went down for a little nap. I said, shit, man, you should probably head to the airport right now. But you wanted a nap, and I respected that. I was tired, yeah. Yeah, and I bailed.

Somebody give me a Xanax. I don't remember any of that. Well, we have it recorded if you'd like to hear it. Fuck you. You snore a bit. Yeah. So you left. Actually, Andy was in an odd

position of being the responsible one. Got James to his room. And next thing I know, you're on the phone screaming at me. Cops are coming. I just woke up. I mean, basically, do you want to hear my side of the story? No, absolutely.

Go ahead. I won money at the blackjack table. I made money from the goddamn selling merch. I had like $300 or $400 on me, and Christine woke me up, and she goes,

you've got to make it to the airport. And I'm like, I'm too drunk. I'm too fucked up. I got enough money. I'll just get another night at the hotel room and I'll fly out on another flight. I had enough money in my pocket to do that. And she's like, Oh no, you got to go. You got to go. You know, this isn't your room. And I was like, that's not what I said. Did you hear that I said I would get another room? I would get another plane tomorrow? I got enough money, you know? I guess maybe she couldn't understand me. Like, maybe I was slurring my words.

Well, you were telling me you weren't going to leave. You'd sleep on the floor. And I said, no, Chad Shank is moving into your room. I didn't mean that literally. I would sleep on the floor. I was like, I could fucking, I mean, I like, I could hover in midair right now and I fucking, you know, I could sleep outside and I could

suck a goddamn homeless guy's cock. Why would you do that? You had money in your pocket. Yeah, I know. Why would you do that? That has nothing to do with getting a room. With money in my pocket, it was still, yeah. I didn't, I don't know. Evidently, before you could go to the front desk and get your own room.

This is stupid. We're going about this the whole wrong way. Security and sheriff's deputies showed up before you could go buy your... First of all, do you even have a credit card? Are you my dad or something? You can't get a room without a credit card. Maybe at the plaza you can. Yes, I have a credit card.

Yeah, you should be responsible a credit card. Maybe at the plaza you can't. Yes, I have a credit card. Yeah, you should be responsible a little bit, James. So why, you didn't get a room because security and the police showed up before. Within two seconds. No. It was like, I was talking to Christine, and then like within two seconds there were two cops there. You were just talking to her. Yeah, at this level. Oh, that's.

At this level If you were just yelling In your room the same way You were just here on the podcast I would expect maybe a neighbor I think people are tired of misogyny And when they hear a guy Shrieking at a female They're sick of it

We're fed up I'm going somewhere You said that Chaley or I must have called the police and security on you. I mean, that sounds plausible. They got there so quickly. At the time, I thought you guys were mad at me or something. While we have a raving party going downstairs, you think we're going to call the police? Look, I don't know if

you... First of all, I want you to stop liking me. I don't... Yeah. Second of all, I feel like you always hate me. So I don't really know if you like me or you hate me because every time I'm around you, you just make fun of me. So it confuses my brain.

And then, you know... You're killing it, James. This doesn't... This doesn't answer the question why I would call the police on you. I don't know. I don't trust you because you're always pranking me.

You fucking tape record me in the car. I mean, for all I know, there could have been two actors that you said, here's $500, dress up like cops and fucking, you know... I'm writing that down, Doug fucking, you know, you know.

I'm writing that down, Doug. Okay, I have a question. Chaley, have you noticed that James Inman took a Xanax, was drunk, doesn't remember anything until you question him, and then he has very clear memories of everything he said, everything he did, everything that happened. I don't even think he's drinking booze anymore. He's sober. That was my plan.

My plan was to have a sober podcast because I was taken advantage of in the last podcast. It's like a girl, if she's drunk and you try to have sex with her, that's rape. Basically, you raped me on that last podcast. And you sent me a message

saying that you'd like to come to Wichita and you're going to be stone sober. That's why I thought you were going to be delivering a handwritten apology because I've never seen you stone sober. And here you sit with a pint glass of whiskey in front of you. James, rape me once, shame on me.

But rape me, don't get raped again. Don't be raping me, bitch. So here you are again with the people who are accusing of raping you on a podcast. Right. It is kind of like a dominatrix relationship. Yeah. These rape allegations come too close to the election. It's suspicious.

Yeah. I bet more and more Inmans are going to start popping out. Oh, I got Wraith 2. Yeah. You know, I'm sorry. Fucking, I'm not sorry. What the fuck's wrong with me? Whoa, that's a retraction.

I felt like you were mad at me or something, and that's why I left those angry messages. I didn't know you were going to put them on your podcast. First of all, I want to know. I mean, I've left all kinds of messages like that. Again, he's sober. I want to know how he got on a plane. I know.

That fucking bothers me. I just, I don't know. I don't know. We lost your book. You gave me a copy of your book. I got home, and there's no book in my backpack. James, I stole that from you. You did? Of course. Oh, Jesus.

Well, it was on the floor and James wasn't. You know, the weird part about taking the Xanax on the way to the airport was I took three Xanax and they were like pink ones, right?

So I knew I'd just go to sleep, but I didn't know that they'd start taking effect so quickly. Somehow, I made it through the security in Las Vegas. In Vegas, they're probably used to it. And here I am limping to my

gate, which I barely found. And this guy, this guy that's at the gate, he's the Spirit Airlines guy, he takes one look at me. I think I was carrying my backpack and it was unzipped. I was dragging it along the floor. My zipper, you know, I was probably, my hat was on sideways, you know. Did you have a stick with a bag on it when you were walking around?

This guy takes one look at me. This is my moment of freedom where it's either i'm on that plane or i'm not on that plane and he looks at me he goes are you okay and i i probably said yeah i'm okay he goes he goes no look at me are you okay and i go uh yes i'm okay i took some xanax because i have a fear of flying work yeah and so he goes oh okay And so he let me on the plane. He's like, well, here's the thing. People at the airport are used to people like James leaving town like that. It's the fact that you got into Vegas already like that, that they let you stay. Yeah, that's probably the only airport you could have got on the plane.

I'm just saying, you come into Vegas looking like you just got a bad beat and your pockets are fucking rabbit-eared. Well, I mean, it was fun. Your podcast is fun to do. James, can I get you a drink? Oh, yeah. See, he's trying to get me drunk. That's what he's thinking. Absolutely not.

Whatever. I had soda and that Canadian mix. So you get home. Here's the thing. Everyone else here, we're all drunk. Let me finish. Everyone here, we're all drunks.

And in the morning, we usually feel regret. But I did not get those voice messages for about 36 hours. Right. So you didn't even go through the regret phase. No. You just stayed angry. Yeah, but see,

I don't want to talk about one of the reasons why I was really mad because then we'll have to go through the whole other thing about the movie and everything. Yeah, we got that on the notes. Yeah, well,

it was in the podcast, but I mean, I don't, we hadn't talked about the Unbookables for years. And finally, I was like, I'm going to talk about the Unbookables. I'm drunk. I start talking about the Unbookables. And you're still drunk days and days later. You're tweeting angry stuff two days later with a Chad Shank tweet.

No, this is stupid. There can be valid reasons why a guy can be mad at you, Doug. I know everyone here kisses your ass, but sometimes I can be mad at you. That's why I let them in. It doesn't mean I hate you. It just means that occasionally you piss me off. I'm just asking how it was that that lasted for so many days where you didn't have one. Because right when I got home, I started drinking. I went and I got a bottle of vodka.

Right when I woke up, I started drinking vodka. I drank that bottle of vodka all day long. Then when I woke up again, I got another bottle of vodka. And I drank that the whole day. And that's when I called you. After being drunk for two days. This is a good place to drop the brand name and maybe get sponsorship. It was, I can't remember uh was it in

a glass bottle it wasn't a forgettable vodka no it was uh i bought johnny walker one day and the other day it was uh some shvenka or whatever i don't know this is chad shank And when I'm at Stanhope, I drink plastic jug vodka. Because there ain't no other option. Plastic jug vodka. What's your favorite brand? Tweet me at at Doug Stanhope or tweet Chad Shank at at HD Fatty. All right, let's do it. That's HDatty. I do it. That's HDFatty.

Hyman Doberman Fatty with a Y. Hyman Doberman? I don't know. I don't know. Did you listen to the podcast with your voice? I listened to the podcast drunk because I couldn't listen to it sober. And then after I listened to it,

I was like, I better listen to this sober just to make sure that I heard what I heard. And I couldn't believe it. It was a fucking train wreck. You know. But it did get me to watch

the new cut of The Unbookables. Yeah. Which I rather enjoyed. There you go. That's on Hulu? No. Right now, The Unbookables is on... The new cut of The Unbookables, which I rather enjoyed. There you go. That's on Hulu? No, right now The Unbookables is on... The new cut. The new cut is on PlayStation

and Amazon Prime. Everybody has Amazon Prime. I've been telling people after shows that you can get it, and they go, Amazon Prime, I have that. Yeah, you get it free. Just watch it right now. The Unbookables on Amazon Prime. I don't know if I enjoyed it so much. The new edit, I don't remember

the first edit. Just remember thinking it was clunky and awkward. But the new edit, I don't know if it's just that I like seeing all my friends back in the day fucking up. Right. That's why it's fun. That wasn't your selling point. What are you talking about? What was my selling point?

I told you guys it was just going to be an independent film. It was just going to be a fun, independent film. You already had it on three different... You got it on PlayStation, on Amazon Prime, and then you're like, what, do you want to get it into theaters nationwide? I couldn't understand. I'm not a big promoter.

We want to get it into cans. But I'm saying you got so upset that I said I didn't like it. No. We're in negotiations. didn't like it. No. You go, we're in negotiations. You already have it. It's out there. Someone at least thought it was worth re-editing. Yeah, that took a lot of work, too.

Yeah. There's a lot of work that went into that movie, yeah. And you did a lot of that, right? I know, but I don't get any credit. I mean, I'm not taking, I think Jeff deserves almost all of the credit. 99.9% of the credit. I deserve, like,.01% of the credit. That's not how it came across that day.

You deserve, like,.01% of the credit. No, none. You know, whatever. But, I mean, it's like it'd be nice if you, like, gave me a little hand job or something. Well, he actually dug his thing. I was going to... This is another thing I wanted... Keep kissing his ass, James.

You'll be on tour if you keep kissing his ass. That's how you do it. Have I ever kissed your ass, Doug? Actually, literally. Tongue kissed it. Tongue kissed it. Trump mouthed it. Fucking let off with your mouth on his asshole.

On numerous occasions. Yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't ever apologize. I knew it. I knew it. You give him a pearl of wisdom early on and all this time goes by and he still hasn't listened to you. I did want to tell you

you were just so anxious to get cocaine in Vegas and bugging everybody and saying I'm going to buy it and you gave that guy money and then we gave it back and then we going to buy it. And you gave that guy money. And then we gave it back. And then we got the Coke, though. I just want you to know. After you left the Coke show, it was like a blizzard.

Okay, everybody in podcast world, there was no cocaine in Las Vegas. No, there was no cocaine in James Inman. No, you left without it. There was some kind of powdered stuff. You were abusing Adderall on a crazy level. Snorting Adderall. Whatever. I'm not doing this podcastusing Adderall. You don't even know. On a crazy level. Snorting Adderall. Whatever. I'm not doing this podcast without Adderall.

Would you stop it? God. Like a Scarface line. You banged it off the back. It's this running gag with Adderall joke that you have to do nine million times. Well, they are a sponsor. You're just bitching that you didn't have drugs. It was funny.

Funny as money. I don't know. I want to back up because. When I said, I said, I need to wake up. I'm going to fall asleep. I need some fucking drugs. I need some Adderall. Anybody got Adderall?

No. Then this guy appeared right next to me with a baggie and he had Adderall. And it was just like that. It didn't, it wasn't even like, I was just like, okay, fine. You said, hey, Adderall guy, get me Adderall. Adderall guy. Adderall guy. Hey, Adderall. Adderall guy. That's a quote. Hey, Adderall guy.

I am not. Should I snort it or take it? That's what you're asking him. You know what, James? This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life, how I'm somehow a prima donna. I have nothing. I have no career.

Look at the way I'm dressed. I'm a complete loser, and you guys always act like I'm the prima donna. That's the irony. You were demanding it like a diva. I won't do this. How is that irony? It's irony that you would think that's true. Shaley, run me a bath.

Adderall guy, get over here. Shaley, run me a bath. Or Cristal. In Vegas, you were a self-made man that had pulled himself up by his bootstraps. Today, you're saying you're a loser. What's the story? What's happened? What is going on with you today?

Remember Inman before he used to say sorry? All right, let me ask a question. Because you brought this up quite a bit in Las Vegas, that it was your project. It was our project. Now it's 99.9%. You're 0.01% responsible. I think Jeff deserves a lot of credit. He worked really hard on that movie.

I was there in Seattle. They had an office. They had an unbookables office. They had eight terabytes of fucking video. You're getting ahead of me. I want to ask you, because you said you put a lot of work into this. Did you tell me the things that you did. Was it editing? Did you

procure cameras? Did you get that van? Did you book hotels? Did you do any production work? Did you do any PA work? Did you supply a cooler full of soft drinks for the crew? No, I provided magic, okay? It's called

James Inman magic, and the magic was, this is gonna fucking work. Hey, Doug, meet Jeff Pearson. Hey, Jeff, meet Doug. Alright, and then you guys meet. He had an idea. You said okay. They started making it. I said, I don't give a fuck.

Do whatever you want i had i was busy yes that is such a curmudgeon that you know anything i ask you you say no right off the bat but if you say i don't care that means yes it's like when i try to have sex with you and i go can i suck your cock but i don't feel like i had anything to do with it i'm not claiming credit for this thing my name got put on it as a producer. That's your magic. Your evil magic. That's your black fucking evil magic where you do shit, but then you have no responsibility. James.

Come on. This is what James did. It's the same as when we slumped over a bar and go, you know what we should do? But he said it to someone who did it. And he goes, I made a movie. See what I did? Back to the bar.

Is that really? Look, one of the reasons why I said I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps was I was drunk. You were trying to get coke? No, I was drunk. See, I thought you didn't like Jeff, so I didn't want to bring up his name. I didn't like his first documentary. Right, well, you said you didn't like it,

and then you gave us some edits, and we took your advice, and we edited out the parts you didn't like. Basically, this whole movie is a fucking giant goddamn... We're sucking your cock with the entire movie. Did you ever go to the mall and they say, hey, we'll give you a free pizza if you answer a bunch of questions?

That's when we looked at the first cut. Yeah, we wrote down some obligatory notes of what we thought and never thought about it again. Yeah, and then we ate our free pizza. Look, we basically, all the people that hated it, like Emery, you, and, you know. Everyone. Yeah, we basically took all of their fucking advice people that hated it, like Emery, you, and you know, somebody else. Yeah, we basically took all of their fucking advice

and made those changes. I wish I could pull up my email. Sean said there was too much piss, so we took out fucking, you know, there's never too much piss. Yeah, jeez. I told him I didn't want my penis in the movie, but I didn't say drop the scene, just blur it. I want people to leave. Yeah, that was a problem. Your penis in the movie, but I didn't say drop the scene. Just blur it. I want people to leave.

Yeah, that was a problem. Your penis in the movie. My penis showed well in the first cut. Naked and afraid. You hope for the best under that pixelation. He's got a giant cock. I don't have a giant cock. What are you fucking?

I saw your cock. Sure, but anyway, nonetheless. He might have been fucking your girlfriend at the time. Saw it in the worst of ways. It's bigger, it's smaller, it's bigger, it's smaller, it's bigger, it's smaller. Is that going in and out of something? Where'd the mushroom head go? Where'd the mushroom head go?

Andy's a magician, too. Sleight of hand. So, Andy, James Inman, in those following days, sent me, as well as the voicemails, the emails, and one had a list of all the friends he lost because of the movie. So let's cover that briefly. No, let's not cover that because I don't like to say negative things about people. I could read them. This is behind.

That's a beardy guy that was out here earlier. That wouldn't show up on the recording anyway. Yes, it does. I don't know. I felt like everyone liked me in Panaman, and then when we decided to do the Unbookables, the movie came out, nobody liked me anymore. So basically, I'll talk shit about everybody

because everyone hated me. Well, let's go over the people that you feel you lost as friends. No, I don't want to pick anybody out. I can... I can go back and insert the email and read it verbatim. Norm hated my guts after the Unbookables. He hated you before that. You hated each other.

No, I thought Norm liked me before the Unbookables. I feel like that's going to be a common answer. That's the only thing I liked about either of you is that you hated each other. I thought Norm liked me before the Unbookables. I've always liked Norm. He's never liked me after the Unbookables. Huh, yeah. I've always liked Norm. He's never liked me after the Unbookables. He's never liked me.

I don't know. That's what he just said. Okay. Yeah, I thought you guys were always rivals. He makes fun of me thinking that I think I'm important, and I'm like, no, Norm, I think I suck. I like you. I think you're great.

You know, Norm jumped in late to our kind of community, and I would always have to say, listen, we wind James up on purpose because he'd get really mad. Like, why is this guy always yelling? Even Junior's afraid he has to see the Unbookable. Junior said he was afraid to meet you. He's not violent, is he? He's afraid. He is. Junior said he was afraid to meet you. He's not violent, is he? He's afraid to meet you.

He is. I had to explain upstairs James and downstairs James. Like Jack Nicholson's Coke. You'd have the upstairs blow. There's two James. There's fucking fiery James

and there's nice Buddhist James. But they should fuck each other. Well, the thing is you saw the movie and you liked it, and you know now that it's good for what it is. I even plugged it at the premiere of my special in L.A. I plugged it to the Comedy Dynamics CISO people.

I mean, in passing conversation, because I had nothing else to say to them, frankly, and I told you I would give you a plug. So when I was forced into that awkward fucking suit conversation I went oh shit I heard you talking to James Inman about the Unbookables or not you someone rational

but I mean I don't know why I don't want to jinx it because you know but they're supposed to sign a contract soon what else do you want out of this thing he's got two discs available for the sale after the show I feel like you know else do you want out of this thing? I know the exact date. He's got two discs available for the sale after the show. I feel like, you know... What do you want out of it?

Like, you already have it out there. I want to get back on the road. I want to get back on the road and do more comedy that's going to help me get back on the road. But what's the next step

with the Unbookables? I'm serious, because it's already available on Amazon Prime and PlayStation and somewhere else. Yeah. So what else do you think, where else can it go?

It could go where, I don't know, we do some gigs together for, it's like. No, the movie itself. I ain't working with you. It's just a movie. So you just want to promote the movie. No, I. I just want my dad to tell me I did a good job. Well, your dad listens to this podcast.

Drop the mic. The podcast is over. If you're listening, James' dad, he's a pretty good man. Don't hate him so much. I don't know. It's refreshing for you to see it for what it is in and of itself. I think it's a cool, independent, edgy comedy movie. Am I a father figure to you?

Am I a father figure? I'm mocking you because... Am I the dad that's not hugging you? Look at the way you're dressed. You're dressed with a dad fucking sport coat on, dad tie, and you talk to me, you ask me, do you even have a credit card, James? You say dad things. Talk to your dad.

How was your day in school? That's your father, James. Someone get a baseball. I'm going to play catch with my boy. And since I like to rebel against authority, you know. Tell your dad how you feel. Tell my dad to fuck off. Basically, I want to tell my dad to fuck off.

He's right here. Your dad. So I, yeah, I don't know. Right here, to your dad. So I, yeah, I don't know. I don't look up to you as some kind of comedy god. I see you as, you know, I don't see you as an equal, because obviously we're not equal when it comes to comedy.

But, I mean, I see you as a peer or a friend or a comrade on the same path. You know, and I'm sure you're kind of... It's really hard to be friends with someone who always tells you that they think you don't like them. I admit that metaphorically, I guess. But it is hard for me because I've got Asperger's or something, and you guys make fun of me so much that sometimes I think you don't like me. You're just using that to deflect.

So I got Asperger's. I'm bipolar. Don't criticize me. I got bipolar. I don't think you got Asperger's. I think you're just awkward. I'm just stupid. Have you been diagnosed?

Well, Brenda, she's a fucking therapist. She's got a master's degree. She's got a copy of the DMSR on her fucking bookshelf. She goes, I think you might have some fucking mild form of. Well, that sounds professional. What's the longest you've been sober in the last several years? I was sober for a year and a half. When?

When I lived in Seattle, like 2003, 2004. The last couple of years. Not in jail, not incarcerated. Basically, 2005. The last couple of years. Not in jail. Not incarcerated. Basically, I drink. In this decade. All right, do you want to know the honest truth? I only drink when I'm around you because most of the time I'm at home either working on a website or meditating or reading a goddamn book because that's what I do.

Okay, we have a caller. Your girlfriend lives with you. She'll tell me. I occasionally. He's full of shit. I will occasionally steal her oxycodone. Yeah, she keeps them in her bra. She did that.

She hides them in her bra from you, James. Did we go over this? We already went over this. All right, good. Yeah. Is that upsetting to you? No, I just want to talk about something funny Now you get them from other sources

We're not going to talk about that Yeah, see, that's what I There are things I can't talk about with Andy Because I get some great stories of Andy And shit I can say about you I can't talk about you because I get great stories With me, my whole entire dick Is out and you're looking at every little,

look at that. Oh, James did this and that. My entire life is, and that's the same thing with the Unbookables. When I signed that contract, I said, you can do whatever you want with this footage, but you and Sean both had stipulations. And as a producer,

I'm a producer on that, so you signed that contract to me by proxy, so ad infinitum throughout the galaxy in perpetuity. You get to know everything about me forever. Forever. Laws don't apply. Laws don't apply? Yeah.

We can murder you and you signed off on it. And me and Sean signed contracts. Page 74. Me and Sean signed contracts because we were higher rankingranking stars of the movie at that time. You are both higher-ranking stars. And you guys think that I'm more arrogant? You think I think I'm funny? I think I've never thought I was funny.

I think you're adorable. Yeah, you're fucking hilarious, man. You have a... Get over yourself. ...teeter-tottering on the gates of queer. Yeah, I don't usually want to stick my penis in something so dirty as your mouth. So now

you hope that the movie that depicts comedians driving around in a van wildly drunk stealing booze getting thrown out of clubs, fired, is going to get you road work. That's your next step.

How did you get work after you got fired from the Funny Bone? I didn't appear in the Unbookables. It's that bad? See, you're fucking funny, James. In fact, you were able to actually divorce your name from it once James took it on.

No, no, my name's on there. No, I mean, no one reads the credits. What? It was then linked to James Inman and taken away from you because we took the website down. Oh, the... Unbookables, the term. Oh, well, yeah, that was years ago. But you know what I found out?

We can bring it back. I took that video down because that was when I didn't know what YouTube did. I mean, now you can make it unlisted and it that video down because that was when I didn't know what YouTube did. I mean, now you can make it unlisted and it would have still showed up on your website. I know that now. Did you see where that fucking Stuart Lee, he wrote a book and it fucking slagged us off at the fucking... And there was even a group called the Unbookables at the Edinburgh Festival. And they were completely bookable. Yeah, they're bookable over there.

Yeah. Edinburgh Festival. They were completely bookable. Yeah, they're bookable over there. Yeah. Here is where they get fucking fired and sidelined. I remember reading that. Yeah, it's taken me seven years to get work.

Stuart Lee and his book. It was an old book. No, I read it a long time ago. I like Stuart Lee, but he didn't mention me by name. But yeah, these are comics that don't get booked over here. So I took a bit of offense to that. Sean Rouse, who was, I don't even know who was there. It was Christine, Andy, Brett Erickson.

It wasn't Edinburgh, that was. No, no. Oh, Edinburgh. Oh, that was the. Rouse. Amsterdam. Amsterdam, yeah. I played two more. You know, years ago.

No, no, this is in Edinburgh. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. All right. So, yeah, for a while we just had to shy away from that name, and we can't. Horrible people is who we've come up with. Because, yeah, now everyone's doing pretty good.

Well, yeah. And you definitely fit that criteria. Sean is professional. You've taken him on the road. He's, you know, obviously funny. Has he been fucking up? Has Andy been fucking up? How's his show's been going?

You know what? Andy, yeah, he put the seat down on top of a fast food cup on my new car. So, yeah, that's what we're down to for hijinks. It used to be some fucking weird whore in a fucking cocaine with my mother in West Palm Beach. Three on one on James Inman's girlfriend type situation. So what are you saying? We're just all going to get old and eventually die? I'm saying, yeah, now it's like, ah, fuck.

Andy left his fucking cell phone in a Uber. Back in the day, it was like, oh, shit. I need to stop and get fiber gummies at the next stop. For his colitis. You're a beautiful person, James. James, I like you a lot. Strong like. A guy gets the guy like. If you, just a guy like?

If you have a fan page, I'll fucking make it public. Okay, all right. Well, I asked people, and I'll ask them again, the Twitter people,

yeah, watch the Unbookables on Amazon Prime. And some people like it. And you'll hear it tonight. Doug's been introducing me as one of the stars of the Unbookables

at James Inman production. And people fucking standing always for you. hear it tonight. Doug's been introducing me as one of the stars of the Unbookables, a James Inman production. And people are fucking standing O's for just the thought of you. Yeah. It's been crazy. Yeah, I was a little drunk on your last podcast. I'm sorry. I have been selling all the Unbookables DVDs. They're all sold out.

All sold out. That's the old version. Yeah. It's actually kind of rare. And he wanted more. I mean, they were that popular. I've seen those things for like 70 bucks on eBay because, you know, if you only got one copy and you can't, there's no other copies.

And you're holding the last two. I've got two copies of the Unbookables. So what are you going to sell them for? Last time you sold them for, you said, how about 20 bucks or you can just have it because the other ones you can get on, it's really much better. Not a very good salesman. Yeah. No, but I, yeah but I need money now, so I might sell them for a little more than $20, maybe $25.

You got two, so that'll give you enough for some blow. What? I'll pitch them on stage. Okay. You have them with you? We'll auction them off. The last two, yeah. Yeah, and Jeff's out of copies.

He's got like 10 left, and that's it. Yeah. And the rest we sold after your podcast appearance. The last two, yeah. Yeah, and Jeff's out of copies. He's got like 10 left, and that's it. And the rest we sold after your podcast appearance. They were fucking in my bag for years, and then everybody wanted them. So you are a good salesman, James. You're a great salesman. It was long.

I just want to get it started on another project. I want to, yeah. What's your next film project? You said, what do you want to do with this? Unbookables 3. Unbookables Sharknado. Let's do Unbookables 3. It doesn't have no part 2 that everyone's looking for.

The lost episodes. Those are basement tapes. Those are actually that Doug made. We'll say Unbookables 2 was banned. It's like that Jerry Lewis movie about the holocaust as long as we're alive it won't be shown the clown the holocaust clown

it's in the vault and then the last Unbookable that goes to the headquarters the Unbookables Legion of Doom or whatever will break the class and take out that last copy there was something I was going to say I can't remember I was going to say whatever, will break the glass and take out that last copy. There was something I was going to say. I can't remember. I was going to say, well, I was saying that watch it.

I already asked him once on the podcast. Watch the Unbookables on the Amazon Prime version. Right. Because if you don't have Amazon Prime, that's as bad as not having a credit card. It's like having a giant. Is there a place people could leave comments on that? There has been a lot of people leave comments. Please finish a fucking sentence.

I'm going to ask our listeners again. Your fucking Twitter handle is... What's it? At JZInman? Yeah, JZInman. Why? Is that wrong? Can you spell it?

When I say James Inman, they can't find you. That's J-Z-N-M-A-N. A-J-Z-Z-E-N-M-A-N. But if they just type in James Inman, that should pop up in Twitter. I'm not really good with computers. So, yeah, watch that and tweet at James and myself what you thought as a person who doesn't do comedy. Oh, because you want to know. I want feedback from other people because I'm too close to the subjects.

Right. I love it because I know you guys and I remember the phone calls with fucking, Brendan Walsh is jumping on the bed and the fucking hotel is going to say, man, I don't know what to do. I'm on the road. I'm making money, man. That was an entire you could have an entire Unbookables movie with the moment, the time because Brendan Wallace basically

jumped off of that counter for an hour and a half. Alright. What? Unbookables half. All right. What? Unbookables 3, part 2. Yeah, what about it? You know that Mishka Shibali got the van from that movie.

Oh, yeah. Which is the most incredible 19th. If you don't know the Chevy van song by someone hit wonder. Gonna love my Chevy van and that's alright with me he's getting that van so we will have the van we'll have access to it

oh now you're gonna you're gonna take oh we're gonna get that fucking thing as soon as I found out Mishka got it for a song or free Chaley already. He goes, I'll pick it up for you. Right.

Did we already go over this? No. We're going to slowly figure out. I'll ply him with gigs. I didn't want to seem like a plot. Yeah. I'll bring him on the road again. But we're going to get that fucking van.

Don't be afraid of the success that you've earned, James. So the only thing that's going to come out of the Unbookables is just another Unbookables tour. No. It's going to be like Las Vegas. Yeah. Leaving Las Vegas. No, no. The old dogs, right?

Yeah. Road dogs or Las Vegas. Old guys. The Unbookables. Fucking whatever. A decade later or whatever. You talking about Wild Hogs? It's crazy. It's crazy.

It's been that long and James still has the same clothes on. He's wearing wardrobe from the Unbookables. Same hat. I'd fucking send that hat back to you. I found it and you left it once. I lost my hat. It's his only hat.

It's like the ring from Pulp Fiction. And then he held it in his ass. No, the watch. The watch. When we were staying in Peoria on the Unbookables trip, James, that previous night, upset everyone, threw up into the trash can, got it all over the wall,

and then he couldn't find his hat. And I saw his hat first, and I kicked it under the couch and let him you know and then i go james i know where your hat is you gotta clean that vomit up and then i'll show it yeah you clean your own mess up and then you got your hat you jumped off of a wall for some reason all right it was a it was a balcony yeah i'm just because it was a transvestite thing that's the thing do. It was a beauty contest for transgender women, LGBTQs. You did it in... Oh, in that strip club. I did it in support

of the community. Oh, yeah, yeah. You injured your leg. What's that? You injured yourself. Oh, I injured my lower back. Yeah, I fucked up. That was a real transgender...

Yeah. I was a pioneer in welcoming... They don't like it when you say the word trans-am. By leaping 10 feet down to the stage and then...

And you hurt your back. Yeah, I was prone in a gay bar, which is your dream. You fucking faggot. Don't say tranny, but you can say faggot. No, I mean, you're my faggot. Oh, okay, buddies. Yeah, my faggot.

Basically, all right. All right, call out to the killer termites. If you have not seen 30 for 30, the Bartman episode, I don't know if that's what it's called. Bartman. I think it's maybe called Scapegoats or some variation of that. Just Google it. Yeah.

Catching Hell. Catching Hell. Yes. I saw it years ago, but now that the Cubs are back in the fucking series, I'm rooting for the Cubs. Yeah, the curse. Reverse the curse shit. And then I watched this again. Don't worry, James.

You have no idea. It's sports related. I thought we were talking about a movie. It made you want to fucking murder everyone at Wrigley Field all at once, Holocaust style, and now I fucking hate the Cubs. I was a Nats guy because I'm an expos fan that's my team

i don't even refer to the nationals other than i call them the expos still i will not acknowledge they moved out of montreal yeah so they're out yeah i i was with the cubs uh i went to wrigley with my daughter and uh holding her and a fly ball comes up and then uh get hit in the face with a mitt and then i lose someone going for the, and then I get hit in the face with a mitt. Someone going for the ball? And then he gives it to his retarded, ham-headed brother, and I got to sit there, so I understand the disappointment of being a Cub fan. Not really retarded, though. No, yeah.

He was going to chew it like a fucking apple, and I'm sitting there with my kid going, that's our ball, and I wanted to steal it, but he was retarded, so I let him have it. But I felt like that's a Cubs moment, and I was with him, but fuck Dusty Baker and fuck the Cubs. I hope they lose the most dramatic way. I have a baseball story. Listen, watch Catching Hell 30 for 30. They're all on Netflix.

You probably get on YouTube. Just watch how awful they fuck. They destroyed this dude's life for just a knee-jerk reaction. Don't worry. I'll catch you up afterwards, James. You're puzzled. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's actually, if you want, it's, you know.

Are you talking about a movie? No, it's a documentary series on ESPN. Oh, okay. But it's not even about. Yeah, I like documentaries. Sports is the backdrop of the story. It's really about. You will hate Cubs fans.

I hope the Cubs win, but I wish they could do it where no one could watch. Their fans, fuck them. A blackout? Listen, killer termites, watch every Cubs game and get Bartman, B-A-R-T-M-A-N, trending. Even if you just write

Bartman and hashtag the Cubs game. Just to get in their fucking heads. Remember what you did to that kid, you fucks? Now you're going to lose. Just get it in their heads. Just make Bartman trend on every Cubs game. The goat is back, Bartman.

I can't read something. Oh, fucking Junior smells really bad. These are just things we're trying to think of. I have a baseball story. Okay. You want to hear it? Sure. Then we get to get back to Junior Stinks at the end. Oh, you want to do that? Okay. James, can we end the podcast first and then you can

tell us the story? No, no, no. He's joking. I rarely like sports and never watch sports, never go to a live show. Somehow I got two tickets to the Royals and me and my dad, I called up my dad. I go, Dad, I got Royals tickets. It's pronounced Roy-ow.

Okay. And then, so I'm like, do you want to go to the Royals? I got tickets to the Royals. He's like, sure, cool. So we get in there. Do I have to go with you? Yeah. So we go.

We're sitting there. Take me up to the ball games. It's all fun and games. Did you get drunk? So you lean in for the hug for the first time. We have our tickets. We're looking for our seats, and this is a true goddamn story. This really fucking happened.

We know you don't write material. All right. All you got is true stories. We get to our seats. We're looking, okay, you're in seat seven. I'm in seat eight. We're looking, okay, you're in seat seven. I'm in seat eight. We're looking at seat seven and seat eight. It's two blind people in our seats.

They have the blind canes. They have the sunglasses on. And I'm like, is this a fucking dream? Is this really happening? I mean, it's like, they look blind, Dad. He goes, those fucking blind guys are in our seat. And we say to them, I think you're in our seat. And I swear to God, these two blind guys go, no, we're not.

I'm like, seven and eight. Dad, you have seven. This is eight. We're in section C. You have seven. Did you show them the tickets? Yeah. No, I said, you're in our seat.

And I swear to God, I almost said, what are you fucking? Like, I almost said, what are you, blah? And then I'm like, I can't believe this is happening. And the guy came down who was the usher guy. He looks and he goes, yeah, these are your seats. He goes, just sit over there. I'm like, fuck. Yeah, it's the fucking Royals.

Every seat's open. There were two. And now every time he goes with his dad to the ballpark, they get a cane and dark glasses going, no, this works. I swear to God. I thought he was going to get to the two seats. What are the chances of two blind guys sitting in the wrong seats?

Of two guys that are just wearing black glasses and two canes shipping you out of your seat? 100%. Is there any chance you and your dad were just shit-hammered? No, there's no way. I was probably 16

years old. I was like 18 or something. Just pills. You couldn't get liquor then. Oh, Jesus. Anyway, alright, go ahead. Why is that not in your act? I'm just going to think, write it down, Jamie. It's like one of those unsolved mysteries.

There's no connection to Buddhism. Stage-friendly? It has stage friendly. Stage friendly? Yeah. James. I mean, so it has a closing. Yeah. You had a clap line at the end.

Maybe I'll tell it tonight. James once gave me a great piece of advice after one show imploded with his wedding party in Appleton. He goes, don't you go out and just look at a crowd and go, I'm not going to do my usual act. I'm just going to do something they're not going to get mad about. That's why I came up with the term Panda Monkey for you. And you are Panda Monkey. Let me plug your fucking CD. It's called Panda Monkey.

Yeah, I thought it was funny. Oh, but you said, though. How many other people have a CD called Panda Monkey? No, that's funny. But your advice was to go ahead and just go out. No, no.

Those are wedding groups out here. There's come on. There's fucking levels, and that gets back to the actual, the meaning of the whole movie, The Unbookables, because should you compromise or should you stick to your guns? Should you be this uncompromising artist that is all about integrity, or should you fucking bend some of your own rules just to get by? Just to get oxy money.

Yeah, just so you don't get fired. Basically, that was what we ran up against. You're going to get fired if you don't just kind of change the show a little bit. I don't even know. Why could you not just go, oh, it's just Kansas City. We're in the middle of nowhere. What's going to fucking matter? There's like 200 people in the audience.

You know, it's not like you're on fucking Lido. When is the last time you had 200 people in an audience? Whatever. There was 150. There was 100 people. You really want to hone that shitty act on the road so you can bring it out and do what? Oh, you made an album with it.

What are you talking about? Yes, I've got two albums. You want to mention that? Yes. But I'm saying, is that the shit that you do in Kansas City? Can you find those on Seesaw? Is that your art or is that your pandering?

Do you ever say pander monkey in the act that they buy? No, my two CDs are like... But is it pandering then? Because I don't want people to buy Pander Monkey. I'm mocking Andy by stealing Pander Monkey and using that as the name of my CD. Okay, but is...

Like you stole the unbookables? Oh, fuck. Like you stole the unbookables, yells Chaley. I did not steal it. He stole the show. I'm giving the unbookables back to Doug. I didn't steal it from him. Here.

That's why part three is going to be fucking a different director. Fast-forward chases. Is the material on Pander Monkey your pandering bachelorette set, or is that your hard-hitting James Inman? We don't know where this... Because you want me to tell you the God's own truth? You'll actually tell me. What's on the album? What can they expect?

We want to know. My whole philosophy of comedy is to not be contrived. I want it to be natural. Those jokes on Panda Monkey, I wrote on stage. I didn't write them in a notebook. I didn't memorize them.

I said those things on stage. They became't write them in a notebook. I didn't memorize them. I said those things on stage. They became funny. I said them again and I recorded them. And I didn't think in my head, oh, I'm going to write an edgy bit. No, I was reading a bunch of books about the CIA. I did a joke. I said some stuff about the CIA.

It turned into a joke. I fucking hate my landlord. I went on stage and started talking about my fucking landlord. That turned into a joke. I fucking hate my landlord. I went on stage and started talking about my fucking landlord. That turned into a joke. I don't sit around thinking, oh, I'm going to write an edgy bit. Okay. Let me just try to be clear. Yeah.

You say there's times that if you're playing a wedding party in the middle of nowhere. You've got to compromise. You pander. You compromise. However,ander. You compromise. However, it's not compromise monkey. Right. It's pander monkey. Right.

Which I have copyrighted, by the way. You say that you do that. So if you title an album pander monkey, that wedding party, should they buy this CD? You're thinking too much, Doug. Are you telling them this is the one I do for wedding parties in Hays, Kansas? Are you truly, do you really want, are you asking me a real question? Yeah. What's on the CD?

Is it hard hitting and mislabeled? Panda Monkey is politics and Misogynist Clown is about women, sex, and relationships. I released two CDs at once. One of them is all politics and all anger and fucking the world is fucked up and the CIA and Iraq. So you're not pandering at all. So you're misguiding the...

So, yeah, it's like... That's like me putting out Fun with Pedophiles as a children's book. Well, it involves children. No, Doug, it doesn't have to make sense. You yourself are the one that you're the one telling me there's no God.

So why does anything have to make sense? If there's no God, why does shit have to make sense? I never said there's no God. Is this a two-disc set? Yes, basically two-disc set. It's like, I want people...

Listen, when you... Listen, you're going to go down a James Inman rabbit hole. Yeah, oh yeah. You're going to watch the Unbookables, then you're going to get Panda Monkey. And then you're going to go down a James Inman rabbit hole. You're going to watch the unbookables. Then you're going to get Panda Monkey. And then you're going to want to watch Unbookables.

And then I want you to tell me on the Twitter, not the Facebook, whether this podcast with James Inman is funnier than his own material on stage on Panda Monkey. I'm actually prouder of Misogynist Clown. I like that CD better, but go ahead. Oh my God, don't get emotional, James. How much shit are you selling? I'm not selling anything. You got two discs that are

worth at least $75 on Amazon. Yes, I got that for gas money to get back and to help pay for the hotel. I came down here with like $30 of my name. Are you listening over there? He's going to pitch in on stuff. Sober driver

that's over there drinking, make sure that you're behind the merch booth and you get that money because he'll blow it on fucking Klonopins. Klonopin. No, no. Not Klonopin. Pharmacy monkey.

There's this one. Thank you, fact checker. Hey, guys. We're opening doors right now. So can we count on misogyny on Misogyny Clown? I don't know. It depends on your point of view. I think some people might think it's misogynist.

Other people would think... Like men and women would feel differently. I played it for my... Inman, you hear that? People love you, man. Yeah, it's not your average Trump misogyny. I basically used the word misogyny in the title of that CD because the whole CD is about sex, relationships, and women.

Okay, so we're in time for Valentine's Day. When you think about James Inman, you think sex. Yeah, you're like Dr. Ruth. Anywho, where can we get that? So we can order directly? Yeah, it's on Amazon.

It's on Google Play. Do you have a website? Do you have a date maybe in the future you're going to plug? James Inman. You just type James Inman into Google and you can find, not Jay-Z Inman, because Jay-Z confuses people. With an E. Jay-Z Inman with an E. Oh, yes.

You can find my website. You can find bookables on Amazon Prime. And also you have a book out. Oh, I have the Greyhound Diary. No, but you have a CD, which is actually funny. James, do you have a date you want to plug? Because we've got to wrap this up. A birthday?

Happy birthday, Delaney. She shouldn't be listening, and I hope she's not. Yeah, whatever. Happy birthday, Junior Stopka. Yes, Junior Stopka's birthday. Junior Stopka's here. It's his birthday. Thank you, thank you.

And I don't smell. You dress me up, Doug. Fuck you. Junior has a thing, James, where you'll get off on a conspiracy theory with him on this, but he doesn't wear deodorant because he thinks that there's aluminum in it, which is in antiperspirant, but not deodorant. So he just stinks like a fucking skunk. No, no.

Last night after the show, selling merch in Lincoln, Nebraska, I'm like, man, you're fucking ripe. That's why you smoke pot in the room. Everyone was drunk. I had people in line at the merch booth huffing his armpits to tell me if it's him or if it's me. Right. So basically, he's kind of like me because I don't use antiperspirant either.

I wash my armpits with soap and I use deodorant, which doesn't have aluminum. You know what they called that in the old days? A floor bath. They'd have a sink in there and they'd just wash their genitals and their arms. Because it doesn't have a... No, he thinks it has aluminum too. No, a floor bath. They'd have a sink in there and they'd just wash their genitals and their arms. No, he thinks it has aluminum too. Deodorant is the kind that does not have the aluminum bullshit in it. Yeah, the

antiperspirant's got aluminum sulfite because it shrinks up your pores and your fucking armpits. And we're sponsored by Gillette Underarm Deodorant. I'm just lazy. I was making it up. Junior doesn't stand. Junior's going. And I'll tell you something else.

I watched the Bartman documentary first, Doug, and then you turned off the Nationals game, so it was like.0% my idea, and it was 99% ESPN. I gave it up for ESPN, but it was.01% my idea to get the killer termites on the thing. That's what I think. Well, you're a White Sox fan, so you're the fucking new Billy Goat. No.

All right. So let's shower Jim and Junior together. Thanks for coming to the shows. More dates. Yeah, I guess we're going to do some kind of California tour. I don't fucking, I don't, it gives me fuck. We still got to get out of Tulsa. Get on the mailing list.

Because we started this three-week tour. We were already driving without the rest, the end of the tour being booked. You see other guys, fucking Ralphie May, Ron White, they're on the road constantly. They're booked for New Year's of next year. We start driving and we're not

even booked for the end of three weeks. We don't know where we're going to be. So get on the mailing list because we might just show up in your town. DougStanhope.com. Yes. At Andy Andrist. At HappyBirthdayJr. Stop.

Go. HappyBirthdayJr. 33. That's where it all went south for Jesus. I hope it goes better for you. At Jay-Z Inman. At Unbookables. At Greg Chaley, who's made this whole thing work.

Thank you, Greg. Possible. And what? Just say thank you to work. Thank you, Greg. Possible. And what? Just say thank you to everyone. Thank you. I did. I glossed over it. You glossed over it.

Why don't you say it? Why don't you say it? Yeah. Thank you. Thank you to everyone coming out to the merch booth. I appreciate all the kind words about the podcast. We've got a lot of people out there for that. And coming out to the shows, it's really awesome to see the support.

Yeah, it's been 92% great. Yes. This whole tour. 99.9. Yeah, sometimes it was our fault, sometimes it was you. 0.01 was Oklahoma City. Yeah. Oklahoma City.

All right, I don't even want to drop that fucking name again. That's it. All right. We're good. Doors are open. Hey, let's do a Bird Cloud song. Bird Cloud, they opened for us in Nashville, and this is the live version. Get it!

All right. We're Bird Cloud. Yeah, buddy. We're from Nashville, Tennessee. Where are you from? One, two, ready, go. Ready, go. Well, I was sober as a judge walking around Williamsburg.

You know they ought to rename this place Vodka bird cause i've been drinking with they homos and they say that they ain't homos but they look like one to me i got 25 bucks to blow and vodka's soda burn. Yeah, that's five drinks if I buy five and don't leave a tip. Yeah, that's ice and that's vodka and that's soda, no lime. Don't put no bullshit straw into it. Put no bullshit straw into it. Just now starting to get right in vodka soda bird. My brain is feeling sparkly. Wow. Oh, my so-is-appropriate alcohol. Mmm, everything is clear to me now.

Well, I met a local man in vodka soda bird. Him a self-described hopeless romantic Him gonna buy me another drink He must be retarded And go back to his fucking pad alone in Bushwick And I went home with a mulatto Oh yeah, he had somebody called Snow And that's why

And he wrote a song about me Oh no I was lucky to be alive Ha ha ha Ha ha ha Ha ha ha Ha ha ha I threw up and moseyed on back to vodka soda burr All the bartenders, they all hate my fucking guts

I was just trying to get my time to shine All the girls turning into bitches Spending $300 on a dress Just trying to get fucked And this is where I get off Oh yeah, I'm probably never gonna stop. Cause I can't, I said I'm never gonna stop. No way, I said I'm never gonna stop.

Stop. I was a sad sack of shit walking around Williamsburg. Just like all the residents that live in Williamsburg. Man, I... Yeah, to begin with, and no one ever... So vodka, soda, burg. Could I please be anywhere else in the world except for here? Hell yes.

Now our friends are going to come perform and be insane. Everybody, welcome to the goddamn stage. The best motherfucker we know, Doug, stand up! Ah! That was Bird Cloud.