The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #181: Bingo Back in Bisbee & Doug's Holiday eBay Yard Sale

Episode Date: December 8, 2016

Bingo is back home in Bisbee and Doug's Holiday eBay Yard Sale is underway. All the details and a Police Beat with Doug, Chad Shank, Bingo, Kelly Bingaman, and Ggreg Chaille.Doug's Holiday eBay Yard Sale ends Mon Dec. 12, 2016 at 8pm EST. - http://ebay.to/2hnF3fmRecorded Dec. 07, 2016 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Kelly Bingaman, Bingo (@BingoBingaman), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille.Doug's new special, "NO PLACE LIKE HOME", now available on cd at  Amazon.com, iTunes, Google Play, Spotify and DougStanhope.com.LINKS: Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/   Stanhope's Cruise Ship Booze Suit - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiIcXX-xcCU   SLINGSHOT COPS – MOVIE - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36OhmOEG1Nc   Mitch Hedberg Vinyl Collection - http://amzn.to/2h6qQEz   Closing song, "Funeral Party", by The Mattoid. Available on iTunes.   Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com    Order Doug's audio book, "Digging Up Mother", HERE.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Everyone loaded? What are your beats there? What's going on? They're all over the map. Regular podcast. Yeah. That's alright. Tracy, someone sent us that. We'll go through.

Sent that for Bingo to wrap her head in. Oh! I just opened it and I assumed it went with your Uline stuff. No. That's why I threw it on top. There should have been a note in there. I didn't look for a note.

I just saw all it is is a giant thing of bubble wrap. Which we use at the store. All right, so yeah, that's how it starts, I guess. Someone said, we'll do the thank yous later, because they're all fucked up. We didn't get to all of them by any means. People sent stuff to the rehab facility that hasn't even gotten here yet, but will get here.

Christine Levine took over the last five days of the Airbnb. I was going to be nice to an Airbnb that's through some property rental company. They don't fucking care. I'm like, fuck it. Let Levine stay there and have a nice time for five nights. We got sprung early. I was going to have to pay for it anyway.

Why would I be nice to some douchebag? What do you mean be nice? I wrote him a, because we had to extend the airbnb when we were unsure and rather than risk everyone having to pull up routes and move to a different airbnb if it wasn't available i extended it by a week which was the minimum for a four bedroom place it was a great place and i wrote a goofy update i mean not a review not like not my style of comedy but all drinking related and then i said hey we might be checking out early on the private message if we do i'll let you know so you can put it back on the market

and i went fuck that double dip yeah yeah it's not it wasn't like they gave me a break on the price yes but it was worth the money so anyway so christine levine will be picking up five days worth of unopened uh or unreceived packages i told you all on social media stop sending shit we're here with uh uh chad shank chaley of course oh and kelly bingaman bingo sister is sitting in in case she can fill us in on missing details which there's a lot after a month living in the hospital we're home podcasting from the fun house chad shank barely here. First of all, Chad, I texted you at like fucking 2 o'clock in the afternoon going, hey, you up for podcasting? And then I didn't hear anything back.

So I assume you're a mental patient. And then Chaley says, oh, it's like 7 o'clock. No, he's on his way. I go, you heard from him? I didn't. What is it? Is this a fucking high dollar guy now? He goes through agents to fucking be booked?

Have your people contact my people. Are we going to take separate tour buses while we go on the road? I responded to you at like 4.15 and said, I was asleep. I've been sick. What time are you want to do this? And I'll be there. And then you didn't respond back. But then five minutes later,

Shaylee says, you're going to podcast tonight? And so I was like, well, what the fuck is this? You ganging up on me? I don't respond faster than to you, so I get the next one? Calling in the muscle? If it didn't take so long, I would say, check your thing.

I bet you typed it and didn't hit send. All right, you know what? That's all right. It won't typed it and didn't hit send. All right. You know what? That's all right. It won't take long. It won't take long at all. It's right here. Doug Stanhope.

What does that say, Shaley? And it was sent? Yours was at 207, and Chad sent his at 435. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It says you were asleep. I sent it at 4.35, and then Shaylee texted me at 4.51 and said, you available for a podcast tonight? And I said, yeah, what time?

And he said, regular time, which I assume just meant whenever the fuck you get here. Mine says, what does that say, Kelly Bingaman? What, over the time? 207. But there's no response. No response. Alright. Alright, it all checks out. I'm gonna blame your carrier

because I have Verizon and they're pretty good. Alright, well as long as I go, we were in such high spirits last time we saw each other, I can't imagine him having that much of a downfall that at no point during the day did he text back. Yeah, no, I was asleep. I think I caught a little bit of that pneumonia when we were down there. The C. diff and the MRSA?

I'm pretty immune to the C. diff, I think. Well, the MRSA was the second one after I let... All right, we'll get to Pam. I don't know if Pam was around on the last podcast. That might be the last interesting moments of Bingo's stay because we already talked about the CEO coming down. Oh, I know you're from Howard Stern. And then after that, it was, Come on and take a free ride.

Yeah. I started dressing up in suits every day. I was walking the corridors. Hey, Olga, how are you, Marlene? How you doing, Pam? Hey, I'm just going to drop some cigarettes off at 129 for Crazy Legs. Josh just came in, shot in the spine, paralyzed, 28 years old. Oh, Jamie, speech therapist.

How's Debra doing on speech therapy? I memorized at least 30 names from that motherfucking joint. They were letting us take crazy people outside to smoke who had to be accompanied and they didn't want to deal with it. So we were taking them outside to smoke. Yeah, that was Betty. On a complete non-smoking campus, by the way. There's signs

everywhere you can't smoke anywhere here i get a story for you i'll just put it in now since you bring it up after that we're 30 minutes from checking out she just has to get her last pill and have dad sign her out and i'm outside smoking we're already loading the fucking cars. Even Laura, who happens to be the sister of one of Bingo's best friends in Bisbee. Chrissy. Yeah, Chrissy Alonzo. I know all of a sudden we shut up like, oh, we can't use names of her friends. Bleep that name out. She doesn't want to be known as friends uh

i'm standing there smoking outside and uh a guy pulls up in a brand new dodge ram i know because it i after the confrontation i looked at his license plate. How do we fuck this guy? And it was a new tag, temporary tag. And he pulls by right outside the door. There's a smoking area. There's an ashtray, cement ashtray. It says no smoking within 25 yards of feet of the door. But everywhere else, the signs say completely tobacco-free facility. So now I've been there for fucking two weeks.

I know this. Smoked 3,000 cigarettes there. So it's about 1230 in the afternoon, and the pickup truck pulls up, and the guy's kind of smiling. So I assume he's one of the employees whose name I've memorized and bullshitted. Pulls up, rolls down his window. He goes, hey, the sign says tobacco-free environment. And I said, yeah, the other sign on the right of me says within 25 feet of the door,

why don't you read both signs before you talk to me while in my head i'm looking for a chad shank to back me up and this goes south but i was so full of as we talked about the exhaust i've been sweet talking ass kissing making sure bingo gets the best care fucking name dropping of killer termites send a lot of mail at one point it was uh lindy mindy was sitting out at the front desk area when it was staffed which was rare during the day where ashley the front desk girl got a bunch of mail and she goes she said she repeated it four times in a conversation with an employee, not knowing Lindy was friends of ours. Evidently, everybody loves her.

And she's married to a famous talk show host. What talk show? I don't even know. And she said they kept talking about it. So this guy says, no. I said, read the other sign first before you talk to me. And then he pulled away shortly, and I added the passive aggressive weak man's you fucking jerk off, thinking he's out of earshot. And then he starts backing up.

And I'm like, oh, this is going to fucking go on. But I know the CEO is already a fucking ass kiss. And he said, that's so he gets out of his truck. And the new Dodge Ram truck has two giant garbage cans in the back, the wheelie kinds. And he says, he gets out of the truck and he says that's so visitors uh don't have to walk through cigarette smoke when they go in but he's heading inside so he's working there he just had to give some like response to me saying hey the other side says you fuck and i said well i'm smoking right beside the giant ashtray and then he walks

in all fucked off what's in the front lobby in front of the front desk chad shank uh giant aquarium yeah the giant fish tank carefree chaley remembers it care Carefree fish. They have their own giant logo on it. With a PH in the middle of it. Carefree fish tanks. He's the fucking fish tank guy. He's in there scooping out shit. And I'm so close to Bingo being out of there. I wanted to go.

You have the fish tank guy enforcing the rules here? Really? The fish tank guy is talking shit to me? Oh, I wish you would. Just so you could call him the fish tank guy, just so demeaning over and over. We can. And killer termites, don't touch this one. Leave it for us.

Because what I wanted to do, Chad, and you know we've been diplomats for so long is call up the fish tank company because it's obviously his company that's his conversation where he was very familiar with ashley at the front desk was about how this is his second brand new truck in two months evidently one of them one of them crashed. There's not an employee of Carefree Fish Tanks that's getting brand new trucks, I'm sure. Yeah. So he has to be the guy. So what I do is I call him up as the CEO.

I won't mention his name, of HealthSouth, and say, listen, I heard you were talking to some of my patients about the rules about smoking. You cannot do this. When someone has a TBI, traumatic brain injury, you can't just address them. I think you should come down and take your name off that fish tank

right now for a month. Like give him a punishment. Like a 30-day suspension of having his sign on the fish tank. I'm going to keep you employed. You've been very good. You can just hang some tape, tape a piece of paper over it, I guess. It's temporary. Just tape some construction paper over your sign.

I think we should try to do that at a break because I think the termites might jump on it. Oh, man. Oh, that's fucking great. I'm glad I wasn't there when that happened. Now it's 20 minutes before she's getting out, and that was the first road rage I felt. Speaking of the opposite of road rage,

this is what I was trying to get into. We'll get back to bingo, but how did you get here tonight, Chad? My truck fucking took a shit on the way here. I looked down and noticed my truck was overheating, and I was like, all right, I'm almost there, so I'll just park just park it on black knob and if i need to leave it and figure it out i can do that and in the time it took me to think that it fucking died and i had to pull over and a cop pulled up immediately behind me lights on and uh very nice came over and i was already he didn't get out or anything so So I didn't approach him. I

got out. I'm like, cops are always nervous, but I just, I'm just walking back and forth into my truck to the front. And he was on a cell phone talking and I went over and, uh, my, I was overheating and he comes over and says, I got a bunch of water. I got about 15 gallons of water. So he waited there with me for my truck to cool down enough to start putting water in it. And then about halfway through doing that, we were making conversation and I recognized his name for somewhere. And then he, we were in talking,

I told him where I was going and he knew you. So he gave me a ride here. This is the weird thing. When you were telling me this, I go, we'll talk about this on the podcast and you don't want to say a cop's name because I assume a cop wouldn't want to be associated with me just because my act might upset people. He offered me a ride, and I was like, no, I'll just wait and see if my truck starts.

I'm like, I'm going to get a ride by a cop to the fucking podcast? I got to do that. So I was going to take a ride by a cop to the fucking podcast. I got to do that. So I was going to take a picture from inside the back of the car. I didn't think about it when I accepted the ride, but I also have my backpack that's full of weed that smells horribly of weed. And I was like, oh, man, I'm going to get in this cop's car. I'm going to get in trouble. But I didn't get in trouble.

That was one of those things where it's not that you don't want to mention the cop's name maybe other people on the force have a problem maybe there's and this came up huge with this whole month of living in hospitals with bingo is

insurance liability issues that's mainly what I was thinking because it's sad because he's doing a nice thing, but he might not supposed to be doing that. You can't put a fucking civilian in a cop car unless you're fucking tasing him. How dare you risk that guy's life? That's the only reason I didn't want to say his name,

but it's weird that you don't want to say a cop's name when they do something nice. Yeah, so we'll call them Sheriff Bob Friendly. There's Officer Bob Friendly and Sheriff Bob Friendly. Actually, one's more accurate. So, yeah, one's actually named Bob. All right. That's all right.

What are they going to do? So we ended night shift. Just say it, Chaley. Don't pass notes. No, no, that's all right. All right. What are they going to do? So, we ended night shift. Just say it, Chaley. Don't pass notes. No, no, that's for later. All right. Well, then don't give it to me. Give it to you for later.

I have to walk over there. Stay focused. Bingo's back. We're home. The family's here. Mom, Dad, and Sister Kelly. Joby, let's start there joby was the last guy doing night shift maybe actually chad you did one night after job yeah with shawny yeah and then these guys we did trace night in the last two yeah i'm saying of the out

of town yeah yeah i can haley and Tracy were here, bucket throughout. Yeah. Yeah, I tried to come up after Joby left. I was on opposite shift of Joby. Joby was there. Joby has been in and out when he can, coming back from Oklahoma and going back. So Joby gets done with all this bullshit. He's going to work night shift. We thought, bingo, she still needs 24-7 eyes on her,

but it's not like she's pulling out tubes anymore. Just make sure she doesn't leave. Or, like, try to clean out her ears with a nail polish remover, which she tried to do on the drive out of the facility. She has an ear that's bothering her really bad. It's not ear wax. They looked in there. It might be swelling.

It could be something, but it bothers her all day. And on the drive back, she was dipping one of your facial pads into nail polish and trying to dip it in her ear. And I'm driving, so I don't have eyes on her. I just quickly look over. Bingo, don't do that. And I, Chaley, Tracy in the back, take care of this. I'm doing 80 miles an hour to get home.

When she finally understood that she's not supposed to be putting acetone in her ear, which, I mean, even that's not going to get to where the the problem is she's just fidgeting with it she goes oh and then started cleaning her face with the acetone you can't do that just hand it to me i'm gonna i'm gonna clean the tar off the front of the bumper which is what that would be good for so you're saying that she's uh just like she always was at this point yeah so we're thinking there has to be eyes on her 24 hours and joe b says uh maybe we went over this joe b was going to do night shift at the house we have enough of a support system here in bisbee that no one has to pull 12 hour shifts we could get you know 12 people doing two hour shifts just keep your eyes on her so she

doesn't stick screwdrivers in her ear for an earache uh and joe b's like i'm up all night like night shift is a motherfucker we've all done it it sucks shit and you can't have the parents doing it they don't take adderall and know how to drink through a stressful situation. But they're good during the day because they can make decisions when the doctors are running in on their rounds. I mean, at night we get meds, vitals, and we can push them away for one of those.

So, I mean, really, you've got a six- to eight-hour period where they're only coming in and it's a nurse. It's someone who's just checking on them. So that's bad. Well, now we realize, well, after one night, based on one night, we don't need that. I can sleep with her in a controlled environment and she sleeps. Her memory is getting better every day by 100%.

Then Joby, he's like, hey, I'm ready to cover whenever. I heard you coming back. And I said, yep. And the next text I get, I'm at the Copper Queen, the local hospital ER room with my mom. I'm waiting for transport to go to Tucson to UMC, just where bingo started from Copper Queen to UMC. Joby can't catch a break man i know i said other people know about the cycle of life joey only knows about the cycle of death it starts at copper queen goes to umc and then it's just this endless spiral and that's why he runs the death pool oh man and he got fucked over i don't know if we brought this up on the last podcast.

Yeah, we must have because it was the fifth. He traded in Fidel Castro for bingo. Because we all took bingo. Took bingo out of solidarity on the trade round of death pool. And then Fidel Castro dies and fucks Joe B. Over. He's like the Henry Phillips of not comedy. Just loses at every turn.

So she's back today. Like we tell you she's doing good. And then there's nail polish in the ear. But her memory, the short-term memory it uh we did the trump videos we'll put that out because i did seven in a row once a day who who do you think the president is and she went hillary clinton every time and then i you know we did it in different ways and at one point i I better a hundred bucks on the upcoming election. And I said,

I'll let you pick. Who do you think is going to win today? She actually asked me, even though anyway, so, so seven days I'd say no Trump. One time I threw time magazine, you know, the issue with Trump, 45th president.

On the cover, yeah. Yeah, I go, now you owe me $100. So seven times we did that. The eighth time we did that, she goes, I go, who do you think the president is? She goes, something to the effect of, fuck, he's president? You weren't kidding? So that was just a few days ago. Now her memory is better than mine.

She finished a sentence for me today when now she's getting home health care. Oh, so annoying when people do that. When you tell her, shut her down enough already someone called from a i will never answer a number i don't know and someone called from a 520 and uh all right now which is here but i forgot to check it immediately so an hour later i checked it and it's the home health care people and i went i should have check it immediately so an hour later i checked it and it's the home

health care people and i went i should have checked this immediately i should be more more more and she goes diligent i'm like oh shit yesterday we had to pack in a hurry to get out of there they released her early and so we're packing in a hurry to get back home and i was just throwing all sorts of shit in my backpack where i have my own organizational skills and i go i know none of this would go on my backpack and i go i have to remember to check my backpack for shit unload it because there's stuff in there that wouldn't be there because we and i said fuck this stuff in my backpack i gotta unload it is stuff i have to remember that i don't remember and she goes your bills you put your bills in there and then i had her drive me to safeway i was driving of

course but from here every right turn left turn take a left at the stop sign before the stop sign comes up then turn left at this red light before that so she got everything and then got into the parking lot i said where's evelyn's car in a crowded parking lot as she picked up the car i go tomorrow we're gonna do old bisbee i'm gonna make her take me to houses I don't know where they live. Friends of hers have never been to their house because they don't live here. I'm assuming all of this is just so you can be mean to her again, right? Eventually. Eventually.

I mean, that's not. Well, this torture end. Yeah. She's got it together. But you brought that up chad you at some point when we were listening to them and taking the doctor's advice by code you said you know remember this is also bingo she doesn't live their life and what we think is right and what she thinks is right even yeah yeah you get to give it equal credibility because they're which is going to be a lot easier to do here than there, for sure.

Yeah. We fix stuff with living arrangements. Yeah, maybe she shouldn't be in the same house with her parents all the time. Let's switch that up. Oh, you weren't there whenever I made that joke. You guys had already went back to the hospital. And I thought, I was hoping nobody would take it wrong because we were in and everybody was sitting around,

all of her family, her mom and dad and everybody. And we were talking about how well she's doing and her good support system. And I said, I was outside thinking about it when I looked in and I saw everybody at the Airbnb in there. And I thought, you know, I says, I hope nobody takes this the wrong way. I said, because it's so great. She has such a good support system i said this it feels like thanksgiving there's like

everybody's here and then immediately on top of that i was like oh but it feels like thanksgiving you have to sit with your family and her mom laughed the hardest i was like oh good at least she doesn't mad at me i was trying to make a joke about how shitty it is to have to hang out with your family. To her family. Yeah. And she doesn't know enough to give you the high sign of get me the fuck out of here. She's getting that. I know it's not a huge for you, the listener.

Oh, she knows which drawer the batteries are in. Yeah, it's a huge thing for us uh she's she knows the house she knows everything we just don't know if when she stops putting acid in her ears and here she is we're talking about you behind your back it was all good stuff. And with Steve Drew, who she actually texted to come visit her. She figured out her phone. We're just talking about how good you're doing, sweetheart.

And that's that. What's up with the faraway eyes? Are you overstimulated? You always are on the podcast all right well uh she'll make you a drink that seems like it has alcohol in it and steve drew you can have uh whatever you like and uh maybe uh maybe time to take a break because bingo just walked in hang on bingo just uh say hi through what's almost a tiny bit of a blowhole. Hi.

Annunciate. Say hello, people. Hello, people. We're going to do all the thank yous to people who sent you enormous amounts of shit. So just do a thank you in advance and we'll go to break. Thank you in advance. I want to hear a happy birthday, Mr. President. That was a legitimate smile.

We'll close on that. Please hold. Hey, this is Doug Stanhope. And for those of you who ask me when I occasionally check my internet, can I get a signed copy of the book? Yes, you can. If you already have the book, wait till I go on tour. But if you want a signed copy right now, go to DougStanhope.com,

go to the merch page, and Chaley has them, or go to whatever page Chaley has them on, because he makes this podcast work and he's selling the things and I sign them all day when I'm trying to watch hockey. Why do I watch hockey? Because I hate basketball, but I also watch basketball. I'm trying to do whatever I can do to not work. I'll be working soon, but that's against my will. So go to DougStanhope.com and order a book that I had to sit here and sign when I was otherwise trying to watch a sporting event that I don't like while I'm drinking.

Thank you. Do you need to make a will? Need to file a living trust? Or get a patent on that million dollar idea? Do you need a lawyer for any reason at all? Well, why not just hire yourself? At foolforaclient.com, we make the dream of being your own attorney

spring to life. When it comes to protecting your family and your future, are you going to trust some stranger with a fancy diploma on the wall? What makes some attorney better than you? I'm facing felony charges for DUI manslaughter. With foolforaclient.com,

you just download pages of confusing legal speak and fill in the blanks. It's just like Mad Libs. For almost every legal affair, don't throw away your hard-earned cash on some stiff in a suit. Go to foolforaclient.com and show up in court in your pajamas. Thanks to foolforaclient.com and show up in court in your pajamas.

Thanks to foolforaclient.com, I'm not allowed in Texas anymore. That's foolforaclient.com with the number four because someone else has the spelled out version. All right, we have the eBay yard sale, which we put together in June or something. We go, ah, this isn't the right time, but now it's going on.

In time for the holidays. I think by the time you hear this, it's halfway through. When does it end, Greg Chaley? Ends on Monday the 12th, 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, and every 10 minutes after. All right, yeah. There'll be another one. Because there's like 90 things, 89 things.

Well, there's 90. I told you, search Stanhope's Yard Sale. Just on the opening page for eBay. You don't have to search for stores or anything like that. It'll come in. All right, well, here's what happened. Here's what happened is I said, just search Stanhope yard sale.

The header is Stanhope's holiday yard sale. And I was actually thinking someone should, someone might, well, someone did. Scam the header. Stanhope's holiday yard sale item and it was some and i know it's a fan but this morning you know i get angry and i i'm even having a hard time getting angry after this month living in hospitals and just having patience and being nice to the weirdest people shout out to pam in room 106 and crazy legs and 129 someone fucking put up some stanhope fan art like it was part of our yard sale

and it wasn't it was kind of cool well and uh yeah and a good scam yeah and i which i and i debated about that but i was like still in my head, this is kind of a benefit thing, even though I'll never admit it. Well, and that's... Yeah, we kind of took a bad beat financially on this fucking thing. But because of the killer termites, I could afford it. I could take the bad beat. I was expecting it was going to be my health issues one day later down the road i thought i'd have to take this bad beat but

yeah i dug up a trash bag of cash out of the old backyard and uh yeah we got it uh but i still i i felt like it was kind of jumping on that but i also appreciated the scam but i thought i should shut it down before other cocksuckers do it so you know what i know by mentioning it maybe one of you cocksuckers will try to copy that and i will only shit on you for being unoriginal for copying a fucking scam because i taught it to you because someone that i was waiting for did it first and you're a piece of shit and yeah i will unleash the wrath on you and we have a million people that will outbid you and never pay because they don't use ebay so fuck you but anyway so the we that that's in the one that the the seller is vampy uh oodles bisbee what is it no no our our seller yeah our

seller is vavum bisbee vavum bisbee yeah vavum bisbee is the only legit seller on the 89 item Doug Stanhope eBay yard sale, which includes a lot of bingo shit. A lot of it is kind of mislabeled. There's one that's the white dress that she wore in all those brilliant Gretchen Bear paintings. But it's listed as though it's the pictures. Not paintings, I said. Sorry. I'm enjoying it. It's actually the dress. I don't know if they can change that.

It's the dress that she wore in all those pictures. And the fucking video. The video she made. I looked at that yesterday and I think it was at a dollar and I'm like I'm going to bid on this tomorrow if nobody's fucking bidding on this. And it's not just that.

It's the dress and the kite she wore in the Whiskey Man Nowhere. Girl, I fucked that up, too. The video that she did where she flew the kite. Spoiler alert, sorry. The kite did fly. But it's that and the dress, the dress the pink prom dress but you remember the pink prom dress has another backstory to it what we already talked about this is the rock island where she thought we she thought steve step in if you need to but where she thought both me and

chaley were also you and we were we had to pull her out of a booth in rock island denny's in illinois this is this is going back like four or five years that was the dress she was wearing then and the dress she was wearing in the the whiskey girl nowhere man video so uh that's on youtube and my booze suit i've realized i should have put the whole it was the my booze suit, I've realized I should have put the whole, it was the internal booze suit that I wore on the cruise. If you just Google Stan Hope's booze suit, you'll find, because I sell the suit that was too big for me that I wore over it. I should have put it all as one package.

Like a package. Yeah. If you're an impractical Jokers fan, actually retweet that if you're a Jokers fan with the Jokers because they'll fucking retweet it. The one you're talking about is the Doug Stanhope Holiday Yard Sale Cruise Ship Booze Smuggling Undergarments. It's basically Spanx and then a really tight T-shirt

that you stuffed all the... Oh, it's up and down Spanx with a midriff? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. It spells it out in the YouTube video. How much booze did you get? How many ounces? It was like 108 ounces of booze.

And one bag of rusty nails. You got to finish the night on a high point point yeah yeah it's pretty good well at least bingo doesn't remember it now that's a joke honey i have to remind her it's a joke all right so that's that to be fair you used to have to explain your joke sometimes too so yeah fuck brian hennigan first of all uh there's a couple things on there kenny's painting yeah kenny made us a painting it sat up on that wall steve and uh that's a nice painting is i don't think i could do better but it sat up there because you know you can't say no and uh now it's uh last i saw it's selling on the ebay yard sale for 108 dollars there's two paintings by the way that description is my favorite of all of the descriptions i haven't

read them i wrote them eight months ago chaley you want to read that one a year on it or i will read it i don't care everyone find it is this the one or is it the other thing no that either both they both say the same thing but if you have to look at the oh geez uh let's see uh you gotta read the descriptions of all of them because some of them there's some where i go i'm gonna bid that back if it's gonna sell for that that fucking brown sport coat, that's a fucking Hall of Famer. And I go, well, do I need it? Well, yeah, if you're going to get it for fucking $40 or something,

fuck yeah, but I won't. This is painting number one. I think it's called Kenny for Mayor painting number one, son. And your description is, Castle Rock Kenny fancies himself a painter as well as a rapper and a mayoral candidate. He's not bright, but we love him, and it will make him crazy

that the two paintings he has afflicted us with will make more money than he earns in a year. Which isn't much. This one stayed on the Funhouse wall for years because we had to be polite. When he sees how much it sells for he'll keep painting and the joke will be on us

sun painting 11 by 14 I don't hate it no it's better than I can do it's great hang on I'll go off topic a bit but why is Chad telling you to read it when Chad is sitting in front of an envelope?

Did you give him that yet? Yeah, he already opened it. Yeah, Chad just got paid for doing his first voiceover, which you only did as a basic open mic to sell something. So, yeah, now you're a professional voiceover artist, and you defer to Chaley. Well, clearly. I mean, we see what's going on here.

Let's not even plug that guy. I'm sick right now. He needs to get paid to be able to talk about what you did. You did some voiceover for a podcast. That's what I just told Chaley before. But I did want to say this because there was also a bag here with my name on it that I'd just been looking at for little while and i just opened it up and it's a really fucking nice pipe and the guy has a little letter but it's long story it's from saint martin and it's made from some sort of nut which is a seed from a tree but it's a beautiful fucking pipe so uh thanks a lot jeremy is it the dutch antilles saint martin or

is it the french side note is not that detailed. Well, maybe. He says he picked it up for his buddy's wife, but she lied and cheated. So he kept it and sent it to me. But that's a different detail than you were talking about, I think. Has it been used? Yeah. Test run? He did smoke out of it once for spite, it says.

It is a beautiful fucking pipe. That is perfect for Chad. Yeah, I love it. Thanks a lot, Jeremy. I will smoke out of that right now it's like a leprechaun pipe uh back to the ebay yard sale oh hennigan let's talk shit about brian hennigan because hennigan he just left a bag of basically feminine items. Some anti-chap thing for his face.

I don't know. Some hand lotion. Oh, it is feminine items? It's just a bag of shit that he just left here. Like, toilet tree stuff. And I said, I've had it up on this yard sale as shit Brian left behind in a bag. What do you got? He was texting me right when it went up because I was like, hey, we're going to retweet.

When something comes up, we'll just start talking about it. And I let him know that, hey, everything went up. And then a little bit later, he goes, hey, this is in a text to me. Hey, you can't sell that moleskin. It was a gift. Why is my shit for sale? And I'm all, I'm not looking as it's going up, and I'm all, what moleskin?

I mean, I use those. Maybe it was just in a bag, right? And I go, no, I use those. Maybe that was one of mine. He goes, the green zigzag striped moleskin with an E in the eBay auction, it was a gift. I think he left that on the yes dining room table yeah i go maybe it got swept up in the d hoarding yeah well i would like it back i go have kelly pull it okay thanks oh so you're the guy but then i go wait that's really i then i looked and i saw

there was lotion like used lotions and and like like daily regime products and i go wait that's really i then i looked and i saw there was lotion like used lotions and and like like daily regime products and i go wait that's hilarious and he goes he goes uh what's hilarious i go i just looked up the listing and he goes you mean no one had looked up the listings what kind of operation does he think we run here we handed a bunch of shit to kelly and she put it online yeah yeah can you send me kelly's number so so brian rather than being a sportsman and trying to outbid for it had it pulled he used his like you don't have that kind of clout if i don't know that this communication no i say put it in leave the kid in the the kid stays in the picture the moleskin stays in the auction yeah i mean he never said hey you guys seen that moleskin laying around first of all it'd be you might explain it's a journal it's a journal

chad yeah they're nice it was a douchebag move. If he was a fucking true gentleman, he would have tried to outbid you, and we wouldn't have said... Yeah, now we have the option of doing a three-day panic eBay Friday till Monday. We have some high-dollar items we can sell. Now that Ben goes back, we have some high dollar items we can sell. Now that Bingo's back, we have two of her trachs. I know where one is.

Trach with the neck band. The hardware. The hardware. The gear. And the Bible that Bingo accidentally stole from HealthSouth Rehab because she just had the first synapse that fired and i can give you case history of from ernest shackleton's men after 18 months in the antarctic when they finally get rescued after this horrific 18 month journey of eating seal blubber and seagulls the first thing they asked for after

18 months was tobacco bingo's first synapse that was registered and remained was nicorette gum where's my gum and she was going through every drawer in her room looking for gum that doesn't exist. And she found there was a Bible. And she, beaming with pride, held it up to us. She stole the Bible. And I tweeted a picture of her bad-eyed but smiling. And I said, this is going to be the highest-priced Bible ever. So I think we should do a panic sale just like a 48 hour yeah i don't know this is it's wednesday night now this will be out by friday i think

friday fuck it let's just say friday at 5 p.m mountain time 7 eastern uh 4 pacific We'll put this up. What? What time do you want the auction to start? 5 p.m. our time. Okay, got it. All right, go five Eastern. Fuck it. Five Eastern.

Five Eastern. The trach and wrist restraints. Don't do that, by the way. Don't do the blow nose thing, because it hurts both your ear and your blow hole. Sorry, we're still working with bingo. She's got an ear that's fucked up. If you're an ENT and you're traveling through ear, nose, throat,

not entertainment abbreviated, ENT and you're traveling through Bisbee, come take a look at her ear. 5 p.m. Eastern Monday, we're going to have at least two things. There was a third thing I can't remember, but there will be a panic sale on Bingo's trach and wrist restraints. The second trach, if I can find it, and the third thing will be the most expensive bible ever sold we'll put a minimum on that

because that's the one she found when she was looking for gum when she had her first long-term memory uh and that's that we have what else oh fucking her her scrubs from the mental institution are online. Are they? I didn't see them. Yeah. They're in the sand now?

Yeah, that piece of shit where I said, you know what? Oh, yeah, yeah. Her fucking brain damage ICU was way less costly on the soul than one day in the fucking Happy Valley Arts and Crafts Institute, wherever she was in a fucking Guantanamo Bay mental institution. 319, last time Steve drew. That was March 19th. I looked at your text. Our text.

Next tour, sorry Boston, it wasn't there. They wouldn't take that off the site. Let's take a quick break. Back after this and now chad shank with the police beat this is it baby this police beat goes out to to tina manios who sent a pantsuit, and Pam and Crazy Legs in the Hell South. Police beat. This is all one police beat.

A lot of times we cheat, we get the best of out of three or four police beats. This is all one police beat. And this is how crazy shit has gotten since Bingo's been away. Listen to this, Bingo. Listen to the shit that's gone on in this town since Trump has been president. Chad Shank. Someone appeared to be going through a wooden door to get under a house on Powell Street. The caller stated she was missing clippers, a shovel, and rocks.

Rocks? They're stealing rocks in Trump's America. They're stealing the rocks. Everything must go in Trump's America. Taking the rocks and going across the border before they build a wall. What else, Chachang? Two males were yelling obscenities at each other on the front porch of a house in Old Douglas Road when a third male pulled up in a red car and joined in.

Joined in! Third male! We legalized gay marriage in Bisbee! Now it's triple-ized gay marriage! Third people joined in on domestic violence! Chad, Chad, how else it go crazy? A young white male was seen drinking out of a half-gallon vodka bottle at Safeway. Who buys half-gallum vodka bottles at Safeway? We do! Oh my God, they're tainting our image. What else, Chachay?

A man... Excuse me, I have pneumonia. A man known to the caller went to her residence on Hazard Street, demanding drugs. Hazard Street? On Fort Huachuca Lane, a 12-year-old was yelling and screaming at Grandma. Grandma?

Did she get run over by a reindeer? She was screaming for Grandma. She was screaming at Grandma. That sounds more like it. You bitch, you had it coming. That bitch had it coming. What else you got, Chantang? It's probably related to the call on Hazard Street.

She was probably demanding her drugs bag from her grandma. When asked to turn his music down, a neighbor on A Street turned it up instead. Wow. See what he did there? Oh, down. About up. Yeah. I got you.

I got you. That's an I gotcha. Probably listen to that rock and roll. Let that slide. Probably listen to that rock and roll music. Yep. It's probably the guy that gave you a ride to the house. A guest was not happy with his room at the inn at Castle Rock and let the staff know about it.

He gave him what for? You don't give what for in this town. What is going on? He probably would have left him a Yelp review, but I doubt if he had a phone. If you're using a hotel phone, do I dial 9 or 0? I don't remember. Here's what for. A suspicious green Jeep was seen in a Hereford neighborhood twice on the same day.

On the same day. On the same day? That's going to work and coming back. Two times. To be fair, sometimes I live on a dead-end road and sometimes people drive up and down my road more than once. And it looks like they have a job. Well, if I see

the same vehicle on my road, I just clean weapons on the front porch. It works wonders. Several loose dogs were reported from Naco. The dogs were hungry, eating bugs. Eating bugs. I got nothing.

I don't know. It seems like they're doing a service. My dogs have never eaten bugs. I guess it's because I feed them. But if there's bugs, they're eating the bugs. My dogs have never eaten bugs. I guess it's because I feed them. But if there's bugs, they're eating the bugs. Listen, bugs' lives matter, Shaylee. You don't understand the plight of them. It's the... Fuck, I'm too drunk.

This seems... I only skimmed this before I read it. This is one police beat. This one seemed racist right away, and I only read the first three words. A black Yukon with fancy rims and tires that did not belong in the neighborhood was reported speeding back and forth on a road in Palominas. Another caller saw the same vehicle, but stated it moved really slowly and suspiciously.

As long as it was suspicious and it was black people. Well, it was a black Yukon with fancy rims. Trump's America! It doesn't say it was black people. It's just making that inference. They're pretending to be black and they're Hispanic. You know what?

You're never going to catch that kind of fucking guilt pleasure. I didn't tell the story about when I chased the guys down in Tucson when they ran me off the road last week when I was there. That didn't make the police beat, though. Well, no, that was in Tucson. Maybe it made the Tucson police beat.

No, because I left off when I realized that I was chasing two Mexican guys into the south side of Tucson. Oh, that's right. We never get this on a podcast. It just reminded me of it right now, your racist remarks. We can save that. His soon-to-be ex-wife had a restraining order against the caller, but pulled up to his yard in Palominas honking her horn.

See, you never hear those side of the domestic violence. It's always the he beat her. What about the girl that has the restraining order and beeps her horn yeah yeah you know what that's a victim blaming that's what that is that's the move yeah she honks the horn long enough he comes out and goes what the fuck and they then the cops come and they go they ask a neighbor what did you see it's like he was there yelling at it's like well he has no no he pulls off He's like, well, he has a restraining order. He pulls off his eye mask.

He goes, what the fuck? She drives off. He says, where's my eye mask? You can't sleep without an eye mask. Okay. Yeah, domestic violence goes both ways. A guy can't sleep without his eye mask sometimes when you beep at him. Yeah, you could take her.

Listen, we live in the future. You just take out your phone and just start filming. That's all you got to do. Don't be a victim of victim blaming. Record yourself. Cover your ass. Also, don't beat up your old lady, even if she's honking in the yard. Just try to go back to sleep with your eye mask.

Another story. A caller from Elfrida advised of a woman who he had no idea... What the fuck? Hold on. Take a minute with that one. Usually I don't have to read them all the way through. This one's written all sorts of screwy.

I ran all these past bingo today. This one overstimulated her, I'm sure. A caller from Elfrida advised of a woman who had no idea where she was. The woman had no idea where she was, so you call the cops. I got it. I got it. You encountered a woman.

I'm still trying to process it. If she has no idea where she is, you call the cops because you don't know where you are. You can't tell her. Well, someone told her she was from Alfreda. Well, the cops did. That's why you called the cops. They're the first line of defense.

You don't know where you are. Who are you going to call? Me? I don't know where I am. Oh, what are to call? Me? I don't know where I am. Oh, what, are you going to trust Bingo with a traumatic brain injury? No, we don't know where we are. I don't even know what town I'm in. Officer Bob Friendly will know where you are and may give you a ride home.

That's Sheriff Bob Friendly. He's a different guy. Officer Bob Friendly would give me a ride home. You know what? He's such a nice guy. He might have a dark side, like American Psycho, for instance. He seems like a nice guy

with a nice business card, but at night, he tortures hookers with hot coat hangers. You never know. How do you sign up for ride-along? Who's the real... Who's got the real name Bob? Well, we'll work it out on the next podcast. All right.

Do you have anything in closing from the mean streets of Bisbee? Finally, Doug, not to end on such a dark note, but chickens died a violent death in a Palomino's yard. A dog was suspected. My dog just walked in the room. And both Ichabod and Henry Phillips have a history of

killing chickens. Well, you have a black dog and a white dog, so I mean, which one are you going to suspect? Well, we'll close on that and then we'll go into the thank yous. Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony. Side by side on my piano keyboards.

Oh, Lord, why don't we? Let's cut into the thank yous. Bingo, you want to say thank? Happy Thanksgiving. I thank Jesus Christ for. I'm not going to put you on the spot. All right, let's cut to whatever we're going to cut to. Good night.

Hey, this Bingo update is brought to you by the Doug Stanhope eBay yard sale. We actually planned this eBay yard sale back in the summer. In June, we were going to do it, and then we were too busy and had too much shit going on with the book and the special and a tour. Well, we said we'll save it for Christmas, not knowing that bingo would have fractured her egg, and all the king's horsemen, and all the king's men would have had to come down here to Tucson for a fucking month in a hospital,

taking turns wondering if her egg will ever get back into Scrambled as it were. So, here's the eBay yard sale. This is not a fucking charity event. This is just us selling shit we dehoarded. Suits, memorabilia, Bingo is even selling some shit. She's got a saxophone. Suits I've worn on stage, on TV. Shit I retired and we're selling it to you.

Yeah, a bunch of shit. The Doug Stanhope and Bingo eBay yard sale starts December 5th. And it ends, I don't know, until it ends. I don't know, fucking just go to eBay starting Monday, December 5th. And search Stanhope yard sale. And you'll find we'll have new things going up every 10 to 15 minutes on the 5th. Until we're out of shit that we have stored over at Vavum's. It's a bunch of shit that I'll regret selling one day and I'll try to find who did we

sell that thing to. I love that thing. So yeah, get that thing. It'll be done in time to get it to you for Christmas. I don't know where I'm going with this. This is the worst plug ever. It's eBay yard sale. That is one of the rules with bingo, is you can't ever say anything negative or be harsh with her, and I think she knows that. She's going to milk that out. Oh, i think she probably overheard that who wouldn't

all right uh let's uh let's bang out these thank yous because there's too many and keep in mind that bingo when she got back to uh bisbee yesterday just started opening packages indiscriminately and not putting anything together as you know her brain's not all there never was so a lot of this shit was for me and there's piles of it thank you killer termites

for piles and piles of shit so she's been opening stuff so I'm just gonna blast through here this is something someone sent her uh it's a a stuffed chlamydia stuffed animal it's the disease animals uh if i don't have your name it's because she didn't keep the shit together the way i thought she was a and l engraving sent i'm sure this is just for me, but she opened it. It's a tie clip that says

laugh you cunts. Thank you. I will wear that with pride. Then Jay Gibson of West Columbia, South Carolina sent this to the hospital and it's some t-shirts and it says burboned at redbeard.com

and there's other t-shirts in there. I bet they say the same thing. Support local stand-up comedy. Soda City Stand-Up. SodaCityStandUp.com. There's a note that did not get read. I think Kerry Mitchell sent this. This is a, I don't know.

Describe that, Greg Chaley. Thank you, Kerry Mitchell. It's a picture that's been put on. Yeah, and it's got a filter on it. It looks like a painting. But they actually had it stretched on canvas. It looks nice. Oh, this is from someone local.

They didn't even give a... It's Jimmy's Hot Dogs. I think it must be from Jimmy's Hot Dogs. Awesome. Jimmy's Hot Dogs. Thank you, Jimmy's Hot Dogs. What is it? What's in there?

I was just... Today, Kelly, who's humping these gifts off the table, Kelly Bingo's sister... All right, ha-ha, Jimmy. They filled it full. It's a glitter bomb. Glitter bomb to Jimmy's Hot Dogs. But there are the old-timey hot dog hats.

I love it. They don't fit any of our heads. Old-made card game. Oh, good. Jumbo crayons. Yeah. Yeah. Kelly, she asked today, I know the fast food is up by Safeway, but what other fast foods are there?

I go, other than Burger King, don't say Burger King in my house. There is no fast food except for Jimmy's hot dogs. Did I not tell you that? Did I not actually explain their Italian sandwiches? Not just hot dogs. You're right. They've got a great brisket sandwich. They do spaghetti.

They do fish. Yeah, the fish on a stick. Yeah, fish on a stick. Yeah, fried fish on a stick. Yeah, they're great there. Someone, hang on. Put the thing under because this is great.

I don't know if this is Cheryl Vendetti because she also sent me a Christmas card, but someone named Vendetti, Cheryl Vendetti, a comic I knew in the day and haven't seen in a long time, sent me some vintage plaid pants and some, look at those ties, Chaley. I'll give you a cut. I like that type one. Every one that you can see through the plastic bag.

We have not opened a bunch of this shit because bingo isn't not quite ready. Someone sent me this book. It's a photo book. It's called Barflies. I assume it's a series, but it's Reykjavik Barflies. It's just barflies. And I really am upset that I wasn't in that. Someone sent dump Trump toilet paper to bingo before she knew that Trump was president.

What's his name? Dom from MUFC. He's from the hang on. Yeah, it's Dom. He's the death squad MUFC guy. And I think if he's not the leader in death pool he's in the top two or three I think he's the guy that's crushing with 17 kills he sent a bunch of shit it's one's a picture book images you should not masturbate

to so you can imagine what that's like also I'll be the judge of that don't be telling me shit I think he's also no this guy put his name in here fuck yeah i think it is dom same guy shit ah fuck because i want to get this right because the guy all right fuck it whoever it was you know who you. I think it's the same guy sent a $50 Amazon gift certificate, and he addressed it to Bingo Bingaman or Stan Hope if Bingo is dead.

She read that and she had that furrowed look of concern on her face. What's it? Moturn Media? Yeah. Yeah, he did some uh some uh cut rate film i assume it's cut rate based on his music but it stars brendan walsh in a lot of it and set this one by the door because i want to buy my backpack i want to watch that with bingo that's uh matt he's the one who does the songs for like every yeah what's the name of that movie give me the name of that movie because i'm trying to blow through these as quick as possible. Slingshot Cops. It's a supernatural cop buddy movie.

Find that somewhere. Charlie DeForest sent a Robert Johnson King of the Delta Blues Singers CD that we will enjoy and love. Enjoy it. Think Greek. What is this? Alright. That's something that she opened and didn't... I don't know. It's gum or something? I don't know.

Miracle fruit tablets. Alright. That'll cure what ails her. Thank you, guy that said... I don't fucking care. Remember to breathe. From Fred. Alright. Thank you breathe. From Fred. All right. Thank you, Fred. All right.

Moving along. Unopened card from Burroughs in Cary, North Carolina. Put that in the unopened shit, because she tries to open shit. She gets confused. That's a, oh, here we go. Yeah, that's the one. But it's from Amazon. Amy Bingo Bingaman.

Stand up if she's dead. There you go. Something from fucking Fujian, I don't know, China. Someone sent something from China. Probably had a gift card. I don't know. These are just packages. Okay, thank you.

Travis Danelski from Niles, Michigan, for a bunch of T-shirts. It says, I don't know what they say. Oh, wait. Maybe that's a return. These are our T-shirts. That could be a return. Oh, yeah. Thank you, return.

I don't know. All right. She'll take that over there. That's a different department. Okay. Thank you. Hey, Chad, get ready to blast through those. We'll go tit for tat.

These are cards and letters we're just going to read quickly. Oh, this is Vendetti. Oh, that is Cheryl Vendetti. She's in Wichita, Kansas now. Funny broad. What do you got, Chad? I got Barrows from Cary, North Carolina. All right.

I think I already read. Yeah, I just put that. Go ahead. I wasn't paying attention to the podcast. Oh, I got April Snowden from Phoenix, Arizona. All right. I got... Go fish.

I have one. Go fish. Hodge from Hashtag Killer Termites. I got Tommy Smith from El Cerrito, California. Colleen Nickel from right here in Bisbee, Arizona. I got Jennifer Cronin from Humble, Texas. JW Something Undecipherable from Carrollton, Illinois. Heather and Dan from Bellevue, Kentucky.

Pamela Gamboa, Glendale, Arizona. Mark. I don't know where. Eric. Eric. Is that Klein? Ryan. Ryan Esquire.

Oh, a lawyer from Belleville, Illinois. I got Myers from Canton somewhere. What is that? Corey McPherson from nowhere listed. Corey Grace, Missoula, Montana. A lot of Corys today. Charleston, West Virginia. It was mailed from, it looks like Ryan something.

Give me this one on purpose. Timu Pierhonen from Finland. Turku, Finland. All right. This wasn't even mailed. This is someone that was at her birthday party. It just says bingo. So I'll go with Pat Hartman, Fort Collins, Colorado.

Double or nothing? I'll match you with one with no return address, and I'll go with Garrett Anderson, Coppell, Texas I'll go, I'll use some voodoo on you The Magic Wand in Churubusku, Indiana Who, did I say it right? I bet I did I got Mr. Daniel Weigand from Eagle Point, Oregon Someone from KC, didn't sign his name on a postcard

Tonya Kleinert, Edgerton, Wisconsin. Is that another Tonya? I got a Michael Coughlin from Lombard, Illinois, typewritten. I got Jacob Somebody with Tiny Handwriting from Omaha. Tracy L. of Scottsdale, Arizona. I got Anthony Merchant with a postcard. Buffalo, New York, postmark. And I got some junk mail from the Smithsonian for Amy Pinkman.

So thank you, the Smithsonian. We'll just assume that you're going to put her in your museum. Got a holy Bible I forgot to mention. And that's someone, Zach Marconi. I think that went with the Bible. Oh, hang on. There's shit behind me, too. All right.

There's a couple people that sent helmets to Bingo. I don't know who sent what. This is not even a helmet. It's an umpire's cap, so it's a padded baseball hat. And I think this is, again, or fuck, I don't know. There's blue party hooters. They know our color. It's a movie called Class of 92.

Okay. I don't know. It's the extended edition. Let me see if there's a thing. I'm sorry. I'm trying to get all the things. It means a lot to us. Yes.

Dom Death Squad. It is. God damn it. This was, oh, this is to all of us. And this is the Hedberg limited edition box set. So find that online. This is the vinyl box set version of Mitch Hedberg Complete Vinyl Collection.

That's cool as shit. That's badass. I can't even lift this box from Comedy Dynamics, who sent not only a T-shirt, but at least 24 to 30 comedy CDs. Everyone from Lisa Lampanelli to fucking Tom Segura. Really?

A billion. Yeah, a lot I don't know that makes me realize how old I am that I don't know all the up-and-coming kids. They're just the comics that are on the label. Yeah, so shit loads. See, I literally grunted. There you go. Thank you, Comedy

Dynamics. That really gives me a reason to plug my own CD release of No Place Like Home. It went out on CISO.com as a streaming video. Now we have the hard copy

CD and then I think in February the DVD will come out through Comedy Dynamics sent a nice note thank you Comedy Dynamics and all of your artists as I listen to them I will

shout out the good ones I won't listen to them anytime soon because I've got to write my own shit, and you don't listen to comics when you're trying to write. Sometimes I do, though. Anyway, back to the thank yous. Don't forget, you can get a signed copy of No Place Like Home, the CD, from DougStanhope.com.

Yes, you can get everything at DougStanhope.com if I care about it as suzy bazell those are other thank yous we're gonna have to get to just on things she sent bingo some fake boobs but that's the inside story or a story you know if you listen religiously to the podcast some fake boobs uh someone sent ichabod a giant bone that was as big as no no ichabod sent himself a bone oh that guy yeah he still irritates me just because i told him he irritates me all right but ichabod enjoyed the bone that henry probably stole there's another helmet that somewhere someone sent bingo took some stuff that she

opened that she demanded oh my brother that i uh yeah and uh his gal pal they sent some really nice stuff she sent some really nice stuff and fuck that dude anyway leave that in hoping you'd be diplomatic there i saw it on the edge i was like be a diplomat but yes well yeah thank you his ex-wife and his kid and his girlfriend uh as someone sent a helmet i might have been floyd because he said there's a lot of shit bingo took back that was very nice that she's like i have to have this with me and like let me see who sent it uh so yes uh thank you uh and even my brother thank you very much and uh to tina manos i wrote that down sent a pantsuit this it goes on and i if i forgot you it's not because we don't

care we love you and there's other stuff. And that's thank yous. Hey, just for fun, play the Mattoid Funeral Party. One, two, three, seven, yeah! Right on, baby. Hello. The priest is here. And the casket is ready. Her body inside looks nice and steady.

Let's play it for the man for the last time. Play it for the man. Farewell. Play it for the man, for the last time Play it for the man, farewell Play it for the man, for the last time Play it for the man, praise the Lord And we got to go on with the funeral party Got to go on with the funeral party Got to go on with the funeral party

Got to go on with the funeral party Got to go on with the funeral party Yeah! Alright! Now the priest is talking And the casket starts to move Everybody's crying We all got the groove Let's play it for the man Everybody's crying, we all got the groove

Let's play it for the man, for the last time, play it for the man Farewell, play it for the man, for the last time, play it for the man Praise the Lord Got to go on with the funeral party Yeah! Alright! Everybody, cry! Yeah! Yeah Praise the Lord Yeah

Yeah Yeah Praise the Lord And we got you gone With the fury of water We got you gone with the funeral party We got you gone with the funeral party We got you gone with the funeral party We got you gone with the funeral party Party, party, party, party, party Party, party, party, party, party

Party, party, party, party Yeah! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,