The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #183: The #SkyCandy/eBay Yard Sale Follow Up & Chad’s Prison Hooch Recipe

Episode Date: December 19, 2016

Doug goes over the aftermath of #SkyCandy and the eBay Yard Sale. Lots of Thank Yous, a quick update on Bingo and Chad reads a listener submitted Prison Hooch recipe.You can write to the dude who sent us the prison hooch recipe at -Adam Didier - 540915 CVCTF 2909 E. Park Ave. Chippewa Falls, WI 54729 Recorded Dec. 16, 2016 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Jobi (@StanhopesCDP), Tom Konopka (@realTomKonopka), Castle Rock Kenny (@cstlrckkenny), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille.Doug's new special, "NO PLACE LIKE HOME", now available on cd at  Amazon.com, iTunes, Google Play, Spotify and DougStanhope.com.LINKS: Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/   Tig Notaro's "One Mississippi" on Amazon Prime Video - https://www.amazon.com/One-Mississippi-Season-1/dp/B017APUVI8   A Christmas Horror Story - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z3ybMTpqFw   Closing song, "Party Time", by The Mattoid. Available on iTunes.   Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com    Order Doug's audio book, "Digging Up Mother", HERE.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

What do you think? Should we do this? I guess we are doing this. Always look for the red light. The red light is going. On today's podcast, usual suspects, Chad Shank and Greg Chaley, Joby's here, Tom Konopka's here, Kenny's here, Bingo wanders in and out, as do her parents until they

catch wind of the thick waft of cigarette smoke. I try to smoke outside when it's just a hangout night, but podcast night, nah, it's gonna be fucking smoky. But thanks for the baked pataties. fucking smoky.

But thanks for the baked potatoes. We do have a cooking segment coming up or a bartending segment. Either one. Yeah, a little bar rescue. Adam Didier from Wisconsin who's in jail for

some offense that's alcohol related has sent us a recipe for prison hooch that Chad Shank will share with you later in the podcast. Wisconsin-style prison hooch, to be precise. Wisconsin-style. I hear that style. Cheese. Cheese, yeah.

So where do we start? Sky candy, I want to... Oh, yeah. So where do we start? Sky Candy, I want to... Oh, yeah. You know, I have a tendency since the whole bingo episode has gone on to feel bad occasionally and have moments of empathy and maybe I should be a nicer person. And I had a couple of those with the hashtag Sky Candy. And I had a couple of those with the hashtag Sky Candy. If you didn't hear the last podcast, the morning local weather guy, he also does noontimes, I found. Jeff Beamish.

He's probably blocked you on Twitter. Yeah, he has. He has blocked me. No, I was talking to everybody listening. I'll kill a termite. No, I was talking to everybody listening. I'll kill a termite. I've watched, since I can remember moving here,

at some point I realized that local news makes you happy. It's not like watching Wolf Blitzer and breaking news. Your whole life is going to fucking fall apart. You watch a local news, and it's so goofy, and with the bad cheeseball segues, and very, what do they call that, where I can get a hold of you. Accessible? Accessible.

They seem very accessible. Like you could go down and talk to them, like you can do with the Bisbee mayor. And I remember tweeting something at Jeff Beamish a few years ago, and he's like, oh, my God, I can't believe Doug Stanhope watches our show. And then I said, well, it's really Anchorman-like, which I probably came off the wrong way, where they're fucking complete goofballs and ridiculous but it's just like the movie anchorman uh and then he stopped responding to my tweets when i try to set

him up with bingo's sister bango the third sister uh who is also a meteorologist and she's like i'll go out with him she She's old spinster. And oh, wait, he's married. She looked him up. She was all for it. Never responded. So then I torture him about little things. So he has the hashtags.

Hey, tweet me with your local weather related picture at Jeff Beamish with the hashtag Sky Candy. And so last podcast, I implored you to just send the most hideous pictures. It was bad. Oh, my God. It was bad. To the hashtag Sky Candy at Jeff Beamish. And I remember the first morning waking up, seeing the first few, and I was in fucking tears. I know you'd find horrific shit i actually look at pictures now and i judge whether that is actually sky candy worthy we just did a near the wild podcast where it was a moose jumping over fences and and like ripping open their guts

because they did it's a gothic style fence and it's like the outlawed these fences in anchorage and i'm looking i'm going i don't know i would that's not really it's just it's he's hobbled at the ankles chaley walked away gagging at some of the pictures you guys put out and and the best part was and i had to i think it was tom kanopka where i had to like go back and go wait you gotta read what they wrote as the caption. Hey, add Jeff Beamish. Caught this from my porch outside of Page, Arizona at sunrise. Mutilated bodies from a Mexican drug cartel mass murder. Hey, Jeff Beamish, I hear there's showers in the future

and there'll be a picture of the Holocaust, like Auschwitz or whatever. Is the forecast call for rain and it's some guy holding a monkey or a sloth over his head while it pisses in his mouth those are while i was laughing hysterically browsing the hashtag sky candy my wife informed me that that joke was probably more mean than funny and i had no logical argument against it i was like i think you might be right that was pretty fucking mean as it went on was hilarious still i i just seriously like bawling laugh heaving by myself laughing looking at the sky candy hashtag and then oh i got blocked i got blocked and at one point i said all right because i didn't post any bad pictures i just told everyone to and i posted hey you know as

much as i've laughed at this let's lay off jeff beamish and the sky candy hashtag we had our fun and someone tweeted back well all of us got blocked anyway. So then I checked and I went, oh, fuck, he blocked me too. Fuck that asshole. Hashtag sky kidding. Back in full effect. That was one of the most hilarious things to me is because I did one picture and was blocked immediately.

Like he was hovering over the hashtag sky. And then it was days later, and people were like, as soon as I sent something, I got blocked. And I was like, for days, this poor guy was hovering over the hashtag the same way I was, only not laughing hysterically, but blocking every single person. I was about to make the mistake of saying,

he probably had someone at KVOA. Shit. Like an intern or something? Yeah, doing the blocking. But that's the same way when people email me and go, I know Doug Stanhope's not reading this, but can you tell him, like, I have a guy that looks at my email? No, I just ignore all of them

if it's for business brian gets it but i don't have a guy and neither does jeff beamish he sat there with his big bulbous light bulb head the same way i have my big alien head but i can't believe they're destroying my sky candy i considered making another Twitter account just so I could see if he ever addressed it because I was so curious. Stop using Sky Candy because assholes hijacked it. I don't know what people do. You want to go in fresh. Yeah, I don't know what people do in that situation.

So now I'm curious, but I'm blocked. After it went into effect, two days after, I watched both. I recorded both the morning and noontime news with Jeff Beamish. And now he just says, keep your pictures coming to my Facebook or my Twitter. No more hashtag Sky Candy. I don't know if they could get sued for that. For what?

You told me to go to hashtag SkyCandy. I saw a 600-pound man fucking a dog. There was some bestiality. Oh, really? I think maybe if they continue to promote it after assholes have hijacked it, maybe they can have some culpability. But I don't know. Right. If they just drop it once we fucking ruined it. Maybe it was a sweating lawyer. Once we fucking ruined it.

Maybe it was a sweating personal injury attorney blocking everyone. Oh, my God. There was a memo, and Beamish definitely had a quick word, Jeff, to the station manager. Definitely. I worked on the lowest rated news station uh station in anchorage for the congratulations those fuckers take it so serious this is we this is the worst rated station in anchorage that's

like that is i did the avn awards thinking they'd all have a sense of humor about it because they're the lowest ranked actresses but no they took it real fucking serious too, and it was no fun. But you know what? And then as everything comes back to bite you, someone fucked with our eBay yard sale, making up fake accounts and just jacking up bids. If you bid on something in the eBay yard sale and it went up times 3,000, don't worry.

Those people are being weeded out in strong ways. And Kelly, who's doing the eBay part of it, will get back to you. If you were a runner-up and you had a reasonable bid, she'll get back to you. eBay's evident runner up and you had a reasonable bid she'll get back to you ebay's evidently a giant fucking weeping cunt it's kind of like the ones you posted on hashtag about protecting the sellers so it's being worked out if you are a runner up she'll get back to you once the fucking driftwood is floated if it went from 95 to 3 395 you're 95 the 95 dollar guy pretty safe you're gonna get that item and everyone who did win and got your stuff and paid thank you very much uh it was a another huge success and in times like these, small successes are admired.

Huge successes are fucking welcomed with a red carpet. That was some fast shipping you guys did, because I just saw a picture today of a guy wearing the blue wig already, and I was like, holy shit. Oh, I didn't see that. That's not me. That's not me. That guy's a super fan, Killer Termite.

I think his name's Mark Steers? Yeah, I remember he showed some stuff. I don That's not me. That guy's a super fan, Killer Termite. I think his name is Mark. Yeah, I've never seen some stuff. I don't know his name. All right. But yeah. He's wearing the Killer Termite shirt, or he's got his patch, Killer Termite's patch. Nice. Available at dougstandup.com.

And the blue wig. And yeah, he's the fourth bingo. I also wore that wig. Bungo. bingo i also wore that wig when auditions were going on but i didn't look i didn't look very good in the wig so speaking of uh i just uh when i said that the driftwood will float i forgot tom kanopka who's now uh going to be a bisbeeite yeah back if you have not bought and read digging up mother tom kanopka and i the original fools in telemarketing is uh chopping wood when when you when people would throw bogus sales up on the board that you know just throwing up wood throwing up throwing up

wood yeah yeah it was yeah i never remembered that expression until I just said, the driftwood will float. They'd say they got a lead to buy something, and then they'd put a marker, ring the bell. Knowing that verification that won't float. Yeah. Bucking Glen, Gary Glen Ross. Yeah, yeah.

Exactly. What was the old couple? Did you watch the whole thing? I forgot. Jack Lemon has that old couple that always strokes them yeah and uh yeah that was wood yeah solid wood yeah just getting just getting completely stroked and they were convinced that it was something well they're doing the salesman knew it was bullshit they know they needed their fucking numbers on the board just for the day

that's fucking what you're throwing wood on the board fuck you that'll never verify you didn't throw wood no there's a couple that you go no let's also what throw spaghetti at the wall a little spaghetti yeah no but you click back with all the good wood yeah back when you could get wood. Yeah, hey, he's talking to you, Doug. So, Kanopka's a regular now. Irregular. Irregular. An irregular regular. And, uh... So, yeah.

I don't know if you have any reflections on that. I have reflections. My first reflection is to say thank you so very much, Mr. Douglas Stanhope, and all the boys and gals here. It is an honor to be on the stage. We haven't done anything with Tom other than bring him out to fucking Sierra Vista for bingoes therapy sessions. It was also an honor.

What day is it? I don't even know what day it is. You let me decompress. I appreciate it. I'm sure we've been over this territory, but still no one knows what day it is. They were asking. Yeah, I still don't know.

Is today Friday? Today is Friday. It is Friday. Trash went out. You asked me earlier. Trash went out. Yeah, there's a few reasons. I remember shit, especially during football season.

There's fights tomorrow, so I know that today is Friday, but that doesn't happen every Friday. So, yeah, you just don't know what Friday is. And Bingo doesn't take out the trash, watch football, or watch fights. She has no reason to know what day it is. And you know, this was the best. I tweeted this, the short version. Speech therapy, which is the important one right now. Her vocal cords are fucked but speech therapy is more as much about speech as

cognitive skills memory so they'll ask her shit like what day it is and then they'll like they'll tell her five things uh potato basketball car house now i'm gonna ask you later on to remember those five things so see how many of those five things you can remember that's what they do in psyche valves when i just had to go for my most recent one they do the exact same thing like you're completely retarded i wish bingo is out here for this yeah and i and I failed the what day is it today. Me and mom were watching the speech therapist because a lot of it you go, how much of this can we do on our own? Medicare doesn't have to pay for shit

if it's that fucking simple. Grandma's home remedies. Oh, yeah. There's Bingo. We're just talking about... Chad Shank says when he does psych evals, Grandma's home remedies. Oh, yeah. There's bingo. We're just talking about... Chad Shank says when he does psych evals, they do the same shit that they do to you. Can you memorize these five things?

So me and mom try to remember... Can you see therapy tomorrow? Yes, you do have speech therapy tomorrow. They want to know if they need to take me. 3.15, they said they were going to take you. Okay. Yes, you do have speech therapy tomorrow. 3.15, they said they were going to take you. So they do the same thing to Chad Shank, baby. She's in a miserable mood. So me and mom tried to remember the five things, and we both got three out of five.

I listened to it. I was lost immediately. Oh, my God. Such irrelevant things. Really. I try to. At this point, I've went through enough of those that I know what that is when they're like, I'm going to say four things to you or however many things,

and then just keep them in your head. And then they'll ask you a series of other questions before they ask you to do those. I usually don't care about the other ones, and they have one where you count backwards from 100 by 7. Oh, Christ. And I just quit immediately. I'm just like, I'm out.

I have no fun. I count on my hands for two turns so they can see that I showed some effort, and then I'm just like, I'm done. If you ask me to fucking count backwards by seven for 100 anymore, I'm going to choke you. Well, it progresses, and they ask Bingo. They're doing fourth-grade math problems,

They're doing fourth grade math problems. And they say, okay, you have $100. And you go to the store. You buy a dozen apples for $3. And then you buy a tricycle for $20. How much money did you spend? They could say, what's 20 plus 3, which you would get, but you throw in the $100 and the dozen.

So there is a system they have. There is a reason for them. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It did confuse her, but it didn't confuse her so much that when they said, what's 20 plus three? She goes, I don't know. I use Stanhope's money.

That was so funny. We were laughing. That was so funny. Oh, my God. I think it's purely coincidence that a dozen eggs and a tricycle is something that Bingo would actually buy at the store. But that's the thing, where they ask her, point to the pictures of how to make an omelet.

Which of the pictures would you use? And you go, Bingo doesn't make an omelet, but she might buy a tricycle. You have a third grade question that seems inappropriate, but for bingo, quite appropriate. Yeah. You buy some weird fucking wandy dealy boppers that shake around on your head that a third grader would wear at a birthday party.

Well, yeah, she has a lot of those. I know it's too late to insert it. The Nyborgs. The Nyborgs. Harriet blah blah nyborg that's it that's uh glenn gary glenn ross one of the many movies if you didn't watch then you uh you you cancel you block yourself from my twitter i haven't watched glenn gary glenn ross we'll watch it bro i just watched it i have it in my list because you said to watch it before but i have not watched it you will love it brother so much of it is like the telemarketing we did a whole different class of sales yeah but so much of the the nomenclature is the same oh absolutely

that's fucking always be closing all that bullshit it was yes uh all right what else i get i get Bullshit. Yes. All right. What else? Do you have shit? We got to fucking talk about Sal Volcano. Oh, that was fucking so great. Well, I don't know if you've all read it, but I got it was someone sent. It's the Church of Heavy Metal. Dayton, Ohio. Yeah, there it is. Your hometown.

There it is. The worst city in America as far as getting booked there. Heavy Metal Church. Yeah. Show them the pamphlet. Show them the booklet. Dayton, Ohio. Do I have that?

Dayton, Ohio. Kenny's hometown. So someone sent me a fan mail for Marilyn Manson. Right. I heard you know Marilyn Manson. This goes back to the man show days where Joe Rogan wouldn't respond to stalker email. So they'd start emailing me. Hey, can you print off this email and post it to Joe Rogan's door?

Well, we share a door, lady. It's not that big a production. He's on Fear Factor with his own office. So now in this week, I got Marilyn Manson email from the Church of Heavy Metal, Heavy Metal Church from Dayton, Ohio. Hey, heard you know Manson? He's mentioned in our pamphlet. I'm not the leader.

Brian is the leader. Brian is the leader. It's just so cult written. And we're praying the hell right out of you. Yeah, praying the hell out of you. Praying the hell right out of you. Oh, Christ. Oops.

Yeah. They're going to brain the hell out of you. They're going to brain the hell right out of you. Oh, Christ. Oops. Yeah. So obviously when the Johnny Depp lawsuit came out, I get a lot of emails. Tell Johnny I'm psychically connected to him.

Really? How come you're never psychically connected to a fucking homeless dude? Yeah. Oh, they told me to help you out. Oh, no, no. Oh, no, it's Johnny Depp. Sorry. Or a producer who can green light something why bother johnny yeah so yeah in this week i got uh the marilyn manson t-shirt hey thanks for the t-shirt heavy metal church in dayton ohio and then i got an email from some hot-looking chick who knows how to pose hot.

Yes. Obviously has kids. Selfie pose? Oh, the one with the tats bent over? Yeah. She's got all sorts of tats. But you can tell if you've ever been to a titty bar. She's got pictures.

The text says. If you've ever been to a titty bar.'s she's got never she's her the text says if you've ever been to a titty bar he just said that you know when there's a bunch of people listening to this podcast but if you're if you know how they try to dress around the stretch marks oh yeah that's what i meant i've seen them with bustiers so this, she starts out the whole email about how she doesn't have a lot of money, but she includes all these slutty pictures of her bent over a Lamborghini. But she's bent so, you know, her back is arched so badly, she's trying to hide stretch marks. Then the next picture, she's beside a Cessna that has no wing.

And she has like roller derby garb, but the pants are like old 1950s wrestling pants that are up to her ribs. Over the navel. Her rib cage. Almost up to her ribs. Yeah. How come you didn't share this with me?

This is hilarious. Oh, it's hysterical. Well, I did. There's all different levels of, you know. Hang on. I did send it to Sal only because she said, hey, I'm a huge fan of the Impractical Jokers. I never heard of you.

Oh, listen. So Sal did the vodka thing, which I don't think I've actually followed up on. You haven't talked about it. Okay, well, we'll get to that. I love the Impractical Jokers, especially Sal and Murr. I live in San Diego. Again, I don't have a lot of cash. I want to do the meet and greet.

But if you could just tell them I want to meet them. Here's some pictures of me. And then there's all these pictures of her trying to hide her flaws. Trying to make a cummerbund look sexy. Fucking cummerbund. Trying to make a cummerbund look sexy. Next time, grab the mic when you get a fucking ace in the hole like that, Shelby. Cummerbund. Trying to make a cummerbund look sexy. Next time, grab the mic when you get a fucking ace in the hole like that, Joby. Cummerbund.

Oh, my God. And then at the bottom, I know I'm out of my mind for thinking you'll even read this, but blah, blah, blah. I would just love to meet one or both of them. I would even love to meet Joe Gatto. Oh, no. She completely dismisses Q from the entire equation. That's not right.

So I only forwarded that to Sal so he could bust Quinn's balls. She would even settle for Joe Gatto. Q doesn't even come into the whole gambit. The whole thing was that Sal said that he would, on Twitter. Sal put on Twitter, hey, as you know, he did a screenshot of an open letter. As you all know, Bingo is recovering from an injury. He left a nebulous.

And any one of my, I will make a personal phone call to any one of my fans who sends a case of cheap vodka to Doug Stanhope's address. Put out my address. If you Google search Doug Stanhope's address, my out my address. If you Google search Doug Stanhope's address, my address is the first thing that comes up. 3-2-1-2 Van Dyke Street Bisbee, Arizona 85603.

85603. We're not doing that anymore. So he said, I will... And he has... Impractical Jokers have the weirdest fan base. It's like there's like all sorts of 16 year old girls. They get so many.

And I never thought of that. Dane Cook had that fan base and that made sense. But the impractical jokers are like, am I weird for loving that show? No, it's just a wide demo weird thing right yeah because i learned the same thing because following that post whenever uh whenever cell did that and yeah i'm i would but i'm too young i'm only 16 and you're like yeah the hashtag and a lot of those people yeah hashtag is vodka for bingo. And I was immediately struck by the amount of people that are posting the billing shipping labels.

And then when I kept going, there's three times as many going, I'd love to, but I'm too young to buy alcohol from some girl. You don't usually shoulder tap for a case of vodka. Holy shit. Excuse me, sir. I wanted to tweet a reply, but I didn't know how to make it so that it would be viewed as a joke. Can one of the lesser known people that Doug knows

volunteer to call people for mixers? Because we're just going to be stuck with a bunch of vodka. Yeah, that would be Quinn. But now I hear it, so it might be. Now that we say that. Hey, Quinn, can you get us some club soda? And not the cheap. We can deal with cheap vodka, but we need the good club soda in the little 10-ounce bottle.

Schweppes or Canada Dry. No plastic. It's glass. Maybe you can text message people for some cranberry juice. Maybe you can text message people for some cranberry juice. Yeah, 16-year-old girls get all sorts of urinary tract infections when they're pretending they're not fucking. Send some of that cranberry juice to 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603.

Send it to us. I guess we are doing that. Unopened jars only. All right. So you've got, you said some came in already, right? There's a bottle right there next to you? Oh, yeah. The first case came in today.

It was six, but it was handles. A handle for you 16-year-old girls who are now just following me because I know Johnny Depp and Sal. I was pretty happy. I got to carry it across the threshold. Yes, Tom Kanopka got to sign for the first thing. That's the thing. UPS knows us.

They know to drop shit inside the door. But if it's booze, you have to sign for it. So someone's going to have to be here. Yeah, and non-intoxicated according to the label. So that was just showing for me. but if it's booze you have to sign for it so someone's gonna have to be here yeah and not non-intoxicated according to the label so that was just showing for me i'm good during the day one of the things how many they can do it uh i don't know if you were there i'm fucked uh there was a in the brain rehab there was they gave us a bunch of shit, and someone's thumbing through it and sees how to deal with brain injury people.

From the doctor. And one of the first things was no guns or power tools. So it's kind of like that, where Konopko goes to get the FedEx of booze, and it says you cannot deliver this to an obviously intoxicated person. Which I wasn't. I just got done running. Hedberg's joke.

The FedEx man is a drug dealer and doesn't even know it. Yeah, do you think he's also a bouncer? Or a bartender? I can't over-serve you, sir. Sorry, sir. I've flagged you as a red stage. I can offer you water or coffee or a bartender. I can't over-serve you, sir. Sorry, sir. I've flagged you as a red stage. I can offer you water or coffee or a ride home.

I am home. I am home. Exactly. Yeah, Konopka was joking that that's the only reason we brought him down here was to have a designated male guy. I figured it out immediately. Yeah. Get him to bring that fricker. That is some far out front thinking for a drunk.

Thank you. To order a case of liquor, and it will be there right when I'm just peeking or coming down from being drunk the night before. Yeah. Never saw it on intervention. No. The designated male guy. Oh, my God.

I'm going to be so shaking in seven and a half days. I'm going to need a case of. Get the 12. Get the 12. Just get your forklift license now, Konopka. I'm making up for it right now. It's okay.

The Costco alcoholic. Oh, if I buy it bulk. Yes. I'm a huge alcoholic, but I'm also very cheap. I got the forklift license. Absolutely.

You're all set? Yeah, I'm set. I'm ready, brother. Stan Hope knew what was going on. The big trucks only unload on Black Knob. They can't get up and die. Yeah, that's true. Actually, they wouldn't come down Black Knob because of the shipment for Halloween. A big truck couldn't come up either fucking road in Bisbee, nor any other road that's nearby.

I had to meet the guy in an Old Dominion freight truck out in front of Alco, the now closed shopping center. I'm familiar with the parking lot of Alco. And unload body parts in front of two cop cars. Familiar with unloading body parts in the parking lot of Alco? That was a horrible callback chad you gotta uh me yeah i got nothing nothing we've got the joe we got a uh we got the segment coming up i don't know if you want to do that after the break i feel bad bitching about my

life around you guys because my mom already died. Joby's dealing with mom's got a fucking not dead yet. And my wife's not recovering from a traumatic brain injury. So I feel bad bitching about my life around you guys. So it's really nice. That's a good distraction when you bitch about your life. With you guys.

This segues from or to nothing, but I just remembered this today because it reminded me to get my lumpfish caviar. I like the... It's six bucks for a little thing, but occasionally I like my lumpfish caviar with hummus on a thin cracker. This is the Amazon Pantry purchase, right?

Yeah. You're not going to some boutique and getting lump fish. You know, Hennigan, he doesn't know how to be nice. Subtle. Discreet. He doesn't know how to care. He does, but he doesn't exercise it often. He came out a couple times during the month of bingo in a coma

or out of a coma, kind of. And he came out and he actually went to the hospital, which he hates. He actually tried to show humanity. And the last time he came out, she's in the brain rehab, brain trauma rehab, and he went to Trader Joe's. Do you need anything? And I go, we're doing night shifts, so

we can't get food. There's no cafeteria at that place. I go, just any kind of snacks. You know what I like? And I like lumpfish caviar, which in the UK is a regular thing you can find in shops. And so he was at Trader Joe's and he kept asking them about, do you have caviar?

And this guy kept bringing them around. Well, if it's anywhere to be here and he's back and forth across all the Trader Joe's trying to help him and brian's trying to beg out of it oh it's all right it's okay uh no hang on let's try one more place and that back to the other side and he's like no it's fine it's fine and then brian's in line at trader joe's and the guy runs up to him and he said i found it i found it and it's a little you know whatever two ounce jar four ounce jar a little tiny jar like you would get you know dijon mustard you know on a room service tray yeah like like a shot glass size yeah yeah and brian's oh, thank you very much, and they scan it. It's $87.

Oh, shit. Brian felt like too much of a douchebag for making this guy run all around the store so much. Oh, he bought it. He just bought it. Well played. Wait a minute. He didn't bring it over to night shift. What did you eat it?

He had the night off that night shift. He lost it between the seats. It was this tiny little size of a quarter. Oh, I ate it in front of him. I didn't have hummus or beaded chips or thin chips. I don't know. I probably just licked it right out of the fucking. You just used a plastic C-diff knife.

That's one thing I did not sell on the eBay auction. Do you remember my underpants when they yelled out sacks? Bingo yelled out sacks underpants, which was just first being able to make words, and randomly yelled out sacks underpants. In the middle of the night. I'd go, do you want to wear my underpants? I didn't have sacks. I had burner underpants in my backpack.

Burner socks, burner underpants. Things you can throw away. Go ahead. I know. I just realized what you were talking about. When we went back the next day, your underpants were in a biohazard bag. Biohazard bag. I still have them in the bag. Oh, no.

You did take them. I thought you left them there. I still have Todd Berry's book that's not even in a biohazard bag. I kept that. Like, fuck it. I don't care if I infect the world. But I would have sold the biohazard bag with my underpants that I let Bingo wear with the C. diff.

Speaking of C. diff, you talked about something. Tig Notaro's new special. Oh, it's on amazon prime video uh we watched the first three episodes last night after the first one i'm like my mouth is open i know tracy's crying i just want to look at her because i might start crying i'm like this is pretty fucking intense uh louis ck it's three arts you know it's it's it's that whole uh horace and pete that whole thing that louis ck is doing and it's it's dark it's a motherfucker it's that whole Horace and Pete, that whole thing that Louis C.K. is doing, and it's dark as a motherfucker.

It's One Mississippi. I'm going to watch the other three tonight. One Mississippi? It's called One Mississippi. I watched the first episode of it, and it's fucking dark funny. I love Tig. Listen, I fucking love her. Whatever Henry Phillips had his thing when we saw that was the premiere yeah the premiere

i didn't i didn't really know about tiktok then i watched that she was in henry's new movie yeah movie and then i saw this was on amazon and i watched the first episode and funny dark dark death hospitals because tig's going through through things like i mean this is you're trying to wonder what's real what's not kind of in the writing and it's fucking intense i mean and cdif came up and i'm like oh fuck i know that wait a minute not everyone knows what that is this they're gonna develop this so it yeah it was fucking good but that first that pilot episode was just like jaw on the ground going what the fuck yeah nothing like it. It was dark and funny. Wait till three.

I definitely got to catch up on that. I've been watching holiday stuff, Scrooged. Hey, did I tell everybody on Netflix to watch A Christmas Horror Story on the podcast, or did I only talk about that ad nauseum when I was drunk the last time? That was really good. A Christmas Horror story on Netflix. It's like four stories that kind of merge all together. It was...

Like happiness. Whenever I watched Trick or Treat for Halloween, it was a few years back, and I was like, that's one of my new Halloween movies. I want to watch that during Halloween. It's like a tradition now. This one's on the list now. A Christmas horror story. That was good. Bad Santa, Christmas horror story. It's like a tradition now. This one's on the list now. A Christmas Horror Story.

That's a good one. Bad Santa, Christmas Horror Story. It's a Wonderful Life. Scrooged. There's a new one, Uncle Nick with Brian Pessain. I was telling you about that. Yeah, give it a watch. It's pretty good.

Yeah, it's creepy, family, Christmas, all the bad shit that can happen on a Christmas night with family, all the awkward shit. It's amazing. Let's check that one. It's Video Corner. Thanks for listening. Anybody else? Well, we have to...

You want to just... We're at time. He's going to do his recipe. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We should do the recipe. This is a fantastic recipe. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We should do the recipe. Oh, yeah. This is a fantastic recipe. Well, set it up.

It's Wisconsin-style prison hooch. Adam Didier, I believe, is his name. He's in a Wisconsin jail? Prison? Jail, I think. I think he's written to us before. I think it has to be jail. Well, listen, one of his ingredients is a rubbermaid tote.

I mean, you don't get that in prison, do you? What? I mean, that's... Kenny's yelling, yeah, I do. It might be... Kenny's been in a lot of prisons. You can move bodies in a rubbermaid tote. They don't have those at fucking commissary, do they?

I mean... I think it might be for you to store your personal effects. Hang on. Like a footlocker. You can tell us because it's CVCTF. CVCTF in Chippewa Falls. So CVC Correctional something, something, something. I got one of the C's, right?

Bingo could do better than me at this. You couldn't get five letters right, Doug. Facility. Facility would be the F. I thought you said C-V-C. I'm guessing... You're about to go back to the hospital. You're failing so bad.

Chippewa. County. Victim. They lock up victims in Chippewa County.ippewa County. Victim. Victim? They lock up victims in Chippewa County? Yes, they do. We're doing this for your safety. They fucking do lock up victims.

I believe it. I believe it. Fucking mentally ill. All right. All right. Are we going back to my recipe? Yes. I'm just saying, Adam Didier, he's written us before.

I'll give you the address. You can tell him. He said there's a two-page letter he wrote before he's i'll give you the address you can uh tell him he said he just there's a two page letter he wrote before he put the prison hooch this is our cooking segment on the doug stanhope podcast but adam didier uh convict i think he got a billion duis He talks in the letter about how he, before he was locked up for, I think, at least a year now, how he had an anklet

so he couldn't get laid, and other people told him how to put cold cuts, because the anklet tells you how much alcohol is in your system, so he could either put cold cuts in the thing so that alcohol

didn't register or he slips it between his skin his ankle and the monitoring yeah so it's probably measuring sweat and here's I wish I had time to read it but he said something about you just say it's a defective thing and then you have

two to three days to go on a bender before FedEx has time to bring you a new anklet. It's the same concept like in the military. If you fail a drug test, you can contest it and then you have time to clean up as long as you know you fucked up.

You just work in the system. I think that's what they used to put detergent under your fingernail. I used to. And you would dip, you'd pull it out and go right to the urine sample and there would be a false positive. In my glove box,

I used to keep a little bulb thing. My wife had it from working at the hospital. It was like a bulb in the bottom full of bleach. And they'd say, you got called for a urine test. I'd run over and put it in my underwear pull it out with your dick and then just squeeze it and squirt bleach into your thing and most of the time was it uh it was observed but they're hey homo turn around i'm gonna do this

well i learned that if you put a copper penny in your asshole you can pass an aids test i thought you said a roll of pennies. God damn it. Alright, so Adam Didier... I enjoyed this recipe very much. I hope everybody else does. I think Adam Didier is pretty fucking funny in jail.

And now, cook bartending with Chadad shank via adam didier welcome well yeah i have to give the narrative it's because it's otherwise it's just me reading a list of shit so first you're going to take 16 packs he says of single servingool-Aid or the equivalent with sugar, period, not diet. He's being very redundant here to the point that above it there's some parentheses. Sucralose, I've found. Sucralose gives me a bit of the runny bottom. Go ahead.

The addendum is parentheses above it with an arrow pointing down to not diet that says no shit. So that pretty much should tell you. Oh, I nailed it. He's heckling himself. Yes, exactly. So a bag or two of Jolly Ranchers or other candy. So it's pretty vague. You can have whatever's available.

Whoppers. Your commissary, yeah. Not a lot of healthy options, I learned from that 60 Days In show. 10 to 12 or so oranges. So 10 to 12 or as many as you can find. I would imagine it's probably hard to get more than 12 oranges in jail.

You'd look like a fucking asshole or somebody who's trying to make booze. Some like hoarder doomsday prepper. Two. This one. That's a weird set of anal beads. It's the first one. Two honey buns. Preferably Mrs. Freshly's or some other off-brand shit,

but Little Debbie or the like will do. I really like that he prefers Mrs. Freshly's. I'm not... Or an off-brand over Little Debbie? He's buying local. He thinks global, buys local. I don't know. I haven't been to a lot of prisons.

Maybe Mrs. Freshly's is a common honey bun. Little Debbie supported the war effort. We have to ask our prisoner and guard sometime. Six slices of bread. Preferably a shitty dry white bread for authenticity. I don't know if that's

a racial joke. It's funny on a lot of different levels. He's a snob like the IPA guys at a fucking local brew. Millennials with their beard and their

rolled up jeans. What do you have local? Mrs. Beardsley whatever. Mrs. Friendlies. Mrs. Freshlies. Listen, you can get little Debbie down the cell block for less, but, you know, up to you. You also need around a gallon or 1.5 gallons of hot water.

I'm not really sweating the details here. A gallon, a gallon and a half? I assume it's meant for other people who are in jail. If you're good at following directions you probably might not be in jail i don't know so garbage bags you need garbage bags a rubbermaid tote which again i thought was funny because i get like so maybe you get it like i don't know well that way that might be a standard issue. That's why you put your shit in. Think of it this way.

They have to have somewhere to put their personal effects. That you can't cut your throat with or make a shank out of. If it's a clear tub, you can see through it. That's true. And then you don't have to buy a dresser or whatever they have to. All logical. It makes sense to me. You also need a sock, a t-shirt, and toilet paper.

Parentheses, or more socks. So, if they're giving you a Rubbermaid tote, hopefully they're giving you more than one sock. But I would rather not use toilet paper. I've read the rest of this, so I'm just spoiler alert. But use more socks. Load up on socks. What do they call it? Life hack. Don't use

the toilet. Prison hack. Don't use the toilet. Tom, just turn to me. If at any point you want to chime in, just grab the mic. If you put it between you two, but drag it right to the edge, and then just lean into it. We're leaning. There you go. Well, you didn't.

You said you're leaning, and you didn i'm leaning tom's being way too polite but he's also made a huge life change to be here so i can't bust his balls about anything yet but we'll wean him into that i was on the same level i yeah yeah please continue we're now to the uh also also down the side of the paper he separate segregated this into ingredients and instructions very he has a lot of time on his hands like on recipes.com yeah that's very good so now we're to the ingredients or uh past the ingredients section into the instruction section uh peel oranges. Smash up the candy. Throw into a garbage bag

with the hot water and Kool-Aid. Okay. Straightforward. This sounds good to me. Smash up the oranges in there once the Kool-Aid and candy dissolve. So you're going to re-smash up the oranges, maybe.

Or maybe it's half the oranges. I know Joby's thinking the same thing I am. Dude, why wouldn't you just mix everything and then put it in a fucking bag? You pop a hole in that bag and you're done. It's prison. You've got a Rubbermaid tote. You can mix everything up in that and then put it in the...

The Rubbermaid tote has to be available to hold your socks and underwear for inspection while you hide your gigantic garbage bag of booze in your underwear? I don't know where the fuck you hide it. Okay. Cram the honey buns and bread into the socks. And this is why I said not to use toilet paper because it just seems if that's what you're using it for,

you're not going to cram stuff into toilet paper. It's what you have available. Well, you have socks. You watch naked and afraid. If you can't beat up somebody else and take their socks in jail, you don't need to be drinking. You might not have socks. Somebody has socks.

There's socks available. Says the huge guy. Someone in this room has socks. Listen, it depends on how much. You obviously want booze a lot if you're doing this. This might be the Supermax where Timothy McVeigh and the Unabomber were held, where you could hang yourself with socks, or maybe make a David and Goliath slingshot out of socks to kill a guard,

dress up as him, Midnight Express style, sneak out, use his skeleton key. I don't know. I'm not an expert. If you ever get put into a situation like that, immediately when they're trying to take your socks, use your sock to choke at least one motherfucker because you're dead anyway.

So try to just be done with the whole thing right there. What is life if you can't have fucking socks to stuff honey buns into to have some toilet food? Socks are the most important part. Condiments are the most important part of food. Listen. Socks are the most important part of your outfit. What did I go to the

hospital with? Burner underpants? Not Saks underpants, special underpants. Burner underpants that are now in a hazmat bag and burner socks. Socks and underpants, you're good. Listen, I didn't say anything when they took

my shoelaces because it didn't affect me. But when they came for the socks, how am I? Pits. Sorry, that's a fucking. Cram the honey buns and bread into the socks. That was perfect. Tie off.

Optional, but it saves on mess later. So I guess, like you said, if you don't have socks, you could just huck your honey buns and your bread right into your Kool-Aid Jolly Rancher water mixture. And I'm guessing later on they're going to filter through the T-shirt so then it would just be cleaner. Hey, listen, no spoilers. No, I'm just saying it just makes sense. Why strain it like a mess later

when you could actually put the the yeast component in the uh in the sock yeah in a tea bag exactly exactly you're not leaning what does this shit taste like ultimately has anybody oh is there a review we're not there yet tom god you're drinking it now don't get ahead of yourself i thought that oh hey give me my sock back when you finish that drink it's my sock throw the socks or baked goods into the soup. Gently, loosely tie off the liquid-filled shit bag. Shit bag. And throw it in the Rubbermaid bin.

So you got your shit bag tied off loosely for expansion, I'm assuming. Yeah, there will be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you put it in your... Off-gassing from the east. Very gaseous. I feel like I know this the way I know MMA moves because Joe Rogan's talked about it.

I know because a prison dude already told us fucking basically this whole story on the podcast already, but this one's more detailed and written down so oh sorry fill the bin with hot ass water and wait around wait wait wait around twice or so per day untie the bag and release the gas. I'm told you can huff the shit for a ghetto whip it buzz but cannot say

for certain. My God. He hasn't tried it yet. Because he's not ghetto. He's a Stano fan. Ghetto people means black people which means they haven't caught on yet.

Not saying black people aren't smart enough to get my humor. He's not saying that. However. Keep an eye. Oh, wait. Keep the water hot-ish. And an eye hot-ish. And then there's an arrow for over.

Instead of writing over at the bottom, you know that you can flip it over. On the bag. Wait. Hold on. Cooking Pruno with... Keep the water hotish and an eye on the bag. There you go. In about a week...

Gotta keep your eye on the bag! In about a week, the bubbling will slow. Usually, eight to nine days should be good. a week. Gotta keep your eye on the bag. In about a week, the bubbling will slow. Usually eight to nine days should be good. Strain the rest through a t-shirt. Like the first time I got herpes. Hold on. You guys talked over each other. Never mind.

I think I've been talking over people for a while. I got drunk at some point halfway through this. No, he was going to say something funny, but you were reading the instructions. Never repeat the joke. Sorry for blocking the funny. You're fine. Fuck. That's your job. I'll try it again.

Go back to strain. Strain the rest through a t-shirt. So there's where you're straining through. Drink. Vomit. Toilet. Repeat. There it is.

I'm sorry. You stole that off the bottle. One batch gets four incarcerated drunks in a festive mood. But this is after months of forced sobriety. Maybe make a double batch. Or don't. Either way. Cheers. Cheers. Nicely done. Maybe make a double batch. Or don't. Either way. Cheers. Cheers.

Adam Didier! I like that he thought that we were going to make a batch of this when there's cases of vodka flowing in here. You take a picture of both sides and post it? I'll put the recipe online. I'm definitely going to make that. It would be great to actually

take a photo of this, though. My grandpa made wine in a legitimate wine making way, and that shit tastes like whiskey, and I don't want to drink any of that shit. I'm afraid I have it in my refrigerator. I'll bring it over here if you guys want to drink it. When you're in

jail, hang on, when you're in jail, taste is not really an issue. It's the effect. Thank you, J. Lee. But before Kenny chimes in with his notes as a

connoisseur of jailhouse wine, I want to please write to Adam Didier, D-I-D-I-E-R, number 540915. 540915. And it's at CVCTF2909 East Park Ave, Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin. 54729. That's

Adam Didier. Tell him that we read his... Read him nice shit. He's fucking stuck in jail drinking horrible fucking booze out of a garbage bag. Sock booze. Sock booze, Kenny. Kenny's here. Kenny for mayor. You didn't make

mayor David Smith beat you. That's okay. I think I got 20 votes, maybe more. I don't know. But anyways, I have a question about the socks. If you don't get the socks on the first day that that inmate is in, isn't it going to taste like feet? We've established taste is not the important thing.

That's how they age it. Oh, okay. CVCTF is Chippewa valley correctional treatment facility oh treatment i told you it was a booze thing yeah hey thanks they're treating him maybe he actually put that in the letter probably listen to us he said that joke writes itself when he talked about, I'm in a treatment, quote, facility. This joke writes itself, and it does. If you're a listener of ours, you know it's all fucking bullshit. Hashtag sky candy.

That's another reason why he can get away with making this hooch in jail, because you don't get seven days in a row without getting your cell searched in jail. I don't think. Regular jail. Chad, have you been in jail? Only overnight. I'm way too smart for jail. They search your cell overnight. I've gotten away with things

that I should be in prison for. I'm not going to jail. I just watch jail shows. Hand me the envelope. Kanopka, you been in jail? Never. Never? I did not. I went to jail for about two to four hours when I was 17.

Yeah, overnight for assault, maybe two or three times is all I've ever done. I did three hours for laughing at my friend berating a cop. I've got the jail time here. I've done three days. All right. Jail, no. Well, no one knows Tracy's story over there. She's probably done hard time.

Wait, you just assume I haven't been to jail? Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Certainly not. Certainly not. He just assumes that I haven't been to jail? Yeah. Certainly not. He just assumes that I haven't either. Joby's been trying to grab the microphone a couple times. I was held down in Mexico for a month.

Oh, that's right. They took away visas and held us down there for 35 days. In a jail? No, not in jail. Just can't leave town? My first night was in jail, but after. In a jail? Fuck. No, not in jail. Just can't leave town? My first night was in jail, but after that. All right, so you did a night in jail. But Mexico.

But he did a month in Mexico, which beats all of our three days in jail. Wait, how far? Hennigan actually drunk booked a vacation at Christmas about three years ago that he had to continue through with where he hated it like it was jail and it was a hotel with a pool. But he's like, I can't wait to get out of here.

But he's so cheap that he wouldn't leave. All right, I'm going to do thank yous. Ties and pants. Someone sent me, I don going to do thank yous. Ties and pants. Someone sent me, I don't know if I already thanked you. Someone sent me this fucking bag of ties that are the greatest ties. I haven't even opened them yet. We're so beyond when I'll catch up with fucking dumb outfits. But you sent me two pairs of pants and a bag of ties.

Oh, shit. Someone sent Bingo this Jesus Christ... It's a crystal, but you light it up. It's like a hologram. Some book she'll never read. Who sends Bingo a 1,200-page fucking book? It's like Warren Pierce. You can't read a greeting card and keep her attention span.

But I appreciate someone sent coffee. That's coffee from Jamaica. That's Marley coffee. Oh, wait, wait, hang on. Listen to Kanopka. Listen to Chaley Nose. It's Marley coffee. Yes.

Produced, grown and produced and roasted in Jamaicaamaica sent to great britain and then shipped to bisbee that fucking the carbon footprint on that cup of fucking joe is is amazing and it's a guy wilmot who uh he did he buys stuff off i i recognize him as a customer and a frequent tweeter and stuff. Is that fucking great? Good guy. This is what we've got. Not only did Sal Volcano from hashtag true jokers, the impractical jokers. This is what we've gotten so far. Christmas lights, a flask tie, Trump, dump Trump toilet paper, some weird onesie, a bullhorn, play sand.

This is what he sent to bingo. Music box, a pill bottle koozie, a chia Trump. It's a Trump head. It's a chia pet Trump head coloring book. And there's more stuff coming just from him. Everyone who sent vodka because of Sal Volcano, thank you. I think we're going to have to make it on the next Impractical Jokers. Oh, maybe we do a GoFundMe to get the entire podcast to fuck up that next cruise.

The next cruise. Yeah. Book tickets for the next Impractical jokers cruise that will all be there uh yeah we could hang on yeah podcast from the cruise that's a feature thomas i would look like less of a dick than our sky candy adventure to my wife i I got to take her on a cruise. That's for sure. I don't know if that's possible. Your wife is fucking incredible. She was such a great part of the bingo recovery.

Thomas R. Williamson, attorney at law in Durango, Colorado, sent us a movie that we really enjoy. I've enjoyed it. No one else here has seen it. I won't mention the name of it. It's not a porno, but it's dark comedy. Happiness.

Fuck it. I'll say happiness. It was out in theaters. We'll put it in the van for the next tour. Durango, Colorado. If you need an attorney, go to Thomas R. Williamson Attorney at law on 11th street you know where that is south of 10th it's east of 9th east of a yeah whatever and that's it for me tom kanopka i taught i taught him a little twitter information hey you can cut our names out of it

If you want to chat We'll start busting Tom's balls As soon as he's fucking situated He's good for ball busting He probably feels awkward Oh yeah, no There's a slight awkwardness Everyone gets ball busting

That's a good awkwardness Hey Tom, do you got any plugs? Any appearances this week? No, no plugs and appearances. I'm going to be at Stan Hope's Funhouse. That's a good start. Taking out the trash on Thursday night? Is it Thursday?

Yeah, Thursday night. Some coaxed dogs. Cleaning clothes. If you coax the dogs, no one can do that. Dishes. And signing for the FedEx. No, walk the dogs. Just walk the dogs

uh that's it i think that's it i'm drunk as shit drunk as fuck that hit nothing oh uh who died joey uh craig sager craigager. I had him as a solo pick for the last two years held on to him. Doug Stanhope, Celebrity Death Pool. Joby is the... Yeah, follow us at

Stanhope CDP, Celebrity Death Pool. We need to... Sometime in the next couple of weeks we'll do a podcast about... We're going to be so fucked. Yeah. I haven't even looked it up.

We've got to do a podcast about Death Pool. You're going to beat us so bad, other people. I've got a solid second place. Well, keep it to yourself. Fuck you. You're in, what, fourth? Oh, no.

I thought you had a pick. No, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm drunk. For this season. Let's move around. Let's kill this podcast and move around. All right. I'm drunk. For this season. Let's move around. Let's kill this podcast and move around. I thought we were already.

All right. From me and Tracy and Castle Rock Kenny and Knopka and Joby and what's that guy's name? The big guy, Chad Shank. And that other guy that doesn't. He only has one job. He screws it up all the time. Chaley. Thank you.

I love you, Douglas. I love all of you, and we'll close it out with party time! The Met Toys! Party time! Party time! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Laugh your laughs and eat your eats, it's party time. Smile your smiles and do your blues, it's party time.

Dance your dance and shoe your shoes, it's party time. Howl your howls and suck your socks, it's party time. Oh baby, crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time. Crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time. Everybody! Crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time. One more. Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time. Here we go.

Party time. Party time. Party time Party time Party time Party time Party time Party time Party time

Party time Party time Party time Hey! Past the time Hey! Past the time Yeah! Past the time