The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #186: That's an Omelette, Motherfucker!

Episode Date: December 31, 2016

One last podcast for 2016. Doug assembles the crew to watch the Nunes/Rousey fight and slips in a quick podcast with Tom, Jobi, Chad, Bingo and Ggreg. Happy New Year everyone and thanks for listening. Thanks to Sal from the Impractical Jokers (@truTVjokers) for having all the vodka sent to the FunHouse. Truly a Christmas miracle. Recorded Dec. 30, 2016 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Tom Konopka (@realTomKonopka), Jobi (@StanhopeCDP), Bingo (@BingoBingaman), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. Doug's new special, "NO PLACE LIKE HOME", now available on cd at  Amazon.com, iTunes, Google Play, Spotify and DougStanhope.com. LINKS: Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/   “Based on a True Story” by Norm MacDonald   David Chandler – YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HNIIdpMhFg   Stanhope's CDP - https://www.dougstanhopescelebritydeathpool.com/   Closing song, "VodkaSodaBurg", performed by Birdcloud. Available on iTunes.   Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com    Order Doug's audio book, "Digging Up Mother", HERE.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Are you standing on Clorox wipes so you can do like the mop shuffle back there? That's how I mop. I take a bath towel and I soak it down with soapy water and I just slide it around the floor. But since they're on his feet, if you look back there, it looks like someone's teaching you to do the Charleston. Yeah. Like Tom Konopka's new friend he walks with. Hey. Reggie.

Reggie. Oh, that guy's the best how are you settling in tom good into bisbee good he's walking the dogs the other day and i drive by it's like eight in the morning and uh he's walking with this hunched over a hundred year old man i started he goes hey meet my new friend reggie hi the guy he eked out a wave. He didn't even look up. No, the funny thing was, he was at the top of the hill. And I have Ichabod and Henry

down on the trail. And as I come back, I look and there's this old guy right at the fence. And I, hi, how you doing? And he's talking, oh, you're new to here? Yeah. I said, well, I'm going to go over to that hill. I've been there many times. My hip's a little bit. And then it's that big drop. I usually don't walk down it but he says he's gone i said i'll walk with you and he's walking just so slowly like arty johnson from the laughing it's an old

reference no no yeah you know the the slow ass all the way down and stopping every 10 feet so we're going down and the dogs are barking every house has has a dog. And then when we get down finally to where we're at Van Dyke and we're on an even plane, he's still walking the same way. I couldn't get away from that. Every five feet he's stopping and still walking. Did you have to walk with him? Of course. I wasn't going to leave him. That sounds like a guy I could walk with.

He's like a tractor in low gear. He puts on the gas but it still goes the same speed. He's saying, I i'm sorry i walk a little slow downhill but when we hit the plane and then you came by and the guy was still walking it was it's a when we hit the plane i really open it up it was as a courtesy if i see someone's walking the same way i'm walking i'll go the other way because i don't i know they don't want to fucking walk with me yeah oh because you're a fast walker yeah well no i just don't want to fucking walk with me. Yeah. Oh, because you're a fast walker. Yeah. Well, no, I just don't.

If it's someone you don't know, you don't want to. Yeah. We used to call it being in the cookie jar. What? Like, when someone comes out of a store, you're in fucking New York City, and you're just walking as fast as you can, and someone comes out of a storefront,

and they're walking right beside you at the same speed. Oh, wow. Right. In the cookie jar goes back to the schoolyard right beside you at the same speed. Oh, wow. Right. In the cookie jar goes back to the schoolyard where you're on swing sets. There you go. I've never been to New York, but I know swing sets. That's a good reference. I grew up West Coast.

That was in your toilet. Oh. Where you're swinging back and forth at the exact same pace. That's an odd way to phrase it now that I think of it. But I still say that when you're like, all right, now let's get out of the cookie jar with this fucking person. Either cross the street and walk on the other side, or slow down or speed up.

But he hooked me. He hooked me. I'm going downhill. I'm going to be a little slow, if you don't mind. But then when we're on the flat, it was so fucking funny. But it was amazing. The guy travels. Did you know the guy at the dollar store today that called you soldier?

No, I called him soldier. Oh, all right. I just saw the hat. It's on an individual basis with the vets. I thought it was another old guy you met. Yeah, no. He'll be walking up there with Reg. Tom Konopka is the fucking mayor around here.

I couldn't imagine Konopka not being able to settle in anywhere he goes. You can just make friends with people and everybody would like him. I'm not against Konopka in 18 for mayor. He can do it. He's got all the fucking charm and talks people up. He listens. It's all a hoax. He's got the Reggie vote.

One walker at a time. I got the Reggie. He's a sweet guy. I occasionally call you in my head the Tom Kanopka podcast because a lot of times I'll come in to check the mail and you'll have a sweet guy i could i occasionally call you in my head the tom kanopka podcast because a lot of times i'll come in to check the mail and you'll have a story and but you're delivering it like it's a podcast it's got a beginning and end it's got an arc it's got it's supposed to passion isn't that what you want it's the it's the idea in life yeah well but it's a it's a podcast yeah you walk into a podcast

it's not like hey how you doing you know I was listening to this thing and he'll give me an expose on something he thought of or read you're just used to the rest of us where we all avoid eye contact with each other and don't talk until we're drunk

give me a few weeks I'm going to be right there with the rest of you. You'll break down. Yeah, I'll break down, exactly. Do you remember when we were in Canada? It's all a front. We were in Canada, and we were at a, it was at the club that was inside the hotel, and the brothers, two brothers came out to the show, and then at some point in the bar after the show and everything,

you're like, just, they had to tell you a story. And the story was something like that. You knew it was going to be one of these rambling and, and you go just cut to the chase. He goes in the bathroom stall. My brother pissed on me. I kicked him in the nuts, dropped the Coke in the toilet and then walked away.

And it's like, Jesus Christ, he did it. We should make our podcast like that that's funny cut to the chase bingo seizure header coma back good night hey our i think our vodka count from uh sal volcano of the Impractical Jokers as seen on True TV. We should now at this point,

we should have like when the new season starts, we should promote their cruise. If you want to go on the next Joker's cruise, I believe it's November of 17. We'll get it on the break. Google it. But by the way, because I just put on the last podcast,

I was trying to get Sal Volcano's Twitter, but everything I see is, because I want to make sure it's not Sal Volcano 1, because that's obviously not going to be him. It would have a verified mark. Just True TV Jokers. That's the one. If you want to say thank you on behalf of the podcast

or on behalf of Bingo, that'd be great. Definitely thank him. Yeah, we'll get another 12 bottles of Smirnoff. Yeah, it keeps coming, kids. Six mini bottles of Absolute. Yes. I told him, make that one a short phone call. Or a text message.

Or collect. Collect. Collect. So let me blow through some quick thank yous since we're there anyway someone sent me a deal busters sent me six lighters and it looked like a hundred dollar gift card for some wine on wine online it's not that but it's but then i looked at the fine print it was a hundred dollars off a hundred and sixty dollar order or more which is is probably like Omaha Steaks where, oh, it's on sale still as always.

Yeah. So I don't know if that's any, but thank you anyway. Sal sent bacon flavored toothpaste and the second person that sent the book Images You Should Not Masturbate To, so we got two of those books. I don't want to see those. It's's not it's nothing like hashtag sky candy nothing is like hashtag sky candy someone said

do it yourself tattoos to bingo i don't know uh again we're inundated with shit uh the maniac of magic i got your email maniac of magic and and he wanted to do this kind of thing. Me and Rogan used to talk about doing the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen with a bunch of headliners and Burr and those people. Just share inside information. Hey, what is this venue taking you for? Just share some secret knowledge. We never get around to it.

This guy wanted me to do it with a bunch of new guys, and I'm like, I don't know what you do. It's not that I'm against it. I just, A, wouldn't get around to it. B, I don't care. And C, I really have no knowledge to share with you because I haven't been at your level since your level didn't even have cell phones.

So we're not on the same page. But he did send some drink koozies and some prank CD that was sitting out. Oh, it's right here. It's some kind of prank CD, like a War of the Worlds thing, where it's supposed to, I haven't listened to it, but the dude's a magician, so I don't have high expectations. But it's supposed to be, it starts out as a five-minute radio show, so you just put it in your CD player,

and when someone thinks you're turning on the radio, and then about five minutes in, there's breaking news of a zombie apocalypse. Yeah, it's the up-to-date War of the Worlds. I can only think of two people in this room that might fall for that. I'm going to keep my joke to myself, dude. This is how I judge, because it is a real snappy Kinko's J card. This is the way I judge how serious

this person is. Memorex cdr it's autographed i remember that's funny well i mean you guys email he was he was very and he was self-deprecating he understands why i hate magic and he hates himself as as they all say. We will definitely listen to it, sure. No. In time. We'll kill his sales if we put it on at the end of the podcast. We're not putting it on at the end of the podcast.

No, we're not putting it on. That would make no sense. After the podcast. Last thing I want to do is pay him magician royalties. Oh, Christ. You see that disappear. Kathleen and Nelson from somewhere, and that's not Kathy Nelson, who we know through Ron White.

It's Kathleen and Nelson sent some healing stones for Bingo with a bunch of paperwork. All right, yeah, we'll put them under the pillow. Princess and the Pea. Thank you. Jamie Daniels sends these weird cut and paste, kind of like serial killer, but they're not words. He just sends this stuff.

All right, that's my thank yous that I just should have found while I was trying to clean up poorly. Oh, and now Chad Shank. Go ahead, read the letter, Chad. Well, I only have the PS here, so i don't know what the whole letter says but it says uh ps this mission if you choose to accept it will help in pushing the physics evidence and to hopefully clarify this event please watch david chandler on youtube hopefully you can make a suggestion to alex and and Joe to have him as a guest.

On one of our League of Extraordinary Gentlemen conference calls. At the Comedy Union meeting? You have to go through the Maniac of Magic. Sorry, I didn't write down your name, but it's Maniac of Magic. Nathan Allen. Nathan Allen. So yeah, Stan Hope called me and told me. Well, you taped a $100 bill to it. Yeah.

Well, I thought when I first looked it up, I was like, that motherfucker looked it up and pawned it off on me because Stan Hope said, watch these videos, and then you can have this $100 that this guy sent so that you know what the fuck he's talking about. I'm not going to watch the videos. And then I looked at the videos, and all of them are over an hour long. You didn't watch them all, did you?

No, I didn't watch all of them, but I watched enough. It's pretty cool. The guy, David Chandler, he's a physics professor, which sounds better than it is whenever he says that he's like a retired high school physics professor. But a physics professor is way smarter than me. Did you hear that? The internet just clicked off.

But I don't know if the regular letter told you what this was about, but it's about 9-11. And this guy is a physics professor who is debunking the official story of 9-11. And he got actually them to rewrite their uh their conclusion on building seven and it's the guys oh there was a guy in utah that was a professor that got fired because he was so anti the yeah oh yeah this guy's retired so he probably would have been fired too i would imagine from any regular job but what he says makes a lot of fucking sense. Well, if you got fired and you couldn't get work anywhere else in the country, you'd call yourself retired as well.

Yeah. You wouldn't say, unemployable physics professor. Unless you need yard work. Well, he definitely has a lot of time on his hands. Clearly. And he measures the free fall rate of World Trade Center Building 7. And it's all very compelling. And it makes sense.

But I was kind of already sold. But I'm a moron. So is most of the people. So I don't care if 9-11 was an inside job. I don't have any fucking idea. My life has gone better. I don't blame that on 9-11 was an inside job, I don't have any fucking idea. My life has gone better since. I don't blame that on 9-11 either. So, I mean, if you're into 9-11 conspiracies

or whatever they want to call them, this guy has some good stuff. But like I said, I don't know. I like to have all the facts before I form an opinion, but I also like to form an opinion immediately based on emotion, and I don't get to choose when I do which. Well, I assume that whatever I'm watching or reading is all the facts. Yeah.

So if this guy is telling me these are all facts, I don't... Source reference. Sounds factual to me. Sure. It's got to be true. It sounds factual to me. It's just kind of dated. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Aren't there conspiracies?

I was just reading Judd Apatow tweeted something about some article where these psychologists are asking Obama to get a full mental evaluation of Trump and they list all his narcissistic whatever disorder and how it can... It was almost compelling enough to pull me away from whatever we were watching, some bowl game. I don't really... But I'm saying, get with new conspiracy theories,

which I'm not saying that's a conspiracy theory but going over 9-11 again how much did Judge Apatow pay you to read that? someone retweeted his tweet at me what do you think of this? and I was sitting here anyway so I started to read it then I got distracted

look at you it's Ronda Rousey hey let's go around the table because this will air after the fight so people can mock each and every one of us that's wrong. I'm taking Rousey. Yeah, Rousey all the way. I am too, but I'm shocked the two of you are because, Chad, you actually really follow UFC.

And Doug, well, actually, Doug, I figure you would because you love the underdog. She's not a dog. I feel she's coming in as an underdog. Because I read whatever is in front of me, and I believe it as all the facts. I know when I have a bad first show, I crush on the second show generally out of spite. first show i crush on the second show generally out of spite i put a lot of what i do on stage into sports betting like all right last time i was humiliated in this town am i gonna go in afraid or am i gonna go in and i i think like how is that quarterback gonna feel how's that fighter gonna feel and if i have a shitty first show, yeah, I usually come out fucking hot.

Yeah, I don't follow it enough to really make a great opinion about it, but I know when you're on top like she was, it is good to be humbled, to see if she comes back like a real champion. If she wins, it would be impressive. It would be very impressive. She's a bad motherfucker. There's no doubt about it. But she also got her head handed to her.

We'll see. There's no better sport to bet dogs on the money line than UFC because anyone can win any time. That's correct. If Joby was out here, he could tell you how many. Anybody can be beaten. I used to just bet all the underdogs. I'd let them take all the favorites.

Yeah. And I realized if i was betting this rather than five bucks you and me i was betting on oh shit do we have that read uh no okay we don't so hey bet online.ag if you want me to sponsor you but you better you better show up hard because we have someone else, another sports book. I should have finished that with, but they're going to buy during Super Bowl maybe. Yeah.

That's all right. We'll get a bidding war going. How many bottles of vodka can you send? Here we go again. Butthouse currency as we call it here. I have tried to do. I mean, it's no secret. We've turned away more ads for this podcast than we've taken.

And I've actually said, we'll do this in trade. Send us a fucking mattress. We'll do it. We need a new mattress for the little house. There were sheets that I go, these are not really good sheets. I like really good sheets. And I have a set, or I I used to over at the other house. I don't know where they are.

Bingo, you know where they are? What thread count, Doug? It doesn't matter. Thread count seems to be bullshit. I think it's... What's the thread? You might have a million thread count, but if they're all fucking shitty threads... I set it up.

He hit it right out of the park. That's what it should be. What kind of thread? Exactly. What kind of thread? Yeah. Everybody talks thread. What kind of thread?

They sent us the sheets, and they weren't that good for the money. It's something I spent money on. So, yeah, there's a lot of stuff that I would never sell. We're never going to do adamandeve.com. That was offered to us. Yeah, so, yeah, we turned down shit. And then you don't have to sit through it. You still have to sit through this podcast.

Yeah. And so David Chandler, like, yeah, I won't be talking to Alex Jones anytime soon. And I think he's on to bigger and better conspiracies. And Joe Rogan, he's probably burned out on this too. But it's out there. David Chandler, if you really want to get to the bottom of 9-11,

rather than just go out and finally meet your neighbors. Meet Reggie. Go walk the dog with Reggie. Tom Kanopka. Chad, if there was one video that you can recommend, just give me that and I'll put it in the show notes and people can get it on DougStanhope.com. Alright, I'd have to look, but I just

Googled it. But like I said, they're all over an hour long. I know, but just the one you saw. Then you can recommend that because you got paid $100. Well, I watched part of three of them, so I'll look it up and tell you what I watched. Just Google search David Chandler YouTube 9-11. There you go. And if you find out the truth, definitely contact us so we can break it. That would put this podcast over the top for 2017 is if we had the breaking smoking gun of 9-11.

That's it. That was my issue with the whole thing. I kind of believe almost all of it, but there's a part of me that says, if this guy is telling the truth and he knows that all of this is a fucking scam, why isn't he dead? So that part makes me not believe it.

Well, if he put out all those youtube videos and then wound up dead yeah oh a thousand times the credibility how long ago was that mailed he may be dead we don't know the jury's out on that there might be anthrax on that hundred dollar bill oh shit kill anyone who watches it no It's going straight to the dispensary. It's their problem to deal with now. Actually, that's how you should take it with the letter and everything. Just hand it to the guy.

Yeah, shaking. The shaky hand. You want the bike, baby? Oh, that's funny. Tom, how are you settling in? Good. Super. What's the...

Are we starting over? Yeah, no, I was going back to that. Get into the thank yous. I have nothing in my notes. I got to write a book. That's all I have. All right. We'll get back to you, Tom, again.

I have a book. My second book is due in March, so I have two months to write it. Haven't started it. Plan on Monday. It's a good New Year's resolution. Hey, you cashed the check, you ought to write that fucking thing, which is the working title. So, yeah, this one's going to be fun, and it's going to be road stories.

If I haven't brought this up, I probably have. But, yeah, it's going to be the stories if i haven't brought this up i probably have but uh yeah it's gonna be the fun shit and uh so if you uh if you're out there and you're someone i used to know or i do know and or a witness yeah witnesses to stories like i i'm i'm just going through the ones i remember you guys remember but you know the last several years maybe last eight years or so it's just been the chaos becomes so routine that you don't it doesn't stand out the early fuck up problem shows or hennegan and i sat around just going by by uh okay what about bad travel okay what about bad shows what about drug experiences and just by category and then you're going through you know the rolodex of endless it's like. That seems to me like someone asking Tom

Chatteri, what were you doing on March 14th, 1986? I'd be like, how many fucking airports have you been in in a year during your heavy road years? You're trying to

go through that Rolodex? But only the good stories are going to stand out, I would guess. That's like a natural filter. The ones that he can remember. Yeah, there's good stories that he also forgot, but the really good ones. Well, you remember the first ones that are of that ilk. And the problem is those are the ones that I usually put in my act or tell on a podcast, which there's going to be some overlap.

If you're a hardcore, yeah, you're going to hear stories you've heard before either here or on my website or in my act. If it wasn't recorded, it's going to be written. Except a lawyer will have to okay it all. Yeah. Get on the mic, honey. That mic's good right there. to okay it all. Yeah. What's today? That's what my therapy was like. Get on the mic, honey. That mic's good right there. So you just pull it up.

Go ahead. No, I was just saying that's what my therapy was like. It was what day is it today? And I don't fucking know. I never know. I never know. When I'm like sane, I never know what day it is. Yeah, that's just not our lives.

It's not our lives at all. I'm trying to train you to come back and make me flapjacks. Why don't you make flapjacks? I don't know how to make eggs. Well, first you meet a rooster. They have fucking the pictures and the, oh. They would have diagrams that okay how do you make an omelet and they point to a whisk i don't know how to make a fucking omelet i've never made an omelet in my life fuck you yeah she'd put splenda on a whole wheat tortilla and microwave it till

the entire kitchen smelled like chemicals that's an omelet motherfucker oh my bingo we love you so yeah i'm just i'm trying to... This book is going to be fun and it's just the weird shit of 25 years on the road. I don't know if it's going to... What the continuity is. I'm just going to just write this shit and then see how it fits together

and then work backwards. 25 years, it'll be part one of your road stories yeah it's got to be it's got to be it's an impossibility to bring it all down in a time lapse whatever it is i'll be fucking great if you just figure your alaska moments those didn't happen like straight across right those happened in between like once a year for like 10 years, in between like a ton of other things. So like even the Alaska chapter, if that's the way you're going to do it. Costa Rica. Yeah, another thing that happened in between a lot of things.

So yeah, it won't go on a timeline necessarily. I don't know what it's going to be. All I know is I have two months to write the fucking thing. That's a timeline. I've been reading. There's your timeline. That's a timeline. I've been reading. There's your timeline. That's the only timeline. Punk rock books.

I think Keith Morris, I read his. We already talked about this. You talked about that and the John Doe one. What are you going to say? John Doe, I didn't get through. But that's a different book. But then I read Norm MacDonald's book, which I can't wait to just sit down with that guy and hang out.

Yeah. It's like you know a lot of it's based – the title is based on a true story. And I want to know like what's – because there's a few parts – there's obvious parts where he's over-the-top embellishing. I'm trying to remember the Hunter S. Thompson book he wrote later on where he's talking about driving through Nevada doing cocaine with Clarence Thomas, the Supreme Court justice, who wants more whores. I can't even remember. But you go, okay, parts of Norm's book are that extreme,

where you go, okay, but there's parts you go, all right, this is the whole gambling addiction. I want to know about that. There's stuff that's so fucking well written. Once you know, if it was fiction, it would be great. But there's parts you go, I want to fucking know. How much of this is true? Like this part right here, that sounds a little too true

so well he probably wouldn't tell me either but that reinforced the fact that you know it's going to be written funny it doesn't matter like if it's opinion if the stories i'm not even going to do disclaimers anymore about everyone i've read even when i was doing mother's books when there's a memoir norm says flat out there's no such thing as a true story because memory is faulty so i'm not even doing the disclaimer i'm it's yeah it's all to the best of my recollection and i try to fact check as much as i can and i i bleed other people that were more sober for more details that were even more incriminating or bloody. So that's what I'm doing. Is there anything you're going to do different

in writing this book than the first book? I have no idea. Well, the first book was a timeline. You're in a closet now. It was a timeline. You're in a closet now. Yeah, I'm writing this in the fucking pool shed. Oh, you decided to do it there?

Yeah, I didn't know bingo had that all cleaned out. So instead of the bunker, this is the bunker adjacent where we used to have all the pool shit that bingo cleaned out, pulled out a wasp's nest, thought that was done. But as soon as it hits 50 degrees, wasps come back to where they thought they used to live. So hopefully all the bugs are dead. So yeah, what's that, about a four by four? No, four by six.

Four by six cinder block room. That is barely four feet across, though. It's four feet. It is. It's perfect if you needed less distractions than the shelving that was in the bomb shelter, the other room that you were writing in. And the refrigerator to store drinks. Well, it'll be winter this time, so I won't need the...

I have the space heater I kept cranking overnight. It was still cold in the morning when I checked it. I got Long John's. Just to warm the cement. We're going to get you a new space heater, baby. There you go. We'll get you a new one. That's all right.

I got Long John's. What you need is a better coat. I was just picturing a headline, Doug Stanhope dies in fire in a concrete room that he can't escape. Covered in wasps. Covered in wasps. It appears the wasps got him and he kicked over the space heater. It's all over.

I know by asking people to email me fun, fucked up stories, I'm talking to KP Anderson. Don't say, remember that time that lady yelled at you at a show that's not really a story that's not yeah nothing i'm thinking there's more uh comedy club employees that will have stories yeah than other comics yeah those are the ones i want to talk to yeah yeah yeah yes yeah tell me what i don't remember that that i should hey remember when you got fired the night before that was probably a doug stanhope story we sat hennigan and i sat here getting drunk on uh impractical jokers vodka and we came up with

like 53 either i mean this stuff just, like, Girls Gone Wild. Oh, yeah. That's, in itself, is just this ugly fucking cloud where there's a million stories just from that, or the man show. But I think we've told all the man show stories on podcasts a million times between us and with Rogan on his podcast. But there's some girls gone wild shit. But then just little instances.

It's way too much for a book, but I want the ones that I always get told on the road that I didn't remember. I'm like, oh, fuck. We just ran into someone from St. Louis that was, were you there with Andy? And Andy, they had to run from the cops and all this shit. I had missed that story, but I remembered it happening,

and they crashed the pool after hours with booze, and the cops came, and et cetera, et cetera. Hey. It seems like Andy is one that you need to have a little conference call. Yeah, definitely. All these stories need verification and backup and details filled in, like fucking bad teeth. Hey, Jeff.

Hey, Derek. Kenny's here somewhere. Hey, Kenny. People are crawling in for the fight. People are coming. They're coming. Derek. Tommy, if you had to write a book,

are your best stories Vegas dealing, phones, or afterwards? There was a lot of stuff before and after that. It really was. My experiences in New York City as a young guy leaving Jersey and just going into the wonderland of New York City with nothing in your pocket and just watching all the street performers

and Old Times Square and all the hookers and the pimps and all this shit was fucking incredible. But I did a lot of other things. A lot of stuff that even you're not familiar with. We'll sit down and I'll put you to sleep with a few stories. Every time I listen to the Tom Konopka podcast, he taps me and goes, I'll show you pictures.

There it is. Yeah, no. I think all he brought with him was a pair of pajama pants and a whole bunch of Polaroids. It's true. It's true. It is true. You have a ton of mob Vegasgas stories that could be i think that

would be the well there's all those are different experiences doug was just asking i i remember watching a little bit last night there was some honeymoon in vegas something that was coming on i remember when they were actually filming on honeymoon in las vegas nick cage if you guys may see it. And I was walking with a girlfriend. We were leaving Bally's. You know where Bally's is, across from where the Bourbon Street was. And we didn't know.

They were actually filming that movie. So we came out onto the side street of, I guess it was Flamingo and the Strip. And we saw all these big premiere spotlights going off in the front it was already dark and there was nobody on the side street on flamingo the block was clearly just dark it was you know blocked off and i'm looking i said let's go see what the hell is up there so she and i are walking and halfway to the front of the casino we just just heard, hey, help, help.

There was a guy at the top of a lamppost hanging. What they had in the movie, at some point, there's a bunch of, they call them the flying Elvi, a bunch of guys. They all jump out, and they do that in various movies. And this was supposed to be them. It's a Vegas-y thing. The Elvi are coming. Well, this guy somehow went off course

and he got caught at the top of a lamp pole. How long he's been hanging there. There's no bullshit. Cassie. Cassie, I still love you, honey. She's from Colorado Springs. And she'd be listening to this. She could be, who knows.

But so we look up and I look, I go, are you okay and but he was dressed like elvis i go look and he's like you can't help but laugh at a man it's hysterical no but there was nobody there i have no idea how long he was there he's like tell one of the grips tell the guys up front that i help i like okay we got you dude and we went up front and whoever the first guy was i said hey there's an el. One of your guys is hanging from the lamppost. Now, fuck. And he went back, and then we ended up going over to Caesar's, having drinks, and just

laughing our asses off. Whoever he is, you know who you are. That was some funny shit you never know who you bump into. He's just fucking. And if we didn't go by or we didn't hear him, he might be fucking hanging there right now. Fucking a skeleton in a fucking shitty elf elvis outfit it was funny man yeah that's great yeah in the dark just swinging oh great fucking up it's me yeah look it's elvis where the orleans was no not the orleans but no bourbon street bourbon street yeah batista's hole

in the wall over on the other side a lot traffic. Not a lot of foot traffic back there. No, no, no. Not at that time. But they blocked the street off, so it was nobody. We just went out the side exit. We walked into the back of a dead chute. But it was, I'll never forget that, man. Yeah, you saved my life.

Yeah. Yeah, we did save his life. Well, here's your New Year's Eve podcast. Joby, you have any death Pool updates you want to add? Yeah, you got to have. Yeah. Yeah, a lot. Joby.

No, jump on it. I got stuff in the oven. He's cooking. Oh, let's not interrupt the stuff. Well, Joby, hey, this is going out tomorrow. So you have until, what, January 15th to sign up for Death Pool? It's fucking crazy. This is the craziest Death Pool ever.

We should do this now because i i got an email we're getting press requests yeah yeah i just did an interview today with a reporter phone interview but yeah january 15th so sign up and that's a start date if anything i'm hoping this year rolls over to the next see that's i bet against streaks and now i'm thinking oh there's not going to be any celebrities left by next year wow we're gonna die oh yeah tons of people signing up i'm doing petitions for eight hours a day they're just rolling in i i you have no idea petitions meaning if it's a borderline celebrity and it's not in our database then you have to email jobi and he decides with a star chamber of people if he doesn't what do you think about this guy he sent me an email with five links wikipedia links and said

hey can you help me out here i'm getting slammed and i'm like i'm looking at him and i'm like i recognize three because it's the three surviving members of stp and then tracy and i got into an argument of of like who should be like listed as a celebrity or not and i'm thinking if we're arguing yeah i could just imagine but like even bobby blotzer the original drummer for rat wow why isn't he yes yeah yeah and the problem i have is I've got several people, and it's probably one guy, but they petitioned 40 or 50 at a time of these old jazz session players from the 50s, 40s and 50s. Okay.

Well, sure, they might have been popular back then, but are they popular now? Would they be considered a celebrity? So that's where my brain gets frazzled when right i just kind of lock up and that's when i start sending them out like oh guy i just don't know about this why would you bother chaley who has a million jobs when you could bother derrick and kenny i loved it i got in a rabbit hole and fucking just let them argue that's what they do well he and derrick argue so send it to them. Well, this is my problem.

First, you have to buy them an email address. I can't afford it. So I have tons of these petitions that come through, but I also need a few more people that are impartial, that don't play death pool, that have a little bit of insight, that I can email stuff to. Well, then I don't know how we go about doing that because everyone's going to say, I'm impartial.

Well, I'll do 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s rock. I'm your guy. That's a lot. Okay, perfect. You are his guy for sure. And Tracy does all my hockey picks. But you know the guys on twitter that are loyalists but the thing is is they can't play death pool i mean you don't want to get all the

petitions of good picks and then jump in and steal everyone's picks you know so you can't do that we were talking about again hennigan won't play yeah and he'll say no to everyone. Especially me. Hannigan today, or yesterday, when we dropped him at the airport on the way up, Debbie Reynolds died a day after, and someone's saying they were both icons, and he goes, no, she was iconic for one role where Debbie. So, yeah, Hannigan would say no to just about everyone. But see, where do you draw the line? It's like a jazz performer in the 30s.

I mean, that would be an obscure thing. They probably wouldn't be alive now anyway. But where do you draw the line? Because the three founding members of STP, by the way, those guys are going to live forever. There's no fear of them dying anytime soon. is going to live forever. There's no fear of them dying anytime soon. Yes, but like Bill Ward from Black Sabbath,

who has health problems, but he was the original drummer, it's like, yes, he should be in it, but what would be the argument for him not being in it? You know, really, there's not. It just, like I said, my brain gets so frazzled, that's why sometimes I can't make the call. I told you this was a dumb idea when you took it out of our hands.

It used to be fun for just us. Yeah. And so fighting. But this is exactly why you need the site so you don't have to argue with your friends. You go to the site. You don't have to worry about shit. How did they die?

Well, I never followed up on the autopsy. I don't know. No, we do all that. It immediately rolls up there. You see who died this week. You see the last five people. So here's one that I denied. Okay, so like an assistant coach or a special teams coach for NFL.

No way. Okay. There was one special teams coach for the NFL that just died recently for the Bills, and he was sick forever. And, you know, yeah, I denied him. Maybe if it was when Scott Norwood missed that fucking Super Bowl field goal. See, all right, I'm sending all my NFL picks to you. But he had no on.

He never played for a team. But he would have been highly derided in Buffalo. Buffalo knows who he is if it's during the Scott Norwood kick it's regional

not national so you know I have to look at our national basis because it's a global game if they're famous nationally

yeah you know if they're famous in the UK yeah they may mean shit to us remember that

old website hot or not yeah swipe left or right. Maybe we should have Famous or Not. So the general public. That's a great idea. Shake your holes, hot or not.

I think it says, shake your holes, hot or not. Hot. Hot. Hot. How big is a hole? Hey. Tighter than it used to be. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. So yeah, maybe you put that on the site no I think that complicates things I think the answer is the line is fucking arbitrary and you deal with it yeah first of all you're giving away your pick listen it's fight night

happy new year to everyone by the time you're hearing this if you're listening to this when it comes out on New Year's Eve, well, you know what? We're not doing much different than sitting at home alone drinking vodka, too. Differences? Ours is paid for. By the Impractical Jokers fans, you're the fucking best. Yes.

Hook up with a killer termite and make a horrible baby, and I'll pay to abort one. And that should be on the death pool. Do we play anything as an outro? Yeah, you can play whatever you want. Well, say something, and I'll tell you whether you can or not. Well, Bird Cloud we haven't done in a while, and it's Jasmine's birthday.

Oh, happy birthday, Jasmine. Hey, Jasmine, happy birthday. We love you, Jasmine. Here's some vodka soda burg for you from the Impractical Jokers fans. That worked out. Click. Well, I was sober and just walking around Williamsburg. You know they ought to rename this place Vodka Soda Bird

Cause I've been drinking with they homos And they say that they ain't homos But they look like one to me I got twenty-five bucks to blow and vodka's over Yeah, that's five drinks, five by five, and don't leave a tip Yeah, that's ice and that's vodka and that's soda, no lime Don't put no bullshit Strong in you Just now starting to get right In my piss soda burn

Well my brain is feeling sparkly Wow Oh That's so, that's so appropriate Alcohol Everything is red I still, I still focus alcohol Everything is dead to me now Well, I met a local man

And by a touch of a word He gave myself to scrap I'm homeless romantic Him gonna buy me another drink self-described homeless romantic. Him gonna buy me another drink cause him retarded. Then go back to his fucking Patamon in Bushwick. Then I went home with a mulatto.

Oh yeah, he had some out of cold snow. And that's why I made a little song about me Oh no, I was lucky to be alive I threw up and moseyed on back of vodka soda bird All the bartenders, They all hate my fucking goods I'm just trying to get My time to shine

All the girls turning into bitches And then three hundred dollars on a dress Just trying to get booked And this is where I get off Oh yeah, I'm probably never gonna stop And I can't, I said I'm never gonna stop No way, I said I'm never gonna stop, stop I was a sad sack of shit walking around Williamsburg.

Just like all the residents that live in Williamsburg. I said, trying to take a little trip to Vibe Garconaburg. Can I please be anywhere else in the world except for here?