The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #188: Meth, Death & Vomit

Episode Date: January 13, 2017

This episode sponsored by Hanks Sauce (www.HankSauce.com). Hank Sauce is an alternative to boring pepper sauce. The sauce for anything that needs something! Doug hosts an All Star cavalcade, Chad, Tom K, Jobi, and Mike the Serb with stories of Meth, Death & Vomit. This is the year you join Celebrity Death Pool and show Stanhope how skilled you are at sniffing out impending death on celebutantes. Still time to join at DSCDP.com Recorded Jan. 12, 2017 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Tom Konopka (@realTomKonopka), Jobi (@StanhopesCDP), Mike the Serb, & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. Closing song, "Don't Cut UR Hair", written by Mishka Shubaly, This version performed by Chad Shank, Jobi and Mishka. A continued thanks to Sal from the Impractical Jokers (@truTVjokers) for having all the vodka sent to the FunHouse. We are still receiving boxes. LINKS: - Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/ - Hanks Sauce - www.HanksSauce.com - Tio Ceddy's Agua Chiltepin - http://www.tioceddy.com/ - Mi Amigo Ricardo in Casa Grande - https://www.yelp.com/biz/mi-amigo-ricardo-casa-grande - Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com/storeSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

We are started. Don't worry. We have a full all-star cast on this Doug Stanhope podcast with our today's sponsor is Hank Sauce. Oh, loving the Hank Sauce. Got it. Oh, yeah. Here, give me that, Jay. Pass that.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. No, he broke the chain. Joby got up. I'm going to pass it down. Sudden gust of gravity. Hey, so Doug, do it clean. Today's podcast sponsored by... Today's podcast?

Why am I doing this clean? You do that clean. You got the pipes. His hat is Mr. Pipes. It's his pipe. Today's podcast sponsored by Hank Sauce. www.hanksauce.com Did I do the whole thing?

Yeah, that's good enough. hanksauce.com See, I got excited just listening to that. Yes, goddammit. Now I forget her name. Is it Heather something Pell? Hannah Pell? Heather Pell?

Fuck. Hey, there's a fourth sauce on the back here. The fourth kind we haven't tried. Yeah, we've tried the cilantro. Camouflage. Camouflage, which is the hit. I love that. The hot one, which is Hank's Heat.

But there's also an herb infused. Ooh. Urban infused? Urban infused. Is that what you said? Yeah. It's a Chicago style. I was going to say Urban infused. Is that what you said? Yeah. It's a Chicago style. I was going to say herb infused, but that would be wrong.

Urban infused. Urban infused. That's a good one. See what I leave for a couple weeks. You guys get good hot sauce. I haven't even tried it. Oh, it's very good. It's really good.

It's good on every food item. Not to be confused with aguachiltepine, which you use in Bloody Mary's, also a sponsor. So aguachiltepine, I don't know, you just figure that out through Google. See if Google says, did

you mean? It took me like a year to stop saying chapiltepine and put an extra syllable and agua chiltepin that's betty's uh hot water it's uh chiltepin water good stuff perfect mara uh bloody mary great stuff so that's that uh we got uh chaley here chad shank here joeby's here with the uh upcoming death pool we're starting again january it's time tom kanopka's here and we have a serbian sponsor the serbian sponsor later on in the show yes and tracy's mixing drinks bingo's doing her vocal exercises off in the little house

tracy bingo yay watching door, because I don't, the dogs have left me for Tom. Us too. Yeah, we finally pulled up, we laid beds down, like blankets that were my blankets were on the floor for Henry and Ichabod. And I'm like, I'm just tripping over, I'm going, fuck it, they ain't even coming down,

I'm pulling their water bowl. I'm going to hang it out front so they see that there's nothing in it. They don't look. I've come over in the morning, and Ikebottle, he'll bark, but then he'll run right in and lay next to Tom's door, waiting for him to wake up. I try to bring one of them over because they hate each other

as much as they hate me. So usually one will go over to the other house, the quiet where i'm writing and no there's no interest we leave at night want to come want to go for a ride yeah you know last night you were doing that come on henry come on henry nothing nothing oh see you just said that and ichabod ran over oh great henry was alert as well. I'm feeding them on the side. I think that's all it is. Yeah.

They just come up and they just give me the paw. I never wanted either one of you fucking dogs. You're good at barking. We had interlopers today. What? Bingo and I were leaving to go to the wherever lunch. My favorite place. Ichabod starts barking, and two women, a mother and daughter,

were walking in the front. They went right through the gate, didn't even give a shit about Ichabod going ballistic. And we were just leaving anyway, and I said, can I help you? And she said, is the comedian guy? You've got to be kidding me. And bingo is not. She has a very short fuse since her accident. For all of us.

What? What? Yeah, for everything. She has a very short fuse since her accident. For all of us. What? What? Yeah, for everything. But she recognizes us. Someone coming into the yard. But I'm saying she doesn't have tolerance, patience. It's just tolerance.

And so I'm trying to be good cop to her bad cop. Well, my son is coming down. I think she said he's turning 18. He's coming down from Alaska from the 18th to the 31st. And he said the one thing he wants to do when he's down here is to see your show. And she points to her daughter. She said, oh, I know where they live. And I go, I'm sorry.

I'm not performing anywhere why not? Jesus Christ I said I'm working on a book right now and she goes well would you do like a special little show? Dance monkey?

Obviously has no idea how comedy works and she was really passionate about making her kids drink. No, I'm just really busy. We're leaving. I'll walk you out. They don't know the laws here. You could have shot those people.

Oh, absolutely. They don't even know. Well, who knows? She may have had a gun, too. She didn't know a lot of things. She assumed a lot of things walking into your property. Maybe she thought, I'll just pack some heat in case she needs a little, you know, a little pats the chest.

Maybe you want to do that little show. And then the daughter was after mom ratted her out for saying, I know where he lives. Then she looked like she was, fuck, dude, I'm sorry I did this. I couldn't tell. I was pretty hungover today and not in a good headspace. Imagine what an asshole her son's going to feel like when he hears this. Mortified.

That's funny. So, but he's from Anchorage, so, yeah, go see Becker. No, Becker's away, too. Yeah, he was just, he went to Fort Lauderdale. He'll be here next. Yeah. He texted he was going to be here. Oh, I can't wait to see Becker.

Well, in my over-politeness that I always have at those hours, I almost said, well, tell him to stop by for football. And no, not a fucking chance. That's amazing restraint. Well, and Bingo's standing next to me going i'm leaving i'm leaving now just hang on let me just just give me a couple seconds to be polite meet the neighbors yeah neighbors you're assuming they live in the uh the daughter did i said so you're from the neighborhood as i was walking them out they didn't realize i was leaving i wasn't coming out to see what the dog was barking at i was leaving when the dog started barking yeah or to perform for them what the fuck would you do a little show

like i'm gonna come over to your house to do comedy yeah dance for me spider comedy is something that people don't really they just think you're a funny guy and you can just do it. It's not a song. I'll do a few numbers. A medley. Oh, you're going to be like Ozzy? You're going to do just the verse and the chorus of Crazy Train? And then you guys are going to transition into Over the Mountain.

Just a little snippet of that. A little Aleister Crowley. Yeah, there you go. It was awkward, to say the least. No request for a selfie? Yeah, the daughter's somewhere in the neighborhood, and she said, I live out, I've got a million acres out past the Trails Inn, and that sounds familiar.

Trails Inn? Where is that? That's an uphill highway, I think think towards the border, I think. Oh, is that the two that closed? The two what that closed? The hotels. The one with the Indian restaurant? Yeah.

That one closed? They both closed and were immediately vandalized. We were almost going to eat there. Yeah, by those three idiots. You're almost going to eat there. Close call. Yeah. I think someone ate there. Wasn't it Bingo's parents?

No. Brett Erickson's parents ate there at the Indian place at the hotel on the way to Mexico. Wow. And they shut down immediately. I don't remember Erickson's parents being here. You weren't here. Oh, good. Look at that. Off the hook, that one. For once he remembered something.

I blew off the dentist today. I woke up in a mood. Well, you got to go to the Mexican dentist anyway. So I was thinking, you know what? I called up. Every other time I go to the dentist, just for a fucking cleaning, I have to get an x-ray, which is absolutely pointless. Yeah, it's exactly the same as the last time,

and I always bitch about it, and I always use that analogy. I'm here for cosmetic reasons. Just get the fucking smoke stains off the ones that you can see. I don't want an x-ray. Well, we have to because the doctor has to never... Because you had periodontal disease and that's all everlasting,

like alcoholism. Even if you quit drinking, you always have that. For years, it's the exact same x-ray. I just want to clean the aesthetic zone. Can't you do that with just a... You're a fucking housekeeper, lady.

Clean my teeth. I'm not here for a medical problem. I'm here, and I said, again, it's like going to get a haircut, and you need to get a CAT scan. Every two times you get your hair cut. So I called up this time. I go, do I have to get an X-ray on this appointment? And they go, well, hang on, let me check.

And yeah, you're scheduled for one, but you could, you know, technically you're scheduled for one, but you could probably. And I said, I don't want probably and technically. I want definitely no. And she goes, well, I can't want probably and technically. I want definitely no. And she goes, well, I can't make that decision. You're going to have to talk to. And I go, then fucking cancel my appointment. Yeah.

And now I go, ah, fuck. I just burned the bridge of the only dentist in town. But I thought, hey, Tom's going to go to Mexican dentistry. And I went down there. I'll go with Tom. Fuck it. history and i went down there i i'll go with tom fuck it yeah or i'll just suck it up and hope they forget about this incident six months from now and go then you told me about this this morning i'm like on the phone i go dude you just painted yourself into a corner because if you go there once a year then that's their policy is that you're gonna have to get the x-rays that's just

what they do right all dentists or if you quit that dentist and go to a new dentist, they will have to start out with an x-ray because they need a baseline. So you really have to go back to them and say... Unless you go to Mexico. We're not broken up. And in Mexico, I'm sure...

Miraculously, you don't need an x-ray every 12 months in Mexico. I wouldn't, you don't need an x-ray every 12 months in Mexico. I wouldn't go to that dentist. I go there. The hygienist is cool, but the dentist, he's the one that fucked up Gretchen's root canal and just fucked her over, and she had to fight him.

If it was a serious thing, I'd go to Mexico. If I had to get any kind of root canal shit, I wouldn't go to that jack off. Really, let's yell his name out. What is it, Doug? No, no. Humana, humana, humana. Remember, we had a comic who stayed here, and she stayed here for like a week.

Yeah, at least she would. Went down to Mexico for the day until the Novocaine wore off, came back, convalesced for a couple days. She actually went to Nogales. She didn't go to Argyle over here, but she had some serious shit going on. She went across the border, right? Yeah. But, I mean, it was over.

She had a new mouth put in. A new mouth. Yeah. So, yeah, that's it. Chad Shank. Chad. You've been busy? I've been busy.

Doing some busy work? Yeah, I've made poor choices in the last couple weeks, I would say. Haven't seen you, so we missed you. Well, what happened? Remember I had an electrical problem with my house? Right. And I was fixing that. But while I was fixing that, I was also having psychological problems. So I piled everything that I dismantled in front of my studio so that I couldn't work on anything because that's how I fucking do shit.

Yeah. So I wanted to get out of that. Once I realized that's what I had done, I was like, oh, fuck, I got to fix that. But it meant fucking doing a whole bunch of housework, so I went ahead and just fucking smoked methamphetamine for like three days. Nice. Holy shit, I got a lot of housework done,

but I fooled myself there would be no fallout afterwards. I was like, if I just do it medicinally, it'll be all right. Yeah, medicinal meth. And it just worked out. The old half an Adderall for a podcast wasn't enough. Fucking gateway drug. How do you find methamphetamine? There was somebody going to Mexico to go to the dentist,

as a matter of fact, and they realized they had methamphetamine with them and decided they probably should not take that to Mexico to the dentist, so they dropped it off at my house. That makes perfect sense. Makes no sense, as Chad has other friends than us. Well, I don't want to get into it, but I don't really. I know.

That was great. Not anymore. He smoked his meth. No. Hey, I'm back. What are you doing on my property? I was seriously hoping he would pick it up because I knew at one point that I would fucking do it, but

he's like, no, I don't want that. Just keep it. I fucking forgot about it. Oh, all right. Successfully kept it in my garage for a couple weeks. Welcome back. It's kind of like this stash of vodka that I've successfully kept on that stage. Nothing will make you fucking hate people more than you already do than fucking coming down from crystal methamphetamine.

I never... The only time I ever fucked with it was my early days with... Mikey. I won't say his last name, but you know who I'm talking about. We'll all get whacked. Jackson? Michael Jackson? Mikey Jackson. It's safer to say that, yeah.

It's the only time I'm a good person. I told Jenny I was was gonna do it because and that's why i just i didn't want to come around here is because if i'm gonna do it i don't want to try to pretend i'm not doing it i'd rather just fucking be like hey i'm fucking high as fuck on crystal methamphetamine right now all right i don't want to try to pretend that i'm not always what i've said is that that's when you know someone has a problem. They're not doing drugs. They have a drug problem is when they're lying about it. Yeah, I would rather not.

But I told Jenny, I was like, you're going to be trying to find me a drug dealer to get more of this by the time I'm done with this. I fucking rearranged rooms. I'm fucking cleaned things. I finished projects I've been promising to finish for three years. It's a fantastic drug while I'm fucking clean things that have I finished projects I've been promising to finish for three years it's a fantastic drug while I'm on it

I'm a great fucking human being on methamphetamine I'm just the worst human being off of it writing the book that Adderall would help

but it makes you want to do stuff not sit at a keyboard alright yeah now I'm alert but I want to call people and talk to them about the book I'm writing that I want to call people and talk to them about the book I'm writing that I'm not

writing at all so talk about doing projects I tried to do one project that required a screwdriver that was in the junk drawer and I ended up rearranging the drunk drawer before I discovered oh yeah I just wanted a screwdriver so how long you been clean and sober?

Three days. All right. That's it. Hey, get him his three-day chip, Tracy. Just so you know, after today, I don't have to see you guys for a while again, so I'll probably do it again tomorrow because I have a lot of shit to do at home still. Save it for a fight night. My god.

Yeah, me and Mikey back in the Vegas days, I was, you know, 22. But it was called Crystal and you snorted it and it hurt. But you'd still stay up for 12 hours. Yeah, it was a fucking horrific drug.

Never even thought about smoking it. It's bad. Yeah. I ran a lot of that shit back in my day when I was... Oh, Joby used to fucking deal. Yeah. I forget that. Every time you tell me that...

I was a middleman on a meth lab kind of ring thing. And it was... I knew the guy that had the lab and i had guys to push it so i was the one that you know was the middleman to kind of make it all happen and we ran so much dope through imperial valley california fucking tons of it joe be saying that he used to be a meth dealer is like when you meet a hot chick that used to says she used to be a fat teenager. I can't. No, I was all ugly and fat in high school. I can't see that.

And Joby's that kind of hot chick. I think of it more of being in junior college and not knowing which direction. So you just picked different majors for a while? Yeah, absolutely. So you did the drug runner, and then you did pottery. Yeah, I was on the run for the Mexican Navy for a while. Yeah, absolutely. So you did the drug runner, and then you did pottery. Yeah, I was on the run from the Mexican Navy for a while in Mexico. And yeah, I tried it all. Oh, yeah.

That's a semester abroad. Yeah. Yeah, methamphetamine affects me differently. Other people's teeth fall out. That's the only time I brush my teeth and take a shower, is if I'm on metham a shower. I should shower up! All positive and fucking great. That's why Joby's got the

prettiest smile. You go, meth in you? No. I'm stunned every time you tell me that. Did you do meth? A lot. I did a ton of it. Oh, yeah. But it was...

Shitty meth. That's why you have great teeth. He distributed it on the East Coast from the West Coast. He's doing it the whole time. Yeah, I did my share, but... Did you smoke it? Yeah, smoked it, snorted it, never shot it. Never got to that point.

But yeah, for three years while I was dealing, did it quite a bit and had a lot of good times. And I was a lot like you. I had a great time on it and I was upbeat and had a really good time. But coming down is a bitch. After three years of it, it's rough. When you want to kill yourself on a regular day,

coming down is fucking really bad. I think that's when he texted me. Maybe so. Yeah, I think so. He's a smart man. Hey, Chaley, this text is my will. You get the chickens and the goat. No, he had a really good idea, but he was

kind of sheepish about it. I'm like, that's a great idea. I go, Tracy, why is he doing that? I go, I think he's in a bad headspace or something, but then I know you also don't like phone calls or messages or attention. You're here. You made it. It's good to be here. It's good to You're here.

You made it. It's good to be here. It's good to have you here. Joby's been off the junk for many years. Do you want him as a sponsor? I still have more to do. Let's make sure it's good stuff together. I used to do it until it was all gone as the only way I knew how more to do. I used to. Yeah. Let's make sure it's good stuff together. I used to do it until it was all gone

is the only way I knew how to do drugs. And this time I just tried to do it medicinally where I did a little bit in the morning and then I did projects and then actually fell asleep at some point. And I thought I was doing real good. And then I was like, all right, that's enough of that.

I need to take a few days off. And then those few days off turned into fucking horrible, fucking severe depression. Well, hopefully Jenny never has an accident. Well, when Sal Volcano says, hey, Jenny's been in a bit of a pickle. Anyone who sends a lot of meth to Chad Shank. Jenny would appreciate it. I used to drink

until it was gone, but now... I started building a fence around my yard five years ago, about a quarter of the way through it right now. Methamphetamine

would probably help out. There it is. It's probably healthier than five-hour energy. Bill? Did you ever fuck with drugs, Kanopka? Not really. I mean, when I was growing up in the 70s, everybody, you know, we just got, you know, we smoked weed, we drank. I mean, I did it like mescaline, I think, twice.

Like purple Microdot, that was a big fucking deal. Jesus. Did that once. But it was always in, it was in the, you know, big fucking deal. Jesus. Did that once. But it was always in the forest. It was under good circumstances. I wasn't being dosed at some fucking concert. Coke never did shit for me. It was only because I'm with a girl.

She did coke. And they always said, you never had good coke. Well, I'm glad I never got good fucking coke. I had good pussy, but I didn't get the good coke. So that's really pretty much it, you know? A background on Konopka is that he was into martial arts and stuff. So he had kind of a different background. You were always into it?

Well, not... Was he like Rogan, where Rogan was like a teen champion and shit? You ran a shop. I was no teen champion, but I... You ran a shop, Tom. No, no, but I stayed relatively active in it since I was about 14. Everything was Bruce Lee. If you get bored stirring the ice in the microphone,

actually chew it in the microphone. Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch. One of my favorite sounds. That's her sound. I do the slurp to tell Tracy I'm ready. You do the empty ice. What about the people chewing? Yeah. I know you love them.

I learned that from Todd Barry's book, upcoming book. Thank you for coming to Hattiesburg. That I wrote the foreword to. Oh, you did? Yeah. Good. Yeah, while bingo is in a coma.

I did not forward to. Oh, you did? Yeah, while bingo is in a coma. I did not know that. It's called mysophonia. That's the... My, my, my, syphonia, yeah. Where you... Mouth sounds that make you fucking crazy. Is that what it's called? Yeah.

It drives me crazy, too. It's an actual brain tumor. How many mics do we need? What would that be called in serbian what is my phone in serbian guy off the mic did you say it's an actual brain disease oh disorder all right i thought you said it's a disease i don't think it's a disease uh yeah uh todd barry has that too mouth sounds i get mad that other people are breathing bothers me fucking breathing

Bingo quit smoking and started chewing gum and she open mouth breathes while chewing and will chew gum in her sleep wow that's a talent so yeah let's get the open mouth

hard breathing, and... Bubbles? She just blow the bubbles? Yeah, you do the coma thing all the time, but quit with the fucking gum. Just quit with the gum. You can't chew gum all the time, even when you're sleeping. I think she used to chew gum sleeping, like, on the road.

Yeah, she started chewing gum. That wasn't because of the brain injury. Okay. Not this one. No, the first thing gum. That wasn't because of the brain injury. Not this one. No, the first thing that came back to her out of the coma when she was starting to remember was where's my gum? Her nicotine gum. And now she'd just choose regular gum.

Well, I'm trying to get out of the nicotine gum. Would you rather I smoke cigarettes? Yes! In fact, go get a pack I need some yellow American spirits And some silent lights Some silent lights You take the breathing over the Alright, let's fucking jump into Death Pool.

Joby. Joby, bring us up to date, brother. Motherfucker, 2016 was massive. You said mother immediately. I thought you were going to say, oh, your mother died. Speaking of Death Pool, mother. Here's another book. That's what I say when I came in.

Taking up my mother. Came in today. I had to take my mom, my crippled mom, and my blind uncle grocery shopping at the same time. And afterwards, I just wanted the world to burn. That's when I saw Tracy at the store. I was so mad. But no.

Yeah, 2016. All right, yeah. Unless you've been under a rock, tons of people died, which is good for business. Yep. So the way this works is every year, whoever is the point leader site-wide ends up naming the next bonus category for the next year.

Last year it was athletes. This year it's politicians. Oh, that's interesting. All right. I'm going through the Rolodex of what problems. This year, it's politicians. So, hmm. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, I'm just going through the Rolodex of what problems is it going to... Oh, yeah, yeah. It's all right. It's not as bad as athletes, but it's still a little tough on petitions. Well, yeah, World Series of Poker is on fucking ESPN, so then everyone's going to...

But politician, that's pretty cut and dry. So, anyone elected to office is considered a celebrity? If they make it through the petition process, sure. Royalty will work. It's got to be high-class royalty, anyone in the database.

The king of Mumbai? But no dukes. No dukes, man. So for instance, anyone who's elected as a senator or a House of Representatives, if they're in there, automatically? No, not automatically. Not automatically. Okay, if they were a state senator and they did jack shit

for a couple of terms and faded to a third. Big Dick Dave Donnelly's not in the fucking pool? Big Dick Dave Donnelly. No, they're not a fan. That's an inside joke with Chaley and Tracy. And most of Alaska. Most of Alaska. In the late 90s.

Or people that listen to the first couple podcasts. That's twice now. I've almost stumbled into stories. I've got to write down the meth story. You guys made me think of that. I was going to chime in. Write it down now because you're still coherent enough that I think you'll be able to read your writing and remember it.

I didn't want to come over here today, but if I reminded you of a meth story, I feel like I've done something. Mission accomplished. It's worth it. Yeah, the meth story that's going in the book and the big Dave Donnelly story, that'll go in the book. Go ahead, sorry.

So what I'm trying to say is if you start for a team as an athlete, like a baseball team, even though it's not a real sport, we all know that, you don't automatically get to be a celebrity. And if you're elected as the senator, you're not automatically. State senator is different. They have to have done something significant, right? Yeah, done something significant. You just Yeah, you have to have done something significant.

If you just did a term and failed it. Bad or good. Gene Connors is not going to be. He's also not a senator. We just call him that. He's also not a senator, but yeah. But if your senator peed on a wall and made the news for it, he might get a little.

Wiener. That's something. You got busted for coke or you did something like that mary and barry oh good right that's a really good pick yeah i i actually i i didn't even notice for my computers are fucked i can't i had a problem with the password i couldn't check the site for a while and uh i realized i get a hit on the mayor of indianapolis that i had to fight for because even i have to fight with joe beyond shit he he declines me on but this guy did something as the mayor of indianapolis a million years ago that and i i got that guy he's dead i didn't realize

that yeah he was like he created the sports capital of the world or something like that. I don't know. He did something. So there has to be something notable in their history. Absolutely. Okay. That would make sense. So, yeah, Death Squad, MUFC. He's from England, and he won last year with, like, monster 17 hits and got, like, 1,100 points, something like that.

He got to name the new one. So politicians it is. So that's what you're banking for. That gives you 25 points if you get What's he got up his sleeve? No, he gave us like eight options. Like here's eight bonus rules

and we picked the one that was going to be the least amount of headache for us. He didn't say my uncle. Andy sent a lot of shit to Bingo. I like that guy. But I love what you're doing with a lot of people have way too much free time. Like we used to have when we did this for fun and not a website where they're just too good. So you've made Champions League?

Oh, yeah. Wow. Because we had Carlos Valencia in our league. He won two years in a row. Well, now you get bumped out of our league into the Championship League. So the rest of us actually have a fighting chance of getting into top three. All-stars. Yeah.

So it's an all-star league. into the top three. All-stars. Yeah. So it's an all-star league. So if you get, when you get in this year, at dscdp.com, Doug Stanoff's

celebritydeathpool.com. Right. Yeah, you can get bumped up if you win, oh wait, kill a termite. Well, let's go, that would be like

the training camp. Championship league, we're going to do like give away a tablet to whoever wins that one. And then, if you guys want to play, anyone out there wants to play, I'm going to push it back a little bit so you have time to start. Go to the website, look for Killer Termites, that league, that funeral home.

And that is, if you've already signed up before, it's like $2.99 to play. $2.99. Yep, $3. And at the. $2.99. Yep, three bucks. And at the end of the year, whoever wins, we're going to give away a free flat screen TV, like a 32-inch or something like that. Fuck that. No, we can afford a 50-inch, 44-inch.

Give him one of Stanhope's TVs. Give him one of Stanhope's TVs. It's worth more. He'll sign it. He'll sign it on the screen. Absolutely. I don't want to stand up. So, yeah, sign up for Killer Termites because, yeah, this is open to anyone.

And, yeah, giving away a TV. And then second place would probably give away a small tablet or something like that. So join up, and that's the way to go. Do it. We talked about this before even Joey Boots died, where we talked about it would be fun if whoever won had the killer termites, the whack pack as the new rule for the year and then

two Whack Packers died towards the end of the year and I said that would be fun hypothetically but the Stern show might take it the wrong way you don't want anyone to get pissed

I ain't burning that fucking bridge well then they did their own death roll for the WAC PAC, but then they canceled it because of the same reason. Everybody was too sensitive about it. They did cancel it? Yeah, the whole thing. I just listened today. I think it was yesterday's show.

Yeah, they shut down the whole thing. They gave everybody their money back because everybody was too sensitive. Whoa, they fucking jumped on it. Yeah, I've had high-pitched Eric since December of last year. I had him earlier. I just traded out Eric the actor just a month before he died. Wow! Yeah, that was a fucking...

Who knew? They're part of the death pool, whether they want to be or not. Yeah, every month you can trade out a celebrity for another one, and you've run the risk of exactly what Shank did. So he dropped someone and they died. Fifteenth of the month. Beware the Ides of any month. Might trade out the wrong guy.

And then we see a lot of funeral homes that have two, three players in it. If you want more players, push your start date back a bit so more people can join. It's fantasy sports, so give yourself a little bit of time. Yeah, but the site starts on January 15th. But your home doesn't have to. Yeah, you can start in fucking June. I'm hoping ours won't start.

No shit, because I got a book to write. We're doing all right. But going back to uh like this whole senator thing i i did a poll on twitter uh and it was should what was his name youtube stars that are not known for anything else another just being youtube celebrities or youtube stars tweety pie yeah yeah pewdiepie pewdiepie whatever yeahDiePie, that's what it is. Should they be considered celebrities? That's how I trap them. Yes, unless you're going to admit that you're that old guy that says, you're not a real star.

He was never on Carson. Yes, internet stars. Decidedly, it was 70% to 30% for no. Until people started talking about it in the thread. And then everyone's like, eh. Ah, interesting. When they started arguing back and forth, everyone started turning to, okay, yeah, they are celebrities.

Because old people voted. Yeah. That's why. Old people vote. Telling you. We have strong opinions and lots of free time to sit around and tell you those opinions. Yeah, another one was, okay, Dylan Roof, the douchebag that shot up the place.

Yes. All right, so. Not anymore. You got the death penalty. Okay, so our rule always has been death penalty, you're out. Out. Okay, but what is the post? That selection doesn't play.

No. What it's been suggested to us is that, okay, well, if he gets his death year, whatever they're going to fucking cap him is going to be in... 18 years from now? Yeah. How about allow him in until that year

and then he's pulled out? Because if he gets chatted, if he gets chatted, then he's out. Or he gets murdered or he hangs himself. And I'm posting it to you guys. Dahmered. Yeah, you got Dahmered. So I'm posing it to you guys.

What do you think about that? Do they do that? Do they give a date that they're going to do it? Yeah, because usually it's several years. There's a lengthy appeal process. A forced appeal. Like you can't not appeal a death thing.

So should we keep those celebrities active? He might get offed well before that. Or, I mean, since he did something in the name of a race, he might be fucking shepherded in and protected.

Yeah. But I'm curious on your take on it. Should we keep him in and let him be picked? I'd keep him in. The only way he can't die is by the state. Right? Okay. So, yeah, if he gets injected... But you're looking at me and I'm not

even a player. I know, but if you want to ask me, I'll answer from a selfish point of view that I always fucking do. It'll complicate things for you. I wouldn't do it. You're going to open the door for other people to argue. This is how the legal system works.

Exactly. Baseball, hit it as far as you can and then run. Well, let's add the rule. Ground rule double. What if it's a pop fly on the infield? Well, I guess Ty would go to the runner, and now there's a fucking whole encyclopedia. Okay, yeah, we got a lot of kicking around to do on that one. I think it's right there.

The only way someone who's on death row can't die and someone get credit for it or get points for it is if they die by the state. It's null at that point. But if they die beforehand, I mean, that's still a valid guess. I just had such a great example that I didn't want to interrupt, and I tried to hold that thought for 30 seconds.

It's gone. Like, okay, what would we do in this case? And it's fucking gone, and I'm thinking, I think if I pick up that remote, I could rewind my memory. No, no, it doesn't work like that. It doesn't work that way.

That beautiful moment is gone. Fuck. You fucking suck. I waited for a pause. Yeah. It was small pauses there. I'm looking at Joby. He's the one leading the conversation.

Oh, that's when I was trying to remember. It's going to come back. It'll come back later. Nah, it won't. It'll loop back. What do you think about the Dylan Roop thing? Should we keep him in? Celebrities like that, mass know, like mass murderers.

No, I think it's saved for the spite pool. Yeah, but still, it has to be open for everybody. It's low-hanging fruit. I mean, that's why anyone that is on death row, that's why I put him out anyway. I was like, no, you can't pick him because it's low-hanging fruit. But in a case like this, okay, someone might get shanked oh that was the example it came back hold on hold on i got something i got something just kidding hang on uh so this is 2000 and whatever april 19th because I know because it's in my book.

As an aside, Waco. Mm-hmm. David Koresh. Yeah. That lasted so long that he was a celebrity. Wow. Would you allow, in a trade round, David Koresh while he's in a standoff with the ATF? There you go.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. I would have to throw him in. Yeah, because it happened for such an extended period of time. Absolutely. And he was so televised. And we all know his name right away. And at that time, everybody knew that guy's name. Oh, absolutely.

I probably would have to um now you know guys that are on the like a manhunt that lasts a couple of days no but something that goes on for weeks sure no i was how long was that it was long it was months months three or four weeks or i just it's only in the book because I remembered where I was on that day. It was unbelievable. In an unrelated story, I remember, so I could look up the date. Hey, when did David Koresh get burned out of Waco? Because that's the day I was fucking Shanghai'd in Cheyenne, Wyoming

with Wiley and the pig. An actual pig. All right. So, yeah, I think, you know, really that's about it. We've got – I've been buried this season with petitions. We have so many new people signing up, and the site's just blowing up. So, yeah, I've got Shaley and Tracy and, and hack oddity.

It's the fucking year of celebrity death. We just came out of there. Everyone's helping me out on petitions. And then, uh, I'll, I'll get a committee together of, of people that I can,

you know, throw petitions at, you know, a broader spectrum. We need to like a guy in Australia. I don't know anyone because I get tons of Australian petitions anditions and new zealand petitions shit we are uh fuck i can't remember his name uh the guy that was our tour manager i hope you listen but you know what you just said that you know what prinny prinny lives in australia, okay. There you go.

I think she might listen to the podcast. Ben? Ben and Prinny, yeah. Ben would be great. Well, Ben's American. She's Australian. But he would... Either way. He's a guy who pays attention.

He pays attention, and he's a tech nerd. So, yeah. Perfect. Good. Sure. Okay. All right. Yeah.

Now, and your twitter the joe b's twitter is stanhope's cdp stanhope's death pool celebrity death pool you'll find it easily stanhope cdp and then the website is dscdp.com so sign up yeah win a free tv and a bunch of crap if you're good enough and yeah we're we're using that as bait we just want more players and a bunch of crap if you're good enough. Yeah, we're using that as bait. We just want more players because a lot of people fucking, hey, Stern bailed out on it. Yeah, you got to sign up. I get Stern.

I only drive since I've been writing this book from Safeway and back. So I get five minutes of Stern each way. It's all I listen to. And I didn't hear the replay of them shit canning the whole thing. But when we talked about it, it would be funny, but we weren't... We were talking the whole show,

and I thought, well, what if it's Robin? Oh, fuck. No one can celebrate that, so let's shit can the whole idea. And then Joey Boots dies. All right, fuck. Now, if we just made it Whack Packers, but I go, they're half dead. But then when I was listening to all the Whack Packers from years I never listened,

oh, shit, there are a lot of them and but they're already doing this so yeah but the problem is it is our death pool is international and they don't know a fucking whack packer from a pudwacker oh i made a rhyme i think robin is different though because i don't think she is the whack pack like melrose no no i'm saying at first i was saying oh yeah what if we did just cancer survivor robin quivers the whole stirring lineup it was after eric the midget had died and i like that'd be cool but nah not if it was robin no you couldn't couldn't which is which is funny because i'm sure robin is in the database right now oh yeah there's gotta be yeah absolutely yeah there was uh i did the uh skype interview with gino biscani

and uh it was towards the end and they said hey where where are you at i said i'm at stanhope's fun house he said first thing he said was where's's Shaylee? And I turned around and Shaylee was walking in. One job. Yeah. Show up to the interview. Yeah, showed up. And then the last five minutes with them, they were bullshitting about drinks and Alaska

and getting fucked up together. Gino and the gorilla. Yeah, Aaron Berg. He had a gorilla. A guy in a gorilla suit was his co-host. Oh, Aaron Berg, the Canadian bodybuilder guy? Yeah, yeah, huge guy. And he was pushing my white guilt.

He's got some funny shit. I assume that was a costume. Yeah, so did he. Oh, fuck. But yeah, that was great that you guys reminisce. That was fun. I came up to get mail. He does football picks.

He's got a video podcast. Not like bingo, by the way. I wonder how he's doing. She's been in two since her coma. We thought it would be funny when she was still vaguely here. Cognizant. Yes. Hey, let's get our football picks while she's talking to the angels and she's

eight and two she's fucking brilliant the spread when i tweet ats that means against the spread that's what makes it difficult anyone can go eight and two picking the patriots over the fucking jaguars but against the spread, fucking phenomenal. And her pick this week for this weekend's playoffs... Playoffs? Thank you. That'll go to Jim Morris' fucking grave.

That's all he'll be remembered by. Playoffs? Playoffs? You don't think he doesn't mind that? You think he hates it? He's not fucking Jimmy J.J. Walker. Dynamite. Dynamite, yeah. Where people are walking up to him going,

hey, will you say playoffs for my friend on the phone? Or maybe, maybe. Are you kidding me? I would love that. No one knows who Jim Mora is. They just know the sound bite. He's not going to comedy clubs every week either, like Jimmy J.J. Walker trying to get a job.

Trying to get people to laugh. It's called the Q rating. They see his face and they go, oh, you're the playoffs. You're the Coors Light guy. No, actually, I coached a team, a couple of them. Yeah, the L.A. Chargers for one. Anyway, what was I saying? That was good.

One more thing, Death Pool. Zachary Wynn, this guy, has been setting up interviews and stuff, just out of fun. It's like here, a Death Pooler guy, he wants more people in his funeral home. So if you want to join up for free just to play for whatever, it's the Scientology Celebrity Center. So I guess his handle on the site is David Miscarriage.

Is that clear? I remember when we used to play for fun just with us here in Bisbee, we had a Scientologist bonus bonus category yeah yeah and we carried that uh through i think the very first season we went live i i i placed in the money that was the first year and i only knew uh uh celebrity rehab as what i front loaded because i don't i don't know pop culture and culture. It was before we did a lot of due diligence and searching Google. Just pick a bunch of celebrities that everyone knows. So I would use celebrity rehab.

But the guy that put me in the money was, what's his name from Taxi? Jeff Conaway. Jeff Conaway. He was a Scientologist for a minute after he got out of celebrity rehab he went from Dr. Drew

below Dr. Drew to Scientology and then he died and I won on the technicality even though it was a minute you took that season that That was back in the Excel spreadsheet days. I don't know.

Jeff Conway. Fantastic. That was back when we were on index cards in a Rolodex. The Dewey Decimal System. We're doing Death Pool by Braille. Exactly. So, yeah, I think that's about it for death pool just sign

up and you know yeah let's have some fun because last year was awesome and and this year's like a ton of people are playing so yeah get on it great yes hey i don't want to be rude guys but i have to pee so if i leave you guys continue on while i pee why don't you send us to break? I have to pee, so we're going to break. I just peed twice. And now a message for one of our many Serbian listeners who want to move to Casa Grande, Arizona. How are you, people? Come to Casa Grande for the best Mexican food.

Mi amigo Ricardo's. 821 Florence Blvd. 5208363858 Ako volite tacos, burritos, enchiladas, istan hops, especial,

dolazi tamo! Volit ćeš puno! Zdravo ljudi! I nemoj zaboraviti, idi jebi se! All right, let's go and clean. All right. No, that's the sound. That's perfect. Editing the last four podcasts, I've just... I give up.

I don't know how to fucking... I'm not going to fucking try and pull the background noise out. No, you should remember. I thought we agreed on this years ago. No, no, no. It's texture. It's tapestry. People talking is like as we're sitting here conversing, but the people in the background,

there's just too many people here sometimes. I just can't do it anymore. No. Yeah, absolutely. We don't... I shouldn can't do it anymore. No, absolutely. I shouldn't have said anything because you wouldn't know. That's a mistake. I don't know. He would have never known.

That's how damn good Shelly is. But everyone likes the ice. They play drinking games when they hear the ice. This ice, Tom. Oh, okay, that ice. Before you take a drink. Not the swirling. Not the swirly twirly.

Not the where's my bartender swirl. Yeah, so. I like when Tom has a cocktail. Or two. Or three. Or three, yeah. Handles of Bacardi. I like when Shanks burps.

How you doing? Introduce him. Oh, yeah, Mikey's. Joby went to go cook food so mikey's uh on the mic in case he has anything to add in but i'm going to tom yeah we had some good conversations last night yeah we were conversing i'm always up for a fucking kanopka story i know that's what kanopka came in last night and uh God, because any distraction from writing the book is welcome. I've checked Facebook a couple times.

That's how. Wow. But Tom Kanopka had a two-page list, front and back, like you're a prisoner. Yeah. Like you get a spare paper. I was. I'll write on the back. Yeah, I was a little kid.

Yeah, writing all those notes. Yeah, so it's like a thousand stories. You know, it's funny. I'm reviewing it. You know, it's just like Shaylee said at the last podcast. You know, I'm being just respectful of your space. Because I know if I come in and we start yak and fuck after 25 30 years well you're not going to be fucking writing so i back out but uh i was

thinking it was just stories to talk about vegas back in atlantic city i remember around 1979 or 80 this is a crazy fucking story but again you couldn't make this shit up there was a guy yes you could but this one you don't. There was a guy, his name was Bailey. I don't remember his first name, but he was the size of Orson Welles. And I was dealing dice. We were crap stealers.

And there were 36 dice tables at Harrah's. And what typically would happen is when you were dealing, and remember, this was at the heyday of Atlantic City, when it was fucking you. You couldn't even get to the table before Trump ruined it. Yeah, that mother fuck. Yeah. Or the fact that it was built in a ghetto.

Hey, now. Yeah, that's no shit. Yeah. One block off of Atlantic Boulevard. You're in fucking. Well, I'll tell you where you are, because Jeff Brown and I, we were not even, I wasn't old enough to even gamble. We used to take road trips through the night to Atlantic City from Worcester, Mass. And we got lost once.

And we asked some young black girl, probably 10 years old, where Arkansas Street was. 10 years old? Well, we're driving fucking lost in a ghetto. We're going to ask her over to Arkansas Street. Ten is as good as anything. And she goes, I don't know. We're Arkansas. She goes, you mean Arkansas?

That's a fucking quote. Jeff Brown. Back me up. No child left behind. No, exactly. It's way worse now. Oh, yeah. I mean, I haven't been back there since

1990, but it was just the thing. It was so fucking busy. You would deal for 20 minutes on stick as a dice dealer. The guy with the stick. Six easy. Five no feel. Five. Winner's seven. And then you would move over. You get tapped out from the guy that was on break for 20 minutes.

You work for 40 minutes, you're on break for 20 minutes. But it was so fucking busy at 79, 1979 and 80, just to get up to the dealers, the break room, where they would feed you anything. This guy, if he's still alive, it would be miraculous. He was the size of fucking Orson Welles. He was like 500 pounds. We wore at that time.

Ralphie May for the younger listeners. Sorry, Ralphie, but he's pretty much spot on. I was going to pounds. We wore at that time. Ralphie May for the younger listeners. Sorry, Ralphie, but he's pretty much spot on. I was going to say, Citizen Kane was really spelt. Ralphie's a lot more handsome

than this motherfucker. Yeah, no, hey. But the guy was like an English teacher, but he decided, hey, fuck it, I'm going to deal dice. And what they did,

we were wearing beautiful fucking everything, the fucking vests and everything. He had about 15 vests sewn together just to fit around his fucking whale ass. There's no bullshit. When he stood on the table, his stomach was hanging over the table on top of the fucking- Did dice ever hit it when they flew by? Oh, no, exactly.

I mean, it was a fucking like a wharf. But this was the thing. So typically, we would go on break for 20 minutes. But it was so busy, it would take you about 10 minutes to get up there. And what this guy typically would do, because they would cook anything, he would typically eat, it was usually about a dozen scrambled eggs with three fried eggs on top and a big ass a big fucking glass of milk now just visualize this forgive me if you guys are eating out there at this point so the guy came down he's done this

this was his mo dinner time put on the stanhope podcast and get the kids we're eating and listening to stanhope like old timey radio yeah there, there you go. Quiet, quiet. You can hear it coming. So the guy comes down one time off a break. And at that time it was so busy. The guys that sit on the dice table, they're called boxmen, the box person. And they're watching the bankroll,

making sure all the payoffs are correct. We had double box. Box person is the new phrase. Yeah, it's the PC shit. It's a box act. He's a freaking box man. But he's not grabbing the dice or doing the bets. No, it's the PC shit. It's a box act. He's a freaking box man. But he's not grabbing the dice or doing the bets. No, no, no, no.

He's just watching what happens. No, no, no. Back then they go, who put that cunt on the boxman? Exactly. Yeah, there was a couple of cunts on the boxman. But yeah, excuse me.

But so this was the thing. He came off a break one time and he's calling, hey, coming out, crap 11 or 7. Five, no feel five 5 mark the 5 but we could tell he was turning some strange colors we knew he was sick and he was starting to sweat and this is a guy that was about 450 pounds we all loved him but he would eat so incessantly

on the break you don't have time to digest it it takes 10 minutes to get up you've only got another 10 minutes to get the fuck down. So he's calling the dice. Six easy, six. Winner, seven. Seven out, line away. And then when he got down, they tapped him out and he came around to start dealing. This is where you're bending over and you're paying off. Six, you're paying. He

looked at the boxman. He says, I'm not feeling good. And the boxman was a friend of mine. His name was Mike Carr. He was kind of like Matthew McConaughey, always talking through that smile in his face. He looked up at me. He says, I think Bailey's going to toss his cookies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no. With that fucking smirky fucking smile. And we love Bailey, but the fucking guy, he's like, yeah, he's going to toss his cookies. So I'm looking at him. And then I said, Bailey, because he came over and tapped me out to deal. And I went to the other side of the table. I said, listen, dude, if you're not feeling well, we've got a fucking, you know, we've got a little garbage can.

If you've got to puke, go over there. You know, I'll cover you. He's no, I'm good. And we were watching him. I bullshit you not. This was Harrah's Marina Casino. He started to fucking projectile

vomit and the fucking table was absolutely crowded there was three on the table fucking all over the dude all over the fucking entire Mr. Creosote from Monty Python all over the fucking table he did about five or six power heaves.

And you go, it was unbelievable. The people backed up. There were three and four deep, 15 people at least on both sides, and they all backed up in horror. And what were they looking at? They were looking at the milk.

They were looking at the fucking eggs. They were looking at the fucking fried eggs. It was so fucking horrific. And thank God, I can mention it now because he may not be around. If he is, I won't be around. His name was John Sassini, Johnny C-note. He was from Vegas. One of the few people that understood what the fuck to do under these circumstances. As soon as that happened, he backed everybody out. He said, look, on the other side where I was dealing, there was no vomit. Just give them their money. Because it was so fucking

busy. If you even stop for five minutes, you've lost $100,000. Just move the fucking dice. They didn't give a fuck. He called the security people and whatever the maintenance people. We gave everybody their money back. The vomit that was on this side of the table, there was at least probably five or ten

grand. Did they use that thing they used to scoop the dice for the vomit? No, exactly. Everyone's picturing that. It was at least probably five or ten grand. Did they use that thing they used to scoop the dice? Everyone's picturing that. It was unbelievable. So now he comes over. He says, look, everybody back out. And now he's pointing at people. He's just randomly, what did you have? And people that were watching the game, I had a $600 sticks. Pay him.

Just get him out. They were giving out thousands. I mean, everybody was fucking cleaning up and the Just get them out. They were just giving out fouls. Man, my chick to Arkansas's team. I mean, everybody was fucking cleaning up. And the dice tables in Atlantic City at that time were double the size of Vegas. They were fucking huge. And we were on a marina. We were not on the main drag on Atlantic City Boardwalk.

It was the marina. And so I wondered. I was like, okay, what are they going to fucking do? So Sini just said, look, everybody, you guys, the dealers, everybody go on break, everybody else. This is the fat guy. No, no. This is the pit boss. The pit boss, exactly.

Johnny C-Note. Johnny C-Note, exactly. He just said, look, everybody back up. Whatever you guys had, just give them. Just whatever the fuck they're at, just pay them. Let's get the fucking table out of here. Now, I thought that perhaps they were going to move it to some fucking lift, get it upstairs, change the layout, you know, the green felt,

and bring it back. Fuck no. He had them carry this fucking table all the way across the fucking casino floor, about 1,000 yards, out the fucking door, and I'm following him. He said, go up on break. I said, I want to watch this. All the fucking way out the fucking door at Harrah's.

This is a fact. All the way another fucking about 50 yards and dumped that motherfucker with the chips on top of it, the checks. At least $10,000 in checks into the drink. Just fucking toss it. He's saying toss the fucking table. They're like you really? Yeah, toss the fuck. And they just dumped just dumped it that was 1980 if anybody goes down there with the

fucking scuba outfit there's at least 10 grand in fucking checks down there have at it and within about a half an hour they had another table the fucking table and hepatitis c yeah but it was fucking wrong that's how busy it was it so, they didn't give a fuck. Just move the table, toss it in the drink, and get a fucking roll, get another table, and there it is. God bless you, Bailey. There you go, Tom Canopta.

Yeah, there it is. There's an old fart story. Keep fucking writing the stories down. I couldn't make that shit up. It was so fucking funny. Fucking Bailey. I had $200 and a fried egg on that shit up. It was so fucking funny. Fucking Bailey. I had $200 and a fried egg on that cut line. Yeah, no, no.

Exactly. Oh, everybody, whatever the fuck they were in, they were just making shit up. They could have been a $100 fly. I had $800 on the hard egg. Just give it to them. Give it to them. Give it to them.

That's what it was. That's business. Yeah, that was the business. That's smart. That's going to be the next grift like get somebody what was the name

of the crew that was counting cards the MIT team yeah Rounders the movie Rounders yeah yeah yeah

that's gonna be the next thing is you're gonna get your fat friend to take epicac and vomit on a craps table.

I had a thousand dollars on fucking boxcars, motherfucker. Hey, Ralphie, we got a personal appearance. We love you, Ralphie. I took it. There's no stage. Play craps for 20 minutes.

It says eat eggs. I don't know what the fuck that means. All you can eat eggs? What is this all about? Chase it with a quart of milk and fucking projectile vomit. It was unbelievable. All right. Let's fucking wrap this up with the

thank yous. We're going to just do the thank yous at the end. And I'm sorry if I forget. A lot of shit's coming in. Someone sent Chad Shank. Let Chad go through that stuff over there. Right, Chad. I'm just here.

What do I got? Can you read the name on that note? No. Someone sent a badge. I bought a, not a badge, but a patch that says Stanhope Police from Stanhope, New Jersey. So on my Funhouse jacket, someone sent this Inman Police to Chad Shank. Should Inman ever show up? I just got my Funhouse jacket back from the cleaners.

I was going to put my fire department. It smells like fucking campfire smoke every time I wear it here. As opposed to that Union, New Jersey chemical smoke that you get from smoking meth for fucking days and weeks. I don't do that every day. I take a break from that, too. That's what this is.

So, yeah. Inman police. South Carolina? That smell is a patch of its own. Trying to figure out the name. It starts with an S, ends with an S. MS. It was probably on the return address, but fuck it.

It's going on my red jacket. I'll wait for Tom Konopka. Tom, when you come back, remind me about the champion auto parts or whatever it is. The champion shirts. The shirts. I'm just saying, you'll cut out the pause. Yeah, champion shirts. Bill Augerman.

Thank you, Bill. Good man. Yeah, some shit showed up, the shirts, and he knew what it was about. I didn't. Yeah, no, he tweeted knew what it was about. I didn't. Yeah, no, he tweeted me. People sent me. I don't know if I ever brought up. Someone sent me a shitload of caviar.

Did I ever bring that up? No, you did not. No. You got caviar? And I don't know who it was from. In the little house. Is it still there? Yeah.

There's like 18 jars of caviar. It's like a shrink-wrapped gift box thing. 18 jars of caviar. It's like a shrink-wrapped gift box thing. Yeah, and it was marked perishable that Tom didn't know if he should open it or not, even though we were up in Tucson at the hospital. I don't want to open his mail. Tom's very timid to a fault when it's...

It didn't come from a fucking refrigerator truck. I'm thinking it's perishable upon opening. Did it come from a blood bank? No, exactly. I don't know. It's jarred caviar. It's still there. It's still good, and we're going to tear it up at some point.

I don't know if we save that for the Super Bowl. No, we're going to do that private, but I don't know who likes caviar. Thank you. Whoever sent me shitloads of jarred caviar, I fucking love you. And Ray from Massachusetts sent where is it? This giant Wow, look at that. Oh.

Jelly Bellies. This is like a four pound Christ. 49 flavors. It's a four pound box. It is four pounds. Yes. Four pounds of Jelly Bellies. 49 flavors. Yeah. Thank you very much, Ray from Massachusetts. All right, Ray.

I'll see you at the, oh, hey, I found a plug. The Wilbur Theater, April something. Sixth. Sixth. All right. Oh, by the way, Henning will be here tomorrow, and we'll get the lowdown on everything that's going to, like people ask me, are my tickets from the first show

that got canceled good for the next... I don't know. Fucked if I know. Hennigan will be here. We'll do a podcast with him, and we'll lay it all down. And then everything's getting rebooked for the California dates.

Well, everyone can just call the fucking place and figure it out. Yeah, you would think. They usually honor them, I think. One would think. We'll find out. Let's ask Joby to do a ruling. Someone sent Kenny a thing. No, no, yeah. What was that. We'll find out. Let's ask Joby to do a ruling. Someone sent Kenny a thing.

No, no, yeah. What was that? I never saw it. Kenny came from the Netherlands. Some guy named Tim, last name unpronounceable, from the Netherlands, tried to bid on one of Kenny's paintings. Oh, that's right.

He sold on eBay. He showed me on the way out. That's cool. So he got one of kenny's paintings he's sold on ebay on the way out and uh so he got one of those canvas picture photograph hang on your wall it's a of a screenshot of his losing bid yeah of the painting it was brilliant it was great with a nice canvas as a as a painting yeah it was a great idea. Yeah, Kevin, he showed me. He was proud.

That was a fucking great idea. Kenny was pissing himself with excitement. Exactly. Should I leave it here and show everyone at football? Or should I bring it back and show my wife? Yeah, show your wife and your kids. Awkward day to say this. It should go on my bathroom wall is where it should go

well no the found art goes he's uh very happy thank you tim yeah someone from lexington kentucky or they the distributor is in lexington kentucky today showed up with these 80-pound boxes of mixers. I guess I must have said that on a podcast. A couple. Hey, by the way, tonic water, not so much. Club soda. Club soda. Tonic water is basically 7-Up. So we're going to have to sell a lot of fucking tonic water.

Tracy, Super Bowl. There you go, Tracy. Vodka tonic we gotta move this product yeah baby so I don't know who you are but it came from Joe's Discounts

in Lexington, Kentucky Nashville Pussy sent us a bunch of fucking swag just for fun Nashville Pussy check out Nashville Pussy they're on a European tour go to their website

just Google it, motherfucker. Hey, maybe we change the website. Oh, no, Judy, I thought you said I already talked about it. No, you talked about it in the podcast we didn't air. Or no, during the two-hour. The thanks. I thought I thanked her. No, it was the two-hour spot that we were trying to cut.

No, finish your thought. I just wanted to let you know this was next. Okay, tell me. I thought you... You were mocking me for not remembering this, so I thought I already did this. It was during the two hours that we tried to do the 60-second spot.

That's when we talked about it. But I thought I did all the thank yous, so the thank yous I already threw away, I didn't go out? No, no. Those went out in the podcast that we did. Well, Judy, it wasn't Judy. Judy's the author. It was a guy that sent me 100 bucks.

Yeah, we did talk about it. Because they wanted me to give this to Rogan, and they bribed me 100 bucks. But I didn't actually mention the author's name. What's the name of the book again? It's upside down. It's upside down. Where did the towers go? Where did the towers go by Judy

something? Wood. Judy Wood. Judy Wood. Judy Wood and Ed Wood, but I wouldn't. You've got the fucking Ed Wood in the middle so you've stopped from the obvious. It's a limerick book from Heather. Heather. To bingo. Oh yeah that's uh heather square jaw

i found the uh note separately she's floyd's friend she was down here anyway uh so yeah fucking a massive amounts of soda water and tonic water tonic water maya yeah i don't know if i brought this up maya i talked about a few podcasts ago she was the one that uh was very upset that her thank you got skipped and i made a big to-do about it on a podcast i remember she sent me some digital download and then i made fun of her And then I made fun of her neediness over and over and over on a podcast. And I was kind of mean to you, Maya. You mean bastard. And I also said that I don't even know how to do digital downloads.

I'm an old dude. So what happened was she sent me a hard copy of the CD of the same musical comedian from, based on the cover, 1978, London. And it sucked sucked Maya. It sucked so much that we listened to about 30 seconds of three songs. It was so unlistenable. It was terrible. I'm so happy that I didn't learn how to download things digitally to hear that fucking nonsense. What I'm trying to say is thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you. My, that's my, I mean, that's Stan Hope's way of thanking you. My, that's love.

He hated it so much. He's thanking you. Yes. Yeah. I remember love. He hated it so much, he's thanking you for it. Yes. Yeah, I remember to write it down on his pad. Hey, that's a heavy fucking endorsement. Yes. All right. I think, what do you get over there?

Two Bibles. Two Bibles from Russell in Houston. He sent us like five during 2016. Oh, fucking Russell has died. Russell in Houston. Hopefully that's ingrained in my brain. I think he bought fucking seven things from eBay. He's a good dude.

All right, Russell. Pete Customer. Thank you, Russell. Good man, Russell. He's a whale. He's a whale. There you go. There you go.

Don't worry. Don't worry. Kanopka is going to reload. He's going to be your reloader. He put in the receipt from the hotels.com. Where he got it from. Where he got it from. He appropriated.

Oh, he's smart. Proof. Good. At some point, again, the same way you say don't meet your heroes, well, don't meet your biggest fans because Russell from Houston, I could name others, the guitar guy. The guitar guy.

Bill Nash. Bill Nash. Yeah. They send us so much shit, and if they were douchebags, I would hate it. But they're not. So, well, that's why you don't meet them. Exactly.

Don't meet your heroes and never meet your biggest fan. I'm your biggest fan. I just want to drop by for a minute. My mom's going to be on point. She's going to come by without a bra on. I walk into your house. Even my dog was afraid to bite her.

Jesus. Hey, kid from Alaska, I meant no disrespect to your mom. When someone just walks into your house, it's kind of awkward. Through your closed gate. And giant fence.

With dogs barking. Yes. Again, Stan Hope is thanking you. Yes. Is this where the comedian guy lives? Yeah. Big fan. Yeah, do a little something.

Be funny. Be funny. Drop by the house and do a guest set. Do a little something. Be funny. Be funny. Drop by the house and do a guest set. Do a quick 10. I don't think that's going to happen. I'm going the safe way. Yeah. Hey, is pasta ready, Joby?

Oh. Get into the death pool. God, we love Joby. www.dscdp. Doug Stanhope celebrity Celebrity Death Pool. Oh, fuck. Yep. Yes.

Doug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Pool. DSCDP. Officer, I have not been drinking whatsoever. And let's play this out with... I guess Mishka. Yeah. Mishka's due. Is it Mishka or Bird Club? Play an obscure track by Mishka. due Mishka's due play an obscure track by Mishka

here's an obscure track the one where Chad Shank and I play guitar and Chad Shank sings there you go that's an idea for sure do I have that? I like what you're doing because I tweeted this today

that in my book as as I'm writing, I think I want to do very elaborate tongue twisters just to fuck with Chad Shank when he has to do the audio book. So, yes, come up with very obscure tracks, Joby, that he has to go sit down when he edits this thing and find to fuck with Chaley. We love Chad. Either way. Cut your hair.

It's a new one. Here's Mishka Shabali. This podcast is over. Mishka. The potato peelings in the sink did not turn into vodka as I had hoped. I only start to need a drink after the liquor stores have closed.

You left a bunch of dirty Kleenex underneath the mattress like an unwanted batch of kittens Everybody's got secrets And I'm forgotten But I don't mistake it for forgiving I heard you change your name again I heard you change your name again. Don't you change your whole head. It was the only thing I liked about you. In the end. La, la, la, la, la, la The woman on crutches behind a pregnancy test

The safe way, the woman at the laundromat can't meet my eyes Girls at the bus stop The stripper downstairs Know some of the girls In some of the movies That I watch sometimes The woman calling On the telephone Losing patience

Her voice sounds like Whiskey and milk I know I can't pay the bill But please call back I got to know that you're alright I heard you change your name again Don't you change your name again It was the

only thing I liked about you in the end heard you changed your name

again darling don't you change your hair It was the only thing I liked about you In the end La la la La, la, la, la, well, we'll shut our mouth. Hey, bring that down to your mouth. Not piña.

Pina. Sorry. There you go. Don't worry, you can fuck it up a million times. I'll leave the mic so... It's not like we'll actually know, but you do. Yeah. I just had to write it down so I'd remember it.

Yeah. You can talk and fuck and whatever. It's always weird. Alright, go ahead. You want me to go? All right. Go ahead. You want me to go? No, I'm not. How are you?

Hold on. Hold on. This has got to be near your mouth, dude. I thought it was. It's not your job. Don't worry. It's my fault. I touched it. Hey, Doug, why don't you do a lead-in?

And our new sponsor or whatever, if you want to. Yeah, say Mio Migos. Is that Belgrade in Serbia? Yes. That's their capital. Don't look at me. I didn't know if that's who they thought. Yeah, it's Mio Migos in Casa Grande.

Yeah. Okay. And now our new voiceover expert. Sorry. All right. We'll take a break. And no, I already had Chad take us a break. We just need to...

What's the Paninis? No, Mi Amigos. Mi Amigos, Ricardo's, yeah. Or just Ricardo's. Just say Ricardo's. And now, tonight's sponsor, Ricardo's in Casa Grande, Arizona. No?

It says Mi Amigos. Well, it's a full name. Everybody calls it Ricardo's. I'll have it in mind. All right. That's why I thought it was wrong. I hope you're keeping all this in my head. That's what I'm saying.

You should. You've got to keep this shit rolling. This is better than anything. Well, if you say Ricardo's in the thing, then you should say Ricardo's in the beginning. But all right. It has to be the same, right? Because he's going to talk.

All right. Got it. I get it. Hey, but no pressure, dude. Let's go, let's go. All right. And now a word from a sponsor... And now a word from Ricardo's in Casa Grande. All right.

All right. Well, you get the address. Yep yep I got the phone number address Ted what I got in a pen awkwardly pause on any like annunciation or something like that anything English well like burritos Florence Boulevard say it in English

Florence Boulevard Florence Boulevard remember this any pauses in between I'm taking that out anyway so I'm going to condense it anyway so if you want to take a breath yeah take a breath and then do a burst and then take a breath i will fix all that i'm full of hot air so i can okay okay you'll do it okay so sell me sell me on ric's! Tell me!

He's good. You're good. Oh, he's good? Oh, okay. Sorry. I'm turning all the other mics off. It's just you right now. Okay. Good. There you go. How are you, people? Welcome to Casa Grande for the best Mexican food. My friend Ricardo's. 821 Florence Boulevard.

520 836 38 58. If you like tacos and burritos and enchiladas and Stan Hobbs especial, come there. You'll like it a lot. Hello, people. and throw in whatever would be the Bill Burr equivalent of go fuck yourself. But do it like, do it like,

Okay. Okay. Okay. Just you want that part or you just want the whole? No, no. Just that part. Just that part. But like do like a, and remember, go fuck yourself.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. But like do like a And remember Go fuck yourself Yeah, yeah, yeah Okay He said it Yeah, okay Okay And don't forget Go fuck yourself

Do it on and on Okay, okay And remember Okay I don't know what Okay And don't forget Oh, sorry

And don't forget Go fuck yourself Yes That was the one Yes zaboraviti. I nemoj zaboraviti. Idi jebi se.