The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #197: Things I've Been Told I Had Done

Episode Date: February 22, 2017

This episode sponsored by BlueApron.com. Get you first 3 meals for FREE by signing up at BlueApron.com/STANHOPE (#blueapron)Doug and Mr. Hennigan return from Sierra Vista, AZ to update the progress on the new book, how not to party in a hotel and details on upcoming tour dates. 2017 Tour Dates at www.DougStanhope.com. Get on the Mailing List for Special Announcments and Updates.Recorded Feb. 21, 2017 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), Tom Konopka (@realTomKonopka), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille.Stanhope Throws Out Heckler OKC - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi19--WnfOUClosing song, "I Can't Remember When You Were Mine", by Mishka Shubaly. Available on iTunes.LINKS:- Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/- Tio Ceddy's Aqua Chiltepin - http://www.tioceddy.com/- Nash Guitars - www.nashguitars.com- Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com/storeSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

I can't find that, uh... I keep the blue pad for podcast shit thank yous. So I don't know who sent what. Someone sent bingo... It's basically a scarf, but it's a mermaid size and length scarf that goes from your chest to your... That's not a scarf. But it's scarf

like material. It's knitted. Yeah, it's knitted. She couldn't fit through it. I don't know. It's like a... You're making it sound like a donut. It's like a sleeping bag that has a fishtail on the end. So it looks like you're a mermaid.

Oh yeah, they're all the same. I couldn't figure it out. She couldn't figure it out. So it looks like you're a mermaid. Oh, yeah. They're all the right. I couldn't figure it out. She couldn't figure it out. I've been doing a lot of shit. Oh, this is from John. John Palermo. Thank you for sending that thing. We couldn't figure out.

Du Palo Italiano. A bit of a tough week. Joanne Cannon and Chris Kilroy sent something. someone sent like a 50 amazon card damn i don't know who's right here marianne hanley sent something and it's written down somewhere marianne hanley uh my old neighbors growing up uh that was very nice thank you marianne hanley i know it's something fucking weird and cool. Some guy sent his last $2 out of his wallet to Bingo's Medical Funds. His name is Garetta from Copple, Texas.

Copple. It was a couple dollars. Stop it. Oh, Tom Kanopka's on the podcast. Bing, bing, bing. Oh, we already did this one. That's's lexi that's the fucking panties that's oh oh that was on the swap they're still in that bag outside did you guys even open those out yeah thanks uh marianne hanley uh she said oh she sent the bingo watch yeah oh that's cool with the rolled up with the rolled up coke dollar bingo so. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. With the rolled up Coke dollar. With the rolled up Coke dollar.

Bingo said that's definitely a Coke dollar. That was cool. And then she said she sent a shirt. There's been a couple of shirts that showed up, so I don't know what shirt was mine. All of them. Who knows? Thank you, everyone, for the Amazon gift card.

Bless your heart. Did Bingo say that you had to thank someone for this before I could have it? Sal Volcano sent you the IP in pools. IP in pools. It's a trucker hat that I told Hennigan he could have. No!

Sal Volcano sent that. So instead, it's going to go to a thrift store. I at least need a picture first. Yeah, grab it while you can, Brian. I do have to say thank you to Jeremiah. Was a? Jeremiah for sending six Bibles.

I was cleaning up and we're getting some new merch in at the store and the water you're always cleaning up the water has stopped raining in from the ceiling so we're moving stuff around and I found six Bibles

that I forgot to say thank you for he sent six Bibles because he quit his job at a hotel and took what he could a small hotel but security

walked him out and he could only grab six believe me there's a lot more Bibles that people send me where there's a lot more Bibles that people send me. There's rooms full of them. Because we haven't been on the road in so long, I don't say thanks anymore.

They're a burden to me. All they are is a reminder of how much I'm not working. They're not a burden in my head when I get them. Oh, I see. I just open a package. It's a stolen Bible and I go a package. It's a stolen Bible, and I go, fuck. It's a reminder. It's like seeing an Avis receipt.

It's a kicking the ass from your dad going, you've got to get a job. I'm trying, Dad. The intent was well. Thank you, Brian, for the two Bibles that you got from Sierra Vista. And Jeremiah. You're welcome. Yes. Merch sales going good with the Near the Wild t-shirt?

We're sold out of two X's? Who'd have thought? I got the first one. Thank you very much. It's weird. Like smalls and two X's. Yeah. I don't know how that...

Maybe they're putting the small on their real doll whoa whoa jesus oh can't touch that those are valued customers chaley yeah exactly you better just stick that in i i wanted to read oh i i'm gonna save it it until Chad's here. Yes. Because, again, I have, what, eight days or something before the deadline for this book, and I'm going, there's no fucking way I'm going to finish this in time. But I have an email that I want to read, but I want to wait for Chad. Isn't that long missive that you sent me?

Like that super long, all caps? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that one. Oh? Like that super long all caps? Yeah. Oh my God. Oh Christ. Yeah. I have notes on that one too. I'm glad we can all dissect that. Tonight, I don't want to be on this podcast. Tom

Knopka, Brian Hennigan, and Greg Cayley will be carrying this. I have to get back to the fucking book but I know we're gonna be backed up for podcasts if I don't do it but I'm gonna save that for Chad Shank I didn't even tell him I'd be here a good call

I know if he's gonna drive all the way out I'm gonna drink with him all night and then again I will have the booze shakes that I have I'd work on the book but i can't really type i can type a lot but they're not the right keys they're close but i can't feel my fingers or my soul or my soul damn so it's going good yeah i think it's going very well it's actually uh yeah he's fucking tearing up fucking write a book in two months well there are reasons it had to be two

months any comedian who uh all right like if hedberg uh yes did, like I have a lot of stories in this book, just all these old road stories. But if you, like Hedberg had jokes. He didn't have 15-minute bits like I have. He had jokes. And if you threw them all, well, he didn't need to segue them. I need to fucking, it's like if you put all of Hed's jokes together and go okay now segue them yeah uh yeah no shit yeah they're non-sequiturs right they're not non-sequiturs the way he would go from one my stories kind of feel like life well

they're non-sequiturs in that well there... I can't go from 1993 to 2008 without... Well, you were not at all and now you're going back to... Oh, fuck that. It's Tarantino, the whole fucking thing. It's all fucking great.

Pulp fiction. They're all short stories and they're all fucking killer. Go with it. Yeah. Which is basically what is happening. Yeah. Yeah. How could it not be that? Or else you'd be writing 50 different volumes. We have a vague through line and it's working.

Yeah. It's just not working in eight days left. Oh, fuck. Because we keep coming up with other stories. It's true. That's the problem. This is part one is fucking coots oh christ chilco charlie's anchor jelaska fucking becker and well the problem is we start talking about these stories the ones i have in the book right with all the alaskans who've come

to visit recently and it just blows up into more stories and you're like this is a fucking like kutz is a book without a kutz is a movie everything i can't have two-thirds of a book of all my road stories about one fucking bar. That you played once a year for 10 years. But has the best stories. I agree with you 100%, but I think you're playing it smart. We're teasing it.

Paying it out. I think that's what Tom was saying. We're teasing it. Teasing it, baby. That's exactly what I was saying. There's a good tease that came up with the D, and I don't think this is a spoiler alert thing because when we were when we were conducting research for the book we ended up having to research the freeze but no no no no there

there's a lot of shit that yeah i i see what you see i I know where you were going but let's kill it it's dead apparently but we just but we just spent five days in a hotel is it a hotel?

it's a motel it's a holiday inn it's a motel it was a middle class flop house it was a fine flop house it was a very good flop house Sierra Vista is incredibly quiet all the time

you can sleep for days and wake up and nothing has changed Brian your picture of it was fucking great on twitter thank you thank you tom yeah it's uh yeah we found this extended stay kind of place where they and they were obsessed with us having parties i arrived i i arrived a dog had already been there not you but you're a. Let me set it up. Is that so wrong? I stayed at the Motel 6 for a night.

It had no refrigerator, no mini fridge. Nothing. The one you stayed at before. So you went back to kind of repeat that process. No, it's not. Another one? Yeah, no. The one I stayed at before was the Sierra Suites.

Oh, wow. Great. But twice the price. Sure. Still wicked cheap. But Motel 6, $27 a night. Yeah. But it was kind of sketchy.

You're filling the bottom of the pool at that price. But it was kind of sketchy. You're filling the bottom of the pool at that price. But there was no microwave or mini fridge. Nothing. No accoutrement. Or sense of safety. No, nothing.

Just a lot of fucking towels. Yeah. Stop mammeting my fucking dialogue. Thank you, David. stop mammeting my fucking dialogue thank you david so i stayed there one night and then i i the next morning i called around to a bunch of the places on expedia idea 44 bucks a night the fuck is that sounds like someone texting is that live bingo are you texting out there i'm hearing like clicking yeah oh it's his it's tom's old phone it's trying to communicate he wants him back back so so i call around to the places on expedia hey do you have a fridge and i found this place that has a regular sweets not sweets like vegas budget sweets not them no it's a place where... If you're invested, guys who do long-term construction have monthly rates. Yeah, cool.

You're going to have a full fridge and a kitchen and shit like that. Road crew, like a road crew hotel. And the point is smoking rooms. Ah. Yeah, I need to smoke here. So my choices are here in the fun house where every fucking minute the dog is scratching at the fucking door or someone's fucking coming in to grab some shit. Or I know I can put on hockey and call Tracy up and go, let's watch hockey. I hate writing a book.

Yeah. So I went to Sierra sierra vista this fucking military town 25 miles away and get a shitty smoking room to the point where brian hennigan here it comes i had to launder not just my my my pants my trousers but also my fucking bag my bag was so infused with cigarette smoke i thought i can't even take this on the plane people would be looking at me going where's that smell coming from smoky bear i've never smelled myself being smoky that much and i'd wake up in the morning and i was in my room, which I'm not smoking in obviously because I don't smoke. And I'd be like, what's that horrible smell?

And it's me. It's me. But that whole floor, when we went there the other day, that whole floor, you're walking down it and there are no smoking rooms near the elevator on that floor. And I don't imagine any i mean you'd have to not have a nose yeah to be put in the non-smoking room if you're if you're in one of those rooms near the elevator that they must really dislike you because apartment the elevator

makes the one the loud cube machine dispenses these fucking tiny marbles of noise like this you know and you're right next to that i'm guessing you had an elevator room no no no no no no no what we were the ones who had to go get ice oh going oh we're waking up the whole floor yeah because when i checked in i i was calling around trying to find smoking room do you have a microwave refrigerator kitchenette type thing got it 44 bucks a night but it will match expedia no problem and they were very nice but they i said do you have because brian's coming in i think against my will i'm not sure what i i don't know that's my problem with drinking is i don't know if it was my idea a week earlier oh i'm coming how long are you staying yeah what i get in thursday

for how long till tuesday i'm like ah look at brian god damn and i said this on the phone to him i go how long are you staying till tuesday fuck why maybe I told him to do this. I'm just trying to get the fuck away from everybody. And when Brian's coming, then it's who's going to stay in what house where? I've been staying in a little house where Brian would stay.

Fuck this. I woke up the next morning. I went to Sierra Vista. Which was very effective. Voilà. I fucking general the next morning. I went to Sierra Vista. Yes. Which was very effective. Shambhala. There you go. I fucking General Rommel the situation. Anyway. You magnificent bastard, you.

Shut up. You became so pushy about visiting that it made him go somewhere else. Basically. Way to go, General. Way to go, General. Somewhere else where Doug was very productive. It was very productive. It was very productive. There's no disputing the fact that when he goes somewhere

and there's nothing, there's no distractions, that he can be productive. That's it. I find it curious that you're taking credit for that, Mr. Rommel. When did the issue of the parties come up? The what? The issue of the parties. With the hotel.

Oh, when I called, I asked, A, if I could get this room. And then I called back because I remembered you're coming here. And she said, I said, do you have adjoining rooms that one's smoking, the other, it doesn't matter. And she said, yes, yes, we do. How many people are you? You're not having any parties, are you? And I said, no.

Uh-oh. Then I show up to check in. I just called. I had to pay a $20. First question? Will this be credit card or an arm of chat? Fucking right off the base. Yeah.

Where you go, alright, these fucking 19-year-old military guys are fucking whooping it up with fucking half-dollar whores and fucking SWAT raids. Go on. So you arrive.

So I arrive and I said, I just called and she goes, well, how many are you for how many people for the two rooms and she was very nice which is weird for the patel motel mafia patel usually the patels well you haven't been on the road tom when you when you go low budget like we do on the road the hoosier place fuck yes i remember every places. I slammed Bingo's hand in the door. Yes. For good luck. Well, of course. Is it like the

Patel Leeds in Glengarry? Yes. There's got to be an equivalent there. Fucking Shiva. Fucking Shiva can fucking reach up and never... Ricky Roma. The Patels own all the low budget motels in America.

The same way the mafia owned vending. What? Yes. There is no mafia. Low interest, small business loans. The same way the Koreans own the flora business. It's literally the name Patel. They own so many of these low rent extended stays,

America's best travel lodge, travel lodgy kind of places in middle America. And they're always really rude. So this woman was out of context being very nice, but still saying, how many people do you? I go, look at me. I'm a 50-year-old man. I'm not having a party. I know what you probably go through.

And she was really sweet. Sure. But how many people? I go, there might be a third if a blue hair girl shows up you live in bisbee or the next town over and yeah if you see a blue hair girl that's the only extra person that will be stopping by that's it what has she seen so she sees dog was that the end of your was that the end of your interrogation or was there more yes no no that was that was that was the radio show then i show up oh fuck mr party

mr burning man shaking off the burning man dust they they saw me boots they saw me parking that chevy malibu and thought whoa here comes m Gras. And so I go in and I say, my friend has already checked in. I believe he's got the keys. And she obviously thinks, oh, I can spring one on him because he's probably not expecting this. She says, yes, how many are you?

She does exactly the same question. And I went, I said, it's just me. I said, she said, no, in total, how many are you? And I said, there's me and Doug. And then she said, this was the bizarre thing. There are other people already up there. And I'm thinking, well, maybe Chaley and Tracy are here. I don't know.

I just said, I'll call you when i get there and let you know like i don't i don't know what you're talking about yeah and i go up and tell him this and say you have to call down and tell them how many people are there and i i thought i again knowing our group's background i thought it was kind of a prank and that she had clued me into the fact that you'd hidden someone in my room. Who was going to jump out Kato style? Ah, yes.

And I'm thinking, Doug's saying to me, no, it's just me. I'm thinking, yeah, good one. Wait till I try to hang up my coat. He gets like jumpy the whole time yeah what was that

and he had to pull her up and like hey listen just to reassure you it's only us so what she was really doing

was trying to pit us against each other yeah well divide and conquer god damn it it's everywhere we kept

extending our stay because at that point we're there for two days. That's what it's called. And then we. America Chili. It's an extended stay. Exactly. Here's a surcharge.

Eventually she stopped asking. I brought a copy of my book in before brian even got there go no i'm not having a party i'm just i'm writing a book and i need a smoking room because my smoke bothers my wife at home yeah but saying saying you're in sierra saying to someone in sierra vista that you're there to write a book you might as well say you're there to become the next poop. But that's why... Listen, Brian, you know, I brought a copy of my book that I had my bag back

down to the front desk and said, just so you know, I'm not lying. I'm writing the follow-up to this book. Yes. Can I look at that? We all look the same to them.

Oh, fuck. Is this real? Well, yeah, it's the only time I was happy my face is on

the fucking cover of it. Yeah. And she goes, can I look at that? I go, yeah, but I need it back because you wouldn't like it.

Why not? Yeah. Well, trust me, you wouldn't like it. Why not? Trust me, you wouldn't like it. Now she gets a chapter. When I said I was writing a book, she made some kind of smart-assy comment. Not smart-assy, but...

Sassy. Dissingenuous comment about, will you make sure you put our name in the book okay no don't worry it's already in the book keep it up

keep it up be careful what you wish for exactly but it was productive and there was a delicious Mexican restaurant

fuck I wish I could drop the name of that place where was it was productive, and there was a delicious Mexican restaurant. Ah. Fuck, I wish I could drop the name of that place. Where was it? Was it on Fry? The one that was next door to the Sierra Sweets that I first stayed at. Didn't you come out there? No. When you go to Sierra Vista, I stay away. Thank you.

What was on the menu? Anything that stands out? I guess tacos and burritos and enchiladas. It's the be careful the plate is hot kind of Mexican but it's dim lit full bar beautiful

jalapeno margarita when he told me there's a great Mexican restaurant we're going to go to I was obviously thinking yeah this is going to be great because it was really good Mexican restaurant we're going to go to, I was obviously thinking, yeah, this is going to be great. No, because if you know. Really good. It was really good. That's great.

Even when you walked in, it was like, wow, you'd go to this place in LA maybe. You know, that type of. We did go to the place that Chad said, recommended. Bingo's here. What's that? It's the place next to Midas. You didn't go to that place.

It's like a little taco stand. No, no. It's a brick and mortar. This is a Midas? This plate is hot. Yeah. It's called La Casita. La Casita.

La Casita. La Casita Mexican Restaurant and Cantina in Sierra Vista. Get served. Next to the Sierra Suites, which I would have written the entire book in if it wasn't twice as much as the extended stay, which

was twice as much as the Motel 6. I met them in the middle. So it worked out. But I once I start writing, I can't eat. It's so fucking geared up. You smoke a lot, though, too.

I do. No, but you zen in. Yeah, that's what it's supposed to be. No, it's the cigarettes. Of course it is. It's panic. They draw you in. It's panic.

I start looking at the book going, I start looking at the book going I look at that little bottom right hand corner of my laptop I go what's the date what's the time

alright I have 13 more days and 8 hours and then I get into such a fucking panic 13 more days. Yeah. And eight hours. Yeah, TikTok. And then I get into such a fucking panic. Yeah, it's fucked. We should get a countdown clock to put in the funhouse. I just thought of it.

A doomsday clock for Doug. Yeah. It's in my head. Don't worry. It's already there. Goddamn. And I'm writing about all sorts of fun I've had. I'm going, why am I not having fun? I feel like a fraud writing about all sorts of fun i've had i'm going why am i not having fun i feel like a fraud writing about fun about fun that i've had but i'm not yeah i'll have fun eventually

no you're not gonna because as soon as you get done with this book you're gonna have to figure out what you're gonna do for an act on the road and you're gonna be just as panicked as you were writing the fucking book almost morgan murphy uh doug stanhope and possibly brett erickson i haven't decided i i ebb and flow on whether i should drag brett erickson into this tour i think i'm going yay yeah that'd be a trifecta right there no fucking doubt morgan and brett fuck i might even be there for a few days just to stop you having fun all right let's take a break and we will be back after these messages i think you should see that line and then let chaos.

Don't worry, I'll fix whatever. No, you don't worry because after spending five days in Sierra Vista in some smoking hotel room working on my book, we came back and I go i i need to eat something and chaley says hey you want a big potato and i go uh yeah i could eat that i just need to get some food in my system so i can get back to drinking and writing and adderall and areander. Are you both fucking retarded? It's ridiculous. It's for fucking less than $10 fucking dollars per meal.

Blue Apron delivers all the fucking ingredients you need in each meal. It's just fucking shut up. It's a fucking step-by-step, easy-to-follow recipe card with pre-proportioned ingredients, and it can be prepared in 40 minutes or less. So what's your fucking problem with your fucking book? Tell us again. What I'm trying to say

is that I came back and he offered me a baked potato and I said, well, is there sour cream? Because you can't I know you're from a fucking slang-tongued fucking tasteless country of fucking people who eat cabbage and tasteless things.

They eat Soylent Green where he's from. Soylent Green's people! He brought me to a country. This is how I know Brian Hennigan. He brought me to a country where they eat Soylent Green, where we actually went to a baked potato stand where i was almost crying because there's no food with flavor and they were out of butter and sour cream fuck that's not right who would eat a potato So today When I just needed

Some sustenance To try to get through the rest of the That's what Shut up That's exactly what I'm saying I'm not done You brought me to a place Where they

It was commonplace To eat A regular Baked potato With nothing And And you looked at me like I was a bitch yeah and now I understand

I saw the fucking light I understand what fucking flavor is I've moved here I'm a refugee with a fucking purpose and that purpose is to sell fucking blue apron pre-prepared meals with all the fucking

ingredients including fucking butter if it's fucking necessary fucking blue apron pre-prepared meals with all the fucking ingredients, including fucking butter, if it's fucking necessary, okay? As long as it's appropriate to the meal in question. And you can have it for less than $10 a fucking meal, including if you're fucking forlorn about your life after you're just

being holed up in some shithole writing a fucking book. How could it be more clear? Do they have bacon bits? Yes, they have bacon bits, but not just that. This week's menu, and I fucking shit you not, includes lamb, beef, and mushroom stew with parmesan potatoes and chives.

And chives. They only had chives in Edinburgh. Well, Mel, that's the whole point. Now, everywhere is a veritable cornucopia of degustation.

Because you can have, in addition to the lamb beef mushroom stew shite, you can also have seared chicken and pearl couscous with crispy capers and blood orange sauce. I shit you not.

That is going to be delivered to you by Blue Apron and it will amaze your taste buds in a way that will make you think that that journey to the fucking UK was but a total eclipse of your tongue. Whoa, fuck. But you used to tell me that I should just eat a bland baked potato when you first took me on as a client.

That is fucking true, because that's all you are worth you are a piece of shit comedian who had groped his way across the atlantic like fun some fucking water snail and i've somehow found purchase on our shores and we therefore we were obliged to feed you so anything worked in those circumstances when When you first booked me, you told me when I said I've never seen an uncircumcised penis, that I should just be happy that anyone was giving me penis at all, much less an undressed baked potato. This still holds to be true.

Nevertheless, one of the third options with Blue Apron this week, and honestly, folks, this is just off the fucking charts magnificent. Udon noodle soup with miso and, wait, I don't mean hard-boiled. I mean soft-boiled eggs. Udon noodle soup with miso and soft boiled eggs get that down your esophagus jumbo you could say udon in japanese because i know you speak fluent japanese as we say in japanese monkeys also fall from trees.

An indication that I also am prone to human error. One thing I'm not in error about is this. You can get your first three meals free. I'm not talking for money. I mean free at blueapron.com slash, slash Stan Hope. Two slashes? No, that's a good point. Just one slash. So it's blueapron.com slash Stan Hope.

Do you think that my fans and listeners might take advantage of this by just getting three? That's what we fucking hope It's a fucking marketing ploy Okay, Blue Apron aren't fucking morons, okay They understand that once your fans have gone to the trouble of trying to get three free meals, which they're entitled

to like any homeless person Okay, they will probably be so dumb that they'll still leave their credit cards online for the rest of eternity do you think that my fans have credit cards or do you think that my fans might just be as retarded drunk as I am and just take on this what's the word? Burden.

Burden. Burden. Burden. Yes! That's exactly what we know. We've done fucking Blue Apron, they're fucking cosmic geniuses. They've done analysis of your fans and know they've got fucking credit Apron. They're fucking cosmic geniuses. They've done analysis of your fans

and know they've got fucking credit cards. They wouldn't be here talking to us and to them if they'd only had fucking credit cards. They don't get a fucking credit card. They know they've got credit cards and they know they're forgetful. So they're willing to fucking, you know, dangle this fucking, you know,

three meals for nothing more than a fucking sign up but brian honestly can't you see that they will incur credit card debt of all the things that they purchased because we told them to do it and now their student loans and their fucking hydrocephalic babies will not be taken care of just for a free beautiful gourmet meal. Not just one beautiful gourmet meal, I should say. Three. A whole day's worth. Three?

Are you saying three? Their whole life. Fuck the retarded baby. Their whole life will be filled beyond capacity with delicious comestibles. And they'll have nothing else to worry about.

They'll be satiated beyond their imaginations. And no amount of credit card debt will ever lift that delightful burden from their tongues. I guess what you're telling me is that those kids wouldn't really live very long anyway. So sign up to blueapron.com slash stanhope so that those kids that uh you wish you had aborted can eat one last time three last times oh wait three last times you're right I'm sorry I'm the worst pitch man ever for those dead kids

no no the fucking Sarah McLaughlin the sad you know in the arms of blue apron it's a sad puppy Arms of blue apron. It's a sad puppy that's eating cumin and crusted pork chops.

Oh, yes. Blue apron. A better way to cook. A puppy. At the Stan Hope Farts Festival here in Bisbee, we had a pre-screening of Henry Phillips' new movie, Punching Henry. Yeah, Henry. I forgot I was even in the movie and it was it fucking killed it did not like hollywood

killed where everyone has to show up at a premiere and clap because their name was in the credits as a fucking gripper or a fucking pole dancer or whatever the fuck they do no it killed on funny level. Yes. Because these fucking rubes don't know comedy for shit, and they fucking loved it. So, yeah, it's coming out. What's the tangible?

It's out now on streaming media, and on the 24th, it's available in select markets. What's it called? It's called Punching Henry. Punching Henry. I fucking said it. It's a sequel when it doesn't need to be a sequel you get the whole thing but i'm hoping i keep calling

sierra vista to see if they're going to show it i don't think we're on the list fuckers we could but now i got too much shit to do. I was going to say, we should show punching Henry here in the theater. I got too much shit. We showed it at the Farce Festival. That was going to be the screening out on the patio. Oh, it was killer. And everyone was going to be here outside. Yeah.

And then we had a torrential downpour where it was coming in sideways. Yeah, yeah. Into the patio. Yeah. And we had to bring it inside. And some of the people that were here couldn't even watch it because everyone was packed into the funhouse

because we had to put it on the screen here. So we might do another screening here. I'm going to try and get... We had to sit outside. Yeah, in the morning. Chad's never seen it. It was raining like a fuck. Chad only heard us laughing because he was outside. We were outside. Yeah, in the morning. Chad's never seen it. It's raining like a fuck. Chad only heard us laughing

because he was outside. We were outside. Yeah. Were you outside? I was going in and out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no smoking in the... I'm trying to get a screening

out here. So I had to go in and out. I would like to do a screening at the Royale. Oh, now there you go. That would be a thing to do. Fuck yes! There you go.

That is the fucking move. We love you, Henry Phillips. And now back to where I was doing that. I'm sorry. Hey, we're back. A name that came up in our conversation with the past. And again, I don't think this is fucking something we need. Anthony Clark.

Oh, wait, you were there i know yeah anthony clark is alive and well i don't i don't know if that is still going around the comedy world where anthony clark has just disappeared while I get his phone number. Alright, from Steve. What are you, a fucking rat cocksucker? Sorry, sorry. Well, no, it's easy because, I mean, how many times do we have to fucking edit you out? Oh, Jesus. Yeah, no. You got work at it. Nothing, no, you don't really need to edit that out.

It's just busting. You were just curious, like, what happened to him? What's he doing? Anthony Clark. It's a long story. I'll tell you something we can talk about. South by Southwest. There you go.

Carry it. First of all, all the dates right now are on the website. Yes. There's a bunch more coming very soon. The remake, the rebooking. All of March. Yes. And then Reno, Doug's birthday.

That's a good point. 50th birthday party, Reno. Yeah. Doug insisted on it. I love it. I said that we actually changed the dates around once when we rebooked the the bookings yeah we call it call it uh doug's last round number birthday there it is shaley's writing

yeah we flipped the dates a little bit and changed everything around because if we'd actually taken the dates as they were and just put them straight into the dates they just moved the dates that were in November to the dates in March, Doug would have been celebrating his 50th birthday

in Sally Tomatoes Ronert Park it's the worst holy fuck rather anticlimactic Sally Tomatoes. Ronert Park. Ronert Park. Ronert Park. It's the worst. Holy fuck. Rather anticlimactic. Yeah. There's Reno on a Saturday. Woo!

Come on. It's pretty good. Yeah. So, anyway, so mentioning Morgan Murphy. No, the great Morgan Murphy. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Hi, Morgan. So, Doug is going to host a show at South by Southwest yeah on March the 14th with Morgan Murphy Brendan Walsh and Glenn Wool

oh fuck here's a killer fucking line this is going to be for our best friends in comedy this is CISO who will film the show and then film it out it's filmed for CISO

this is a special yeah that's a fucking killer special right there you know with a high who will film the show and then film it for CISO. This is a special. Yeah. That's a fucking killer special right there. You know, with a high concept name, Doug Stanhope and Friends. Ah. Wait, what did we come up with last night?

Doug Stanhope, the comics, comics, comics. Yeah, I like that better. I agree. It echoes, yeah. Why can't we fight for that? Oh, we should be able to yeah yeah you gotta fight yeah don't worry you're their marquee name to fucking roll out yeah he's the marquis so that we there we go i had a dream last night just so you know so he just punched me in the fucking stomach for hugging him. He said it reminded him of his dad.

Whoa. Sorry. Why, did you have a boner? Bingo, are you leaving? Bingo, don't leave us. Yeah? Are you going in there or are you going home? I don't know.

Little house? I could go east. I could go west. It was all up to me to decide. That was a little shout out to Jeff Tate, little Bob Seger, poor rendition. Important.

The dream of order for South by Southwest, because people are going to ask us the only, the only way you get to the only way you get to any shows that South by Southwest is by having a pass for the whole festival. There are no individual tickets. Really? That's odd. So good. Fuck are no individual tickets. Really? Correct. That's odd.

Good. Fuck them. Money grab. Aye. Fuck them. Have you ever told your story? Of course I have. Tell it again.

I still like to save it for parties. But on the podcast. I'm sure I have. This is a party, isn't it? I'm sure I still told it very early days. Drunkenly. I'll do Brian Hennigan. No, don't do it no oh no you're not like let me write it down for when we did the chad with the email and then you can then you can

do that anyway so south by southwest march the 14th that's where austin but hold on a second i i had no idea i thought you were just going down to host something yeah but it'd be something that's great but with glenn wool fuck brendan walsh and morgan murphy that's yeah i'll keep my mouth shut yeah i'll keep my mouth stay out of the way let them let them tell the jokes exactly yeah in this venue called esther's follies which is basically esther's follies wow esther's follies ziegfeld Follies. The sign in the, between the, what we call the dining room and the living room. In the main house.

The Velveeta room. The Velveeta room. Is beside Esther Follies. They're connected. Oh. So we stole that sign, the Velveeta room that's in our living room, dining room.

I did not know that. Well, we call that the Velveeta room now. Yes. Why don't you? It's funny. I should have said that. When we were down there casing the joint, the guy remembered you.

He went, oh, Doug's down there. We used to play here. Older guy, beard. I mean, a godless guy. Yeah, word of mouth I filmed in the Velveeta room. Yeah, there you go. I remember the last time. I remember we did Red 7, and we tried to do the live podcast

with all the drunken assholes I mean your friends but I remember it was right after my friends left the fans stayed oh the it was the week after

South by Southwest and the smell of urine was so strong that like one of the week after South by Southwest and the smell of urine was so strong that like, uh, one of the cocktail servers came by like, like, Oh, my bag still smelled like it.

I couldn't even get on a plane. We're like, why does it smell? Is there like an open pit like urinal? She goes, Oh, this is the merch booth. And like last week was South by Southwest and people were just coming

back here and pee in the whole night. What? What? What's going on here? What is that? Yes. You had an open pit urinal in the merch booth. Because it's a lot of musicians.

That's why. It's not comedians or proper people. Yeah. It's musicians. Exactly. But it was a little off-putting. Yeah, just slightly. This is where they told it.

You don't have a hot hose you can wrangle over here and just give it a fucking squirt, man. Jesus. They did. Yeah, it's pretty bad. That was a while ago. Yeah. That's another one of those ones that I haven't listened to in a long time.

That's not right. That live podcast. Uh-huh. Yes. So that was a good little announcement Two beekeepers Two beekeepers run into one another Shut up we're not doing this

Actually you have to stop Why? Let him continue Okay And the one beekeeper runs into the other. He says, oh, you're a beekeeper. How many hives do you have? And he says, oh, I get to.

Yeah, I fucked it up. All right, we'll save it for another one. I was wanting to wait until you get to the end and do a Brandon Walsh. Nobody laugh at this. There's the preamble. No one ever does laugh at it except for me. Maybe you can tell the story. The two beekeepers run into one another.

They meet at a beekeeper convention. Of course they do. For God's sake. Of course. That changes. Now this is a professional meeting. Beekeepers don't just run into each other. How do you know?

I researched the joke. Of course you do. Sure you did. How many bees do you have? Oh, God. It's still going. About 500,000. And how many hives is that?

He said, it's a half dozen. How many bees do you have? He goes, oh, I've got five million. Oh, that's quite a bit of bees. How many hives is that? He says, oh, just the one. You have five million bees in just one hive? And the other beekeeper says,

Aye, fuck them. Chilly had to fucking finger prompt you through that. No, I was telling Tracy that I want one more drink. I mean, I want five more drinks. Tracy, I need five more scotches over here. That is fucking... That's one of the best. In one glass.

It's the second best. Oh, that's great. Well, if you don't know my favorite joke, well, then you shouldn't be listening to the podcast. Maybe Hannigan should tell your favorite joke. There you go. Ask me. Which one is that?

We're going to for next week. That would be fair. We're going to for next week. Is that the... Oh, yeah, I know the one. You know the one. You know the one yeah I know the one You know the one I'll think about that What's time to a pig

That's always good to put the punchline out there first I want to address something that's come up in some tweets Although I'm very flattered That some people have suggested this I always knew that I never came up with the term Shit gibbon up in some tweets although i'm very flattered that some people have suggested this i always knew that i never came up with the term shit gibbon and it became oh yeah that came up in news yeah it was you don't know this that was huge yeah and so i used it once on the podcast and everyone seemed to like the term wasn't that a commercial yeah it was one of the commercials

hey stanhope you keep saying fuck but that's not your word. Well, no, but the thing is people were going, oh, that, you know, because there's the Philadelphia legislator who attacks Trump said, come and try and attack me, you fucking orange shit gibbon, or something like that. Right, right. And people were tweeting, oh, yeah, that's what Hennigan did that. That's where it comes from

wow yeah and it's very flattering but I have my influence well we did come up with the term

on colloquial language is not that strong that has been edited out of this podcast that you're going to have to wait for the fucking book yeah

yeah yeah it's on Urban Dictionary yeah is that true? of course it's true I'm sorry it's on Urban Dictionary. Is that true? Of course it's true. I'm sorry. It's on Urban Dictionary.

And there's no credit. Not only did they use the term, they, as the example sentence, used the entire sentence that I have used for the very first. Can't you submit like a... No, I'm flattered. Well, hold on.

Don't we have friends, killer termites, that can submit something as like, hey, you know, Doug Stano came up with that. You quoted him in the example. No, no, no. I am flattered. Yeah. And they will after the book comes out.

Breath of Kaz. And I've already put it out there that's great there's so much of this book that you go if you're that guy that knows everything I ever did you're going to go

I already heard it and then when I talk to people like Brian and Alexlex o'mara all these it's like this story you know the story about it no i don't know that no i don't know that oh really you might all right yeah fuck it you came up with one today and i was like really what i have i just assume every one of you has been around for every second of my life and remembers it well you don't hive brain the whole thing sorry yeah yeah i had a secret more interesting life that i never told you about for 27 years

anyway the interesting thing about shit gibbon is if you look into the etymology of it it goes all the way back and it the first instance you can find of it is actually um in a from australia believe it or not and it's and are there gibbons and it's but it's a particularly nuanced use which it was used in bootlegging circles when bootlegging was still a thing. And a shit gibbon was somebody who traded copies of bootlegs without understanding how difficult they were to make.

Oh, not booze. You're talking about recorded media. Yeah, recorded media. It changes everything. And I love the idea that it was such a specific reference. No, it is very specific. a specific reference anyway that's it that's my smart fuck note for the night

that was pretty fucking great Australian provenance if I never talked about it all the way back to 2000 oh wow okay yes one year before hello Hal Hannigan brought up Yes, one year before. Hello, Hal.

Hannigan brought up a good point back in the days where people were monkeys with their new phones before they were trained. We're talking flip phone era? Yeah. To tape your show. Everyone would just tape your show everyone would just tape your show like even professional athletes on the parade float for their championship are sitting there filming like you're every network is filming you you fucking knucklehead yeah athletes yeah think that you're not my point of view not my world

maybe you'd watch the closing ceremony of the olympics and they'd be like i know filming everybody yeah yeah or or just filming a stadium yeah there's no focal point there's nothing no focal point exactly do you think that your iPhone is doing better than Fox? I assume you have DVR where you can film ESPN and get

better footage than you looking like a fucking chump sitting there with your shaky... You're holding a flag and a phone peanuts popcarts yeah the the hubris of after everyone had seen you win the super bowl sat through it you got him fucking vip seating and then later on hey you want to see you'd be like tom kanopka i got footage i got the pictures yes tom kanopka going look i i did a video of the dogs bisbee

well i live here tweet that but i already watch the Super Bowl. Yeah. Look at my phone. Look at my phone. I was there, Dad. I was there. I was there on the... I was on the float with you. You were filming the float that Fox was filming, that NBC was filming with way better footage.

In fact, we could see the float with your fucking shaky hand photo I just see like lines of people along the street like you had the opportunity to sit on that float like a Greek statue instead you sat on that

float looking like the chump in row ZZ5 with a fucking you, iPhone in your hand. You fucking chump. Yeah, take that, bitch. What did he say? I didn't say iPhone 5. He likes it when he gets drunk.

He goes back to his fancy lad roots. Don't make me throw petrol on you he won't say the letter z he says zed as they do like zero is nil in his posh fancy lad higher schooling that he went to i went to a finishing class school i'll have you know yes i adapted or adopted rather the posh way of speaking later when I realized I wanted to communicate with other human beings like your foster parents when you were adopted

what? ow damn I cast a wide net it was a big one calling Hennigan a fancy lad is the same way you wind up inman i'm not a fucking you can't i must admit i have to agree with that yeah yeah i realized that yeah that's a very good

i found out because uh well you you uh you hate birds because you were into ornithology early on. What was it, the RSVP? What was the acronym? RSPB. Similar, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Why would that clue you into the fact

that I don't like being classified as posh? No, because you definitely, you had an upbringing where you weren't like always with the cool kids. What? You were a bird. No one who watches birds is fucking cool. I know.

I was desperate for friendship. I used to hang out in the woods. Well, I didn't say desperate. That was it. You hung out in the woods with the birds that he hates. Yeah, believe me so my child my childhood and teenage near years were not a fucking carnival of friendship it's a carnival of souls i was trying to be delicate watch his birds oh i love it oh yeah i just don't know why

the great blue heron i don't know why he i was witness to this magnificence crickets go on I don't know why he didn't like it. I was witness to this magnificence. Crickets. Go on. Anyway, Doug was talking about bootlegging. Thank you. Yes, he certainly was. To which he responded. Brian used to point out that the people,

when everyone was filming you on stage, and the audiences, at least mine have been trained man you don't do that but brian pointed out the fact that the expression bootlegging came from when you actually had to have this giant rig in a cowboy boot with wires going up through really to bootleg a concert yeah the whole thing about when you've like you literally used to have to smuggle in a tiny so to speak tiny nakamichi giant nakamichi recorder to get a quality recording of a gig i did not know that yeah and therefore there were some therefore that's why when you go back to the bootlegging era why that would be such a a mark of disdain the idea that you're just trading around copies yeah that other people have made without having gone to the trouble of smuggling in a fucking you know reel-to-reel recorder and up your back you know

so but wait a minute i see a glint of pseudo revenge in chile's eyes whoa no i was gonna say when i first started going to concerts in uh the late 70s we We went to Point Blank, Blackfoot, and Foghat. Wow. Foghat. I threw that name at him last night. And we were not content

with just getting tickets to the show. No, you weren't. We had to bootleg the show. Of course. What did you wheel in? A fucking wax cylinder? I don't know. I can't remember.

She's my baby i need this to breathe it's my brother and i'm my twin brother and i can't remember who had it but one of us was fitted with a jock strap that didn't have the cup in jog legging like like you know like you had a cup and there was like this pouch right the pouch of course we put a recorder but of course what else would you do this is like the late 70s this is this is pre-walk man this is like a weird panasonic thing days yeah exactly and i remember i was going it's like don't waste it on Point Blank. No one else. Maybe the last three. If Blackfoot comes on for an encore, then we'll hit record. But we're saving this for Foghat.

Exactly, but that's brilliant. You see, there was an aspect of discernment in what you got to record. There was definitely discernment. And you had, I don't remember what it was, where you had a one side of the tape and you flipped the fucking thing over, right? And you got to record. Oh, fuck yeah. There was definitely discernment. And you had, I don't remember what it was, where you had a one side of the tape and you flipped the fucking thing over, right? And you didn't know. You had to feel it like click or something, right? But I remember at one point,

it was like, no. As Chaley reaches into his imaginary job. I know. You're holding this up. But like there's a million lighters and one recorder and uh yeah it was why the fuck would we even i don't think we ever even listened to it of course not it's like it's like the same thing they're recording you but they're never going to look at it they're not going to see you now they're going to watch you through the little screen.

And then when they go home, they go, oh, I saw this thing. And it's never going to go on. Unless a black man gets killed by a police officer, there's no reason to film it. One of my favorite phrases of Doug, you fucking Loren Zapruder. Whoa. Yes. Great phrase.

Straight to the Dealey Plaza reference. But we've talked about this on stage a million times when i mean you had to shut down the audience that was filming like no fuck you and no no fuck you and then the third time hey sir i wasn't kidding the first two times no put your fucking camera away yeah then some chaos breaks out in the fucking show and someone has to be dragged out by their fucking heels no one films that yeah and that's what gets the hits oklahoma city yeah exactly a million others yeah someone gets dragged out on their heels but i've already yelled at them don't film my act i don't want shit that i'm working out new material on the internet until i put it out on a special then steal it but then fisticuffs start at the end of the night

and no one's filming it you're all all watching. Well, film that shit. The same way you film a cop shooting an unarmed black kid. Yeah, that's not going to be on my special. Yeah, there's a difference between a performance and an incident. Film the incident! We're both guilty of the Oklahoma City thing

because I was watching. I thought that was Timothy McVie boom the gentleman Dan or Dave the guy that was the security there that night was so awesome he handled it so well it's on the video yes yes

keep going what's wrong with that mic I was doing Tom Kanopka Yes, yes, no. Keep going. What's wrong with that mic? I was doing Tom Kanopka. I saw you. I was doing you while you were away. You and I both did this. You watched them working her out of... I'll put the link in the show notes on this thing,

but it was that night. It's all over YouTube, and it's the people that did record it. But you probably should have said, how come everyone's not filming this? Because it escalated and it was going by me and I'm standing there

fucking gobsmacked myself. I was not recording it. I was 90 seconds away from my closing. You were in it. No, I was in my closing bit. I was 90 seconds before completing it where I go, no, I'm not going'm not i'm stopping i'm gonna have you thrown out and then i'll say the last 90 seconds of my closing bit because

i can't accept your behavior and let other people think that's okay yeah they Yeah, they should have filmed that. At that point, I was so defeated that, yeah. Oh, by the way, everyone filmed this. Oh, that's the worst. One of the worst things in comedy is when something goes so perfectly wrong that people think it's a setup. Or someone is a plant.

We just had something like that where you're like, oh, this looks like a setup. Again, the Edinburgh thing, I don't know if it's going to be in the book or not. Oh, yeah. Scott Capurro? No, no, no. The tablet thing I told that one we talked about. The tablet thing?

The pill. Oh, yeah. Tablet, tablet. Well, that happened with Dara O'Brien. Yeah, yeah. That story is in the book. The other story, but not the... Yeah, people have given me pills.

Well, Chaley, you were there. Someone gave me fucking mushrooms. They threw them on stage in Washington, D.C. And then me and Brendan Walsh went up and stole the American flag out of that place. And we were marching to the, that's not in the book. John Phillips. It should be. You guys went on the roof with a flag you stole from a room?

I was asleep in a chair. I have a picture of me asleep in a chair. Like a chair where someone shook me up in a blender and poured me into a chair. My legs and arms hanging out. And you guys took pictures around me. I'm not taking notes right now for the reason that as I'm writing this book, more and more stories come up. That was the night at Arlington Draft House where someone threw a mushroom

chocolate at the stage and I ate it. And then I'm tripping my balls off. And the guy who threw it afterwards said, you ate the entire thing. That's enough for. remember when it went out then well i had just bought a brand new suit in wilkes barry pennsylvania the night before or two nights before suit caps how dare you correct my fucking wilkes barry it's not wilkes bar well some of the people look there say that what the fuck do they know we fucking march we went to the uh the latino salsa place salsa on the next block they had a salsa yeah it's a not mexican but just Spanish. No. Bar next door. Cool. I'm fucking blazing

after I get off stage. I'm in my... This is not my goofy suit. This is a men's warehouse suit. Right. A Washington, D.C. suit. You were selling something. Didn't you get a tux or something?

No, I got a fucking... You spent like $600 on a fucking suit. We had an afternoon off i'm sure it's not the tux that you wore in the photo shoot for no it wasn't a tux it wasn't a tux this was doug went in and they sold like a two hundred dollar tie or something everything was ridiculously priced it's like i'm getting a suit and and the the overcoat wow the important thing i looked washington dc when i was playing dc wow arlington virginia then i'm tripping my balls up and the only close bar was this all latino what do you call that my favorite song i don't I don't know. The music. Salsa. But it was like a 15-piece brass band. Oh, yeah, they did the accordion, horn section, the whole thing.

They're like tambales and shit. Yeah, what do you call that? Tejano. Where everyone knows how to dance and move in the salsa dance. You're doing a salsa right there, my friend. I was. I'm fucking salsa dancing. This was not like...

Shake it, baby. It was fucking fantastic. And was i was in love for you everyone there and they all hated me because i looked like i was a fucking washington dc of course douchebag i'm some fucking state senator that i'm gonna go see how the other half lives yeah no the little people this suit is a joke but i can't explain it right now do you want to dance and i'm dancing fuck who's talking oh i love it i think at some point i was trying to talk our way in in like some stupid like california landscaper espanol. What?

What? Yeah, yeah. What does that mean? I'm having little flashbacks. It means... It means... Spanglish. We used to go to Costa Rica.

We still occasionally sometimes do. Nice podcast. But yeah, so you were speaking Costa Rican. No, I worked in landscaping in Southern California for like six years. Did you? Why don't you get back to your roots and fucking clean up around here? I'm trying to. I just can't get a crew.

Whoa, fucking Mr. Full bike plan. I mean, I didn't pick up a shovel. I just told someone to pick up a shovel. In perfect Spanish. In perfect. You know. I bet they were really impressed with my grasp of the language when i told them uh no more good no more good try harder yeah

shovel more denalgos most uh shovel well after salsa dancing where I realized no one wanted me. We didn't last very long there. Like one drink and check, please. I eventually felt danger. And then Walsh and I were going to go march on the Pentagon. Fucking Brandon Walsh. Very close. So we got down there and then realized this is a bad idea. We're in front of the Pentagon.

Gee, you think? realized this is a bad idea. We're in front of the Pentagon. Gee, you think? And I think it was my idea to turn back. So we went back to the Holiday Inn. It wouldn't have been Brendan's. Exactly. You were right there.

That's 100% true. That was a good call. That you were the one who said, hey, how about we turn back? Absolutely. I think it was me. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I was a fucking role model, man.

Yeah, Brendan would have been like General McCarthy. You know, I shall have a turn on right fucking now. There you go. Are you talking about Andrew McCarthy or General McCarthy? Jenny McCarthy. I don't know if you're even being sarcastic now, but Walsh is always up for the goop. Oh, I know. Just a tad. So I don't know if you're being sarcastic now, but Walsh is always up for the goop. Oh, I know.

Just a tad. So I don't know if you're being sarcastic. No, no, no, no. We're cas-sticking. I went back, and we went back to the Holiday Inn. I think it was a Holiday Inn. Either way, we went up to a top floor, found the American flag in some banquet room on the top floor,

stole it, brought it back down to our room for some reason. There's pictures of me, like, folded over the chair that I'm in, and, like, Walsh with, like, this, like, Iwo Jima fucking stabbing the flag in the carpet with the flag behind me. And I didn't see it. It was my camera. Iconic. fucking stabbing the flag in the carpet that's fucking great flag behind me and i'm like and i didn't see it it was my camera iconic i found it a couple days later it is uh yeah that was uh that was shocking you guys went you guys were you guys were cruising a hotel on like floors that you weren't on with an american flag i didn't know I shouldn't have ate the whole chocolate.

There we are. Yes. And you can't regurgitate it into Brendan Walsh's mouth like a baby bird to give him half. He'd be up for it. You said it.

Try harder, Stan. Try harder. Not anymore. he'd be up for it you son of a try harder Stan try harder not anymore this this book will be I'm on this this book will be

shit I've already talked about, written, podcasted, had in my... Yeah, I have one life. So it'll be 25 years of shit that I remember that goes into a book. The next book should be... Shit, Walsh remembers. There you go. Rouse remembers.

Right. Backer remembers. Through the eyes of. Exactly. Blotto biography. I think that's what they call it. Isn't that what they call an obituary? Ho!

Epitaph. Yes. That's the title of the third book. Reluctant epitaph yes yes that's the title of the third book reluctant epitaph okay they told me i did this yeah told me i did this so i've been told things i've been told that i've done exactly but we'll make it in latin so it sounds clever. Yes. Got anything else before we hang up? Go ahead. Hunter Thompson died on this day. That is correct.

We had a lot of shit. Joey Diaz and fucking... Joey Diaz died? No. Ralphie May died? On the same day as... Stop, you're killing me. And them.

Hey, Joey Diaz is passing, brought to you by Tom Konopka. North Jersey, we love you. He's alive and will live forever. Jersey Jiu Jitsu. I think what he's saying is long live the king. Joey Diaz has passed. Mad flavor baby. Joey Diaz has passed on.

Douglas. What are you doing? Why are you sitting over there? I have a mic for you. Hey I'm trying to fucking close this out. Mishka Shabali happy birthday he's uh he's doing uh the uk uk baby yeah fucking get on it if he's missing dates some fell out i don't know fucking get yeah look up mishka Shabali at Mishka Shabali at Doug Stanhope at Real Tom Kanopka at HD Fatty. He's not here tonight. I love you.

But that's Chad Shank at Brian Hennigan. No, Mr. Hennigan. Mr. Hennigan. Mr. Hennigan. Mr. Hennigan. Just fucking fuck Facebook. At Greg Chaley. Good, good, good, Greg.

C-H-A-I-L-L-E. Let's play some Mishka Shabali. Hey, one more thing. What? Thanks, Bill Nash. Oh, fuck. I didn't... Yeah, thanks, Bill Nash.

Yeah. All right. Thank you. Boxes and boxes of unlabeled crap If I die now they will never get under my I can't remember when you were mine I can't remember when you were mine I can't remember the people of mine I'm free before I see

the dawn sweet child of mine and that nightstand I built for you Is it lonely for me alone in your bedroom? Does it cry at night or does it understand As you tremble underneath your human's hands? I can't remember when you were mine. I can't remember when you were mine.

I can't remember when you were mine. I can't remember when you were mine 2003 feels like 1989 Sweet child of mine All those messages that you've been receiving That I can't remember leaving It's a small relief still It's a good thing you're deleting without listening they disappear like pennies down a wishing well tiny good intentions on the road to hell That I'll go bankrupt and that well will overflow

Before you'll forgive me and let me come home I can't remember when you were mine No, I can't remember when you were mine No, I can't remember when you were mine I can't remember when you were mine No, I can't remember when you were mine No, I can't remember when you were mine Oh I can't remember when you were mine

2003 feels like 1989 Eight and nine