The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #220: Chad Shank Hosts with Guests Doug Stanhope, Tom Konopka & Castle Rock Kenny

Episode Date: August 18, 2017

Chad Shank guest hosts The Doug Stanhope Podcast with Special Guests Doug Stanhope, Tom Konopka & Castlerock Kenny.Recorded Aug 4th, 2017 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Tom Konopka (@realTomKonopka), Castlerock Kenny (@cstlrckkenny), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille.This episode is sponsored by Number Juan Tequila - http://www.oldtowntequila.com/brands/Number-Juan.htmlStanhope 2017 Tour Dates at http://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates/. Get on the Mailing List.Closing song, "Voodoo Lady", by Ween. Available on iTunes.LINKS:- Chad Shank Voice Over info at AudioShank.com- Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/- Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com/storeSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

All right. Do you have the email you sent to that dude? Yeah, I got all the emails. All right. Fucking Chaley went all hardcore Doug Stanhope on a fan. I was fresh off my Singapore crazy flight. Hey, all right. Greg Chaley's here.

Chad Shank is here. Joby's out smoking. Tom Knopper is going to come in after the break. Kenny's supposed to show back up. We don't know. Kenny's flighty, but I trust him to drive, Tom. We get to a lot of shit. But it starts with, what the fuck were we talking about but I trust them to drive, Tom. We get to a lot of shit,

but it starts with, what the fuck were we talking about when we tried to start this without Chaley? I wasn't here, so I don't know. No, no, no, that's, stop. And since you hit record but didn't turn the mic levels up, no one will ever know. Oh, the cough's getting worse.

I am so like mother. I try to fucking take a little bit of time here and again. I thought my crazy flight, my crazy flight, if you follow on the tweeter uh hang on chad shank is the stand-in host for this podcast it's the doug stanhope podcast with the guest host like joan rivers with johnny carson he had to step, but his guest is me. So ask me about my dumb crazy flight. I am drunk.

I'm the reluctant guest host because I was just told this right now as well. Alright, I'll help you along. Well, okay. You said you took this thing to relax? How in the fuck could you possibly relax just going on a horrible trip

across the world and doing nothing but dealing with people? Two words. First class. Or Delta One if they were a sponsor. First Class International? That's another level. Yeah, that's where you get the lay down seats and you push a button and you go and you have a tv which you don't look at because uh you don't care because you're taking

so many xanax and getting all the free cocktails and you go by the time i land i'll be diamond medallion. It's fun. It's fun for me. No one gets it. The points guy on Twitter, at the points guy. He gets it. Yeah, he gets it. He's better at it. He probably gets more miles. He's like, Hennigan is the best travel guy. Hennigan knows like all the oh if you if you're spg for hotel and you match that with

this credit card and you get if you tell them you're left-handed at the sky club you get extra peanuts there was there's a tv show that i watched on netflix a while back that and i was telling hennigan we were drunk last time i saw him that he should have done this show instead of the guy that did it. Like a how-to? It's kind of, but it's a guy who travels all over, except for he just goes to these different countries and falls prey to every well-known scam. Scam City is the name of it. Yeah, that's the one. It is fucking great, but as I'm watching it, I'm battling myself going, I want to tell

Doug about this, but I have to see if this guy's a chump because he pays it out too slow. It's like, this could be a 15 minute infomercial. It got annoying after a while, but when I pictured Hennigan doing the same show, I was like, that would be entertaining as fuck. It'd be

good. Doug, we should watch it. We'll watch it on one of the breaks on the tour. We should. We'll put it on the hey you know what with no disrespect to the lovely morgan murphy why can't you morgan murphy the hotels because she immediately shows up in the hotel hey come to my room and she has the hdmi and the net and the converter the converter yeah that's the important part yeah yeah it's all here your old job your old one job i'm firing you and i'm gonna make you morgan murphy if you could only do 25 solid minutes like she can, then I wouldn't need anyone else. It would be you and me.

Plus I've got to learn to smoke. I've got to be able to hold it down. I've got the coughing part down. Well, I give you that. I give you that. No, I have it. I've got the HDMI cable when Erickson was here, and I'm putting it on my notes to grab the converter for the uh the mac yeah it's a good idea hey morgan uh i think that's the last podcast that went out

was me yelling at morgan murphy i got two uh uh great uh twitter responses about that and two you're a fucking dick don't treat a woman like that got one that said you weren't there she was being an asshole and i i was it was annoying i love you morgan but you you really you it during a podcast that you were basically co-hosting with doug on separate she was a guest but she at one point i went to fucking Joe Rogan's podcast and then just started flitting off and trying to fix TVs or answering phone calls. Yeah. She set the microphone down away from her so that even if she was going to respond to something, she would have to get up off the bed and go reach for the mic. That was like like now you're

saying fuck you shaley because now now it's not just doug she can't respond she has to go to respond well at some point if i were i don't listen to my podcast it's one of the things i don't have time for but if i remember correctly and i do remember at some point you left to go to the other room and get ice or whatever, where it's just me and her. And then she's trying to set up the Major League Baseball package. Dodger game was on. Dodger game. I'm like, it's just you and me. You can't fucking leave.

It's just you and me. You can't fucking leave. And I know that Chaley said, this podcast happened months ago, but Chaley just remembers, I don't think we should put that out. You are really mean to her. And I remember going, A, it's funny. B, we are comedians that are mean to each other. And Morgan and I thrive on being mean to each other. And three, she was a fucking asshole.

You're the guest on a podcast. I don't go on the Joe Rogan experience and then go trying to fix a fucking refrigerator when he's trying to interview me. You had questions, pointed questions to her, and she was turned away, trying to fiddle with the fucking, whatever the package that she had on her Mac to watch the Dodger game.

As I said, I wish Chaley would do what she can do, is set up the TV with the cable and then get the Netflix and we can watch Icarus and we can do all these things. You know how he says it, though? If I could only learn how to plug in an HDMI cable into my Mac and get access. But you don't. She does. It's not

high on my fucking priority list right before we go on to a fucking tour drunk again. Is this the part where I should steer it back to Doug's trip? No. You're not really steering this ship, Chad. That's why

I'm asking for advice. Well, you two, that was fascinating. If we could go back to the question. I still want to hear about the trip. See my list there? There's two things. Two hours I spent sitting there going,

I should make a list of what happened on that fucking tour. That has three things on it, and two of them I've watched you write down in the last ten minutes since I've been here. And they're nothing to do with my crazy flight. I did get 28,000 MQMs on Delta, and I flew from Tucson on Monday morning at 7.15 through Salt Lake City, Seattle,

then the really nice seats, Delta One to Narita, Japan. Quick break, two hours. Singapore, Singapore, bucket list airport airport always named best airport in the world i didn't see the parts that are great they have like uh butterfly museums so you just go into a room full of butterflies i didn't get to the butterflies i probably allowed to smoke in there butterflies i probably not allowed to smoke in there no but you can in the water lily place but it's like here it's like hot monsoon at three in the morning it's just hot monsoon all right yeah there's water lilies but there's an indoor air-conditioned smoking area but smoking in both both Narita and Singapore. And I met a, I didn't meet, I'm in the Delta Sky Club adjacent.

Some Sky Club where Delta people are welcome. Yeah, whatever you call that. The terminal? No, no, they don't have a Delta Sky Club, but they have a Sky Club that welcomes delta people you're a fucking ex fucking white supremacist gang member yeah i'm not but i don't understand how that ties in here do they also have sky clubs never seen those i'm just saying there's there's motorcycle gangs where you're welcome but but the Mongols are not.

Yeah, it's a friendly club that you're allowed in. Right. Whether you're white or not. It's Sky Club. Almost everybody's white. Anyone who's listened to this podcast for any amount of time knows that Chad Shank is not a white supremacist. He's just supreme. Regardless of his color. And I happen to be white.

Yeah. It's a shame. Jesus. I wish he were an Asian supremacist. That would be... All right, now I'm going back. All right. I'm in Singapore.

Finally. My bucket list airport. One question. How long did it take you to get from Tucson to Singapore? I don't know because you crossed. Asked and answered. Thank you very much. You crossed date lines.

I leave Tucson at 7.15 a.m. on a Monday, and I go through Salt Lake, Seattle, Narita, Japan, Singapore immediately after five-hour layover, back to Narita, back to Seattle, back to Salt Lake, back to Tucson, 4.11 p.m. on a Wednesday. So it's two and a half days. Which, with no, you don't leave an airport. You just stay to your next flight. And the one long layover is five hours in Singapore. So Singapore, renowned as being the best airport in the world I saw the water lily garden the rest of it is so American corporate I asked Hennigan I go you've been to Singapore airport what language do they speak is there Singaporeese or he's, because I thought it's probably Chinese.

Singapore, I looked it up. I go, what country, what city am I, Singapore is a city and a country at the same time. I'm like, what country is it? What city is it? And Hannigan goes, oh, they speak English and it's a city-state

like the Vatican. All right, as long as they speak English, I get to this airport and all the shit that's not a butterfly garden or a fucking, they have hot tubs and swimming pools and shit.

I didn't, by the time I got there, that's 27 hours of fucking flying. I don't need a hot tub. I just need a sailor. I beg to differ. I think your next seat partner would think you should. I think you need one. You just don't want one.

It's a big difference. Point being, I wasn't experimental. I needed a cigarette and a cocktail. So I find this Sky Club adjacent. You were there at midnight, right? I landed at 1210 with a 5.50 a.m. return departure. When's the last call at Singapore airport? There's no such thing.

That's why it's the greatest fucking airport. Yeah. They serve drinks all the fucking time. So I go to the Sky Club and I check my tweets because I hashtag airport pub crawl and I show you me drunk at whatever fucking airport I get a tweet back eight minutes ago or whatever it's some kids black jeans and black sneakers saying hey is that Doug Stanoop I just saw going into the Sky Club?

Oh, shit. And I see in the picture is where I was just sitting before I found the Sky Club. That's the name of the restaurant. So I go out looking for this sneakers, and the kid stands up and i'm waving and he's like yeah my friend's gonna be so jealous he's such a big fan of you and it's three in the fucking morning in singapore and i go all right Singapore. And I go, wait, the city or the country? The airport. I don't leave the

fucking airport. The sovereign nation of the airport. I'm like, hey, I gotta go, because I have to leave the Sky Club to go to the smoking area. And I said, hey, if you want to talk to me, come in the smoking area. And he tells me he's a professional

poker player. This kid is, I'm trying to find a local. We don't know anyone this young. He's 26, which I guessed within two years he's 27, but I guessed 26. But he looks 18. But he told me I'm a professional poker player he lives in vietnam or cambodia either way he travels between the two to scam fucking rubes like is this an asian kid because i'm gonna be all right i was about to be more impressed that you guessed his age. The best part, he had a Cambodian-Asian friend,

but the best part, he looks like Justin Bieber, and I had to fill him in on the Justin Bieber thing. We've already talked about this on a previous podcast. I thought now you were going to talk about how you got too drunk to actually do it on your trip. You did some of it, and then you just were drunk after that, I think. At this point, I was perfectly drunk sober. Once he told me he was a professional poker player, I said,

I wish I had my podcasting equipment. I didn't say Ann Chaley to show me how to work it. But I said, I wish I had because I have. We could lay it all out on the table and admire it for so long. Hey, you got 27 extra hours. I'm going to book Shaley a flight to Singapore. 27 extra hours, I'm going to book Shadley a flight to Singapore. But this tiny kid who is a professional poker player,

and I started asking him. You didn't say that, though. He's from Canada, but he had been living in Southeast Asia, Cambodia, Vietnam. A couple years, you said. Four years. But I started asking them, because I have opinions about professional poker players. Because when poker started, when World Series of Poker started,

only because they had the fucking camera where everyone could see everyone's cards, and then it became a big thing, there were only like nine guys that did it. Tom, please fill in at any point on this, because they all thought, oh, we're professionals. But once they put it on TV, they go, oh, we can't admit it's mostly luck. So the next three seasons of World Series of Poker are some guy in fucking clown glasses. He won the whole thing.

This guy's nobody. And all the professionals are going, oh, they're not professional. How would you play that hand? Because it's fucking luck. So I wanted to talk to that kid, and I did for a minute. You're just ripping off the rubes. That's why you're living in Vietnam and Cambodia. Yeah.

And he's making a great living stealing Rubes' money. He's the Matt Becker of 26 years old. Wow. Wow. That's a... Well, Becker would fucking completely agree.

No, I'm saying that's a fucking juggernaut of a... Like, he's international. I mean, he's hopping around to Southeast Asia. And he's a kid. He's got a hop, sing, and toe,

opening doors for him and stuff. Doesn't care. Youth. Like, I wanted to eat his heart. To get younger? Yeah. I want that fucking, I don't give a shit about anything youth.

And after a cigarette in the smoking room, I go, you got a deck of cards? He said, yeah. Hop, sing, dong. His buddy, his Cambodian buddy. I go, let's play heads up. Sure, bud. 50 bucks.

We're just sitting out in the middle of this stupid airport with stacks of cash fucking hop sing dong went and fucking got small money figured out just to tip him you guys and then we're just playing heads up one-on-one me against this fucking canadian kid i think his name was ryan i love the kid if you're listening you're probably not you're probably doing heads up and fucking dang long somewhere stealing the fucking money that that old man was gonna spend on fucking a thai kid of discriminant gender.

He's all fucking people out of their micro loans. That's funny, Chad. Thank you. I thought so. I have no idea what it meant, but I laughed along. I know you did, and that's what I had to say. I get it. That's fucking hilarious. I love that Doug's talking to this guy, and this guy's like, yeah.

Doug's like, well, yeah, you're just ripping off the roofs, and this guy's like, Hop Singh is ripping off, going through Doug's, all his carry-on luggage, his passport and everything. Oh, my God. I lost a lot of stuff on that. But not my cell phone. I'm at my passport. You know what?

Let me tell you, listener, when you hit that button to bring the thing that holds your legs up when you're in first class on a luxury Delta one, you guys know you're laying back and they bring you your food at your leisure. But at some point they will say, Hey, you have to bring your seat back up. Well, in Delta one,

what happens? You have to hit all these buttons to make your whole bed come back up. But what it does, when the leg part comes down, it sweeps all the shit you were drunk and dropped on the floor underneath the seat. So you lose all sorts of shit. I didn't lose my passport or my cell phone and that's all i cared about but i lost some eye masks i went through i had to go through customs in singapore not customs but it was just like a like hey we have to do this kind of pat down. To get into the bar? Well, you know how I steal.

I get those fucking great custom pillows for the trailers here and the blankets. And I had a bag full of snacks. And I went through the one time I had to go through customs. And I put all that shit on the belt. And all I remembered was to grab my backpack and all the rest of my snacks and my stolen pillows and blankets. I didn't remember it until the next stop when I was back in Narita, Japan.

I'm like, ah, fuck, I stole all that shit. The fucking whole airport is shut down because they don't know who it belongs to. It's just left on a belt. They don't care. There's a robot dissecting these pillows. They don't give a fuck. Like, Narita, I get a beer, and I go, I'll be back.

I'm going to go to the smoking lounge. And they're like, well, you can take your beer. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. I thought it was from a free country where you can't bring your beer 80 feet away to a smoking lounge that they're going to fuck you. They understand smoking and drinking. Point being, this country stinks. I feel responsible as the temporary host for that digression.

The wheels are off the cart, host. I don't know what happened. No, the point. Somebody should have given me an outline to follow or something. I don't know how to do this. What? God damn it. Who won?

I had to listen to this fucking thing. Who won during poker is what I was wanting to get back to. I fucking, at some point, we play this game too long, and we're both being polite. All in, I fold. I fold if you're all in. I'll just bet $1. Boring.

Yeah, at some point, I have to catch my flight and so do they I go alright let's just do one one hand blind all in and Dong says oh you want to do a flip I go oh there's

the vernacular now I know how to do a flip hey you want to do a flip kenny he doesn't know i know because i learned it from a 26 year old justin bieber look-alike professional poker player and i beat him with a eight over a six oh so i won fifty dollars so now i'm a more professional poker player than professional pro poker. Got it. Ultra pro.

Does this mean I should? Wait a minute. I want to go back. Is that just high-low? Were you guys playing? No, we were playing. Hold on. But at one point, I said, let's just one, because we're just going to go, oh, now 40.

Because the dong had to do all the math, because we're just going to go, oh, no, 40. Because Dong had to do all the math, because we didn't have chips. So Dong, you're seven up. You're three down. Really? It was stupid. I was fucking drunk. I'd been flying 27 hours. They value math skills in the Asian countries.

All right. Now, not you. Come on. No, I'm saying they do. Dong was Southeast Asian. Well, you need to take control here. Dong was from the killing fields. He wasn't a fucking mathematician.

They kill those people first. Ask James Inman. Don't. Don't ask him. Oh, my God. Don't ask James Inman. Don't ask him. Oh, my God. Don't ask James Inman. James is showing up on the tour, but I don't want to tip any of that. I know. We're not tipping.

I thought you might go into it. I marked it. But, yeah. I don't know if you remembered. You can take a break. Oh, my God. We're far enough away from what you said earlier. I'm calling right now. No, let's take a break. No my God. We're far enough away from what you said earlier. I'm calling right now.

No, let's take a break. No, I'm calling right now. Then we'll do fucking commercials. I'm going to see if he fucking answers the phone. Who? Because, because Chad Shank shows up. He needs some adrenaline, and Chaley was late with Adderall if he has any left.

So instead of Adderall, we played Killing Strangers by Marilyn Manson. I wanted some violent music, but I didn't know any. And it worked. We were fucking into it. So I called Manson. He didn't answer his phone. That's Doug's walk-on. He's in Singapore, probably.

Playing poker. He might be. But I have a new friend. If he doesn't answer the phone, I'm just going to play his outgoing message. Yeah, I'll be here, man. Are you... Wait, hang on. Oh, fuck.

All right. He said hello. That was confusing. Yeah. Like, several people answered the phone. Yeah, there were a few people. I can hear better because I have the headphones on, but there were at least two or maybe three people answered the phone. Yeah, there were a few people. I can hear better because I have the headphones on, but there were at least two or maybe three people in the background.

Are you calling the whole band? One at a time. No. All at once? Start with the keyboardist. He always answers. The drummer's probably got another gig. Hello, you have reached 504-611-1111-1111-1111.

Please send to a fax press feed by pressing star. Now, to send a fax, please dial 111,111, followed by the pound key. Thank you for not answering. I wanted your outgoing greeting. We'll do the podcast live. We'll do it live! Alright. Hey, I uh

announcement, special announcement I have joined the band Ween. That's a good cliffhanger. Take a break. I'm Douglas Gene Stanhope. Gene Ween. I'm the new Gene. All right.

Let's take a fucking break. Jesus. We got to get to Tom Konopka and Kenny. I can't wait for Kenny's. Is he really? No, he's not. Back after this. Are you having legal trouble and don't know where to turn?

Trying to find an attorney you can trust? Do you think you've been cheated out of contingent compensation of back-end proceeds from third parties in the territory defined as North America and Mexico, including but not limited to all ancillary and subsidiary rights, Thank you. Not me. Call Eric Greenspan at the law offices of My Man Greenspan, Feynman, Fox, Rosenberg and Light. Eric Greenspan. When physical intimidation isn't enough. Call Eric Greenspan. 310-820-7717. And keep calling.

Mention Kenny for Mayor and get 10% discount. This advertisement has been approved. Wow. That's an old order. Or maybe, I don't know. I order some things when I'm drunk. Are we ready?

You order everything when you're drunk. No, I order some stuff when I'm sober. That is so not true. It's the stuff I don't remember. It's not true that you're sober? I missed it. All right, well, you know what? If I did order that dog food drunk,

it's because I know we're gone on the road for a month in Champaign, Illinois, DeKalb, Milwaukee, Minnesota, somewhere else, somewhere north, somewhere west, somewhere east, somewhere south, and then Denver at the end. And Milwaukee. Don't forget Milwaukee. If you don't fucking sell out Milwaukee, I will never come back. All right, here's some emails from fans. I say that with an asterisk.

This one, this is fan mail that is common to me. So let me talk to Crystal Broussard. I assume she's a New Orleans swamp person. Broussard. Doug, I first have to say thank you for giving my best friend the vehicle to make me burst out laughing at his funeral i went through a rough stretch where i didn't really laugh anymore your comedy helped me with that a lot i also thought it would help with my best friend andrew who was another humanoid eeyore like myself. He, of course, ate it up. We quickly sat down over Skype and started reviewing your work.

He devoured everything. He listened to all of your albums on Spotify. He watched your comedy specials. He went through the podcast. He watched your episode of Louie. Your episode of Louie had a scene that Andrew and I absolutely loved. When Louie says, Eddie, you can't kill yourself. Your delivery of, yes, I can.

I got a note from my doctor. Left us in stitches. We thought it was the greatest thing ever. So Andrew was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and after a few years of random but increasingly common auditory and visual hallucinations he didn't tell anyone that he was diagnosed instead he told his uncle he would move in with him and told his friend Seth the same thing. Then he slowly moved all of his large possessions to either house. He wrapped up the rest of his possessions in linen and wrote our names on whatever he wanted us to have.

He roped off his bedroom and put a sign on the outside that said, don't come in, just call the police. Then he ate a bullet. In the possessions he left me, he left the paperwork for his official schizoaffective disorder. And on the front, he wrote in large print, caps lock, sharpie, Crystal, I got a note from my doctor

the look his mother gave me when i burst out laughing laughing sometimes haunts me and sometimes make me makes me crack up all over again it's perfect gallows humor and a very good way to remember my friend. Thanks, Crystal. So it took me days. I forwarded that to Louie, who I never talked to, but I forwarded him that. I go, these emails are not uncommon for me. But since you wrote the line, I thought I'd share it with you.

And he just wrote back, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah, that's my target audience. You're a good friend, Crystal. Crystal, I love you, and thank you for that and all the people that i give you shit when you go why is rochester already sold out can you get me in maybe one seat becomes available here and again but probably not. But yeah, if someone kills themselves, you can get in.

Otherwise, it's sold out. She's going to be at the Denver show. She already bought tickets. Do we have another suicide letter? Because if we can read one more, Stan Hope will definitely cry. No. I wasn't crying.

I'm not cutting out that pause. Totally on the edge. Did you see how I made a cry sound like a laugh? It was totally on the edge for that entire time. One more letter. One more. Greg Chaley, who is not me in the morning. Again, if you get shit from me, look at the time stamp of the email

because I wake up and I have to hate someone. And it's your first email. I'll find a reason to fucking hate you. I'll go, fuck you. But Chaley never is the fuck you guy. But listen to this. I'm trying to think of where to... Do you want to read the first part?

Yeah. What happened to preface these emails? I know, I know, but I'm really... You preface the point of this idiot's fucking email. Hang on, let me start, because the ones that I get, which you have not addressed, there's some bullshit with the website, and I don't know whose fault it is. Oh, hold on.

Sometimes I'm going to order a sticker for 10 cents, but it says it's $85 to ship it. And then I just forward it to you, and then you go, yeah, something's fucked up with the website. You're actually lying right there, Doug. I fudged the website. You're actually lying right there, Doug. I fudged the numbers! I fudged the numbers! I'm buying one of the Mishka Shubali

t-shirts. I was hoping you could supply me with the details about the sizes. I'd like the pit-to-pit size, small and medium tees, please. And your answer wasn't shipping it. Wait, we'll get to this. I remember that one. This guy is one I snapped on. I remember that one. This guy is one I snapped on.

I remember that one from the last podcast. We already talked about it? That's what I'm telling you guys. I remember that one. Pit to pit. Yeah, I'm going to go down to the fucking store and measure it with a fucking tape measure. Well, send me a picture of you with a tape measure against your back. Hey, send me a picture of you with a tape measure against your back,

and then I'll measure the T-shirts down at the shop that I don't run. Can you hold up a local paper so I know this is a recent picture? Hang on. There is a problem with the – sometimes there's a shipping issue. Okay, if you order stickers and it's $12 shipping, yes, there's a problem because it's so low. It's a stamp. I can't do that through our e-commerce. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

Anyone who gets it, I give them the money back. They order it. It's the international fucks that don't understand. Really? $25 for a t-shirt but $24 for shipping? Fuck you. I won't wear it we don't run the post office international shipping costs that much we're not gouging you on fucking shipping we don't I've I've emailed that in hate morning mail going I don't want you to wear my fucking t-shirt anyway you're a fucking douche

you don't understand that it's not us i snap on people it's meant for somebody different than you so this is uh there will be some line ignore the 30 dollars 24 dollars come on i was planning on buying the absolute price gouge that is 30 for your vinyl but 24 shipping doug what are you shipping this in you have to be pocketing 95 of that if you aren't someone if you aren't someone is 24 am aren't, someone is. $24? Am I paying every person at the post office in Bisbee? $24 is utterly ridiculous. I will not be

purchasing this vinyl. It doesn't really affect you in any way, and you shouldn't care, but really, $24 for shipping? This must be a very, very, very, very, very, very expensive box. I want to kick this guy's ass.

Oh, I know. That's what I wake up thinking. You know what? You're fucking yelling at me about talk to the post office. That's we were. Well, motherfuckers. Oh, that's what I said to one of these fucking assholes find another t-shirt to buy and shut the fuck up i said uh listen uh we don't make money off the shipping like we we make a we make a small amount meatwigs even mad we make a small amount. Meatwigs even mad. We make a small amount to cover the packaging.

Well, what I said to them is shipping internationally, it's not just how much money it costs. It's the fact that you have to fill out paperwork. Like when you're crossing a border, that's the kind of paperwork. You have to fill out all these forms and stick them on don't buy international how about that don't buy internationally chaley doesn't need the money it's a bunch of fucking paperwork he has one job and this is taking away from it don't buy internationally the defraud us bootleg t-shirts make your own fucking doug stand up t-shirts

and hand them off for free on the tube you fucking assholes because it's too much fucking work that takes away from what chaley should be doing that would make us fucking big names. We would be huge in Hollywood if Chaley wasn't figuring out how to fucking ship to Belgium. Fuck you, Belgium. I'm never coming. Oh, what were you saying? I was going to say the one thing I was doing that morning instead of my one job was actually replying ad nauseum to this guy.

All right. I was in a mood. Give Chaley a shot, because I want him to sell this with the same venom that I read it. I'm already worked up after the first paragraph. So Fred,

my reply starts, now you can't really think Doug is licking envelopes and taping boxes, so I will introduce myself. I am Shaley, and I run the store. A few things go into calculating of shipping costs, and although it is tempting to assume Doug is constantly cranking up the profit gauge, I assure you, this is a smaller, boring

operation. First, there is weight and dimensions of a parcel. Vinyl shipped properly is in a custom box and double-wrapped in bubble wrap. This comes out to just over 15 ounces. All weights are rounded up, so this is rounded to 16 ounces. Almost a pound. is rounded to 16 ounces almost a pound u.s postal rates increased by weight and even more so after 13 ounces now that is just domestic i usually just send it priority as it is usually cheaper and quicker as you are no doubt aware we do ship internationally i'm making an educated guess here

as one of your complaints is the 2424 shipping rate, which is the 15 ounce international rate. Fuck you, Belgium! After 8 ounces, the rate of shipping international goes from 12 right up to 24. That's the cost. That's not profit. That's no gold foil box. That's no fluffy down pillows to gently caress your vinyl while it makes its way across north america and maybe the atlantic ocean that's the cost two nations postal service is

charged to move something from me to you fuck you belgium so look it up yourself as the postal rates are available to all. Really? So pay for delivery to your door, move closer, or don't buy it. I don't give a shit. Greg Chaley! Yes! While we are discussing commerce, your other complaint,

He's not done! $30 for vinyl is interesting. What price would you be willing to pay for a one in 500 copy of Doug's latest material? I printed these myself from the label who, to my knowledge, has no plans of producing for sale anywhere or at any price. Why not buy vinyl from another comic, get it shipped, and send me a copy of the receipt so I can figure out how to really run my business? Thanks for taking the time to waste mind bitching about something you didn't take two seconds to check out on your own. No!

Everyone considered him the coward of the county. Chad, you could have heard a pin drop when Chaley stopped and locked the door. Here's his reply. Yeah, it turns out I'm just an idiot. I didn't fill out the form all the way. Ignore me forever. It comes up with the most expensive shipping, and then you drop down and choose your shipping.

He lives in Nevada. It just defaults to $24. Oh, my God. A fucking Tom Konopka, and Kenny could have dropped it off for nothing, but you're a dick. You could have met the fucking stars of the podcast, but you're an asshole. You're an asshole the fucking stars of the podcast, but you're an asshole.

You're an asshole. That's right. Wait, this guy's close enough I could beat the shit out of him? He did just figure out he's a fucking idiot. He went back and looked.

He also told me in the first part, I'm not buying this, which I should have just deleted the email. You're not a customer at this point. I'm not solving an issue by replying to you. I'm glad I've never been on the receiving end of that, Shaley. I would not know how to respond. That was a precise, striking Shaley.

That was on a phone, too. All right. Quickly, you gave me this, but people always email me. There should be an email link for Chaley, because I have to forward shit, and I rarely remember. But when it's about, oh, hey, it's not on Spotify or Google tools or wherever the podcast is supposed to be on, but it's not. And who does YouTube? And I don't fucking know.

Occasionally, I remember to email Chaley. Now I'm afraid because I'll get one of those viscerous responses. I've got three different ones I've crafted a long time ago for you. It just depends. viscerous responses. I've got three different ones I've crafted a long time ago for you. It just depends. I have an email for podcasts, but I don't put it out there because

everything gets to me eventually. But the Stanhope store stuff, their orders come with my email on it. I'm talking about the podcast. It's not on this. It's not on that. It's stanhopepodcast at gmail.com. You think we listen to this? No, I know you don't. It's stanhopepodcast.gmail.com.

You think we listen to this? No, I know you don't. We're embarrassed we do it. I got a question related because I was updating my Twitter profile the other day. I wanted to put the podcast link, and I put the one, Audio Boom, Stan Hope Podcast. That's the link to the podcast. Our podcast partner is Audioboom. So when you click on that link to Audioboom, we get credit for that. They see the numbers that we do.

When Google Play, Stitcher, all these things, those are different ways, third parties, that we really don't get credit from our advertisers for. Yeah, so go through Audioboom so we get credit, you fucking assholes with your dumb questions. And Boohoo, you can't download it, so then go find it somewhere else. Don't complain because I can't get the fucking guys to change it. Yeah, you can't get it in fucking Belgium.

Shove it up your ass. Just fucking recreate it with your friends. Put on silly hats and suits like we wear and then pretend that you're us and then go i have a deep voice and then your friend can go i know i yell a lot and and no yeah if you don't have something to fucking hate you don't have anything at all to do. So hate that. I would love nothing more than to see a sixth grade class in Belgium doing a school play that is based on any one of our podcasts in your native language. Yeah. And I will pay $30 in shipping for that. Like the guy who did the Japanese kids' drawings.

The American teacher in Japan. Oh, yeah. But all his kids draw those pictures of you and Bingo. That would be fantastic. But now we have to cut to a commercial. Audio Shank, give me the right plug. At Audio Shank. I don't have anything to plug.

My HD Fatty is my Twitter. At HD Fatty. We should always promote the... I have a website. At Real Tom Konopka. At HD Fatty for Chad Shank. At Greg Chaley, C-H-A-I-L-L-E, and at Doug Stanhope. We use Twitter.

We don't use Facebook unless it's necessary. But you have audioshank.com? I have audioshank.com, but it redirects to my Twitter account. Great. Once I have something to fucking sell, I will try to sell it to you guys. You have something to sell. I don't have anything to sell yet. Hang on.

Let's take a quick break hey steel stone industries people that's the hot thing right now trending on twitter steel stone industries in holton maine if you need asphalt work done and you're a municipality because they don't really do private work they mostly do cities so if you need asphalt work done and you're a municipality because they don't really do private work. They mostly do cities. So if you need asphalt done and you're a city, go to 154 Steelstone Road in Holton, Maine. It's just past where the old dump used to be. And talk to Blake McQuaid, Blake McQuaid of Steelstone Industries at 207. Write it down. Tattoo it on your arm like a Holocaust survivor.

207-532-2422. We put the 22 in 2422. That's how you remember it. It's one of those things that makes you remember. Mnemonic device. Thanks. And here's this message from Blake McQuaid. Hi, I'm Blake McQuaid.

And if you need asphalt, you better be a fucking city. We don't do personal stuff. Alright. And now back to the podcast. Hello. My name's Eddie and I'm four years old and you're listening to the motherf***ing Doug Stanhope Show. Hey, this is the Doug Stanhope Podcast with our guest host, Chad Shank, and his guest.

We have with us in the fun house today. What the fuck? Doug Stano. Sorry. Sorry. I was trying to be awkward, and then I actually got awkward. It was weird. We have Tom Kanavka and Castle Rock Kenny,

and I'm not sure what we're talking about on this one. Usually I kind of have an inkling of what we're going to talk about somewhat, but I don't know at all what this story is. There's a beginning to this where Tom Kanopka's had shit in storage like probably most of our listeners and Kenny have had in storage like probably most of our listeners and Kenny have had in storage for fucking ever where they're just paying

Problem is, Tom you gotta get back up there to Vegas to get it. So Kenny is gonna drive you up to Vegas to get what you say is like two suitcases full of shit that you need, but it's only two suitcases full of shit. Yeah. If any of you guys remember, we had to buy a new TV one year for Super Bowl.

And I had to drive 45 minutes to Sierra Vista and back with Kenny. And before I was 13 minutes in, I wanted to kill myself. Because Kenny is one of those people that has to fill every silent moment with just nonsense. And then I would play golf in Turquoise Valley. I play golf and the guy. And then I'm the fucking guy. I have to chase the ball. But then yelling at me. Just shut the fuck up. It's me. Just shut the fuck up.

It's morning. Just shut the fuck up. It's morning. I do that too, Kenny. Don't feel bad. I'm learning. No, you don't. Make him feel bad.

I'm letting Tom Konopka know what nine and a half hours up, then the time you spend there, and then nine and a half hours up, then the time you spend there, and then nine and a half hours back will be like? This is my question. When you were in the car by yourself, do you do all of that self-talk? No. You said no?

No. Well, you will be by yourself for nine and a half hours. I will have the earbuds in. We are buddies. But I will simply zone out, and he'll play his music. And for the record, the first half of this podcast, Tom Konopka was completely ignoring everything we said. And he had earbuds in three seats down. So, yeah.

I like to enjoy it as it comes out. Well, it all sounds good. I picture it a battle of conversations. They're like where neither one of them is listening to the other one. They're just telling stories at the exact same time. I'm going to ask to borrow his earbuds. You guys can each have one. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, but it should be uh fun he said you've you've never driven as far how far have you driven out of uh bisbee you said phoenix not all the way to phoenix which is three and a half hours yeah you're about to do nine and a half hours somebody stuffed him in the trunk before he got to Phoenix. Guys, I'll stop talking. I'll stop talking. Give Kenny a break. He's at a young age, at 40.

Oh, 39. I'm sorry. About to be 40. Yeah. That's when you become a man. And so, yeah. Three and a half hours is a long drive that you couldn't make. You're going to do

nine and a half hours driving each way, which is 18 and two half hours. Probably 20 hours. That's good, man. 18 and two halves. i fucking worked that out yeah anyway the two of you both i'm not gonna take tom off the hook tom is a chatterbox when he gets the chance so yeah it'll be a duel on duel who wants to just keep talking but no tom he's got the earbuds

he knows how to send out i can i can turn it off but kenny's a gambler oh well we're headed to vegas you're just trying to get your shit back kenny has dreams visions when i first moved to vegas when i was a young man at 19 not 39 but i was the same kind of ridiculous idiot kid and i had pictures of slot machines and free shrimp cocktails that Kenny has. And you're going to, Tom will lead you into that belief that you could bring in nickel and come back a millionaire. With a Corvette. According to Tom, we're staying at a Motel 6 on the edge of Fremont Street.

No, it's going to be on Boulder Highway, and it's going to be in close proximity to Fremont Street, but you're not going to be on the strip. No, I'm putting you in a fucking casino. I'm putting you in a casino. You know a Motel 6, but I am going to overstep your fucking boundaries. That's actually the perfect. That's close to everything because that's where we're're going to end up and we're going to try to

hook up with the plaza. Fuck yeah, put them in the plaza. The West Wing. The place is great. Yeah, we remember that pool, eh, Chad? The place is fun. Friday, closed, 6 o'clock, magnetically. What the fuck? What was that? A suite with access to the pool, but

closed at 6. I can see the setup. And you're going to have Inman in the other room and we're going to reenact the whole fucking... Oh, no. The original reunion, yeah. Well, I was with you

when you were 19 and I'm with him now. He's 39. It's the same mental state. You will have so much fun. I'm a good chaperone for both. You will have so much fun with Kenny.

Honestly, Tom, because I've done bits about it where I talk about why people have kids because they gave up on their own life and they want to watch the same life through new eyes

I remember you're going to see that with Kenny you are going to have so much fun watching Kenny's eyes blow up when you drive into the lights and all the bullshit. And, Kenny, I'll stake him a little bit. I don't know what his game is. What is your game, Kenny?

I would probably play poker. Stay on the nickel slots. Let's keep it smart and within reason. Here we go already. With somebody else's money. Who's going to spot him the nickel? That's actually good. Doug, that's interesting.

Tom, you worked in Vegas and Atlantic City. Yes. That's well known. What do you suggest Kenny, what should Kenny's play be when he hits the gaming floor at the plaza? Get the fuck out of Vegas. Go straight to the chicken ranch. That's what I thought you were going to say. Sit in the car and don't get out.

And get your pipes blown. Hey, you talked over Tom, which is... Sorry. It's due. Precursor. But I'm pumped. If Kenny... If you were going to give him a one-day, 24-hour pass

where he has to do one show, one buffet, one gambling jag, and then I can't say a hooker because it's implied. Titty bar. It's inevitable. All right, titty bar. Because if his fucking wife listens to this podcast and gives him shit about a titty bar, believe me, he doesn't have money to tip because it's after the gambling, Jack. Yeah. So hotel show buffet gambling.

That's so fucking tough. Let's take a break. show, buffet, gambling, five-step. That's so fucking tough. Let's take a break. I'll drive you. Let's take a break. Are we bidding on this drive? I already got the job. You can come along.

I mean, don't be. Kenny's mad. He thinks we're going to try to call it a bargain. They're kidding. Sort of. Absolutely. If you want to go on this tour, Chad Shank, you're in. What was the game that you played whenever I went with you guys to the plaza and you gave me tokens and then we played? Roulette?

Roulette. Yeah. We're going to take a break. We're going to take a break right now because I'm kind of out of sorts. I'm going to write down these five things. Hotel, buffet, show,

casino, titty bar, lap dance. Titty bar is last. That's when Kenny's broke and sad. Or rich and happy. We'll be right back after these messages. Sponsor number one, do a commercial. What does that mean? Oh, oh.

Let me take this one, Doug. There you go. I wrote it in English. Number one. No, Doug. There you go. Say it in English. Number one. No, that's right. Exactly. We are. It's your tequila because it is actually sippable, which is unknown in tequila.

I fucking hate tequila. Well, let me do the lead in there. I drank yours. If you hate it, let me. I sipped yours. Let's get a little. I fucking fucked that fucking tequila, baby. Bird Cloud's endorsement right there.

I don't need your endorsement. You did vodka, no taste drinking, whatever, but it is. Thank you very much for giving me a chance to plug my tequila. So it's number one, tequila. You can go to taters tequila dot com. We'll send it to your house. You have to give us money and then it'll prove to be the best drink of liquor you've ever had in your life of any kind. And I've never lied to you ever on tater salad white.

Let me try to enunciate what you just said. Go to what? Sure. Burger dot com taters tequila dot com taters tequila like potatoes. But in a redneck taters. what? TatersTequila.com Taters Tequila like potatoes but in a redneck. Taters Tequila.com And if you Google

that and you misspell it, you'll figure it out. Or you can just go back and ask Professor Stanhope. TatersTequila.com This tequila, I if I'm not wrong, I will tell taters tequila.com this tequila i if i'm not wrong i will tell you this tequila has never lost a competition for a tequila that cost under 300 dollars and it's only 79 bucks am i right you're pretty fucking close right there, buddy.

Yeah. Well, that's the way it was eight months ago when I listened to the podcast you did today. That's a fucking tasty tequila. Yeah, you'll love it if you get a try. No, you just said that a little bit backwards. The podcast was eight months ago. We listened to it today. It doesn't matter.

The podcast was eight months ago. We listened to it today. It doesn't matter. The tequila's never been in a contest that they didn't win. And it also won. It also got into the top five of all tequilas. Is that right? Yeah, it was voted one of the top five tequilas in the world, and it was the only one under $300.

But you're right. It's about $80. That's the extra in the AO. Under $300. But you're right. It's about $80. That's the exterior and the aho. And the other two are also a thing. The other two are shitty. The Blanco, which is delicious, is $39.99. And the Reposado is $49.95. They both won multiple gold winners.

And it's the shitty ones he's pouring into Bird Cloud's head. You can also go to oldtowntequila.com. That's where they sell it on the online. And that's the way to go. And we're going to get a bunch of it sent out to the Fun House. And by the way, Bird Cloud is begging for this tequila. I'm not pouring it down their throat. They're saying, how about some more of that goddamn...

Look at them. Look at them right there. 100%. Did backflips in your house with it. Alright. We are back. We've all written

down our answers. Kenny is the hitchhiker at the beginning of Fear and loathing in Las Vegas. The scared hitchhiker. Except in this case, he's driving. Tom Konopka is going to show him Vegas. Kenny is a gambling addict to the point of where you go,

hey, fuckface, the scratch tickets, this is not an Indian casino. Move out of the fucking way. I'm trying to get smokes. But he's a pretty lucky gambler, I would say. Yes. Unless you're playing poker against him, and then he's terribly unlucky. Thanks for telling everybody. Yeah.

He goes on tilt in life. So the five subjects, Tom, I wrote those down. First, the hotel we already established. The Plaza Hotel is our favorite. So that's the hotel. Downtown. It's on Fremont Street. Old school Vegas.

Yes. Next is what buffet? Ultimately, the best buffet the best buffet you're either at the encore or you're at the wind up on the strip those are the best but that's not where you have variety

we're downtown what about Caesars I've always thought Caesars was one of the most high end always realistically in Vegas there is endless town what about caesars i've always known caesars was the was one of the most high-end always realistically in vegas there's endless there is endless uh stuff uh you high-end low-end most of the buffets are all good i mean now the question is uh do you want to spend 50 on a buffet when doug and i were in vegas the fucking what the circus circus buffet was like 399 but i'm saying and you had 99 i am not gonna spend a lot of money on kenny's buffet this is my point

so what i would do is i wouldn't uh you know we're talking i would stay down we're at the plaza hotel there's great food in the plaza but i would either go to the golden nugget downtown which has a great fucking buffet uh or the Main Street Station, which is next to the Plaza Hotel. Great food. Main Street is the number one for me. I don't have any Vegas experience other than staying at the plaza twice with you guys. And Jenny and I were looking all over for a buffet somewhere. The Union Station next door to the plaza is a fucking fantastic buffet right there.

That's what I would suggest. It's the best. It's my favorite downtown, and it's the most reasonable. Yeah, that's where locals will guide people. I would say the Rio, but again, I'm talking about if you don't have – Yeah, we're avoiding it. If everything's connected, Rio. Everybody talks about the carnival buffet at the Rio.

Now let's get to Kenny's hamstring. Achilles heel is what I was looking for. Gaming. Kenny's a gambling addict. Well, this is the thing. What is your gambling? I see you play poker here. You say you play poker, but you don't want to do that in Vegas because now that it's popular, it's huge.

If it wasn't poker, what would it be? No, I hate blackjack. I can't stand it. I lose my money at that every time. You lose your money at everything, Kenny. That's what you do. That can't be the criteria. The only problem we have with you is you have no money.

That's why we don't gamble here. Yeah, I know. Because if you had money, we would just always have poker night every night because you lose everything. It's not true. I don't lose all the time. I win at Alex's game for quarters. Keno or that weird wheel that you spin.

The big six. Oh, God. Yeah. Statistically. No, if I was going to play anything, I'd go to the craps table probably and see how that is. But now you're in my wheelhouse because I dealt, I taught all the games. Statistically, if you don't know anything about basic strategy and blackjack, stay the fuck off the table.

Just stay off of it. If you're going to play craps, this is what I would suggest as a professional. On the come-out roll on a dice table, you have a 2-1 advantage. In other words, on the first roll, before they establish a point, it's the come-out roll for those that may or may not know. 7 or 11, you win if you're on the pass line. There a don't pass two three or twelve you lose they call that craps seven eleven there's eight ways to make that combination two three twelve there's four ways to make that eight over four four over two two to one it's two to one in your favor so if somebody

said tom i'm going to give you a million dollars where are you going to put it it's not fucking roulette it is not fucking baccarat it is the pass line on the come out roll two to one advantage and you hope that they roll a seven or an eleven will you sit by kenny like a nanny i'll hold hand. And tell him where to put his money. Yes. All right. Unequivocally. When I went with you guys to the plaza, I'm not a gambler at all. And you, I think you were just gambling by yourself is why you pulled us over there. But you pulled Jenny and I over and staked us and said, here, do this. And I had no idea what to do.

These guys just told me it was roulette a minute ago. I had no idea what it was. It's a ball, spinning ball. I played spinning ball. I like spinning ball. It goes around. It gets even literally more simple than that. I listened to Reverend Derrick the entire time.

Reverend Derrick was right there and told me where to put it. And I kept winning the little fucking discs back to the point where... It's called chips. I told you guys I don't gamble. We got you. This is where it gets real retarded. Stanhope was fucking like, put the stripy ones in your pocket. Now I'm fucking putting the ones with the stripes on them in my pocket.

You get the green, you put it in your pocket. Yeah, you get a fucking 20, you get the green, you put it in your pocket, and you forget that you have it. I kept winning a lot, and that's why, and I don't gamble, but I was listening, so I was saying, Reverend Derek might be your source to know where to lay your, what do they call them, chips? Reverend Derek should actually go on this trip. And Tom can put his earbuds in.

And we just do a nine-and-a-half-hour each-way podcast of Kenny and Derek yelling at each other. There it is. I'm the fulcrum in the backseat. Yeah, but you can get lucky. I mean, you can get lucky statistically. And there's a lot of people, when I dealt dice, you know, you'd say, well, statistically the pass line. But that does not mean that the very next roll, that that is going to occur. Many times I had some old lady come up, how do you play craps?

And she's got a $100 bill, and she doesn't even listen. I was that old lady. Yeah, she doesn't listen for the fucking answer, and she'll bet it on 12. It's a one-roll bet. Yeah, yeah. And the fucking thing hits. and then she walks away and it's easy and everybody else that thinks they know what they're pounding on the fucking table who's that bitch but that happens she has an early flight and she thinks i'm a genius well if you stayed three more days you'd be fucking broke if you stay lose your house you just get lucky because you were leaving. Yeah, that's often the case.

So, I mean, if you want to grind it out, that's one thing. But if you're serious, if you want to take a small chunk of something. But, I mean, you play what you're going to have fun with. That's the idea. Kenny doesn't have fun. Kenny gets angry at losing or not winning enough. Wow. So let's cut.

Not winning enough. Wow. So let's cut. Not winning enough. Don't worry. The gaming part will be part two of this podcast when we find out his failures, which I'm going to stake your failures. And I hope I come back not failing. But part four, what show do you take Kenny to?

Now, that's a tough one because there's endless shows in Vegas. Yes. What would you take him to either to bother him or amuse him? I mean, it's nice to say that. It would be something I know he would enjoy. I would keep him on Fremont Street because we're there at the Plaza Hotel and take him down to one of the bands that I know, one of two bands that I know he would fucking love.

And that's when I'm going to bump into your friend. What's that? MLC? Yellow Brick Road. Yellow Brick Road and maybe the Garage Boys. That's another great band. Both the hardcore rap groups that we know Kenny enjoys. Oh, I didn't know that.

I was going to go with my friend, I think. They're there too. They're not rap groups. They're cover bands. They're bands that have gone up to Cougars or whatever, but our friend Sal Cinquegrani is down there. I can take him to the west side. I was going to a hip-hop bar.

Don't you fucking take me to the west side. I'll take you to to the west side. I was going to a hip-hop bar. Don't you fucking take me to the west side. I'll take you to the west side to a titty bar, a hip-hop bar. I was going Penn & Teller just because they're friends. Well, all that. But I'm sorry. And Kenny is so... That's not what the question is. Because Penn & Teller, I hate magic so much.

You love their show. Tom Konopka does magic. Matt Becker does magic. Kenny Bang Bang here in town does magic. I fucking hate magic. But Penn and Teller kind of

diffuse it and kind of show you most of the trick. And even then Kenny would be stunned and not get it. Like gods must be crazy movie yeah the bottle that bottle yeah i don't i don't get how they did it they just did a whole act about how they did it i don't get it i'm so stupefied all right let's get back to craps are we back at craps kenny i'm i'm blown away by magic as well don't feel don't let these guys uh make you put your

head on the bar like that look at you keep your head up that's it head up yeah what was the last one oh the titty bar oh the last thing, Titty Bar. Again. Endless possibilities. The only one I know is the one that we were kids. Well. Is it still there? The Crazy Horse 2? You're talking not Crazy Horse 2.

There was one about 1,000 feet from where we were. Larry's Villa was the best. We just closed that. That was the one I was going to suggest. They closed that. That was the ultimate dive. That was out near Fremont, right? With the columns? Oh, no. That was the one I was going to suggest. They closed that. That was the ultimate dive. That was out near Fremont, right? With the columns? Oh, no.

That was North Vegas. No, no. The one he's talking about, yeah, it's relatively close. He's thinking about- I cut that out of the book. About the crazy horse. That's got the columns. We used to go to that place.

I had to cut it out of the beginning of the book because it was going too long. But there was a girl we talked from larry's villa which you know north vegas we were living at fremont and decatur oh so you were close yeah butter and egg man yeah yeah sure that area it's a long fucking we got this stripper to come drive all the way from North Vegas to our apartment, shit-faced, and then fell asleep. And we woke up where she had put a knife through the door, a metal apartment door, with a note going, you guys made me drive all the fucking way over here.

Yeah, I had to cut that out of the book yeah i remember do you remember her name by any chance no i don't i might know i remember yeah when i put it in the book i remembered two stripper names that i knew that supported me in my early open mic days and then i go and the other girl i'll never your name, but I'll never forget the knife through a metal door with a note telling us to go fuck ourselves from Larry's Villa. But don't worry, Tom will get you a lap dance against your will. Can he speak? And if your wife gets upset, I'll send you pictures of your wife giving me a lap dance.

The funny thing is me and Tom are just going to go to the Casino del Sol in Tucson and spend three days there and say we went to fucking Vegas. I told you not to talk. Yeah, he kind of needs that shit out of his fucking storage space. Tom's like, I got seven pairs of stretch pants in those fucking suitcases. We'll just buy them in two, son. We're fucking great. Best show you ever saw in Vegas.

Best show I ever saw in Vegas. Oh, Christ. All of the Mysterio shows were great, but I mean, I got to see all that old shit as well. Well, you know all the old fucking comics. Yeah, Buddy Hackett was a great comic. All right. Wait, wait,, little Buddy Hackett was a great comic. All right. Wait, you saw Buddy Hackett in Vegas? Actually, no, which is not the segue you were expecting.

However. That's all right, as long as we hit it. Yeah, well, this is, we were talking, I think it was on, there's a callback, Podcast 208, Cliff Nesterov. Califf, right? Oh, yeah. Califf. He came up.

From Viceland. From Viceland. He had that special. I'm kind of creeped out that Tom knows the actual numbers. I'm glad I'm not the only one that was creeped out by that. Yeah. Well, because I knew I was going to tell the story. He's a historian of this.

Well, it was called Funny House. What number podcast is the one we're doing? I don't know. I don't say I don't know. All right, good. 219. I got you. Anyway. It'll be 219.

But yeah, so when he was here, he had this special. He came, he interviewed you. And everybody, all the killer termites, I'm sure, should have seen it, called Funny How. And what were they asking you? Can comedy be taught? And obviously your insights were fucking great, but let them look it up on YouTube or whatever the fuck. And so I thought about it, and I heard people say,

well, I'm funny because my father's funny or because my grandfather's funny. And it just brought me back. I was at the Saharaara hotel it's going to be an old fart reference but it's it's a good one uh buddy hackett the good thing now with google is that people can actually stop the podcast and find out who the fuck it is and uh buddy hackett was a uh a comic that was in vegas it was before my time, obviously before your time. But he was popular like a... A comic of

that era that you don't even fucking care about. I'm saying... Exactly. Comedy doesn't stand the test of time. No. Hey, Milton Berle! He was hilarious then, but it builds on itself.

What this guy was, he was hilarious then but it builds on itself but yeah what this the guy was he was he was in mad mad mad world uh the comedy he was very popular all you have to do is google it this is this was the thing his son sandy hackett this was the early 80s he had a talent showcase it was called the sandy hackett talent showcase now I think it would be tough being whoever Rodney Dangerfield son to live up to that. And, uh, you know, Sandy,

okay, but I don't want to, let's not mention Pauly shore, but let's mention Pauly shore. His father was fucking, exactly. Sure. He's a funny fucking guy,

but Paulie saying you, you have to live up to something. It's tough. If you stink at it, you're Pauly Shore. So now I take you to the fucking... Shit, I have to play that club more. I know. I just lost all my dates at the comedy store.

So Sandy had... It was back in Vegas, and it was a time, early 80s, when they had stopped all of the live music, and they were going to all that recorded shit. Track music. Yeah. Well, for comics, that wasn't such a big deal. But for singers like Jack Jones or Steve Lawrence,

all these guys that were in the wake of Sinatra, it was fucked. So I went to see, because I lived a block from the Sahara Hotel, Sandy Hackett would have this talent showcase. Naked City? Yeah, very close. Very close.

Right by the Stratosphere. And I would come into this. His talent showcase was primarily local people. And it was like every Monday night, I'm guessing. And it was at the Casbah. The Casbah room, which was the lounge inside the old Sahara. The Congo room was the big room at the Sahara where Johnny Carson and Red Fox and Jerry Lewis had his telethons

and all this shit. Well, Sandy was trying to make something happen. So he would get local comics and whoever was there, ventriloquist magicians. And I would go there. It's free. And I knew one of the hanging

and banging with one of the cocktail waitresses. So I get free drinks. The show was free. And you'd sit and you'd see sometimes celebrities would come in and out. one of the hanging and banging with one of the cocktail waitresses so i get free drinks the show was free and you'd sit and you'd see sometimes celebrities would come in and out sandy himself was just a nebbish on stage he was tall he might have been in his mid-20s at that point big thick glasses a lot of flop sweat for the record if you read my first book, Sandy Hackett, Buddy Hackett's son, who Tom is talking about, booked the room in Flagstaff

that was my first paid road gig. It was there. Yeah, we played there. We stayed there. We didn't play there, but we stayed there. We drank. Yeah. Sandy Hackett's Route 66 Comedy Club.

Yep. And I was opening for a fucking ventriloquist that was so scared to stay in this old historic hotel that he got his own hotel out of his pocket, which cost as much as he was making because he was afraid the hotel would burn down and his dummy would burn because one time on a cruise ship someone threw his dummy overboard and he can't go through that

again and that was my first the pictures in the fucking dude seen a doll drown is horrific that was Sandy Haggett. I've never met him face to face. I saw that episode of Twilight Zone too. Oh, yeah.

So Sandy Haggett, who I've never met, but you saw. No, well, this was the thing. So he's trying to get this fucking thing off the ground, and it was horrible. It was just bad. The room, the little Casbah room, probably sat about 150, 200. Keely Smith and Louis Prima. They were the big, just a jiggle.

It is cold outside. This was one of the lounges where they would slay people in the 60s and whatever. So it was a popular lounge. But at this point in the 80s, it was just fucking dead. And on the off nights, they tried to do something. So the long story short, Sandy had maybe 20 people in the room that night, and they were all kind of clustered to the right side of the room. And Sandy, it's one of the things, he'd come out and he'd said, Sandy Hackett talent showcase, and he'd stand on the wings and say, ladies and gentlemen, Sandy Hackett, he was announcing himself.

So, but I mean, that's typical. He's doing and trying to fluff the audience. But he's saying, he's introducing himself in the same voice that he's coming out in. Exactly. The whole incongruity. But we haven't even gotten into this yet. It is, to me, it was a funny memory. So I would sit always in the back of the room. So if the show sucked, I'm fucking out. Or

if I have to go to the bathroom, I'm closer. So I was in the back of the room by the entrance. And right as cocktails were being served, they had another five minutes. Sandy would typically come out and do about 10 minutes up front. Generally, it would be jokes. If those weren't going well, he'd try to riff and then he'd go deeper into the shit. And the worst, the fucking ultimate worst, is at that time he did this thing that

every fucking entertainer, luckily not you, Doug, would do this fucking Kermit the Frog. What is that song? The Lovers, the Dreamers, and fucking me or whatever? Rainbow Connection. Hang on. Tracy's got it. I think Shaylee already said it.

Rainbow Connection. Sing it. No. The Lovers, the Dreamers, and me. Come on, let's all sing it. Yeah, fuck. Yeah. Miss Tracy. She's the only one who knew it.

Miss Tracy does it better than Sandy Hackettett that's for sure so but sandy would said these are the things sandy would try to to pull out if it really was going back the long story short is that now i'm sitting in the back and there's nobody near us in comes walking in plain clothes buddy fucking hackett who there was a mixed audience there was some older people. I was probably the youngest guy in the room that probably recognized him, but it was dark. This is, what, 30 years ago? Yeah.

You would still be the youngest guy in the room. Yeah, no, exactly. That is true. He walked in, and it's just strange. He was sitting next to me. I'm filling out a keynote ticket waiting for Sandra to come out and snooze us. And he walked in with Jack Jones. Now that's another stop the podcast, Google it. He's the one that did the, the love boat better than that, obviously, but he, that's Tracy. Go ahead, Tracy. Go ahead, Tracy. Also Google the love boat. Yeah. Yeah.

Also Google the love boat. Yeah. But so this is it. So now there we are. So now, exactly. So Buddy Hackett and fucking Jack Jones walk in and they sit down. And I could tell they were both, they were pissed about something. And I heard their conversation.

I'm going to back you up. How did you know Jack Jones on site? Hey, that's the love boat guy. Everyone knows the love boat guy in our era, but how would you know him? Is that the love boat guy? I would have recognized the midget from Fantasy Island, and that's the only person I would have... I actually saw him in Vegas, too.

He killed himself because he was the voice of a generation. Most underrated Hedberg joke ever, by the way. But he still had a career. This was the point. When he sat down, the guy sold out in Vegas. That's the only reason why. And he was on telethons and all this bullshit. It was before my time, but I saw him.

I was living in Vegas. But they were complaining. That's why I don't have rickets to this day, that telethon. Exactly. So when they sat down, they were complaining. That's why I don't have rickets to this day, that telethon. Exactly. So when they sat down, Jack was complaining. I just couldn't hear, you know, they're five feet from me. I could hear them. He's going, yeah, I can't

get a fucking gig in this town. These guys used to sell out Vegas. They were here during the Rat Pack, the Summit, all that Ocean's Eleven shit. Buddy says, I'm lucky. And Buddy Hackett, I talk funny out of my mouth, but I don't do an impression. But he talked out of his mouth, and he had kind of one of these voices, you know.

And Buddy was... And he was saying, he says, if I didn't have, you know, my juice at the DI, Desert Inn and Caesars, I wouldn't be working here. And Jack Jones said, I can't get a gig anymore. He says, fucking now they got that canned fucking music. I can't get a gig. So they're going back and forth for about five minutes.

Nobody knows they're in the audience except me. And all of a sudden, the lights go down. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, the Sandy Eckert Talent Showcase. And now I'm watching them, and now they settle in. And Sandy came out, and he told one joke, nothing. He told the second joke, a fucking, the old oil painting, nothing. And I could see Buddy is fucking, the old oil painting, nothing. And I could see Buddy is fucking fidgeting.

Dad. Whoa, wait a second. He started, he told another joke. And then when it didn't go well, he started riffing and it was even worse. He's back to the worst shit, you know. Hey, where are you from? I spent a week there one night. Ha ha, nothing.

Nobody and people were literally groaning. And this was one of his first mistakes. He said, by the way, and he pointed to the sign. He said, my name is Sandy Hackett. He said, and my father is Buddy Hackett. And right then, Buddy Hackett, he slapped the table. And he just stopped and he stood up. The house lights were still down.

He says, if you're going to call yourself Buddy Hackett's son, he said, you better be funny. And it stopped him right in his tracks. Nobody was laughing well he can't know that it's his dad no he did not know it he did not know it he wasn't really putting on the heavy yeah and jack and i'm looking at them jack jones was there's not a goof he stood up and sandy stopped he said what is that he said look bring up the house lights so they came in primed bring up the house lights he said dad is that you he said you know who it is he fucking stopped in the middle of sandy's fucking bed he just saw him dying he was it was a mission of mercy he was trying to help him out he said son

he said first of all he said the goal is to make people laugh again i'm not going to do the impression is to make people laugh he says you're not getting laughs son yeah he said you're not getting laugh i thought you're gonna say something he said i was gonna say no i wasn't i was i'm flabbergasted at how he must have because it should have been a green room conversation and not on stage exactly so but this was it was a unique thing and he said i'm not saying this to embarrass you, he said, but the material, it's not even not good. It is terrible. It is weak.

That's what he said. It's weak. It's weak. He said, I couldn't deliver it. He said, son, let me help you. He said, and now the lights are on. He looked at the audience. Did he go on stage?

Wait, it's coming. Sorry. He said, no, it's all right. No, he looked and he said, Sandy, first of all, tell everybody that this is not a setup. He said, no, this is definitely not. We didn't rehearse this, did we? Through his tears, he said this is not a setup. Oh, yeah.

Let me back up for a minute. I've had so many times where you have a heckler situation that you handle so perfectly that people think that's part of the act. And nobody sets this up, much less a dad and a son when a son is dying, eating shit. So, yeah, it doesn't ever happen in comedy. No one sets hecklers up. Exactly. Who would have a better insight than you about that? Obviously, that is the point.

And so he brought Jack Jones in like, hey, I'm sure it was, hey, let's go see my son. But he was fucking dying. Did he actually say, oh,

by the way, my friend Jack Jones, who sang the love boat song that no one knows him. You got to make sure of the Love Boat. He's looking for a gig if anyone has some cards. He'll be out at the... Exactly. So he continued

on and he's explaining to him that the idea he asked the people, he said by a show of hands, he said by a show of hands how many people here, he said don't be embarrassed. How many of you here thought that Sandy was funny? Anybody? Raise your hand. He said, look.

Holy shit. Trust me. Let me flow into this because this shit actually happened. And nobody raised their hand. He said, see? Sandy. He says, you know I'm not saying this to embarrass you. He said, have I?

He said, just listen. It's worse than a roast. I'm letting the listener just take this in. It is unbelievable. He said, have I ever interrupted any time you've ever been on stage? He said, no, Dad. He said, it's that important. He said, what I want you to do is I want you to call me.

Call me tonight, tomorrow at the latest, and I will give you some jokes. Let me help you. Let me give you advice on how to do this. He said, I've seen you be funny. He said, you're just not funny. And he went on for about almost 10 minutes. And then Sandy made the ultimate natural mistake. He looked down at his fucking watch and he said, okay, dad. He said, I think the audience, we get what you're saying. I'm not that funny. And he said, no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you suck. And when he said that, the fucking audience went ballistic.

It was the first laugh of the whole thing. It was the loudest fucking laugh, the biggest laugh I've heard from the smallest fucking audience. It was 20 people. And Jack Jones, I looked, he wasn't laughing. He was embarrassed by this whole thing the house lights are still up and right then i'll get it back so he was irrelevant but he happened to be there so now sandy's he's completely dumbfounded he said dad would you would you do me a favor would you you come up? Would you do a little bit? He says, I'm not going to do you a favor. I'm going to do them a favor.

I will come up. And now he's saying, would you like to hear my father come up? Yeah. And he came up. They're applauding. And he came up. And this is no bullshit. He was known for telling stories.

And he came up. And he did maybe one, two, three fucking killer stories. The first one was funny. The third, by the time he was done with the third he the people were standing up unsolicited they gave him a standing ovation and then he's look with the mic he goes well i gotta get out of here he's got to get on with the show he hands the mic back to sandy and sandy says dad thank you he said now remember make sure you call me and so now he goes okay and as they go he goes to sit down, he said, Dad, are you staying for the rest of the show?

And he said, yeah, unfortunately. And again, people started laughing. So now Sandy was scrambling through his pocket for his notes. It's like, okay, this is interesting. Thanks, Dad. And let's see, our first act is going to be a singer uh my angelo talentino and he's reading this but he's on his way back to the thing uh the next is going to be a magician walter whiz bang and uh oh wanda and her birds back by popular demand the old bit

it's a lenny bruce call back that i didn't even know know Lenny Bruce that Tom Konopka clued me in on back in our telemarketing days. So that was for you. So now he's beginning this. The lights are down. And I explained it for the listeners. Yes. Now as he goes back to his fucking seat, Jack Jones is looking at him. And he fucking stares at Jack for about five seconds.

And he's like rubbing his eyebrows and his face. He said, gee, Jack, I'm sorry you had to see that. And I swear to God, Jack Jones said, no, no, that's the first time I heard him talk. He said, no, no, buddy. He says, I agree with what you said. He said, your son is just not that funny. He said, that is not what I said. I said, he sucks. And he said it louder. I swear to God. And right then the show the show right right as he's introducing the acts and right then sandy when he heard it it was so loud he's like okay dad i get it i fucking suck i suck and he's saying i suck and he's walking around the stage saying i fucking suck and everybody started laughing again and that's when buddy hackett stood up and pointed he said see now that's what you're looking

for laughter he said right now you don't suck but the goal is not to have them laughing at you call me please give me a call and let me help you and he said okay i dad i will now sit down and then he did stay through the whole fucking thing so the long there was more shit but the longer to again to make it a longer story shorter i decided i knew that he fucking definitely did give him some material. And it's back to King Comedy Be Taught. It's the circle. First, he gave him his phone number.

Yeah, exactly. Sandy Haggett probably didn't get the fucking phone number. You say to make a long story short. Well, I'm trying to short. But the long story will be you telling the long story to Kenny on your way to Vegas and back 18 and two halves of an hour. He will get the Unabridged version. So what I did, I knew that he probably did, in fact, give his son some jokes. So I didn't go back to the following Monday night's Sandy Hackett. I waited two weeks purposely because I was curious.

And I swear to you, and of course he wasn't in Buddy Hacker, wasn't in the audience, and I'm sorry for you guys, Jack Jones wasn't there either. God bless his soul. I know. And so I went in and I swear to you. Put him in your celebrity death pool, Doug Stanhope's celebrity death pool at Stanhope's DSP.

Yeah, so I went two weeks later. CDP. CDP. Sorry, I'm trying to fucking plug JP. Yeah, so I went two weeks later. CDP. CDP. Sorry, I'm trying to fucking plug Joby. Yeah, though the bottom line is that I did go back two weeks later, and I am not bullshitting. He came out with about 10 minutes of all new fucking material,

and I will tell you what, he still sucked. It was fucking horrible. No, really, it was worse than that night because now he was fucking nervous. And can it be talked? Talking up because in the back of the room going, I'm your dad. I'm just trying to help.

You should have called me. You suck. Yeah, you suck. But yeah, it's hard to tell that type of a story because of the dynamics of it. But that did happen. I don't know. But yeah, it's hard to tell that type of a story because of the dynamics of it. But that did happen. I don't know. Can you teach it?

No. The cliche is you had to be there, but you made us there by telling that story. Well, thank you. Yeah, thanks, Tom. That was fucking great. That's a little tidbit of old Vegas. The one quick thing is that because you do know, there's no quick thing with you. Well,

what it is is that throughout the years that was in the early eighties is that Sandy did ultimately go on to produce like a lot of shows very successfully in Laughlin. And I don't know him, but he would remember that fucking night. There's no fucking question. And he did some rat pack tribute at the Rio. I have actually found him. I don't know if it's Twitter, social media somewhere.

And I reached out saying, hey, I sent a picture. I think the picture's in the book. Hey, you. And he never got back to me. Yeah. He probably doesn't do social media. back to me yeah he probably doesn't do social media he probably has some lady at the yeah bronze nugget yeah that does the thing probably four times a year right closer with the death pool uh recommendation yeah but he does and so he's producing like all

those rat pack shows and i think he has. It might still be at the Rio. And he himself, he put himself into it as fucking Joey Bishop. Google that. Well, you can't see the ESP because he's already fucking dead. But he actually is relatively funny. That's going to take us down a different road because I know a guy that was in that fucking thing. There's about 10 of them. Well, yes.

Actively. That's too long a story. I'm cutting this fucking podcast short, but I'll tell you off the air. Sandy Hackett's Rat Pack show and also another show coming soon called My Buddy. Jesus Christ. It's still fucking there. Unbelievable. Hey, this is a podcast.

If you're in Vegas, look for Kenny and Tom Konopka on a buddy film. Chad Shank, thank you for hosting this for me. My pleasure. Thank you very much for having me. Greg Chaley. Tracy has been fingering me.

And then there's those other two. We don't talk about are we not doing the other segment what thank yous thank you oh fuck thank yous all right you want to go we're gonna do thank yous yeah we're gonna do thank yous uh all right we missed this thank you this guy brett morris sent us a pop-off vodka. It's down underneath, right underneath your cunt, Clarice. Next to the bottle. A pop-off vodka lamp.

He made a lamp inside of a plastic pop-off vodka jug. It's glass. That's glass. It is glass. All right. Either way. Even harder. It's cool as shit. It is glass.

All right. Either way. Even harder. It's cool as shit. Dan Steinman. He sent me some dumb shit. It's some awful book about how it's called The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life. And how it's just some new agey,

bullshitty fucking thing. Thought about joining that cult for a while. If you've ever done mushrooms, you go, oh my God, I can't believe people believe in that shit. So it's that bad. Like hallucinogens make it worse. Thank you, Dan. I miss drugs. Where's Kenny? Kenny left.

With the shirt. Kenny was wearing a shirt that said, just add vodka and then picked up, I don't have the name, Lina Galliara. Yeah, she sent a mug, a coffee mug.

It says, I miss drugs. And Kenny's drinking coffee out of it, wearing a T-shirt with the same font that says, just add vodka, I miss drugs. And he's an ex-tweaker. It was so, it's almost like I read The Ancient Secret of the flower of life, and I realized how everything comes together.

It's all connected. John Clavis from Astoria sent the Holy Grail book. Maybe, anyway. I forgot the letter at home, but Christopher, he doesn't have like a social media presence or anything, but his name is Christopher. He sent me those mugs that say Shank Audio. It's right there.

The fucking – Behind you. Look right there. Yeah. Oh, the Shank Audio. And you had the Shank Audio t-shirt. Yeah, you gave me a t-shirt with the same design on it. Cool as shit.

Yeah, thanks a lot for that. Oh, I just remembered. One of them broke in transit, but I glued it together and put markers in it inside my studio. No one's better than Chad Shank when it comes to glue. I went to a museum. a museum. I visited a museum with Brian Hennigan against his will. The

Pima Aerospace Museum. That one's awesome. We went and I made Hennigan go because we were up in Tucson anyway and we went through it really fast. Did you get on the bus that drove you around? No.

We got there at 3.15. They say we stopped selling tickets at 3, but You look like suckers. Yeah. 31 bucks for two of us. And they said so you won't see the whole thing,

so you know. I turn to Henning and I go, they don't know how fast we walk or how little we care so we just sped around that fucking dumb place it's an outdoor museum with some indoor exhibits yeah you can't even get inside a plane i wanted to see the inside of a fucking mad man mad man like first class what's first class look like in 1950 no it's all fucking military killed they did have uh uh old air force one hey john f kennedy was on this yeah well what was it like i want to go inside i don't care john f kennedy and lbj were on this plane well i can't get on it so yeah it's like yeah it's like i i fucking i fight for diamond medallion i fly to

singapore you know why to see the inside you motherfuckers fuck you you, Pima! It's actually a really good museum. We invite you to go check it out. Bill Nash from Nash Guitars is a friend online. I haven't met him yet. They are out of Olympia, Washington. You can go to nashguitars.com. He just sent three more Bibles.

He sends a lot of Bibles because he travels around a lot. He sent $100 for Chad. $100 bill. Thank you very much, sir. I have been to NashGuitars.com, not because I care about guitars, but because this guy sent me money before, and that is incredibly nice. And he's got really fucking nice guitars. They're high-end, and they're really fucking –

I mean, they're high-end, meaning they're highly – they're crafted. Hey, P.I. Lee sent a fucking Bible, too. Who? P.I. Lee. Was fucking Bible too. Who? P.I. Lee. Was there a hundred bucks in it? His single boyfriend. He sent other things that would have kept us awake. Nash Guitars, they do really good old looking strats

and tellies that look phenomenal. So anyway, thank you Bill Nash. Thank you sir. Tom has something to add. Just a quick thank you out in Lawrence, Kansas. Joanna Cantor at Sweet Velvet Soap. My soap lady from six months ago.

She sent me more soap. She sent you pussy shots? Yeah, more soap. She knows I'm training now, so she wanted to make sure I smelled good. No pussy shots? Yeah, well, that's... Hey, I'm not... You got to wrap this up in something.

Mom's the word. No, and I wanted to thank Doug because I know the neighbors will be thanking you for a nice little gift that you walked over earlier. That's our business. We won't tell them, yeah. Keep it, Mom. Mark, delete.

Yeah, delete it. All right, thank you. Tell them off the podcast. That's a podcast. One more thing. We're going on tour. Champaign, Illinois. Your All right, thank you. Tell them off the podcast. That's a podcast. One more thing. We're going on tour. Champaign, Illinois. Your fucking venue has been changed.

Champaign, we're moving up to all seats, which is the way to go. So check the website. And if you bought tickets online at DougStanhope.com, do brown paper tickets. You got an email that tells you the new venue. Thanks for coming on. No, no, no. I'm not done. I told you. we're doing this

hey buy merchandise blah blah blah go sign up on the mailing list blah blah blah we should always like the fucking end of the Stern show when they do the wrap up we can't do it now because we're drunk here's the plugs yeah go sign up on the mailing list

go to the fucking dates. Buy merchandise. Go fuck yourself. What if we steal that back from Bill Burr? I hate the fact that if you say go fuck yourself, you can't steal go fuck yourself. No, in Worcester, I heard it at the end of every sentence. It was like the punctuation on everything they said.

Yeah. It's like saying, oh, eat shit. That's my catchphrase. No! Everyone says eat shit. Go fuck yourself, Bill Burr. Just because you're funnier than me, you think you're something. Play us out with ween.

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