The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #222: Whose blood is this? Chad shows up on tour.

Episode Date: August 31, 2017

Doug gets a surprise as Chad Shank shows up to join the tour in Kalamazoo, MI. Catching Chad up on a week of touring, Andy gets ripped off and lot's of blood.Recorded Aug 19th, 2017 at a hotel in Kalamazoo, WI with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Andy Andrist (@AndyAndrist), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. Bartended by Ms. Tracey (@Egglester)This episode is sponsored byMyBookie.ag – Join now and use promo code STANHOPE and MyBookie will match your deposit with up to a 100% bonus.More Stanhope 2017 Tour Dates at http://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates/. Get on the Mailing List.Closing song, "I Like Black Guys", by Birdcloud. Birdcloud currently on a UK tour with Mishka Shubaly – Tour Dates → http://www.birdcloudamerica.com/on-tour/LINKS:Chad Shank Voice Over info at AudioShank.comSupport the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com/storeSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Is that rolling? We're rolling. Rolling. I just have to watch the levels because I don't have a regular board. I thought I was the only one rolling. No, we're rolling. Surprise. Supplies.

Supply. We're on the road, and I ordered a pizza on our night off here in Michigan. And big, beautiful delivery man. Guess who delivered it? Chad Shank. I'm a nose. Yeah, Doug wanted to order a better pizza. It could have been Johnny Depp

if we ordered from the better place. I was going to stand outside and just yell, which one of you fat fucks ordered a pizza? But I knew you'd know who it was if I did that. How did you intercept? You must have intercepted. I thought he was going to call. That was your idea, Andy. I thought that was great. I did that. How did you intercept? You must have intercepted. I thought he was going to call. That was your idea, Andy.

Yep, I did. I thought that was great. Yep, I was producing. Andy, did you know? No, fucking no. The entire time. No, no. I saw them pull up, and I thought, wow.

We pulled around the corner from the back, and I'm like, as long as Doug's not out smoking. And then here comes Andy walking across, I'm like, as long as Doug's not out smoking. And then here comes Andy walking across. And Andy sees our blue Astro van with the centerline wheels. And then he recognizes it. And then he takes a double take.

He's like, oh. And Chad's like, I'll hide over here. I was hiding behind the beam of the truck. I thought Tracy was having a really bad day. It's like, oh, fuck, man. We have been partying a lot. So he knew as long as it took, basically, to go up the steps and then not to do anything except tweet Chad incessantly. But here's the thing.

I'm going to be a 52-year-old corpse tomorrow, starting tomorrow. And I wish for nothing more than just a big fucking joint to smoke because i was out uh kalamazoo it'll be too late but shame on you if you didn't actually say uh say a grand rapids and toledo grand rapids and toledo uh i'm out of weed there too where are my flint people at i know legalize it how about detroit how about columbus but as a fort wayne no never mind fuck fort wayne weed as a good as a pot smoker who's desperate to smoke weed knows that if you just wish hard enough it'll show up and chad shank got the vibe weeks ago so chaley uh you guys have been plotting this since before the tour bringing ch Chad Shank out.

I thought it was just since you got into it with the white nationalist. We haven't got to that yet. It was after one of the podcasts. Shaylee asked me. Was it when Doug was? I was trying to remember exactly. Was Doug in the room? Doug was three feet from us when we planned it.

Even more in your face, motherfucker. Yeah, we did it drunk and fucked up and uh it worked the only thing was to fool you and then then i fool andy's easy well no but yeah but then i stumble onto it and then i come up with that why don't you just have chad bring the pizza up yeah you did yeah that was good it was like while i was waiting for the pizza guy to get here, and he starts tweeting me, where's Chad Shank in Kalamazoo? I'm like, I'm not going to blow it. I just tagged you in, where's your weed, Kalamazoo? I was putting a vibe out.

But Doug was arguing or watching some lady meltdown on YouTube. Yeah, that was fun for a minute, but Chad Shank usurped that. Oh, yeah. There's been so many times on this tour where i said thank god chad shank is not here because someone would be dead and someone else would be in jail appreciate the uh confidence that you're putting out there because all day today i don't have anxiety but i have it's sort of like anxiety where i'm just worried i'm to murder somebody the whole time I'm out so today I was worried but

but we work well once you're here that's where I we work well off of each other where you go yeah no you shouldn't do that like I want to there was a guy in Appleton oh Appleton when I was stumbling back from

Cleo's and he was a guy in a Seahawks jersey. After the show. Oh, yes. And I'm just stumbling drunk. We're three blocks, two blocks from the hotel. Was I with you? No problem. No, no, no one was with me.

We'll get to you in Appleton. And then this guy, like right before I'm at the entrance, like 10 feet from the entrance to the hotel, and I'm sure I'd met him earlier at the bar. Appleton is like Mayberry. You don't ever expect problems. I get there and he's like, hey, man, just inappropriate questions. Like, where are you going?

And I'm like, home. And he said, where's home? And I just pointed to a building across the street. He goes, oh, you live in a hotel? It was like one of those, like, what do you call those? The boutique one? Yeah. I think it was a Copper Leaf.

No, whatever. I just pointed. I think it said boutique hotel in it. What's a copper leaf no whatever i just pointed i think it said boutique hotel in it you're out of business where i'm going and he's like oh so you live in a hotel i go yeah yeah i do and it's yeah you're a fucking fraud you're a fucking liar and i okay and he goes i said something he goes yeah you better walk away or i'm gonna stomp a hole in your ass oh my god which didn't even make sense but and i'm i say that shit though too so yeah i get it but you'd say a bigger hole in your ass i think i call it a mud hole stop a fucking mud hole in the middle of your head. I've said that, I think. See, that's better.

I'm going to stop a hole in your ass. And I go, okay, we'll come in here and do it. And then I walk right into my hotel. I'm like, come on in here. At least they'll have someone. And he's like, fuck, you're just flipping me off. But he wouldn't come in the lobby of the hotel. I'm like like what the fuck

really that's what you do you find fucking hunched over old drunk on college avenue in appleton see that's the guys that i that's the ones that i actually like that's the ones i look for when i'm out because as soon hey where are you going hey where are you going motherfucker i want to talk to you too i'm on the same page already, so I already know. The best. Someone actually brought this up on Twitter. When I started with the, and we'll get into that, the white nationalists, they tweeted a clip of the Wanderers.

Not the Warriors, the Wanderers. The Dion song? No, the movie, The Wanderers, which no one gets. The Wanderers? And he said something, and I go, the ducky grace. Around, around, around. Have you ever seen the movie, The Wanderers? Well, I'm the type of guy who will never... Okay, I'm sorry.

We all had to throw it. I rolled from town to town. All right. Too bad he's not sherry scene where they're about to beat up the fucking two weak guys and the big guy comes in oh wait maybe that's my bodyguard i'm thinking of leave the kid alone oh yeah yeah i'm sorry i'm thinking yeah it's a great movie. Yeah. Leave the kid alone. So, yeah, I imagine Chad Shank there, but there's other shows. We've had a few people had to be taken out of shows.

Last night. For fucking being assholes or filming. No, you got to fucking go. Where I go, oh, Chad might take this to the next level, go where I go, oh, Chad might take this to the next level. But there's sometimes I know I wouldn't take it to the next level because I know Chad is here. Like one guy's got a good cop, bad cop. I think we work well like that.

That was the Rogan thing you used to say is like when Rogan's around, you would be way more like, yeah, what are you going you gonna do about it because you got him behind you and that's the same thing it's like when we know it's if i'm your backup you know kind of where to draw the line of like what to do well if we're on a street like you were talking about and a guy just starts talking shit i'm not even gonna look at you guys i'm gonna deal with that because that's my wheelhouse but if we're at a show then i'm always gonna defer to look at you guys. I'm going to deal with that because that's my wheelhouse. But if we're at a show, then I'm always going to defer to you guys because I don't know what's going on. Yeah, yeah.

It's like, hey, show you. We'll let Doug deal. Yeah. Most of the people that find themselves on the curb outside, they're generally just wanting a good cry. They don't want to fight. I haven't seen any of that. The guys that we threw out and whatever that is.

There's been two throwouts. The one guy sat in the parking lot. That one was funny. They waited and went, no, that's so cool to get thrown out of the... Hey, don't worry. We're beside a train station. Burt Crusher's got chickens. We got a fucking

locomotive. It just killed some chickens coming through madness all right let's address that the white nationalist thing oh okay well let's start there all right because i haven't when the whatever the the when the white nationalist thing kicked off the night before we were at a show so we didn't catch live the tiki torch fucking nazis the walmart nazis they're freaking silly but the next day the we're checking out of the hotel when the riots started, the daytime riots. And so we're watching that on MSNBC. And I go, ah, fuck. Then we see the footage of the night before with the tiki torches.

And I just throw out a tweet saying, hey, maybe if they riot again with tiki torches, water balloons could be easily filled with gasoline or something. Because during the daytime riots, they're just throwing water bottles back and forth at each other and pepper spraying. Which, listen, you know what? Nazi, BLM, I still don't know what Antifa versus whatever is. What is that? I think we're all anti-fascist, aren't we?

Oh, that's what it's... Is it somebody who doesn't like Nazis, anti-fascists? I don't know how it works. I'm just enjoying the whole thing because I've read The Art of War a few times and I know exactly what's going on so it's funny to watch the divide and conquer happening on such a huge scale explain that it's just a fucking war tactic to weaken people it's divide and conquer it's easy but just trump is really good at it apparently

i'm i'm interested. Divide and conquer how? Well, because your enemy is going to be weaker. Divide it. I mean, it's fucking simple. It's not anything to really explain. Divide and conquer explains it. It's a philosophy, a strategy.

It's from the Art of War by Lao Tzu or whatever. Sun Tzu, Ding Dong. Yeah, I just listened to it recently because it's... But how... I started this beef with that tweet about, hey, throw water balloons full of gasoline, which now, a week later, at least a billion people without hyperbole

have explained gasoline would destroy a balloon i get it but i spent that whole day off just after that fucking with people uh you're promoting violence no i just i just i'm promoting a fantasy of a bunch of douchebag nazis white polo shirt supremacist white nationalist whatever you call them walking we're going to march with torches and then going oh this is a fatal flaw water balloons of gasoline and they don't even have to get close to me and that's i i don't know if fucking lao su tongue ding dong well that's yeah that's had water balloons in his day well that's i i don't know if a fucking lao su tong ding dong well that's yeah that's had water balloons in his day well that's a pretty easy one i mean you can do super soakers or fucking all sorts of different that's what it was just throw in anything what are they called

you mix the gasoline with styrofoam, and it makes it into a real thick slurry of napalm. Yeah, yeah. So there's a lot of- Okay, hang on. But those are physical things. Once it was spelled out to me that that wouldn't work with the water balloons, people said super soakers, which was my second thought as well. to early don't spray the uh uh tin uh charcoal lighter fluid onto the uh hibachi because the fire will come back up and blow that thing up which never happened and you still did it but i thought about that and i thought about being chastised by my milk toast dad about what could go wrong

i thought the same thing when i saw that picture of that guy has like a can of aquanet or something and he's spraying it at the nazis and i was like oh that's gonna blow up that's pretty good though yeah i don't know i don't know yeah i don't know if that's a wife's tale. It never happened to me. I cooked a bunch of ants like that. You know what I love? Is that one guy, you can get the tiki torch thing all the way down to one guy. One guy who goes, we're not soaking these rags and wrapping them around a stick. Pick and save. Big Lots has a sale on tiki torches.

One guy, Jared, figured out this was the best way to go. To hold these wicker fucking citronella like oil tiki torches. And it's the most ridiculous thing. These guys yelling, no Jews in our town

or whatever they were yelling. But holding patio furniture. I'm still getting shit from, well, that side. Yeah. Oh, you're going to promote violence? Alleged. You don't know.

People say whatever. People are saying, well, I'm going to show up at your show and you're going to look at me in the face and we're going to stand eye to eye, toe to toe. Really? Really?

They had to bus most of those people in and that you know took a fucking past the hat clinking change go fund me like a physical like clink clink no pennies no pennies to get them on a bus to get them out there you're gonna show up at my show like they probably one guy showed up with Costco, had all the torches for everybody. They had the pants in a tub. Everybody's going to wear khaki. They wore a uniform that new job hirees would go to training in. It's fucking cool. I've had one of those jobs.

But that night of trolling ended with some guy. My trolling goes from, hey, fuck you. I wake up. I see that news. And when it's Black Lives Matter, that's primarily white guys. And they're going, oh, we're hoping some black guys would back us up because uh this us jamie kilstein types can't really compete against fucking busting nazis uh and you go yeah fucking burn them with fire that's what i threw out there and then as i'm trolling all the fucking

white nationalists eventually after nine hours i'm drunk and now i think i have an opinion and then i start getting angry and then some fuckhead who's just he's like fucking how dare you i said something about ignoring it, which I think you would agree. Yeah, yeah. I remember seeing that. What was it? I said, if you just ignored them, like, you should have with God hates fags people. Or the Westboro Baptists.

Yeah. You just don't pay attention. But the media cannot not pay attention. They go, ooh, this is ratings. There's only 15 of those people, and they show up, but you make them a big fucking deal. If you ignored all those fucking Nazis that had to pull together change to come out and do a thing,

and you go, I don't care. We could have made fun of him the next day. And then I put that out because you can't argue on fucking Twitter when it's a long point. Yeah. In 140 characters, I can't explain to you that the fact that these people...

The dude that started it did it on Twitter. Sorry. I don't... The dude that started what did what the race war the president trump well that's what everyone says well you know what we got one in power it's different no if the media doesn't cover it if you don't care all they're gonna do is march around an empty statue and nobody gives a fuck or notices how much how much attention would be given to a hundred nazis walking down a barren street with like like all green lights so they would go faster

no one if no one gives if a free if a tree falls it it's like that's the thing is it's the media that was like powering the only thing i took away from and i don't know a whole lot about it but the only thing i took away from it is that i'm against protesters yeah i didn't realize that like if you leave your house to go somewhere else i'm just going i hope somebody hits you with cars and then people are doing that now so it's fantastic so i'm like yes that's what i told before it happened i said to chaley i go i oh no, as when you told me that we're in the car at that point, and you said someone drove a car into the protest, and I said, I was imagining watching it, how we could drive a car and just kill all the Nazis. a car and just kill all the nazis like i was picturing how could you get through the good side to the bad side i was like and plow those people down and then you go oh no it's andy who

drove a car through there i go i was just fantasizing about that, which I don't think is anything. I fantasize about killing people every time I watch morning television. Chad, you might be able to tell me if this would work. What if they just had a big Nazi march and then the other side egged them on, that we're going to show up in force and show our man-to-man, and then you just hired a couple of snipers to work the up above and just pick them all off like they're all down there waiting for the oh you mean both sides no you just no no you get the nazis to show up you think they think the other side's gonna show up and then you just

fucking the we yeah we're here but like an ambush yeah i like that i think both sides should show up and somebody should shoot all of them. I'm curious at what angle you think Chad has to be an expert. Well, sniper. Okay. All my murders have been close up. In the military, he worked

on engines. It's a yard of war. He's not a white supremacist. Where is his area of expertise here? Violence. Now I get that. I just wanted to hear him say. So I get all these white nationalists.

Tracy, on the list, put Axe Body Spray for tomorrow. Oh, I got it. I got it. It's in the blue bag. I got it. Found it. We are sponsored by Axe Body Spray whenever we're on the road. It saves you $250 upon checkout.

All night. When people ask what we do on the road, we keep coming up with different new things to say. It's a comic thing every comic that has to travel they go uh so uh where are you going on the plane what do you do and you don't ever say you're a comic so we like when we check into hotels we like to say that we're in-room carpet cleaners. And, hey, I see you charge $250 to clean a room. I don't know who's raping you, but we do this for a living town to town. And we could do them for like $29, a deep steam clean carpets and drapes.

Who's raping you for $250 to clean a smoker's room? We do this on volume. If we did one room, if we did one office, no way. This is a volume thing. Comfort Inn, this is a big operation. For $150, I'll go into your room. I'll burn popcorn. I'll spill macaroni and cheese on the floor.

I will ship blood. And by the time they're done cleaning that, they won't worry about a little scent. We'll get to your bleeding and smell it. There'll be no smoke smell at all. I emptied my three-week-old penis in the garbage. Leave those there.

Doug, that's a good one. Aside from rotten curry and eight-day-old left-in- the car shrimp a uh a bag of popcorn burnt in the in-room microwave oven is a good no i actually like burn it that down is uh to put a catfish in a microwave for 45 minutes on your way out. I called two hours ago. I think I left something in my room. Did you find a perfectly steamed bass?

I'm going to make sure I wrote that down. I swear to God, my best thoughts are when I just get out of bed. I'm still drunk, but I'm kind of calm. I was in room 219, and I'm missing a trout. I think you should call in as the person in the next room. Are you guys having a fish fry? Because I smell fish. Someone is definitely microwaving a catfish.

I don't know if you can set a microwave for 45 minutes, but if you can. Oh, you can. And a catfish. You've got to be able to find a catfish. Oh, I'll get you a catfish. You're going to be able to find a catfish. Oh, I'll get you a catfish. You give me 15 minutes, I'll get you a catfish. Oh my god, that's a good guy to put on the murder list.

Oh, I got two more on the murder list. Oh, what was the one today? Yeah, uh... Oh, J.G. Wentworth. That was it, that was it. And then the guy from Catfish. 877 Cash, no! I was going to say, I know that fucking jingle.

Well, they changed it. They did a boy band instead of the opera where everyone universally hates the opera. So we can all agree that we can remember it because we all hate it. Now it's a boy band where I think some people might think that's an actual boy band. I think that's the only one I've seen as the boy band. I've only seen it recently. We're going to have to pause. Let's take a break.

Let's take a break. I got an important phone call coming in. Please hold. If you were such a sucker that you bought the Mayweather-McGregor hype, hopefully you're part of that Showtime lawsuit. hype hopefully you're part of that showtime lawsuit james inman could provide better footage than showtime sold you for a hundred dollars on one of his leaky ass websites with 2002 buffering buffering buffering mpegs that's so yeah so we didn't watch the fight but you know what we didn't watch the fight. But you know what?

We didn't buy the hype, but we bet the hype. I won money. Why? Because I am on mybookie.ag. mybookie.ag. Chaley, give them some bullet points, and then we'll go back to talking about that fraud. We usually bet football.

We jumped in early because we had a new sponsor. We wanted to check it out. And we go, oh, this is perfect. We can bet some of the exotics on the Mayweather-McGregor fight. It's just like the Super Bowl. They had a billion bets. Will Trump tweet this many times? More times than

it goes rounds. The one that I lost on was the prop bet. The one I lost on was will the national anthem be over one minute 52 seconds. Yeah, and you went under. I did the under, and I fucking lost. But, yeah, I made a couple of prop bets on that with this, and I noticed that I had extra money. I'm like, wait, this doesn't add up.

It's because I took advantage of that. When I deposited, I got 100% bonus. Yeah. So I ended up not losing as much as I thought because I'd suck at betting. Well, I fucked up. I made only two bets because I knew it was going to be a snooze fest and probably rigged, and they're just going to hug each other for 12 rounds, and Mayweather's just going to run like he does. I bought the Pacquiao fight because all the kids back at the Funhouse wanted to see it.

It's boring. He's the most boring fucking boxer. So this time I'm not buying it, but I bet that it's going to be a snooze fest. So I bet it goes the distance, and there's no knockdowns. But when I bet it goes the distance, I must have forgot to hit the confirm button because it wasn't in there. I didn't lose that money. So I won the no

knockdowns. You won the non-bet. Yes. Sometimes it saves you money. You pick up these bets and they stack on the side, vertically on the right-hand side of the screen. So you can keep going, especially prop bets. You get a little, I don't know if I want that way, but you stack them on the side, and then you have to confirm them later.

And then you go back, and you see which ones you got. And they're live updating. The one I got was, will the fight go more rounds than the combined score of the Twins and the Blue Jays. But it was the game, the baseball game was the next day. So I had to wait to find that one out. And you pushed on that one. I pushed on that one. So what do you say?

You make these bets and then you watch the game? It's a weird thing when you work for a living and you don't leech off government checks at the first of the month. You can actually play around with your money. All right. So then you watch the game. So it's fun to watch the game. And then you're like wondering if you're going to win.

So what you do, like football. I'll tell you the truth. I like to bet. No, I would always. I hate football. I would always fuck with you. Hey, your team's playing today and they're losing. I don't have a team.

But I like betting. If I bet, I want to fucking watch. That's the point. That don't have a team. But I like betting. If I bet, I want to fucking watch. That's the point. Well, that makes it more funner. As the years roll by on us, James, I don't really give a shit about football anymore. It's just I'm not even doing it at the house this year. I mean, I'll watch it, but that's because I'm going to bet on it. And I want to be able to watch it without having to get up and get fucking nachos for everyone

and then do a bunch of dishes the next day. And this season, I'm just going to fucking bet. I'm going to bet to see, like, if I was doing this professionally, like, when I do my locks of the week, bingo last year. Oh, yeah. When she was coming out of a coma. Yeah. She was like 6-0. Coma locks. Every week we'd have her pick one.

What do you call it? The premier game. Like the marquee matchup. That's what I'm looking for. Yeah, you used to make me do that all the time. Yeah, she went 6-0 when she was still kind of in a coma. Not quite there, but can at least point to one of the two teams. It's fucking great.

least point to one of the two teams it's fucking great so i want to see like what what would i do if i was a professional prognosticator my bookie.ag i've been through a lot this is a good one some i uh yeah i remember one that was like gonna give me a free bottle of champagne if I did the bonus thing. And I had to just basically earbeat them on a daily basis. No, I want that. What's the big Moet? What's the big name brand? Just that big. Oh, Moet. Yeah, Moet and Shandon.

It's the opening line of that Queen song. She keeps a Moet and Shandon in a pretty cabinet. Yeah, Moet, Shaley says. I don't know. Whatever it was. What's the most famous champagne there that everyone knows? It's our server, Janelle. It's not Cristal.

Brew? Brew? Anyway. Cristal? Oh, Dom. Dom Perignon. Dom Perignon That's what it was

I had to pry that Dom Perignon out of that sportsbook Asshole with forceps So mybookie.ag Bet everything I haven't gone through The whole site yet But You should be able to bet some weird shit

You can bet like on The Bachelor. There's tons of stuff on there. Yeah, I should have gone through to find the weirder ones, but don't worry. We got a long football season to go. MyBookie.ag. Join now and MyBookie will match your deposit with up to a 100% bonus. Use promo code Stanhope to activate the offer. Visit mybookie.ag today.

You play, you win, you get paid. Unless you lose. All right, we're back and Andy left because the most annoying guy at the bar next door to the hotel that kept telling us annoying jokes and interrupting our conversation. Oh, Andy's buying Coke from the guy. Wait, he didn't just tell annoying jokes and be annoying. He told you bumper sticker and beer koozie jokes repeatedly.

Don't know if maybe he knows that I'm a comedian. Bumper sticker and beer koozie jokes repeatedly. Dunno if... Maybe he knows that I'm a comedian. I don't think so. That's what I thought at first, but I don't think so anymore. All right. Either way. No, no, Andy didn't. He didn't.

Well, according to Andy... Andy didn't tell anyone anything. No. We thought he did. All right. Oh, what happened? After you guys left, the guy comes back and he goes, hey, your friend

after he took him around the corner to do bumps, and this is happy hour. This is not end of the night. Yeah, we're in the $3 beer price. I'm bleeding my contacts. At a tiki bar. Yeah. He says, hey, your friend told me what you really did, because we told him that we repair

shopping carts at high-end grocery stores, town to town. That's a pretty good... I like that one. It's very weird. We did just enough, because they're looking at my hair, and I go, look, we work nights. That's why I can get away with this hair. I've had lots of jobs where I can't have purple or pink hair, and so we work nights.

And it's just enough of a lie. And this guy was, there were two guys. One guy was kind of abrasive, but they were buddies, and they were old, like 58-year-old golf guys from Michigan. And they're like, you have to do something creative what do you do and i'm like i don't do anything i'm retired i just kept dodging it and then i told him my we repair shopping carts and uh grocery stores across the country in the middle of the night don't you remember that was the guy in madison you were mobile green rooming in our blue uh aerostar with the centerline wheels and i was in the back getting t-shirts and

the guy goes yeah you look artistic you look artistic andy out for a bump and then i don't even know what my point is anymore i'm just glad andy's not here coke talking over the whole podcast where i'm drunk talking it i even forget where we were before i got that phone call about the white nationalists, other than they're threatening me, which, you know what? Who's going to come after me in Michigan? There's no. Wait, that's where we are now? White nationalists, militia people, sad and lonely in Michigan. But they're not. You going somewhere?

No, no. I just forgot. Andy was so blah, blah, blah. Now he finally left. I forget what the fuck we were talking about. God damn, he was so funny at the bar. We were sitting there. He said a couple things.

I maintain he's the funniest guy before and after the show. It's that 20 minutes. It's the gamble. It's the gamble, yeah. He is a gamble. God damn it, gamble. It's the gamble. Yeah. He is a gamble. God damn it, man. He fights. So funny.

Yeah. But we are sponsored by Axe Body Spray, this podcast. Axe Body Spray would like to let you know that if you are smoking in your hotel room and you want to evade that $250 cleaning charge, don't always- Hot clams. Don't always spray the room. Spray the hall. Oh, yeah.

Right? That's right. This tip brought to you by Axe Body Spray. We went to TJ Maxx today to get burner socks and et cetera's because Jaylee lost his luggage. He tries to blame it on his wife. Well, I told you to clear the room to make sure well she left a bag behind i also told andy make sure tracy clears the room yes and they left my

bag yeah where the it is it's my fault it's my fault yeah oh andy make sure to get paid we'll be back in the hotel let's see how that goes. Let's see how that goes. I just gave you 50 bucks, by the way. I'm putting Tracy in an Andy seat, and I don't mean to demean your character by that. Andy immediately threw Tracy under the bus on that, and then he came back like an hour later

and goes, hey, Tracy, by the way, that was my fault. And it's like... Andy came in. We were playing Appleton, Chad. Skyline comedy. This is before I was threatened with a

new butthole in my butthole. A size 10 and a half butthole. We had the great night at Cleo's. It was the best bar ever. Great town. Great town. Great show. Wait, you're Milwaukee then? No, Appleton is where Andy came in.

I'm like half awake, barely seeing. You wake up in the middle of the night when you're sharing a room with Andy. And you hear like, I keep my backpack close to me because he might be rummaging through it for fucking xanax or drugs he thinks you're hiding from him that you don't even have so you're always aware and at one point i wake up and i i hear a kerfuffle and then andy stumbles into the room bleeding over the eye like bingo when she took that header not the yeah not the biggie not the biggie the one before that she seizureed up before that moving a piano for her video she fell on her face that time yeah he's bleeding like that out of his eye.

And I go, what? He goes, oh, I'm sorry. I just fell over the coffee table. Like, we're in a hotel room. There's no coffee table in a Rattlesnake room. And you're walking into the room. Maybe he walked into someone else's room. I woke up.

I woke up. There's all the towels are covered in blood. Like different stages of blood. Like blood just wiped. And then the dried, like rusty blood. Yeah. I saw what was happening. I woke up.

Doug had a phone in the morning. Took forever to answer the phone, the door. And then he opens it. The fucking bloody towel. And I'm like, that's it. Over. 9.30, they're calling. We're going to the car.

That was gross. It looked like the world's biggest maxi pad is what to the car. That was gross. It looked like the world's biggest maxi pad is what it looked like. It was several. I woke up. It was like this morning. Did we already talk about the macaroni and cheese? No. I haven't heard a macaroni and cheese

story. Muskegon, Michigan. Muskegon. We had to take a boat ride, which is always a, hey, what's next? Oh, you had to take a boat ride which is always a hey uh what's next oh you have to take a boat what'd you say you said that i never thought i'd hear shaley say wake up we gotta catch the ferry for the boat yeah yeah it was easier than driving through Chicago. You take the ferry. Shorter, too. I'm sure Hennigan told me about it, but I woke up going, every morning I've been on this tour.

Where am I? I don't know where I am. Whose blood is this? What time is it? Whose blood is this? It's not mine. It's not mine. I'm looking forward to hanging out the next couple of days because the only experience I have with this is whenever I first met you guys,

and then I'm trying to remember how many days in a row I've hung out with Andy because it gets increasingly more weird the longer you hang out. But I think Vegas maybe, like three or four days we were in Vegas. Yeah, but that's different. But, Chad, you have your own room. This is embedded where we are driving. Fortunately, like last week, Wisconsin, Michigan, they're short drives, meaning like hour and a half.

The first time you came out with us was sometimes eight-hour drives doing a triple gig, mountain run. Yeah, we're going from Fort Collins to Billings. That kind of pretty, but excessive. Yeah. These are short. So, Chad, you're going to be on the road for Kalamazoo, Lansing, and Grand Rapids. This might go out by Grand Rapids.

It should. in Grand Rapids. This might go out by Grand Rapids. It should. And Pod Call we are now listening. We're catching up. You'll be catching up on Bert Kreischer with Miss Pat.

We're catching up on all the Bert Kreischers. So we'll be catching the end of Miss Pat and going into his next one. So, hey, Bert Kreischer, here we mentioned you. Thanks you. Thanks you.

Thanks you. The next one, I just talked to Bert, and we're not. Bert and I talk on the phone. You talk to him through podcasts. He answers your fucking phone calls. I have to pod call him. He just had it. He said, this next podcast, because we're blowing up your podcast.

It's fucking great. And he said, this next one is the best one I've ever done. But I'm not telling Doug who the next one is. We're just going. Like even Miss Pat, we just put it in and we listen. And we're like, what the fuck? That was really good. It was amazing.

Yeah. And so this next one is like, the only reason I'm going to even listen to this is because I've listened to the last three and I loved them. All right. Where are we going? Because I'm fucking getting very drunk. I'm drunk too. Hey, what were we talking about on the last break? We were in somewhere.

You got a phone call. What? She turned out to be a white. I capitulated with that guy at the end of this 9-11 hour troll of white nationalists. And this fucking guy chimes in and says, hey, you can't talk about all these people, And says, hey, you can't talk about all these people, these white people that are not gay, Jewish, or black. Because, again, in 140 characters, you can't spell out your opinion. I wasn't having an opinion other than raining gasoline down on Nazis. Walmart Nazis. raining gasoline down on nazis walmart nazis and he and i i see he's verified and he's got 48 000 followers and i think i'm so uh shit-faced at that point i confuse so many i'm like oh wait it's i i just look at his twitter

thing and it's i've got a book and it's about uh i'm not even gonna give him fucking credit but i'm thinking oh wait isn't there a comic i know that does like a rapper like kind of thing as a goof no he's not a comic at all he's actually a jewish white rapper and i like i like do you really want to discuss this in 140 characters like i give comics credibility and i gave him credibility where no he actually was a white rapper, and now he's a guy that has a book or something. I woke up in the morning, and I re-looked. I'm like, oh, my God. I gave him comic credibility, and he's just a fucking idiot.

Oh, my God. He's a comedic rapper. No. No. He's a comedic rapper. No. No. He's not. Aren't most white rappers comedic rappers? At that point, I remember going, in the morning, I figured out, well, that Andy Samberg guy does that pop star thing. Lonely.

Fucking. Yeah. Stop. Never never stop never stopping he wrote that pop star i think it's called he's as a series never stop never stopping it was the oh i don't know title well if you want credit with uh doug benson you have to say the full title else that is even more of a douchebag than this guy that i thought oh little dicky yeah that's the guy oh wait little dicky's not a comic either he tried to do that i'm gonna make a rap video for no money and he did it he did it i don't know next to nothing all i know is i remember hating

when i found out his name he does one of those I'm going to kill you spots on Howard Stern. Hey, this is Lil Dicky. People are having sex without condoms. I find you disgusting. It's some commercial that just made me want to repeatedly fucking smash his face. Fight Club. I want to destroy something beautiful where he smashes Jared Leto's face. Yeah.

So, yeah, I hated that guy. But somehow I was. I don't even know anything about that. And I hate that guy just because of the face you made when you're acting like you were punching him. I'm like, yeah, let's punch that guy. So, yeah, so far, the Aryan nation has not shown up and pulled $35 together to take on the killer termites who have nothing to lose. They can't fight.

Have you looked at the price of citronella oil? That shit is expensive. You think those guys have $35 right now? No one's making money on the torches. It's the oil. I mean, that's what it is. I have several of those torches around my patio for mosquito purposes. This is fucking hilarious, Chad.

We're mobile green rooming outside of Appleton. You know, mobile green room where you... It's in the powder blue Astro van with the center line wheels. I can picture it. I can smoke. If we sit in the van, I can smoke outside the fire exit. So I'm sitting out in the parking lot in Appleton, and this fucking skinhead-y guy keeps walking back and forth behind the van,

back and forth, back and forth for an hour. And I go, there he goes again, looking in the rearview mirror. There he goes again. Nope, now he's back. Now he's back out at the street. Now he's back. And he's kind of eyeballing the van which I always think do you need to chime in now?

I have to say something because Appleton is an interesting club the Skyline, everyone has to take an elevator to get up so there's a reason for people to be behind the van which we should have parked somewhere else you drive the

I know dare but after four or five times it starts looking like what the fuck is going on but there is a line of people that is snaking towards us and that would seem so when he told me that i'm like what the fuck just relax smoke your cigarettes look out you know look out the front window but this is after i'm getting all these fucking death threats and stuff. And I'm like, all right, this fucking skinhead guy. And the show is already seated. By the time I get out, he's standing by the street.

And I get out of the van and I walk. We go up the fire exit, which is next to the exit. And he sees me go 20 feet towards the fire exit and starts running. Pivots and turns. Towards you or the other way? Towards me, but he has to take the elevator where the fucking people have to go up. The customers have to go up the elevator.

So I'm up there immediately, run up three flights of stairs, oh, stop my heart. Like the Beatles. Run up three flights of stairs. Oh, stop my heart. Like the Beatles. I'm still picturing Doug run up three flights of stairs. I see him run past me to the elevator, which takes forever.

It's the slowest elevator ever. So I'm up at the top waiting for him to come through. I don't see him come through. And I'm like, well, if he's not coming to the show, maybe that guy is a fucking threat. And I opened my set with this. That's very good, by the way. Because I thought the guy in the front row looked like that guy when I came up from behind.

I come up on stage, and then I see his face. I go, no, that's not the guy. And then later on in the show, I tell the story about the guy. And then all the bullshit with the fucking hashtag white nationalist bullshit. And then I see another guy go, oh, he might be the guy in the spotlight. No, he's not. And then I realize most of my audience looked like fucking white supremacists. They're all fucking awkward dudes with shaved heads.

And then at the merch booth, I saw the dude. I go, that's the guy. He goes, I'm sorry. I was waiting for my friends. Jesus. I kept walking back and forth because I was waiting for my friends, but they were late. Before Doug went on and he was up, Doug goes, hey, Shelly, take a look. Scan the crowd.

See if you see that guy that was out there. Because I saw the guy. With a gray T-shirt. It was specific. No, it was. And I saw the guy because at the end, Ishirt. It was specific. No, it was. And I saw the guy because at the end, I'm like, no, that guy is. He's coming back too many times. I thought he was being crazy at first.

And I went in there and I come back. I go, Doug, there are too many bald dudes in your audience. I cannot. I know what that guy was wearing. I stood up on a thing. I looked down. I could not tell which guy There he is

There's a lot of them I was hoping it was a threat I was going to apply for a job To just lean against your van The white Aryan octuplets are here They're spread out throughout the crowd At the Skyline Comedy Club Our Nazis would call you a hippie They're spread out throughout the crowd at the Skyline Comedy Club.

Our Nazis would call you a hippie for having that long hair. Listen, Nazis are not going to get a lot of fucking words out in our conversation. Yeah. I had a few people on Twitter say, well, you call them Nazis, but it's not the thing. Well, Nazi is four characters. White nationalist

allows me less room to make my point, so I'm gonna go with Nazi. And that's the thing. If you're on fucking Twitter and you call someone out for spelling. No, sometimes you have to say you are two letters to say you're to make your point. And that's when you go, I shouldn't be arguing this on Twitter when it's a longer dialogue.

You fucking. On Twitter, when it's a longer dialogue, you fucking cunts. My worst thing about that is if you leave off the most obvious part because it's the most obvious part, but the tweet still works within 140 characters, if you leave off that and other people want to point out the obvious part like it never occurred to you. What about this part? No, I left that out, you dumb about this part no i left that out you dumb

motherfucker because i already knew that was obvious i did i did the opposite today when i uh posted the uh episode 220 because there was too many because i wanted to get everyone's twitter like tom kanopka castle rock kenny i want to get everyone in there but then it was i was over by like 15 i'm like fuck so i go you know what when i just take out doug stanhope podcast and put dsp but i put dsp podcast which the obvious would have been they get it they would know what dsp is that's easy math but then i saw the podcast i wasted those letters stupid i don't know what I'm doing. That's not my job.

Someone else was supposed to do that. Chad Shank had to take two flights. Three. Three flights. Two stops to get here on small planes next to fat people. One was a big plane. One was a big plane in the middle from Phoenix to Chicago. Phoenix to Chicago. It was a big plane.

That was like three hours. The first plane was little. It was like a – Oh, it was a 22-minute flight. I was kind of nervous. Tucson to Phoenix. I was kind of nervous. I'd never been – I'd been in like Cessnas and like small planes before,

but not like a small jet like that. It was like a cigarette boat. A commuter. But a jet. Like I went – well, I got lucky. Well, here's the thing. Whenever Shaylee had me do this, so you got me that suit a couple of years ago that's all fucking old, like your guys' suits.

So I was going to wear that because I thought it would be funny to wear it on the trip and then show up here. But then I realized, I was like, wait, stanhope flies fucking first class when he does that shit i'm not gonna i'm gonna spend an entire day on airplanes in this fucking ridiculous suit so i decided and squeezed into a spot i didn't even really know how much that was the first one when i got on the cigarette anyway i decided not to wear the suit or even bring it because then i tried to pack it and it took up the whole suitcase oh you didn't bring it so i did not bring the suit but i'll go in the first plane and they have me in uh i learned well all right when you do your uh thing i asked you before about your pub crawl and you said first class was the key to it and i

understand crazy flights because yeah crazy flight because uh i learned that group eight they still use the fucking microphone group eight boarding now is group eight when they could really be like all right you can get on now like fuck you man i'm right here i'm the only one sitting here in the chair you You could just fucking wave to me. You don't have to fucking announce it. Comics will love that. So I went on group eight, and I got on, and they gave me the seat 21A. And I didn't know what that was.

Window seat? I had window seats the whole way. I knew that right after the first one. But 21 is, remember when you get on the school bus in junior high, the seat you went to? No. The very back seat of the school bus. That was where they put me.

I was in the very last seat on the window. It sounded like a Volkswagen bug behind me. I was like. There's a flat wall behind me. I was like... That's when you listen to music. There's a flat wall behind you. Yes. They put the valet bags behind me. They took the bags and they loaded them.

You could hear them bumping into the wall behind me. The flight attendant had to move if people needed to go to the bathroom. She sat in the jump seat. It was in front of the bathroom door and she was aggravated by it every time. Really? Again? We don't even have drink service. Tracy and I

both, the first, we got in early here to Kalamazoo and we, the first vintage shop we hit, we both had to take a shit. What? We both destroyed.

That was him and you. Oh, I thought. I was in the dressing room. You said thank you. Wait, you shitless dresser. You shitless dressing room? No wonder we didn't get a discount. You bought something from that poor woman for destroying the bathroom.

Oh. Oh, I thought you were saying that you destroyed the bathroom first. I was in there, but I took a leak. How did you know I destroyed the bathroom? That's just my problem. I was in the dressing room that was five feet away from it. You could smell my dump? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I thought you were taking credit for the dressing room. Dude, this is why you were in there I knew it was going to happen Because you went by me and you were like get out of the way So I go okay And then when we were out there You got the best crew man We all got your back I'm out there and she says

Oh there's not enough dressing rooms There's a bathroom around the corner He's changing in there already. That's what I was saying, because she would definitely figure out what happened later. But I didn't want her to run into it, because he was still in there. Wingman. He's there. He's got a pair of pants and a blazer.

It's a high-button collar. It'll take him a while. I thought Tracy and I had a moment together. You cycled? Just you. You guys cycled together? I febrezed and everything. Yep.

Oh, my God. You could smell it in the fucking dressing room. Oh, man. Oh, my gosh. I'm glad that I'm amongst friends again where we can talk about poop jokes. The other day. Shitting in the dressing room is the funniest thing I've heard. The other day I took a shit and I swear, I got up and I looked and it looked like three different people took shits on top of one another.

They were different textures and different colors and I wanted to tell somebody and I have anybody to tell. And now I feel like I want to tell you guys, so... Alright. Anyway, this little plane, Stan Hope, was fucking wee. I was not nervous because I don't pray, but I do hope that the plane crashes the entire time I'm on it because I think it would be hilarious.

That is Bingo and I. That's our thing. We hope to die in a plane crash because like just the moment we we plan for like oh what would we say to each other yeah that's our thing i would like to die together i would like to freak out all the other people is what i think about is i would like hair on fire hollering like to freak out all the other people is what I think about. Hair on fire? I start hollering like, yeah, we're all going to fucking die. Just enjoy it.

Ride the seats on the top. But this plane was so little that after a little while, I realized that it listed to the left so bad that I seriously considered moving over to the right side just to see if it made a difference. I was like, I'm going to move over and see what happens. Because we were fucking this sideways for a long time in the air. But I think that was just Tucson to Phoenix curve, maybe, now that I have flown several times during the day. Well, we had to take that

boat over from the ferry here lake express three to five foot waves they were doing announcements through a bullhorn on the wisconsin side saying hey if you have seasickness we have three to five foot waves it's going to be very choppy. Take Dramamine. It's for sale. But for me, the rocking puts me to sleep. It was gentle. I was trying to read this book, and I just set it down. And then we're listing to the right. So I would move my head to the left, and I'd drift off into this beautiful fucking half dream.

And then I'd wake up with my head on the right, and my neck craned so badly it hurt. And then I'd shake myself out of it, and then put my head back to the right. And I would wind up on the left. Their seats went back, but you know what? If they had those wings, like in some of the seats, where the wings come out to cradle your head. Well, if that helps you. But on airplanes, sometimes they have a wing that you can bend out

to keep your head from going back and forth. I did talk to a guy. Well, a guy talked to me after the show in Muskegon, and he said, well, you took the ferry. Were they passing out the barf bags? And I'm like, does that happen? He goes, yeah.

If they're doing three to five foot swells, I'm surprised he didn't pass out the barf bags. I go, just passing the barf bags would probably make people feel sick. Because my thing was just like mind over matter. Because when you're starting to move like that you start to really feel it i don't i thought it was way more gentle three to five makes me i sleep like a baby people up on the i went to the upper deck and he's back people on

the upper deck were like grabbing rails and then i've just been so fucking blackout drunk on this tour that i walked across like i was in a video no problem but uh when i i had to take a last second remorse shit on the ferry and there was puke on the back of the bowl that i uh chose i chose that because i thought maybe the acidic from the stomach would melt the shit from uh the misadventures of uh dining i thought it was because you'd have something to aim for you'readventures of dining. You're leaving Wisconsin, so people are filling that bowl with some ungodly curd mixtures. He's like a dog.

He can't see certain colors. I can't see the white, but I can see the puke on the white. It was like a kid vomit, too. Like a kid wouldn't even make the front of the bowl. You always turn it to kids yeah all right dude what else oh hold on hold on hold on i get i get i get some fucking notes my fight with the coffee table we got well you did that without me okay i knew i wasn't missing i heard that i heard that story without you here i knew i want to talk about loud talker

oh i wanted to tell you guys too when I had a long part of my flight today, I passed it by watching Punching Henry. It was what I did to pass the time on the plane, and it went really well. Is it on Showtime? Yeah. I don't know if it's still on, but maybe you can get it on Netflix or something.

I don't know. I'm not sure. I got it on iTunes. That's why it was on my iPad. Oh, there you go. Get it on iTunes. My? I don't know. I'm not sure. I got it on iTunes. That's why it was on my iPad. My wife canceled HBO and Showtime because I think she apparently doesn't think I need to masturbate anymore.

Are you kidding? I don't have Showtime? Oh, well. Did she cancel YouPorn? That selfish woman. I know. It's like, let's trim back something you eat. Let's get back to the white nationalists.

While that was going on, the next day, Anton Newcomb, whatever the fucking the guy from Brian Jonestown Massacre guy. He's the guy that got me...

Oh, the lead singer. Yeah, it's a long story, but he's the guy that got me on MySpace. I was against MySpace because I was against Dane Cook. It was stupid thinking. It was a great social media platform, but someone said, hey, do you know Anton Newcomb is following you or your friend or however MySpace worked?

I didn't know that you just added as many people as possible. And I had just watched that documentary. What was it called? I'm looking it up. Dish or something. it was with them in that other band my bodyguard anyway he starts he starts jumping on this fucking anton newcomb like oh boy it's wrong to advocate violence Advocate violence. And then someone, because while I'm, you know, Jason Fury, you both know very well. He actually cured my cancer.

And you both know Jet Lacey. Both friends in town. Yeah, Jet's good. Yeah. So Anton Newcomb is saying, oh, how dare you fucking advocate violence? We need to preach peace. I don't fucking know what he, but I go, it's Anton Newcomb who got me on fucking MySpace to begin with. What have you done for me lately?

And he's fighting with a guy because when you're verified on Twitter, you get notifications of anyone else who's verified on Twitter. Other important people. Yeah, we fly first class, faggots. Yeah, I don't know what he's talking about. So the guy he's arguing with is probably in his band or whatever, but his name is Jet Fury. Oh. Oh, shit.

And at some point, I think I said, why are you arguing? Because I think I'm confusing Jet Lacey and Jason Fury. Our friend in Bisbee. Our friend. No, there's a Jet Fury.

Jet Lacey and Jason Fury. That's's fucking great it's only funny to us but the documentary was dig and it was uh it was between the brian jonestown massacre and the dandy warhols and it also won the documentary grand juryury Prize at the 2004 Sundance Film Festival, and I thought it was a great flick. It was. It was back when we started getting into documentaries hardcore. Yeah, that is. You mentioned first class earlier, and you had a tweet a while back that was,

how do you treat people who are not in first class or something like that? You had a thing? I thought of you today i just remembered it right now i got stuck in the line where i was just standing in the middle of first class for like 10 minutes today so i deliberately try to make eye contact with every single person in first class for the entire time and not one person yeah yeah yeah they wouldn't even glance at me yeah it's we we flew you first class once just to make you you phoned me first class did you make eye contact uh and i had to google how to behave in first class before we went because i didn't know it's like junior how to fold socks

eclipse classes listen i there was things google didn't even tell me i'm sitting in first class and these give me a hot towel like i'm supposed to know yeah that's really true what is this andy griffith what am i supposed to do with a hot towel yeah you're like how did you know i wanted to be else and just like give themselves a bath with a hot towel. Yeah, you're like, how did you know I wanted to masturbate? everybody else just like give themselves a whore bath with a hot towel. Just suck on it like titanium from the UNLV.

I should have just scrubbed my balls with it and handed it back. Thanks. I really needed that. That's why they pull the curtain. That's not wrong.

Whenever I get a hot towel, I'm thinking, how did he, I mean, that's what, yeah, why don't I do that when I masturbate

is have a hot towel. I could have a hot towel. I could have a little crock pot. Because you never plan for any event in your life. I got a philosophical question. It has nothing to do with anything that's real. But should you ever give a guy money for drugs, for street drugs that tell street jokes? The guy, this is in a wrapper from a cigarette cigarette pack he said he had to go to the ghetto yeah i think he i don't know what he oh well i'm getting me i did 20 to give him for weed

i re-upped uh yeah but he said if we have any complaints he'll take it to the hood live by the sword die by the sword and i guess with all the racist jokes he was telling me, I guess his relationship in the hood is pretty straight up cool. Money-based only? Maybe the Dixie flag on your bumper is hurting you. I'm thinking he saves those jokes for the people at the Tiki Bar. When I went back, he goes, did I tell you what PMI? I go, yep, yep. And he tried to hit on three of the same ones he'd already hit on.

All right. Well, so we're staying in tonight because we can't go to the bar that Andy ruined. No, no. There's the other beer bar. Oh, we got the... No, we tried. It's only beer. And weird beer.

We sent Andy over to the recon, and he didn't say it was only beer. He just came back and was all beyond his good. I didn't get that. I didn't pick up on the beer vibe. I knew that Andy's recon was faulty when we walked in the front door, and he tripped over the fucking step. I was like, he has not been in this fucking bar before. This lying motherfucker.

in this fucking bar before? This lion motherfucker. The Lion Dog Tavern is 450 square feet with one POS. The one thing I can say about the MDMV watches we have, the fucking second hand is way too apparent, so it confuses you. I go, oh, it's 830. Oh, no, that's the second hand i did that today

as well the other thing i noticed today and i don't know if you guys have noticed that i've been wearing mine a while mine had a plastic sheet protecting the top glass yeah you take that out time i didn't i took it off today and tucked it in the sheet back on the plane i didn't realize that was there so well mvMT, Movement Watches. Yeah, I still got mine. Tracy, you got yours? Listen, we're all wearing it. I had a podcast down.

Hold on. We're still podcasting? Yeah, we have to say Stevens Point, Wisconsin is now the first time we did it. It was so ridiculous that it was fantastic. And this time we did it, it's fantastic because it's fantastic. For me, having the motel, like shitty nights in motel, Like shitty nights in motel. But our room is, what, 20 yards at best from the door you walk in to get on the back door to get on stage.

It's ridiculous and it's perfect. We had a three foot porch and I was looking out through the window, watching cops, but the gang that assembled the smoke blunts on our three-foot. Watching the show cops. Watching the show cops, but this crew assembled on the porch smoking blunts, and I knew I could have gone out and joined them, but I was a little nervous, too, of what my opening line would be. No, right in front of our place. Oh, around the corner, upstairs. But it was, yeah. No, three doors down of our place. Around the corner, upstairs. But it was, yeah.

No, three doors down from our room. Well, he said no. If Chad Shank was with me, I would have said, Chad, go out there and talk to these guys about it. I was picturing Andy doing bumps with the weird guy from the bar in his car earlier and then trying to picture him being scared of smoking blunts with somebody on a porch. Steven's point is like Sierra Vista of Bisbee. It's a big enough city, but it's not a city at all.

It was great. So, yeah, there were some people of skin color that Andy was afraid of. What? Indians? Smoke a blunts, and they were dealing some drugs, but they were of no consequence. Oh, oh, yeah. Well, I didn't want to be left alone in a white suburban running in front of the liquor store. If that's what you're talking about. It's also a bad time to just be a white guy alone.

Well, in those situations, I've always been intrigued. You don't want to think you have a tiki torch. They were black guys alone selling drugs. That's not the point. I'm trying to sell this place. I have to say, we were there

four years ago. They stepped up their game completely. The last time we were there four years ago. They stepped up their game completely. The last time we were there, they ran the room long. This time they ran it wide. Way better. Randy, the owner, couldn't have been nicer. And everyone else, we didn't sell merch there that night. I'm sorry, but we hung out in the bar, and we had a fantastic time.

It's so great when you can just walk to the gig 20 yards away, walk in the back door, do your gig, and then they have the gig, the bar, and the restaurant. It's like the desert park. The old desert park. The anime. It's right there. It's a perfect gig if you have a sense of humor.

It's less than stumbling distance. Bring your own pillow. But other than that, it's a great... Breakfast all day. Yeah, right. Yeah, we had three ounce steak and egg. They had it whittled down to just... Three ounce steak and eggs.

Just a taste. A mousse bouche. You know what I'm like. A mousse bouche. I like a small portion. Who sells a three-ounce steak? What did you do with the two-and-a-half ounces? You take a bite of shit.

Hold on. I've got to look at my notes here real quick. Since the last podcast was Wausau, we did Stevens Point. We just talked about rookies. Appleton we talked about. Loud Talker. That was something else. But Appleton.

Then we had Milwaukee. Turner Hall. Beautiful theater. That was as close to almost sold out. They added seats at the end. I think the best green room of the trip, too, just because of that. It's a theater. Me and Doug heckled people. Do you even remember a green that. It's a theater. Me and Doug heckled people.

Do you even remember a green room that we've been in? Me and Doug heckled people from the fire escape, and it was a lot of fun. Oh, that was cool. Yelling down to ask about the ferry. He's yelling from the, we're on like the third level. He's like yelling down to people leaving the show. Does the ferry have liquor? And the guy's yelling up, giving him details.

It was really fun. Oh, and then at the end of the show, because we'd had the joke, the hipster and the Middle Eastern guy go into a bar, and then after the show, I told him that we made a joke about him. Wow. Sorry. Way to close it, Andy. Jesus fucking balls, man.

And Muskegon, great show. Bring small joints, yo. Yeah, we threw two people out that came back afterwards and said, thanks, we can't tell you how much it meant to be thrown out of a dog stand. Don't be that fucking guy. Don't stick around for the whole thing. Let's just say this right now. Against the rules, I'm going to say this right now.

In every comedy club or any place doing comedy it's against the rules to videotape the fucking show any amount of it she kept saying well he didn't tell me it's like did you know i opened with it you he he said to your table stop talking quit interrupting if this was a thing and he did say stop recording and then she goes he didn't tell me it's like he he doesn't have to talk to everyone individually she was not paying attention to anything that was going on and throwing her out was the only thing that was going to happen after that yeah and they were yeah it's not cool and uh yeah you'll get thrown out of shows here's another thing if you come up and introduce yourself as, I don't want to be that guy,

I don't want to hear another fucking word out of your hole. I mean, because you're going to be that guy. Inevitably, it's like somebody getting ready to vomit. I don't want to be that guy. A bunch of guys who don't want to be that guy have just decided to not be that guy. Good job, Andy. Unless you have weed. Then Andy wants you to handle the weed and then get the fuck out of his face.

Yeah, but how about a half a gram joint that we don't have to smoke together? I have a medical problem. I'm an alcoholic. And if I don't get weed to smoke on the road, I get all fucking depressed and shit. And my wife has brain disease. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, who cares about your wife? Hey, I was going to thank everybody for buying a Chad Shank t-shirt.

Yeah. So I wanted to. Hold on. Here it is. Yeah, we got one for you. I hadn't seen them yet. I knew. Oh, fuck.

Hey, I feel real weird about it, I have to say. I have a new idea. I appreciate it. Yeah, we got an idea. I have a new idea, and i don't know if chaley wrote it down i got it all right the shroud of turin oh no that's a different one no the shroud of turin with chad shank as the shroud yeah yeah with that same the one you're talking about but shroud of turin with the sh description on the back. We have Chad Shank T-shirts.

We're going to have more Chad Shank T-shirts. Andy Andrus will probably get us arrested. Bullshit. I am falling down. I hope so. Cops dig down. Hey, Doug, how does everyone get in touch with everyone here on the podcast? At HDFaddy.

That's me. HDFaddy. Harley Davidson HDFaddy. I's me. HDFatty. Harley Davidson HDFatty. I thought it was Hyman Doberman. Hyman Doberman. Yeah, that's him. I think that's my wife's brain disease. You were drunk and said that one day on a podcast.

I thought you said it was HDFatty. Well, it was when I had a Harley Davidson, but one day you were drunk on the podcast. You were doing it phonetically. You go, that's Hyman Doberman. Hyman Doberman Fatty. Was I drunk on a podcast. You were doing it phonetically. You go, that's Hyman Doberman. Fatty. Was I drunk on a podcast?

Which I think is a lot better. You guys should do an intervention on me. All right. I've already read my letter. Let's go around the horn. I call it. At Andy Andrist, at Greg Chaley, C-H-A-I-L-L-E. Hashtag. Hashtag.

Hashtag. At Doug Stanhope. And Egg Lester. And I would like to plug my sponsor. Bring half grammars to the show and give them to me. Andy, you'll be off the tour later then. Oh, no. By the time this goes out, you'll be off the tour. Actually, I just bought him a flight.

Hey, what are we playing on the way out of here? If it's a flight of fancy, I've already taken it, yo. Yeah, I know. I look at my baggie here. Actually, play both Burned Cloud and Mishka Shibali because they're touring Europe

and then play Burned Clash for the Australians. I don't know. The Good Drunk, Bad Drunk Tour. Andy, let me see that mic. I think there's something wrong. Hey, you know what? Who will come back the winner?

Bird Cloud or Mischka? Just play Bird Cloud. No, I'll play both. Mischka's being all bitchy about... I get nasty with him at the end of that. When we were in Atlanta, and I'm like, hey, mom, I'm not going to. So, hey, bird clouds is favorite now. Yeah, they are.

You pee on me, Mishka. I think weans are favorite now. I can't believe you could name two weans. I haven't gotten back to Dean. All right, we're leaving. We have to leave right now. Bye. Daddy, I like black guys with their black thighs.

I get hypnotized in their brown eyes. My pussy capsize because that black size. What else can I say? I like black guys. What else can I say? I like black guys. I like a China man in my vagina, man. I got my lipstick on his chopstick. Imagine that shit.

What else can I say? I like an oriental man. I like a Spanish man with the sun tan. Or an Afghan from Afghanistan. An Iranian, I want to milk his gland. Oops, I may hold his hand. What else can I say? I like other colored skin, man. I like a Rastamon. I fuck a Pokemon. What else can I say? I want a hard one. I want a hard one. I like black boys. They make me make a noise.

I like the curvature of his furniture. I like white chocolate. I like dark chocolate. I like every color chocolate in between. What else can I say? What else can I say? What else can I say? What else can I say? Daddy, I like black guys What else can I say?

What else can I say? What else can I say? I like blacks