The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #229: Is It Harvey Weinstein or Fierstein?

Episode Date: October 12, 2017

Doug, Mr. Hennigan & Chaille discuss starting a Bisbee gossip column, Bingo's new book, Doug's dad on tour and a couple of travel tips. Hey, they all can't be gems. Recorded Oct 10th, 2017 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. Pre-Order a SIGNED copy of Doug's NEW book, " This Is Not Fame: A "From What I Re-Memoir"" at - http://bit.ly/2z4dmBg This episode is sponsored by BlueApron.com - Get $30 OFF YOUR FIRST MEAL - WITH FREE SHIPPING - by going to BlueApron.com/STANHOPE DRAFT.com – New players get a FREE entry into a draft when you make your first deposit! Use promo code DOUG and play a real money game for FREE! ALL THINGS COMEDY Comedy Festival (OCT 26-29) presents The Doug Stanhope Podcast LIVE with Doug Stanhope, Chad Shank, Greg Chaille and Special Guests @ The Orpheum Theater Thu - 10/26 8:00pm in Phoenix, AZ. Tickets at https://phoenix.ticketforce.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=371 More Stanhope 2017 Tour Dates at http://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates/. Get on the Mailing List. LINKS: Amy Dresner's book,“My Fair Junkie” - http://amzn.to/2gBVaZ9 Justin's Peanut Butter Packs - http://amzn.to/2zk0fNr Chad Shank Voice Over info at AudioShank.com Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/ The comedy clip is from Todd Barry's DVD “From Heaven” (2008 Comedy Central Records) and is available on Amazon.com - http://amzn.to/2xBXb1YSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

About getting her proof copy, wandering around town. Hey, Tacho's Tacos. Tacho's Tacos. Can you see my new leap here? That's a place, right? Tacho's Tacos? Yeah. I can't get anything past you. I don't think I've ever eaten. Oh, I may have eaten. Is it the one over on the way to Naco?

Naco Highway, yeah. Yeah, it's the one you turn and you're like oh there's that's open not the one on no before the turn no that's uh i don't even know the name of that that's like someone's house yeah it's you you're like you're like in like three mexican restaurants in a row where they just keep changing the name well all the all the gear stays there they don't even have to resupply. Well, in between, there was a flower shop or a gift shop at some point. You know that shop where you know it's some retired dentist's wife

who wants a project, and he's like, oh, this is going to fucking wind up poorly. Yeah, it's like a flower shop. In fact, I think I heard from one of my inside sources at the Safeway that they were selling flowers at Safeway

because it's right beside Safeway. They border the same parking lot. Yeah, they get the ones that Safeway's throwing away. I don't know if they literally got them out of the dumpster. the dumpster is in between their building and safeway something like that i don't know if it's a flower shop or a bakery but they were they had some kind of inside move is what i heard but that's hardly a bad thing we should do a just a page six bisbee gossip podcast we'll be the tmz of bisbee

isn't that the police beat already kind of well they they should have like uh like what the bisbee observer is missing is like what the new times they used to always have like new timesy kind of magazines where they'd actually go out and photograph like people at all the hot clubs so you'd always go out when we were in phoenix they had something like that where you'd they'd have someone taking pictures oh yeah yeah yeah all the hot clubs and then you'd go out and grab the paper to see if they actually used your photo oh the weekly free weekly that they have in the right vintage stores and the so what you're saying is we should do like a tmz for

bisbee where we focus on the local personalities like coming out of the our or your thrift store and be like in their face about what you got there there what you got there, Sharon from Checker Aisle 5 in Safeway? Or you just spot Margot talking to Alex O'Mara at the Grand and go, is romance a lot? Fireworks or duds? See, local author Alex O'Mara chumming it up with local legend margo arm candy or something more we actually uh we we when we first moved here father luke was with us and he could we built a website called the bisbee taint and

we're just gonna make it all sorts of scurrilous gossip about bisbeeites like over the top like onion-esque but but just inside yeah because no one knew us so uh-huh unfortunately the police beat is kind of makes Bisbee beyond parody almost. Well, they write it with kind of a through line. Yeah, they know what they're writing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the rest of the paper has no humor to it whatsoever. Correct, none, yeah. And there's really nothing.

I mean, they'll list events, but there's no art scene kind of. It's a very conservative, even conservative what's the word bland bland just yeah here's some things the bisbee unified school district voted this yeah they're very it's very like uh what's the scottish word i'd use is doer you know dower dower yeah doer it's like like there's like yes i'm an artist yes it's very important to be a local artist just moved back to town there'll be uh but to go out and have like one page of just like fist fights at elmo's but with photographs and this isand-so's local celebrity, meaning someone everyone knows.

One-leg Charlie vomited behind the dumpster and then just show the one leg sticking out from the dumpster. I guess we could do that even without a one-leg Charlie. We just need one leg. I mean, there's a million characters like that. I can get us a leg using that as an example but i think it's funny just to make up characters we could dress up derek like a 1930s you know reporter with the hat the card just send them around gumshoe yeah

we could get an old camera with a flashbulb. Yeah, with the magnesium. Yeah. They still sell them new downtown Bisbee. There's a warranty. Yeah. Comes with a warranty card. Fill it out. Yeah.

I like that idea. I want to reinvent that whole. But then we'd have to write the fucking thing. Yeah, there is the work end of it. Yeah. It's a lot easier, this part of it. Well, I'll be flying around without Chaley now, so you have lots of free time in the future.

Working on the new website. I showed some of it to Kenan. Oh, that's right. Yeah, you did show that to me. It's very impressive. I don't want to get anyone overexcited, but it's a very major improvement. Has the home address on the home page no vacancy

uh bingo uh yesterday bingo's here in the background not feeling real chatty but uh she got the uh hard copy proof copy is it called proof copy new New local Arthur spotted at the fun house. Will she get on the mic? It could be our, but somehow in the, the proof, which is why you have a proof to go through it. She noticed at the beginning where it would say, you know,

all the bullshit for, or the copyright and all that. Right. Yeah. Library of Congress. And it said, uh, Amy Bingaman with the address

and her cell phone number. Thank God she's... Whoever reads that part. Well, that's all there is. The crazy people. You can't put her cell phone number in there. So, yeah. That's why we have the proof.

That's why we changed it. There's no number in there. But the why we have the proof that's why we changed it there's no number the reason she had the proof she screamed when we again when father luke was here when we first moved here he was here for six months and uh he built her a website and this is back when she was bald and like really out of her tit and built her a website and we came home from wherever we were, and he turns his laptop to her, and it's a picture of her on the front, and it's amybingaman.com, and she goes, Look, I'm on TV. I'm on TV. Yeah, your boobs were out. Look, my boobs are on TV.

But that's what she did yesterday when she finally got a hard copy of her book she just went downtown and just walked up and down trying to find anyone she knew look look she has it in a box wrapped up and would present it to people guess what and they'd have to unwrap it she basically did what everyone on Facebook does with the places they go to. But in your face. Yeah, it was very good. Well, she only has the one. There's only the one proof.

So she would tell people, I got this for you. And then they'd go, oh. And then she'd say, don't touch it. Yeah, and then she'd say, no, no, no. I only have one. It wasn't really for you. I didn't show everybody. That's why I touch it. Yeah, and then she'd say, no, no, no, I only have one. Was it really for you? I didn't show everybody.

That's why I said it. You can sit there. You don't have to chime in for the whole podcast. I didn't show everybody on the street, for Christ's sake. I said anyone you knew. You're looking for people you know. I called everybody down to St. Elmo's, and I bought them all a drink. And then I showed everybody.

Pay to play. It's efficient. Did you make them get their phone out and order a fucking book? It's a bringer gig. You have to pay people to look at your book. So can you order it now? Not yet. Not yet?

Not yet. So soon. Soon you'll find out. Get on the mailing list, I would assume. Yeah, get on the fucking mailing list. I still get people every time I post dates.

So we're doing Baltimore, Austin, the All Things Comedy Podcast Comedy Festival in Phoenix and then back to regular gigs with Seattle

San Francisco, Portland not in that order but all coming up DC and I post that and it's invariably when are you coming to Atlanta we just did invariably when are you coming to Atlanta? We just did fucking Atlanta. When are you coming to Houston? We just did Houston. How come you're never in Florida? Jesus, we couldn't get out of Florida.

What I find bizarre is I'll be sitting at my computer and occasionally I'll go to a gig and I've just never felt compelled to interact with the artists that I want to see. Like I've never,

I'm a huge fan of like, say like, you know, certain bands, like, you know, New Order, the Kite String Tangle,

people like this. And I've never once thought I'm going to ask them in public when they're coming to LA. I just go to the website and look, and if they're not coming to LA, then I am satisfied. I don't understand the need to LA. I just go to their website and look. And if they're not coming to LA, then I am satisfied. I don't understand the need to ask. Well, I don't think you can actually get a hold of New Order. We can get a hold of the kite string tangle.

Well, perhaps. But Doug is very accessible. That's the problem. Or that's the reason, I think. I suppose there's a variation on the Todd Barry thing, slightly. Sure. The what? Todd Barry.

You know, the bit he does. Oh. He wrapped up perfectly, and I've tried to... Which you now respond to people with. Yeah, I have it. That's my pinned email, where someone asked me, Hey, is there any way my cousin's 19, is it an all-ages show? And I just take Todd Barry's bit, the link, and I respond with the link. His bit is about, do you think other artists get these kind of questions?

Hey, Mick Jagger of the rolling stones seeing you playing the amphitheater getting off work around six won't have time for dinner do you know if the snack bar sells hot dogs i have a website it's got my email address on it so now i get emails from all over the country People ask unbelievable questions They'll be like, dear Todd I'm going to see your show on Friday Do you know how old you have to be to get into that club? I don't know, you want to maybe call the club with that one?

Instead of writing directly to the artist? Do you think Mick Jagger gets emails like that? Dear Mick, I'm going to see you at Madison Square Garden next week. I'm going to have to leave straight from work. I'm not going to have time to get anything to eat. Do you know how much they charge for a hot dog? Also, I haven't been there in a while. Can you MapQuest me directions?

Mick Jagger from the Rolling Stones. Mick at RollingStones.com. Oh, man. Just gave out Mick Jagger's real email address. Oh, that was a mistake, man. Mick Jagger. Yes.

Of the Rolling Stones. Yes, we've got a lot of gigs coming up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be at those gigs and then I'm fucking done. The 17th of November, I'm done. So next month, well, I'm done for the year.

Right, okay. No, I was just going in my Rolodex and a little head there that the 17th was the last gig, and we're not. Yeah, I was going to take off Thanksgiving through Christmas and do 30 Days on the Throne, which is the follow-up. 30 days of quit smoking, few drinks a night, podcast

every day, but then I went, fuck, I have to promote the book that comes out on December 5th. Please pre-order This Is Not Fame. And so I'll be doing whatever fucking shit yes possibly a couple of book signings yeah brian says oh yeah it's it's a it's actually a slow month for books so we could probably do

more book signings great i actually enjoyed doing the book signings in store. It just seems so ridiculous. You did that one at Book Soup in LA where it was a live stream. Remember that? Yeah. And it was the two of you with a bunch of people in a bookstore all crowded around. It was between two ferns with me and Brian. Exactly.

But again, I think what's nice about that is it's almost like how life used to be. You're going to a bookstore for signings. It's like that aspect has not changed. There's something interesting about that. It's always been there. It's just that now that Doug's writing... But it's my fans in a bookstore.

No one's ordering shots. No one's throwing up in the parking lot. And then you do... All right, we'll do q and a now and then maybe two people can come up with a q and then after and then afterwards there's always the two or three guys you have to run like fuck from just like a gig in la it's not hard to actually i don't even remember that happening oh i think they ran like fuck from us we we hung out we hung out a little bit at the

bookstore that they were really nice that everyone that worked there yeah and then uh we we went out the back and went down there was a bar it's like a weird kind of triangle building but it was a like a little pub or something that we went to for a little bit until we ended up going out yeah it wasn't crazy like after a show uh i just got an email because i talked about her book uh fuck now i'm gonna forget the name but it's a junkie in it amy dresner i know her name but the title of her book is the it's not the junkie diary god damn it aren't you on a computer that's what hennigan does this on podcasts where he'll just sit there and tap away at his laptop. He's not part of this.

But then you go, what's the name of that goddamn book? Anyway, I got an email from her. My Fair Junkie. My Fair Junkie. Yes. Which I thought was a great book. is i thought was a great book it was a comedian uh sex addict crack addict alcoholic she yeah she went through the whole plethora and i mentioned her on the last podcast and uh evidently i said that she got really cunty at the end she goes how did i go from uh uh like uh uh i forget how she phrased it

a nasty girlfriend to a cunt ha ha lol but it was mishka mishka somehow knows her she goes hey mishka gave me her email address and said you uh name checked me on your last podcast because i was promoting her book which is great she goes hey i'll come to arizona and do the podcast gladly i'm like fuck yeah so pod calling works pod calling works yeah yeah well mishka i think just wanted to say hey called you a cunt on when you read the book you'll see towards the end, yeah, Junkie turns sober. But, you know, she's even said in the book that she fucked a million comics.

So I want to wrench some names out of her. Chucklefucker. Is that what they were throwing around? I thought it was Clownfucker. Clownfucker. Well, there are clowns. She's definitely a great podcast. As far as she's sober now, but still, her past.

The problem is I don't want it to be a Bert Kreischer podcast in that where you go, oh, I get a great story. I'll tell you afterwards. Like I want a prior for names, but I've worked it through in my head. All right, how many comics at this festival? You can ask 20 questions without her knowing it's actually 20 questions. I think, I mean, that's kind of the format we have here that, I mean, a little bit behind the curtain. We sit around and drink and try to talk a little bit, but without too much, too many details because we want to talk about it on the podcast.

But there is a little bit of pre-interviewing going on, just as all of us hanging around, having a drink, smoking, you know, talking about whatever's happening. There is a difference between telling the story and not using the name, rather than just saying I can't even tell you the story. Oh, Jesus! I know someone who did some fucked up

shit, I'll tell you right after this. That's why you should be at the All Things Comedy Podcast Comedy Festival in shit i'll tell you right after this that's why you should be at the all things comedy podcast comedy festival in phoenix october 26th through 29th because if you're there live probably tell you as soon as we cut off the mics or you can't bleep what's coming straight out the mic we if we ever have to bleep anything or cut anything that doesn't make it to the final because someone had buyer's remorse that's what you hear on the end but sitting live you get the full story there's no fucking true yeah yeah we should have some kind of uh like uh release form or not a release but uh a non-disclosure what you you hear here, you cannot repeat unless it made the final cut.

Well, that's hearsay, right? It's hearsay. No, there's a... Oh, fuck, you put me on the spot here. There's a long-standing, of course, phrase that you use if you're doing a meeting like that. And you say, this meeting's being conducted under such and such a rule. And that means that if you stay in the room, you are bound by that rule.

That's the AA rule. Yeah, you're not allowed to report what people say in that room. What you hear here, what you say here, let it stay here. It's fourth on this podcast and throughout the universe. That is the Doug Stanhope podcast policy. Don't be a fucking narc. Yeah, don't be a narc. Since the advent of cell phone cameras.

Oh, the fact that everyone walks around with a camera, a movie camera with them? It really was. There was an internal drop off in what I could say on stage when I started. I could just tell you anything on stage. And there was such an AA slash lawyer-client confidentiality where, yeah, I can talk about all this personal shit to an audience and you're not going to be able to turn around and tell anyone because you don't know any of my friends.

There's no Twitter. You just say something to an audience. It's just like an AA meeting. There's no AA meeting with a bunch of people and fucking cell phone cameras. It's kind of an unwritten rule. You just... Well, the AA, it is a rule.

But in comedy, back before everyone had recording devices... It's a really funny idea. What? Go to AA meetings and film bootleg aa meetings like what kind of a fucking dick would do that but most people don't have an act like mine where they're telling you a bunch of things that you don't want to get out this is just you yeah you paid 3535 to hear the fucking truth. Can't we just make this a family?

But I don't know who coined that term, Twitter rat. Remember, we listen to someone's podcast about people who try to drum up, oh, so-and-so said shit about you either at a show or on another podcast, and they want to start the fucking shit. Hey, Jay Moore fucking Stan Hope said this. They're like inciting some kind of beef between you and a person. Yeah, they're not involved, but they want to start the beef. You need to hear this shit.

Yeah. That's why I don't Google search my own name. I don't want to hear shit. And I have fans oh yay someone said shit about you at the fucking 58 minute mark and well i don't want to know that that's why i live down here i don't want to know people hate me or worse still when they sit there the problem is that most of the time they don't give you the 58 minute mark we have to find it and sit through some rancid fucking podcast because we've been told that at some point in that podcast,

Steven Spielberg opened the door, shouted, Doug Stanhope's a cunt, and then closed it. So, yeah, that's the problem. Well, that's not a problem for me because I'm too lazy. Yeah, he would never do it. That's the thing. I know, but I'll see some tweet trend or not trend. Somebody will be like,

did you hear what fucking mark maron said about you and then we have to okay let's see what mark maron said and it'll be nothing you know it'll just by the way mark maron nor steven spielberg said shit about me i know unfortunately not at the 58 minute mark you have to listen to their entire thing a thousand uh episode catalog i'm gonna have to do that i'm gonna have to uh promote in the book i'm gonna have to uh ask people to be on their podcast and i i don't want to do that i'll ask roan. And even that's terrifying. What if they say no?

I'm not going to ask Marin. Although Marin is in the book. You did it on the last one. You did Marin. I know, but I don't think he wanted me there. Everyone thinks Marin doesn't want them there. But I'm pretty sure. That's just kind of the vibe he puts out

yeah uh but marin i i do name drop marin in the book and i i i'd be curious i'd send him a fucking a pre-read with a post-it on his page the 164 page mark 58 minute mark to see if he remembers that well that would be good then because then if it is something where he actually has an opinion about what you wrote then that would be good for the audio book but it's also that's like I don't know if it's a chapter or a chunk of

things I can't talk about this never happened is basically I think that's the name of the chapter uh this never happened that never happened i can't talk about this shit i can't legally talk about or or morally because of a i can't drop the name you put that betty remembers that night where he goes are you okay i go and I was about to say something, and either you or Hennigan walked by and gave me the no, and I said, it's just been a weird night.

And he goes, what's a weird night to you? That was Hennigan. Save it for the book, Stan Hope. But you covered a lot of that in the foreword, I noticed. Tracy and I are reading one of the advanced copies. Great titles, by the way. And the foreword, you do cover, like, you do have to change stuff and the lawyers and stuff like that.

Well, every book you write, you have to change names. Some people don't mention that. they and also about the the whole thing well it just it's good it sets it up perfectly because it is fucking road story we were talking about this last time or we were talking about how do how do i respond to people who ask me what the book is about and road stories is what you said and that's clearly what it is it's great but those fucking titles there's there's a lot of stuff a long time on the titles the titles seem like it was as much as as writing the book because well that's one of the most fun things about putting out a new special is track titles and yeah uh i think it was probably beer hall Putsch where I just went over the top because I always want, I like long titles,

whether it's a book or the mother book. Yeah, you're very prog rock. I like extensive titles. Wasn't it Fiona Apple had that one that was like 50 words long, her titles were albums. You like having long titles. Her titles were out. You like having long titles. I know, but you're all about marketing.

I'm not. Yeah, you are. It's because when you go on Amazon.com, it will cut it off. No, no, no. It's not me. It's not me. It's the joint bill.

It's the fucking publishing supremos. He's the messenger. But there was one where I just made every track title I could as long as possible. Shit Pussy was the... Yeah. Keynesian economic theory as applied to... And it goes on from there. Yeah.

That was a great title. That's still one of my favorite bits um i had to go back and listen to i listened from uh uh from across the street which was 2009 through oslo and i still have two left the last two Beer Hall Putsch and which is excruciating any comic will tell you to go back but this new set that I'm working on there's been a few times where I go I kind of think I did this bit already so I listened to from across the street Oslo before turning the gun, and now I still get to listen to Beer Hall Putsch and the last one, No Place Like Home, to make sure I'm not... I mean, you're always going to...

My opinions don't change, but there's a crossover where you go, is this the exact same bit, just with a few different words? Different nouns. Ca caught myself a couple times on the tour you were noticing that we're like yeah but i can't remember exactly so i've listened to three i caught myself a few times going all right that's kind of the same bit from this but worked backwards and and i'm like fuck that's my favorite bit, but I'll just, yeah, I just got to change a few references. At some point, as I've said, you can't be Bill Maher coming up with a new opinion

about every fucking thing and still be authentic. I don't have opinions about a lot of shit. And then after you've gone through the, I think I've done this bit, you'll then transition into waking up and going, wait, I think Attell did that bit. And, oh, wait, isn't that a birthing? That's the great thing is I will never be brilliant like Attell.

Oh, right. Yeah, I got my dumb opinions and uh eventually i'm gonna have to do new shit like i've thought about getting sober for a year just because i need the material oh what kind of material would you get out of being sober god knows but i grumpy it's something i haven't done on a hundred percent new employees i got nervous saying no employees i'll do it all myself yeah sitting here like fire all you last night sitting here like a a monkey in a helmet trying to figure out how to use podcast equipment i'll do it myself i don't need these people obviously obese as well because if you stop drinking then you start eating so oh yeah no it's smoking yeah you can get all your

calories you know alcohol tracy and i when we were driving back from from florida we were listening to uh numerous podcasts and one of them was was burt with the the, with Brennan Walsh and Nick Thune. And they were talking about the, what's it called? Sober October. Sober October. Sober October. Yes.

And it's not the same as what you do. Cause Tracy and I were discussing this. It's you want to stop smoking. Yeah. You don't want to quit drinking you you refined your drinking when we did 30 days i know it made me you became a way better alcohol way better and an appreciation of fucking good bartenders we've been doing whiskey sours with the egg whites yeah the way they're we're out of egg whites by the way i should probably more today okay don't worry on

top of it but you're but it's not the same thing. You don't like smoking and hacking up and all that stuff, and you want to try and cut back at least. After listening to those three specials, I realized my guttural, wet, Val Kilmer tombstone cough is my catchphrase. I just don't know how to put it on a T-shirt. The wiggly phlegm in the back of your throat is your getter done? Yeah, it's brutal.

Eat my shorts? I can hear that sometimes when I'm listening to the podcast editing. I can hear the back of Doug's throat with that punching bag thing. Yeah. But I know there's like six more that are all phlegm. They're all just like flapping around.

Yeah. So when I did quit smoking that time during 30 days in the hole, it was about four days before my cough was gone. It doesn't take long. The body is resilient like that where you just need to give it that space. I know, but Hennigan doesn't give it that space. Yeah, I just thought, hey, maybe I'll do that this week. Just take a week off.

Hennigan's been here every goddamn night. I'm focused. You also had football the last two nights. So that's not Hennigan's fault. Hennigan, did you schedule football? Yeah, I did. Jesus. I instructed the NFL.

I could see a way out of their hole. When I used to work in bands, I played for years in bar bands, and smoking was allowed everywhere. And I remember going, I'd never go to a doctor because I was a fucking guy in a band. Someone else knows what's wrong or they'll tell you. And I went and the doctor was doing the stethoscope and breathing and stuff like that.

And he's like, how much do you smoke? And I go, I don't smoke. And he goes, what? And he goes, your lungs, they sound like a light smoker. And I go, I work at a bar for the past five, six years, and I play in a bar five nights a week. And he goes, yeah, that's not good for you. It's like basically I had the breathing of a light,

like a couple cigarettes a day. If I drink, maybe more. But as soon as I got out of the bar, that cleared up. I remember when I was young starting out on the road. It was Seattle specifically where I noticed that I had a cough like my mother's when I was like 26 years old. And I was like 26 years old and I was hacking. My brother, when he smoked at that age, had these hacks and I realized it stopped because we were smoking generics.

Oh. And I had this like 26 years old, I had this hacking hard cough. Like that donkey bray? Because I was smoking generic cigarettes. And you could tell the difference. I remember my mother, when we grew up, just, generic's just the same as the good brands. And it's still part of me.

All right, let's go through this. Generic, where you go, go no it's not as good and toilet paper is the first thing i realized no no it was a huge difference elbow macaroni fine yeah the top brand of elbow macaroni versus generic is fine. Toilet paper, no. I don't even know if they still sell generic cigarettes. I'm just trying to think of things. I was thinking of this in Safeway because that's what I do in my off time is hang around Safeway, slowly going up and down the aisles.

I'm just trying to think, bingo, of things where you go, okay, there is a huge difference. Do not get the cheap brand of that fucking peanut butter i bought the other day and it said old-fashioned peanut butter and it was store brand and i forget that means there's an inch of oil floating on the top and you have to scrape that and stir it but it's right up to the top so yes i spilled always fucking oil all over the kitchen and then i started fucking smashing the shit in

the sink shaking it and fucking i got my hands smell like peanut butter the same way when you finger an awkward woman and you can't bleach that stink out of your hand i think old-fashioned peanut butter refers to there not being a bunch of like sugar added and i think it's usually just peanuts a little bit of salt and uh like one other ingredient i never eat but it is it separates and that's what you're talking about and yeah they don't leave any fucking room at the top and then you dump enough of that oil out and then you've got nothing but paste no no no's what you're talking about. And yeah, they don't leave any fucking room at the top, and then you dump enough of that oil out, and then you've got nothing but paste. No, no, no, no.

What you do is... He's from Britain, where they don't have the kind that doesn't separate. No, I never had peanut butter until I came to the States. So what you do is, when you buy your peanut butter, and you open it, you turn it upside down and put it in the fridge.

It's already too, too many steps. First of all, it's too late. By the time you go, I need to eat a peanut butter and jelly English muffin so I can drink because everything else seems disgusting. And then you open it up and you're immediately pissed and then you spray in fucking peanut butter oil.

Give me a solution. No, no, I remember that now now and that's what I would do. But yeah, he's not going to do that. He wants to come home and eat the English muffin and the jelly and the peanut butter right then. Because you should buy like a little box, a full box of the Justin's own brand or Justin's peanut butter pouches

that are perfectly like one size containers. Like a little ketchup packet that's for peanut butter. But only Justin's makes them. How the fuck did we get off on shopping tips? I'm just saying, we know about a lot of things. I know, but where were we?

You're smoking. Oh yeah, smoking. You're smoking. Oh, yeah. Smoking. You're in generic products. My dad came out to come on the road with me. Your dad? Yeah. That's when I noticed my hack because my dad hated the fact I smoked cigarettes. Wait, I didn't know your dad ever went on the road with you.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He went on a couple of times. We took the train I smoked cigarettes. Wait, I didn't know your dad ever went on the road with you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he went on a couple times. We took the train cross country once. What? Third book, digging up father. Yeah, me and Wiley Roberts had my dad on stage doing improv because we do improv things at the end of the show back in triple gig days back in my mid-20s and my dad came out to montana for christmas and i was working with wiley roberts

and again wiley roberts fucking yeah a second story yeah you see that story's kind of kicks off the book it's an awkward transition but it wrapped up the days that was my first belly laugh in the book it's a great story my dad and i fuck you if i've told this before uh i've told every story i don't think you have times in real life but one time my dad uh when he was on the road that christmas time we're coming from somewhere in Wyoming, going up to Idaho or something. We had two lane. You take this fucked up two lane and a snowstorm is coming in. And it's just there's no one out there.

These are roads that no one drives down. And the snow comes down and piece of shit car. down and the snow comes down and piece of shit car and he goes oh geez guy what would you do if you ever broke down out here i go i don't know that's where i always call you uh so yeah he did some improv you know it was easily fed to him so he could figure it out and just a couple of beats he's seen the honeymooners he could figure it out but there was uh the one time that one of those trips oh it was it was oj one of the nights of that northwest, we were in Portland or Seattle or Tacoma somewhere. And the OJ Bronco chase live on TV. When I have to go up and do the show back in the days where no one wanted to see the show.

That's what they had is comedy night tonight, but everyone's watching the OJ chase and they're going to have to shut it off for fucking comedy. And everyone's going to hate you for doing comedy, no matter how funny you are. They want to watch the OJ chase. We went to Olympic National Forest. Have you been, Chaley?

Because you lived up there. No, that's on the western part of Washington. Yeah. It's the most lush green. It's beautiful. Where the trees themselves are green. The bark is green. That's beautiful. Where the trees themselves are green. The bark is green moss. It's like vivid green.

And dad's a nature guide. We're going to go. And he has a little backpack. And he walks kind of like a cartoon of Tom Konopka's walk, which is cartoonish in itself, but it's an old fat man walk. Like a waddling. Yeah, we're walking through this Olympic National Forest, which is huge.

Beautiful. And my dad's all happy in nature as he liked to be. And then we're walking. I see Alfredo Trifaris. Dr. Drew! Yeah, who looks just like Dr. Drew, but back then it was before Dr. Drew. Who is this?

He's a comic I started Open Mic with who's hiking the same very empty path. What? Happens to be two hikers we're stumbling upon, and as we're coming up behind them, I realized this is a guy i started open mic with in vegas haven't seen in years and i go that's definitely him and i just ran up and i turned him around and grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips and my dad who knows that like I'll go in and fuck with waitresses for fun and just be always on as you were back then as a kid.

He thought I was just randomly kissing men in the forest, and he starts to run as fast as an old fat man can waddle. Like, he didn't say I saw nothing. He's just running ahead of me. And I had to call him back. Dad, it's okay. This is my friend. I know him.

In the weirdest place you could ever run into an old friend. And you saw him just sigh of relief that his gut sucked in 20 inches because he's holding all that embarrassment in with a cartoonish oh dog yeah i had that fucking hack back then smoking that is the um something i've noticed which is um you don't think about your parents until you notice something, if they're dead, until you notice something about your behavior and you go, oh, fuck, that is exactly, that sounds exactly like my mom or dad. And I noticed that when I'm ill and I have a cough,

it is exactly my dad's cough. And the first time I noticed noticed it it genuinely freaked me the fuck out it's like i haven't heard that cough since my dad you know the exact tenor and length and everything i always fight with myself about that kind of shit where just like uh astrology Just like astrology where, oh, no, it says I'm a born traveler. Well, who doesn't? Like, am I looking for the hereditary thing or how much of hereditary is bullshit? Everyone has something in common with someone. Sure.

Oh, no, my mother used to do that. Does it turn out that 99 of the people have that same character trait you just don't know or you just find the one that that lines up and go see it's hereditary no no it's just that i was literally shocked by it when i heard it i was like oh my god it wasn't like i was looking for it i It was like, oh, holy shit, that's exactly his fucking cough. I didn't like my dad, so it wasn't like it was something I was looking for. You don't like anyone. I'm partial to some people.

I started this with three beers. I'm not a beer drinker much anymore. But I started, well, it's early, so I started with three beers, and now I have to piss so we're taking a break please hold we'll probably throw a commercial in here let's talk about blue apron shaley having blue apron dinner for breakfast hey you just said you had blue with blue apron you can decide when you want to cook it and uh i actually got behind i did uh the crispy buttermilk catfish earlier in the week and the sweet potato tempura what is that is it

bao b-a-o it's a little steamed bao bao yeah the sweet potato tempura bao which doug you pronounce it however it should be pronounced because i if i hear you say pho one more time for pho, P-H-O. It's pho, though. Yeah, it's pho. In Vietnam, but you're not on that trip. You're on the American trip. You pronounce it the way an American would pronounce it. And if you take a knee during it, I'll accept it.

It is bao. Bao. Thank you. Bao. That's a really good one. That was a tempura bao, which is the, you know, we go to get tempura. Sometimes we get that dial of sweet potato. That's deep fried in tempura.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That was in a little, in a bao, which is basically just a steamed taco is what it is. Steamed dough taco. You would have liked that one. But the one I did this morning for breakfast was spicy poblano and mushroom quesadillas with romaine and avocado salad it was delicious no salad dressing it was lime juice fucking thought sometimes you know what i ate last night it was not blue apron but it was swordfish because i was being weird and i'm going back on the road and i think maybe I won't see the end of this trip. Maybe I'll be dead.

Like Ralphie May. What would Ralphie May eat? Everything. When I was a kid, we ate swordfish and you know what you use for a condiment? Lemon juice. So I see, yes. Lime juice. I can see where it's a condiment.

It was actually really good. In fact, I still have more because the portions, they're supposed to be for two and we always have extra. And that's why they feed the homeless at Chaley's. Can I give out your address? Hey, this October,

Blue Apron is celebrating five years in bringing the food right to your door. Podcasts are only five years old? I thought Blue Apron actually invented itself because podcasts could sell them. There's a new medium. How do we start a business to get on it? You know what I want to do is I want to start a program of mailboxes that are ovens so if your mail comes at 10 30 in the morning

you can have it set so blue apron is done by the time you get oh i get it if it's an early delivery you go low and slow that's your setting and if it's a late delivery then you do the hot one right oh yeah quick by the way with your low and slow i think that's your setting and if it's a late delivery then you do the hot one right you know yeah quick by the way with your low and slow i think that's your shake and bake shake and bake here comes chili low and slow hey they're actually pulling uh 20 of the most popular uh a recall no of the toe main sorry they're pulling the most popular recipes from the last uh five years and they're the top 20 redoing them they're not pulling them out because with blue apron they

don't repeat one recipe for the entire year so you don't you won't get the same thing over and over again i want to see ifon, if they really love our podcast as much as they say they do, because you, the listener, support Blue Apron. How about this, Blue Apron? How about this? Give us a string of your best podcasters doing their recipes. That's a great idea.

That's a great idea. That's a great idea. Let it float. Let it... Yeah. And you know what, listeners? If you're Blue Apron people, tweet at Blue Apron. Let whoever, Bert Kreischer, whoever carries Blue Apron as a sponsor, let us write a recipe.

Because they're going to be running out if they don't repeat them. They're going to need us. They're going to need a writer's room. they're drunk there's just a bunch of fucking kook monkeys with tight biters kook monkeys i thought those were monkeys from the kook islands i totally misread betty crocker were alive she might be suing that's my recipe no one remembers me actually if you go to uh blueapron. Stanhope, you can click on all-time customer favorites, and you can check out some of the all-time favorite recipes right there at blueapron.com

slash Stanhope. Thank you. Shall I read a call to action? Well, Doug... That's what the listeners wait for, is the call to action. I do have to remind everyone... Tell us what to do. There's plenty of... that's the fact jack you

can't leave the listeners doing their own boot camp like stripes that'd be too easy what easy you mean like each meal comes with a step-by-step easy to follow recipe card and pre-proportioned ingredients that can be prepared in 40 minutes or less wait a minute what they actually have recipes when you pick them online that are 30 minutes or less i am gonna you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna do my 30 days in the hole my next one when bert kreischer is on the road and i'm gonna go cook blue aprons for his wife and that is a euphemism when you listen to his podcast his wife gets so saucy in the undercarriage when she talks about Blue Apron that I know I haven't been there. It's a big time saver for her.

They got two kids and Bert. Or I have two kids. We'll see. Yeah. Well, I can have all three of them calling me daddy within 30 days. So not only would the box of food arrive weekly, but then now you're going to be preparing it. That's a win-win.

That's it. Yeah. I don't see how she could say no to that. Once he's on the road. You know what? No means yes in the Harvey Weinstein world of Hollywood where they live. Blue Apron's freshness guarantee promises that every ingredient in your delivery arrives ready to cook or they'll make it right.

In fact, I'm waiting for this week's recipes. We've got penne pasta and delicata squash. I'm looking at you, Hennegan. Delicata squash seems like it should be in your smart magazine. Every squash. I like every squash. I've never met a squash I didn't like. Oftentimes, I'll take a summer squash a mexican gray squash and a zucchini and steam them up together but uh for that i have

to go all the way to the goddamn store and then i have to deal with sherry and lane four and all her gossip. Blue Apron, all the food, none of the fucking backtalk. None of the sherry. Smoked Gouda and mushroom flatbread with kale and apple salad. And also, this one looks good. Spicy sesame lo mein with broccoli and turnips, which I don't. Turnips. I can't remember the last time I ate a turnip. Does Blue Apron have kids they hate?

Do they have stepchildren? You finish that. Who eats a goddamn turnip? I love you, Blue Apron, but a turnip? Maybe you're bored with rutabaga. Rutabaga is at least fun to say. Is a rutabaga like a carrot? It's basically the same as a turnip.

Is a turnip like a carrot? Hurts more when you pull it out of your ass. It's bulbous at the end. In Scotland, we call them neeps. Neeps? All right. We only have four vegetables. Hey, do you know that over the past five years,

Blue Apron has created over a thousand recipes? Yeah. Yeah. You didn't know that? No, I did not know that. All right. Say that again Blue Apron has created over a thousand recipes

what have you done? you got me booked in Tallahassee it's a great time and a gas station I think it was didn't you just say that they never repeat a recipe? within a year.

Okay. Oh, I see. Then they create recipes. Listen, don't be the skeptic here. I'm already doing that. Yeah, let's keep going. Blue Apron, what do they get? Okay, Doug, read that.

While you're reading that, I'll just remind everyone that Blue Apron offers these for under $10 a meal. That's the way to go. Check out this week's menu and get $30 off your first meal with free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash Stanhope. You will love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home-cooked meals with Blue Apron. So don't wait. You're dead at the end life is a finite commodity blue apron right now blueapron.com stanhope you always read that part the the second one

where eat like a romance sexy like likexy. Like there's parentheses that says breathy. And saliva-ish. And saliva-ish. I have a, my mouth is running wet. Blue Apron, a better way to cook. I hope you enjoyed the commercials because Hennegan and I were supposed to be staying at the airport in Tucson so I could fly out tomorrow. I'm still flying out tomorrow, but we couldn't imagine doing this podcast sober. So instead of staying overnight at the airport hotel, we stayed here and got drunk for this podcast.

we stayed here and got drunk for this podcast and then i realized oh shit my connection in atlanta is like 35 minutes atlanta the biggest airport in america and i have 35 minutes they're already boarding 40 minutes out so if i have to get one of those fucking trams from T gates to a gates. So what I, uh, now I have to go back drunk and pack a throwaway. I'm packing a, a thrift store throwaway checked bag full of shit. I was going to give to the thrift store anyway,

because if you check a bag, you know, when you're in the airport and you hear uh mr o'neill uh vincent o'neill your flight is leaving from c28 to reno vincent o'neill and you keep hearing that you're sitting at a bar like if i'm late for a flight they fucking don't call my name they just ditch me and you picture this vincent fucking oh i just realized vince o'neill is like is that's motley crew guy anyway yeah anyway the point being you hear that you know why they're calling for him because that guy checked a bag if we haven't

told you on this podcast all of our secret travel tips, check a bag. Because that way, if you're late, if you're not on the flight, they have to go back in and rummage through the underguts of that fucking airplane and pull your bag out. And they'd rather just go, Vincent O'Deal, we're still caught. That's so. Yeah. Also, I've been doing that for a long time as well. And one of the reasons is that, uh,

when you go through the TSA thing and I have still as yet to go through one of the full on x-ray machines and they, wait, you still opt out. Yep. And you get the pat down. Yep. Uh,

and every time, cause when I packed, I checked a bag and it means that the one little emotional things they you know you could miss your flight because you're they've actually said that to me now i uh because i'm me i'm waiting and i always say i don't think so because i've checked a bag and look on their faces when you say that to them you know they're so like oh shit in that case you took away their superpower yeah exactly i've removed their superpower good point chile low but slow we just uh learned something on the road uh we're listening to some uh i don't know if it's

skeptoid it's not skeptoid but one of those podcasts where they told you tricks about travel. When you check into a hotel, they can't throw you out. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is a good one. You have to get it, please. No, no, no. If you go, I'm going to extend my stay. And they go, I'm sorry, we're booked.

But you're still in the room that's why they have on the back of every hotel door uh you know the the the going rate which is usually way higher than it like 300 they have to stick to that if they let you check in so if you go oh it's sold out on i'm going to see guns and roses on Tuesday, and the hotel is sold out. But Monday is open. You can get in that room and then say, no, I need it for another night. And they can't toss you out legally. But they can charge you the posted rate on the back of the door.

Who told you that? It was on some. I can't remember which one it was. It was a podcast that's way more credible than ours. It was one of those, here's some secret shit, shit you didn't know. What's that podcast you always listen to? Well, there's a bunch I listen to. All right.

But it's one of those. There's very few I subject you to, though. That's what's intriguing to me. But yeah, if you're going to pass this on, listeners, don't say you heard it on the Tuck's Channel podcast. Tell them you heard it on Stuff You Missed in Travel Class. The one thing which I do wish more people knew about. Invisible.

99% invisible. Is it that one? That's not that. No. Roman Mars. That's a really good podcast. This is a secret that I wish wasn't a secret. Because if it wasn't a secret, it would be rectified.

Which is, the reason your fucking plane pulls out of the gate 40 minutes i was right and then sits on the tarmac for 40 minutes is that punctuality statistics are based on when the plane leaves the gate that's why they do that oh and they also uh pad it where you say uh when you book the flight it says it's uh two hours and 27 minutes and then you sit down and they go oh we're gonna take off for atlanta right now arrival time estimated to be uh flight time one hour and 56 minutes well it said two hours and 27 minutes when I booked it. Sure. But his point is the reason the airlines can crow about on-time ratings

is because they've got a way to fudge it. And that's the same thing. They say it's a two-hour and 27-minute flight because… There was a great article not too long ago. It gets repeated every three years, article not too long ago, it gets repeated every three years, which shows how

flight times in the States have not changed since the 1960s. Because they now pad so much that they discount all the technological advances that have been made. They've basically ignored

what they could actually take advantage of. It is no quicker to fly from Chicago to Kansas City than it is to get a train. I do know this. I will be Delta Diamond Medallion after my next flight tomorrow to Baltimore.

That's a nice alliteration. Delta Diamond Medallion. Going to hit my mark early. If only you were going to Denver, then it would have been better. Were we getting me on silver or something? Or was it, there was no point in doing it? Yeah, I did that.

And now I'll get to do that again when I hit platinum. That was for 2018. Yeah, you set it up for 2018. Yeah, because I just made a bunch of purchases too. But the reason I did it all is because it was on a Delta card. And I made sure all my flights were on Delta to add to the MQ, whatever the purchase was.

MQMs, MQDs. If you don't know, it doesn't matter. But once you know. Most people here. But once you know and you need to pay attention to those things, it's not hard. It, and you need to pay attention to those things, it's not hard. It's just you need to pay attention to those things. And I never would have thought that.

I would have just taken the cheaper flight. Most of my listeners are only interested in flying to recreate 9-11. I'm not as passengers no no he means that you could walk up with your uh with the people that are leaving right to the gate the experience in the airport they're in some flight school in rural florida somewhere outside of ocala learning how to take the stick yeah glider plane you can't even carry fuel. Why are you going to crash it into the outside of the building? It'll smash like a bug.

I just got into one of those rabbit holes yesterday. 9-11 stuff. Just, you know, touch back. Get a little nostalgic. Watching, like, the videos., because I mean, there's... Conspiracy videos? Yeah, but there's still new videos coming out. I mean, people are coming up with new reasons why this is all a conspiracy.

And some of them are pretty fucking good, man. I mean, the way that they show just a small, like a four-foot block of cement, and they roll a plane at full speed into it and watch the plane crumble. Like a smashed can on Blotto's head. It's like, wait a minute. That's just four feet of concrete. Those planes went through an entire

building and out the other side. And then, yeah. I've never seen that stuff. But yeah, you can't spend too long. I stopped doing that years stuff. But yeah, you can't spend too long. I stopped doing that years ago. I mean, some of them are probably right, but it's not my job. It's like watching fat people falling down videos on YouTube. I mean, you watch it for a little bit, then you move on.

Get on with your day. Good day. I've never seen those. I'm surprised you're not authoring those. No, I know. I don't like crap people. Yeah. I didn't know that was a thing you could find.

Oh, yeah. That was. It's a big one. I'll send you a link. Hmm. I had Harvey Weinstein in my notes just because it's in the news. And I have an ex-girlfriend that i remember some creepy shit about harvey weinstein but i i don't know when it first came out because i don't

really get a caller to rehash a conversation after 20 years when it first came out because i really haven't been paying attention and we obviously don't prepare for any of this, but I thought it was Harvey Fierstein. Seriously, until I saw the picture of the guy, I go, that doesn't look, there's no feather bow on him. You know, I really thought that's who they were talking about. Why is he in trouble? I think, I'm not sure, and Brian left, who'd know. He just walked out to piss.

But I think Harvey Fierstein,stein i firestein sorry weinstein i think his like was his first project brian was it swingers or something like that was that era earlier sex lies and videotape that's not the one that i knew him from but that was the goes back that was sex lies and videotape was uh what's his name the guy brian's yelling from the urinal the point is that harvey weinstein firestein bought and promoted sex lies videotape and that's why he took hollywood by storm when i had just moved to hollywood so i had to know his name because I was pretending to know about shit. And I was dating an actress and I didn't know. But it was back when all of those independent films,

that's when the term independent film got coined. And I remember this is a great Chris Maguire joke. Chris Maguire, he wrote on The Man Show. He's a great dude, but he had this fucking one joke. Because back then, Clerks was huge. And all these films like that were bragging about how they maxed out all their credit cards so they could make it for $75,000. Robert Townsend type story and he goes then why do they all charge the same price which still holds true today

why is it still why is it 12 to see a movie that you only spent 75 000 on when i can go to the next theater they spent 38 million dollars the movie it's the same price which still holds true if you spend 200 million dollars on a movie that should cost more than a fucking low budget movie what other business does that the ticket price should be commiserate to what was spent on it commiserate commiserate commiserate commensurate yeah if be commiserate to what was spent on it. Commensurate? Commiserate. Commiserate? Commensurate. If we commiserate.

We're commiserate, yeah. I disagree. I think you always shoot for that. That's what you do, you cunt. Yeah, you go. Tell us why you disagree. Well, because the point is that... All comedy shows should be the same price? Well, to some extent, that is actually true.

Yeah, you just changed my mind. Well, it's the same thing. Because the point of the thing that undermines that alleged point is that the people that sell to the public are not the people who made the movies. They are the distributors of comedy who are the comedy clubs, and they charge the same price every Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

And it's the same with cinemas, that they are the distributors of films. They're not the people who made the films. Okay, so remember that, people. Sorry, forgive me. Let me be very clear about this. It is illegal. This is one of the things that happened in the 40s and 50s.

It is illegal for the people who make movies to own a cinema. So therefore, the people who make the movie studios are forbidden from owning cinemas. So they cannot set the prices. This is all part of monopolies. You can't own the distribution and the manufacturing. Sounds like bullshit to me.

Sounds like every ticket price is the same at every single comedy club every weekend throughout the year? First of all, I don't think I don't see where my ticket price is the same at every single comedy club every weekend throughout the year first of all my i don't think i don't see where my ill-informed argument goes against monopoly arguments like you're saying payola is illegal but if if my album my music album costs more to make than fucking john mayers uh i should be able to charge more it's not saying i own a record company this is probably the dumbest conversation in the world to people who know what we're talking about but fuck them i know but yeah unfortunately i'm one

of them you're saying that i should not be able to charge more. No, anyone can charge a special event at an improv because they don't charge that on Friday, Saturday when I'm there on Thursday. I'm not saying, well, that's what you said to me. No,

I took it the other way. You took it the other way. They, I said, I said, I said nothing. He has to agree with the other thing is that, uh,

and it's the same reason that, um, the distributor of your books, you don books, your publisher has no control over because it's illegal, the sale of your books. And therefore, Amazon can sell your book at a loss. If they choose. If they choose. See, that's something else I heard. Now I'm going to go real dumb. Oh, here we go. choose if they choose see that's something else i heard that i was yeah now and now i'm gonna go

real dumb no strong underground dumb is if you own a pizza place and i open up a pizza place next to you and i sell pizza for a fucking nickel just to fuck you that's illegal uh no no i i believe that is no we'll get fucking we'll get our fucking calls and emails from listeners where there's i always i remember thinking that as a kid well why can't you do that if i was like a billionaire and i just wanted to fuck your business there is a law that says you can't do that just to fuck someone else no i swear I read that one time one day. In fourth grade? Yeah.

I think the issue becomes... Ninth grade before I became a mercenary. I think the issue is it depends on the scale of the business. If you are Starbucks moving into a small town and wanting to put the local thing out of business, then that's illegal. If you are Mr. A looking to compete against compete against mr b you're allowed to do that monopoly really revolves around me talking to you and you're a separate business owner and saying hey let's charge this for a slice of pizza not that's monopoly but that's collusion that was

that movie that was a fucking great weird movie with william h macy and there it's like about soybeans or some shit it's not soybeans but something like that where he colluded with all the other people to raise the prices and fuck everyone that's what happens in pharmaceuticals oh and then he became like come on you gotta remember this movie no keep giving details so everyone goes crazy hennigan remembers this podcast yeah everyone's like us yelling at the fucking dashboard of their car it's a very uh uh independent movie that harvey weinstein probably produced and fucked all the co-stars allegedly uhedly. Where maybe it's not William H. Macy, but it might be Matt Damon. I think it's Matt Damon.

And so he goes undercover for the feds. And he's like a ridiculous stooge. Yeah, you're right. It was Matt Damon. It was Matt Damon. Hannigan is plunking away. Looking it up. Matt Damon. It was Matt Damon.

Hannigan is plunking away. Looking it up. I like the idea of giving just enough details but keep going to where people are going fucking crazy in the car. The informant. Oh yeah, I remember that.

And that was Damon, right? It'd be funny if I'd go, excuse me, the answer is of course, The Martian. Trying to get a lock on those potatoes. Potato futures on Mars. He had an entire monopoly on the potatoes of Mars. And look what happened there.

Yeah, exactly. Government bailed him out. Government bailed him out. Yeah. Science. Thanks, Obama. science thanks obama let's drop our prices to a nickel at the all things comedy podcast comedy festival in phoenix ticket prices we'll drop them to a nickel and see we need lawyers involved all right my ideas don't get so good after we know the distributor of those tickets and we also can't talk about it yep hey if you're uh traveling between

baltimore austin chicago philadelphia portland san francisco seattleC. I might have forgot one in there. Philly. And you're traveling on Delta. Look for airport, hashtag airport pub crawl. Problem is, a lot of those flights are several hours before the shows I'm going to play. So if I'm a bit fucked up.

You are doing Delta the whole time? Yep. So if I'm a bit. You are doing Delta the whole time. Yep. So best bet on a fly day would be the closest actual bar. To the Delta on the Delta concourse. Yeah.

And you know where he's going. It's not before noon. Let me look at my notes. Oh, shit. Okay. At our podcast, our live podcast, we're going to be at- October 26th at the Orpheum Theater. Through 29th. So that's Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Different people are coming in every day. I don't know who's staying for what, but I know we kick it off on the 26th. You go through allthingscomedy.com, I assume. Allthingscomedy.com for tickets. Also, there's comedy shows that you can buy tickets to as well. So here's the thing is this festival has never happened before. So when you go to Montreal or when you used to go to Aspen, you know where to hang out afterwards, where everyone's going to go.

Nobody knows where they're going to fucking go here. We have all these comics, Bill Burr, Chrysler, fucking Al Madrigal. All these comics are coming in to do their podcasts and or comedy sets. We're going to be there first. So we're going to decide where in downtown Phoenix is the place to hang out. So follow us on Twitter at Greg Chaley, at Brian Hennigan, at Doug Stanhope, at Chad Shank is going to be there. We got everyone coming out.

Mishka might be coming out with Amy Dresner. No, no, no. You bring up a really good point recon we're going to be there for recon yeah we're the point man on this motherfucker and we're going to have a separate area to do podcasts for ourselves but we're also going to need a watering hole

and the only way that's going to come about is to twitter alright well first of all Jamie Kilstein is our guest and he's this is gonna be so much fucking fun because the arc of kill steen's career from the fucking rogan beat down to the social justice warrior to the uh anti-social justice warrior i'm i and hennigan was right. We need a female comic on that panel. So we have Murphy has agreed to do it.

Might have others got to make it fair and balanced, as they say, which means, yeah, we're going to fuck with it. But I'm not going to I'm not going gonna heave him under the rails by any chance but well you have a history that we have a history from jamie kilstein sleeping on my floor as an accidental opener uh you know a dozen years ago at least in baltimore but chrysler i think is gonna come on and do part of the podcast then the next day i'm going to do some fucked up thing on his podcast but we're the point is we're going to be hanging out it's not just sitting and listening to podcasts there's going to be comedy hanging out after and we're going to be the appointment to tell everyone as they come in later oh this is where you go this is what that's

that's my plan becker and uh john and i and marilyn manson what if he's not dead he's playing phoenix the night we do our podcast that man got canceled he's not answering my no he only canceled nine dates i looked at. The last I looked... No, no, since his... The GR lady woke him awake and said, Hey, that fucking stunt didn't really clear the fucking insurance barrier. Anyway, he's not answering my calls, but he's...

I live during human hours. He wakes up at 11pm. So, yeah. And maybe Amy Drezner. I guess we never get to fucking Harvey Weinstein. Who gives a fuck? That got us to where we're at now, so that's fine. And on the road, Austin, I got White Cotton.

J. White Cotton. Yep, opening. Andy Andrist will be on the Portland dates and the Seattle date. There's been an extra Portland date added. The first one sold out. 23rd. So we did add a second one. 23rd is sold out.

You can't buy tickets to that, but the 24th tickets are available. Erickson is coming to San Francisco. You, Chaley, may be coming to San Francisco. You definitely are. Wait, hold on. Anyway. Erickson's going to be there? He's opening?

Yeah. And Fat Mike from NoFX. I said, I don't know if you're in San Francisco when I'm playing there. And he said, fuck, yeah. So I hate to ask, hey, you want to do a podcast? But I will. All right. Fucking NoFX, Fat Mike. there and he said fuck yeah so i hate to ask hey you want to do a podcast but i will all right fucking no fx fat mike he's he'll be hanging out for too fucked up to do a podcast yeah we're gonna close out the year strong and then then finish strong with some healthy activities, like maybe 30 days plugging a book.

All right, Brian Hennigan, J. Lee, what do we got? Draft. We just got done with Monday Night Football. Draft.com. Chomp your thing. That's good. What are we just going to do? Week six?

Week five? I swear I was hammered the other night when I finally cleared up my phone so I could get the app on it. So I did one. I lost miserably, but I thought I did a lot. So I am getting people who are on draft.com that are challenging me to things. Keep doing it. You go to mine is Stanhope Podcast.

Doug's is Stanhope. And then Castle Rock is, Castle Rock Kenny is, I think, Castle Rock. And just invite us, and we'll get to it when we can. We'll probably do auto-pick. But I got fucking creamed. Yeah, I really want to do more research. Sometimes I just get panicked, or the person isn't there,

so it auto-picks me. I was in 11 drafts for week five. Holy shit. My money went down from $58. I'm at 15. I won basically for the entire week five. All those fucking drafts, 11, $3.60. Some guy suckered me into a 20 draft head to head and he

fucking creamed me i mean i was like 30 points to his 80 something so but it's fun i had a and it makes you do some research yes i yes what what you know what happened was one of my guys got yanked in early in game, so his points were nothing. So basically it was like me going with less players. We go with four instead of five. You get all the Giants receivers. Three fucking wide receivers go out in one game. That was crazy.

No, probably not. I hope the Texans play the Giants because they lost two of their monster linebackers, J.J. Watt and fucking Whitney Merciless. Is that a name? Yeah, Merciless. There's so many great names in football that are close to Merciless, Perfect. I think he's out, too. A lot of people.

Anyway. That's what's the beauty of this. If you go to draft.com or you go to go to your app store and uh do a search for draft uh you'll get the uh program or the app loaded in there and they take care of all the work it's so quick you just go in there pick you challenge someone if you get it on the app that's the only way to do it you do it on your phone and that's the best way because you go head to head with people or if you get it go to play draft.com and get it on your computer i don't want to get into some Cam Newton kind of shit,

but this is fantasy football your girlfriend can play. You said that in the last podcast when I was editing. I'm like, this is a really good fucking angle. Yeah, but that was before Cam Newton. Oh, my God. It's just so cute to hear a girl talk about running routes. Well, it is for us here at the Funhouse. When a girl shows up and knows football,

your wife, Tracy, has to explain hockey to us. Dude. Like we're fucking children, and I love it. And yeah, I think it's funny that we're fucking retarded. She follows sports more closely. I mean, I don't really care. I care when i bet that's when i pay attention but she does she picks up on stuff and she knows how she can get that

cadence of what's happening football baseball hockey but honestly she's even in on this i think is it her egg lester i think she's egg lester so you challenge her too it's quick to join and it's quick to play and you don't have to sit around and go over stats or anything like that. And all the heavy lifting is done by draft. They'll take care of it. You don't have to worry about who's injured or whatever. You just go ahead and pick what's there. And if you don't know,

just do auto pick. Yep. I'm going to be on the road. I got my Sundays off. So, uh, yeah, on purpose,

I'll probably be hanging around, uh, in your town the day before or after my show on a Sunday. And if you want to try to play me a fantasy football, come join me at Draft today. Download the app anytime. Just search Draft in your app store and join a game in minutes or play right from your computer on play draft.com. Whatever you want for a limited time. Only all new players get a free entry into a draft when you make your first deposit,

but you have to use my promo code, Doug. Doug. That's right. Play a real money game for free. Just using my promo code, Doug on your first deposit on draft. Just search draft. Come on.

Can we talk to the draft people? They make me read the three things of the same. Just search draft in the app store or go to play draft.com and come play free with promo code. Doug. I, this is what Chaley highlights. This is,

if I just read what was highlighted by Chaley, it would say, use my promo code, Doug, my promo code, Doug on promo code, Doug. That's what you highlighted.

Oh, chicken in my sleep. Just play. Take two Xanax plate chicken in my sleep. All two Xanax, play chicken in my sleep. All right. Any thank yous? No. The only thank you I can remember is someone sent Tom Konopka a wooden box

that's about three foot by four foot, hammered shut. It looks like it contains military arsenal of... It looked like if you were going to transport something from a museum to another museum in the 1920s. What's that big word for munitions?

Munitions? I don't know. Munitions is quite a big word. No, it's a good word. When you... Ah, fuck it. Is this quite a big word? No, it's a good word. Ah, fuck it. Don't worry. This is going to be the podcast. Ammo? No, not arsenal.

It's goddamn. You need more knowledge. Have another drink. What are you trying to say? There's a fucking cool cool big inside word for munitions it's uh you find unexploded ordinance ordinance fucking chaley all right that's the end of the podcast ordinance it looks like ordinance and he got it two days ago and he's still afraid because you need a drill to unbook it. I'll open that fucker.

I know. Well, we're going to wait until we see Tom. It's going to be full of sawdust, too, which means ordinance. Ordinance. Good work. All right. That's a fun game.