The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #231: ATC Comedy Fest LIVE Podcast with Jaime Kilstein, Bert Kreischer & Morgan Murphy

Episode Date: October 28, 2017

All Things Comedy COMEDY FEST presents The Doug Stanhope LIVE at the Orpheum Theatre in Phoenix, AZ. Doug welcomes former male feminist Jaime Kilstein after 8 months out of sight following being booted from his podcast over abuse allegations. Bert Kreischer and Morgan Murphy jump in to keep the chaos moving. Chad Shank and Chaille also ran. Thanks to All Things Comedy, Stand Up Live (Phoenix), Outback Productions & everyone who came out to support the podcast and the Comedy Fest. Recorded Oct 26th, 2017 at the Orpheum Theatre in Phoenix, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Jaime Kilstein (@JaimeKilstein), Bert Kreischer (@BertKresicher), Morgan Murphy (@MorganMurphy), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), Diana, & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. Pre-Order a SIGNED copy of Doug's NEW book, " This Is Not Fame: A "From What I Re-Memoir"" at - http://bit.ly/2AwBH3y This episode is sponsored by Brooklinen Sheets - Get $20 off AND free shipping when you use promo code “STANHOPE” at Brooklinen.com. More Stanhope 2017 Tour Dates at http://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates/. Get on the Mailing List. LINKS: Chad Shank Voice Over info at AudioShank.com Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

just letting you know see we don't need a microphone for this the podcast yeah but to talk to you not so much dropping off my notes letting you know 10 minutes we're still still collecting all of the fucking entourage. I'm just giving a... I'm giving them a ten minute warning. Oh, it's a ten... Yes, ten minutes. Give me an eleven minute warning before you give them the ten minutes.

All right. Men of a certain age are always worried about heart attacks. So yeah, we'll be coming out in about ten minutes. I'm going to smoke a cigarette. It's going to be fucking fun it's going to be chaos they have alcohol somewhere I hope for you, you found it if you're in a middle seat and you're a drinker

meet your neighbors because I want you to do this to get in and out and get drinks so you're comfortable. It's going to probably be a long night. Good? Yeah, we're good. Okay.

All right. Keep it rolling. I want to hear what... This world doesn't need no opera Here for the operation We don't need a bigger knife A bigger knife Cause we got guns We got guns We got guns, we got guns, we got guns, we got guns, we got guns, battle run. Battle run, battle run, battle run.

Honestly, the lack of energy. If this was a stand-up show, I'd go, Oh my God, Hennigan fucked me again. But since this is a podcast, I don't want the usual energy that I get, because I don't want you fucking yelling out. There you go. See? Perfect. Get cocktails, make yourselves at home. I love the

Karate Kid headband. It's fucking good. This is the kickoff to the All Things, the first All Things Comedy Comedy Podcast Festival here in Phoenix, Arizona. Don't you worry.

Every other show for the rest of the weekend through Sunday is going to make this look over. this look over there. We're the only fucking show that gets booked in a thousand seat theater. Bill Burr's here. They're all at the comedy club. Cozy, intimate.

Good for the ladies. Yeah. We're here to kick it off in a FEMA camp. A place that didn't have a hurricane. Hey, I'm going to introduce Greg Chaley, our producer. It's his one job. Let me bring out Chad Shank, our co-host. Let me bring out Chad Shank, our co-host.

The filthy, uncut Scotsman, Brian Hannigan. We'll sit and round table for a second, and then we'll bring out... We have an all-star lineup. And we don't... I tried to plan this podcast just so succinctly. And we can't do that. Spent all day fucking shaking, taking Adderall, another whiskey, another Adderall to offset the whiskey. It's going to go how it goes.

But Jamie Kilstein is our guest of honor. But Morgan Murphy and Bert Kreischer will be coming out to pitch relief and you'll be here with us and we love you for being here yeah yeah fuck it I got a bunch of notes.

It's not on. It's not on. Just yell. Hey, what could possibly go wrong? The first thing... It happens when I... Oh, there we go. All right.

I have so many fucking notes. Hannigan. Uh-huh. Oh, I thought you were... We were going to... As other people come in, like when Morgan comes in... Is this part of our pre-production meeting? Well, no.

Yeah, we were going to rotate Hannigan out as we needed his seat. Well, he has to be in to go out. Well, i noticed he was still here and i didn't know too much behind the shank i i want to get to that i'm gonna i want to do it right away but we have other podcasts where's all things comedy people to give me notes because there's a drop in, what do you call that thing? Dorfman!

Where they're doing all the other weird podcasts. Right across from Stand Up Live they're going to, what do you call it? People who aren't getting paid. Pop-up podcast. Probably that. Alright, pop-up. Pop-up.. Probably that. All right, pop-up. Pop-up.

I'm sure they have calendars out there in the lobby. Why didn't you look at one? I did, but I had all these notes about it. I want to get everything perfect with this podcast because it's live. We don't do perfect podcasts. They know. That's why they're here. You don't even do notes for podcasts. They know. That's why they're here. You don't even

do notes for podcasts. No, but I had notes about... Fuck. I just came off a bender in Portland. There's two cities that Hennigan should know not to book me in, directly

coming into this. And I came out of Portland,regon after a fucking stretch bender that's why i was so happy that kreischer is here during sober october you're familiar with they're doing i don't know how many people are even in on that but they're all sober fucking kreischer looks fantastic it glows it's It's a glow. Trim, glowing, tanned. And I remember this morning, I looked in the mirror after that

two-day Portland bender and I looked at my swollen, bloated face and I thought out loud, this is not getting any better until Tuesday at best. Because this is the beginning and better until Tuesday at best. Because this is the beginning,

and we're here for the whole fucking thing. We're going to be drunk crashing everybody's fucking podcasts and stand-up shows. There's stand-up shows after the podcast. Tonight, yeah. Stand-up live. Jamie Kilstein is going to fucking premiere a new set. I'm hoping to stay awake for it. And the Adderall says, hey, you might just be there.

Matt Becker is here! If you're a long time Stanhope fan and a Phoenix resident, he was the guy, my best friend, that was in the Jeep when we got rolled by a transvestite hooker on Van Buren. Where's Becker? He's in the Jeep when we got rolled by a transvestite hooker on Van Buren.

Where's Becker? He's in the back. Of course he's in the back. He's probably not even listening. I can't believe I came here for this. Hannigan and I were on the same flight in last night from him from L.A. on my connection. And I only remembered from the tweet that when we got on the plane we announced that we were gay married

to the plane to first class oh I didn't know that I thought you just did it on Twitter he took a picture of us and then I forgot this part does anyone follow passenger shaming on twitter

people that are douchebags on flights where they put their fucking bare feet in between seats and shit fake engagements and announcements clipping their toenails and shit so i i'm a fan but I want to be on it. So I always wear the Delta pin on my left lapel when I travel is because the Delta people go, oh, hey, that's a vintage pin. I wear it on this one because that's the way you turn when you get on the plane. And they go, hey, I like your vintage pin. The only reason you're not on passenger shaming now

is because nobody can take a picture of a smell. You're not wrong. So my idea, and it wasn't until I was sitting beside Hennigan that I go, hey, and I'm shit-faced, take some pictures, and I disrobed my upper body and started shaving my armpit with my beard trimmer thing. And we had to paint pictures, but they saw my Delta pin initially,

and they go, oh, it's okay. He's a comedian. His manager told us. So I get some good passenger shaming i want to be there myself i want to out fuck up them all right let's just get to the fucking guest this is gonna be a long night jamie kilstein got into uh some predicaments i don't know I told you to look up his past, but we'll go over it. You gave him homework? I did on a podcast early on when we booked him. Hey, look into this if you don't know him already. Yeah, he had a few missteps

in his career. Don't you fucking start talking back. And I I've known Jamie since he was a a kid and we'll get into that just let's just bring him out jamie kilstein ladies and gentlemen comedian musician podcaster poet jamie kilstein a man of many failed trades. Anything unmarketable, I have bombed at. You've tried all the angles. I did.

We're done. No, no, this is the next one. Oh, good. It's your comeback, kid. I don't have to be like an accused predator mime next to that? Don't get ahead of ourselves. Okay. You used to be a kid before you had cauliflower ears. You were a, I said, I said to Murphy or bingo.

I said that I remember when you had this, the graphic underbite and I have the big overbite and I go, we should swap teeth. Yeah. Like if I had your underbite, I'd have a perfect mouth. When did you say this to me? No, I said it to someone behind your back. I save all the shit for your face for the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, I think I would have remembered if you were like, let's mouth swap. Well, I wasn't aware of my graphic overbite until it got even more pronounced through my years of smoking and losing back teeth. I think we met on MySpace. No, it was before MySpace. Was it? We met in Baltimore. No, no, no, no, no. But that's 2000.

Hedberg was alive. Right. No, but I think I wrote you on MySpace to get a guest spot at that Baltimore show. I lived in Jersey. You might have been on MySpace. I didn't get on MySpace till 2007 or 6, late 2006. I remember because someone told me, I didn't know how it worked,

and what's the guy from the documentary Dig? Brian Jonestown Massacre. And someone said, someone said, oh yeah, he follows you on MySpace. The crazy one. The crazy one, the guitarist. And I had just watched the documentary

and I thought he was really a guy that liked me. I didn't know how MySpace worked. You just sign up as many fucking people. But that's why I signed up for MySpace worked. You just sign up as many fucking people. But that's why I signed up for MySpace. And that's when I already lived in Bisbee. We did Baltimore before Hedberg died. And I know this because at his Friars Club Memorial, I remember one of the lines I said was, they said he died too young, but he died right on time because he was booked at the Baltimore Improv the next week,

and it was one of the worst fucking clubs ever, and he was there. I thought you were going to get into a fist fight with that one guy. Well, yeah. You thought Stan Hope was going to get into a fist fight? I thought Stan Hope was going to get attacked by a man using fists, not an to get a fist fight? I thought Stan Hope was going to get attacked by a man using fists.

Not an even-handed fist fight. That was polite the way you said it, Jamie. This is before you could defend me. Back then, I would have had to defend you. You were such a fucking geek act. It was just me and my underbite and no place to stay. He shows up. You and your buddy.

Do you remember who it was? No, it was a comic from Philadelphia. It was just another comic. You took a bus or a train down because you were a fan. Yeah. So like a Wednesday through Saturday kind of club. Yeah. Nobody's there.

Sound familiar? Oh, no. First night, Mike DiStefano. Do you know Mike DiStefano? Fucking if you don't, look him up. He's dead. Don't book. Don't book him.

Don't book Mike. Don't be fooled. You're going to want to book him. Don't book him. Mike DiStefano was brilliant. Very intimidating. Chad Shank-esque. Sober ex-junkie, just built like a block of fucking shit, concrete, cigarette machine of a man, and just no bullshit.

He was so funny. Yeah, sober people really swap that shit out for weights. Like immediately. Speaking of, we'll get to that beat. That's there. That's in the third break. I'm glad you found your notes. Jamie Kilstein shows up with his buddy

and their, you know, waggy puppy tail. Oh, we're big fans and we came all the way from wherever. You came from New York. Yeah, from, yeah, Jersey. And no one's there to see the show, much less to be a fan. I'm just, really? You came all the way? So I brought you in the green room and the opening act for the week doesn't show up.

You must have got worried about how shitty that fucking club was. And so I said to you, I go, you want to emcee for the week? I lost my mind. I lost my mind, yeah. I go, I can't put you up. I wasn't making shit for money back then. I said, you can sleep on the floor of my room.

I guess you got your friend. No, I think my friend slept on the floor. You said, this is why, look, I don't want to get into Wein floor. You said, this is why. Look, I don't want to get into Weinstein this early, but this is why. I definitely had that moment. If you don't know, this thing ends up with him being the fucking comedy equivalent of Harvey Weinstein. The saddest equivalent. The worst fucking.

Go ahead. The failed Harvey. Yeah. So I but i definitely had that moment where like i didn't know you and you were uh you were just like a road guy for so long that this is why i'm like i i would have look i probably would have fucked harvey wine see look here what i when you were you are you very kindly were like you can sleep in my bed. And I was like, what?

Because you were a road guy for so long. And I was like, what the fuck is this? What do you mean I can sleep in your bed? And you were like, I only use half of it. And there was part of me that I'm like, that's very kind. This is a guy who's been on the road for a long time. There was another part of me that's like, time to become a comedian. Like, this is. There was another part of me that's like, time to become a comedian.

Like, this is... You have to understand, with my background and the comics I knew coming up, yeah, Becker and I, how many fucking beds have we slept together at Becker wherever you are? In those days of fucking nothing, you're just so hand to mouth. You suck, yeah. And even still, the first tv be gone i ever got we had a band to sleep in our room we let an entire band that was kind of hijacked on the road quite dodgy too doing that you definitely have your wallet on you and your PJs. So, yeah. I just assume that people live low like we do.

Yeah, it's a bed. We're drunk. It almost seems like a trick when an opener or like a host. We were in South Carolina at that place that had the Jägermeister party during your show. The host was like, he went back and we had a couple beers and then his girlfriend left. She was like, I'm done with you or whatever. And he's like, he had no place to sleep.

And then you said, well, you can stay here with us. And it seemed like a trick to him. It seemed like, what's going on here? It's not a normal thing, Doug. Well, I forget most people don't drink heavily every night for 30 years. When you fall asleep, you don't fall asleep. You pass out and then you wake up. The ones that bother you are the ones that you go, yeah, you can crash here.

And then they're hanging out going, can we have breakfast? No, you couldn't drive. I didn't want you to get a DUI and you slept in my bed and now fuck off. Be a gentleman. I'm outraged. How did you get on this podcast without staying in the bed with Stan Hope? No, I did. Fuck yeah, I did.

He did. Oh, yeah. Oh, and I slept like a goddamn baby. It was amazing. Yeah. Well, you were drinking too back then. I met you. You're a fucking comic.

Yeah. You were happy to get free beers and a week of free stage time. I got a little set, yeah. He did the whole week? Yeah, he did the whole week. The whole fucking week, yeah. Yeah, he blew off whatever plans you didn't have in New York. The mime gig?

Didn't have plans. Little do you know, my mom was currently relapsing on alcohol, and I bailed. All right. So I even. So who didn't have plans? I did. I helped you even more. I get it. They were very upset with me. I was like, but it's a guest spot. And they were like, what is a guest spot?

I was like, I don't know. It comes with half a bed. Two things I remember. The first is Mike DiStefano, again, a very intimidating but very funny guy. Yeah, once again, don't book him. That sounds like a plug. He's dead. He did a bit of mine the second night or third night that I had done the night before.

How does that happen and it was very it was the bit about uh it was after 9-11 not long after when i was the bit about hero pussy and all the nypd and fire department are getting so much pussy it's being vaulted at them out of a wrist rocket disembodied pussy and they have to swat it down with tennis rackets. It's that specific. And I'd done it the night before and he goes up and does the bit. No, it's no. Mencia is a thief. This is a guy who heard something, thinks he thought of it himself.

Again, he's a recovered fucking heroin addict, got fucking AIDS, he's like trying to put his shit, and I had to confront him and go, that thing with the pussy and the tennis rack, it's like, it's not parallel thinking. But that's why, especially any comic who's a big drinker, I'm terrified to watch stand-up comedy on TV because what if I think, oh, this is a great bit.

Oh, no. Well, he heard it the night before, and I had to go, Mike? The thing about this... He's like, oh, I thought my brother-in-law told me that. But it was... He's a fucking scary dude. I thought my brother-in-law told me that. But it was a fucking scary dude. I thought my brother-in-law told me that yesterday when you were on stage talking into a microphone. Carlos Mencia would wait till the next week.

He would jot it in a notebook and I can't wait till there's fucking nobody. Yeah, and then he'd add essay at the very end. And he wouldn't do it as a middle act, but he's going to fucking work with the same guy. The same guy he stole it from. It was fucking bald. It's a fucking honest mistake, but it was egregious.

Here's what I remember from the weekend. I remember being so fucking hero-struck that you kind of thought I was funny, and you gave me a set, and I slept in your bed. And then the next day, all I wanted to do was hang out and write jokes, and all you wanted to do was get me out of the room so you could jerk off, and I didn't catch the hint. It took a day or two before you and your friend, the Baltimore Improv,

was in this very narrowly gentrified area. Yeah. Where one block away, you're in, what's it? It's Hamsterdam. Or was it on The Wire? It's The Wire. Yeah. You're just in The Wire.

Yeah. It's just, oh, shit. And then there's a Cheesecake Factory. And an Improv. Yeah, right where we were. It's an ESPN Sports multi-complex bar. So they go out to wander around the wharf

or whatever it is. And I go, I got to jerk off. Finally, these fucking kids are out. And it's noontime and the noontime local news is on.

And I'm just fucking jerking off. Back then, there wasn't even you porn. You probably had to go to some weird site. I probably had something saved as a link. I don't know. No, you had a bit about that the next time, where it was like you were just following pop-ups. Where just whatever pop-up came, you're like, alright. And it was just like this

sad trail. Whatever. I found porn. When you're in a hurry, any porn will do. Like, your fetish is whatever is first. Like, if you're on a hurry, any porn will do. Your fetish is whatever's first. If you're on a time constraint, I'm not into it, but it's something. It's better than the fucking in-room movies. Or me being like, how do you get an agent?

Just like, get out of here so I can jerk off. I'm jerking off as quick as I can because I don't know when they're coming back. And as I'm coming, as it's in that point of no return, the noontime local news, three children found decapitated, father under arrest. And I'm coming to this. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. So that night, so that night you're like,

it's like the guys, it's the biggest story in Baltimore. Every station you turn, it's like three kids were decapitated by their uncle. Like, their uncle fucking, like, lured them in, killed all three siblings, and decapitated them. And Doug's like, well, if I

tie this into the masturbation bit, I think I got a solid opener. There is somewhere, one of you fucking internet geeks, there is audio of that somewhere I found years later. Your set your set that night yeah i opened with that just basically what i said right now from what i remember and some guy

turned into the incredible hulk you're fucking sick you motherfucking and i i I kept my composure I was like he can't die you're the only one who lets me go on the road with you yeah but he stood up he was literally like muscle team military guy stood up in the back I've seen heckles

I've seen mad people I've had bottles thrown at me even the guy who threw a bottle at me didn't fucking stand up this guy like stood up like he was gonna lead the charge. Everyone at the improv was going to take you fucking out. And I had no backup. No. You have to understand, this Baltimore improv was a new project in their gentrification program,

but it was the one that didn't work. So the whole time, I'm drawing flies. Oh, I never met a manager there. I never met. I saw them. I didn't meet them. Every night, they would sit in the back, arms crossed,

like it's my fault they suck. And they wouldn't speak to me. They'd nod. They wouldn't say good show show because none of them were no and they just sit there like like it's their own money they lost yeah and i was like the new open mic guy and i was like comedy's great and uh yeah i i someone threw him out uh even though the owners probably wanted him to beat the fuck out of me but we get out of that

and then the next I never actually I don't think I ever actually I was just so looking for stage time, I think you were the only comic who would talk to me where I flew myself on my dad's mind so here's what people don't know

so I was like even last year, this very like progressive comic and that we would talk about stories about Alex Jones and like Alex Jones being a racist and him helping like elect Trump and all this stuff. What a lot of people don't know is your very famous incident in Austin or Austin incident. I was there and like I flew myself down there to do an unpaid guest spot and it was me, you... This is the Austin... What do you call it? Austin incident. No, but the club is...

Oh, Cap City. Cap City. It was me, you, Walsh. I think that was the first time you met Walsh. That's the first time I met Brendan Walsh. And fucking Alex Jones. And so every time last year when I was like... When my co-host on my show, my old show, would be like, yeah, Alex Jones

is a fucking racist. I was just terrified because I know there was video footage of me so happy to be on stage. I introduced him. I was like, it is an honor to introduce. If you don't know, his podcast was very left, very against Alex Jones.

Where if you were famous, other than this bullshit we'll get to, that would be your downfall. Video of you saying Alex Jones is an honor. Dude, I was so excited. I didn't fucking listen to his show. I didn't know about the racist conspiracy shit. I was like, he was friends with Bill Hicks. And I was so excited to meet him. He was a friend of a friend of Bill Hicks. I was like, he was friends with Bill Hicks, and I was so excited to meet him. He was a friend of a friend of Bill Hicks.

Oh, I thought he was friends with him. Dude, I have a picture with me and him in the green room. I'm giving the thumbs up. There is video footage of me. I'm wearing a backwards hat. I have long hair. I'm super gross. I have a Bud Light.

I think he had me introduce him as the king of conspiracies, and I was like, you are in for a treat, ladies and gentlemen. And then he starts just screaming about like fucking blacks they tried to filter in all of his knowledge of every conspiracy theory ever and yeah he wasn't

supposed to do a set I said do you want to introduce me because he's a Austin personality and at that point a lot of my audience were into both of us that's before he went wacko and I that point a lot of my audience were into both of us that's before he went wacko and i've had a point of view uh he uh yeah he he went out he goes i goes i i don't do comedy so i go you don't have to do comedy just they know you just go up and say who you are and introduce me and he went up and did this just vitriol don't you know

Mao Zedong is no different than back in Kunsa we set these puppet leaders up to this is my this is my second show with you after the Baltimore thing so again I'm like this is comedy like I remember what I remember about that show after other than Alex Jones fucking it up is you were there and you you in mind it to an extent where you flew yourself down there. But you had no place to stay. Nope. No money. I remember going on stage after you saying, hey, any fat girls or fucking lonely men or anyone that will put this kid up. Evidently, I didn't let you stay in my hotel. What happened to the half of the bed? Maybe you should have fucked me in Baltimore. I remember shilling for you to get a place to stay for that.

I remember shilling for you to get a place to stay. I remember that. I probably knew I could get laid in Austin where I knew I couldn't get laid in Baltimore. I didn't want you fucking clogging up the free space. You mean the surly waitstaff of Baltimore wasn't lining up outside your Best Western? Do you remember where you stayed? No.

I've got to move this along. I have no idea what time are we at chaley oh chaley's not here all right this is where we go from when you were a kid that was happy to work for fucking cheap drinks and a warm bed next to a snuggly thin headliner with a mullet to where you became a sober, vegan, tattooed, mixed martial artist. Yeah. I was reading.

Feminist. I was reading the market. I don't know because we're going from 2005. So I don't know when you started becoming sober. Well, no, there was adding yourself up. There was a phase know when you started becoming sober. Well, no. Adding yourself up. There was a phase where comedy was going well. My dad just found a fucking... God, I totally forgot about this.

My dad is moving, and he found this interview magazine thing where it was the five comics to watch. And it was Reggie Watts, it was Aubrey Plaza, Jay Pharoah, someone else. No, it was four. And me. And my dad sent me that article. And I was like, oh, I'm that guy.

Like, when you see those fucking lists and you're like, who the fuck is that guy? Like, is that guy okay? Like, no, that guy is not okay. That guy was me. I'm on one of those lists. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, we're not okay. I'm the guy.

We're very not okay. of those lists yeah yeah we're not okay we're very not okay and uh and yeah so there was this like there was this time where it actually seemed like comedy was like going well and like me and you were both doing like uk stuff and australia stuff because post 9-11 it was hard to talk about politics here and uh and then i did like montreal twice uh i did con Conan and was not invited back uh there was like a year where I was going okay and then it was just like everything uh everything just kind of like hit a wall where you know I I would feel like I like had some heat and like you know the the there are probably like comics or starting comics here where it's like you get your first thing and then you're like this is it I'm set and then you're like, this is it. I'm set.

And then you just wait. The next day, the king of comedy is going to call you and be like – I did a guest set with Alex Jones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He knew Bill Hicks. And everything just kind of kept failing. So at the same time, I started a podcast, which was like – it was liberal to the – when we started, it was what I stand for.

All right. There's one beat that I'm missing. At some point, when you weren't getting enough paid comedy gigs, Jamie Kilstein would go to open mic poetry, slam poetry nights, and he'd just do his bits and rants and his jokes, but in a staccato poetry fashion just to get stage time. Two Jews and a black and a Chinese walk into a bar. Who is the bar?

We are all the bar. Good night. Yeah. It was the only place they would fucking book me. It was like the bar. Good night. Yeah. It was the only place that would fucking book me. It was like the Nuyorican Poets Cafe. It was all these Lower East Side places. And I kind of did good. It was one of those things where comics didn't like me because I was trying to be political.

And then the poets didn't like me. I mean, I've never told the story only because like i don't think i don't know if anyone would even fucking care but i actually did so the way no they don't no no that's kind of one of the b plots of this script is no one cares no i know i know anytime you belch like that mr shank do it on the on the mic so real quick did you just say don't your story, but you belch into the mic? That's going to kill. Cut out this personal trying to find yourself garbage.

Noxious human gases are always funnier than anything you wrote in a notebook. I don't disagree. Same thing sometimes. Yeah, that was the only place i could get booked and then they fucking turned on me and hated me too because i was like funny and and people there was a lady who wrote a response poem i didn't know that was a thing but i had it was it was literally the writing on the wall that you didn't see what is it what is it what they is it? What do they call it?

The nines or something where black guys go, your mama jokes. Yeah. Is that the poetry slam version? It's just a horrible version of that. Of eight mile? Dude, I kind of think, I feel like this is where like I started to go awry. Where like I had this gay rights, I had this like gay rights rant where all I did was I did the same fucking jokes I had, but I was like, just do it fast.

Do it in like three minutes or whatever and so i had this like whole gay rights piece and i had this joke where it was now it's probably hacky but it was like 10 years ago where i had this joke where i was like uh you know like with something like with gay people like uh you don't even get like like what do you like domestic violence because like with that it's like a fair fight or something like that it was a joke and we got a laugh ha ha ha and then this woman i guess that's like that's abuse technically so she wrote this response poem about how that's abuse and her dig at me was uh the poem was called to the comedian who thinks uh gay domestic violence is a fair fight and it was this whole thing sort of demeaning and degrading uh comedians

right and i was just like standing there and like because here's the thing when you fail on slam poetry you don't get lower than that like i failed out of comedy and i'm like well certainly these fucking people will take me in and within a month people are like boo get them out of here and i was just like i got nothing I got fucking nothing and so then that's when entirely a humorless group and I did a bit about

where I moved to an artist community thinking I'd fit in and no comics don't necessarily fit in no and that but that is what you think that's totally what I think where I'm like oh you guys are outcasts. We're outcasts. We're on the same side. And there's just some fucking weird

humorless culty thing about it. You became it. And I became it. I'm not getting ahead of you. You became it. And that's the thing. When that kind of stuff happens, there are sort of like there's a fork in the road, right? Where you're like, I can fight it if you're like brave and confident.

But if you're just depressed and desperate for validation, you go, oh, OK, I'm wrong. Speaking of brave and confident, are you at this point the MMA guy? I need a time. When did you start getting tats? Because you were the biggest fucking geek act sleeping in my bed. I forgot. We must have been spooned. Yeah.

When I met you. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. I didn't know I was referred to as the geek act sleeping in my bed. I forgot. We must have been spooned. When I met you... Can I be honest with you? I didn't know I was referred to as the geek act. I just thought I was a normal guy. Actually, technically a geek act is a guy that bites heads off of chickens. He's really the toughest guy in the circus. You can go lower. You were just a shaky nerd.

I want to do comedy. You didn't have a point of view. You just wanted to say things. Yeah. No, the MMA thing happened. Oh, my God. The MMA thing. Now that you said that, because you brought that up to me last night when you saw, like, my ears are kind of fucked up. And I was like, I don't have any, like, material about that.

But I realize it's tied into comedy where there was. So I did MMA. By the way, he's recently. I did MMA. By the way, he's recently, when you watch UFC, these guys with these fucking cauliflower ears, that's because they started when they were 10 in Iowa because their dad did it and they had to impress their dad. He did it at like 29.

Yeah, I was 29. Get laid or something. I'll do this. Did you work on the cauliflower ears? I just sat at home punching myself with it. Does it mushy? They do that. Do they?

Yes. No, I do. They're proud of them. I don't know if you notice it. You touch it every once in a while. If you squeeze it, does cottage cheese come out? Yeah. Does it move around like a bean bag?

What's going on in there? This one inside, the reason I'm touching it is this one is new. It happened. I trained before I went to the airport yesterday, and I was like, oh, this one doesn't even look cool because it's inside. In case this podcast got really out of control. Well, so that's what fucking – so honestly, that's what – so I used to do MMA when I was like 17, 18, but I was like a fuck up. So I would go do MMA, and then I would get in the car car and then I would literally smoke cigarettes on my way to Taco Bell. And I'm like, why am I in shape?

Yeah. Oh, I was a train wreck. And then, yeah, I was 28. It was after like going on the road and I was just like just so sick and like out of shape. And I was like, I'm going to get back into it. And I remember I thought I would be good because I was good when I was 17. And my first day back, I remember I go to this gym in New York. We go to do the warm-ups, the fucking warm-ups.

And five minutes in, I was like, I'm going to throw up. And so I sneak off the mat. All I remember is I sneak off the mat, I throw up, then I peek back out. Then I see no one's looking. Then I, like, scurry across to get my jacket from the locker room. I still have, like, my dumb gi pants on. Then I put the jacket back in. I go back to the bathroom.

I throw up. Then I, like, go back and I hide. I press the button to the elevator because I don't want them to see me. Then I go down to the elevator. I went next door because it was at Penn Station. Next to that, I went into the Barnes & Noble. I fell asleep for two hours. Then I woke up and stole Naomi Klein's The Shock Doctrine.

And I didn't go back for another year. But then I went to Edinburgh. Here's when I decided I wanted to get serious into jiu-jitsu. I went to Edinburgh, and I used to do a thing where if I would get booed offstage, which happened often. You're about to do it now because I have no fucking idea where you're going. I just wanted a timeline of when you went from geek to sober. Your first tattoo. Your audience

turns fast. What happened? You guys liked me five minutes ago. I'm about to call an audible and fucking throw fucking Hennigan and shit. We were faking it. I'm about to bring in fucking Kreischer and Murphy to fucking try to save this.

Wait. Like the fucking Dodgers couldn't do in the late innings. Oh, no. Murphy's a Dodgers fan. So, anyway. Part of this conversation is interesting, right? Yeah. All right.

Here. Jamie, answer the question. Oh, yeah. So, I got booed offstage so bad in Edinburgh. Go ahead. I got booed offstage so bad in Edinburgh because I tried to, like, I did an abortion joke. Everyone started booing. And I used to do this thing where if they would boo, I would just do my set again from the beginning.

And they booed me so badly that the security guard said I've never actually feared for someone's safety. I've had that in Edinburgh, but it's in the book coming up. Pre-order my book. Amazon.com. In Edinburgh at the Tron. Was it at the Tron? No, it was at the Gilded Balloon. I didn't have to fear for my own safety

because I was out of the room, but Scott Capero, it's a long story. Well, I said it to the security guard trying to be tough. I was like, I could have handled it. I've been booed before, and he was like, I've never heard a crowd shout such specific

threats that i knew they were gonna act on it and so then i just started training again so it wasn't even like a like okay what happened first i have five beats sober mixed martial artist, tattoos, feminist, vegan. Okay, tattoos. Tattoos happen first, then mixed martial arts, then vegan. That's a good way to commit. All right, let me look like a badass and then I have to fulfill it. I'm going to tell everyone I quit smoking so that if they see I'm smoking, they know I'm a failure. Yeah, and then they can't make fun of me for being vegan because they know I can fight. And then after that, yeah, comics, our audience just like slowly got more. I still can't see you as a fighter.

We talked about this today after we were at breakfast. Yeah. And I'm so fucking shaky in the morning and during the day. And I'm just getting the breakfast buffet at the hotel, and he comes in just all peppy. Hey, how's everyone doing?

I'm like, ah, fuck, I can't. I'm going to act like I forgot bacon, and I kept going back to the bar, because I can't fucking talk to you. Did you notice halfway through I stopped talking? Because I was just like, oh, he does not like this. I can't do it in the morning. Save it for the podcast.

So you got sober last? Well, yeah, I got sober last because I was really depressed and I was suicidal in New York. And I just thought it was the drinking. And I was like, well, I'll quit drinking. And then all this shit that happened, like all the divorce, all that stuff happened when I was sober. Wait, divorce? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so I'm jumping ahead.

Hang on. Stay with us, people. This is good. The feminism. Are you guys sure you don't want another solid 15 minutes about my MMA training? They were so mad. They're like, is he going to do it? No, they're not. They're being polite. Very specific. But wait so mad. They're like, is he going to do it?

No, they're not. They're being polite. Very specific. But wait a minute. I remember the first time I met you at Doug's gig June or July 2010, Highline Ballroom.

You weren't drinking then. Oh, you stole one of my bits and you still swear you didn't. I swear you didn't. The insane part is that you literally never let me middle for you I got seven minutes every time I worked for you

and you thought in one of those minutes I'm going to steal one of your jokes no I mean it was a shitty joke there's one bit I did on an old album actually the only comic that I've stolen from openly is Matt

Becker who's still here tonight, hopefully, for your birthday. Happy birthday, Matt Becker. He fell out of comedy. He does comedy when he wants to, but he had some of the best jokes ever. He's really good on a podcast called Near the Wild, by the way. Yes, Near the Wild podcast.

When I found a joke that would fit in perfectly to a bit I was working on I'd go hey Becker I stole your I blew a speaker in my car joke I stole from Becker that's some of but this was about

the difference between the word midget and the word nigger and it's an easy topic and a million people. Wait hold on you think saying the word nigger is an easy topic? I don't know if I would steal that from you. Well, they say the N word now. Okay. Well, I wish I didn't just say that word then.

Point being, it means the same thing. Those people aren't listening to you anymore. There's zero logic in saying. Those people aren't listening to you anymore. There's zero logic in saying... But he had like one beat of that. I've never seen... I don't even remember the bit back. Do you remember the bit I stole from you for that whole chunk?

It's about midgets nailing crosses in on the side of the road with hoods on or some shit. I don't know. Point being is it's an easy topic. Using midgets say that that word is like the N word. Yeah. And a million comics. Artie Lang did that bit a different way, but now that the public have become the comedy police for us.

Yes, Jesus. Someone so-and-so is doing your bit. They're stealing from you. Dude, when they try to, like, at you into wars with other comics, it's just, it's a fucking nightmare. But they don't know, they don't know the difference, a premise.

So-and-so talked about porn. They're stealing your bit. Every comic talks about porn. Stop, let us do the police. But it was, I i think the mensia versus rogan thing that started that where everyone wants part of the war but they don't know the business they just shut the fuck up we know when someone's stealing it's a small community yeah we were talking about that earlier when people like try to have your back on the internet and you're just

like like when you do it it's funny and then your fans are like i got this and you're like oh that's hate speech that is straight up hate speech mine are the worst and this is where we're getting into this is where we have to move it along but that's a good segue when you were on this is where you started to hang yourself if you're playing hangman in your career, the first block that gets filled in is you going on Joe Rogan defending a heckler over Dan Tosh. That's it.

But on that podcast, Dan Tosh, if you don't know the story, Dan Tosh had a heckler that said something about... She said, like, rape's not fun. I'm going to make it succinct. He says, what do you guys want to talk about? Someone says rape. He goes, oh yeah, that'd be funny

to talk about rape. And then he details all the bad things. Oh, what would be funny about that? The shame and the fucking self-hatred and the fucking suicidal things and thinking it's your own fault. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, what would be funny about that? The shame and the fucking self-hatred and the fucking suicidal things and thinking it's your own fault. Blah, blah, blah. And yeah, what would be funny about that? And a lady not getting the joke yells out, there's nothing funny about rape.

And he's just detailed that for you, gal. And he said, wouldn't it be funny if five guys come down and rape her right now? This sets off a shit storm. Oh, it is funny. Which is hilarious. I see this now. I see the reaction. It's far less funny in an angry blog post, but with a room full of people laughing.

I get it. What wasn't funny is she goes out and writes a big blog that gets picked up by one of these douchebag, leaky fucking gossip Jezebel kind of fucking places. And everyone picks it up. They love scandal. No one would give a fuck. Well, I never even heard the part about him talking about like the suicide and the shame. Irish women are too ugly to rape. Which is in the book.

That's what we did. We actually coerced that. That's how you do it. Coerced may not be the right word for this bit. No, we coerced the press that you got, that you didn't know how to handle. He created Hennigan. The Scotsman created that press for us. When you have a big wave, you can either ride it or let it crush you.

Now, guess what you chose, Jamie? Oh, okay. Jamie Kilstein goes on Rogan's podcast in the heat of what we as comedians think is big news. But it's only really big news if you're a comedian. Because this is not even really considered an art form like it's no slam poetry would be the biggest comic right now in as far as comics if you ask three neighbors and one of them knew louis ck they are thinking of a different guy they are thinking of a different guy.

General, but we're so insular in comedy. We think we're a fucking big deal. No one knows us. Well, yeah, and so I went on Rogan's show, but here's the thing, even the way you set that up, I didn't know we were going to talk about that because I became, mean the thing with you know social media everyone hated your guts well i didn't know because by that point i had already sort of like felt like i like failed at comedy i had my niche audience right like i had these like progressive people who like

listened to me um and listened to the show and supported the show and i was like making a living for the first time and so like i thought i could talk about the Tosh thing. And I was like, that's just what we're supposed to do, right? Like we get offended at things. I have to back up. For the listeners, at this point, you're already ensconced in a marriage. We skipped over this, and it's important. You got into a marriage with a feminist. Was she a comedian too?

Or was she a comedian wife? She was a feminist. Was she a comedian, too? Or was she a comedian wife? She was a journalist. All right. She didn't do stand-up. No, no, no. Oh, thank God. Yeah. No, no, no.

I thought, you know when there's someone that isn't funny, but they're married to someone who gets work, and then they get work, and then you go, yay. I guess you have to put her on stage because the relation his wife is a feminist they start a podcast citizen radio it was called and jamie somewhere between the tattoos the sit-ups the crunches the kettlebells uh the fucking veganism and the sobriety he became became a feminist too. Because what man in here hasn't done dumb shit to impress a woman? He's got this big arm. We're feminists.

I'm a male feminist podcast. So when Dan Tosh makes this news for saying this girl should be raped, he defends the heckler over the comic. Well, yeah. So two things. So one, the turn from Citizen Radio from a comedy show into like ultra left was really, really slow. So it started off it with the first name of it was called like drunken politics it was filthy like there are probably like there there

there's plenty of audio of us saying things that would be uh offensive nowadays and as we kept going the show kind of got uh more and more political and and i i'm a fucking i dropped out of high school i always i feel stupid i was to ask you that because, hang on, the podcast, you became political in a hard left way, and you had Noam Chomsky on. You had Nader on. You had all these people, and I wanted to ask you how much, because that's where you kind of made your bones, isn't it?

Hardcore left-wing feminist dude. Yeah, yeah. How much of the shit that you talk about do you know what the fuck you're talking about? Because I get invited to, I'll drop my pants first. I get invited to all these libertarian conventions and podcasts and we want to talk to you just specific things about hey what you said about aa i have a documentary about aa will you come on my podcast and talk everything almost everything i've ever done as a bit that's as much as I know. I will get surface knowledge of, I believe in the opinion,

but I don't want to be an expert in it. I have to turn it over and have new opinions the next year. Yeah. No, I was the same way. When they were like, follow-up question, I was like, who likes dick jokes? I don't. I didn't know.

That's what I would do. I don't know shit. I didn't know. That's what I would do. I don't know shit. I didn't know anything. There were so many. Like, I'd interviewed Noam Chomsky, and I was like, this East Timor fella sounds like a bad guy. And they're like, that's a place. Like, I didn't know. But I was so happy to finally be the smart guy.

I was so happy to be on, like I went on like MSNBC and like, cause for the longest time I just felt so fucking dumb. Like I just like, like ever since like dropping out, I just constantly felt stupid. And when I hung around those progressive journalists, I felt like I was just the joke monkey guy. And I was like, this is my chance to be smart.

Literally every day on Citizen Radio, they would have to, she would pause it and have to be like, you're not allowed to say this. Like I couldn't say things. I just kept fucking up. The whole time it was me either saying offensive things or fucking up, and it slowly crept into this kind of like where we're at now with this sort of like overly PC. I didn't even catch on to the creep because when you're in it and when you're on facebook and when you're sort of like you know it becomes like this huge echo chamber i remember the moment i was like oh i don't know if citizen radio is good the moment that happened was i got an email i was uh i was

like defending trans people but i called this transphobic guy an idiot and i got an email that was like while i appreciate you defending the trans community, the word idiot is ableist. And I wanted to be like, oh, you're fucking retarded. You're a giant retarded person. Hang on. This is when all this shit went down. Oh, wait. No, we're not even to that.

Well, so the Rogan thing. So I did not get quick. Yes. We got to get fucking Murphy and Kreischer in here. I didn't go. I didn't go on Rogan's to talk about that. Well, so the Rogan thing, so I did not... Let's make it quick. Yeah, so we gotta get fucking Murphy and Kreischer in here. I didn't go on Rogan's to talk about that. Why were you booked onto Rogan's? So I was booked onto Rogan's because I did Rogan's show

a couple years before, and it was great. We talked about drugs. I'll tell you why he was on Rogan's show. Somebody, please. Rogan does so many hours of podcasting a week that there's not even that many comedians. Yeah, that is the answer. It's a comedian churn.

Yeah, so running through. You think there's too many comedians? No, there's too much Rogan. More than this. Yeah, so I just wrote him, And I was like I'm in town Because the first time it was great And I was like I'm going to cut you short

Because you go on Rogan So here's what people don't know So I got the shit kicked out of me You can wait until I tell you Tell them how you got the shit kicked out of you And then defend it succinctly. Yeah. You go on.

The Tosh thing came out. You defended openly on Twitter the heckler. I don't want to rehash it. You can go back and listen to that episode of Rogan. Or not. Or start around the – yeah. I had to cut – it's a three-hour fucking episode. I had to cut it to the hour and ten to prep for this.

I don't prep for these fucking podcasts. I put a lot of goddamn work into this one. I had to sit there and be yelled at by him for three hours. And you deserved it. Yes, yeah. First of all, I'll just cut out this guy that you tried to fucking start a fight with. That's pointless. You just went back and forth.

You literally said the same argument back and forth to each other about 70 times. Well, no, you're wrong for this. And you go, but I defend rape. It's rape culture. But no, it's not rape culture. And Rogan was right. And you were wrong. And you went back and forth and said the exact same sentences about 70

times for an hour and 10 minutes. He got better fucking jabs and you were getting fucking beat to shit. But in comedy I'm watching it right now. It's still going. When you ever take the tact of and I'm careful not to step on my own bits I'm doing now, currently, I don't want to fucking waste them on you fucking idiots.

Oh, I'm sorry, did I say idiot? That's ableist. when you ever take a heckler's side on any level publicly over a comic who's just riffing in the moment again i'm not gonna go repeat the whole rogan thing he did it way better than i could yeah you made a lot of enemies well that point in comedy yeah and at that well that was the thing when you asked when we were talking about doing the podcast and we were talking about like if I was going to apologize and I was like, look, man, like I wasn't a predator. I was in like these like consensual relationships. And you were like, no, no, no, no. We haven't got to that. No, no, no.

But you were like, I don't think you're a predator. We mean apologize for being like a fucking douchebag. And like the thing was I didn't – when I went on Rogan's show, yeah, I didn't even know. I was at the point where I was just sort of retweeting the things that I thought needed to be retweeted. And so when I went on Rogan's show, I didn't think the Tosh thing was going to go up. I asked him to go on the show, and then I got very high with him before, and suddenly I had Joe Rogan yelling at me, would you rather be raped or murdered?

And I was like, well, this is a pickle. I didn't think I got myself into that. That's hard to answer? When I watched this. Would you rather be raped or murdered? Raped! I mean, I feel like. You get to live if you.

I feel like. Jesus fucking Christ, that's dumb. Whatever I did to lead to the question, would you rather be raped or murdered, was probably bad. I want to know the decisions I made to get to that question. And so I'm just high. I didn't smoke pot in years. I was sober.

By the way, you know I don't smoke pot well. And when I try, it fails worse every time. And I've smoked his weed. You have to. It's Joe. You want to smoke with him. On his podcast. And I said the wrong thing.

Dude, I think that should be. A lot. That is an anti. That is like the best anti-drug commercial is just have me with Joe Rogan being like, this is great. I love podcasting. And then five minutes later, I'm high out of my mind. And Joe is screaming, would you rather be raped or murdered?

And then it's just be like, don't do drugs. I'd be like, all right. Well, I'm not going to do our anti-drug commercial. She'd be like, don't do drugs. I'd be like, all right. Well, I'm not going to do our anti-drug commercial just because it fits in on a DVD we don't even sell because of fucking Yoko Hicks, fucking Kevin Booth. Go between. That's why Alex Jones was on the show.

There's the footage of me and Matt Becker on Mushrooms after I just fucked an Alaskan hooker in a whorehouse 30 minutes of us. That's in the book too. We put it as a... Alright, let's just fuck this. Brook Lennon never been in a better

position to sell Brook Lennen sheets than right now after a several uh whiskey splashy cokes a xanax and a need to go to bed at 805 at night like an old man go to bed at 8.05 at night like an old man. Because when you have good sheets, you sleep well. You sleep like a champion. And when you wake up after the Xanax has already coursed through your system and you have your eye mask on, we should get an eye mask we should have a bundle pack of the sheets the eye mask and xanax if we could get xanax and eye masks as a sponsor yeah

air conditioning get a little bit freezing even though it's still 80 degrees during the you're supposed it's supposed to be cooler when you go to sleep. I mean, it's better for your sleep. Yeah, until you wake up naked and you've peed yourself and then have to run to the bathroom to throw up. And you know what? Brooklynlyn and sheets are so good

you'll throw up in the bed rather than get out of the sweet sweet comfort you spend a third of your life in your sheets doug are you sure they're taking care of you the way they should be it always rang of bullshit you spend a third of your life in bed when you were a kid and i was sleeping in a car i sleep anywhere yeah well now i'm not a kid anymore and i can barely sleep with the fear of the short future i have left but I sleep like a baby when I have good sheets and Brooklyn and sheets are good sheets. They make you want to stay in bed and that's where you should be because the future is daunting and it's outside your door. It's not in your bed in your bed is the safest place to be. So Brooklyn and sheets, you know what what if you're only spending a third of your day in bed

you're fucking up you should spend at least half to five eighths of your day in bed how do we get a bundle pack of Xanax, eye masks, Brooklyn and sheets, and a movie package? Let's just say that. Or a movie package. There's a lot out there. Yeah, whatever. Whatever streaming service you signed up for for your last special that went fucking debunk. Well, you know, even before... Debunk is the wrong word.

It's a new America. You can make up words. It's a new... Fake news. Doug, the beauty of it is right now you're going to save 25% if you just get a bundle rather than buying the pieces separately.

Plus, you know why you only have three pillowcases? Because I stole one. I wanted to try the sheets, but we put them on your place over at the Quiet House. And the Luxe Hardcore Sheet Bundle, which you got, is a flat sheet, a fitted sheet, a duvet cover. Nice. I don't know what that is. It's the feathery thing. But then you get two pillowcases plus two extra pillowcases.

And that's when I typed one from you. And now at least one of my ears knows what it's like. pillowcases plus two extra pillowcases and that's when i i typed one from you and uh now i uh my at least one of my ears knows what it's like so you robbed tracy of you can buy good sheets at a discount reasonable price from brooklinen and it ships it right to your house i don't know why anything other than i'm about to eat swordfish before I fall asleep. That is something I would not buy online. Swordfish. Other than that, pretty much anything I use, they drop it at my door. Uh-uh, UPS, uh-uh, FedEx, uh-uh, post office.

Oh, I bought a lot of dumb shit. Well, this is not dumb shit. This is something that you will spend most of your one third of your life in bed. And the last eight to 15 days after you're dead, before the people that you have shunned in life stop looking for you. Whatever happened to doug stanhope i haven't seen him at safeway he's usually there three times a day someone should do a safety check knock on his door welfare check yeah he's been in the most comfortable sheets in the world for 15 days decomposing with a smile on his face. Smiling.

Maggots still working their way through the eye mask. Netflix still on. Netflix still cranking through some 80-episode thing. I'm going to binge watch it, he said as he took his last annex. But you know why Brooklinen can offer such great deals? It's because they've cut out the unnecessary markups and the manufacturing waste. In fact, Doug, Brooklinen is so

confident that you'll love your new sheets that they offer a risk-free 60-night satisfaction guarantee and a lifetime warranty on all of their sheets and comforters. Lifetime, Doug! Not just your lifetime. Everyone. There's no reason not to give these sheets a try no reason in order to offer in order to offer exquisite i can't ah

remember that podcast where me and bingo tried to uh read our books without fucking up yeah don't don't you dare cut that your fuck ups out, it's exquisite designs and exceptional savings across their collection. That's two X's in a row. I know. It's exquisite, exclusive, ex-queen. Exceptional. Hey, this is luxury bedding underpriced. You have to try these sheets.

Brooklinen.com has an exclusive offer for just my listeners. Get $20 off and free shipping when you use promo code Stanhope at Brooklinen.com. If you can't figure out how to spell it, just start Googling it and quit. That was a, see how I ripped off a Hedberg joke and made it timely? The only way to get $20 off and free shipping is to use promo code Stanhope at brooklinen.com. Or you can just not use the promo code because you are rich and you want to rub it in the little man's face that you don't even need 20. No, you want to use...

No, we want the credit. I know, I'm being sarcastic. You don't know how this works. Everybody wants $20 off. That's the point. And the only way you can do it is use promo code Stanhope. That's the only way.

If you had Mr. Brooklinen's daughter with a switchblade at her throat and saying, I want $20 off or the bad, bad thing's going to happen. He's going to go, what's the promo code? That's Brooklinen, B-R-O-O-K, grab a pen, B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N. I can see where a lot of my listeners wouldn't know what linen is. You mean the shit we put over the stains on the mattress?

Yeah, it's called linen. You'll sleep better. You'll call it on the nod. We'll call it sleep brooklinen.com promo code stanhope brooklinen these are the best sheets ever all right let's just fuck this let's get burke kreischer and morgan murphy out here you sit here What do you got? Hannigan's sitting in here the whole time.

I think he's making notes like he's about to blow us. There we go. Morgan Murphy. Kreischer, wherever you like. Hi, guys. Hi, Morgan. Kreischer probably. How Kreischer just sat through an hour and fuck.

Yay. Kreischer. Sober Kreischer. Love that dude. Oh, it's over October, bro. Sitting through the sober. There's no way he sat through that sober. No idea how fucking frustrating that was. Yeah.

Now, let me just step in. I've been listening to this podcast, and I want this to go good for a guy like myself who listened to you on Rogan and then listened to your entire podcast with Allison the day after. That was the fucking podcast that was like... That's when it went off the rails. Oh. Yeah. That's, and then...

Explain it to the people who are here and listening at home. Or are you sure you guys wouldn't like to hear more about mixed martial arts? So this was, by the way, this is also the time I got into beef with comics. Because I don't think any of us realized the outreach podcasting had. So you would go on, you'd do something, you'd be like, fuck, that was fucked up. And then he went on with Allison. And I think called Red Banner Rapist. Called Joe a rape sympathizer,

like said all the trigger words. And that was the wrong two guys to do that to at the time. And that is now. Now you could do it as much as you want for Red Band. You'd call him a rapist. No, he's a lovely man. I love. But and that was I remember listening to that.

And then I heard that Anonymous took away your website. He's a lovely man. I love... And that was... I remember listening to that, and then I heard that Anonymous took away your website. Someone hacked my Twitter and just wrote rape all over it. Someone hacked my Twitter once and just went... Someone... They said... I put up... Hey, I'll hack anyone's Twitter account. Who do you want? And someone said your account, and they hacked it, and they wrote dumb shit, I'll hack anyone's Twitter account. Who do you want?

And someone said, your account, and they hacked it, and they wrote dumb shit, and they're just tweeting each other. They didn't do anything damaging. All my tweets were just like. Proving they could do it. Yeah, no, my tweets were like, I like rape. And then the bio was just like, rape, rape, rape, rape. And then he wrote me, and he was like.

I would have followed that account. I didn't even follow you, but I would have followed that account. Not only did you not follow me, you unfollowed me. I unfollowed you. What did I say? What did I say? You messaged and I said,

I still follow your wife. Yeah, you were like, I get it. I thought she wrote some smart articles. Let's... I don't want to rehash the Rogan thing. This is what ruined Jamie Kilstein's career and that's why he's here. Can I say part of what ruined it? And I just want to be very honest with you?

This is a nightmare. No, no, no. No, no, it's good. We have to tell him how it was ruined, and then you can tell us why. Okay, you go, and then I'll go. I forgot. What happened is because Jamie Kilstein took an anti-comedian stance, comics turned on him, and then all he had left was feminists.

A reliable lot. As long as your wife's on your side. Let's not blame feminists for the fall. No, no, I'm saying all he had left. They were still with him. Yeah, let's just say women. You can't trust women.

Leave them alone, they fuck the pool guy. You can't trust women. Leave them alone. They fuck the pool guy. If you've learned anything from the last... I can trust women. Tracy, I need a drink. If you've learned anything from the last 11 months of our country, it's that you can't trust women. I think that's the...

No one... By the way, I'm going to say this. This is the same shit I got at the End of the World podcast. Your people don't like, you know, criticizing men. Yeah, can you stop? Your people don't like it. Yeah, we're men. I don't like it at all.

I'm just saying there's an air of if you are feminist, if you are remotely left, if you are critical of sort of this sort of misogynistic, you know. Where is the funny in criticizing men? I mean, I think that there's a part of my book where I go, it's like lawyers, you can't make fun of them because they have all the power. Sure. But now they're funny

because they don't get... Lawyers don't go, no, that's not funny! Right, but what's funny now is they don't get to have all the power, so you get to start digging in. I'm just saying that I feel like I'm very middle of the road, but I've never gotten more shit than from the fans of my friends, which is very bizarre

to me. It is bizarre. For defending women in any situation. It is bizarre because we love you and anything you say, I think I really agree with you. I love you too and I know you love me because I've seen your dick without asking for it. That's not even true. By the way, that's why I don't say anything during the sexual harassment

witch hunt. Oh my god. Because I'm like, I don't know what I've done. I'm gonna stay in my cave until this blows over. And this is exactly what happened to Kilstein. When Kilstein hung himself, and it was you defending Daniel Tosh, but then Kilstein went out and did shit lighter than anything I could be accused of, and he Jerry Falwell'd himself. He was such an outspoken, you don't talk about rape and rape jokes lead to rape culture and feminism

and be a dude and always believe what every woman says. And guess what? He's fucking some girls on the side. Yeah. I will give you credit that's not in the article, but I want to stick with the fucking... Chaley, where's the article? I had it.

I left it. It's off to the side. I think the political correct term of what you were doing was putting dick in bitches by the water cooler. He was fucking some girls. To me, it just... I'll say what it sounded like. I'll say what it sounded like from a woman's perspective,

from a woman who wasn't cool in school and all that kind of shit. What it sounded like to me, and you can correct me, and I would come out here immediately and go, I'm not even fucking doing this podcast. What it sounded like to me was you were a guy who for the first time had a little bit of pussy lingering around, and you were like, oh, this chick likes me. Oh, I'll make a move. And it's not within my relationship. To me, that's what it sounded like. For the first time, you had someone who went, oh, this is a famous person. This is a fan.

This is a cool guy. I'm going to make the most of this. Tell me if I'm wrong. You can tell me if I'm wrong. Famous is a strong word. To her. To her. Let me start with just a few details. Famous is subjective.

To her, you were. Let me start with a few details. Someone just yelled, fuck the Dodgers, by the way, in case you want to know where your fans' minds are at. They're trying to derail the podcast. Don't allow it. The fact that they've been this polite is awesome. All right.

The podcast had been on for, what, 10 years or something? Was it eight years or something? Yeah, it was a while. Many years. And you and your partner, since you're both feminists, I say partner, gender neutral. All of a sudden, out of the blue,

Kilstein gets dumped from the podcast and his uh wife this is what the jezebel and every other fucking jerk off fucking gossip site copied about jamie's uh departure from citizen radio radio i should have had you read this. You're sucking this up. Recently, some disturbing allegations have been brought to my attention entailing several women who have accused Jamie of being manipulative, emotionally abusive, and predatory in his behavior. Welcome back, Jamie. Jamie, now they're on your side. In this climate, understand what this means. In this climate.

There have been murmurs of this in the past, but understandably the women wanted to remain anonymous, so I was never able to learn the... I can't fucking read. It was a real murmur's row, if you know what I mean. You guys, the 800 people who weren't here should have laughed at that. That was pretty funny. Yeah, the ones that Jamie Kilstein didn't bring.

That was Tennegan's joke earlier. I was too busy working on my murmur. That's fine, Bert. Thank you. Okay, so if you heard that in the news, with all of the fucking Cosby and fucking Weinstein and all that, if you heard, oh, there's been murmurs of predatory, emotionally abusive, manipulative, you're thinking rape.

And no one reads this much Jezebel to get to the actual accusations. So they just, Jamie Kilstein's a rapist. And a lot of comics, Ha! Because you didn't defend Tosh for a rape joke. They wanted, I said you were the comedy, you and your wife were the comedy team of Shat and Freud. A lot of people loved the fact,

but then no one did read it, and when I read through it, because when all this shit went down, the internet in comedy circles is blowing up, and everyone's kind of happy. He got shit on. in comedy circles is blowing up and everyone's kind of happy he got on even i like you but i was happy yeah because you were so preachy on your dumb feminist show but i still both times both times when you were got done with Rogan and he tore you apart

and you were getting shit on I texted you I remembered when you were a cuddly tool in my bed in Baltimore

I texted you a nice thing weather the storm I'll say this and this I do you know I'm trying to be careful because that article

is full I'm going to get to the meat full of shit but I will say this and this is like semi-cheesy, but the only – I was telling Bert backstage. The only people – and I was – my girlfriend was out of town at the time. I was like, she's going to break up with me.

Everything was going – when all this stuff was breaking, I was Googling ways to kill myself. Side note, if you Google how to kill yourself, the first site that comes up, it's like, here's how you kill yourself. And you click it, and it's a lie. It says, like, don't kill yourself. You have a lot to live for. And you get Rickrolled in, like, your fucking time of need.

And it's garbage. It's fucking bullshit. I just needed to know how to tie a fucking knot right, and I couldn't do that. So then I was like, oh, I'm going to be the guy who's like... You had to join the Boy Scouts to try to make a noose? You had to look up how to kill yourself? I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts. I don't know why you got to look up how to kill yourself. How to kill yourself isn't

like, oh, what's the name of that actor that I fucking... I know I remember how to kill myself, but I didn't quite... Which Wahlberg was it? No, I just wrote the most painless ways to do it. Easily, you should have just done your act into the mirror, and you would have bored yourself to death. I just died.

I love you. You know I love you. I love you so much. I love you. I love you I love you so much I love you I love you that's an excessive I'm trying to get a fucking joke in here

love if you try more than three times that's God saying don't even bother but this is I have a can I ask a question

yeah yeah yeah can I ask a quick question oh wait well real quick so you did but you did that podcast you said and you smoked pot right but you don't smoke pot

but you smoked his pot that wasn't no no I said that no no but he smoked you hadn't smoked in a while this is the thing to me this is i think and i'm going to be very honest with you because i was i was i was no no i was i was fucking hesitant to come out and try to figure out but i think part of your issue is like if someone says you want some pot and they're fucking cooler than you and you want to be like them and you don't smoke that pot that much pot go no i'm good but thank you like that's a part of it too oh is the pandering to people cooler than you yes did you smoke pot tonight

you didn't smoke pot tonight hours ago i smoked a quarter inch out of the tip of a cigarette. Do you remember where I said, all right, we don't have to relive the Rogan thing. We have to move this forward. Right. And you're bringing it back to the Rogan thing where we're already at. Yeah, but I'm trying to get to the root of the issue of why do I have to be the thing that other people seem to like right now at this moment. And that's part of it. Oh, yeah. It's like he didn't need to smoke that fucking pot. that's part of it oh yeah yeah it's like i didn't you he didn't need to smoke that fucking pot that's part of it it's like okay but what we need to focus on is the

rape allegations that we're getting to and then we're gonna make it into the end of the world podcast where we get all fucked up yeah we talk about how he became an inadvertent cosby harvey weinstein of comedy and everyone even comics were behind it where we usually have each other's backs but in his case because of the Daniel Tosh rape jokes are never funny no one had his back

and he was a man alone and I texted him again for the second time and to your point Morgan like I was a fucking asshole like I'm not saying that the pot was why. No, you're going backwards. No. But just to answer.

No, you're an answerer offstage. The pot isn't the reason on Rogan's show that you don't smoke pot. But I didn't say the pot was the reason. I said you agreeing to smoke someone's pot that you don't want to smoke is part of why you are the way you are, which is fine. I'm just going to get a fucking regular audience member to take my place we got to get to a place I know where we can go

off the charts I'm going to put you in the right place so that article comes out Allison puts out that tweet and I wouldn't say that comics my group of comics were excited that this was happening to you. But we definitely got into a very big chat thread going, oh, fuck.

He is in the water by himself with a fucking meat necklace and there's sharks around. And for the second time, the first time, the Rogan podcast, I texted him. Everyone's fucking blowing you up and hating on you. Weather the storm. Everyone's fucking blowing you up and hating on you. Weather the storm. And after this, where it sounded like not only were you thrown off your own podcast by your wife, but it sounded like she dumped you at the same time because most people didn't know when all of this. Oh, we're separated forever.

Allegations. They had an open relationship and or were separated after where he's fucking three women who came out and said, hey, fuck me, never called again. Basically, I'll read their quotes. I won't let you get into their personal shit. Two of them I did not. I didn't. All right. Well, I'll read it.

No. So I texted you again saying, hey, it's weird when the mob turns against you when we're the ones that invited the mob to begin with as a career. And it took him several months to get back to me. And a couple months ago, he said, hey, thanks for being a guy that actually had my back when all that shit got retarded. He said, I can say that now. All the social justice warriors hate me anyway.

Guys, if you got accused of being a predator, you can say retarded. It's good times. Was it cathartic being called a predator? No, like, well, this is what I was going to say that's kind of like, and you know, Doug Show is the place to be earnest. What I was going to say

before is that, and I was telling you this backstage, the only people who texted me to see if I was okay, like my girlfriend, my girlfriend gets home and I think she's going to. When he says his girlfriend, that's how separated he was from his wife. Oh, I talked about it on the show. That he had a girlfriend he talked about openly in front of his wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. happened that he had a girlfriend he talked about openly in front of his wife.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were that, but they make it sound like he's Jezebel. These cocksuckers. I have been fucked over by these fucking TMZ-ish fucking news site bullshit gossip

so many times. They literally put bounties on people's heads and say, if you have information, give it our way. We're ready to take. I think they love big game hunting. By the way, the reason I was talking about the shit I was talking about is that from everything I've read, from everything I've heard, I'm not a person who's going to come out and say, Jamie Kilson is a sexual predator. I haven't seen nor read proof.

Can I use that as a blurb? Absolutely. You can put it on your posters but i was i was trying to come out and speak from things that i know that's the only reason that i've gotten to shit that you felt like had been sort of dredged up before but it's there is something to be said about i agree with that yeah but this is the thing is that you agree with that no but you're judging Jamie. That's just his feminism. When did you get your sleeves? When did you become a vegan?

When did you become an MMA person? To me, it parallels, it completely aligns with the idea of, I want Joe Rogan to like me, so I'm going to smoke his pot. Like, I had a party Saturday. All my cool friends said, you want cocaine? I said, I don't do cocaine. It's very easy to say, I don't smoke that pot. But when you want someone to desperately like you, you'd fucking dig into their shit.

That's a note that we went too long. I knew it would go too long. I wanted to ask you, is your image calculated? How much of your image did you calculate? I'll be a feminist. This girl's a feminist and she'll fuck me. It was honestly, it was more pathetic than that let me drop my pants first

we talked about this too when I first started getting compared to Bill Hicks I didn't try to be Bill Hicks but I guarantee you part of my head was going oh they say I'm the next Bill Hicks. I should be more socially relevant. And, yeah, that does fuck with you. So how much were you guided by finding a niche?

It wasn't even trying to find a niche. It was that I would just cross off the groups who didn't like me. Like I would show up to a group, and then they would not not like me anymore and I would go next group, I guess, and then they would not like me and I would go slam poetry, I guess. Pretty much like grammar school. Became a feminist by process of elimination. And there had to be something somewhat intoxicating

with righteousness. Yeah, well, that's the thing. Oh, I know that. If I became like... And alcohol. No,, that's the thing. I know that. If I became like – And alcohol. No, but that's true. That's so true where if I became an alt-right comic, I think that would be part of me knowing I was selling out comedians. Like if I was just like, hey, that Kill the Jews closer is a little rough.

Like I would have figured it out before. Like I still believe at its core it's like sexism is bad. Racism is bad. Homophobia is bad. Like that shit's easy. I just didn't notice that creep. And it was the first time that I had fans. And it was the first time that I was being called smart.

And it was the first time that, you know, even though I felt dumb around these journalists, that I felt like I had like friends. And I never felt like I broke in that much of comedy. But what happened is you became so preachy. Yes. That everything that he was preaching against women. Don't ever say don't ever blame the woman. The woman's always right in a rape case. Well, dude, case don't question that

then it fucked you because all these that seems like a good thing on the surface it seems like believe women who dude I had this moment where I literally spent a fucking year being like hashtag believe all women and then I read that fucking article and I wanted to be like hashtag don't believe women and like it's just like

some cunts let me get some quotes let me get some quotes and this is all anti-Kilstein obviously he's a feminist and look what he did but when you get into the minutiae for years Kilstein was a prime example of how a good progressive man should act but multiple women have recently come forward with stories about being singled out by the popular comedian they had long admired. Popular's not right.

Who say he exploited his status and feminist principles to make sexual advances towards them. I would love to hear that. to make sexual advances towards them. We see the obvious problems with popular... I remember the first time I was someone, I did a college and they introduced me as a male feminist and I was like, they were like, this next comedian's a male feminist. And I was like, that sounds like I'm a rapist.

Like, that sounds like I drive around in like a male feminist van. Like, hey, who likes Andi DeFranco and equal pay? Like, it's just sounds so gross. You got your beat. First of all, there's so much of this that is fucked up.

Here's the problem with the progressives is they eat their own. And they did it with David Cross. David Cross' chick comes out and stands up for women and then the progressives turn on themselves and they go. He said ching chong ding dong. Yeah. By the way.

If there's an Asian in here, ching chong ding dong, you fucking call me out. The problem is, hang on, I'm going to grandstand. The problem is not anything he did. Everything about what we're going to go through is how he set himself up. He Jerry Falwell'd himself. He grandstanded for a side that once, oh, you're trying to get pussy? That's not feminist, and that's all this is. And you lost jobs for being a fucking rapist

because someone saw, ooh, hideous allegations. You must be a rapist like Cosby. I don't read the whole Jezebel article. Go ahead. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, that's the thing with headlines. I'm getting angry now. Go ahead.

No, that's the thing with headlines where if you read the article, and by the way, I read the article for the first time two days ago because I'm like, I wasn't going to read it when I was suicidal. I the article for the first time two days ago, like, because I'm like, I wasn't going to read it when I was like, so I read it for the first the first time. And I have to understand that, Jamie, as this shit went down, he disappeared for that since February off the grid. Oh, yeah.

Off social media. I have a day job. I'm off social media. There's no shows. His grand return. He should have done this the next fucking day. Yeah. At this mall club. But really, Doug, what else

would have gotten him on this show? Being on the show the next day. There's a lot of comics right now going, if I could just rape a couple feminists. Yeah, I could get on the Orpheum on... Take a flight to Tucson.

The all things comedy. Morpheum on... Take a flight to Tucson. The all things comedy. You guys want to read along? I don't give a fuck about the time. It's a podcast. If people leave, it's still a podcast. Jezebel talked to three women

with stories how Kilstein allegedly used his feminism and popularity to make sexual advances on them. Guys, that's not a good move. Every guy I've ever been with has used his popularity to make sexual advances on me. That's what we do. Even the unpopular ones. Oh, my God.

I remember making out with some guy in London. And then I fucking got the cab, and he was sort of a celebrity type, so I got in the car, and I had no minutes left, and I used all my fucking time, probably $90 every 30 seconds, to go, guess who just kissed me? Like, he used his power to kiss me,

and I was excited, but the problem is, is like, we don't fucking, we don't dissect the details. Nobody reads into shit. I think most men are in power of fucking shit, and they're using it to touch boobs and stuff, and a lot of ladies are like, touch my boobs so I can get into fucking TV, and that's fine.

The rest of them are trying to get power so they can touch boobs. Yeah, it's... Every decision I've ever made is about getting pussy. But it's a much more complicated subject than headlines need to be. When have you ever gotten laid where there wasn't manipulation that you're getting accused of? He manipulated me.

I did it last night with my wife. What pussy is that easy? Yeah, I go, you have no idea how many people are going to be at my show in Phoenix. If you want me to fuck another chick, that's cool, or you can blow me tonight. And she was like, okay. I use it every time I get laid. Now, she knows I wouldn't cheat on her, but she definitely

knows that someone's hurting and he needs a blowjob. Yeah, I think you gotta you have to dissect. You have to dissect the issue. Like, has Jamie Kilstein made me uncomfortable? Yes, but not sexually. Do you know what I mean? Like, you have to break it down. Yeah, it's the way he oversells his bits and tries to force too many words.

No, it's his album covers, Doug. Him standing in the middle of the street with a guitar on. What the fuck? Was that Allison's idea? You should sue her for rape. She raped you artistically. Fuck. I saw that album cover and go, what do you do now?

You were like, that picture could not have been consensual. He woke up with his pants around his ankles and a guitar in his chest with some film next to him. He's like, what happened yesterday? All right, I'm going to just try to make these succinct. The first allegation is one woman requested anonymity, met the comedian, and was later to invite. Oh, you hired her as your only staff member on the podcast. So this is a girl who licks envelopes twice a week. Slowly.

Slowly. One more, Jamie. On a webcam. Totally asking for it. Is this commission or is it by the hour? Is it by the envelope or the hour? How come we're sending another letter to Transylvania? Do you know how many stamps that is?

Yeah, yeah, it's 22. Start right now. Let me just finish one allegation. I had a one-line joke, which is the lady going, Jamie, why are these envelopes so long? Because she wanted her to lick them the whole time. I was going to tell a fucking joke. Go ahead.

And the humidity changes when I sit in the stool. I've got to do it on my knee. Jamie Kilson can learn something by this podcast, which is I'm okay being disliked by you and your fans. That's what you have to learn is you've got to go, I don't want that pot. I don't care if everybody hates me. When I came out and I showed the crowd

all the notes and the beats how I was gonna beat out like measure the story and I go it will never work it's cause I know

that you're gonna fucking talk over all of it and bring it back oh yeah I brought it down no you the whole panel

the whole panel it's not just you you think when I say the collective you you think it's panel. It's not just you. When I say the collective you, you think it's you. I'm sorry. That's you. You're right. It was at a peak when I got out here and I drug it down. Can I just get one allegation out?

Yeah, go ahead. A girl who met you, you hired her as your only employee, and she says that one night on a train, she went to a gig, and you fucked her. And then you had a two-year affair. Yeah. She goes, we made it sexual, and then I tried to break it off, but he was my boss, and then I tried to break it off, but he was my boss, and then they stayed together for another fucking year after he left his wife completely.

Anyway, she says, where is it? God damn it. But he's my boss. I have to talk to him every day. I have to answer his emails. I have to convince people to pay him to talk on stage. This is a woman who's saying he used his power as my boss, then continued the affair for a year after she was not employed anymore.

What did you pay her? Do you remember what you paid her? To lick a long envelope? No. Did you have a lot of fucking extra cash? That's what I'm dying to know. I want to know exactly how many downloads you were getting per episode. I wanted to know that too.

Just give us an exact number. I know you the number. I know you know the number. It's not your podcast anymore. Give us an exact number of what Citizen Radio is getting. This is just for me and Doug because we know what our numbers are. I don't. It wasn't many.

I don't know how you find out how the numbers are. Yeah, it was five days a week, and it was under 10,000. Oh, shit, five days a week. But it was five days a week, yeah. Yeah, five days a week is different than once a week. You've got to come up with a lot of bullshit to talk five days a week. Oh, a lot of, yeah, it was just me, like, nodding a lot. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing.

It's, I was trying to communicate with Murph. What, what do we got, Chaley? Me? No, no, no. Oh, you're asking me? No, Chaley's giving me, like, we have a time issue. Is this a fucking union joint or anything? Oh, no, I was looking at, yeah, I know one eye looks one way, the other, it's not going to get better.

No, Murphy, I was going to. Oh, thanks. Perfect. Go ahead. Go where you're going. Bert needs another Reese's peanut butter cup. Chaley, if there's more vodka, I'll have more vodka, please. needs another Reese's peanut butter cup. I'm just joking. Chaley, if there's more vodka,

I'll have more vodka, please. Oh, you have to do a set tonight, too. At like midnight. You have your whole new comeback. I haven't written material this good. Yeah, 11.45. You can do it, by the way. And I say this as a person who's obviously come out here and been mildly critical

like you can do it you just have to generate the material and not expect that like the time where you came out and you said oh I had this buzz and it fucking went away it went away because you didn't do more to make it sustain and that's the thing is like I feel like so many people think oh the first

fucking minute that I have the buzz where I get a show where I get a thing, that's done. The hard work is done. And it's not. That's why I fucking chose to write and not do the road forever. It's because I was like, I don't want to work that fucking hard and go on the road and live alone. Have you ever had a moment in your career or yours where you go, oh, this could fuck me. Like I could be seriously damaged yeah by yes what was yours mine was i

was super young i was i was i was very uh lucky to have been given some work very young as a writer i mean 22 23 whatever 21 and and uh and i and i was dating a guy it was all everything fucking comes back to sex i was dating a guy i thought i all, everything fucking comes back to sex. I was dating a guy. I thought I was in love with him. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Somebody started dating him immediately after me who told me to leave him. And then they were in the same circle

as a very big person who had the control over my life. And I called their sibling a cunt. And it was fucking all, it was because of a guy that I was jealous. It was so stupid but for a year i was like i threw my life away my career away because i my heart was broken and then

someone i know was dating this guy so i started calling everybody a cunt and then i fucking destroyed my career it didn't happen but i thought i did that because i reacted uh you know very impulsively. Bert? Oh, I've had a number of them. We're not counting early open mic. I get fired from this open mic because I said a bad word in the bachelorette party. I went on Rogan's podcast after I found out Jay Moore told the Tracy Morgan story on a special. That's who I shit on when I did weed on Rogan's podcast after I found out Jay Moore told the Tracy Morgan story on a special. That's who I shit on when I did weed on Rogan's podcast.

It's kind of a cunt. I woke up the next morning and I felt like a traitor because I hadn't kept company line. I was like, you're not supposed to talk about people stealing. You fucking ratted out someone that you shouldn't have ratted out. You should have just kept your mouth shut and been a soldier and i and then i i was really fucked up over it and i was like and now and then every one of jay's friends just went after me fans went after me and tried to destroy me and they're like you should have fucking you should have kept your mouth shut you gave that story i was like i didn't give him the story and i really fucking and then jay sent me a text that was like probably the meanest text I've ever,

about I'll never have a friend again. But don't you always go after the person who's stealing? No, no, no. But I'm asking him, don't you always go after who's stealing? No, no, no. I've been stolen from twice. Yeah. Once by one of the biggest comics in the country right now.

And I won't ever. I won't ever rat them out. It's in the book. There's a side to it. But I'm not. I've absolved him, but I still fucking jab him. But I don't go after him anymore because I don't want the headache. I'm a better comic than everyone that's stolen from me, and I'll just write more stuff.

But the problem is waking up in the morning. Point for Chad to just take off your shirt. Just rip off his shirt and kill a beer. Still cry shit. I also love the fact that I was so scared to do this, and you're talking about these kind of bullshit accusations against me, and suddenly everyone was like, let's talk about the real problem, joke thievery.

By the way, hold on one second. Let me jump in real quick there uh and this is no i don't mean to make light of sexual assault no but there is something very akin to coming out and saying someone stole a joke to you to going to the police and saying i've been raped because you would rather not deal with the fucking headache of everyone saying wait what did you do and and then and i telling you, as someone who's been stolen from at least five times by friends,

I shut my fucking mouth because I don't want to deal with the fucking headache. And I empathize with any woman who doesn't want to come forward after a sexual assault. Morgan Murphy's got a fucking strong point of note. I saw the look on your face. No, because lately, how do you think it feels?

You think it feels bad to be accused of stealing a joke from another dude. There has been like a Gloria Steinem quote going around that she now says she didn't write about how she witches that abortions were as hard to get as guns and etc. or whatever. It's a bit I've been doing for

fucking five years. I did it on Stan Hope's special. I read this special. I know that people from Planned Parenthood like four or five years ago asked me to do it online, like all this shit. And I read this quote and I'm like, oh, she owns this joke. And then she goes, oh, I didn't write it. I just took it from the internet. And I'm like,

oh, okay. Like, it is, it really is a... Let me ask you, what's worse? Because I've had... But you can't fight Gloria Steinem. I love Gloria Steinem. I've had both happen with memes where they put some fucking picture or your picture.

What's worse? Your quote, your joke that you're proud of being attributed to someone else. I've had my jokes like Louis C.K. said. And they're like, this is your jokes like Louis C.K. said. This is your bit. Louis C.K.'s not making the meme. Would you rather your great joke be attributed to someone else

or someone, which I get even more of, attributing a shit joke that you never said to you? That's why I did that video. Which would you rather? But that's why I did that video. Which would you rather? But that's why I did that video, fucking 10, whatever, when the Mencia thing came out. That was so fucking funny. I made a video because I thought it was funny that people were even accusing him

of stealing that joke. Like I made a video. Right, but people came out and said, oh, Mencia stole my joke. I thought it was a bad joke that they stole. So my, and god bless ari shafir who i think i made out with when i was 18 i love him and uh we started together ari and i like i fucking love ari but like i was like that's a bad joke why would you ever come out and say

i wrote that joke too i'd be like i let him have it right so that was my theory so i came out and i made a video this was 12 years ago by the way, I'm just at this point, if you're bored, I'm just getting in the mood. Right. So I know you've got shit to do. I'm just going to go until the fucking people that run the place say yeah. But it's a tremendous sign of confidence to in the middle of of a sentence, for someone else to go to the audience. If you're bored, you can... No, I'm interested.

My point is, too much of my head is we're doing it live. Right. And I'm at the stand-up. Get out of your own head, Doug. Have a nice time. Now I'm back to just us. Yeah. And now it's really intimate.

It's intimate. Because I don't like you anymore. Just kidding. No, but there is a funny angle that I've never heard comedians angrier than when someone is accused of A, sexual assault, or

B, joke thief. And that's it. That's what comedians get mad at. When he was accused of this, which I will eventually... Can I just quickly run through the accusations? Yes. Please do. Because that's all that's on my list.

Sure. Then I scheduled chaos for the end. Okay. What's number one? I'm going to help you, Doug. The girl that worked for you, licking envelopes, said he was in a committed relationship, which you weren't, but we're not going to get into. Just if this whole story was accurate, you're still completely absolved. Sorry about that.

They never accuse you of anything, yet they stage it in a he's a Bill Cosby way. He fucked me and I tried to break it off with him, but he was my boss, so I kept fucking him for another year after they fired me. Another woman... Wait, you fucked her after she got fired? The second woman said...

No, I want to get to know the detail. I forgot that detail. Oh yeah, they had an affair. It was a relationship. A relationship. And then, and I think this is the thing you wanted to say. Let me just get,

let me get the three things out that I can throw all this shit away. Because it sounds like you raped her for a year and a half, but go ahead.

Okay. We'll do it like the dating game. Yeah. Listen to my accusations and you say, girl number one, girl number two Girl number two

If I sent you a flirtatious Twitter message how would you respond Can I pee while you read the article You have a lady bladder He made a stop Between Tucson and here You said you were fine with it He said okay we stop in Cassie Grand

I'm a little knock-kneed. And here's another thing he does that you can't see. He is a feminist because a lot of times when he's arguing back here, which you can't see, he does this, holding his hip like this. He'll do that sitting down. Do you think he's going to make himself hold his dick while he pees? What, while he's sitting? He didn't force himself to hold it. He'll at least make himself hold his dick while he pees. Oh. What? While he's sitting?

He didn't force himself to hold it. He'll at least make himself watch. I sit to pee, by the way. I fucking, it's my favorite thing. Do you sit to pee, Bert? Yeah, I know you sit to pee. You know I sit to pee. I've seen you sit to pee.

I love to sit to pee. I just fucking take my time. I don't burn out my prostate. Okay. All right. Ready? Let me beat these out. That's the first girl that worked for him.

Then another girl got flirtatious tweets from him. She tweeted him and then she was starstruck when he tweeted her back. But when he was flirtatious, she mentioned her boyfriend. And then he says says the quote is but if he hurts you your rebound is now lined up so she had to draw a line that you're going too far there is nothing that is more painful than when you joke, flirt at a lady

and she's like, you're not fucking me. And you're like, I don't, would never. That's allegation number two. He was too flirtatious and then the third one some chick he fucked in a hotel

this is the best we also didn't have sex you didn't have sex with her? nope did you try? no he said did your dick go in any part of her body that went in Did you try? No. We, uh... He said I...

Did your dick go in any part of her body that went in? Hang on, let me just get to the fucking part! I'm sorry for asking the question! Well, you don't know the story. I'm just, I can make these succinct. He went, she went to a show in Nashville. She offered to show us a band. You're in a band?

I don't even want to get into that bullshit. Actually, I do. Because that's actually the most important point. It's next. I'll get quick with this. She offered to show the band a good vegan restaurant, but Kilstein wanted to hang out with her alone. This is like the worst fanfic I've ever heard in my life.

Essentially, he charmed me back to his hotel that night. I chose to go. and then she alludes to the fact that she fucked him and she said later on on his feminist podcast with his wife he allegedly said and even jezebel had to fucking put an asterisk months later julie heard kilstein refer to women he'd slept with on his tour as road fucks on a podcast Jezebel

was not able to find this episode containing the quote how can you write that as a journalist as someone her words as someone who listens religiously I knew exactly I knew that he was speaking about me. First of all, a feminist podcast, you probably never said road fucks ever.

You meant it. Probably didn't say it. No, I didn't say road fuck next to like my wife on the feminist podcast. say road fuck next to like my wife on the feminist podcast like yeah we weren't talking about like all these like uh we wouldn't be like hashtag me too also i got some pussy in nashville last night like that's fucking insane and the fact that you can report that and then write asterisks we couldn't find it because that's not journalism because what journalism is right now is just fucking writing an article where you just copy and paste a bunch of fucking tweets. And that is journalism.

But that is the most important before we let this is why I shouldn't be drinking. You need a drink. No, I have a very full fifth one. This is the most important part of the fucking hanging lynching of Jamie Kilstein because the Harvey Weinstein said the fucking Bill Cosby's yeah there's evidence to back it up they're presenting evidence that in their own evidence says nothing other than yeah he fucked girls. Or tried to. This is the worst. Guilty.

This is the worst. Don Giovanni Records, and fucking write that down as though anyone knows them, which released Kilstein's political punk band's album. We don't want to know his music. We've heard his comedy. The headshot speaks for itself. That's what I was talking about.

Don Giovanni Records, which released Kilstein's album, also severed tires with the performer. We believe all of the women involved and were able to come to a swift and easy decision without having to hear Jamie's side of the story or anyone else's. Witch hunt. That's exactly the problem.

Everything about Me Too, everything about you defending fucking women is good, but when it gets to a place where you can't believe another... We don't need to hear the other side of the story. We just believe you're a fucking... By the way... You had a disturbing allegation. Fuck him!

The person who named Don Giovanni Records got into the business to fuck soft chicks. You don't name it Don Giovanni. I bet his name is Don Giovanni Records, got into the business to fuck soft chicks. You don't name it Don Giovanni. I bet his name is Don Giovanni. He's like, yeah, I bring her in here, I finger fuck her, I give her a deal. Bingo, Bingaman, hang on, hang on. There are incoming... What, what?

Okay, there's incoming allegations that Jamie Kilstein was sexually inappropriate with Bingo on the drive from Tucson. She said that when you read a passage out of her book out loud and said that it was a really funny... She said you said it in a lecherous tone that led her to believe she was unsafe in the backseat. Let's do this beat. We're just getting weird. But I want to, you have a girlfriend that you mentioned. Yeah, I have a girlfriend.

Diana, let's bring Diana out. Oh, this is really happening? Yeah, this is really happening. Yeah, this is really happening. No, no, no. Stay there. Whose lap do I get to sit in? Who's going to get you the farthest in the business? That guy.

Can I say what Diana said to me? Diana was with you during this. You already had a girlfriend when you were a fucking rapist. While he had a wife. Yeah, Diana was with me. We were together. We've been together for like a year now.

When all this happened, she was out of town visiting her family. When I was Googling suicide methods, I assumed she was going to break up with me when all this stuff happened. The first thing she said, and this is like, I want to say this publicly about how much of a badass she is. When I was like, oh, this stuff's being said about me, blah, blah, blah. Like, you're going to want to break up with me. There was a pause and she just goes, well, I wish you were more predatory towards me.

And I was like, I'm going to marry her. Did he use his power in the business to make you go along with these stories? Were you coerced into being here? I am against my will, but that's besides the point. Yeah. No, but Doug, I have to tell you, like, Jamie, he has a leer that I've never seen before. Like, it's quite... I thought it was the stare of a dullard.

No, seriously, when he looks at me from across the room, it's like I get chills, and I don't know if they're fair chills or, like, animated connections. Stare at Dullard. Well, I say Dullard in the old-fashioned sense, like a retard, not like a person who's uninteresting. Retards are very interesting. Sorry, if Dullard offended anybody, he meant retard. Oh, I wish I had had that word in my act right now.

Dullard. I've just been calling my kids idiots. A simpleton. They're dullards. So good. They're two dullards. God, come on. You can't do shit.

Your kids are great. I'd fuck either one of them. Yep. Yep. One day, they're going to hear this, and then they're going to look at the date and go, well, I was fucking 13 then. Oh, they're 13. Forget it.

I'm sorry. Time flies. Too old. That's my girl. Old Jamie would have just gotten triggered. old Jamie would have just gotten triggered did you were you when you met Jamie

when you fucked him the first time was it because of his star power no I never heard of him my friend was a fan of his wait hold on I don't know if you guys heard that she just said I never heard repeat it I never heard of him. My friend was a fan of his. Wait, hold on. I don't know if you guys heard that. She just said, I've never heard.

Yeah, please. Repeat it. I've talked over you. I've never heard of him. We met on a blind date, and she never heard of me. She was a huge comedy fan, and she never heard of me. I have the opposite of power. Huge comedy fan.

For real? Yeah, for real. Chad Shank never heard of you. No. Nobody fucking had to. Until this fucking shit came out. He only heard of you because you were accused of what, if you only read the fucking opening headline,

you'd go, oh, Jamie Kilstein is a rapist, never heard of him. It sounds like I was literally accused of assault. I was walking around, and Diana was, I was walking around with a hoodie and sunglasses, and it was after, it was like the day after Casey Affleck won an Oscar, but then I was also like, well, I can watch Manchester by the Sea now, now that I've been accused of this,

and that's great. But I was literally walking around like I was a fucking rapist. And yeah, Diana was one of the... Diana was more of a comedy fan than I was. Diana was such a huge comedy fan. She knew Chris D'Elia? She knew...

Because I just... That guy said hi to me once. No, she knew everybody. He was a huge comedy fan. She knew Chris D'Elia? She knew... Because I just... That guy said hi to me once. No, she knew everybody. He's a weird tall guy. Isn't that a Justin Bieber guy? He's a tall, good-looking guy that I assume sucked because he's good-looking. She was very sad about CISO.

That's how big a comedy fan she was. You know what? I almost subscribed to CISO, so don't mess around. She literally... I love comics so much that I stopped saying my favorite because every time I declared a favorite comic, they would die. So first it was Mitch, and then it was Greg, and then it was Patrice,

and I was like, I'm not declaring any more favorite comics because I don't want them to die anymore. This is ridiculous. Well, you know what? Nobody said Ralphie. My next favorite comic is Doug. But he was a nice guy. If you look at the all RIP Ralphie May tweets, they talk about what a great guy he was.

By the way, thank you for talking about Mike DiStefano so much. He was a fucking dear friend in New York. I heard a good Mike DiStefano story about you and some female comic who fucking trashed him. What happened? I don't know. I won't talk to you about it at all. I don't know why I'm doing this. Wait, did she evade?

I don't care. I've never done anything in my life that I don't care about being mentioned publicly. No, no, no. Some female comic trashed Mike DiStefano, and you went up and set her straight. Someone was telling me. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll tell you all fair. Sounds like me.

Go ahead. I hope it didn't sound like I was trashing Mike DiStefano. No, no, no, no. I love Mike. Mike was a dear friend in New York. One of the, like, we all have, hey, let's do that. Because we always do, when I do Kreischer and he does me, sounded wrong,

we always do the top three comedians you'd want to have on tour, the top three comedy biographies. How about we'll all do this. Top joke that you wish you wrote that you heard from. And we'll give it a minute. But Mike DiStefano, this is not my top one, but he opened his CD

by going, I'm not that kind of comedian. You don't boo me, I boo you. Which was the best opening. Of course, I'm not giving it proper content.

Fuck you! He was a great He don't lie, by the way. Jamie Kennedy wants... That is the worst accusation that's been thrown at me tonight. I was going to threaten him with 15 minutes of your act,

but I made it worse by saying Jamie Kennedy. Wait, you're not Jamie Kennedy? Oh, no. All right, I'm going to leave. Does anyone want to host my podcast? What was it? Oh, jokes you wish you had written. Yeah, I was going to let you marinate on that.

Were we in a thing? Are we done with this? Is he exonerated yet? Not yet, not yet. And I'll tell you why. I think you have to do the rounds of podcasts with comics that I think that it's... Because I know it's cathartic for me when I see you, and I never had beef with you.

I've always liked you. But there is – there was the part where you'd see the two sides of you, and then I think that is what frustrated comics. Well, and I'll say that Doug said that to me when I was debating if I was going to do that, do the show. Doug was like, you just got to figure out who you are. And it ended up being this really, heady thing where like i was a comic and then i felt like i failed as quickly yeah quickly you you said uh do you think that i could ever get back into this again yeah and i go well if you work it right steve ran as easy good example yeah steve ran as easy if you don't know, he was a comic who lied about being in 9-11 and then

kind of promoted it over. He got stuck in a lie and he's done. It's basically a Trump story where you go, oh, he's fucked. I can grab all the pussy in the world. There's no way he could ever move forward. He did. I'm not saying steve ran steve ran as easy had enough clout as a comedian he never said uh and he owned it and he took it on the chin and he allowed people to make jokes about him and he was like yeah yeah yeah yeah i fucked up big time and i'm and i'm gonna stand here with my heels in the sand and i'm gonna keep doing what i love to do i think you need to do that i would love to hear a podcast with you a metzger so i know you went after Metzger

and I know you guys have patched it up. No, we've become friends now, yeah, and we're going to do the podcast after this one. I'd love to hear you with Joe and Red Band again. I would love to, yeah. Just don't get high. I'm not going to smoke pot. Nope, nope, I want you to get high.

Was that my girlfriend? That was me. Just don't do anything you don't want to do. Well, and that's what Doug said, where it's like... No, it's true. Slash me your beaver under the table. Absolutely not it's true. Flash me your beaver under the table. And this was... Absolutely not, Doug.

Flash me your beaver under the table. This was... This was a business. By the way, those... Can I make a parallel here? Yeah. Because I don't think

any of this is bad. I think that the girls who... Whatever. Handled your hand, kissed you, fucked you, whatever they did

because they thought you were cool. Wait, there was somebody before me? No, they did the same thing you did with Rogan. They smoked pot they'd never been given before. They were like, oh, I shouldn't have done this. And then they wrote a fucking article about it. Like, just fucking don't do things you don't want to do.

To everybody. I'm saying that to everybody. I'm saying that to fucking... By the way, I'm going to get so much... Like, don't fuck Harvey Weinstein to get a movie. I'm going to get a monster of shit for this. That's exactly right. I'm going to get a fucking pile of shit for this.

When I was like, I'm going to say 19, 20 years old, and he will vouch for this. I told Patton Oswalt, who was an incredible mentor, has always been incredibly kind to me, has also done, like, just, you should do this show, you should do that show. I called him and I said, I can't accept meals. I said that. I said, I don't feel comfortable accepting. At the time I was in college, I was starting stand-up. I don't feel comfortable accepting $70 sushi.

Fuck you, Doug. I don't, but, like, say that to somebody. The minute they make you feel uncomfortable, say, hey, I know it might be my thing, and I know you might not even be trying to fuck me, but I don't feel comfortable accepting shit from you right now because I want to make my name as myself. That's what I'm telling fucking everybody. And you know what? And still they would accuse you of fucking him, and he wrote her jokes. Sure, but that's what I was afraid of.

But what's the fucking, that's the thing is that people always, but that's what I was afraid of. But what's the fucking... You'd still get that shit. But anytime somebody says, like, anytime somebody says, I feel like this is how women should behave more, and I'm not saying that you can have your tits out, do whatever you want, but expect someone to fucking look at them,

but I really do believe you have to put your foot down to some extent. I do. And I was a fucking person destroyed on the End of the World podcast for saying that Trump was bad and stuff. I find myself to be a feminist. I find myself to be on the left side of things. I blacked out most of that, but I can't imagine how you get shit on

for saying Trump is bad. My wife was in a coma. I was destroyed. I don't know if you get shit on for saying Trump is bad. My wife was in a coma. I was gacked up on fucking. Look, Doug, we all have our excuses. Manson showed up with drugs like the end of the movie Flight. No, I'm just saying. No one fucking said you're bad for liking Trump. I'm just saying that if I had fucked somebody who had tried to be nice to me early on in my career,

I never would have been like that person fucked me in a know, in a way that was non-consensual. I would have been like, I fucking kind of, I don't know. I put my, I, it's so fucking hard. It's very hard. It's a very hard position. No, it is. It's an incredibly hard position to be in as a woman because I believe 99% of people who are out there saying that someone did something egregious to them.

99% of people who are out there saying that someone did something egregious to them. That being said, I think that at a very young age, people need to realize that men are fucking pigs. I'm sorry. No, they are. I'm sorry.

For stealing a boring Tim Allen bit, go ahead. No. Because I think that... Come on, I gotta... You're doing the preaching and I... I'm just saying that there are ways to say I'm not comfortable with that

and I'm going to get shit for this and I fucking know that and I'm not defending anybody who does anything excessive or egregious or rude even. But I'm not defending anybody who does anything excessive or egregious or rude even. But I'm not defending. I'm just saying that when you get tits, tell people I don't want that. If this was CNN, then you just had your Van Jones allotted amount of time and you have to go to the other screen.

And I'll say that, yes, the lines are being redrawn where egregious is trying to get laid at what point every one of us we do comedy at at the lowest level we were using that to try to get laid we're not exerting our power over someone you use what you got to try to get pussy everyone who's ever gotten laid use something this does not excuse force blocking the door and fucking hopping their leg

right and as somebody who has literally never done one thing to try to get dick because that's how women fucking work I don't I am a little bit i think willing to sympathize i have the one of the closest people in my entire life was almost railroaded for his entire life based on egregious wrong sexual uh assault accusations went through a criminal trial like i'm not saying like I am actually, it's so bizarre to me

because I feel like I'm a feminist. I feel like I am very far left compared to most of my friends. But I'm also somebody who knows what it's like to see a very close friend almost have their life taken away based on incorrect accusations. Like, I will listen to your story and I will give you the time of day. Well, this is, and I talked to Jamie today. I said your problem was you set yourself up to fail like a televangelist where they wanted you to do something wrong to shit on you.

And then they kind of took the most minor thing. I tried to be Ned Stark and I should have just gone for the dickless Theo. Everyone still likes Theo. We're all still kind of like dickless Theo, right? I don't get the reference. Point being, if I did all the shit which I have

done, moreover, that everything he's been accused of, I've done so much worse, but they wouldn't come after me because I'm not a... If you're a fan of mine, you expect inappropriate comments.

You expect... You know what? Sometimes you can grab them by the pussy because you know them. You know... Well, that was... Hang on i can't look no this is this is this is the one this is the story i debated on telling not because of my credibility i don't want her to not get work because she's part of it. I gacked and drunk out of my tit

and her as well, her blow, in a hotel in Portland. Fucking Portland, man. She goes, hey, no, comic, comic friend of mine. She goes, hey, you work in the Cleveland Improv. I want to open for you. And I go, you're going to have to suck my dick. So she starts sucking my dick.

Oh, my God. First floor motel with the the windows drawn motor lodge kind of place first floor is the most offensive part of that yeah bingo walks past

looks down and ah fuck she wants no part of this and then at some point they go you don't suck someone's dick

for Cleveland come on that would be great if she popped up and she goes I grew up there They'd go, you don't suck someone's dick for Cleveland. Come on. That would be great if she popped up and she goes, I grew up there. She would be here to tell the story because the only issue we had the next day was who gets to use this as a bit. And that's how comics work because we live in a different realm I didn't even suck your dick for Boston I mean that was a fucking you actually paid your own way to go to Boston

I think I did I would be flipping through your calendar now that's what I thought you were a stalker I just want to say this before the show ends and this is earnest there's no punchline I was listening to to Bert I didn't read any of the stuff written about me until a couple days ago.

I didn't listen to any podcasts because of the whole Google-y suicide thing. I listened to Bert's podcast with Metzger, and I listened to your show, and it was the first time I started to listen to stuff about comics. Let me real quick tell them who Kurt Metzger is. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kurt Metzger is a guy. There was a guy who was or wasn't raping girls at UCB. That's not Metzger.

That's not Metzger. Hold on. Let me. Yeah. I'm stone sober. I can tell the story. And so he was. And so all these girls started a Facebook page where they were saying, stay away from this guy.

He's a rapist. Whatever. He raped me. He drugged me. Not Kurt. Not Kurt. Not Kurt. And Kurt came out and said, you can't do that.

You can't hold a witch hunt and fucking ruin a guy's life. Go to the police. That's what he said. Then he said a bunch of other stuff. And what happened in this, he said other stuff like, this is why you'll never be as good as us. Whatever he said. And then Jamie.

Well, then it got about comedy. Yeah. That was the thing. It went from rape to him going, yeah. But Kurt's a vocal proponent of against. He's against witch hunts, which I think we all are. But Jamie, I think, kind of went after Kurt at the time. No, no, no.

Right or no? No, I was quiet at that point but I think Metzger went after he like wrote on my Facebook during the Tosh thing he was like no did you turn but during that he you know the guy ended up

it seemed the UCB guy seemed to be guilty and kind of like a scumbag and Metzger's point was the UCB was like we tried him and kind of like a scumbag. And Metzger's point was the UCB was like, we tried him and kicked him out. And I think this guy, I'm not positive, but I think this guy sued UCB.

And if he is indeed a rapist, made a bunch of fucking money. Go back to you and Metzger. We're gearing towards a close, everyone. Go back to you and Metzger. Yeah. So you guys leave them wanting some. meds. Bam, bam, bam. Leave them wanting some.

Alright, well, you guys think of something funny because this is just earnest and drunk, but I will say this. I went back and I listened to your podcast with Metzgerbert and I thought it was going to be trashing me and just calling me a piece of shit. But instead... No, instead

it was just like... I'll do your segues to get you to the point. It was you being sad that I turned on comics and talking about how comics have each other's back. I've heard all of you guys say stuff that defended women. I remember listening to your podcast and listening to you being like, I met Jamie in Amsterdam

and I was just hurt he turned on comics and I was like fuck man I want to apologize to Burt more than I do any of these women you said that to me that you go the worst thing about your now eight month layoff

of hiding from this fucking scandal when you should have gone hey where's Brian Hennigan he could turn this into fucking comedy gold. You miss comics. That's what you told me. The thing I miss most is hanging around with comics. Dude, I hung out.

Me and this guy, Luis Gomez, who has Legion of Skanks, we went out to lunch the other day in Los Angeles, and he said he opened, he made a joke, and he used the word fingering. And I remember going, oh, fingering. Yeah, I felt like I came out of like a comedy coma where I was like, fingering's hilarious. And we just started laughing about the word fingering. And then you texted me the other day when I was like, I'm nervous to come on.

I don't want to sound like a fucking like men's rights activist. And you were like, dude, you're a fucking comic. sound like a fucking like men's rights activist and you were like dude you're a fucking comic uh and that's the thing with comedians is like what i forgot is it's like you can be good like comics are are good broken misfit fucked up people but you're you're honest and you're not projecting uh this false image like i was projecting this false image because i just didn't want to deal with me being a fuck-up so what we do on the left and on the right is you sit on Twitter all fucking day and you try to find someone who fucked up worse than you. And then you try to pile on that person and you go, well, if I get that guy fucking fired,

I feel like a good person. Right. And I would sit there all day and I would just refresh and refresh and shit on someone new. Wake up every morning. Shit on someone new. That's all you would fucking do. Everyone who listens to my podcast, you know my morning rage.

I just try to find someone I can blame my own problems on. Fuck you, Expedia. Fuck you. This. Fuck you because I hate myself. But you know what? You set yourself up as a bad guy and you got shit on on Twitter. We're going to fucking Burt.

He's going to do a set in like an hour. I've got to do a set in an hour? Let's go over to Copper Blues and have a cigarette, and I'll watch you drink. Yeah, that's it. I'm going to make it dirty. I'm going to make you watch me drink. Thank you, guys.

Well, Jamie, I will say on behalf of comics, it's good to have you back. Thank you, man. It's good. My readers. Just make sure when you get home to tweet, saw that rapist Jamie Kilstein. Yeah. Don't do that.

Can you guys write some new articles so I don't look like a rapist if someone fucking Googles me well that's your own fault for not fucking tackling this and don't care about that just don't care about people liking you do your thing well no no it's different when the first three things that come up on Google about

Jamie Kilstein Jezebel sexual indiscretions, and one of them actually calls him a rapist. He almost got fired from a job. Yeah, you should have better fucking PR skills. Chad Shank. Greg Chaley.

Princess Diana, Morgan Murphy, Jamie Kilstein, The Machine, Burt Kreischer. Show them your tits. Show them your tits. I'm using my powers in comedy.

See? I just want to go to Cleveland. Hey, we want to thank All Things Comedy and the inaugural Comedy Fest here Stand Up Live And Outback Productions Thank you so much And thank all of you

For coming out How about Tracy and Bingo Tracy and Bingo Tracy and Bingo Hey there's lots more Going on Later on tonight Jamie's going up

Over at Stand Up Live There's a comedy show There's the entire weekend There's shit going on We'll be in and out of all of it. Call in sick tomorrow with Bert Kreischer. That's the most important one. Call in sick tomorrow.

Crab Feast. One o'clock. Doug loves movies on Saturday. Bill Burr's already sold out. Guys, we fuck. Doug's going to be on that on Saturday night. Thank you. Thank you. Party time Party time

Party time Party time Drink your drinks and eat your eats It's party time Laugh your laughs and eat your eats It's party time Smile your smiles and do your blues It's party time

Dance your dance and glue your blues, it's party time, yeah. Dance your dance and shoe your shoes, it's party time. Howl your howls and suck your socks, it's party time, yeah. Oh baby, crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time. Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time. Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time. Everybody! Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time.

One more! Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time. Here we go Party time Party time Party time Yeah Party time, yeah! Party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, hey!

Party time Hey Party time Yeah Party time