The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #236: The Legend of Cold Cut Kenny, FunHouse Comedy Show & Celebrity Death Pool Update

Episode Date: November 27, 2017

Doug is back in Bisbee and catches up with local news involving Castle Rock Kenny, hosted a Thanksgiving Night comedy show in the FunHouse and gets the low down on Celebrity Death Pool changes for 2018 from Jobi & Mark. FOR A LIMITED TIME you can Pre-Order a SIGNED copy of Doug's NEW book, " This Is Not Fame: A "From What I Re-Memoir"" at - http://bit.ly/2AwBH3y Bingo's book "Let Me Out: A Madhouse Diary" is now available at http://www.bingobingaman.com/ This episode is sponsored by Brooklinen.com - Shop Cyber Monday with Brooklinen’s biggest and only sale of the year. Get up to 20% off everything sitewide and a free gift with purchase. Use promo code “STANHOPE” at Brooklinen.com. Recorded Nov. 25th, 2017 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Cold Cut Kenny (@cstlrckkenny), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. You will never miss out on Stanhope's 2018 Tour Dates if you get on the Mailing List. http://www.dougstanhope.com/ Closing song, “Funeral Party”, by The Mattoid. Available soon on iTunes. LINKS: Comedian Olivia Grace (@LOLOliviaGrace) and Eric J Freedman (@EricJFreedman) are on the road and we think you should go see them. Dates here - http://www.oliviaisfunny.com/shows and http://www.ericjfreedman.com/ Chad Shank Voice Over info at AudioShank.com Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. bitches won't leave me alone. Play the music that I'm going to perform to. I did enough Mike Hoggan the other night. Oh yeah, I heard you were on stage. Yeah. Well, I'll save it. Here we go again. Hey, why don't you have like just a recording, like a small mp3 of the music you want to be your background music? Why don't you travel with it?

Rather than show it up and go, where's my fucking backup band? I didn't even ask for a band the other night. You were a great DJ. We demanded you. Do you think we live in a day and age where you just carry something like that around on your phone? Only a way. There's only a way. Someday.

You were an awesome DJ. Come on. Those beats you put on in the beginning were good. This is the artist formerly known as Castle Rock Kenny. Yo, yo, yo. Formerly? I missed this. What is this? Well, since we've been gone on the road,

some new bar in town, Copper City Saloon. It's where Hot Licks used to be. It's been like five other bars since. It's fucking doomed. Every bar that opens there sucks. And this one's no different. Evidently, this is almost like a theme bar. They make the women wear 1890s corsets and shit.

It's like, what is this, fucking Tombstone? You have a theme bar. Frontierland. And I guess the owner's a douche. But someone stole his meat slicer. And I remember seeing it right before I left in the police beat. And it alluded to, I didn't keep that one. I don't know where it is.

But it alluded to the owner thinks he knows who it is. But he admitted that it would take three people to carry or several people to carry it out. It's so fucking heavy. But the guy somehow thinks Kenny stole it. Yeah. Not only that, but he's on the same, they have a pool league, so they have to play against that bar. Go ahead, Kenny.

Yeah, and it's really, I can't even, I'm like speechless, to tell you the truth. I've been accused of a lot of things, but being a thief is one of those things. It's no. Kenny just looks like a thief. Yeah, I just fit the profile. When I moved to town, if something was missing, I'd think Tranny Danny or Kenny.

And it would always be Tranny Danny. Huggy Bear was never accused of stealing. He just knew who stole everything, or he put his ear to the ground. You're the Bisbee Huggy Bear. They came at you all wrong on this. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. If I wanted a hot meat slicer in Bisbee, I'd ask Kenny.

Well, that's his new nickname now. Hot meat slicer? That's the triple X name. That's the movie he's in. No, Cold Cut Kenny. Oh, nice. Yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah, nice. I was just calling him Meat Slicer Kenny,

and then Bree chimed in with Cold Cut Kenny. I go, yeah, that's it. That's sticking. Cold Cut Kenny. That's funnier. Finally got rid of Castle Rock. Yes. So, yeah, if you come visit Bisbee, avoid Copper City Saloon,

especially after the Yelp reviews come in after this podcast. Yeah. I heard they don't even have sliced meat. Yeah. If you Yelp review, complain about the big block of ham that was in your sandwich. You couldn't cut it up. I do have fresh cold cuts for sale out of the trunk of my car Monday through Friday, 5 a.m. till 6 a.m.

Have a nice day. We're going to get a picture of Kenny in an overcoat holding it open, and on the inside of each flap is just different racks of cold cuts, pimento, loaf. You can also slice cheese. You get a big block of cheese with that. That works really well with cheese. Some pepper jack.

I mean, what we're talking about here, it's an industrial, like a Hobart. Huge. Yeah, this is something that would be behind the counter at a deli market. What a douche. He said he left it outside. I'd like to think even better. With a box and a stick and a string trying to catch the thief? stick and a string trying to catch the thief?

I'd really like to think that if Kenny had a three-man job that needed some lifting of heavy meat slasher, he'd call me. Oh, trust me, I'd be calling Chad Shank. He'd be my number one criminal call. I'm going with him. But no, uh... Kenny is one of four people in town

I would trust alone in my house. It's... It ain't me that it bothers so much. It's my girlfriend that they said is my accomplice. Who manages the Grand, a decent bar in town. They said she stayed the joint out the night before we played pool league there and then came back asking questions the night after pool league, so it seems suspicious.

It's like, wow. This dude is nuts, off his fucking rocker it makes me mad i can just picture him in my head i was just picturing the question didn't you leave a meat slicer in the street last night where'd that meat slicer go is that still free like the couches that you see on the side of the road has he checked craigslist somebody's trying to resell that right now. Somebody thought it was free and picked it up. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it'd be quicker

to peruse Craigslist. I mean, this is the place. Their kitchen is actually outside. They've got a trailer that they cook the barbecue in. So is that where they left it? Out in the patio or something? Apparently it was left out. When you walk out to that patio area from inside,

there's a little back door type screen door thing. Apparently it was directly across from that. Yeah. And in a little cubby hole area. Was it heavy? Dude. Did it have wheels? It was only me and Willie there, man.

If you think about it, that's 200 pounds trying to carry a 400-pound meat slicer. Oh, armless Willie? Yeah, he wasn't helping you. He carry a 400-pound meat slicer. Oh, Armless Willie? Yeah, he wasn't helping you. He knows the weight of the meat slicer. I have worked in two delis in my life. Quit talking. Well, you always have your rap career, Kenny. Hey, wait a minute.

I got you. Can you edit that? So Thanksgiving, I'm done with the road. Thank you, all those places I played. I have vague memories of a few of them. Nice. You finished up in, was it D.C.? D.C.

Yeah, you left us in San Francisco and finished up. And then you went on a fucking bender. Well, you were already on a bender. It started in Seattle. Yeah, it was a good one. Then two nights in San Francisco. Then you went to L.A. with the Bretchels. Drove.

And when I say drove, you know it was Brad Erickson who drove, and the girls slept in the back the whole way. But it was good. And then, yeah, I spent the weekend at the Comedy Store. And then the Comedy Store came to us for Thanksgiving. I wasn't going to do shit for Thanksgiving. Bingo's over. She's recording her audio book, just finishing up now.

At Sarah Highlander with a Y, H-Y-L-A-N-D-E-R, at Sarah with an H, Highlander with a Y. She was on the, we did a podcast with her last year, and we also did, she was part of the book, the audio book stuff with P-Waite. Yep, so they're finishing up. That'll be out, the audio version, mid-January, beginning of January.

Stay tuned. In the meantime, get the hard copy. It's called Let Me Out by Amy Bingaman. Mine's coming out, This Is Not Fame. It comes out December 5th. I'll be on Rogan that day. I don't know what else I'll be doing. Bingo's book you can get at bingobingoman.com.

And Doug's book you can get at, well, you can get at Barnes & Noble. You can get them both at Amazon. But you can get signed copies of Doug's book for a limited time only at dougstanhope.com. And, yes, it's overpriced because we pay the same price as you. You have to have it shipped here. Then I sign it. Then we have to reship it to you. And if it's worth it, if you need need the autograph then you fucking pay the extra money because we're not

making a bunch of bank off of that you'll hear about all that in the commercial that's going to run a little bit all right good coming up we have mark and joey from uh stanhope celebrity death pool a new year coming with some big changes. In the meantime, Chad Shank was in the... This is fucking... Chad was telling me where he was going for Thanksgiving. Because I wasn't going to do anything. I was just going to sit here alone and watch

football. Bingo's busy at the other house. I'm going to sit here. Neighbor Dave texts me. You doing anything for Thanksgiving? Just watching football you're welcome to come over he's across the street okay because floyd and i were thinking and then floyd calls and says is it okay if i bring someone and then neighbor dave says is it okay if i bring jet lazy because i know brad and kelly are going to be coming in they don't have

anything and then it just builds and i go i guess we're having thanksgiving and uh it turned out to be a fucking brilliant one chad could not come because he was with 18 generations of family i accidentally i i explained to stanhope that i had to take my my oldest son has kids that are two and three so i havekids. So I was taking them with me to go to Thanksgiving to my grandma's house, and Stan was like, Who he says is the only family that you really cherish are your grandparents. Yeah, yeah. Is that out in the globe?

It's in globe, yeah, about four hours from there. And I start doing the math. Stan was like, that's a great, great grandparents. In the same room. Yeah. Like your great, great grandparents are the people who built the foundation for that church from 1804. You're not supposed to know your great, great grandparents. They knew Ben Franklin.

I mean, that's, yeah. Great, great grandparents. I chalked it up to being from a long line of rednecks and procreates early. But I accidentally retold that story at the Thanksgiving festival in front of my grandma, not thinking it was inappropriate at the time and then realizing afterwards when she didn't laugh

that that was probably not appropriate. My great-great-grandfather built this just now. It's a model airplane. The gist of the story was that they should be dead already, and I told it at Thanksgiving. Amen. I didn't even know my... Both grandfathers of mine died in the 50s or something.

In their 50s, in the 50s. I don't think I've ever heard you even talk about your grandparents. No, Grandma's dead money was in the book. Did you read his first book? You don't think his grandparents just disowned that little fucker right away? Don't bring that little son of a bitch over here. Well, I mean, I've been to his house when we've gone out there in Worcester,

and I knew your mom, obviously, but I never met your dad. Yeah, I was like 12 when the last one died. Wow. Yes, that's pretty young. I knew my great-grandfather. That's as far as I knew. Let's get to let's get to

Thanksgiving night where Olivia Grace who's a hilarious comic follow her on Twitter she's at LOL Olivia Grace

fucking hilarious on Twitter never saw her act she came with Eric Friedman was the other comic they're on tour now follow her

and find the tour dates they're probably done with Texas but they're heading all the way through the Midwest. Tour dates are at OliviaIsFunny.com and at EricJFreedman.com F-R-E-E-D-M-A-N So they stop

and they're on tour. They're passing through. Stop for the night. And of course after several drinks, we go, oh, we should do a show. Oh, we don't want to. It doesn't seem right. And as soon as I said it, Chaley's already dismantling the stage and setting up the mic, getting it hot.

And they're just looking at each other, cringing that they're going to have to do this. And I thought, oh, well, if Kenny opens the show rapping, everyone's going to think, oh, well, I can do better than that. It's a good appetizer. So I call Kenny, you're late. You were supposed to be on stage 30 minutes ago.

What? Yeah, well, okay, I'll be there. Give me 30 minutes at the most. Let me wrap up this ham. Yeah. Okay, I'll be there. Give me 30 minutes at the most. Let me wrap up this ham. Yeah. Got to clean the slicer. So cold cut takes the stage and gives it the old college try. Yeah.

I don't even want to know if you can call it that much of a try at that point. I was a little nervous, but it worked out. Well, I had given you an Adderall. Well, yeah, and that Adderall was just peaking at that point. I was zooming. I know. That's when you should be at. Sounds like everything is lined up perfectly.

Well, no, the first round was a little shaky, but then when I got up after the comics went up, I feel as if I did a little bit better. That's just my opinion. Well, the comics did go up and fucking killed. Olivia Grace is so fucking funny. We do have the best audience ever here. Every time we've done comedy. But Olivia Grace

fucking earned it. She was hilarious. Fabian was good too. I've never seen him. I've met him six years ago, five years ago, I think, think in uh anchorage oh that was very funny because he used to be a tour manager for sublime still is sublime with rome still is and when he's off he tours uh comedy and you know he we had some great stories and we were talking and then i took some pictures of him on stage and olivia and i go, hey, we're going to tweet this out.

Give me your phone number. He goes, give it to me. He calls your phone with his phone. And then he looks at his phone, and he goes, oh, fuck, you're already in here. Oh, shit. It said Greg Production when I was up at Chilkoots. He was part of production when I booked Sublime with Rome

up at Chilko at Charlie's back in 2011, I think. Wow. But he was funny. Good tour. I mean, that's a good one. They're both solid and they're both fucking, they can hang. It was a good hang.

I met Olivia when we were, you guys took me to the comedy store and she's, I've been following her on Twitter. She's hilarious. She's dark as fuck. I like her. She was there for the End of the Tour. End of the World podcast. End of the World podcast.

And Hennigan was certain we needed females up there to the fucking ire of Joe Rogan. I go, I think it was probably me that said that. I was out of sorts. I probably said that we should have a bit of Joe Rogan. I go, I think it was probably me that said that. I was out of sorts. I probably said that we should have a bit of a mixed panel. But he was forcing the issue, and she said he came up to her, I need more females, and then he looked at her because she looks very boyish, and he went, no.

You might remember her if you... In retrospect, that was a huge mistake. You might remember her. She was on the roast battle, and it was... I can't remember which one it was. If it was the one up in Montreal or it was the one down in L.A., but she went on with a cast or in a wheelchair. Oh, that's right, yeah.

Yeah, that's her. But she's shaved her head now, so she looks a little different. Yeah, I called her Olivia Duquesne. It devolved into karaoke. I was up till five in the morning with Olivia.

Eric napped it off because they had to drive 600 miles to Lubbock the next day. The next day they were at Lubbock, yeah. So around 3.30, she's like, fuck it. I'm not going to go to bed. I'll just stay up. So then I had to stay up with her, which was fine. I felt bad for her,

but not that bad. I get to sleep all day. How was your thing? Oh, remember I told you that I was already dreading it. I had to drive four hours to go on stage. How was your thing? Oh, remember I told you that I was already dreading it. I had to drive four hours to go do, you know, like three hours of Thanksgiving and then drive home four hours.

So I stuck to that plan really well. And as I'm heading home, the sun's starting to set. And the new Jeep that I bought for Jenny a couple years back, that little display pops up. Your left taillight is out. Your left brake light is out. Your left reverse light is out. Just everything.

Your car had a stroke? Yeah. It's even worse than that. It had some sort of an embolism. I thought it was a stroke I could have fixed. So I pull over, and i'm like i gotta figure out how to fix this fucking it's a fuse is what i figured it was fuse or a bulb uh i had a new vehicle i had a youtube fucking things to figure out just even find it probably figure out how to locate it it's all

the most ridiculous stupid shit that you could imagine. But everything seems all right, but it still doesn't work, and I can't drive home. So now I have to go and get a last-minute Thanksgiving night hotel room in Globe. I told you I should have listened to you. Yeah, because Stan Hope offered to get, because when I told him, I've got to drive down there and I have to drive back. And he goes's... Because Stanhope offered to get... Because when I told him, I got to drive down there and I have to drive back. And he goes, I'll get you a fucking room.

I go, I didn't even want to tell you that I had to drive down there and back. Because I knew you'd offer to fucking get me a motel room. And that's not your fucking responsibility. It's Globe. It's not real pricey. It's not fucking $125. It's not pricey to me. If you would let me do it, I could have found a deal.

So... Yeah, you don't want to be driving around. There's no way. I couldn't. I would have been pulled over. So I thought, well, I'll just get a room in the morning. I'll fix it and then go home. In the morning, I spent like four hours researching how to

everything to find out there's no fuse in the fucking you know there's not a fuse that goes to this system it's like a body module unit the dealership you have to call elon musk directly it's got like a heat shrink wrap around you can't even get to it probably yeah so i so i haul ass back and take a two-and-a-half-hour dirt road to avoid cops. Easier to do during the day, obviously. And to be fair, I wanted to stop and smoke a joint halfway home, but also because I needed to avoid cops. But then the sun fucking ended up setting.

Between Tombstone and home i'm driving and somebody flashes their lights and it's just getting dark and somebody double flashes their lights and i go fuck there it is and come up sure enough there's a cop on the side of the road pulls out behind me pulls me over i know exactly why you pulled me over, sir. And I explained it to him, the whole fucking thing that happened. And he goes, oh, you're right. He goes, that's why I pulled you over. He goes, well, you knew it as soon as I turned my lights on, didn't you?

And I go, I knew it as soon as I saw you sitting on the side of the road. I didn't want to tell him I knew it as soon as the guy flashed me behind him. But, um. Which is not illegal, by the way. No, oncoming traffic flashing saying, hey, there's a cop. We just passed a cop. It's a very courteous thing to do. Yeah, I didn't know if it was illegal or not.

It seems shady. If they're pissed off, they'll find something wrong. Listen, I did everything right. I pulled out my military ID before I pulled out my driver's license. And then while looking for my insurance, I'm like, it's the one that's USAA. Just look for the one that says USAA.

You don't have the app. I have USAA too. They're all veterans. It's easy to do. It's fucking such an easy manipulative thing. He's a real nice guy and he let me go. He's just, go home. Get back to where you got to go. So I had to go to the dealership this morning.

That was last night. I had to go to the dealership this morning to get it fixed. And it was pretty fast. It took them a couple hours, and they had it done right away. And I was not a dick about it completely. I did try to be kind of passive-aggressive that they should cover my fucking motel room and uh just to be a dick because i have to be a dick a little bit but i was surprised that i was nice about it and then uh they it's that tryptophan from the turkey still left yeah you're all done you're set here you go

it was a loose wire what loose wire i tell him because i fucking had to pull the whole thing apart and there was no loose wire well i don't know he didn't tell me this is just a loose wire all right give me my keys back and i leave i make it three quarters of the way home and the fucking thing blink blink blink left tail light is out left blinker is out backup light is out motherfucker so i flip around no more mr nice guy so i call him and tell him i was just there you guys fucking fixed my thing it fucked up i'm on my way back huh all right reminded me of richard christie like he just didn't even fucking care okay I guess so we'll take a look at it

and uh I get back over there and give it back to them they find out it's all burnt up and they have to order new parts and they won't be back till Tuesday won't be until Tuesday and the fucking this I told you it was a boring fucking story but the whole

twist of the thing for me was that the entire time i was completely calm even when i had to go back i was like hey i really appreciate the level of service you guys are giving well because i called them from the side of the road in the morning after i got out of the motel to see you know i'm like hey is it true that there's not a fucking fuse in this thing because i'm fucked i. And the guy was like, hold on. I'm going to ask my technician. And I was on hold for like six minutes. You're eating a possum right now.

Okay. But he came back and they told me. They were like, no, that's a body module unit. So I was thanking him for help because I didn't expect that. But anyways, I guess if there's a fucking end to the story, it was that I was not homicidally fucking angry after all of this. And I really didn't know how to act. I didn't know how to behave or handle it.

Now, had you gotten that ticket on the side of the road, I think this would have been a different Chad walking into the service department. Yeah, the passive-aggressive, you owe me for a motel room would have definitely become an aggressive, you owe me for a ticket, I think. Submachine gun. So, yeah, I told you it was a boring story, but it did have a twist ending. I was not homicidal. So what did they tell you when you get there and now they've burned it out?

Well, that was, again, where you have to, because the other guy won't tell you, they won't tell you what, well, he just fixed it. He just fixed it. What did he do? I don't know. He fixed it. They won't, like, it's a secret.

So then I came around. He can't answer if he doesn't really know. The second time, I just went around and caught the mechanic outside. And lifted him up by his tie. No, he's way more of a diplomat. I told him, it's fucking, I'm really sorry about all the dirt

you're dealing with, you know, on the vehicle, but I had to take a fucking two and a half hour dirt road shortcut to avoid the cops yesterday and right away just, you know, because as a mechanic you don't want fucking dirt all over. It's a pain in the ass. So did they give you a car to use? No, they don't give me a fucking car.

That's why I need a place to sleep tonight is because I don't have a ride home. How did you get here? I got here in my truck but I can't drive home Normally Jenny will come and get me But she can't drive at night Because I don't have any lights in the back end of the jeep Until Tuesday

So they just let you go back on the road And said we'll see you on Tuesday Well he was really rednecky nice about it As he told me how to jiggle the wires To make it come back on Loose wire Is that also your plumber? Jiggle the handle.

And also said, on Tuesday when you bring it back, plan on leaving it with me for a while because something caused all of this, and I have to track down where the shorts are in your system, which I do appreciate. That's fucked. I've heard Jeeps are pieces of shit, like Jaguars are kind of legendary pieces this isn't even a jeep anymore i didn't realize it it's the first year it's a fiat oh god in a

fucking jeep they bought shell yeah they bought it it's a yeah i didn't know that it's got all kinds of we had a jeep tracy had one we parked it at uh coots and then as you do in the winter uh we were just going inside real quick to do something, and with me, it's never really quick. So she leaves the car running. That's what you do in Alaska if you're going to run in and run out. And then a one-legged guy comes in and goes, hey, your Jeep's on fire.

What the fuck? And we go out there, and sure enough, and it had fucking, the fire, we don't know how it started, but the first how it started, but the first thing it did, it was it melted that cable that unleashes or unlatches the hood. So we go out there, and we're like this, and we're trying to get, like, what are you, we can't touch it. And we're all thinking, you know, you see something engine on fire, you're going, how long until this thing explodes? And it was... The fucking... How long was it?

Fire Department gets there and they just fucking, hey, open the hood. I go, we can't. You pull it and the thing comes off and you're just holding this like, you're holding the T-bar and there's like this cable hanging down.

Like, Jesus. And the guy goes, that's all right. Pulls this thing, like Jaws of Life thing, but it's like a crowbar, like a crazy like ice climbing crowbar thing. And he just starts hacking at this thing just to get it up far enough to stick a hose in there and he's like all right we're done here what that's what jenny asked me today when i was telling her well

we gotta jiggle this wire over here to turn it back on what if it catches on fire i said i hate this fucking car if it catches on fire it's not to burn up faster than you can get out. So just get out and let it fucking burn. I don't care. Unfurl a lawn chair and let's watch this motherfucker burn. I told the guy, too, who told us it was on fire, if you had fucking two legs, I probably would have got out there in time. All right, let's take a break and come back with Mark and Joby. Chad Shank is here.

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bringing good quality pizza to the heathen masses since 2017. Hi, I'm Joby, and I approve this message. All right, let me stop to say, buy my goddamn book. Pre-order it now. It comes out December 5th of the year of our Lord 2017 if you're listening to this late it's still there at barnesandnoble.com or amazon.com if you don't want us to get credit going to it towards that New York Times bestseller list that we're right on the precipice of I'm sure but we could be because I just get the hard copy. Oh my God. The stories that I did

tell. I have stories that really who, how many accusers I have actual pictures. I've never been happier to promote a book in the tease to this, get the book. That's the only way you're going to see the picture of me. I can't have that many pictures of this type of situation. I already have a whole chapter. And then there's another chapter where, like, it was a different day and age, I guess. Because I'm an old man.

Anyway, so for, oh, also, if you get it at Barnes and Noble or Amazon, that's great. But if you want a signed copy for a limited time, and there's a reason it's for a limited time, it's due to Chaley's patience. So, yeah, I don't mind signing the fucking thing for you, but don't bitch about the charge because we're paying all the extra shit. It's not like i'm charging you for sharpie ink you fucking cunts you just relentlessly cunts about everything so yeah if you want it signed or just buy it uh online and show up at a show but i probably won't be playing the states for another at least 16 months that's really why it's limited time yeah and uh bingo's book which is beating my book in the fucking amazon sales ratings yeah her book

is available at her new website bingo bingaman.com and uh that also goes through us but hers only goes through us yeah snatching all those profits. Fuck her. She's retarded. You can also buy it on Amazon, but right now Bingo's signing them, signing all the books. Oh, she's been signing them all day. That's what I'm saying.

You put little treasures in books. Look what I did, and I signed it like this. My signature is this indescribable, indeciferable scrawl. Bingo's putting little cute notes and little fucking stickers or some shit in there. What else does she have to say? That's on Bingo. That's all her.

That's how she feels during the day. Yeah, and eventually we'll both have audio books out, but as you know, if you read and listened to the first one, they're a little different. They're both challenging. All right. Thank you. Let's get back to this podcast before I shit my pants.

Okay. We got Joby and Mark, a.k.a. one of the Code Monkeys for Doug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Pool wrapping up a year I'm fucking seven points out of first place because I had I was going to say

Hitler Manson close enough yeah Charles Manson put me just that far away from Jack and Dino for first

I have a month plus one more kill. I think you might take it. I think even H.W. Bush would. He's what, 96? Six or something like that. Shit, that would suck to get one more kill

and still not in first place. You can look at his picks and see how they compare to yours and see who you have that he doesn't to know what you have to get. Yeah. All right. You fucking bumped me down. I was in second place. I'm fucking all the way down to fifth now.

Fuck you guys. Yeah. That's the great thing about New Year's Eve is that you can come from 10th probably this year with the daily. Worst to first. The last call bonus, if you hit someone on the 31st. That's 100 points. I've got a couple of aces in the hole.

I'm not out of the game yet. I don't feel out for sure. Doug got the daily double, didn't you? Didn't that help you? No, I didn't. He was wrong. Anyway, didn't you say Manson is like the biggest ever hit? Hits so far.

864 hits, yeah. Yeah, number of hits so far site-wide in the history. In the history of Death Pool. Yeah. And this is our fifth season now. Going into our sixth. Of the site. Yeah, of the site.

Before we started, we did it ourselves. A couple years, yeah. Going into the sixth year of the site yeah before we started we we did it ourselves a couple years yeah but yeah going into the sixth year of the website yeah and this year coming up 2018 tell us about it okay all right and uh we really we wanted to uh to make this site a little bit more like fantasy sports. You know, stats everywhere. Draft.com, also a sponsor. Things that are easy for, because everyone's lazy as shit, and they just want to plug in and play and not have to put too much thought into it.

And you like the function that we just did where it's auto-draft. You don't have to do anything. It just picks celebrities for you, and you can walk away. Which I do a lot with draft.com for fantasy football because most of the time I've been roped into – they do all sorts of sports. So I've been roped into basketball without knowing until I already hit agree and enter, and I'm, oh, fuck, it's basketball.

Auto pick. They know better than me. Right, and that's a good function, and you love that. They know better than me. Right. And that's a good function, and you love that. Especially with Death Pool because, yes, to go as deep as a lot of us go, some years I don't have time, so I pull some. This year was politicians, so it was easy to pick the fucking George Bushes

and the Jimmy Carters. But what the auto-pick does, that auto-draft function is it pulls not the obscure ones, it just pulls the top 100 most-picked celebrities that everyone's picking and throws it into your list. And then trade rounds, you can swap

those out throughout the year if you want to. Yeah, so-and-so, just David Cassidy is on fucking life support oh i can trade that out it's all over the news okay i know about that you don't have to do a lot of research that auto pick man i i totally know how it works because of our other sponsor that makes me play even more because i don't have to i can invite other people to play against and then i go on i don't have to sit and wait and then get a message saying,

hey, get ready to pick. And I'm like, I'm on the fucking freeway. You know, anything like that. Just let it draft. You will play way more often when you've got that auto draft. And I'm going to do auto draft this year just to be, since it's the inaugural year, it's going to give you a mix and match, random selection of the top 100 most picked.

So, you know, you're not getting schlubs. Well, let me clarify. There's a three-step process. So it involves you for the first two steps. There's alternates. Everyone has alternates or four. Or maybe they don't. Does anybody know what alternates are for?

Yeah. Not a lot of people use them. They don't use them, but you should because if – so let's say you pick 20 people and you walk away and your home locks down. Meanwhile, a couple of them have died. Before the season starts. You didn't notice. So we're going to fill those spots with whoever's on your alternates list first. Yeah.

Then we're going to jump into your death watch list. So fill – absolutely fill your death watch list with people because we're going to from there, because those are at least people you've had a hand in selecting. Yeah, someone you're keeping your eye on. It's like your AAA league. You can call someone up from the minors. After both of those, if you still don't have 20 people, then we're jumping out the database and picking randomly from the top 100 people. Yeah. So you have a chance, even if you don't pay attention,

you have a chance to at least have some people on your list that you chose. Yeah. That's how that's going to work. I like it because early on I was deep into research, but now I have nothing but time, and I still don't want to spend all the time doing that deep of fucking research. So it would be nice to have. It's way more fun when you're playing with people everyone knows

instead of celebrating when some fucking prince of Nairobi dies. And you go, oh, I had him. Who? Never mind. You want to celebrate when someone famous, really famous dies. So I'm doing auto-pick just for fun this year. I'll do auto-pick and then adjust it off of what I have. Well, and even what I have, you know what I mean?

Like, okay, that's what it populated for me. Take that guy off. Take that guy off. I'll put this guy on. Well, this happens at home lockdown. So after that, you can't change them until. Oh, I got you. I got you.

So trade rounds. So you have to modify can't change them until. Oh, I got you. I got you. Trade. So trade rounds. So you have to modify it throughout the year on every trade round. You got to drop someone if you don't like it. Trade rounds. I dropped Gord Downie. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, a lot of people did. Young guy. Uh, brain. Tragically hip. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh shit. He was sick for a while though, right? Yeah. But he was going out on tour. And you're like, you're not that sick. That's it. I researched it. And I was like, ah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. He was sick for a while, though, right? Yeah. But he was going out on tour. And you're like, you're not that sick. That's it.

I researched it. And I was like, ah, he's touring, and he's making a comeback. I'm going to pick somebody else. And he fucking died the same month. Well, this year I dropped LaMotta. Oh, shit. Yeah. You and 13 other people.

Yeah. Lost two points. Yeah. Shit. Yeah. You and 13 other people. Yeah. Lost two points.

Yeah. So, yeah, that was a rough one. So, yeah, let's go into, you know, what we've got. You know, there's a good list of additions to the site that we've been wanting for years. So go into it. Start rattling some of these off. It'll be nice. A couple of them we were talking out front.

One will be because people are lazy. Yes. We're talking about people are lazy. They don't want to do it. The auto draft function is going to help that. But we're going to have a one-click button. Eat the mic. You said I didn't have to kiss the mic.

We're going to have one project. have to kiss the mic. Or project. No, that's later. Completely different context. We'll have a one-click button for people, so you can just click a button, and everyone who's still alive from this year's home, you can just dump into a new home. And auto-pick the rest?

That's what I was talking about earlier. That's what I was talking about earlier. That's what I was talking about. Perfect. For sure. I've got a hard pick this year that I thought would already fucking have paid off. And if he doesn't in the next month or two, I want him to roll over. So you can keep your list from this year and just dump it into next year's. Perfect. Yep.

Absolutely. And everyone that has died on your list goes out and and then it just can automatically fill. Yeah, they're automatically dropped. Yeah. Nice. Another one is just going to be a lot more information. There's going to be a ton. We have a ton of information. We're just not displaying it all.

Well, it's stats. Stats. A lot of stats. There's going to be an entire stats page. Top 10 this, top 10 that. Beautiful. How many celebrities were dropped? What are you going with?

Thumbs up, thumbs down? I play fantasy baseball a lot and you have trends on who's getting traded and dropped the most on players. I want that for the top 50 or 100 players as celebrities. Who's dropping

them? Who's picking them up? You can see all of a sudden George H.W.orge hw is is trending really high oh i gotta pick him up on the next trade round all right you know that kind of thing i like it like if i'm in a deep state of depression for two weeks and i don't even give a fuck about people dying and then at the last minute i give a fuck on trade round day that I can still make a trade that is worthy of trading. I want to start a money league. Like Morgan Burr. People who have.

Let's have a fucking high stakes league. $1,000 a pop. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, I don't have the money, but I'll run it for you guys. Yeah, it'll be interesting to watch. Yeah, yeah.

From a distance. Also, I think it would be interesting to watch legitimately because a lot of you guys have inside info that the rest of us don't have. Absolutely. I know it's too late. info that the rest of us don't have. I know it's too late. You've already done a shitload, but it would be fun for that to do just like we do at draft.com is have like a five player,

a five pick league. I know you're not set up to do it, but if we could customize it, we're just, just five picks. That way you have to do less research, but you have stronger picks. But all right, I'm throwing too much at you. Tell what you already got we can do that we can do that yeah we can do

we're gonna have 40 we're gonna have 100 people on the list if you want no no no less is more in that case we go okay five people no trade round we'll talk about it yeah yeah i like that you know but for these high rollers yeah right yeah you got you're stuck with the fight and that's it right now absolutely right right now we're all standing outside the high rollers room and doug's sitting there by himself he's just waiting for the other people to belly up to the thing so uh some of them i would have on my death pool you got the money but you can't take it with you. Oh, I'll throw this out now. It's just a little bit of a segue here. At Orange October, Orange-tober says cock tease of the year. The one celebrity you expected to die all year but never came through.

Never died. Well, that happened already. Ralphie May. Ralphie May. Cock tease. Never died. Oh, okay. Zsa Zsa dead? Ralphie May. No, no. Cocktease never died. Oh, okay. Zsa Zsa dead?

Yeah. Because she was the one that was. But Stefan Stefansson. I have him too. Yeah, yeah. Who's that? I don't know that. Yeah, he's on your list, I think.

Is he? Yeah. He was real top headline, like pancreatic cancer. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, yeah. Everybody. He's on my list too. He was on top headline, like pancreatic cancer. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, yeah, everybody. He's on my list, too. He was on everybody's list. Judy Martz had pancreatic cancer, former governor of Montana,

and then never died, but I had her this year. Val Kilmer, Valerie Harper. Oh, yeah, Valerie Harper. She's had fucking brain cancer for years. Hold on a second. Val Kilmer? Yeah, yeah. He's all fucked up, but you're not putting him on Valerie second. Val Kilmer? Yeah. He's all fucked up,

but you're not putting him on Valerie Harper level, are you? Yeah. Really? Been a lot of articles. Yeah. In fact, when I did ask around some people that might be in the know,

that was the name. Val Kilmer is not looking very good. I wonder whose voice that is. When they had a thing, it was this year, I think, in Tombstone where Val Kilmer came to Tombstone for some event. And somebody posted online. To go to boot camp?

Like a Facebook group. And it had a picture of Val Kilmer's character from Tombstone and Curly Bill, the other guy. And it fucking looked all fantastic and hale and hardy and they're like val kilmer was in thing in tombstone and he looks fantastic and like one comment down somebody posted an actual picture of val kilmer and they go yeah those were actors that were reenacting those part it was like a val kilmer look-alike they look the same as those guys did in the tombstone movie.

And then meanwhile, you see Val Kilmer just laying. He's like dead on an Afghan in a wooden wagon down the road. Stephen Hawking. Yeah, it was fucking hilarious. Rolling down the boardwalk. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Val Kilmer's a good one. What else we got?

All right, so what else? What else we're going to have is something that's important to everybody is trade round, ease of trade round picking. Making it simple. Making it a little more simple. I understand. I mean, you know how to drop one. But once you drop one, what the fuck do you do now? 15th of the month, every month you get to trade one celebrity out and put a new one in.

So if there's some late breaking news of someone who's on a to pocket a machine. Again, it's like fantasy sports. You can drop a player at a player. I'm recoding it a little bit to make it easier to guide you down that path to picking up that empty slot

you just left. You're going to hold your hand all the way. Right. Okay. And there's going to be redundancy all over the website. You're not going to have to wonder, what button do I click to trade? There's going to be trade, trade here, trade, trade now, trade everywhere. No one has to wonder. I wanted, but then

I realized, I want a page to talk shit, but I forget you have the Facebook page. You don't need a forum on the site. Not really. We don't really, but I'm saying the Facebook page is, because Facebook. Facebook and Twitter, but actually people have requested to be able to. Like a chat forum?

No, in their home. Oh, okay. That would be cool. You want to chat with all your other mourners in their home. Oh, okay. You want to chat. That would be cool. You want to chat with all your other mourners and your director. Yeah, yeah. You fucker. You picked up him.

You dropped him. Hi, you're a dick. That kind of thing. Talk amongst yourselves. Or you could be positive. Good job. Hey, I wish I would have got that one. There's people in my home that I don't even know,

and I would love to say rude things to them. Yeah, like it's going to be positive. Make it so, number one. I'm not sure how that's going to come out, if we're going to have our own, if we're going to host our own. We don't have a billion dollars that Facebook and Twitter has, so we don't have a server farm. This is a pie in the sky. This is pie in the sky. At the very least, we can at least link Facebook and Twitter feeds to this website. Yeah. And communicate.

You're communicating through that. Yeah, through Facebook and Twitter. It's just you're reading it and posting on our site. I do know because I get added to them all the fucking time against my will that there's like secret Facebook groups that you can only be added to for. Invite only. Invite only so you can have a secret shit-talking deal or I don't know. Yeah, I want to know.

Tweet me. I want to know how many other leagues are playing for money, like how many friends you have, what you're playing for. Because when we first started doing it, we'd invite people that we knew because it's not a money site. You have to do that on your own. But we'd have 50 people, and I'd start getting on the phone

around midway through December. You want in? You want in? But then it's a matter of collections, and who didn't pay? Yeah, it's a pain in the ass. So that's why it'd be fun to have a small league where you go, I live across the street from you, you fuck.

Cough up the money we can go to chad shank.com there you go for collections go to a bitcoin model start my own collection that'll circumvent the the banks yeah you gotta buy in immediately so yeah let's get all fucking Silk Road and go to prison. Yeah. All right, so what else we got? New stuff is happening. We got a new design on the site, so everything's going to look different. We cleaned it up. We're taking a little bit of the comic book feel away.

Clean it up, spice it up, making it look like most social sites sites out there so it'll be a familiar look and feel okay it should it should give people a little more ease navigating around do we have new merch uh we do we've got a new t-shirt design uh mark said well there are our guy or like logo has been in front of us the whole time it's skull skull and halo it's that little guy at the top of our logo. He's our mascot. Yeah, it's perfect for a t-shirt. It looks great. So new merch on the way.

Yeah, new merch is on the way. Oh, I wanted to talk to you about this. We've got to fix the search engine. Absolutely. Search engine just sucks because you can type in George Clooney, take out one O, and it's not going to come up. We've got to make that super simple.

Google it up. Yeah, yeah, because people are, again, lazy and dumb. Remember, again, we don't have the billions that Google has for their server. When you're having some Serbian general, it's going to be difficult to spell his name. Absolutely. We're going to include in the search engine special. We don't have special characters in there.

You have to actually type a special character. So if you type an E, but the E has a little umlaut over it or whatever the fuck that is, it won't find it. So we're going to include those. I actually like the fact that you have to type it in specifically because I feel it gives me an edge over the more retarded people.

If you can't spell it right, you don't... Yeah, but it fucks with me constantly, because I have to go through the petitions. That guy's already in database. Spell it right. You're not my enemy. I don't care about your heart. If anyone out there is listening, please start copying and pasting.

You're a free-form type. I'll give away... I debate it if I want to do it, but i'll give away right i debated if i want to do it but i'll give away right now one of my new uh uh search strategies because it's gotten a little more complicated than it was before there's people in there that you wouldn't guess and there's people that you think might be in the database that aren't uh i go to the database and i just type in two or three random letters and then see what it gives me as results and then I Google search all of those

people and find out who they are. And some of them are good picks. They're in the database for a reason. Somebody submitted some of those people. So there you go. There's a freebie for me. It's like detuning one string on your guitar

and then playing and then all of a sudden you hit notes that you wouldn't be able to reach regularly and then you end up finding that's a good idea yeah i uh but like back to the search engine thing i noticed on some sites if you typed in to use your george clooney if you typed in k-l-u-n-e-y say, yeah, it'll go, you mean Clooney? Right. And then do the correct spelling. If like in some search engines, I've,

I've done some things where like, if you don't have a fucking exact, that doesn't exist. Right. So even an idiot who types in K L U N E Y, it's like, I guess George Clooney is not a real person. Do you really want to enable that person?

Well, I'm just saying, what I'm thinking of here is, is there, they're making it simpler, more streamlined, and easier to play, and having a more all-encompassing search engine. And predictive. ZBW, you get the entire Eastern European bloc. Abu. You type in Abu and you have thousands.

Well, that's a good one. Abu Bakr, al-Baghdadi or whatever. This terrorist, which we've cut back on a lot in the last couple of years. Don't submit those anymore. No more terrorists. We're done with them. So this guy supposedly got blown up. What about homegrown?

Homegrown terrorists? Yeah, we'll take those. Got blown up. Russian xenophobic celebrity. And then he's now alive again so we killed him off in the database when you know the whole world said he was dead yeah whole world and now turns out he's probably alive and all right is elvis in there You know what I like is when the whole Tom Petty thing was happening, Tracy and I were driving back from the road, and we were getting these updates,

and it's like, oh, fuck, and we immediately thought of Jeff Tate. Oh, he must be so bummed. And then he's still alive. And so ever since then, anytime I'm asked if someone's dead, I just go, Tracy, check it in Death Pool. Do we get a text from death pool? Because you guys, if you're on the message thing, you will find out when someone's dead probably before even Doug will call you.

Because that's the whole thing. Our fans are fantastic at giving us info, and that's our main resource. It's so hard now to be the first one to call your friend. You go, did you hear who died? Fuck, they already heard. TMZ is always the first out of the gate, and that's half the bullshit. And we don't ever fucking fuck TMZ. I don't do anything unless it's on Google or Wikidesk.

As soon as it's on Wikidesk, then I'll give it a little more consideration, but that's fairly accurate. Okay, so going back to this terrorist fuck. All right, so what do we do? We resurrect him. If he's alive, we're resurrecting him and a lot of people

are losing points because it's what, three, 400 people that have him? 353. Yeah, all right. So,

you know, it's just the way it is. Sorry, but you picked... He's alive, he's alive. I can't help it. You picked a terrorist

that's your... Yeah, that's your... That's your fault for going deep. You're trying to go vague and deep. Fuck it.

Pick Ja Ja Gabor like everybody else. I always had Ralphie May in as my comic when I took him out. He's like, man, this might be your year. I ain't feeling so good, Dougie. I go, I took you out. What? You can't take me out of Death Pool. I've always been in your Death Pool, baby.

So I put it back in. But now i have to find a new comic i put it up as one of those twitter polls once with uh it was uh arty arty's the best yeah probably the best bet oh ron white ron white and some anyway arty won the three-man pool hands down so yeah i think i'm gonna have to go with arty last time i saw arty was last year when i was doing the last book tour and it was at the end of i had started with stern and then did bennington and then i did a david feldman i i've been drinking for like 15 hours and i end up at Artie's place, and we both left after his podcast at his place thinking, I'm not going to see this guy again. So, yeah, Artie, I love you.

You're my new Ralphie Mae. I just saw watching Gilbert, the documentary. It's brand new. It's out. And I saw Artie on that. I think it was after when you were there i mean it's very very uh current footage yeah that it's uh that's i'd back that back that prolapsed rectum of a nose i just can't stop looking at it i just keep looking at it yeah it's i love already but uh he's not looking so good yeah yeah if he were clean and sober he'd still be a consideration oh okay that's right

you hung out all day or that well just you hung out that evening yeah is he still wheezing well no he's had a whole thing since you were there that was a while back in your last book since then even just within the last few months he's had a a whole pneumonia infection surgery yeah yeah pneumonia, infection, heart infection. Yeah. Yeah. Ay yi yi. Me? A little groggy a lot. A little bloated. Hey, real quick,

back to Baghdadi. We didn't, I want to make a decision. Yeah. Can I bring it back? Yeah, resurrect him. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry, kids. And it's happening right this second. I'm going to do it right now. One of the new functions, because I do all the petitions. All you guys petition for new celebrities to come in. To be added to the master database. To the database, all right?

So he's going to give me the function to see who actually is petitioning for them. So you fuckers that do like 8, 10, 15, 20 petitions of NFL players or obscure jazz musicians at one time, I'm going to fucking come after you. All right. You're done at this point. The trolls.

It's a threat. You're fucking done. All right, I'm tired of this shit. I get enough petitions as it is, and you're fucking with me. So, yeah, I know who you are at this point. So, fuck off. That brings up a point I wanted to make.

I've been wanting to make for a long time. With the celebrity petitions you get, you get bullshit petitions. Like football players. Politicians, because of the bonus this year. Yeah. This is celebrity death pool. Yeah. They can't just be dying.

They have to be, at least at the beginning, a celebrity of some kind. Right. So like Al Franken, senator, celebrity. Who's the other senator from Vermont? No one knows. No one gives a shit. He's not a celebrity, even though he's a politician. State senator.

No, no, fuck you. I don't want to be devil's advocate, but as a consumer here, you're dealing with a gambling situation where you're trying to come up with an edge for somebody else. So I understand why you're trying to come up with obscure shit. But it has to be somebody who's noted for doing something. In the early beginning, you used to say they have to have a Wikipedia page. But even now now that's very fucking loose criteria uh 95 of the time they've got to have a wiki yeah yeah so it's it's

yeah it's pretty tight uh right now i'm doing a well if they don't i thought it was an immediate no if they don't what i'm saying is even if they do that doesn't mean they're in because wikipedia is such okay but there's they're in. Because Wikipedia has such a... They're out if they don't. But they're not in because they do. They should at least have that. They should at least have that. All right.

So Dog, the bounty hunter's wife. She's on all the shows. She counts in. She doesn't have a wiki page. She's got an IMDB. Okay. But everyone knows who the fuck he is. Doug on his wiki page forever was listed as one time hosting Family Feud.

The View. No, the Family Feud or something someone had on there. Someone submitted it. That stuff can be bullshit. That was early days of Wikipedia. They're really tight now about bullshit. They're getting better. But what I have now is a Twitter petition poll page where i just put out petitions and people vote on them

select few people that you know from all the guys i've got people in uk australia new zealand america everywhere they can say yes no blah blah blah the thing is is i need more people and so if you want to be on it and you want to actually vote on yes or no, is this person a celebrity, email me at reaper at dscdp.com or on at Stanhope CDP. You can message me if you want to be on the poll. But here's the thing. You cannot play the game.

You can't be a part of Death Pool. And if we find out you are, I'm giving up. You just have to have some sort of weird interest in it, even though you're not playing. Yeah. If you are playing, we will find out sooner or later. And I'm just going to give all your info to the killer termites and let them gnaw at your bones.

Wow, fucking Joby's all like, hold on a second. The people that have nothing to do. The fucking dachshund people. The people that are playing Deadpool, they tuned out a while ago with this conversation. So you're not even talking to them. To the people that don't play? Yeah, they left a while ago.

All right, fair enough. Then by Shaley's logic, then let's shut off the mics then. No, the people that are playing, that are interested, those are you're yelling you're yelling into the abyss that's what i'm saying that i you sent me some was it last year i think on the that when you're adding people you sent some to tracy some to me you sent literature to tracy you sent uh bands to me it is pretty tedious yeah because you get into there and you're like wow but this guy played blues only on Bourbon Street,

but for 70 years. And it's like, wow, he's a local guy. He's a local celebrity. He's not a national celebrity. And then the third bass player for fucking Blues Traveler. Right? Well, he's not even on an album. My solution to Joby for handling that kind of stress about the thing

was to just put a disclaimer that say, it's all fucking completely subjective to my mood. And whatever I feel like, whenever your fucking email comes across my eyes is what I fucking see side. And if you don't like it, fuck you. Oh, absolutely. I get pissy as hell, man. Subjective completely. Because of these petitions. I've had ones before where I've submitted them, and then they're denied, and then I'll submit a fucking dissertation.

And then you'll call me. Here's why. Hey, I sent you this. Here you go. Take a look at it. I know you're dealing with it, but here's what. And they still don't have to deal with it. All right, they shut it down.

I should have won that argument, but they shut it down. Joby at New Year's is like H&R Block around the 15th of April where he's all fucking cranky and he's been up for three days. Coffee and jitters. No, it's great. Shank will recently, because I have the poll page, he'll say, hey, dude, this guy's a celebrity. Definitely.

I may agree, but now, for the first time in five years, I don't have to bear that weight. I've got a group of people voting on it. That's good. And so I said, ah, they decided no. That's what we talked about last year. We were talking about other ways to circumvent you having to do everything, and you micromanaging and letting it go out there. Is it a good movie?

Let's go to Rotten Tomatoes. Yeah, right. How many? Yeah, absolutely. Isn't that so bad that you just have five people voting? I mean, one more person than you alleviates a little pressure. Well, an odd number is good. Yeah.

Definitely. I've been shut down by Joby. He's like, no, it's not a celebrity. Well, I think it is, but it's just my name on it. It's just my name on it. All right. Anything else? We're going to wrap this up. Anything else you got on?

Did you want to throw out stats? Does anyone care about some cool stats? I think it's funny. He had me pull up the top 10 traded in and top 10 traded out since the beginning of the year. Oh, nice. I like that. Eighty-four people dropped Charles Manson before he died.

How old was he? Ha-ha. Was he in his 70s? Eighty-three. Eighty-three. So the scoring is 100 minus their age is how many points you'd get. Correct. If anybody's listening, they already know that.

I know. I just realized I want to make sure for me because I'm still listening. How much can I get on? So this doesn't work like that. It's not a... I don't know anything about this. Manuel Noriega. He's alive? Is he? 48 people have traded him in this year.

Wow. That's a lot. Yeah. So somebody's on to something. Powers Booth traded in. Greg Allman traded in. Powers Booth. Yeah, he died earlier.

That was a long time coming. Yeah, it was. I can't say it. Alex. Alex. Alex, if you fucking knew me. Alex, how do you say that? Something Russian?

He died. No, I think he died. Was he the hockey you say that? Something Russian? He died. No, I think he died. Was he the hockey player? That's not even a real name. Oh, Vetchkin? No, that's... It really is like if you fucking knew me and you knew me. Anyway, go ahead.

Rattle them off. Let's do top ten hits. Top ten hits. Top ten hits. Charles Manson was the most, 864. Gordon Downey, 710. Hugh Hefner, 616. Glenn Campbell, 418.

Took him out. I used to have him. Took him out. Abu Baghdadi, not anymore. He's alive now. Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis, how many? Jake LaMotta.

Jerry Lewis is 328. Bruce Forsythe. How much was LaMotta? Yeah, LaMotta. LaMotta Jerry Lewis is 328 Bruce Forsythe how much was LaMotta LaMotta LaMotta 235 I thought he'd be higher I thought he'd be huge because we talk about him a lot

yeah alright depends on the crowd you're running I guess go ahead Casey Kasem he went the wrong way he just started at 10 and gone up

yeah I went 10 and went down it's alright keep going went 10 and went down. Top 10 and went down. That was it. It was anticlimactic. It's a very anticlimactic list if you go the wrong way. We still have two more people left to die that

have more hits than Charles Manson. More picks than Charles Manson. Let me guess, George H.W.? George H.W., who's number two? The Queen. The Queen? The Queen. Yes. He fucking nailed it. 898 picks.

What about Prince Philip? How many has Prince Philip? Why him? Oh, there he is. He's got to be huge. 421. Oh, that's the older one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So H.W. would be the biggest of all time if he goes before. That's just obvious.

I mean, he's 118 years old. And it's a politician bonus year. And next year, someone gets a pick. David Coppefeel. He'll get dropped next year. Yeah. Dies in shame. Next year, whoever wins site-wide on points this year gets to name next year's bonus category.

And I'm hoping that they go with, because musicians drop like fucking flies lately. Jeez, this year, yeah. That would be amazing. But this year is politicians and, you know. Yeah, I hope whoever wins site-wide that gets to pick next year's bonus will do something that's pretty cut and dry don't go uh good looking people well how do you fucking come on left-handed he's ambidextrous right now looks it's looking like spider j yep yep spider jerusalem 659 points which is low uh what was our high last year?

914 points. How many kills? Game's evolving. The highest hit so far is Flame Retarded at 13. And that goes 12, 12, 11. Spider J has 11. What did we have last year? Last year was a death squad.

He got over 1,000, I think. No, but what number of people out of his 20? Like 17? Yeah. He got like 17 hits out of 20.. No, but what number of people out of his 20? Like 17 or – Yeah, shit. Yeah, he got like 17 hits out of 20. Is he a nurse, a male nurse? He's a fucking monster. Black Widow?

He's in Britland, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, he's in England. And for the prize, we sent him one of your suits. Yes. So, yeah. All right. So play along.

Celebrity Death Pool, what's it start? January 15th, yeah. All right. So play along. Celebrity death pool. What's it start? January 15th. Yep. All right. So yeah, start doing your research, start making your picks or just auto pick with us.

Get your fucking team together. Get your sick friend. Fuck crew. Fuck. Play, play, play for some money. Friend.

Fuck. And, uh, you don't have a jean jacket that says that? Someone sent us a Baconator. I only have three thank yous. Age Patterson sent us a fucking thumb drive of his music. I'm sure we'll listen to that right away.

Someone sent Bingo Jewelry. I can't pronounce the name. Itory? I don't know the name. I-Tory? I don't know. Oh, I should have been more prepared. Olivia. Stephen, somebody give me chadshank.com. Thanks a lot, man.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you got it. Oh, nice. Appreciate it. So we're changing over from AudioShank? It's all the same. It all goes to the same place. So we'll do that.

Yeah. Doug, I don't know. This was the guy that sent the uh the the table coffee table that table is beautiful that fucking table is beautiful but i just there's just this stuff this pile in the packaging he sent this thing in a wood crate it looked like someone sent me shingles and he wrote on these shingles and he was writing about the end table he was going to send i thought is it we have to put it together I didn't know what the fuck it was. There's like six shingles that is written on it,

and I'm looking at, oh, this must be that beautiful, that beautiful table right there, that coffee table, is, this is the wood that it's milled from, I guess. It's Gregory from Hurricane Milling. Thank you very much. We're all fighting over that thing.

That thing's fucking awesome. Catch Olivia Grace and Eric Friedman on tour. Go ahead, Jaylee. Let's see. They'll be on the 30th in Tulsa, December 1st, Oklahoma City, December 2nd, St. Louis. Oh, two nights, December 2nd and the 3rd in St. Louis. December 5th, Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Love it. December 6th, Kalamazoo. December 7th, Fort Wayne, Indiana. December 6th, Kalamazoo. December 7th, Fort Wayne again. Wow, what's going on here? And then December 8th, Fort Wayne again. Fort Wayne ain't that big, motherfucker. These are all different places. December 12th,

in Chicago, and December 14th, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And I can't wait until they come back through Bisbee, Arizona. All right. My book, Pre-Order It or Order It 14th in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And I can't wait till they come back through Bisbee, Arizona. All right. My book, pre-order it or order it by the, yeah, pre-order. Just go to Amazon.

This is not fame. Yeah. Barnes and Noble also, because that gives us credit for the purchase. Yeah, Barnes and Noble. Go to Barnes and Noble. And thank you. We'll see you soon. Oh, let's close it out with the Mattoid Funeral Party. It goes with the death

theme. 1, 2, 3, 7, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Right on, baby! Yeah! The priest is here and the gasket is ready The priest is here

And the casket is ready Her body inside Looks nice and steady Let's play it for the man For the last time Play it for the man Farewell Play it for the man For the last time, wait for the man. Farewell. Wait for the man.

For the last time, wait for the man. Praise the Lord. And we got to go on with the funeral party. Got to go on with the funeral party. Got to go on with the funeral party. Got to go on with the funeral party. Yeah! Alright!

Now the priest is talking And the gasket starts to move Everybody's crying We all got the groove Let's play it for the man For the last time's play it for the man For the last time, play it for the man Farewell Play it for the man

For the last time, play it for the man Praise the Lord And we got to go on with the funeral party Got to go on with the funeral party Got to go on with the funeral party Yeah! Alright! Everybody, rise!

Hey! Yeah Yeah Praise the Lord Yeah Yeah Praise the Lord and we got you gone with the funeral party Got you gone with the funeral party Got you gone with the funeral party

Got you gone with the funeral party Party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party Yeah! We're good. We ready? All right, let me give this a try. This ad coffee was given to me by our friend Jonathan, who is from the UK. But since he's from the

UK, that's how I read it in my head. If you've ever read Hennigan's book, that's how you read it, too. It's a novel. That is true. Yeah, you can't get his voice out of your head once you hear Jonathan. I see his face forming the words reading his book.

Patrick Robertson? Robertson, yeah. Do you live in the United States? Do you live in Arizona? Do you live in Cochise County? Do you live in Bisbee? Do you

live in the Warren District of Bisbee? Then this advertisement is for you. Advertisement. Oh. Advertisement. Then this advertisement is for you. See, yeah, there you go. What are you doing this Saturday evening?

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to the heathen masses since 2017. Hi, I'm Joby, and I approve this message. Hi, I'm Joby, and I approve this message. I want you to do one more. Chad.

What? No, no, no. No, just this one. You want to do smoker-friendly. You want to do wink-wink, nudge-nudge, Bob's your uncle. And the Hitching Post Saloon is smoker-friendly. Wink-wink, nudge, nudge, Bob's your uncle. What was the original line on that?

I thought that one was... Did we get the bar shut down? Yeah. Enthusiastic devotees of cancer research will be pleased to learn that you can smoke indoors if the fireplace is lit, which is code for the bar will be shut down immediately.

Hey, should I add it to my resume? How do I do?