The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #239: Bisbee, We Have A Problem

Episode Date: January 10, 2018

The podcast is back and the Trailles are finally back from vacation. Doug fills in Chad and Chaille with all that has been going on with bad neighbors, good neighbors and a problem in Bisbee.  Jobi also goes over results of the 2017 Celebrity Death Pool.This episode is sponsored byBlue Apron - Get $30 off your first meals with free shipping at [BlueApron.com/Stanhope](BlueApron.com/Stanhope)ANDBrooklinen.com - Get $20 off AND free shipping when you use promo code STANHOPE at Brooklinen.com.Popov Vodka presents Doug Stanhope - Vimeo Clip - [https://vimeo.com/ondemand/stanhopepopov](https://vimeo.com/ondemand/stanhopepopov)Order a SIGNED copy of Doug's NEW book, "This Is Not Fame: A "From What I Re-Memoir"" at - [http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/?category=Books](http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/?category=Books)Bingo's book "Let Me Out: A Madhouse Diary" is now available at [http://www.bingobingaman.com/](http://www.bingobingaman.com/)Recorded Jan 06th, 2018 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Jobi (@StanhopesCDP), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille.Don't miss out on Stanhope's 2018 Tour Dates. Get on the Mailing List. [http://www.dougstanhope.com/](http://www.dougstanhope.com/)Closing song, “are you amused?”, by Amy “bingo” Bingaman. Bingo's album, “are you amused?” is now available for download at [www.bingobingaman.com](www.bingobingaman.com)LINKS:Chad Shank Voice Over info at [AudioShank.com](AudioShank.com)Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org/](http://www.innocenceproject.org/)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast the podcast back and there's gonna be trouble hey la hey la the podcast back the Chaley's are back Chad Shank is back we have the full cast of Bisbee characters. Joby's here. Bingo's here. Everyone's here. We're on the deck for playoffs. First time ever on the deck, right?

People really thought that we weren't bringing the podcast back. Wait, we're bringing it back? We're talking into microphones. I thought this was a new one. I thought maybe it was just sense memory. The only time we talk to each other is if microphones are in our face. They might be dummy mics.

We have to have something at our face. I don't know what to do with my hands. While I was gone, I worked at Glory Hole just because I missed you. That's the only way I can have a conversation sir stop talking and start sucking the knock the chalice have been gone for like almost a month and today it feels like christmas and new year's all together it's uh yeah you you were sorely missed well Well, thank you. I can't remember the last time I was talking to Tracy

by the pool. Three-week vacation. I can't remember the last time I took a vacation. My fucking life's a vacation. I'm very lucky. But honestly, to do fucking nothing. We got the books out, motherfuckers.

Wah, wah, UK. You didn't get it till the 28th. Big fucking deal. We were promising for the domestic. Denise did fucking awesome. But that was my first week on vacation was managing, getting all that out for your book, which is, that was worth it. While you were gone, we put out, finally put out that old Pop-Up Vodka Presents special on something. I don't know where to worth it. While you were gone, we finally put out that old Pop-Up Vodka Presents special on something.

I don't know where to get it. I know nothing about it. I didn't care. I read books. You read books. But my second week was managing the new T-shirt for Pop-Up Vodka Presents because I wanted it to be different

than the old one that we had, which was forever ago. So I had Jim Ether redo the artwork and I had Brett Brock do some titling and stuff. But it took a fucking while. And now that was my second week. So in the third week, I go, okay, now we can start. Now's the vacation. And it really took a while to wind down.

I had no idea you were doing any work at all, and I loved it. By the way, we will get to the title of this podcast, because the Chalys don't know about this, and Chad Shank doesn't know about this. The title of this podcast is Bisbee, We Have a Problem. But we'll get to that. Wait, how come Chad and I are the only ones who don't know about it? Maybe we're the problem? What the fuck? I didn't want to wait while we're chad and i know the only ones who don't know about it maybe we're the problem yeah what the fuck i didn't want to come over anyway now i just want

to go home i was in hawaii i can't hope for this i you two get out we waited for chad to come because i we need his input on this but i had tracy greet him at the door with a cocktail pre-poured and a double-strength Adderall. I am feeling better than when I first got here, that's for certain. But while the, for, if you bought the Pop-Off Vodka Presents an Evening with Doug Stanhope, I guess he put out, Hennigan put out a track first, because it's like basically three tracks, three 20-minute bits that had to get cut out of other albums. This was what we recorded in the Funhouse the night before you did No Place Like Home.

Right. So it was all the stuff you knew you weren't going to do, but it had to go somewhere. Yeah, I wanted it. And we had a crew here. We had a film crew. Right, and we wanted to test out filming in the Funhouse. We cut out all the audience shots because they were overlit and awkward, I think.

I haven't watched the fucking thing. Oh, God, no. Who would watch that? I think he was doing... You have to talk to Hennigan. He knows or thinks he knows what he's doing when it comes to business. So we've talked a lot about putting out just 20-minute specials. Yes.

I guess it's on Vimeo. I don't know where it is. Yes, yes, it's on Vimeo. There's a clip that was on the last podcast that went out. I put a clip on there. I think I did. But I did put it on the Near the Wild one to go out and get it. There should be three tracks, and I think I did some bonus shit at the end.

Look at you. Stuff I did on like burner shit. I did like XM bootlegs. I think I did one bit that I really wanted to do again. But anyway, it's old shit that's not on anything else otherwise. There's China. That's like a 15, 18-minute bit. There's Bingo, the Canadian border story.

Oh, yeah. Nova Scotia. No, no. That was we were going into Montreal. Wait, maybe I should watch this special. No, no. Maybe it was Nova Scotia was the story. You're right.

Anyway. Level with me. Yeah. Yeah. have you done cocaine so that story and then that's a good story pop-up vodka present story which is very funny because i i talk about how we don't have sponsors on the podcast and then one of the sponsors i i trash is now an actual sponsor or has been since then. He's an old bit, but they're funny stories. And it's out.

It's going to come out on VHS, a limited run. Oh, yeah. I was going to do that on my third week, but I decided to have a vacation. Yeah. For hard copies, we're going to do like a run of 500 VHS only to get ahead of the hipster curve. We're now Vinyl's Cool, so we're going to do VHS only. Black Pussy is the one, that band Black Pussy is the one who, I think it was Chief, who got me our VHS dupe company. All right, we'll talk about that.

Chaley's literally just got home two hours ago. They wiped their ass. They set up a podcast on the patio so we don't interrupt football inside. Hey, Brett Erickson, take a three-week break from your bidet, then tell me what it's like. So dogs will bark as people come in and out for the two games right now. Kansas City is up 14-3 on Tennessee. All right, here we go. Things you missed.

Christmas. We're talking good neighbors, bad neighbors. Let's start with bad neighbors because I think it goes in that order. I don't know who was here when Tranny Danny stuck his fucking tattooed, shriveled fucking crank face over the fence and we're all sitting out here on the patio. You weren't here, right? Chad was here.

We would have done a podcast without you. We would have figured out the equipment if Chad was here. I'd be doing it alone because Chad would be in jail and Tranny Danny Tranny Danny's a he's a local character he's not a tranny

nicknamed himself if that gives you he used to love to go to the old Miss Bisbee pageant on Labor Day or Memorial Day and dress up like a chick he's such a fucking he's a problem

he's a nightmare he's a landowner He's a nightmare. He's a landowner. Evidently. Outside of town. He begs for change out in front of Elmo's. Or Safeway. I would go to Safeway. He has property out at, out in.

Way out near Chad somewhere. I drove him home once. He was hitchhiking and I felt like I needed the karma. So I drove him and he stunk so badly. He's probably like late 30s, maybe he's early 40s now. He's just this vagrant fucking scumbag, tweakery guy. We met him when we were building the fence, meaning not me or Bingo. When Bingo commissioned Shawnee to build this giant fucking

fence shawnee hired a couple guys tranny danny and jedi mike as helpers who's the other guy russ russ yeah god rest his soul he was fucking great but even he got fired. He had to fire. I think Shawnee fired all of them. Shawnee built it by himself. But this Tranny Danny guy, I would be at home, and it looks like no one's home, and he would just walk in, and Ichabod would bark. He's still like – Ichabod is kind of trained to bark at problems without us training him. Tranny Danny showed up twice where we couldn't say no. One was Russ Dunn's memorial.

The other was Whiskey Girl Nowhere Man memorial. So there's like 80 people here. All right, I can't tell you to fuck off during a memorial, but I'm just going to shadow you because you're going to steal my shit. He's that guy. You know if he shows up because you're going to steal my shit. He's that guy. You know if he shows up, he's going to steal your shit. That's why he would come by when he thought no one was here. He'd go, I just wanted to stop by, man.

He doesn't really talk like that. For radio, he does. And fucking Ichabod would shadow him as well. In a party of 80 people, he'd just be barking all the time at Tranny Tanny. Stranger danger, stranger danger. Maybe he had an open wound on his foot. I miss you guys. So we're having a nice Christmas.

It's been beautiful weather weather probably just as nice as hawaii here so we're out one of the christmas three days of christmas because there's three days of football no one knows which one was christmas and he stuck his head over oh i didn't know there's a party going on and i went fuck off and i say that in all caps i was in no mood he already when tom was here he stopped by and just walked in through the fucking gates and tom doesn't know him he's like how can i help you and you know pushes him out with his chest how can i help you i helped build this fence man and that's what he did to me when i said fuck off he goes i helped build the the fence. You got fired from building the fence.

No, I didn't. Shawnee's sitting right next to me who hired him and fired him. But Shawnee's trying out a new batch of mushrooms. Like, after, like I say, see all these cameras that are installed? They're there for you. Don't ever come to my house again. They're there for me. He's come to my house again they're there for me he's all proud i'm on tv i'm like what no one really backed me up on the tranny danny thing

like i everyone knows he's this giant problem in bisbee he just got out of jail for beating up a some guy that he could he's's a fighter. He swings. He misses mostly, but he fights all the time, and he beat the shit out of some guy who couldn't fight, and they put him in jail for seven months, and now he's out and back. Seven months? Yeah. So he's ripped?

All we could see was his mohawk-shaved homeless head over the fence, but he fucked off. That's one bad neighbor while you were gone bad neighbor jeff who uh is a nice guy you know he's two doors down that way he just he nicknamed himself again if you give yourself the nickname bad neighbor jeff because you're he just irritates the fuck out of everyone he's just a really bad drunk nice enough guy but when he comes around it's all about you guys hate me or i love you man it's just he makes every conversation about him so shaley you missed this

he showed up at football brad is here brad is a timid character, to say the least. He talks a lot about the Packers, his list. He needs a better secondary next year. But he's a beautiful. He's a Ren Faire Packer fan. He's the opposite of Chad Shank. Yeah, he's a steampunk Ren Faire. I tease him about being a hipster a lot.

He's a little guy. Yeah. He's nice. He's too him about being a hipster a lot. He's a little guy. Yeah. He's nice. He's too old to be a hipster, but he still tries. Yeah, yeah. That's why I tease him a lot. So bad neighbor Jeff comes over during football, late, dark out. Christmas weekend football.

And bad neighbor Jeff just takes over the whole room with, you guys hate me, but I love you, man. And you're like, just be a fucking normal guy. He's not a bad person, but he just makes the entire scene about how you feel about him. Or how he feels. Just sit and be a fucking normal guy and have a drink. Look at everyone else. Having a drink.

Look at the football. Make a witty retort about something or don't or don't pretend you're at safeway well that's the thing don't tell everyone at safeway you hate me as you walk through the fucking meat because they end up hating you so this goes on and i'm trying he leaves he goes i it's because i drink all your booze i'll be right back and he comes back with a bottle of boo I drink all your booze. I'll be right back. And he comes back with a bottle of booze. See, I bought booze.

That's not what it's about. And at some point, Brad ran out of patience. And Brad just fucking teed off on him. Going, you always fuck up every party. You have to leave right now i was singing coward of the county by kenny rogers everyone considered it but i'm laughing and i'm going brad's throwing you out you gotta go he's like i don't care this never happens i always love you we don't have a protocol for this to see brad gotta go Fucking just stand up and know you fuck up everything.

And then Jeff, I'm going. I'm always going to love you, Doug. I'm going to leave. I know what you think. And he walked about four steps away from the door, turned on his heel, and came back and goes, I know it's because I'm a Republican. The whole room fell apart. Also, Brad since then has been a hero around here.

So yeah, there's the bad neighbors. Good neighbors. Where's Morgan? I think she just went inside the funhouse. Or she went to go back to look at her new dead lady stuff. Morgan Murphy is here. She just rented the place four doors down where Anne-Marie used to do massage. Just part-time.

She wants to come out and write. Dip a toe in the water. Yeah. And we finally met our new neighbors right next door in neighbor Dave's old place. They're like a younger couple. Like two months ago they moved in. No, no, it's been way longer than that. Oh, shit, I haven't got a month.

The gay bikers don't live there anymore? No, no, they moved out and almost immediately that one, for some reason they can rent that simply because that doesn't sit for very long it's a rental and we we saw new neighbors move in so i left a gift box at their front door i forget wine came over once really quick before halloween before halloween we we said hello or something it was really quick so but they came over We left a gift box saying, welcome to the neighborhood. Here's our number if you need anything. Hoping they're cool.

And then they left a letter saying, hey, that was so nice. It was so hectic moving in and all this bullshit. And thanks, that made our day. But you hate me. But they put a joint in it. To reciprocate for the bottle of wine or whatever booze. I like these new neighbors. They're fucking great. We finally

met them. It's been at least seven months. Really? Yeah, no, it's been a while. You've been gone a month. I know, I know. You're right. Time is really really hard to tackle anymore. It's been at least seven months. You know you wrote a book, right?

Yeah, I heard about that. Yeah. Not going over so well. I got these ink stains on my hand. So they came over. Was it New Year's? When was that? I guess it was New Year's, three days of New Year's.

And she suffers Al and Al. They're the Al's. It's Al and Elena. So she suffers Al and Al. They're the Al's. Al and Elena. So Al and Al is an easy way to remember it. I'm already sensing something. It's not bad Al and Al. No. We nicknamed them Al and Al.

They came over New Year's Eve, let's say. One of those three nights. She suffers from seizures. What? And we had a house full. Wait, okay, so this was New Year's because, like, the next day I was trying to talk to you, like, trying to call you, you wouldn't answer, and then there was, like,

I saw a tweet that said after all this it's gonna be oh that's right there that's that's the mannequin in the wheelchair with the so it was it was new year's okay well let me get to that we're establishing a timeline this was new year's because that's when they must have come over well bingo was here bingo had just gone to bed is it okay to talk about this yeah okay bingo went Bingo went up to Tucson because Jenny was in town with the baby, her best friend. If you read her book, you'd know it. Bingo, let me out. Get that on Amazon.

Signed copies now available at DougStanhope.com. So the neighbors come over fairly late, probably 10, I don't know. He explains to me that she suffers from seizures, real bad. Bingo had just had a seizure again. This time we know, nah, the seizures were not cocaine-related, as the doctor explained to us when she was in the hospital. But this time, there's another stressful situation where oh that that wasn't tucson that was uh colorado uh she was fort collins she was working on uh her audio book doing the editing so every

time bingo's had a seizure this one put her in the emergency room. But she was just fortunately laying down on a couch this time. Not on a dead wire going across. But still. That's why I lay on couches almost 90% of the time. Dude, you are safe. It's better to be safe. You are safe. Yeah.

You and your dogs. So when the new neighbors come over, I'm pretty fucking plastered. So I'm trying my best to not slur too much until they get drunk and uh he explains to me well she has seizures so she works from home and i'm like oh seizures i should get bingo you're gonna be fast friends like they know each other what are you saying i know well i said i was pretty fucking hammered it's new year's eve you people you people well al explains to me that al his wife has seizures not like several times a day sometimes as many as 30 times a day since she was 11 she's now 31 the longest she's gone without a seizure was 72 and a half hours wow so we're sitting out

here on the patio she's in there getting a drink amongst a bunch of fucking riffraff around here probably trying to make conversation like well let's get her out of there first of all you got it you got one of those trash can dollies and moved her up next to a tranny danny she had flavors of seizures like she she could go well that one was a minor this is a she had them labeled this is a grand mall this is fucking petite mall this is the fucking grande latte this is the this and that and so they're fantastic people they're yeah again young early 30s yeah uh he works for the city or the county or the state or something and she does ebay stuff because she can't leave the house having 30 fucking seizures a day and uh so we got her out and bingo came out while she was having seizures

but they got really bad so bingo took her into the fun house we cleared out the fun house took her into a bar well she was out here on the patio we're having cocktails just a few of us so we can have a conversation because i don't know them and it was really cool but then she she went down hard she went down bingo style so bingo all right i'll get out of bed i'm on duty and she was out there for a couple hours trying to get right but she she puked all over the the driveway what in front of the fun house because just from the seizures so i thought it was appropriate because she felt really bad i can't believe i'm doing this we just just met you. That's just my condition. So I did the worm

on my belly in her vomit in my Arizona Cardinals sweatshirt there. That was the vomit in the tweet. Well, I thought that was an appropriate way to show her that she's in the right space. Or clear the house.

Everyone would leave. I'm sure I did half that too time for some people to go i assumed it was blood she fell and hit she's fucking vomited that's way grosser so i thought rolling in her vomit would let her know because she kept saying that i was sorry she was embarrassed exactly gobble gobble gobble. Goobo gobble. Exactly. I still stand by that play. So now they refer to you as bad neighbor Stanhope is what you're saying? Probably. But she went in the funhouse and the husband talked her down over a course of time. And she just felt really awful.

That's kind of what we're here for is when you're like she wasn't a fuck up she wasn't like i'm gonna chug this whole thing yeah she's just having problems well she probably limits where she goes because of that so yeah this is the place i agree with next door is it next door one way or the other and the other one's for sale they're coming over today the next day i went and walked they have two dogs one's fat as shit so me and the husband walked the dogs for the first time i walked the dogs in months and uh hit the trails and and i hey, we're doing football this weekend. Seizure friendly. They said, what can we bring? So they'll be by. A mop and a bucket?

Well, we finally walked him home that night and I'm covered in the vomit sweatshirt, tits to belly button covered in vomit and I put the sweatshirt on tits to belly button covered in vomit, and I put the sweatshirt on the mannequin in the wheelchair covered in vomit and set it next to their door and then took a picture. I tweeted the picture the next day. Yeah, it was one of those kind of New Years. My team, it's an Arizona Cardinals jersey, my team, my wheelchair, my mannequin, someone else's vomit. Happy New Year. Thanks

for coming. When they come over, we should all dress up like the first two rows of a Gallagher show. Garbage bags. There's too many of us. I was going to say, we have big black garbage bags in there. Just pull out just half a dozen and just cut neck holes in them. Not the good ones.

So as soon as they show up, we'll go, oh, the owls are here, and everyone bag up. The end of the story is after I tweeted that picture, wheelchair is still out there. I drive by, and there's no sweatshirt. And then I come back from Safeway, and the washed sweatshirt is back over the mannequin. Good neighbors. They're cool as shit. Good neighbors. Wow.

I don't know what happened to Murphy. Let's take a break. Hang on. I'm going to set this up because the payoff will be after the break. Beckers are going to be here. Beckers are going to be our new neighbors starting the 21st. Looking forward to that. The Gumps. The gumps are here they lived in a camper down on another street uh they're kids they're

going to be a whole other podcast in themselves i've already pre-podcasted gump what the fuck's been going on oh wait i haven't been here either so i'm just as clueless as you should. Me and Chad are holding hands under the table. Wait until after the break. This is where, Bisbee, we have a problem. All right. The Chalys are back from their Hawaiian debacle, and I assume when we finally get to a podcast where we talk about your Hawaii vacation, I bet it goes a lot like the brady

bunch's hawaiian vacation there was some kind of uh emulator what do you call those rag had a tiki that he didn't want to return to the sacred site all right we'll save that for another podcast because cliffhanger the trail he's on vacation that's a separate one but let me ask you a serious question greg and tell me this is greg who's greg greg mr chaley oh shit i think i think tennessee titans might win this fucking thing by a point go titans greg chaley coming home what was the thing you missed most after a sentence of a month in Hawaii? You know, to be honest. I'll tell you right now.

The one thing I didn't miss was any of the blue aprons because I put it on pause. You can put your blue apron box, your weekly box on pause, and it's all online. And you go, oh, I want this meal. I want this meal. I don't want this one, but I want this one. I want vegetarian. I want fish. I don't want pork.

You had a lot of New Year's resolutions there. There's a lot of shit going on. And you can also say, hey, stop it. Oh, you know what else you can do? You can say, hey, send it to Chad for a week or two. He did that. He did that? Yeah, we enjoyed the shit out of it.

Well, thanks for thinking of me at Christmas. I got a tie clip. Can Blue Apron guarantee that when you put it on pause for a month, it's not just sitting in a warehouse, the same box, stewing in mold? They don't hold your box. Because it's not my bullet points. I want a Blue Apron guarantee. it's not my bullet points i want a blue apron guarantee it's not coat check for your food they will suspend and then when you want to start it up again you

start it and when you want to start it up again and you want to send it to chad or the lovely denise from the store i notice you don't point out the gumps who don't have a refrigerator much any any place to cook you do need an address they have like uh do they have a like gump low blue apron where it's all like mres non-perishable blue apron i thought you're gonna go the other way where it's like can they send it to a p.o box can they send it to a van we need a p.o box Blue Apron that just goes in. Freeze dried. They're all the same.

I got mine in a vending machine. I don't have an address. What do you got for you? What are you coming home to? Blue Apron is the number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country. In the entire country? This country. Does that include Puerto Rico?

Because they're in dire straits right now. They live like the Gumps. I wish I could say that. You're the Bisbee Puerto Ricans. Oh, don't worry. Eventually, we're going to get to the Gumps on a podcast. Inside jokes. Now it's inside baseball.

Maybe I should have started with, Blue Apron's mission is to make incredible home cooking accessible to everyone. It should be. It should be. Unless you're in Puerto Rico. Chicken in every pot, a Blue Apron in every mailbox. Hey, we did this a couple months ago where we talked about the wine plan. That's another option that you can get from Blue Apron.

But there's also the family meal plan, and there's also the two-person meal plan, which is what Tracy and I do. Good. So we get three meals for two people. Good. And family people out there, you're listening to the wrong podcast. You should have gone a different direction. But, yeah, the two-person plan, that works good.

Or is there just a guy-alone sad plan? Because that's my fan base. Yeah, there is. Target, market. You know he's fat. Just eat the two-person plan like you know my fan base you know there is target market you know he's fat just eat the two-person plan like you know you want it's true see you're a problem solver chad shank and you're always down on yourself a couple weeks with your suicide and your murder what about being a problem solver for blue apron hey for eight weeks blue apron is teaming up with whole 30 that's like a weight loss thing, to bring you delicious recipes.

Their menu will feature two Whole30 approved recipes each week, like Mexican spiced barramundi with avocado. That's a white fish, not too fishy. Togahashi. Fuck. Chad, what does that say? It just says somehow the Kansas City Chiefs might have just won. Togahashi... Fuck. Chad, what does that say? It just says somehow the Kansas City Chiefs might have just won. Togarashi chicken.

Oh, I went too soon to the R. Togarashi chicken lettuce cups with avocado and kale and sweet potato salad. Kickstart your new year with Blue Apron and Whole30. Blue Apron is treating the Doug Stanhope podcast listeners to their first three meals. A $30 value with your first order if you visit blueapron.com slash stanhope. So check out this week's menu

and get your $30 off with free shipping at blueapron.com slash stanhope. I don't like saying slash stanhope over and over again in front of Chad Shenning. He's going to think it was the voices in his head that said slash Stanhope. Blue Apron, a better way to cook. Give me one of those block rocking beats. I got one. How about this?

New Year, new sheets. New year, new sheets. New year, new sheets. I did bathe for the first time in the new year, nine days in. So wouldn't it be good, like, at the beginning of the year when you take your annual bath, that you actually get a new set of sheets? Why not Brooklinen? Why otherwise? Why would you not?

Why would you not? Brooklinen sheets. They say you spend a third of your life in bed, but I spend about half of my time in bed. I sleep for a third, and then I add in another third or a quarter or an eighth of just sitting in bed wishing I was still asleep because Brooklyn and Sheets. was still asleep because brooklyn and sheets if you've ever stayed at my house you stayed on brooklyn and sheets only if you were in my bed and don't ever do that again because the other beds have shitty sheets 10 count sheets hey but they're colored hey it's magenta to match the walls. Yeah, the magenta is going to come off on your back. Get the fuck out of my bed. I thought that was a My Little Pony tattoo on your back.

You just have night sweats. It came off my bed. Yeah, those are five counts, and they go down a count every time someone sleeps in them. My bed, Brooklyn and sheets. I sleep like a baby, and I wait till you trudge out of here, you drunken slob. Oh, yeah, we let him sleep in the rape trailer. Are those Brooklyn and Sheets?

No, they're not Brooklyn and Sheets in the rape trailer. They're barely sheets. It's almost a tarp. Almost all sheets compared to Brooklyn anden sheets are a tarp. Hey, get the high quality. Cover up your canoe with other sheets. If you want to sleep like a king, get Brooklinen sheets, and they mail them right to your house.

You don't have to drive drunk to get sheets. Stop driving drunk to get sheets. This is something I try to preach to my fans. You don't have to drive drunk all the way to Sierra Vista 25 minutes and back and go around the circle where the cops hang out to get good sheets. You just go to brooklinen.com. Perfect sheets show up at your door. You sleep better than your neighbors.

I don't know about you, if you have a window that faces your neighbor, you leave your sheets up at night, put bright lights on, and just put your middle finger up at the neighbors. Like a shadow puppet show. You have to prop it up with a crutch because you're going to sleep like a baby on Brooklinen.

But you want them knowing they're sleeping on shitty Target sheets. I hope that we're not killing a Target sponsorship in the future. Anyway, Brooklinen sheets. Seriously.

Sleeping is the most important drug in your life. You do your acid, you do your 2CB, you do your ecstasy, you do whippets on top of it. Cartoons form before your eyes for a minute or two, but no drug is better than an 11-hour sleep where you're dreaming. I had dreams last night. So many people were dead. It was so vivid. last night so many people were dead it was so vivid no no acid trip can can bring you to the place that good sleep brings you with just vivid antagonizing haunting dreams that's the hallucination

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We're back. This is where it all went south. You might remember this from months ago on a podcast. Hello, Doug. This is Will from north of Seattle. I bought that piece of land next to your place at 220 Van Dyke. The empty lot. Nice viewing deck up there at your place, brother. We read this on the air.

I ignored it. We didn't read this, did we? I don't remember this. I don't remember this. Oh, maybe I just read it to you in the funhouse. Or to no one. The city proposed, says that the proposed structure would need to be 20 feet back from the property line by the street. Do you own that little piece of fucking land back there? I can run the sewer through. I'll give you some dough, brother. Next to us downstairs.

Yeah. Where the shitty dell is. This little tiny lot right beside the deck on top of the funhouse has been for sale since i moved here a deformed pizza pie like a slice a slice of pizza right it's a triangle on a 50 degree angle or i don't know angles yeah it's a pretty high incline like moon rock it's scrub there's no fucking way you could build on it. I thought about buying it just so no one would ever move there. But I thought no one would ever buy that.

It's the shittiest. I said, why wouldn't you to keep someone away? And you said, who would ever buy it? Will. Will from north of Seattle. So we ignore this for months. I'm in Safeway. I walk out.

Sometimes I get recognized. And it's fun in town. I was at Dollar Store before Christmas and buying some dumb shit because I'm bored. And I had a coupon. At a dollar store? At a dollar store. For $5 off. It comes in the circular.

$5 off. You can buy the store. If you buy $20 or more, you get $5 off. So that was my impetus to go save $5 by buying $20 worth of shit I don't need that's plastic and garbage. So I'm having fun. I've been off for seven

weeks or something. Yeah, I don't, like I got everything done around the house. And more. Then I don't know what to do with myself. I'm like finally bored. So I go and I have my coupon and they had burner socks. They had burner socks in a discount shelf of all sorts of gloves and hats and T-shirts and fucking. Burner socks is what you use on the road.

So you pack a ton of them and you knock down the days by throwing away a pair of socks every day. If you read my book, This Is Not Fame, available now and voted the best book written by a comedian second year in a row. Congratulations, by the way. By the Interrobang. And that was without asking the killer termites for fucking votes. So thank you, real people.

Real votes. I walk in and they go, oh, oh fuck they got burner socks in here five dollars for 10 pair 50 cents a pair you just put them on in the morning throw them away the next morning put on a new pair and uh so i get my other 20 worth of shit which is probably like 60 worth of shit and i break out my coupon and i go this counts for those right because uh they were on a special he goes no uh there's fine print socks and underwear not included no way i went really really that and i went over to the display right by the cashier and i read there is fine print underneath no socks and underwear so i i'm angry and i just throw them back in but i fortunately i smiled and then i came back and i said okay these three for ten dollar twelve packs of coke there's no fine print on these right

but i'm smiling he goes no that's that's a special that counts and he goes i've been waiting for you to come in. I moved here 11 months ago from such and such. And they said, don't worry, eventually you'll meet him. And I'm really glad to meet you. And I'm like,

I am so happy that I didn't throw a fucking tantrum in my pajama pants at a family dollar about burner socks and fine print. I was smiling about it. So that's happened a couple times. Best Buy,

my computer shit the bed for a minute. So I bring it to the fucking Best Buy in Sierra Vista because they're the only people you can go to. And if Geek Squad fat fucking idiot, they actually wear badges on their belts. And I go, wow, maybe this

guy's a cop because I was flicking him shit. And then I go, oh, go oh it says geek squad you fucking failure so i'm flicking him shit and he like he wouldn't he just didn't know what the fuck he was doing and then he was gonna charge me 99 to ask him a question i'm like fuck you i'm just gonna go buy another piece of shit i'm yelling i'll just buy another piece of shit laptop that's gonna to fail like every one of your other laptops. Give me this one. And then we don't have it in stock. Then why is it out as a display?

I spent $1,400 and took mine home, and then mine worked again. Did you try the power button? But again, as I'm going apeshit, this kid that I had asked about one of the laptops goes, I'm just a stock guy. I should get you a guy who knows about laptops. And I go, that's fine. And he followed me out into the parking lot. And he said, no, you can keep walking while we talk.

It was like a theft prevention guy. No, I need to talk to you. Let's just walk and keep calling it and he goes i'm sorry about what happened in there i'm a huge fan and he had a fucking sharpie and i think will you sign this i go will you sign your dead computer absolutely there's nothing better than throwing a fucking shit fit and then someone wants an autograph. He actually got on Twitter. He joined Twitter to say, sorry about what happened to Best Buy. It was really

cool to meet you. Then he got fired by Best Buy for tweeting. I bet he did. I bet he did. Because he didn't know to not put Best... He was replying to me shitting on Best Buy on Twitter. Hashtag Best Buy. What? Don't do that. What are you doing, son?

Come on. Don't you even listen to the special? Not that many. Alright, so I get stopped outside a Safeway. Hey, Doug. And I went, yeah. He goes, I'm Will. I'm your neighbor. And I went, oh, where are you? The vacant lot

next to your... And I went, oh, no. No, this guy's a real person. He goes, I bought the, and I went, why would you buy that fucking lot? I just went right at his, why would you buy that? It's the biggest piece of shit lot in Bisbee. Like, what? And he goes, well, you know, I wanted to move and my wife Jill and can we run sewage through?

And I just steamrolled over. Did you get my letter? I go, yeah, I think I did. But why would you actually buy that? You can't build on that. He goes, yeah, we just need to run sewage. And I steamroll over the sewage thing. I go, that's crazy. You can't. it's there's no worse lot that you could buy he goes well we like the view of the hills you can see the fucking hills from i go this doesn't make any sense we like the view of the hills every lot here has every view of the hill the whole street has a view of the hills. What you're saying is that the footprint that that lot has is so bad that why would you do that?

It really is moon divots. Why would you do that? That's why I dismissed the letter. Well, we know why, right? When I reread the letter, I can't tell if he's a fan or not because this came snail mail if he really wanted you mean personal he could have just found my serial killer had something to prove

came snail mail which obviously we get a lot of fan mail we solicit it but there's nothing in here that hints to he knows who I am. He could have got this from county records and wants to ask the neighbor if he can run sewage through their property. We sent you like a plat line, like this is the platting of the city. I mean, that's he that he. But he knew me enough to wait outside in front of fucking Safeway for me to come out. I assume saw me in an aisle. They don't live here.

He says in this one day I want to build a structure there. So this is what I said. I know, but I think he's not going to be able to do it. I still don't think he's going to be able to do. He's going to be able to try and fuck you on where the funhouse is because of the easement. 20 feet. 20 feet, which actually, we'll talk off air because I just realized why you can't. We already.

No. Well. That's what I didn't want to say because I wanted to help tell him anything. He doesn't know. It's not like the funhouse was not built without fucking city code. We had to have this city inspector over here. So that's. You know know the guy on mushrooms that fired the guy in the dress no no that that's not that's not the city and it's building inspector well who knows it's all a melange here the the amount of effort it would take to build anything on that piece of shit, granite fucking slab. He's coming from Seattle.

And I just kept, I go, you're insane. He goes, well, my wife, she thought, I go, then your wife's crazier than you. Why would you buy that specific lot? And he goes, well, it was only $6,000. That's what it went down to. And I said, I would have paid you that to not have you anywhere near me doug we had it we had i know i didn't think cheaper it was cheaper from the realtor when they said look i'll give you that for this and he's like why who would ever get there who

would ever buy that who what idiot would ever buy that sloping rocky terrain like the moonscape that's what i said i said i would have spent six thousand dollars to not have you near me but i didn't think anyone was that insane and he goes well honestly when we looked at it we felt a really good energy and i I went, good luck with that. Here's us ruining your energy. Because you have to understand, when you go up on the deck now, this guy was by twice, the next day and the day after, clearing some brush, trimming fucking trees,

scraping them against the side of the fence. And when he'd walk by, he could see directly into my fucking kitchen yeah this is worse than when you have fucking house guests and fucking walk through the like all right i'm in my underwear and you're gonna walk through the fucking driveway right now and i gotta shut the fucking curtains earlier he called good neighbors the ones who came over here and had seizures and threw up yeah but this guy's worse but this guy is like if he actually tried to live there he would be the neighbor guy for the famous one from the tim allen like you can look over the fence you can just and right

fucking there the reason that's a good view from the deck is because there's no one in that lot. If you were on the deck that we fucking built as a monument, you would just be looking right down on him, feet away, probably in his boxers. But he doesn't care. He doesn't care. Doug, now I think you can understand. The reason some will buy a tiny footprint of a lot is because they don't need to go wide. They're going to go up.

That's why you should have bought it. That's why the killer termite should have bought it. As far as I'm concerned, it's all capitalism. Because if he's got to pay him more than six to get rid of him, I'm thinking I can get 12 to get rid of the guy. Let's not go there publicly. Oh, man. Listen, as I walked away, he did this after he said he had got good energy.

Him and his wife got good energy from the lot. And I went, good luck with that. And I just spun and bailed. And he did a namaste bow. Oh, no. So, Joby took the high ground. In the days of discussion, there's no way anyone can build property on that lot.

I've talked to experts, and they're not experts in building. There's no way you could have a peaceful life living on that lot. I've talked to experts, and they're not experts in building. There's no way you could have a peaceful life living on that lot. But, Joby, go ahead. The lot, so people can understand, is at a level that I can't imagine even trying to make a level spot

to build stilts. That's exactly why I never bought it. At the top of it, it would be grade, and then it would be stilts all the way down I wanted to buy even the one we have the other lot behind us the shitty dell just for parking and I couldn't figure out how you could make parking

on that lot much less a house that's why I never bought the fucking thing well you actually bought the shitty dell because you thought your other structure would fall into their property you were afraid kenny oh andrew you're already there looking over there's not a gray yaris there's no car parked at the top of that is there i can see their fucking where they parked their fucking car in front of it no that's a no oh man we have a lot of things that we could do. Even the kids that gump's here are going, we could

bury a body there and pretend it's haunted. Too bad the gump's left and that's never going to happen. Well no, they're trying to play up the haunted angle because they're fucking 21 year old kids. I said haunted doesn't work for old people

with scooby-doo exactly yeah you're gonna come up with a body anyway why don't you just get rid of the one that's a problem what the fuck are you making more work for you i can get you one 10 minutes i'll get you one body i said i, a haunted doesn't work for old people our age. Lawyers do. And you saw how they got rid of the fucking, I would never want to go that route, but how they got rid of the trailers over, the pretty trailers. Remember it was a big city thing? The yellow trailer.

Yeah, the yellow trailer. Don't have to fill in the fucking listener. They had a big thing where yeah aged people with lawyers got rid of something that they considered an eyesore i consider eyes looking at me real close up and i saw their eyes are making you sore i thought that i should make them an offer where just like like I said at Safeway, when you hijacked me in the parking lot, I'll pay you $6,000 to get rid of you. Plus, any travel costs, any court paperwork. Yeah, I'll pay all the closing costs and your $6,000 to not have you here.

And that goes down $1,000 a day. Otherwise, Hatfield, meet McCoy. I'll move you comfortably to another lot. I think we should have stopped talking about this about five minutes ago. You shouldn't talk about a strategy on a podcast that's going to go out. Well, Joby went the opposite way. Now we have to, we'll go over the letter that he sent me initially

about sewage where Joby found where they could be an asset. I don't see how that happens without a giant billboard that we built. Once again. Listen, I'm going with the juvenile shit. I'm keeping the funny stuff. Don't worry.

I'm not opening my fucking thick vest on the podcast. I want there to be someone to say, Shaley tried to stop it. Baseball stadium spotlight. So if they look this way, they blind themselves. I can afford it. And it'll be within the easement line. Motion lights. every time they move

it just turns on in their own house the bat goes by i like it that's a good one porn soundtrack that every time the motion light gets set off there's all male grunting right against speakers against the fence no do the low end we just get We just get the bass bands. So we're like the U.S. military trying to get Noriega out of the fucking palace. He just says shit himself. The brown sound. You realize a couple of drunk nights in the funhouse might do that naturally. We get some pretty fucked up music going. Well, i have more

information about him and now we're gonna have to go back to our fucking sneaky pi we still haven't brought up that story but uh yeah that fucking so yeah well i don't just to find out if this guy is a fan if he's moving there to be my friend or or if he's just a dude who's, I scored a fucking $6,000 lot, but how would he know me outside of fucking Safeway? Unless he Googled me. I don't know. Well, he obviously Googled you. He sent you a letter.

Well, he might be listening to this, and that's why I'm holding fucking thick knives fucking close to the vest. He wasn't a bad person it's just you can't have someone right there i didn't think anyone would ever who else but an insane person you absolutely did not think anyone would ever no and no one else ever did that's why we don't have a parking lot there i said get it just because you can get it. And we were going to get a way better deal. Not better than six grand. I think it was eight.

What's his name? Five? You offered five? I showed you a hand because I didn't want you to say anything. You know why? When it dropped that bottom out, I didn't want to do it because I get separate. It's such laziness, but I get separate bills like every year to pay property tax on every fucking lot and i'm like jesus and you have to write a check

who you're just writing a checks is so arduous oh right can i swipe the thing writing a check that you have money for is so laborious the good thing is and that's why i saved the first podcast of the year with bisbee we have a problem because he was over there twice one time yeah gumps were here i was he went down to the neighbors behind us who i think own the lot that he wants to run sewage through so we don't have a say he could do either well I'm sure she owns the lot but then I saw him up here then I saw him down there then I was up on the lot then he drove around down on black knob and he saw me on top of the deck so and I was waiting I go I'm gonna hear that car make the lap because they want to

talk to me again so I disappeared and then every time i had a fucking duck and cover in my own yard because he's out there trimming bushes and i'm trying to low crawl to the fun house from the main house to fucking get away from this fucking tool could could this be solved with a higher fence uh bingo i already tested that metal because she tried when you first tried to do the fence around here you had eight to ten foot separate it's all not legal yeah that's it's all separate sections of corrugated tin whatever five but they had them eight to ten feet high staggered and i remember the mailman came by when i came home to this monstrosity we were on tour i was in the uk didn't know this was getting built bingo surprised me and uh

surprised the city by someone actually filing a complaint which i wrote in the first book to get a building code complaint in bisbee where everything's fucked up every single house is not up to code but to have someone complain the mailman came by as i was coming in and said what are you trying to build your own third third world country fucking eight and ten foot sections of rusted corrugated tin so yeah that's why we had to chop it down it made it stick it's weird but we could put a fucking a billboard within our own property. Well. With our own sponsors like Blue Apron.

Just facing them and them alone. We're going to have to do some fucking work. We're going to have to be diplomats. Joby had an idea about how we could make this work. And I go, all right, that's positive. I don't want to start a problem. This place has been perfect. But that would fuck it up.

That would fuck up the entire sanctity of everything we've built. And you look at fucking our friend in L.A. It's a whole fucking street except for one house, and he's been trying for 30 years to just get that one house. Can you imagine what that price, like the frustration price is? Like, look, just give him, offer this, because it's the one blemish on that whole fucking thing. I just can't even imagine what that is.

How well to do are the people that have that, that they don't care? That they would be like, or just like, no, my dad left me this house and I haven't paid a dime on it. I just pay taxes from 1940s on it. If you didn't have that whole block, I wouldn't even want to be there anyway. It's a pretty sweet place, though.

Even their place. But it's got to be a lot of money. Which is not what's going to happen here. We're not telling Will. Anyway, so that's been my conundrum for the last several days since you left. I'm starting at 12, Will. You're not going to get more than that. Oh, no, I think we could go the other way.

I'll tell you right now, he won't even take 12. I'll say that. He won't. Because there's something else. There's another added value that we're not aware of. He's really the namaste guy that feels good energy. He's a namaste guy.

What if he's that guy this week? He writes in his letter is in all capital letters, which is the exact same way I write. I'm suspicious already. Jack doesn't like it because of the smell of his ink. I can't imagine that he, however he, when he said $6,000, you'd think that he was a pauper where they're going to squat.

There's a tool shed that's been built there that's falling apart. There's probably $10,000 worth of work that has to be done before you can even put a shovel in the ground. Yeah, I mean, it's... No, way more than that. Yeah, I was being conservative. Well, there's no water, there's no sewer. Just to level the property, I'm saying. There's no electric because that's what we got from the realtor.

There's nothing. There's no services to that unit. When I say unit, I mean a sloping, barren moonscape. Okay, so say. Doug, can I throw an extension cord over your corrugated wall? They had a proper car. It wasn't like the fucking Gumps and some fucking Jim Goad, Grapes of Wrath fucking trailer with things strapped to the roof.

They had a decent car. If they're spending $6,000, like that's a bargain, so they can spend $150,000 to make a structure that's livable that doesn't make sense so it's not the bargain if they're fans that would make sense but if they know that i'm not fans of theirs that should crush that good energy that they feel coming out of that property that we should all just go over there and fuck up the energy that's the plan that we should do you know what and on it for a little while let's just close on that because this is the perfect year-long hopefully more teaser for the opening podcast and we can keep you updated

on that you're the dog and you know what all we have to do is kill the energy. And how do you go to the fucking courts about fucking bad energy? You go to the killing termites. Not yet. Bad energy. Just think bad energy. Point being, that's our plan. Bad energy. Or follow Joby's good karma.

I don't see how that's going to work. We'll talk off the air. All right. Chad Shank is back. Joby, you have a quick update about Death Pool, which I am the goddamn winner of our game. Yeah, you want to do Death Pool real quick? Wasn't that the update? Yeah.

I have to say, I won ugly because someone that was a kill that other people beat me out of first place was a terrorist. Turned out a couple weeks later, he didn't get killed at all. He's back. So they lost all their points and I won. Thank you, terrorism. JT. There is winners in terrorism.

Everyone wins. Don't let the terrorists win. JT took second. So, yeah, good for him, too. And I think Jet Lacey took third. So, yeah, so that was great. We've got, yeah, 2018 starting up on the 15th. We've got a bunch of new code coming out.

So the 13th is. Let me reiterate that this year, and I'm doing it. I don't know if you're doing it just because it exists. So it makes it simple for everyone that wants to play but doesn't want to do the legwork that all these other fucking hacks who have no goddamn lives can just sit around and search people. We have auto-pick. I'm doing auto-pick.

It's just auto-draft. You don't have to do anything. If you're lazy, it just picks for you. It takes from your death watch list alternates and top 100 celebrities it just dumps it in and and you can go you get the yeah you get the melange is that the word of uh the top 100 most picked most likely i'm always looking to do less yes absolutely this year we're doing auto pick so uh i think on the 12th or 13th they're going to roll the new code out, new site, look, everything. So it's going to be wonky for a day or two, but we don't start until the 15th.

And that's Stanhope Celebrity Death Pool, or the acronym. Yep, dscdp.com. We've got, let's see, the Killer Termites Funeral Home. We gave a bunch of prizes away last year. Flame Retarded took first. We don't bunch of prizes away last year. Flame Retarded took first. We don't need to multiply a second. And Death Squad, from last year, that won. These are their screen names, by the way.

But first place is like a 44-inch TV, a tablet is second place. We're giving all those prizes away. Check your emails. I've emailed all you guys. And we're going to do that again for Killer Termites this year. Okay.

So it's open. And the more people that play, the bigger the prizes. Yeah, absolutely. So sign up. Killer Termites is open, so you can start now. Let's see. Sight Wide Spider Jerusalem. That's a screen name.

And Twitter. He won Sight Wide and picked the new bonus category for this year, which is musicians. Musicians. Oh, nice. Wow. Last year was the year. Last year was. Musicians are a bonus point.

So that's 25 points. 25 points. Yeah. Wow. So politicians was last year, but it seems all the. Let me, before you have to get angry on them, we're going to decide if it's a, was Manson a musician? No.

I'll throw that one at you. No. No. What is he known for? He's known for killing people. Yeah. So if someone played bongos before they killed their whole family. All right.

Here you go. What about William Shatner? Okay. What is he known for? No. He has an album. But is one of my favorite songs on that album. But he's known for an actor first.

And also, hold on a second. Common People with Joe Jackson. Manson wrote a song that Marilyn Manson covered. Yeah, but he's not known as a musician. No, no, it was Guns N' Roses. Point being, if you start bitching, well, he's kind of a musician. You're going to get knocked back. We decide. He's not known for that.

You're right. Yeah, you've got to be known for that. Anything else on Death Pool? Okay, on the 12th, next Friday. January 12th, in the year of our Lord, 2018. Stan, Hope, Shank, and I will be on Tucson Radio. It's 96.1 KLTX. With Christine Levine, Mamou.

Yeah, with Christine, and we're going to talk a bunch of death pool and stuff like that. Hold on, talk slower. Doug wants to write it down. And there's another podcast we'll be doing, Swapcast. death pool and stuff like that. Hold on. Talk slower. Doug wants to write it down. There's another podcast we'll be doing. Swapcast, I assume, on Super Bowl since we're not having a Super Bowl party.

Yeah, this is going to be great. Super Bowl weekend. We'll keep you updated on that once it's set in stone. It's going to be a big one. So tune in to 96.1 KLPX Tucson on the 12th, and we'll be doing that with Christine. Well, this is going to go out before that,

so if there's a link to hear them online, I'll put it in the show notes too. Yeah, follow us on Twitter, at Doug Stanhope, Chad Shank is at HDFatty with a Y, at Greg Chaley, C-H-A-I-L-L-E, and at Stanhope CDP for Joby. That's the Death Pool Twitter account. And I guess that's it. We're going to be cranking these fucking podcasts out,

and hopefully we can get together, have a little business meeting now that you're back, and have them go out on a consistent basis, maybe every wednesday uh that's what we need to talk about yeah we'll just uh uh we'll we'll talk about well we have a schedule for the entire year so whatever you guys have been doing do it more because our sponsors the only reason they uh re-up with us is because uh you guys are supporting us so if we give you a promo code fucking use it that. That's it. Oh, my God.

I have so many notes from when you were gone. Kenny versus the kid in tennis. They fucked me over. I got to take a piss. Let's take a break and do another podcast. All right. And then I got some presents to open from some people sent some stuff in. Yeah, thank you, sir.

Going to have to wait until the next podcast. Thanks for listening, and thank you for sending shit, and thank you for getting chaley home safely jesus click did you hang up no i just said click hey bingo's new album is out what's the title of the album honey are you amused and that's available where amazon amazon and uh other like you go to bingo bingaman.com and get the wait is that what it is yeah it's bingo bingaman.com let's think in your twitter so play are you abused everything all the links are there and you can also get signed copies at dougstown.com play are you amused by bingo bingaman amy bingaman

i have declared war against my brain in order to save my mind the battle wounds don't seem to Thank you. my propensity I'll surrender to laughter over my defect and the scars remind me and tell me who might you let to your strange peaking shell which hand would you choose to wipe away a tear what fruit should you weigh

down the whole valley through how would you look upon someone dirtier than you or your new stuff belly how would you look upon someone dirtier than you why don't you let your feet carry on without a shoe would you like to see a graveyard does the stain upon your sheet tell a tall tale than you where is your virtue in relation to the moon are you Where is your virtue in relation to the moon? Are you amused?

On a good day I'll turn blood into a warm sweet milk And drink up I'm serving shots of liquid blasphemy But on a better day I might turn milk into whiskey If you're around, beware I will intoxicate Mollusk or tiger, if we shall collide If mollusk is present, her shadows have to fight But if the tiger takes hold, she will crucify If you're around, beware

And tell me, who am I to let do your strange peeking shell? Which hand would you choose to wipe away a tear? What fruit should you wake from the whole belly through? How would you look upon someone dirtier than you? Are you immune? Why don't you let your feet carry on without a shoe? Would you like to see the graveyard and smile the color blue Does the stain upon your sheet tell a taller tale than you Where is your virtue

in relation to the moon Are you amused A tightly clenched palm of authority His pen E-D-I-S-A-B-L-E-D However today she leads me on a path to belief Belief of the other wiser Now 5150 tattoos my left eye I wear it with a cattail and intrinsic pride

For my fellow impatients still locked behind The walls of crazy And tell me who might you let to From strange to the unsure Which hand would you choose To walk away until you walk through Should you wake from the whole belly through How would you look upon

Someone dirtier than you Are you immune? How would you look upon someone dirtier than you? Are you amused? Why don't you let your feet carry on with that shoe? Won't you like to see a graveyard on a smiley-colored blue? Does the stain upon your sheet drill a tall, hurt-tailed in you? Where is your virtue in relation to the moon?

Are you amused? And tell me who might you let do Your strange reaction Which hand would you shoot To walk away a king of fruit Shoot you away Found the whole valley How would you look upon someone Dirtier than you are

Are you amused? Why don't you let me carry on without you? Would you let me be your light? I smile with the rain Stay in a water sheet Tiled all the way to the east Where you are I'll let you be my relation to the moon Oh, you Мы в доме устных. © transcript Emily Beynon