The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #243: Super B0wl Be Trippin'

Episode Date: February 7, 2018

Following the big game, Doug decides to get behind the mic while the party is still ramping up. Lot's of characters and play by play of the party. Recorded Feb 04th, 2018 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Brett Erickson (@IBrettMyPants), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Johnathon, Brad & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. Bar Tended by Ms. Tracey. This episode is sponsored by Brooklinen.com - Get $20 off AND free shipping when you use promo code STANHOPE at Brooklinen.com.  Order a SIGNED copy of Doug's NEW book, "This Is Not Fame: A "From What I Re-Memoir"" at - [http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/?category=Books](http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/?category=Books) Bingo's book "Let Me Out: A Madhouse Diary" is now available at [http://www.bingobingaman.com/](http://www.bingobingaman.com/) Recorded Jan 26th, 2018 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. Bar was Tended by Ms. Tracey. Closing song, “Philadelphia Freedom”, by Elton John performing live in Las Vegas (2004) - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZ7lO5eGikE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZ7lO5eGikE). Available on iTunes. LINKS: Dollar Shave Club - For a limited time the ‘Sh*t, Shower, Shave’ Starter Set is available to new members for only $5\. Go to [www.DollarShaveClub.com/STANHOPE](www.DollarShaveClub.com/STANHOPE). Chad Shank Voice Over info at [www.AudioShank.com](www.AudioShank.com) Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org/](http://www.innocenceproject.org/)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast all right we got we get all see i need a goddamn bartender there she is my bartender's here the podcast starts now it's the superbowl hangover part, Jesus. Is she stumbling? There's some people on Adderall. There's some people on acid. Other people might be drunk. A lot of people might show up into the podcast.

But there's a whole cast of characters. Super Bowl just ended. One team beat the other team. Did you see it? It was close. I saw parts of it. Yeah, this was the worst best Super Bowl party ever. Don't say worst and look at me.

We won like almost all of our pools. We had three squares we won on and we won the overall pool. I won. I of our pools. We had three squares we won on, and we won the overall pool. I won. I love Philly. All right. Neighbor Dave, who doesn't listen to the podcast, but I've told this to his face, laughs at every commercial that makes you violent and stabby.

Geico Gecko is his favorite comedian that's doug can you get me tickets do you know him do you know the gecko he's a big fat fucking dumbered when it comes to comedy he laughs at everything that's awful and this season as you all well know dilly dilly which means child rape honestly dilly dilly if you go through history means rape children bud light means Bud Light means, oh, I can't wait to plunge my cock into a baby. But they used to say dilly dilly. Allegedly. Well, if you go through the internet. Like a secret menu?

I don't know if I'm following. Neighbor Dave laughs at all these fucking commercials. The ones that make you stabby and so he this season got under my skin because i i gave him shit really you're fucking laughing at dilly dilly you old fat fuck and then every dilly dilly, he'd just yell it out. If I'm outside smoking, dilly dilly. There was a proposition bet that I made. Will either team score a touchdown before you hear dilly dilly in a commercial?

So I bet on dilly dilly in a commercial so I bet on dilly dilly so once he gloated about dilly dilly I just won it was a minus 145 on a 20 I won $13 fuck you there's your dilly dilly

$13 what are you getting in your fucking old man compensation from Frito Lay you fuck Dilly. $13. What are you getting in your fucking old man compensation from Frito-Lay, you fuck? Either way. How much did you put up to win $13? It was minus $145.

Don't worry. The fans will fucking tell me. I don't know how that works. I put $20 on it, but it was minus $145. Anyway. Hey, it it, but it was minus 145. Anyway. Hey, it's the after Super Bowl. During.

During after. It's not. Yeah. Again, some people are on acid. Some of us are just drunk. Some of us are both. There's a bit of Adderall. Oh, yeah. But there's a whole cast of characters.

No. Brad Erickson just refused his microphone. Brad Erickson is on acid because he just said, I don't know. No. He's never refused a microphone.

I'm not going to mention names but is that make sure that's good out there what does that mean I just I told him some people drop it I'll drop it

I'll make sure that's good. I'll do it later. Alright. I love the clues because I'm zeroing in. Nobody... Listen. No one in the listening audience has any

idea what the fuck I'm talking about. No. Most of the people... Oh, charcoal eyes behind me. Those charcoal lies are burning into my back. Hey, I'm not going to mention names, but Tracy Chaley. Traley Chasey. She's on acid.

Good game. It was. Good game. It was a good game. No one gave a fuck about this Super Bowl. We still don't. I came here intending to leave soon. It was the only thing I came here. Chad Shank texted me. Jonathan. is the only thing I came hearing. Chad Shank texted me because you,

Jonathan, you texted him last night. Someone texted him. I think Joby did. Joby. Oh, it's Joby. And said, hey, are you coming to the... And he didn't write back, which Chad will usually text back, even if it's a

no, fuck you, I'll kill you. He didn't text back. He's in a bad space. That means he got it if he doesn't text back. So Chad texts me today and he says, hey, do you need security for this non-Super Bowl party? Meaning he's in a mood.

He doesn't want to be here, but he wants a reason. And I go, no, but I always love your company. All right, Jenny will take me out. She'll bring me.

You wanted to fight. I didn't want to. That's how I read it. There's a whole other Super Bowl party I didn't want to. That's how I read it. A whole other Super Bowl party I didn't know about. No more than usual that I want to do that. I wanted to stay home. I felt like I was intruding because I wasn't a regular football watcher all the year. So I thought it was just going to be the regular group.

Said the guy wearing a killer termites and then football funhouse fanatics red coat that says security on it out the out you know the outcast that i am in my head but uh then i showed up and it was just a bunch of fucking strangers here so that's what you said at first and then when i pointed out, oh, wait, these are Justin Jason's friends, and Wheaty had a couple friends. And then you go, yeah, I guess I do know everyone else. Well, because I was focused on douchebag guy for three quarters of the night. And that's where we're going next.

But that's singular. That's one guy. Oh, yeah. That's how bad the Super Bowl was. It didn't even draw a bevy of douchebags. But this wasn't a party. I know. This was a get-together where a few extra people we didn't know showed up.

But how many people did not know the douchebag by there's a there's a dozen people in here wait who's the douchebag right wait if you have to ask if you don't know we knew immediately it was one of justin friends, backward hat guy. He just walked in and he threw me a Fifi. A Fifi? Prisoner. Prisoners here. If you're a fucking deep cut guy of the podcast, prisoners here of the Prisoner vs. Prison Guard versus prison guard podcast one and two as a sequel

yeah he brought me a sex toy walked in like i knew him and i was like these guys gotta go they were all justin's friends okay from the shady dell justin's from the shady dell they're not so i see a bunch of people I don't know walking and this one guy comes up. He throws me a fucking pocket pussy basically and starts telling

me a story. I'm trying to fucking host not a party, a get together of a few friends of fucking 50 people. And he's telling me this story just rambling, like coke rambling about coke. He scored in Mexico last night from a guy with cerebral palsy. Wait, he's got coke? Hold on a second.

Who's got coke? That's why I waited to see which side of the fence I should land on. The story involves, and I believe it's true because Justin not only verified it, but his fingers were black. It had some ink in it. What? His nose started pouring fucking black ink. Oh, I'd I missed all this.

I feel like he's explaining a movie. He doesn't seem real. I feel like I would have intervened if I would have known all this. I just figured out who's on acid. Yeah, you guys are fucking with me. No. You're fucking with us. No.

Oh, dude, like, then his nose started bleeding ink, and he wrote me a letter. I wish Justin was here because Justin verified. He's like, last night I thought we were going to get killed in Mexico because this cerebral palsy guy sold him coke and then there was black ink coming out of his nose

and his fingers were stained ink like Justin is a verifiable source. And then Justin said, so I brought those guys here. What the fuck? Yeah. Well, then he starts doing blow with his girlfriend off the ping pong table. Back.

The new ping pong table we just had resurfaced? Normally wouldn't be a problem. Except this guy's already Walked in I'm a douchebag Followed me while I'm just trying to figure out Where trays go Oh do you have a hot plate I'll put it

There's a plug here Doug started cooking Yesterday for this So he is a good host, and you obsess over things like that. But he's just like right in my – walks through the gate. I don't know him, and he's telling me stories like in your face. He's a fucking Jocko guy. He's the guy that raped the girl in Leaving Las Vegas.

Okay, now I don't know what party you're talking about. You saw Leaving Las Vegas where the Jocko guy fucking beats... We'll say I did. What's her name? She's fucking...

What just happened? Elizabeth Shue. Elizabeth Shue. Fucking hot. For 20, Alex. All right, I'm the Adderall guy. You're the acid guy. What?

I'm on whiskey. He's that fucking kind of aggro jockey he's a extreme base jumper i just kind of live town to town i lived in telluride i'm like this guy and this is my resume and i'm gonna keep telling you as you walk around 50 people trying to figure out where to plug in a crock pot, he's telling you a story you don't care about. And he's the only guy you don't know and the last guy you care about. And the first guy you talk about on the podcast. Yep. Chad Shank, always aware there was a morgan murphy who's not here uh she there was at one point me and morgan and someone else went have you guys met that douchebag out of 50 people. And we all knew, even though we were all in separate areas of the party,

backward hat talks a lot about that. Yeah, we all know. I was calling him unsanctioned backward hat guy earlier. There can only be one. Highlander. It is. Yeah, even though this was not a party, this was just close personal friends and neighbors. There's always one douchebag.

We could go through the history. why this is not a party we could tell you chad shank had to drag that fucking mexican biker out by oh uh poncho no he wore a poncho i'm not being he was wearing a poncho yeah i, I forgot about that. He had to drag him out when he was passed out and lay him next to his motorcycle. Yeah. Well, he slept sitting up, which was a really enviable feat. But he had bearded glasses on. You didn't know. And he's just sitting there like a statue.

And then you went over like, did you sit next to him? Drug story. You went in soft. You didn't go in like a statue. And then you went over like, did you sit next to him? Drug story. Like you went in soft. You didn't go in like, hey. Well, no, we had a history throughout the whole night. All right. It's too hard to go back into. We already did all that.

Yeah, yeah. We've done this. But yeah, he said something to you about, you want to just do this now? But yeah, he said something to you about, you want to just do this now? Because you both spoke the language of former. But that guy was, you're a former. He was in the moment. All right, let's not go there. It all worked out okay.

But those were days where the party went too out of control. Sorry. Tracy's tripping her balls off. Doug thinks he's getting laughs, and it's everyone laughing at what Tracy's doing behind Doug's face. She has really good timing. Doug thinks he's getting laughs, and it's everyone laughing at what Tracy's doing behind Doug's face. She has really good timing. Anyway, the douchebag finally left.

There was always one douchebag. It took a while. It took multiple terms. That guy left, and then he didn't leave, and he didn't leave. He took care of it.. Took care of it. I told him, look behind you. He's back. Right back in. Alright.

The owls? The owls are here. Mrs. Ow Al was the... She didn't have a seizure until way later. But Bill... Bill, who is Morgan's Shawnee. The guy that can do anything. Hold on a second.

Hold on a second. Hold on a second. You can't own people, Doug. Yes, you can. I just think you need to clarify. What kind of party is this? Get me an ashtray. Get me an ashtray. And touch someone inappropriately

on the way Brad's at yellow almost red light so never mind Jonathan thank you Jonathan's here so

if you've heard the Al Scissor Sister, Seizure Sister podcast, where I slid in her vomit to make her feel at home. Well, this time, Bill, Morgan Murphy's Negro. That's better. Doug's worse. That's Negro. That's better. Doug's words. That's better. That's better. We can agree on that term.

Bill was on the podcast a year ago. All right, with Morgan. Bill is, well, they both happen to be Negroes. But they both happen to be fucking heroes of the story so shut up it's like the green mile wait someone is executed in the green mile

yeah but Shawnee can breathe flies anyway so Morgan Murphy's best friend who can fix, do anything, like Shawnee built this entire house. What?

Shawnee built this entire fun house. Everything we're standing on that's above us, Shawnee built. While Bill is her guy that does everything, fixes everything, can do everything, they both happen to be Negroes. You keep fixating on that. Hang on.

Tell the story without that part. It's not just me. It's not a video. He has to describe it. Jump on the mic I'm not a negro we brought this up earlier today because

if you followed my acts every second I used to do that on stage I'd go I'd walk out on stage and go gay pride white power just to bifurcate the audience right off the bat

so we built this whole what do we call it Tracy museum of intolerance I might suggest we don't defer to tracy so she's hanging on by a thread back there can i disagree i mean we have if you need a jellyfish's opinion on something all these gay signs and colored only signs which is gay pride white power and then that fucking what's his name you know you're a

milo's fucking the fucking faggot racist milo's gay pride white power he's really a gay pride white power you're killing my joke of gay pride white power

what are you a milo's fucking You're killing my joke of gay pride by power. What are you, a Milos fucking whatever his name is. The point is, it kind of kills the joke around it. It doesn't kill the joke. But if I ever got famous, it would kill the fucking joke.

Anyway. Don't worry. Where were we going? Chad, carry the fucking rest of this podcast. Oh, you were going to talk about... You were going to talk about... Doug. You heard him. You were going to talk about Bill had...

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So Bill, who is Shawnee... Wait a minute. We're not related. What the fuck is going on with you? But you do know him. You're fucking with me now. Bill, you're just doing a minute. We're not related. What the fuck is going on? But you do know him. He's just fucking with me now.

You're just on the podcast. He's just fucking with me now. No, Shawnee. I'm pretty sure of it. Bill is her Shawnee. We've established. Asked and answered, sir. Go on with your questioning.

Point being, he passed out before the game started. F*** blames his dabs. They talked him into doing dabs, but then Morgan says, he smokes dope at my house five nights a week. No, they put that honey oil in the joints. What's honey oil? It's like a concentrated THC oil.

Like a supercharger. Yeah, like if you wanted to have ten joints instead of just taking a hit off of one. Who doesn't? And then you lined up a giant joint the size of your thumb and then smoked that one with all of that. That's what it is. Sounds good. Perfect. Either way. Either way,

either way, super shot. There is a market. Her super shawnee, which we say that because your endurance, the fucking, they both work their balls off.

Fucking Bill worked till three in the morning, then drove 10 hours here, got here, and now he's smoking dabs. And he, Kenny had to hold him up. He was, we thought he was a third seizure sister this sounds like bill's wake what are you doing doug where where is this going the point being please he fucking passed out first seizure girl thature girl. That's where it started. Yes. Who has fucking sometimes upwards of 30 seizures a day. I go, you don't have to worry about it.

I don't have to slide through your vomit anymore because it's already four o'clock in the afternoon and the fucking Superman already passed out and Kenny had to hold him and hold his head from slamming into the thing. Table. He won the fucking, he won the big pot in the pool. He had to go to bed for fucking three quarters. You're fucking with me, right? You're right, this isn right? You're right.

This isn't a party. I knew it. Not in on it. Well, it was interesting because we were looking at the fourth quarter. The numbers were lining up, and it looked like it was pretty solid it was going to be. And no one knew who BP was. And even Bill was like, hey, who won the pool?

And I go, we're looking for who BP is. And he goes, that's me. Oh, here, you won $500. Glad you came back. See? Our Negro beats his Negro.

Her negro. I knew it was going somewhere. Finally. Yeah, we have a better negro. Let that hush. No, that we are. Stay. Our negro's on acid.

You're only saying that because I'm half white oh you always have to throw the half white in our face oh I'm half white oh I'm better than him you're such a fucking mulatto supremacist I'm Supremacist. Where's the fucking crashers? Are they still here? No, they left. Something happened.

Yeah. I didn't do it. Someone tried to fuck his fucking blonde Florida wife. She turned on her heel pretty quick. Oh, that's right. And then he looked at me and was like, now is when I gotta go. Yeah.

I actually enjoy talking to him. Another Alaska connection. Hey, we have a caller. It's Alex O'Meara. Who'd he hit now? Alex, you're on the air. Thank God. You're on the air thank god you're on the podcast go ahead okay great uh patricia dean morris called me and said she'd like to have drinks next saturday are you available this is probably not the right time but uh we're on a podcast right now. Long time listener, first time calling.

I just call him. I like to set you up on a blind date. That's the first thing that's made sense to me on this whole podcast. A telephone call? A lot of people are on acid. The rest of us are just drunk. But yeah,

call me tomorrow. We got to do the bingo thing. Sorry! did you hit any cars on the way home twice all right well call me tomorrow bye we don't get a lot of callers on this yeah mainly because we don't get a lot of callers on this podcast. Mainly because we don't broadcast it. All right. Erickson.

No. This is the part I've been waiting for. I've been staring at John Ashcroft for 20 minutes. He's freaking me out. Take a break. We're going gonna take a break We have to piss Yeah

But we're coming right back Yes No pauses Cause it'll get all Even more fucking Take the awkwardness out of this Awkward I think it's going perfectly Alright we'll be right back

After these messages. Brooklinen are the sheets for me. I'm sleeping much more comfortably. That's right. Brooklinen sheets, ladies and gentlemen. Chad just got himself a pair. They're fantastic. See?

It was a whole set. I know. I-stop shopping. I should have a pair like his fucking pants. No, it's got pillowcases, the fitted sheet, the other sheet. Duvet cover, I believe, comes with it as well. I don't think in the one I... It just had, I think, three or four pillow ones. Yeah, you get extra pillowcases.

You can order by religious denomination, too, because there's one that has a hole for period fucking. That's not even in the bullet points. Have you tried removing stains from them yet? No, I haven't slept on them that much or washed them. Who washes sheets? With Brooklyn and sheets,

you don't have to wash them. Well, like any other sheets, you don't have to wash them. That's any sheet. The whole pack, it's quick to order. I got the Lux. Yeah, it was the Lux. Yeah, which is the one that we got for here in the pink room.

Yeah. I toss and turn a lot and get up a lot and shit at night, so I have separate blankets from my wife so that i don't fuck her yeah we do the same thing so i stole the top sheet because we got the fitted sheet on the bottom so we share that but i stole the top sheet and folded it in half and use that with just one blanket and the the sheet it's warm it's fucking comfortable it's like the the heaviness of it is i've not felt that before i wish was that after a domestic thing where he's like fuck the heaviness of it is i've not felt that before i like them was that after a domestic thing where he's like fuck you i get all the brooklinens tonight it used to be

because all the animals slept between us so i've been segregated from her forever anyway but now i kicked all the animals out but she just likes to sleep away from me anyway i don't know when you get good sheets you're like yeah i used to let you on the bed. Fuck you. Hey, you spend a third of your life in your sheets. You should make those nights count. And you should really up the ante and the dosage of your sleepers and bring it up close to half of your life in bed. I did say nights. Brook Lennon, for you, it's days. Days are our nights.

It's days, too. Yeah, we've talked about that in the past. Brooklinen is the fastest-growing bedding brand in the world because people love these products. We love them. We love them. Hennigan's sitting here without saying a word because we have not given him Brooklinen sheets

because he's from Scotland, and he's more comfortable sleeping in burlap that's wet and cold with a fan on it's called character forming I didn't see that in the brooklinen see yeah no character forming in the brooklinen sheets just comfort just comfort see that'll get you nowhere being happy and all closeted hey this. Hey, this is luxury bedding underpriced. You have to try these sheets. I love my Brooklinen sheets and I love that Hennigan doesn't have any.

Try these sheets and I know you'll love them too. And then tweet at Mr. Hennigan and tell him how much it's how much you love... Fuck it. Just text him some shit. I can assure you nothing rivals my raw mat of

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That's B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E.com. Promo code Stan Hope. In fact, Brooklinen is so confident that you'll love your new sheets that they offer a risk-free 60-night satisfaction guarantee and a lifetime warranty on all of their sheets and comforters. There's no reason not to give these sheets a try. Brooklinen, these are the best sheets ever. Are you tripping?

You're bad. Man, you're doubled down. Oh, yeah. He tripled. And he just put in an order for a super joint. Oh, oh. I forget high. Yeah, I've got a lot of shit going on.

It's good. It's good. It's good. I require a lot of shit. I went all the way in the house in the pink room that's alright we have cigarettes we're going

we're going we have cigarettes those are cigarettes somebody please take a picture of Tracy for the image of this podcast because it's the best image in the world. Tracy's so fucked up

she's not even trying to sneak cigarettes now. She should be over here blowing it in my face. That's what she should be doing. That is a fucking fantastic shirt. Hey, guess where I got it? Where? Redbone on Subway. Redbone. If you in old Bisbee.

If you come to Bisbee, we have a bingo rack and a Doug Stanhope rack at Redbone. There are two large racks of Doug and bingo and one very small rack of everything else they have there. I like it. This was on the small rack. That's a fucking great shirt. That's an old... Stop. This will be great on the podcast.

Absolutely. Oh, you're not going to smoke that. We're back. There was a Super Bowl party. There's way too much food. There's way too many remnants. We got rid of the douchebags.

Mitchell's here. Hey, Brett Erickson, tell us about your future. This is it. I'm trying to get through this podcast yeah but you're you're the tripping guy yeah what's it how did you say it like that what's it what's it like give him it's cool dude you'd like it cans on him so he can hear his own voice while he's tripping.

That's a good idea. Yeah, good idea. This must be what Pink Floyd felt like. What's going to help you in your future? Whoa, who said that? Hey, hey. Oh, oh, oh. What was that coming from?

Hang on. Hang on. Let me get my. You're my monkey. Here's my grinder. Why do you get into Twitter beefs with that China man guy? Please don't do this now. Oh, shit.

There's this... There's this old comedian Mark the China Man like he was this Jerry Cooney of comedy wasn't he in DC Cab? back in the day and somehow he's still this fucking

tomato can he's the guy with the beatbox on DC Cab? no no he oh no that's Angel Salazar

yeah you know that guy. Nobody knows Chinaman. Chinaman. Chinaman would do his... He probably still does this bit where he would do Mick Jagger impressions with a giant magnifying glass in front of his face to do big lips.

And he got work, and somehow he's still working, glass in front of his face to do big lips. And then he got work and somehow he's still working, but for some reason Brett Erickson gets into Twitter battles with his guy. It started because he's an alt-right douchebag.

He's a fucking white supremacist. His act is China Man and he's a fucking white supremacist his act is China man and he's a fucking white supremacist weird right but he he picked on a Peoria comedian and I defended the Peoria comedian

and that's how it started yes and then we put it to bed and then I relit it and it was a terrible, terrible mistake. Nobody knows this guy any fucking place. He keeps

tagging everything I do on Twitter. To me, he's trying to get me involved. He's trying to get anyone to like it or... Because battles... This guy guy it started with yeah yeah it started i i like to say it started with uh rogan and carlos mencia where they realize oh if two comics battle then they'll people will pick sides and follow them so So he's trying to start this battle, which you're feeding into, you fucking dweeb. That was a mistake.

I made a mistake. I said dweeb. I just said dweeb. Yeah, it was one of those situations where you deal with a heckler and then later you think you've got the hubris to bring the heckler back into the show and then all you did was wake him the fuck up again and now

it's ruined the show. If anyone's ever done comedy in this room, you know where you go. Alright, that guy's a problem. I shut him down but then you go back into him because you had one little tiny pause. Well, let's bring the douche bag back up.

Everyone already hates him. Remember how funny I was when I made fun of this guy? And that's what you did. Yeah. It was a mistake. And here you are. All tripping your balls off on Super Bowl. That's why you play these rooms.

I can't help you if you don't help yourself, Erickson. Are you booking me now? Not after this display. Nobody is. Unbookable. You get China Man's fallout dates. Chad, take it over. I'm not going to be here forever.

One day this is going to be your podcast. This is probably not the night for this, is what I would think. I don't... I have... I had very little control over myself when I got here, and it's not better now.

Has your wife come to grips that you're probably going to stay in the guest house? Your wife looks more unhappy than the guy we had to throw out. I don't blame her. She wants to be... If you put your hat on backwards and talk about the ink-stained cocaine you got from a cerebral palsy guy, you still can't get thrown out quicker. Leave the pauses in.

No, I'm leaving it. I'm watching the dynamics right now. Everyone's fucked. There's acid eye dynamics going on here. I just melted. Jonathan, give up your mic to Jonathan. Jonathan did Adderall for the first time like he's motherfucking

my age I've never tried it oh hey we can do dueling Jonathan's cause Chad did Jonathan on a commercial perfect Jonathan Jonathan

was a commercial I penned I think and it got he means wrote Perfect, Jonathan. Jonathan was a commercial I penned, I think. And it got... He means wrote. The one that got the lady fired? The one that got the lady fired. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was a good feeling, wasn't it?

Oh, good days. But it was mostly down to me, I think. She didn't blame us, though, which was quite nice of her. I thought the good part was that I didn't care either way but you know what as long as everybody's happy when you get fired from the shittiest job ever for the

shittiest boss you can't feel real bad about it well it hurts at first because of the rejection but I mean after a while he got fired from the fucking hitching post. Come on. That's what I'm saying.

There's plenty of worse things. It's the shittiest boss ever. We should fucking crowdsource buying the hitching post. But she wouldn't sell it out of spite. Yeah, exactly. She would hang on to that until the bitter end. Because, I mean, she's doing everything right now to make sure. Unless we could find some way to make her life miserable

that she just wanted to move out of this town. Invite her to this Super Bowl party? She already beat cancer. We're trying to do a show there. We used to do a show on the Friday before Super Bowl, then a show here at the safe house on saturday and then do super bowl sunday and we kept trying to get her to let us do a fucking show there and she she thought there was a scam involved yeah and the place has been for sale forever at three times the fucking rate of what you would ever pay.

She's a fucking cunt. She's an absolute rotten, miserable cunt. For the 13 years we lived here, we had a designated driver when we moved here, and he brought a coffee into the fucking you can't bring outside beverages we come here every fucking day and that's the reason why so fuck you oh she's awful and then when we heard she had cancer because i think we went through you i won't mention your name but you knew someone who knew

someone who was a friend of hers listen they just want to do a show it's not going to cost you anything they'll charge the door you're going to sell a lot no no it doesn't seem right it's a scam and then we found out she had cancer and we're like

finally we can use this. But she didn't die. Cancer doesn't always work, even when you're praying for it. I was praying for your cancer. You got it, and you beat it. So maybe the devil does exist. Maybe you didn't pray hard enough, Doug.

Lighten her up a bit. My faith is weak. Cancer can Lighten her up a bit. My faith is weak. Cans can lighten people up a bit, but it didn't work in this case, I think. No, it didn't. This is Jonathan who brought caviar to the party.

Where was that? He smeared all over a pancake with cream cheese or some shit for me it was pretty good fucking great blinis it's uh yeah blinis and caviar that's the only thing he asked me if i was gonna if i'd be willing to try it and i was like i don't know but i told him i i had a friend when i was in the army from the philippines that wanted me to try a dog in the same way and i was game i'm like whatever whatever you guys do i'll try it

i'd eat a dude i would eat a dude i'd eat human beings do i have to cook it that's the part that i don't want to have to do shawnee it's shawnee my negro for you if you haven't been paying attention my negro shawnee won't eat pork because he believes pigs are too close to human beings. We use pig valves for heart operations. That's not his thing. That's my thing. That's exactly it.

It's pig valves? I mean, no. Genetically, it's close enough that it won't reject the valve. So that's enough. What about javelinas? Wait. They don't have a soul.

Does the one black guy in Bisbee saying we evolved from fucking... Nope. Never mind. I wanted you to finish it, Chad. I forget my point now. So did I. You have not had one.

You're meandering. That's okay. It's okay. I told Chad to take over. Oh, I thought I did. I thought I was doing a fantastic job. I can't look back at Tracy. It's so great.

Tracy's tripping her balls off, slamming her head against the freezer. I want to know what show she's listening to. So back to drugs. It's more Tracy. John, it's not you. It's more Tracy. John, it's not you. It's just more, yeah. She's, the room is fixated on what she's doing. She's the Charlie Chaplin.

Yeah. So back to drugs. I had my first Adderall. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Jonathan is talking about his first awkward handjob from a girl. He had his first Adderall. And then just as his voice beckons, please, sir, could I have some more?

It does sort of work quite well in rectifying the brain when it's been sort of when it's been for the listener that's Tracy on acid reacting to rectifying the brain.

It can have quite a disrupting effect. But yeah, no, the Android was marvelous, isn't it? It keeps you drinking all afternoon. Yeah, through a game you don't care who wins or loses. Nobody cared except for Justin and me. I wanted them to win and I don't give a fuck about it.

Yeah, money-wise. The only person here that we give a fuck about is Justin Shady Dell. There's our plug. Stay at the Shady Dell. He owns the Shady Dell and he's a Eagles fan and bingo hates him. Not really,

but hates him because he's an Eagles fan because they hired Michael Vick as a quarterback who tortures dogs. So even though Michael Vick is now long since in an announcer's booth, she fucks with him. Fuck him. I don't like the Patriots, but fuck him and fuck the Eagles. So, I like the only guy that gave one fuck about this game, his team won. Who gives a shit? And I hope Philly is burning down

because their fans are assholes. Bingo also thought we were watching soccer. So. She's a little delirious. But Justin bought some dick friends. So that makes up for it. Justin brought

dick friends but he has a really hot girlfriend who brought the one dick friend. So he couldn't say no because I get a hot girlfriend, but she knows this guy and he's a base jumper and he's a fucking ex-gamey fucking douche turd. He probably doesn't know he's an asshole. That's the kind of asshole that guy was. After you kicked him out of the party like a diplomat and everybody thought it was a done deal,

I watched his whole group going, you're staying? As he pulled away from him at the gate and snuck around the backside of the party. You caught it. Wait, they decided to stay and he had to leave? No, no, no. No, Stan Hope, am I saying words?

You are. You're right. Wait, you're fine. As a diplomat, Stan Hope put everybody out. The whole group? Yes. Okay, I didn't catch that part. No, I put it on Justin.

They're friends of friends you gotta get them out before chad does yeah earlier on chad jokingly but he would have done it if i he said you know what i think i go chad we got this covered. Be a diplomat. He goes, you know what would be funny is if I just started hitting on his girlfriend very aggressively. I go, that's a really good idea. I didn't tell him that. We would have both done it. It was a joke because that's what I told him.

I know it was a joke, but it's still a very funny before that and that's what i told jonathan i said now i have adderall and i need a project i didn't want to be here and now i need something to do so maybe i'll just fucking hit on his girlfriend really aggressively it was either how reacts. I was going to befriend him and see how tight I could get with him, but that seemed like a lot more work. Yeah, that's a long-term thing. Oh my God, that guy couldn't do it.

I figured I could bring it to a head the other way a lot faster. It was a funny... It's still a funny idea. Oh, it'll happen. Just not this Super Bowl. So he went out and then he came back in? Yeah. Okay. But that's the problem. That's a douche move. I explained to

Chad, this guy is a self-professed extreme base jumpy. The guy that likes to take a lot of chances. So he's the guy that would

get the shit beat out of him by Chad just to show that he tried. I'll jump off a fucking cliff with fucking weird wings and I'll take on those fucking knobby elbows too. I'd be game for that.

You're getting Chad's hackles up now. Wait, did I miss something? The problem, and I use Tranny Danny as the example. Tranny Danny will fight anyone even though he knows he's going to lose every time. And that's what that guy would have been like. But you called it. You go, this guy's going to leave here

poorly. This guy's not going to leave easily. And you are right. Is this a podcast or should we keep going? No. Well, I have a question. I was going to ask you.

Go to Holtz this month. Doug, in your book, when you went to Bill Maher's party, what if someone had kicked you out of Bill Maher's party prematurely before you jumped in and everything? They're like, look, you're not. Would you have circled around and gone back in? I thought about that today because we don't do football parties. We don't do Super Bowl parties anymore.

We have get togethers of close friends. And then it takes a turn for the worst. I realized I wrote that story about crashing Bill Maher's party where you can't possibly know everybody that's coming in and who's a plus one. And you don't know who my plus one is. You don't know if it's at a guest. And so people, I thought you're busy, stuck in a conversation with the biggest douchebag at the party for three quarters of the night. And trying to find plugs for a crockpot. Yeah. Fuck it. We are throwing more food away

tonight than are being flown into a starving country. Let's say Puerto Rico. I'm talking to the fucking BBC kid. Oh, sorry. Possibly the Yemen or Syria. Jonathan's the BBC kid?

He knows fucking world culture. We only know our neighborhood. It's great because I know nothing. He brought caviar. I'm such a shallow culture boy. I made pasta, elbow macaroni. He brought caviar. So, such a shallow culture boy. I made pasta elbow macaroni with he brought caviar. So yeah, he knows

how good were the blinis and the sour cream. Did you just learn how to make a pancake today? I did. I overheard that and I was like, tiny pancakes. I was investigating how to make authentic sort of Russian blini.

You've been sleeping with Joby for how long, and you just barely learned how to make pancakes? Sad, right? It's like you really don't really know each other. You should really take an interest in your partner's activities. I'm sure he'd do the same. But no, apparently sort of Bisquick, which is some mix of chemicals

and cement which is well known to Americans I'm sorry as opposed to the UK food you eat fucking

horrible sausage and beans and... Yes, and that terrible bacon, remember that? Fucking awful. If I called it Canadian bacon, I would get a cease and desist from Canada. Because it's just fat and rubbish and a little bit of meat in the middle. Yeah, that's correct, but that's the best thing

about it. Do you want to try acid? Since it's your... What do you call that? I think you're late. It's alright. Oh, you're doing acid too? Yeah, for the first time in about 15 years.

It was in the caviar blines. All right. Let's get Bad Touch Brad in here. Let's close it out with Bad Touch. Come on. Come on. It can't go worse. Hey, can we put those...

Can we put that face mask that you put on Hannibal Lecter? Just grab him against his will. So he doesn't spit on anyone. Be bad touch Gil. Bad touch Brad is a Packers fan. And he's. Here it goes. Hang on. I love Tracy. Tracy is like my spirit animal.

Hang on. Hey, listen. That was awesome. All jokes aside, because we play on the straighten up here. Wait, all jokes aside? Yeah, all jokes aside, Brad did just admit that he's very, very drunk. So we'll cut all of this out if because we don't want you to make an asshole

of yourself no I'm always an ass that's it's fucking I'm being sarcastic are you on acid too well Brad fuck what what fans are like destroying downtown Philly right now

well yeah we all saw that coming tell us your interpretation of the night The fans are destroying downtown Philly right now. Well, yeah, we all saw that coming. Tell us your interpretation of the night. How did this night go? You've been here for every Super Bowl party. How do you feel about yourself and all the things that went on around you? I'm never comfortable about myself, but that's just the way I am. That's why I drink a lot of fucking alcohol. But anyhow, that's... If we had a whack pack, we talked about this off the air before I went on Stern.

Who would we poach from the back room of when Stern retires? Who would we poach of all the people that would live in the gutter? I told him about that. But who would our whack pack? Because I think Brad would definitely be a whack packer. Well, he's now qualified because he's on the podcast. You can't be a whack packer and not be on the podcast, right? I don because he's on the podcast. Well. You can't be a Whack Packer and not be on the podcast, right?

I don't know what that fucking means. I wasn't talking to you. I do live in San Jose. If you hadn't. It's right there. That's San Jose, not California. By the way, that's a district of Bisbee. He might be our Bigfoot with that compact.

Bad Touch Brad gets your nickname from getting drunk and bad touching people. Me too-ing people. I haven't for like a year and a half. That's not true, Brad. A yellow lighted you. I got really fucked up. If you had to bad touch someone tonight, who would it be?

People that are already gone. Who hasn't it been? That's always a problem. That's a problem when you're drinking. The brain does not focus like it should you should talk to Jonathan I've touched you inappropriately

I'll admit that he's fucking like three weeks ago I've kissed you so appropriately I was like whale riding your fucking back three weeks ago. Andrew got all upset about it. I think he was actually fucking them.

And I'm like, I don't actually fuck dudes. Wait. You don't fuck dudes? No. You led me on for what? Over 11 and a half years I've been working this angle? We kissed a lot of times. By the way, Brad is reading from his diary right now.

We kissed a lot of times, but I was just trying to give you a back massage and piss off you. You were passed off. Oh, this is the best podcast ever. This is totally going out. I'm wrong. This is totally going out. This is a true story. If you're talking about this same story, Andrew I know.

Andrew was working on some stuff around the house and Andrew said hey, I walked in on Brad and you had your pants down or someone had their pants the house and Andrew said hey I walked in on Brad and you had your pants down or someone had their pants down or something but Andrew really thought

he was fucking me when I was passed out and I go sounds like something but he said it Andrew is also one of several people when the Me Too thing came out that

actually quietly said to me, are you going to come up in this? Because of how we do. There were a lot of people who had that question, Doug. But he said, I walked in on Brad. He was mounting.

One of us had our pants down. I go, yeah, it sounds like Brad. It sounds like me. It was cute because I'm married, so, like, whatever. By the way, so was rock hudson all right right right rightfully so brad i'm gonna look back on the transcript here it said uh you were back whale rightfully so I've been married for a long time but anyhow

so if you were single you would have been raping me while I was passed out I would have been because you made a commitment no deal god damn it once again being drunk is the worst thing but

it was a cute no this is good it was the cutest thing because he was serious Andrew was serious he's like I'm not getting on that not only was Doug passed off passed out but

the other thing that was really cute is me was also flirting with me. Because MeWig was right by your fucking head. And MeWig was just like

rolling. Oh, speaking of libel. In the era of Grumpy Cat, MeWig might have representation. You should be careful what you say. I'm going to close on this. I don't. Clearly, he wasn't going to listen.

I'm going to close on it. Hey, Doug, do you have any thank yous? I'm going to close dark. I'm closing dark. A gal that was a fan and a friend that killed herself no i fucking we get the dirt the dirt is out it's it's coming oh that oh it's fucking good oh it's good you talked about that on sturt a little bit i but he didn't press it. Another show. But since then, we got a reporter from a legitimate news source on it. I don't want to be the guy that, oh, but, yeah.

Perfect close for this podcast. I love that he wanted to frame this around Brad's segment. He wanted to get into a Me Too with Brad. That raped her when she was a kid and groomed her just like Andy got groomed and fucking raped her. Oh, he's going down. He's going to be a fucking Me Too. I'm very ecstatic. We love a

cliffhanger here at the Dugs Down podcast. But they have to do due diligence to get other people. It's out of my hands but yes. I love you. Sorry you fucking killed yourself.

She can't hear you. Yes she can. Sorry you fucking killed yourself. She can't hear you. Yes, she can. Sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the moment. All right, let's kill that closer. Yeah, I turned it off a while ago. I'm ending on Brad professing his love to making love to your back.

Whale humping? Back whale humping. Pause. Pause. Ready? Pause. Quiet. Alternate. Close. Hey, here, let me turn this on. I just want to say to the young men and women

out there that listen to this podcast, don't do drugs because it makes you laugh at nothing for an hour and a half and you don't need that in your life so let's play what do we play

what do we play something by Elmer Fudd, apparently. What? What do we... Give us an outro. I was going to say Philadelphia Freedom. Philadelphia Freedom. Philly won.

That's not a song that sticks in your head. Actually, they're burning the town down. That's probably not a good one. How about National Anthem? That song sticks in everyone's head. Oh, yeah. Public domain. That's a Patriot song.

Yeah. Oh. No, no. Everyone hates that song. It's the worst song ever. Philadelphia Freedom. Play it. Philadelphia Freedom National Anthem?

Gay Pride White Power. Elton John. Philadelphia Freedom, play it. Philadelphia Freedom National Anthem? Gay Pride, White Power. Elton John, Philadelphia Freedom, here we go. For all the white people in Philly that are gay. Yeah Yeah I was born I was raised Like that Feelin' Like a free Just me

Me I'm too It's me Oh yeah And the peace Of my mind That I Never had

Yes I do And it don't be afraid of Love you, love you Yes I do And it don't be afraid of