The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #254: An Iraqi Atheist in Hobart, Tazmania

Episode Date: April 11, 2018

After the show in Hobart, Tasmania, Doug invites Iraqi Atheist Maan Al-Manaseer  backstage and the incredible stories don't stop. Go to http://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates/ for tickets to all upcoming 2018 shows in Australia, Canada and the UK. Recorded April 07th, 2018 after the show in Hobart, Tazmania with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan) and Maan Al-Manaseer. Produced by Hennigan. Edited by Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille)This episode is sponsored by Blue Apron - Get $30 off your first meals at BlueApron.com/STANHOPE.Closing song “My Funeral”, by Black Funeral. Available on iTunes.LINKS:A Fatal Shore - https://www.amazon.com/Fatal-Shore-Epic-Australias-Founding/dp/0394753666Chad Shank Voice Over info at www.AudioShank.comSupport the Innocence Project - www.innocenceproject.orgSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. to know more about Arthur the guy. What a dick. How much do you know about fucking American history? Well, whatever you had to be taught, but not the

graphic shit. Well, I mean, yeah, everyone knows American history as far as like the awful parts, but I'm immersing myself in the awful parts of Australia. Everyone knows

Australia was started as a prison colony, but this is a 600-page book specifically dedicated to exactly what happened, where it happened, who did it, who didn't do it. So, yeah, if I read American history. We'll have to name-check the book again.

Yeah, A Fatal Shore or The Fatal Shore. I did read about it because I had you two talking about it in the broadcast yesterday. Oh. Yeah. So who are you? Mon. Yes. Mon.

Yeah. I was born in Kuwait. All right. You got to eat the mic. Eat the mic. Just copy me. Copy you. Keep your mouth right by the mic right so I

was born in Kuwait and then we lived in Iraq and I was always asking questions okay let me let me back up and I'm gonna say this right as a warning. Mon emailed me saying, I can't believe you're coming to Tasmania. That's where we are. And hey, who out there in the United States knows what continent Tasmania is on, much less what it's fucking near. He says, I can't believe you're coming.

I don't want a thing. Very important. I just can't believe I'm going to see you. I was in a fucking Iraqi jail and I'm an atheist and I was facing 35 years. We're going to catch up on all these stories. Don't want a thing. Just glad I'm going to see you at the show. And I emailed him back saying,

no, you're going to see me on a podcast because you got good. It's kind of a kick. I've been on with foreign jails. First Bangkok. Also, very importantly, he also said in that email,

don't worry, I have tickets for the show. True that. Thank you for the buck, Al. Appreciate it. Number of times you get, I'm a really interesting guy. I don't have tickets. Outspoken atheist. Now, when you say you're born in Kuwait, just to give us a timeline, how old are you?

I'm 1985, so that's 33 years. So you were still a kid when the first Iraq war. The Iraqi-Iranian war, which started in 1980. Were you still in Kuwait at that point? Iranian war which started in 1980. Were you still in Kuwait at that point? We moved back to Iraq because of the Iraqi invasion to Kuwait in the 1990s. So you're just fucking ping-ponging. So we moved back and then the whole the American half invasion of Iraq is not even a full one back then. They backed for very different reasons between Kudoshan marks. They were

really almost on the borders to Baghdad and they backed for a reason or another. No one knows why. So the 2000, the last war could have just been the last war, but something happened in the last operation that they didn't go all the way for a reason.

I don't want to... No, no, but that's the way for a reason. I don't want to. Yeah. No, no. But that's just part of this. I don't have any idea. I was a young comic when the first Iraqi war. I'm sure I had a couple of barbs, but I was 23. I didn't give a shit.

Yeah. But we're not with the Smithsonian, okay? We're not going to fact check anything you're going to say. I think what we're interested in is going to ultimately be your personal story. And something I just want to say for the listeners and for everyone else, and I don't mean this in a condescending sense, but when we were coming in the hotel room just now, you said to us,

I've only spoken English for how long? Eight years. So how did you come to learn English? I just think in English, you see. Something must have started that. Why did you have to learn English? Well, first of all... He lives in fucking Tasmania.

No, no, before that. lives in fucking Tasmania no no before that don't forget that the English speaking media is all through culture so most of us in the east back then we were very highly influenced

by the western English speaking to be very exact countries first of all you know when black people start talking black but they don't talk black? You vacillate

between your English as a very English accent. I've never been to England. I've never been to England. But then when you start talking about Iraq you have a thick Iraqi accent. That's approved.

Everyone, rewind the podcast for two minutes. Because within two minutes, you went very Islam and then very English with no Australian whatsoever. Right. I don't know. I just... How you going, mate? How you going? No. I don't do that. I don't do that. I i don't know i just my how are you going mate no fuck i don't do that i don't do that i really don't do that hennigan and i both you know the funny part it's just a how you going no it's how are you doing or how is it going not how you going my english

was italian i swear to god that's the evening joke hennigan hennigan taught english to uh English teacher was Italian. It's word to God. That's not even a joke. Hannigan taught English to Chinese people. And Japanese people. God help them. Your name is Seamus. Anyway. Let me take this back over. Let's get to the fun part. Yeah, fun part.

Because, yeah, you sold me. I was sent in jail in Iraq. I was actually kidnapped in Iraq by a gang that they were representing. Give me context. Right. How old are you? I'm 33. No, no, at the time.

At the time, 17. 17, were you? You're very boisterous. Very, very. I was listening to Backstreet Boys and didn't even understand what it meant. But this is the first... Was this all about atheism? It was partially about atheism,

but it was partially about how open my family is about things as well. They know I'm an atheist. They know I'm pansexual as well. So quite a bit. Hey, fucking, I only brought you here for a podcast. To pitch in some spice. So all that they know.

So the entire family was, although they're all Muslims, they're all Muslims. They're still in the shadows of the demon. But it's still. Shadows of the demon. But it But still, they're open-minded, and they accepted me, which is very supportive. But unfortunately, it's when the people take religion into their hands, not when the government. Most governments take religion as a facade just to satisfy their religious voters.

But when it really comes to people taking religion in their hands, that's when it gets dirty and things get done, you see. So I was kidnapped by exactly that same gang. Okay, so just in the detail, how were you kidnapped? What happened?

I left my house because I was just starting driving at that age back in Iraq. We do that. And I was going to uni, and I was trying to take a small shortcut, and I found a minibus that took me over and just crossed in a small straight, in a back straight. It really crossed.

It's like a bank robbery. Hollywood, really. It's the whole kind of back and blocking it and i thought back then it was really about stealing cars and i thought oh they're gonna steal my car well okay give them i really stealing cars stealing cars so and because i looked in the back and another car blocked the road so i just took the keys out a couple of of guys walked out with guns. Get out, get out, yelling and cursing and all that. Hey, sorry.

Please. I want to slow you down. Sure. So what year was this? That was end of 2004. So that's November 2004. It's after... After, because that's when they started the whole gang

and the whole militia kind of activity. Although... This is Baghdad. This is Baghdad, Baghdad. The center of Baghdad, actually. So the war's already... It must have been going on. That's finished.

So you have the civil war. Finished. Finished, yeah. So 2004, when you have the civil war, that's the aftermath of the war, which has really caused the most casualties, even on you guys have the civil war, that's the aftermath of the war, which is really causing the most casualties, even on you guys, the Americans. Cool.

See, I... Big eyes. You have to forgive my ignorance. I don't know that the war in Iraq is over. Is the one in Afghanistan over? Oh, that ape shit. President of George Bush, didn't he just land on that? Yeah. Karian said, well well the war is over mission accomplished

I understand that but we were still at a presence and plenty people were still dying for absolutely up until today as far as I know because the mission accomplished was I don't know it was

so there's still a US military the real mission accomplished was I don't know it was alright go ahead so there's still a US military occupancy so it's still going on it's still going on and they're still worried the people that pull up and kidnap you

they're worried about your atheism or your bisexuality or both at the same time no they didn't know about my sexuality if they knew about my sexuality things would have been very different oh you're gonna suck your dick out i will suck dick out of this but you were basically saying here's my car keys yeah really and they were like no no where are you going go back to the back of the minibus that's what i knew oh how did these people know about they do their research don't forget that they do their real research i mean most of these guys

actually come from the dissolved army so these guys got a professional training of being military officers being intelligent agents and and and all that but but how do they know about your atheism? Are you online? No, no, no. I just talk to friends. In the street? In the street, talks, yeah. So I talk to friends.

I always argue. We sit in big cafes. People listen and they get sucked in and people get very, very touchy when it comes to that part of their lives, sadly, which is nonsensical in my opinion. But my experience changed. The way I see the universe has changed.

It's just very different. When you're freed from that social grip on you as well of not leaving. Did you learn atheism through your parents? No, since I was young. Since I was young, I was asking the question, why the immovable mover has these immovable movers kind of qualities? Why there is a God, and if there is someone who caused everything, why he doesn't have a cause?

I was always answered that there are questions that we can't ask and it's blasphemy. It's blasphemy to ask, to ask a question. But hey, if it's blasphemous, what would God

insert that question in my head to start with? So, so, do you get a lot of pussy with these? I did when I was young. I was,

I was a DJ in Dubai. I was just... When you're 17, are you spouting off because they think... No, no, in Iraq. Pussy in Iraq? What? No, everything's locked, man. I'm being somewhat facetious, but as a 17-year-old,

you would have to have a reason to be promoting. Did it make you cool on some level to be like a, I would equate it to being a fan of punk rock when everyone else is into new wave. Like, did it kind of make you stand out? Was there a reason? No, because I was really just compassionate to blind beliefs

and missing something so majestic like the universe. And also, even if I'm an atheist, I witness alls and beauties and all that. And I think religion just puts such a dark veil on that. And you can't see through. So your communication with others are different. Our social structure is very different. And I 100 just perfectly with you that no kids,

bad timing, absolutely. So you gained a reputation like a beat poet talking atheism at a coffee shop and then the next thing you know you get stopped in the street and they kidnap you. Even further, street And they kidnap you

Even further They were planning to kidnap my sister To shame my entire family But they didn't catch her that time What do you mean you were that fucked? No no no they told me when they kidnapped me We got you Because we couldn't get her

Yeah yeah that's right They were trying to harm me So now you're kidnapped. I assume a hood over your head or a... I mean, I'm talking spa. Everyone listening is painting a picture. Spa.

Beautiful spa. I mean, massages beautifully. Actually, they actually put a tire. A car tire. So I can't move because I was a car tire oh a car like necklacing exactly really

they did it properly and one guy just came they stopped somewhere that's in the pursuit to whatever I was being led and one guy stopped because my phone was ringing people were calling me they heard about it and I had a siren

ringtone and they were going ape shit. I swear they think it's a police and someone stopped. You have a police siren as a ringtone. It was an old phone too. That one of the sirens for the messages and one of them stopped.

Can you shut this fucking fauna up and he punched me in my face too it was like that would be very annoying so I can understand that I know isn't it if you were on a plane next to me

and your siren kept going off what a dick I would have a plane show up in front and behind my plane And your siren kept going off. What a dick. I would have a plane show up in front and behind my plane, kidnap you, and then punch you in the face. All right. So where did they take you? So they took me to an under construction site.

So that's where they kept me. But the story gets a bit funnier in the middle. It's hilarious already it really is so one of the times really I was so blindfolded okay and that was a good insurance actually to me because when you see them

that's the sign of they're gonna kill you because you've seen them and it's an actual thing going on in that part of the world but anyways oh you can't do what we do and say hey you all look the same to me abdul you did you take me on a new bus ride tonight uh listeners well as you sit there at your glum job listening saying oh my life sucks i listen to podcasts he emailed me then sat in the front row and and I walked out and immediately went,

hey, are you my guy? He goes, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. But if there were two Iraqis there, or Iranians, whatever the fuck, I'd have to go, which one of you is my guy? Make sure one with no bottom. You're calling the wrong guy. I did fuck up your country of

origin but again i only saw the email yeah you're at a construction site so you're waiting to die uh no that's what they're gonna take um let's say um blackmailing blackmailing the parents oh so it's like a kidnapping. It's a kidnapping, really. So they asked for $500,000 to release me. My dad laughed at them. Really, he's like, what the fuck?

Do you want me to bring you $500,000 in this economy and me being my dad? So they kept torturing me and calling my mother and torturing you. Yeah, mother. Torturing you? Torturing you. Yeah, we have to ask, what do you call torture?

So beating up, and there is one very specific day that I keep laughing for the rest of my life about. The funny part is that the blindfold was actually see-through. I couldn't see faces, but I could recognize figures. Right, here's the case. I couldn't see faces, but I could recognize figures. Right. Here's the case. One day in the morning, really, some fat fuck just walks into the room and is starting beating the shit out of me senseless.

And I was just screaming, why? And the guy said, why do you eat chicken and I eat falafel, which is the whole fried vegetable kind of poor food. I really looked at him and was like, if I eat chicken and you eat falafel, how the fuck are you fatter than me? He went, since I lost my mind. No, because really, he got at that level. How the fuck do you want to deal with that? You actually said that.

I swear to you I said that. I mean, it's just amazing how someone gets to a point of total meltdown. It doesn't matter what happened anymore. I was sold to another gang, and that's the best part. Say that again. I was sold to another gang because the first gang.

You have to explain gangs. Right. Militias. Religious militias. All right. We call them gangs because they're gangs. They just do what the. Religious militias. Alright. We call them gangs because they're gangs. They just do what the gang does. They have their religion up front.

For my listeners, they're going to go, what? Bloods and Crips? Of some sort, but they have Allah behind them. So basically, the first gang kind of felt, oh shit. We're getting nowhere with this. We struck wrong. And you were traded

traded for another gang a cheaper one actually they kept me at a rooftop where actual pigeons live so they definitely didn't have the money for the construction site but the whole aim always was to get money

from your parents I have no idea really I think that changed because the first gang sold me to another gang. That's changed I think the motive a bit. Because the second gang... The people that kidnapped you were

asking your parents for half a million. Half a million dollars to kill me. Yeah, absolutely. And how long did that last? 11 days. 11 days, to be exact. But in between, I was sold to another gang in five days. And the transportation...

Oh, wait. So five days... Five days in. Five days in, I was sold to another gang. Your dad made sure they knew. There's no point. He's not worth $500,000. Your dad was all fucking old

all the money in the world yeah john paul getty i could make another one don't worry you hang around that kid long enough you're gonna be paying me to take them back so what happened the second second gang second gang was actually a very poor one to be. They kept me on the rooftop with pigeons, and they were feeding me for two days. And then they were not going anywhere with my parents. And then when the torture came back. More torture. Yeah, because what they do, they torture you, and they call whoever cares.

Oh, I see. Did you see? Listen to this. Listen to this. Listen to this. Ow! Ow! Ow! That tickles.

Ow! Ow! Don't touch my ass. James Inman's marketing strategy. My aunt is actually an American, been living in the States for the past 40 years, and all my cousins are fully Americans.

They don't even speak Arabic. Can you do an American accent? I can't. Because that's not how I think. I'm just smarter. Inside joke. Hennigan can do one, but he won't do it unless he has to get out of a kidnapping. Kidnap me.

A ruthless gang kidnappednaps me. Go ahead. So they closed down on the 10th day that my dad agreed to pay $10,000 and obviously that's what I'm worth in his eyes. By the way, I just want to say, your dad sold the negotiation skills from $500,000 to $10,000.

I swear. That is commendable. That is as good as the deal I once did with the San Jose Improv. The shout out is actually for my uncle. My uncle who was carrying the negotiations. Fantastic. He just probably didn't give a shit.

10 days. We want half a million. Okay, we'll take 10 grand. We don't need this atheist fuck in the family. a million okay we'll take 10 we don't need this atheist fuck in the family so so does your father brag about that ever no because i swear to you and i'm not even exaggerating for a bit my dad got kidnapped three times my dad in iraq got kidnapped three times why isn't he on before podcast? Before or after? Before or after that?

After. So I was the starter. I was just the... Really, he got kidnapped three times. And he's a Muslim. How much did you pay for him? No, he paid for himself. I'm sure the ATM opened up for him. Dad, you paid $10,000 for me.

I'm paying $2,000 for you. Dad, you paid $10,000 for me. I'm paying $2,000 for you. But no, for my dad, it was mostly financial extortion, not often religious or hatred-based. But generally, he got kidnapped three times in Iraq. And we dealt with it quite successfully, being my mother from the Middle East. That must be very inconvenient.

Quite a bit. Three times that. Fucking learn your lesson. Move the fuck over there. Well, you were an adult. You didn't need your dad anymore. No, but in the Middle East, we have very tight obligations to the family members,

not like in the West. Although I agree with the West. I think it's a bit more convenient just to forget about it. Dispatch them. Six years of no expectations whatsoever. Leave me alone. But no, in the Middle East, it's a bit different. So you're hardwired into cultural concept too.

So can you, I mean, did you eventually leave Iraq? My dad, yeah. Did you eventually leave Iraq? And could you go back there? Right. My dad, after he paid $10,000, he said, no, you're less expensive outside Iraq. So he sent us to Dubai. And that's where I actually didn't keep my marshal.

Okay. So now you're an adult. You're a... 20s. 20. 20 years old. 20s old. Dubai.

Sent to Dubai. Right. 20 years old sent to Dubai, which I just like by fucking ongoing Thailand thing, which I'm just going to make worse. I, uh, for that same reason, I do these crazy flights to mileage runs.

They call them at the end of the year. If I'm not diamond status on Delta, I fly anywhere. I can long distance. One of the longest ones you can go through Dubai, which I will not go through because I have talked shit about every religion. And I don't want to be one of those guys that, oh, you blasphemed. We're fucking locking you up. But locking up is not the problem anymore.

It's just... It is for me. No, no, but you have even deeper problems. Life being executed. That's a deeper problem than being in prison. So it is that ridiculous place when the government tries to judge a couple of atheists just to make a lesson, we are doing something

about it. See, in the Middle East and especially in Iraq, right now, in Iran as well, in Afghanistan, I think it's an American touch, but what happens is atheism becomes in people's heads

as a campaign against their fundamental beliefs in life okay and when someone touches that part of your life is a bit sensitive to everyone it doesn't matter even if you're an atheist when someone tries to challenge your atheism by probably a bit of thinkable material you start being a bit sensitive but fundamentalism is a completely different issue that's when they really take vengeance by their hands and that's a very serious thing

this is the way it is I think is just how do you say it lack of bravery from most people in the Middle East because they've been pounded by a lot of wars really, that's what it is

so they didn't have the time to recover and probably just think like their ancestors, the Babylonians were very philosophically let's say advanced to their times back then but now the same people who lives after them, they don't

the reason being is that part of of the world is just so devastated by uh wars and i think national issues aka oil i i used to do a bit about uh like how they're that fundamental because they don't have the distractions that we do the christianity that you have in the united states is oh yeah well we've dismissed all these okay yeah that's in the bible but we dismiss those because oh life's really fun with those but we still focus on this shit and the the old bit was if we just dropped our old distractions our old atari video games that we don't use because we use new

video games and got everyone as apathetic and bored rather than just throwing fucking dirt clods at each other i don't know how much of that is accurate but i i prejudge cultures very well i know when i go to this country that i've never been to it's gonna be like this i can tell from the fucking pictures right yeah i can't see anything fun in the middle east it's a fucking besides they wrote was a girl part in Beirut Lebanon you want a party go to Beirut but it's I had not as you know clay no no no no no no no no go pot in Beirut really all right well the Beirut was never really in and and do a gig in Beirut listen you can I know

I was waiting I was waiting never fucking go to a Muslim country ever you can actually manage to do a gig in Beirut

and you'll be safe if you manage it properly there's so much so much skepticism in there it's not even funny I mean you'll find Muslim

women actually wearing hijab and drinking booze. Bear in mind, you do have the track, I Hate the Jews. You could be carried along the streets of Beirut. Bonus points. Yeah, and I claim to love the desert, and I live in one, but not

that desert. It just seems, like, so awful. And I can't imagine. Are you scared of the camel fucking? So what was the actual issue with you and the atheism? Were you actually prosecuted or arrested specifically for that? He hasn't got to dubai yet your color man brian you make the jokes i'll guide the hang on let's take a quick break

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when I was introduced to a much lenient, because Dubai is Dubai, trying to live up to modern societies, living up to metropolitan city structures and all that. So they couldn't afford being

as fundamentalist as Iraq is. Okay. So Dubai, you see Dubai, beautiful place from the outside. From the inside a bit rotten, like almost any other place. Yeah, we know about their immigration.

Right, exactly. That's another issue. Oh, now we truck the Indians fucking outside of town and put them in barracks. I posted something on Facebook the other day that they started a new space agency trying to send men to Mars. And I said,

are they going to use the slavery East Asians in there to pick the first Emirati rocket man and throw him to space? A lot of Emiratis I have on my friend list didn't like it. I was hoping they would. They didn't. What was the word you're using there? Emirati?

Emirati is the local of the United Arab Emirates. Emirati? Yes, the United Arab Emirates in the country. Dubai is the financial capital, while Abu Dhabi is the, you can say, the formal capital of it. Nice people, beautiful place, but a lot of hypocrisy in there. It's kind of like Las Vegas in the mob years where you go, hey, yeah, caught you counting cards. We're going to smash your knuckles with a ball-peen hammer. No one's going to see it.

Everyone's going to eat shrimp cocktail on the cheap, and you're going to be going, ow, ow, my fingers. You will find a lot of people driving Range Rovers of their latest model, and they don't have money in their pockets or credit cards to fill the fucking thing to drive it. it's very pretentious there so they're not they don't have real money but they have the marketing and all the other countries around it like saudi where the money is they don't have the prostitution that the uae has so you'll find a flux so it is like vegas it is like vegas it is like it's never been there but i think it would be but i'm saying they have gambling and legalized prostitution

in a desert absolutely no one would go to without gambling and prostitution so so so the government bright lights big city so the government itself they they solicit the prestige. Well, they keep another cheek for it. They don't turn down the eye. But surely you find them introducing religious. That's what I was kind of getting to is the fact that using my dumb, illogical point of view that they're Saudi Arabia, Dubai, they do have money. They do have the distractions yet.

They still believe in this bullshit. So it, it kind of canceled my idea that they're just bored, dirt clod people that believe in this for no reason. They have the distractions yet. They still prop up this Muslim facade. So in Saudi Arabia, they do have the money because they do have the oil. United Arab Emirates ran out of oil

for probably five, 10 years now. So they're using the marketing and the Dubai picture to promote marketing, business, and other stuff that you don't see as well, like probably money laundering by a lot of organizations as well. The issue with Saudi Arabia, and I don't want to get a bit philosophical about it, but in Buddhism they say we all have a void that we try to fill. Some people need religion. Some people need comedy. Some people need a fist. Maybe a fist.

Okay. I don't think the fist can fill a void. I think two can, but it depends on your preferences. In saying that, you always will have that part of society that tries to attach itself to something probably that's not real because reality itself is very vague and answers to fundamental things. I didn't tell you, by the way, I tried to finish my PhD in theoretical physics, and I'm a philosopher as well. Okay, I'm leaving. Yes, I tried to do a lot of physics. My atheism actually came from physics. I was obsessed with physics since I was very, very young.

And I did my… Yeah, all right. Yeah, kill that. My listeners just tuned out at physics. And I'm mostly interested in the philosophy of quantum mechanics. So are we. Every good comedy podcast is really overwhelmed with quantum physics. With physics, yeah.

No, leave that. But prison time, Dubai, what happens? Now you're still a smart mouth, wise ass, Dennis the Menace over in fucking Dubai. Your dad got you out of there. He's still fucking hog tied and roped in the trunk of an Alfa Romeo and no one's bailing him out.

Where's my bailout says your dad i gave ten thousand dollars to bail you out where's my bailout and you're over there talking shit and some fucking tall tower in dubai so we're gonna make it taller and you're like no there's no such thing as Muhammad. Muhammad is a fucking disaster waiting to happen. No, so we moved out of my dad got kidnapped three times when he realized, well, this place is not a place to grow children up. Fast learner. Fast learner, exactly. I'm getting to your 35-year prison sentence in Dubai.

So what happened when I was in Dubai and I faced a different leniency, rather than just being kidnapped, you just probably slapped on the wrist. So I opened my mouth even further. And I was introduced to alcohol there. So here you are with a bottle of Crist a boner and a tunic it was absolute for me on absence really i was just hitting it hard at that but anyways that that that's been said so uh i'll call get you for for the listener uh there was just a recent story where a westerner of some kind was jailed in Dubai for brushing against another dude's ass. Now, he said, I was just trying to squeeze through a fucking bar,

but they saw it as a homosexual advance. And that guy was facing, I forget. Google it. I don't know what consulate had to fucking finally, after weeks or months, get them freed. That shit happens. It does. Not only that, I actually know my best friend in Dubai, his cousin came from the UK to do a DJ gig in Dubai. And honestly speaking, that's what I've been told,

so I'm just recording it here. He was smoking a joint in Heathrow before he got in, and he just stepped on it, okay, and obviously some of it stuck to his shoe. And the dog in the government, the airport in Dubai, they picked him up at 40 years in jail. 40 years in jail. He didn't have anything on him.

It was stuck up his shoes. He could have just walking by someone who just threw it by and just step on it. And here we go. Yeah, I think this is my last international tour because at least at home, it's the devil you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucked up. So you're back to smart mouthing on absolute. Absolutely.

Whipping liquor bottles at nuns. Yeah, yeah. And getting into very large. Muslim nuns. Yeah, and getting into very long... Muslim nuns. Oh, they don't get to bars, sadly. I think they don't drink. Nuns, Muslim nuns don't. Muslim imams do.

Man-made stuff. Anyways, so usually in pubs when you drink quite a bit as well, you get quite motivated to sound the truth. So in a lot of pubs when you find a lot of CID, which is the secret police in every single pub in Dubai, you'll find absolutely CID there. Without a single doubt, you'll be a daft bastard if you skip that. Wait, hang on.

Slow down. The CID is like the... They're the secret police. Okay. We had that in China where they were telling us, oh, no, we had the higher up secret police watching my show that would throw out the lesser than police that might have shut your show down. Like they had it sussed out where we get the FBI in case a local cop show up. We got fucking FBI on the payroll.

So if they don't like what you're saying, they'll tell them to fuck off. Yeah, right. But they do collect a lot of information there because that's how you keep everything tight. You know everything about everyone. So it sounds like, I mean,

the situation is basically that they collect information on everyone and they have information on everyone. And then they just decide one day, Oh, you've got, you have done. If we decide to go for you, we've got the information we need.

I need to add one, this bit. Back then when I was young, I was listening to black metal. So I was quite a black metal head. And I had a band logo called Darkie Funeral from Sweden. Darkie Funeral? Dark Funeral. Oh, Dark Funeral. So the logo is a pentacle upside down and two crosses upside down.

And I just wanted to add a bit on the bottom, Satan, just for the final fit. So a lot of people actually complained about the car. And then I was called by the police headquarters. Excuse me, can you bring your car here? There is a bit of questioning about it and i thought i was because the tinting was a bit too dark okay you haven't learned your lesson where no okay this car screeches in front of me another car screeches in back of me now i'm a kidnap victim for 11 days next thing you know you're in Dubai, and you don't question.

Hey, why don't you come down with your Satan mobile? We just want to look at your tinting. Yeah. Well, I didn't learn my lesson. You turn yourself in a lot unknowingly. Yeah, probably. So I parked outside the headquarters and... Probably double parked and didn't pay the meter.

Actually, I did double park. I'm not even joking. I walked inside. I was like, yeah, what's going on? So I'm one of the scouts. Like, hey, please bring it in. We would like to see it. So I actually drove it into the headquarters, which was fenced and I found a mirage of officers just waiting for me some of them actually beaded much more than my beard so of the religious type and I was like oh fuck I knew what was going to happen I just looked in the mirror and I saw that

that's the point you went oh fuck that's the point he called mom and said mom yeah pay dad's kidnappers because this one's going to cost him so much more. So much more. Because it was really large. It was on the back of... I'm sorry.

Oh, sorry. Were you doing a podcast when you put the mic? I did. I did. So the back window of the car, that logo, was quite large. So one of the senior officers came and was like, so what is this? What does it mean? He was quite inquisitive and trying to be polite.

I was like, it's just a banned logo. I was like, so why does it have this cross upside down and this pentacle which is quite satanic? I was like, well, this is their logo, just like some of your football teams. They have logos. They have a logo, too. I was like, so what does this Satan mean? I didn't pronounce it properly.

I was like, it's Satan. He was like, so what does it mean? I was like, Satan? He was like, in Arabic, it was like devil in translation. And he was like, why would you have this on your car? It's a very bad thing. You come from Iraq. You speak Arabic.

Aren't you a Muslim? No. Are you a Christian? Why would you have something upside down? I'm not a Christian too. I think that's when it clicked in their head. They were like, okay, you have to leave your car with us for a month at least.

It's impounded immediately. And we'll contact you soon. That's when actually the police got into contact with me because one of the officers actually, I think he was very kind. He was like, man, just take it off,

strip it off because they're trying to put a case on you that's 35 years in jail if it's not at least 50. Okay, so rip it off. And're trying to put a case on you that's 35 years in jail if it's not at least 50 okay so rip it off and now I said no

because that I really was you're fucking dumb as shit I know not dumb probably idealist you see yeah

maybe you're early 20s but still an idealist quite a bit yeah my dad was quite upset about it

he thought it was against free speech and free freedom in general although he knew what it was your dad was fucking hog tied in the back of a taxi so who gives a shit about his opinion at what point

did you make the decent decision to be thrown in exile on the island of tasmania rather than keep fucking up by trying to teach fucking morons that they're morons when i never actually offended anyone's belief besides that at the end of things when you don't can't explain anything, tell them to fuck off you just can't help it besides that I was just trying to

present certain arguments and I was expecting someone of that belief to understand that question it sounds almost like you're presented with multiple it doesn't sound like these people that were calling you into the courtyard with your car were like the Pharisees and the zealots. They're guys who are basically going, okay, what's up with this? And they're giving you multiple outs.

Yeah. And you're going, no, hand me the spade. Because I keep digging this is uh basically the bit i did about just move yeah if you live in fucking utah and you're tired of mormons you can just move you've finally moved here to tasmania where all they worship are sheep and fucking cold, clammy... Climates. Yeah, pneumonia type of climate. Yeah.

Why do you... If everyone just... If all those people that believe that shit could just live in one place and had no one to hate then they would actually grow there was no other person to hate and if all of us lived in one place there was no

one to hate I'd be out of business but it would be a happier world would it be because when they grow they're going to grow closer to your land and you're going to clash with them well that's the problem with everything all right this is how we close this podcast because this is how chad shank and i and anyone of any fucking rational train of thought ends every yeah if we all lived like this in our own peaceful communities you'd keep fucking and

making more people until we were border to border and there would be no desert or underground yeah you keep fucking you keep making people eventually they're gonna have to co-mingle yeah if we separate all the beliefs, you're going to keep making fucking children and spreading your beliefs. Can I ask you a question? I still don't actually understand how you're in Tasmania. Right.

Because I have an undergraduate degree in computer science and a specialised in software engineering, so I skilled migrated to Australia and I started finishing my PhD in theoretical physics in Wollongong and I just moved down to Hobart

actually three months ago. So I'm quite a newbie down here. So they threw you out of... No, I left without them trying to fist fuck me. To be a bit frank with you. That was from Wollongong. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Wollongong's nice. All right. Dubai is not as nice. I thank you, man. Yeah, that's a dismount. We can Google you online, and we'll see a younger, healthier Stanley Tudor. Are you still...

Oh, I was going with... I still can't come up with the easy name. Oh. Fucking... What's his name? I've been thinking the whole time. Fucking Dialli G. Sasha Baron Cohen.

Oh! Oh, my. I think you'll want to go with the fucking Stanley Titchy even if he Stanley Titchy's a bit short a bit short yeah

and a lot older yeah yeah well welcome to Tasmania welcome to freedom yeah after

Wollongong it must be tough well welcome to Hobots really and really amazing show Yeah, after Wollongong, it must be tough. Well, welcome to Hobots, really. And really amazing show. I laughed my tits off. It was really, really funny. It was a show.

I said some stuff. Oh, come on. That was the first time I'm seeing you. Don't make it worse. Yeah, wait, sir. There's another question. How do you know about Doug? Honestly, internet, of course but when when

how far back 2005 wow so where were you then Dubai wiping gunpowder off the back of his head after a car bomb 2005 in Dubai Dubai. Wiping gunpowder off the back of his head. After a car bomb. So 2005?

Yeah. In Dubai. In Dubai, because that's when we had the internet. So you were listening to Doug Stanhope? Yeah, yeah, yeah, really. That would have been deadbeat hero days. No, it was out then? 2005?

Four, yeah. So this is awesome. I've been listening to him. And really good that he's not dead as Carlin. That would be a disaster. We all need a bunch of his truth somewhere. What's your next plan? Are you still writing atheist tomes on some kind of chumster,

as Henry Phillips would say. I was planning to write a book about atheism, but my mother, I had my mother in concentration in my parents because they'll be... Concentration camp? No, concentration. In concentration.

Not to write it. I was going to write a book called On a Mission to Kill God. Really? Just to ridiculously dissolve this absolutely nonsensical belief of a precursor. really, and just to ridiculously dissolve this absolutely nonsensical belief of a precursor. The precursor

is just ridiculous. By any means, it's biologically hardwired in our heads. And saying that, I knew my parents will be the aftermath of the retaliation to whatever provocative book would be. So are they in Guantanamo now or soon?

But my parents, they have quite a bit of a social network that they'll be disconnected from because of their son wrote something of that disrespect. Shut off their MySpace. It sounds like you just move from place to place, finding whatever offends the locals but in a non-profitable way like we do with Doug.

So haven't you set about finding out what pisses off Tasmanian people and then declared yourself against it? Are you not like doing wheelies outside Tasmanian police force with a fucking sheep saying this sucks.

Fuck mutton. Fuck mutton. I mean, not literally. I'm saying fuck fucking mutton. Mutton is a disgraceful meat. Well, everyone needs a hobby. I think that'll be a good thing. Polyester killed wool for a reason.

On which point, they gave me a fucking shot of Tasmanian whiskey. Is that why you're being such a dick tonight? It was grotesquely awful. I mean, I will drink all sorts of whiskey from all over the world, but the fucking Tasmanian whiskey was awful. Let me close this podcast by shitting on that place I ate at twice.

Oh, the hog's breath. The hog's breath. Maybe we could do an advert for them. It's my fault. I'm lazy. It's right there. And you blame me for not learning lessons. Unbelievable.

Are you looking for biofuel diarrhea it is uh it is the it's the what what you're you have a black fingernail yeah it's not like a black eye that's yeah like not not like painted black that's i thought window i thought that's is that? Are they still torturing you and you can't talk? No, no, that's just a window thing. Yeah, you have a lot. Sorry for not providing that. I'm going to go smoke on Alex's balcony. Yeah.

Amon. Vomit the Hulk's breath. Food. All right, Alex, thank you. Amon. Doc, thank you. Aman. Doc, thank you. Thank you for sharing your... I know we're going to have more from you

because you're going to keep fucking up. You're only 33. I didn't stop fucking up till my late 40s. Yeah, I think everyone needs that. Brian Hennigan, thank you for sitting here drunk on Tasmanian whiskey. It was awful. I like Tasmanian. I like it as well.

I haven't seen one of the devil things, which I'm sure must be a common complaint. Yeah. They have the only cancer that's contagious. What? They have the only cancer that's contagious to other devils. The only what? Cancer. That's contagious to other devils. They have the only cancer that's contagious. What? They have the only cancer that's contagious. Well, to other devils. The only what? Cancer.

That's contagious to other devils. They have contagious cancer. Not to us. Oh, but can you fuck them? If you're in a ute, you can. Click. Did you hang up? No, I just said click. I will destroy you I will destroy you

Down this lonely, flaming road road I won't let anything My hands are down now I have made up my mind We'll start you in this life And you'll be the story you will find Walking down to my funeral In the soul of sin So I'm sad

And I will not run Walking down to my funeral It's time to die When I hear this music I will rule my land and I When the hearts are watching from above In your eyes I watch it run above The soul of the unwise And worse shall be

I'm almost there With my funeral I will see In the final world I'll be the boy And did my mom Don't need to Relive It has come

To do my head Time to pull the trigger So long Be dead Now alive Death to pull the trigger So now I'll be dead Now I'm alive, I'm fine Turn around, I'll be so free So make the sun And I will come back Now I'm alive, I'm fine

Turn around, I'll be to the ground, it's all bright, it was all a sin. For me And I'm Afraid But I Walk Away From You As a war plane

As a war plane I'm a hero And I will suffer it Walking down to my grave And I will suffer it Stop to die With my head in this mess anyway I will open it up Open it up War of the Worlds! Bye. I think you can. You want Stanley Tucci, I want D.L.A.G.,

but a tall version of the guy from Bad Santa. No! Billy Paul! No, no, there's a quick scene which they said was an homage to Office Space

with the...