The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #255: SwapCast with Melbourne's The Little Dum Dum Club

Episode Date: April 18, 2018

Doug invites 'The Little Dum Dum Club' podcast up to his Melbourne hotel room to discuss garbage bag ice, the practical definition of “SOLD OUT”, and the next naked drunkcast. Twitter for Little Dum Dum Club - @DumDumClub Recorded April 11th, 2018 above a Subway shop in Melbourne, Australia with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Tommy Dassalo (@dassalo), Karl Chandler (@KarlChandler), James Cameron (@iamcameronjames), & Hennigan (@MrHennigan). Edited by Chaille (@gregchaille). Go to [http://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates/](http://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates/) for tickets to all upcoming 2018 shows in Australia, Canada and the UK. This episode is sponsored by Dollar Shave Club - For just $5 and free shipping you’ll get the 6-blade Executive razor plus trial sizes of Shave Butter, Body Cleanser and One Wipe Charlies. Keep the blades coming for a few bucks more a month. Get yours at [www.dollarshaveclub.com/STANHOPE](www.dollarshaveclub.com/STANHOPE) Closing song “Down Under”, by The Russian Red Army Choir and Ensemble. Check it out on YouTube – [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OtbV6_KryY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OtbV6_KryY) LINKS: The Little Dum Dum Club Podcast - [http://littledumdumclub.com/](http://littledumdumclub.com/) A Fatal Shore - [https://www.amazon.com/Fatal-Shore-Epic-Australias-Founding/dp/0394753666](https://www.amazon.com/Fatal-Shore-Epic-Australias-Founding/dp/0394753666) Chad Shank Voice Over info at [www.AudioShank.com](www.AudioShank.com) Support the Innocence Project - [www.innocenceproject.org](www.innocenceproject.org)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Good night. Good night. Good night. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. And today, two great guests. First of all, Cameron James joining us for the first time. Hey, thanks for having me, guys. It's a pleasure to be here. I'm a living legend in comedy. Yes, yes. Now, we'll talk to you for half an hour, and then we'll

bring the second guest in. Can I tell you who my guys are? Yeah, sure, please. Mark Maron. Yep. Shut up. Also joining us, Doug Stanhope. Also the Doug Stanhope podcast as this will be put out as a swap

cast. So this is us going out to, yeah, all of your listeners are discovering whatever this podcast is for the first time. And vice versa. Yeah. It doesn't make sense when comics who both have podcasts appear on... If you both have podcasts, put it out as both of your podcasts.

Sure. It's like fucking Leno on Letterman. We're happy for you to put it out to your billions of supporters and we'll put it out to our eight. That's fine by us. Absolutely. No problem. Yeah, suck shit, idiot.

You got sucked into a bad deal. Yeah, that was a bad deal. You've got to get a new manager, dude. You're getting cucked by the dum-dum right now. Anytime I get forced into putting out a podcast, it's a good thing for all involved. Yeah. So you've been in Melbourne for a few days currently

before your tour kicks off. Yeah, but I haven't done a fucking thing. Well, we didn't know you were here. We had a PR person hit us up to say, hey, have Doug Stanhope on your podcast. I think this is like the first time that an international guest has ever requested to be on the podcast. Man, even open micers don't request to be on this podcast.

So, yeah, it's quite a feat. I did not request to be on this podcast. Let's be clear. Someone that you're paying requested on your behalf. Some podcasts are thrust upon you. Well, then this afternoon I got a text from your manager that said, our duty free has taken a blow or two, so please bring whatever booze, mixes, et cetera you need.

Sorry we don't have a full bar like back in the USA. See you soon. Oh my God. I was like, what does he think this is? Can you explain what your podcast is? Do you get fucking wasted on every podcast? Can we be on your podcast now instead of you being on our podcast? Because it sounds like a much cooler podcast.

It is. Well, in the States, for a handle of, that's a 1. No, no, it's not. Yeah, 1.75. the big fucking jug of vodka, nine bucks. Right. Yeah. Right. The land of the free, truly.

And so here it's like 50 bucks or whatever. I have no idea. I know fucking cigarettes are like $29 a pack from Marlboro Lights. Yeah. $29 a pack from Marlboro Lights. And Hennigan, of course, gets us this place with a balcony where I can smoke all day

so I'm not even rationing myself. I'm going to have to go down to small rations for the next God knows how many weeks I'm here. Well, we've tried to help you out. We got the request to bring ice, so we've walked into your salubrious hotel room in through the

foyer with the only... Look, we were at the European Beer Cafe just before this and you asked for ice, so we got a big handful, a big bucket full of ice, and I asked the staff there to give us something to put it in. So we got a big, dirty, old garbage bag full of ice. That's fine by me.

It's fucking terrible. As long as you're happy. I've been going down to Safeway on the subway, I mean, subway on the corner, and buying a cup for $3.80 just to fill with ice, and then bring back here, and then ration out. It's silly. That's cool, because when I come in with that garbage bag full of ice, the garbage bag's not in the best condition.

It looks like it's been fucking used for garbage already. Yeah, I think I ripped it out. I'm not a person that cares. full of ice. The garbage bag's not in the best condition. It looks like it's been fucking used for garbage already. Yeah, I think they ripped it out of the thing. I'm not a person that cares. Right, okay. You don't mind dirty ice. No, no. Dirty ice is fine.

Any ice is fine. Any ice in a storm. Well, now you've got the garbage. For the listener, you have to understand we're in the central business district,

so you go downstairs and it's basically Manhattan. There's no fucking grocery store or, you know and it's basically Manhattan. There's no fucking grocery store or, you know, it's a bunch of small fucking shops and a bunch of busy guys in stupid suits.

Yeah, you can get insurance way easier than ice down there. Exactly. Well, now that you've got the garbage bag, you can just go back down to the European and get a cheeky refill. If you haven't noticed, I've saved my Subway cups up there. I did notice that, and that really depressed me, if I'm going to be honest. Yeah, you've just got this saved Subway cup full of ice,

and I'm like, how did you guys afford your fucking airfare to get here? You put in the freezer and then had to bash on the counter to loosen the ice, and I thought, this is actually very fucked. This is depression. I'm looking at depression right now. I feel like we're doing better than you these days. I'm very lazy, and I'm very claustrophobic, so on the few occasions I do

meander down on the street, up here, Melbourne is beautiful, but once you walk out the door, it is human traffic of the heaviest level, and I just get claustrophobic, and I'll eat the closest thing that's around, I'll get claustrophobic and I'll eat the closest thing that's around. I'll get ice out of a fucking

subway. It's hard to leave the house and remember to bring your empty subway cups so they don't charge you for more ice. Well, you're flying to Tasmania tomorrow, so on that plane, guess what they got up there, baby? All the ice you could fucking need.

Just stock up. I'll pocket it and refreeze it when I get home. Bring your esky. So this is part of the press junket for the tour. I saw on Twitter on the way here, you've been booked on Tonightly. Tonightly, I

was very drunk last night and tried to cancel that. I saw that. You were trying to get out of it on Twitter. Well, Brian knows that I hate television. Tom Ballard. That's why we don't have our, I don't know if you normally do your podcast with cameras.

Everyone else does. No, we don't. No, I don't. Look at us. Does anyone want to see this? Exactly. I have the same way. That's what I hate about breakfast radio, how hot everyone is on breakfast radio now.

How sad is that? They won't even hire ugly people anymore. Well, that's the thing. You can't even get a job in radio if you have a face for it. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. But that's the thing now, though. They used to have hot people on breakfast radio,

and you go, what a fucking waste. No one can see you. But now they're videoing it. It's like, oh, well, now there's a fucking use for it. Now we've got no chance. So you'll go on to Nightly. Will that be like a similar thing where your... I just found out about it.

Hennigan probably knew I wouldn't want to do it and didn't tell me about it. I didn't find out until I was drunk and saw it on Twitter. But is it the same as the podcast where it'll be on here, you'll be on it, but simultaneously it's also on the Daily Show back in the States? Must be nice to be accidentally on TV. It must be fucking nice.

I did actually get them to agree to do that on Twitter. I was going to have our own... You have a regular setup here for podcasting. We have the travelling one, which is just that... The little Zoom thing. Yeah, the little Zoom thing with two mics. So I was going to make the guy hold a mic when he interviews me and do a swap cast as we interview.

Well, that's awesome because you would get so many more downloads than that fucking show would have viewers. So that would actually be sweet. Well, the host of that show listens to this, so he'll probably be into it. He'll be happy to do it. Well, he said, I said, and I get to smoke cigarettes. I don't know if there's a term for it here. There was in the

states, in the writer's room, where you would put something in the show that you know the censors are going to... To get caught up. So they don't focus on the shit you really want. So I said,

alright, but we have to do my podcast live on your TV show, and I get to smoke cigarettes. Which one was the one you wanted cut out? Well, I figured there's no way they're going to let me smoke cigarettes, but he agreed to both. Wow. Is that what you did with the ice? No, fuck, we'll do the ice as well.

I did not ask for ice. I should have thought about that. A very special Madman-themed episode of Tonightly next week when you're on. Would it make you more enthusiastic about going on that show if you were to find out that they recently got in a lot of trouble for calling a politician a cunt on the air? Oh, that's a... Well, I just...

Here we go. Here we go. He's put the drink down. I don't even think I had the sound on. I just watched a trailer that they had pinned on their Twitter and it looked like a late night talk show meets Benny Hill.

I have a feeling Greg Lawson was in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looked very slapsticky and out of my range. Yeah, that's how we do comedy down here. Do you not have men dressed as women in America anymore? Don't you have sexy nurses over there? That's so funny.

Again, it was a short trailer. I was in a bad mood. And I was very polite in saying that I will not be on that show. That was their clip for your consideration. That was for the Emmys. That was the best sketch they've done all year. It was a montage. It wasn't one sketch.

It was just a lot of fast-paced. I don't think they'd make you do any of that shit. I think they'd probably let you smoke your cigarettes Yeah it's not like Saturday Night Live You don't have to dress as a woman You don't have to be Oprah or anything like that Our TV is so arduous It's not like you just

It must be nice You have a gig, you work at this venue Across the street You can walk out of here Walk a block down Go upstairs Grab the mic Ultimately, you can walk out of here, walk a block down, go upstairs, grab the mic, talk shit, and come right back

in the time it would take me to take a dump and pour a new drink and clean the garbage out of my ice. Sorry, can I go back to your dump? How long does this dump take? I was adding things to it. It starts with a dump. Point being, on TV, you have to fucking go there. It starts with a dump Point being The TV

You have to fucking go there It's always a million miles away You have to get a laminate Sign in Wait for some Fucking hokey PA To come down And bring you up

And introduce you to 75 people And sit in a makeup chair And then have producers Go over with you How it's going to work I'm going to talk for four minutes. This is so not worth it. You're right, man.

I'm not going to do that show either. Never been asked, but anyway. It's a big no from me. But it must be because, you know, so you basically do, you love a stand-up and you're not into chasing TV in America or whatever. But the thing must be, like, when I look at you, I go, man, it's a sweet life. You get to just do what you

want and whatever you got a lot of fans but surely the fans like i reckon out of everyone you've you must have the most psycho fans like when i think of your fans in australia that i know i go look it's nice to have fans but you got some fucking pretty demented ones yeah but that keeps it interesting do you have a lot of uh open mic of fans as well exactly that's what i mean when you when i think of the worst like every well? Exactly. That's what I mean. When I think of the worst open micers... Like every fan is three drinks from getting up at an open mic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fans is great, but the worst sort of fans

I think are comedians that are fans because there's all these half-assed imitations of you going around. I'm dumping this joke from this set because it's too inside baseball, but I have a large chunk about the Me Too hashtag. And one of the things I was saying is that where it came to things,

he made inappropriate jokes in the workplace. And at first, as comics, we go, really fucking comedy is... You can't even make jokes anymore in the workplace but then I realize all of my fans that try to make jokes like I do that are inappropriate but just fucking dumb and vulgar. Oh yeah, of course.

They're talking about the co-worker who pulls his balls out of his pants and stretches them and says it looks like I sat in gum. That's good gear. Can I use that? I had to change these. You'd have some subtle funny way, but then your fan

at work goes, I'm going to rape Karen. He just pulls these balls out. Oh, I can't make jokes anymore. All of a sudden. I'm not really going to rape her, but I'll fuck her. He just pulls these balls out without any comment and thinks that's the joke. I put your Bluetooth in my asshole when we were

in the bathroom. No one can take a joke. I like how you described the Me Too hashtag as being a little bit too inside baseball. I think it's outside baseball at this point. No, no, about my fans and how they try to mimic my type of comedy.

That's why I don't even look at Facebook anymore. Twitter is very quick and succinct. Facebook arguments, someone will give you shit and then eight other people will start a separate

thread in the comments. I could never get into Facebook. I could never get into Facebook. I feel like you're the patron saint of fans that have bummed the most cigarettes off me. Like, just open mic dudes who are obsessed with you, have got

no money, need money for a taxi home, need a cigarette, need a rolly cigarette, need something out of me all the time. Yep, but I've inspired them to something. Yeah. I think of you as a guy that had a big podcasting audience before podcasting existed. Do you know what I mean?

Like you had like a real grasp. Because I remember you used to, ages ago, like what, 2006 or something, you had like a forum on your website where it was this big community of all these people that were into your stuff. And hated each other. Yeah. Just fucking hate each other. Kind of pre-Facebook as well.

Oh yeah, that was pre-MySpace. I had to get coaxed onto MySpace and I still miss MySpace was the best. I miss MySpace too. That top eight. All drama. Bring back the top eight. All drama. You could curate people. Bring back the top eight. Drunk with power.

Yeah. The best in the world. People lobbying for your favor. And then people started hacking it and making it a top 24 just to keep their friends in. No, fuck you. I'm keeping it to that top eight. I want you two cunts to know exactly what I think of you. What order you're in.

Bring it back. Let's start a new one that's just the top eight is all it is. No other functionality whatsoever. It's just a top eight. Yeah, that's nice. I always try to start a resurgence of MySpace right when it was officially kind of dead. Like, hey, what if we just all go back

to MySpace and then it'll just be a small amount of us since no one's there but then they revamped the whole thing. I guess it still works for music. But you heard my music. Oh, man. I was in so many high school bands that had MySpace pages and just so many long bios describing our sound.

And we were like 14, 15 years old going, yeah, we're kind of like Zeppelin, but kind of more like Pink Floyd, actually. Psychedelic, but kind of futuristic. Well, this sums up your fans to me that I know of, which is I told someone, a very good friend of mine, that we were doing this podcast today, and his first question was like, he goes,

oh, man, I've got this thing, I've got this request for you. And I think, well, we always have two guests, so obviously the question is going to be, can I be on it? So he can talk to you. He goes, can you ask him, I know you've never met him before, talk to him, can you ask him for free tickets for me? I'm like, you fucking, you piece of shit. You fucking piece of shit.

David Quirk, I'll put it out there, David Quirk, he's the same guy that went to my wedding and didn't bring a fucking present. So that's your demo. David Quirk, your name plus one will be at the door, but for the wrong night. Yeah.

Put him on in Tasmania. Put him on in Tasmania. Yeah. I reckon, yeah, you'd be the sort of guy with your DMs on the day of a show would just be blowing up from fans looking for a ticket on the door. Oh, yeah. The one that we belabor on my podcast is no one understands sold out means there's no more seats if there were more seats i would have sold them yeah and it would still be

sold out so i don't know what you want me to do for you they think that there's some magical yeah empty room that we keep in case someone got too fucked up and didn't buy my tickets in time. Yeah, we get that a bit when we do live ones of this. Not for our stand-up, but for the live podcasts that we do. Like, yeah, the day of the show. I know it says sold out, but the thing is, I was going to buy one, but then I didn't until now when I realised it's sold out.

So can you still sell me one? And I'll give the money straight to you. Yeah. And also, massive fan. You've got to let me in. Massive fan. Is that what you're thinking about, buying a ticket half an hour before the gig? But I just love that.

They never even bother to give a valid reason. It's just like, oh, yeah, I've been planning to, and then I just didn't until just now. It's like you're not even making something up about a sick relative or anything like that. That's worse than not explaining it. Like that's not an excuse. It's like you're not even making something up about a sick relative or anything like that. That's worse than not explaining it. Like that's not an excuse. That's what I presume.

Well, I think it was probably the first time you were out here doing stand-up in Australia was maybe 2007. I think you did one show in Sydney because I flew up from Melbourne to Sydney to see you because you just did like two nights. It was on the weekend of Mardi Gras, so flights were very expensive. They have Mardi Gras here? Yeah. We're real progressive. We've got

gay people here and everything. Really? Yeah. They're really bad at it. There's heaps of them and there's like 18 of them. And they're very loud. But yeah, we went up to see your show and me and a friend of mine who I'd started comedy with.

Marston would have never tolerated such behaviour. I think that's his name. One of the colonial... I'm reading a book of Australian history and the foundation of it. Oh, you know more than us. Yeah. Easy.

Just get done homosexuality and the penal colonies of the... They didn't tolerate that shit. Oh. Are you testing out local gear for your shows on us? No, no. It's a 600-page book that I've had my face in. So go ahead. So is that book part of the Airbnb, or did you bring it with you?

No, I brought it with me. Okay, right, right, right. I didn't know it was going to be 600 fucking pages of small print, but it's really fascinating. Anyway, go back to what you were saying. So we flew up to see your show and we knew the guy. Who did you borrow money off to go and see your show by the way? My parents.

There was no MySpace then so I couldn't message Doug to say, hey, can we get on the door? So we got there and we knew the guy that ran the comedy store at the time and he was like, oh, if you want, I'll ask Doug, we can go for a drink afterwards. And my friend goes up he was like, oh, if you want, like, let's, you know, I'll ask Doug, like, we can go for a drink afterwards. And my friend goes up and was like, we're both huge fans,

my friend is like, I'm going to take drugs with Doug Stanhope, this is going to be the best. Gets so pumped up to do drugs with you, thinks it's going to be this all-in thing where, like, everyone in the group is just going to be off their head. We met you at the club, we then went to the hotel you were staying at to have a drink

in the bar. We get in the car to drive over there. My friend pulls out some ecstasy, takes one, and then hands it around to everyone else in the car, this bag, and goes, alright, who else is getting in? And one by one, everyone else in the car just goes, oh, actually, no, I don't really feel like it. I'm just going to have booze instead. So we then turn up to

this very late, like about the same number of people that are here now. Just five of us, just hanging out, having a nice chat. Which is great. With one of us in the corner just absolutely chewing his fucking face off. Rolling. And just talking at a million miles an hour at you. It was fucking great. And then we stayed

up all night to get the first flight home the next morning. And I sit next to him on the plane coming down. Like I'm trying to sleep. He's waking me up going, did I embarrass myself? Did I embarrass myself in front of Stanhope? Did I embarrass myself in front of Stanhope? Yeah, cunt, you're on ecstasy. You're embarrassing yourself in front of me?

I'm usually, it's really drunks are the worst. Usually if someone's tripping on any kind of substance like that, I'm usually pretty, not forgiving isn't even the word. Empathetic. All right, I know where you are. Here, give me a hug. Have some water. Yeah, you were a very gracious host. I think you did go and get him a bottle of water at one point.

You were the mark of a man who had been in that situation many, many times before. It's in a big garbage bag full of ice. I might forget to melt. It's the drunks that are the ones that I have to throw out now when they're my biggest fan, the one that did remember to buy a ticket but didn't remember to eat before he started drinking four hours early.

And then you have to throw them out because they're just talking back to you in the front row. And I can't yell it. You can't yell someone sober. Like, all right, I'm going to say, hey, you've got to really stop talking. And you're going to forget within 30 or 40 seconds. And you're going to start talking. And I can't wait it out.

I can't get you a pot of coffee and walk you around the parking lot and then come back to my act. I'm going to have to have you removed. Because in his head, he's like, okay, I've just embarrassed myself in front of my hero. I need to think of a way to apologize to him or make it up to him. I know. I'll chime in on this next bit. That'll help.

That'll make him funny. Hell yeah. The last one wasn't funny. I'm really going to top myself. But someone on a drug like that, yeah, you can say, hey, listen, you're going this way. You need to go that way. And you might see a spark in their eyes where they go, yeah, I guess I should do that. Yeah. I got you. I got you.

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Podcast. All right, we're back. You were saying? I went and saw you once in Sydney a couple of years ago, and a group of maybe eight guys came in like 40 minutes into the show or something. They were a group of anarchists who lived in a squat who just assumed

the show would be on at whatever time they wanted it to be on. And how many cigarettes did they want off you? I made them smoke every single cigarette. Anarchists. They offend us as well, man. Yeah, it's weird when, because when you say anarchists, I would go,

I guess I'm kind of an anarchist at heart, but not in practice. Oh, no. Real anarchists. It would never work. Libertarianism. Yeah, it's a great ideal, but... Real anarchy is not buying the cup from Subway. Just sweeping the ice in your hands and running out. Yeah, it's a great ideal, but... Real anarchy is not buying the cup from Subway.

Just sweeping the ice into your hands and running out. Stealing ice from an actual Subway would be anarchy. Well, we do... When you tour around, you tend to find venues that aren't sort of... Traditional? Traditional venues for comedy and whatever. I saw you doing the Greek Center in Brisbane.

Is that true? Yeah, we did that the last time. And I did an interview still back in the States with Brisbane. Do you have to pretend to be Greek to get in? They were talking about the Greek Center, and I did remember the place. And it's kind of awkward, but, I mean, fun. And then she had been there, or he had been there.

And then she kept talking about it, and then I realized, wait, I'm playing there again? She goes, yeah, that's why I brought it up. I'm like, I don't know, I was fucking back at the Greek Center. I thought that was a one-off funny thing. So you're not contractually obliged to do a bit of Zorba's dance

in the middle of the gig or anything like that? I'm sure I made a million jokes like that. I'm playing at a venue called the Greek Centre in Melbourne for this whole month, and I've made every version of those jokes, and they never fly. Never. Is there a franchise for inappropriate comedy venues going around Australia called the Greek Centre?

Wow, that's great. Well, we're doing our own version of that a little bit. We don't get booked for a lot of gigs in Australia, but even though the podcast is very popular, we've decided to make our own podcast festival, right? So we are going to... We did it last year, a minor version. Next year, we thought this would be sort of Stanhope-esque in a way.

We've made our own podcast festival on the island of Koh Samui in Thailand. We don't have any listeners over there. There's no fans of ours in Thailand. But all of our fans are coming from all around the globe and whatever to go to Koh Samui and assemble there. Now, there's a thing in Australia called the Melbourne

International Comedy Festival Roadshow that drag you around the country and pay you to tour around the country. We don't get booked on that. Just for laughs. That sort of thing. We don't get booked on that at all. So we've made up our own podcast festival

in Koh Samui. And just so we're officially on roadshow, we've made our own roadshow gig where it's like the next island over from Koh Samui called Koh Pen Yang. So we're officially on roadshow there. So we're going to an even smaller island with even less people on there. That's fantastic.

Printing out their own t-shirts. There's only going to be like 40 or 50 people there, but we're officially on road show. That's... We did this with the Just for Laughs, where we did Just for Spite. Same deal? We did it like three years in a row.

No, we went to Montreal, the big Just for Laughs festival, and we did Just for Spite. And then the third year, we didn't even do a show. We just rented out a car wash directly across from the hotel that held all of the after parties and then had free drinks and music and everything.

So we drug all the comics out of their official after party to our party because it was way cooler. Right. You're welcome to come over to Koh Samui and try to find a car wash over there. I will not be able to. I will not be able to. You haven't even heard the date yet. I won't even tell you, oh, no, I won't be allowed in that country

once I rewrite this thing that I should have been writing now, but I'm podcasting instead. I will not be going back to Thailand. Oh, so you've just been to Thailand, haven't you? Yes, I was. Yeah. Oh, so is this another statute of limitations thing? We'll talk about it off the air,

because if you broadcast this on your podcast, you'll also be breaking Thai law. Oh, no. Really? Oh, yeah. It's that fucked up. Oh, fuck. It's a scoop. What did you do to my adopted country?

No, you didn't do anything. Let's kill it. All right. You just got rained out to shut up. That's fine. I guess when we go there in June, we'll find out. No, he didn't say a thing. We're going there in June.

So we did it last year. We've got, you know, we had about 100 people there. This year, I think we've got 200 or 300 people there. We're going to do like this. We've met this lovely lady called Mama Ninja who runs this restaurant called Ninja Crepes. And we all loved it and it closed down. But we're going back this year and we said to her,

can we do something with you? And so she's opening up her abandoned restaurant on a beach for us to come and have this massive beach party or whatever. Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah, and then she's gone, it's going to be great. By the time you get there,

I'm going to have my pool finished. And I'm like, I don't think that's a great idea. Like, you know, it was like a small thing last year. We're going to have 300 people fitting in your pool by the beach. Like, I think this is going to be,

like, we're going to have, this is, well, what we're doing is we're really insisting on people getting insurance. We're not filming a rap video. It's so unnecessary. Your restaurant is on the beach. You could probably get a pool

in that sand that's just wasted space. How about just wash the fucking salad in there? We don't have to jump in there. So it's just increased my anxiety about it. It's like, all right, there's already scooters,

there's already enough dangerous things. We don't need a fucking pool there with a lot of drunk people and people and possibly other substances to be there with a pool. But anyway.

What other substances, man? Curry. Okay. Yeah. What do you think? Spring rolls? Yeah. You don't want

loose curry stool in a new pool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah. All right. Yeah. What do you think? Spring rolls? Yeah. You don't want loose curry stool in a new pool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Totally. It's not like Caddyshack where it's a cat bar.

It'll not be solid. There's no solid stool. Yeah. You can't scoop out curry diarrhea from a fucking infinity pool. It's always grim in a public pool when there's the sign that has to say, don't come in this pool if you've got diarrhea. You never want to be that person that sees the sign and then registers it and walks back the other way. We would always do that and go to the front desk and say,

we were reading the pool rules. Are they really strict about the no open sores and lesions? And then you just keep a straight face and wait for them to break? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've been having trouble. So it's called

the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival featuring the Little Dumb Dumb Club. And I've been trying to get sponsorship from companies over there thinking, well, this might be easy. You know, you get to spread your brand into Australia. It happens in Thailand. So I've been hitting up beer companies.

And I don't know if you've ever tried to get a sponsorship with a company that doesn't speak English, but it is surprisingly fucking hard. I wouldn't say surprising. I've been trying to get beer sponsorships with these guys, thinking, well, we're going to sell a million beers over there. If they can just get on board, it'll look nice on the poster and everything.

And so all I was doing was mocking up posters as to what it would look like with Chang beer and Singer beer. And they're just sending back cease and desist emails from lawyers going, take your logo off your poster. Really? You've got to stop doing this.

And I'm like, it is a... It's a mock-up. It's a mock-up. I don't know what type of mock-up is, but it is a pretend. It's a practice-up. I don't know what type of mock-up is, but it is a pretend. It's a practice one and it's just like all these streams of emails going, we will sue you if you keep putting the logo on the poster. I'm like, what's in it for me

to advertise your logo and put it out there if I'm not getting anything off you? This is, surely you understand that this is a practice and it just went... I think none of you have obviously watched my last special, which was just this kind of a fluff piece throwaway thing called Pop-Off Vodka Presents an Evening with Doug Stanhope, and that was the whole point,

is Pop-Off Vodka is like this shitty grade $9 plastic jug vodka and hobo vodka that we thought would be funny as a sponsor, and they said they wouldn't touch Doug Stanhope with a nine-foot pole. And so it's a whole 20-minute rant that goes on about that, where I put that out as Pop-Up Vodka Presents until they serve me with a cease and desist.

They are my official sponsor against their will i'll get a dime but yeah man i need to do that all right that's awesome that's awesome but uh you would think that in your comedy community here uh you would know one i'm the first australian thai. You know how everyone fucking open mic. Okay, what am I? I'm gay and Malaysian. So when I get up in the morning, I don't know.

Yeah, I'm the first sick cunt comedian. Well, you would think you'd know someone that as terrible as they are at open mic speaks Thai. Yeah, yeah. Yes. You know how when you first four wall and open mics the one guy with the PA the cliched guy always gets a set because he owns the PA he sucks but he has the equipment to put on a show

that's why I run my gig at the bar down the road. Yeah, that's me. Well, then you should hire a Thai kid with fucking terrible jokes, but you can speak to the people that own beer. That's not a bad idea. We've got to scour the open mics to find a mediator for these kinds of things. Just to not get a suit anymore. There's just so many complaints.

And then the last offer was, the guy comes back to me, and this is the second beer company and he said, what do you want? And I said, this is what I want, this much money and then he goes, yeah, it's all good. And I'm like, wow, this is actually happening. I'm actually going to get this sponsorship for our festival

and I start getting ready for it and he's like, yeah, yeah, whatever you want. And then I sort of have to actually go, hang on. Is that a traditional tie phrase? Yeah, this guy sounds like a good businessman. I'm like, hang on, let's just get this clear and get this in writing. Do I have this number right? Four, four, eight, seven, six.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like, this seems too good to be true. So I have to go back and go, can you just, let's officially get that on paper as to what we're getting out of this. And it comes back as, if you order 100 cartons of beer, you get 10 cartons free. I'm like, that is absolutely not the deal. That is not even a good deal at a supermarket.

It's not sponsorship. Yeah, yeah, it's not sponsorship. That's just commerce. It's a special you're having, that I've been communicating with you for three months over, and I'm getting like 10% off. This is not a good deal. Well, if you're doing a ridiculous festival,

why wouldn't you go with a ridiculous sponsor? Yeah, sure. Like hand supports for fibromyalgia people. That's not a good one, but something absolutely ridiculous. Maybe the sponsor, I mean, the dear departed business in Thailand is the fake DVD, so I'd love to get sponsored by a fake DVD shop.

Oh, that's fucking brilliant. A market. That's a good idea. And you could set it up in... Pirated DVDs. Maybe pirated the fake Dr. Dre Beats headphones. Maybe that. They're like $10. And I've fallen for it up to three times now.

Oh, this is a good deal. Snap. Fuck. Sponsored by hats with the word dope on it. Oh, yeah. In silver foil. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice. All right. Well, maybe I'll speak to the people at dope and see how we go. Underage prostitutes that are really dirty. We'll still end up with only 10% off, I'm sure. That would be a hell of a cease and desist to get. Sorry, but we have a brand to keep up. We don't want ourselves associated with your shitty podcast.

Because you, Doug, you hold... So you do these Super Bowl parties every year. Not anymore. Not anymore. Yeah, we cut that. Too intense? No, it started out, we had fun football parties because we live in a town that's an artist community. So the people that actually like football have no outlet.

So we had a nice core. And over the years, it grew to a bunch of people who didn't like football, and I'm just hosting all the time. And then that fatal mistake I made on the Joe Rogan podcast, he's like, so anyone can show up at your house? And I went, yeah. Oh, no. Well, then, yeah. You forget that that lives beyond the moment in podcasting. If I said that on the radio, I said it, it disappears. But people listen to that podcast years later.

They're catching up years later on the podcast. Also, it's people that are at work, and they're listening to you in their heads, and they think you're their friend and shit. And all they're thinking is free cigarettes at this party, it's going to be fucking good. We are very, very, very familiar with that phenomenon on this podcast. Yeah. Maybe I meant it at the time, but the time is over.

Yeah, right. I, as a prank in the first year of doing this show, I read Carl Chandler's number out on the air, and he continues to be haunted by it to this day. Yeah. You know, when you were talking before about gigs about you know when someone wants to talk to you after the show or whatever it is people don't even come up to me anymore they just after the show they'll ring me they'll text me you know i don't have to talk to

me face to face anymore it's like so if i put someone down as a heckle i don't come up and say sorry while i'm on stage they ring me after the gig which is fucking no good. I get my address out, which I still... We've had a few bad apples, but overall, we installed some security and whatnot. Is this why you go on tour so much? Just so it's easy? I live so far the fuck

out. What's your address? 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona. If you Google Doug Stanhope's address, it's the first thing that comes up. Okay, good.

Well, it is now. Yeah, and fans send us fucking weird and phenomenal stuff that's amusing, and I love getting mail. I live in the middle of nowhere,

so a full mailbox is fun. Oh, nice. And they send things to Bingo, who is always confused. I go, hey, send shit to Bingo at 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee

85603. Then all of a sudden, there's a bunch of dumb packages. I mean, most of them are pointless. And for our fans and listeners, Bingo is your partner, not your dog, right? Yeah, this is my gal pal. She's of limited capabilities when it comes to

figuring out over and over again how I pull this prank on her. Why do I have all these packages? Did you do that thing again? Yeah, I've been doing it for like ten years. That sounds like she's worked it out. That's not a bad thing. You got pranked and you get heaps of presents.

Like, prank away on me. I'll have fucking presents. I'll give my address out if I'm going to get nice stuff, not rocks through the window. Well, I live two hours from the closest airport. Right. So, and still in the middle of nowhere. Yeah.

In a secondary airport, where you have to get down to a small town on the Mexican border in a secondary airport, where you have to get down to a small town on the Mexican border and then ignore the angry dogs and bang on a gate. And I'm probably not home anyway. I guess the person that shows up

after going through all that is a very specific type of person. Yeah. Most people have been really polite. And a a lot of times we were at home and drinking and doing a podcast or something and someone emails, hey, we're in town, where should we go have dinner? And you go, all right, everyone, we're in the mood. Okay, y'all come over here.

But generally I'm out of town and if I'm not in the mood or I'm away, hey, no one's ever complained about Bisbee, Arizona. If they showed up, they had a fucking great time regardless of my presence. It's this weird little community that people fall in love with. With all international

comedians that come through town, I have to ask the question. We have a cohort of the show, someone that's always more well-known overseas than he is here. But our friend called Milan, who's a Serbian international, I think gunrunner because of how much money he has to buy people drinks and

stuff. Have you had much to do with a man called Milan Krencevic? No, I don't know Milan, but I'm thinking right now, and I'm spitballing here in the executive office. Let's move this quirky podcast thing to Serbia. Yeah. Fuck Thailand.

You already got a guy that knows the language, has some power, has some clout, and you could get some weird Serbian beer to be your sponsor. Oh, man, look, if the pool will be cold. If I call him now, it will happen. He's already offered to bankroll the whole fucking thing. Milan, the very famous, like I said,

he's like... It could be called a Serbian podcast. Like a Serbian film. Great. See, I have a movie podcast, so I get the reference. I don't get it at all. A Serbian podcast. Like a Serbian film. Great. See, I have a movie podcast, so I get the reference. I don't get it at all. A Serbian film is one of the great films where you get to watch a man rape a baby. One of the great ones of that. One of the great films that exists out there.

Of that category. Is that a real thing? Yeah, it's one of those like kind of torture porn type movies. Is there for theosis of torture? type movies it's the forfeosis of torture porn yeah it's in the wake of Hostel and Saw

and all that shit a Serbian film came out and everyone went oh yeah we don't need to make any more of these movies

actually we've seen a man rape his own baby I feel pretty good about not knowing the reference to be completely honest so yeah Get up and walk to the other side. Yeah. It was music to my ears, man. I feel pretty good about not knowing the reference, to be completely honest. Yeah. Yeah.

So you, because... I don't even go to movies anymore. I watch live baby rape. Yeah, it's always better live, isn't it? When the crowds start getting into it and shit, it doesn't translate to video. Being in Thailand, let's not talk about that. But by all means, let's get stuck into a bit of the old BR.

Well, babies don't have lawyers, I guess, so whatever. Whatever it gets to, get it to stop crying. I mean, it normally starts crying, then it stops for a bit. Then it starts again, and then it stops forever. Then it makes that direct eye contact and you come like a volcano. Don't be making those noises. You've got Doug Stanhope on your podcast. What did you think? How did you

not think baby rape was going to come up? I'm surprised it took this long to happen. I didn't bring it up. You brought it up. I brought up a Serbian movie. Which is about baby rape. You're a manager. You're supposed to be telling people to not say things like this.

That's your job. I'm Doug Stanton's manager. I don't care about your career. Yeah, that's very fair. That's my so-called career. Yes, thank you. What I like is happening at the moment is that the listeners of our podcast are going, fuck, this is a pretty raw episode of Dumb Dumb.

The listeners of the Doug Stanhope podcast are going, this is a pretty soft episode by Stanford. Tomorrowumb. The listeners of the Doug Stanhope podcast are going, this is a pretty soft episode by Stanhope. Tomorrow we have, and you brought this up earlier, the psycho fans that I have. Well, sure, they all need cigarettes. But some of them are really brilliantly interesting where tomorrow night, Hannigan just said,

oh yeah, our tour guy for the rest of this tour is going to meet us in Hobart. He's going to bring his podcasting equipment, but I'll bring ours just in case. And I said, we're just there for a night. We fly in the night of the gig and fly right back here. Why the fuck? He goes, don't you remember?

You got the email from that fucking Iranian and said we have to podcast. I'm like, oh, fuck. It was some fan that lives in Tasmania that was a prisoner in an Iranian prison. He's Iranian and then said he was facing 35 years in Dubai for being an atheist. Oh, fuck, we've got to get this guy on.

It's a great podcast. Have an Iranian podcast festival. Yeah. There we go. All right. Fuck, why have we been bothering with Thailand so long? Yeah.

This sounds great. So, yeah, you get those. Yeah, that guy's probably a little tits out after all that experience, but it's got a good story. Yeah. But that's what that is, though, really. It's not like he doesn't have a podcast.

He just wants to talk to you. No, no. He just said, I'm a big fan. I'm coming to your show. I have this story. I was the one that said, I want a podcast with you. He asked if he could shake my hand after the show. He wanted nothing.

I understand if he can. I'm like, fuck you, you're podcasting. Right, right, right, right. It's a bit like how you got on this. You emailed begging to be on this show. You got your PR person to just hound us day and night, and then finally we relented. We thought you had an interesting story, so...

You were wrong. You were so wrong. Well, it sounds like you do have one. We don't want to talk about it. Let this be a lesson to other podcasters. Well, Hannigan's good about, oh, yeah, I'm 1,000% more likely to do anything if you come to me. Yeah.

We need to get this, because we do a thing every year at the end of the comedy festival on the last night, so we do live podcasts of this for Sundays, like four Sundays in a row in April. And then on the very last night at 11pm, we do like an unrecorded drunk cast where we just get maggot on stage. The audience just get off their fucking heads.

And it's, you know, it's all the... What it ends up being is like the pent-up frustration of a month of doing a festival show. It's off the record. It's less podcast and more us jumping into the crowd and forcing 17-year-old girls to carry us as we crowd surf over and over and over again. And I think this year we're going to have...

But you don't put it out? No, we don't put it out. We don't record it. It would sound horrendous. It's literally us crushing teenage girls and their chairs breaking and them being injured by grown men. And you don't have a portion of your listeners saying,

you've got to put it out. I don't care how unlistenable. Totally. People want to hear it, but we can't do it. The problem is when you're that fucked up is you say things, you go, oh, I should have never said that. Yeah. We do record every year, but then we listen back to it and go,

well, there's half an hour of screaming in a row that doesn't need to be out there. It's just screaming. Yeah, we need to start doing because I've... You edit it down and then you sell it as a Christmas CD. Right, right. Of just the best of unlistenable dum-dum podcasts.

It's like the Yoko Ono of podcasts. Your hardcores will buy that. And they'll love it. Well, I've started to hear tell of people coming along and bootlegging it. I think we need to do Dave Chappelle style, like take people's phones when they come in this year so that no one can record it in any capacity. Or fill their phones up with dick. But do you think by the end of it we're in any state

to know how to give the phones back? Fully naked. That's happened before. Oh, wow. If you're wearing a wire, it's hidden deep where we're going to have audio issues. Oh, you mean the audience is fully naked? Yes. Oh, wow.

You have the most entrepreneurial mind. You can't win all these fucking ideas. That's good because you know at least with the male listeners, you know which ones are really excited by the gig. You know how the gig's going. I am with the females too, dude. Slip.

You can give them, for their own comfort, you can give them a sarong. Oh, we give you the sarong though. Yeah. You come in naked, get behind the thing. But it's a scam because the sarong you have to buy from us for like 20 bucks. There you go.

See, this is a writer's room right now. Maybe one of those wet weather ponchos. So it's a see-through poncho. You get to wear one of those. I think that's good. Wet toga night? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this is...

So the drunk cast this year is the night after your last Melbourne show. So if you're in town, you're more than welcome to come and get nude with us, brother. Nope. Nope. I'll be in, brother. Nope. Nope. I'll be in New Zealand. Wait. I don't fucking know. I think we go to New Zealand.

That's a hard no, but I'm available. Yeah, we're busy, so I think we're booked up, unfortunately. Sorry, Ken. Oh, shit, dude. I might just come hang out. Oh, I was going to buy tickets, but I was all fucked up. Now it's sold out. Actually, wait. I was all fucked up. Now it's sold out. Actually, wait.

I might have that night. Yeah, I might be there that night, as long as it's not being recorded. Yeah, this is a sweet punk. You just saying that all of your freak fans will turn up in new morning cigarettes. Bring cigarettes.

One by one We've got to get this podcast festival sponsored by Malboro One line for people that want to get into the show One line for the smokes Plug the night Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness

Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness

Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness

Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness

Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness

Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness

Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness April 22 Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness Sponsored by loneliness off mic. Do you know the Night Hennigan? Can you look up the night that their show is? April 22. April 22. And the venue? The European Beer Cafe.

The one that's just here. Oh, yeah, right here. The ice capital of Melbourne. You can walk past the subway where I get ice and just cross the street and it's right there. Oh, you just know open markets are going to start going to that subway. Full Dog Stanhope reality show.

This is the ice that Stanhope drank. That's the fantasy he drank right there. Stanhope shat near here somewhere, probably. Can I have the Stanhope sandwich? It's a fucking meatball sub, dude. You can't name it yourself. We name these things. Well, I think we'd better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club.

Cam James, Doug Stanhope. And the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Oh, yeah, sure. We're our manners. Thanks very much for joining us, Doug. Absolutely. It was a pleasure. And also, simultaneously, thanks for having us on your show.

Oh, my fans will love it. And of course, you're touring all around us. You know what? Throw out your Twitter handle. Oh, okay. Thank you. No one uses Twitter over here. Well, they do, but you haven't. We're at Dum Dum Club on Twitter. We're on Instagram and Facebook, but your

Australian tour dates, you're going all around the country. Say it out loud, because Chaley will put in all of your handles in our breakdown on the website where they go to hear my version. So tell us which one's the cutest. Oh, by the way, get pictures. Did you get pictures?

All right. Yeah, sweet. We need a default photo for our podcast. I'm plugging mine. Yeah, go ahead. Hey, shut up, everyone. I've plugging mine. Always good to have a bit of bureaucracy on the end of the podcast. I'm, hey, shut up everyone. I've got to plug

my fucking Twitter and my fucking Instagram. Go for it. It's at I am Cameron James. I said shut the fuck up. It's at I am Cameron James

and please be friends with me. Yeah. End of sentence. End of podcast. Thanks for tuning in. The problem is, James,

if anything I know about you, fucking too many cigarettes on you. So if anyone can help you out, anyone, ask me for cigs. Here's the problem is, because we're Americans, people go, oh, that one guy was really funny, but they all sound exactly

the same. Well, I was the one that talked about baby rape. So if anyone's keen... And the Doug Stanhope's fans all want cigarettes. Go ahead. Yours? Yeah, Carl Chandler. Add Carl Chandler on Twitter and Instagram. Yeah. And the guy who actually brought the equipment.

The guy that has the PA so you do his podcast. At Dassolo, D-A-S-S-A-L-O. But add Dum Dum Club. That's good enough. Yeah, for sure. Please follow them. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But yeah, please follow them.

Yeah, nice one. Thank you. Yeah, go check out Doug. He's got a bunch of shows around the country that'll still be going by the time this has come out. Yes, guys, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. Play something weird there, Jamie. And she said, You better run, you better make a run. Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh!

By the floor, right in Brussels. Give us 64 and 4 through Brussels. Thank you. Where there's gold and there's thunder Can we keep, can we keep this under You get a ride, you get a ride You get a ride, you get a ride You get a ride, you get a ride You get a ride, you get a ride You get a ride, you get a ride Thank you.