The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #256: Hennigan Ejected from Doug's Sydney Show

Episode Date: April 25, 2018

Doug wraps up the Australian tour with Hennigan and local tour manager Alex Hodgins. Recorded April 19th, 2018 in a Melbourne, Australia hotel room with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), Alex Hodgkins, and Mimi. Produced by Hennigan. Edited by Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille) Go to http://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates/ for tickets to all upcoming 2018 shows in Canada and the UK. This episode is sponsored by The Shady Dell Vintage Trailer Court in Bisbee, AZ. - [http://theshadydell.com/](http://theshadydell.com/) LINKS: Doug's Tonightly Show appearance - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-a4TlI9vb2o&feature=youtu.be](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-a4TlI9vb2o&feature=youtu.be) The Pickled Possum - [http://pickledpossum.com.au/](http://pickledpossum.com.au/) Chad Shank Voice Over info at [www.AudioShank.com](www.AudioShank.com) Support the Innocence Project - [www.innocenceproject.org](www.innocenceproject.org)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. Yeah, that bar looks shit. Hopefully it is. The bar looks shit downstairs it looks like friends it looks like the peach pit or whatever the fuck they called it there were two bars wasn't there I was uh last night

cause I've talked a few times on stage I have that one line about sometimes you might get drunk and slum it with a hipster. And I don't know if they even have hipsters here. And I forgot Melbourne is hipsters. I forgot this whole town is fucking hipsters.

I don't know if they call them that. But I also wondered, and Alex can answer this for me, is bogan a word? Because for the listener, bogan is a fucking word for white trash. Yeah, essentially. But you can be a rich bogan or a poor bogan. The point is, is bogan a word like hipster

where you say it offensively and they don't take it offensively no it's taken offensively pretty much every time unless it's one bogan to another maybe because when you say hipster yeah they're hipsters and they know it yeah it's like saying redneck redneck are proud of being redneck saying you're a redneck doesn't cause offense there that's well that's like saying you're a patriot you're a true american it's like the n-word it's it's in how you say it it's in the tone of bogan all right well like hipster when you say fucking hip, no matter how derogatory you mean it, they don't take it that way. It's like saying lawyer.

Almost. In a different way. Yeah, I'm sure that bogans can call each other bogans. I'm sure it's one of those. Yeah, well, that's a pretty big TV show. It feels like it's a racial slur where you're of the same race, so it's okay for me to call you a bogan. And the word that we heard, I forget who said it, and he said it so subtly.

Yes. One of these ferals. It was a guy who turned up at our helicopter lunch party in Adelaide. And the guy that came, the guy that joined the party. His name was Doug. Yeah, he sat down and he went,

yeah, this is all right. There's an area over there, there's a bunch of ferals. Yeah, he had a story about David Attenborough. At one time, David Attenborough was sitting here and a bunch of ferals were sending their mother's ashes out to sea on a balloon and someone

swam out to get it and all the ferals ran down I was fucking dying at the fact that he was calling just and I've met ferals when I saw you Alex, I'm with Alex, our tour manager,

and the bag, we'll get to the bag, Mimi, and Brian Hennigan. This is basically a wrap-up of the tour, even though we have a couple more shows. All downhill. All downhill. For the audiences! The first time I encountered the word feral in this

circumstance, like Australia, I don't know if you remember this, but in Mad Max 2, the road warrior, there was a small child who was like his buddy, and in the credits, he was the feral kid. Feral's are serious.

Where I was out smoking, where I met you, I went back out to smoke. And I asked this just filthy, like gym shorts, like workout shorts, tattoos, bikey kind of fuck. I go, hey, can I use your lighter? And he went, like I was a fucking dick. Like I was stepping on his fucking toes in a bar. And he just hands me a lighter and I use it and I go, thank you very much. Like, fuck you. How dare you ask me for fire?

Ferals are thick here. That's it. And that's the lighter is... Yeah. I only have so many fucking lights. The thing I like about the ferals is that... I've seen it twice here. There's somebody, there's a feral in a bogan at the airport who's flying for the first time. And they have that brilliant, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but I don't mind if I make an ass of myself doing it.

So they just walk up to the front of the security and say, how did you get through this? You know, I saw someone doing that. And they were clearly had never flown before and just were just going around just asking people really obvious questions because they didn't give a shit it is a shameless i'm not gonna worry about what we've already said but flying in australia is fucking brilliant you don don't need ID. They just ask you for your boarding pass. You could be anyone as long as you have a boarding pass. You could be like they have feral kids, let's say, in the States.

When you go to a horse track and they have all the people that bring their children to a horse track. They'll go and they'll just pick up every ticket off the floor and have them scan it in case someone accidentally threw away a winning ticket. What are they called? Poor people. Poor people. Right, okay. Universal.

Well, Mexicans, if you're in the Southern California region, it's usually Mexican kids. Forget my point. I used to take glass bottles back to get the deposit. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was a huge thing in Massachusetts. Yeah. Yep.

Nickel deposit on a can. Got people picking up cans. Worked it well. Created jobs. Well, that's why I never thought my dad being an alcoholic was a bad thing because I used to always get the deposit money. I used to think the more my dad drank, the better.

I think they were trying to do that with crows at one point. Teach crows to pick up garbage in exchange for bird feed. I think that was in the States. What? Yeah. Like, birds.

I know what a bird is. Do you not have crows? A raven, sorry. Doug, do you have anything else? No, no, no. The point was you could just go around picking up... Boarding passes. Boarding passes off the ground and try to fly somewhere the same way you're trying to find a winning horse track ticket. Yeah, and you can take fucking alcohol and liquids through the scanners.

Yeah, I brought a full bottle of Bailey's. We fucking canned a bottle of Bailey's. of Bailey's. The one thing about the airlines here, Virgin Australia, I tweeted this, hey Delta, instead of calling them airline partners, call them step partners

because they act like they love you as much as your actual mother, but they don't. They don't want you to be drunk on airlines here. The Sky Clubs don't they don't want you to be drunk on airlines here the sky clubs that's true don't start serving until 11 a.m even though the bar's outside in the if you want to pay your fucking 16 dollars for a pint yeah you could go out there but they won't serve you in the sky club and unlike American Sky Clubs... There's no alcohol.

Yeah. Booze. There's cider, beer, and wine. There's no liquor. Fucking half the Sky Clubs in America are free pour. They have the five basics, tequila, whiskey, rum, vodka. Sure, but bear in mind

the airlines won't be able to buy those at the same prices as the American airlines. Therefore, the fucking deficit for them could be enormous. And their food is shit. I mean, you can find something to eat, but yeah, I used to think Virgin was perfect. In fact, I've tweeted that where,

hey, I'm a Delta loyalist, but if Virgin ever flew to Tucsonucson i would jump ship immediately virgin america is better than delta virgin australia is fucking dated yeah but i'm just saying that you know compared to if you want to compare you have to pair apples and apples and again virgin america is better than delta last two of you were pretty stoked on virgin australia yeah the food wise they seem to have yeah it's not bad well first of all the fact we got food today on a three-hour flight in economy that doesn't happen anymore no that doesn't happen yeah and it wasn't that bad no it wasn't we're at the

some hotel yeah you shut that but now Chaley's gonna want room tone and you're gonna fuck it up by shutting that yeah Chaley says you have to get room tone no no no shut that that is kind of annoying yeah

yeah we're in a very nice hotel. What the fuck are you spending all this money on? Who are you talking to? You! After the Asia tour where they put us up in all these five-star hotels. Well, these are much cheaper. The fucking bill for the two nights in Perth was $700 for two nights. The availability for those days was somewhat odd. I couldn't get in the Sheraton even. Perth was $700 the availability

for those days was somewhat odd I couldn't get in the Sheraton even you tried to pull this shit on me once before then I spent when I jumped ship in Sydney I'm not staying in this fucking place this place had the most amazing

view but it was on the top of a fucking how could you object to that you saw it you do to be fair yeah that meant i got the upgrade yeah you get to stay there but i got there and there's like there's nothing there weren't plates in the fucking place they're worse it was an airbnb with the most amazing view. And once you look at it, you go, I could get a postcard and look at this at a

fucking cheap motel that's next to... You could also smoke on it. You could smoke on that enormous balcony. Yeah, I had a tiny balcony I could smoke on at the place. I spent $117 a night to be right beside the venue of the first night and two miles down the road from the other venue where I had a supermarket,

sushi, a liquor store, all within 30 yards of me. You're welcome to book all the accommodation from now on. I mean, it's up to you you're not like a fancy posh cunt I mean I'd make fun of you for being a posh lad yeah I mean I tend to go with whatever I think is appropriate

for the circumstances and the circumstances is a nebulous thing that I assess I don't know where to kick this fucking thing off ball busting you is going to start it but we could go

what were the emails oh I got to get the emails we'll do that at the break at the 20 minute mark I'll pull those up do we go at Tom Ball those up do we go with tom ballard or do we go we hit bogan why don't we hit dave hughes oh dave hughes well that kind of goes with tom ballard yeah do that yeah it's kind of that's well i still want to i can't wait to fucking pound on you brian hennigan got thrown out of a venue. Let's just tease that.

Tease it. I'm not in defending territory yet. Get some cocktails. We're all going to need them. So the first day I met you in 2014, we were doing Brisbane radio that day ABC which is sort of like our ABC

no more like your PBS oh yeah NPR yeah yeah exactly yeah and so they rang me up a couple of hours before and they were like oh we've got this we've got Dave Hughes in the building so we thought it would be great if he could sort of come in

and teach Doug the rules of AFL. This is a radio show that I have to do to promote my gig. Yeah, to promote the gig that night or the next night. And they say this Dave Hughes, that was their angle. Yeah, yeah. Teach me about Australian football. Yeah, so we run it by you you think it's steve hughes who is a fucking hilarious comic i heard he's tits up off the rails so i sort of just giggled to myself all right this is gonna sort of work out well

um and and we get to the uh well to off, you were already doing press that day. A few different magazines. And you were hammered by the time I met you. I remember running off and grabbing you a Subway sub to sort of sober you up before we went across to get to. Subway always sobers you up. No, cocaine does. Have you seen that movie? Is it Flight?

Yeah. I remember being drunk waiting to go on. And I had a sense of what was about to happen because I'd looked up Dave Hughes and I realized he had 400,000 Twitter followers in a country where no one uses Twitter, which basically means... Every single person in Australia follows him.

Yeah, and if you're that popular comedian in any... with that sort of ratio of attraction on social media in your native country, that means you're like the national comedian of that country, i.e. you reflect the national values of the people of that country and nowhere else.

That guy does not travel to do comedy. Oh, no. Not that I've heard of. There was no threat of him taking over Jon Stewart's role on The Daily Show like Trevor Noah. Yes. No, he's staying local. Yeah. And therefore that was part of the issue was you had no idea who he was.

And he knows he's the biggest comedian in Australia. Well, I've repeated the story probably wrong on that Tom Ballard show where when you, a lot of these stories, listeners sitting there at your hump job, whiling away the hours, listening to podcasts. You have to understand. I don't remember any of these stories. I'm repeating these stories third hand from whatever you have notes in front of you from what happened four years ago but you

told me while i was drunk that i showed up i remember i thought he was going to be the other guest on this radio show i didn't know he's the comedian you tell me he's a comedian is this wrong well they sort of right that's right yeah they's right. Yeah, they brought him in as sort of like a special event. Like, oh, we've got a big US comedian. We'll bring in our comedian. Because that female couldn't make it. The regular host of the show was some lady that's not there. Yeah.

So I assume this Dave Hughes that you said, well, he's basically a Belgian comedian. Well, that's what I told you. When you said, well, he's basically a Bogan comedian. Well, that's what I told you. When you said, oh, Steve Hughes, I'm like, oh, no, no, Dave Hughes. And you're like, oh, who's that? I'm like, Bogan comedian. That's the first time you'd ever. And I'd never heard the expression Bogan, which, again, white trash.

Larry the Cable Guy or probably more of a, what's not the Foxworthy, Bill Ingvall. Alright. Larry the Cable Guy is a character. Correct. Bill Ingvall is actually that guy. Yeah, he's got an excuse. Yeah, Dave,

so, yeah, yeah. So I tell you, yeah, no, he's a Bogan comedian and you walk into the studio no he's a bogan comedian and um you walk into the studio he's not there yet and uh the producers are all there this is where it crosses into the sort of the tom ballard podcast and um yeah you go to them oh dave hughes i hear he's a bogan comedian and they just sort of go quiet and they go oh well you can ask him that yeah and uh and so then you just start ripping on the fact that yeah the host of the show isn't actually at her show she's stuck in traffic starts off pretty tame and then sort of escalates to oh she's getting a back alley abortion

on that ferris wheel on it there's a big ferris wheel outside of the studio well we had pointed out that yeah the the brisbane wheel i think it's called uh this big ferris wheel there's a it's kind of like the one in london it's always outside where we stay in leicester square there's some fucking that at that apart hotel there's always that giant ferris wheel but there's a v VIP booth in it where you can't see whoever's in it from the waist down. Where you can get back alley abortions. Exactly. Yeah, and so I can't remember when he came in, but basically he came in and tried to teach you the rules of AFL and you just were not interested at all.

I just kept bringing up the back alley abortion that the regular host that he's filling in for is getting on that Ferris wheel. He's probably the equivalent of Lakshmi Singh or whoever from PBS. And instead of running with it, no, he just keeps on going back to fucking AFL. Yeah, so I think we were supposed to be there for an hour and it got cut down to about 45 minutes. Or less, probably. Yeah, yeah. And Hennigan's been there for plenty of these in the UK,

so I'm probably transposing different vague memories where we were supposed to do three segments, but it's one, and I get shooed off because I... The worst was BBC Six, which lasted all of five minutes for watching me in a 30 minute appearance literally like thanks doug and gone but evidently i just wouldn't let the back alley ferris wheel abortion thing go and i just kept hammering it because i i like i i know Because I know that I don't belong on these shows. Well, this is the biggest radio show.

It was the drive time radio slot for the biggest radio show in that city. Yeah. And that's going to draw nobody. Either I do back alley abortion and bang it into the ground. I do back alley abortion and bang it into the ground. Nobody that would want to see my show is listening to the biggest radio show, NPR. That's why I'll never be promoted on HuffPo. There's a lot of places that my audience just doesn't live. And if they did happen to hear me, would be an accident or i could do like just

some homegrown homespun humor like how much i hate the how you going phrase that everyone says here yeah i could do that joke and they go oh he knows something about our culture let's go see him live and then they get to fucking indian gang rape and go ah you gotta get out of here and you're back to walkouts yeah yeah you're inviting walkouts or you're getting walked out of the studio one way or the other so so debuts that comes up tom ballard last time you listened to me and Brian Hennigan, we was lounging around a little bit drunk on a balcony in Melbourne,

kind of like tonight when this tour started. And shortly after that, I was checking my Twitter and I saw this from AtTon at tonightly haven't we covered this no we haven't covered this we did the dum-dum show oh wait we all right we talked about how i was or was not gonna do it on the dum-dum show and that podcast yeah that is already aired by the time they hear this so i go and i do that show yeah all right it's not bad i had just seen the montage trailer that looked benny hillish now it's kind of like a daily show and it's not a bad show at all and tom ballard fine gentleman

great staff was uh and And they knew their shit. That wasn't like a bad radio segment. Where do you get your ideas from? What can the audience expect from you? No, they did a very good job. Very good job. Night before I do Tom Ballard. All right. Are we at the 20-minute mark? Yep. night before I do Tom Ballard, some...

All right. Are we at the 20-minute mark? Yeah. All right. We have to pause to do some commercial breaks, and I need to smoke a half a cigarette, and I'll be back with Tom Ballard, the sketchy, twitchy kid from the night before,

and this is where it gets fun. This is the stuff I probably would have let go if they hadn't edited it out of the Tom Ballard Tonightly show. Please hold. Great news, kids. The Much Neglected merch page on my Much Neglected

website has been taken over by Greg Chaley. So we have tour t-shirts, podcast t-shirts. We have Pop-Off Vodka Presents t-shirts. Get them before we get sued. Before we get the cease and desist. And a whole shitload of CDs and DVDs that span a lifetime. A sad, tragic, bloated lifetime of my fucking horrible thoughts

and pontifications. So help me get that shit out of my crawlspace. Thanks for that. And now back to the podcast previously recorded. I'm not even going to try to do this in alphabetical order, chronologically. But let's get back to the kid. Tom Ballard. Adelaide. If you heard the last podcast, if you didn't, I got a tweet that I have to do a TV show that Brian Hennigan doesn't tell me about.

It doesn't look like anything. It was like nine out of ten cats. I had no business being on that fucking show talking about pop culture in the UK, which I don't know pop culture or the UK. And then I'm sitting there on a fucking panel. This is fucking 2007 or something. I'm saying it was like that where I thought I and so I'm tweeting them. Now

I'm not doing this show. I'm too ugly. I don't want to see my face on TV. Everything I hate about TV. But haven't we covered this on the dumb dumb. I'm just in case you didn't hear that podcast. Now you're caught up to date. So then I agree to do the show

the next day, because Brian Hennigan goes, you know, I have to call the people to reassure them that you will be doing the show. And in my hungover, defeated state, I go, alright. Yes, Dad. I'll do the show.

Night before, whatever the show was before, this sketchy little kid, sketchy meaning quivery, nervous. Waiting outside the back of the venue from way early. For the Bisbee people, he looked like Russian butters.

He's this quivery little kid, and he crawled backstage. In Adelaide. In Adelaide. Came backstage, snuck his way back, and he went, Hey, I'm a comedian. And I went, Okay, hi. And he just went into this nervous story. He said he had heard or saw the tweets.

He goes, you're doing the show. Tonightly. Tonightly. I have a Me Too story about the host, Tom Ballard. I was Me Too'd by him. Really? And you have to understand, when I get off stage, when you get off stage, it's like when you just come out of a fist fight.

I don't know what just happened. You're in a state. You're just coming off stage, happened you're in a state you're you know you're just coming off stage and you're in a peaked state of adrenaline and uh i ask him his story and and then he starts telling me how tom ballard brought him back to his he opened for tom ballard or he was at a a club, something, where Tom Ballard was there, and Tom brought him back to his hotel room. And then he got vague. And I go, all right, listen, if I'm going to bring this up on the Tonightly show, I'm going to grill you like a hideous Louisiana prosecutor would grill. You're asking for it by the way you're dressed.

All right, exactly what happened? Did you lead him on in any way? I go, I'm sorry to do this, but I want to know the fucking true story. And he kept saying, I remember he kept saying, I'd only had sex with two people at that point how old were you i was 20 at the time he's 23 now is years ago and well what happened did you the people you've slept with were they men or women like are you gay because Because is Tom Ballard openly gay, which he is.

So, all right, you go back to the hotel room of an openly gay comic who's only he's only like four years older than the kid. But had been on the biggest sort of morning radio show in the country. Yeah, he does have, and this is where all that Me Too shit gets weird, where, well, he used his power. Well, that's why a guy achieves power, is to get pussy. And when pussy's no longer good, just wants more power you think donald trump is pounding his wife right now no now it's just power that's all he has point being the kid told me a story and i thought you know drunk after a show maybe maybe it would be funny to call this guy out as being me too.

Uh, and he, he told me his whole story and his story was basically Tom Ballard brought him to his hotel, put on a movie, not porn, just a regular movie. And then, uh touched his penis and then performed oral sex on

him and then the kid left and i so i was like i hate to grill you like this i i believe you but i like did you wait did you believe him yes i did like i sent him to you we'll get to that i believed him but i didn't weigh the morality of it you know i was just all right did what at any point did you say no if you're if you know the? If you know the history, if you know the story of when Bingo got soft raped in Bisbee from our mushroom dealer, some old man. The trombone guy? The guy, the apple orchard guy. I don't want to get into details. He's probably dead by now but yeah she got soft

raped which was a uh it was a term that chaley coined which had no meaning until bingo had that happen to her i go see that's what a soft rape is she just couldn't say no she froze up she got into a position where i don't want to fucking retell this story but she got into a position where oh you're a massage therapist i used to do massage therapy oh you'll give me a massage and when he grabbed her by the clam all alone in a fucking apple orchard she just froze and couldn't say no and i had And I was the guy that set it up where I told this 70-year-old man, oh, bingo, back when she was just coming out of hard insanity and actually able to speak socially on any level,

she loved this old guy. He was this weird old he looked the old guy from the Simpsons with the beard the white beard looking out the window that's a paddling that guy he looked like that so he I said oh Bingo

loves you she can't stop talking about you and then we go out to buy mushrooms and he's like he invites her to a drum circle where is this i don't want to get into details it's outside of bisbee all right i don't know if the guy's still alive and small details okay point being she goes out there her first time to go out with someone socially alone by herself and then they get into the oh i was a massage therapist oh i'm almost so he starts giving her a massage grabs her by the clam

she freezes up and then he fingers her made her come which i have never done that's just that was the fucking heart stabber and then finally when he gets up he's gonna try to mount her she goes i have to go i have to be at a barbecue she finally bails on the situation runs in this is before the fence days. This is like 2006. Wow. Or late 2005 even. And then she runs in, crying, won't talk for a while. And then she comes out and tells us what happens. And it's probably Joby at that point. Someone's like, oh, you should kick his ass.

I'm like, no no i told this guy bingo loves you this is an old man that lives alone in the fucking middle of the desert in his fucking apple orchard he probably thinks that this is like okay yeah there are you basically saying tom ballard is an old man with an apple orchard and this young This young kid was unwilling to. I'm saying I had to defend a guy that just soft raped my wife because there was no he believed it was OK. And she wasn't. She just froze up. He's not going to go. Oh, she's not saying no.

So it must be fine. And he's delusional and he sells mushrooms he probably thinks i'm like the scar face of the fucking elfrida apple orchard whatever he's also i don't there was no malicious intent and i had to defend her rapist where she did too other people like let's go kick his ass i go he's an old feeble man that i said oh bingo loves you so much and he probably thought the first time we went out there to buy mushrooms he was talking about yeah i had this girl and uh she then she went away to wherever and it's been three months and months, and I don't know if she's coming back. Like, completely delusional.

Point being. Yeah, also, he grows apples in fucking Arizona. He's used to overcoming insurmountable odds. That's fairly impressive. If he's fucking making a living in that way. Yeah. It's similar to a strain. Crab apples dead on a tree. It's similar to a Australian celebrity. Mushrooms, probably.

Crab apples dead on a tree. So the apples are our front. Okay. Keep going. The point is, I look at both sides of the story, I think, is my point. I am very unbiased when I pass judgments. So when I grilled this kid, his story did not hold up. You are just like any kid that, yeah, I didn't say no.

He left the same way. He never said no. He left on friendly terms. But he came to me using the hashtag me too about tom ballard and when i grilled him about it his fucking story yeah this guy might hold power in his world but yeah you let the guy blow you this guy thinks hey i'm on tv now i i you're you you think you're straight but just wait till I suck your dick. Okay, right. So do you think

there is an issue here which is on the basis of a five minute conversation, ten minute conversation after a gig when you're wired and this kid just comes up and does all this you're basically putting Tom ballard in a situation am i putting him in a situation how so we don't have to discuss this

oh i could have just blown it off but it my first instinct which would be yours is hey this could be really funny on this show that i don't want to do anyway to bring up like if this guy fucking raped this kid that would be hilarious at this point i don't know tom ballard all i know is it's a show i don't want to do that you've set up without uh consulting me so yeah in my head i'm like oh that could be funny and as that's why i grilled him and then as his story progressed does tom ballard know that you and he was already doing bits he's a an australian comedian the kid and he's already doing bits about it and he told me some of the bits he does that were kind of funny and at the end i just told him

listen just keep doing the bits did he make you come he goes no i go then out him for that he's already openly gay so just shit on him on stage for being bad at being queer. Just fucking pound on him for that because the story just didn't hold up. There's a million people. If that is a Me Too story, there's a fucking million women that probably fucked me only because I was on stage. I passed you a note in the airplane today to put out that old Sarah bit that you love.

Yeah, Mr. Bimbles. Yes, exactly about. Yeah, just because you stand this much taller than other people and talk into a microphone, just being on stage gets you pussy that you wouldn't get otherwise, and you probably don't deserve. And I do an entire expose of why you don't want to take advantage of that, where, yeah, you can fuck someone that's well out of your weight class because you're on stage, but it doesn't mean that the next day they're not going to find it as repulsive as if they just fucked you off the street and i think it's a perfect me too example of why you don't tom ballard a kid yeah he didn't say no. He was scared. And he probably wanted a story.

Well, that's it. That's the feeling I got. He just felt like one of those many fans who, when they meet you, panic and try and tell you the most interesting and most what they think relevant thing to you as possible. And they just blurted out all panicked like he was panicked i sent him to i go listen this is a funny idea to bring up on the tom ballard thing which i do we'll get to that but first i sent him to hennigan i go go tell Hennigan your story because I'm you know right off stage I'm drunk Hennigan

will not have a sense of humor about it but he'll be a ballast is that a right word he'll be a fucking you'll give it some kind of yeah but I mean in the moment all you can do in any situation like that is assess the person

you don't you're not listening to their story you're listening to the person right you're you're and i was not that's why i sent them to you yeah for the and and again it's a very it's a very uh substantial accusation you're making about someone and and therefore to that i you'd have to have i think it's correct to go into that presuming the person you're talking to may not be right that i listened to the story with every hope that this kid had been violently raped just so I could make a big production about it. And I, doubting myself, grilled him to the point where I'm like, this doesn't sound like anything other than, oh, I let a guy blow me. Actually, before we left that night, I told the kid, listen, I used Andy Andrist as an example. I used me getting blown by a transvestite hooker in my youth, in my open mic days.

I go, I made a bit out of it. I just owned it. Like that transvestite hooker didn't go, I'm really a woman. Just let me hope to believe. Yeah, I had my dick in the mouth of a fucking angry man who wasn't even famous. But again, the kid is thinking of this story. Again, when did it happen? We're talking about, was it?

Three years before. Right, right. And he's bringing it, is coming up because of the current climate. That's his in to talk to me. And it's before he got the show as well. But you said. Yeah, that's important but you also said this yeah i got sued when i got the man show from some shit i'd written on my website when i was completely nobody now i'm a little less of a nobody and maybe there's money here so i got sued for defamation and this kid oh no that guy me too'd

me he sucked my dick you didn't suck his dick like maybe that would even give you a little bit more he made me suck his dick no you got blown you just laid back and watched the fucking pixar movie i think there's an important point from when you talk about this on the actual show. Because you did bring it up with Tom. You brought it up. Okay, so we get to Sydney. Sydney. And I do the show.

It's a really funny show. It's great people, great beats. I laughed. Yeah. Then I get on. And then Me Too came up vaguely. And I said, have you been me too? Because you were the other night by this kid.

And Tom Ballard went off. You can see that on the if you watch a repeat of that show. Oh, no, you won't see it because they edited it out. Right. If you watch a repeat of that show, oh no, you won't see it, because they edited it out. Right, Kate, this is where I say they didn't edit it out entirely. If you were trying to crush that moment, they could have edited it out far better.

They did not crush it entirely. Not when it first aired. Yeah. But I even saw... Well, there is some fan that was in the audience. They actually yelled that out. What? I said something where they'll probably edit this out unless you're recording it and someone said,

I am something to that effect anyway yeah point being I was on Tom Ballard side there was no need to edit it out and I talked to Tom Ballard afterwards who is a genuinely nice guy and after the show

because I brought up the yeah you got me too and then scuttlebutton and then skip this move past it afterwards he said yeah uh i heard that that guys you know talking about this and i honestly i as far as i'm, it was a consensual thing. And I go, yeah, well, he goes, I'm willing to talk to the kid. I feel devastated that he thought it was anything otherwise.

And I was going to say, there's no one in this room who hasn't been in that position. who hasn't been in that position. But I realize I'm talking to Alex and Hennegan, who probably got laid five times in your life combined. I've totally been me too. But I'm saying where you go. It's just someone that could claim buyer's remorse. Like, I went back to the hotel. I didn't know what else to do because you know he just sang karaoke real well and everyone clapped and i thought i i better

submit to his will and desire without voicing any opinion against yeah i have Yeah, I have me too. I have me too more than Tom Ballard has. If that's the case where someone didn't say no till three years later and you go, I'm fucking I'm a middle act now. Look, I'm getting pussy. I say I didn't. I thought because I was there. I should just fuck you. Well, I don't know that. I think I'm a star.

So, yes, I was on Tom Ballard's side, and I'm only bringing this up because I brought it up on his show, and he edited it out, you fucking asshole. Well, he didn't edit it out entirely. All right. He didn't. Still, it's a funny story.'s it's a funny story it's an interesting story i mean i just think they yeah the uh there's something about just going around slinging dirt like that that it's i don't think it's well then i talked to the kid hey tom ballard if you're listening i talked to the kid afterwards i. I feel me too that I gave that kid my phone number that night.

That was an odd moment. You were actually there going, why did you give him your number? He asked for your phone number. I said, just tweet me or email me your stuff. He goes, well, could I get your cell phone? And I just, I went i went i'm gonna hate myself for doing this yes just take it down but yeah he tweeted me and i tweeted him back that tom ballard said hey i'm happy to talk this out with the kid and uh i shouldn't keep saying kid. Yeah, but also, again, on a very simple basis, if you've been assaulted, call the police.

Yeah. He never even said I was assaulted. He was me too. It was like a power thing. Right. That's how people get fucking laid. If you're not rich or handsome you use whatever you know status you have and it worked it worked so why don't you just keep making jokes about tom ballard couldn't make you come with a

blow job and then add i don't think think any woman is even good enough to make me come with a blowjob. And then you're going to get a bunch of stupid chicks who go, oh, you think I can't make you come with a blowjob? I'll make you come with a blowjob. And then you picture Tom Ballard. Anyway, the point being, yeah, Tom Ballard is, if I insinuated, he's a me too yeah he's he's me too on the wrong

end of the spectrum he didn't do anything that kid needs to just keep fucking working his act and stop letting guys blow you just to be in a fucking hotel room go to a youth hostel get better stories yeah okay all right i guess we're gonna take another break yeah that was the fucking tom ballard uh that was the weird thing i because i don't know what he, when he was telling me the story, he kept repeating. And I've only had sex twice in my life. Like, that means you're a dude and you're 20. It doesn't matter how many times.

If you said, you know what? It's my own fault because I've fucked over 40 women right i only had sex twice though like he was desperately trying to get an angle as to why he's a victim only had sex twice so i wouldn't know better than to let this guy bring me to a hotel and put on a fucking Disney movie and suck my cock. Was that a Disney movie? The Disney movie was my story. He actually told me what movie it was. It was like, was it porn?

He goes, no, it was. Finding Nemo. I go, was it porn? He goes, no, it was... Finding Nemo. I'm probably wrong, but it seemed like it was a Pixar kind of movie. That was my story. Up.

And it was in the first scene of Up, which is extra fucked. First scene of what? Up. Oh, yeah. One where... I know the first scene. That amazing tracking shot.

Yeah. Dave Hughes, by the way, after that came up on Tom Ballard's show. Yes. And by the way, I hung out with the staff of the Tom Ballard Tonightly show afterwards at that fucking weird bar that we had done a thing at last time we were on tour. Oh, yeah. It's connected to a casino. Executive sports bar or something. Some weird place.

And they were the fucking greatest guys to hang out with. And thank you for hanging with me. They showed up at that hotel I was at and then brought me to that cool bar. Yeah, they all came back to the hotel like you like you know you said hey we're gonna hang out at the hotel and they all turned i go i'm gonna go grab some sushi real quick i'll be right back i went the sushi sucked i ate one plate off a train and then fucking by the way that's a big question for australia why does your fucking sushi suck so much? You're a fucking ocean based

country and your sushi is fucking shit. It really is. I mean apart from the fucking Kai Ten sushi that we discovered in Melbourne. At the bottom, if you navigate yourself to the Sheraton Hotel in Melbourne

and go two or three doors down. There's a kaiten, which means rotating, kaiten sushi place, and it's fantastic. Sushi train! Sushi train. Sushi! Almost every other Australian sushi outlet is fucking awful.

I mean, grotesquely insulting to the concept of sushi. The one yesterday in Perth, right next door, it says sushi bar. It's not a bar. It's a fucking kiosk. It's a kiosk of, it's like supermarket sushi. It's bus station sushi. It's a vending machine of sushi. They're not making it in front of your face.

All right, that's enough. Dave Hughes, I was going to get back to that. He responded on Twitter. He was a good bloke. Yes. He's a good bloke. I don't know if he's Bogan or Farrell, but he's a nice guy. He's a good bloke.

You don't know me. I don't know you. Yeah. Sorry about the Ferris wheel abortion jokes. What time are we at? Do you have a time? Maybe. abortion jokes uh what time are we at do you have a time maybe anywhere between 40 to an hour kitty can put another advert here well we can we can make this a long one let's take another break all right there's one more break because i got fucking beats here we get the fucking helicopter

ride we got alex dragging the bag oh wait and we get the hennigan ejection jesus although we're gonna have to let's go on the day of use thing that first encounter where the two of you are actually in the same room when you went back to the green room where hennigan and i were you said i got a feeling he's in there telling them to cut that and sure enough they cut it from any replay they didn't put it up on the podcast I don't know I retweet what they post I don't want to listen to me if they cut all of me out of my entire interview here's an interview with Doug Stanhope with no Doug Stanhope with no doug stanhope i would be happy where if it's just that guy tom talking and then they cut out my responses i'm glad

because i don't want to hear my fucking voice it's hideous all right we'll be back that's enough tom ballard tom ballard doesn't fuck kids unless they're adults and they don't know better. TheShadyDell.com. That is where you stay. If you come to Bisbee and you're staying at the Shady Dell and I'm in town, I will have a beer with you. I won't hang out that long. We're not going to be good friends. I don't want you to fucking tell me you're going to kill yourself.

But if you're staying at theshadydell.com vintage trailer park with all 50s, 60s trailers that we live a mile away from and we look for reasons to go stay there. Come to theshadydell.com sponsored by

I might even come in and clean your toilet. I don't know. Hit record. It's recording. It is recording. Yep. Alex drags the bag let's give you a little insight on alex alex i don't know how you found alex for our last tour of australia mate he wrote in keep going he

wrote in long time listener first time, first-time emailer. I can do it. It was a good email, so keep going. Yes. Well, I'd been... No, not you, him. Yeah, you film me. Go ahead.

I'd been fired from my... Well, not fired, but suspended indefinitely from my last job, which was producing a big stage show, like a pop orchestra piece of shit thing. And I was on this thing called Nice, where basically they pay you what welfare would pay you. But you don't have to look for jobs. You get to start your own business. So I was in the middle of that trying to do a rip-off of the thing that I'd been suspended from.

And I heard on your podcast... This thing you were suspended from wasn't storytelling, was it? No, but then I heard on your podcast that you couldn't find a promoter for Australia. So I was drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time and uh woke up the next morning was still a good idea wrote to hennigan um went and had a shower and uh hennigan called me back while i was in the shower and uh yeah is it one of those things oh did my phone ring no it was one of those things where like...

Was that my... I was blow-drying my hair. Did I miss your call? You know when you're waiting for a phone call from a girl that you just met? Oh. I was in the shower. Did you call?

I thought I heard my phone ring. I don't get it. Who's that? Never mind. Right. So you... It kicked off pretty quick you you you hooked up a tour which you did beautifully

in everyone's eyes except for hennigan's as hennigan tends to do he hires people and then shits on them repeatedly the way yoda shits on them repeatedly. The way Yoda shits on people. It's a job in itself. He texted me something the other day, and he said,

I said, do we have booze in the green room or something? And he goes, yeah, I'm on top of it. I go, yes, of course you are, because you got trained by the best like an animal gets trained that's how hennigan that's how people should work hennigan was so fucking brutal to you on that tour and he hasn't stopped he's just fucking relentlessly fucking brutal to you. He always makes it up to me about an hour later. See? Like an animal.

Roll over. The important point is I have only ever worked in premium brands or premium industries. And that is the only way to achieve things by brutalizing them you're the king of thailand no no by by having standards that do not bend that no one can live up to that possibly either way that's it. So Alex, after having failed his father, Brian Hennigan, on every level on the first tour, is rehired. Because that's what Hennigan does. He says, you're incompetent. You're worthless.

You are a fuck up. Hey, we're coming back. You want to do it again? So this time, Alex, I'm very happy to hear Alex is here. Bingo and I love Alex. Bingo even remembers Alex. That's how much she loves him. She even remembers him.

Yeah, after a traumatic brain injury. She goes, my Alex? Tell him I said I love Alex so after he failed Hannigan on every level Hannigan brings him back for the sequel yeah because he wants

to you know torture him with a wood burning kit he bought on eBay oh I bought this I don't know who to burn with it oh Alex he'll take anything so Alex bought on eBay. Oh, I bought this. I don't know who to burn with it. Oh, Alex, he'll take anything. So Alex shows up. Hobart, Tasmania was our first gig where Alex was there.

Alex drags the bag. Alex found new love. Mimi is, if you hear that giggle, that giggle. Here's my question. Mimi, if I asked you to fake a laugh, what would you do? Oh, I'd fake a laugh for you. I know, do it. It seems much

the same. It's like your fake laugh and your real laugh. Alright. I'm a professional faker we'll get to that i fly the 187 hours to get here i don't want to fucking talk to anyone in the morning alex i know alex has been on a tour with me he knows I don't fucking say a word in the morning well then he shows up with his new gal pal Mimi and that's her real name and not my stripper name one of these times the problem with me and Hennigan, and I've found this in other relationships with Bingo, I wrote in the book when I'm bad cop, she plays worse cop. Like Hennigan and I, when we're both in a shit mood, we're both real pricks.

Hennigan never goes, oh, I'll be the good guy because stanhope's in a fucking mood if i'm in a mood you're in a worse mood and it doesn't help anyone so that first morning where fucking alex shows up with the fucking bag oh he's got the lady and we got to get an uber to the airport and like well get a big uber because alex is like 7 foot 15 inches tall this fucking dangly piano fingered fucking weirdo guy so we're all jammed into this uber the older i get the more my phobias get worse claustrophobia just jammed into a fucking uber we're in a toyota prius kind of fucking thing he's in a middle seat for some reason because enigan feigns this i get carsick really 35 minutes to a fucking airport you're gonna get carsick rather than give fucking piano

fingers the front seat i can't even talk about finger his girlfriend if she's in the middle in the back because she's a stripper we find out later we didn't know we could have fingered her the whole time and he wouldn't care because that's how strippers are anyway point being yeah both brian and i for the first two mornings at least me no i'm like is she gonna be here for the whole fucking tour i don't want to have to meet new people in the morning and uh that's one of those things that i try to call junior stopka because he did this to us once on a three-week tour he said oh my girlfriend's coming to tampa i thought she was just coming in to visit him and leave no she's coming and then she's gonna be in the van and that was when we

had one of those road service fucking where vans you know five row vans where they have people you know where they put convicts to pick up fucking trash and orange vests on the side of the road but still it was mimi it was junior stopka and his girlfriend doing inside jokes just shut the fuck up just shut the fuck up. And then it's them in the fucking Ubers for two mornings in a row. Oh, we're going to have to change the outgoing message on the answering machine. Oh.

We were referencing a Norm joke, actually. Norm MacDonald. You were referencing something that made you giggle that we didn't understand and were hungover. And yes, we hated you. Oh, fair enough. And him for dragging the bag. We told Junior, you don't drag the fucking bag on the road.

I can bring bingo, but I don't talk to her in the van. And you once explained to me something very wise that Joe Rogan once said, which I had never thought about. It was when I was first together with Renee. Rogan invited me to a UFC that he was announcing. And I go, okay, yeah, we'll be there. Should we just fly up and meet you there? And he goes, who's we?

I go, me and Rene. And Rene will come up later in this podcast. He goes, wait, you're not bringing a chick. You can't bring a chick to this. It's not a place for a chick bringing a chick ruins the entire dynamic of and it really does it ruins the fucking dynamic of and i hadn't talked to me me at this point i hadn't even talked to you really no i hadn't seen you yeah well i mean we well since four years ago yeah you you're doing your job here's alcohol that's where you talk

into a mic all right see you tomorrow so after a couple days that's where i go that's when i called junior and the phone didn't go through because whatever the connection was. I was going to put Junior on speakerphone on the way to the airport that morning and go, hey, listen, I'm with our tour manager, Alex. He brought his girlfriend on the road without notifying us. What would you tell Alex right now?

Junior goes, don't drag the bag. you tell Alex right now? Junior, you go, don't drag the bag! Anyway, then I busted her balls on stage the second night and I tortured you for fucking dragging the bag and

bringing the whole fucking tour down and ruining the dynamic. To be fair, what dynamic? What do you mean, to be fair? To be fair, the dynamic to be fair what dynamic what do you mean to be fair to be fair the dynamic that you're introducing basically a fan where if a fan came backstage not that you're a fan i am a fan but point being i don't want to have to be forced to talk to someone who's outside of our social circle. I know you. I can be silent around you. That does remind me of one text I got last tour right before driving from Sydney to Canberra, like a minute before we got into the car from Brian.

And it just simply said, silence is golden. Yeah. car from brian and it just simply said silence is golden yeah and it was the most awkward car drive no it wasn't all four of it wasn't awkward for you but that's the dynamic you've heard me do that bit about gay cousin eric it's an old story but how we never talk in the van. And the morning is alcoholic sheepishness of just, yeah, I'm going to think about stuff. I'm going to read a thing. I don't want to. And from a pure management perspective, you literally decided to bring someone on a tour without clearing it with anyone. Yes or no. That's a dick move right there. with anyone? Yes or no?

That's a dick move right there. That's a yes or no question. I had no idea. Forgiveness or permission? Don't do that. You don't have... Don't quote Hennigan to Hennigan. We have actually brought this up.

What would you have said? I would have said no. Who would have been on the door it doesn't matter no plan the same person was on the door last time listen brian's gonna be on the shit end of a stick in a minute but you you think you guys forget you fucking work for me. If he called me and said, Hey, I want to fucking drag the bag. I'd go. All right, but I'm not going to fucking talk to her. And I would have cleared that.

And I would have known rather than having someone I don't know show up when I really like sometimes I physically I can't look at people in the morning just all these fucking overpriced hotels you've been booking us in my worst thing is they open the door for you at a five-star hotel I go down six eight ten times a day to smoke and you have us at some fucking five-star hotel in a central business district with some fucking chump dressed fucking monkey opening the fucking door have a good day and you go i'm just gonna go outside to smoke a cigarette and then come back in six minutes and they're oh back already sir and that's the first time and then the third and fifth time you just go is there a fucking fire exit i can leave because this looks like a wife that's going you're smoking again it feels like you go to breakfast in the morning and there's

someone that's just staring at your plate to be finished. So they I don't want you to watch me fucking eat. Just beat it. But we're in a very nice place where they want to take your plate away right away. Would you like more tea? Just stop watching me eat. So I forget. I went on a fucking tear there.

Yeah. so i forget what i went i went on a fucking tear there yeah incidentally uh i can assure you there's no difference overall in the quality of hotels from this tour to the last one well i don't remember the last right i'm just saying that the idea that there's a bit of change in the quality well we not the quality per us but that's that's that's to do with your shitty dollar and it has to do with my lack of memory right which led guides us right into sydney sure but the overall thing about is in terms of management is communication of what is happening and therefore when you when you simply bring someone on tour without telling on in advance and it's not your tour to be fair you have said to me this is your tour betty could prove that yeah yeah yes but that is meaning in terms of you're responsible

no one could possibly argue that means i'm allowed to bring any personnel i allow or i feel like bringing no one yeah And you know that. I got to give that to Brian. Brian is right. Yeah, you're hired to not drag the bag. He thought I'd soften you both up as well. You did. We've fallen in, I've fallen in love with Mimi.

Once I found out she could take a joke, eh? Because I did trash her on stage that night even though she wasn't in the room. Off getting ass, doing a job. Yeah, doing a job that I didn't know she has. She goes, third show, she's like, I'm catching

your show in bits and pieces between my work i will we are working how can the hennigan be bitching about you and have you doing jobs unless you're delineating responsibilities to her i don't know who the hierarchy of how you're working but you know it wasn't until was that canberra adelaide i think it was adelaide where we're talking about me too and you said well it's made my job as a stripper easier sydney sydney i can tell a story about that right now if you'd like. Point being, I'm like, you're a stripper, which made me think you have to be the fucking worst stripper ever because you giggle so much.

You giggle as bad, and I'm only saying this because I know she'll listen. You giggle almost as bad as the seizure sister al my neighbor who just you go hey how are you doing there's nothing funny there why are you giggling you're almost as bad as seizure sister al thank you and nobody wants that i actually had a bit in my early years about you know i forget the bit about giggling no one wants to hear you fucking giggle when you're trying to fuck anyway me too has made my job a lot easier because when I first started four years ago, I had a big issue with guys obviously trying to touch my crotch and shit like that all the fucking time.

And it sucks. But yeah, since Me Too, guys are so afraid of getting defamed that my job's fucking easy now. And this segues perfectly to Brian Hennigan and our first Sydney show. How is that a perfect segue because you weren't there when we play the fucking orpheum or whatever it was i walk in to the green room very accommodating nice lady the manager or owner whatever the fuck she is she came in i was a bit drunk was very drunk. And I was about to go downstairs and smoke out the back exit. And she goes, no, you can smoke out here. I'm the owner or whatever. She introduced herself. And I went to hug her and I backed off. And I said, I'm sorry, I guess you can't do that in the fucking Me Too era. I generally hug people when I'm a little bit drunk. And she's like, oh, you hug me. How long have you been drinking?

I've been drinking since 1130 in the morning. She has an Australian accent. I can't do it right now. My friend died. Our fucking best mate died. We just had a memorial. And I was oh mitzi shore it was the same day mitzi shore died and she's like fuck you you're gonna come out and drink with me afterwards and we're gonna i'm gonna take you to a real bar and we're gonna get a fucking drunk and you can tell oh this is drunk. This is what we said before.

Renee, my ex, there's an evil darkness in her eyes where she's just looking for you to either submit or be an ass. Yeah, I wouldn't use the word term evil necessarily. I'd say malevolent or aggressive drunk. Because evil would impugn her soul. I'm sure she would, like her soul isn't dirty or bad. But she was in a type of drunk that she was looking for someone to pick a fight. She was in that kind of drunk where I didn't have a great vocabulary. So I went with evil.

Right, okay. So go on. So that's how it started. Okay. I just tried to hug her. I'm segueing from fucking me too. Okay, here's what I'd like to do. I'd like Alex to explain the chronology of him going to the venue that day

and what he came across. Well, being as good as I am at my job, I went in the day before when she was completely sober. Before her friend had died. Yeah. Took us through it, showed us the plan, entry, exit plan for Doug. All looked great. The show's going to be set up the audio will be fine got people on it got ushers we were happy as can be yeah so we turn up on the night um at the arranged time we normally get the door list about two hours before the show i go to get that printed from her can already see

that she's drunk had a bad day she starts printing off um these bookmarks she had made starts printing off bookmarks for the memorial that they had had that day rather than the door list itself yeah the memorial was like 11.30 in the morning. Yeah, it had been that day, yeah. And from then on, just a shit show. They couldn't get sound happening at all. They couldn't get the mic to work. And this is all in a 30-minute changeover from the last picture

because it's a theatre theater it's a cinema um and yeah a small lobby with um yeah while we're trying to all at the same time scan tickets they're trying to also everyone's trying to get a drink before they get in and uh we couldn't open the doors because they couldn't have sound. So that's pretty much. This is a theater very much like the Soho Theater in London, where it's like, it's almost straight up. Sure. Yeah. But it was much bigger.

It's like, you know, 500. Yeah. 700 seats. 700. And beautiful. Yeah. But it wasn't spread out and back. No, no, no.

It was almost like you're looking up the face of a mountain but the interesting thing was Alex warned me you know he said listen he said things are something's odd here or I don't know how he did it

either by text or whatever but he said basically they're all they're you said basically they're all upset because their best some friend had died or something. Friend of the year. It's still unclear to me who this guy was.

It wasn't just the was she the owner manager? She's the event manager. It was everyone involved in the theater or in mourning. He sent me that. And I was like, okay. right so so the point is that everyone involved in right theater okay but the point is we're in morning he sent me that right and i was like okay they're you know someone's died and uh they're upset fine and then i turn up and immediately it's clear it was an irish wake it was yeah exactly what alex was too i think probably too

polite to say was they're they're incoherently drunk you're meaning you're not you're not sober enough to be responsible for a venue with 700 people in it. Brian, first of all, you're getting ahead of yourself in that you've not even been impugned. Is that a word? Yet. Oh, yeah. So save your defensiveness.

No, but the thing is, right now I'm on your side in the chronology of the story. The interesting thing was I felt that immediately, but I swallowed it. I thought, let's just get through the gig. Because there are so many little details that are great. Because I turned up, right? I walk into the green room and all I've got is Alex's warning,

which is, I just thought, well, fine, people are upset. We'll tread on eggshells. We'll be nice you know i didn't think oh fuck batting down the hatches we're going through fucking the hurricane so i turn up at the green room and they're and ben there ben's there ben uh elwood elwood yeah and he's sitting there on the on the sofa in the green who i confused with the other elwood jeremy fucking felt like it's Sorry, I'm sponge-brained. Sorry, the Elwoods.

So he turned up. I turned up. And he's sitting on the sofa with this lady of blonde hair. And I actually just thought, oh, I didn't know you were bringing your girlfriend or whatever, Ben. And then it becomes clear that, no, she's somehow attached to theatre. And I thought,

bear in mind we'd had a couple of theater experiences recently and i just thought oh right so you're the the green room attendant who union rules say there has to be a green room attendant at all times or something to open the door for doug yeah that that type of thing that's where i thought she was ultimately and then i bumped into the same woman you bumped into and i immediately go oh wow you're hammered like you're really really hammered so that's kind of where it started okay let me let me give you my backstory i had rented that place across the street little tiny apart hotel directly across the street all right good i can be here for three days i don't have to fucking worry about anything i have everything and i actually worked on my act and this sometimes is a deficit because all right i'm at the end of my act if you're a comic you know when you're all right i'm ready

to just fucking tape this shit and put it out but now i'm writing more shit so i'm writing new shit i'm writing shit about the asian tour i'm writing all sorts of stuff i think i'm being professional and what happens is i go in with a bunch of new shit plus an hour and 15 minutes of the shit i know i did two hours and two minutes mostly rambling the crowd is fucking out of control the guy is fucking yelling at me from the front a guy up in the second tier i i threw him out i listened alex taped it i listened to it the next day i listened to 36 minutes out of two hours and two minutes and at 36 minutes i just like i'm heckling myself going get to the fucking point i throw a guy out probably a little quick to pull the trigger of this guy that kept yelling but you know he would have kept yelling and i had him thrown out

and i could see alex's fucking gangly corpse waiting to you don't have to throw people out here like you do in a lot of places. You just walk them out, sir. You have to go, okay. The guy's putting on his fucking shoes. I'm like, are you still here? I look up. He's putting on his shoes. He took off his fucking shoes.

He's double nodding to watch the show like it's an international flight he's gonna kick back and fucking play uh one minute put on and that wasn't the first time i had to give people shit for putting on their shoes wasn't the first time that we have pictures of people and i only see the ones in the front row two people in what what is it eight shows seven shows we've done two people dead asleep in the front yesterday before the show in Perth guy tweets 9.30 in the morning in honor of Doug Stanhope show tonight I'm cracking my first

beer 9.30 a.m. yeah oh you're gonna be in perfect shape to be a fucking decent audience member at a fucking 9 o'clock show you try to take a picture of that we got one guy

i get a picture of you try to take a picture of that guy it was way too blurry way too dark flash but you said there was other people dead asleep in the back another guy came up to me uh just while he was smoking and said at some stage stage, I'd really like to talk to Stan Hope and just apologize for falling asleep last show in Perth four years ago. And I was like, I don't think he cares. He'll probably just find it funny. By the way, just to guide us back onto the,

let's call it the Sydney disillusionment. No, no, I'm going that way. I know, but the interesting thing was when that whole alex throwing the person out was occurring because it was alex was throwing him out that's when i got my first real sort of like heebie-jeebies about wait a minute alex is about to throw someone out of a venue and there's literally no staff other than alex in the entire arena he was the only part like the venue itself had no one in the room and he is engaged in an act which has forgive me legal consequence there is something going on and i that's when i started to the hackle started to raise me going where is the fucking management of this brian do you have to

pull down your pants a little bit on this and admit you're a fucking hammered too well i wasn't hammered i was i was drunk enough that i shouldn't be trying all this new material in a volatile audience. I mean, there was hecklers and talkers. I mean, when I say heckler, you know my audience. They're heckling on my behalf, but they're still hecklers. Tell us about the thing. Where's bingo? Just yelling shit as though it's a conversation.

Yeah, I know. And I'm just bleeding new material. I just get to the fucking point, Stan Hope. So it's two fucking cloud fronts creating a Nor'easter or some shit. It's I'm bad. They're bad staff is fucking drunk from a Mitzi shore

wake of their own Mitzi shore but you're fucking hammered too. I'm not hammered definitely not. You're not spilling drinks or anything. Yeah but the point is this though the point is this though it's a big deal though when you're a venue of that size and literally The point is this, though. The point is this, though.

It's a big deal, though, when you're a venue of that size. And literally, Alex, there's literally no one of any responsibility. And what's interesting was the woman in question, that was the first time when she came up to me after that happened because I was trying to find people to help. And she came up to me afterwards she phoned me and said i'm really sorry there should have been people as i i feel bad i we should have had people and it's like okay it's been dealt with we're good let's just keep going you know let's just keep going i was not i like, let's just get through to the end of this now. All right.

Unless you would chime in at this point, I would like to know, because I was on stage for the whole time just trying to fucking say jokes. I was having my own problem saying funny material succinctly i had my own thing when i got off stage i walked through the door to the green room and there is the drunk woman much drunker if you can imagine it yelling at the staff there's like three or four people of her staff saying, and the manager is not allowed back in here. And I assume she's got a problem with the manager of the venue. I just want a cigarette. So I come. Ben Elwood says, do you know what happened?

Like, no, I just heard her yelling at her manager or about her manager. She goes, no, she's talking about your manager. She's talking about Hennington is not allowed back here under any circumstances. So I light up a cigarette in the ladies room where she told me I was allowed to smoke sitting up on a fucking stair in the ladies room window outside. And then he starts to tell me about the fucking you, Hannigan, demanding that Alex throws out the manager, her. She's the manager.

You were telling him to have her removed from the venue. No, I mean, I ended up going. No, I didn't. I went. I didn't just use Alex. I went to the venue. And this is where I was. This is where things went awry.

Hennegan tries to throw out the manager of the venue from their venue because he's my manager. Because I was... There were so many little things that... Okay, I'll tell... There's so many little things you don't know about which are very funny. And tell her verbatim to fuck off. Hang on.

Alex. Tell me what he told you to tell her. Okay, well, I can't remember at what point, but at some point during the show, Brian comes to me and says, you go back there and you tell her to sober up or fuck off. And so I go back there and put on the diplomatic sort of hat. This is an expression that Bingo hates, but that instruction is not in Alex's wheelhouse.

You tell it to sober up or fuck off. How do I say this like Alex would say this? So I say something along the lines of, Oh, it might be best if by the time Brian gets back here, you guys are sort of back in the office or some other area. And she's like, what did he say? I don't want to say it. You can tell me this because she's been nothing but lovely to me the whole night.

I didn't get any evil vibe from her. She was almost to a Me Too level where you could see she was a very attractive, what they would call cougar age. But she had that look in her eye like oh my friend's dead i'm gonna fuck someone younger than me and then she realized ah you're my age how about someone else but you can see she's the kind of lady that would be drunk and grab your cock and say something cougary that lady so she says i i can take it just Just tell me what he said. And so I said, sober up or fuck off. You literally told her what I said? What would you do that for?

What are you, a fucking moron? What the fuck? Go ahead. Why would you do exactly what he commanded you to do like an animal? I don't know. It got into me. Alright, so?

You were feeling like saying that anyway. I was getting to that point. I said it nicely. I just wanted the scapegoat of Brian saying it first. So what happens? Is this where she goes ballistic? I didn't really see much of her after that.

Okay. Okay, now you've exposed your incompetence. That would explain some of what happened next. Because I go backstage just to fucking, I think i was trying to charge a phone or something and she literally comes at me like do i have a problem with you do you have a problem but in that oppressive way do i have a problem with me i mean do you problem myself like and that but in that oppressive way where she's too physically close that i can't touch her and say back off like i would just might i might do if it's a smaller dude but uh but you know

what i mean she was like really like in your face as they say she was doing that to me when she was friendly at the beginning she's like right in my you're gonna go to a bar with me and she had a tits out and i just repeats i just repeated my thing about i just said hey everything's going great i just want to get through the show i'm here with my client i just want us to get through the show do you have a problem no i just want us to get through the show. Goodbye. Excuse me. And I went back into the theater. And then I think there was a third time. Again, I went back. Next time I went back in the room, she was even worse.

There was a huge change from when I first saw her that night to when you guys turned up. Like, they were drinking non-stop that's the thing she wasn't it wasn't like they were stopping drinking no no no irish way you gotta keep going till they fucking the memory of their dead friend is out of their head and it's all the police also irish but i'm saying irish wait because i think that's the point is they're fucking just I get off stage. Now I'm hearing the whole story. I have my own problems of having people thrown out. I did a two hour and two minute fucking set that had maybe an hour and ten of material in it.

It was a bunch of fucking waste and riffraff and fucking hecklers i was as bad as the hecklers were fucking me up it just so i don't know any of your problems i just know when i get off stage my manager has been thrown out of the place we're trying to throw the manager out of the place which is hilarious to me and i'm smoking with ben elwood and we're having a fucking good old time and then she is shitting on you to me your manager you should think twice about him and then i just go back to the ladies room to my smoking area with ben and then she comes in and then she turns on me she She loves Alex and Ben and points this out. This, you, everyone has to go.

This is over. You're fine to Alex. You're fine to Ben Elwood. You have to go. Wait, when did you turn on me? I said, I'm on your side. I turned against Hennigan. First of all, at some point, you have to admit you're shit faced because at that point you're texting.

I'm back in my room. I was back. Yeah. We're all fucking hammered. No, at that point. By that point, I was really sober. But here's the important point. You haven't heard what happened with Baron Elwood, have you?

He fucked her? No. Let's spread that rumor, though. And again, on the night, I was there when this conversation took place. Obviously, just diminished compared to everything else but he comes off stage she's there with the blonde chick about about more soon and she literally is like because ben's a ben did a a two things ben did a fucking brilliant he crushed he was and this is like i hate i said this to him on the

night i said ben this is going to sound incredibly condescending but you are so much better than you were four years it's like it was like a different guy and he did a whole he told me that he basically gave up comedy for a year and just went away and said fuck it I don't need it the point being he crushed let me because that does sound condescending I know I don't know what he did last time but I know I love him it's like when I read a book I don't retain shit I know if I liked it or I

didn't I know I loved Ben Elwood but what he walked out to because of your introduction, which I go, that might have queered the audience. I go, hey, this is a local comic. Doug loves to work with local comics, and he hopes they'll suck so he looks better.

That's what you told me to say. I can say that word. The audience knows it but you fancy it up where i think that audience thought boo this guy like i go stop doing that introduction like that was a funny one a couple nights ago he walked out to heckles and he just started fucking slugging people it was almost like Bill Burr's famous Philadelphia show. Yeah, it was brilliant. 13 more minutes, fuck you.

Yeah, it was brilliant. But only for the first, and then he got into material that crushed. Yeah. He was fucking devastating. So he comes off stage. I'm sitting there. You weren't there.

I was sitting there on a stand, standing there in the green room. He comes off. I shake his there. You weren't there. I was sitting there on a static, standing there in the green room. He comes off. I shake his hand. Ben, that's fantastic. Fucking drunky McSkunkbag. The manager lady. Why do you have to use those words? Why can't you just say

the C word? She literally did the amateur audience takedown on Ben Elwood after what he'd done. You never heard that. That's what she did. No, no. I'm on... I was going to say, I'm on both your sides.

No, I'm against both of you. You should not get thrown out of a fucking show you should be a diplomat chad shank could have fucking talked that woman down and made her a fucking nice lady no way oh chad shank oh no oh wait wait wait furthermore i know this for a fact i'm not trying to fire you and hire chad shank that would cause more problems here's a very here's something i know for a fact. Chaley will agree with everything I have said. Yeah, no, Chaley wouldn't have done better than you on this.

But you know what? Chaley wouldn't have had to hire him. Chaley would have done that, what he does. No. Chaley doesn't hire someone. Not in a foreign country country you can't do that legally no yeah oh yeah you're my theory in theory in theory also anyway here's the other funny bit this that ben found out the the blonde woman who's a cropped up throughout this story

right we're talking about the blonde woman who looks like who isn throughout this story. We're talking about the blonde woman who looks like Kelly not Gallagher, Kelly Overracker from Vavum. She was in the green room most of the time. Yeah, I just like to overhear these conversations like a fly on the wall. She looks like Vavum

Kelly. At one point, eventually you work out that she's not, she doesn't have a job there. She's not actually. I thought she was a spy. Right. So she doesn't.

And so, and again, for me, the whole thing, this cuts to the whole thing about like what they thought they were doing by trying to run a show when they're have also having a wake and all why they're even in the green room why are you in the green room you know this is a four wall situation we have rented

your venue you don't have a right to be here we have rented your venue. Go away. This is not an improv situation or anything like it. So eventually, over the course of the evening, Ben tells me, oh, yeah, see that? I've been trying. I think I might have said to him at one point, is she meant to be getting us ice? Does she work here? And I couldn't work out who the fuck this

what and and ben says i still don't know who she was ben says oh um i think that's actually like the the the the the the ex or the lover or whatever of the person that died and i went wait a minute wait minute, you're telling me they thought the best place for the person they all love and cared about to be taken care of was in the green room

of Doug Stanhope. They just plop her down there like a bag of groceries. She was very nice. That lady. Yes, she was very nice that lady yes she was I just want to be a fly on the wall I love she was listening to me and Ben talk shit and she loved to hear about it the other funny thing

she would not toast us over like well here's to your lost loved one and I go what how about well how about your lost loved one and I go explain that well how about our lost loved one who died that you know I go fucking

have my friends she wouldn't toast but she was nice with that fucking crazy and then the other thing that Ben told me was this is a great little detail apparently one of the reasons they were so upset was because they had this vision of how the evening would go. That you would turn up.

You'd be this quirky comedian. We'd all get along. And they were going to take us to the pickled possum afterwards. Oh, were you in the room? That's probably where she said and afterwards she was threatening she's gonna take me to that pickle possum

wherever and you're gonna get as drunk as me she was she was saying how long have you been drinking and I said well actually I've only been drinking since like 630 because I was working on my set which I shouldn't have done

because I shouldn't have been using that as a fucking open mic do the fucking hour and 15 that you know Stan Hope don't fucking but and she goes I've been drinking since 11.30 and afterwards you're going to the pickle possum

you're going with me and you're going to the Pickle Possum. You're going with me. And you're going to get drunk. And the other thing Ben said, because Ben, which he talked about in his intro to himself when he's on stage, he's like, that's the cinema, the venue where he grew up and where he went. He saw all the great films, Jaws, Close Incarnates, whatever. He saw them all in that venue. So it meant a lot to him to be performing there.

And he said to us, that woman is exactly this neighborhood. She is like, and I don't know what neighborhood it was in Sydney. But he basically said, yeah, the way she behaved and everything about her was this neighborhood yeah well that's it's our neighborhood in bisbee too you we can find several examples of but you you're catching someone at their worst which you know is probably their medium. Yeah. But let's give her the benefit of the doubt that she was at her worst after a close friend's death. But that kind of drunk, I've been married to it.

It doesn't get better, and it's probably consistent. Yes. But earlier, if we just met her a few hours earlier, she probably would have made a beautiful brunch. Yeah. Yeah. Antigone's the pickle balsa. What's dissimilar about that neighborhood, though,

is I actually grew up there when I was younger. And it's a very upper class part of sydney and a lot of the people there especially the women sort of put on a nice act so when they do get drunk it's just all torn down also mimi endured something that night because what did i endure well as far as your friend came. Oh, that's right. Yeah, she helped with the ticketing. I know, but then she was disappointed.

Well, she heard your bit on me too, and she just took offense to it straight away. And afterwards, I spent the night at... Keep the mic in your fucker. I spent the night at her house and she got into an argument with her boyfriend and me and she was like oh he's just helping to perpetuate uh men who think that they can just do whatever the fuck they want with women and she was telling me about her me too stories and i was just like look every chick has a story like that and at the end of the day the fact that he's satirizing it is fantastic

because it just means that people are gonna think about it in a different perspective i'm gonna save this for a different podcast because this has already gone on too long. I'm not even going to reference it. But satirizing. I don't know if I'm satirizing. I'm talking about it. I have 85 different beats on the Me Too thing,

and I'm trying to figure out which ones are the most relevant what do I keep in the fucking act and it's the most confusing and it's been that way for at least 18 months before Me Too was a thing I was already talking about this

since Andy Andrist and his fucking his pedophile thing and the people that try to. So I don't even know what the bit is, but at no point do I try to fucking trivialize women who are not trivializing themselves. And I don't want to talk about that anymore because I don't want to fucking do bits on my podcast. Let's just leave it on. Fucking Ben Elwood is great. Ben Elwood is great.

Boom, boom. Faster as fucking Ben won't hear. His brother Jeremy in New Zealand is just great. His brother Jeremy Elwood. Is Jeremy going to be in fucking Auckland? Oh, good. All right. The Elwood tour.

I was thinking about doing a sober tour, like a short one, and call it a tour to remember. Since fucking Alex, since you have told me all these stories from four years ago I don't remember that's very funny the tour to remember I didn't tell you when you were sober because I thought you wouldn't laugh

I think that's very funny tour to remember yeah we took a helicopter ride later bye rim tone yeah a helicopter ride. Later. Bye. Rimtone. Yeah. 20 seconds.

Fuck you, Chaley.