The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #263: Sometimes It's Just A Job

Episode Date: June 13, 2018

Doug and Becker in Korea, $20 watermelons and the biggest walkout to date. Plus, Chad Shank with Bisbee Observer Police Beat.Recorded May 03rd, 2018 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Mat Becker (@houdini357), Johnathon, Chad Shank (@HDFatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.This episode is sponsored byDollar Shave Club - For just five bucks, you can get their Daily Essentials Starter Set. It comes with Body Cleanser, One Wipe Charlies, their amazing butt wipes, their world famous Shave Butter, and their best razor: the six-blade Executive. Keep the blades coming for a few more bucks a month, and add in shampoo, toothpaste, or anything else you need. Check it all out at [www.DollarShaveClub.com/STANHOPE](www.DollarShaveClub.com/STANHOPE).STANHOPE MERCH. NEW! Chad Shank T-Shirts and “Popov Vodka Presents” VHS Tapes now available at [http://www.DougStanhope.com/store](http://www.DougStanhope.com/store)LINKS:D'Militant - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS8XQ5LVAPEGo to [http://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates](http://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates)/ for tickets to all upcoming 2018 shows in the UK / Ireland / Netherlands and North America.Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast i need a beer talking about i need a beer over here anyone need a drink before we start this no no we're she's got it becker and I are in mid conversation yes I just got done the Australia tour and we're talking about late 90s maybe 2000

at best I had just got on email I thought I was the how fucking loud can you make that jaker Jesus Christ. You moved away, you fucking asshole. You moved away and made it louder. Exactly.

You had a bullhorn on that fucking shaker or what? Hey, that's my wife. That's my wife. Yes. Me and your wife have similar bottoms. Stick around for the extra content where Tracy does her Stephen Hawking. Catching the bath bomb. Overhearsed that body.

Once we start filming this shit, yeah, then we're going to... Come on. This would be... Her doing Stephen Hawking rolling around in a chair. Yeah. Oh, God damn it. All right. So let's go back.

Let's go back to late 1990s. Doodle-a-doodle-a-doodle-a-doodle-a-doodle-a-doodle. I remember like outlasting or not outlasting. Atel was the last guy I knew. He refused to get email or cell phones. And I collapsed and I got email. So I got an email from a guy from Australia in Adelaide

who is coming to visit America and he wants to see me it's when I was like on the internet Napster shit kind of broke and he knew my shit from Napster shit

so I go well I'm playing the whatever the... Comedy store. Becker remembers it was Halloween night. Well, yeah, because we came down for Halloween. And we always went to West Hollywood for Halloween. And we'd stay with you. And you happened to be in town this time. Because usually you were gone.

No, there was no... Who's we? Becky and I. My wife. You might recognize her from the pictures becky was with us no that's no fucking way that's a thousand percent hold on we have to clear we have to we have to set up this timeline because i assume this was way before becky when you were telling the story no not at all at all. We wouldn't fucking. We came down for Halloween. I'll trust you. Okay, no.

I only remember because Becky was there because it was me, you, Becky, and this guy that we just met. Mid-90s. Okay, let's go back. And you had a lot. You're right. Let's say you're right. I assume you are. No, I am.

I guarantee it. There's no show. This guy comes to America. He comes to the comedy store. The comedy store says nobody showed up, so we have no show. So we're sitting with this guy, and we go, well, fuck it. Let's go to Vegas is what I remember. Yeah.

So what we decide, okay, we'll go to Vegas, which is at that time, we're very spontaneous and we go, okay, which doesn't seem weird. To drive four and a half hours to Vegas and the guy, he was all in. I don't know what the fuck we did in Vegas.

Probably went to the Union Plaza. No, yeah, we immediately drove to the Union Plaza. And Probably went to the Union Plaza. No, yeah, we immediately drove to the plaza. And... Oh, your cigarette is bothering me. No, it's making me sneeze, which is really awkward on a podcast. Is there any chance you can maybe smoke in your own lungs and not mine? Jesus Christ.

But... So what happens is we go there and they cancel the show so we decide we'll go to vegas and it was great it was like almost like we just did it which you can think of that kind of spontaneity now it just i just i don't we just i can't imagine driving sober becky was becky was completely into it i know and that's why I'm trying to figure out who drove, because it must have been you starting. But I can't imagine. Whatever. Anyway, we drove to Vegas for I don't know how many days, a day or two.

We drove to Vegas with this kid from Adelaide, Australia, Mikey182. It wasn't how many days. I mean, we drove. It was like, what is it eight hours but there was nobody on the four and a half hours yeah so you know there's nobody on the road it's at night right but we just hop in the car and we fucking take off to vegas so but i'm saying how many days we were in vegas because i had right a show in san diego so we went went to Vegas for a day or two. But the thing is, we get there, we're wearing

fucking the old timey, that's when you first started wearing the crazy jackets, because we were wearing tuxedo jackets. And we have pictures of it. I was wearing weird shit here and again. But I had one too, and he had one too. We have pictures of it. You have pictures of Bucky 182?

Yes, I do, When we went to Vegas, but the thing is, Becky leaves over me and goes, where are you when I'm trying to write a book? Page 17. But, but the thing is, is we go to Vegas,

like on a whim and we go and we start gambling. We're doing okay. We're not doing horrible, but we go to a plaza. We check in and that's back when they had like $28 rooms. And we're like, oh. Yeah, but the Australian guy didn't miss a beat. We're like, yeah, we're getting one room, two double beds.

We're not getting fucking a dozen rooms. We still fucking sleep together. No, I know. But some people freak out on that. They're like, what? You go, it's Vegas. It's where you really put your bags so they get stolen in the lobby. That's why you get a room.

But, yeah, we're drunks. The room, the only purpose of the room is a place to fall down, especially in Vegas, and then get right back up and go back to win it all back. Yeah, I got to go fix this. I'm not waking up like going, going hey you want to watch a movie no i wake up next to you yeah i get up and i go to a buffet to eat and try to win it back because i have a system that was working until i got too drunk yeah and then but so we go down and this kid's hanging with us like really well and we're just and we go and play poker and that's the time when we went and

played poker and we were playing with the guy from the plaza the one that you get into a fight with no no different this is the guy that owned the plaza yeah he's on the chips and doug and i are playing and we can't notice because he keeps pushing chips the dealer and he pushes them the same amount back and we're like we don't get it And then we start noticing he's on the chip he's playing. If you're playing for dollars and you realize that's George Washington. We were playing with George Washington of the plaza. You're on the chip. Yeah, but he only played with his own.

It's limit poker, so we keep running it up, and he keeps just going, I don't know what your guy' deal is, but I call. I'm waiting for the Brit to cash in and go, no, George Washington's on the five. I don't really know what you're talking about. I know it's not a queen. I know it's not a lady. So what happens is, so we're playing, and that's the same time when the cockroach runs across the table? And I said, all right, a cockroach just walked across the table as we're playing poker, and you flicked it off.

Now can we get a comp for the buffet? And they said no. No. And then the next thing is, you got to remember, this is back in the old days of Plaza. And nobody gives credit to the Plaza. In the old days, it was the Union Plaza. No, but they unplugged the Union because they broke the Union.

So they unplugged it. They didn't remove the sign. So this is back in the Union Plaza days. Right. And that's how unions work. Right. Kanopka days. Yeah. So that's how unions work. Right. Kanopka days. Yeah.

So what happens is we're playing. We got our $39 room with four people in it and a dog maybe. And all of a sudden we're playing. We've already played with the guy who owns the casino. And we're now sticking around. We're hammered. Becky's playing nickel slots. I go over.

She goes, I think I'm doing good. And that's like when it actually paid change out she's got four cups of nickels she goes i won 280 dollars in nickel slots like that's like hernia money it was unbelievable she's laughing going all right so that's how long ago it was where you actually got coins. Yeah. No, and that gives you the idea. I had the Sparklets five-gallon bottle almost full of change when, bingo, we just moved here to Bisbee.

And I go, let's take this. And we went to Laughlin or some fucking weird. Henderson. No, no. Actually, we went to Vegas. We were going to cash all this change in. Did you stand in a line with a bunch of other people with five gallons? We realized that they no longer take change. Did change.

You used to have they put it in the filter thing, like Coinstar? They don't do that anymore. I'm like, oh, fuck. So then we found on our way out of Boulder City, Boulder Dam kind of area.

One of those almost out of Vegas places that still took so we cashed in all this fucking change that we had just heavy amounts of change it wasn't still in the sparklets bottle we had put it in a bunch of

fucking smaller fucking one gallon water bottles on the way out like hey let's just 100 bucks each. We ate breakfast. Valet already has our bags waiting.

It's 100 bucks each. We're going to play $100 each on dollar video poker. She fucking has a $4,000 Royal Flush. I go, go to the valet and tell him we're staying the night. How many five-gallon jugs is that? I don't remember how we carry it. They gave the money back in tens, though. That was probably 2006 at the latest yeah that they actually

had fucking anywhere you could get change much less take change so i'm trying to find a timeline on our story so it was yeah this is so we this kid is from australia he's fucked we leave vegas is there more to the vegas uh well the vegas oh then the other thing was after so we've been playing the fucking poker table for a long time we the staff loves us of course was he playing the uh yeah he was playing but he didn't really not understand poker so i remembered none of yeah so i have a clear and than us going, fuck him. Let's take him to Vegas. Well, the other thing you don't realize is when we're doing all this,

you had stuff going on because you gave Becky your phone at one point. And Becky was playing slots somewhere in the casino, in the plaza. And she's playing. And the phone keeps ringing. And this guy's kind of like hitting on her because he's on a slot machine in one of those long aisle ones and he's like kind of playing games closer and closer to her

and she keeps answering your phone going now Doug's phone she goes no oh Dave Attell no he can't come to the phone now he's over doing something but I thought you called and then it was like oh who is this Drew Hastings okay yeah I'll call you back yeah okay and it's like but it was none of these none of these people ever called me, buddy.

I understand you're riffing. No, no, this is it. But the thing is, David, and maybe like say a Roseanne Barr called? No, she would never. She might have. This is 2000. No, I. Okay, well, Becky can tell you.

Listen, stop talking over people. Anyway, the point is, more Stephen Hawking. We need more here, less here. Got it, got it. But the point is, Becky keeps getting these calls, and it's a Joe Rogan thing. The guy knew everybody,

and he keeps going, are you really talking to these people? He goes, yeah, it's my friend, Doug Spahn. Anyway, he knows these people. And he goes, really? And she goes, it was the greatest cutoff of a guy trying to he goes oh okay and he left because she kept she kept answering your phone mikey 182

just no no random guy was like sitting there but she he kept answering she kept answering her phone and it was famous comedians and and they're going do you know all these people yeah yeah because i didn't even know fucking any of these people until well until anyway he knew a thing and then that's her favorite story because he goes this guy just gets shut down going well I'm not as popular

as all those people so I'm just going to leave so he leaves it seems like he's getting closer and closer in slot machines. But yeah, so that happened. And the other thing is when we're playing poker after the cockroach thing, security guard... If we didn't

spell this out for the listener, it was the owner of the casino that was on the chip that we realized we're playing against the owner of the casino and winning. He has a house odd. But the thing is, so we do all this, and if you could not smoke right in my face.

Sorry. You're amazing. Hey, can I have some boss next to me? Just move over there. Move, move. It's just going right in my face. But I want to stop. There would not be no smoking rules if smokers were more polite. Jonathan has been sitting with his cigarette right in Matt Becker's face.

And I don't even hate smoking. I'm pro smoking. You're a tobacconist. Yeah. He's got chew in his mouth right now. He's double dipping. Jonathan doesn't notice that his fucking cigarette

is right under Becker's nose. Like, smell this. If I were to do coke and it was a cigarette, it'd be the right angle. So what happens is... An air funnel. And the other part... This is one of the best points of the whole thing. This is the only person who lets me smoke in his house.

Yeah. No! You should go hang out with my dad sometime. In his oxygen tent. Go ahead, Becker. So what happens is we're playing. So we don't have the cockroach run across. We played with the owner. That's a great story, right? But then

all of a sudden these security guys come out. We think, oh, maybe they're like changing out the money thing, doing something. No, two security guys come out and they stand on both sides of this table. Then another group comes out and they put donuts out. There's donuts now available at the plaza because it's now 7 a.m. or something. But they're security guys and you're only allowed to take a donut if you're currently gambling. You cannot.

And the reason is because what nobody realizes, they attached the casino, the Plaza, to the Greyhound station. And the Greyhound station has everyone who's busted out in Vegas and waiting to leave town. And there's no first class in the greyhound it's yeah it's uh it's the fucking and it's worse way worse now yeah but the thing is is these homeless people are coming in these security guards are don't even think about it good can we have a crawler and ironically it was a cockroach. But yeah. So we, I don't know if you moved on, because I remember the Mikey 182 story ends with me.

Okay, you're going to see me, because I have to perform at 4th and B. Were you at the San Diego show? No, we went. We drove back. We were flying on LAX. So we got our bags at your place in Curzon, and we went we drove back we were flying on LAX so we got our bags at your place in Curzon and we went to the airport

we flew home, you went to San Diego I went to San Diego with Mikey 182 from Adelaide Australia in tow to uh I'll get to it, don't fucking get ahead of the story,

fucking backdoor Mike. So, I'm going to this papered show. It's 1,500 seats or maybe 1,200. Maybe, I mean, it's a fucking ton of people. Huge fucking crowd

where I'm headlining. They have a fucking MC, then Bobby Lee, known as comedian Bobby Lee. San Diego's favorite. I don't know if he is now, but he was then. And then they have an intermission, and then the emcee comes back out. Everyone goes to drink, and then the emcee comes. They're booing the emcee when he starts.

Bobby Lee comes out. Fuck, it blows the doors off the fucking joint. This is a comedy club, right? No, it's a fucking theater. Oh, fuck. It's a fourth and B in San Diego. Look up the number of No, it's a fucking theater. It's a... Oh, fuck. Fourth and B in San Diego. Look up the number of seats. It's a big venue.

Huge venue. It's a shitload. Yeah. And it's all papered. No one paid to get in, which is a disaster waiting to happen. It's free and it's worth every penny yeah yeah sure have a nice night yeah so then there's the intermission and everyone goes and gets drunker and then the mc comes back

out after the intermission to introduce me and they're booing him like relentlessly fuck you and I went out when he introduced me and I went don't you fucking ever boo the fucking comic I just I was on the attack immediately

fuck you you fucking cocksuckers don't boo this guy and then I made the mistake of going Fuck you, you fucking cocksuckers. Don't boo this guy. And then I made the mistake of going, fuck you, I'll just fucking bring Bobby Lee back out. And they're like, Bobby Lee! Bobby Lee! Completely fucking trying to boo me offstage,

but they couldn't do it. I have that line in my book, but it goes back to that day. Dave Chappelle does it in one of his specials where I go, I can't watch Dave Chappelle's special because they didn't boo me offstage. They booed me onstage. I did my entire time with the biggest walkout that's probably ever happened. Not been filmed. If it was 1200, it went down to 200, where people from the back of the room are walking from the back bar up the middle of the theater flipping me off and then walking all the way back which holds

the room somewhat well Becker you were with me for one of the biggest in Korea Becker and I were in Korea and it was the first night have we told this story fuck em

tell it again you're drunker now than you were then. No. I do want to tell you right now, the 4th and B shut down in 2012. So the ghost of you is still hanging around.

Yeah, but the fucking lady that booked it is still fucking... Shut it. Shut it. No, I got her on the phone or we're going to do that after the break.

We're going to sidetrack right now. Yeah. It was Osan, Korea. Yep. And the military base has two different clubs. The first night was one club. The next night is the other club. We have no idea.

It was segregated by choice. We didn't know this. No. Koreans and Americans? Becker is the opening act. The middle act is demilitant. Oh. Hashtag hamburger.

Hashtag shucky ducky. If you only have one name, you've been seen on Def Comedy Jam. And it's a segregated situation by choice, not by military rule that we know. So we're playing the first night of this whole Korea, Japan, Okinawa, Hawaii tour. This whole Korea, Japan, Okinawa, Hawaii tour, the first night is this all-black club of angry fucking black military guys with the worst sound system. Yeah.

Like fucking bad, like every bad radio shack drive-thru. So they know D-Militant. They don't know he's the middle act. Daryl D. Militant Littleton. He's a nice guy. But he

had the act that they wanted. Not the act I had. So I follow him. Woo! Woo! Backflips in the fucking audience. I go out.

They're booing me before I get introduced. Before I can get to the mic, the whole crowd is booing me as soon as they see I'm white. And I went out. The booker is a black guy kind of like shawnee here yeah like half black guy no he's sorry that's boring this back how did becca's gig go oh good open no good good yeah because they didn't have any animosity at this they're waiting for the headliner d militant when he gets done they realize they have to sit through me. Like, who the fuck is this guy?

And they're fucking booing. And I remember doing some kind of your mother joke and a guy stood up. The sound system, here's the problem. The sound system was horrible. So, Doug, all you hear, I'm in the back with the booker in this big theater. In Okinawa?

No, you're in the wings. Wait, you guys are in Okinawa? No, we're in Osan, Korea. Osan, Korea. Okay. So I'm in the back of this very- Where they make PAs. Listen, it would have been 100% black, but we were there. So we're back there, and I'm with the Booker, and he's just trying to go,

you know, everything's good. And then Doug comes out out and they're already booing so that's kind of dicky and then he sits there and tries to do like crowd rap I'm doing the fucking fuck you I'm gonna do my fucking shit fuck you yeah just hold it down

survival mode oh yeah how about your mother and then the mic goes out so we have no idea what he really said but he says your mother? And then the mic goes out. So we have no idea what he really said. But he says your mother. Did they pull it? And the whole first three. A guy in the front. Remember, there were banquet tables in the front.

Oh, great. Vertically. And a guy. I fucking still remember. Yeah. You don't forget. Banquet tables parallel to the stage. So everyone's sitting Hofbrauhaus style.

Yeah. Like looking. Beer hall push-up. Beer hall push-up. Yeah, exactly. All the way back. But as far as you can see. It's so horrible.

That is a horrible way. Usually you have command of the audience. With the mic. Because of the microphone. But they were desperate to hear DeMilitant say anything. But they were trying. For me, they were not trying, so I have nothing on the mic. So I'm

yelling, and then it just turns into this fucking... Do you remember the table flyers? There were table flyers sitting on the tables, you know, like with the, like, what's going on or the special... Coming up next? Yeah. Good comics next month? And all of a sudden with the, like, what's going on or the special. Coming up next. Yeah. Ladies Night Wednesday. Good comics next month.

And all of a sudden I saw like maybe 200 of those just fucking fly in the air. And they're those plexiglass fucking tabletoppers. And they went up and I'm standing there with the booker in the back in the wing, way in the back. And we're like, ah. And Doug's like, ah, ah. And now they're booing at the level which the mic

system cannot cover. And now Doug can't really say anything. It's like seven minutes in and just like the story in fucking Kill Kenny, the fucking booker is giving me the knife cut at the throat. Get off. Cut it. Let's go. And Kenny turns to me and he goes, what do you think we should do?

I go, I think he'll get them back. Like a true pal. Yeah. I've seen worse. That was back in the VHS days where I go, if we had a recording of that, I would send that. That was back in the days. It was 94. Yeah.

1994. And back when to be a comedian, that's when comedians email me, what advice would you give me? Well, yeah, if I was at your stage, I would say get a good VHS tape of yourself and an 8x10 black and white glossy photo. Doing something stupid.

And then mail it, snail mail, to a booker. Yeah, mail. And then call and say, did you watch my tape? I said, that would be the funniest thing if i had a tape of just that seven minutes and sent that out of all hell breaking loose yeah go hey here's my tape it's just a violent eruption of fucking everyone hating me and trying to violently assault me with a headshot of me smiling with maybe a fist under my chin. So we're new to the military circuit. So the next day, that was the first night of the tour.

That was USO. So the booker's going, I think maybe we should switch you up. Well, the next night is the white club. Yeah. Which is... I thought you guys... They both make you. Which is... I thought you guys... They both make you racist. Right.

I thought you guys... I've heard the story different times and never to this detail. But I thought you guys played the same club in the same night. No, same base. Same military base. There's a white club and there's a black club so realize there's 24 hours now of the base talking about what happened

last night it's an African American crew that comes in for that first night no it's a separate club separate club so we're going to the white club the next night and Dean Militant is kind of smirky

I think at this point Going I'm going to kick his ass They didn't really hear that He got uppity? No I'm just saying Not to talk bad about him But he No we're not

We're not going that way The point is If you're a comedian And you go up and you kill and then the next guy can't get more than seven minutes out, you go, I must have really killed, right? Well, here's the problem. The next night, he's got to do the cowboy bar.

And the whole base is tense. I was as racist both nights. I didn't feel good about it. Your set didn't change, but his did. No, no, no. I'm saying that I... Yeah, I... Go ahead, Becker.

I'll throw this comment in after you finish the story. But anyway, so what happens is we're going there the next night. Now, I, again, am bulletproof because I'm going to go up and up before either one. You're going out cold to a crowd that you just had. I'm the universal night. Now, I, again, am bulletproof because I'm going to go up and up before either one. You're going out cold to a crowd that you just had. I'm the universal soldier. I perform

for the troops. I support your work. This is back when there was no war. Hey, how about Taco Bell? Woo! Because they don't have these things. We realized right away, if you just set out brand names they didn't have, they were like, America! We love you and i so i started just playing into that but uh so i go up and go this is so the next night is very tense because people are coming up to us

going hey don't worry we got your back and we're like what hold on like because white guys after the show no the next day well people that saw you that night at the black club fucking hated me. After the show. No, the next day. People that saw you that night at the black club were like, we hate you. Imagine Burning Man is racist. No, everyone here. They're a little tiny trailer park is what they are. It's not Burning Man, I realize. It's 30,000, 40,000 people.

This is fucking however many couple thousand people. 8,000 maybe. That are completely segregated. thousand people. This is fucking however many, a couple thousand people that are completely segregated, and they heard that I got booed by the black guys. Yeah, and never given a chance! Sorry, I'd just like to interrupt for a second here, but

my mind is buggered with the idea of the booker on the wings giving you the thrashing of the booker on the wings giving you the thrashing of the throat signal but for once that actually meant no that is exactly what they will do to you

what yeah he had to do that like get the fuck up but in the book I talk about the Kilkenny thing I had actually done a little bit of time this was a... Nothing, yeah. No, you said they booed you before you got on stage. I say seven minutes.

It was probably less. Yeah, maybe four. It was almost fucking immediately. But because the sound system was radio-shacked. There was no bits. I tried to start a bit after the... going up to the booing and I tried to start a bit and i can't even imagine

that you know what i even remember one of the bits was their their beer was something that was toxic shock syndrome was a what was the fucking tampon that caused it obb yeah obb beer was it obb tampons it was ob ob tampons you're right because it was ob beer like i that and they're like fuck you i try to do one local reference and then then it starts with fuck you and fuck you and your mother and the guys are gonna fucking jump on stage and orient oriental breweries is the beer oh all right yeah hey fuck you i fucking remembered so that was exactly but that's exactly how comedy works but yeah you try to start with some fucking local they don't care i have to tell you their their golden lager is something i

really in fact we have a shut up shut shut We're going to come back and shut him down. Shout him down like a fucking black audience. Shout him down. Yeah, just yell until you can't see the movie. So the next night we're at the fucking cowboy club. It's not a white club. It's a Trump club. Yeah.

No, and we didn't realize... Again, neither one of us is in the military. We don't have a background in this. Yeah. No, and we didn't realize. Again, neither one of us is in the military. We don't have a background in this. No. But we realized at that point it really was that we had set fire onto this base. And they were – the booker was going to switch us up. Right. He was like, I can't have you booed off stage every night.

Every night? He doesn't – we did the black we did that's what he was thinking yeah but he was he was like a white black guy doesn't understand that like right like he's yeah he only knows what he doesn't understand race hey he believes black black guy that doesn't understand he also is one of those bookers that believes the black guy goes, I kill every night. He didn't realize it was his housemates. Let me talk about a different comic that told you a really funny bit in the van from another comic. Oh, so-and-so does this bit and then goes on stage that night and does the same bit

that he just told in the van ride over that this person is very funny that's any comic and then we see it that night wait you just told us you just told us not yours well you are a faithless breed

but that's any comic I don't that so but that that gives an idea that the level which we're working on but we go to the next club so i go up and do my thing and you got to realize it's not you know i did fine from what i remember no i know but the thing is it wasn't segregated okay it was separate but equal on their own terms. No, and I'm going to tell you this because that place was at probably record capacity ever in the history of the white club because it was cowboy hats and not cowboy hats. They all came to both shows now. So you have twice as many

people in this venue. It is packed. Shoved in. And everybody had told us all day, don't worry. We got your back. And we're like, is this gonna be a brawl? What they don't realize is, here's the fucking, the catch-all, is they never heard Doug's act.

They only heard D. Militant. And unfortunately, in comedy, they believe you make it up every night. Original. Unfortunately, the place is now packed. I go up to my... And I get done. And I go, ladies and gentlemen, Demilitar. He goes up again second.

The white guys go, ladies and gentlemen, de militant. He goes up again second. The white guys go, all right, it's funny. It's all right. Not horrible. And the black guys are horrified going, he did this last night. He did this last night. And that's all you could hear. He, I heard that joke. And that's fair enough, you know.

But they hadn't heard my jokes because they booed me off stage. Nobody did. And if that's the one, if I had a camera, I would have loved to have it filmed. Because you've now got a completely never before racially integrated group hysterically laughing, coughing, crying from dog's act. For the record, in 1994, my act was such utter dog shit. No. Fair enough. I had a bucket of vaginas.

It was a big, huge. That was a good one. And you had the shaking the beer closer. Yeah. Yeah. No, I probably didn't have that yet. Maybe I had it. one and you had the uh the shaking the beer closer yeah yeah yeah no i probably probably didn't have that yet uh maybe i had that might have done uh the uh chinese zodiac oh yeah yeah but the thing is here's the thing about it so they had already heard diamant so when he repeated his

act they kind of went what the fuck so they gave doug a free clean ride to come out and he blew the room apart i mean it was insane and i looked over at the guy who books i go you think we should pull him so doug he was kenny yeah kenny's short he said kenny well he's from hawaii yeah kenny's remember the only thing he told us was you was bring your own thread because they'll make suits for you in Korea for practically nothing, but the thread is sucky. No, no. What happened, remember this, Becker, he told us you're going to get all this cheap shit in Korea,

but we couldn't get an advance on our pay. We're hand to mouth. So we don't get paid any bit until we get to japan where we were ogling ten dollars for a big mac yeah ten dollars back then was like a hundred dollars that's came up the joke and take it eating it over three days just taking nibbles out of it so we have no money in korea where everything's cheap and then we go to get some money please twenty dollars for a watermelon it was like crazy so the white club had a better pa then the what the white oh a hundred percent better yeah no amazing of course and running water yeah hang on let's take

a quick break and uh hey dollar shave club if you ever shower or brush your teeth or try to make your hair look presentable dollar shave club has a lot of stuff to help you out this is where i bail and i because i don't shower brush my teeth or my hair, what's left of it, look presentable. So why don't you carry this, Greg Chaley? Well, I mean, everyone shaves. Everyone brushes their teeth. Not everyone shaves. Well, not in this room.

But in the world out there, outside of the funhouse, these are things you can get through Dollar Shave Club that you probably don't know about. It's right in the name, shave. I know everyone else here uses Dollar Shave Club. I'm not the guy that makes myself look presentable or shaves or washes my balls. So that's why I'm saying, let's be

honest and let you carry the commercial. Because you guys all shave and make yourselves look presentable, even though you're way too old to do so. Click. Hand me the paper. Did you hang up? No, I just said click.

I'm going to buy Dollar Shave Club for that guy from the Rockets that couldn't make a single basket in the final game. Fuck that guy. He's got a full beard. Dollar Shave Club would be great for him. He'd be a good spokesperson. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, Dollar Shave Club has everything you need to get ready in the bathroom. And right now, I got to tell you, my toothbrush from Dollar Shave Club and the toothpaste is phenomenal. I love it. And it's the one I take on tour. It comes with a little clip on the top. I know these things are so easy. A lot of people show up at the merch booth and they say, Chaley, is that those pearly whites?

Are those Dollar Shave Club pearly whites? And he goes, you're goddamn right. And I say, don't take the name of the Lord in vain. And then we get into a scrum. While you're selling Bibles. My point being, stolen Bible, is that all I have to do

is click on the website when I'm going to get something, and all this stuff shows up here. Once again, I don't have to fucking leave. I just stay at home, huddled down, waiting to do something. Giddy is a fucking child when Dollar Shave Club comes up in his mailbox, which is my mailbox. He uses my fucking address for everything, which is why we have problems with crazy showing up. They're probably trying to steal his Dollar Shave Club. Well, the thing about Dollar Shave Club is he gave us one of,

I think you were out of town when you gave it to us, but we got one of the toothbrushes, and they're amazing. And when I went to reach for it, when Becky went back to Alaska, I realized she had smuggled it to Alaska. So apparently Alaska now has Dollar Shave Club, too. I sent it all here to Doug's house so that I'd push it in his face. That we've got fancy metal toothbrushes delivered right to the door. I did that on purpose.

Doug, what about the one-wipe Charlies? You took those over to your... Oh, the one-wipe Charlies? You took those over to... Oh, the one-wipe Charlies. I did use when I was over in those... What did our God-gifted president call them? Shithole countries? The heathen nations. Yeah. Yeah, Australia.

Yeah. Southeast Asia. Yeah, I used the one-wipe Charlies on my teeth and my asshole. In that order. Because, you know what? I was raised properly. And he also waved it at Winnipeg. He was waving it during the Winnipeg

White House. With a bit of brown. And a touch of yellow. Hey, they got shampoo, conditioner, body wash, toothpaste, hair gel, and even those wonderful wipes that Doug's talking about, the One Wipe Charlies, all at Dollar Shave Club.

Hair gel. Rub it in my bald face. You can put it anywhere you want. You can just call it gel. Hey, Doug, why don't you read the call to action? I would love to read the call to action, but we only have – why don't we have a sponsor that gives us like two different printouts of the ad copy.

Hey, call to action. Here's a great way to try a bunch of Dollar Shave Club's products. For just $5, you get their Daily Essentials Starter Set. It comes with body cleanser, one-wipe Charlies. They're amazing butt wipes. Amazing. I'm amazed at my asshole being clean it's amazing which for me it's amazing to all of their world famous shave butter which you can always use on your asshole with a nose trimmer this is one thing that people don't know. If you use...

All right, forget it. Everyone's frowning on me. Customer service would be like, how do I get the shave butter nose trimmer ass shaver? Well, you have to have your own nose trimmer, but you put the one-wipe Charlies and the shave butter in your asshole, and then you go... Oh, okay.

And it snaps it all out. Yeah. The Six Blade Executive. Ah, fucking Six Blades. How fucking hairy are you, Robin Williams? Keep the blades coming for a few more bucks a month and add in shampoo, toothpaste, and anything else you need for the bathroom. How about a plunger?

Because we have bad plumbing. Do you have a plunger? They will after this read. Market research. Check it all out at dollarshaveclub.com slash stanhope. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash stanhope. You drunks. Every time we think we've finally gentrified Bisbee

and just got rich Hollywood types in here. Nope, Johnny Depp didn't buy the Loma Linda and there's still shit in the streets. Chad Shank on location cruising the streets of Bisbee in his full flak uniform, like that Los Angeles bank shootout that they based that Robert De Niro movie on. He has to wear full bulletproof mask. You get a lot of shit on, but you still have a golden voice because you left a mouth

hole just like a sex doll. What's going on out there, Chad? Thanks for that fantastic introduction. That made me feel very confident. A caller stated her mailbox

was in the middle of the road. She added that it was a little loose. In high school, we called that a bunt. That was with Chaley doing the bunt. Yeah, I made that noise. He squared off, actually, correctly. Baseball in the funhouse. Yeah, at best, you want it teetering off to funhouse. Yeah, at best you want it

teetering off to the side. Well, it depends. Like an elderly person's head when they're trying to grow it. I got a guy on first, so I'm going to throw it down the third baseline. Just a little bit. What do they call that? Softball? Not softball.

Anyway, go ahead, Chad. Chad's fucking risking his life and I'm trying to figure out the terminology where they bunt a lot. Whether I was a female or a male during Little League years. You know what? If your parents didn't care

enough to keep you, I wouldn't care what gender you were. Where do they bunt a lot? Now I'm curious. I don't even know what you're talking about. It's fucking not softball, but slowball. Squeeze play. They used to fucking, the baseball players used to talk about this. Oh, we're

going to play a lot of fucking, every fucking cut that played baseball. What are you talking about? Instead of trying to knock it out of the park, they play kind of infield bunch shit the baseball coaches would tell us oh i know uh that's called strategy no it's uh it's a small ball small ball small ball there you go people in other words don't try to kill it just fucking

base hit them to death rbi's win the game fellas let's get out there and do this. You know who's playing small ball? Not Chad Shank. There's fucking hard shots being fired at him. What else is going on in the Bisbee Observer police beat this week? A dog on Van Dyke Street. Van Dyke Street! Was so provoked by a passerby that it ran full force into the fence and became partially paralyzed from the impact.

We just walked the dogs up part of Van Dyke Street. There's only three blocks. Wait, where? Van Dyke Street! Our street, 212 Van Dyke Street. If you're remiss in your duty of mailing us stupid shit that you've either stole from work or you think we might like or might sell it an ebay yard sale one day 212 van dyke street bisbee arizona 85603 send it to us so So, yeah, I go back from the road, and that story's in the police beat.

And I go, well, that could be Ichabod. He gets wily, especially when he isn't getting walked regularly by the gumps. Gumps. You have another vocal cue? Is that what you're doing? Yeah. Gumps. Well, if I start it. Gumps. GOMPS! You have another vocal cue? GOMPS! GOMPS!

GOMPS! So, yeah, we're looking at all the dogs it could be, and there's a lot of dogs it could be. But it wasn't Ichabod, who's been brain damaged far before Bingo went into a coma, so I call him Copycat.

Alright, next! Chad, what do you got? AP- Sorry, I was- so I call him copycat. Alright, next, Chad, what do you got? A P... Sorry, I was... Chad just hit his head into the fence so hard. I was not paying attention. Actually, what I was paying attention to is all of the P's in the last two fucking paragraphs.

A piano player was disturbing the peace when he played the same loud music over and over on Main Street. It's called practice. I'm going to find that. How'd you make it to busking on Main Street in Bisbee?

Where is Main Street? Practice, practice, practice. Remember, if you're sticking around, you're not a busker fan. If it's disturbing the peace, you suck. Where's Main Street? I don't know. Down on Main Street.

I thought Main Street and Tombstone Canyon were the same thing. I don't fucking know. I thought Tombstone Canyon is Tombstone Canyon. Yeah, but Main Street. And then there's a ghost. Main Street, too. I don't know. Main Street has live music?

I don't know. It's not great. I don't know. Main Street has live music? I don't know. It's not great. I want to know where it is. Yeah. So I can complain. Where we have to go to Safeway is the corner. It's a four-way stop. Yeah.

It's the corner of Bisbee Road, Douglas Road, Congdon, and... Jimmy Dog's. Arizona? No. No. Oh, wait. Yeah, no. Arizona is... No, it's not Arizona? No. Oh, wait. No, Arizona's... No, it's not Arizona. That's a block over. Anyway, you just hit a stop sign

and the fucking street changes when you go straight. Yeah, you're right, because it is all the fucking trails. It's Bisbee Road until you get to the stop sign and then... Douglas Road. You cross the threshold to Oz or Narnia and then it's another it's another road but it's it's a straight line makes it for a weird dui well a different guy

lived on that street when they named him i think we're belittling the hardcore crime that's happening in arizona please do not make light of ch Shank's report. What else? Two male subjects were walking down Campbell Street, seemingly intoxicated. A medium-sized dog was leading them. Oh, my God. She's the lead singer whole. Go ahead, Chad. You pointed at me like you had one i'm stoned hey we have we have courtney

love references hot off the press a disabled man in hereford stated his wife would not give him the other set of keys to their vehicle so that's it. I don't know. He doesn't say anything about the first set of keys. A key. A key. A key. That's a... Becker and I have talked about doing a Bisbee version

of Lake Wobegon Days slash Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Somebody's been working on it for two days. Oh, have you? Yeah. I still get the original notes. Let me give you those. Yeah. Because I was pretty drunk.

No, it was good. I have to Robin Hood this motherfucker. I have to go out on the road and steal money from the rich to bring it back to do a vlog. Was anyone taking notes or anything? I did. Yeah, no, I have them in there. Okay, good. No, we have them.

But I also have them. No, that's good. Anyway, yeah, sometimes the fucking the fucking yeah the dog leads the man and other times well we walk our dogs we're we were we just walked our dogs the tail wags with his gimp leg and mrs gump and yeah our dogs were walking us and we were seemingly intoxicated and if the fucking caller had stopped us and said, I'm going to call the cops because you seem drunk, we'd go, no, we're definitely drunk. Do you have anything else? Because my beer is done.

We're drunk, but the dogs are hammered. Was she worried about the dog? The dog's in the fucking lead, man. Stop worrying about the dog. Would you scream rape if the girl was on top? Every time. he's drunk he's raping the girl she's she's on top mounting and that fucking where she's using her knees and not just riding with her knees on the bed but squatting down and now she gave him a ride the worst cow she's reverse cowboying oh my god

now she's paying his rent it's like I don't know when did the rape happen if you were doing that to a dog I'd call the cops cause that guy was not seemingly intoxicated he's fucking a dog but I think all of my analogies apply

I'm so lost right now that's why right back into the horror of living in bisbee the horrible beef please be a concerned citizen advised kega nine had a human trafficking show on and suggested Bisbee PD record it as it had new information that would be helpful for officers. First of all, KGUN9 is my new

local Tucson news station closest we can get in two hours. Who's your weather guy? Weather guy? My weather guy is April Madison weather guy weather guy my weather question is a lady yes it is yes and uh golden showers i've gotten feet they've followed me on twitter fuck you jeff beamish fuck you fuck you jeff beamish and paul sakala i'm a friend of yours still and the real weatherman at 10 o'clock at night matt brode yeah fuck you kvoa and matt brode

jump ship over to k-gun but the point of that story is not this k-gun someone called this is a fucking beautiful one someone called the police station that saw one of their local news exposes on illegal aliens and called the police station to tell them, you should watch this because you can learn something. They have a really good expose. Like the police are

not trained. That's what kind of fucking dunce town you live in where you go, okay, I love this town, I promote this town, but there's still that dumb of people. Bingo Bingaman's grandmother.

May she rest in peace. Not soon enough. She's already dead. Oh, you're dating a comedian? And she sent us red skeleton VHS tapes. Like you had a VCR?

Oh, I did at the time. What's wrong with Red Skelton? What's wrong with VHS tapes? Have we not announced that? Red Skelton, they're showing up tomorrow or the next day. We'll announce it when they're ready. No, they're done. By the time this goes out, they're done.

Well, we'll announce it. That's a special event. People know what VHS is, by're done. By the time this goes out, they're done. Well, we'll announce. That's a special event. People know what VHS is, by the way. You're not telling everyone, hey, there's a new medium coming out. Well, we do have our new medium. We have a new scam coming out. Let's get back to the police beat. Thank you, Matt Becker. And finally, a female called, stating she didn't have a body anymore.

No, no, no. That's another one. Okay. Pause. Hold on. Keep the pause. That's it. We're going to do one more.

And finally is the end of it. Yeah. Read it again. Josh, going to do one more. And finally is the end of it. Yeah. Read it again. Josh, let's finish this up. And finally, a female called stating she didn't have a body anymore. You want me to read it again? No, no, no. That was the actual call?

This is shocking. that was the actual call this is shocking because when you live in a small town and everyone in a small town you listening you drive a truck you fucking do some dumb shit job

you live in a small town you don't even get radio that's why you have to listen to podcasts while you're not doing your work you've seen these bodiless heads sitting on the side of the road and they can't type in orders they can't drive a forklift where you drive a forklift they can't drive truck so you know how disheartening and disparaging it is to just be a bodiless head or you do meth so what you're trying to say is you ain't got no body

i ain't got nobody nobody nobody nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody Alright, let's get back We have other shit to do Hang on, please hold Hey, we're back But the rest of the tour Went fine

We had one of the best times Of our lives One day off at that fucking music festival. Doug got up early like he does and goes wandering around and he finds this outdoor music festival. And what percentage do you think it was of even like America? I have pictures of it. I know. But it was maybe. I could bring out for this podcast if we did it on video.

Maybe 1% or 2% of locals are not local. If there were 1,000 people there, 10 of them were white. Yeah, and we were part of that. And we're sitting on the lawn. It's an outdoor thing. We're sitting on the lawn. We're there early. And the opening band

was Japanese and doing... I think it was... It wasn't Zama. It was... Wasawa? What's Zama? Camp Zama. That was... Camp Zama is where we went. We played

two bases that were like 20 minute drives apart. And the first night was Camp Zama. That was Zama where we drove from the camp we're playing the next night. If I fuck this up, thank you for the emails. But this is 1994. Anyway, we drive about 20 minutes to the other base, do that show. Well, everyone's going to go home, and I'm going, I want to hang around. I'm thinking it's going to be like every other fucking gig.

Everyone wants to hang out and party. But we don't realize they have to get up at 6 a.m. Well, they don't hang out. Everyone else leaves except for me. I'm like, hey, you want to party? I'm have to get up at 6 a.m. Well, they don't hang out. Everyone else leaves except for me. I'm like, hey, you want to party? I'm trying to get laid and shit. No, everyone leaves. I have to walk back.

A 20-minute drive is about a three-hour walk, and I don't know where I'm going, and I don't speak Japanese. I'm drunk enough. and I don't speak Japanese. I'm drunk enough. And I would call my mother, collect from payphone score. Hey, I'm drunk in Japan.

I'm trying to find my way home. I'll be fine. And then I'd go into 7-Elevens they had. Tons of them. With Asian people. Oh, wait, wait, no. Zama was, because that's how I knew. I'd just go and I didn't know. So I'd go Zama and I'd point which direction.

They'd point in a direction and then I'd go in that direction for as long as I could. So you got to another 7-Eleven? Another 7-Eleven. And I'd say Zama. Just kept walking for fucking three hours and I got back uh yeah

perspective in 1994 a gallon of gas was a dollar nine a movie ticket was four dollars and uh Brazil won the 1994 World Cup in the United States.

I graduated high school. You're not on this podcast. I did two tours in 94 of military bases. The first one was February, March. The one Becker and I did was, I think, September. Six months apart. The first one...

I have a question, but go ahead. The first one I know in Japan, in a fucking hotel room or whatever barracks kind of thing they put us up in is on Japanese or whatever Korean MTV is where I first heard our song, Mr. Jones and Me. Con and Crows, yeah. And it's even Andy And anderson i song yeah i think no yeah so back in 1994 which

is also when tanya harding won the national figure skating championship yeah following the attack on her rival okay so carrigan uh this this will date it the fucking last day This is good. That just dated it. I was opening for Jimmy J.J. Walker on the first tour six months before. I know. Becker went back. So I blew him off stage in a demilitarized fashion. Yeah. This guy sucks. Bring that guy back to headline.

That's why I went back to headline. Good times didn't play over there? I don't understand. Well, he was such a dick and he's not funny. Jimmy Walker is just... Same jokes. At least in 1994, he was a fucking asshole. That was one of the things that I couldn't put in the book

was getting hookers for Jimmy Walker with that same fucking book. You can't say that now. Yeah, I can. No, you can't say that. No, I can. Getting hookers for Jimmy Walker. Go ahead. Fucking call me out.

Please. Don't you ever. Don't you fucking dare take that out. You're not a fucking. Oh, no. I just say that so I don't get sued. Hey, fucking dare take that out you're not a fucking oh no i just say that so i don't get sued hey i wouldn't ask back then no it was another guy that raped the girl whoa whoa no that's a fucking true story i couldn't put that's better than a question i was

gonna post yeah no jimmy walker bailed and you know that guy fucking raped the girl. Wait, who? What? Another guy that he... It's a fucking weird story. But he was like... It was a horrible thing and you go, look, I'm just an opening act for Jimmy Walker. I'm just leaving. I didn't see a rape happen, but you know...

Yeah, but you're using pronouns. I want specifics. I don't remember specifics other than. Good answer. Good answer. So let's go back to the dates. No. Hold on a second. Shut up.

I want to ask a question. Back then, when you got the J.J. Walker gig, and then after that, you did... Because J.J. Walker sucked. They said, oh, you were funnier. Well, that doesn't mean I'm funnier i'm a headliner but they took it that way oh he's better than jimmy walker we'll bring him back to headline but honestly and then of course doing the show that was the first night that thing happened then after that, I mean, Doug blew the stage off. I mean, literally, it was like just such a fun thing. My act was as dumb as the military.

Yeah. You're a big soldier. Remember? I used to ask, I'd go up on stage and go, who's been married? And they'd go, who's divorced? And I'd go, who's in the military? And same hands would stay up. And I'd go, when are you going to learn to stop signing things?

My question was, how did you get those gigs? How did that start? Like to get in a cover band, to get a USO gig or do military gigs, which we did a couple of, it was very restrictive. Like I can't imagine you telling three jokes where they're like, pass.

I don't remember. This is important. I don't remember how I got the gig, but I know that scrawny Ronnie Putnam, for all of his bullshit. Rest in peace. Yeah, rest in a lot of pieces. He's a big big fat fucking guy. He was friends with and then when Jimmy Walker

probably Steve Schrepper? I don't know. When Jimmy Walker found out I worked blue he was trying to cancel me. And it was, this is like the biggest thing. I'm gonna go to fucking Japan to do comedy and I'm bragging about it,

and then we're going to cancel me. And Ronnie Putnam, he used to work out with fucking Jimmy Walker at a gym, and he knew Jimmy Walker. In Vegas. He fucking railroaded it through. Really? He made it happen. He pushed the bill into law?

Somehow. Jesus Christ. Well, you knew his tenacity. He still owes me money for drugs I never got. He owes a lot of people a lot of shit. Obviously, he could talk you into things. Yeah.

He owes a lot of us. I got all my drugs I love it I love that that's part of it is it is it there's someone who did something on your behalf that we all know like to now I'm like oh okay I'm good with it oh that $50 for coke that's cool because you got Stan Hogan. Yeah. You got him to Japan. That kid had a huge heart. He won't do blue stuff in front of you. Huge heart.

That's a skill. Because I had already bragged about it to my mother. Right. I'm going to do this and then you're canceled. And like, oh, fuck. Ronnie's like, I'm going to talk to him. So I do that first, and then rapes happen, and you turn a blind eye. Well, we don't know.

We don't know. No, no. Jimmy Walker wasn't raping. He was just looking for hookers. Yeah. And not saying dynamite and being very angry and not doing interviews. I would have fucking hands crossed all the time anytime someone asked him a nice question.

I understand that now. Right, now you're jaded enough to go, thank God. I'll say dynamite anytime. Didn't he sign an autograph in front of you one time? No, that was the story from Scrawny Ronnie Putnam, big fat Ron Putnam, was back when he knew him where he was still recognized, Jimmy Walker.

They'd go to Denny's in Vegas. They both lived in Vegas. After the gym. After the gym. And people would come up and ask him for an autograph, and he had a stack of index cards with his autograph stamped. And he just wouldn't break conversation with Ron Putnam. And he'd just hand a fucking stamped autograph to the person asking and never break eye contact with the person he's talking to.

He'd just hand it to the side to the person asking. That's cooler than that phone thing they do now. He was a fucking dick. And then when we're out looking for fucking hookers for him in the freezing fucking Korean fucking February. Oh, that's where we were going. I know how the tour ends because, and you can look up the date. I am. Dennis Wolfberg had just died

he was a big comedian for comedians back then and then our last gig was in Hawaii Honolulu fucking whatever the Air Force Base is fuck anyway it was

not Pearl Jam Lady Tracy says Pearl Jam faces uh fuck yeah anyway it was not pearl jam lady tracy says pearl harbor yeah but it's not that's that's your alaskan uh public school dollars that work yeah. The way it should be told. Call me Donner. That, it was, I heard it must, I must have had a, you know what?

Bill Hicks died. Right. So whoever I called, I had to fucking, remember the phone card? Phone cards. That's how it works. Fuck.

Back then we had that. Back then that guy i your memory is really good my first book i had to go i'm talking about why i was 18 in hollywood in 1985 and so and so got a hold of me i'm like how did that happen i don't even know how it fucking happens. But I heard Bill Hicks died. So it was that day Bill Hicks died. I was in Hawaii, in Honolulu, and I called Jimmy Walker's room. I go, did you hear Bill Hicks died? Because Dennis Wolford, these things come in threes. How are you feeling? Which is hysterical.

Did he think it was funny? No. Ah, kid couldn't find funny. I'm really sorry to take this back to a very boring and mathematical data point. I'll cut this out. As long as we get back to Mikey 182. Okay. Yes, we need to circle around this.

And that sums it up. I was quite interested. You were saying that when you were in Japan, it was $10 for a Big Mac. Whatever it was. And then Charlie came up with a very good data point, which was it was $4 in 1994 to go to the cinema. Yes. So how does that work out? I don't know if it was fucking $10.

How old are you? Like fucking 15? I'm too old. How old are you? Like, fucking 15? I'm too old. How old are you? I'm... I've just turned 46. Jesus Christ. No, 40...

Really? Or 43. Shut up, then. Shut the fuck up. You're our math guy. This is the math guy we are. This is the fucking technical guy. He's going back to fucking Silicon Valley.

How much is a Big Mac in Japan? That's the only... It was a lot of fucking money. No, it only reason. It was a lot of fucking money. No, it was really. No, back then, it was really. But a movie in the US? No. There's no way you can scale it.

It's not scalable to a Big Mac in Japan. No, but it really was. But it's easy if you're in America. It was $20 for a watermelon. It easily could have been. Easily. have been when you're easily when you're a fucking broke comic and when when fucking the military fucking not the hierarchy the fucking chump low-grade military are buying you drinks on base yeah because you can't afford on base i started smoking that was the first time i had quit for

any amount of time was the first trip over there. And when on base, you could get a carton of generic cigarettes for like $3. For a carton. I started smoking after like seven months of quitting smoking. I go, I'm losing money. A, in 94, you could smoke internationally. They canceled. You can't smoke domestically but this is my first international flight you could smoke still fucking becker me and

becker on the flight back when we did our second tour in 94 we're in these is like five seats in the middle oh the big wide bodies yeah yeah two five two so we're in the fucking three middles with no one on the sides yeah and we made friends very quickly i don don't know how. I guess we were gorgeous and young, probably. I have my passport picture. I'm sure that's what it was. But the flight attendant took kindly to us and they were bringing us drinks, hand over fist, like double fisting us. I believe, I know there were screwdrivers. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I believe, I know there were screwdrivers. Yeah.

Yeah. I think I do. And we're taking the barf bags out of the seats. And we're, we're making face puppets on the barf bags with two eyes. And then a mouth where the fold is talk. And then there's Japanese people in front of us. We're sticking them over the seats and we're talking to them. You're doing behind the seat?

Yeah, we're doing puppet acts. But we're going, And they think it's hysterical. They showed us. They brought me up to where they have sleeping cabins in the fucking. No, but no. Remember, they didn't do this at first. They cut us off. Did they?

Do you remember? No, I didn't remember. No, we were hand feeding each other cake. So we're going with the puppets. We're acting like we go like we like we used a stolen credit card to do this and we started hand feeding each other cake licking our arms and feeding each other cake because they brought us cakes and we're like based on a matt woods bit yeah hey shout out to matt woods in denver yep and they were hand feeding their chili

so we're yeah we're busy feeding each other and then they go you're cut off and we're like what we're cut off because they were so nice and we go why are we cut off and they go you feed each other cake like they thought we were gay and then oh that's a different flight

no it's the only one we were on and it was a blonde lady that was fucking over serving us maybe the only one we were on. No, it was a blonde lady that was fucking over-serving us. No. Maybe they switched out. Well, we were hand-feeding cake, but yeah. I do remember that. So what we do is we go, we're comedians. No, this is the only time we've been in Asia on a plane.

No, it was a fucking... So listen, no, and so what happens is they go, you guys are hand-feeding us and they think we're gay. And so they're going to cut us off a liquor. I do remember this. And then what happens is we go, no, we're comedians and they can't figure it out. So somebody translates for them and they go,

Oh, gag men, you're gag men. And we're like, yeah, we're gag men. We pull our headshots. Now they bring us more drinks.

They apologize for saying headshots with us. Yeah. But get this. Then they take us upstairs and show us the sleeping corners with the staff. They give us a full fucking tour of the plane. And everyone's like, what the fuck? All right. For the record.

We have that. I do remember. That's the only time that would ever work. Yeah. But I do remember the lady that was feeding us drinks right off the bat was definitely an American lady. Right. No.

But they cut us off because we were feeding each other cake. I remember that hand-feeding cake thing. It was probably two different flights. It doesn't fucking matter. Why do I... It's one story, two flights. Yeah. Not Delta, I take it.

Two cups. It wasn't Delta It was probably Northwest Airlines back then Or Pan Am It was Asia Airlines Where was I going before You have to circle back I know where we have to end

But I thought there was I think there's a beat I'm missing Right now a watermelon in Japan is $200. No joke, right? I'm just saying. No. I'm just saying in context, Anthony. No, and there was 20 back then.

If we'd have bought watermelons, Doug, like we should have with our money, we'd be rich. We sound like motherfuckers right now. Yeah. Out on the street. Chaley. I don't mention the watermelons I have buried in the backyard. I did. You just did.

Bitcoin. I did and you just did. So there we go. A lot of people use Bitcoin. I'm cashing in on watermelons in Japan. We love these stories. But D. Militant has no dates coming up and J.J. Walker also has no dates coming up. He just finished a run in April. D. Militant has no dates coming up, and J.J. Walker also has no dates coming up.

He just finished a run in April. D. Militant was a fucking good guy. He was a good guy. They have a separate they. Becker and I were talking today about something came up about gigs and stuff. I meant D. Militant and one other guy. And I said, no one ever remembers the good gig. I remember the gigs where there's no PA,

and now all of a sudden I have like 10 times more work before Doug goes on stage. And Becker agreed. He goes like, yeah, you remember the shitty ones. And these are the things that you talk about because we were talking about on our podcast, Near the Wild podcast. You can get that online.

talk about because we were talking about on our podcast near the wild podcast you can get that online uh uh john has started an open mic at this little shitty bar that no one doug no one appreciates the fact that these guys come in on a monday night the regulars are what are you doing i'm like that's when you double down. That's when you go fucking right up their ass because the owner will appreciate what you're doing. And you guys have just explained everything that we talked about in a couple of sentences is that this is when you flourish. This is when you fucking – this is when you realize that this is what you want to do. You flourish.

This is when you fucking, this is when you realize that this is what you want to do. I did a podcast a little while ago where I go, I'm too drunk to be on a podcast. So I went full James Inman. Fuck it. That was my Monday night podcast. And this podcast is fucking great, even though it's just an hour later. Yeah. I just tweeted that this is probably going out after the other one that is going to go out. Definitely.

It's just if I have enough time in between doing a blue apron meal. These are both evergreens because you're not putting out the dates. Right. Yeah, this one doesn't. You add the dates in after the fact. The other one that we did before this is going out tomorrow morning. Oh, fuck. No, I didn't make police out.

You should. Fine. It's fine. Yeah. Label us at 1994. But this one- Let me get back to Mikey 182. Whatever happened to Mikey 182?

Becker flies out. We drive back to LA. I have to do this fourth and B. Becker, where did you go? LA. We were going home. And then back to Anchorage. So they start booing Bobby after the intermission. Booing the opener.

And I came out and started shouting. You're in San Diego? I already told and started shouting. You're in San Diego? I already told this whole story. No, you're in San Diego. You didn't finish it. No, you're not at the right point. San Diego.

San Diego, 4th and D. You said it is closed. I don't know if you said that on the air or on the air. Yeah, fuck them. It got down to like 200 people, and then I started doing my act. Wait, how many started? I'm guessing 1,200. They said 1,500.

We went from 1,200 to 200? Yeah, but it's the good people that are left. The long set. And then I started my bits uh for the few people remaining and like i i made it okay that's like someone yelling fire in a theater osan korea where i had to leave after seven no i did my fucking time yeah overtime and i i did it you're still paying me mikey 182 flew all the way from fucking australia he came to la there's no show we brought him to fucking vegas then i brought him to san diego to see him watch and witness the biggest fucking walk-up possibly in comedy history. A thousand people streamed out of a fucking theater. Fucking, again, walking all the way from the fucking exit to the stage to flip me off and then leave.

Like that kind of like angry. King Kong on stage didn't. And then he flew home to Adelaide. People leaving. So I just came back from Australia. I to Adelaide. People leaving. So I just came back from Australia. I played Adelaide. Didn't see him. But the time before, four years ago,

for the first time, Mikey182 who was telling me that meth was all the rage in Adelaide. Like, that's fucking awful. Becker and I did our time with meth. But you grow out of it. In the fucking early 90s.

And they're like, oh, he showed up with a friend that was, Hennigan remembers better than I do. Four years ago, he showed up at the show and his friend was so fucked up. And it was one of those, like like sometimes it's just a job i'm not there to party i have to say words into a microphone and you think no we're not going to vegas this time and we're not going to go to san diego we're not going to spend four days together and he shows up and they're just so fucked up and I'm the fucking sober guy going well not sober

yeah but soberish next to them you were I am responsible and he shows up at the hotel bar with a friend that's all fucked up and like Hennigan this Hennigan

these fucking people. But we have a story together. Yeah, the story's over. Yeah. Yeah, that Stan Hopey's all Hollywood these days. There's no way he's going to fly me somewhere else.

He's jagging up his ticket prices and actually working on his set more rather than getting booed. But you're still not making Japanese watermelon money. We'll work on that. All right. That's a fucking podcast.

Mikey 182. I don't know what happened to you in Adelaide, but we're all old now. Yeah. Those were the days. Days. but we're all old now. Yeah. Those were the days. Days.

Every time you go rolling Girls were girls and they were men If we could use a man like David Hoover again Hey, play us out on a song. Oh, we just did it. Click. Click.

Did you hang up? No, I just clicked. Click. Ladies and gentlemen, coming to the stage, this next brother is a lecturer, a speaker, a writer, producer. And he's very special to me because he mentored me when i first got to los angeles a dear good friend of mine and brother give it up for daryl littleton aka d miller tutt show your love for my good friend all right before i get started i just want say, I got a little tolerance for bullshit.

No, seriously, I got a cousin in Alabama. He's country, but he's too goddamn country for me. If I had a nickel for every tooth he had in his mouth, I'd have a nickel. I don't like a lot of bullshit. Like they say, dog is man's best friend. How the fuck you my best friend and I'm required to pick up your shit? Don't get me wrong. I like dogs.

I don't like cats. Fuck a cat. A cat ain't a real pet. A cat is nothing but a fucking animal. See, a pet is supposed to love you. A pet is supposed to be loyal. Like if your house catches on fire, your dog is going to warn you. A pet's supposed to be loyal. Like, if your house catches on fire, your dog is going to warn you.

He wants you to get outside. He wants you to make it. Your cat, that motherfucker be waiting outside. He wants to see if you make it. Fucking ungrateful-ass animal. Fuck a cat. I don't like bullshit.

We killed Osama bin Laden, which means we killed one of the masterminds of brainwashing. Because he had guys blowing themselves up so they could die, go to heaven,

and get 72 virgins, knowing goddamn well he ain't got 72 virgins for all them dudes. Some of them guys gonna get some slightly used virgins. Bitches with wrinkles

around their mouth how you gonna be a virgin you got more semen in you than a submarine get the fuck out of here with that shit man as far as the economy the economy will never be the same get used to it that's why i like my latin brothers and sisters because y'all don't complain you just get out and do what the fuck you gotta do and come up with shit ain't nobody ever thought of. Like, who knew a luscious, juicy orange is just what you need before you get on a freeway? Candy, apples,

roses, I didn't know I needed that for my track. Thank y'all, appreciate you. Y'all ain't waiting for the goddamn president to solve your problems because Barack is not a magician. And I'm glad he's not because he's black. All right. We have never had a famous black magician. He never had spooky, the greater blackie, the magnificent. And you know why we ain't had a famous black magician? Because the audience ain't cooperating with that shit. Ain't no brother coming out here talking about, uh, yeah, for my next trick, I need to borrow somebody's wallet.

Come on now. Stop bullshitting. I'll make your watch disappear. Yeah, and I'll beat your ass till you bring it back. You little fucker. I hate to admit it, but black people are overrated. We've never even had a famous black movie monster. Are you fucking kidding me? As scared as white people are about black people,

we ain't had a famous movie monster? I go on Crenshaw right now and find five niggas that'll scare the fuck out of you. We've never even had a famous black kidnapper, because who the fuck are you going to kidnap but black kids? And what kind of ransom are you going to get on a black kid? If you don't take them on payday, you're stuck with their ass for two weeks. And you better be careful, because if you pick the wrong black kid, your ass will be the hostage.

Seriously, black people are overrated that's how i never understood how did black people get picked to be the slaves when have we ever been known for our work ethic everybody here about black well they're lazy and they're shiftless so you took a six-month boat ride to get some lazy shiftless motherfuckers? When the Mexicans were right there. Everybody know Mexicans are hard workers. Hell, I take one Mexican over 20 niggas any day of the week. And the Mexican will be done with the job before them brothers want a coffee break. Hey, you got a smoke boss? Yeah, you can smoke at home, Bubba. Pablo finished the house. Look at this motherfucker. He's got parking in a moat, central air.

Take your lazy shit from this ass out of here. Gretchen's got your check. I love Mexicans. You know what I love about y'all? You're a fucking miracle race. I don't know how y'all do this shit. You motherfuckers are concentrated like orange juice. Seriously, ever been to a Mexican club?

Two cars in the parking lot. The club is packed. The fuck? Two cars in the parking lot, the club is packed! The fuck? Partying out the window and shit? And you got something I wish black people had. Y'all got that bilingual shit. That is some slick-ass shit. One minute you're talking to me,

then you're talking about me, then you're right back to talking to me. Yeah, all I heard was Mayate, but I think I got it figured out by now. Well, they say Africans don't like African Americans, but that's bullshit. I know it's bullshit because my wife is African. Matter of fact, she's Ethiopian, which I love because I feed this girl for 27 cents a day. 27 cents a day. Look, once you wipe the flies off her face,

she's fine as fuck, all right? Just got to keep her away from camera crews and Sally Struthers, that's all. I love it though. We got a great family going and shit. I got a daughter now. I'm trying to teach my daughter, keep her off the pole. I'm trying to teach her all kinds of shit.

Teach her about school, teach her about boys. I want to teach her the fashion do's and don'ts. Like, ladies, let me ask you something. Is it sexy when a man walks around with his gut hanging out? Now, why do you think it is when y'all do it? Y'all have been a great audience

of Demo the Time. Thank you very much. We should just record everything we say. Are we live? Get on mic. Just tell me what you're going to say. I'm really, really sorry, but the last podcast, or the last two podcasts, I don't know, but I've had my mind utterly fucking boggled when we were discussing earlier on the concept of Hennigan getting drunk and heckling people at the comedy store.

Yeah, we're done.