The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #265: The Sean Rouse Memorial Episode - No One Saw It Coming

Episode Date: July 4, 2018

Sean Rouse died last week. On June 30, 2018 it was reported that he had suffered a stroke followed by a heart attack, and did not recover. Rouse was only 43. Doug gets together with Becker, Chaille and Chad to share the many stories compiled over the years knowing someone as unique, daring, and funny as Sean Rouse.Get on the Mailing List at [www.dougstanhope.com](www.dougstanhope.com). Recorded July 1st, 2018 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Mat Becker (@Houdini357), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), bingo (@bingobingaman), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille (@gregchaille).This episode is sponsored byBlue Apron - Get your first 3 meals free at [www.BlueApron.com/STANHOPE](www.BlueApron.com/STANHOPE)Birddogs Gym Shorts - Go to [birddogs.com](www.birddogs.com), enter promo code ‘Stanhope’ and they’ll throw in a free dad hat. The hats are awesome. They are basically giving you $50. STANHOPE MERCH - NEW! Chad Shank T-Shirts, “Popov Vodka Presents” VHS Tapes and the NEW KILLER TERMITES T-Shirt now available at [http://www.DougStanhope.com/store](http://www.DougStanhope.com/store)LINKS:Chad Shank Voice Over info at [http://www.AudioShank.com](http://www.AudioShank.com)Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.orgClip after the break, “Comedy Killers featuring Sean Rouse", recorded by Chaille March 27, 2016 in Daytona, FL. Closing clip is the last track on Sean Rouse's 2006 CD “SPILLED MILK” available on iTunes - [https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/sean-rouse/258032962](https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/sean-rouse/258032962)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. death pool. Ladies and gentlemen, big foot-stopping, screaming, round of applause to the inimitable Sean Rouse. How's everybody doing? Late show. Hey, if you guys are underage and you're drinking It's not a big deal, we'll serve you But don't get all fucked up

And go get out there and try to drive You can't handle it And it's documented DUI is the number one killer of teenagers Here in America And these kids need to realize that if they're going to go out And they're going to get so drunk that they can barely walk,

I know, and then try and get in a car and drive home, then they're going to need some cocaine for the ride. And that'll keep you on track and you shouldn't miss any lights on the way. You'll see them all a few times and you might stop for every one.

But the point is, you're drinking safe. Sean Rouse podcast. Pick one. Wait, it's the Doug Stanhope podcast featuring... It's the Sean Rouse memorial episode of the Doug Stanhope podcast. No one saw it coming. That's a good subtitle if you're going to title this podcast. We title all of them.

Yeah. All right. Much to your chagrin sometimes. The Sean Rouse Memorial Episode. No one saw it coming. All right. Before that, just because this has come up the last three days on Twitter, as I'm staring for Sean Rouse news, because I don't know the full story. But people keep jacking me up saying, are you selling this?

Do you get any money from this? It's that old Hope design. A fan made one of these for us when it was relevant 10 years ago. The iconic Obama Hope. Which was also stolen, that picture. these for us when it was relevant 10 years ago the the iconic obama hope hope yeah which was also stolen that picture yeah the three color stupid every fucking hackneyed you know you know photoshop guy has made something with that so no i am we have nothing to do with that but somehow facebook has figured out how to target stanhope fans, so everyone's getting this ad. We have nothing to do with that.

If you see that, I don't know if you can respond to those ads, but shit on them. It's fucking – I'm a public figure. I think you can steal my face and sell it. I'm not against that. Just don't put it on shit. Ten-year-old fucking hackneyed shit. It's fucking embarrassing you've cornered that market of 10 year old hackneyed shit uh actually if you do a uh google search uh our store comes up first which we don't sell this uh but that that drawing is

is basically from a picture that someone else took. The photographer of that picture could take umbrage with it. Oh, shit. Is that her? No, we'd probably steal that picture, too. No, that's not. It is one of your... Right over there. Oh, wait, yeah, it's from...

It's from a magazine or something. I think it was on the backside of an album. I don't fucking know. Anyway, it's not us. If you're dumb enough to buy that fucking stupid shirt... Come to the merch booth and have it signed.

I was just going to ask that. Would you sign it if it came to the merch booth? I'll throw you out of a show if I see you wearing that. Get out of the show free, guys. Even stolen goods. I'll you wearing that. Get out of the show free card. Even stolen goods. I'll call the cops. Shawnee Rouse is dead. You must all know by now.

So I sat here and I just wrote down Shawnee Rouse stories, Shawnee Rouse bits that I loved. And I just wrote down Shawnee Rouse stories, Shawnee Rouse bits that I loved. And I was amazed. Like, that's a full fucking yellow legal pad. Every time I've been asked to do a Hedberg interview or we're doing a documentary or we're doing a... I don't remember any good Hedberg stories.

I mean, I know there were some, but they're not repeatable. They were usually us on acid, and acid stories are never repeatable. They were great if you were there, but they don't translate. Yeah, don't translate whatsoever. So I was amazed that as this last few days have gone on with Rouse, I'm like, oh, fuck, yeah, oh, shit, yeah. So we're just going to belt out Shawnee Rouse stories. Nice.

I first worked with Shawnee at the Laugh Stop in Houston. And he had the rheumatoid arthritis, but he had been misdiagnosed as having lupus, which killed

Whiskey Girl. So he thinks he has a deadly disease, and he's still doing really dark material. He was probably only early 20s back then. But he had a bunch of lupus jokes. And after the first show that week, we went to a bar with the staff and the comics. And I said, said hey what are you drinking funny guy and uh he goes i i can't drink because the the lupus and i said uh fuck you i have radio in the morning what are you drinking so later it was probably i get two week thing at one point i was hosting an open mic that he was

on so i brought him up with that story and he went up and he's inimitable but he said in his own unique drawl he goes yeah what's really bad is one time i had lupus and radio in the same morning. Which is even worse, because not only do you have to wake up early, you have to watch your body slowly deteriorate. That's how I met Sean Rouse. And he had lupus jokes. Wow, then he got correctly diagnosed. He had to switch his whole act.

No, he'd still use this bit. Oh, at first they thought it was a deadly disease, lupus. And he goes, my doctor, ever the charmer. I'm fucking small bits of this up. the charmer, I'm fucking small bits of this up. He said to me, listen, you're not dying from the disease. You're living with the disease until it kills you. Then you'll be dead from the disease. Dr. Killjoy?

Yeah, we can just fucking roundtable. You start spitting them out. I got a fucking list here. I watched both a World Series. We have a lot of Boise stories. We've played Boise a lot, I realized, because the Tennessee Titans, St. Louis Rams, Super Bowl, I watched with him at Boise when it was going on downstairs, and I have to go up and do a show and then raise back down.

The Yankees Diamondbacks World Series, we did that in Boise. Fucking Attell. Jesus. There was one time in Boise playing, what was the Funny Bone? Funny Bone is the one that closed. Yeah.

And that's where we were always playing. And one of those weeks, we had a comedy condo and he's just getting just sean got fucked up to a point where he's he's the walking dead and he's gonna bite you that was his thing he would get fucked up and then he'd start biting people and you never knew when it was coming we're at a gay bar the only gay bar in boise which was pretty straight friendly and it was right next to the club and we'd go there because you know you're not going to have fucking issues

and fights so we're in this bar and he gets you know shawnee would glaze over when he hit that all right he's gone now and he's got his big cripple mitts. He's got a beer, and I see the look in his face. He's like, eh. And I go, okay, time to get Shawnee out of here. And he's like, I just got a beer. I go, all right, sit down here. I'm going to have a cigarette and finish your beer, and then we're going to go.

And he turns to a girl sitting right next to him at the bar and he gives her that evil, the puppet look. I'm like, Shawnee? And I turn him physically away from her. Leave her alone. I'll be right back.

Like, just smoking a cigarette. Just don't let him fucking cause a problem and bite her this is our go-to bar after the show you don't shit where you eat and i finish my cigarette and i come back in he's fucking making out with the chick full on charmer how the fuck do you do this you can't even make words well they can't shake hands so one of those nights we get back to the condo uh we go to bed and i wake up i need to do laundry there's a washer dryer in the condo and i went to start my laundry he's still passed out and there's a comforter in the washing machine. And I just think that housekeeping must have left this behind and forgot about it. And I pull it out.

It's caked with vomit. And I go in and Shawty's naked, passed out in his room. No comforter. Like, Shawty, you're puking in your sleep. That's really dangerous. He goes, I don't care. So much for your intervention. He didn't care enough to put it in the washer, right?

He didn't go any further than putting a heavily soiled comforter into a washer to stew. There was some muscle memory that told him that that's what he should do because he had no... He paid for it because all of the physical exertion it took to drag it over there and stuff. Why am I so more stiff than usual? Yeah, that's it. You were working. He's twice as stiff because he's bringing out mattresses and throwing them away. You were doing maid work while you were passed out.

Hey, there was a box spring on this mattress when we got here. My back really hurts. Did you pull weeds? What happened here? That was when he wasn't even that bad compared to how he got. He was still in really bad shape the whole time I knew him. But, I mean, it got way worse to the point where he's just getting out of bed, just screaming like torture.

Yeah, yeah. Ah! Just trying to stretch his bones to get out of bed. And, like, when you see him on stage, you go, he's obviously fucked from the, you know from the giant nodules on the elbows and the fucking claw hands. He started sliding down like a hand with the fingers

horizontal, and then you just point your fingertips to the ground. That's what his hands started looking like. Big old craw. It's called the Southern Weather Girl. We're going to have clouds here. Represent. Word. Hopefully, I'm going to listen to that Daytona where we went to see him and Junior Stopka and Andy Andrus together on a fucking...

That was the only time I ever met Sean Rouse was on that trip. That was the only time I ever met Sean Rouse was on that trip. Early on when I met you in a drunken conversation, I remember you telling me that your favorite comedian was Sean Rouse. And I was like, I don't even know who that is. Yeah, he did pretty good at making sure nobody knows who the fuck he is. Well, until he's dead now, now there's a million stories of everybody that knew him. And he was a superstar.

And I was like, he was fucking hilarious. He was unbending as far as like he did what he wanted to do his act was his act and he wasn't changing it cuz you brought your kid eggs a gig one of the funniest things I remember that Florida's what he I don't remember the whole set like saying oh fuck it up but he was there was a heckler and he fucking held up his claw. I got to go home and jerk off with this. Fucking monkey claw. That's what I was just getting to.

I was hoping that we have audio recorded those shows. And hopefully the listener needs to know Doug is pointing at Shaley. Yeah. If we can find that, I'm going to listen to it anyway. It's on your computer. Yeah. If it was the same night, both nights, absolute chaos. After the show was one of the funniest things ever because we went back to the hotel bar,

and we were that- Which was right next door. We were kind of all in one area in Daytona. Yeah. We ditched out and went to just this hotel bar where there were that which was right next door we were like kind of all in one area in daytona we ditched out and went to just this hotel bar where there was almost nobody and we were so fucked up already at that point and i had just enough cocaine in my system so that i was aware of how fucked up we were and the bartenders looking at us i'm like oh fuck were those people yeah and so we went outside to the porch patio out back, and the only people out there was maybe, I don't know,

if it was like four or five. They may have been a family or whatever, but it was a black family, and they were all huge, and they were just fucking eyeball, just stink eyes. As soon as we walked out, they were just looking at us. And then they realized that they were just stereotyping us and we weren't as bad as they thought we were. But Sean was the reason. He started talking to these people, just making jokes.

And I would have swore it was a fucking show that he was putting on for these people because I was just laughing. We all were, but it was just one of the funniest fucking things ever. It was just a back patio sean ralph show sean had a huge dick so he wasn't uh scared of black people the rest of us were frightened back uh yeah when i was dating betsy wise we uh her parents had a beach house down somewhere in the east coast of Florida, and we went there with him and his wife and me and Betsy, and we're skinny dipping in the ocean. And I was, holy shit.

That's a huge fucking cock. Yeah, Dougie. That's why you have a black wife. That was one of my favorite bits. He'd go, yeah, a lot of comics use the N-word to make themselves edgier. Going over the top. I don't use that word. First of all, not a redneck something.

And secondly, my wife is black. And she made me promise to never use that word unless we're making love. Yeah, if Andy was here, he'd have stories of that tour, because they were fucking around that was that was the first or second night of the tour at which junior stopka ended up being the de facto responsible one with his 500 car that's what i was gonna say the guy that bought a 500 car to start the drove it from chicago that's why i went there i wasn't part of the show. It was my birthday. And I go, these three guys, the biggest fuck-ups in comedy, are going to try to do this themselves. I want to see how this works. And I show up, my fucking face is on the T-shirt. Is this a problem?

Andy made the T-shirts. I ended up buying them all from him at the end of the run just because I'll take them. Well, that was their shirt set. Their shirts had your Obamaama picture with hopeless underneath but that was like that was at a point when he was bad like his physical health was bad and they were also andy was telling me stories of their andy stories they you but you hear heroin in there you hear crack but then muttered and yeah we're andy and you know junior because he's driving and you know that we thought it was a mess but it was crack and i'm getting what you're saying without any kind of linear

but uh yeah he was in anchorage yeah he came up to anchorage and uh you you gave us advice and i i took it serious i certainly know and you said don't give him jagermeister anything when he's on stage he's don't he's a horrible drinker anchorage if you read the book you know their legendary showroom they just send shots relentlessly and i know even back in the day sean like all the drugs he's on anyway for the rheumatoid arthritis slash lupus whatever the floor whatever there's a cocktail liver anyway so over a course of time he got to a point towards the end where you know two drinks and he's fucked just because his

liver doesn't process it but But this was back ways ago. Oh, yeah, I did tell this. I told this story in the book about the shots, but not in the great detail that you're going to. Yeah, so he comes there. It just happened at the time that we put the comics up that it acquired a building next door that was the old. Right behind Coots.

There's a penthouse three level. Right. And so... Walk up. Yeah, walk up. Only. No elevator. Well, the elevator was broken.

Well, it was broken like everything else. Like Shawnee. But yeah, three flights of concrete stairs with one handrail. In the winter. Yeah. Covered in ice. Shawnee... No, no, no.

The steps were interior. It was inside. But we had to get across a slicked over iced parking lot to get there, so we don't let him walk. That just makes sense. No, I'm sorry. No, you're right. You were there too. The thing is,

so first thing that happens is we tell I tell him, do not serve him real shots. Send up placebos. And that were great for one of the bars, but the other bar on the other side they opened because the show was busy, decided, oh, no, I'll keep sending up real shots. And so he got fucking hammered. Did they have to walk him off the stage?

Walk him off? He couldn't walk him off. Yeah. No, he was rambling at one point. We kind of got him off. Well, he was sitting by, there was a front bar there right by security. So the security's sitting right there, and I have to go judge, like, emcee some T-shirt contest.

I'm going to be gone 10 minutes at the most. Sitting in this place. That's all it takes. Yeah, this goes back to, it reminded me of when you were talking earlier. The bar is such that where we sat, there's only one way out, and you have to shuffle by the people sitting at the bar is such that where we sat there's only one way out and you have to shuffle by the people sitting at the bar so we tucked away back there and I go just stay here

yeah yeah yeah god bless and I go what the that's his tell god bless I go backwards on this when he says god bless he can't see he's blind drunk so I go well stay here security's right there I'm going to be right there at that bar i'm 50 feet

away 10 minutes later i come back gone security where is he uh who the guy he would have to fall or crawl by you to get out of here we can't find him anywhere they're they're. They're trying to see on cameras and stuff. They can't figure out what the fuck. Bar closes. We figure maybe he went home. Maybe someone saw him. They went to get in some trouble, whatever.

And as we're walking back, shuffle feeding as regular people would do. It was icy. It was icy as fuck. We get to the bottom of the stairs. It's like, is that blood? And then you look up two more steps is that blood drip drip spots that have now frozen on the stairs inside so we get to the third story and there's there's blood at at the at the door and then we get in and it's uh it's

the owner duran becker I, and our ladies. And we're there going, I go, hey, guys, just stay here in the kitchen. And he's in his back bedroom. And I open up the door. I go, hey, Shawnee? And I open up the door, and the back of his head is all I can see. And I go, oh, God, thank God he's here. He goes, Haley?

Turns over. His nose is ripped open to where you can almost see the cartilage. And he's got blood smeared. The pillow's gone. The pillow may as well have been a magenta. He didn't try to put that in the wash. Oh, no, not yet. And I go, dude, your face.

He goes, yeah. I guess he had shuffled home and just took a header right on the sidewalk and made it. Hold on. And then I go, Sean, just stay there. Are you okay? He's like, I'm fine. I'll just stay here. I go out there and I go, guys, not good, but that is blood on the steps for sure.

We weren't imagining it. The owner, Becker, and I are standing there. And behind me comes fucking Sean, bloody face. He goes, hey, got one of them beers for me? Everyone's seen the footage. I've been retweeting the Unbookables footage where he's in the same condition with the nose and forehead torn open that happened to him often enough that he had bits ready for if he had to go on stage with his because he had glasses so it would tear his nose open when he did a header

and the forehead and he had bits that there was one i'll do a complete injustice where he'd go on stage i think there's footage of this in the original cut of do a complete injustice where he'd go on stage. I think there's footage of this in the original cut of The Unbookables where he's like, oh, yeah, this, pointing to his scabs. Yeah, this happened on safari. I was in Africa hunting gorillas. One of their customs is if you kill a gorilla, then you have to fuck it. And I didn't have rubbers but

my rubber melted in the hot african sun just saying that he's got aids from fucking a gorilla but he draws it out in such that unique way i mean he would i mean i know that because he would come up and i'm like jesus he's going on stage like that with a cut or something and then by this time it's like well yeah he'll do the show tomorrow he's not getting that looked at he's got a story it's the first 10 minutes fucking

Appleton that's on Morbid Obscenity we did this throw away album as a benefit to some friend of ours that needed gastric bypass like 10 years ago. More.

So Rouse was on that. I didn't go out with him, but the bit that he does from the night before, fucked up. He went out on whatever 6th Avenue or whatever in Appleton. They go to Cleo's bar. Rouse goes outside to take a piss.

This is like Bourbon Street of Appleton. It's the big bar street. And he's just standing there pissing with his fucking giant cock on him. He didn't even try to go somewhere hidden. He just starts pissing on an electric box. And the cops show up. You know what? I don't even want to tell this story. Yeah, I'll tell it

and then I think it's on that CD. It is. That is Morbid Obscenity. I don't know where to find it. You can find it on Amazon.com and there's Banjo Randy, Doug does an intro, Andy Andrus, Lynn Shawcroft, Sean Rouse

has three cuts. And then, Doug, you wrap it up. All right. I won't burn Andy's. That was the day he fell asleep at Grandma's. Someone gave him Klonopin, and in the afternoon, he's drinking and fell asleep in his mashed potatoes at Grandma's family restaurant. I remember him doing that bit about, yeah, Klonopin, that's like a warm hug from your mother

that doesn't lead to sex. That's back from 2006. Rouse follows him and says he looks like a gay velociraptor. Watching him try to walk. He did this whole bit about the cop was saying, oh, he got his ID and said, oh, you Texas boys think you can just come up

here and piss on anything you want? And that's what starts his bit. But they had to go out and explain, oh, no, he's crippled. His medication is fucked. And fortunately, he looks so crippled up that they go, oh, okay. But then he turned it into a, yeah, just because I don't want people fucking buying that CD. All right, let's break.

It's a commercial break. I got so many more fucking stories. We can go long. He couldn't. Blue apron. Chaley, you left town and left me with a blue apron. Because it's... You get it.

I don't know how I get fucked out of the blue apron. No, because I know everyone will check the mail your aunt died i'm not gonna eat your fucking blue apron while you're oh i had to leave town quickly because my aunt died in phoenix i grabbed it by the way before we left because bingo told me i was gonna throw it in the pacer and see if it cooked by itself with all that glass i swear you can cook a chicken in that patient halfway through you'd have to back it out turn the car around and back it in

oh it's burnt again you gotta flip it Navajo interior no actually it smells more like it well Blue Apron because we were on tour and then you and I was leaving, and we were doing this stuff. You just go online. And your aunt died. Why do you keep doing that?

I don't know, because I want you to cry during an ad copy. Oh, well. So, yeah. Blue Apron shows up, I go, I shouldn't eat. Because I give him the Blue Apron, I take the ad revenue, and I give him the food. It's kind of a trade-off that fucks him the beauty is is right after i got back you guys were playing poker i cooked up two blue aprons that night and fed you guys and they were amazing yeah the no the i don't know what the

other one was called that shit i should know and think of the money i know he was really not losing even more money to greg shaley if he was at the poker table. Yeah. That's a blue apron. It saves you money on another guy at the poker table. It's good. You guys break into a game where I know I'm going to be way ahead because Trace is going to kick the shit out of all of you at the poker table. So I went ahead and made one recipe. And while that was just finishing up, the gnocchi was boiling, I go, oh, I'll pop in

this other one because we had eight people up here playing. So I made two of those and I thought they were delicious. I do the vegetarian stuff. It's not vegan, but it is vegetarian. And not many complaints and not much left to take down. I should have eaten the gnocchi before I took the Seroquel.

I remember gnocchi sliding off my chin as I tried to wobble towards the bed. It says that in their instructions. They don't provide. Seroquel not included. Yeah. I thought it was on the Seroquel instructions.

Eat Blue Apron before you take this and don't operate poker cards. Yeah. Although next week the Seroquel is not sponsoring us instead of Blue Apron. They ditched me and then Seroquel's like, hey, top dollar. Big fan, big fan. Go with it, guys. I love Blue Apron. It comes every week, and when we're not going to be here, and I know in advance, I just put it on hold.

Just keep putting it on hold four weeks at a time. You can pick the ones you want. We always get the vegetarian because Tracy and I do it that it that way and the other reason i didn't steal your blue you can add meat later it turns out well you can always change or i might have added meat into the one that you ate while you're seeing your dead aunt no wonder it was so delicious your meal he's the bacon in the back of the pacer from 1970. Uh-uh. So, yeah, we put them on pause all the time, get them back.

When we're back in town, we get them back on rotation. It's fantastic. We love it. It's delicious, and it is reliable. Especially if you live in a city where you get back off a tour and you have to actually go to a grocery store because your refrigerators. No, it's waiting there for you. You got a meal waiting there for you on the day it's supposed to be there.

Hey, you know what's great? It's coming up. Honey chipotle glazed chicken with poblano and lime rice. That ain't glazed. That ain't glazed. I'm in. Poblano is a pepper that I now buy at the Safeway because I've prepared it in the Blue Apron recipes.

There's also a customer favorite because now you can rate your recipes, and then now they come up with customer favorites. Sweet chili beef and vegetable stir fry with garlic rice and the barbecue vegetable flatbread with Swiss cheese. Those are all coming up. I just realized we should not be doing this commercial with the hump food I made for everyone hanging out in the cheap seats

here. They're just eating my garbage food. If it ain't for Blue Apron, I'm just going to put anything in a crock pot, and that's what they're eating while you describe beautiful Blue Apron food. I'm eating this. crock pot and that's what they're eating while you describe beautiful blue apron food like i'm eating this hey it's crock potted all day like in an orphanage where they just

all of a sudden it's like where's shaley and the nokie hey there's two person meal plans the family meal plan and there's also the wine plan you get get to choose what you want. I like the one we've got. It's two to three recipes any week. And the family plan is two, three, or four recipes a week. We should get the family plan because look at all the deadbeats we have hanging around. You're right. They're like children, only more retarded. Well, I can switch it.

It's that easy. I just go online to blueapron.com, make the change. I'm at special needs. That's not on my sheet here. Sorry. This is our longest sponsor ever on the Doug Stano Podcast. We hope that you enjoy this. Tell someone else about it. Maybe

they'll be interested. So check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free at blueapron.com stanhope. That's blueapron.com slash stanhope. That's blueapron.com slash stanhope to get your first three meals free. Blue Apron, a better way to cook. Certainly is.

Bird Dog's gym shorts. I have a pair of, you know, along with my vintage wear, I got a pair of vintage our era gym shorts, like the high basketball shorts. Gym teacher shorts? Totally. To wear as a joke is too embarrassing to wear. So bird dogs, just shorts. They're just shorts. You can swim with them.

I would have dressed out in gym if I had to wear these in gym. These are very comfortable shorts. But they're not gym shorts. No, like a cut in the side. Yeah, the thing up the side. They're normal shorts, but they have the underwear package underneath. Oh, I like that. No, Chad, check it out.

I got a pair here. Look, there is a... Okay, we all know the liner. This was my dad's sex talk to me when I was a kid. You know the bathing suit has a liner? All right, we're good here? Seriously, that was it. Here's a redo on the liner it's a pair of

boxer briefs that's inside there and it has the pouch like the cradle for swimming my above ground pool is good for about another week before the monsoons hit and it gets cradled with bugs and larvae and mosquitoes and no one

cleans it but yeah you could swim with these you could go to gym in these. You can couch on these. That's what I was going to say. I don't go to the gym very much, but when I'm at home, I do wear shorts a lot. And something that also helps my nuts in would be helpful. I wear the silly 1970s leisure suits that you see on stage. And at home, I either seasonally have either pajamas or shorts i just

i am comfortable all the fucking time i don't own a pair of jeans i'm either on stage in a silly ridiculous polyester suit that's not good for your garbage or now this summer a pair of bird dogs these are seersucker i know It's something we know about. Look it up, kids. But they've got a ton of designs, some wacky colors. I would like them to do some more prints because there's only a couple of prints. I saw the ones that are looking at me. I like the Russian members.

Miami Dolphins colors. Hey, guess which ones I'm going to pick. The black ones with the Russian members. Miami Dolphins colors. Hey, guess which ones I'm going to pick. The black ones with the black liner. If you remember old bathing suits that had a liner, that was that crusty mesh liner that would rip you apart. Yeah, exfoliated your bag to the pink. Four nights ago, Doug, I said, I'm not taking these off for four days and i lied i took them off for half an hour to put on one of those old bathing suits with a liner in it i can't fucking believe those sold one pair those are so horrible i've been wearing these for two

days and i put those on. That is uncomfortable. And it is wearing ladies' panties under your bathing suit is what it is. You can wear these for multiple days. I'm sold. Four days right now. These are four days. I'm going to go seven. And this is the thing, Doug. I don't know if you've noticed this, but there is a pocket on each side.

One's a horizontal pocket, and that's for your cell phone. It's shifted to the side. So if you sit down, you're not sitting on your phone. And on the other side, there is a vertical slash with a zipper that holds in your wallet. So you don't drop your wallet? Don't. You can swim in a pool. Or your hotel key card whenever you fucking get in the pool so you're not trapped in the pool that afternoon.

Because they look like normal shorts, but they work as swim trunks too. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah, it says gym shorts. It's everything short. It is very comfortable. Thing is, you don't have to wear underwear with them. So if you do want to jump in the pool they have the liner built in

because i i used to i closed on this bit a million years ago was hey there's anything you heard from this show wear underwear because your your cock isn't going to get any longer, but your balls will. So these have the underwear built right in, but it's not like underwear. It's a fucking... It's a beautiful... It's nice. Very comfortable. Becker and Chad, I'm getting you

two pair right now. We'll get them online. You can check them all out here. And don't forget, with Bird Dogs, it's free shipping, free returns, and the fit is guaranteed. I usually just lounge around in basketball shorts, but I'm excited to lounge around in gym shorts. These are

Bird Dog shorts. Bird Dog gym shorts. I'm behind the bar. You don't realize I'm actually wearing nothing rather than just pretend to wear nothing. Oh, I realize. We all realize. Chad, call to action. Go to birddogs.com.

Enter promo code Stanhope and they'll throw in a free dad hat. The hats are awesome. They're basically giving you $50. That's birddogs.com. You will not take these things off. I promise you. I agree. I agree.

That's really all I know about art history. I'm more vodka and pussy licking. And baseball. Love some baseball. Come on. How can you not love pitching? We don't need to shorten the game. You need to respect it.

And word. Word. I get mad about baseball, and that wasn't directed at anybody of any color. My son's black. Actually, he's 37.5% African. Quarter Irish, Quarter German. 6.25% Choctaw.

Indian. 6.25% Blackfoot Indian. It's still early. But I may have created the perfect drunk. I think I've done it, guys. I think I've done it, guys. I think I've done it.

All right, that was Shawnee Rouse doing Shawnee Rouse properly. I'm drinking beer and I forget how much you have to piss. Yeah, it's good for you. It is. It's a lot of work. Yeah. All right. I just checkmarked.

I have way too many to fuck. Wait, you're on the second page there. No, no. This is a... No, that first page of shit was supposed to do all for the last nine days. Your to-do list. To-do or not to-do list. To don't, to do, or not to do list. We're all talking about the, I didn't know this story,

but Maddie Kirshen tweeted it last night. Sean Rouse was doing Last Comic Standing with Matt Kirshen. Oh, shit. And they had him sequestered, and they were sharing a room in the hotel, and they had staff down to make sure none of the comics left the hotel like staking out the lobby yeah they were sitting in the lobby waiting and they get a pizza delivered shawnee rouse gives the pizza guy 20 bucks for his uniform and then walks out to go get fucked up walks right through the lobby did you not see that one? No, I didn't see that. That's fucking genius.

Well, go ahead. How frustrated was the pizza guy with his job where he goes, ah, fuck it. Yeah, you can have my uniform for $20. No, but how bad were security guys when Johnny Rouse shuffles by him? Wait, that guy can't hold a pizza. Something's funny here. Maybe he's got to hurry because Ralphie May ordered. Ralphie May.

I woke up late that morning. I'd taken a Seroquel so I could sleep late, waiting for the phone call at poker night. And I woke up late, and then I checked checked my phone and then i get the text messages that now yeah he's officially dead and i i got out of bed only to get my laptop so i could tweet like i had to figure out when ralphie may died to get the timing right so i could tweet hey not only are you dead but it gets worse When you get to where you're going, you're going to find out that Ralphie May's been doing your act down there for nearly a year.

And then I tweet it, and I'm all happy and about to drift back off into my haze. And then I look at all the other tweets. Andy had tweeted basically the same thing four hours before. That's like, you motherfucker. That's what you get for sleeping. But Ralphie May did. Ralphie May had one of his Comedy Central specials coming out and calls Rouse out of the blue.

They were together in Houston. They came up together. Like, hey, Rouse, how you doing, buddy? How you doing, little guy? Yeah, buddy. I miss you. We never talk. We should get together.

Oh, by the way, my Comedy Central special is coming out tonight. Did you do a bit about something about death penalty for the mentally retarded? Yeah, Ralphie, you're pretty aware of that. That was my closer for years. Oh, I must have channeled it somehow. Anyway, watch Comedy Central. You'll closer for years. Oh, I must have channeled it somehow. Anyway, watch Comedy Central. You'll see it again. Oh, shit.

So, yeah, that tweet didn't come from nowhere. Yeah. And now, yeah, we have our own Ralphie May stories, Becker, but it's not the time or the place. This is about Sean Ralph. I know. We did the Unbookables Ralphie May stories, Becker, but it's not the time or the place. This is about Sean Rouse. We did the Unbookable show in Edinburgh, the Fringe Festival in Scotland. What year was that?

It must have been 2006. That's when I said never fucking again am I doing this. But Rouse shows up, and we go to the airport to pick him up, and he's going to have a wheelchair at this point. Is Hennigan with you? Yeah. Okay. And he lost his meds or something. We had to do this whole.

But he comes out on a wheelchair. And he goes, yeah, it's just too long to walk. And besides, when you get a wheelchair, they just push you right in front of everybody, like right through customs, you know, border patrol. So, yeah, when we flew home together, like, yeah, he needs a wheelchair, and you just fly through everything. I've never had the balls to try to pull that off with Bingo, except for the one time Bingo had it done to her where she was so fucked up she needed one.

But we spent that. I think he was only there for like, you know, seven or eight dates. I was there for three weeks or something. And we were just holed up in this flat, this apartment. We didn't do anything. But Hennigan had like a handful of dvds that all sucked they were like fucking what's not nypd blue but one of those law and order on order that shit but they had curb your enthusiasm which we watched relentlessly to the point where when we went

out at night to do our shows we're just was turning into a Curb Your Enthusiasm. We were watching out the window and there was a cab driver getting into an accident downstairs and he's going, you know what? That's going to be our cab driver when we go to the show. And then he's going to be at the show and they're going to ask us to testify and we're going to say we didn't see anything

and then he's going to be at the show. say we didn't see anything and then he's gonna be at the show but uh he had yeah he had really good shows over there no and then we get that fucking free uh free free wheelchair ride through customs that's the first time i ever and it's a common expression but i know he's the first time i heard it where someone at one of those late shows at the tron is some cackling fucking lady and he looks down he goes sweetheart honey men are talking. And I've heard that said a million times since. But at that time? I'd never heard it before.

That's great. And just with that slow hey and the big palm coming out, giant hand waving her down, men are talking. Anyway, back to the bit. I have bits written down, the fucking Baptist bit, about being molested as a child. Yeah. Because he was, like Andy, he was molested,

but he had one bit about, no, it wasn't a priest. I know what you're thinking. No, I was raised Catholic. I was molested Baptist. Which would break my Irish Catholic mother's heart. But who can blame them? You know, me, in those short shorts, jumping

through a sprinkler in the front yard. Who wouldn't? My waifish ass. Again, I'm not doing that any justice that's an old one but then the other molestation bit which might be where he said

I was molested as a child and ladies if you've been raped don't think you're better than me rape and molestation are similar Only when you're being molested You're not aware of what's happening Till later on in life

It's like being Raped in the future None of this is any good Without seeing him And his big lobster claw hands and that baby face. Oh, man. If you do want to catch one of his early discs, he had spilled milk back in the day. Yeah, that's an old one.

There was one he did that if I went through the crawl space and didn't dump it, I probably don't have it. I loaned it out. He did one called a dvd called mr sensitive oh yeah that's uh you'll you find out on youtube oh yeah oh good yeah i'm looking right now i put sean rouse baptist but the uh fourth one came up sean rouse from the abookables with a rug burn on his face and he's sitting down because later later on in life, he usually would sit down on a stool to make the contractual 45 minutes. We played that one place in Universal City, John Lovett's Comedy Club.

Oh, yeah. And he had to go down three stories. The green room's on the top balcony, and they introduce him them and it was like four minutes he's pretty good at falling downstairs yeah it was falling that's pretty quick yeah that was the worst i'm looking yeah oh you want to read those? Those two things?

Yeah. I found a couple things online. Can we open that? Yeah, open it up. Just a screen? Bingo, can you open the door a little bit and put that screen across? Yeah, open it all the way. Are you stoned, Shaley?

Among other things, yeah. Stoned and cancer. The two great types of smoke in here. I smoked a joint and didn't realize until you just said that that everything was closed. Well, I don't think that's the only bit of smoke that's in there. We all smoked a joint. Okay, you want me to read the most memorable gig one? What are these from?

Yeah, that's what I was going to set it up. An undated thing. I had to go pages back in Google, which is a weird thing to do. Oh, yeah, I should try those other pages. One's a website called Gonzo Fame. This is after he had a kid, but before the laugh

stop closed. Anyway, just that the memorable gig. I know this is more about me than him, but... What's your most memorable gig. I know this is more about me than him, but... What's your most memorable gig? Most memorable is probably the Insomniac tour with Dave Attell. But the funniest thing I ever saw at a gig

was actually here in this room. The old laugh stop in Houston, Texas. Doug Stanhope was in town. There was a lady on stage named Bobby McBurney. She hadn't been doing comedy very long and hadn't gotten any laughs. While she was on stage, Tommy Drake distracted her while Stanhope crawled up behind her. Stanhope dropped his pants during one of her punchlines and put his hands up in the air like,

number one, and the place lost it with laughter. Everyone was applauding. The crowd hit the roof. And the whole time, this lady thought she hit it. She thought she figured comedy out. She was bouncing around all excited like she really killed it. That's not the worst thing we did at that open mic. There was some guy that came to one of those open mics at Houston Laugh Stop. It was legendary for that era.

And some guy came first time at this open mic, and he was doing this infomercial character with an Australian accent. And if you order right now, they were trying to plan some trip, but he was making a comedy routine. He was trying to raise money, and everyone was just staring at just staring like this is so fucking cornball and i just went into the front room of the small it's like the swing bar right the small room and no one's sitting up front it's open mic so i just sat down i pulled my dick out jerking off making eye contact and he keeps trying to stay in character and if you if you donate money right now this guy's jerking off in front of me and i'm being serious now i know he really is this is really bad anthony andrews i think it was came up and sat next to me and he pulled his

i think i never showed up at open mic again. That's great. Those are the open mics. The guy, he was kind of a simple guy. He came to open mic and no one knew when his punchlines were done, but he'd come every week. And he was, and so he says to Babbitt, the guy that ran the place and nurtured this great scene. He says to Babbitt, the guy that ran the place and nurtured this great scene, he says to Babbitt, so what did you think? And he goes, I wouldn't change a thing except from now on I'd wear a jumpsuit. So every week that guy showed up doing the same shitty jokes in a fucking jumpsuit.

No, you need some change. So he got changed. And then we would applaud at every joke. But it was always hard to find when the joke is over to laugh and applaud. But he would... The joke is over when he hung himself in his closet when he found out what you dicks were doing. He didn't do that. He did not do that.

He now drives for Uber. No, no. He was very happy. Again, he was a special kind of guy. Low-hanging fruit, if you will. Well, does that give you enough time to get to the next letter? Are you ready to do this? I thought you were going to set me up.

I kind of did with this special kind of guy. Oh, yeah, sorry. Stoned. That's all right. I didn't realize there was a segue there, so I jumped on it when I caught it. The following is an open letter to Donald Trump regarding his verbal attack of a physically handicapped New York Post reporter. This is from Sean Rouse on Facebook, December of 2015. When the election was going on. Yeah. December of 2015 when the the famous

when the election was going on. Mr. Trump, as a disabled American and stand-up comic, I feel as though I must comment on your recent actions directed at those in my community. The lackluster

impression of a person with a physical disability was quite possibly the hackiest material I've witnessed on a comedy stage in quite some time. Maybe since the last Farrelly Brothers movie. You obviously have no idea

what it is to have to endure such a burden or to properly... Hold on, I have to read this right. I just started laughing. You obviously have no idea what it is to have to endure such a burden, or to properly mock those who do. Your lack of commitment to the joke was appalling, good sir. Everyone knows, even young children, when mocking the hook hand, you have to hold it hooked. From the beginning of the joke until the end of the punchline and through all subsequent tags.

Hold it. Also, distort the fingers. Never leave them straight. You were bouncing around like a fucking thalidomide baby riding a tractor. Please pardon the French. And the Mexicans, too. Once I saw a picture of the reporter, I wasn't even sure you had met him, either. Next, we should address your voice.

You have to slow it down. Not to mention, dumb it down. I know your old friend is not mentally retardate or mental retardation. Mentally retarded clinical. Oh, okay. I know your old friend is not mentally

retarded clinical, but that does not mean you can't make him sound mentally retarded clinical.. But that does not mean you can't make him sound mentally retarded, clinical. It isn't lying, it's simply over-exaggerating something that doesn't exist to... It's simply over-exaggerating something that doesn't exist to acquire

a desired response, much like your threat of violence from every Muslim on the planet. If you were to make these three minor alterations, I think the character would be much more effective, though still extremely offensive due to the lack of creativity.

But, since you're in the early stages of trying to create a fascist police state, I can't imagine you're worried about offending anyone. I hope you find this critique useful, and good luck at your next show. Seriously? Sean Rouse.

P.S. It wasn't all bad. You nailed the hair. P.S.S. Can I borrow some money? P.S.S. Can I borrow some money? I guess that message didn't get through Trump's name was in the title Still topical Still topical

And still a pre-existing condition I'm sure we've talked about this, but fuck it. Tell the pizza box fucking... We've overlapped this story. There was a time when we were in Ocean Beach at Winston's where he was opening.

But I wasn't there. You weren't there. That's the night that Hennigan hooked up with Sea Bubbles. But he was throwing full beer cans at me go ahead tell your story because i get another story about one of the last probably 2007 when i started actually working more regularly on the road with you and uh didn't know a lot about sean rouse and we were we went, we did the show at some trendy bar in Costa Mesa.

It was fucking horrible. We go back to the Travel Lodge or whatever and we order pizza and then you're sitting in a double room where we're all bunked up, one room, four people,

and Sean Rouse is in there, you're in there, I'm in there. Maybe Bingo was there or was it Brennan Walsh? I can't remember exactly. But it doesn there. Maybe Bingo was there or was it Brennan Walsh? I can't remember exactly, but it doesn't matter. That person was not the story. At one point, you guys are talking sports and Sean Rouse, who was a huge sports fan and you guys would go forever.

He was answering, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't awake because he was sitting in the chair kind of propped up against the side. And then finally he was asleep, and we just left him in the chair. And I fell down in one of the beds, and then I was sharing a bed with you. And then at one point I could hear something, like rustling, like if you were caught raccoons getting ready to get in a trash can. That's what it sounded like. You can't tell what it is. And if you knew what it was, you probably wouldn't go over there. So I'm like, I look over there and I see Sean and he's the

air-conditioning unit was one of the ones that sit like just off the floor beneath the window yeah he's peeing directly into it he's standing at the window yeah but I'm hearing that noise of hitting metal and liquid. And I, what the fuck? And I take him by the back. I put my hand on his back and I grab a pizza box and slide it under his dick. And we shuffle over to where I can get to the door and open it. And then I put him outside with the pizza box. I threw everything in the ivy and then let him finish.

And I'm like, what in the fuck? And didn't sleep a wink the rest of the night because I was on high alert. You are now a nurse on duty who might have to wheel the pizza box. We're out of boxes, by the way. We're out of boxes. Even back then, we're sharing one shitty room for four people

i'm not paying for more than one pizza even back then you only had one job one job pizza delivery at one at some point i did get up again and and had to check on him but i really i seriously i did not sleep that night and i caught doug trying there was a, you know, they don't have an armoire. They just have like a rack that you can hang your suits from. And there's usually like an ironing board hanging from there and everything like that. Doug is going into our suits and into like, there's a safe there, trying to find the bathroom. I pulled racks out. You pulled the whole rack out before, yeah.

Yeah, like, why would someone put this metal wire rack in between me and the bathroom? And I remember thinking, and I was angry. I was going to yell at the hotel in my head. Why would you do that? And then I was peeing in the closet is what it turned out. Again. Again. I was going to start a GoFundMe for Sean Rouse's, I assume, unpaid child support payments.

He's got a kid out there. He's got to be at least 13. I mean, I'm sure he had the kid when I left L.A. And that was 2005. So that kid's got to be big by now. He got divorced. He had the kid. And then after I got my vasectomy, he called me up and said,

Hey, Dougie, what's the guy you got your vasectomy from? What's it cost? Don't say anything. His wife wanted another kid. So he went out and got, that's why he's divorced. Because he went out and got a secret vasectomy. And then after one too many times fucking parking the fucking car on the lawn.

He got out of a probably more duis than uh he got uh but yeah at some point he blurted out that yeah no if i got a visit to me she's like all right we're done so that's why he's living with his mother in katie texas yeah i think that was about the time we went to a gig i know you were there shawcroft was there it was an an Irish pub somewhere. And I remember that was when I found out he was getting divorced. Well, I found out he was married, and then he was getting divorced. Surprise! Well, I don't see this person show up. I think she showed up at that gig, and that was one of the last times I ever heard about her.

But it was like, you're alone a lot. Someone's letting you out on the world? Yeah. There's some judge saying, look, someone's got a lot. Someone's letting you out on the world? Yeah. There's some judge saying, look, someone's got a tether to this guy. He was, for a time, I don't know if he went to Sean from Anchorage, Sean and Colleen, Sean. I know I sent him to that doctor. I got the name of the doctor because he got some joints replaced just like Sean did.

Oh, yeah. Sean had like ankles replaced. Yeah, he had ankles and elbows or. Yeah. It sounds like an expression. Come on, people. Ankles and elbows. Let's get out there and clean this fucking lawn up.

What's this shitty pizza box? He had a period of where he was actually trying he got uh that men in black that keeps showing he had a part in men in black too where he had a bigger part where he's actually talking to tommy lee jones and he fucked up his lines like twice and tommy lee jones just turned to the director and said i can't work with this so they switched him out with another actor so now his part is welcome back agent whatever if i ever see tommy lee jones i'm gonna kick his ass that guy yeah well he he there's a lady in south bend indiana that but their club is closed she fucked shawnee Rouse over, and I got to play a theater there on the Bob and Tom tour,

and I just, like, fucked my act, and I just started going, hey, anyone know this South Bend Funny Bone? And this, I can't remember her name now, but that fucking cunt, and I went through the whole story about how she had hired Shawnee Rouse, who drove from L.A. to South Bend, Indiana.

First night of the week, they have some function of there's a whole group of people from some anti-whatever bit he did the opposite version of. Like, I don't know if it's a rape bit. It was rape. Was it rape? She fired him. Like, you hired the guy for this act you know what you're fucking buying fired him didn't pay him and he had to fucking get his way back to la so i just said fuck this fuck and i just did and i get fired off the tour but you know what it was goddamn worth it

i'll tell you what that that changed everything for you in that that was when you said, hey, to me, because I was living in Seattle at the time, hey, how do we do our own ticketing? And then we hooked up with Brown Paper Tickets because I just lived in Seattle and I used them and I thought they had a really good deal. It was only 99. It wasn't ticket master thing. It was really fair. Yeah, we're talking about using PayPal. Exactly. And that started the whole Rock and Roll Club.

You said, I'm fucking done. This is it. I'm not doing this anymore. You decided to start just booking your own, doing one-nighters instead of seven shows a weekend or whatever the fuck they were trying to make you do. And that was the start of everything. And it was because of that. And you ended up getting booked back in those rooms.

It was because of Shawnee Rouse. Yep. He caused it. He made Rock and Roll. By getting booked back in those rooms it was because of shawnee rouse yep he caused it he made rock and roll getting you both fired and all the other fucking comics on that build fucking turned their back on me because they were all friends and getting work from that lady and she turns out she was in the audience i didn't know till later third row no uh but couldn't get first i'll never forget the fucking comics that uh uh but couldn't get first i'll never forget the fucking comics that uh you shouldn't well you should be fucking backing up a comic that gets fucked like that fucking spineless well everybody else will forget those comics because you won't mention them yeah no i won't because i don't really remember i'm pretty sure on one and the other neither will

rouse you know it is interesting because i often think of what would happen if you didn't if that that was the catalyst that pushed you into that and it was like just the right time because these ticketing agencies were coming out and Brown Payer Tickets embraced it, the fact that you were the first comic to do it with their organization. And the fact that you could actually – you ended up getting that audience, those numbers to be able to start doing that. That pushed it. I mean, you were fed up for other reasons, but that was really the catalyst that made that happen. That was a big moment. I mean, Sean Rouse got fucked over, and you fucking stood up for him. That was really good.

I said I wouldn't cry. I said I wouldn't cry. Jesus Christ. I was going wouldn't cry. Jesus Christ. I was going to get into the whole fucking business and why you should do this and how comics are getting fucked. No, no, no. Way off topic. Enough comics fucked themselves.

Here's to you, Johnny. Johnny. That guy could still... Like the shit they were doing on that tour. The stories I get back from andrist where you go all right you're that fucked where it's it's a chicken and the egg thing where you go all right you you're already in this bad of physical condition and then you know people say well of course yeah i drink and do drugs too if it hurt me that bad. But how much is that hurting you?

But, yeah, he didn't give a fuck. I mean, he told me that repeatedly. Another time in Boise, that David Tell Insomniac tour. That was the first time I ever talked to Bingo on the phone after the Death Valley party where Bingo and I hooked up. Shawnee and I got fucked up on acid. It's the first show of this Insomniac tour. Wait, you weren't on the tour. It was Greg Giraldo.

I did three dates. No, that's the one they filmed. Okay. But when he had the tour bus, he brought me out for Boise, Seattle, and Portland. So I hook up. Shawnee's been on the tour in the tour bus. And another time where he came up to meet us at that sushi place,

Tanaki or whatever, the second floor place in Boise. Fucking great sushi. And he's in wrecked condition and sat there. And he told me whatever story about what he had done. Basically vomiting in his sleep kind of stories where you go, man, you're...

He's like, yeah, Dougie, I know people are concerned, but I still don't care. Would you get an eel? Yeah, so we did this really destructive set set which is not cool when you're opening for your friend who brought you out just because attell wanted to yeah i remember i i was on the tour bus that night i was on acid i talked to bingo for the first she hadn't like made a phone call i think in years and she called me and i'm tripping out my bunk. Then I, at some point I get up to piss and I don't know if I knew reflexively that you don't use the bathroom on a tour bus,

but there's a sliding window at the bus drivers, you know, where you get on the bus, the door beside the bus driver slid that up. I was probably trying to smoke too, but I'm just guessing. Cause it's me and I, and it's blowing back in.

Wait, the piss or the smoke? The piss. Yeah, I don't know about that. I'm guessing on the cigarette. Was it a moving bus? Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, the tour bus drives from Boise through the night while you supposedly sleep, but unless you did acid and dragged too much beer. I think etiquette is, well, it's always better if you can do anything off the bus, but it's

just the number two. You want to be careful. Yeah. Either way. You get kicked off the tour for that. Vague memories. And in your seat, by the way. It's unsaid, but I've said it now.

It's out there. You can't shit in your seat. Hey, where's the laundry on that bus? I may have told this story before, but it's one of the things I was very proud of for a long time, is when I was in the Army, they bussed me from Kentucky to South Carolina, and you stop at

all the shit food spots, so I was sitting in the front, and I kept farting, and they kept pulling the bus over, because they thought the shitter was broken. And I was fucking giggling to myself the entire time. Did you get a merit badge for that? I stopped a bus.

You stopped a bus? With your ass? We played Colorado Springs when I was with Renee and Rouse was with us. This doesn't translate, but there's... Is it that place we've been to a couple times? That old venue?

Colorado Springs? Yeah, it's the same venue, but it was... Is it that place we've been to a couple times? That old venue? Colorado Springs? Yeah, it's the same venue, but it was a comedy condo in an apartment complex full of fucking... Old school comedy 80s. Section 8 families and shit. And we're at the pool, and it's just crowded with kids and this cavalcade of... Cacophony of fucking screaming children. And we're day drinking, me and Rene, and Shawnee's swimming, because he can do that. You know, like fat people.

Oh, if I get in a pool, it doesn't hurt my ankles. So he's swimming and he swims up and he goes, Dougie, Dougie. In a fucking pool full of kids. He goes, what? He goes, watch me swim. He turns around. Again, it doesn't translate if you don't see his adorable little tiny face but we uh we did the last gig there we were driving loonies yeah and so we do this sunday and then monday

morning bingo renee's uh parents live outside we're gonna go and stay with them for a night on our way back to L.A. driving. Well, Shawnee, a fucking deadbeat, goes and eats my fucking snacks in the middle of the night when he's drunk. And they were all from Big Lots. And it was one of those travel cans of tuna that you mix yourself and put on. And you never leave in a window in a car. And you don't buy from Big Lots when it's dated. Well, the next day, we just think he's hungover. It's like, oh, I don't buy from big lots when it's dated well the next day we just think he's hung over it's like oh i don't feel good well of course you don't feel good you're shawnee rouse and you drink like a fucking maniac and you're you're so we go to the parents house a couple hours outside of town

and uh we go there and they set them up with Pepto Bismol and some other things. And then it's just getting worse and worse. So the next morning we start driving back to L.A. And it's just desperate at this point. He's just violently sick. But we have to go through Vegas. And you can't go through Vegas without stopping for a night. So we put him in a room. Just crippled up, groaning.

Just Shawnee being Shawnee. Yeah, yeah. It's just a long hangover. Roulette wheels calling. Exactly. Roulette wheel. Let's hit roulette. And then the next day, we're in two cars at this point.

So we're on cell phones to each other. Renee has Shawnee in her car. And she drove him directly to cedar sinai diagnosed with severe food poisoning so i called renee or texted renee last night and he said uh you probably already heard but sean rouse passed away he had a stroke followed by a heart attack he's dead and then she emailed me back and said the subject was just, guess the tuna caught up. The original naked lunch.

The one time he didn't throw up. And that, I'll just... I'll close on this, unless you have other stories to add. Joby, I can wait next time. Unless she pays you back, that one can wait. The last time I talked to Shawnee... I was just saying I didn't have any other stories,

but I was surprised to see after he had died, all of the comics that really respected him and that knew of him whenever he wasn't a popularly known guy to regular people like me, but to comics, holy shit.

Dave Attell and Artie Lang. I know spent approximately a shitload of money to put him through rehab. That's good money after bad right there. This isn't a very funny story, but it was one of those things where Rouse knew what was going on. Usually about 18, 20 months after they worked up at coots i'd get a call back if they didn't get a call from me i would get i would get a call back and uh i remember it kind of upset a motivated comic would be trying to close the deal at the end of the week

or within a few months or weeks after usually want to add time yeah he's talking about 18 months go by and i'm like oh fuck i answer it and he it's like hey man so like uh maybe maybe we can do another booking and i'm doing this well uh right now uh let me get some water and he just goes look shaley you don't want to book me don't book me i mean I mean, I was at the point where I go, I can't book him anymore. It's too much of a liability. And I even called Henning and I go, what do I say? He goes, fuck it. I won't touch him.

And that was really what I felt bad because I liked Sean, but it was just too much of a risk. And he let me off the hook by like, look, if want to book me don't book me and it was one of those things where like just tell thanks because i i felt bad when he came here he came here for one super bowl party and he fucking killed on stage and was but when he showed up i the only reason christine levine said okay uh she goes are you gonna bring shawnee rouse i go it's like it's a super bowl party i can't he requires so much fucking babysitting i can't do that with a fucking huge house full of people she goes i'll take care of him i'll i'll be his nurse i'll be his mommy and she does he shows up late at night with whoever he drove out from L.A. with

and is fucked up immediately and comes in and just starts raging and Levine goes right to bed. You fucking asshole. You said you were going to do this. That's smart. That's good. Beat and switch. You know, it is funny because as much as you know that that's the reality of it,

you also know that it's really, you're going to see some shit on stage. It's going to be good. And our last tour through Texas back last year, you were trying to figure out how we get Rouse to do some – to drop in. And I'm like, well, okay. We rent a car. I know he lives like 45 minutes an hour outside of Houston. But we had a couple of Texas dates. I'm like, look, the only way I'm going to be the tour manager is if he's off after those two.

We can't keep it going because it's not scalable to, oh, well, let's go the rest of the week. Because then it's like you went from Texas to Louisiana. That's the thing. Rouse was not a pass-out alcoholic. He was the one that would keep going, where's the thing. Rouse was not a pass out alcoholic. He was the one that would keep going. Where's the Coke? One of those cold beers for me. Exactly.

He would just keep going. For your head? In Tacoma once, they had him booked in Tacoma with a spotter. And they go, you got to keep your eye on this guy. And you can't let him drink too much. He'll dress as a pizza guy. Watch for costume changes. He's wiry. with a spotter and they go, you get to keep your eye on this guy and you can't let him drink too much. He'll dress as a pizza guy. Watch for costume changes.

He snuck out fucked up and they couldn't find him. And they, he slept in a doorway on the streets of Tacoma overnight. And that's, yeah, that's where he woke up. Doesn't remember what he did in the interim. Ah, was it outside in the winter?

I mean, he would wake up stiff. Every day was winter, sir. Winter is coming. All right, so here's the last time I talked to Shawnee Rouse. I was thinking, we used to always talk during football season, but then I kind of don't give a shit about football anymore because we'd bet together. He was good, though.

I mean, he really followed the trades. Yeah, which is as good as a girl picking, hey, which color horse do you like? Well. The track. No, this kid, he's a rookie. He's just, they drafted him out of Oklahoma State, and he's a monster. So, yeah, watch out for the, whatever, the Texans.

Anyway, when I get the text message that, hey, Shawnee's had a heart attack, he had a stroke, then I heart attack, he had a stroke. Then I find out that he had a stroke months ago, and he's been in the hospital since. I still don't know all the details. And the few people that do are being bothered enough. Eventually I'll get the details from bigger staff. But he was evidently in the hospital for months.

And I go, well, if he had a stroke, how come I don't know he had a stroke? Like, that's months ago. And they go, well, don't put this on social media or anything. I guess it's still fucked up that no one. Then I talked to Andy Andrist, who we, I checked my text messages was sean rouse sean's like one of the two phone numbers i think i know by heart that's not actually in my phone but when i put it in my phone you can get the text messages there are like three texts ever but the last one was in march on march 2nd i know i was in san diego that was the two warm-up gigs I had to go to do before I went to Asia.

And there was just one from me that said, hey, I'm back at the condo now, 1254 AM. I'm hoping you're asleep by now. I bet you're – I'm assuming you're asleep. At least I hope so, whatever. So I realized since there's no – he must have called me and then i texted him back when i get home but i don't remember what the phone call is and then when i talked to andy he goes you don't remember sean rouse had called me on stage at winston's in ocean beach and like i occasionally do if it's bingo or a tell orel or Kreischer, I'll pick up the phone.

Hey, Shawty, how you doing? Shh, to the crowd. He goes, hey, buddy, I had a stroke. Oh, shit. And I went, oh, shit, you're on stage right now, and I don't see this getting any funnier, so let me call you when I'm done with this show. Okay, pal, and I'm sure he said some funny shit before I hung up.

But yeah, I forgot he already called me and told me he had a stroke himself. And no one else told you? Nobody from the crowd? I wasn't fucking, I had to go right to Asia. I didn't fucking follow up. Oh, shit.

So yeah, that was the last time I talked to Shawnee Rouse. When he told me he had a stroke and I forgot time I talked to Shawnee Rouse. When he told me he had a stroke and I forgot. I had to do a show. I had to finish my show, man. Play us out with some Shawnee Rouse. Oh, you guys were fun.

A little tentative coming in. Y'all didn't give a fuck. Y'all were good. You got everything. Even the racial jokes. Yeah, y'all even got that. And that can be weird when I do them. You know, because I'm so fucking pale.

Everybody gets all fucking, what? Don't you have an ethnic friend who can tell us this part of the show? Maybe like a special guest? I know, I'm fucking white, aren't I? And right now my blood pressure's up because of the drugs. But I'm much whiter than this even. I'm white, aren't I? And right now my blood pressure's up because of the drugs. But I'm much whiter than this even. I'm real white. I'm whiter than the first wad out of Hitler's dick right after Eva Braun takes a shit in his mouth.

It can get weird. I don't know if people get weird because they can tell that I feel weird. So they get weird. But I just know everybody's looking at me with what's left of the blonde hair. Plus the cold, penetrating, steely blue eyes. And I just know that they're thinking, Why in the world is this guy doing racial humor when he's perfect?

Perfect. Nothing wrong here, guys. Y'all were a blast.