The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #269: Rosanne's Green Room Mentality

Episode Date: August 1, 2018

Doug discusses comics and a green room mentality, comfort foods and getting recognized buying cheap meats. Recorded July 21st, 2018 in the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Mat Becker (@houdini357), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Get on the Mailing List at [www.dougstanhope.com](www.dougstanhope.com). This episode is sponsored by **Blue Apron** – Blue Apron guarantees the freshness of all your ingredients and delivers them in an insulated box right to your door. Check out this week’s menu and get your first 3 meals free at [www.BLUEAPRON.com/STANHOPE](www.BLUEAPRON.com/STANHOPE). **NEW SPONSOR - EERO.com** - Eero replaces your router and blankets your whole home in fast, reliable WiFi. For free overnight shipping to the US or Canada, visit [eero.com](eero.com) and at checkout select “overnight shipping” then enter STANHOPE to make it free! LINKS: STANHOPE MERCH - NEW! Chad Shank T-Shirts, “Popov Vodka Presents” VHS Tapes and the NEW KILLER TERMITES T-Shirt now available at [http://www.DougStanhope.com/store](http://www.DougStanhope.com/store) Bingo's Book - “Let Me Out: a madhouse diary” NOW AVAILABLE on AUDIBLE.com - [https://amzn.to/2mItJzn](https://amzn.to/2mItJzn) Chad Shank Voice Over info at [http://www.AudioShank.com](http://www.AudioShank.com) Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org) Closing song “Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down) Live in Chicago available on YouTube.com - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEiJymNUeHQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEiJymNUeHQ)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Good night. Good night. Good night. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. How many people listen to this in Bisbee? Don't look at that. I don't think anybody. No, I'm looking.

I can't see. Oh, no. It's rolling. It's rolling. I'm just making sure it's rolling. That's my sculpture. That is amazing. You know what? We saw that. Remember? We making sure it's rolling. That's my sculpture. The Shaley Challenge. That is amazing. You know what?

We saw that. Remember? We never put the cards together. It showed up in the mail after we were processing it. This is what happened. Doug, I think Doug even walked out there. We were doing a Near the Wild podcast. That's Matt Becker, John Norris, and myself on the patio to get the atmospherics of a

rainstorm. Rainstorm, which we got. And we were talking about some guy who said, hey, you should do more artwork, like artsy t-shirts and stuff. And I'm like, what the fuck? And we talked about it on the podcast. And then we came in here because it was raining. And we came in here.

We finished the podcast. And I opened a box. And the thing we were just bitching about showed up in the mail it was the shaley challenge the cannonball oh jesus we just you didn't notice that's him no i noticed i couldn't see the red light past that fucking ugly sculpture but i guess now that you say that's the Chaley Challenge. It was amazing. Hey, speaking of challenges, the one that I suggested that didn't catch on, like the old Sky Candy with Jeff Beamish,

the hats off for heroes, that didn't work, and I forgot we even did it, and then someone tweeted me, so I tweeted some, and oh, the backlash was horrible. Unleashed. Yes, sometimes you tweet something and it goes horribly wrong roseanne i don't have to apologize oh my god roseanne i just tweeted that someone said you should be the co-host on some fucking idiot i go no someone should co-host

and i said no i want to co-host Roseanne's. She's putting this out as a podcast. She's going to have a regular YouTube channel show. According to Jake, we met her daughter, Jenny. Yeah. In Colorado Springs. Top notch. She's great.

You know what? Fuck you, Roseanne is top notch. She's just fucking insane. Yeah.. She's great. You know what? Fuck you, Roseanne is top notch. She's just fucking insane. Yeah, and that's it. If you admit you're insane and then you act crazy, I don't understand where the, you know, it's the old thing is like, if the ball hits the batter, they get first base. That's baseball, my friend. That's baseball.

He's on point here as he stares at baseball and finds analogies that don't make any sense. What are you talking about? You get beanballed, she's fucking loopy in the head from getting hit. She's fair to getting first base. You can't blame her for an injury because she got first base. You down with CTE? Yeah, who's down with CTE? You know me?

It is a weird thing because we hung out with her in Colorado Springs and she did a set. And Salt Lake. Salt Lake. And Hawaii. And you see that side of her, like her, like, I don't know if I should do this or that. And you're like, just go do whatever. Get up there. And she got excited about comedy and then came out and did the Salt Lake and then did a bunch of new material.

She loves comedy. did this all lake and then did a bunch of new material she loves comedy and she would say aren't we so blessed aren't we so blessed to just be able to make people laugh and do this for i'm like no i don't feel blessed at all i fucking hate the road i hate doing comedy and i i felt bad that she's really loves to make people laugh and she also knows that she's very mentally ill. But don't you think creativity comes from that? Look at Joan of Arc. My point exactly is that we see her on an artistic level,

creative level, and then all this weird shit comes out because it's down time. She wasn't on stage doing this stuff. It was Twitter and all this motherfucking bullshit. And it's just a weird thing because the person I met in Colorado Springs and in Salt Lake was this person who was like rediscovering comedy. It was like wanting to go out and do a set, you know? And honestly, one of the most beautiful human beings.

She's honestly one of the most beautiful human beings. And as you know, I'm a sucker for the broken. Hear, hear. I don't know if I've said this before. I know I've said it with you guys, but there's a green room mentality with comedians where if there was a Twitter of green room conversation, you'd all be fucking comic would be fired from comedy in this climate. someone of that color or that sexuality or that weight or whatever you fat fuck fuck you you spook beat it faggot and it's all like that suck my dick

but comedy is such a unique place to live where if you don't I realize I'm sorry I love that. I wish I had a mic over the water bowl for the dogs. Mike the dog for licking up water.

Hey, Doug, what about having. We talked about this. I was talking about someone, some comedian special I don't want to get back into. Where when you live, like, I just expect that people have the same point of view that me and my friends have without regarding that I don't live amongst normal working class people. So that's just a joke. Yeah, to us. I have a green room mentality because I've surrounded myself with that. Insulated. Yes, completely insulated. So a lot of times I have to step back and go, okay.

You could always say that when people transfer to the, like, I'm going to do this or that after doing comedy. And then you go, I say fucking cunt too much. Like, no, you do, because you'll just say it. When he just said, I say fucking cunt too much, he was using fucking as an adjective to I use cunt too much. He doesn't even notice that he said fucking to set up the fact. So that's what we're saying. Imagine a Twitter,

a green room Twitter. You had to be vetted to get in there and you could absolutely be totally free to say whatever you wanted to say. You could talk to only other comics like you were in the green room. Because the problem is, people who don't understand that sensibility are

weighing in as if they do. That's why the show, Preventive's show, The Green Room, was so good. It really was. But I don't understand why you can't still make that. I think there's... I don't know why he's not making it just like we're making it and doing it as a YouTube special.

I mean, Netflix makes money. But I mean, you could release it on iTunes. I would buy an episode. I don't know if their artists do, but they do. No, it on iTunes. I would buy an episode. I don't know if their artists do, but they do. No, but I mean, I would buy an episode of that for 99 cents every week. I go, oh, another one. That episode with Doug and Jeannie Garofalo and Glenn Wool. Oh, and don't forget.

Belzer. Belzer. Who are you? Who am I? I'm the guy who bought your book. He said, what's merch? I go, it's the book you sold when I started comedy. They gave me all the wrong advice about how to do comedy.

Yeah. I don't think he talked after that. I'd love to see. I wish Provenza would put out the full taping. Oh, like unedited? Yeah, the unedited version, which he was like forever. I don't know what happened to Provenza. He's still doing stuff.

Well, the problem is I think he got involved with Andy Andrus. He's in Unbookable. And that stink, it wears off. No, I think he's still doing stuff. I thought I heard. Someone said that he had like, oh, his Twitter went down. That's what it was. He has his own Twitter?

Twitter and Prevenza's Twitter disappeared. And he went missing like Vince Fluke, another name that you won't know. Google it. I don't know if Vince Fluke ever got found. And that's been like six, seven years. Yeah, well. We should all be so lucky. Vince Fluke just like...

I don't like even saying that guy's name. Yeah, but also still though, you go, fuck, you can't just disappear, right? Well, you can make yourself disappear but that guy was that guy well that guy was a real problem for us and it was a weird thing and i don't want to no one say his name two more times he was candy man candy man uh you know in a very different way he was was other people's James Inman.

All right, James Inman, yes, he's crazy. He's a fucking loose cannon, but he's ours. So Vince Fluke was someone else's. He was Paul Prevenza's loose cannon. I couldn't fucking stomach him. It was the same way Norm Wilkerson had a relationship with Inman going, what the fuck? Why am I on this tour with this fucking guy?

I go, because that's our crazy guy. And you're new, so you can't pitch. You're new. That's our crazy guy. Well, Vince Fluke was someone else's crazy guy. Some people adopt crazy people. Others have crazy thrust upon them and this goes perfect with your earrings but uh yeah i i don't know why they're not doing that as a a podcast as a uh

an audible series that would be a fucking great audible norms uh norms with uh adam what's the booker at comedy store adam eagin eagin that they got picked up like that we were on tour one time we were listening to uh norm and adam they're very uncomfortable it's fucking great and then all of a sudden tracy and we're driving back from uh the east coast after tour and it just stopped i'm like well that's weird and then i just found out they got picked up they're they're doing they they got a deal picked up by who i don't know there's lots of people there's there's there's so many things now you gotta realize that's why they stopped doing it because they were doing YouTube specific and then it would go on a podcast

but there would also be a YouTube and then it just stopped but he was getting like Jim Carrey and shit right so that's why it stopped because it's going to be an actual show which I would love to see I feel like the movie

and I really want to watch it with you. I've said it a million times. Me? Mr. Saturday Night. Oh, yeah. Because I kind of feel like I always feel older than I am, but I also know my life expectancy.

But I feel like, yeah, we're surrounded by, you know, when his brother is his manager but they're both 67 years old and he's getting booked in a fucking chinese restaurant i'm not bitter like that i i'm a fan of playing the chinese restaurant yeah i know it's funny but like yeah hey uh what's going on that none of us know about none of my fucking mostly everything i got brendan walsh opened in at the comedy store and i'm like he's not a new comic that guy's like he's like 20 years in or something he's got a veteran status really yeah and then olivia grace hey let's get some new blood.

Let's get Olivia Grace in here. And I'm like, she's probably been doing it for 17 years. I think we're like, yeah, maybe one of these times some young buck goes, hey, if you want help with your podcast, maybe we go, let's give him a shot. I don't know what the fuck's going on. Everyone knows a little bit of what the fuck's going on everyone knows a little bit of what the fuck is going on in the new world yeah but the other thing is like i said most kids don't know what baskin and robbins are anymore they don't know uh how cable works they

have no idea they just don't even laugh at my blockbuster reference yeah no No. They don't know anything. Fuck them. No. We all used to eat Red Bear and pizza. So the idea is here now is what we're focusing on is working into retirement centers where they still have money. We're just going to do retirement shows where they still remember all the things that people used to do. But you're going to say fucking cunt too much. No, not really. They'll go like, oh, my God, I can't believe you said that. I go, really?

That's the name of the newscast. I love when old bits come true. Like, shit, I guess it's gonna... And then you go, see? And people are like, hey, you called it in 2006. And I go, well, that was recently.

No, it's not recent no 12 fucking years but the other thing is you got to feel great about that coin yeah i did yeah yeah i did i'm telling you what numbers coming up on roulette but 20 years from now there you go 26 black i got a system in the In the future, to quote Sean Rouse. Yeah, I have a lot of ideas of things I want to do. Just doing shows here. And I have a whole long list. Here, what do you mean? Here's the list in the funhouse. In the funhouse.

Yeah, filming 20-minute bits. But I have to learn how. All right, if we're going to do singles, which I think is a brilliant idea. I don't necessarily want to watch an hour of somebody. Yeah, and the short attention span of YouTube generation. Yeah, I don't have one-liners like hedberg but i have a 14 minute bit about blank and that's it and that's it much you know i mean the thing is is you go to segue all those 14 minute bits is much harder than releasing a 14 minute bit that goes it has a

beginning middle and an end with a four oh my god i think i watched seinfeld oh my god i watched that for the first time today. What? Comedians in cars drinking coffee or whatever. Who'd you watch? I'm curious. Who'd you watch? The one that came up after whatever else I fell asleep to.

A beheading video? That's not on Netflix yet. I'm pitching it. I'm on the dark Netflix. I watched that. That's not on Netflix yet. I'm pitching it. I'm on the dark Netflix. I watched that. It was just like in – because I was watching some other comedy. Things come up.

Oh, you have – Recommended for you or whatever. You've got a continuous. So when your thing – when it shuts down from the previous video, another one will come up. Or it's recommended for you based on what you watch. And they know better than you but like the comedians in cars coffee thing it uh remember how lollapalooza became like a a template for you know haha palooza and then right oh comedians of blank. Yeah. Everyone's tweeting me, you should do comics getting drunk. In a laundromat.

Yeah. You go, yeah. No. But I've never watched it. I've never exposed myself to these things that are memes or whatever. I know it exists. I don't have any interest in watching it. And Jerry Seinfeld driving around drinking coffee.

Why? Why would you? No, I mean, it was. He was. I don't even drink coffee. But I think. Hang on. Tracy, next up.

Could you make me a coffee with a little bit of Bailey's and a shot of whiskey? That's a heavy shot of whiskey. Do you plan on an intruder tonight? No, I plan on trying to stay awake. We're trying to keep it evergreen. I've been really good at keeping this time sensitive or insensitive. Have you watched it? Yeah, I watched all of them.

I watched when it first came out, and I said, what a brilliant formula. First, he's a star. Second, it was thing. If you watch the outtakes, how many of his cars break down is amazing. Oh, they use a different car, right? They use a classic or a... A classic car based on... They use a different car.

It's a wine pairing with the comedian. So he goes, you, Doug a car pairing are more like a gto or a pacer two and a half episodes and he did that with everyone and it made no sense oh ellen this is like you it's a standard sturdy reliable and like you're just... Yeah, I know. But, you know, the thing is, but they literally, the cars break down when they do this a lot of times. And I go, these are your cars you collect? You're a piece of shit.

Like, I would never go to his auction. Does he really collect those cars? Are you kidding? He bought a fucking three-story thing in Brooklyn. He bought a housing complex that people lived in, evicted them all, and then he put a lift in so he could store his cars by his house. I mean, the guy is rich, rich, rich, rich, rich.

And fair enough. And he's allowed to do whatever he wants. But it is funny when people go, he's going to put cars in it? He goes, yeah, I own the building. I can do that. Oh, I didn't know he owned the cars. I just thought he just found a car like me on eBay. I think he's a huge car.

He's very partial to the Porsche. The Porsche. Oh, that's why. Yeah, yeah. They brought that up. They go, how many Porsches? You're like a Porsche collector. How many do you own?

I watched Zach Galifianakis, Dave Chappelle, and then Ellen, and then I had to get out of bed. Yeah. I got to do something with my day. No, but there are, I mean, it is good, and you see the good guests and the bad guests like you would with anything, but sometimes you just sit and go, like it's a formula, no matter what.

They do it with three GoPros in the car. Yeah. So, I mean, you're good. Yeah, I don't understand the need for the formula. They came to him and said, make something. And he came up with this. Or he. I like cars.

Yeah, he pitched it. And I know a lot of comedians. And not one person said no. Look, he's getting paid to do something he doesn't even have to work at. No. But you know who amazes me? He would work less if he just did what Letterman is doing and just got a fucking studio or a fun house and go hey zag alif and agus let's talk for 30 minutes now they have to go to a fucking uh donut they have to rent a car if they don't have

the one that he wants to pair then they have to find where they're gonna go parking because releases yeah that's one of the things that killed me oh Oh, really? There's a parking space in L.A. right in front of the place you're going to fucking film? Just get a phone. Is that Starbucks on Sepulveda? Yeah. But Erickson. And then you have to watch him eat.

Oh, that's your fucking worst. I saw Zach Galifianakis, one of the two of them, with a donut hanging out of their motherfucking chewing and like that's fucking disgusting just sit on a fucking go ahead i have to say this because this is the only time i could ever bring this up brett erickson and i were watching uh holtzman close the close at the comedy store one night and it was like for an hour and a half he kept saying he was gonna leave and he was like for an hour and a half he kept saying he

was going to leave and he was just closing everyone out out of the original room at the end of the night holtzman and brian holtzman for the listener is one of the best chaos comics ever he's just he can't perform outside of the comedy store. That's his home base. If he leaves and goes on the road, he panics. I understand that to an extent. I won't do a drop-in set at the Comedy Cellar because that's not my crowd, and they're going to fucking hate me. I know that.

Even if I'm wrong, I know it in my head and I don't need to do it. I spent fucking 28 years building up a fan base so I don't have to play to fucking tourists. Go ahead. Brent Erickson, while we're watching Holtzman, just, people are just streaming out. They're just figuring out how to politely

scrunch a chair back. Erickson leans over the tabletop and goes that's the show comedians in cars with holtzman but that i i get it no it's it's a rogue thing but it was like it fucking made me laugh so hard fucking talk about this but uh or the inman idea of a prospective sponsor where you're like, oh, Inman in that situation. That would be fucking hilarious. Yeah.

But Holtzman, like those are those are actual brilliant minds. Like he's got the movie. A brilliant mind is not necessarily about a brilliant mind but it is but it's it's not something you can take on the road no exactly that was a point you have to just sit back and appreciate that this fucking insane person is doing it so well. But you also know he's a fucking insane person. Which is great! And again, I love the broken people. And the whole term,

he's a comics comic, is ridiculing the audience, which I love to do. It's actually written on your shirt right there. It tugs down up the comics comic. Yeah, when you say it's a comics comic, it means it's a comic that you, the fucking ticket-buying chumps, are never going to get get and i appreciate that i don't want you to get brian holtzman i don't want you to get a million of these people i want a fucking junior

stopka to always be somewhat hated or fucking just get confused looks because he's doing it for him. He doesn't want to go on the road. He doesn't want to get famous. He's doing this because he loves to do it just in Chicago, close to his house. And, yeah, I love that. I wrote this about you and Andy in my book, my whole introduction, that people say that I'm trying to, Andy's trying to be like, no, I'm trying to be like you and Andy my whole career.

I can package it well. You're just fucking brilliant. But I always said I'd rather do Branson, Missouri and just have one place I do it than have to run around and try to find people to go, hey, am I funny? And they go, I don't think so. And I go, I'm never going to Connecticut again. And not on a fishing boat. Yeah, never again. I can't compete with tuna.

There's parts of success, financial success, that you go, this ruined my love of doing comedy because once people had expectations for me, not comedy night, but for me, I'm like, oh, fuck. I have to do more. I have to write more. Did I already do this the last time I played here?

Back in our day when we were just comedians on comedy night, fuck them fuck them yeah but anything you wanted to do it was like hands off you go that didn't work at all did it you go nope but it was fun try again tomorrow remember when you did go ahead boo me you did a giveaway one time what's my name everyone hey yellow what's my name yeah and nobody bingo hall silence is like really nobody knows they were just talking about that on uh jay orkerson and dan soda on the bonfire they were talking about it and i was like god come on you gotta bring up stanhope because it was it was your

bit about you don't go to a movie and plunk down eight bucks and go, I have no idea what – just give me a ticket to something. And they were talking about that same thing. I didn't know if they had heard that or not, but I was just – I've found a lot of things where like if I was really bitter, which depends on the hour of the day, I go i did a whole bit about this yeah you're talking about it which most of the time i'm i'm in a good frame of mind where i go i influenced that i'll never get credit but i said that like

before the day where it was don don't fucking Jim Norton me, man. Becker's staring at baseball. No, I'm not. I'm looking at you. I know. Look over here. He's got a dollar on every pitch, so just fucking back off. Tracy makes money here.

Norton would do that to me when he was on Opie and Anthony. Who? Jim Norton. Who? No, when he was on Opie and Anthony. Who? Jim Norton. Who? No, Opie and who? Go ahead. Yeah, he'd say the funniest fucking thing in the world and then go back to his phone. And he's tweeting and texting.

He's not even paying attention. And then you go back to talk to him and he's on his phone. I don't have a phone. He's so funnier than you. I don't have a phone. Yeah, he's got a TV. 58 inches. Before anyone blows this out of proportion,

Stanhope was shitting on Jim Norton. No, I was saying he'd be funnier than you and then go right back to his phone. And you go, how do you do that? I'm losing my train of thought because you're texting while I'm talking to you. Yeah. No, I was trying to get Tracy to give me a beer.

Oh, wow. She must have been watching the pitch count. Yeah, she was watching the game. I was watching Tracy. I'm watching you while you watch them. Now I have no idea what I was talking about, but what does it matter? What does it matter? We can take a break.

We're old people. Do we have to? Yeah, let's take a break. Let's smoothly segue this into whatever we're going to say while we take a break. Cocktails. Cocktails. Hey, there's a good. Please hold.

Cocktails. That's our new fucking. Instead of saying we're going to a break, we go, please hold cocktails. That's pretty good, actually. I like that. Write that down. Write that down. We just recorded it.

I go, cocktails. The earlier podcast, because Chaley's a bit of a perfunctionist. What does that mean? I don't know. Perfectionist. It's like, no no just go to break and I go well we are going to break

well I was doing that that was and so we're recording this I'm like well that was enough of saying and then that lasted like two minutes

just write it down and hold it up and go no it's very funny we don't have to say that we could just start talking about I just kept telling him to go to break

and he went and he goes no you just did I go but we need you to do it and he goes no you just did and I will put the whole thing on there it he goes, no, you just did. I go, but we need you to do it. And he goes, no, you just did.

And I will put the whole thing on there. It turned into a fucking who's on first. But I go, what if every time we say, we're going to break, people just tune out, and they go on break and leave and have a cigarette and never remember to listen to the rest of They get caught at work. Cocktails. Cocktails. Cocktails. Blue Apron. What?

Yeah, you fucking brought Blue Apron up when we have all this excess food from a party that never happened. Every week. Yeah. Bring it up. Well, Blue Apron keeps. It's not my discount meats that I buy at Safeway. Oh, by the way, I did Rogan's podcast when I was in LA.

Oh, way to evergreen it. No. I'm sorry, I'm giving you shit. No, you un-evergreened it by saying it was recent. I did Rogan's podcast in LA. And I did

mention my fucking love of discount meats. I wake up and that's my, it's like my job. I wake up, I have a job. I have to get up immediately and go to Safeway and see what good discount meats I can get.

Did you have a problem with that? Well, I went to Safeway in the last few days, and a lady next to me, while I'm fucking picking through the discount meat, 30%, I'm going for 50% off. I want 50% off. The dark corner of the meat section. And a lady next to me, who was like any middle-aged, 42-year-old nice lady,

said, oh, are you getting your cheap meats? And I went, because everyone here knows that I, my predilection for cheap discount meat. And I went, yeah, it's morning time. So I'm like, yeah. She goes, I heard you on joe rogan i listen to his podcast i'm like i get fucking recognized in my own hometown of 5 000 people because i was on joe rogan not your fucking podcast and i get since every time i do joe rogan i didn't know you

had a podcast too well you wouldn't because if if you listen to Joe Rogan's podcast, that means you don't have a job, because he does eight of them a week, three hours. He does like 28 hours of fucking podcasting a week, so you couldn't listen to another podcast. But yes, thank you for noticing me in my hometown at my sticky meat are you buying discount meat again hey doug skip the the discount meat scrounging that you do at safeway and go straight to cooking with blue apron enjoy delicious meals that are great on the grill incredible ingredients

chef designed recipes blueon lets you see the power. You brought up pasta today. I brought up pasta today. But you're talking about meat, so I would bring up that. I said, hey, I have stuff I cook during a blackout at Crock-Pot. Why would you bring up Blue Apron? I'll tell you why. Flexibility.

The Blue Apron. Doug, flexibility. Blue Apron offers 12 new recipes each week, and customers can pick two, three, or four recipes based on what best fits their schedule. Yeah, and Blue Apron ships it right to your door. You don't have to go to fucking Safeway and talk to people in a hangover that you don't want to talk to

and you don't remember. And they're like, hey, I heard you on Joe Rogan. I'm like, just get out of my fucking face. Blue Apron doesn't get in your face, and they've I heard you on Joe Rogan. I'm like, just get out of my fucking face. Blue Apron doesn't get in your face, and they've never heard me on Joe Rogan. Blue Apron, it's like not listening to Joe Rogan. It's a terrible thing to say. It's also high quality.

Blue Apron only sends out non-GMO ingredients and meat with no added hormones. I know that's not your concern, Doug, because you're in the dimly lit area of the meat section. Hey, how do you make a hormone? By Blue Apron. What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full. I was out.

I was out. Because of Blue Apron and traveling overseas that I've tried to force myself to eat new and different things. Because there's always one little thing in the description in the hotel fucking late night menu or something. Yeah, the regular menu where you go. That sounded good at first. It had meat. Okay, I like meat or whatever the meat is. And then they have one weird thing that's not necessarily bad

but I go, carrot slaw versus coleslaw. What's carrot slaw? I don't fucking like this. I don't like different things but because of Blue Apron it's fucking good. Like, alright, I like different things but because of blue apron it's fucking good like all right i'll try i'll try something new because of fucking blue apron how about cajun shrimp with corn pancakes the weird thing is if i hate it i don't blame blue apron blue apron has been one

of our most resilient sponsors and sometimes you don't fucking like it and you don't order it again it's just like any fucking restaurant i'm not gonna say i love every fucking thing blue apron sends sometimes no no but the chalice will eat it they're like they're like mikey from the life cereal commercials hey didn't i say that we're dated old fucking people? No one knows what a Baskin Robbins is or little Mikey from fucking Life Cereal. Do they still have Life Cereal? Yes. Yeah, they have Life Cereal.

Cinnamon Life. Look, they've got stuff right now because of the summer. Oh, sorry to date it. They've got stuff just for grilling. They've got stuff that's trending. It could be any summer. They've got a Mediterranean diet. We live in the summer. Oh, sorry to date it. They got stuff just for grilling. They got stuff that's trending. They've got a Mediterranean diet. We live in the desert. It's always summer. Exactly. They got other stuff that's quick and easy.

That's under 30 minutes. You can skip the meal planning and get straight to cooking with Blue Apron. That's what we do every time we want to put a delivery on hold. We just go onto the website, log into our account, and we can put every week on hold that we're going to be gone. Then we start it up again right when we come back. It's so simple, and it's right there on the website.

Also, for the summer, they've got chef-designed recipes with partnerships with Bob's Burgers and MasterChef. Yeah, and I sent the Bob's Burger recipe over to the Beckers. Becky, which one did you cook? The Quantum of Salsa Burger. It was delicious, and I prepared it. I did. It was delicious, and I prepared it. I did. It was fun.

It was a ton of fun. It almost looked like it was vegetarian because it looked like it could have been like a fake meat because of the corn pepper salsa on there. Yeah, but it was all meat. Which is weird. It's like putting corn on a burger. It was a little bizarre, and I was like, okay, I'm just going to roll with this. I'm going to have an open mind. And it was fucking delicious.

I did it because of the onion rings. I mean, I ordered it for that week thinking, well, maybe we'll put like a different burger in there or something. But then I thought, well, you guys eat meat. Yep. Let's do it. And you can switch up whatever you eat. They don't go, hey, I thought you were a fucking vegetarian, motherfucker.

We're not sending you meat. It's no judgment. It's no judgment. So, yeah, we can mix it up. You can get whatever you want in the order. We get three meals a week, and it's for two, and it always feeds more than two. It was fantastic. What was great was with the theme of it.

It's got Bob's Burger theme. So what we did is we ended up watching Bob's Burger, and then we had Bob's Burger for breakfast. We did. I did make it for breakfast. Yeah, we had it for breakfast. And the thing is, the spices were so good in it. And she goes, I used the whole thing in it because they said whatever. It had the chili paste, and it said used to your discretion, basically.

And I was like, it's all going in. This is one thing I figured out. I always double the amount of garlic, cloves of garlic. You have a recipe that calls for two cloves of garlic. They give you a bulb. So I've always got extra garlic. And I don't think the garlic ever hurts by having a little bit extra in there. So I always add extra.

And the other thing, oh, I want to ask you about the onion rings. Yeah. Too much garlic. No. No. They look totally appetizing they were so yummy yeah it was really good it looked like a burger that you would get at box no i know but it was so fun because the theme was a great idea i hope they continue that because that was just funny because

we're laughing the whole time and becky's busy checking it because you want to make it exactly as the as the thing says oh yeah and i'm not an exact cooker, so I had to refer back and to go back to where you were starting from. And then you, like, wait, where did the other half of the breadcrumbs go? And not until the end. I was like, oh, in the burger. In the burger. Oh. Yeah, I should have known that.

The other thing was is that the corn and peppers mixed thing on top of the burger is weird. It's salsa. Well, it's corn salsa though. I've never had a burger with corn and stuff on top of it and I went, this seems weird but it tasted fantastic. It was a brilliant idea. Out of your comfort zone.

Yeah, but I mean, so we did it exactly as they said and we went, it better be good. We both were eating it going, okay, this works. She's an avid cook. And the thing is, she goes, no, that turned out great. Because what was the thing with that? You cut the corn raw. Yeah.

Oh, I made a complete mess out of my kitchen just like shucking the corn raw. Just cutting all the corns off. The kernels come off the cob. Yeah. Dad. But I was just like, I made a mess. But she's two foot tall. So she's like whittling it like she's, yeah.

She's got to lay it. But it was so good. And it was such a simple, simple thing. It was corn. It was lime juice, onions, all in the pan. Or actually, the lime juice didn't even go in the pan. You put it in the lime juice afterwards and a little salt and pepper and it was like the most amazing thing ever. Simple, yum, yum.

That's what we were talking about earlier is those are the little tricks you remember. You don't remember the whole recipe. You remember little things like zesting. I told you zesting lime. Yeah, I'm going to try that. Into rice, fresh rice. And then the other one is adding lime juice to the salsa.

And even the corn on the cob you just slice it right off there throw it into a pan with a little chili peppers and then you put the lime on it and the chili peppers didn't even go in until the very end and so it was just like like raw and it was good yeah very good and I'm not

normally a fan of the sweet chili pepper but let me tell you that was yummy they got a miso I'm not normally a fan of the sweet chili pepper, but let me tell you, that was yummy. Yeah, we can make a commercial last year to follow a whole podcast. They got a miso chicken ramen coming up. I'm not going to do that. I fucking looked for miso soup today because I bought a fucking miso soup bowl. It's black on the outside, red on the inside.

You know what I mean? Yeah. It's called a bowl. I found one at your thrift store i'm gonna put a plug in a plug your thrift store if you're ever in bisbee and you i bleeped it i bleeped it i love the way you're hitting that with a sharpie like you're bleeping stuff live yeah and i go i want me so this is gonna make me want miso soup every day and it's a 25 mile 30 mile drive to sushi and i try to find miso soup at it's just broth i think if i just

made like well no listen doug it's so it's so hard to do miso soup. But I was looking in the canned soup section. Like, I found it in the Asian section, which is like one little tiny piece of a shelf where they have. Railroad's done. And I go, they had one, but it had like fucking noodles in it and shit. And I'm like, oh, I just want the brothy shit you get at sushi. And so I went through all the Campbell's soups, seeing if they had miso. And they don't. I took a lot of time.

Are you mouthing the alphabet as you go from asparagus? Meatballs and spaghetti to. Miso horny. Well, miso's coming up in August. You're the rest of the tag because I want to keep talking about soup. No, we're done. Hit it. Well, no, you're going to go to fucking, oh, jeez, why are you making me read? Because you're all hopped up on the miso.

Flexibility. No, no, at the bottom. Oh, at the bottom, you blacked it out. No. You redacted this like it was a CIA. Goddamn right I did. No, no, at the bottom Oh, at the bottom, you blacked it out No You redacted this like it was a CIA Goddamn right I did They need to stop putting what not to say on there So check out this week's menu

And get your first three meals free Three meals There's no such thing as a free meal There's such thing as three free meals At blueapron.com Slash Stanhope That at blueapron.com slash stanhope that's blueapron.com slash stanhope i don't know if you have to do it in all caps the second time but that's how i have to read it get your first three meals free blue apron it's a better way to cook.

Hey, Arrow is a new sponsor here on the Doug Stano Podcast, and they sent us a system, a complete home Wi-Fi system. I don't know what Wi-Fi is. It's spelled wrong. Y is W-H-Y. Although we have a system already set up here at the house, Doug's gone, so I ripped it out.

I set this one up. Well, this system actually prevents having dead zones because you put the router next to your cable modem, plug it in, and then you set up beacons in distant areas of the house. So you're saying if you were to, say, buy a house in the middle of a desert and then have multiple little houses all strung in a circle, this would be the only thing that would work to get all the dead zones? We are pushing it to the limit. Inside a house is much easier than what we're doing here. I had the system up in 10 minutes, and now we have one Wi-Fi network up here for the entire three buildings here using off that one, which they

say is just for a house. I am going to correct you, Arrow. You could do a series of cabins in the middle of the woods because we're doing that. I mean, that's basically what we're doing. We have three different structures. And that's the problem is that Wi-Fi doesn't really go through walls that well, especially multiple walls. So they set up these beacons, which no wires.

It just plugs into an outlet, and it's got a nightlight on it. So it's not a wasted space. And the light adjusts by the time of day, and it's completely controllable from the app. In fact, all of it is done from the app. So if you move it from, say, just for whatever reason, you know you're going to have people in the other house somewhere over, you could move one of the beacons over there and you don't have to rewire,

you don't have to do anything. No. You just plug it in? Plug it in. And it tells you if, hey, we're not getting a good signal, move it somewhere else. It tells you.

It doesn't make you limp along with a shitty signal and go, that's good enough. It was really fucking, really intuitive and a breeze to set up. And I'm the one who set up the original one. shitty signal and go, that's good enough. It was really fucking, really intuitive and a breeze to set up. And I'm the one who set up the original one. It took me

longer to take out the old equipment than to set this one up. And like I said, the one router is in the middle. So we've got three houses kind of in a line. And we've got that one in the middle has the router. And on both ends, we put a beacon. And now I've got another one on order. I'm going to put another beacon to hit

the fourth house down below at Blackknob. So one router, half of Blackknob, and Van Dyke is what you're taking. Not to mention this app is really fucking cool because I can actually go on there and I can see what devices are actually plugged in and if they're working, and

I can actually test the speed that I'm getting from my service provider. Can you see if your neighbors are on it? Well, yeah. I can see all devices that are on it. More devices did that. And you can also create a guest network, which is what I did here at the Funhouse. I could just have everyone looking on the guest network and log into that

and give that password and not have them use our regular Wi-Fi network here. Perfect! And it's all done. And you can even upgrade to another thing they've got to Arrow Plus. And that gives you even more security features, more ways to kind of get data on streaming, and ways to

tailor a internet connection for each member of your family. So you can shut people down. I think this is more for the kids. That's a little control freaky there. Some of these kids, man. No, I agree.

I do it. There was just that story where the kid broke in the neighbor's house. Did you see that? No. He broke in the neighbor's house, wakes them up in the middle of the night in their bedroom, and says, what's your Wi-Fi password? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that made national news. They didn't have an arrow. bedroom and says, what's your Wi-Fi password? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that made national news.

They didn't have an arrow. See? He couldn't get their Wi-Fi. No. What they could have done was just create a guest account for the neighbor kids. Don't break into our house. Just shut them down.

We'll turn you on and shut you off. Just shut them down. Don't wake us up. Doug, is this making sense to you? I don't know what Wi-Fi is. With Arrow, you can install an enterprise-grade Wi-Fi system at your home in just a few minutes. Simply download the Arrow app on your iOS or Android device, and it will walk you through each step of the process. It's quick, easy, and painless.

So simple. Yeah. So simple. You know the difference. You've gone through the hard ones. Oh, my God. With the Arrow system, you plug in the power, you plug in a network cable from the back of the Aero unit into your cable modem, your service provider has a modem of some sort, and that's it. Then it

just tells you step by step. If you've done something wrong, you can't go to the next step, and then you just correct it. It is so simple. That's great. So easy. The Arrow app also lets you manage the network from the palm of your hand. You'll know how many devices are connected at any time, as well as the internet speed that you're getting from your service provider, which I love. I've got other apps on my phone that will tell me. You never know what you get. It's never what they say they're going to give you. And they go, that's the estimate, based on never.

Based on never. Yeah. And to be fair with Arrow, I mean, we're in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. We have very, you know, even the best is still flaky a little bit. We have two service providers out here. So, yeah, piss one off and you got one. But this is really good for house spread out, houses that are a block down but not up.

Basically, when you do the app, they go, hey, what does your house look like? Does they want to know, is it like a Rambler, one story? You have to describe how many bedrooms. The place where the Mansons lived. Or they say if it's two-story, then they say, okay, put your system here, but then they actually gear it towards what the setup of the house is going to be. And I just said, spread the fuck out. That's where we are. we are but that's amazing that works like that and that's a bigger selling point than anything else obviously in your house you go just go downstairs you junkie but what they

do is is they set that they have you set it up in centrally and then they put the beacons elsewhere it's the router is a tri-band which means it broadcasts in three wireless radio bands simultaneously which is that's giving you more coverage. I mean, it can bounce around and you can find something. The beacons themselves just have two band, but there's two Ethernet ports on the back of the router, blah, blah, blah. It's all on the fucking website at arrow.com, and that's where you can check out all the nerdy stuff.

This is the stuff that makes Doug gloss over. Jay, you're making me look like a dingbat. Yeah, but this is great. It sounds like Doug could actually set this up. It does. If he was here, I would have him do it. He was looking for his readers. He could just hear, plug that in there.

Now plug it in over there. Now plug it in there. There, you set up your Wi-Fi. Fuck, I just need my glasses. They can think he's helping me do something like setting up a kitchen appliance. What is this? It's a scale, dude. Just plug it in.

Hey, this thing really works. You did it. Hey, plug this nightlight in over at the little house. Hey, how come there's a light on in there? It's like you plugged that in there. That's where you wanted it. It's like, well, it's good. I can see the dog water bowl's empty.

Backer you. Security is also a priority with Arrow, and traditional routers don't push software updates to their customers that could possibly leave you open to cyber attacks. Arrow updates automatically so you not only have the latest features but the latest security at all times. I have no idea what you people are talking about. Arrow also has great customer service.

When you call in, you will get a hold of a Wi-Fi expert within 30 seconds. That's what they claim. I wouldn't know. I don't have to call them. It's that fucking great. What?

You got the Maytag guy sitting there at the Arrow place waiting for a call. Apparently, everybody read the app. Hey, for free shipping to the USA and Canada, just use promo code Stano. No, no, no, Doug. It's free overnight shipping to the USA and Canada, just use promo code Stanhope. No, no, no, Doug. It's free overnight shipping to the US or Canada if you visit Arrow.com.

You forgot the.com. How is there free shipping? Is there not Pony Express? You have to pay these guys. At checkout, select overnight shipping and then enter promo code Stanhope and that'll make it free. Arrow. That's E-E-R-O dot com. I'm on vacation. I'm on a train. It uses wheels. I understand how wheels work. I don't understand Wi-Fi or podcasting or anything.

I just say stuff and I travel on wheels. So you want free overnight shipping in the U.S. and Canada? Go to Arrow.com and at checkout, select Overnight Shipping, and use the promo code Stanhope, and that's going to be free, just for being a listener. Look at that. Use the code Stanhope. It's like a Wi-Fi

midwife. Free delivery. Alright. That's all I got. I'm going to bed. Bye. Let's get back to fucking soup I love soup I was dying for it the other night when I was really hungover no it's disgusting says Becky off mic

no everyone's opinioning on soup it's a base Campbell's tomato soup with macaroni. We're doing a soup episode? I'm doing comfort foods.

Unless you have a great way to go. Hold on. Campbell's tomato soup with macaroni in it. No. That's one of my favorite comfort foods. The one that I talk about is the jello with the French dressing. I've never heard of that.

Bacon bits. But yeah, macaroni in Campbell's tomato soup made with milk. You could put water or milk. A well-made potato soup with cayenne is fucking amazing. These guys are ruining this. You're ruining. It's comfort foods. It's tomato soup with a grilled fucking cheese sandwich.

That's it. You dip the fucking triangle cut grilled cheese sandwich into the. Right. Velveeta. Here comes Becky. No, you go. You get the tomato soup and then you get the macaroni and, and you dip the macaroni and cheese into the tomato soup. Oh, I see what you're doing there.

Oh, it's like the sandwich, only without the sandwich. Horrible. No, uh-uh, uh-uh. It is amazing. I go. Comfort food, Chaley. No, I'm with you, except for the macaroni and cheese. Oh, that's interesting.

I dip it in. But you dip it in like you do and cheese. Oh, that's interesting. But you dip it in like you do the sandwich. That's gross. I think he understands. He's just saying that his memory. Yeah, I've never heard of macaroni being mixed with a tomato base. But it's Campbell's tomato sandwich. No, he was with you.

Becky, he's with you. Your husband's with you. I'm talking about comfort foods. You guys are welcome to chime in until we get on to a different topic. Yeah. This is an evergreen. Yeah. That's right.

But shit, what do you go? I have to eat. I don't want to eat. I need to eat. What can you always eat? Macaroni and cheese. Macaroni and cheese. Macaroni and cheese. Too much work.

Well, no, no. It's not too much work if you do the- No, you just said I have to eat. There's a sense of urgency there. But a comfort food where you go, all right, this is- Instant mashed potatoes. Peanut butter and jelly. How do you make it?

Twice baked potato. On Wonder Bread. On Wonder Bread. On Wonder Bread. You don't have to. You can make it on wheat bread with crunchy peanut butter. Yes, you do it with butter. You butter the toast. What?

Yes. You always butter the toast. You toast it. You butter the toast. Then you put a thin layer of peanut butter and a little bit thicker layer of jelly. What jelly? Or you can use... Get in here? Or you can use cherry pits. Tracy, we're talking to my parents right now.

Hang on, the gumps are here. You must butter the white bread before you put the peanut butter on. Substituting jelly with pitted cherries, those big cherries they sell. And you put them on there instead of jelly, and it's amazing. It's like an unprocessed jelly that's amazing. And a thin layer of bacon on that sandwich. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a soup macaroni peanut butter sandwich with a thin layer of bacon and cherries?

Yes. Cherries are the most underrated for a reason fruit no no for a reason cherries are disgusting no you're not gonna date this you're not gonna date this cherries are a fucking

disgusting cherries are the goal nobody eats cherries strawberries raspberries blueberries cherries are the goal there's no nobody eats cherries strawberries raspberries blueberries cherries are fucking no one eats them they're fucking disgusting hang on Mrs. Gump half the room just raised their hands the other half just raised their hands

when Doug's saying that and he said cherries I brought over a cherry dessert and set it in front and then he goes they're disgusting and then I moved it back to the back table. Because you were going to date the podcast. Mrs. Gump, you were going to say something about peanut butter and jelly. And I'll tell you, both Becky Becker and Mrs. Gump are fucking good cooks. Thank you.

I thought we were beyond the PB&J, but what's with the thin layer? No, it's a PB&J. You taste the peanut butter. You taste it. You got to have the full fucking. Wait, two sides, one side on the sandwich. The side for each, man. You have to have that like more than a quarter inch of fucking jelly.

No, you do peanut butter both sides and the jelly goes in the middle. Thin on both sides, but ends up being thick. The first time that I remember cooking with Mrs. Gump was bacon. I'm sure we're going to have a big discourse about this. Hold on. Why don't we do boring podcasts like this all the time? Why does it always have to be someone who committed suicide suicide by bacon having abortions or whatever why can't we just so i remember i think it was our third or eighth podcast where it was me and rob dukes from

exodus just talking about the best condiments. Yeah, road. He was a – I was a Nyack. Yeah. Anyway, we had a discussion where I was – I hate cooking bacon because it's a fucking mess and it's a problem. How do you cook bacon? Well, I think you might have taught me how to bake bacon. But slow cook it

because it so it doesn't rumple up you don't want fat wet fat in bacon and you were saying well some people like it that way I actually like that

I want it crisp I don't like burnt, but I prefer burnt. You order crisp bacon when we go to breakfast. Yeah, and sometimes they burn it, and that's fine, but I like it where it's kind of spongy, crisp. But she's like,

yeah, some people like chewy bacon. Yeah, it's like thicker. It has more... The white part of the fat shouldn't be white. It should be brown, but you're like, no. What are you? That's why I cook for you now

because I know you're a good cook, but I know you have bad taste. Hold on a second. You can have bacon any way you want, but the right way to cook bacon is slow and in an oven on a pan. So it slowly cooks and preferably on a rack so that all the fat drains. You're still going to get plenty of fat. Listen, I'm not cheating anyone of fat here with this fucking recipe.

No, bacon. Do you know how to cook bacon, actually? You don't even know, do you? Go ahead. You take a grill and you run the grill and then you set the bacon, you hang it on a wire rack above the grill. So it's, you know, a gas grill. And then you hang the bacon up and down with clothespins on it. We're not living in a...

And it basically runs all the grease off. We're not living in a tent, Becker. No, it almost does it like a smoker. And then you end up with this fucking amazing... You know that top rack on grills when you open it? And you go, what the fuck is that for? The top rack? Yeah, there's a top rack where it goes back.

And you go, is that for my shoes when I'm not running the grill? You go, no, it's for fucking bacon. You fucking clip bacon to that top rack. You let it cook. And then when you open it up, you'll have smoked bacon that's fucking perfect. And you lose 30% less. The way that Becker has spent his life is spending eight hours perfecting bacon. With clothespins.

Or how to make margaritas in a cement mixer. These are all... Not that one. That worked out. A lot of people have other shit to do with their day rather than hang bacon off a fucking thing and slow it.

With a clothespin. How many clothespins do you own? When's the last time, Doug, you dried your underwear on the ceiling fan? Never, right? But you can do it. His underwear's still wet right now. You can do it. I have shit to do. Turn the ceiling fan on clip your underwear

up go to work abortions to pay for work i really want to mention this uh i i at some point when i paid for an abortion in sarah palin's name and then oh hang on you were doing it annually were you and then uh in george hw bush oh no john ashley yeah who's pictured up here this is one of the problems by the way that i see when we do start doing this on video people are going to see all the uh racist sexist signs on the wall it's a this is a museum of intolerance it's the green room it's the fucking green room. If you don't get the joke, then you're not getting it.

But I'm looking at John Ashcroft right now. That's a gift from Banjo Randy, who unfortunately was never on the podcast, but he's been on it. Yeah, he has. He's played banjo. On the podcast? On the podcast with...

That's seven dead people. Oh, we hit it. Oh, we're fine. Seven. We're around 300 podcasts, give or take. There's some that don't count. We did 10-minute podcasts. We're at 325.

Remember when we went and Banjo Randy showed up? Oh, we fucking have with Inman. And Inman was there. And seven dead people. He left. We did the math where it's like one out of 50 people that are guests on our podcast are dead. Yeah. Take your vitamins, everyone.

Then you have to take out the podcasts that we didn't have guests. So your chances are even greater to be dead if you're a guest on here. Hey, do you want to say anything else there, Mr. Gump? All right. Not that I can be good. You're dead. That does it. You're dead.

Banjo Randy was on the one where Inman, after we did the podcast. Got busted with the mushrooms. With the mushrooms. That was that whole fucking. Or didn't get busted with the mushrooms but made a fucking production? Where were we going? We had grand plans for this next sentence. Soup!

Comfort foods is where we were. Comfort foods is where we were. The other thing is the fact that if we ever go to video and stuff they're going to have to understand that we're not changing the funhouse just for that. Yeah, it's just... Are you going to cover to understand that we're not changing the fun house just for that. Yeah, it's just... Are you going to cover all these things up?

I don't want to say it. These are real ads from... I don't want to fucking... It's memorabilia. Yeah. It's not set up for that. I fucking... Most of us hate being on camera.

And by most of us, I mean me and and chad and me i can't stand cameras and i control the camera so i won't be on it i'll be just making it for you chaley talks to me well we can put this here with this three cameras already set up right there in my face like if if you had gopros just like that footage we were showing you earlier of our security cameras. Yeah, if you had GoPros in those corners where you can see that we're talking but I don't want people fucking

looking at my ugly fucking teeth up close and high definition. Where like just when you show your cards they see you. They lean over and they're going to see your weird nose and teeth black screen hey what was that idea i had for a future podcast there was one well you shouldn't talk about it all right it's in the future well let's stick a pin in it with my memory i think it's okay to

talk about it because someone will remind me hey why aren't you doing that fucking one thing? I tell you guys, and you go, I wrote it down on a list. No. Like, I have a list. We all do. But I had a weird idea. I can't remember. I remember when I saw it today in a note.

Not the one that we didn't do tonight. Right. That's a normal idea, but a weird idea. You had one that's like, people named Stanhope that don't know me. Yeah. Was the guy who bought your scooter named Stanhope? Are you bought your scooter

from? Oh, yeah. Oh, hey, that scooter that's underneath in the laundry room, right? No, no. That's where I put it on the dump list. It's up at the rape trailer. Oh, I put it on the dump list. Oh, I'm taking it down to my house. I'm taking it down to my house. Actually, it got stolen last night. He rode it away.

Yeah, but no. Oh, anyway, I'm going to take it down to my house, okay? If you know how to do the mixture of oil and gasoline. Yes, I do. It's a two-stroke. Then you own it. Okay. I already gave away the fucking ping pong table to Kenny.

Kenny took the baby. What the fuck? Oh, you want to do it? Is it a baby changing station? Whoever takes it first. All right. It's a fucking long story. I will take it in two weeks.

It sailed off the upper deck last night. You can get it from the fucking your thrift store. Another plug for your thrift store. Oh, do you take it to your thrift store? No, I'm going to. Oh, don't. Yeah, don't. Because they were going to sell.

I'll tell you after the fucking podcast. I have a big space I can use it in. Oh, you're going to whack those kids in the backyard. Exactly. Bounce it off the ping pong table right into them jumping up on a fucking. A trampoline, a circus show every day. Yeah, thanks. Hey, by the way, if you're wondering where Chad Shank is, so are we.

But last I talked to him, he was trying to finish up doing his voiceover of the book. And I don't want to bother him because I'm in the same headspace. There's a lot of fucking mental illness going on right now. A lot of people are falling apart. going on right now. A lot of people are falling apart. Right now I am since your wife made me a coffee and perked me up. But I'm going on vacation.

But yeah, there's a lot of people that are going. Maybe it's monsoons. No, it's that time of year. I can feel it. Summer? Summer's not just a depression time. No, I i just moved here i can tell you two days ago well dated but two days ago everyone's going yeah why do we have rain where's the lightning where's the storm this is like alaska okay you're having the same effect alaska does when something doesn't happen when it's supposed to people are freaking out because

you didn't have rain then you had rain, people are freaking out because you didn't have rain. Then you had rain, and now everyone's freaking out because you had rain. So, I mean, that's kind of what happens. Your tree almost dropped a limb on our car, and then we waited a day to pull it away from your car. That's not exciting. That's fucking stressful. No, that's stressful. We were, of course, looking at green chilies at the time in another state. Yeah, you were on vacation, and that was one of the worst monsoons I can remember.

That was crazy. Again, my memory is suspect. No, I've never seen it that wicked. It blew down a blind that was rolled up, tucked into the first up there in the patio. Yeah. Those have been there forever. Yeah. And it blew it.

We realized the first season of months is, oh, if you roll those down, they're bamboo shades. Yeah. Look at trash. Hide the patio. They're going to fucking. And we. So we are.

Just roll them up and keep them there for effect. And don't ever. It blew that off the fucking. It broke cordage. I mean, it threw it straight to the ground. My neighbor's tree, the second oldest in Bisbee, has now died. So now we have the oldest tree in Bisbee. The alligator juniper.

Yeah, we have to go and look for the third oldest now. Which is now the second. Well, I'm going to go on a lot of vacations because we're doing some remodeling here at the house. And the nicest thing that I remember the last few days was Becky Becker on the patio pre-monsoon said, I love you. I remember early days where I thought one day we're all going to be old and live together in the desert. And now it's coming true. I'm tearing up when I say that. Yeah, no, there you go.

You know, it really was. I want to add to that. That made me feel so good. I keep hitting up James Inman to find out when he's going to get here. Watch this bullshit. Why was I invited?

I'm the fucking best guest on the podcast ever. I'm the fucking best guest on the podcast ever. He kind of is, but not the way he knows it. We can put him in the shed next door. Yeah, no. We have a place available. It's called the neighbor's place. He'd take it. No, we own it.

Just make him stay there. Hey, if you're a friend of mine and someone I really know and you ever need an abortion, don't ever go, I was going to ask, but I didn't want to be that person. Ask me in the early trimesters. Yeah. Because as much as I want tourism in Bisbee, I don't want any more. in the early trimesters yeah because I'm as much as I want tourism in Bisbee I don't want any more kids of fucking

broke people so is this a plug for Chiricahua I'll just say it but he won't fly you to China if you're in the ninth trimester I don't think I ever I don't think I ever that's on you, motherfucker. Plan it.

Because, yeah, I used to do that publicly when websites were somewhat viable, but now it's all social media. That was the Palin one you started with. I did Palin, and I did the abortion. Some guy shot an abortion doctor, so I paid for an abortion through. I used to promote Lilith Fund in Austin. They paid for abortions for broke girls, and then they sent me a letter saying, as much as we appreciate your donations –

Stuff a sock in it. Just shut the fuck up because we don't need all the problems that you're creating because I'm verbose about, yes. So I silently still, and I've kept the Bisbee population. You are pro-parking. Yes. Hey, Doug, I got a question. Do you pay for fake abortions? Well, I did ask that lady who's a friend of mine. I go, bring me a receipt.

Because they said, well, it's between like $620 and $1,020, depending on how far along. And I think I'm three weeks. And I go, bring me a fucking receipt. That's why we started a new program called Fistful of Dollars. One way or another, it's got to go. It's a Western. Why are we all fucking drunk and happy

and we don't even know what night it is? Because none of us have children. And it's a great thing. And anytime you bring a child into the world you're murdering a human being because that child will die and you'll be long gone and you won't be around to go oh sorry i never thought it through unless you're lucky unless you're lucky all right. What do we close this podcast on? Let's name him Foster. That way he'll have the same name as his parents. Foster Brooks.

That's where we were going to dump the body. We can end cold. Say goodnight i was gonna say i was just trying to think of a good song that would no let's get away from songs oh oh oh uh ween uh meningitis i love that song bingo yes b. One of what we have a list. We have Bingo and I have a list of possible vacations while this fucking house renovation is going on because I don't want to be anywhere around fucking labor. So one of the ironic wants to see. She wants to see wean really bad.

So we'll definitely close on ween because they won't sue us. They're friends. Why they want to see my spine, mommy. Why they want to see my spine. It's going to hurt again, mommy. Much worse than last time. Am I going to see God, mommy? Am I going to die? If it God, mommy? Am I gonna die?

If it hurts, mommy Am I gonna die? Smile on my Jesus Spider-Man in giant scum patrol Smile on my Jesus Spider-Man and Giant It's not the end I feel the grease around me

Please don't let me die Sticking out silly mommy Please don't let me die Am I gonna see you hide mommy? Am I gonna die? You really hurt me mommy Am I gonna die Smile on my Jesus

Spinal meningitis got me drunk Smile on my Jesus Spinal meningitis got me drunk Jesus, the spinal man in China's gotten drunk. We'll be right back. guitar solo Thank you.