The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #272: (Pt. 2) - I'm On A Train. I Can Complain.

Episode Date: August 15, 2018

Yes, it's a 2 parter released on the same day! Doug finishes the recap of his cross country train adventure then lays out what is in the works with fan fave insane person, James Inman. Also, Chad Shank returns with a Police Beat.Recorded Aug 10th, 2018 in the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Mat Becker (@houdini357), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.Doug's 2018 eBay Yard Sale is underway Aug 12 – 19th. Go bid on something now - [https://ebay.to/2B1zd21](https://ebay.to/2B1zd21)GoFundMe - Chad Shank Performs Inman's Meltdown - [https://www.gofundme.com/JamesInmansMeltdown](https://www.gofundme.com/JamesInmansMeltdown)Get on the Mailing List at www.dougstanhope.com. Cool shit is on the horizon and you don't want to miss out. You have been warned.STANHOPE MERCH - NEW! Chad Shank T-Shirts, “Popov Vodka Presents” VHS Tapes and the NEW KILLER TERMITES T-Shirt now available at [http://www.DougStanhope.com/store](http://www.DougStanhope.com/store)Bingo's Book - “Let Me Out: a madhouse diary” NOW AVAILABLE on AUDIBLE.com - [https://amzn.to/2mItJzn](https://amzn.to/2mItJzn)Chris Cubis - @ChrisCubas Windy City Heat - [https://www.amazon.com/Windy-City-Heat-Perry-Caravello/dp/B000GG4Y2S](https://www.amazon.com/Windy-City-Heat-Perry-Caravello/dp/B000GG4Y2S)Chad Shank Voice Over info at [http://www.AudioShank.com](http://www.AudioShank.com)Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast when we last left you on podcast 271 we teased you about chad shank his egregious fuck up and james inman now we'll join the part two already in progress and then start talking everyone start talking right now like oh yeah anyway yeah that was the thing no it wasn't very good i just watched uh eddie pepitone one of the great things about being in retirement is i can actually take time and listen to podcasts. I watched Pete Davidson, just a 10-minute clip on Opie Radio. Oh, Mr. Grande?

Mr. Ariana Grande? I have no idea who he is. He had a face that I wanted to fucking punch every time I saw it. SNL. Yeah. Who watches fucking saturday night live the only reason people stay up till 10 at least saturday night live is fucking it's always been awful except for the first three years and then there was a minute of eddie murphy and it's

fucking awful and everyone has to have cable now why would you watch Saturday Night Live or anything on network television it baffles me there's so much good television on cable that network is only for football that's the only time that you should have to watch network television other than to watch KGUN9 with my weather lady, April Madison, local news Tucson in the morning. And she responded to you the other day. Oh, yeah. We chat quite a bit. Bingo's in the room.

So don't. Oh, sorry. He's just setting her up to shit on her with the big hashtag like he did Beamish. Beamish. You're about to get Beamish he did Beamish. You're about to get Beamished. You've been Beamished. Let's make a web pilot of you've been Beamished. You've been Beamished.

She still has no idea of the story. She goes, I want to, she DM'd me. I go, we're in Tucson. When we were taking the train trip, we had to go up the night before and stay at the Congress for the 8 a.m. train. And I'm like, hey, we'll be up there. And she's like, I can't come

out at night. I get to wake up at 1 a.m. to do my fucking... Because she has to be on that... The weather doesn't sleep! She's a gal and she has to fucking do her makeup and probably jog and do squats or fucking kegels. I don't know what they do.

I've never been a meteorologist. All of the above would be necessary. But she says, yeah, but if you're ever up here day drinking, I go, that's my gal. Yep. Did you get her on the podcast? She said day drinking. Fuck yeah. Yeah.

There's a couple people in Tucson I want to have on the podcast. As in part one, we talked about the fucking guy that used to write the Bisbee police beat. Anyway, yes. So, yes. April Madison, KGUN9. Vote in the Tucson Weekly Best of Tucson. All right. Let's get back into this.

the Tucson Weekly Best of Tucson. All right, let's get back into this. Because as I was saying, on the train, I turned my phone on one time just to check something or Google something. I had to fucking turn my phone on. I'm no bingo that I stare at it like it's a guru. But I turned it on and it fucking blows up. It's fucking James Inman this james inman that james inman calls me we're gonna make this i'm teasing the james inman

because we're gonna make this into a a full event because everyone has saved their voicemails from James. And the screenshots of Facebook rants about what assholes we all are. It gets personal. Oh, very personal. And like secondary and tertiary people are pulled into this thing. I mean, Becker's wife was mentioned by name as another MF. What the fuck? To be honest, we're working on a musical right now. So we need ancillary

cast? Yeah, yeah. Oh God, I need this job! Sorry, that's a John Bush reference from the fucking early 90s. Remember that, John Bush? Yep. Jen's laughing. Jen remembers that bit. Yeah. Anyway, so I jen's laughing jen remembers that bit yeah uh anyway uh so i didn't pay attention fully i got my voicemail from inman it's a goddamn fucking emergency why won't you answer your

phone you fucking fucking then it was some nonsense someone Someone released like a 30-second clip from a Death Valley party 15 years ago or something. But it's been online forever. I saw it after we got back from Death Valley, it was on there. Well, I think Ben Scott released another 30 seconds. He's like, he lives in Australia. It's nine o'clock there.

Give me his number because I'm going to fuck this bullshit. There was a rule. You can't film. And that rule. We went to Panama because there were no rules. Yeah. Oh, by the way, tell Kramer that. There probably was a rule about filming without someone's knowledge, like on stage or something.

But anyway, it was fucking his ridiculous nonsense. There probably was a rule about filming without someone's knowledge, like on stage or something. But anyway, it was fucking his ridiculous nonsense. But then in the interim, while this is all playing out on Facebook and Twitter and I'm oblivious on a train, someone started a GoFundMe page for Chad Shank. A guy named James Cain. Thanks, James. I really appreciate that. I didn't know what was going on. He said, let's start a GoFundMe page for Chad Shank to read Inman's Facebook rants and Twitter rants. No, it was to read the one rant that he put up on his webpage.

All right. He crashed everybody's webpage, and then he had a huge one, the one that Shaley was talking about, where he started naming all of these names. I hate Doug Stanhope and all of his friends is the basic gist of it if you're doing a musical. I hate Doug Stanhope and all of his friends. It'll be by Elvis Costello

music too. You raised $1,100. It's $1,100. This is the only thing I had a problem with with the GoFundMe. He put it at they were trying to raise $1,000. Once they went over the mark, they made it $10,000 and got greedy.

Yeah. And a few weeks before that, I was having one of my I need to buy karma moments where someone, Chris Cubis from Austin, fucking brilliant. If you follow him on Twitter, he's underrated. You've got to follow this guy. He's a great comic, and he's got really funny tweets. And he retweeted someone's GoFundMe about a dog that was dying or it needed a fucking leg amputated or some shit.

It's about a dog, and it's a girl with a dog. And they were almost at their mark. So I donated almost enough money for the entire mark and retweeted it. It was way too much fucking money. And then they

raised it because I retweeted it. They raised it and I go I feel like that karma I bought, I just feel like i got fucking yeah pooned in the ass no you shouldn't be allowed to change the number to be fair to be fair this guy said from the very beginning it was a joke and he and he never expected it to go to a thousand and as it went people were laughing and they're like it's making money he goes if it hits a thousand i'll add a zero uh which was yeah i, I felt the same shit I felt when I gave fucking money that I should be spending on someone I know.

And then they go, oh, well, if your dog surgery costs this much, it doesn't now become five times as much. Yeah, but I would disagree. A dog surgery is not a joke these are people who what i assume is people who listen to the podcast and say if i have a chance to throw chad shank 10 bucks i'm going to throw him 10 bucks so they had a chance to do that and at the same time it made jim james inman look silly because i'm making money saying his words and he doesn't make money saying his words. Which is good, but when you implore, implore, is that the right word?

When you're getting the killer termites to hit a goal and they hit it and then you're like, all right, we're going to make a goal post. You move the goal post. You do not move the bar and they should do that with GoFundMe. It's still funny. Let's get back to the funny.

It's still funny. GoFundMe should have a limit where if you put it at that amount, it stays at that amount. You have to start a new separate one if you want to do it. And then it's a whole new deal. By the way, I did it. So there you go, GoFundMe. I did a quick search on YouTube. There is a James Inman drinking urine from six years ago that was posted.

No, that's the one I saw. No, but that's what I was telling you. That's what I mean. Yeah, but I mean, it was not a new thing. So when he did this, I was like, I don't get it because I watched it six years ago, and Paul Provenza's in it. Like, you can see him in it. And I'm like.

I can't wait to see it again. I mean, people watch it because Paul Provenza's in it. And then a guy drinks urine while Paul Provenza's in it. Paul Provenza watches some unknown comic drink urine to survive. Oh, that's the title. Yeah. No wonder James didn't find it. He only Googles his own name.

For the listener who doesn't know about this, maybe a new listener. We probably have new listeners. James Inman was in Death Valley, and he's a crazy person. He's our Windy City Heat. What's the fucking character's name that they He's our Windy City Heat. What's the fucking character's name that they fuck with in Windy City Heat? He's that guy. I thought you were going to say Wendy the retard. It's applicable.

It's applicable. Carl Pilkington. Fuck, I had his name the other. Anyway, he's a great crazy person that is easy to wind up on the podcast or in life. And we're at Perry. Yes. Perry from Windy City Heat. If you haven't seen that movie, you're not a comedy fan.

Stop the podcast. Find Windy City Heat. I watched it at least 18 times because someone came to the house and said, Oh, I've never seen that. Yeah, well, here. We're going to sit down for an hour and a half. Tracy, did you look that up? Okay. Now hit unpause. You're not a comedy fan.

Now hit unpause. I never claimed to be. Or a voiceover actor for now. I make zero claims as to being anything at all. Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla also produced it. So it was pedigreed, man. It was going to be good.

Even Dane Cook I liked in that. By the way, Don Barris, stand-up guy. He was at the Comedy Store when that whole thing went down. I didn't air it about when we took over the Comedy Store podcast studio because someone pushed them out. Don Barris was like, I understand. So I didn't air that part, but honestly, stand-up guy and big fan

and watching him at the end of the night. Bingoes. The Ding Dong Show. I've never seen that before. That is a crazy bunch. Bingoes still gets starstruck every time she sees Don Barris because of windy city heat

tell him i said hi you're right here you tell him ah no you do it great guy man i've never met him before until that and it was a weird situation and at the same time everything's cool yeah when we first uh we were into the impractical jokers before it was a known entity and uh i i tweeted to them and we had contact on twitter and then hey we have we want some advice can we call you and they it was uh sal and uh quinn on the side of the fucking highway in new jersey talking to us and big i was like i want to say hi and then i put her on the phone and she couldn't talk. She just giggled and handed the phone back.

And she's still like that. Well, get on the mic. Get on the mic. Go on. That's not true. You told them to call me and I picked up the phone and I knew who they were immediately and I flipped

out. I couldn't talk. It were immediately. And I flipped out. I couldn't talk. It was fabulous. It was very cute. Bingo's as easily starstruck as I am a fucking giddy girl when I do mushrooms. I never want to get good at that. Let's get back to the story. James Inman is flipping out.

I'm ignoring most of it. But I get notes from chaley save all your voicemails if inman calls you don't answer the phone because we want to record all of these you're on your dumb train trip and i was i got that immediately as soon as i got it and i heard the first oh god oh god i'm like i stopped because i knew what was going to happen and i immediately called doug who was not answering because he's not answering the phone because he didn't want to watch Twitter and get all weird and everything. And I just left a message. Do not delete anything and do not answer your phone.

If this guy, he's in my phone as do not answer, exclamation point, exclamation point. That's the way it is, right? Do not answer. Let everything go to voicemail and that was that was i was hoping you would get it sooner or later because it's a problem if if all of a sudden he knows he's reached someone games it's a different game we're not playing we're not playing the game we want to play now we're playing his game because he it's fell on some ears oh no he tried to start his own game after the GoFundMe ended.

Then he's emailing Brian and CCing me saying, well, since he made so much money, I'm going to write another rant. And then he's asking if it's okay to, can I talk about this? Because Stan Hope never talked about this. He's asking the censors if he can do this material in his next rant. He wrote the next day after he realized

that GoFundMe was happening, he wrote a new rant and then claimed that somehow that I was contractually obligated to read all of his future rants. Yeah, like you have a three-book deal. Yeah. So I was like, all right, whatever.

And then so he wrote a giant rant specifically about me. Well, it just said my name over and over again. I chad shank, stuff walnuts up my ass. And I saw Doug Stanhope's dick. So at least he's writing new material. But what I told him was, because he said, you know, I wrote a rant, you have to read that. And I was like, not only do I not have to read it,

nobody will ever see it unless Stanhope retweets it, you know, like the unbookables. And then he didn't message me anymore after that. That's great. Your advertising guru is over. I'm going to tease this. What are you doing?

I don't know. It's 8 o'clock or 9 o'clock there in Australia. Do you have his fucking phone number? That was the first one. Who's he talking to? Me. That was a voice message for me. He's trying to get a hold of Ben Scott.

It's like 8 or 9 there in Australia. Yeah, he's already done the conversion on time, but he can't figure out Doug's on vacation. I think Andy may have some stuff. Are you saying that in addition to his one rant that I read, but he can't figure out Doug's on vacation. I think Andy may have some stuff. Are you saying that in addition to his one rant that I read, should I read emails that you guys have? I have emails.

Hennigan has three voicemails. Fuck you. People did give me a lot of money. I'm willing to read all of that stuff. So we're going to put this together. We're actually going to give you your fucking $1,100 worth and edit it. He's going to read all the rants that are emailed, Chad Shank will, and then we'll play all of the voicemails from Inman and then have roundtable discussions between those,

just like an Audible book. Fuck you, Audible. You should fucking put this out we could make the james inman story but we could do it an hour and a half can we bring in one of those like profilers that that look at his techniques and go yeah oh he's definitely shouldn't be on the streets yeah he's audible i know you i know you've kind of cornered the market on uh audiobooks how about audio pamphlets the james inman pamphlet no mishka shibali cornered the market on audiobooks. How about audio pamphlets? The James Inman pamphlet. No, Mishka Shibali cornered the market

on those. He drank his own piss too, but he made it into a fucking... Audio? Mishka Shibali, his album that he signed to me is on my eBay yard sale right now. It ends Sunday, August 19th, in the year of our lord,

2018. Get the Mishka Shibali. I didn't even read the entire autograph. I pulled half of the album vinyl out of the box and it said something probably snarky and I just put it, I go, yeah, I'm going to sell this on eBay and piss you off because there's some people like

Inman and Mishka that you like to annoy. Anyway, back to the show already in progress. This Inman thing was fortuitous for you, Chad Shane. Financially, it was fortuitous, yes. It was a lateral move because you went a little bit south. It sounds for one of us. The audible job that I talked to you guys about the last time that I was so proud of, I fucking failed out on it.

I bombed out bad on it. It was a book that the author picked you specifically. Bruce that did the book here, the producer here, sent me, and he says, read this for an audition, and I did, and the author picked me. I was really excited. And you just finished your whole studio yeah yeah this is your first big fucking gig and i'm and i was i could give you a million things that what happened but it all sounded like excuses but it was right not for listeners of this podcast it was at the same it

was at the same time that the stuff happened with my daughter is whenever this happened. Well, technically your daughter. Yeah, what's her name? So she was going through a lot of emotional type stuff, her mother still being a cunt and telling her it's different dudes that died and stuff. Let's slow down a bit because we are drinking to catch people up. Emotional things. bit because we are drinking uh to catch people up emotional things she's looking at prison time and just found out you're not really her father right right and you're it's not a pms situation you're in a different you're in a different city again i i will know that and i had i traveled to

where she was right so you weren't at home it's not like you were dilly-dallying at home. Yeah. You were in a different city. Well, and I misread the contract and thought that I had a really long time to do this when I only had a really short time to do this is the other thing that happened. So I just couldn't. I got thrown into the deep end of the pool. Just because I have the notoriety from Stanhope doesn't mean that I'm ready to operate at that level.

I need to fucking. I've never been considered a level you have. That's your opinion. It's like somebody says, hey, this guy filled in all of our potholes on our road. You should hire him for all your paving needs. And then the guy's like, oh, yeah, come over and do our paving. And I'm like, wait, I accidentally fell. Technically, I did fill potholes, but I was walking,

and then I fell into a pothole, and I filled it with my body. So, yeah, I mean, if you want to get technical, that happened. But I in no way have the skills to make you a driveway. I wish I had a better analogy, but that's kind of shitty. The falling into the pothole works. Hey, listen, if Stan Hope wants to be a pothole, I'll make him a pothole. How's resurfacing Interstate 10 going? So I was way out of my league.

I wasn't ready to do that. Well, we were on the train when you texted Bingo at like 5 in the morning. You guys are soulmates at 5 in the morning. I'm up and crazy too. Crisis soulmates. Well, she said Chad had to email Audible and bail out of reading that book, which I know that was your first big thing. And I was worried.

I got an extension for a week. I've bullshitted my way through everything my entire life. I've learned a little bit about something and then made people think that I was something I wasn't, and I got through life like that. I was not a good mechanic in the Army, but if you took a poll in all my units and said, who's the best mechanic, they would say, oh, it's Shank. Not because I was the best mechanic, because I was the best bullshitter.

And this is the first time I ran up against something that requires skill and art, something that I'm acutely aware of that I have no, none of. But also practice. And that's it. And that's it. And you cannot rush practice. Exactly. And that's it.

So I have a book that I promised Sam Keeley that I would do fucking three years ago now that I'm working on right now that I should be able to get out real soon. And that one, I'll need help pimping it out since I blew the other. But that's a smaller one. So it's a more manageable project. It's a real small book, and I don't have to submit it to Audible on their timeline. He just wants it. For the record, I read the hard copy of the book you were reading.

I read the hard copy of the book you were reading, and just the amount of names of these gangsters and all these, and you don't know how to pronounce them. It's a hard book. It's a great book, but it's a hard one to follow. And imagining you reading it, what was the fucking quote? I called you. I was like three pages in. Slicked black. See, you reading it, what was the fucking quote? I called you. I was like three pages in. Slicked black. See, you fucked it up.

There you go. Slicked black hair. To be fair, when I read it in my studio, I only fucking fucked up that take because I laughed once I nailed it because you had already told me I fucked it up. I started reading it and he's talking about, and they have the cliched Italian gangsters with the slicked back black hair. Slicked black, black, black. Yeah. And then he hooks up with Sister Susie sitting at the seashore. That didn't help. Like Becker said, you need to practice, and you have to take baby steps.

So I have the small book by samuel keely mexican ejection seat that i'm going to work on and literally the pronunciation guide that audible sent me for the other book is bigger than the book that i'm going to do first just just the guy just to practice how to say these words was like i can't do that uh it was longer than your book when bingo told me that oh he had a email audible and bail out of this i go i that i thought that might be the fucking end of your psyche and i i didn't contact you i you did you keep looking at newser death pool days later he texted me yeah fucking i had to bail out of this but it was a like you can read the the mood in the text and he was in a good

mood i'm like uh we fucked up way worse yeah uh but my first rosanne bar had saturday night special to try to compete with sat Night Live in the 90s. I had to leave Coutts. Yeah, that's when you left. I had to leave Coutts in Anchorage to go do this spot on this new Roseanne Barr's Saturday Night Special. That's when I became a bartender. And I fucking failed so miserably on camera in front of a live studio audience. Thank God they cut it.

I've never heard of this. The show ran long. Oh, yeah. Who's Roseanne? That was after Fridays. Fridays tried to compete in the 80s. Yeah, Fridays tried in the 80s. But this was after that.

Probably 96 or something. Yeah, 96, 97. She was on a roll. The first time I went to Coots, it was the first summer I spent at Coots.. The first time I went to Coots, it was the first summer I spent at Coots. Not the first time you went to Coots. First time you went to Coots was in December of 95. 95, yeah.

So yeah, it was like 96, 97. Yeah. It was the second time you were there because that's how I became a bartender because they had to pay me for the week and then they made me go work the day bar. And I go, if you've got a comedy show at fucking 11 in the morning, I'll go. Yeah, Duran went over to the – No, not Duran. It was –

Someone grabbed you out of the – What do you got? The head of security. No. Angry guy. Who was he? No. The big bald guy that ended up –

Yeah, Tommy McCullough. No, it wasn't Tommy McCullough. It was head of security. Oh, fuck. Yeah, all the – What's her name? All the listening audience is yelling out names in their car right now. No, no, no, no.

It was before Barry. Let's get back to the story that the fucking. Oh, the guy with the eye patch and a limp? Yeah. He had that hook? Yeah. But he actually had two hands, but he had a hook too? But he brought a hook.

Yeah. Who brings a hook to a party? Backs a lot of guys down. Who brings a hook to a hand party? Hand fight. Low five. backs a lot of guys down who brings a hook to a hand party hand fight low five all right i think we're gonna get back on track here where are we we're doing a part two we're at uh him having a but bruce from audible he knows. Our producer. He knows that you have talent, and he knows your backstory. He knows your history.

He listens to the podcast. And he said, hey, he said what I said. This is not going to fuck up your career. Yeah, he's super nice. And I was worried about that. I told him thank you for that because, in addition to everything else i i let my fucking family down you know when you're in that head space where you fucked up you just all you can focus on is all i have to go on the podcast and explain to everybody that's fucking supported me what a fuck yes indeed i am the fucking worst

fuck up in the world see i told you that's right you're like everyone else now so yeah we we filmed a a pilot a year and a half ago with the uh johnny depp corporation production company what that cost them or me it's pennies in the bucket for what their debt is. Yeah, and it sucked shit. I sucked shit. We thought we could do this. I can produce. I can do all this.

No, I sucked. I sucked badly. Was it the first time you ever did it? And then no one can tell you that you sucked? No. Oh, we need a better comedy editor. No, I suck. You can't take it back.

Doug sucked before. But it still hurt. This was on someone else's dime. This was as cavalier as we took it. About how we can do this. And then people don't realize. And I was the only weak link. Henry Phillips, two movies in. Amazing. Henry who, two movies in. Amazing.

Henry who? Your dog. More people know my dog. Sorry, I'm just fucking with you, Henry. Yeah, his movies are fucking great. No, and yeah, he's in that. And that's the thing. That's a select talent.

The thing is, you learn that from all the work he did. And Chad is new yeah so as time goes on you can't take away talent you can't you can't cut the front of the line in every situation it just doesn't work no remember you can bullshit the military but you can't bullshit audible yeah that's it that's it if you were an extra in the godfather, and they said, oh, what's his name? The Godfather. Marlon Brando just had a stroke. Is there anyone fat and bald amongst the extras that can carry this role?

Because basically, that book, when I read it, half of me is so intrigued by the story. The other half is, how are you going to fucking get through this reading this? Because it's one of the most difficult books to read if you're not a Boston Southie half-guinea. I will tell you, it was more of myself that defeated me and the tech. The punch and roll that the audible requires. The tech of recording yourself and not having a producer, like an outside ear hear and then go,

hey, do that again. You're not like, you know how we read and the parts we would fuck up, somebody else would take out. Whenever you do it yourself, it all has to be non-fucked up and uh you know streamlined and my my first thought was let's because we were the train ride was already fucked that whole chicago take a flight and my first thought was i should fly back and direct him

because when i'm drinking i I think I can fix everything. Yeah, ask Gabby Hayes. That's a callback from part one. Isn't that why they're here? Yeah. This is part two. Yeah, this is why you're still here. I really hope to get an email or a tweet from Gabby Hayes' family in Vancouver, Washington, where she finally landed

because she thought she was on the wrong train initially. It sounds like she might have been. That's why she was walking the wrong way. It was her third trip. They just turned her out and put her right back on when she got off. That's why I want an email from Gabby Hayes' family in Vancouver.

No, we didn't send her on an endless trip to Insaneville. I forced that. Good push. I like that there's a future option in mind. It's cheaper than whatever sort of retirement you can just ride around. No, I thought about that. Maybe you can do a bus version.

Cheaper than an old folks home. You don't have train money. You can just throw somebody on a bus. You look forward to the bus ride. Stop at Burger King. There's some in the coach, and then the richer people are in the cabin cars, and then the other people are on the roof. I will say this about Amtrak.

The coach seats are better than first class on Delta. Amtrak, the coach seats are better than first class on Delta. They have a full recline and then for your thighs, a recline and then you put your feet.

More leg room than any first class, even sleeping first class. International. It's like a gynecologist chair. Yeah, it's a train, but a bus beat you. They just add another car if they have more people. But the problem is that the Greyhound travelers in coach in those beautiful

seats have coolers and eight blankets and nine bags and seven children. Yeah. You have a beautiful, beautiful, comfortable seat. And then you clog a beautiful, beautiful, comfortable seat, and then you clog it like a fucking hoarder on a train. That was when we took the train one time and one time only from a beautiful LA Union Station

to the Benson platform out here, and it's overnight. So you get on the train at like 10 o'clock, the same one you took. You're kidding. It's like 9 o'clock in the morning? I'm going to say about 4.35 in the morning. Tracy, what did that guy say? The guy in our – we didn't get a sleeper car.

We're in the coach, these wonderful gynecological chairs. We're hanging out, and all of a sudden at 4, 5 a.m., a guy yells. What did he yell? What the fuck? What the fuck is that smell? God damn it, it smells like shit in here. What the fuck? Over the loudspeaker?

The guy next to me. He jumped up in the aisle and started yelling. Who smells like ass? What the fuck? I'm like, is it breakfast? And I'm like, this is. No. was it this is no this is a thing this is a thing the it's the lowest the people who don't want to show id get on a train that's out of la especially and it was one of those things like i just i can never do this fucking trip again i was thinking romantic of like la union. It's beautiful. The more beautiful the station, the shittier the fucking people because it was fucking horrible.

We ain't going to be serving breakfast. Don't even ask me. When Steno first tweeted that he was going to have to take a plane instead of continuing on, I tweeted him, I'm sorry your white trash vacation is going so white trashy. Who knew? Like he expected something completely different. Yeah. The

as you came apart with the book that you finally got a legit fucking full voiceover job. My big break, what I've always wanted. But this is where timing came into this is where you got the James

Inman thing. Yeah, right. Same time frame. Like, alright, I gotta bail out of this book, but I get to... I feel terrible, but... Hey! I tweeted, I texted you that. I said don't worry, you got the In you that. I said, don't worry. You got the Inman thing.

That's when you said, hey, I had to bail out of this book because my fucking head isn't right. And I said, don't worry. You got the Inman thing on the GoFundMe. Every time God closes a door, he opens a toilet stall. This thing's still active, by the way. Yeah, he told me he shut it down. Oh, who did? The guy who said it.

I was going to say, James Inman told you something? No. Stanhope recommended blocking him on Twitter, so I blocked him on Twitter. And then I was going to unblock him, but he wasn't there anymore. Yeah, he canceled his account. I go, fuck, I was going to block him him but he wasn't there anymore. Yeah, he cancelled his account. I go, fuck, I was going to block him for fun just to wind him up more. Yeah, I was fucking with him. And then I went to

unblock him. Nah, his account's down. I don't know about... You guys do Facebook. If you go to GoFundMe, it's Chad Shank performs Inman's Meltdown, which that's a great name because it's going to open up. It's going to blossom that way.

Global swarming. They've got $1,130 out of a $1,000 goal, and I guess you can still donate. Oh, you put it back to $1,000? Oh, good. Yeah. Actually, you know what? That's the way. Don't – just because you hit the goal –

Just let it go over. Yeah, just let it go over. Don't fucking let. But you're right. GoFundMe has to regulate that. They go, look, don't get fucking greedy, motherfucker. I'm pretty sure this guy was new at GoFundMe. He was just trying to do something funny and something nice for me.

And it worked. This is not an indictment on him, by the way. So don't shit on that guy. He's a nice guy. I'm not shitting on him. I'm saying to anyone who doesn't GoFundMe. He's a nice guy. I'm not shitting on him. I'm saying to anyone who doesn't go fund me. Don't change the number. When you said that, that makes sense.

Because some people donated more than fucking $10 on here. Doesn't it look better? There's a chunk of money. David Johnson gave $50. Oh, look, $130. Jason Fury down the street gave $40. But look at Chris. Wait, $130.

You just want to look at. Christopher Ohm. Ohm. Yep. I feel like we're at the end of Romper Room where we're looking through the mirror. What I mean. That's 130 bucks. Oh, and I see Christopher Ohm.

All right. There's a lot of over-talking going on. Pay attention. Fucking drunk at this point. Yeah. So it's still going on. Go find me. Chad Shank performs in the Meltdown, allegedly.

So are we doing... We're not doing this reading today, then? No, no. We're just teasing it. We're going to production it up. Fuck yeah. We're going to do $1,130 worth of work on this. Absolutely.

It's going to be a real thing. And we're going to have background checks on Inman. I can do a narration over the top of it on July 24th. We got Al Pacino. We got another GoFundMe to get Al Pacino to do the intro. It's not going so well. I don't know how we'll talk tech after the podcast, but Hennigan has three brilliant voicemails. I don't know how you can record those without him being here, but you'll figure that out.

The man will be talking later and so yeah we'll sit down and have a fucking writer's room up on the patio of what we have and at the time put it together we're gonna fucking yeah well we will produce this this is the beauty of it is that not only do i could i just i because i forwarded you the voicemail I got from him and you were on your fancy train trip so you couldn't get it but my voicemail you eventually got it but when I was doing that I realized

my voicemail actually transcribes everything he says I get a text of what it said and I'm like oh my god this is fucking precious yeah we have to have a fucking writer's room where we just sit down around the patio table. Yeah, everyone has to forward me all the audio from this thing because, first of all, no one answer the phone if he calls. Because once this goes out, he might reinvigorate his disdain for everyone.

Just so you know know my voicemail actually translates to and that's how i know cold cut jenny cold cut kenny almost spit out his fucking coffee right now every time it says jenny called to be fair there were a lot of blank spaces with like do not cannot translate in there. I'm assuming those are curse words. Or just. Not Japanese. We know that from Hennigan.

I don't think I have anything to add. We were going to do the gossip column. Let's take a break and then come back and do police beat. Well, I was going to add in a page six. What's that? I talked to a guy. It's a British guy who has an awkward head. He's the guy who walked through.

Do a better lead in. We'll take that out. I'll take a break. Okay. Let's take a break. Cocktails. Cut. Cocktails.

Cocktails. Cocktails. Cut. Cocktails. James, have you ever used Eros Guide for hookers on the road? Eros Guide. That sounds interesting. What is it?

Eros Guide is where in my later stage of getting hookers via computer, I would go to Eros Guide. They have hookers in every major metropolitan area. So, is this like Craigslist? It gives you pictures, tells you what they're into. Right, because I'm tired of going to Craigslist, finding these skanky hookers. Hey, your face isn't really

pixelated. Get out of my Motel 6. How much to just talk for three months? All right, I'll give you 250 bucks an hour, but I get to live on your couch for a year and a half. And believe me, you'll be paying me that back. Did you say no? I like what you did. I respect that.

Can I do some laundry at your house? It's just this jacket and cap all right that's a plug from james inman now back to the podcast already sort of in progress as i was saying before i was rudely interrupted by a break in the podcast, there's a guy in town, I think his name is Ben Morgan. If I'm wrong, sorry. Maybe he wants you to be wrong. By the way, Ben Morgan was the guy who ran through me in my fucking socks and underwear at midnight in the rain, fending off a fucking intruder when nobody helped me. And he walked out of a party here and walked right through the fucking fist fight.

Not fist fight. It was a push. It was a tussle. Push and shove. A street tussle. Yeah, it was for a 51-year-old weak guy with fucking scoliosis. Yeah, it was a street fight. What'd you have?

I tried to give him scoliosis. Doug's assaulting a wheelchair guy out. But he had battery power. That guy had shoes on and pants. Probably not his own. Hold on a second.

I just remembered this detail. After the incident, what you're talking about, and then it all resolved, the guy went away, and then Doug in his underpants and his socks. Wet socks. If you didn't listen to the previous episode, here's a good reason. Figure out why Doug is in his underpants and his socks. Wet socks. If you didn't listen to the previous episode, here's a good reason. Figure out why Doug is in his underpants and his sockettes, the little ankle socks. Burner socks. And then I look up. Right after the rain.

I look at the video. It rained again. 40 minutes later, I see the car coming back up the street. They park. Doug gets out of the car where they went to go look for the guy. He's still wearing underpants. Wet underpants and socks. Wet socks, underpants, and his socks.

They jumped in the Batmobile to fucking go fight crime, and he still was just wearing underpants and socks. You know what? Hollywood has ruined it. Superman doesn't change every time. He only has one suit. The guy did get arrested three days later thank you police uh beat bisbee observer police beat yeah three days later while i was on a train he was getting arrested and he's

gonna get arrested again because he has another warrant so anyway the guy that ran through the fucking street beef at midnight and didn't notice that I was in a conflict that I can't resolve. He just jumped in his car. Thanks for the party. And then I'm back to... As you're struggling over a... Two by four that he was carrying.

Two by four with the assailant. And Bingo's watching on the security camera in the bedroom rather than calling for help from fucking large men. She was waiting for a commercial. Boy, this camera's clear. Look at this. You can really see the detail. Netflix, there's not one ad.

I love documentaries. Benjamin Morgan, who does a webcast from Bisbee, like the Good Morning America show. It's kind of that hokey. It's out of 30 Rock? Yeah, it's the 30 Rock of old Bisbee. And the only difference is there's no one pressing their face in the window because no one gives a shit uh yeah he does this hokey thing he's the guy that ran out of here but he uh the the mayoral uh election is coming up the primary is august 28th and it's one of those

it's a hillary trump kind of thing where no one gives a fuck two candidates that are not even polar maybe they're polarizing to locals i like i don't i know them both peripherally i wave you're probably not the go-to on bisbee highlife well our old mayor adriana fucking bazal zabu to do whatever her name was she started shit with the fucking civil unions and plastic bag bans and she caused some chaos and now it's just about she showed up to the the baseball games she showed up here. She fucking have a, I just have, I'll have one wine after the city council meeting. We'd have an after party for city council. It was fucking great.

If you say I'm going to have one wine to 10 people, you just drink 10 wines. Now it's about, you know, Bisbee Unified School District. It's not fun. It's not fun. Losing a lot of money so anyway firing people hiring people without a point being well no big contract yeah asked me if i would do he he's doing mean tweets with the two candidates and i go uh he said will you introduce it? I go, I don't know what Mean Tweets is. Mean Tweets is a segment on Jimmy Kimmel bit for a local webcast, because you know how great that worked out for me the last time I tried to do

Jimmy Kimmel's show. You get a chance to relive your youth. Just to keep this out of your arena, Jimmy Kimmel might come out here just to cock block you i honestly think because i i don't watch late night tv but i've i've seen where jimmy kimmel does uh the unnecessary bleeping and one of those things i go i think they might have stolen that from me and Joe Rogan because they hated the fact that we took over the man show

rightfully you're absolutely right but they had traded creative control for ownership yeah so Comedy Central owned the show so when we took over fucking we believe a lot of nonsense.

Oh, yeah. We make it your own, except for your ideas. It sucked. And he was rightfully pissed. But when we were promoting, Joe Rogan and I were on Ryan Seacrest's. He had a daytime talk show like oprah and we went on to promote the new man show and we're just talking in very light terms what when's the last time you got laid or and rogue is like oh you smoke pot ryan right and and they were bleeping the most minor things. When's the last time?

So afterwards, we're getting blown up on the internet. Like, what the fuck did you say? Because it sounded like we were saying the most repulsive things. Because they're bleeping out laid and pot and sex. Just minor words. So I don't doubt that that's where the idea came from because if he hated us that much he's probably got people watching this inappropriate bleeping he does that it's a fucking fantastic bit we didn't write it you were victims of it yeah i love it on amazon nothing with you

and rogan and the man Show comes up on a search. Thank God. No, I'm just saying they have successfully scrubbed all of it. Thank you, Rogan, for all of your power. So, yeah, we're going to do that. I don't know. I'll just – you know what? I'm just going to steal.

I'm going to look up Jimmy Kimmel introducing – because I didn't know it. He sent me a link, and I watched Jimmy Kimmel set up mean tweets. And I'll probably just do it verbatim. Because he's going to film the candidates separately. And I'll just repeat. I think I should just reach out to Jimmy Kimmel's people. He might come out here and save you from having to get out of retirement. I don't think so.

Ziggy, zaggy, ziggy. Oh, never mind. from having to get out of retirement. I don't think so. Ziggy, zaggy, ziggy. Oh, never mind. By the way, this really dovetails perfectly into the Doug Stanhope eBay yard sale where we have show number 509 and number 515

of the Stone Stanley Entertainment production of The Man Show in VHS. The last eBay yard sale, not the football helmet one, but the last eBay yard sale, I sold all of the copies and I couldn't find two. And now I found them. So maybe the guy that bought every copy other than the missing two will bid on these. Wait, don't we have a VHS copy guy?

Hold those tapes. Only if you got a time machine. I never plugged that fucking special enough the vhs of vodka pop-up vodka presents uh only has the that title track on it's like 20 minutes the rest is available on vimeo the full hour but uh we watched it it was a blast it was so fun watching it because i forgot about tracking where the where the squiggle goes like it didn blast. It was so fun watching it. Honestly, it was really good. Because I forgot about tracking where the squiggle goes. It didn't matter. It was almost like watching weird porn from the old days.

Yeah, it was like, hey, put the blinds down. Because there was a line going through, and we're like, we're cool with it. Just don't fucking touch anything. Oh, there's another. Well, in the eBay art sale, it's going from the 12th to the 19th of August. Yeah, by the. No, it's going out during this. Yeah, it's in the middle.

Right now, if you're listening to this, it's probably Wednesday or Thursday. I'm going to put up all of the VHS of Pop-Up Vodka Presents. They're signed. You can get those online. But we'll send you, in the eBay yard sale, a signed VCR. No, don't do that. Why not? Why not? Why not?

What's hysterical? Write it on your arm. A signed VCR and a tape of the thing. You get the whole kit and caboodle. Yeah. We'll call the kit and caboodle. It costs almost $5 to get a VCR now. I know.

Room 666 key is up there. It costs $78 to ship one. I got to get that to our gal that does runs the eBay it ain't my fucking eBay you didn't want to sell it though what the 666 key no no we just yeah no he didn't know where it was I go

it's on your fucking wall don't touch that wall all right I'm like I've been doing great since I got rid of it all right let me let's just get to bisbee gossip this is a new uh segment to the show bisbee gossip it's the page six that doesn't exist in the bisbee observer which that's one thing i told that kid that does bis beans and rice hokey get some local gossip get margo what's up with margo margo was drunk at the grand the other night so here's a we'll just call him cold cut because we want to

keep him if you can pixelate his voice so what's up hey what's up with uh, what's up with Reverend Derek? Oh, yeah, Reverend Derek. His brother just moved into town. That's always a joy. A giant puritan. And so I went to help him move his stuff out of his U-Haul, which is comic books and action figures. And as I noticed, second bedroom on the right in his giant old person house was all of Derek's belongings.

Pretty much all of Derek's junk. But Derek and Bree, the couple that you know from the podcast, they just bought a house together. Why would all of Derek's stuff be at his brother's new apartment? Well, see that right there. Trouble in paradise? That's never been paradise? I would say, yeah, paradise trouble. Paradigm? Maybe he has a summer home.

Or a weekend getaway. But, yeah. Better than jail. Hey, that's the... Hey, you don't... That's enough. We can all make our own assumptions based on this information, but let's quickly go to Chad Shank with the Bisbee Police Beat and read the stories that may or may not be about Derek and Bree.

In a completely unrelated police beat, the crisis team responded to a medical emergency involving a highly intoxicated man who was suicidal. Derek! Derek! What else do you have out there that's just completely unrelated to the gossip column? A man who was sleeping in the post office

said he was trying to get out of the rain, but agreed to leave. Derek! A caller said a man with scratches on his face came to his residence and said he had been fighting with his wife and needed police assistance. Derek!

A woman asked for help with her ex-husband, who she said had threatened to kill her in the past, and was at her house asking to come in. Bree! A woman who appeared intoxicated was reportedly walking down the middle of the road. Derek! Sorry, I did Derek. And finally, a caller said a man had been sleeping in the park regularly and appears to be making himself comfortable.

Derek! Derek! Well, that's all for this week's Bisbee Observer. We're going to close this podcast with audio of James Inman on YouTube. What's the clip name? It's called James Inman Drinking Urine to Survive. We're going to close on that, but first, Greg Chaley would like to remind you...

Doug, I know you don't know about this, but Apple Podcasts, it's iTunes. What's a podcast? Well, I know. It's a thing. You'll hear about it. Your kids will tell you. If you review our podcast, hopefully you enjoy it more than the guy who said,

Doug Stanhope is a legend true to this mess. Which I don't know if that's good. Commercials get a little long sometimes, but they're different, and I can stand listening about the same product over and over again. Oh, I'm getting to that one. Why don't you just buy the fucking product? Another person who gave us a one star said, overrated drunk loser who has to hide out in nowhere Arizona to belong.

Bingo? Wrote that? Oh, my God. I didn't know she had an email. And if you, as a listener to this podcast, there's a couple of you, go to Apple Podcasts and review us. Maybe it'll be better than the two-star that we got from Dickwad McGillicuddy. Real name. Oh, boy.

You guys have been in a car together for a long time. A lot of decades. Dickwad McGillicuddy on june 27th 2018 said i like stanhope and his humor but this pod wait i should do it in his voice i like stan hope his humor but this podcast is disjointed garbage it's basically him and his crew sitting around rambling in a drunken stupor there There's zero format or structure. Just like sitting on a bar stool listening to 50 year old dudes trying to be

funny and only succeeding a small percentage of the time. Better listen to Doug's specials where there is a sober editor packaging the finished product. Sad. And if you don't like that, listen to Near the Wild.

So, yeah, I don't know what these things do, but I hear other podcasts saying, review us. And I think we can do better than, and that was a two-star. That wasn't a one. That was like, this sucks. We could do worse. It could do worse. I think you know. We could do worse. I think we can get that guy back.

I think we can bring him around. Look, the fact that it's a two means I'm sure he will come back. He's going to come back with a five star just because we mentioned. He's going to check in. He's going to check in. And by the way, he watches the specials. Also, I don't have a lot of arguments against what he said. No, that should be our bio

yeah that's what i would write if i was can we write a review about him say well you sound like you're just special well this this poor guy has to sit around listening to 50 year old dudes try to be funny. Yeah. Feed your cat. As Becker used to say, and still does probably, free and worth every penny. I think that's going to, I'm going to copy and paste that in our bio for Audio Boom. I think so. I'll tweak it a little so that all the grammar matches up. But yeah, we'll do that. Hey, thanks, Dickwad McGillicuddy.

Yeah, you're a good editor. You can edit Dickwad McGillicuddy into sounding like he's got some... I like the sad at the end, like he's Trump. Sad. Just sad. And by the way, Dickwad McGillicuddy, you're part of this sad show now. Hey, don't forget. Let's listen to James Inman drink piss to survive. But it's the wrong piss.

Good night. Oh, no. I didn't even say chug. I surrender. Yeah, chug. I surrender. Okay, this would probably be a good time to unload about your wine bottle. Six o'clock. Oh my God.

Yes! That is right, my friends. What did you do, Paul? What did you do? What did you do? I don't know, but I'm pretty proud of myself. Uh-huh. Who's the next king of the party now that's right i gotta tell you there's been a turn in the campaign yes there's been a turn in the campaign a bare knuckle fist fight oh

yes yes you gotta hold it in I've always imagined it would make someone sick Now I know That was no... You can drink your piss They tell you, in the military, they tell you If you're in the desert and you don't have any water Then you have to drink your urine

Yeah, but drinking the other guy's urine is game And I would have got you some water Hey, I just tapped the keg again.