The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #273: Is Asia Argento Really the Problem?

Episode Date: August 22, 2018

With all this #MeToo talk in the news, Doug wants to know the details of when the crew first had sex. A big thanks to everyone who participated in the the recent eBay Yard Sale. Your stuff is on the way. Recorded Aug. 21st, 2018 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Mat Becker (@houdini357), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. This episode is sponsored by FIXD - FIXD is a device that constantly scans your car for problems and tells you, in plain English, what's wrong. Get FIXD for as low as $39.00\. Go to [www.listentomycar.com](www.listentomycar.com) and enter promo code STANHOPE for an additional 10% off the already discounted price. STANHOPE MERCH - NEW! Chad Shank T-Shirts, “Popov Vodka Presents” VHS Tapes and the NEW KILLER TERMITES T-Shirt now available at [http://www.DougStanhope.com/store](http://www.DougStanhope.com/store) Get on the Mailing List at [www.dougstanhope.com](www.dougstanhope.com). Cool shit is on the horizon and you don't want to miss out. You have been warned. Listen to more of Anthony Desamito's comedy at [http://www.anthonydesamito.com/](http://www.anthonydesamito.com/) Chad Shank Voice Over info at [http://www.AudioShank.com](http://www.AudioShank.com) Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org) "(Meet The) Flintstones" composed by Hoyt Curtin, Joseph Barbera and William Hanna, performed by Postmodern Jukebox on YouTube.com - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA5C_S6bW-w](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA5C_S6bW-w)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Nobody's made fun of my tweet and told me that it was already a hack fucking thing, so I don't blame you, Stan. Any comments? Yeah, I got... LOLs? Exactly. Yeah, fuck rich people. That'll be it.

We all just misheard him. Gold, Chad, gold. Yes, bigly possible. Very punny. It's doing well. It's doing well. Chad Shank might have coined the expression because we were just watching some CNN against our will. And, of course, Trump says witch hunt.

Rigged witch hunt. Rigged witch hunt. And Chad Shank said, I think he might be trying to say wigged rich hunt. And I go, he might have coined that. But I've been drinking. I follow this pretty close and i think he did so if anyone has proof beyond a reasonable doubt well the pay the pay is the same whether you coined it or not i tweeted it on stanhope's advice yeah that's it's all the same to me i'm drinking a bailey's whiskey coffee because it's all the same to me. I'm drinking a Bailey's whiskey coffee because it's three o'clock in the afternoon and it's the day after the end of the eBay yard sale.

So we have all been in here autographing items for the last, I thought that would go quickly. It did not. It never does. And we're not done. She just, that was one load she had you guys are fucking remarkable thank you everyone we watched the the every item and like a super bowl yeah playoffs like oh my god it's go way back it might be so uh so yeah so it was becker were you watching

at home you weren't here when it was going off were you no i mean the internet's everywhere well i just i just because we were god we were all staring at different uh screen devices and i couldn't remember who was here because i was just trying to update here and then you you guys were on one bar is tom was even here yeah but the bar is set up to watch the tvs so it's. So this bar is not a really good social bar because everyone's facing away from each other. So we're all on our laps. It's Asperger Bar.

$120! $170! $300! I thought that was by design because none of us like talking to each other. It's a loser bar. I like it. That was the original name of where you're sitting is Loser's Corner over there.

And it worked out for this podcast. Works out really good. Seems apt. Janny, you want to just get right into it? You want to tell her story first? Which one? Sexual harassment. story first. Which one?

Sexual harassment. We've been going back and forth about this Asia Arigato or whatever her fucking name is. Yeah. It weighed in. She recently resigned from her job at the hospital. Mostly

because of health stuff. She got diagnosed a while back. She's been trying to figure out what's going on with her. I think she has RA or lupus or Shogun's disease, which I made fun of her because she's aging. But she's just been having this new job that she had to get a while back. She's on the floor. She has to lift a lot of people. She has to do a lot of physical stuff.

And it's just taking its toll on her. She's four foot three. Right. So that was most of what weighed in but also what weighed in was that an incident. Like you said, the Me Too

women. I kind of view a lot of that as prostitution. I don't know. I wasn't there so I don't want to take a fucking horrible stance. But if you trade for something, that is prostitution. I traded sex for a part in a movie. That seems more like prostitution than assault. Are you saying like a completed transaction?

But I don't know all the details. I don't need a receipt for a donut. I don't presume to know all the details of every story because I don't care and I don't even read about it, much less was I there. But people in the nursing field, people don't realize, have to deal with this kind of shit every day. They have to move them. They have to physically move dirty

old men who fucking, oh yeah, rub your titties on me, baby. They're literally fucking being vulgar as fuck while they're trying to do their nursing jobs. And Jenny had a guy one day that was particularly egregious. Kept exposing himself. A patient?

Yeah. And she came home in tears and told me a little bit about it, thinking that I'd be able to take it. And unfortunately, I wasn't in that fucking kind of mind frame luckily he was in a hospital at the time well it ended up with the neighbors probably thought we were having some sort of domestic dispute because it ended up with me in the truck started trying to leave and jenny's like on my hood going just please just stop and i'm like it's done it's done i It's done. I'll find him. I'm going to burn the whole fucking hospital down if I have to fucking... Realizing

I, of course, that I'm just as much more of a monster as that guy was. But to me, that's collateral damage. But at least you're healthy. I don't know why I'm picturing an elderly man. And that's why they can get away with it a lot of times. No. Elderly, there's dementia, there's medication. They're also on tons of medication i'm on medication morphine tyler also nobody gives

a fuck because you're not a fucking superstar person with fucking news fucking but we also reporting on the dumb shit that happens to you we also apply the fact that old people get away with being racist they go oh well she's really old and stuff but if you take it the next level he grew up at a time when that's okay. They go, no, it's not okay. And he goes, I don't have to change. I'm in the hospital. Yeah.

I'm on my porch. I'm on my property. She's small and she's brown. Yeah, she gets a whole bunch of that fallout from all that stuff. But we finally just told her just to get out of that because I can't. She's afraid I'm going to burn the hospital down. So her having a job has now become a liability because she's married to me. Of course, you would never really burn down the hospital.

Well, no. Unless you use a Tesla flamethrower. I mean, I would burn down that one guy's room, and then hopefully it wouldn't spread. I'd help put it out. I don't want to. You'd be a hero. Biggest mistake of arsonists.

Biggest mistake. They always show up to watch it burn. You're going a hero. Biggest mistake of arsonists. Biggest mistake. They always show up to watch it burn. You're going to go the extra step. He was helping. Well, I would have had to kick in the door and demand from the other nurses who was the douchebag before I was able to. Yeah, exactly.

Where's the guy that you all hate? Which one? Yeah, exactly. This fucking place is full of them. Yeah, remember, it's not one name. Which one? Which one? Yeah, exactly. This fucking place is full of them. Yeah, remember, it's not one name. Which one? They all point to one guy. There you go.

That's the left wing over here, down there, and then, well, most of the room, the whole fucking place. I was close to black outrage, but I'm pretty sure that was basically my plan. Well, all's well that ends without incarceration. Yeah, fuck it. This all started with that ends without incarceration. Yeah, fuck it.

This all started with the Asia Argento. I guess she's the main Harvey Weinstein accuser. She did that thing at the... By the time this fucking podcast comes out, there's going to be so much more to this. But it brought up other questions. Like, oh, she was 37 and she fucked him when he was 17 and then he went broke. This is the New York Times version. That was a story that broke in the New York Times. Yeah, that broke yesterday.

Today she comes out and says, oh, it was never sexual at all. He asked for a loan and fortunately Anthony Bourdain is dead and doesn't have to vouch for any of this story. Yeah, Anthony, Tony told me to just pay him off. He paid him or whatever. It's just the idea, this flips the whole argument so many ways. so many ways and i don't think there's a dude that would say hey uh i got fucked by a hot chick when i was 17 and it i was debilitated because of it i i know it's a cliched thing with school teachers fucking students but that in that situation when you're starring in a movie with this hot chick and she fucked me, and then afterwards, he was a child star.

And I think it's kind of common for child stars to dry up getting work when they turn 17. Or after they fuck a star. But a grift is a grift, and if there's money to be gotten by claiming yeah i mean that was the idea was is that apparently there's a ton of money made by me and that's what it's about i've done bits about this i don't know if any are recorded but just the idea that you know a 17 year, no guy would say, oh, yeah. They would be bragging about it to this day.

I told you the story when we did the live podcast with Bert Kreischer. I told you the story when you kept saying I was a rape victim. Yeah. And I was a teenager that hooked up with a 30-year-old married woman.

I was 17. It's in my book where I fucked that woman. she was like 44 or something and not a hot fucking lead actress by any means and i got 35 this guy got 380 000 for getting laid by a hot actress when he was 17 it's either way the guy's, he's a douche. He's a victim. Everybody's view of what's a problem is different, I guess. No, but then you reverse the roles.

He's part of me, too. Well, and that's it. He saw an opportunity. And then she's all of a sudden not believe victims. She's like saying, he's lying about me. Yeah, but they're letting. Harvey Weinstein's saying's he's lying about me yeah but they're saying she's lying about me she's saying he's lying about me but it breaks down to if we all believe that it's okay for a man boy to have sex at 17 because we want it you're you're saying that oh girls aren't equal they can't say that they want it at 17 yeah i wanted to fuck that guy well you you're not you're you're

not you're out of your mind enough to know that a guy is though no i and that's what but they're giving her equal time for every release they do of well she did this to payment then they're going well what's your version and they're like say with the guys they didn't do that they just went you go into hiding darn and then we'll talk about it without you and the studio will fire you from everything you have not released movies and and then you can come out later crawl out and say something they're giving her equal time i go this is getting to be a little ridiculous she needs to hide and let a complete lie run around the world and then she can try to fix it after killing anthra bradain

conjecture your honor i would like to say that morally if if the woman who if the woman who was over age who fucked me when i was underage if today i could come forward with this and get 380 000 i would like to say that i would not do that, but I probably would, because I don't have $380,000. So I mean, I get his motives. You would. The thing is, you know, Anthony Bourdain, she was dating him, and you can take whatever you want out of it, but he refused to get up.

He was in France. Nobody could figure out what happened. They were going back and forth. This is supposedly, I don't know the timeline of when the payment happened and stuff but all i know i think before anthony died we're not going to talk about this because more shit's going to come out but it brings up questions about us like personally we talked about this last night and i don't remember the answers when did you lose your virginity i have i havealey going first? We'll do it alphabetically.

He pointed at Shaley. I didn't see. He was looking at me. I was trying to get this guy's age. You fixed that. I have two. The same way I did open mic once, but I don't count that. A year before, I actually went drunk and I went to an open

mic in Boise, but then I went and I started my career a year later. It was terrible, but I don't count that one. And I don't count my first penetration because it was pre-cum era. So losing my virginity was ninth grade or eighth grade or whatever. But I actually achieved penetration once accidentally when i was nine but yeah i fucked a lot i've i had a girlfriend that was a rapist because she was you know 18 i was 16 and so yeah she's a i was in a i was in a rape relationship if you want to put it such a tender

story you tell and a very hard greeting card to get thank you happy anniversary when how old were you when you lost your virginity i was just trying to do some math here i uh i did have a job and my first car so i was at least 16 and the i do remember the fucking day after because i went surfing down in san diego i met my friend and i remember explaining it to him out in the lineup surfing and we were laughing so hard we kept falling off our surfboards. It was ridiculous. I met a girl who had stolen her parents' car while they were gone. They were out for the evening.

She stole her parents' car by rolling it out of the back, backing it out of the driveway. It was like on a slant. It was like blocking half of the street, and she just ran to the market where we were casing out the joint to steal liquor. So we're just fucking hanging out. And, uh, she comes up and it ends up, um,

I met her that night. And then later on, I think she, I think I was 16 and she was 14 and she'd had plenty of trouble with the law then. And then after too, but it was a couple of times, a law. Then, and then after, too. But it was a couple times. She was too young.

I met her after that. Oh, fuck, I just remembered. Then after, my buddy, George Galvez, he'd had a mustache since sixth grade. I didn't believe that. No, he's proud of this. He pulled her car in. She tried to steal her parents parents car that was a fucking

stick shift and she didn't even know how to fucking start the thing right so rolled out in the street she's not a really good criminal but i remember we we had like phone conversations and stuff and then she uh asked me to come over one night and the babysitter her parents were got because they needed to have someone watch her. Babysitter at 14, right? She already had trouble backing up. Well, she clearly needed supervision. No, I'm saying that's what a train wreck this chick was.

You're right. I remember the fucking babysitter shutting the door going, have fun, you two. I mean, that was it. Fuck, I just totally remember that that was weird yeah it's pretty funny jiver uh oh and and and uh it continued like it like like she continued to get into trouble and things were fucking wickedly like like what a fucking train wreck i remember we were at a 7-Eleven waiting. Me and the buddy that I was serving with, we ended up, it was a party night, Friday night. I mean, we're fucking sophomores in high school. And we go, we'll meet you at the 7-Eleven around the corner from where her cousin lives, right?

And we're sitting there waiting, no phones. We're waiting by the pay phone. And like, call her again. Call her. Nothing, nothing, nothing. And then we're like, woo, woo. EMTs go by. cop car goes by man where the fuck are they fucking came out we're turning left to come down to the corner where we're at and fucking nailed the tree they went to the hospital all the sirens were for them

that's what a fucking this is both of them were train wrecks they were fucking great were you ever uh uh statutorily raped did you ever fuck outside your age class no i mean i was also thinking of that too because i was thinking well no chad uh you you've told your story on the podcast one of them yeah uh one of them when the other one i was just a lot younger when i was in alaska i probably think i told your story on the podcast. One of them. Yeah. One of them. The other one, I was just a lot younger when I was in Alaska. I probably think I told that story too, but there's like a woman in like her forties when I was like 19 or so.

You were up there for the military, right? Yeah. I was already a legal adult at that time, but, uh, I lost my virginity when I was 13. Uh, she was 14 and she had said that she had already lost her virginity before

but except for whenever i fucked her she apparently found out that that didn't happen because uh she uh i guess she didn't i i don't know the fucking whole thing how it went down her and her girlfriend were there they kept calling me i've finished and ran home she lived down the street at the trailer park and i didn't know what to do immediately whenever i was done you pulled your pants up right you weren't duck walking the whole way i duck walked i duck walked halfway down the hallway of the trailer pulling them up yeah i ran fast i've never been a runner but i was that day and then they were calling me telling me that uh yeah she well you're not a virgin anymore because they were making fun of me before that and uh i got i got bullied that's some fucking women's prison i got bullied i got bullied oh

you're a virgin yeah i got bullied into losing my virginity at 13. The worst part was... Tough group you hung with. The worst part was then she told her mom she thought she was pregnant. So her mom got a hold of my mom, and we all had to go have lunch together at a Mexican food place and discuss what was afoot. I picture Los Enchiladas. Oh, fuck. It was the most awkward, horrible thing.

And she wasn't fucking pregnant. She just was 14. Mexican food will make you look pregnant. That was weeks later. If they gave you beers with the chips, it's all over. I was young and she was older. I had a pattern. Sounds like a Jim Croce song.

I was young and she was older? That's always the case. We just sang was older. That's always the case. We just sang that one. Yeah, I know. That's Dr. Hook. Dr. Hook, yeah. Becker's never fucked above, he said last night. No.

No, I never have. I don't know why. It's just always been. But maturity was always the thing, too, was I just never, I was hung out with older people, but just never. So sixth grade, I was in art class. They were your grandparents. You were sent to live with them.

Sixth grade, I'm in art class and this girl goes, hey, you're really good at art. And I go, thanks. And I wasn't really talkative. And she goes, well, we do. When did that change? Terrifically. Dramatically. That's a great opening line, by the way.

Yeah. No, because remember, you always got the report cards that said, participate in class, doesn't that? And I have them. My mom sent me all of them. And it was like, all of a sudden sudden at like seventh or eighth grade, boom, talks too much, interrupts class. And I was like, that's an amazing timeline.

Hang on. I know. You just reminded me of something. The eBay yard sale went so good, but it's so much fucking work for Vavum. Vavum and Bisbee, if you come to Bisbee, I got to put that on the website at some point. Bullet points of places to hit in Bisbee because people email me.

Oh, we should do a page. I'll write that down. Let's do a page, yeah. Yeah, Redbone, Vavum, Cafe Roca. Miner's Merchants, Poco. Yes, and they're all different, and it's a fantastic circle. We just don't know when they're all open. Oh, yeah, Poco. Yes. And they're all different, and it's a fantastic circle. We just don't know when they're all open.

Oh, yeah. That's on you. What we're going to do, not this fucking podcast, but in follow-up podcasts, we're going to do a small eBay yard sale every podcast where each of us has one item because 141 items you have no idea how don't don't don't pitch it yet bring it bring it next week i'm just saying i i'm looking for things with that in mind oh becker's got one i I know what Chad's is. So what made me interrupt you is a report card of Becker's would be a fucking monster sale. Does not participate in class. That's not it. But yeah.

Next podcast, we're just going to do each one of us has one item that we sell so as four items every week every week that we're doing it once a month no every podcast oh all right yeah that's i have to dig a little deeper so many sponsors that we have to turn down because I will not promote something that I don't actually like or one of you. Right. Yeah. But I would. So, yes, Dollar Shave Club. I don't shave, but you do.

So if we can't get behind the product, no, we're not doing it. So why not just to keep this podcast alive, we do an eBay yard sale every week, and we can just pitch, all right, what'd you bring this week? It'll be weird. Yeah, we'll bring weird stuff. Yeah.

And the fucking, yeah, the ad copy will be a lot funnier because we wrote it. Yeah, and we probably won't fire ourselves. More than likely. We hope. Chad's more likely than anyone. But anyway, back to your report cards.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sixth grade. Yeah, and then art class. And the girl's like, you know, you're sixth grade. You're shy anyway. And she's like, you're really good at art. Will you do my art project? Because it's due.

And I'm like, whoa. Whoa, whoa. You glossed over that. Yeah. You're a gunslinger? I'm a young artist. You're a fireman? I'm a young artist.

All right. And my art projects are getting, hey, and this is what he did. How'd you make that turkey? Yeah. It looks realistic. No, I mean. You were getting hustled by a future Hooters waitress. Or hostess.

Well, no, but you gotta see. So then she goes, we do my art project. And I'm like, okay. So I do her art project, I do mine. She gets the accolades for her art project. And then she goes, we'll come back here or whatever. And we had sex.

And then she, yeah. And then I'm like, no idea what was going on there. And nobody to really talk to. Lots of brothers and sisters. But again, you don't bring it up. Hence how the Catholic Church stays alive. Wait, wait. I know you have a twin brother.

Do you have other siblings? Two other older brothers and a sister. Oh, I didn't know you have a twin brother. Do you have other siblings? Two other older brothers and a sister. Oh, I didn't know that. What? Yeah, and I was like going, you don't tell anybody. And a raccoon. But you don't tell anybody. Oh, no, not especially because you're so low on the totem pole in the family. It's great.

But that's prostitution again. You traded art for sex. I agree. But, you know, life sometimes imitates art. But she didn't get pregnant. You missed out on some Mexican food, it sounds like to me. Could you imagine being a parent

and a sex guy? Are you guys hiring? I really need the work. And by the way, I don't know algebra yet. But I never would end up knowing it, so hire me now. I need one more paper route. The kid needs new shoes. Can't you just use those newspapers?

That's what they did in the Depression. I can do the morning and the late edition. But the old joke I always had with it was, I go, I didn't know anything about it. What I found out later, as you get older, because then there was, you know, what we call the dry period, when you don't do as much art. Or you're not as good at it. In junior high, I figured out

her brothers were both in prison. In and out. Like, repeatedly. Lived in a bad part of town. They were probably good at art. No, they were good at their sister. The wrong side of the tracks in Cedar Rapids. Killing artists. But no, but I had no idea. And then later I went, oh my

God, she... You remember that Jimi Hendrix song, Are You Experienced? She did. So later I went, so I kind of tracked her later on and it doesn't get better. But the fact is that the joke I always had was, her life didn't turn out much better than that art win.

But I can't believe I'm not an artist now. Because that was a lot of incentive to go into art. Yeah, you should have been like down a hole. I was into art before I was into her. So to speak. Tracy, I wish you were on this podcast but you refuse to talk i don't know we can't secretly wire her like they do the president we have someone sent us a really like a better mic

like a lavalier mic better than the two i spent good money for but uh yeah she doesn't like to wear it that's all right uh my argument is that and it's a very nambla argument put in a heterosexual way you by the time you're ready to have kids you should know about what fucking's all about like you can't legislate against nature okay you're not ready to fuck until you're 18 but you can have a baby at 13 so you better teach your fucking kids about fucking and teach them about predators and everything they should know all of that stuff and know to avoid it or to just give a hand job. I agree completely. I was playing G.I. Joe.

I had no fucking clue about any of this stuff. About how horrible it was going to get? When I got peer pressured into this, which, by the way, I left off. I did it back. I went back and spent the night. Her brother was my friend in the trailer park. So I spent the night and uh i got some more that was where i learned the trick of holding out longer because i uh put my my arm up on the the

edge of the couch and i watched flintstones behind me and i learned the trick of distracting yourself wilma or betty think about baseball yeah i never knew the the big thing about baseball cliche but i always fucking equate it with watch Flintstones for myself because I learned it on my own. Wow, do you still get a boner watching Fred or Wilma? If the chicks were on, I could see it, but if it was a bowling scene or the grand poobah, then yeah, you could hold out.

The chicks didn't have that big of parts, so I assume it was the dinosaur that did it. I came to barney. I came to Barney! Sorry, I did that, David. It's a double episode! It's weird that you would know that, you would learn that, at 16 years old or 14 years old yeah you know about that shit and there's so much of the the whole me too that's like this is about repressed sexuality rather than you know like i don't know where i'm going with this well but a good example is though the same way you describe sex

was you go you should do it before you get married. It's the same with alcohol. You know, where society goes, oh, don't drink until you're 21. Don't have sex until you're 18. Who can't drink until they're 21? No, but here's the deal. I've seen it firsthand. When people are actually really good kids and they're told they're good kids and they don't do it until they're 21, they're a shit show in a bar. They go out in public and drink for the first time,

and they end up fucking getting the most trouble. That's the Rumspringer shit. And you're like, enough. I mean, let them drink when they're young. Control it. Let them know that if you overdo it, you're not inhuman. And let them have sex, and then regulate it. But at the same time, you go, if it's a 42-year-old.

Hang on. We're on a different topic. Regulate teenage sex? No, I mean if you know it. Tax it? Tax it? Legalize it? Yeah.

We're all making a buck. For health reasons. I will say that in that same trailer home where my friend and then his sister, the older brother got back from the Marines and was buying us beer on the regular. So it was my first encounter with drinking on the regular that led to me getting laid at an early age. So I'm on board with your legislation. I'm not sure what. Sin City Trailer Park.

I'm feeling like a victim in here. I feel like somebody owes me $380,000. I grew up Catholic. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. I didn't either.

I've already said this before, I believe, unless I said it on the Near the Wild podcast, Becker and John Norris' podcast. My dad's explanation of sex, the sex talk, was when he told me about, hey, you know in the bathing suit, that mesh thing? Yeah? All right. Done. So that was it, right? Everything else was like you looked at a book or that someone left around.

And then I went the route of you just followed your nose, so to speak, and you do this. My birth mom and my stepbrother, who's younger than me by eight years. There's a lot of degrees of separation here. But I'm just saying. Stepbirth? No, but also what you're missing is the fact your real parents might have gave you a much more direct talk. is the fact your real parents might have gave you a much more direct talk. My real parents, my birth parents, my mom said that when her other son called and said,

hey, we're about to have sex, they were going to have sex. And they go, I know. We'll call mom. And they called up. That's the relationship. I'm saying that the relationship is in my house where I grew up, there was no talking of sex. You found out on your own, and there was some bathing suit stuff. I didn't grow up Catholic.

Nobody ever talked to me at all. I grew up Catholic as well, and it's a very interesting. You found a dirty magazine, and you hid it in your fort. That's how I grew up. But the difference was my mother just left it out the other example is he was in it beaver hunt the other example is my stepbrother when he got into a situation and he was underage and they were going to have sex they didn't know what to do so they called his mom and said how do we do this she goes okay look this is what's do, so they called his mom and said,

how do we do this? She goes, okay, look, this is what's going to happen. They explained it. They were laughing so hard they never had sex. But they were direct about it, and he honestly could call his mom and go, I don't know what's going on here. She described anal sex. That's why they laughed.

Now, she'll want to save this for celebrations. To be fair, though, Greg. Ignore the wet hole. That's what I'm going to tell you right away. To be fair, the Catholic Church was so secretive with your lifestyle that I think that's how they got away with molesting kids for that long. Because, no, I mean, you have the same story. There was nobody to go to to go, is this?

What is this? But, I mean, it was just like you go, I can't ask anybody. I don't know about the doctrine of how deep that goes. But I just know that not talking about it is worse than just saying, look, this is it. This is what's going to happen. And you just go, oh, no, icky. And they went and played video games or whatever. Pong.

It's always. All all right i get a fucking thousand things going through my stupid head we should take a break oh yeah it's a 20 minute mark i can i can actually write notes but uh yeah let's talk about fucking nambla when we get back can we still say cocktails oh yeah let's we shouldn't go into a sponsor right now. We actually have a sponsor. We'll just break, and I don't know if we have a sponsor. We'll make one up. Please hold.

Cocktails! Cocktails! Don't give me that so-so soda, the same old cola, I want a rock and roller, I want a pop, I want a shh, shasta, I want a taste for that, all the great tastes, shasta head. I want a pop, I want a shh, shasta, I want a thrill, I want a wow, taste it all, I want it now, I want a pop, I want a wow. This is all I wanted now. I want a pop, pop, pop. I want a shh, shh, shh, shh. Shasta. Hey, Doug. Crinkle bags. Oh, oh, crinkle bags and eat. You'll get Andy Andrus' biggest pet peeve and mine.

Mouth sounds and crinkling bags in the same fucking ad copy. Becker. I'll wait till same fucking ad copy. Becker. I'll wait till you're done chewing. Please hold. What? He's done. He gulped it. Becker.

We lived out of a car for years. Yeah. Starting comedy. Yep. Soaping in a glove box. Pieces of shit cars and the check engine light goes on and you panic and you go it's only a matter of time that was the 90s now it's a new decade i'm not sure which one i don't need to know anymore some would say a new century it's the one where you it's the one where you have a piece of shit car, but a smartphone. Yes. Fixed.

When you're a broke fuck, like most of my fans, and you have a check engine light on, and you go, I should take it to a mechanic who's going to fuck you for thousands of dollars and say, oh, it's a thing, and you've got to do this. It's two things. It's, I'm going to take it to a mechanic, which I can't afford, and I'm never going to go to a mechanic. Or it's a Ah it's nothing The gas cap is

Ignore it There's thousands of things that Prompt that check engine light to go on It's like when we have We're in our 50s we have lumps Just ignore it it'll go away You'll be fine David Bowie

Well fixed is You going to try to explain it I usually choose... David Bowie? Well, fixed is... You gonna try to explain it? Yeah. I usually choose to ignore those things, but that's only because there's not an easy fix to help you figure it out. Imagine if you had a lump on your body and you could just plug a small USB port into your asshole and they'd go, you don't have cancer. Wait.

And then you'd go on with your day. Wait, you can't do that? This is what fixed is. This is the cancer of your car. Go ahead, Chaley. This is the detector in the cancer of your car. So you know whether you're going to get ripped off when you go to the mechanic. Because, look, the light goes on, and you think, I don't know.

What the fuck? We're going to go out on the road? We're going to do 1,000 miles or something? Something's leaking somewhere, and I don't know. The the fuck? We're going to go out on the road? We're going to do 1,000 miles or something? Something's leaking somewhere, and I don't know. The fixed device will tell you. We use it on all of our cars. All the cars. I use it on six cars.

And then when I went to LA, Brett Erickson, he has a Prius, and it's a hybrid vehicle. It works on gay cars? It works on gay cars, too. And Erickson. Hey! So I sent him one. He had no idea. There was a problem with the batteries in his electric car, the hybrid.

Turns out he went and called the dealer. It's covered in a recall. He had no idea that it was covered. He thought he was fucked. He would have been. With time, he would have been fucked. Are you saying the fixed unfucked a guy it fixed him the best thing is is you can tell the mechanic exactly what you need done before he tries to fuck you rake you over the cold i just had the uh the

fucking pickup truck uh the tire went sideways going through that alley behind the corner store, and it just busted. And a random, not elderly, but older Mexican guy is walking down the alley. I was with Morgan Murphy, and the fucking tire goes sideways, and all of a sudden I go, oh, fuck, we must have a flat tire. I get out, and the tire is leaned in at this angle. I don't know how many degrees that is. But he goes, oh, looks like you lost a tie rod.

And I go, I was going to ask you, random guy walking down. And he goes, I don't have time to fix this. I go, I wasn't asking you that. I was going to ask you what it is so i could tell my mechanic what busted uh rather than saying my tires at a something degree angle it sounds like doug's doing an ad for felipe not fixed i waited for the rest of the story so i waited 10 more minutes and another guy came down the alley and he did have time to fix it. I just didn't want to tell my mechanic. I could have...

I don't want to... It was a ball joint. Anyway, my mechanic fixed it. Fix alerts you... I've been to bars that are called ball joints. You don't want to hang around. Fix alerts you to over 7,000 potential issues in real time. It tells you exactly what's wrong so you never have to wonder or guess.

And you can even turn off the check engine light yourself if it ends up being something you don't want to work on which the s10 had an issue and i say hey doug look it's this and it was right on my on my phone because there's an app that tells you exactly what's going on and doug's like yeah the mechanic already told me about that it's not a big deal we don't do it so boom turn the check engine light off right there that's where I thought you were going. I didn't think you were going into the song. I'm fine. Chad, what are the details?

Right now, you can get fixed for as low as $39 each. Plus, Doug Stanhope Podcast listeners will get an additional 10% off when you enter the promo code Stanhope at ListenToomycar.com. Go to www.listentomycar.com and enter promo code Stanhope for an additional 10% off the already discounted price.

Hey, why didn't we do that with the eBay yard sale? Enter promo code Stanhope and not get fucked over by all those fucking leeches and pariahs that try to sell shit as eBay yard sale Doug Stanhope from Indonesia. You don't even know I got a show. I know you're cutting all this. No, I didn't cut it.

That'd be a good lead in after the commercial. I got a friend request on Facebook the other day from Doug Stanhope which is clearly not you, but just pictures that people have taken from your public profile and created a new Facebook profile named Doug Stanhope. And we have several mutual friends, which I kind of expected because people are fucking retarded.

No, but it tells you. All of these people are friends. Andy Andrus. You can see him commenting like, Doug, you're so silly. But he is posting things in like Spanish language with videos, things that Doug would never do. All right.

Back to the point was, if you were a gay teenager, how much out of your age range fucking would you be doing like that the whole like i i'm not in support of nambla by any means but yeah if i was as horny gay as i was straight it's again the dichotomy as okay, a dude can fuck a chick when he's 17 or 16. But if you're gay, you seriously don't know what you're doing.

But again, the secrecy is what makes that always weird, is when these kids come, teenagers come out, there usually were rest areas and whatever. That's where they actually... Teen clubs, I would imagine. Well, no, they weren't hanging out with their roommates. They were confused. and whatever that's where the clubs i would imagine well no they weren't hanging out with their own age they were confused no there's one owner of a teen club oh yeah you were confused like you know i'm saying the availability would be it would shut down all borders yeah but the predators it reminds me anthony decimito has

a fucking hilarious joke about losing his virginity. A comedian friend of ours. Yeah, yeah. And I don't want to do his joke in justice, but he's had about... Do it. Do a disservice to him. We do it all the time on the podcast. It's about how he went on a...

He lost his virginity for a McDonald's hamburger or something. Oh, yeah. Like, he forced him to do it. So this one time I was 16 years old and I met this guy that was 24 years old and he came and picked me up in his pickup truck. And I know this is surprising, but he was kind of weird. Yeah, he took me to McDonald's and bought me hot and spicy

and just watched me eat. And I just sat there and I was like, is this what gay love is like? So look up Anthony Decimito and find his joke. But he basically told the guy he had to or he would turn him in. He reversed it on him because he told him that's what it was. He told him he was too fat after he bought a McDonald's. Supersize me too. Yeah, and then he was like, well, you don't get to too fat me or I'll me too you.

I think he just probably rewrote his joke. Yeah, that's actually very funny. I love Anthony Decimino. The whole idea that when you're at your... I love Anthony Decimino. Yeah. It's, yeah, it's... The whole idea that when you're at your, as they say, your sexual prime as a man, your fucking watermelons, I fucked a watermelon. As a younger teen, probably drunk.

I guess it wasn't as seedless, watermelon. Not anymore. Not any less. Fuck the toilet paper tube. I remember one of the teen movies that had a melon. What's the weirdest thing you've jerked off into? Well, when you said that,

I thought I patented that when I was a youngster, but the toilet paper tube is the easiest thing. If you're jerking off, you have a roll of toilet paper, you just tuck some of it down in the toilet tube, and then you just shove the head of your dick right in the toilet tube, toilet paper thing,

and it fucking catches it. I did patent it. I did patent it. I do that dry. I didn't even know about lubricants. I probably did. Who uses lubricants to jerk off? Well, it was back when you were a kid.

When you were a kid, yeah. Vaseline, and then you'd have to clean it off. Did you ever jerk off with vaseline never once used a lubricant to jerk off my whole life really yeah for what not even fish baits wait like chicken liver no those little uh salmon eggs yeah hey hey chad when you go home fill up your cardboard tube with some salmon eggs. Why does the bathroom smell like baby period? Are you trying to create an Island of Dr. Moreau scenario where I have some sort of weird toilet paper roll salmon baby?

Toilet paper roll salmon baby. Toilet paper roll salmon baby. Don't worry, Chad. It's not yours. I want to inseminate these salmon eggs. They'll never be able to figure out who the lady was. There's just too many eggs in that jar. Oh, 23andMe, sponsor of my podcast. Ten years later, you're in an aquarium

getting a fraternity test come on you sea monkeys get in the car and now Maury Povich you are not the father Maury Blowfish I don't even know what we were talking about.

He is fucking killing me. What are you talking about? Naturally, you fuck within your weight class, age class. Naturally, when you're 15 years old and a raging boner. As a heterosexual dude. Yeah. I would assume it's probably the same with homosexual dudes, but you go,

Oh, I'm 15. Someone 32. Ooh, they're old and gross. Generally. Right. Unless rents do.

For one thing, I don't claim to know a lot about the homosexual world, but I have been bored and browsed all categories on Craigslist, and I've been very jealous that dudes can just meet up at the park to suck each other's dick, whoever. Like, I'm just looking to suck some dick. I don't care who you are. 30 minutes.

No, there's no way I wouldn't show up for that if I wasn't in, you know. No, but this is why I've made To Catch a Predator. You'd probably come on the drive over. On purpose, just so I could hold out longer at the park. Hey, I got two hours to kill. Hey, can we meet up somewhere the Flintstones is playing?

Do you mind if I sing the Flintstones theme song while you do this? But that was a thing to catch a predator. It almost seemed like baiting old guys to think that young girls couldn't find anybody. It was like they could absolutely find somebody. What makes you think you need to drive 200 miles to a girl at a home alone with a hot tub? She's busy. You are a predator.

That's creepy. At what point? She didn't need to post an ad she just needed to pass a note in school all she had to do is leave her window open poly class i mean jesus it's just a weird world we're living in where you you know people are uh but that was the thing. At certain ages, you got to remember, it doesn't change anywhere. India, you know, very...

Average age of... Marriage. I remember that being... We talked about this. That old trivia game they'd have in bars where you just got your box and... And you could pick sex. So it would give you sex trivia. What was that one called?

We used to play that all the time. MTM. Fuck. Anyway. I remember seeing the average age of marriage in India was 11 years old. And you had to guess that in a public place

with a little box. No pun intended. The question you bring up is very interesting and as uh four mostly heterosexual guys here uh we do we do a lot of drinking we do a lot of confessing late night here uh i i think that would be a really good question to pose to someone who grew up in that in that community because i disagree glass won't come to our podcast anthony decimito is very open i like todd glass better that'd be that'd be well two ends of the spectrum but i'm just saying that like i disagree i i think that when you're young and there's a lot of social cues that you are not picking up on because you

are definitely into guys you will go do dangerous things you will do things that are not that you you're a sensible straight-a student and you're just doing shitty fucking things because you don't you can't talk to anyone and the 30 year old guy is uh is available and willing to show you. When the wind blows, something grows. That's my point, is that it's all about sexual repression, where you're treating kids like they don't have sexuality when they do. And you're making them muffle it, whatever it is. You're a girl. You're not smart enough.

You're a faggot. You need to be treated. Well, my point point is is they imagine that if it's just you having a heterosexual desires there's i mean they won't even talk about that compared to you knowing this is wrong when your dad comes home as a motherfucking faggots or something right but meanwhile you're already picking up on you'll listen to music your parents hate just to get even with them. But the fact that some... It's the same with women where, oh, fucking, yeah, some slut is the same as faggot.

A woman can't be openly sexual like a man can. And it sounds like... I'm sorry. Go ahead. If we're talking about now, like what you're saying, the validation outside of your family is going to feel this way. The fact that so many people are willing to suck your dick at the park is going to be validation that you're not a fucking horrible, evil person.

Anybody would naturally pull that way out. Especially if you grew up Catholic, the shame involved. Poor fuckers. I mean, yeah. But again, the fact you didn't go in to be a park ranger is the same thing I have hanging on me. pulled especially if you grow up catholic the shame shame involved i mean yeah but again the fact you didn't go in to be a park ranger is same thing i have why you're not picasso joey scazzola had that great bit about going to a gay bar it's funny because it turns out he's gay uh but like uh i don't want any of these faggots looking at me. And then after about a half an hour, nobody's even looked at me.

And then I'm going up to them like, what's wrong with me? Can I buy you a drink? I'm doing a disservice to the bed. But it really, yeah, it really was. And it was exactly that. People go, I won't go there. No, I don't want anything. And you go, go ahead.

Go in there. I dare you. They'll be like, yeah, you're not that interesting. And he'd go, go ahead, go in there. I dare you. They'd be like, yeah, you're not that interesting. We're very colorful people. We know a trick. Yeah. But I mean, it's the truth in everything in life.

Look at, whatever, they have that group of kids that they can't get laid, so they fucking want to shoot up places. What are they called? Whatever. The Isidels or whatever. The Imbeciles? I don't know what they're called. Insels. Yeah, that's what it is. I knew it was close. What are they called? The Isidels or whatever. The imbeciles. I don't know what they're called. Insels. Yeah, that's what it is.

I knew it was close. Is that a thing? Yeah. But yeah, I know. There's a group that they can't get laid because it's like if you had Sadie Hawkins Day in China right now, we'd have a war. We've got 150 men to every woman.

And I think a lot of that is just autistic dudes that don't know how to you know be in society and hook up with chicks but that's a great thing about the internet is people there's a lot of people that are really funny online that i know and they tweet the funniest shit but socially when you meet them they're staring at their shoes and they can't... But those people can meet each other now and it's a great thing. And they're called Nora Ephron.

I was going to say Jack and Dino, but I just did. Jack and Dino is fucking hilarious online. Yeah. He's a fucking dick in person. He just gets angry and or stares at his shoes. Wait.

Don't draw attention to yourself, Chad. He already said Jackadino. He's abusive towards guests. Anyway. Yeah, I think his thing is he doesn't know any other way. I'm just saying, people that are hilarious online, he's a great teacher.

Yeah, when you have a fucking 14-year-old, you command the audience. They're not going to talk back to you. Yeah, but that's a fine line to walk without getting the parents involved in what you're telling them. line to walk without getting the parents involved in what you're telling them honestly jack and dino is i'm amazed he's still a teacher because he'll tell me stuff like the carlos mencia shit came out he's in texas and so he's got a lot of hispanic students and he's he taught his class why carlos mencia is a fucking hack hey give him credit for that i'll remember one day at school no at least they leave with something yeah so it sounds like he teaches in a district without a lot of parental involvement it'd probably be all right high turnover rate yeah

no good for him yeah and that's it everyone's different and everyone's a good thing but like i said the secrecy of our society is starting to unfold it really is it's starting to come unglued when they you know they go oh 300 priests now 99 were in philadelphia philadelphia never said anything no wonder it's brotherly love deaf ears oh sorry yeah no i get it i think i just think he's going to be spent when we do the next near the wild he's using it all here hey once hey once hey once once the parents find out they'll be known as the garden state men and women and homosexuals transgender blah blah blah i don't know what the thing

everyone was tweeting me yesterday about some story that came out where vagina is now an offensive word because it leaves out transgender people and you should call it a front hole and i didn't click on the story because we're doing ebay yard sale and i'm like all right i'm focusing on this i'm not going to start a rift about anything the fucking asia argento or the lover pizzas hater politics it's it is sargento cheese yes sorry and i i keep thinking I think Argento's wrong. I think I've got it wrong because it's so close to Sargento. It's whatever.

Yeah. It's Anthony Bourdain's old lady. Go look at – Widow. Do a quick thing on Wikipedia, and there's some history there with her and other dudes, like younger guys, band guys. Wait, wasn't one of them Elon Musk? No.

She was, I don't. Not Asia. No, no. You're thinking of someone else. I'm thinking of someone else. She's from Ferrari land. She's not a fucking electric car guy. Yeah, yeah, that's why I'm.

That's somewhere else. that anyway what was my point the front hole front hole yeah that front hole thing as we call it because it's man-made it should be called the front hole now which doesn't make sense again i have not clicked on the story that you're all tweeting me about vagina should now be called the front hole. Who are the fucking people deciding this? I saw the headline and I assumed it was a fucking onion or something. I think it's a build-a-dig group.

But the people are saying you called this years ago. Do you remember? I know what they're saying because remember when we did the fight about San Francisco, they were arguing because they call it a manhole. And they shouldn't be called a manhole because that's offensive to women.

I stole this joke from Becker. They should call it a utility hole because that's what all my friends call it anyway. All right. It has nothing to do with this conversation but that's back in our open mic days that was a bit he did it didn't work for him so i stole it but if you would have called a vagina a front hole five years ago that would be offensive there would be a group that would say you can't say in the front but being a front. But it doesn't make sense. Again, I have not clicked on the thing. And they'd be a bunch of cunts. That's an old Becker joke.

You know why they call it Jack in the Box? Because they can't call it beat off in your cunt. We weren't the greatest open bikers, but we were. They got work. They got work. Does the back hole name stay the same in this scenario what is the new name what is the new name for the back hole uh rear entrance front front hole mud hole uh wait list but who who are who are these people that are

deciding that's uh like one of the questions that uh uh people were offended by so-and-so's joke well they never quote the offended person like or people a group of people who's is anyone actually offended or are you manipulating oh this is offensive to to be fair in the fake news thing i I think it really is. No, I mean, but remember, like, eggs are bad for you. Beef's bad for you. We've now gotten to the point where they're going, the world needs to change because they're offended by this.

And all you got to do is Google there and you can't find anything. Like, there's nobody that really is. Who are the people that are in charge of, you know... Offended by breastfeeding in public? Offended by breastfeeding in public? Anyone? Whoever gets the most attention from the media and social media so that it can snowball. That's who fucking gets the final word.

One blood. Whatever gets snowballed, regardless of logic or fucking... But it's real, though. I mean, it's weird that it actually gets momentum. What happens is they put out the story, and then people take sides on the story. Well, yeah, that is offensive, or it isn't. It's all the people in the comments. There was no one initially offended.

people in the comments there was no one initially offended but if you make it into a big thing then people take sides and it's water cooler talk but you can't find anyone who was initially outraged but if you think about it when they talk about the election being stolen by oh facebook posts that somehow turned our entire national election when you look at facebook posts you go yeah what what skip skip skip skip skip skip skip that somehow changed us this could actually change us where they go oh no that's what everyone thinks and you go oh i guess i should think that way too then i guess i mean it's not even your front the guy that was just in the small news you listeners probably didn't hear it because you have jobs that you're shirking your

responsibilities listening to this podcast in earbuds. You only have time for large news. Yeah. Whatever they're... A comedian offended some like Purdue or something. Some university.

At their weekend where the new freshmen come in with their parents. And so it's there. Yeah, you're familiar with that work. Yeah. If you read This Is Not Fame, I had about a third of a giant theater walk out on me on parents weekend dropping off their freshmen because they accidentally listed me as family friendly comedy event this was a comic uh ventriloquist but the no the newser headline comedian ruffles feathers at the fuck whatever accused of sexual harassment and then you read ventriloquist and magician and you go all right that's harassment on comedians to call a fucking ventriloquist a comedian is offensive to me

where's my 380 000 were you going there? I just like beers. But yeah, and literally 7,000 people walked out, according to... I don't know if that number... No. It's in Utah, okay? So it was three guys. No, it wasn't in Utah. It was in Utah. No, that's David Cross.

You're confusing me. Oh, okay, yeah. No, it was Purdue. Ball State. Ball State, I'm sorry. We'd like confusing me. Oh, okay, yeah. No, it was Purdue. Ball State. Ball State, I'm sorry. We'd like to... Devoted 99% for Trump. Cover his mouth.

Trump. Here at the Doug Stano Podcast, we'd like to say that Matt Becker's information is not ever factual. Fake news starts with Matt Becker. Go ahead. I just got a like on Twitter. No, but the thing but you're right.

It was Ball State because I went to school in Indiana. So it was Ball State. But they're very conservative. I think it was Purdue. It doesn't matter. It's fucking the worst part of the world. You're from there. You know that Iowa, Indiana are the worst fucking backwoods.

They're just unbelievable. And well-educated. and that's the problem. Well, not really. I mean, they went to those schools. They have great educations. And they're still fucking racist. They walked out of science before they walked out of this show. We should close on that.

But I don't know what time we're at. Close. Yeah, we should close on that but i don't know what time we're at yeah close yeah we should we we should close uh yeah hey parents teach your children well fucking tell them what the fucking world is about we say as for child free people i'll tell you how to raise your kids tell them the fucking truth start with there's no santa claus but i'm gonna buy you shit on december 25th so shut up i will not buy you shit on sept yeah don't start with fucking lies that they have to grow through explain to them how the world works wait i mean if you buy it on january 1st it's not tax deductible. While logically I agree with that, being a part of one of these child-free people that you speak to.

You just turned child-free at 39 years old? I don't know. 43. I met you a long time ago. I didn't know you changed. I raised children, I didn't know you changed. I raised children, and using Santa Claus and such is a grift to get them to behave the way that you need them to behave.

When's your next court date? Well, it doesn't work into adulthood. It only works when they're children, but if you need them to shut the fuck up, it's a fantastic tool. But it works the same as saying, I'm not going to buy you shit on buy you shit day. If you don't shut the fuck up. Yeah, but it's a bargaining tool. And it later becomes a plea bargaining tool. I've told you what I did when my kids were younger. Maybe I didn't. I don't know. I'm drunk.

This is how it goes. We would never have... They would get Christmas break in like middle of December and they'd be home for two weeks all nervous energy waiting for all the shit Santa Claus is going to bring them. And then they get their presents

at Christmas and then they have a half a week to a week before they go back to school to play with their presents. And the whole fucking scenario seemed stupid to me. So I sat all my kids down and told them, you know how you guys ask me about how Santa Claus can possibly, you know, travel everywhere. I says, the truth is he can't. There's no way that could happen.

He schedules ahead of time, depending on other people's schedules. So our Christmas is now as soon as you guys get out of school. Right away, Santa Claus is coming. And so then they have the entire Christmas break. And I don't sit there dealing with fucking lunatic kids while I have toys in my fucking closet like an idiot that could easily occupy the guns yeah so so i started a tradition of we have through this many tickle me almost to find my ak-47 and my sawed-off shotgun and you're helping santa claus like realize a better bottom line santa claus is way more time efficient yeah There's no way you can travel all the way around.

He has to coordinate with people when it's convenient with them. Gilbo's and Ammo's. That's what you're looking for if you let him look around. Santa Claus only does this as part of his community service. When the

guys in orange suits start picking up trash on our dirt road. He's got to be a thousand feet away before sunbreak. Let's fucking call it a podcast. Hey, kids, adults, don't fuck kids. And kids, don't fuck kids. And kids don't fuck adults. Fuck in your weight class. I can't feel my leg. Johnny, I can't feel my leg.

Johnny, I can't feel nothing in my leg. I remember playing paintball, getting hit and just going full fucking Vietnam War. Johnny, I can't feel nothing in my leg. Help me. Give this note to my wife. I can't feel nothing in my leg. That wouldn't stop.

When did you play paintball? I used to play paintball. We used to. Let me get. When did you do things? You ran around. That shocked me as well when he said that. I assumed you were a sniper.

That's all I can figure. The only time I ever threw up from running is when I captured the flag and I had to run up a steep hill to get it back. And I was only like 20 or 21 years old and I was still already that much of a smoker. I vomited at the top. It's a victory vomit. Yeah. It's like shot by his own team for vomiting on the flag. Victory vomit should be a thing.

That's actually good. Take your flag and puke on your hill. Tracy, grab the aww. I named it in the name of Denny's Breakfast and Marvel Lights. You don't chew much.