The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #274: Battle Over Roast Battle with Julie Seabaugh

Episode Date: August 29, 2018

Doug actually setup an interview with Julie Seabaugh, author of the book, “Ringside at Roast Battle: The First Five Years of L.A.'s Fight Club for Comedians“. Available now on Amazon.com - [https://amzn.to/2wtSzHC](https://amzn.to/2wtSzHC). It's cussing, fighting and comedy talk. Recorded Aug. 25th, 2018 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Julie Seabaugh, Mat Becker (@houdini357), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by Chaille. This episode is sponsored by [MyBookie.ag](MyBookie.ag) - Sign up today and MyBookie will match your deposit dollar for dollar. Use promo code STANHOPE when creating your account to claim the bonus. Blue Apron – Blue Apron guarantees the freshness of all your ingredients and delivers them in an insulated box right to your door. Check out this week’s menu and get your first 3 meals free at [www.BLUEAPRON.com/STANHOPE](www.BLUEAPRON.com/STANHOPE). STANHOPE MERCH - NEW! Chad Shank T-Shirts, “Popov Vodka Presents” VHS Tapes and the NEW KILLER TERMITES T-Shirt now available at [http://www.DougStanhope.com/store](http://www.DougStanhope.com/store) Get on the Mailing List at [www.dougstanhope.com](www.dougstanhope.com). Cool shit is on the horizon and you don't want to miss out. You have been warned. Chad Shank Voice Over info at [http://www.AudioShank.com](http://www.AudioShank.com) Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org) Ending clip of “Tony Hinchcliffe vs. Mike Lawrence - Roast Battle”. Full seasons available on YouTube.com - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbHANGBrBM8&t=19s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbHANGBrBM8&t=19s)[](https://bit.ly/2BWmdLw)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Good night. Good night. Good night. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. He'll be on Jeff Ross' podcast at some point. What's his podcast? It's Thick Skin with Jeff Ross. Oh, he's got a real theme there.

Yeah, it's about how to not be a pussy, kind of. Oh, I can't talk about that. What? How can he talk about it if he can't talk about it? That was the whole thing. You tried to get him right off. Have some more hot sauce. What are we talking about?

Chad's about to tell a story, and I go, you know what? My phone wouldn't work. None of our phones would work because the monsoon must have blown up. It was a fabulous time in Bisbee. Hey, the podcast today, we have a guest, actually like an actual guest promoting a thing. And it's Julie Seabubbles, Seabaw. We call her Seabubbles.

Julie Seabaw is on the podcast eventually. I haven't heard that name for a while. Seabubbles? Yeah. It was Captain Seabubbles at one point. I guess I got demoted at some point. Well, we shorten it. You don't want to talk too much about you.

I understand. Good thing I came all the way down here from L.A. No, I'm saying if I'm talking about anyway. Yeah, I had a situation that I'll talk about eventually. But after I talked you off the ledge, the next day I'm going, I need you to talk me off the ledge because I'm about to fucking snap. I'm not sure that works both ways.

I think I might encourage you if you call me to talk you off the ledge. Have a chainsaw. You're right 100%. Fuck that. It worked out that way. Anyway, after you left here last... Yeah, I had to call Stanhope. out that way. Anyway,

after you left here last... Yeah, I had to call Stanhope. Well, yeah, okay. I won't start. I'm having a hard time figuring out how to start this story because I'm having to leave out important details. Not because I'm a pussy so much.

It's because I'm lazy. Well, I don't want those problems at the house. That helped me. As soon as you told me that, again, that helped me. I don't think about every aspect of it. You left sober. I mean, sober enough to drive. Yeah, I was fine.

Enough for the motorcycle ride to be fun. Most times, I'd say more often than not, when we do the podcast, you have a 30-minute drive home. Yeah. And so you usually end up crashing and leaving at 6 in the morning. It's kind of par for the course. But this time, I was surprised. We finished up early. Yeah, we were done early, and I had shit to do, so I was going to go home.

So I was headed back on the highway and i usually it's an open highway uh back road highway limit is like 65 but i usually do 80 to you know 85 or so average if you can you can see if there's anybody else on the road so i'm coming up and there's uh some traffic up ahead and uh and i see two of them are motorcycles and they peel off to pass a slow moving car about the same time that it's convenient for me to peel off behind them and pass along with them. And then I pull back in behind them around the car, except then they slowed back down to like 65, 70. And I was still trying to do 80, 85. So I turned my blinker on and got around the side of him and passed him, and I gave him the nod on the way by, you know, hey, how's it going?

And all of a sudden, the guy far on the inside hauls ass up and blocks me from being able to pass. And he's pushing me, and I'm looking at him. I'm putting my hands up you know like what the fuck are you doing you know and uh i'm getting all pissed off talking about breathe just breathe just breathe so this is why i can't carry weapons i i would have he pushed me to about 95 and i was in the wrong i was in the the wrong lane and he lane and he was riding the line and wouldn't let me back over.

And if I would have had a gun on me, I definitely would have shot him or at least his bike. None chance. Oh, whenever a car was coming and I finally had to get over, his buddy then zipped up past me and I wanted to just kick him off the side, kick him into oncoming traffic. Or you could call it last thing he sees.

I was still... You talk about the nunchucks, I'll deviate for a second. They had, for a long time, you see those leather rope things that hang from the sides of motorcycles, and I always wondered what it was. So once I got a motorcycle, I looked it up and it's called a get-back whip. And they're like 30 bucks. And it's a leather braided thing with a quick

release and at the end of it is filled with lead. So if somebody pisses you off, you can just unclick it, whip it, and just keep going because they're disposable. I'll deviate because I think it's on an iBang website. They have the viral videos and fun, stupid news.

And there was one where a biker was pissed off at a car and tried to kick the car and knocked himself off the fucking bike. Yeah. I wanted to kick that guy, but I didn't probably for those reasons. But for the most part, I was still really confused. I didn't know exactly what was going on. But then by the time that guy pissed me. It's not biker etiquette to do that.

Not as far as I'm concerned, it's not. I was following every legal rule that you're supposed to follow. I'll get into that. I know the hand thing where everyone waves low and you're like, follow. I'll get into that. I know the hand thing. Everyone waves low and you're like, I don't fucking do that. We're not friends just because we ride the same kind of fucking... But we do that in Bisbee

when we drive by neighbors. I mean, even if we don't know them, we wave and then we know when they're dead. Well, that's because they're neighbors, not because they're on the same form of transportation. It's a brotherhood. Both wagons all know each other. That's what I'm saying. Everybody who drives a fucking Toyota doesn't fucking wave to each other.

Adopted kid on board. So then I get back and they're both in front of me again, riding side by side in the lane. And now I'm not confused anymore. Now I want to fucking murder someone. So I'm just fucking gunning it. And I'm trying to run straight up the middle of them. But they won't let me.

I'm pushing them now. I push them to about 95. And they won't let me up. So I turn my blinker on and I'm screaming at them. To the right, to pull over. Oh, yeah, yeah. I turn my blinker on to pull to the right. And I'm waving my free arm.

Pull over, fucking pussy. I don't remember what I'm saying. I'm screaming, yeah. Turn my blinker on to pull to the right, and I'm waving my free arm. Pull over, fucking puss. I don't remember what I'm saying. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. They probably couldn't hear it. Of course not, but they could see me. If I would have swerved hard, I could have hit their rear tires probably. I was pushing right up into the back of them. So I pull over.

I pull over and jump off the bike because I realize they're not pulling over because I'm a motorcycle club. I figure, right, they're not going to take that kind of shit from me. And I run out into the middle of the highway and I'm fucking putting my arms up in the air and waving them back. About that time I look over to the right and there's a lady who had broke down or was pulled over otherwise on the side of the road who's just scared shitless. Who can't leave. Why do you pick here? I immediately go to default. Do you need help now?

No, I'm fine. He did put that. And then I explain to her, I was talking to those motorcycle guys. They cut me off, and she's, just leave me alone. Don't care. I got my own problem. Don't want to be involved. I didn't see anything.

Just let me live. So I guess what I wanted to do was call them out. But like you said, we don't need that kind of trouble. And I don't have problems with motorcycle clubs. So what I found out is that apparently, and I think it usually applies only to other motorcycle clubs, but it's disrespectful to pass like an outlaw motorcycle club. But here's what I want to say. It's like a PSA. I don't have a problem with motorcycle clubs. But here's what I want to say is like a PSA.

I don't have a problem with motorcycle clubs, but here's the thing. Those are your made up rules. You can enforce made up rules on civilians. And if you do try to, if I go to the park and there's nerds LARPing, none of them try to convince me that if they hit me with a foam sword

that I have to pretend to be dead. Look how red his neck is. So maybe bring your motorcycle club coolness up to the level of nerds LARPing in the park is what I'm trying to say. And if you do try to enforce your fucking egotistic, ridiculous, fucking don't pass me rules on civilians,

be man enough to pull the fuck over and fight about it on the side of the road like retards. Enforce that rule. You fucking idiots. Anyways. I just love the fact that you said, I looked it up as though you have some encyclopedia de biker. Wiki bike. Of biker rules. Well, actually, I called my cousin because I wasn't familiar with the club.

All right. And my cousin knows all that stuff, and he's like, well, I've only seen them on documentaries, man. Don't fuck around with those guys. Sons of Anarchy. They didn't come back. Yeah, not these guys. Those guys are not outlaws. It was the Sons of Anarchy. They didn't come back. Yeah, not these guys. Those guys are not outlaws.

It was the Sons of Anarchy. We can release that now. And their show got canceled. What denotes an outlaw club from a non-outlaw club? From a sanction? That is a good question. I think it was just... No, there is a distinction.

The Hells Angels are an outlaw club. They call them one percenter clubs. They're the guys who are organized crime of gang members, or at least used to be. Now I don't know exactly what it is. Legals?

Not legal. I did look this up at Motorcycle Club Riding Club Education, just so everyone knows, miss three meetings you're out of the club Three meetings? I had a dead disappointment

Spikes rules I have a story that I won't tell, but it's not even bad, but it's a local guy that had a patch cut off for missing a thing. Most motorcycle

clubs are just groups of regular dudes who want to ride together and they have ego problems and they want to be in a club and it makes you feel better. The outlaws, like I said, are the ones that are actually doing gangster shit. This club, I looked up and they definitely

do gangster shit. They're not the ones working security at Altamont. Less bake sales, more meth sales. Exactly. Exactly. We should combine the two. One brownie, you're up all night.

I think they still call it crank in their world. I'm not sure. What if they were doing one of those initiations where they're going to jump you if you... You know, like gangs that if you... They'll drive around without their headlights on and then if you flash your lights at them, then they jump you and they kill you.

What if they were going to, like, kill you? That would have been so great. You don't know Chad well. You guys haven't met. Let's introduce Julie Seabubbles. I'm going to have to not use Seabubbles because we're promoting your book, Seaball. Yeah, that would not come up so much on Google searches. S-E-A-B-A-U-G-H, Seaball.

The book is called Ringside at Roast Battle, and that's what you're promoting. We'll get to that. I met Chad at the comedy store. Yeah. Oh, shit. That's right. And I knew who he was from the podcast, and he kind of lived up to everything I envisioned him to be.

Polite, yet intimidating. Good to have around. Informative after he's cut off in traffic. He's like a baboon. You can tell when he's getting angry because his neck gets red. Somehow aware, but retarded at the same exact time. He can catch a tennis ball in a coma. You were on your best behavior in L.A.

Have you only been once or did we go twice? But we went that one time when you sprung for rooms over at the Standard. Yeah. And then the second time is when you were there and you guys took all your shirts off, posing next to the Italian models. I just found that picture. That's why I remembered that. We didn't look that bad.

It would not look any better today, I'll tell you that much. It's a hotel on the Sunset Strip where all the pretty people go. We did it to be ironic. Slobs, day drinking, odd drinks. Hey, are cutoffs cool in the pool? And then you've got Italian models. You, are cutoffs cool in the pool? And then you've got Italian models. You guys are all posing.

In those special swim pants that they wear slightly. Julie C. Bubbles. Don't Google it. You should have put it. Bingo put out a book, and she had to put Amy Bingaman, but she put Amy Bingo Bingaman. You should have put it like like bingo put out a book and she had to put amy bingaman but she put

amy bingo bingaman you should have put julie c bubble c ball i mean that's a that's a bit more of a narrow marketplace that knows me i think it's all you know 12 of you sitting in the room and the bretchels who aren't here uh and you cut your profits by bringing us uh copies of your book because we would have bought you i I bought your book last night. I pre-ordered or is it I ordered it. It's out now. Yes, it is. Yes.

It came out for the fifth anniversary of Roast Battle, which was July 23rd. Roast Battle, which we'll get into, is not just the Comedy Central show, which I didn't know what the book was about because you didn't send me a copy ahead of time, which is a red flag. Hey, I'm going to promote my book. God forbid they read it first. I did not expect you to read it in a million years, so I was going to save that shipping cost. But I knew the Comedy Central. So I thought it was about like five years of that show and then I looked it up

it's only been on Comedy Central for three seasons, short seasons and Comedy Central is just not on my radar as a channel. I do Nathan For You is fantastic I can't pitch that enough. Which is over now. They didn't get picked up?

It turned out to be too funny. Yeah. Fantastic. I can't pitch that enough. Which is over now. They didn't get picked up? Fuck. It turned out to be too funny. Yeah. Well, that's why, you know, and Tosh.0 I have on. That's great. You know, build up a whole list in your DVR and on a hungover Sunday, just watch people getting kicked in the nuts over and over again, and Tosh is great.

But other than that, those are DVR'd. I don't even – Comedy Central is like MTV to a music lover. It's just, no, it's not on the fucking radar. Yeah, I don't even really myself watch Roast Battle on it because it's hard to – Well, they did Roast Battle. The only time I've seen it – I've never seen it at the Comedy Store. No, no. Didn't they do it at Just for Laughs a couple years ago? And they recorded it and they packaged it for consumption in North America.

And it seemed like someone from Comedy Central packaged it for consumption in North America. All the teeth were gone. Greg Chaley, for the record. And we're going to come up. You don't have to say this. We'll bring up a couple things about Chaley. Chaley hates for the record, and we're going to come up. You don't have to say this. We'll bring up a couple things about Chaley. Chaley hates roast battle, and you had a great comparison last night where it just makes him uncomfortable. Is roast battle for people?

Oh, it's like a rap battle. What did you say? Is roast battle for people without mamas? A large portion of them. That's good. But Chaley's just uncomfortable with rap battles for other demographic reasons. It's huge. It totally is.

And I've never got up there, but when I've been at the comedy store, they do it in the belly room, which is the smallest room in the comedy store, which I've never seen more electric comedy than what's going on in there now. The fucking Kill Tony and the... Kill Tony's in the main room. Oh, now it is. But I saw it up there. It's just this small black box.

It's everything that I love about a perfect comedy room. 120 capacity. I saw Rogue in there just where there just doing one of those, all right, we're going to yell out a premise at you and you talk about it. That's Hinchcliffe. That's Jeremiah Watkins' stand up on the spot shout out to. That's what he was.

There you go. I think it bears mentioning that if you didn't know that the roast battle was going on at the comedy store and you just went to the comedy store, you wouldn't even know there was a third room. It's upstairs. It's tucked away. It looks like an 80s dance club above a Chinese restaurant.

It's like – But time. It's just – What's it hold? Like 80 people? The footprint is so small. 120, yeah. Yeah, and it's all wrapped around – isn't there a black and white checker stage?

It's all black. 80s. It definitely screams. With the curtain, black curtain. I mean, the genesis of the show is that it was a shitty open mic. It wasn't even on the calendar. It was just somewhere for the store development comics to do. I think the only other option at that time was the potluck on Mondays.

Still going on. Oh, yeah Mondays. So going on. Oh yeah. Yep. Still going strong. And the host, Brian Moses, yeah, just kind of wanted as a fuck around room.

And then one night, these two comics, it was a Kenny lion and Josh Martin got into a fist fight in the back of this open mic because Kenny line was under age and Josh Martin was a door guy and he was trying to kick him out, and Kenny's like, fuck you, I'm going to be 21 on Wednesday, I'm going to come beat your ass,

and Moses, the host, is like, don't fight each other, there's cameras, we'll get in trouble, come back in a week, and your comics, use your words. Roast each other. Can you imagine if this had happened with Rogan and Mencia?

He might still have a career. I mean, he'd be using other people's roast. He could have charged $17 at the Fort Huachuca. Plus a drink. But yeah, eventually, you know, they came back and everybody, it wasn't great. They didn't really have fully formed jokes, from what I understand. Well, yeah, one was underage and one was a door guy. Yeah.

And it was a shitty open mic. But everyone else was like, hey, I want to try that, and they started getting in judges. And about six months into it, Jeff Ross was invited up to be a judge. And, you know, he's the roast master general from all the comedies since you're a roast. And he kind of fell in love with it and asked Brian Moses and the other guy who was running at the time, Rel Battle, how he could help. And he kind of devised some rules. You know, he had to write original material only. You had to hug at the end, and he kind of gave it a structure and a format

so it wasn't just two people yelling, and fuck you and fuck your mom and you suck and you're not funny. Because that happens in the parking lot all the time. That's with the valet. I wanted to get into our own personal history first, but I think we're already in the fucking roast battle. Order is an important weekend. Yeah, it's fine because i have a bunch of questions like one thing i want to say is is that most of if not all of the door staff are comedians at the comedy store so it's not just like they put

the dishwasher against the valet guy to to try and be funny they there is there's some history there i mean fucking mark maron. I think all of them now. No, they still are. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And the bartender. Do you watch that show I'm Dying Up Here? Which is based loosely

on the history of the comedy store. Very loosely. I mean, it's based on the book of the same name from the late 70s that William Knopfadosser or whatever the fucking name is. Yeah, he's been down here. Yeah. He has. Oh, well. He's been on the podcast. Are you thinking of Cliff?

Cliff Nestor? No. Oh, really? Wait, no. Yeah, that's exactly who you're thinking of. Oh, fuck. Cliff Nestor. Wait, no. Cliff Bubbles Nestor? Yeah. You're thinking of Cliff Nestor, right? Cliff Lake Nubble. Yeah. Nosteroffster has got to be like 60. Well, they're both unpronounceable last names,

and they both wrote books about 70s comedy. Yeah, well, Cliff was more recently. He was like two years ago. The skinny guy with the hat, right? I guess so. Nosteroff. Nosteroff. Doug's taking that as he's correct, just because they both wrote.

I think that I've said on this podcast that that other guy that that show is based on was on our podcast, but it's another guy. It's a 40-year difference. You still get credit for it. I don't know. Cliff's book was The Comedians with the, what was it called? Rap Scallions. I don't remember. And he did a show for Vice, didn't he?

Which I think never ran. Yeah, well, ran here. We saw it live. Oh, by the way, another Chuck Chaley under the bus. Oh, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is the opposite. Sorry. Is it my birthday?

Are you on the hood now? is the opposite. Sorry. Oh. Is it my birthday? Are you on the hood now? Driving the bus. No, Hennigan told me that you, for years, thought Chaley hated you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's common. Yeah, that's... Well, yeah, that's what he told me. You're not special.

Aw. That's what Hennigan told you? me you're not special oh that's what he that's what hennigan told you no he told he told me shaley does act like he hates everyone come across he doesn't act like it comes across thank you yeah i see i see you know i just imagine it was some sort of you know sensitive uh you know trying to protect your inner child or something and not let people get too close or whatever. Oh, so you blamed him

for hating him. No, I hang around a lot of comedians. I know how they are and so people hanging around comedians probably have

that same mentality. Also, Inman hated me too. That was a whole... All right. Hey, Chad, let me borrow your knife.

Actually, let me... Everyone, now that I think about it, was kind of mean when we first met. Give me your handlebar whip. Maybe it's you. Maybe you're the sensitive.

I think Becker was kind of mean to me, too. I wasn't mean. I remember I was very clever. Clever. Clever. I think it was like the Las Vegas Comedy Festival. Okay, no. It was the Death Valley Party.

You were like sky fishing. This is where we get back to. I love that picture. Sky fishing for Raven. This was our, yeah. Becker on the middle of the highway in Death Valley on a fucking chaise lounge with a fishing pole and a giant helium balloon with a rat trap attached with a sardine as bait. Flying this giant helium balloon through the desert, tripping on fucking mescaline

at 5.30 in the morning. Don't have a desert permit. Don't have a sitting permit. When I read that in your book, I stopped reading and read it six more times because it's one of the most perfect things I've ever heard in my life. What are you doing, Becker?

Skyfishing for Raven. That seems so right. Alright, we're at... Cliff Nesteroff wrote The Comedians, Drunks, Thieves, Scoundrels, and the History of Comedy. Yeah, that's what I was saying. It was like 2016, right?

Hey, 20 minute mark, dummy. I just got this to a nice fucking place. 25. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Because now we can go back into Death Valley and the history of Julie Seabubble's Seabaw. And then at the end, I'll get back into Rose Battle and it'll seem like we put effort into this. We do our production meetings on the air. Super professional.

Please hold Cocktails! Foot, foot, football. Football season again. That means the shit talking begins on Twitter. You know I gamble. I gamble

with my bookie. Don't know who you gamble with. You still betting with a guy you get a call on a pay phone? Get paid meeting him at some skeezy bar. Some kid on a bicycle shows up with a brown bag

full of crumpled ones. I just imagine a guy like actually going, no, I'm old school. I only do it on a pay phone. Yeah, unless you're Sean Rouse and you plan to die before some gorilla comes and breaks your femur. Remember, who you bet on is just as important as who you bet with. That's why I use my bookie. I'm not hanging around at Sid's grinder house.

You can't use that pay phone. at Sid's grinder house. You got any change? You can't use that pay phone. I'm waiting for a call. Come on, man. I got to call my PO. No, no. This is a business line. My bookie, I would only recommend a service to my listeners

that's been good to me. That's their copy. I'd recommend you to fucking that guy if that's all I had. But we live in a new age. You can bet using the internet. It's simple. It's easy. My bookie has in-game live betting,

the most rewarding perks in the business for you. And this is great that you can bet on fantasy because we just got vaguely into fantasy. You can bet over-unders on your fantasy players' points. There's just so many ways. I don't know how that even works. You know what I just noticed? I gave Kenny my account, and he made some bets last night, and he's already up. Yeah.

See, I bet baseball. That's what he bet last night, and he's already up. Yeah. See, I bet baseball. That's what he bet last night. Oh, he bet the Diamondbacks. All right, good. Yeah. I bet against streaks in baseball. That's how I do it, because baseball is such a 60-40 sport. If you see a losing team that's won five in a row, and they're playing a winning team that's lost three in a row bet

against the streak and i've i've done well you don't have to bet like arty lang or uh you know michael jordan or tiger woods to to make it fun you don't need 10 grand you need money on the game if you're gonna talk shit to me on twitter anything on the game yeah qualifies yeah i bet and especially as we're coming into the beginning of uh nfl the first few weeks you have no idea so i will parlay money line bets so i'll have like my opening this is my opening weekend uh all good dogs go to heaven card. You parlay on the money line. This is a three-teamer.

Jags plus 370, Jets plus 235, and the Bills plus 240. And I forget what that pays, but it aggregates. You don't have to. It's all right there. Yeah, you can pick some dogs, put them in a parlay, and put a $3 bet that if all three dogs win can pay $600 and something.

And that's the time to do it is at the beginning of the season. I have lots of schemes that have kept me in comedy. And you can get right down into preseason, NFL preseason right now, and do betting on mybookie.ag. Even better place to bet dogs. Dogs on the money line.

Trust me. My bookie, you can't talk shit if you don't play. Don't give me shit. I told you so on Twitter. Show me the betting receipt if you think you're so smart go to my bookie put a couple of bucks on it

show the results screenshot it and Kenny will be playing for the Doug Stano podcast he's oh yeah we're gonna have Kenny do it's always fun to watch him

get if there is a system in gambling it's bet against Kenny so every week. Oh, we should announce his weekend bets for the Wednesday show so that when it drops on Wednesday, everyone knows who not to bet on. Yeah.

I got to put more money in this. Sponge cold lock of the week. Sponge cold lock of the week. I like it. Hey, join now and my bookie will match your deposit dollar for dollar. Use promo code Stanhope to activate the offer. Visit MyBookie today. That's M-Y-B-O-O-K-I-E.

If you really have to have someone spell MyBookie for you, I guess a lot of idiots would spell bookie with a Y. I don't know. Don't forget that dot A-G. And, of course, you need to use that promo code Stanhope. My bookie. You play, you win, you get paid. Blue Apron. Delivered right to your door.

What'd you eat this week, Greg Chaley? Fuck. I still got two to cook. Well, there was one that you made drunk. I do it drunk all the time. I know, but I remember we were eating it up here because you stumbled down to eat it and you go, that's another great thing about Blue Apron

that they don't put in their copy. It's so simple. Drunk friendly, for sure. That hammered. You could still figure out how to put it together. The only way it would be safer is if they gave me an Easy Bake Oven. Because I still have to handle a knife and something hotter than a light bulb. No, yeah, when we get done with whatever we're doing here in the fun house, I'll go down

there because there's more than Tracy and I can eat in one serving. So there's always extra. And they've changed some of their packaging. They're slimming it down, like making it more efficient. And the ingredients always come pre-measured. You're not searching for stuff. You're not looking to order, where's the cumin? We just got furikake again on that udon noodle thing.

It was really good. It was, you know, it was, this is what I did last week. We did udon noodles, like a ramen. It was a ramen. But they were cold ramen noodles. And I didn't know that until it was like, oh, take them off the stove and then ice them down. And I'm like, fuck this. Like, hot ramen. But I followed directions. It was

fucking good, man. They know what they're doing. And that's the beauty of it, is all the directions are right there in the, it's like an 8.5x11 card. They tried it first. No, someone did. It's not like they're sending out and going, here. Hey, let us know what you think. Actually, they do want to know what you

think because they send you a follow-up email and rate your recipes so they know what's clicking and what's not. But the great thing right now is they're still sending out grilling options. So you can do cheese burgers and they got seared chicken with tangy barbecue sauce. Stuff like that.

It's still grilling time. Oh, it's still grilling time for a few months for us. I forget that there's people that are starting to get snow in August. They've been sending out ears of corn. So they're sending out different recipes. That's how fresh it is?

No, there's a lot of different recipes that call for frying up some corn. You never cook the corn in the pot. It's like you get a knife and shear it off there and then they got you roasting it. It's really great. And it's stuff that I use now.

I use that skill when I cook for my lady. What's the greatest recipe you've ever had in your entire life? Hang on. Let's listen to Bert Kreischer's last podcast. Everything is the best thing he's ever eaten in his life. My mom's spaghetti, but that's not gonna happen. What I do is I separate the recipes when they come in and I've got a binder.

And on one side, I put all the stuff that like, I'm stealing this. I'm writing this in my own cookbook for my kids. And then on the other side is everything else. So, and then now you can rate it. And so they know what to send you and what not to send you good yeah it's great i love it they're one of our longest sponsors and thank you everyone for supporting blue apron because you supporting them helps them support us and that keeps the podcast on the air and it keeps uh keeps us full we're drunk. No matter how drunk we are, we can always eat Blue Apron

to help sober up. It doesn't work, but you try. If we get drunk tonight, I got a good one. It's tostadas. Yeah, you'd even eat that. Alright, so check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free.

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I think she should come in by saying, tails! We do so little. Or we did so little or we did so little production we're uh we're trying to do more and make these podcasts not uh fucking scrambled like they used to be and uh so so what i don't know where this comes from i mean just because you're all higgly piggly grabbing at shit here there's a lot of stuff that goes on behind the scenes that I don't think you're aware of. Oh, I don't know what you do to it after.

My universe. All right. I'm sorry, Chaley. I've got to be angry at people. I've got to construct scenarios where I'm mad all the time. I mean, I've got so much on my plate. People think he's hated. He's busy taking on motorcycle gangs and Googling it.

He's hated. He's busy taking on motorcycle gangs and Googling it. For all I know, Chaley edits these podcasts into morning radio going, Hey, it's 5.15 a.m. Where's Doug Stano? Here he is already talking. Everything we say is out of context. We look like ass.

It would explain a lot of the tweets I get. I don't understand what you're talking about. When it turns out you just don't remember talking on a microphone. I don't remember anything at all. Or ever listening to it. I just push it. I'm clearly sitting in a dark room down there on Blackknob. Fuck those guys. Going, oh, you think you made fun of me? I'm making

fun of you. How is that punchline gonna sound with a little cowbell? Tracy's in the back going, more cowbell. More cowbell. To be fair, the earlier podcasts were pretty unlistenable. I stopped for a while. Oh, yeah, we know that.

This is why I hate you. No, Hitting It was like the start of podcasts. And I'm like, oh, cool, I'll listen. Nope, I can't. But it's good now, and it's all because of Shaley, because he's a good person and likes people. You know, that is interesting, because I just went on Audioboom, which is our partner. They do our advertising

and stuff like that. I went back to check to see that you could actually go back and listen to the first one with Andy Andrus, because we talk about it sometimes, and Goose Kirk. He was locked up down in South America. And they're all available on Audioboom. When we moved over to Audioboom

two years ago, they moved everything over, and I was worried because sometimes stuff just does not it's not there. Soccer Marmalade, all of those, their 14 episodes, that's Hennigan and Brett Erickson. All those are gone.

They're all gone because they were on a server that they stopped paying the money. So I went back and I checked, but I have not listened. But I will go back and listen. And, yeah, we've had some advancements in what we do post-production. Did I say unlistenable? I meant riveting. Check them all out. You know what? Check them all out.

You know what? For all the crazy fans that I have folders for in my email, why doesn't one of you just come up with a best of list or a – like all – what are we? Like 260 podcasts. 273 is this one. Plus we've got – we're over 300 with all the 10-minute podcasts, 30 days in the hole, and you started a short-lived rant at, what's his name? Oh, the eight-year-old kid?

We had the eight-year-old kid. I know. Something about Harvey. Point being, rather than send these fucking repeated crazy emails about what your life is like and all this horrible, just sit down and listen to all the podcasts and rank them for me. Are you trying to make bingo work? Well, I'll tell you, the number one still to this day is Fat Mike, the first time when he called in.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I mean, the most important one is obviously the two-part, the cliffhanger part. That's the one I always hear the most. That's like 13 and 14. Except for one person. I always hear that their episodes are the best for one person. Oh, yeah.

Their episodes are the best for one person. Oh, yeah. But, yeah, the cliffhanger was whiskey and nowhere, and that was in between suicide. Not much top and bad. Yeah. Well, nobody commits around that. Not yet. It's early.

It's still at light out. Most are still young. Julie Sebaugh, before the Death Valley Party, you were born in Missouri. This is what I was getting to. I said, you were born in Missouri.

That's what I'm saying. I don't remember the time. Thanks for mentioning that. I was born on a farm in Missouri. I didn't know. You did some research. So you were a farmer's daughter? I am a farmer's daughter. It sucked ass. I had four channels, didn't know what comedy was until college, and Dave Attell came and

did a show, and that's how I fell in love with comedy. Thanks for mentioning that. All right. No, I had it in my notes. I didn't know why I had to mention Missouri. Because I think that it shows a bit of character. All right. It is a show me state.

Okay. Well, then we'll get back to that. Look, this is me making notes. And there. Now this will work in with that because that's later after that. Let's get back. I'm just saying I'm not like fat back on the farm having four kids like everybody else I know.

You know, and look how far I've come in the meantime. You can't get parents happy, Sam. You could fit this into my fucking format. I formatted a thing. When you came to the Death Valley party, somewhat invited. You kind of won a, what's the Charlie and the Golden Ticket kind of. Willy Wonka. Charlie and the Golden Ticket kind of... Willy Wonka. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

Yeah. I had to find the thing. Well, what happened was... We needed... We're having one of the years of the party in Death Valley. 2007. 2007. Ooh, near the end.

Yes. Tracy's first year. Tracy's first two. Gay cousin Eric at Shanghai at the end. Yes. Tracy's first year. Tracy's first too. Gay cousin Eric got Shanghai'd at the airport. He had a delayed flight or something. We needed to get him a ride. So I

MySpace'd probably in those days. I don't know. I put it out there. Anyone that will give gay cousin Eric a ride. Is this not right? Well, as I remember it, unless you went and looked back at MySpace messaging, what I remember being was I was on staff at Las Vegas Weekly at that time. Oh, shit, that's right.

I had previously, I'd interviewed you on the phone for something else. I think it might have been the Riverfront Times in Missouri. But we'd never met. Where you're from on a farm, we'll get to it. Yeah. But this was when you were running for the Libertarian candidacy for president. So that was 2008. You kicked off in Darwin. That's when you kicked off in Darwin. I was at that. So I was writing for Las Vegas Weekly. And Vegas, as we all know, is where Stan Hope started comedy.

So given that he was also running for the libertarian candidacy for president, I convinced the editors of Las Vegas Weekly to let me write about the party and its candidacy. And so I MySpace-ed Doug, and he said, yes, you can come out and cover it if you pick up gay cousin Eric, is how I recall it. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah. Because we were looking for a ride for gay cousin Eric because he was going to be behind the caravan. But she had already Hunter S. Thompsoned the trip.

Pretty much, yeah, yeah. And I show up. The first time we ever met face-to-face was I got out of the car, parked in front of the little diner thing they had there, and they're like, Doug's in that room. So I walk around knocking the door. You open the door and kiss me. And that was our first nice-to-meet-you. He thought he was me, because of Harry.

How do you do? And from then on. So I me-too'd you the minute I met you. Right. I me-too'd you the minute I met you. Right. I me-too'd you. Nice to handshake, face plant, and it was all downhill from there. And it was this onslaught of scary old comic dudes. Old.

And you were supposed to do the raping game was supposed to happen. What was the raping game? Yeah, just the Death Valley parties alone, the amount of Me Too's. Tracy, do you remember? Yeah, it was going to be a version of the dating game, but it was the raping game. To see which comic could rape me.

Was allowed to win his hand at raping me. Who won? Well, Hennigan won because everyone was scary. Read the book. Read the book. You know what? Whenever you mentioned Willy Wonka earlier, she sang a song that sounded like,

I have a golden ticket, but I swear she said, I had to fuck a dickhead. I thought I heard that, and now it makes sense. It might have been a Freudian. But no, you ended up putting me in there because you didn't trust me to stay with anybody else

who might actually really be scary for real. Yeah, I've said a few times that happened. Yeah, the other time that happened was when Bingo stayed with me and Renee. Yeah, the raping went the other way, didn't it? Sorry, Renee. I met everybody,

the Beckers and the Chalys, Provenza, Glenn Wool, Bretchels, Christine was there, Henry Phillips, the little guy. What's his name? I forget. Kershid? The little British kid? That's one of my favorite pictures is him in the tutu.

Yeah. Lulu Monkey was there. The black guy. I'm going to tell you. And Guile. The black guy? It was a long weekend.

It was, and I'm going to be honest, I was disappointed with the article you wrote. And it's not the first time where we had a journalist come to... Chalmers came to Coots in Anchorage. And it was Chalmers. Why do I know that name?

He wrote he did that British GQ. And he's like, we got him so fucked up that when he got back, he just Googled it. Yeah, he wrote a story that he's like, and Stan Hope says this on stage. And I'm like, that's from an old CD. That's going to make me look like I'm still doing old fucking material. But he was so fucked up. So, yeah, you missed a lot of stuff. Right.

You weren't on drugs. Did you do peyote? I did The Little Shroom. Oh, that was also when Brandon Walsh went crazy. Oh, shit. That's when that was, too. Becker and I had to follow... Catatonic.

That's when that was. This is what I love about that. We were so afraid he wasn't going to get on the plane that when we got back to Vegas... We shadowed him. Becker and I were enlisted to follow him to make sure he got on the plane. So he's walking in the airport thinking

that he's being followed and me and Becker are like making sure he gets on the plane because of his severe paranoia. But we're following him. Looking through newspapers with holes in them. We're hiding it like the gift shop or like the daily news and like trying on hats and just like

looking and it's like this is the worst thing we could have done. Pocking into her sleeves. You got him next? Okay, I got to go pee. Hand off. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Eagle has landed.

Cinnamon donuts, cinnamon donuts. Cinnamon, cinnamon. That was also after Tommy Rockers too with Clark Adams. Oh, Clark Adams. Were you there for that show? Yeah. I met him because I was trying to stand around, take notes and stuff. And I remember him coming up and talking to you.

All right. Yeah. Clark Adams. Yeah. Just look up the bit about Clark Adams. The suicide? Yeah. Oh, shit.

It's in the piece because he killed himself immediately after. Bridge over trouble. Oh, it is in the piece? Yeah. Him coming up and talking to you and then killing himself was in the piece. It wasn't that bad. There was a couple things wrong with it,

but one of them I remember you had told me wrong. You were playing video poker, and I got a straight flush or something, and I might have said full house, and you're like, that's wrong, and I checked the tape, and it was actually what you said. The other one was I got that.

Don't ever tape me. You're not taping this, are you? No, no. The recorder's off. The other one was I got the name of No Refunds wrong. What'd you call it? I called it No Reservations. But, uh... Oh, we might have the copyright on that.

That applies. Yeah, it was at the time. It was about the Indians. It was very difficult. It was about suicide. Very controversial. Yeah, we shelved that one. It didn't go anywhere.

I will admit, not my best piece, but it was really fucking hard to put it together in like three days feeling like total garbage. That's why I brought up drugs, because the only memories I have from the Death Valley parties are when we were tripping really hard because that's seared into your brain forever. That's why I've always carried a camera, not for public use but for private. But the thing is I have the girl's tooth before you smashed it out with the beer bottle. is I have the girl's tooth before you smashed it out with the beer bottle and then after the boobs when she pulled it up

and lost her tooth or when you pulled it up anyway I have a series of all these photos and I go I have a photographic memory as I'm trying to tell you yeah but sometimes you leave the lens cap on I'm out of film those are both Becker

open mic jokes in the day. Cocktease Kelly was wearing a tube top, and I was... As you do, though. A tube top just dares you to pull it down. So at some point, I caved into my Me Too instincts and yanked her tube top down, but I had my beer in my hand, and the neck of the beer bottle smashed out of her front tooth. Was it yours? Well, then you went to pull it up because you went up

and I have... No, I came down to get it. I wouldn't correct a guy with a picture of it. Yeah, I was going to say. He's already telling you. Unless she pulled it up and took the beer bottle. No, I was going up to pull down like this. Put on a tube top for a recreation.

The point is, this is one where you're in the middle of nowhere and a girl just chips the front of her tooth out and she's very... No, it's half. She had big fucking teeth like me and it took half of it out. And we all just stand there staring at her going,

Blowjobs are out. I forgot what the point was. Something about a farm in Missouri. So Julie spends, that's how we meet her. She drives gay cousin Eric out. We spend those days at the Death Valley party. And then I think we went back for a photo shoot with, I had that picture on my bathroom wall until I just redid the bathroom.

And now Johnny Smith photography. I have two of his pictures up. Who is now at Entertainment Weekly, I think. Ben Purvis. Okay. I was giving a shout out to the guy whose pictures are now on the wall. Oh.

But I had that cover photo. So that's how we met. Cut to San Diego. Ocean Beach. Winston's. And Sean Rouse was there. Hennigan was there. Shawcroft was there.

Shawcroft, by the way, let me just, because this doesn't fit in anywhere. I heard Hennigan told me about Shawcroft, by the way, let me just, because this doesn't fit in anywhere. I heard Hennigan told me about Shawcroft hammered at the comedy store recently. I was there. I know. How long ago was this? I'm going to call it three months, maybe. He's doing a set, and Shawcroft is pickled.

Shawcroft is done. Who's doing a set? Dave Chappelle. Dave Chappelle is on stage. Shawcroft, the old Witter Hedberg, as I love to call her. He was in the original room at about 1 a.m. So was she. She had some people from Canada with her.

They looked kind of scummy. I did not know who they were. They get free health care. I had never seen them. Was this before Chappelle did his... But not beauticians. Was it before he did his whole week of shows up in the belly room? Was he working up to it?

It was after that. It was after that. Yeah. So he's just hanging out at 1 o'clock. Because he taped those for specials and those came out around... Oh, that's right. They came out January 1st. Yeah.

So basically he was talking about Me Too and how women deserve it and all that. And she's starting to go off. That's taken out of context, I'm sure. You know, long story short, to summarize. Yeah, but Lynn just starts. First, she's sitting at her table. Chappelle's like looking around. Okay, lady, calm down.

You don't know what love is! I was going to say the exact same thing. You don't even know what love is! That's the running catchphrase of Shawcroft because it always comes to that at some point. That's how she hails a cat. And she starts

standing up to do this and getting louder and more belligerent and he can't see who it is. Like, he can't... Like it would matter? He doesn't know it's Mitch Hedberg's widow. But would it matter? No, it didn't. Mitch behavior is normal for people. Precisely, which is why the comedy store guys start circling

her to remove her from the premises. And I go over and I'm like, just so you know, that's like Lynn Schroff on Mitch Hedberg's wedding. I know she's not like, like but i'm gonna take her out for a cigarette if that's okay so i take her outside i'm like lynn i don't are you okay are you all right first i asked her and she's like chapelle knows me he knows it's funny it's okay i'm like he doesn't he can't fucking see you he doesn't and she goes back in again and eventually uh yeah the table's removed uh that's right yeah that was the last time i saw lynn she's doing great apparently basically i've talked to her

she basically said i'm helping i'm making it a better show well first of all as a performer there is no darker stage as far as the comic to be on stage in the OR you can see fucking nothing you're in the brightest lights like an interrogation room and you can't see the whole crowd could walk out on you and you're up there going why is no one laughing?

it's just empty seats why is no one laughing? what am I playing the empty chairs here? That's where we did the end of the world podcast. No,

no. That was the main room. That's the main room. Oh, shit. Oh, this whole time I'm thinking,

all right, so the main room. Back to San Diego. I just want to make sure that so I have too many notes here. I knew I had too much shit. She did that there.

Yeah. Oh, fuck. What day is it, pal? It's not like a big name. Not at one o'clock in the morning. But it's just a really interesting, like, oh, man, all my worlds are coming together. And it was also after a really good roast battle, too. So I was...

You're like Zelig. You're everywhere you're supposed to be. All two rooms of the comedy store. I'm getting back to you getting bitten by Sean Rouse and falling in love because of it. San Diego? San Diego. That's sort of unrelated. No, that was all the same night.

We went back to that. There's a great dog hotel, which I wish I knew the name so I could plug them. Is it the one we stayed at? It's the Dog Beach and Ocean Beach, and they have a dog-friendly hotel where you're wet, filthy fucking sea-stained. Winstons? Winstons, yeah. And we, so we're staying at this shitty motel. It's a great motel, but it's like, yeah, if you don't mind the smell of wet dogs and sea salt.

Shit, I remember that. And we're all fucking hammered. It's walking distance from the club. So you go, oh, we should drink more just to take advantage of walking distance. And get a dog. Every time I stayed there without the dogs, I felt like I was cheating on my dogs.

They're going to smell this motel on me. Really? Without us? So I remember that night. I don't know if it's the same night as you with the pizza box. We told that story. It's not. That was at Costa Mesa. So, Rouse's, I remember him

just throwing full beer cans at me. He couldn't get to me to bite me. But he did get to you. You guys were having a meeting of some sorts in the other room and you kicked him out. So you made him come into

my... See, I was staying with gay cousin Eric. Because he was there too. And you made him come into my room. And he slept on the floor and bit me and woke up screaming. But the actual... Gay cousin Eric bit you? No, you made Sean Rouse sleep. Oh, come in with me, Cousin Eric.

Yeah, you kept him out of the room where the adults were staying. But what led to all of that... Twice bitten, once shy. Put him in the room with all the biteable people. Go bite them. We were the kids' table. But there was a bit leading up to all of this. Go ahead.

What led up to it? We'll show them. So there was... Okay, so when When was Death Valley? Death Valley would have been spring of 2007. And then you came and did Brant Tobler's Vegas Backyard Show. Yeah, that's in my book.

In early 2008? Yeah. I read the good one. I didn't read the bad one. That's why I hate you. So we, but if you remember that, you and I went out after that and went to the Double Dam and then went to that place where you tried comedy originally, which was what? It used to be called the Escape Lounge 2. At that point, I think it had a gay bar name but wasn't a gay bar it was

like rumors or something yeah something like that you were driving way too drunk i was super drunk yeah but i i kept telling you you shouldn't while you did but we were both it was vegas whatever i live here fuck off who cares uh so there was that and then montreal of year, which would have been July. So spring, and then July. You came up and did just respite. And I was up there with Brian Bruner. All right. And that was the time where you had thought everyone still stayed in the Delta, but everyone had moved on to the Hyatt.

And we were staying at the Delta because we were broke. And you and I were running up and down the halls. I was pushing on a luggage cart. And you kept... I don't remember exactly. Oh, it was... Bruner had a girl in the room. So you came and it took me to your room.

And that was the one night that almost something maybe would have happened, but you passed out. That was the one. So that's when I had to go back and break up Brian Bruner's party, but that was the one. And then after that was... I know another night. Oh, there was? Memphis? Chattanooga? Kansas City.

Kansas City. Was my brother there? No, that's when you were too drunk. I don't... Well, dancing leads to drinking. There's not a chance in hell I was dancing. It was after you and Hennigan had just split up and you showed up at some show. Oh, yeah, this was way after. We're still in the lead up here.

I was saying, I have a similar story. I'll get to it. Oh. Okay. Yeah, we're still in the pre-Hennigan narrative here. Well, it was in the Hennigan about to happen era in the Sean Rowe story, but go ahead. I want to hear stories I don't remember about me too.

Me too. Then after that was, I want to say September because I was leaving Vegas. So it was probably September 2008 and you were in, I think, Chattanooga or Memphis or something, a comedy were in, I think, Chattanooga? Or Memphis or something? Comedy on Broadway, maybe? Right. And I went to that because I was back with my parents in Missouri and hated everything on my way back to going to New York again.

So I basically remember all you had with you for your entire trip was like a toothbrush. I'm like, that's fucking weird. But whatever. I was glad you let me crash with you because I was super drunk. Should not have been driving and you let me crash in your bed. And that's all that happened. That's the truth, Your Honor. I swear that's all.

We'll make something up. Yeah, well. Do we get it? The one time that you were drunk, and I'm getting ahead of myself, that you came to some show where I was, and you just had a breakup. And you're like, now I'll show you my tits. Sure I will now.

And I'm like, oh. And that's when I un-metooed you. Like, I go, yeah, this could turn into something. But, yeah, she's way too drunk and doing this out of spite yeah i don't think any of that was accurate well welcome to the podcast i have uh yeah i've said hey you're gonna show me your tits show me your tits for a million years and that time you're like i don't care i'll do'll do it now. I'll do it. And I go, yeah, once she shows me, again, Jansen leads to drinking. I had already been talking to Hennigan at that point, though,

because we'd been texting ever since Death Valley. And then the show you were talking about earlier that you were trying to shoehorn in, the Winston's one, happened after the one I was just talking about, which was the first time I did hook up with Hennigan. I thought the first time, well, the first time I knew you hooked up with Hennigan was after he looked it up. It's Oceanside Villa was the motel. Right down the street from Winston.

And right up the street. Where dogs meet dogs. But that would have been late 2008, according to. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Well, yeah. But Doug was trying to make it happen earlier. I remember we were at Winston's, and then we went to that motel.

And in the morning, we all went to a smoothie place down the road. And you two were sitting together and you had consummated your relationship. That would have been late 2008. Which is not the same night as the night before was Sean Rouse biting you?

I thought it was all the same night. You weren't at Oceanside twice. See, I was, though. I went to Winston's twice. We did Winston's a couple times. This is a See, I was, though. I went to Winston's twice. Oh. We did Winston's a couple times. This is a fucking issue. Here we go. You go to all my fucking shows for free like you're entitled, and I hate it.

I tell Hennigan all the time, like, no, no, fucking, I don't like you at my shows, because you're a really, you're a comedy snob it doesn't do comedy and i hate it and i hate your presence there because i think i'm being judged all the time you are yes you and you get in all the time anyway and i tell hennigan no she fucking pays she's fucking you buy a ticket you don't get into a fucking soul i tell my fans how many times have I said it on this podcast? Sold out means sold out. Yet somehow, because she fucked my manager a lot and was married to him, she gets in. She basically fucked Hennigan for general admission. Green room privileges where you get off stage and you feel good about yourself.

And she's sitting there with that smug look on her face. I hate it. I mean, they're going to let me in the comedy store anyway, so you can't really do much about that. In the comedy store? Yeah. You're not getting in the fucking seat if it's sold out, and you're not getting in the goddamn green room unless I invite you. I don't want to be in the green room anyway. You never showed me your tits.

You should have shown me your goddamn tits that night when you were drunk. You had your chance. I got you a fucking ride out of there so you didn't drive. I guess your dick should have been as big as Hennigan's and then at some point you're going to have it. It's the fucking huge cock crew. Better deal. It's pretty large.

Yeah. We're surrounded. Well, thank God. I love how it totally deflected like I'm going to get off this and talk about Hennigan's dick. No, I get into whatever. I get into shit for free. No, I get it. I love how it totally deflected. Like, I'm going to get off this and talk about head against dick. No, I get it. Whatever. I get into shit for free. No, I get it.

I can't. Let's start our contentious part of this. Right after that, the Death Valley, that story, you were so dead set on writing a book about Hedberg. Oh, yeah. This goes good. Don't worry. Whatever. I had been writing about comedy professionally for four years.

Mitch Hedberg was my... And now we get back to, it was Dave Attell that got you started in your interest. The Missouri farm girl. I'm fucking doing this. I'm making segues by yelling at you. But they're all out of order. No, that's why I'm fucking having to fucking yell at you. Okay.

So what? A tell? So I'm from a farm in Missouri. You and your journalistic instincts. Jesus Christ. All right. I did skip a part. I did skip a part. I did skip a part.

What the hell? After whatever year it was, one of the many nights that you got in for free, you fucked Hennegan, and then you became a married item. Okay. So now we're in 2009. Okay. Let me just skip. Let me make this unnatural. Say, oh, you fucked Hannigan.

We went and had smoothies. And then you got married. And the next thing you know, you are at a barn dance in Missouri, where you're from. See? Do you remember? He had to go. You had to take Hannigan. Oh, Hannigan.

Well, yeah, you had to meet the parents and stuff. Yeah, the guy you were married to. Jesus fuck. Well, you started in on that Hedberg stuff, which was 2007, and now you're back in 2009 again. I know. I said I forgot a part. Oh my god. This is what happens when I try to structure a

podcast with five people. You should always add the point to your question. Oh yeah, what's the question? Yes, bar dance. We've been being quiet. Don't blame this shit on us. We're confused too. Becker left, what's the question? Yes, bar dance. We've been being quiet. Don't blame this shit on us. We're confused, too. Becker left, he's so bored.

Becker's gone. At any point, he could be interviewing me or you, Chad, because we're all fucking flummoxed. You married the Hennigan. 2009, yes. Okay, and at some point, when you brought up Missouri, this is why I was going to try to wait till now. Oh, I see.

Because Hennigan, you are from a small town in Missouri. That's correct. I brought that up. A little farm town. But Hennigan, which is the premise of a movie, Hennigan, the biggest smart fuck magazine, snobby, oh, I don't want to be around those kind of people. Well, the thing about Hennigan...

I mean, Hennigan also, and this is kind of a reason why I think we got along, he's also super poor and from the sticks in Scotland. Like, his house growing up didn't have a phone in it. Well, he's 70 years old. He had a man that when you told him

something, he ran to the next village and told them. He had kind of a... I don't know if I would describe what he has as an inferiority complex, but he has to prove that he's worthy of carving his place out in the world

and doing shit and blah blah blah. Don't we all? I just want to interject this will be the only podcast Hannigan has ever listened to of mine. Because he wants to know what you're going to say behind his back. And the neighbor will be she said what?

I'm sure he's not happy so far. He did listen to one because he said there was shit earlier. I'm assuming he was just guessing and saying that. No, I mean, he's got his own humble beginnings, for sure. So basically, at whatever point, I guess it was about six or eight months after the nuptials, which happened here in old Bisbee, stayed at the Shady Dell.

At the Shady Dell. Shady Dell. And then we played, and then I caught footballs the next day, and I was really good at it. I remember that. Was that with Gabe? Yeah. Oh, wow. Let's not get too off subject.

Yeah, so basically made him go to Missouri and meet the folks, and there was, yeah, a barn party. There was a bonfire there was a hayride where you uh hitch wagons up to a tractor fill them up with hay and then you ride around in the cornfields and soybean fields i don't know if i saw this movie you're a witch if you don't uh know hennigan and you should if you listen to the podcast, Hennigan being at a fucking barn raising in rural Missouri. What's the town?

Let's give a shout out. It's outside of Cape Girardeau, which is about two hours south of St. Louis. It's not the same town as Derek, right? He's like from Furley or Fergus. Yeah, he's from about an hour north. Furley. So you never bought drugs from him? No.

I was from more near the Arkansas border. So it's like shit hole central. I think worldwide that gives someone an image. Just saying Arkansas border. The boonies. Yeah. The sticks. But he held up, from what I know.

I mean, we were probably there maybe three or four days and drunk the entire time. I myself don't remember much about it, other than just trying to get through it. Your Mennonite cousins, how did they do it? Lutheran. I was expecting some great Hennigan story. You led me up to the fact that he held up at the barn party. So every year do they still hold Hennigan Day? Hennigan gets drunk and starts slapping you.

I mean, he does me. It wasn't the most exotic person anyone down there has ever seen in their entire lives. Not a lot of brown or black, but man, when he came tearing through with that accent, it was like, oh! Oh, I wasn't thinking of them judging him. I was thinking of him judging them. And I'm sure he does.

I'm sure in his long-awaited novel about himself, he'll refer to it. But this is where you wanted to talk about being from Missouri, because you have a fantastic story about it. I'm trying to cut through the segues, and we'll eventually get back to Rose Battle,

the book that she's trying to promote. You've said this same segue, I swear to God, 17 fucking times, though. I mean, I just wanted to mention that like... You got out. That is the gist of it, yes. And I'm not, that's actually one thing Hennigin would say, is that he's proud of me, probably

for not being 400 pounds like all my relatives and having four children, and respects me for that massive accomplishment. And you became a comedy writer. Yes. Because of Dave Attell. Henneken tells me this.

Now you've been a journalist for how long? 15 years in January. It was. I talked to him last night. I go, tell me some fucking hot button points about Julie C. Paul. Oh, I want to tell you this. Bore her with non sequiturs. Hang on.

I kind of don't believe this. I'll tell you. Ooh, ooh, Mr. Stano, I have a question. He's raising his hand. It seems like we kind of glossed over the fact you were a farm girl in Missouri. You saw Dave Attell. You fell in love with comedy. And then all of a sudden you're a writer in Las Vegas.

Which is where I'm going. Oh, please. Let the court records show that Greg has acquiesced the stand for Mr. Stanhope. No one is going to be able to follow this. Oh, I'm sorry. Is this the Greg Chaley podcast? No, you went into her relationships. Now, how did you get off the farm?

Did you go to college? Yes, yes, I did. Chaley, thank you for asking. Maybe we should have fucking meetings before these podcasts. I think that's a good idea. But I think it's interesting that you ended up worming your way into the

desert party in Panamint, but how? How did you get to Vegas? You went to school, I assume? Here's my notes. These are all very valid, well-asked, and researched questions. Yeah, I went to University of Missouri, which is about four hours away from the farm, Columbia, Missouri.

And I was in the journalism school, and I was writing about film and music stuff. And that's when Attell came, did a show. And I got to interview him beforehand on the phone and then go backstage. Yeah, I went backstage, Doug. Show your tits.

I have those purses. That's how she learned not to. No, that's not to this was also the height David tell us the guy that will talk you out of fucking hell this was the height of Insomniac so everybody so we went to the bar went to the bar across the street

and everyone was sending him all these Jaeger shots and it was like me and two other journalism friends that drug him over there. And he was like giving all these Jaeger shots to us. And I woke up on my friend Dan's bathroom floor the next morning puking and just like, there's something about this comedy thing. I like this a lot. It's better than film and music.

And I'm going to start writing about it because nobody was writing about it at that point in like a real critical way. Not critical with the negative connotations, but from a point, you know, context and history and what it means for society. It was just getting shoved in with like the calendar listings and music stuff 15 years ago. So I graduated a couple months later and moved to New York and was there for three years. And then I got picked up by the, at the time it was the Village Voice media chain when Alt Weeklys were still a thing. Village Voice is an area in New York, but they have a bunch of? They had, it was a paper there and it was a whole chain.

It was about a dozen and a half alt-weeklies across the country. Wow. So there's one in St. Louis and Nashville, Seattle, whatever. Phoenix. Everywhere. Yes. Phoenix New Times. Thank you. They picked me up. I got a six-month thing that I did for them back in St. Louis

and then from there I was in Vegas starting in late 2006. The Desert Party was spring of 2007. And now we're all caught up. You have a very linear mind. I appreciate that your stories are all very linear. I'm feeling sorry for everyone listening to this because it was a bunch of... How about the guy editing it?

It'd be hard to beat in a bar bet. It gives this context. Where I was going, Hennigan also told me when I called him that you have a really huge beef with how media portrays movies, TV portray female journalists. And he said that would get you really wired up. Okay, so now I do believe that you talked to him. Organically. Because this only happened this week. This week is all that matters. I guess.

I mean, everything in journalism sucks these days. The portrayal of it is one of the least of the worries. And there was a big article in the, I want to say, Guardian this week, which is why we were talking about it, about how why is it in all the TV shows now that all the female journalists sleep with everybody to get a story? And why are they always, you know, trying to sell out coverage to get something else?

Isn't it great we held back? I don't... See, I don't know. I haven't even seen Hannigan for like a year. He's been in Vegas with his new girlfriend. You've been sleeping with leads for news stories. He's behind the times himself. Somebody listens to this podcast. But it's not like I ever got anything from...

Free shows are not enough to sell oneself out, I guess. No, just... I don't know what the devil wears Prada. Who's the most important person you sleep with to give a story? Seinfeld? No, I wouldn't... Jackal's furtive? Well, what are my options?

Depends on what kind of car Seinfeld is driving. There's no, I have no interest in writing stories about any of those people. So you started out writing for Village Voice News, but then you went on to write books again. We glossed over the Hedberg thing. You were, I'm writing it without you. I don't care. We had a point of contention. But then you went on, you wrote, is that out yet?

You wrote the Kinison thing. Oh, that's still on and off for, not out. Well, yeah, the Hedberg thing was, I also met Lynn at the Desert Party 2007 and was a huge Hedberg fan. He was like pretty much it for me. How did you get into Hedberg? Was the tour you went on that you saw a tell?

Was it with Louis Black in Hedberg? That was one of them. Yes. But I knew him before that. He had also – I mean, he was always just around and he had – In New York days? Yeah. He – or no, he wasn't my New York days, not his New York days? Yeah.

No, he wasn't my New York days, not his New York days. But he was always there anyway. What about his movie? After that. Because the movie was in 99, right? That was Minnesota, though. It was about four years after that. But he was always popping in places. And he opened the show, I remember, for Mike Birbiglia's first CD release party at Stand Up New York.

We were just hanging around for that. And I hung out with him at Montreal 2004. Yeah, that was the last time before he died. Hung out with him in Montreal. So I, like, knew him-ish. So I thought, yeah, somebody should write a book about him after he died. You know, the clouds parted and the light shone on me. It was supposed to be me in my four years of experience.

It's like, why would Lynn not want me to write a book about Mitch Hedberg? Yeah, I wanted to. But you went on to do more stuff. Yeah, she put the kibosh on it, whatever. It's still there. I haven't trashed it or anything. Nothing's been written. Oh, there's stuff been written.

There's a... But yeah, from there, went on, did the Las Vegas Weekly thing, back to New York. Then I was in L.A., back to New York again. Now I've been in L.A. for four years. And I've written for places like Rolling Stone, The Hollywood Reporter, and GQ. I didn't want you to have to give your resume. I was just wondering about because Hannigan gave me

a copy of the Kinison thing on a plane. You should read this. I was drinking on Xanax. My eyes are not going to focus. Let's just cut to roast battle. Let's just cut to that.

Yes, let's do so. Let's do it more awkwardly than that. No, let's do it that awkwardly. Roast battle. I just realized my notes are fucking, they go right

to roast battle. Oh, they're disjointed? They probably got all mixed up when you threw your notebook at Shaylee. Okay, we're at the current day again now, I guess. This is why you don't put fucking too much effort into a podcast. It'll go like

this, this, this. For the listener, can we just take one moment? Can you give like an elevator pitch? What is Roast Battle? Right. Roast Battle is now a five-year-old live show. It's a competitive insult contest between two comedians who ideally know each other or get to know each other better in the process of writing jokes

to tell in front of their peers and an audience of celebrity judges, and at the end, whoever tells the best jokes about the other person wins. Who judges that? It's a rotating panel, but Jeff Ross... But you didn't say insult one time in your description, because that's why I would have used the word insult. I said the insult competition. Nobody that listens to this podcast doesn't know what fucking roast battle is.

But not inthul. The guys who can't get laid. We've already established this early. It's comics talking trash to each other. It's all it is. The biggest show, I would say, at the comedy store. And it's also a TV show. It is now... It has done

one season in the UK. It's gone across the water. Right. It's the biggest show ever on Comedy Central UK, which hopefully is... But the book is just about at the Comedy Store, right? Well, it's basically how that accidental

show from the first fistfight at the open mic, five? Well, it's basically how that accidental show from the first fist fight at the open mic, five years later, is now a TV version that's had three seasons on Comedy Central, and there's a Mexican version, and there's a South African version, and the UK one you were talking about, which was, yeah, the most watched series

on the UK. So we finally, we got The Office, they got this? Sweet. But the live show still happens every Tuesday finally, we got the office, they got this? Sweet. But the live show still happens every Tuesday. That's a secret. And it's still the original, like, rough and raw and in your face. Is there some kind of a lawsuit? Like, comedians in cars with coffee,

you know, that kid is suing Seinfeld. Oh, this is my idea. You stole it from me. Is the dishwasher or bouncer that originally was going to fight someone in a parking lot now suing going, oh, it's my thing? I mean, the way that they, you know, Brian Moses was the host and he's like, no, don't fight. Is that the same host?

Yeah. All right. He's still, yeah, still, fight. Is that the same host? Yeah. All right. The black guy. Yeah. There's a lot of black guys involved. But the main, the referee guy, Brian Moses. The emcee. Yes.

The emcee, yeah. So it's the same guy. Yeah. He was like, don't fight. Come back, and we'll have the war of the words. Diplomat. Yeah. And he kind of had it be a recurring thing, and it was his original open mic anyway.

And yet it's called Jeff Ross's Rose Bar. Right. Well, when Jeff came on as a producer, he... Took the name? Well, he has a whole history. A re-producer. It's kind of like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. It makes sense.

Chris made the steak, but Ruth was the famous one. Look, I make signs. My name's Ruth. It makes sense from a marketing standpoint. Well, yeah, it's like he has a whole track record with Comedy Central and all the other roasts. So if somebody sees his name on it, then they're going to think, as they should, that it's legit.

Well, and he's involved, right? But I like that you said it started because of a fight because whenever uh i started i started watching youtube videos of it whenever uh i knew that you were going to come over here and we're talking about your book then and i wanted to has there been fights in recent because they get brutal as fuck on there they get personal and brutal and uh i understand they're comedians, so, right, you go into that knowing that. But, I mean, I haven't read your book, so maybe I'm leading you into a story from your book. She did give you four minutes ahead of the program to read it. You chose to drink and smoke weed.

Well, the other thing, you do understand in Mexico it's on the Food Channel. I do know a little bit of the background of it because I... At the Comedy Store... Do you want me to talk about this? No, I was giving him a thumbs up on that joke. Oh, no.

Because you've actually watched it, right? I've never seen a live show. Tracy did that one night. I've never seen it live. But I thought... Maybe this will help answer what Chad just asked. I thought they just picked names out of a hat before the show and everyone went up on stage. And I found out from Erickson that- They call each other out.

Yeah. No, they want to battle someone and then they get together at Starbucks and talk. Where are you from? Fine. Yeah. That makes sense. And then they write together at Starbucks and talk. Where are you from? And then they write jokes based on the conversation. That's where comedy comes from. Not spontaneity of going, you have a big nose. I understand. If we did this on this

podcast, we could do that. But I don't know any comedians like L.A. comedians well enough to know their proclivities and their weak points. They don't either oh i wanted to bring this up because becker i remember and i wanted to ask you if anyone's ever gone too far or said something because i remember in coots in alaska where we trash everyone on the staff because we knew them. And one time I trashed Billy about taking Viagra or having herpes or something. Hair transplants.

Where I go, I thought everyone knew this. Oh. And then. And he lost his mind. No, he didn't. He just, the crowd went silent. Like, he doesn't know we know. And he went silent. and I went, ooh,

you know you touched a fucking sore subject. Calling out a transvestite. Doug's paying for his shots from here on out. And Mrs. Dick over here with the biggest dick, even though she has the biggest tits. Come on. Everybody knows she's the dude, right? Right? Right?

So far, my favorite part of the podcast has been where I ask Julie a question, and so far, Shaley and Stan Hope have answered it. Mansplaining roast battle to me. Over here. Julie, did you see you had problems with the way female reporters are portrayed? They can't get a word in edgewise. I'm starting to see your position. She said that beforehand.

I go, it's going to be Matt Becker, Greg Chaley, and Chad Shank. She goes, oh, great, four dudes and me. I ain't scared of you. To answer your question, it was usually kind of unlike what Matt Becker was talking about. Matt, as we all, yeah, in the room here, like, it's more than just saying you're fat, you're ugly, you suck. And that, in the earlier days, is what the jokes used to be and was kind of when things did go too far because it was more aggressive and actually wanting to kill somebody else and less about the jokes. wanting to kill somebody else. And less about the jokes.

There was also a rule earlier on because it's a very, very diverse show. It's not just a bunch of good-looking white dudes. It's all kinds of people. The white battlers could drop in one inward a piece to their battles. This is before they filmed it, right?

Yeah, that was very early. Is that the Jesse Jackson rule? That's an interesting rule. It's back when you and Hennigan were texting. It's a very, very early rule. The story I heard was Leslie Jones, who was like their first ever celebrity judge right before she got SNL, was having none of that. Yeah. One of the house haters

who kind of badmouths everyone. That's not a role like the guys who jump around and they irritate you? The wave. You're thinking the wave. House hater is not like a designated you're the house hater?

There's been different ones, but it's only in the room. It's not something you're going to see on the TV show. But he basically like... But they do... Yeah. So it's designated.

Yes. All right. And it was Earl Skagel at the time. Now it's a guy who... No, that's just a guy who sits off in the chair and gets to insult whoever in the room. Yeah, they had that. It was called on the Muppets. It was in that balcony.

Yeah, the balcony. Yeah, the two dudes. I just watched the videos. I'm just trying to clarify what you guys are saying. And he originally based it on Tommy Morris from the Comedy Store, the old talent coordinator, who was alleged to be racist. No one knows for sure. But, yeah, basically he...

He would later become president. He got fired for saying, Richard Pryor, that coon will never make it anywhere. He's, yeah. He's not around anymore for reasons. But yeah, basically Earl kind of quote unquote smoothed it over by going and like making out with Leslie Jones. It was a whole bit. Yeah, but that rule is not around anymore.

Hey, me too that lady. She'll love it. Yeah. lady. She'll love it. Yeah. But there's all kinds of, you know, there's, my favorite battle ever was between this guy, Joe Urell, who was born with cerebral palsy and he's in a wheelchair

and he's got like, you know, little balled up hands and he slurs. You say born with it as though he might have got it sexually transmitted or to a raffle. Or just made a choice. Who decided to have cerebral palsy for comedic purposes. Good luck with the Rubik's Cube. Julie Seabod just got the best joke of us all.

What did I say? I deleted it. I bleeped it. Don't listen back to find out. He decided to have it. You still have two N words left. It don't know. He decided to add. I think he did. You still have two N words left. It's his hook.

It's his hook. We're spotting you one. You can have mine. Ooh, that's up to three. Chad, you would have been a good fucking roast battle. No. That's why I asked that question is because I understand that everybody knows exactly what's going on. But they also know how to hit each other's spots that hurt to win.

And I also know from being around comedians and stuff that they're also unstable people sometimes. So I just wondered if sometimes that became a perfect storm. Escalated. You couldn't ride home without almost killing somebody. I can't imagine somebody with a microphone. I'm looking forward to killing someone on the way home tonight. But like the thing I

liked about Roast Battle the most was kind of along the lines of what you're saying. Is this back to the story? Well yeah, yeah. That story is a good example of what I'm going gonna say here uh like the first time i went up there it was about eight months into the show and like jeff had just just started showing up there and a couple comics had told me to go got to check out this show and

i'm like whatever fuck how many shows do i hear to see about whatever what i can go in the green room at any show I fucking want to go to. So, I went and went up to the room, and it was packed and sweaty, and people are fucking chanting. You know, when you see it for the first time, you think, oh, comedians are being mean to each other. But,

if you're kind of in that community and understand, yeah, you understand that it's just another way of kind of equalizing yourself. And you're putting all of your negative traits and your weight issues and your STDs and the time you hit that girl and your dead parents and your suicidal thoughts. You're laying it all out there and kind of working through it on stage. Give it up for Richard Jennings. All of those things. And that's kind of why it works best as the more diverse the better.

Like, you don't want to see two white dudes doing that. You know what I mean? Like, you don't want to see two white dudes doing that. You know what I mean? So an example I was going to use of Joe Urell, who, you know, contracted cerebral palsy to be funnier. Allegedly. You're right. Marketing genius.

My favorite battle I ever saw was him and a Vietnamese transgender lesbian. So it's a transgender woman named Robin Tran, who was just on the latest season three, battling somebody else. But she's great. And like, I'm opening my book here as an example of some of the jokes they told. Like Robin saying, Joe, I hate how people always bring up your wheelchair

and your voice and your disease. No one ever brings up how annoying you are. And Joe answers, Robin's unemployed, so it's a good thing she doesn't have to buy tampons. Because she's a transgender woman, see? And they just continue on like this. Is the name of your book, You Had to Be There?

I'm not pretending to be a comedian. No. That was my rose. Let's have Chad read. You want to read this? Start right there. You're the voice. Oh, I'm reading this?

There are a lot of things Joe can't hold. Like a microphone, or his liquor, or the arms of a woman who actually loves him. My limbs are straighter than you'll ever be. Robin wants to be an actress, but she doesn't even portray a convincing woman. Yeah, I'm transgender, and I still use my dick more than you do.

Thank you, Joy Tuck Club. Robin is so fat, the only thing bigger than her shadow is her 5 o'clock shadow. That's pretty good. That was very good. As an example. You should actually maybe do the book because then it doesn't

seem mean. It just sounds scary. Yeah, let's talk Audible for sure. But yeah, that's a good example of like you would not normally see those

two people headlining at the improv, but here they're fucking gods. And that's, yeah, inside baseball. That's inside. If you want to fucking gods. And that's inside baseball.

If you want to fucking know comedy, and that's why we talk openly here. I mean, the whole museum of intolerance here in the Funhouse with colored-only signs and white women-only signs and gay signs and

John Ashcroft, this is a museum of intolerance because that's what a green room is that's what roast battle is that's what comedians have that other people don't have is that right and ability to just go as dark as they can at each other away from the general public and that's the funniest shit because we're bored with listening to what people laugh at. We see you laugh at easy stuff. We go dark. The nicest guy in the green room, I mean on stage, is back there using his one N-word card in the green room.

That's interesting. Is the room full of comedians? Is that a big part of the audience? Yeah. A few journalists. That's a great question. Because I have a list of superlatives, which I hate in an interview. But has anyone ever walked out offended at what two comics are saying to each other?

I mean, I don't, I can't recall that ever happening. Mostly it's people who are standing up in their seats and chanting, battle, battle, battle, and screaming. Everybody seemed really into it in the videos. Yeah, it's not, you're not wondering, oh, I'll see what's happening at the comedy store today. Roast battle? That sounds like a fun time. Nobody's doing that. They know what they're getting into. But there are jokes in Roast Battle that they're doing at each other,

that if you just said it alone to an audience, someone would get offended. But if it's two comics, they understand, this must be okay. I guess it's all right. Yeah, there's one person in the room that's allowed to get offended. That's the guy on stage. Right. And even as somebody who's just watching in the room that's allowed to get offended. That's the guy on stage. Right.

And even as somebody who's just watching from the audience, I love the fact that, as we proved here today, I'm not a comedian, but I love the fact that they're saying stuff that I recognize in myself. Like everybody on earth hates shit about themselves or what they've done, and Rose Spaddle's really good about just showing, hey, we've all got shit. We're all human beings. Just fucking laugh at it and don't be offended. Right.

But also that's the thing. It's like all the people that go to space are astronauts, but the people who get them there are not. It doesn't mean you can't watch comedy and still give a clear description of what happened. That was a compliment, right? Yeah. No. what happened. That was a compliment, right? No! Doug, I think what you were talking about...

There's only one race, the comedy race. What you're talking about is that whole mentality is what we brought up in 269, Roseanne's Green Room Mentality. You see someone on stage and they're battling and you're like, oh, that guy must fucking hate him.

And they go back in the green room and it gets darker and sicker it's because there's this whole mentality backstage that comics understand it's they don't even talk about it it the people that get offended are the non-comics that are in the green room who should get the fuck out yeah all of you straight, tight-ass fucking people that think this is offensive, when your mother is killed in a car accident, try to get some audio tape of what the EMTs and cops are saying about her gruesomely deformed corpse. Couldn't find the head forever.

I didn't think to look under the tire. That's all you have to fall back on is Gallo's humor. And that's putting it on stage and fucking with... I want to ask you, I have a list of superlatives, but let me start with

who is your number one roaster like who would you be the most afraid of me it would be patrice o'neill uh who would you wait to roast me if i was being roasted if they knew everything about you oh jesus we'll see i, it doesn't... Norton would be one. Norton can fucking find your weak spots. Yeah, and that's the thing. It's not like the person per se or the relationship I have with them. But I'm saying, who's the best at finding... Yeah, who's the best at roasting?

...how to just hamstring you? I mean, you're saying these are all great people. Dead Petru, he's sure, I'm sure he's funny. You killed everybody? He's a lot easier to roast. Too sugary. You didn't get one of the early legs. I mean, Brett...

Jezelnik, I think, is the best. Even on Twitter, he's like Mr. Too Soon. As soon as something happens, he's there just like, oh, fuck. And he's a judge for season three, as he rightly should be. I watched fucking Walsh and Todd Barry. Yeah, that one wasn't that great. I know, but it fits the theme.

No, it was not. But it fit the theme of their Twitter battles, which is what they were feeding on. And they were both very nervous. But Todd Barry is one of those guys that when I fuck with him on Twitter, I think, I hope he doesn't take it seriously. And he probably does. I think, I hope he doesn't take it seriously, and he probably does.

But they know. You don't go there. Walsh has a bunch of shit that you go, yeah, don't go there with Walsh. But you already did with his mental breakdown in fucking Death Valley. But fuck him. I know him. I didn't realize that was private information. in fucking Death Valley. But fuck him.

I know him. I didn't realize that was private information. Now, Walsh, I was kind of sort of sad with Walsh's performance on that. I thought he could have definitely hit Todd a lot harder. But again, it was like for Comedy Central and you gotta be whatever. I hate to say this. Walsh, I wrote some of those jokes for him

and they died. All right, so we know who's not good at writing rose jokes. The one that I remember is yeah, women who've slept with Todd Barry have a hashtag. It's called MeEw.

Okay, this is a perfect example. You're a great comedian, whatever, sure. But you can... That leads into my next question i have a question hey everyone shut up she has a good point listen but if you ever do rose battle don't go to a guy who's retired for your joke but you could you could reuse that joke it's not a todd berry specific joke you could use that for, and that's why it died. It has to be a very specific, like, why are women so ooh about Todd Berry?

He tried to pile on with another joke. I'm not going to defend my joke. My joke was strong. No, it was good. It's kind of derivative of a... It was a good start. They were set. He didn't sell it.

You got to be a salesman. No coffee for fucking Brendan Walsh. He's not a closer. But I have another question. Julie, have you ever done any stand-up comedy? No, I have not. I always liked writing first. Hence, I was like doing the music and film stuff, but didn't really discover comedy until college.

So then I was like, oh, I'm supposed to be writing about this. So the writing came first, never interested in doing the onstage thing. I asked Brian Hennigan last night on my pre-interview, trying to get some dirt on you. in last night on my pre-interview trying to get some dirt on you, and I said because you said in your text message, I got into comedy because of David Tell,

and I said, she didn't do comedy, did she? He goes, oh no, she's not one of those. Oh, you mean Julie DeBergeac Seba? Well, I mean, a lot of times you'll see these days so-called comedians covering allegedly comedy

for different blogs and websites and stuff. And I mean, hello, that's a fucking conflict of interest. You can't be a comedian writing about another comedian with any sense of objectivity. That makes sense, I guess. And I don't, I forgot what the exact question was, but no, I haven't.

Do you know the person that wrote the article that said you can make $150,000 a year? Yeah, I do actually. I know exactly who wrote that. That was the greatest article ever. You want to talk about the next wave of me too? And I'll be young girls going, I'm funny,

right? You go, yeah, but take your shirt off. I don't want to talk about him because he gives me money for writing for The Hollywood Reporter. So yeah, he was way off base, but keep giving me stories, buddy. I missed

this. I'm not going to. The Hollywood Reporter did a comedy issue in July and I had a piece in it. But there was also a piece about local L.A. comedians, what a typical week is like. And one of the things that people pounced on was that, yeah, if you're a comedian, you can make an average amount of like $25,000 a week. I was like, no. And my editor wrote that, and I'm going to – I mean, it was a great piece.

It was just a little poorly researched. Give me more stories. Thank you. 2,500. Yeah. 1,000. You said 1,000. I didn't actually read it.

Just do an open mic. As wrong as 25,000. What? Yeah. Even that would be a hustle. Because there aren't that many comedians there working. Yeah. That would tear down money.

There is – I didn't actually read it. There's probably – I don't read – Becker. I don't read a lot of comedy journalism. I don't. I don't actually read it. There's probably... I don't read a lot of comedy journalism. I don't. I don't.

Do you watch a lot of comedy, Doug? Not really, no. When we started comedy in the early 90s, which was off the comedy boom, quote unquote. Right, it had started falling. The amount of comedians out there now, when we did Phoenix even, it was, what, 15 comics or something?

No, but the thing is, you've got to remember, this is what I've said with everything in our society. We dumbed it down kind of. If I make a card and say I'm a comedian, I'm a comedian. If I say I play violin, you hand me a violin, go ahead. And you go, oh, I can't really play it. And you go, well, that's weird. You got a fucking card that says it.

But I'm saying the amount of people that show up at open mics, you, 15 years, Julie, how much have you seen open mics just like a million people want to try? Well, yeah, I mean, comedy in general, for sure, is way too fucking big now. And, yeah, like Becker's saying, a lot of people are calling themselves comedians when they don't actually have 15 minutes. Or they're just putting stuff. Like, the internet has definitely made this second huge-ass boom possible. Like poker. Online poker. Yeah, like you just put yourself out on YouTube and all of a sudden you're a comedian. It works for someone like Bo Burnham who's actually good at what he does and tries

to evolve. Became? I don't know. But you're seeing a lot of people putting sketches and their little open mic sets and saying, I'm a comedian. Have you ever earned money for doing comedy? Ever? No? Then you're not a fucking comedian, is my takeaway

on it. Yeah, and that's what I say. If you make a living with it, you're not a fucking comedian is my takeaway on it. Yeah. And that's what I say. If you make a living with it, you're a comedian. You're a bed house painter, but you paint houses for a living? You're a house painter. I give it to you.

Yeah, there's just way too much and it's all getting a little... I mean, what I do like about it is there's something for every taste and you can find something you like and people are getting a bit more savvy about kind of the genres that are developing around comedy. Doug, you used to have that joke about you're not going to just go see music. Whatever that joke was.

You see a specific type of music. If you just show up because you got a coupon and you just show up and it's fucking three hours of bagpipes, you can't blame the band. Do some more research. Remember, I walked in to go see classical and I get reggae. I'm not happy. you just show up and it's fucking three hours of bagpipes, you can't blame the band. Yeah. Do some more research. Remember, I walked in to go see Classical and I get reggae. I'm not happy. Right. So that's kind of going away a bit more in comedy.

And people are gravitating more towards their favorite, quote unquote, indie bands and developing followings for certain people. The downside of that upside is, yeah, there's a lot of garbage out there. Is there still, this is inside comedy, is there still a term alt-comedy, alternative comedy? That should have dissipated like new wave. Yeah, it's called CISO. Can't find it in a lot of places.

I don't know what you're talking about i mean it's i think it's a bit more referring to a dated time well not indeed it's basically like when todd berry and mark maron were starting out at like luna lounge and janine garofalo yeah yeah i know where it started but do they still use it as though there's two types there was road comedy and alt comedy i think it's more used to be, to describe like how it started. Like alt comedy started there, but now it's just a bigger part of,

like you would refer to Todd as someone who started with alt comedy. It's not necessarily, I'm an alt comic. There's not a current label. Right. It's more. It was more of a click. A historic term.

It was more of a, like the, we all hang out together and fuck those people. The comedians of comedy. That's the way label. Right. It's more a historic term. It was more of a, like, we all hang out together and fuck those people. The comedians of comedy. That's the way I felt it. All those guys, the Bamfords and Patton Oswalt. Bill Gates, if he did comedy. Patton was always the diplomat. He was the guy.

He was nice to me, and I didn't feel uncomfortable around him. Who'd you feel uncomfortable around? Fucking all of them. Blaine Kovacs? Still. Sarah Silverman. Blaine Kovacs. Yeah.

Blaine was cool. But just going into Luna Lounge then, you're like, oh, you're one of those road comics. Because you were with me. We were road comics. No, but that's where you got quote seasoned. And I did have a lot of road bits. Yeah. Doug Benson was another.

He was nice to me, but I did his podcast and he said, yeah, the first time I worked with him, it was in Vegas when I just had met you. I went back to Vegas and he goes, yeah, we called you Doug's stand-up behind your back because all your bits are just... And they were. The most basic triple gig what will make an audience laugh stand-up bits. I didn't have a voice. I had a mullet. And Jerry Lewis was huge in France. So, I mean,

things evolved. Like, alt-comedy is now kind of a term like prog rock. Oh, yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about from that time period. Chaley. I have a question. This is a guy we ran into in Nashville, Doug. Southern Mama.

Darren Knight. First thing I thought of. He's listed some of his promo here on YouTube. He's a YouTube I'm doing the air quotes comic that did two sold out shows Friday and Saturday before we came in and did a one night show.

Doug's load in was at 9 o'clock because they were sold out two shows before him, right? His thing on YouTube is Variety's listed 10 comics to watch for 2018. This is Southern Mama. So what's going on?

Darren Knight. Yeah. Well, that's not actually the thing that I thought you were going to say about him, which was he was at Montreal this year. That's what I heard about. No, there were a lot of YouTube people, which I was – that's the other thing. What I want to know is with Darren Knight, I want to get to that because that's an abomination in my opinion. But what is the – what's the temperature of the room when someone like this guy is 10 comics to watch for 2018?

There's obviously a certain demographic he's appealing to, which is 12- and 13-year-old children who can't leave their bedroom. Oh, the Dane Cook of the future. Right, and they get their parents. Shawnee Rouse hands. We used to call them jazz hands, now they're Shawnee Rouse hands. Ball them up a little bit more. I mean, that type of comedian, quote unquote, can get booked at an improv because the parents are going to take their kids there.

But again, no one's going to be like, oh, who's this? We want to go see some stand-up kind of thing. But what happened at Montreal? Where they had the top ten? They had a whole series of comics. Of actual stand-up comics. No, no, YouTube comics. Oh, no, they were YouTube comics. Oh, well, that's different.

That's a whole other... That's a separate showcase where people who want to make money off of YouTube comics are going to go sign them to endorsement deals. Yeah. It's not a stand-up showcase, really. Stand-up showcase, really. Becker and I, in the day of the death days, the 90s of stand-up comedy, where they were doing defensive driving classes just to make any money. The whole 90s, once the comedy boom died and then it started back up with Chappelle in the early 2000s, they were doing anything. back up with Chappelle in the early 2000s, they were doing anything. And that's where every flunky jumped into stand-up comedy.

Every Las Vegas 15 Minutes of Fame, Tony Danza shows, all these Kato Kalins and Screech and all these people were getting into comedy. Kid and Play. Who? Kid and Play. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did they do stand-up? The one guy. Yeah. The big hair guy. Kid and play. Who? Kid and play. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The one guy. The big hair guy. Kid.

Play did alright. Play did good, because he got his GED. I saw that on Roast Battle, where one of the ones I watched last night was on the same as Brendan Walsh and Todd Barry was some wrestler

Dolph Ziggler who's a I thought he was fucking funny I thought he won I thought she was like a UFC fighter I didn't realize till after she was a comic oh yeah Sarah Tiana's like a she's written for

roasts Comedy Central roasts forever I found that out yeah been on season one and two podcast listeners remember Sarah Tiana's like a... She's written for roasts, Comedy Central roasts forever. I found that out. Yeah, been on season one and two. Podcast listeners will remember Sierra Tiana from the End of the World podcast. I was going to ask. I don't remember that. I'm surprised she's still alive. I blacked that night out.

What'd you do to her? No, Bill Burr just lit her up. Oh, I was drunk that night, too. That was the night Trump was. I think she was. That was such a good podcast. That was still one of my favorite broadcasts of all time. Also, listeners, I think, did the same thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She got it. But they battled for season three because they're friends. They asked Sarah who she wanted to battle, and she said him, because she could make the jokes about him not killing himself because he doesn't have a belt. Yeah, it was better than Todd Barry and Brenna Walsh. It was. It was definitely better than Todd Barry and Brenna Walsh's one.

What I was going to say about the YouTube guy, though, not the showcase that was for YouTube stars at Montreal, but there was a show that was the Variety 10 to Watch at Montreal. but there was a show that was the variety tend to watch in Montreal. He closed it out and bombed, and it was a huge deal where everyone was like, yeah, he shouldn't have been on the show because he's not a real comedian. It was like a very cut and dry, this has no place here kind of thing. Wait, one bad show, you're not a real comedian? Check YouTube. I'm huge. I did a Montreal where Moon Zappa had never done comedy.

She's at Montreal just because she's Moon Zappa. She's great. I love her. But, yeah, there was a lot of that scuttlebutt. She didn't belong at this point. But I got a good bit out of it. I can't even think of who's doing these galas these days. But Martha Stewart had one or something. I can't remember think of who's doing these gals these days, but they're,

Martha Stewart had one or something, I can't remember. Do you go to just for the last of the year? I have not been the last two years. The previous one, I was suing Paul Chamberlain

over the Crapshoot Comedy Festival and could not attend. And this year, I was at Rose Battle. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Thank you. You buried the lead.

Thank God. And this year, I was at the Rose Battle tapings. No. This is like a, this is like an Andy Andra story. I was cutting my lawn and the neighbor came out and I stabbed this kid. And then I go to this open mic and go, wait, you just stopped. Go back to this.

Go back to Burning Man. It's not that interesting. It's not. So this guy, Paul Chamberlain, he used to have the Maui Comedy Festival that lasted one year. And then he moved back to Vegas because he has family in Vegas. He, last year in May, so almost a year and a half ago now, a little over a year now, had the Crapshoot Comedy Festival in downtown Vegas that he hired me to help. I've been to festivals, and I know Vegas very well.

So I was hooking him up with media and kind of advising him. And basically the whole thing made zero money whatsoever. And he didn't pay me. So I sued him and won. And that's what I was doing during last year's Montreal. Is that the one Burt Kreischer and

Attell were at? Attell, yeah. Burt Kreischer came from that. Came here to do the podcast. Yes! And he talked so glowingly as he is wont to do. I sued that dude for fucking me. Not Bert Kreischer. No.

The other guy. The organizer, Paul Chamberlain. He said like 70% of the shows were canceled. Yes, Attell was only a third of the way full. He said he's never laughed harder, and Bert's not prone to hyperbole. Green room mentality. Julie, did you get paid? Yes, I won my case.

Oh, good. And I got paid because I ain't scared of you people. That's good. Thank you. That's rare. It was really... It's good that you do a job and you get paid for it

that's precedent not to mention everything you have to go through to fucking get your money after a guy that was fucking hard and really scary and getting up there

in front of a judge as he's standing next to me and saying what a shithead he was was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but I fucking did it and I won and I won.

And I wrote a book, too. It's a good year. Let's plug that book. Go ahead. Oh, yes. So, Ringside at Roast Battle, the first five years of Ellie's Fight Club for Comedians. Yeah, basically just tracing how the show went from, you know, the accidental show at a fist fight to being all over the world just five years later, which doesn't happen ever in comedy. Go to Amazon, Barnes & Noble.

I don't know. It's not on Barnes & Noble. It's not. Fuck Barnes & Noble then. Troy Conrad took photos for it. He's the house photographer at Rose Battle. He has stuff going back for the first last four or five years. He's also a comedian.

Set list. Yeah, he's got two kids all of a sudden just when Chad Shank lost one kid. Just discovered he has two daughters. Lightning crashes. So support Troy Conrad

for all his photographic and child raising endeavors. Amazon and the Ringside at Roast Battle by Julie Sebaugh. I had a couple of things. Legendary Eats at Roast Battle, because Hennigan told me about one with Hinchcliffe, where an audience member... I don't know what this is. ...roasted Hinchcliffe. He's talking about something that happened.

Maybe that might have been Kill Tony. Legendary Eats? I don't know what that is. No, no. Someone who just ate it hard. Someone who just fucking ate it hard. But he said there was a night. That might have been Kill Tony.

He might be confusing things. The only thing I... Someone heckled Tony Hinchcliffe and the fucking crowd went ballistic. It might be referring to the Doug Fager battle. Doug's another, like, you know, you have no idea who this person is by their name. And they're like, an open mic-er, but they're a really great roast battler. He was battling somebody else and Tony was judging. And Tony's special had just come out on Netflix called One Shot, I believe, and it had done

like zero business. Good plug. That's another thing that's going to get said. He's trying to coach her to talk more shit about comics, but I'm not going to do that. I don't do that. I think in the book I referred to it with dropping with a thud. Another tree fell in the woods.

Doug Fager's brother had died of food poisoning. So, Tony is judging Doug's battle and Tony says something bad about Doug and Doug says, Hey, you should be nicer. My brother was the only person who watched your special.

Oh, shit! Oh, my God! Battle, battle, battle! Oh, fuck! And then he quiets down again, and then Doug goes, I'm just kidding. No one saw Tony's battle. Or special. I'm just kidding. No one saw Tony's special. Which is one of those times, like, yeah, this guy's great, and the fact that he nailed

Tony Hinchcliffe like that is something that you kind of only see in Rose Battle. And the other fact that he nailed Tony Hinchcliffe like that is something that you kind of only see in Rose Battle. And the other one that he brought up was Jason Rouse. And if you listen to the podcast regularly, you'll know when Sean Rouse died, I got an earnest email. Hey. Told a story about that.

Yeah, about that. I remember it. How Jason Rouse... All right, about that. I remember it. How Jason Ross... All right, go ahead. For Rose Battle? I don't know. This is fucking... I don't remember this either.

This is all Hennigan. I don't... Who you left? Oh, yeah. I was going to open the floor to Brian Hennigan questions. That never happened. That was the whole point. We're not here.

We're not gotcha journalism. Okay, let's start that right now. I don't know that Jason Rouse, I don't know that thing. All right. Doug, if we... You know who Jason Rouse is? Yes. All right.

He's, I'm supposed to get Howard... No, I don't know. And I also have a note about Mamu, but I don't know what that was about. I'm going and doing her show on Monday. Oh, that's what it was? This goes out on Wednesday. Oh, cool. All right.

I just realized the Mamu thing is going to be well before this ever airs. But I will be on Jeff Frost's Thick Skin podcast in the next couple weeks and on the Roast Battle podcast. I also did some stuff in new york which you can go back to and listen to to keith and the girl and some other stuff keith and the girl there i i saw something i think i was on your twitter who's that who's keith and the girl keith and the girl are from new york and i saw that they're at episode like 2790 or they're almost at 3000 now Thanks for narrowing it down to

two people in New York. I think most people can Google. The original podcasting pair before podcasting was called podcasting. Keith is a comic who does comedy once a year when he records his annual album.

Him does the cool chick. They're great. They're awesome. I love them. They have this weird place in, I think, Brooklyn or something. Astoria. It's a long fucking way away from, I don't want to do it. I'm glad to be there, but I don't want to do it.

I don't want to, fuck traffic. Yeah, they're awesome. I also did like a Nikki Glaser show, because she's a judge on season three and other stuff you can find, which you won't, because it's boring. This is way better. I'm glad you drove all the way from L.A. to plug your book. I also kind of enjoy being around without Hinnigan. It's a nice off-leash, dad's-away-for-the-weekend kind of thing. He's been sober for a month.

Let's go get tattoos. Are you serious? Yeah. He goes, I'm sorry I haven't stopped down. I won't talk about the fucking... Well, no, he's making a movie in Vegas. No, that was earlier. No, he doesn't...

No, he was never making a movie in Vegas. He'd never get robbed, and I didn't lose $16,000 because of it. And I'll tell you this off the air. Because it didn't happen. It didn't happen. I have a question. I have not seen footage from that movie that does not exist.

I have pulled up the roast battle on Comedy Central, cc.com. I'm going to play one of these. I'm curious if you could come up with the one we should play. I've got Sarah Tiana and Chris Cubis. Oh, Cubis! Hold on.

Cubis is underrated. I've got roast battle three, Tony Hinchcliffe versus Mike Lawrence. Or Roast Battle 2, Kurt Metzger and Yamanik Saunders. Oh! The last time Doug did the Bonfire podcast with Big Jay Oakerson. I walked out because of her. She walked my room. Dan Soder.

She got him so pissed off. She left. No, I left. Oh, you left. Yeah, I fucking walked out of there because I was going to go fucking ballistic. She left and it still wasn't funny. She just got mad at you for being drunk and flashy. I don't know.

No, she's an asshole. So out of those three. I also saw that other Mike Lawrence one on there. Sarah Tiana and Mike Lawrence? Or Mike Broussard. No, she was bad on that one. I would say Mike Lawrence versus either Broussard or... Matthew Broussard.

Or what's the other? Tony? Do Mike Lawrence and Tony. It's Rose Battle 3. It's timely. No, I'm saying it's like, we need to redo this. Like, Hearns Hagler.

They'll just keep... What? It's a rematch. Oh, yes. I'm sorry, I gave a boxing reference to a journalist. I feel like you've built it up too much now. What is that, sports? No, that's a good recent one, and

they're both good. Also, in addition to this, I would say I've looked, and I didn't watch any of these ones that were more professionally done on YouTube. If you look at the Comedy Store roast battle, individual comedians that are lesser known that

don't get to be on TV will post their own roast battles and there's a lot more raw roast battle shit on YouTube. It's like UFC. It's comedy. Nicole Buchanan versus Jamar Neighbors for the Bellyroom title recently

would be a good one if you're interested in seeing a really crazy gritty Belly room battle. Alright, let's just wrap this shit up. Thank you, Julie Sebaugh. Her book is available. Seabubbles is

our nickname for her, but Julie Sebaugh, go ahead. Get Julie's book, Ringside at Roast Battle, the first five years of LA's Fight Club for Comedians, by Julie Sebaugh, available on Amazon. And I was going to get it on Kindle. She said it'll be there soon.

Yeah, give me about a week. So look for it on Kindle as well. But that's also on Amazon. Thank you for having me. It's nice to see you guys again and be drunk without pinning it. I said that already. Thanks for being mad. It's doubly nice.

Did he hurt you? All right, that's another podcast. Thanks for being nice. It's doubly nice. Did he hurt you? All right. That's another podcast. Only with his giant penis. They're called bagpipes, ma'am. They're called bagpipes. We'll close this out with roast battle. That's roast.

Mike looks like Louis C.K.'s genitals. Because he's about to get beat in front of an audience. Yeah! What a fun battle this is between two roast writers, me and who's ever helping Tony tonight. Really, man, I can't... I just can't wait to see what fat, ugly nerds you hired to call me a fat, ugly nerd.

If you want to see something Tony's written all by himself, you can just go to his Wikipedia page. Everybody knows Mike's a great writer. That's how he got the Emmy nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Mike wrote on the last season of Schumer's show and the last season of Crashing. He's ended more shows than Harvey Weinstein's Boner. Yeah, I am fed.

I am literally twice the comic you are. Tony hosts a podcast where he mentors young comedians, giving them advice like how to get a Netflix special and how to still be cocky after Netflix takes that special down. Hey, man. Wow.

I'm sorry, they only have room for one depressing lesbian at a time. That's a fancy way of saying Mike's never made a special. But his parents made one 35 years ago. Yeah. Tony married an Australian woman after one month in Las Vegas, and you know what they say, what happens in Vegas leaves you

the second she gets her green card. Hey, Tony, let me ask you, when she divorces you, is she going to flush every memory away of you clockwise instead of counterclockwise? It's true. It's true. We are both married.

My beautiful wife is right up there. Mike's wife couldn't, yes, Mike's wife couldn't be here tonight because clearly Mike never makes her cum. come. Last week, they asked me to battle Tony Hinchcliffe. And ever since then, I've done nothing but think about Tony Hinchcliffe. And now I know what it's like to be Tony Hinchcliffe. It's a damn good feeling, Mike. It's a damn good feeling, Mike.

It's a damn good feeling. Last joke! This has been a lot of fun battling Homeless Simpson. Mike is a huge professional wrestling fan. Even before the show tonight, I saw him throw himself through the craft service table. Nice one, you bobblehead of a Trump son. Kevin,

Tony, Tony, Tony is the Kevin Spacey of comedy. He's creepy, closeted, and Netflix has cut all ties with him. Help! Help! Help! Help! We don't talk about Brett Erickson at all. Are we recording, Doug?

Are we? Why are we recording right now? There's probably several things I never get to the point of, but one of the points that you obviously wanted to talk about was the Showtime series, I'm Dying Up Here, where I felt like I was dying for the first three episodes. where I felt like I was dying for the first three episodes. And then...

I was going to say Arj Barker. Fucking Mexican dude. Al Madrigal? Eric! I was going to say Eric Griffin. You racist piece of shit! Wait, Eric Griffin's Mexican? Isn't he? Does TV add three shades of dark?

I'm pretty sure he does. I was about to say something that would go, do I still get the 24-hour disclaimer? I'm dying up here. I asked you about earlier, and then we never got to it. No, I think we're going to say something to the effect of, yeah, the TV show on Showtime that is very, very, very loosely based on the book of the same name, which means it's not really based on it at all. But yeah, this guy, William Nodal Dofusker, whatever. Needles.

Needles, yeah. So he was covering the comedy scene, as it were, in the late 70s during the Comedy Store strike for the LA Times, and then came out with a book later called I'm Dying Up Here, which recounted it, and now these 40 years later, after the fact that it happened, was now being made into the Showtime series. And I saw that two years ago, because it's now two seasons in.

I'm like, motherfucker, this guy was covering comedy accidentally. And now he's got this book, and he's got this whole TV show deal from it. I'm like, somebody's got to do that with goddamn Roast Battle, and I'm going to beat him to the punch. Because if anybody else does, I'm writing a Roast Battle book

now for the fifth anniversary yes as the scene is happening and no one else is gonna have the ability and i'm gonna get a goddamn tv show from it someday actually did you know that uh william uh nobless setter also went to the university of missouri no way well he's good again, I guess. Really? Does it say, like, the journalism school and stuff? Well, no. I think it was Home Arts. Home Ec.

Well, Brad Pitt went there, too. And so did Sheryl Crow. Well, so look at them now. And Rose Battle was based on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Done? Doug has a lot of questions. Well, no, he said to give him a sign when I was done talking. Yeah, and I couldn't remember what.

Yeah, that's a big one, though. It's like a safe word. Then say it, Becker. Blue Dolphin! That was... I'm Dying Up Here was based on the 70s... The one thing I

like about it that I hated about it is the stand-up comedy was so shit, where you have to sit through scenes of people's stand-up comedy and then listen to them repeat it in the next episode which is what stand-up comedy is it's bullshit you say the same shit every fucking night for a while and everyone laughs because they're a different

audience but it's it's garbage so and the comedy was so bad in that show but the comedy back then was so bad now when you look back at it comedy grows comedy has a shelf life like hot mayonnaise on a fucking sunday porch it doesn't last most of the, Becker is the one who clued me into Woody Allen. I was going to say, yeah. Woody Allen is one of the few albums that you made me listen to back in our fucking road days, living out of your truck or my car or wherever we were. Hugo!

Hugo! No, but the thing is, his act, if you listen to it it doesn't age it's about it's fantastic but the other thing is try to listen to fucking lenny bruce it makes no sense it was set no but it was set in a time it's like saying green stamps hey i was at the store and i got green stamps that's not funny anymore you have to evolve with. No, Lenny Bruce would talk in jive. Right. Like Airplane, the movie. The Wayan Brothers.

Those guys were also operating out. Comedy wasn't a thing then. It started during the I'm dying up here years was the first time comedy was actually a business. Nobody knew what the hell they were doing, so yeah, the material sucked. No, but the thing is, with Woody Allen, you go back and listen to it, and you realize it doesn't age like his wife.

But most... That's for a different reason, I think. Julie, what we're saying is there's very little comedy that you could go back to and laugh including the stuff i grew up on like i grew up i didn't know what was hack when i was a kid listening to stand-up comedy i didn't know that's easy or hack i laughed and then i get into comedy i'm like oh yeah i guess everyone says shit like that and that's how you grow but i'm dying Up Here is the fact that they're doing shitty fucking jokes and I'm a Mexican and that means I steal car radios. But that was what they did back then.

So it's authentic. I take less offense to that versus the fact that they're trying to make them all tortured artists, which they were not back then. Everyone was just doing drugs and getting laid. But we're changing society for the better through comedy because we're all such tortured artists. That was definitely not happening back then.

No, but I think now it is. I'm just saying that's why I don't like the show is what I'm what i'm saying but i mean comedy now has taken a turn where they're going let's go all go after trump and we can change the world and i go comedy is taking on a you can only do trump jokes let's get back to this i'm dying up here my mother used to she was the one who would say yeah well if the fuck if the uh the the bird chasing the coyote fucking he fell off the cliff he'd be dead she would say okay why doesn't anyone ever take a shit in a movie no one ever has to stop and take a shit in a movie. No one ever has to stop and take a shit, because it doesn't advance the plot. So, yeah. If they're tortured artists,

and that advances the plot... Yeah. It's just an example of why comedy's too big, because you see stuff like that. I was going to say something similar, because if there's not a through line to the story, it's boring. Right. It's like, oh, comedy's big, let's do a show about how it started at the comedy store that's not the through line to the story, it's boring. Right. It's like, oh, comedy's big.

Let's do a show about how it started at the comedy store that's not the comedy store under Mitzi Shore, who's not Mitzi Shore. Too much comedy. Come on, that fucking lady who plays the pretend Mitzi Shore is fucking brilliant. Melissa Leo? I would say she's right up there with Mitzi Shore.

Not the one that eventually passed me at the comedy store. Passed me means when you audition to be at the comedy store, she would be in the back of the room. She goes, you're like Sam Kinison. She would say no to some people, and

others would take years. She would pass Louis C.K. This is the best story. Louis C.K. This is the best story. Louis C.K., when he was like the best comics comic before Louis the show, but when every comic recognized this guy is brilliant, he would go to the open mic. What do you call it? Potluck.

Potluck on Monday night at the open open mic and just auditioned for Mitzi repeatedly. And they're like, Louie, why are you doing this? I can just talk to her. He's like, no. He didn't get passed until two years ago when the new management took over. Literally.

Literally. And then he filmed his special there. Yes. And then some other things happened. Seinfeld wasn't passed until like the same time as Louis was. I don't know why Seinfeld would ever show his face at the comedy store. The comedy store

for you, the listener, there's always been two rooms. There's the improv. Well, there's three. There's the wastebasket of comedy. Michael Richards made one of them famous. rooms. There's the improv. Well, there's three. There's the waste basket of comedy, the laugh factory. Michael Richards made one of them famous.

Infamous. Even Dane Cook got banned from the laugh factory. That's the dumpster is the laugh factory. That's for rooms and tourists. But he's now back at the store, the improv. Point being,

once for woodcutters, once for woodworkers. Point being. Perfect example. So in the 90s, in the death days, there was the comedy store where I get past, and it was fucking empty all the time. And it was desperate.

And I get passed, and then just like every TV show I've done, it kind of got canceled. And it was just awful. And then Joe Rogan got banned after the Carlos Mencia thing. Because Carlos was selling the tickets. So whoever was in charge said, all right, we got to go with Carlos. You're banned. Tommy Morris. I'm guessing it was Tommy.

Yeah. Tommy, a little sidebar here. Tommy, I was booking comedy up at Coos, and that's when I brought Doug up, I brought Hedberg, I brought a bunch of people up in 95. And then when I started to continue to work booking comedy up there, at some point, Tommy

was calling me from the comedy store like, oh, this is great. I mean, I'm looking at who these people are. They've got no online presence. They are not even middle acts people are. They've got no online presence. They are not even middle acts. In 95, there was no online presence. No, no, this is 2000, like later on, right? And I'm like, what the fuck is going on here?

He's trying to send me fucking openers so they could get material by doing six shows at Coots to try and fucking get... Which is a good place to get material. Great, great, but not on my watch, man. Because I thought it would be great. Like, from the comedy store in Hollywood. It's the door guy. But I look like...

Oh, I like it. I've heard of that. A bit confrontational. But it was one of those things where I took two seconds to go, oh, that guy's not even, he's not doing gigs anywhere. So it was one of those things where I know Tommy. That was not a good time at the comedy store. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, there's kind of a lot. The comedy store they called it. Comedy? Yeah, he was kind of notorious for booking people who gave him pot. And cousins from New York. Yeah, and nuts. There were a lot of Vinnies and Mannies. Yeah, it was, what the fuck?

It was not talent-based, the bookings. I am looking forward, now that I've suffered through, I'm dying up here, for a few episodes, and then I get into it, and then I get weak again. Just like, fuck, you know what? Fuck you. Better Call Saul has been this strangling fucking dying horse for what? Three seasons where, oh, I want to see Breaking Bad again. I want to see it.

Maybe next week. Everyone's so desperate to see Breaking Bad that they don't talk shit about. Better Call Saul is the biggest piece of shit, except for last week, where it finally got kind of good. You're still a fan. Three fucking seasons. Well, I don't have a lot of fucking things to do i don't have hobbies but i'm saying the last episode of i'm dying up here it looks like it's getting into the steve labetkin years he's the guy that killed himself in the real story

yeah he's the guy that during the fucking strike jumped off the fucking Hyatt house, as you know from Warren Zevons. She took me back to the Hyatt house. I don't want to talk about it. Well, technically, to woman-splain you, it was after the strike was over, and Mitzi said because he had been one of the striking comics, he couldn't come back. So it was like after. Is that the hotel right next door? Yeah, yeah. She's a historian. Had he lived,

he'd have done the roast battle. Oh, yeah. So the point of all of that, we were trying to say the Rogan thing? You can't come back from that. Oh, yeah? Splat! Good closer. That'll show your mama! Your mama!

So Tommy banned Joe Rogan, but then Jeff Ross for roast battle brought him back for the first time in, I think, 10 years? 12 years? To be a judge for roast battle was his first time back, I think. Was that what we were trying to say?

Well, if roast battle goes back five years, I was already living here. So maybe 10 years. Yeah, I was like, he got banned and I want to say seven or nine. Let me, for the listener. You can find Joe Rogan. You can find it super easy. For the listener, Joe Rogan, when we were doing the man show, he was on Fear Factor.

Joe Rogan would do 14 hours of filming for Fear Factor, come to the man show offices and close the writer's room of like, hey, I think this is funny. What do you think? And he would do two hours of that. Then he'd go and do an hour at the comedy store for free and then they fucking ban him like i just looked it up 2007 yeah what was he on jesus christ and then when the carlos mencia thing i don't know who's to blame, but in the interim, when they were dead, I jumped in the void.

Why did Rogan get banned? Because he called out Carlos Mencia for stealing material on a video. No, I saw that, but then you said he got banned and then the Carlos Mencia thing. No. No, don't. He got banned because of that. Because of that? Yeah.

Yeah. No, that's why I said this. It doesn't make sense. Tommy banned Rogan for saying that Joe Rogan, or for, Jesus Christ. Tommy banned Joe Rogan for saying Carlos Mencia. You're a journalist? Yeah. I'm also drunk off my ass.

Word in edgewise. But that, he came back for the Rose Pack. Okay. It was his first time in 10 years. But that's a big one. I mean, you have a book on it, basically. It's in there, right? Yes.

You concluded that? Good job. Yeah, thank you, Matt Becker. If there's just one bit of evidence of how bad Tommy was running that place, that would be it. I concur. But this is why I don't do free shows in fucking L.A. or New York. Hey, you want to do a spot? No.

I'm going to come there just for my show once a year and a half. And no, because Joe Rogan gave you shit for free and Carlos Mencia was selling tickets. That was completely different management. And obviously it's better in full now. It's way better now because now Doug takes all of us out to the Comedy Star. We have a great time. Doug never has to go on stage. We hang out in the VIP with Bretchels.

And then we leave. No, our boss doesn't have to go on stage. It's fucking brilliant. Way better. Way better. So you never want to judge Roast Battle? That was my experience as well. You got to throw a bone every once in my experience as well. That was nice.

Yes. Yes, I do. I want to judge roast battle. And the last time I was there, they were asking me to, but I had to see, what was I seeing? Stars? No, downstairs. There was some- Brooks Brown.

Brooks Brown. Oh, yeah. We had to do the podcast with Brooks Brown, one of our best podcasts ever, now that we've actually put some effort into this podcast. Finally. Finally, we have someone who's putting some effort into this thing. Yeah. Turning the shit show around, Shaylee.

Jesus Christ. All right. Fuck it. It's an Easter egg. No one's listening to this shit. I thought you were going to go into the Brooks Brown thing. It's an Easter egg. No one's listening to this. Dude, I thought you were going to go into the Brooks Bound thing.

Hey, listeners, if you ever meet Julie Seabubble Seabaw in person, don't say, show me your tits. We have a personal relationship. That goes back. I say, show me your tits because we know each other and she doesn't. But don't think that's okay to do. Okay, there's a PSA for you. That goes for all women, I think.

Not sure, but just a blanket. Unless they're your friends and you go, show me your fucking tits, whore. Also, Brett Erickson is 6-0 at roast battle. Meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep. Brett Erickson. Are you doing the DJ horn? Yeah, that's what they do at Roast Battle. Oh my god.

She likes it less. Less, even less. Is that it? That's it. Yeah. I was going to wrap this up. I gave you a pause there to wrap it up

if this doesn't go anywhere there's no reason to say that Chaley I can see a pause on the editing device I use I can see there's a pause do you have the gift of the dark sciences?