The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #285: Whatever Happened to Super Manager Hennigan?

Episode Date: November 14, 2018

Doug wants to know where Hennigan has been the last 3 months and if this means his retirement is over. Email your questions for the podcast to [e-mail] Oct. 29th, 2018 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Hennigan (@MrHennigan), John Norris (@jnorris123), Chad Shank (HDFatty), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced & Edited by ChailleThis episode is sponsored by[LiftMode.com](http://www.LiftMode.com) – Liftmode L-Theanine capsules and dozens of other supplements are available on Amazon, Walmart and [Liftmode.com](http://www.LiftMode.com). Use coupon code STANHOPE to save 20% off your first order. [EERO.com](http://www.eero.com/stanhope) - Never think about WiFi again - Get $100 off the ‘eero base unit and 2 beacons package,’ and 1 year of eero Plus, visit [http://www.eero.com/stanhope](http://www.eero.com/stanhope) and at checkout enter STANHOPE. [MyBookie.ag](http://www.MyBookie.ag) - Log onto MyBookie.ag right now and double your money. Use promo code STANHOPE and you’ll get your first deposit matched 100 percent. You must use promo code STANHOPE . You play, you win, you get paid. [PricelessPillow.com](http://www.PricelessPillow.com) – The most comfortable pillow you will ever sleep on. Log on to www.PricelessPillows.com and use the promo code STANHOPE for 30% off your purchase. [Twitch.tv](http://www.Twitch.tv) - Interact with Chad Shank while he tries to conquer video games. Go to [Twitch.tv](http://www.Twitch.tv), search @HD_Fatty and subscribe. If you have an Amazon Prime account it's free. Instructions are pinned up top on Chad's Twitch page. LINKS - The Points Guy - [https://thepointsguy.com/](https://thepointsguy.com/)“Ringside at Roast Battle: The First Five Years of L.A.'s Fight Club for Comedians“ by Julie Seabaugh. Available now on Amazon.com - [https://amzn.to/2wtSzHC](https://amzn.to/2wtSzHC). We like what they are doing over at [FIRRP.org](FIRRP.org) - Check it out Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org)Closing song, “The Modern Maidens Prayer” by Eddie Cantor and licensed under a Public Domain / Sound Recording Common Law Protection License.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Good night. Good night. Good night. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Little darling, start it up. We're started. We have not just Chad Shank and Greg Chaley We have not just Chad Shank and Greg Chaley and a cast of people who come in and out and occasionally chime in.

But we have, from out of the blue, my old manager from when I used to do comedy. Those were the days. And then I retired. And then he thought I was serious so I haven't seen him since July and now it's almost fucking Thanksgiving or Christmas or something. I've got my car washing facility all set up.

Is that a Breaking Bad reference? I suppose it is. I guess it is now. You're mewling? Yeah. Hannigan, I picked him up at the airport. Uh-huh. Well, no, I walked to is now. Yeah. You're mewling? Yeah. Hannigan, I picked him up at the airport. Uh-huh. Well, no, I walked to the hotel. Well, yeah.

You came in late, and I like a reason to be in Tucson. Yeah. And so we had some late-night cocktails, and even my periods of sobriety which were really nice i felt great but when hennigan showed up and this is really weird to say i felt somewhat at peace well that because you know the fucking retirement is all bullshit oh but for a while it's real until and then when he showed up i go all right now i know i'm gonna have to work again because he's gonna tell me i have to work again but for months occasionally he'd send me a a text message oh you should look at this article in the atlantic sent you two books. You did?

I haven't read. Yeah, I'm going to leave town again to read more books. I would have thought, like, for me, if I hear an alarm clock, because I don't have to set an alarm clock for so many years, if I hear an alarm clock, I would hate it, because it would remind me of what it felt like to have to get up and go to work. Have to do shit. I would have thought you would have felt the same way if you saw Hannigan,

like he's an alarm clock, like, oh, shit, to get up and go to work. I would have thought you would have felt the same way if you saw Hannigan, like he's an alarm clock, like, oh shit, I gotta go back to work. But I can't enjoy my retirement, which fucking makes me even more anxious that okay, I could take years off. I mean, if I went to a doctor and

they said, oh, you have three years tops, I could enjoy those three years maybe, but I can't enjoy being retired i don't want to do comedy occasionally i remember of like a bit i wrote it's more recent than others and i go oh fuck i i want to go back on stage and do that bit i might go up to christine levine's fucking open mic at the mint on a tuesday and just just do some bits they haven't heard them in tucson why not just i i love that bit i'm not even sick of that anyway we have to we'll record a special and it'll be on that where you been uh i've been well obviously i was on tour with you for a long

time so you know again we did we did podcasts while we were on tour. Did we do any in Asia? This is November and we stopped working July 23rd. Yes. So we did a couple of podcasts, I think,

on the Asia tour. And then we did a couple in Australia. I didn't do anything in Canada. And then we did a... Yeah, we podcasted in the UK. Yeah, I killed someone else's career. Who was that? Oh, no, that's Australia.

That's Australia. Yeah, and then that was it. And then once you said, I'm retired, and then I felt, okay, good, now I can relax for a bit. And that was it. So you've done nothing since July. I've been relaxing a bit.

I have been working on the film. Well, you get a gal pal, which is when you never hear from Hennigan when he needs money, I'm sure. Not needs, but he'd prefer if I was working so he could make money for the new squeeze. Hennigan, every one of us has gone through the best friend you lose because of a chick he used to be here every night now he's in a fucking relationship

so hennigan's been off with his gal pal yeah but that was coincidental if you were working if you said okay we're doing this, we're doing that, that would have been incidental. And she would have been in that fucking... Who dragged the bag? Hannigan? You don't drag the bag on the road. Yeah, well, she's got a job, so I wouldn't have been able to. Wait, he did one time. What?

No, but you did it the right way. She showed up the last night of the tour. Where? Wherever you guys were at. I can't remember. Yeah, this tour, yeah. Probably, I don't even know if she even went to the show. She did. Okay, and then you

guys stayed in New York for a couple days. Yeah. So that's the way to do it. Yeah, and she showed up and she sat with Bingo and Joe Vernon and it was like, she was like part of a... Yeah, no, that was fine. Yeah. I'm saying that you did disappear to Vegas where she lives for quite a while.

I know, but it was a happy coincidence, as we say in philosophy, because I had other things to do in Vegas, which you... Which you won't talk about. No, but there's no natural way to talk about it until just now. Because I'm one of these people, I hate talking about things I'm going to do. Because the world is filled with people who talk about things they're going to do. Oh, wait till you hear when this podcast is better. We're working on it. Right.

So I didn't want to talk about what I've been working on in February, which was a low-budget horror movie that I made in Vegas or in and around Vegas. I'll just say you went over budget and that's an inside joke about some robbery things. Oh, fuck. some robbery oh yeah well no it's not it's not it's

not a it's not a secret i don't mind saying i was staying in the airbnb that was robbed burgled and yeah how do you how do you know with hindsight that you're staying in a bad area when you have five cop cars outside at 4 a.m. and no neighbors. Like, no one's come out to see what the fuss is. Do you read the reviews of these Airbnbs before you take one? I know, but here's my feeling about Airbnb. I think they can... It's not like Yelp, I feel.

I don't think it's as honest as Yelp. Oh, because they can judge you back like Uber. Also, Yelp, the app, don't have skin in the game. They don't care whether you go to Tacho's Tacos or Jose's Tacos because they own the reviews of all tacos. Whereas Airbnb are selling a product that is that is being reviewed by people they're actually selling each other yes like uber i'll give you five stars you give me five stars but the point being that uh i don't think that the the accommodation i got in las vegas their

reviews were accurate i think think that Airbnb edited them and made it seem a far better place than it was. I think Airbnb is a bit of a scam. Oh, and this is just since he got robbed. Yeah, they were very sketchy about the whole thing. First of all, Hannigan is a master of travel. I am. And I think

I'm pretty good, but I'm no Hannigan. But I know when it's a bullshit review, if I read three reviews and they all have the same typos. Yeah, yeah. I'm talking about the idea of deleting the negative ones, which gives an entirely

different... They have deleted some of my yelp reviews when they were ridiculous and there was at least two uh trip advisor reviews that we tried to put up that you put up that trip advisor rejected i do remember that one that all right yeah i did use like vulgar language or threatening violence there's one of those things. I know it was funny to me, but I can see why they would take that down. But there was one hilarious one about that. The fucking cantina, the bar right at the bottom of Johnny Depp's fucking street. Oh, fuck, yeah.

And then I just made this whole, yeah, I went there. But it wasn't as good as Johnny Depp's place where I was staying. It was just this whole dropping Johnny Depp's name over and over and over. It threatened nobody, but it could take it down. Yeah, and also, I just reminded from the last tour. Johnny Depp has NFL Network. They don't have NFL Network. I should just go back up the hill to Johnny Depp's place,

who's my friend, whose house I'm staying at. That reminds me of the great view that is still up, which is the Yelp review by you of the Melbourne Botanical Gardens, where you complain about how they don't have NFL in the Melbourne Botanical Gardens. I have to write a review. You guys just reminded me, and I was going to ask Henning if you've ever heard of this, since you don't like Airbnb.

VRBO? I stayed at a place in Phoenix last month called Stay Alfred. Right. It was actually an apartment building, like an expensive fucking nice apartment building that they just reserve apartments for. Yeah, we find a lot of those. But I got there, and you have to put in a code. They have a code box at the front. You have to put in a code to open the door.

And then once you get in, you have to go over to the parking area to a key box and put in a different code to get your key to go up. And it gives you a key fob. You have to use a key fob for the elevators and stuff. But it's really fancy. Except for I get there. I drive four hours to get there. And the code won't work on the front door. And there's other people standing there, too, trying to get in.

And I call them. And I'm like, the fucking code is not working oh hold on let us get you to our uh tech support tech support and then i'm on hold it was like 45 minutes before i finally got a hold of somebody and by then i was yelling at him what is the problem sir i go the problem is i'm about to piss all over your fucking front door because i'm standing downtown Phoenix. I drove for four hours to get here. Sir, we're so sorry about that. Finally, the website that gives the codes was down there. Like, what's your code?

I go, I can't even tell you my code because now the website has gone. This didn't work. Now the website doesn't work. And oh, that's on our end. Sorry about that. This is what, because a lot of Airbnb, I call it all Airbnb the same way you call all tissues Kleenex. But not branded, but they have on Expedia now where you just rent a room in a condo, not a room, a a studio apartment a one-bedroom apartment they're on uh but i don't do that when i'm traveling like i'm not gonna fly in land at 8 30 at night and then try to figure

out a fucking lock box or something where there's no front desk because i'm gonna be nobody there yeah if i was drunk it would have been worse one the times, one of the Airbnbs that we used during Bingo's coma, the second one, the code was wrong on the key box, like realtors leave on doors. And then I had a car, I wasn't getting anyone. And then finally, I'm sorry, I gave you the code to a different property. You know they never change those codes. Yeah. See, you'm sorry. I gave you the code to a different property. You know they never change those codes. Yeah. See, you drive by.

No car. Look through the window. No one's luggage. Hey, let's hit the pool for an hour. Yeah, of course not. Because you can imagine that you'll go from one Delta Club to another, and the Wi-Fi login is the same for like a month. And that's an organization that has 60,000 employees.

Whereas, you know, stay Alfred or, you know, hello, Judy. They have three employees in the Philippines. So they're not going to fucking be up all night thinking,

you know, you go to, you go to a hotel and the login. Oh, Hey, what's the password for the computer? Oh, it's HI like Hampton Inn 2014. There you go.

Wow. Hey, guys. John Norris from Anchorage. Thanks for having me on the podcast. I want to throw in my Airbnb story. I was in Seattle and we were in a place where the lockbox was like two blocks away from the building. It was like wrapped around a light pole and you had to go like find it like a scavenger hunt. And then when you get in, you get a text where it says, hey, if anybody who lives in the building asks you, don't mention Airbnb and say you're dropping stuff off.

So like I had to spend a weekend pretending I was like dropping my bags off at a room and like multiple times stuck in an elevator. Somebody like, oh, did you just move in? Like, uh, yes. Yes, I did. Because when I got the email, I was like, fuck that. I'm not lying for this Airbnb asshole as me fucking playing a scam on his neighbors. But then as soon as somebody puts you in a corner, you're like lying immediately. That's how you know that's like, that is your fight or flight response is just to lie your

way out of the situation. Well, what I've learned from Airbnb, or not from them, obviously, is once you get an Airbnb, if you're going to use that property again, they're more than willing to give you their cell phone number and you book it through the guy and no one gets a fee. And yeah, once you've, hey, you're cool, I'm cool. The old junior stuck a bit about getting something for free off of Craig's list. Who's going to get murdered?

I got a knife. Do you get a knife? After they had trouble getting me into the key compartment, after they got me into the building and they still had those on the phone and they had a hard time finally getting into the key, and then the fob wouldn't work as I'm trying to use the elevator because I'm like, I'm staying on the phone until I get in the fucking apartment with you guys

because it's been a fucking nightmare. I get on and I'm like, I expect that I'll have some sort of discount for this inconvenience. And the lady's like, absolutely, sir. We're going to give you 25% off your stay. And I was like, oh, fuck. They're stopping a dick. I didn't expect that.

That was nice, and then later we're in there and it's evening and I was with my wife and my daughter and they wanted to watch TV, so I'm like, I don't know let me figure it out and turn it on and I spend 30 minutes trying to figure out how to work the TV and I'm like I'm going to call these guys again because it just says it's not hooked up and I call them up

oh no, do this all right do this i'm on the sanyo website he had to go through the fucking tech he was not even a tv tech support he was just some dude trying to help me figure out the tv yeah you gotta you gotta bring books that you can't figure out someone else's remote control ever he goes we gotta we're gonna have to get somebody on site up there to reconnect your whole thing. It says that none of it's hooked up. And I was like, well, I'm only staying there for one night. I go, so this already happened. I go through the whole shit of what already happened.

I go, and they already discounted me 25%. I assume that now since she assured me at the end of my phone call that the rest of my stay would be uneventful and pleasant. I said, I wouldn't describe this as uneventful and pleasant. So does that mean I get additional? Yeah, you get additional 10% off. So I got 35% off the room for minor inconveniences. Oh, sorry.

Sorry, I was just seeing what time we're at because we have to break. How is that 11? I don't know. I did that, and then you said 6. And I'm like, no. I didn't know if you did that twice podcast semaphores

what was that 11 yeah but it's 15 1 and 5 that was 6 and I said 6 after I said 11 6 is that that and that is 15 I didn't know if Six is that. That and that is fifteen.

I didn't know he did that twice because I know we didn't do six minutes. That's not right, Greg Chaley. Because what you're doing just now is you're using one hand figuratively to represent the number one. The tens column. Yeah, literally like you're writing one.

And then you're doing that with the other hand, which is like a counter thing. So you're using one, and then you're doing that with the other hand, which is like a counter thing. You're using two different systems on two hands. If you went to Gallaudet University and you practiced in sign language for the deaf, what you just signed to me was analingus my cadaver. Yes. You got that one. Since we're willing to discuss it for so long,

wouldn't it have been easier if you just yelled 15! I didn't want to interrupt your fucking Airbnb story. Wasn't analingus cadaver the hero guy in To Kill a Mockingbird? Is that a book? We'll be right back after these long messages.

Shut the fuck up, Meatwig. Meatwig, not now. It's the commercials. And the shout-outs and the thank-yous and everything. God, I can't remember the guy's name, but you know who you are. He wanted me to mention a friend of his died. They saw us on, we played DeKalb, whatever, last year. I don't know what year it is anymore.

DeKalb? Yeah, and then she made it without him to the Chicago show on the same run. the Chicago show on the same run. And she passed away at 33 years old after a long history of... I thought it was going to be a happy birthday. It is. It gets happy.

It gets happy. Killer termite gets happy. She had a history of health issues and surgeries in her youth. And she was lucky to make it 33 years according to his email. But she died of a perforated colon, which is a way for a killer termite to die. I've had those weekends in Alaska where it could have been me.

There but for the grace of God, go me. Shaley, burn the sheets. So Nicole Pettit, as a shout out to you, wherever you may be in this fucking ether. And sorry, sir, I don't remember your name that sent me that, but you didn't say. He said that he was a long email that made me choke up a bit. The death thing does get fucking wearing. I choked up at a fucking Bing Crosby record at the thrift store on a record player that I reset. And I started playing Frosty the Snowman.

You cried in public? I didn't cry. I choked up a bit. But in a happy way. I was in a good mood. It was no death. I think Bing Crosby is is also dead so let's give him a shout out and frosty the snowman fucking melted i'm sure he'll be back one day but man wouldn't

you love to give frosty the snowman a perforated colon like i'm sorry to make fun of the perforated colon but yeah that's a way for a killer termite to die. It's no way for a killer termite to die. That was October. It's just over a year ago at Otto's. Otto's. It's not the only Otto's. Baltimore, we had

the Otto Bar. Yeah, that's different. Yeah, now I play a comedy club. Once I write an act, I'll probably be back at one of them. Keep sending me emails about your dead friends. Maybe I'll get something funnier than perforated colon out of it. Jeremy Teal sent a... He sent some stuff.

I think he sent more. Someone sent Bibles and socks. I'm really sorry. I get this stuff, and I forget to write down who exactly sent what. But Jeremy Teal, I think he sent the magnetic sign. He found one on the side of the road that said some

gibberish on it. It's right there. But, no, no, don't. Dan Strong sent the first magnetic sign for the new Funhaus airport shuttle that was made for us. And it says, blew a tranny auto repair with an old-fashioned silhouette of a car.

Yeah, a car on a wrecker, like on a tow truck. Yeah, he put the number on it. I'm going to use this as an example. He put the number, our area code with 555-1212, which kind of spells this is a goof. So I was going to try to give them another number they could use. Just use 555, but don't use 1212. Isn't 555-1212 the old way to get the time from an old phone? No, that's information.

I think it still might work as information. I know 411 doesn't work anymore. Well, not on a cell phone. I don't know what fucking works. Like, when's the last time you dialed zero? I did that once for fun, and I don't think it did anything. There's no operator anymore. We went to Hawaii last year, and at the airport on the Big Island,

there was a pay phone. And Tracy goes, give me a quarter. I go, I don't have a quarter. And they go, who are you going to call in the mainland that is going to cost just a quarter? So she called Becky Becker and had Becky Becker call the pay phone and then said, you called me to pay phone it was just such a walk down memory lane or did you ever do that shit when you were a kid where you would call collect and it was it would just record you your voice like you want to make a collect call and you'd say uh hey this is doug i'm at the airport my flight is late so they would just oh instead of your name yeah instead of saying your name as the recording you

just go this is doug my plane is late so don't pick me up i'll call you again and then they would just reject the charges i will not accept the charges from man man the fucking tales we could tell these kids that don't give a fuck. What's a record? So Dan Strong, Jeremy Teal, thank you. If there's people I forget, I'll try to remember next week. It's on the transit now, so it stays there until another one knocks it off. You know, lift mode, Chaley? Yes. Yes.

Got you through a whole haunt season. More than that, I just had to, well, we just did a little drive out to Phoenix to go see some comedy. Yeah. Drive it around. You can drop Doug Benson. Yeah. Doug loves movies. Jeff Tate was a guest.

Some sets. I think I had my Tate was a guest. Some sets. I think I had my first drink with a two-drink minimum. Want to follow the rules? It's Thanksgiving this year, and Tracy told me that you're going to actually cook a turkey, even though you're vegan this year, as well as other things. And Tracy threw up all over her bed. We don't want to leave that out of the podcast. After Doug loves movies, they went and had some sushi and not sangria.

But what is that? Saki. Saki. That's great. It's liquid heartburn. It's acid reflux in a ceramic nub. Well, Doug, you know, in moderation, we only had seven bottles. And she threw it up all over the bed.

No, in my cupped hand. Well, you sent me a picture of the vomit that was overflowing from your cupped hand. Your cupped hand overfloweth, sir. I should only make sure she eats one handful of food. So it doesn't spill over. How much did you eat? Lift Mode, they're a new sponsor. You've been using them for a while. so it doesn't spill over. How much did you eat? Did you eat one hour? Lift Mode, they're a new sponsor.

You've been using them for a while. Oh, yeah. And they just found pay dirt being in bed with us. Finding pay dirt has nothing to do with your wife's vomit. No, but the next day, I mean, I didn't drink that much, but the next day, you know, I'd drive back, just wake up in the morning before I hit the free lobby coffee, and I don't need to drink that much coffee because I do a little L-theanine and caffeine.

Well, that's what I was getting to. I was saying, because you're cooking Thanksgiving, now you're cooking vegan for you, you're cooking turkey for me, and the other people will just bring, probably all of them will bring the exact same shit. You're going to be doing lift mode to get through Thanksgiving because you're cooking vegan, you're cooking this. And speaking of L-theanine, we got a note from the sponsor after my first read, and they complimented me on pronouncing L-theanine correctly.

So I say L-theanine not just on the podcast. I say it to perfect strangers at the grocery store. Hey, have you tried L-theanine? L-theanine? And no one but the sponsor has complimented me so far. But it's in play. L-theanine. Lift mode.

Pills. They're pills. Don't take pills if you don't know what the fuck is in them. You know what? That's going to land you dead with a perforated colon. You need to go with someone you can trust. The people at lift mode are sick of all the bullshit health supplements being sold today. But they do.

They sell only the purest supplements they can find, and you'll know exactly what's in them. Because they tell you what's in the fucking thing caffeine is in it they also tell you that the l-theanine helps uh like like mellow out the effects the edge off of the caffeine so you're awake but you're not sketched out you're not picking at scabs thinking that there's there's little bugs running under your skin while you're at work or editing a podcast late at night because we waited too long sitting around watching TV. Listen, you don't have to read this. You just have to try it.

Try it risk-free. If you don't like a Lift Mode product, you can return it within 90 days for a full refund. Use coupon code Stanhope to save 20% off your first order. Lift Mode L-theanine capsules and dozens of other supplements are available on Amazon,

Walmart, and liftmode.com. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure or prevent any disease. Lift Mode is a proud sponsor of the Doug Stanhope Podcast. This is a sponsor. You have to guide me through this chaley because you know more than anyone i'll do this doug in the fun house right now show me where the router is that we all connect to the internet in this room is it that oh that's an air conditioner is it that that's the big screen tv is it that big thing over there that's where the booze and the ice comes from doug it's over on the wall and there? That's where the booze and the ice comes from, Doug.

It's over on the wall, and it's sitting right into one of the outlets, and there's a little nightlight under it too that you can turn it on and off from your app on your phone. You don't even know where it is, and it's working all the time. In fact, the whole system we had here,

we had three different products, different companies, and I've whittled it down to only AeroDell. We've got three houses that are using the same Wi-Fi connection. That's very impressive. It's a blanket of Wi-Fi. How does Wi-Fi work? How do the lights turn off and on?

Shaley, can you come up here? I'm scared. Bingo is on vacation. I'm scared. The one thing vacation I'm scared that's the one thing the arrow wanted to do they want to create a fast reliable connection in every room of your house that means multiple access points throughout the house you know what there's one in your room in your uh your main house Van Dyke you don't know it's following my thoughts you have no idea where it's at it's so great so if I said hey go, go find it, I'd have to tell you exactly where I put it.

It just plugs into the wall. There's no wires. There's nothing. It's a beacon. It all connects to where? No, the little house. That's where the main one is. It's spread out.

There's a net. I think you're giving away company secrets here. There's a Wi-Fi net over your entire compound here, and it's all from Arrow. Is that why there's so many homeless people camping around my gate? Those are security guards. Hey, and now they have the second generation product, which is more speed and range in the same high quality and elegant design, invisible to Doug Stanhope's eyes. Oh, I'd find it.

If the lights went out during a monsoon storm yeah i would probably blame that and kick it you'd have to find it first yes hey you know what it installs in minutes you download an app there's three steps and one of the steps is download the app i mean that's how quick it is it's really fucking good still out of my league but keep selling it the the single router model just uh isn't practical anymore and that's why we had multiple routers around here. Those are all going up on eBay, by the way. I'm getting rid of those. I'm just dumping them.

And then you manage your system from the app. Totally simple. I'm not even going to bother you with looking at it, Doug, because you will just gloss over it. I'm looking at it right now, and I see the edges are rounded, so it wouldn't perforate your colon. Hey, and you know what? That's not guaranteed.

Hang on. Let me go back to the last read. These statements have not been evaluated by the fruit. This is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any disease. Okay. The beauty of the Arrow app is you can manage your whole system right from your phone. You can check status, check out the connected devices. You can name the devices so i can see when someone is uh

connected here at in the funhouse you can check the internet speed at any time it also logs what your speed is so you can see if it's going down or going up and you can even create and share a guest network which we don't even need to do that because we're all here under one beautiful wi-fi blanket warm and cuddly all right meatwigwig just spoke up. If you could hear that. Hey, they also have incredible customer support. They guarantee a Wi-Fi expert within 30 seconds of a call. Hey, also, there's the Aero Plus service.

It's an add-on to the regular purchase of the devices. And for a nominal fee, you can get a subscription service which offers protection from malicious sites. You can block sites. That's good for the kids. You can also block ads. It which offers protection from malicious sites. You can block sites. That's good for the kids. You can also block ads.

It's got an ad blocker, a password manager, and VPN protection. This is my favorite part. Never think about Wi-Fi again. That's what they told me to say, and I'm saying it. Check. Never think about Wi-Fi again. Let Chaley do the thinking, and you get $100 off the Arrow Base Unit and Two Beacons Package

and one year of Arrow Plus. Visit arrow.com, E-E-R-O dot com slash Stanhope and at checkout enter promo code Stanhope. Arrow, life's too short for bad Wi-Fi. A lot of people are asking me how can I afford to retire at such an early age.

And I'll tell you how. MyBookie.ag. I am a professional sports prognosticator. I bet on everything with MyBookie.ag. Yeah, sure. I bet on everything with mybookie.ag. Yeah, sure, rub it in my fucking face that I fell to 7-3 with my failure of the Patriots at Tennessee. But you know what?

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this is not even this week's read but seriously buy a priceless pillow always promo code Stan Hope it is so good bingo went on vacation for her birthday to the east coast to see her dumb friends who now

have babies and uh but she always takes a pillow to sleep on the plane and she i made her put it in a different colored pillowcase put it in a bright pillowcase so you remember it don't leave it on the fucking plane dummy or in the hotel or in someone's house. She's flying back right now. If she can make it from her connection in Salt Lake back to Tucson, I'm getting my priceless pillow back. So yeah, do that. I'm doing this just to tell you.

I'm doing it. This is a pro bono read because the pillow is that good. So yeah, go to pricelesspillow.com put in the promo code Stanhope, get 30% off. Blah. Hey, the holiday season is coming up. So what we're doing, since I have been making so much money gambling on sports

and not working the road, but I still travel, to say we have a backlog of stolen hotel Bibles that we only sell on the road. This holiday season, since I'm not on the road, we will be selling stolen hotel Bibles inscribed and personalized to you or your loved one at the holiday season. If you really love Jesus Christ that much, you want to celebrate his fake birthday, celebrate it with a stolen Bible from Doug Stanhope

and the Doug Stanhope podcast crew, starting on Black Friday, which is next week, 23rd, through Christmas. No. Wait, shit. We want to guarantee delivery by Christmas, so you got from November 23rd through December 17th, and we'll get it to you.

Because you got to sign them. Yeah, you just tell us who you want it signed to, and it will say this Bible has been stolen exclusively for your name here. XXX. And I will sign it with my own uh uh booze shivering scrawl and uh what could make a better holiday gift well buy other shit from our website yeah let's get back to this podcast this is good podcast what what are you while supplies last while supplies last yes because we might run out yeah we'll tell you if we will pull the thing down if we run out. This is the only time we've done this.

So this is like, what do you call that in sales? Not sizzle the fucking thing. It's a- Lost leader? No, God damn it. Scam? I was trying to come up with a suspension of disbelief yesterday, and I couldn't come up with it. And now it actually works here.

Suspend disbelief, like, oh, we're gonna run out any second. Oh, we're close. Okay. They're just fucking heavy. I guess it seems like there's more, because they're heavy. Yeah. Yep. Stolen Bible. Let's get back to this. This is a good podcast. I like this one. Alright, bye. Well, let's put that

out there. Bingo? Andy. He's ran off? Yeah, we don't want him coming in on this. He's changing his clothes for like the fifth time this week. I wanted him to be here to ask. We're back. We're back.

We're back. I'd rather just text him. We're back live. We were just talking about, no, Andy can't come in for this talking of travel something that I know is close to your heart I want you to know that I do act on your every wish I genuinely

reached out to and I don't know who it was the points guy to try to get a response I just put this out there maybe they're not listeners the points guys responses from two different people were some of the most inadequate and helpless and worthless i have ever encountered in all my years of business whoever is working marketing and social media for the

points guys guys guy we follow are worthless i follow the points guy who's got like 80 billion followers. He just knows how to, you know, grift the system with airline points. And he presents a website in a very straightforward manner. And there's also Rene's points. Yeah, and there's million miles. What's it called?

One million miles of Dodge or something like that. There's a few of these websites if you're into travel that you follow. And I was just so disappointed i want to get into the specifics of the communications but it genuinely it was like dealing with fucking bumbling amateurs no but you don't think it was the points guy himself no brian whatever his name is no definitely not again he employs stooges well he makes a fucking good living but we're way off topic for anything anyone listening wants to hear

I thought we were talking about travel we're talking about sending you back to LA in a 1975 Pacer with 45 less than 4500 original miles clear the roadway baby it's been in

AJ's garage. Which isn't a euphemism. It doesn't even have a door on it. I've driven past the Pacer. It's dusty. Point is, it's basically a brand new 1975 Pacer.

And it will be for sale in Vegas slightly, but most importantly LA. Yeah, the whole point, Brian will drive that back from here because there's more people that will be interested in that in LA. You know what else makes sense? Are we all allowed to take out life insurance policies on Brian before he leaves here in the Pacer to drive it?

Well, Doug probably could because I've looked into this sort of thing, believe it or not and you'd have to you have to declare us and an evidence a specific interest in that person's life yeah yeah yeah where it would cost you money if you lost him i just thought this is the champagne room of death pool celebrity death pool where we all take out life insurance policies on each other podcasts or bisbee just people who have been on the podcast i'm not sure i feel like driving that car no i i for one love this idea stanhope do you like this we all take insurance policies out on each other. Hope and the other one dies first. It does give you, what do they call that in the court of law? Motive, thank you.

Weird that everyone died of head trauma. That's strange. Hannigan never told us what he's, now you can tell us what you've been working on since February of last year. I shot a low budget horror movie in and around Las Vegas in the month of February 2018. With the help of

I know we talked about this because he was wearing a military uniform US military uniform after he got robbed and had to move into a hotel. So he's walking across the casino floor in U.S. military garb. 6 a.m. From the shoot.

Was it like a Francis Ford Coppola? He's in costume. A Coppola's Now situation? He's in a wardrobe, but everyone's thanking him for his service, and he can't reply back because he will never do his American accent. But it was truly awful in terms of it gave you an insight into what somebody in military uniform has to put up with.

All the congratulations and the free first class seats. This guy, as I was getting in the elevator at the Palazzo, this guy runs up and tries to give me an unopened tin of Budweiser. And is like... Yeah, can. Sorry. Going, hey man, it's for you. Have one.

I was like, no thank you. It was like, been an American accent. It was highly convincing. Just say it. Say it in American. Just say no thank you in was like been an American accent it was highly convincing just say it say it in American just say no thank you America one time

no fuck you and and see this is the and it was just and he was and then

he genuinely you could tell wanted to say fuck you for not taking that tin or can I dare you not

appreciate my and instead he just went, yeah, she don't drink then. Yeah. And wandered off. And it's like, fuck you. I'm free from your service. Probably didn't do nothing anyway.

I wrote a Twitter joke one, whatever day they tell you happy fucking Memorial Veterans Day or whatever. This is a while back, but it says, when strangers thank me for my service, I always respond by apologizing for accidentally shooting a bunch of guys in a friendly fire incident. It's not true, but at least it makes the situation awkward for both of us.

Thanks for your service hey I'm sorry about what I actually shot all them dudes I thought they were bad guys and again I also got later on another incident where in the movie there was an elderly actress and so I would put her in an Uber or a Lyft every night or whatever one night this guy

turns up uh a very nice uber or lyft driver i forget which it was bonnie that was her name great actor goes in the back of the car i'm again i'm in outfit and he's picking her up from like anonymous looking buildings he doesn't know there's a um a small film studio back there or whatever and without even hesitation he rolls down his window and doesn't just say thank you for your service he gives me a speech about how grateful he is about people going overseas and putting their lives on the line and at that point i was just feeling very honest and I said it's alright this is just a film outfit we're making a movie in there

oh I thought you said fuck you and the look of dejection and hatred on his face when I said that and that's when I decided no no from now on you just go with the flow you do not say oh I've just been filming i would have said

thank you i am wearing this outfit for a film where we are portraying the heroes that you're talking about so thank you for supporting our film and then i would have plugged the film told them where they could eventually buy it once you'll eventually talk about it. Because I'm always branding. Because I had a good manager back before I was retired. Retired? I had the best manager. Yeah, well. Well, okay.

So this movie, because I want to get to this list. We did this weeks back when you were still disappeared. I've retired. And I had a list of things that in my retirement other than stand-up comedy okay i might do okay but i want you to get to the end is there is is there a plug for this film no because again in the same vein of you don't i don't like to talk about something that's not being completed all that's happening now is we're in post-production you know what that means it's an endless fucking check this do that whatever blah blah blah so when you're editing people are in vegas

yes with your squeeze yes my squeeze i picked up a squeeze so uh i have a lovely girlfriend in las vegas called aubrey and so it's a happy coincidence wait sometimes she's called that or named that i do believe i mentioned this because you emailed he brought her on uh they went to hong kong for a vacation because he found this steel deal on delta.com thanks to the points guy by the way which is why you get so infuriated because when he's wrong? You know, when his communication people are such Spaniels. But anyway.

So she'd never flown first class because she's 15 years old. That would be a callback, but I have to figure out which podcast is which. Keep going. That would be a callback, but I have to figure out which podcast is which. Keep going. So, yeah, when Bingo and I first got together, when she was at her full state of mental illness,

she's hardcore, and she went to tape her album in Portland, and I get her, she's like, she called me up, there's a telephone in the bathroom. And I remember the first time I had a telephone in my bathroom in Grand Junction, Colorado on a treble gig calling my mother. There's a telephone in the bathroom. So, yeah. He brought her on first class. International first class.

During retirement. Again, this is the important thing. But it's thanks to the points guy. Because the points guy, Brian, not his staff, Brian alerted me to the fact... Spaniels. Alerted me to the fact that Delta was closing their route from Hong Kong to Seattle,

and they were having like a fire sale for points just for points on that route so and it was and I'd been saving up bunches and bunches of points

and point being I got a phenomenal deal for first class return and and it was my birthday weekend so that so I booked it which he will never never talk about it's my birthday weekend so I booked it which he will never even tell you

it's his birthday he hates his birthday now that he's got a fucking 19 year old girlfriend in Las Vegas I'm glad she's aged 4 years she's legal now tour around the world so we booked the flight

and I didn't tell her until we got to the airport. And he tells me as soon as she takes the left when you get on the plane, instead of the right to seats where you get the whole full down, laid down, what's that Woody Allen movie? Sleeper. You get the fucking Woody Allen sleeper. Not the chloroform. Sleeper, yeah.

You get the fucking Woody Allen sleeper. Not the chloroform you put over that. Let's just say she embraced first class wholeheartedly. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I don't care if we've talked about this behind your back because you haven't been around. Tell it again. So, again, we're sitting in sort of like connected seats in the middle.

And I'm... It's a fucking 13-hour flight. Hang on, hang on. For my listeners who've only flown... Never. Never. When you're on international... I'm one of them, I can say it.

A middle seat together means you have a wall separating you, and you're both laying down. Those are the two middle seats are two personal... Private area. They're like cubicles. Yeah, it's a tiny hotel room. So I'm sitting there,

and I'm watching whatever movie I'm watching. I think I was watching Ready Player One, which I found slightly disappointing. But out of the periphery, you know, you're aware of movement and stuff. And I look over at the girlfriend, Aubrey, and she is peeking over the wall. She's watching The Lion King and she has headphones on

and she's commentating on it out loud to the entire cabin like she's watching live sports. She's doing color commentary, not noticing how loud she is. This is a 14-and-a-half-hour flight. She just went back to 15 in my mind. I took my headphones off i took my headphones off and she's shouting go no mufasa no he's an asshole don't do that and then when when the music came on the songs she is singing along karaoke style and so I I tried to

I genuinely I was genuinely like trying to waver down like were you confused I don't know I was going

stop like keep it like and all she would ever do is look at me for a second and then go back to dancing and singing along

was she on was she medicated on this part no she was hammered she was fucking hammered. She was fucking hammered. Have you ever seen that? A lot of listeners are saying, is she black?

Have you? Why? She's talking in a movie theater. Have you? It's just for what there's, what is that TV, that Netflix, Arrested Development.

Right. Where he accidentally dates a retarded girl. Oh, thank you. Oh, shit. I'm accidentally dating a retarded girl. That's a comedy. I want to get back to, because the end of Brian's story is brilliant.

I would get out of this. Oh, yeah. It's subtly brilliant, but I want to, because you said that. I don't know if this is urban legend, but I know the comic who took credit for it, and I go, why? He was like a family-friendly act and touted himself as that,

but then he tells us this story about him and his buddy, early days, in his drinking days, you know, how everyone who doesn't drink, their only good stories are about when they drank? Well, they were in, I think, Chicago, and it was last call, and they're trying to get some pussy. They're striking out every which way. But then they met this one girl that was hammered, and they were hammered, and they were staying in a van because early days on the road, sometimes you sleep in your van. And they both fucked her in the van.

And in the morning, they wake up sober. She's still drunk. Nope. They realize she's retarded. Oh! And whatever the progression of the story is, it ends with they ended up dropping her off in little italy because she kind of looked italian they didn't because they couldn't call the cops she's dripping with their dna oh my god where'd they find her at a club someplace

they went after a show you You know, Young Comics. They went out. They looked into meeting somebody? Yeah, like, do you have a number? Can I still get a hold of her? What's the deal? She still looks as young. That's my favorite Andy Andrus joke.

Where is Andy? I don't know. Thankfully somewhere else. But anyway, his joke was one thing parents of retarded Andy. I don't know. Thankfully somewhere else. But anyway, his joke was it's one thing that parents of retarded children never hear is take a lot of pictures, they grow up quick.

So back to where we were. Eventually, when I realized that, you know, Aubrey was going to fly you know, the friendly skies all the way I just literally pressed the sort of recline button on my seat and like full recline

like sunk beneath the waves genuinely hoping they wouldn't associate me with her and therefore I don't want to get cut off or something because she's about to be. You know? Yeah, he distanced himself from the problem.

Yeah. Probably like I would with Bingo if she's overly medicated. Just point to the stewardess flight attendant, F.A., and go, what's up with that? Can I switch seats? Yeah, so I went to Hong Kong. That was good. And that explains where you've been for three months, not worrying about my career.

You said you're retired. I am retired. You know what? Sometimes I'm breaking up with you just so you chase me down the street. I didn't even try. I haven't retired you, motherfucker. I know, but you wouldn't get the full retirement.

See, your whole thing about the retirement thing was, I want to be able to, you kept saying, I want to be able to look at my calendar and see nothing ahead. All right? So you wouldn't get that effect if I was like fucking calling you every weekend going, how are you feeling today?

that effect if i was like fucking calling you every weekend going how are you feeling today well uh i've really enjoyed not having anything on my calendar good except for the fact that i know that that is going to be either i die or i'm gonna have to go back on the go back on the road i'm gonna have to okay so i'm gonna i'll cherry pick the list because we already did this on a podcast. But I'll cherry pick the ones that I really think about. Obviously, we have to tape the new special. Correct. And we've already talked about the towns that we can do warm-up for and or film. We're all leaning towards Vegas, including you.

Yep. And again, I mean, we can do international warm-up. There's a lot of international places we've not been to. Yeah, but I need to not have to...

Scandinavia is what you're talking about. And I would have to change a lot of shit, even just small bits, that I wouldn't want to practice in a place where i understand okay so like just like a vacant place anchorage hawaii minnesota phoenix but you've got the point being that's on your list tape the new special yeah that's that's obvious what you're witnessing is a behind the scenes look at what happens in a business meeting between d Stenhouse and his manager,

Brian Hedding. Fuck you, I quit, Brian. Trying to do some voiceover, sorry. That was very funny. I have silly ones here, so I'm going to skip past them. This is way more formal than it normally is. Yeah, it's a real meeting.

No more refunds. Oh, yeah, yeah. I still want to do no more refunds. Oh, yeah, yeah. I still want to do no more refunds. I've got a different angle on that. We can't talk about it. We'll talk about it. And this, I can't talk about the subject, but it's that...

Just show me it. It's that, that screenplay. Sometimes it's enough. Oh, yeah, yeah. We can't talk about that, but that's a great idea. We've already talked about not talking about that. Right, okay.

And then Theo, I think I know who you are. Theo? I'll email you back. We talked about it, and then this guy says, hey, I write all the time. I've never fucking got any work, but I think I know who he is. I think I met him at a TGI Fridays after a fucking gig at a Funny Bone on the Southeast. That is a hell of a resume, sir. And I said, well, it was back in the Death Valley Party days.

It's the same guy. I know he's been emailing me. Yeah, I can't even tell you about it. But. Because you'll ridicule him. I wouldn't ridicule him. Well, the book we want to write. Oh, yes. Yeah. Don't mention it, though. I did. We already mentioned it, but I wouldn't ridicule him the book we want to write don't mention it though

I did we already mentioned it but I didn't give details but I said that Chaley could do some color work in the middle just passages of of his he took copious notes and diaries forever that could be just to break up chapters

between me and you and i love that idea uh fuck i don't know if i talked about that it's that one sometimes these meetings can be less revealing and not very entertaining to a podcast audience oh yeah don't mention that yeah i think i might have already on a podcast that went out. I'm sure we have. The good thing is no one's going to steal that idea. It feels like a real meeting and Chad and I are just here to look at contracts and be like, yeah, that looks good.

I'm doing commentary. I don't know what the fuck you're here for. We keep mentioning Unbookables 3. We keep mentioning Rouse Tapes. I already spoke to that company and they said they'd be fine going ahead

with Unbookables as long as we recast. Like fresh Unbookables? No, but the point being, you know, this is a company, I can't tell you who, but they were very,

let's call them a comedy aficionado company, right? And they basically just said, for example, that Inman was played out. They'd already heard it all. Therefore, everyone would have to be recast. That's all they said. We'll talk about that later. You sound serious, and I can't tell.

It's been a long, dizzying day. So the rest are just nonsense. Things that we hear around the house that are always present oh yeah prank calls we talked about we should do a fucking prank call CD just for ourselves yeah we could sell a shit out of that

we can sell it on 8 track I know are you sure you don't want to do it on wax cylinder you got a guy you got a cylinder guy I know. Yeah. Are you sure you don't want to do it on wax cylinder? I mean. You got a guy? You got a cylinder guy?

Yeah. And again. Get Jack White on the phone. What are your ideas for our future? Well, don't tell people on the fucking podcast because all my ideas are gold. All right. So you have some ideas that are not in my silly list? Yes, I do. I thought you wanted to talk about.

I did a super August. Oh, yeah you did uh on your own yeah we talked we we mentioned this but i we haven't heard your side of the story yeah you did 30 days we talked about hennigan does i mean uh chaley does this randomly does he he'll just go sober or vegan. Really? He's vegan right now. But it's not like a life choice. It's a month choice. You know when you got things to do and you don't want to sleep in until two the next day?

Right. You decide, like an adult the night before, to not drink. I always wake up at like fucking 6 a.m. anyway. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, being sober for a month isn't that difficult. How much do you drink regularly, though?

We had just coming off the UK Europe tour. Yeah, I was like my liver. It was like the last night when I was crying because a cat showed up. I was crying at a book and a cat made me happy. It was that serotonin level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. I took

all of August off and it was kind of dull but effective. That's all I ever got to say about it. It was just dull and effective. I felt better after it. That was it. Did you...

I can't imagine you as someone who, when you're not drinking, craves alcohol. You're not a booze shakes kind of guy. No, I'm not. But I don't have much to offer in a social situation, shall we say. In the sense that your thing about how you know drinking makes everything um uh socially acceptable like you can do things you can't for a month of oct of august i drove to safeway at night all right did you did you disconnect even more brian as sober yeah or

the girlfriend is taking me meet up with these friends mine. I just go, no. Yeah. It makes sense. Yeah, I couldn't possibly do that sober. I don't normally drink. Here is usually when I drink. That's why I'm so proud of myself because I'm like a non-drinker who then drinks with professionals on a once or twice a month basis. You're keeping pace with the lead runner in the marathon. Yeah, yeah. I'm doing all right.

I'm like the Bert Kreischer of drinking. But Chad, you're like 10 feet tall and you're drinking with a bunch of 5-footers. That's true too. I mean, I take all that in. But these guys, I was going to do sober with these guys and try to cut back on smoking weed and stuff. And I realized I'm doing that Twitch stream thing and it's a social aspect.

I'm drinking more this month than I ever have. I've gone through bottles and bottles of booze. That's right. Twitch TV slash HD underscore fatty. Yeah, drink with Chad. Drive them down to your level, assholes. It's really a niche market.

You created a unique niche market, and then I'm scavenging the lowest bottom of the barrel niche market like you created a unique niche market and then i'm scavenging the lowest bottom of the barrel niche market from your crappy niche market that you've got and it's pretty nice because it's like everybody who needs therapy but won't go i get to talk to while i play video games and drink so it's fun i think this is what they called the long tail hennigan doesn't listen to the podcast so he doesn't know i don't drive anywhere i don't listen to the podcast either the point is we have talked about like you have to well first of all the key to sober whatever yeah is staying the fuck out of those situations

where it's been time fucking that it wasn't even Halloween it was the Wednesday Saturday before the point is a million people came up through the haunted house and I'm like yeah I'm getting fucking hammered because I can't talk to these people and that was by the way when Sober October for you kicked in that's actually

I actually almost decided much more consciously to back off because if I thought if I put anything into your head about writing or touring or I know that that will set you off trigger yes it's trigger so it's like I've been very considerate when I did 30 days in the hole

what five years ago four years ago I made it six weeks of essentially not smoking and being sober. Not drinking. Both of those times I would say the same thing as Henning. As little as we ever talk or communicate, it's even more so whenever you're doing something like that.

I'm like, yeah. Well, yeah, you don't listen to the podcast. But I said, hey, don't worry. Chad will be back eventually. He just knows what a miserable cunt I'm going to be while I'm sober, so he knows when to fuck off when other people don't. And a lot of them don't. No, I know.

It's difficult not to know what to do about that. But, yeah. Wait a minute, I want to say something. You did read Julie Sebald's book? Yes, I did. Actually, I missed the last 13 pages because I was trying to finish it in time to give it to that kid in the fucking mental lockup who killed his mother. And so I gave it to him because he's a fledgling comic. Right.

But you said you liked it. Yeah, I did. Oh, good. I did. Yeah. I was pleased she wrote it. It's a good thing to do. Yeah. Julie Sebaugh or she wrote it. It's a good thing to do. Yeah.

Julie Sebaugh. Or Sea Bubbles. Mm-hmm. What else have we got on there that we can talk about? Well, no, that's it. I just, like, I don't know what you have. Oh, we're still up in the air about this. This would be a test market thing in a few markets.

This is trying to take some live podcasts on the road with a live studio audience it ain't a fucking cash cow well again it depends how we do it like the last time we did it was okay uh and it's all about the mechanism that's all we we know it's gonna work like if we have to bring inman in and set them on fire i think you we learned a lot. We learned a lot from the Phoenix. All things comedy. As a year ago, yeah. And do you want to talk about this now? No.

But I'm saying it is a thing that we would... It's cost prohibitive. We have to figure out how we travel. We're not in a place where, yeah, we could do a lot of markets on the West Coast that we don't want to burn, but who's in Reno? Exactly. Yeah. But it's definitely on the agenda as something to consider for sure. So what's the top? Book?

I think book. Filming? Filming. But they can go in parallel. And then a couple of the project ideas which are... Well, filming in the Funhouse is another thing with other comics. Olivia Grace, are you listening? Are you waiting for an answer? That's all I was waiting to hear.

I thought we were doing a seance for a second. I was grabbing everybody's hands. Are you listening for an answer? That's all I was waiting to hear. I thought we were doing a seance for a second. I was grabbing everybody's hands. Are you listening, Olivia Grace? How much does Doug Neuber telecommunicate? Anyway, yeah. Yes. All right. Well, Hannigan, he'll be here for another couple days,

and I'll have something I have to do soon. Make sure you write a roast battle in the interest of it. I'm not doing shit until after Super Bowl. I'm also thinking as well. Yeah, there's a good thing. I know here's a little thing that we did on the website, which was to put up a little thing on the ticketing page saying, if there are any issues with ticketing,

we don't know anything about ticketing. We already have that up. I know, but they do. 100%. There's been a 100% fall off in emails we get about ticketing. No exaggeration. There's 100%. At least one email.

I know it says not to ask you directly but but if you're sold out do you have an extra ticket for me and my old lady I'm trying to fuck her but I just met her but the point is that email was just ignored because it's like

you're a spam head we're not going to talk to you but I think maybe moving forward there might be other areas where we'll refine the communication process where we give people some guidelines about how to contact us yeah that's way you're way down the road that's assuming i have a new hour of course because you're still retired yeah fucking at least till super bowl. Super Bowl, right, exactly. Everyone should be aware of that. You're retired at least until Super Bowl.

Right. Well, Brian, again, just having you in my life again gave me some kind of awkward comfort that I don't usually find from you. I find the opposite from you. You're usually some kind of thorn in my side that I feel bad for, bad to be around.

I don't want to take all the flack from the people on the internet that hate your guts. But they don't... Again. Am I playing Poughkeepsie this week? It's your fault. You booked the gigs. Why don't you ever come to where

I live? Brian. Ha ha ha! Ooh, Hennigan! Yeah, so... Send us MP3s of your Hennigan's impressions, but mostly...

I want to... I said this earlier, but yeah, keep sending the magnetic signs for the airport shuttle I bought I love the idea of having of telling someone that's coming

to the Tucson airport hey don't worry we'll pick you up and you have the car parked out front and it says Tucson rehabilitation services and everyone's just waiting to see who comes out and gets in it yeah it's gonna be a little darker than i know i know but yeah i got you i'm with you yeah and

the listeners are now with you and uh hopefully we get a lot more magnetic signs i want enough that i could change it every day on the funhouse airport shuttle and again yeah like don't make it something we can't put up for legal reasons. Yeah. Or, yeah, just phone Gary. I don't want anything that's gonna get me pulled over, but I can stand a fucking neighbor hating me.

Cross-eyed look. Hey, let's do a thank you for the sodas. Oh, shit, yeah, that's right. Fucking Mr. Freak sent us all these sodas. Wow, shit. Yeah, that's right. Fucking Mr. Freak sent us all these sodas. Wow. Bacon soda, sweet

corn soda, ranch dressing flavored. Buffalo wing? Buffalo wing soda. I want to drink the ranch dressing with the buffalo wing. That sounds good. Peanut butter and jelly. Peanut butter and jelly soda.

So what we're going to do is one day, and he's not here right now, so I'll just say Kenny. I was going to say, we're going to bet Kenny to drink them. When we opened the box the other day on the patio, we go, oh, this is what Kenny has been begging us to dare him to eat.

We get the Burger King coupons every week. And there's a family pack of like three Whoppers, three large fries, three this. And he says, I could eat that all in one sitting. And I go, well, all right, now you're going to have to wash it down with bacon-flavored soda. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Come on. You guys are fucking with me.

This is always your idea. We don't say, hey, Kenny, Kenny, you tell us that you are going to do the most disgusting thing. And as soon as we say, okay, you go, oh, fuck. Why am I doing this? Because you told us to do it to you. Sounds like baking. He's baking for a meal. And I'm surprised that the bacon soda is the grossest part of this challenge for him everything's

the most big the biggest hardship just him working the fucking haunted house back then oh yeah i'm sweating too much i have to leave kristen's mad at me. Anyway. Hey, that's a podcast. We have to go. We have shit to drink. All right. Play us out on something that we don't have to pay. Royalties. Royalties.

It's already playing. Royalty. Royalty. A seal kissed by a rose. Son of a gun when grandma was a girlie it was a custom each night before

she put up her hair and curled to kneel and tell her troubles to the angels and that was the way with all the good little girls but nowadays the maids are mercenaries. For earthly blessings is all they seem to care.

They go down on their knees and ask the angels please to hearken to this modern maiden's prayer. Give me a lot of bows And lots of pretty clothes Give me a peak of knees And feet for all the shows Give me a millionaire To fall in love with me

Take me to Rex's Pay the collector One of those purely platonic protectors Give me a limousine and diamonds like a queen. Give me most anything else you have to spare. Give me the boy that I am after. Let me retain my girlish laughter. That is the 20th century maiden's prayer.

And don't you know, last week I went out to a suffragette meeting, and I spoke for the suffragettes. I said, give us a chance to vote. Let the women vote. Send us to the polls. Why don't you send us to the polls? And a fresh man in the audience yelled out, yes, send them to the polls, to the North and South polls. Give me a chance to vote, North and South Poles. Give me a chance to vote and get some fellows goats. Give me the right to search my husband's

pants and coat. Give me a gown with lines one must show them at times. If I display much, be optimistic. Give me a man with an eye that's artistic. Give me a bathing suit so folks can say I'm cute.

Don't let the water even touch my hair. And if my marriage proves to be phony, give me lots of alimony. That is the 20th century maiden's prayer.