The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #294: You Can Never Come Home Again

Episode Date: January 16, 2019

Doug and Chaille are back from their last minute trip to Costa Rica, Chad gets another day in court and Jobi reports the [Celebrity Death Pool](https://www.dougstanhopescelebritydeathpool.com/) 2018 winner and changes for 2019\. We had a great time at the [Flamingo Marina Resort](https://bit.ly/2RST9LN), Playa Flamingo, Costa Rica and highly suggest a stay there - [https://bit.ly/2RST9LN](https://bit.ly/2RST9LN) Email your questions for the podcast to [e-mail] Recorded Jan 15th 2019 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Jobi from [DeathPool](https://www.dougstanhopescelebritydeathpool.com/) (@DSCDPAdmin), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Bingo (@bingobingaman), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. This episode is sponsored by [Squarespace.com](https://www.squarespace.com/STANHOPE) – Go to [Squarespace.com/STANHOPE](https://www.squarespace.com/STANHOPE) for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code STANHOPE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. [Muddy Bears](https://www.facebook.com/MuddyBears/) are one of Doug's favorite candies. They sent us a bunch for mentioning them so we suggest you try them yourself. They seem like a pretty cool outfit. - [https://www.facebook.com/MuddyBears/](https://www.facebook.com/MuddyBears/) Stanhope Store Merch - New Podcast Coffee Mug, VHS copies of “Popov Vodka presents Doug Stanhope" and, for a limited time, "THIS IS NOT FAME (Paperback) SIGNED WITH a PODCAST T-SHIRT! - . http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ LINKS - Doug's Costa Rica Reading List:  “[The Devil's Highway: A True Story](https://amzn.to/2QS37Zt)” by Luis Albert Urrea - [https://amzn.to/2QS37Zt](https://amzn.to/2QS37Zt)  “[Yellow Kid Weil: The Autobigraphy of America's Master Swindler](https://amzn.to/2sy1tSJ)” - [https://amzn.to/2sy1tSJ](https://amzn.to/2sy1tSJ)  “[The Sellout: A Novel](https://amzn.to/2sw9OGM)” by Paul Beatty - [https://amzn.to/2sw9OGM](https://amzn.to/2sw9OGM)  “[American Prison](https://amzn.to/2RSRNAH)” by Shane Bauer - [https://amzn.to/2RSRNAH](https://amzn.to/2RSRNAH) Check out [Chad's Twitch feed](Twitch.tv/HD_Fatty) – [Twitch.tv/HD_Fatty](Twitch.tv/HD_Fatty) Henry's Phillip's Cookbook - “[Henry's Kitchen: A Cookbook](https://amzn.to/2SYaz78)” -[https://amzn.to/2SYaz78](https://amzn.to/2SYaz78) We like what they are doing over at [http://www.FIRRP.org](http://www.FIRRP.org) - Check it out Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast now go now go we're back just call me queer back queer back mountain we're back after what seems like an extended. At some point a couple weeks ago I was going through my closet cleaning shit or folding shit

doing something that I thought needed to be done rather than anything creative. I saw some article of clothing that I always, I never give to the thrift store a shirt or something that I go, I never wear that, but it'd be great for Costa Rica. And I folded a few more things and I go,

why am I not in Costa Rica? Because of football, because people will miss me for football. The handful of people that come over me for football the handful of people that come over for football are the handful of people in town that the original football crew the handful

the five fingers of we don't own a television can we come over and watch the Packers and I called Chaley who always has shit to do and I go can you think of any reason we're not in Costa Rica right now? Or anywhere, for that matter. Well, you're forgetting one point, and I don't know if you're getting to this, but it was

January 2nd, and we just had about six inches of snow dump, which only takes an afternoon to get rid of, but- It was two days of snow. It was cold. Yeah, we had a few. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, three days a few. Yeah. Yeah, three days.

Yeah. So, uh, Chaley said, uh, nope. So you were inspired to vacation by laundry? Yes, basically. And the fact that Chaley, I already called Bingo. I know Bingo

doesn't have a full itinerary. No, got some open space on a calendar a little bit so chaley said yeah sure you go hang on and i get on the computer i checked uh i i checked tahiti which i've never been i still want to go but, but it seems like it's kind of a pain in the ass to get to the good parts. You have to fly to... PPT is the airport code. PPT, however you pronounce it. But then you have to take jumper flights that can be just as expensive.

You can't get anywhere without getting on another smaller plane. Or a boat. Sometimes just a boat. I didn't want to think. I wanted to be somewhere warm without snow. I'm sure they'll have football. And then this, I won't even mention that place. Hot tip from a Colombian about a place in Colombia

that I'd actually go, kind of like Roatan. I would never go to Honduras. No, it's like the biggest murder fucking capital. But there's a... The headings? Roatan I've been to. It's an island. It's a safe haven off the coast. It's part of Honduras.

I've been there. Great. But not Delta. It's like fucking 28 hours of travel to get what would be six hours as the crow flies. So I went back to Costa Rica. All right. We know Costa Rica. Fuck it.

We'll go to a place we know. And the next day, we're fucking gone. It doesn't take long to pack for Costa Rica. Shorts, burner socks, and maybe something for your top. I saw you were doing laundry. Is there anything that you took that you didn't use or that you should have brought? The only thing that I... Because now's the time to make the list when it's fresh in your mind.

It's true. Next time, I'm bringing only one pair of bird dogs if if you read my book the last one this is not fame buy it now keep buying it i i do get checks for that it's it's not like all those fuck job uh dvd specials that uh you never see a penny of. Now in paperback. Yeah. And available. Books, they actually pay you. When you buy a book from me on Amazon or Barnes and Noble, yeah, I actually see a cut of that.

Unlike fucking no refunds. We'll make that into a big deal later in the year. Yeah, the only thing in This Is Not Fame, I tell one story of the many we have from Costa Rica where I got fucked and I just shit

all over Costa Rica. If it was Thailand with their rules, I could never go back to Costa Rica. The amount I shit on them. But it's been almost 10 years. It's been nine years.

Hey, that banging in the background is the new merch shop. Yeah. The merch store. It's the new wrestling ring that we're putting up outside for a new part of the podcast. That's what I came up, he's been using a nail gun. I go, are they building that with a.30-06, Joby? You know calibers. Oh, Joby's

here, and Chad, of course, is here, and Chaley. I asked you a question. I don't know if you're going to get to it. The point is, it's been so long since I've done Costa Rica. I even bought backpacks for back in the day when we'd actually go out on dirt roads and hiking and shit. Those days are over.

Rollerbag is fine. But the one thing I did forget, which are reading glasses that have the lights on them. Ah, yeah. Because the four of us in a room, people go to bed early. You wake up at 1.30, can't sleep. You don't want to turn on lights to read. The fucking reading glasses with the little spotlights. That's what I fucked up because there was a few of those nights.

Nights were weird. I think we'll probably get into that because of that one night where your timing got off. Go ahead. Start me. Well, I mean, we would all get drunk. And we didn't go anywhere. We just fucking went. We were in the room.

We had a beautiful place. Plug the shit out of them. The Flamingo Marina Resort in Flamingo. It's just an hour south of the Liberia Airport. That's a great town. It is. Flamingo's great. It's just up past the of the Liberia airport. That's a great town. It is. Flamingo's great. It's just up past the little market in Flamingo, so we would never walk up there before because it's hot.

You don't want to fucking walk uphill. The problem is, you know where uphill Kim and Dave live right here. It's that far away, which I... Not far. Not far at all. Two or three blocks. No, no, that's a block. It's a short block. It's a block

uphill and then a block to it. It's a lot to it. Yeah, a lot. Yeah, it's a block and a lot. Okay. We agree on that. A short, small town block, but it's at a fucking 90 degree angle. How fucking old are we that we're

splitting hairs? We don't want to go to the uphill Kim's fucking solstice party because you have to walk 60 yards straight up. And it's not even that far, but it's at that angle. So I would, Bingo had nothing to do. Bingo doesn't read books. All we did this entire 12 days, I guess we were there,

was read books, sunburn on the patio, perhaps the pool. A couple times we went to the beach to sunburn a little bit and then went right back to reading. Bingo doesn't read. So,

do you guys need anything from the store? 18 trips to the store. Because she's born out of her fucking skull. Yes, we do. Hey, you know you can get a pack of those eggs at one time you don't have to get them one at a time but you know hey I don't want to tell you how to do it get some ice

so what was I leading towards our days were pretty routine you go out on the balcony in the morning or you go eat breakfast and then we come back and i'll take a nap and then read a little and then if you got hot you went inside if you didn't get hot you go outside hey let's go to the pool it was just very fun we didn't have to go anywhere chile takes

naps like an elderly person where he'll nap five or six times a day it's what you do i'm not against it i'm jealous i told. My last vacation was in Hawaii last year with my brother. The first vacation taking years. And we podcasted right after that. For two weeks, I was so keyed up and doing like Joby now, like constantly on the computer because I've got a lot of stuff with the end of the

year sales and stuff like that, that this time I didn't even take a computer. He didn't take... Nice. Anytime I don't got something in my hands to read, and we didn't turn the TV on, but a couple of times, we had a jazz station where the music came up in Spanish.

We just played a jazz American standards. It was fucking beautiful. Sounds good. You don't have to do anything. One meal a day is already there. The hill fucked me. I don't like that, but I've never been there.

You can't rent a donkey or something to drag you up the hill? I didn't see four wheelers you could rent. The prices have fucking skyrocketed since we were last there in 2011. It's really expensive. It's Hawaii expensive. Yeah. And that was one of the places i looked up because christine levine was playing in hawaii somehow christine levine she was supposed to be down here for new year's

eve for bingo's thing and then no get a text i spent new year's with rosanne in hawaii at her house playing with her grandkids how the fuck did you pull that out? Well, I have three shows over here. And I'm like, wow, I'm on Expedia right now looking for a place hot to go. And we were going to go there, but we thought too expensive. So we went here, which was just as expensive now. I think it was a good call. It was. I think it was probably a little bit less expensive

because of the hotel room, because of what we got. And the people we met, it ended up being – that was great. The people who just got there to run the place, two young people from New York, they got there right before us. They've been there for six months managing this place, which used to be the place – the Flamingo Marina Resort, used to be the place that we'd drop in drunk. I remember me and Becker in Costa Rica, Kevin, all-

Yeah, I was there for one of them. With the hookers, where we bought the hookers away from those fucking old men? No, I have another hooker story, but from the same place. Well, no, that was the casino in between. Yeah, yeah, it was at the casino, but it was in Flamingo. There was three or four old dudes. I don't know if you knew they were

retired Chicago cops or profiled them as retired Chicago cops, but they were being such dicks to these hookers. We had just come from the Flamingo Marina Resort, where Becker had his bag of gimmicks and he had like baby doll heads on all his fingers and were heckling whatever live entertainment they had. And it's a resort. And we saw security coming towards us.

So we threw ourselves out. Thank you. I'll remove myself, sir. Oh, you're right. thank you i'll remove myself sir oh you're right so then we went down to the next bar which is a quote unquote casino which means it's a tiny dive bar that has roulette at some tables it's yeah it's very tiny it's some bullshit yeah but we were there we went there after you can't throw us out of this place. And these four old fucking Chicago pig, ugly fucking fishermen assholes, they're just relentlessly badgering the two whores

that are at the end of the horseshoe. We're locked eyes with the guys across the horseshoe. They're at the end, and they're like, how about it? How about five bucks? How about five bucks? How about five bucks? It's fucking happy hour and they're making it less than happy.

We're talking some shit with them subtly to each other. We're talking shit about them. They're talking shit about us, but not making eye contact. It's somewhat polite. At some point, I just bought the hookers. I go, listen, we don't need your services, but we'll pay you your rate to come to the next bar where we're staying at the marina just to get away from these fucking assholes.

And they probably didn't understand a lot, but they understood when I waved cash in their face. Just so these guys don't have it. They were paranoid the whole night when none of you came in and fucked them. What's happening? In my experiences, let's say that happened. Let's say we never followed through. In my experiences with Doug is every time we've tried to do something other than proposition a hooker for what they want to do, which we've never done. Yeah.

proposition a hooker for what they want to do, which we've never done. When you want them to do something they're not accustomed to doing, they think they're going to get killed or this is a sting. Absolutely. I did that. Go ahead. At the end of that Becker trip in Costa Rica,

we were in Flamengo. I went down to that same casino. You and Bingo were at your hotel room. So I went down there, and then this hooker starts hitting me up, and like, yeah, what do you want to do tonight? I'm like, oh, this is a great idea. Yeah, okay, this is what I want to do. I want to take you back to my hotel room.

She's like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd like to play some board games. Just the four of us. I got a couple of friends there. We're going to play Yahtzee and Scrabble and stuff. I thought it'd be funny to take a hooker back, pay her, but just sit and play board games. Just the four of us. I got a couple of friends there. We're going to play Yahtzee and Scrabble and stuff. I thought it'd be funny to take a hooker back, pay her, but just sit and play board games. Like Scrabble. She knows fucking Scrabble.

She looked at me like I was a murderer. She couldn't get away from me fast enough. She bolts. She's just panicking. She bolts. I go back to the hotel room and bingo knocks on my door. She's like, what's going on? I'm like, I got to tell you the story. She's like, let's. She bolts. I go back to the hotel room and bingo knocks on my door. She's like, hey, what's going on? I'm like, I got to tell you the story. She's like, let's go

down and check it out again. And sure enough, the same hooker is that she's with some fat Chicago beard gut fucking fisherman douchebag. But it's that safe. What I want to do is not safe. I just want to play board games. That's it. Well, we tried to get in when Chad came on the road with us in Montana. We tried to get an escort on the podcast, and none of them would do it. Nope. They were up for everything else. I don't kiss on the mouth or podcast. Even hookers don't want to do your podcast.

I won't drive you to LAX That whole podcast I wonder if you could hire a hooker To walk up the hill to the store for you Oh yeah, go down and get the eggs Sherpa How do you say Sherpa in Spanish? I think

Tracy pointed this out She goes, well, we know Flamingo's peaked because there's not even hookers here anymore. No, it's Flamingo's. They have Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville and then everything else is dead. The hotel we were in was perfectly

dead. And that was my point is when we used to go there, it was the resort where you would go to fuck with Margaritaville-type people. Even on Expedia, when I booked it, they showed the bar, the monkey bar, with all these bros doing the bro sign. I don't know what that fucking horns is.

Like, the problem is, Chaley, we're going to have to fucking drink with these people, but it's not that expensive. We showed up fucking dead. I think they turned half of it into timeshare. Yeah. So it was perfectly dead. We're the closest to the douchebags we saw

that we wanted to avoid. We were them. Yeah. But it was great. And Amy and Greystoke were awesome, and they took care of us. The young couple that we thought were, you know, in Costa Rica, you see that a lot. People who come down, we want to just surf, and we'll take whatever menial labor customer.

What do you call it? Restaurants, service. Hospitality. Yeah, hospitality job. Nope, they're the new managers they just came down from new york six months ago they're like 29 and 33 or something nice sweet people yeah the guy shaley just called him gray stoke and i went that's perfect and i had to look up gray stoke the, to make sure. Yep.

That's exactly what he looks like. Legend of Tarzan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He never had a shirt or shoes on the whole time, and he'd run in the place. But, I mean, that's how laid back it was. And since it is timeshare, we didn't know. And then when Doug was getting drunk in front of him one night, he asked four questions, and that's what it was. That's what didn't make sense.

How is this place open? It's all timeshares. Most of it's timeshares. So they're just there to make sure the lights are on and there's no leaks. They hooked us up. We found a cat. I fell in love with another cat.

Black and white picture of that. I have not been on Twitter since I left. Bingo texted me that. Okay. Both of us. Yeah. A picture side by side of the cat and Manson in makeup. So we named him Pulgoso, which was supposed to be a flea cat or flea bag.

But it didn't have fleas. But then when we saw that, the owners, it's a house cat. And they renamed him Manson. Nice. But yeah, I can't promote them enough. Because Flamingo is a dead town. If you really want to just get the fuck away and not have to go too far. And you don't have to jump through a bunch of hoops to get there.

Like you were talking about the other places. You can fly right into the... Yeah, no, you fly into Liberia Airport. It's an hour drive from the airport, but, I mean, if you get over the fact that it's going to... How long on a donkey? No, it's the donkeys in the street you have to pass with a cab that doesn't really have third gear.

Is there really donkeys? Oh, donkeys and cattle. Yeah, we pass cars with oxen. But it's $100 to get from the airport in a taxi to Flamingo. For an hour. But you're driving for an hour, and the guy's got to go back. Yeah, our cab driver. It's not like he's picking up some fares in Flamingo.

Our cab driver was so nice because we had flown overnight to get there. And we get in at 7 in the morning. Whatever little English he spoke, and he pointed to the no fumar sign, no cigarette. He goes, it's okay. You can smoke. I go, thank God. You're our cab driver. It is a little weird.

He's saying he stopped smoking 11 years ago, but he kept telling us how much he loves to drink beer. This is the guy driving. Your life is in his hands. You're wondering, Jesus, dude. He told Chaley that because Chaley speaks a rudimentary amount of Spanish. Enough to get by. I can say lo siento. I'm sorry. Enough to get by. I can say, lo siento,

I'm sorry, that's the first thing I learned in Spanish, because I'm going to need that one. Sorry, sorry. But yeah, you were our go-to guy, even on the flight home. The lady in the middle seat beside me didn't

speak any English. Oh, really? So I'm like, he speaks Spanish if you need any. Of course, I say it in English to him. If you need any help, he'll help you. You're crazy. I'm not going to your room to play board games. I've never heard of your podcast.

Leave me alone. I've never heard of your podcast. Leave me alone. Well, it turns out that Gray Stoke and Amy, the proprietors of the Flamingo Marina Resort, are Joe Rogan podcast aficionados. Oh, okay. So they knew.

And then on one of Bingo's Please Anyone Talk to Me, everyone else is reading trips to the front desk, dropped that I'm a comedian. So it came up, and then all of a sudden, yeah, they're watching me on Rogan, and then me and me, and then, yeah, we got fucking hooked up. Thank you very much. Yes. Drop our names. Just drop Rogan's name.

When you book the Flamingo Marina Resort. Just drop Rogan and then us secondarily. But that's it. That's all we did. Don't worry, podcast listeners. We'll take a break here shortly. Don't worry. Joby's here with some fucking Death Pool stuff. And Chad Shank has a story he tried to text me while I was away.

And I go, don't you fucking dare. I want to hear this live. And the broth. We're going to get your diet story. Oh, you're going to update? Yeah, we're going to update because we talked about it. And the last podcast that went out was while we were gone. Truly a vacation because it went out automatically.

So we haven't done anything for two weeks. That was the Margot Wallenberg one. That was right before Christmas. So please hold cocktails. Squarespace. Well, we've used it forever. DougStanhope.com. Bingo's website.

I built that on Squarespace. Squarespace. Oh, wait, Joby. Our store is DougStanhopeCelebrityDeathPool. Our merch store on Squarespace. Squarespace? Oh, wait. Joby. Our store is Doug Stanhope Celebrity Death Pool. Our merch store is Squarespace as well. Oh, you use the e-commerce? Yeah. Hey, Gump just showed up

into the room. Do you have Gump.com? Probably not. He's bagging groceries at fucking Safeway. I'm late to the party, but Audioshank.com is also built on Squarespace. I think what you did on audioshank is you secured your website.

What are you putting the microphone away for? You're on this. Oh, it's done. Yeah. I know I did it through Squarespace. You registered your name through Squarespace, but then since you're on Twitch TV, you just forwarded it to that.

Or something. You've done your Twitter. Well, I have to go look at it because I had an actual website on there. Now it forwards to Twitter. That's what I did first. But then I built a website on there. And then I have to go and check on it because somehow now it's back to

But you can handle all of that through Squarespace.com. When you say Squarespace.com, they've been a sponsor for so long that you go, everyone knows this. But I guess everyone doesn't listen to every single episode. Yes, Squarespace.com is how you get to every one of our websites, be it the Celebrity Death Pool, be it... We had Kenny for Mayor for a while. Shit, everything. We had foolforaclient.com.

I remember that. It's so fucking easy to use that our dumbest friends, this is probably not a good plug. Our dumbest friends, Kenny, Castle Rock Kenny, can make his own fucking website, so do it. Hey, Doug Stanhope, how do I get into comedy? Well, start with

a website through squarespace.com and pretend that you're someone. It's so easy to turn your cool ideas into a website, and that's the thing. We come up with, well, not cool, but drunk ideas all the time. Those are sometimes the best ones. I registered Booze Kazoo through Squarespace.

That was for a P-Waste. I remember. Yeah, yeah. We didn't do anything with it, but I grabbed it. Yeah, she didn't do anything with it. You know what? It's so easy to start a website through Squarespace. It's up to you to make it worth something.

But you have a drunk idea. You make the website, and then you're obligated somehow through your own sense of guilt and misfortune to do something with it. And they make it easy with beautiful templates created by world-class designers. You don't even have to come up with the nuts and bolts of this thing. It's already done. You just drag and drop. Do they have nutsandbolts.com? That's probably already taken.

God damn it. I bet it's porn. And you can hook your Squarespace. The ability to customize is what's really powerful here because once we got DougStanup.com up, then we moved over to the e-commerce section because you can sell one thing on there, but then if you want to do e-commerce,

you can just keep bumping up and bumping up. So you don't have to grab this huge big package if you just have a couple of things you want to sell. And that's what we do. That's what Joby does. Yeah, yeah. Our store is on Squarespace. It's amazing.

Super easy to run. It's, yeah, inventory is great. Yeah. The way it's filtered. And then we also have our content management. And if you're really drunk, they have 24-7 award-winning customer support. Award-winning customer support. Award-winning because every one of us has wished,

hoped beyond dreams to be at that award ceremony. It is every year. I watch it every year. The customer support awards are riveting. Riveting. I don't want to get too far behind the curtain here, but Doug always writes a speech. They're in memoriam section. He doesn't want to seem insincere by pulling out

an index card, but he always has one. I'd like to thank the following people. And then there's a lot of blanks that I was supposed to fill in because I wasn't expecting to be nominated or even a winner.

Okay. Here's the deal. It's an old David Letterman thing. Yeah, yeah. Squarespace.com slash Stanhope. It's a pleasure just to be slashed. What happens when you go there, Doug? For a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Stanhope to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. You don't know this, Doug, but what you can do is when you register with Squarespace,

then you can just buy domains and they go under your regular login and then nothing has to go live. You can just hold domains and they go under your regular login and then nothing has to go live. You can just hold it and park that website. So then when you're ready to go, you test it. You bring up these templates. You don't like it. You switch to another one. You tweak it until you get it ready and then you go live.

Hold it and park is actually something I've searched on a porn channel. Holditandpark.com Slash Stanhope. What's that offer one more time? Squarespace.com slash Stanhope for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Stanhope to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain, Squarespace. Jams. All right, let me start with a few quick thank yous.

Came back to a shitload of mail, haven't opened it all. But our friend, we can't talk about him. He's, well, we talk about him, but I still don't have a nickname for him. Our friend that is in the psych ward. Oh, yeah. Not psych ward. He's in a facility for those found

not guilty by reason of insanity. NGCI, as they say in the industry. I've learned the nomenclature. He somehow managed to send us three boxes of gluten-free chocolate chip cookies, which are good for Gil. Gil's gluten-free, right? That's right, yeah.

Thank you for that. Who else is? Why is he sent free? It's funny, because the box was labeled perishable, and it's been here for two weeks, and Gump didn't think to put it in the fridge or anything or open it. Perishable. You can open that, Gump.

It's not personal mail if it says perishable on a box. I was wondering who this guy Perry was. It would have to say open this and put it in the refrigerator, Gump. I ain't getting in that refrigerator again. This is my favorite. Hello, Doug. We are the makers of Muddy Bears. We heard you talk about our product on your podcast three times now,

and we wanted to send you a little gift. So enjoy some free Muddy Bears. He sent me a fucking case right there. free muddy bears he sent me a fucking case right there oh send me a fucking case of muddy bears we aren't the biggest company so we appreciate the support are you fucking kidding me you should be the biggest company that is my absolute favorite candy we had long discussions in costa rica about how every other country's candy sucks because we buy gummy shit everywhere. Australia, the UK.

You call this fucking candy? This is what your parents make you eat so you can get to asparagus. You turned me on to those. I had never seen those. The chocolate-covered gummy bears? Yeah. The chocolate-covered gummy bears.

When they're out around here, I will sneak three or four of them. I know they're coveted around here, so I'm not going to eat very many. I hide them away. Until now. I will sneak three or four of these out of the thing. I just bought four pounds of these on Amazon, and I hide them away. But now that there's a fucking case, he says, if you shout us

out on your podcast again or post an image on some social media platform, we'd really appreciate it. You fucking got it, baby. Muddy Bears. I've had to import these from Columbia. Not really, but

Val's Colombian and she comes from Tucson down to watch football. Hey, how you doing on Muddy Bears? We're out! She brings him. Nice. So, yes, not only will I just shout you out, Muddy Bears, Anthony Lopez, Taste of Nature, Inc., out of, I think it was Santa Monica. Yeah. Not only will we promote them, as we always do, for free,

now we'll do it for Muddy Bears. Eating your own product. Yeah, thank you. And please, if you like candy and you like good candy and you go anywhere, just ask, hey, don't you have Muddy Bears? You don't have Muddy Bears? What are you, weird? What are you, weird? What are you, communist?

Somebody sent me this. I don't know who it just came from, like in an Amazon package. But after the other podcast where I talk about getting shocked. I was wondering why you got that. Somebody sent me a voltage tester. Thanks. Appreciate it. That's a good one. I got that one. Klein Tools is a top

of the line. I have a multimeter and everything. I'm just an idiot. That's easier. You won't get shocked with that. The last two. Lina or Lina, however you pronounce your name. She's sent a lot of stuff. She's from the UK. You're in my suicide folder for some reason, but you're not committing suicide.

It's obvious from the amount of... I got to switch you into a different folder. But she always sends really nice cards, and they make me happy. But she sent a nice card and a book, and it's called The Hangover. And it's kind of like... it's a fake version of one of those books why is daddy drunk remember that one we sold at the ebay yard sale it's a fake version of that it's funny uh but it looks like a 1950s why is you know mommy talking to the moon again. But it's funny because you sent that and right after I opened

that, I got this from Headright. Where is Oh. Jake from at here is Jake sent some stickers, but that's not what I'm looking for. Oh, here it is. For the new trash cans. Okay.

Thank you for your interest in HeadRite. This guy talked to me on Twitter before I gave up on it. It's a hangover relief and flush relief product. Let us know how you like it. Please spread the good word on Twitter. Didn't put his fucking Twitter handle on it. It's Headright. H-E-D-D-R-I-T-E.

And it's a hangover. I can't plug it yet because I'm just giving it. I just got it. Just giving it to the kids. We'll get drunk tonight. Oh, in fact, let's take three right now. Does it say three? Hold on. Let's read the directions first. Yeah, no, I read it. I think it says take three within 30 minutes of starting to drink

with a glass of water, which we don't have available. No, you got the jugs. I got the jugs. Jugs of water. We're not going to share a jug of water. We'll do it another day. We have glasses. Oh, really?

Wait, he should have sent us glasses of water, too. Can we just fill the pill bottle up with water and just chug however much we need? This is how much we didn't do in Costa Rica. Unless it was right in front of us. Stan Hope was perplexed by sharing water. It says take three within 30 minutes of starting drinking with a glass of water, and then take three more when you're done drinking with a glass of water. That's the catch.

Everybody here that's a professional drinker knows those two glasses of water will probably help you regardless. We're going to do it. I was talking about this just the other day about they have products that will

clean you out from marijuana. Here's this powder. Drink it with a gallon of water. Drink it with two gallons of water. You just paid $60 for Tang, you fucking idiot. It's the water that's the main ingredient. Yeah, who's the hero in this? But the first thing I looked for is it says with a glass of water.

So they're not saying take it with a gallon of water. Who's our control group here? Someone who just drinks the water. Can I just say that this is the first time I've ever been handed water in this fun house in all the years that I've ever been here.

This is odd. This is the problem. Doug didn't even know how to serve water. He didn't know how to share it. We're not going to share a gallon of water, you idiots. We're going to pass it around like a moonshine jug. I don't know why we couldn't share a gallon of water. We shared a fucking plastic jug of whiskey in a fucking UFC fight before.

I don't know why. That is true. UFC fight before. I don't know why. That is true. This is the problem with the control group is you go, okay, well, how shitty did you feel? This is when I saw

on Intervention or something where it said whatever, you know, oxycodone is five times as potent as heroin. And you go, well, how do you, like, how fucked up do you feel? I'm like, usually I'm like, but now I'm like.

And how many people do they ask? I'm going to snort mine. Do you think I'd feel better? It says you only need to do one. Did it rail? Did it say that? No. So did any of us

look up what's in it? That's what I was looking at. It says the amount per serving N-acetyl-L Icysteine, and alpha-lipoic acid. Which is a something organic, blah, blah, hyper-organic. I like that L-theanine. So this has an L in it. So I'm game. It's a different company. It's like L-theanine. So this has an L in it. So I'm gay.

It's a different company. It's like L-tryptophan. All right. I guess we'll sit down. I've done drugs with asking less questions than this. That didn't come in a bottle. Or cotton in the top. This came from someone's bathtub.

A guy who doesn't wash his hands. Chop it up. I'll snort it. I was doing those. That other one. The one you were talking about that says sponsor. Lift mud. Again, I can never tell.

Like, all right. Yeah, I slept. But is it that? Is it because I drank warm milk? Is it because I had a big meal? I'm bad with cause and effect. But I did sleep. Every time you've said you've used it, you've said you did sleep, but you were suspect.

It's like, well, how many times do you have to do it to realize? Well, I did do it in Costa Rica. And that's when I was waking up at fucking 1.30 in the morning saying, I wish I had those. One night, I don't know, we had been drinking, well, I'll tell you what, we timed it almost

perfectly by hitting duty free in Los Angeles and bought eight bottles of booze. Which now, you've got to carry these eight bottles of booze all the way to Liberia. And then in the cab and all that. Meaning from baggage claim to the cab, which for me is a hike. But you've got to maintain these things through customs and everything.

You don't have a specific suitcase designated for these. No, these are plastic bags that you break it, you already bought it. We pride ourselves on how little we pack. I say we, Chaley and I. The ladies, not so much. Giant fucking bags, both of them 30 pounders. Makes sense. For what?

You're going to have a bathing suit and pajamas. They're ladies. We don't make a fuss over that. So we get the booze and we actually timed it out. We ended up only having to buy one bottle of vodka in Costa Rica, which turns out... No, we didn't. Bingo did. Oh, Durant bought it.

She didn't even have to buy it. She was gonna, and then Durant said, I have a trunk full. Oh, great. Our friends from Alaska that we didn't know were going to be there showed up the last two days. Oh, shit. And they're like, oh, you're in town. Okay. Nice.

And then, yeah, so they had their incoming duty free as we had just deplenished. Deplenished? Depleted our supply. Well, anyway, so. They replenished our depleting. We would get to a certain time of the evening and then Doug would start to go down and then he would take a sleeper to go out for the night.

I can't remember what happened this night. It was a fun night. We had a good time. I think that was when we were out on the balcony and the lights were out and Plugosi was coming by. For some reason, either you didn't take enough of the sleepers or you didn't – Took them too early probably. Took them too early or something. of the sleepers or you didn't took them too early

and then you were up drinking at four in the morning and you would continue drinking rather than actually falling asleep you couldn't get back to sleep now it was the one night that you were off schedule and that that was crazy

just to try and get you to get back on a schedule it was just that one fucking time. I don't know what it was. My drinking was pretty controlled for the most part. And that it was steady or what? What do you mean? Well, it was- You just told me it went through eight bottles.

Because I was reading. Well, we went through eight bottles, but we were there for 10 or 12 days. 12 days. But after Doug had gotten up at 2 or something and then went back and then tried to sleep and then got up at 4 and started drinking and I think he took another sleeper at that time.

Now it's just piling on. Nothing's going to work. Later on that afternoon, Tracy and I went walking a mile down the beach and Doug was just blurry eyed and still not... Stay down. And then we get down. We walk a mile on the beach. And it's this little bar that's like at the end of the marina.

Oh, yeah. From out of nowhere. Here comes Doug and Bingo. He'd been walking down the middle of the street trying to get someone to pick him up. I was hitchhiking. Holding 20 bucks. Oh, my gosh. He was hitchhiking in 20 bucks. Oh my gosh. It's a fucking dirt road.

But it's so far. And that's when Bingo's like, can we go? And I felt so bad because Bingo's so bored all the time and I don't want to go anywhere. I went there to get a sunburn and read books. And I read great books. I'm going to tell you about the books. And I fell in love with

a new cat. And I don't care if Meatwig finds out about it. But yeah, I fell in love with a cat. The cat tried to fight a raccoon one night. Or the raccoon squared off against the cat. There's different stories. Anyway, whatever it was, I

had my money on my tiny little skinny cat. And I didn't know if they had fucking raccoons down there. But we're on the balcony watching them at the pool, and I'm like, go, go, Pulgoso, go, Pulgoso. And then your wife panicked and threw one of her only e-cigarettes. Nicotrol inhaler. Threw it at the thing. I go, oh, great.

Now you can get the raccoons hooked on nicotine. Fucking great. The raccoon ran like a pussy and my cat fucking stayed. And then when I called it, it would jump up the fucking tearing. He could jump up the tearing to the second floor and jump across

all of the patios, outdoor patios, to get to our room and slept with us every night. And yes, I left there Going I'm going to cry when I leave this cat But he didn't show his face So I loaded up the owners With fucking I brought a

I had a blanket I gave to him And money for cat food Smash cut to the cat laying down in a raccoon's But every other fucking night That cat would come when you called him I'd just call out over the fucking jungle in the pool, Pugloso! Pugloso!

Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba! And it'd sleep all night with us. Yeah, because you fed it wet food and all it could eat. If you yelled, Shaley, every time and I show up and there's a roast beef dinner, I'll fucking show up every time. I was just reading an article.

They don't have raccoons there. I'd buy that cat a car if it asked me to. They only import them for tank fights. It's the only reason there's raccoons in that whole country. So you've witnessed something special. It was weird because we were talking about a raccoon we saw down near the beach. And then right then, Dad's like,

Hey, there's a raccoon we saw down near the beach. And then right then, Dad's like, hey, there's a raccoon. Right then it came out. And the fight almost ensued. I want to get to Joby and Chad. But I want to plug the books. I never read fiction. You send me fiction, I tell you, sorry, I don't read fiction. Someone gifted me a book called The Sellout.

And God damn it, if I can't, his name is, I think it's Paul Barnes. I'll get it. It was so fucking good that I will go back to never reading fiction again because you can't top this. It was that good. The only reason I attempted it. Paul Beattie. Betty. Oh, Beattie. Paul was that good. The only reason I attempted it... Betty? Oh, Beatty. Paul Beatty.

The only reason I get it is a gift, and usually fiction goes, thank you very much, and as soon as they leave, goes into the thrift store pile, but it had a... Say it doesn't work, but it had a blurb on the back from Sarah Silverman. So I go, alright, I'll give it a blurb on the back from Sarah Silverman.

So I go, all right, I'll give it a chance. And the person that gave it to me. Yeah. All right. And it was so good. Chaley's reading it right now. American Prison, I believe, is the name. And I fucking look it up, Chaley. What is it?

American Prison. This guy, it's a new book. He went undercover. He's a Mother Jones journalist. And he went undercover. Actually, he wasn't really undercover. As a prison guard in a corporate private prison to see how shit works. And he got the job using his real

name and his real resume and they didn't even look up oh you're an investigative journalist they're just happy people will take that job they are and it's he spent four months and it's not just his experience there he brings it back to how privatized prisons have really existed since slavery was abolished. How do we get niggers back working for free? And their words of the time and antebellum. Hey, there's a word I read too many times. I remember and don't know what it means. It means old times, I think.

Shane Bauer. Shane Bauer. Shane Bauer. Shane Bauer. That was, I read six books. They were all fucking good, but that was the one that I go, I shouldn't be closing on this book because it's so depressing

and it fills you with such murder hate. And I don't want to give away the epilogue. The epilogue, it's not the ending the ending is and the ending is great he gets out of there after four months under untoward circumstances it's fucking good but the epilogue what's it's what makes you happy is where all these people that he made relationships with different guards that were either good or bad and prisoners that are good or bad. And when they, after this,

it came out as an article in Mother Jones initially, and then it came out as the full book. And how all these people reacted to finding out, oh, that fucking guard, man, motherfucker, I knew there was some shit up with you went through all this and i'm giving this away so it doesn't matter because you'll feel just as good reading this at the end he tried to get a hold of this cca is the corporation that runs all these fucking prisons and private prisons private prisons and it's vulgar and he reached out to all of these people that were involved

for interviews after the fact and all of them of course refused, refused. Then he realizes, and we got to put this in play, killer termites. If you buy one share of stock in CCA, they changed their name. It was corporate. Now it's fuck. Find it. Just Google it. Now it's, fuck. Find it.

Just Google it. They changed their name because of this as a rebranding. It's another CCA, I believe. Core Civic. Core Civic. Yeah, formerly CCA, but now it's Core Civic. Core Civic is the name. You buy one share of stock. Now it's CoreCivic.

CoreCivic is the name. You buy one share of stock. They can't keep you out of the annual stockholder shareholders meeting. So he goes there. Thurgood Marshall Jr., the son of Thurgood Marshall, the legendary Supreme Court, first black Supreme Court. He's on the board for an $80,000 stipend plus fucking benefits and shares and stuff. Can't keep him out.

So he shows up at the fucking meeting. They can't tell him no. He has some security guy shadowing him the whole time. Asks a bunch of questions. How many fucking pieces of shit corporations would you love to go,

hey, I want to talk to you face to face. You can do it for one share of stock. 34 bucks it cost this guy. And I'm like, oh, we got to put this in play. That's great. Yeah, I went on to Robinhood.com and just put in CoreCivic. And it's got, It's CXW

is their training. And it's CoreCivic Inc. It operates as a government solutions company. Right there it sounds. Which develops and manages prisons and other correctional facilities. Its services include CoreCivic safety, CoreCivic properties,

CoreCivic community, blah, blah, blah. It is one of the best written books that I've ever read on some subject that's that depressing. Usually it just makes you violent. And that's why this one in the epilogue made you go, oh, wait, solution.

A small solution, but a solution. What's the price on that right now, Shaylee, if you wanted to buy it? It's $19.70 a share. $20 a share. It went down. $20 a share. Let's do this.

I'm buying one right now. I got to finish my setup on this to hook up my payment schedule. Robinhood.com. They're a sponsor of the show. They're a sponsor of the show, but we could never say this in an ad. I wonder, Robinhood.com, you can get all that on there. They're a sponsor of the show in the past. They're a sponsor of the show, but we could never say this in an ad. But I wonder if Robinhood does tell you how we could take down a corporation.

There's some kind of corporate takeover. I was getting ready to say, if you're not actually going to go to the meeting, maybe it's not a good idea to just give them money. I guess the only good payout is going to the meeting. Well, this is how we research something. We're not buying it. We're not suggesting anyone buy it. I'm going to buy it, but that has nothing to do with Robin Hood.

All right. I hope you show up at the meeting. I'll fucking definitely show up. I get a lot of free time. That would be wonderful. All right, so that's the other ones I read. Devil's Highway was great. If you like

depressing. You got the con man one? The con man one. I bought a few con man books because I love con artistry. And this one is thank you, Killer Termite Twitter guy that recommended it.

Yellow Kid Teal, I believe, is his name. And I don't remember the title of the book. It's AK Press. I remember that. Some anarchist... I tore out the page about the press so I'd remember for this podcast. How good did I do?

Not so good. Yellow Kid what? Especially since you set up. T-O-T-I-E-L? It's a Yellow Kid wheel. W-E-I-L. It's a step above self-published, but it's great. I mean, this guy was a con artist.

He's talking about con art and telephones were a new thing. So cars hadn't really been driven much yet. So it's a fun read. Whoever wrote the intro says it's a great in the tradition of the best book ever written about con artistry, the con man or whatever. The book I didn't bring. I had two books. I brought the one that they intro it. Well, the best one is this one. Well, that's the one I'm going to read next time.

Evidently. I'd like to read a book of early, yeah. It's really good. I think that we're at the end of it. If that was the early, whatever era they had in the con artists, we're definitely at the end

now. Because all you do now is you just tell the absolute truth. That's the best con available right now is to just be completely truthful. And no one's going to believe you anyway. Yeah, the next yellow kid is going to be the black guy Nigerian.

Then what I did is I sent out a billion emails saying I'm a prince. And I'm leaving a fucking inheritance. You'd be helping me. No one would fall for that. I got people to sign up for a subscription that they already paid for and didn't use.

Yeah, how's the Twitch going? Good. Good. I'm back up to... I got dropped down on several subscribers because people don't realize I have to resubscribe, I think. Well, tell them right now in a strong voice. People are figuring it out that they've got to resubscribe after 30 days if you use your Twitch Prime free one.

And it just shows up. We have so much fun watching you on that. It shows up in the upper right-hand corner. It says resubscribe. You don't have to do anything else. You just have to click that button. Yeah. You're getting checks now?

I've gotten two of them so far. Yeah, he's getting paid. Yeah, you're getting Chad Shank paid. Nice. Just chime in and talk shit. Well, and it's you don't even have to if you think it's stupid to watch it, then I do too.

So you don't have to do that. If you have Amazon Prime, you already have a subscription to this that Amazon keeps the money. Yeah. If you sign up and hit subscribe for me, then I get half of that money. You're not paying for anything. So you're not paying for anything extra. You're granted one subscription per month.

It's all free. Yeah. So although I have a lot of people that are paying. I have a tremendous amount of people. I'll even say there's a dude named Tree Breather on there that has like 41 gift subscriptions. If people show up in the chat saying, hey, listen to the podcast, and they're not a subscriber, he'll just buy them a subscription. He's done it like 41 times. I've had so much fun being drunk out here, and I go, I'm going to get off Twitter, which just gets me in trouble. Just talk shit on your feed, on your Twitch,

while you fail miserably at video games that I don't understand. I don't even look at it. I don't either. You're playing them and you don't even. We're just reading the feed and it's so much fucking fun. Andy Andrus got on there. Joby plays with you. Joby's a regular on there now. Me and Fury.

The other thing that I was going to say on the podcast too is that I think people think that by following is like a subscription. Yeah. Because I get lots of followers and I appreciate if you just want to hang out, you don't have to subscribe. But if you're following and you think you're subscribed, I have almost 2,000 followers. If I had 2,000 subscribers, my life would be different.

Well, make his life different, but we just had a special guest come into the studio who actually has something to promote that we should be promoting. First of all, you said you're freaking out, but you just gave away I thought you're still talking about the gifts you gave away

I gave away Henry Phillips books today well explain what that is because we haven't plugged this it's a cookbook Henry's Kitchen I bought some they got here

they were here when I got home from Costa Rica and I delivered them today. But guess what? Someone I gave the book to gave me something. I was given a fucking piano just a second ago. What? A real piano.

Upright. And I was given it when I gave this book. Did they give you a house to put it in? Or big guys to move it? It's all taken care of Last time we tried to move a piano you had a seizure and smacked your face That's true I've done it with a piano thing

That's true, you guys were here for that I'm not moving it, it's all taken care of You stay home Anyway, so I gave Henry's Kitchen away Get that book, give it away, get pianos It's fucking great Buy his book god damn it it's the best book ever next time because bingo doesn't read books we've been over this in costa rica next time we bring you on vacation we're gonna have to bring your piano

henry's book is fucking phenomenal. I flipped through it. It's funny as hell. Flip through it means read the entire thing in bingo's terms. Yeah, that's what that means for me. Most times she doesn't have the attention to flip through it. Oh, it's good. It is good. All right.

And when you go back down to the store from the Flamingo Marina Resort, you're going to have to bring your piano with you and push it back up that hill. You guys are definitely going to have to rent a donkey. Yep. Bringing pianos. Well, it's time for me to bring in the bacon. You're not working anymore, so I'll play a goddamn song. All right?

Shut the fuck up, you dumb dick. All right. Chad has a story. Remember when he texted us and said, don't tell us? Well, he's about to tell us, Bingyman. Chad had to go to court yet again. I did. In Phoenix.

For his not-daughter? Down here. Some dude's kid. I told her the other day, she was talking about something, and I said, you've pissed me off more than anybody ever. I've wanted to hit you in my life more than I've ever wanted to hit anybody else.

But I've not done it because you're my daughter. I go, now you're just some woman. I remember when she was just some girl. She's 21. We laughed about that.

After you punched her? No, I still haven't. I have to go to Phoenix for these things, and it's costly. I have to hotel shop right downtown Phoenix, because trying to navigate downtown Phoenix to get to the courthouse by 8 in the morning is a fucking nightmare. We did that the very first time. So ever since then, I get a room.

So you don't have to hit that traffic, that fucking fucked up Phoenix traffic. The problem is those are all four star hotels right there downtown Phoenix. So there's nothing. And Jenny, I show her the map. I show her on the computer and she's like, well this one's $45.

I go, that's a fucking Motel 6 on Van Buren, Jenny. We're not staying in that. I can't. I'll murder somebody if we're in a Motel 6 in Van Buren. That's where my daughter's going to end up. If I don't get her. Hanging out there is what caused all these problems. But I have to hotel shop around because I pay.

But I have to hotel shop around because I pay. It costs about, after you pay parking and the resort fees or whatever, all of them have a hotel room for one night down there is probably around $260, $230, $260. If you get a really cheap one. The problem is I'll go back one month to the next month when I have to go back and I'll look. And the one that I stayed at last month for $230 was $700 a night. One month later. I was like, what the fuck? It's snowbird time, man. But I got to stay at the nicer one across the street for $200.

So they just hop all around. The point is it's very fucking expensive to get down there. By the time I pay for food and gas it's about a $400 fucking trip. We get into the court and you have to sit there through everybody else's court hearings if anybody else has ever done this.

There's zero privacy. All your shit is just fucking put out there for everybody to listen to and uh so for two and a half hours we sat there waiting and we're like we're watching we go okay we know by now all right it's coming we're coming up soon because it's really thinned out now and uh this dude walks over to the edge and he's like calls us over and he's like yeah we just decided right now that

you guys are going to have to come back in two weeks. And I didn't get to because of where we the motel that we stayed in I had to smoke weed in the parking garage and I didn't have time to get there so I didn't get to smoke any weed in the morning. All day. So I've been sitting in here for two and a half hours listening to people's court cases and lawyers and the judges cool dude i really like the judge um but

i lost my shit i didn't i i fucking it was irrational or if that's a word i don't know that's but it's it was it was It was dumb, and I realized it. I recognized it afterwards. Was this a guy with a badge, or was this just some... No, he was the dude who sat one level lower than the judge on the computer. He was the dude who was in charge of the room when the judge was out. His assistant. Yeah.

No, he's the guy that nods to the people with badges on the sides and uh and i i i don't i i just started you gotta be fucking kidding me as i think i the first thing that i heard come out of my mouth and then i just fucking started and i'm like this is you you can't do this to people you can't just fucking decide right now that all of a sudden this is going to happen. And he, I didn't get violent yet. But the lawyer, her lawyer was there and she looked at me and she was, and I saw the look on her face and I said, I'm going outside before I go to jail. And I walked out. going outside before I go to jail.

And I walked out. But when I walked out, I sort of punched the doors open. Sort of. Two of the swinging doors. Oh, you have to see. What you're missing on audio is him flexing. Double-fisted doors. Yeah. I double-fisted.

I pushed the doors open violently. What's a man my size supposed to do? Well, then I walked out into the hallway, and then I definitely full fucking swung punched the wall. And I didn't realize that it would sound like an explosion had happened. Resonate through the courtroom. Like they were building the merch store. People are hitting the fucking floor

at the other end of the hallway because they think somebody's fired a shot. It was, and I was like, oh, that was fucking bad. But, then my mind was still going and I realized that the guy, what he had told me was, sir, you can

wait outside, was what he said. So I go, well, he didn't tell me i had to wait outside he said sir you can wait outside so i have options so i fucking went back into the courtroom and uh what's that expression good buddy after bad he wasn't happy about that you're the house you're still only dealing with the guy, the scheduler, right? Yes. He kept telling me to leave and get out of his court. He goes, you touched my doors again.

You're going to jail. And he's telling me all of this stuff. But then there was a moment where he's a dude that's used to getting his way in this court. Those are my doors. He referred to them as my doors. He's just a fucking asshole. And they treat everybody bad in there. Like a babysitter who goes, I'm

in charge when your parents aren't here. I get to be... You're 16! The first time we were there, we were outside and they opened the doors and they were like, if you come in here, you get on your phone, I'm going to throw you out! They were like, whoa, you know, you realize a lot of us haven't done shit wrong, right? You're not in trouble or anything.

Some of us in here are supporting the people who have done something wrong. Some of us are good folks. Fish out of water. So you could see he was used to getting his way. But then I fucking started walking towards him. And then I watched him look over to his badged people. The bailiff. And it was a fucking lady with a big gunt.

And I saw him get fucking scared. So I just started laughing at him. Like, sarcastically laughing at him. And then he, like he scurried out and I think he was going to get the judge which I knew the judge, if he came back in, would put me in contempt of court. So the judge came in

and he was like, what's going on in here? And he sat down but he's a cool judge. He didn't give a fuck. He sat down and But he knew something was happening. You stayed. Fuck yeah, I stayed. He came back out

and that's whenever he yelled in front of the judge again. He goes, sir, I'm going to ask you to leave now and do not slam my doors again. He made sure to like explain what I did in front of the judge without telling on me like he was just telling

the judge and I just stood there and I laughed at him again and then he mockingly tried to laugh back at me but then he was defeated yeah he didn't know what to do and I so and then the lawyer my wife told me later she's like whenever they heard the when they all heard me punch the wall when they were inside, she says, the lawyer looked at me and she goes, can you go outside and talk to him?

And Jenny goes, no. The lawyer didn't know what to say. Nope. So I didn't go to jail. But you do have, you got rescheduled, you have to go back in two weeks. No. No. Nope. So I didn't go to jail. You got rescheduled. You have to go back in two weeks. No. No, the lawyer fixed it. We got a while. All's well that ends well.

I won't mention the tinkle in your khakis, sir. If you could schedule us for a better time. Well, he tried to tell the lawyer that they emailed her and told her it was rescheduled. And she's like, I'm sorry, but I think he's fucking lying. Because I had already set the tone for, like, everybody was just off the rails.

So the lawyer is now just talking to me like a regular person. And she's like, he's lying. And I was like, he specifically told us that the decision was just made just before you walked in the door. I go, so I know he's fucking lying. So it was an exciting day. But we still didn't get anything. It was wasted. It was absolutely for nothing.

All the stress, all the fucking white knuckle fucking driving, trying to hit an exit in downtown Phoenix. I hate every second of it. That was it. I didn't go to jail. We appreciate you didn't go to jail, but we appreciate you did that just for the podcast. Hey,

she's not my daughter, but I need this story for the podcast. Jenny was mad at me on the way home, and I apologized to her. And she's like, that would mean something if you meant it, but you don't even know what you're apologizing for. And I go, I don't know how it affected you. If you say you embarrassed the fuck out of me, that would make sense. And I would go, I'm sincerely sorry that I embarrassed the fuck out of you.

But right now, I'm just offering a general apology because I know what I did was fucked up. But I got a podcast story and I didn't go to jail. I go, what happened? Nothing happened. Oh, you did say I had a podcast story. Absolutely. Well, we caught him telling podcast

stories on Twitch. Remember? Oh, I don't remember what they were. I was hammered. I wouldn't be on Twitch if I wasn't drinking. He was telling a story and I was in the chat on the side. Are you telling podcast stories? Hey man, are you telling podcast stories on your Twitch thing here? What's going on?

I think it's going to be save it for Twitch. Save it for Twitch. Then I said that I would tell it on the podcast but I don't remember what it was. I think I told it already. I try not to. I mainly retell old stories on Twitch.

Well, except for the subscribers. The subscribers hear the Class A stuff. They hear the new stuff. I do remember that because I was drunk and Shaylee said, are you telling podcast stories on Twitch? And I told him, there's 23 viewers. Nine of them are us. And the other people aren't even watching.

I'm just practicing for the podcast as far as I'm concerned. Fury is, I hate to say your mentor, because he does play those games. He's the guy that knows video games. He's the guy that leads us on the video games. Yeah, yeah. Yep. So when I was on last, I was, and I wasn't fucking with him, but I was, where I said, hey, because I don't follow the video games.

I just talked to the, oh, I know Fury. You're looking for a trigger. Yeah, I go, hey, you still do tile work? Because the little house needs tile work in the bathroom. It looks like there's some black mold. And then he's like, what the, are you serious? Hang on. And I am serious, but we have enough construction going on right now.

But yeah, in theory, I'm serious. But in reality, in the moment, I was just trying to get him off his game because he's the guy who knows how to play video games, and I thought that might give you a chance to kill him, Chad. No, I'm smart. I team up with those guys so that I don't have to fight them. Yeah, but if I distract them, then you can kill them. Oh, we shoot Fury a lot.

We have friendly fire turned off, but that doesn't mean we don't empty clips into that dude's head on the game a lot. It's part of the fun. The next day, he did text me and asked me, hey, Shaylin, I went back and reviewed the chat. It's right there. Wow. I was a little busy working on the strategy, and Doug said something about some tile work. Was he serious about that? I'm never not serious about work around here.

It's just there's too much going on right now. You talk about work. Have you ever heard where people say if they have – Oh, fuck. You've been painting your fucking house. Have you ever heard where people tell people if you did an honest day's work, it would kill you? Yeah.

Yeah, that's me. I didn't realize it. where people say tell people if uh if you did an honest day's work it would kill you yeah yeah that's me i didn't realize it i'm trying i'm doing like a quarter of honest day's work and then a half honest day's work i'm working up to an honest day's work because that shit would kill me started off as my old dog who i've talked about several times the white one No, that's my young dog. That's my girl. My old dog is Bear. He's 20. He's like 20 years old or so now. More. I don't know. He's all fucked up. Did he get lunch meat?

In a year, you're going to find out he's not really your dog. It'll just make shooting it more enjoyable no lunch we're doing this one cold you're getting baloney motherfucker so he just started this thing where instead of asking us to go outside

to go to the bathroom he just pissed on the floor all of a sudden and he's an old fucking dying dog I knew that he pissed on the floor all of a sudden and he's an old fucking dying dog i knew that he pissed on the floor when i walked into the living room i didn't step in it or see it i smelt it i was like oh fuck my eyes are water and the dog pissed on the floor jenny gets down there and fucking scrubs it and uh he does it again and he did it again and the third time he did it it wasn't even in the middle of the night or anything it was while we were fucking literally

had just walked past him a couple minutes before he could have easily asked it so he's senile or something's wrong with him so I had to kick him out of the house and I asked Jenny I told Jenny I go he's lived inside his whole life man can I just shoot him

I feel horrible making him live outside. But she said no. I had to build him a dog house on the porch. So he now lives outside. But it started off I had to replace this carpet now. So then Jenny decided that she wanted to paint the living room. Since I was pulling out the carpet, she wants to repaint the living room.

And not just paint it one color. I have to put tape across the walls and make. Are you making a design? Yeah. And then. This is why I leave. When we have construction here, I'm like, oh, this is a great time to leave for Costa Rica anyway. Because I hate being around construction.

Because I just think, what if I had to do that? I couldn't do any of this shit. I'd rather leave and come back and it's done. But it's not. You have to awkwardly just walk around people who are working. Sorry. In my pajamas. That happened today.

We were going over some things. I showed him some things in the room edition. And I'm like, he's hanging around a long time. I mean, he's looking at stuff. I go, shit, this is really cool. We can talk about this. And then the one guy who was working today showed up. And he's like, let's get out of here.

He wanted to leave immediately. Someone came up to work. Let's go inside. Well, after that, then my hot water heater fucking went out and uh and then after that one side of the kitchen sink started leaking i was like what the so basically i'm going to become an indentured servant to home depot is what i think is gonna fucking happen so yeah that home depot card will fuck you up. Son of a bitch. God damn it. I'm definitely going to, instead of trying to still perfect the engineering portion of it, I'm real picky about it, I guess, maybe more than I should be as a beginner.

But I'm definitely going to be fucking throwing some fucking audiobooks downrange fucking soon because I got to fucking help pay off this Omni talk. Yeah, we're all gonna have to go back to work eventually. Yeah, I've been taking notes and writing stuff down.

Driving back roads and listening to shit where I don't have to have someone else hear my fucking voice. Jobies. Well, it's today. When you hear this, when this comes out tomorrow, it'll be the day after kickoff of the new season of Death Pool. And I know none of this, so you're going to have to fill me in.

I have a new strategy. I'm going with no strategy like last year, but this year I'm just going to go full tilt Spite Pool. We had to kill that, but I'm going just people that want to die.

When I had to kill that. But I'm going just people I want to die. When I had to celebrate Ralphie May, as much as I knew he'd want me to because he always wanted me to keep him in my death pool, this year I'm going to just go people I fucking want to die. Are you going to save at least one pig for Artie Lang? I was going to say, is it because

you know Artie's not going to be a solo pig? I will do a comedian the same way we used to always do wrestlers. I dropped that when I started going pro because I don't know wrestlers, but I will do a comic I want to die. But the other 19 are going to be just straight. Oh, you're going to do a spite though. Just spite. I'm doing just spite so I can celebrate. I fucking lost so miserably this year.

You did. Yeah, I sucked. But I can't be in the money every time. It looks like it's fixed. First, I want to know, every year, the biggest winner site-wide gets to pick a new bonus point. That's what I don't know. Who won site-wide

and what did they pick for a category for bonus? Yeah, this is... Every year is a fucking nightmare for us, but I'll get into that. Skinny Kilt Runner is the name of the guy that won site- okay and he destroyed

his team no just him how many deaths and how many points oh he no he he took like almost every single home he was in he was in multiple homes and he took it all like he's won like we give out like tvs and prizes and stuff he just opted for like gift cards so he won uh four hundred dollars in amazon gift cards uh merch he won the playboy that we signed with mirror and everything he signed up for that one uh he won everything across the board he just crushed it so bloody shake yeah yeah yeah absolutely so so here's the deal we you know every year you're the site-wide winner so you get to pick what throw some suggestions at us every year it's a fucking nightmare for us because they don't understand the headache that those categories we have to

deal with those for a year and so you can massage them some of them you can some of them you can't all right so here's a here's actually a uh here's an example of what he wanted to do how about uh anyone that was born in a country above the 49th parallel okay Okay. All right. That's bullshit. Dick. Yeah. Dick. Right. How about, oh, anyone that dies, we add up the letters to their names and do a boggle thing.

I'm like, all right. You know what? All right. All right. Stop. Just fucking stop. Joey already hates doing this so much since it was his idea. And then it's just all he does is bitch about god damn it

I'm just logging information all the fucking and you're gonna do fucking boggle games with him you cocksucker a manual to figure out how to fucking do a rule in addition to the people that just fucking hate him and fight with him

this is a celebrity god damn it and you said it wasn't yeah and you know he was really big about the whole 49th parallel thing he was really harping on that i'm like we have to keep a list of fucking countries about the 49th parallel on us all the time and no it just make it simple how about uh comedians or hey people born in march yeah how about men or fucking anyone from you know i mean fucking white people i don't give a shit make it simple make it fucking people wouldn't even be simple right i know white people would be really good we'd have to have a sponsorship from fucking ancestry.com so we you know like i give him a list and mark is a list like hey here's simple shit we can do

and he's still fighting us i'm like you know what i'm putting my foot down fuck this fuck you you want everything but we're just gonna how about the ugly american i was gonna say first if you have a difficult case like send it to your manager yes like that's where i would come in and like when the manager comes in hey can't can't we talk i understand your concerns i'm sorry that my my customer service person was rude to you but we could work this out bad cop it a little bit i like how you said you can massage him in the beginning of this. And Joby goes, not all the time. But then he just basically goes, I just railroaded this shit.

Fuck a massage. Fuck a massage. This is some deep Reiki, motherfucker. You like deep tissue, bitch? But yeah, yeah, he's, you know. So what is it? Congratulations to him, but he had to choose one of ours. And, you know, because he wouldn't waver on any of his.

So now it's anyone that's American. Born in America. All right. Born in America is easy. Unless we're going to go into the fucking Trump birther. Yeah, what about DACA kids? What about Barack? Can't be naturalized or married in.

See, that's a good one. Yeah, it's easy. Produce the birth certificate, I say. Like Schwarzenegger? No. No. Absolutely not. Former governor but not born in America. Not born in America. So it's gonna be a lot of points this year.

We actually also changed up the... Carol Channing! Carol. Carol Channing. Carol Channing. Carol Channing was a Kenya birth. Kenya birth. She was born in Kenya.

This is fake Hawaii. We'll keep this tied up in courts until Death Pool 2022. Yeah, she died today, opening courts until Death Pool 2022. Yeah, she died today, opening day of Death Pool. That was one of my carryovers from last year. Really? But I didn't start yet. I don't even know who won our

league. You fucking won. We knew he would. He blew it out. I was tied for first for a long time. Yeah, with Shannon. End of the year, you pulled out a good hit. I won in the last two weeks of the year. I won. Did you get paid?

There was no one paid this year. No one paid in. Oh, fuck. I didn't pay in. No one paid in. It was just a funsies thing. Did we call that or did we all just fuck up? Everyone just fucked up at the same time.

No worries. I blame apathy. I'm happy when I remember to get my fucking picks in on time. I just assume. It's fun for me. The whole thing's fun trading out.

Says the winner. Because it's fun for me the whole thing's fun trading out you know says the winner well because it was fun for me and i actually traded out yeah you used to use your trade rounds and that's how i was and uh we used to have the the betty davis which was uh i think it's october breast cancer awareness month if you you die of breast cancer in October or whatever, you get bonus points. We decided, well, fuck it. No, let's do – Mark was the – He wanted to do this.

Every month has a Cancer Awareness Month. So that's what we changed it to. Every month has a different awareness point attached to it. A different ribbon. Oh, okay. Yeah, so like cervical health, ass cancer, blah, blah, blah. Oh, each variety of cancer has a month dedicated to it. And so if they die of that in that month.

I already want to just stir the pot and start shit. What if somebody commits suicide during mental health month? Does that count? We don't have a mental health month. Why not? Why is mental health month being discriminated against, Joby? Yeah, but we do have June, which is National Safety Month. So if you die in an accident, well, there you go.

These sound fun. I like these. These are on the website? Yeah, these are all on the website. So you can go through each month and check it out. I just see all the problems. Well, is it an accident? I'm trying

to find the analogy. I don't have one. Suspicious circumstances is not an accident. All of the people playing will find... That's absolutely right. That was why I did that. That was why I did that. He died of lung cancer, but

it was an accident. This is an old Becker joke. Well, I never read the warning because I always bum cigarettes from other people. So it was an accident. This is an old Becker joke. Well, I never read the warning because I always bum cigarettes from other people. So it's an accident. I win. Yeah, yeah. Becker doesn't play, but if he did, Becker would always find why. No, technically.

Yeah, I get that every day. Well, and people try to use precedence. Well, this guy's in. You won't let this guy in. That's what Joby was talking to me about. My answer is it's fucking subjective and arbitrary. But if you don't know that

we're generally we don't tilt this game towards us or our own. If you don't trust us, don't fucking play. Fuck off. Yep, exactly. And recognize that there's a lot of fucking work going on behind the scenes with fucking ad and shit.

And I don't have time to add your fucking dumb fucking ad that nobody knows. Yeah, Mark and Gina are like killing it. Your uncle who won a talent show. Big fucking deal. He's not a celebrity. He is in our house. Unfollow. So we have a committee I have on another Twitter page that just votes on petitions.

Tracy and I did it for a while with you two years ago. And it was fucking mind numbing. It is. It's rough. But I wanted to bring this up to you guys because we ended up losing a chunk of committee members on one petition that started a big fight. One person who they were trying to find out if it was a celebrity or not. Celebrity or not. I'm intrigued. And it got so heated, people just bailed because they couldn't let it go. They just

had it in their mind like, no, I'm right, you're wrong, I'm out. I bet they probably had specific political opinions as well. Hold on, hold on. Let's wait for Doug to get back. I remember when Tracy and I were doing it a couple years ago with you where you were like, just could you help us?

And it was always like it was some like third guitarist, third rhythm guitarist for Journey. Right. But he's on an album. One album. But the latest one, which, you know, big deal, right? It's Neil Schoen.

That's his whole, it's not even Journey anymore, right? So it is one of those things. Or jazz musicians. Jazz musicians. But recorded. It is one of those things. Or jazz musicians. Jazz musicians or... But recorded.

Like, you know how you get old? Like hockey players that played for a few seasons, but they did nothing notable. They didn't win anything. I have an example that I just didn't submit the other day because when I went to look, I was like, oh, I'm going to submit this. And I went to look for evidence. And I was like, if I was on a committee, I would downvote this. But everybody would, you know, it would be on a committee, I would down vote this. But everybody

would, you know, it would be a good argument. Fred the Elephant Boy from Howard Stern's show. Is he a celebrity? Absolutely. Wikipedia page, no bio, no nothing. There's hardly anything for him. He's been a part of that show

for 20 some years. He's an original Black Pack member. I tried to build a case for it, but I couldn't, so I didn't even submit it. Because I know that he's buried in fucking dumb shit, so I'm trying to be a diplomat. But see, I listen to Stern, and I used to listen a lot. And it is one of those things where it's like, oh yeah, he's one of the top five Black Pack dudes. But at the same time, if you don't if you listen to us you should know enough about what we would consider celebrity yeah to understand where we let some pat i didn't know sean rouse was a celebrity i

thought he wasn't well i threw all your buddies in exactly into the databases i didn't know that except for this room his buddies are famous right except for us so wait we're all in it right but andy andrews bingo's in it yeah bingo's in it she's at risk so yeah she should be shaley in it i've been petitioned like maybe 10 times to throw myself in it and I won't fuck you you're not in it I'm banning this until you put yourself in it I'm joining the ban

this is Joby's fucking celebrity Deadpool until you put yourself in it how dare you how fucking dare you are you outranked you've been the suicidal guy. Chad Shank has been the voice of reason in 2018.

Chad, you're the suicidal guy. Are you angry because you want to pick him as well? You're a solid inside information last year. I would have picked him over you for fuck's sake. Definitely. Especially around January.'s sake. Definitely. Okay, all right, fine. Especially around January.

Oh, man. I know. All right, fine. You guys are all passionate about this now, so I guess I'll have to do it. All right, good. What if we put... We won't do it,

but what if we put Bisbee Death Pool on the site? I mean, we joke about it at night quietly in our star chamber. You'd have to still see them in Safeway. Yeah. But the ones that come here to the

funhouse, just like the fucking... We don't really do football, but the football people. Like Neighbor Dave versus Floyd or something. Heads up. All right. No, it's a bad idea. I said it.

I started with this as a bad idea, but we should do some private betting, honestly. You can always do that. Okay. So for 2019, Joby gets added. Okay'll i'll do it god damn it um okay so and while you walked out this is what i was listening i was just about the petitioned uh committee that got really upset and a bunch of them walked over this one petition that started this huge argument and uh you know people were very it was polarizing and i know and and obviously he's a celebrity to me because he's famous everyone knows who he is and it's nicholas cruz do you know who nicholas cruz is no all right he's the parkland shooter

the biggest school shooter in history oh that fucking dick he would be in this year's he would be his spite pool he'd be in my secondary list what do you call that watch list I have so many people I fucking hate

that want to die this guy came up and I immediately I thought okay he's in but I'm going to throw out the committee just to see what's going to happen. And it turned into this huge ass argument where they fuck, like some people bailed. Like they just left the committee because they couldn't deal with it. They're like, no, he shouldn't be in because if he's, if we say he's a celebrity, then we're giving him popularity.

Oh, it's the worst. say he's a celebrity then we're giving him popularity and oh it's the worst are you are you telling me that the whole like the me too adjacent political correctness has drifted yes yes there's a social justice warrior portion of death absolutely absolutely oh god and i just couldn't stand it. Put him in. Put him in. No, immediately, like, fucking glad you left. He's in. I'm sorry. Oh, my God. But they couldn't handle the fact that, okay, well, if we say he's a celebrity, then we're giving him popularity and we're saying that he's revered, he's celebrated.

They don't realize that none of that fucking means anything. Right. They don't realize that none of that fucking means anything. Right. Honestly, let me say that this is a perfect example of why I've retired from comedy and I'm desperate to start doing comedy again. With all of that, the whole spectrum of that, I hate to use political correctness because it keeps meaning a new thing but where i go i don't want any fucking part of this shit but at the same time i'm like this is where i'm desperately needed in this shit and that's one of those things where seriously death pool is fighting over whether it's politically

correct to say someone's famous or a celebrity or not based on oh he's a dick but he's still famous I'm back in I've been waiting for your take on all of this stuff if we're being honest about this

right now because I've said that. It's fucking crazy. Yeah. It's so good, though. It's so much of the crazy today is so good that it was back at 9-11 was when this was, but I was all in then. Like, fuck you, I'm all in. Now I'm old and I can just do whatever the fuck I want. No, I want in.

They need me! They need me! Whenever this big thing before about Louis C.K. was coming out about the thing, I didn't listen to any of that stuff that was leaked. We should drop him from the death pool because of his transbertion. He's no longer famous. But because I

agreed with basically before even Santa said it, I knew the exact same thing. He didn't release that. I'm not going to listen to it. Oh, the new thing. The last time I was on Twitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fixed Twitter. You went off on a bit of a tear.

I fixed Twitter. I remember. That's one of the things. I was going to tweet out because I said, I'm hoping Louis C.K. is going to have a good punchline for all of this. You know what I mean? His take on the whole thing. And I said, but because he's

something about god damn it now i'm drunk i don't remember something about i hope louis ck is the voice that the fucking uh comedy fucking uh you know community needs but if not i think duck stanhope is doing a pretty good job holding it down over here when you're tweeting. I put it in my bag because we left that quickly for Costa Rica. We were going to podcast, and I have notes of all this shit. I was in a fucking three-day

Twitter drunken battle about, first of all, people bootlegging your shit. They put out 49 fucking minutes of a Louis C.K.'s news special people bootlegging your shit. They put out 49 fucking minutes of a Louis C.K.'s news special

as though that's newsworthy. No. Snippets are. And they go, oh, what about Kramer, Michael Richards when he said nigger, nigger, nigger? Well, yeah, they used that clip. That's newsworthyworthy not his entire 49

minute new fucking special and it started from that and then it went into defending whether his jokes are funny or not i like i'm that was another reason let's get the fuck out of this country we're sitting down talking uh shank came over'm like when Shank and I embarrass ourselves we just hide under the covers but you get to go to Costa Rica I did not embarrass myself every fucking thing I said

I still even right now during you talking about this on the podcast and while you were tweeting I pictured Shaylee and Henneigan yelling save it for the stage like you yell save it for the podcast when we try to

no this is what people are waiting for don't say I've had it for the stage but it's been in so many incarnations since late was it 18 whatever it was. I don't know what fucking year it is.

But yeah, and I kept having to rewrite that chunk of material for the new special. You kept adding the new stuff. Yeah, yeah. Definitely. But yeah, now I get it. Okay. All right. This beat is timeless. This will last.

Keep it succinct. Keep it to that. And it's still, and I got to fucking film this. Hennigan's still bitching about the pacer. I don't know if we brought up the pacer yet. Oh, sorry to the guy. We'll fix that. No, we talked about that in a past podcast.

Yeah, but I still haven't. But it's gone. It's been transported. It's been transported, but I still haven't. But it's gone. It's been transported. It's been transported, but I still have to make it right, and I don't know. I just got home today. This podcast has to go out in the morning. You still have to edit it. I don't think we need to edit this.

What Joby knows that we don't know as players, Joby has to deal with all the, hey, January 15th, this is launched. But he knows that we are going to fuck off. So our own league, you call it a home, we call it a league. Whatever. Yeah. He gives us extra time. Yeah, like a couple of weeks where he can fuck off. Exactly. So you do all the promo setup shit, then you give us two weeks to go, oh, all right, get your shit together.

Right. So lean back into the committee. Since I lost committee members of the whole Nicholas Cruz thing, hey, if anyone out there wants to be a committee member that doesn't play, just contact me at StanhopeCDP on Twitter. Let me know. And we know theCDP on Twitter. Let me know. And we know the regulars on Twitter. Yeah, yeah. If you want to vote on stuff, you can't play though. But you know the people that we know.

Zach Wynn. How about that? He probably plays. He does. I just pulled a name out of my ass. You probably don't remember me. Yeah, I know you. Fucking Zach.

Yeah. You fucking tweet me all the time. You're a good guy. Yeah, so yeah, just contact me if you want to be. You get to vote on who's a celeb, who isn't. The two paid homes

are now open. Bloody Shank, talk about it. Bloody Shank is the one we started last year where you can win prizes. That's Chad Shank's home. It's a TV, first place tablet, second place, and third place is merch. A guy tweeted me today that said if he's in and if he wins first or second place, he wants the third place prizes.

He would rather have merch. We've done that before. That's good. I will give you A-list merch. Not just a CD or a fucking T-shirt. I'll give you shit from the crawl space that I go, Oh, that's good. That's eBay Yardstale stuff. That's good.

What's it? MUFC? Yeah. That's good. What's it? MUFC? Yeah. I gave him a vintage suit. A fucking stage-worn suit. The guy that runs your Facebook fan thing that I refuse to be a part of. Oh, yeah, yeah. He was supposed to be third place.

Gamsby. There you go. Gamsby. Hey, I remembered you, Gamsby. He was third place in the Bloody Shank funeral. Let me just say, Gamsby asked me to write a thing, which I started 11 times at least. He runs the Facebook fan page, and I get so much shit about all these fucking racist, fucking misogynist assholes on this page. I know who you're talking about.

They email me daily, and they try to tell me funny, retard, cunt, nigger, faggot, fucking jokes. And that's the joke. They say a bunch of bad words in a row and I know that is what accumulates in that I don't go to that fucking page and he asked me to write a thing it's not all that

I know that I tried a million times to write a thing hey try to be nice to each other because a lot of these people on this site that go here are really fucked up and suicidal or homicidal and they need positive reinforcement.

Don't just fuck with each other. Just try to... And every time I wrote it, I sounded fucking soft. You already started to sound soft. Yeah, I sounded fucking soft. You already started to sound soft. Yeah, I'm fucking soft. Stop being a fucking dicks to each other. Be dicks to the people who deserve it.

And don't try to be funny. I do that for you. I do it correctly most of the time. I do it correctly most of the time. All do it correctly most of the time. All of the time, I would say. Unrecorded things. Sometimes I riff stuff. I'm a fan. I don't know.

Maybe I'm biased. Can you cut out that sound bite of Chad saying he's a fan? I'm a fan. I'm a fan? I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. Alright, just two more things. We got polls

on the homepage of the website where it's like, We're letting them on now too? Polls? You racist prick. Remember when they were dumb in the 80s? They know how to run computers? So like if a Playboy Playmate, anyone that's a Playboy Playmate,

should she be considered a celebrity? Those are the polls. Like yes or no. I would go with yes on that. Anyone. I think any girl that will show me her poop should be a celebrity. I've go with yes on that. Anyone. I'd say any girl who showed me her poop should be a slave. She did a lot for this.

Playmate is the third pullout, so I'd go yes on that. Yes. Easy to research. Those are the polls I got. Anyone that's won a Nobel Prize. Sure. Absolutely. Really? Yes.

No, I disagree. That's the problem. Nobel Prize. Sure. Absolutely. Really? What? I disagree. That's the problem. Hang on. Name a Nobel Prize winner. Barack Obama. We did this on the Twitch stream. Barack Obama is already in the database for something else, so he's a moot point.

But name somebody who wasn't a president. Name somebody else who's not famous for something else. Albert Einstein. Who Albert Einstein was not famous for anything else. Albert Einstein would be in there. He's over there too. Now you keep coming up with reasons I can't name the two I named. You're going ridiculous.

Nobel Prize is a very prestigious title. And since Chaley and I say yay, and you and Joby say nay, let's go with the crazy card and bring in Bingo the Fifth. What do you say?

Come to the mic, honey. No, you're just going to make me look stupid. No, no. Two of us are going to make you look stupid. The other two will congratulate you. Okay. A Nobel Prize is what would be considered the Oscars of smart. Okay, yeah. But some guy that's isolated and isotope and classified it, but the rest of the world doesn't know what he is.

Oh, that's stupid? No, no, but is he a celebrity? Is he a celebrity? What's his name? Exactly. Shall we go back and look at other people? He's a leader of a country. Wait a minute.

He's the president of Zimbabwe? Does that mean anything? You're going to try back what I said earlier. You can't go back to precedents of what's already been submitted. Bingo is a Nobel Peace Prize winner. Put your thumb up or thumb down. That's Caesar.

There's not Joyce? Actually, there's an asterisk to that. Thumbs down was actually the thumbs up. Go ahead. Is he a celebrity or not? A Nobel Peace Prize winner. Smart guy. Bingo says yes on smart guy.

Okay, so this is the point. I just pulled up the latest, the first Nobel Peace Prize winner. There's several of them for 2018 because they give a lot of these fucking things out. They do. A ton of them. Dennis Murhwaji Mukengir. He's a

Congolese gynecologist and Pentecostal pastor. He founded works. I'll pull up the next one if you think it's racist. I'm just going in order. Albert Einstein is one. How about Ernest Hemingway? All of these people are already famous for other reasons.

Other things. Find somebody who's only famous for a Nobel Prize that you know his name. You're just making us sound stupid. Because you're stupid. It's true. Yeah. That's how arguments work. One person

is right and one person is stupid. The pool sounds stupid for saying Nobel Peace Prize. What's that? How about MTV Young People's fucking award? You made that assumption. I'm going to get a Nobel Peace Prize

just for giving you thumbs up. Yes. I nominate you. You get the Nobel Prize for that. So, this is what we're going to do. Email admin at dscdp.com or you can just send us

your questions through Twitter or Facebook. And if your poll looks good, we'll throw it on the site and tag your name on it, and it'll be on the main page, like submitted by so-and-so. So we need more polls to kind of figure this out. Joey just said if your poll looks good, and not one of you made fun of it. Not one. Try to get to this.

Giggity. Chandler's just hoping we shut the fuck up so he can edit this and have it out in six hours. All right, so the last thing is fucking go to the Doug Stanhope Celebrity Death Pool store and get a t-shirt because they're awesome. And we got coasters and all kinds of stuff there. So yeah, hit the store up.

If you don't, you won't play next year because if you don't make this profitable for Joby, I have a poll that says, let's bring this back to just us when this was fun and we just did it here at the Fun House. Oh, shit.

I'm going to England. Wait, wait, wait. I'm going to say this, and I'm going to regret it. The winner of this year's... That's a great caveat. I'm saying it. The winner... No, no.

Yes. The winner of this year's... Uh-oh. DSCDP. Point winner. Point winner, site-wide. Number one. Number one. Gets to come to the Funhouse for a weekend.

Oh, man. Hey, man, that's up to you. I said it. It's out there. It's out there It's out there It is out there I thought we had a good time on vacation I didn't say we'd be here He's too optimistic

That's what it is He's too happy I fought to make this private again. I enjoyed doing it, but it's so much more fun. I don't see why you don't enjoy it like a fantasy football. It's fun to do the whole year. I love doing it, but I hate how much work Joby has to put in. Marty and Gina put in.

So if you make this much work Joby has to put in. Marty and Gina put in. So if you make this profitable for Joby, if in 2019 you make this profitable for Joby, yeah, you can come hang for a long weekend

in Bisbee. So you're paying for someone to fly out? No, you have to show up. They have to show up but you got room and board while you're here, right?

Yeah. You're giving them a place to live in. Yeah. Yeah, you get the little up. They have to show up, but you got room and board while you're here, right? Yeah. You're giving them a place to live in? Yeah. Yeah, you get the little house. Okay. Wow. That never works. Wow, that's pretty big.

You win a plus one. That's a big price. There you go. That's a big price. That's the fucking thing. Now, how do we qualify making it profitable? What does that mean? You need to have something.

No, he said site-wide points winner. Just the site-wide? Okay, because he just said he had to make it profitable. Plus one. But I think it will make it profitable. But I think it will make it profitable because of the amount of people trying to

compete for that prize is what I would imagine. And will you tweet this? Yeah. Oh, don't we? Will that be his

first tweet since his hiatus? Oh, have you tweeted? No. No, I'm so happy. Tonight, I am going to go back through my phone and my emails and call back. Dave Attell, I love you.

Someone tweet at Attell. I haven't gotten back to you, but I will. Pod call. I'm going to call back people, email people that I haven't talked to because I've been fucking completely... Oh, it's so good. God damn it, it's so good.

That time we spent in Costa Rica, no internet, no fucking email, no Twitter, no... Once a day,'d turn on my phone to see if Hannigan texts with an emergency. No.

Back to a book. Six pounds of my baggage, which was 29 pounds, was podcast gear that never even got out of the bag. I wondered if you guys took podcast gear because... Graystoke! Graystoke! Greystoke.

We said, hey, once we found out he's a Rogan fan, Greystoke, hey, we'll podcast tomorrow and we'll plug your place. And then that's when he listened to my podcast and my podcast on Rogan where I was a guest on Rogan. And he goes, I'm'm gonna have to decline and I go thank god cause I already woke up went oh oh I was drunk and I said I had a podcast I don't want a

fucking podcast they took the pop off vodka defense we don't want you to endorse us sir thanks anyway no he just didn't want to be a guest he's pretty shy as Tarzan was or things anyway. No, he just didn't want to be a guest. He's a pretty shy guy.

As Tarzan was. Holy shit. All right, can we wrap this up so we can get out of here? I got to do some editing. I think so. What the fuck? Oh, yeah. I'm going to England. That's the only other thing.

Hopefully in a couple of months. Oh, wait, wait. One thing. I got... Wait, is that something? Let me nail this. Just quick. All right. Quick. Finish it up. one thing let me nail this just quick finish it up

all the people sending us magnetic stickers for the airport shuttle van that I bought in a fucking sober October white out I guess you'd call it sober out it was instead of a blackout

I was doing sober October and i bought a fucking little airport shuttle van here's the phone number if you want to send us a funny magnetic sticker to put on the fucking van use this phone number here's we got a her phone number now. It's 520 223 9018. That's 520 223 9018. So

whatever goofy thing that we can drive in a small town that's not fuckyourkid.com I thought, it's got to be cleverid.com I thought it's gotta be clever I thought I was a little punchy coming back from Costa Rica

this morning and I thought dial a frog actual frogs uncensored adults only I will not remember that So if you actually send that to me I'll put it all over the van

I've had people emailing me And they're not Like fringe people They're like fans That email me on the podcast And they definitely What's that number? We're going to put it out there when we're all ready.

There it is. I'll say it one more time. There it is. 520-223-9018. Don't call it. That's the number you put on the magnetic sign. Yes. Don't call it. We need more magnetic signs. We've had some funny ones sent to us.

But you're going to put that number. That way we can play the messages that we get from your sign. Of unsuspecting people. All right. I'm going to start coming up with some of these. I've got to think of some. Okay. Let's go to Joe.

Did you have something else? Joe, do you have something else? I thought we were. No, I think that's it. That's it? Chad, do you have something? I think that closed it out. We can save that.

Or are you saving that for your Twitch? It was a death poll tip that I wanted to give to everybody. An insider tip. Okay. On Facebook, find relatives

of the people who are dying. The press releases that come out are not going to be truthful about their status. But their cousin, who's on Facebook, will be fucking loving to inflate their ego by posting out there that their fucking famous uncle is about to take a dirt nap. So, relatives of dying people on Facebook is my tip. I shortened it down. It was longer than that, but I condensed it down to just a tip. That's a good one. That's a good way to burn an afternoon.

I have to go call people that I couldn't call while I was away. And I have to email people. What? I got something something I'm the last one you're ready to wrap up I thought you were telling me to wrap up Chad's Twitch TV go check him out at twitch.tv slash HD underscore fatty

just go there check it out once you test drive it you will want to subscribe and all you have to do is put it in the chat, and he'll tell you how to do it. Thanks, Shaylee. Also, YouTube episodes are back up. I'm doing it now. Really? Yeah, up to 284.

And now that we're back, I've got the software. I'm going to start converting them here, so we'll get them out quicker. We'll be back up by next week. We'll be up to date. Thank you, everyone who's emailing me saying thanks for not dying, or I hope the next person who's doing it is not dying. Wait, you get those? Yes.

Thanks for not dying? Well, they thought the guy that died. He didn't die, but it was a false alarm. But he's helping us get back up to speed, but we're doing it now. So thanks, everyone, for tuning in any way you can. Go to iTunes. Leave comments about the podcast because that gets more people to listen to us go ahead doug and uh i'll i'm i'm coming back i'm working on some shit i gotta get back out

on the fucking road to get back out on the road i got a fucking plan i got some shit going on rogan's got my back on some shit i'll'll hold you to that, Joe Rogan. Bam! Alright, enough said. We have some shit going on. Good night. Happy New Year! Can you, like, cut out that sound bite? I'm a fan. I don't know.

I don't know. I, uh... I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'm, uh, biased. a fan. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'm biased.