The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #296: There Is No Party!

Episode Date: January 30, 2019

There is no party. You should have listened to the podcast to know that the gates will be locked. Additionally, Meatwig (Doug's cat) enjoys a giant, wet breakfast, Doug gets pulled over and Chad drops some KILLER movie recommendations. Email your questions for the podcast to [e-mail] Recorded Jan 28th, 2019 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. This episode is sponsored by _**[RobinHood.com](http://Stanhope.Robinhood.com)**_ - Robin Hood is the investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETF's, options and Cryptos - all commission free. Robinhood is giving our podcast listeners a FREE stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help build your portfolio just for signing up at [Stanhope.Robinhood.com](http://Stanhope.Robinhood.com). **_[PricelessPillow.com](http://www.PricelessPillows.com)_** – The most comfortable pillow you will ever sleep on. Log on to [PricelessPillows.com](http://www.PricelessPillows.com) and use the promo code STANHOPE for 30% off your purchase. **Stanhope Store Merch** - New Podcast Coffee Mug, VHS copies of “Popov Vodka presents Doug Stanhope" and, for a limited time, "THIS IS NOT FAME (Paperback) SIGNED WITH a PODCAST T-SHIRT! - [http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/](http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/) LINKS - Chad's Movie Suggestions; “Dead Man's Line” - [https://amzn.to/2Sie5fe](https://amzn.to/2Sie5fe) “Confessions of a Serial Killer: Ted Bundy Tapes” - [https://bit.ly/2FW19WQ](https://bit.ly/2FW19WQ) “Gringo” - [https://bit.ly/2xZYJ49](https://bit.ly/2xZYJ49) Check out Chad's Twitch feed – Twitch.tv/HD_Fatty We like what they are doing over at [http://www.FIRRP.org](http://www.FIRRP.org) - Check it out. Support the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. now. It's classical. They didn't even have lawyers back then. Getting sued by Mendelssohn. Had that note in my notebook. All classical all classical music is done by cover bands. Something to that

effect. Flying back from just any symphony. It's a fucking cover band. No one writes classical music anymore, do they? I don't know. But then I heard someone else do a similar thing, so I shitcanned it. But not for

the podcast. I'll say it on the podcast. It's probably Bill Burr. It's always Bill Burr. Hey, you know why this... See this coffee, Chad Shank? Yeah. See how light it is? As I say, it looks really, like, clear almost.

That's Bailey's. And that Bailey's represents the only alcohol I've had in this day six. Wow. And only because I don had in this day six. Wow. And only because I don't have coffee creamer out here, which I just realized I do have coffee creamer, but I don't have sugar. You've got what anyone I've pitched it to says is the worst coffee creamer idea ever.

What, Bailey's? Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Coffee Creamer. That went to big lots. You get a lot of shit done when you're sober and not smoking. What, Bailey's? Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Coffee Creamer. That went to big lots. No, I'm just... You get a lot of shit done when you're sober and not smoking. I understand that everyone loves Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. There's no one who doesn't like a Reese's. And those are horrible.

Have you tried them? I had one, and I was, like, trying to power it down, because Chase was like, how is it? Like, smiling at me. I'm like, oh, it's not bad. You know, it's kind of... Everyone's going to try one. It's horrible. It is it? Like smiling at me. I'm like, oh, it's not bad. You know, it's kind of. Everyone's going to try one. It is horrible. It's not good.

That's what I meant by horrible. I've been buying a lot of shit I don't need. So, yeah, no cigarettes, no alcohol except for this creamer amount size of Bailey's for a coffee for the podcast. No downers. No Xanax. Holy shit. What are you trying to live? It is weird. Almost a week ago

I ran out of cigarettes. At night. Morgan had just left. She smokes half cigarettes. That was the night that we were here. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. She'll smoke and leave a good half. I love a good half and i love a good half halfsies burned out yeah clinchers we used to call them good and gump does the same he'll

he'll snuff out a cigarette halfway through and leave it and just leave it yeah he'll light another one in two minutes a classic david tell he does those with american spirits too uh so after i'd gone through every ashtray and smoked all the Morgan Murphy gump halvesies, then I'm completely out of cigarettes. And I'm like, fuck, I was going to stay up and drink and fuck with people on Twitter or whatever I was going to do. And now I have to just take downers and hammer some double shots and go to bed, knock myself out.

But that's the best time to quit smoking is when you're out of cigarettes. You always wake up with five or six. I'm not throwing them away. I'll just smoke these and then, alright, game on again. Go to the corner store, get another pack. I remember you were out. Morgan had just

left and it was very funny. Morgan, we had done a podcast and then Morgan was like, like guys come over let's have a drink we get drinks here doug's like okay first of all your head is down on the bar you're you're about to fall asleep and you want us to go over there and then you're gonna fall asleep and then she'll put on tv she'll put on tv and then watch it and then and then we'll just then we'll be just standing there going why why should I just stay at the bar? So she leaves and then Doug goes, oh, I'm out of cigarettes.

And he's like kind of, I think he was doing that math in his head. And I go, oh, no, there's some over here. And that's when I found the halfsies. And then you went through four halfsies in no time. And then you're like, man, I should have not said anything. I should have just quit. Because you want to just quit, but you love the house so much.

They'd still be there sitting right there in a full ashtray. If you didn't take them. Yeah. I smoked the shit out of those, but I did. So anyway, so yeah, I just,

I ran with it and here I am my own sober October. I don't need to fucking, I'm not grandstanding on Twitter. I just had to say it to open up the podcast so you guys would know where my head is. It's fucking everywhere. Been about four hours sleep a night

doing projects. I go to Sierra Vista twice a day just to wash a car or something. And then I'll go have sushi for dinner, too. I'll wash another car. Turn the fucking ringer off on this. Hi, we're doing a podcast. Bye. I swear to God. The house is on fire!

What do I... He hung up. Got pulled over, coming back from Sierra Vista. The back way? Yeah, they're going the back way. 92. 92's the highway, not your speed. Yeah, I was doing 63 in a 55. So when I saw him coming towards me, I didn't even fake braking.

How would 92? It's 65 as soon as you get out of. No. That's what he said. He goes, do you know why I stopped you? No. Do you know what the speed limit here is? I go, I don't know, 55 or 65.

He goes, yeah, it's not 65 until you get to the top of the hill. And you were doing 63 in a 50. It's a 63 in a 55, you fucking morsel. You fucking nugget of shit. Yeah, I love that highway because I can haul ass on that highway. It's a nice opening. And he said, well, you know, he basically said, hey, between white people. He didn't even ask for my registration.

I had my license ready, and you have my fucking registration buried inside the user's manual. What? You do. Well, who else would put it there? I don't know. i put the license i put the i put the registration and your the up-to-date uh insurance cards in the booklet that is the owner's manual because who knows what the fuck goes on in those glove boxes so you put it in the same place every time you put it and i was also put in in the ones the cars that don't have one put it in the same place every time. You put it in the same place. And I was also put in the ones, the cars that don't have one, I put it in a Ziploc bag.

So they're together. The owner's manual is in a black, what looks like it's holster material, that nylon material. I'm popping this open in a glove box in front of a cop. Oh, it looks like a holster, a holstered weapon. Yeah. So he didn't even ask for anything. I gave him my license, and he says, listen, the reason is, you know, this stretch of the highway, do you usually go this way? I go, no, I go the other way because it's faster.

He goes, yeah, this way, right on this turn between here and the shell is a big drug where people bring in drugs. Like a corridor? Drop off. And he says people pull over and pick up the drugs. Like a corridor? Drop off. A corridor? People pull over and pick up the drugs. And I said, I already got a guy. And I kept a straight face and he kept talking and then went, did you just say you already have a guy? I went, yeah.

And I laughed and he laughed and said, do you work? And he didn't even say around here. She said, do you work? And he didn't even say around here. She said, do you work? And then made a full stop. Do you work, period? Yeah. And I said, I am a stand-up comedian. And he goes, yeah.

Do you think he was fishing for that? Because I don't think do you work is a standard question. I think you only ask stand-up comedians that. That's profiling. It was exactly on the heels of my smart fucking joke. Yeah. But he didn't say anything he just smiled and then took my license back and either ran my name or google searched my comedy that's funny no ticket no me either on the last time it's where the road goes from two to one lane coming back uh the back way uh it goes from two to one and the reason i

got the ticket or i was gonna get the ticket was because there was an rv in front of me and it was gonna be one of those things where i can't get behind this guy for the whole stretch single lane so i'll i'll i'll nudge it up a bit get in front of him and that's when the guy got me i'm like but you saw what who wants to sit behind an RV for 22 miles, right? So I got out of it. Fucking yesterday our friend Javelina,

the immigration attorney She said I could use her name, but I like calling her Javelina anyway. I was thinking you were talking about a Javelina. It took me for a second. It is odd because there are Javelinas out there. javelina anyway i was thinking you were talking about a javelina it took me for a second it is odd because there are javelinas out here so well and he uses a different name for every single time i think we're sticking with javelina right yeah i said can i tell a story because she came down she's a weed smoker like chad and got her card and everything and uh heading back through the

checkpoint border patrol checkpoint uh going the Sierra Vista way, fucking stopped, fucking found her shit, searched all of her shit, went through everything, told her we could have you arrested and we don't care. It's federal law.

Federal law supersedes fucking state law. Yeah, I'm always nervous every time I drive through there. So what happened? She's an attorney. She's got an ID for her work. She's cleared Department of Homeland Security. Has she tried being whiter?

Works for me. She should. Well, the problem is she tells them what she does. Yeah, she fights you pricks. So it doesn't help. Oh, that's true. Yeah, she gets pulled over all the fucking time, too. So what happened she's confiscated all of her shit and sent her on her way fucking pack your bags fucking crying lady and she goes did you really is that what you've signed up for

is to fucking bust people's legal weed citizens your fucking neighbors are you gonna brag about the eighth of weed that you confiscated they have have the press conference, and there's a small baggie that's tied off at the top. We confiscated this much weed. You realize in the desert right over there is methamphetamine by the pounds right this minute. Yeah, this is on Highway 90 outside of Fort Huachuca, Huachuca City. That checkpoint. If you know anything about, she's going to follow up because she's an attorney and she knows

you fucking cocksuckers, but they wouldn't even give her any kind of paperwork saying that they confiscated her fucking her skag. I figure you get a receipt. Yeah, that's what she was asking for. She knows what to ask for and they're like, no, no, fuck you. All right, fuck you.

Listen, this brings me to a Chad Shank and I were working on a script after the last podcast when you were over you know about because I had mentioned on the podcast about that book that I had read American Prison

by Shane Fowler and how at the end he buys because he couldn't get an interview with this corporation that runs this private prison chain. So he realized, oh, I just buy one share of stock and I show up at the stockholders meeting and they have to let me in. And then I can talk to the fucking CEO and all these pigs that run this shit parade. And after the podcast, I go – I was was talking i don't know if i actually said it on the podcast i go that would be like the perfect way to go about yeah a mass killing say then you find the real pricks that are responsible the people that are actually

buying politicians are there and then chad had his and I can't even remember, which your idea was kind of better. I still like buying it in theory. But if you're just, mass killing is wrong. But if you're going to use this, if you're going to use one of these situations in a storyline of a, like, what was the movie

that Bobcat did, where the guy that just goes and kills all the appropriate people? God bless America, I think it was. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, something like that. What was your idea? Mine, I think you liked mine because mine had a double entendre. It had some political implications because I don't like, if you shoot up your own school,

there's a certain degree of respect for that. You know who those people are. You're probably letting the good people go and shooting the assholes. Not that I condone that, but it's kind of a for that. You know who those people are. You're probably letting the good people go and shooting the assholes. Not that I condone that, but it's kind of a general feeling. But people that go to a kindergarten and are just you know, that's literally fish in a barrel. So I was thinking about it

and I thought my way would be to shoot up a gun show. You shoot adults. That's right. You shoot adults that have the ability to shoot back at you. And those ones will actually count, I think, for more. Go the week after you buy a gun illegally. But that's the thing is there's all kinds of political implications

because it kind of shuts down the good guy with the gun, bad guy with the gun argument. And also the loophole of being able to get a gun at a gun show. Yeah, no, you'd have to do that. You'd have to use a gun you just bought. Bring your own ammo. Thank you. Once you clear one corner, you got plenty of ammo. Ammo's not the problem.

You can walk around with ammo, right? You load it. So I guess you'll put that up as a poll? No. No. Like Monsanto stockholders meeting with all the Monsanto shitheads or Dow Chemical, whoever it is. Shithead corporation versus somewhat innocent people at a gun shop. This was impractical jokers where we had to convince a focus group

to be on your side. But that's what made me think of it is, wow, those Border Patrol stations, that's a fucking wide open. You'd think they'd be more guarded. Yeah. Well, if it's raining, they're closed completely. Oh, yeah. That one is. Yeah. Oh, if it's raining, they're closed completely. Oh, yeah. That one is.

Yeah. You know, I just found out from Tom, the back hill behind us here, where we used to, well, not often, but we used to go up there because we're at 5,000 feet. It gets a little... It's a hiking trail. It's akin to LA people as the... Never mind. Hollywood Hills?

Yeah. What's the one The Fucking Ra-ra-ra Ra-ra? The dog park It's the hiking path There's a million people

In their cars right now Screaming the fucking name Anyway Runyon Canyon? Runyon Canyon, thank you I was thinking Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra Runyon Canyon

Well It's a very Backwoods version Of Runyon Canyon I was thinking Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Rumyan Canyon. It's a very backwoods version of Runyon Canyon. Tom has gone up that a couple of times. We know Heineken did it three times in a row one day. It was crazy. No one's been up there for a while, and Tom hit up Fury. He goes, hey, let's go take your dog, and we'll all go grab Ichabod, and we'll head on up the hill.

It's razor-wired. They came in and set razor wire up there. You can't even go up the path to get up to the saddle. Oh, they razor-wired past the fence? Yeah. The holy fence? Yeah. Whole riddled fence?

Yeah. It's because all those no trespassing signs weren't working, apparently. Well, basically, it's a path to some kind of telecommunications relay. Yeah, and well, I mean, you could just walk around it. I don't know why you have to put that up. It's changing. Well, we'll get back to some of this stuff. We're going to do some ads, but I'll just foreshadow this.

Yeah, there's no Super Bowl party this year, so you don't try to be cute and show up because you'll get turned away. Okay, let's do some ads. Maybe I'll have another cup of coffee. Okay. Mocktails. Mocktails. Sad. That's the saddest one.

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PricelessPillow.com. That cat starts barking in the background. Don't give it treats, because just this morning he had a giant breakfast of crunchy, wet mouse. Oh! Gross. Living until it wasn't.

Wait, it was... Neatwig was playing with it and chewing it, and it was still... Well, I was talking to my... Bingo's parents are in town, and I was talking to them about all this just ridiculous amounts of chores and hobbies and stuff I've been doing, like looking for words.

Busy work. Busy work. Lots of busy work. And I said, I went through all the drawers in there. And Tracy says, Chaley told me, yeah, that's Tracy's job. She'll do it. I go, no, I need the jobs. I need the jobs.

And I said there was mouse shit in the drawers, which there had been. It got all cleaned up, but we hadn't cleaned out the drawers since it got fumigated or what have you. And she goes, oh, do you have mice? And I go, well, that house borders on the Chaley's. The rest of this, and we have a cat, so there's never mice in here, like in the compound. And I go, if there were,

the cat would get him. And then I shrugged my own shoulders going, well, would he? And then this morning, like he had heard me and had to prove himself, whipping that thing around in his mouth, dropping it, let it run two feet, pick it up.

Then I'm shaking treats at him for him to drop it. And I'm like, well, I should let him eat that fucking thing. Yeah, he didn't want the treats. He wanted that mouse. Sure. If there was a microphone on that, then I could have played over the wall to Chaley to make him puke his bed. I don't know if your cat does the same thing, but my cat starts at their face. Oh, really?

Somehow, even whenever the ones that have the big rat-looking teeth, they're all yellow and you can see it. Somehow, he just starts there and goes straight down and then licks it with that fucking cat tongue all the way down so there's not a drop of blood spilled. It looks like somebody just cut it in half when he's halfway done. Just keeps going down with it. It's amazing to watch. I think I told you guys the other one where he got a rabbit and then didn't

even kill it. It was just laying there, kept looking up at me and it was eating its guts and its back hind leg and I'm like, dude, that's just a dick move. I had to step on the poor rabbit's head. I felt bad for it. Like Silence of the Lambs where he's eating Ray Liotta's head.

He's got his brain panned. The skull is cracked open and he's like, whoa, what smells good? He's like slicing pieces of Ray Liotta's head and put it in the pan. I don't remember that part. Hey, are we all eaten? I could hear the rabbit

like, just kill me, dude. Fuck, this is fucked up. Rabbit screamed too, man. I agree. Not this one. He was silent. That rat that Meatwad caught. Remember? I don't remember that.

It was a rat. He showed you pictures. I put it in a wastebasket and it takes up the whole bottom that Meatwig caught. Remember? I don't remember that. It was a rat. He showed you pictures and I put it in a wastebasket and it takes up the whole bottom of the wastebasket. Yeah. And Meatwig got that thing and it took a...

Oh, yeah. It bit him. It shot out of his chin and that scab was there for like a month. But I saw it like... I went in, you know, it's the morning.

Rawr, rawr, rawr. And I jump out of bed. I was expecting to save a lizard or a bird or something. This fucking rat scared me out of the fucking am I going to do with this? I don't have a gun or anything. Oh, it would have been funny if you did. There's like seven holes shooting up, outlining a rat that's now gone, but there's holes all around it.

Got to open your eyes when you shoot, Stan. We had that bathroom trash can, and I set it down, and Meatwig was fine to not play with this thing anymore because it took a chunk out of his chest. I didn't notice that until I saw where he originally had it in the kitchen, and there's a few pools of blood. And I go, that rat wasn't that wounded. That's a lot of blood.

There's no hyperbole here. This is exactly what you can walk into here at the compound. There'll be some fluttering, like one wing kind of floppy and the other one tucked in tight. And there'll be a bird that you... Did a bird just fly by me in the kitchen? Trying to get out somehow, you know? And then there's been...

You slept on top of a lizard for a week wondering what that smell was. Oh, it was more than a week. That was way more than a week. It was somewhat liquefied into the sheets by the time I found it. For the first week, the lizard wondered what the smell was. It was a week of me wondering what the stink was. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's right.

Weeks before that, I remember the cat finally dropped the lizard. I was too tired to get out of bed and chase. I got him to drop it with the treats, but I didn't find it. I assumed it would figure out how to get out of my bedroom. Lizards aren't little around here. No, no. Lizards get as big around as a small guy's wrist around here.

It obviously wasn't a horny toad. You'd have felt that. It was. Was it upside down? No, no. It had a head like that, though. It had a bumpy head. It wasn't your basic gecko-y thing. It doesn't feel like a horny toad

in your bed. I got a cleaning lady coming over. First time we've had an actual cleaning lady, so she's coming over tomorrow. We'll see if we break her. And when I saw Meatwig wear one of his spots

behind that chair by the front door, that's where I found the remnants of a bird, but last time I did a thorough, what I call a thorough cleaning. It was behind that chair. So there's

a tail back there now, and the parts of the bird I couldn't get up last time, and it kind of fossilized into the floorboard. Does your cleaning lady know to bring like chisels? My mom would get her house cleaned, but then

before the lady would come over, she would vacuum my mom would vacuum and dust to pre-clean. Doug does kind of the same. He just removes any like solid bodies or arms. I hope you're here at 9 a.m. So you can do the walkthrough with me to point out all the shit that doesn't need to be done.

All right. This whole room will not exist in about two months. So don't even worry about this. There's construction going on. Don't talk yourself out of someone doing their job, though. I've been doing it because I've been looking for every mindless project to do.

I could be writing, but no. You can't do... It's going to be dense work. She's going to go in there, and you could say, this is pretty clean, and she would probably throw up in her hand. She's already done a different house they have a different level of clean and you certainly aren't even close to that level but i

mean you just comfortable she's already done the quiet house so i know how she works and how deep she cleans when she goes deep like the oven i would never think to clean an oven i've never in my life my point exactly two years years old almost, and never once. We have a self-cleaning oven where you- Bake things on harder? Close the latch and then put it on, and it puts it on. I use it for a heater sometimes in the winter. Because it has to get up like 500 degrees or something.

It goes like 800, I think. Yeah, but it turns everything into ash, and then you just wipe it out. That's what we did with Mother. I've never... You put her in the oven? Do-it-yourself crematory. I've never once done the wiping out part. I always forget the out part.

Jenny does it, though, but if it was up to me, it wouldn't happen. Well, you did the hard part. Yeah. You flipped the lever and then turned it on. I determined when to clean the oven by how cold it is outside. I will buy food like the Marie Callender's Razzleberry Pie. Ooh. Yeah, but you got to cook it in the oven for 50 minutes.

So, yeah. Oh, and you don't put a – Yeah. You don't put a – You don't put it through February, I'll do that. But if you don't put a cookie sheet under it, that bubbling out goodness goes right to the

bottom and then you got to use the self-cleaner to get it because it just bakes on. Point being, anything baked, I'll look for in the winter to offset heating the house. Even if I don't want to eat it, I was going to make Razzleberry Pie this morning

for myself. Because you were chilly? Fucking chilly. Chaley has been talking to me in the last week. They almost timed. Like, he's doing it on purpose. Like, it seemed like six months.

I didn't even know if Chaley even liked me anymore. He was never up here. But he's like, Chaley wouldn't me anymore. He was never up here. But he's like, Chaley wouldn't come up for a game or anything. Since I went on this fucking random cleanse, you know, minor short-term wagon, Chaley's like, what, you're not drinking either? Come on.

Fucking scotch and soda. They're sweet. And I mean literally sweet. There's something about when you put the scotch in the soda it's that whole uh whatever taste it turns sweet and the peat taste peat that's it with that soda water it's it is delicious i am kind of into that now and uh because i do like a peaty scotch and this i've never had a scotch and soda and i saw one of the old uh turner classic movies some of her scotch and soda i go what would that taste like fucking tracy's texting me what it's friday night you're not fucking out here drinking it's skills competition in the nhl all-star game

boo and i go i should have never told you fuck say you're in the will this is the support i get i don't like to do silver standard. That makes sense now. He fucking comes in and lays in my bed, chatting when I'm hiding under the fucking covers. Are you sure that he hasn't been doing this all along and you're just now noticing? No, because I was the guy. I wanted a friend to drink fucking scotch and sodas with,

and Chaley's editing a podcast or oh yeah that thing you know or something just doing stuff so he's doing stuff until this week until this week when you left and someone who came here to see you comes by and i spend four and a half hours entertaining tracy and i entertaining uh this guy from mongolia and his friend evan and another guy named dan from Mongolia and his friend Evan and another guy named Dan and Alex O'Mara came over and they brought you a bottle. He's an American guy that I guess he ran my sound when I played

Shanghai China. He calls him the Mongolian guy because he found one of his travelogue YouTube videos about 10 things that are great to eat in Mongolia, all of which were the same and awful. This is dough with other kind of dough.

And then here's like a yak yogurt with tea. This is what we drink for tea. Why don't you just drink the tea? Because I need the fat. You guys should have just let me keep picturing Genghis Khan coming over here because I had no idea what to picture when you said Mongolia the tea because they need the fat you guys should have just let me keep picturing Genghis Khan coming

over here because I had no idea what to picture when you said Mongolian and my idea was way better than yours Charlie said how the guy shows up wearing a red fedora I'm so glad I snapped a picture oh it looks like uh Akademi yeah oh he does oh he. Well, that's interesting. Yeah. There's a way to pronounce Genghis that is not westernized. And he kept saying it. And I'm like, dude. But it's right there. I think it's Chinggis.

He'd go, you know, Chinggis Khan. I'm like, I don't know. Chinggis. Right there. Straight back with a bottle of Chinggis. Next one. Chinggis. The one with a Mongolian on the front of it. Chinggis. That'sis! The one with a Mongolian on the front of it. Chinggis.

That's it. Pull it over here. You said there's another pronunciation and then you pointed a wall that is covered with memorabilia, Gnip-Gnop-Sfuckin'-Shotch-Tees, and one bottle with a guy that looks Mongolian.

You just pointed at that. It could be any of this. Chinggis Grand Khan. Yeah. I think that's what you call Genghis Khan. You just pointed at that. It could be any of this. Chinggis Grand Khan. Yeah. I think that's what you call Genghis Khan. It's Chinggis. I think that's more... Chinggis.

That's the appropriate... I'm not here. I think that means something different in Spanish. As long as he didn't do like fucking Javelina does, where she has to roll her Spanish so fucking hard that you couldn't tell one letter that's in the word you just said. She's just showing off as opposed to having a conversation absolutely abso-fucking-lutely at least he didn't do that with mongolian yeah it's it's actually pronounced we did have a fun time it was uh four and a half hours, but yeah, another night of fucking drinking. So that was a mani scotch.

You did make it to sushi. Yeah. Sierra Vista, I even stayed there one night. That fucking same place that you guys went to a comedy show, the fucking Windermere. I booked it for two nights. I'm going there anyway. I'll bring a book. I'll spend the fucking weekend there.

Wait, which one? Windermere. Right across from the mall. Yeah. I thought it was nice. I went bring a book. I'll spend the fucking weekend there. Wait, which one? Right across from the mall. Yeah. I thought it was nice. I went to a show. I never stayed there. Does it have the Sunset Grill?

Yeah. It used to. It used to be nice. They used to have a bar and a restaurant right on the property. Perfect. Nothing? Nothing. Wow.

It used to be nice, and they were trying to sell it for years, I noticed. And I bet you they just quit. Because now they sell, like, redneck family pool passes. So that even if you're not staying at the hotel, you can give them, like, a hundred bucks. At the motor court. And you can bring your family over and swim in their pool. Oh, and their pool isn't even that good. It's a small pool. I might ruin it. No, you just said redneck passes will ruin any pool.

Oh, but I'm saying it's tiny. I've room looked out. Redneck passes will ruin any pool. Oh, but I'm saying it's tiny. My room looked out on the pool and I... Remember that one place in Louisiana where we finally stayed and they had boarded up windows and stuff and we went into the lobby and they like... There was a yard sale going on. Yeah, like everything that they pulled from the rooms was on the counter to like check in everything. It was like a TV and everything and they're like, yeah, if you're interested, we want to check in and everything. There was like a TV and everything. And they're like, yeah, if you're interested, we want to check in. And they gave us the keys and we went to the room and then we just turned right back.

I didn't even ask for a refund because it was so scary in the lobby. They had all the toilets from the rooms that they were tearing down. All the toilets lined up along the street out in the parking lot so you can see those. Yeah, the fact that they would even try to rent those. I didn't even ask for a refund because I was too scared.

I just go, thanks anyway. Hoping they'd do the right thing, but they didn't. So I just had American Express to just charge this back. I didn't stay there. Fucking scumbags. But yeah, no, that place used to be nice oh the restaurant is for i go well that's kind of why i i chose this this place to stay it's the only place in sierra vista that has a restaurant bar on the site and uh yeah we're trying to get them to take that down

just don't sell them fucking rooms until you know they're selling the rooms that you actually have i thought you missed the open hot water in the bathtub like i was really looking forward to actually taking a fucking long bath all we have right here is a shower right now during construction and i that'd be nice take a fucking hot bath shave my ugly fate. Nope. No bath. I don't even care about the bar because I'm not drinking. But in case I needed some fucking medicinal, I'm not even doing those. You got in case of emergency drinks. I don't do those. Across the street up the way is a Holiday Inn Suites tucked in the back over there.

Oh, yeah. Holiday Inn Express for sleeping are fucking great. They really, all that, you know, the chain, I can't fucking talk. The ad campaign that they have. It's all about sleeping. That's what they focus on. The pillows, the bedding, fucking great. Yeah.

I'll do that. Jenny and I took a vacation there. It's fucking great. I'll do that. Jenny and I took a vacation there. It's great. You could have skateboarded there from your house. It's so close. Right, but we don't have a pool. That's true. And our bed wasn't that comfortable at the time.

They sold out our redneck passes over at the Windermere. Yeah, it was awful. Right next to the sushi bar that we go to. Oh, that place is horrible. Okay, I didn't know if you've been there. Oh, I lived there once. Oh, at the Quality Inn, I think it was. Well, it wasn't called that at the Oh, that place is horrible. Okay, I didn't know if you've been there. Oh, I lived there once. The quality in it? Well, it wasn't called that at the time, but that same hotel,

when we first moved here, we didn't have jobs or a place to stay. That sounds right for Bizbee. And us and our four kids and our two cats and our fucking three parrots all lived in one of those rooms and that's when I discovered that their windows don't open at that hotel.

Even though it's a ground floor, it just has decorative windows. Yeah, that place was horrible. Two weeks we lived there until I found a job and got the fuck out. We went down there when we found out that a sushi bar has a bar attached to it. And they used to do Monday Night Football. They do karaoke a lot. So at night, I don't know if it's still operating

as a bar, but that far side. So we'd go down for Monday Night Football, eat sushi, and then drink Asahi's till we're hammered and watching football and then crash right there across the parking lot. And they had smoking rooms, which, oh, my God. With no windows. No windows.

And three smoking cigarettes. That's about 30 minutes before Chaley knows. He's done a podcast. I was hoping it wouldn't hit a wall like this. That sushi place, going with you guys, I never really cared for sushi, but now I was telling Jenny the other day, like, if we go someplace with sushi, Tracy's usually nice and will point out what's cooked for me.

It's like everybody now knows, like, all right, Chad's not going to eat sushi. But they had a dragon roll that was at that place that you're talking about and Jenny and I got it and it was fucking good and we went back again and I got it again and I got sick for four fucking days off of that dragon roll and I was so disappointed

it was cooked something bad just happened run of bad luck. So bad. What is it? Hibachi? Is that the name of it? We should give him a plug.

Teppanyaki. Teppanyaki. Is that where the... Hanatokyo. Hanatokyo. That's the name of it, but it's a Teppanyaki place that... Hanatokyo. They do the Benihana type thing.

I think Hibachi's on your side. You should have probably let me tell a good story in between that one then, if you're going to give him a plug. Well, now I got to think of one. I mean... Oh. oh no you said don't get anything i do a long time ago we went there and it was they did the whole um grill the shit up in front of you and flip fucking hot mushrooms at you and uh have a squeeze bottle of uh hot wine that they shoot directly at your mouth and i wasn't expecting any of this. I'd never been to anything like that. I think I was with Jenny and like,

maybe it's like friends of hers from work at the hospitals had to like behave appropriately. And this dude starts shooting hot wine in my face and I just keep gulping it at my mouth open and I just keep swallowing and swallowing. I'm like, he's not stopping. He doesn't. Finally,

I have to close my mouth so I can swallow and breathe. And as'm like, he's not stopping. He doesn't. Finally, I have to close my mouth so I can swallow and breathe. And as I do, he just shoots hot wine all down the front of my shirt. And I remember this story because I turned to the table and I said, they call that the DUI special. And nobody laughed. And I knew that I was not amongst fucking like-minded people. Did you make them pay for your dry cleaning? My NASCAR

t-shirt? The guy with the squeegee bottle full of hot wine always wins. He's always gonna win. I didn't know it was a contest. I didn't even know he was gonna shoot hot wine at me until it was hitting me in the face.

Opening my mouth was a defensive move. Here, catch. I caught you a hot wine. Oh, you take my hot wine. You take my hot wine, big boy. Who's a tough guy? He take rots. He take rots.

I didn't think of it that way. Now I'm kind of getting a boner. Guy was in there the other night, and I was just sitting there by myself, and there's a whole table of military guys around one of the hibachi tables, and he's telling jokes, and he's riffing with the whole table, and he's going racial, like, oh, black guy, you're from Africa. I don't even hear the jokes. I'm hearing some laughs and then some, like, awkwardness, too.

But I'm just hearing buzzwords. Oh, no, a Spanish guy like that. A Spanish guy like you. He's, like, doing fucking Lisa Lampanelli's act in a fucking Benihana. And he's killing it. By the time he left, he's fucking getting high fives. I go, wow, if there was an open mic in Sierra Vista, I bet that guy would do it. He doesn't need it.

He's already got a stage. He's fucking confidence and just pounding the rock. He's got hot wine and a knife. He's the only one armed in that place. Oh, man. Super Bowl this weekend. Again, don't come here. There is no party.

Might be a handful of the people who are here every week. My football friends, it's not a party. It's just a living room full of people in the fun house. And the door will be fucking locked. And there will be a sign on it, sorry, private party. It's supposed to be cold and rainy. So even if we wanted to do what we usually do is put a TV outside by the fire pit, yeah, we're not doing that.

This year you've had, you haven't had, like, many footballs. I haven't been over for football. I think one time I stopped by, but that was because I didn't know it was Sunday, and I just peeked over the fence, and you guys saw me. I can name you them. Neighbor Dave and Fred. Brad, Alex, Andrew. That's the regular.

That's who's invited to Super Bowl. Oh, and Gil. Sorry, Gil's the afternoon regular. I forget because he's a Seahawks guy. Well, he works the morning shift at Redbone, so he has to come in. All right. Well, you won't see me unless you need me to stand at the fence and throw people out. I think, yeah, just a simple padlock will do it once we know that all the people that we're expecting are here.

The problem is there's people that we know that wouldn't know that don't listen. Hey, you know what? You should have listened to the podcast. That's your invite. That's the sign that you're going to put on the door, on the gate. You should have listened to the podcast. door on the gate we talked about you first of all this super bowl is for the board because it's fucking fucking rams patriots i mean i'm from new england and i i'm gonna root for the patriots but i'm sick of them fucking stop i was wondering which way you were gonna go with this because i didn't pay

attention to football but i read a few headlines about the Super Bowl, and I was like, so Stan, I didn't know you were being sober either, but I thought he's either going to have just the same people for the whole year, or he's going to have the kind of party where the football game is secondary.

So I wondered which way you'd go. No, I'm going to get rid of As many snacks as I can There'll be a few other people Like Uphill Kim And Dave I'm talking to you because

Kim does listen to the podcast But she just texted me Hey, are you guys doing Super Bowl? We have a few friends coming into town I accounted for Uphill Kim and Dave, but not a few friends. There's going to be like 20 seats at max. This place will hold 20 seated. Are you still doing reserve seats?

No, I'm going to. I got post-it notes right here, motherfucker. Yeah, I'm not in reserve seats. Settle down. Getting angry about this party. Remember when I got a party. Not a party. Not a party.

Son of a bitch. All Remember when I thought a party. It's not a party. It's not a party. Son of a bitch. All right. I'll show you this afterwards. That is a tiny list for a non-party. Yeah, no. These were the notes I go. These are the Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross leads I thought I had. I go, no, we have a whole podcast.

I never got to before we went to Costa Rica after I went on a Twitter barrage. And these are my notes. They don't even make sense to me. I took them on a plane, of course. So my pick is obviously I'm taking the Patriots minus two and a half, but I haven't bet it yet. Is that the line still? Yeah, it's the last I saw.

It'll probably go up to three. But I don't care. I'm going to bet a little bit. I'm not even interested in doing prop bets. I'm going to get fucking hammered for Super Bowl, by the way. Maybe I'll bet then. Yeah, squares will probably be the most interesting thing going on at the Super Bowl. So we're doing the regular dollar squares?

Are we going to do a big money board? Well, that's why I'm trying to figure out. For the non-party? Yeah, I'm trying to figure out who's going to be here. Are all your regulars ballers or are they all poor? If we can get Morgan Murphy back out here, she raises the stakes.

It would be more fun to have Murphy here and bet her one-on-one, not using a sports book, just her and I. She's one of the two LA fans, her and Hennigan, because they live in LA. And, ooh, we have a team now.

Let's root for it. And, of course, they probably hate the Patriots. Oh, no, Hennigan's got the Patriots in one of the preseason. I think so, yeah. The postseason. The postseason. I'm out. There's a winner either way.

Chase is out, too. Who are you rooting for? Rams. Fucking Chalice. Well, look, at the very least, I'm going to be contrary because I like there to be a little interest in the game. If I can't talk smack, that's why I love that

this is a Green Bay bar for most of the season because they're so passionate about it and you can really make fun of them. It's not that I have any... But they take it too seriously. I know. That's why I take it seriously. Fuck them. But they don't talk shit. I know, but I get to. Hennegan talks more shit.

If you just took whoever Hennegan's rooting for and went the other way, then you're going to have a beautiful shit talk. That's what I do. And you'll forget which team you, which one was I again? All right, that's right. Fuck you. We're winning. That's it. Yeah.

Thank yous? You got any thank yous? Chad has a thank you. I don't have a thank you. Yes, you showed me the picture. Oh, I was going to wait until that was here, but I could do it now. I wasn't ready. Wait until it's here, and then we can show a picture.

Yeah, but I have been watching some documentaries that I wanted to recommend, or at least to see. Because one of them, I watched the documentary, that I wanted to recommend or at least see. Because one of them, I watched the documentary and I have a new hero besides our Bud Dwyer and that kid who stole the airplane and barrel rolled it and crashed it into an island. And the kid Kip Walker, Kip Rusty Walker,

who stabbed himself to death on an open mic stage. Oh, yeah, yeah. I dedicated an album to him. Went on stage, sang sang a song and then stabbed himself to death while everyone laughed and clapped thinking it was performance art so yeah i saw another documentary and i have another hero uh the ted bundy tapes i was just kidding that's one of them that i watched but that's not the one that was my hero but did you watch that one yeah i stayed I stayed up almost to the end of the third.

I woke up first thing and watched what I missed. Yeah, me and Jenny watched that one. I forgot how much shit he did. Like the escapes and being on the lamppost. I didn't even know that. A month and a half as a fucking kid. He was arrested, and they know he's this slayer, but he hasn't. And then he goes out and kills more people.

And he was still convicted on zero evidence. Until the end of it, when he confessed, I was still like, wait a minute. Did Ted Pundy do this shit? Because they didn't have no evidence at all. That's true. They didn't have any shit. Where was he at? What's he known for?

I mean, they had him like yards and fucking circumstantial. Was it Son of Sam? Is that who this is? Ted Bundy? Is it Son of Sam? Ted Bundy is just Ted Bundy. You don't need to have got there moniker. He didn't have a publicist?

No way. He didn't need one. He's a really polite, good looking guy. Handsome devil. Yeah. But where was he at? Oregon, Washington. Where did he do his work? Oregon, Washington, Colorado, Florida. Handsome devil. Yeah. But where was he at? Oregon, Washington. Where did he do his work?

Oregon, Washington, Colorado, Florida. Utah, Florida. Yeah, Utah, Florida. He ended up Florida where he went on campus and stabbed the nursing students. Y'all ain't got to add Florida. It's like comics wanting to hit every state. It's like, look, I can't really be a serial killer unless I do something in Florida. 50 bodies in 50 days.

Since I'm not from there. Yeah. Well, that was one of the I'm not from there. Yeah. Well, that was one of the good, not good parts. That makes it sound weird. Interesting parts was that he escaped and then committed a bunch more murders after he escaped. I didn't realize that. Jumped out a courthouse window and disappeared. Well, that one he escaped only for a week and they caught him because he did a U-turn when he was driving out of town.

Yeah. But then he escaped from- Wait, no. That was the one he was coming back into town because he's cold. Out of the mountains. Yeah. He was freezing his balls off. That's where he jumped out the window.

It was the other one where he- He lost weight and climbed out a vent. Lost like 30 pounds. It's good. Honestly, the Ted Bundy, it's four episodes of about an hour apiece. The Ted Bundy tapes, I don't know the name of it. It's called Conversations with a Killer. The Ted Bundy tapes, and there's four episodes.

It was good. It's got everything. It's got the murders. It's got the escapes. It's got the court case. And you know Ted Bundy's name and that he was a serial killer, but I didn't know all of that detail. And you got his hundreds of hours of tapes this guy got.

So you have him basically narrating parts of it. So what was the one that you were going to say? Oh, okay, but hold on. First I have another one on Netflix. All right. Gringo. Did you watch that one. It's the... Did you watch that one?

It's not great. It's a lot of it. I already knew, but a lot of it I didn't know about John McAfee. Oh, fuck. The guy for...

The virus. The antivirus guy. Moved to Belize. The guy who creates all the viruses so you can fucking buy his program. I won't spoil it.

The best part that they kind of lead you into are, oh, wow, they seem. And then, oh, he makes them do that? Yes. Let's not spoiler alert.

That's the same part. Yeah. That makes it worth the whole thing. So, yeah, those are the ones I watched on Netflix. And then I rented one for $2.99 on iTunes based on a 25-minute YouTube video that I watched, which was, you guys might have already known about this. Wait, the YouTube was what the movie was based on or was it a trailer? The YouTube was nothing but the equivalent of a 911 call.

It may have been a 911 call in 1977 from a dude named Tony Karitsis. He wired a sawed-off shotgun to his arm and hand around his neck and then around the neck of a big real estate investor that had ripped him off and done him wrong. And he just wanted justice. But the guy was completely psychotic. But I related to him a lot because he felt that he was right. The same way that when I erupted in court, I would have choked that dude to death in the middle of the courtroom floor. If it came to that,

if it would have escalated over nothing at all. And that's why I hate myself. And I want to just be not around people. This guy was the same thing. He actually thought he was being a good guy through the whole thing. I want two cops. He's so nice to the cops. He talks about how he loves them and he doesn't want to put them in this position. But they drove him to this and he has no...

And I don't want to ruin the whole thing, but it's an old story from 1977, so I guess I could. He... So, hold on. Who has the shotgun wired to their hand? The Tony Kiritsis, the kidnapper. The kidnapper. And then the other guy... It's called... Thanks,

Shaylee, for getting me back on track. I appreciate it. The documentary is called Dead Man's Line, which is what it's called when you rig this up. In other words, I should have explained that, too. He has the advantage over everybody in that if they shoot him,

it goes off, and it's tied to the back of his neck. Essentially, you're killing this man and everybody knows it, unless you let me go, but I'm going to be to the back of his neck. So essentially, you're killing this man and everybody knows it unless you let me go. But I'm going to be a diplomat about it. And I'm going to be decent about it. All I need is a, you know.

Matter of fact, the only reason he called the cops to come up was to escort him down to a car so that he could go to the second phase of his plan. Is it a good documentary? It mostly consists of actual footage because there was a media frenzy. It's worth three bucks. On the whole thing. Definitely worth three bucks. It's six bucks to buy it. Don't spoil it. Let that guy sell some movies.

Is this it right here? I want to watch it. Yes. Okay. Yes. That's horrific looking. Yes. And it goes on for a few days. Oh, shit. And again, the documentary is mostly news footage. It was the first time that something like this had happened and the media slammed on it.

And there's all kinds of actual footage of the whole thing. So, I really, it was funny. I watched it with Jenny and I'm, you know, I got tears in my eyes because I can really relate to the psychopath. And Jenny's over there with tears in her eyes because she can relate to the dispatcher who's trying to talk him down. I'm like, we're watching this. Nobody cares about the real estate. Fuck that guy.

I don't want to give it away, but he, you know. I'm going to watch. I hope I sold you on it with my shitty description. Unlike Stan Hope, I've been drinking since I got here. I don't know who to thank for this, but that new magnetic sign is fantastic. It just showed

up without someone's name. I tweeted it. I haven't been on Twitter. I get a lot of emails, so there's some good ideas, and I just say the same thing. It's only funny if you do it. Yeah. And the number is 520-223-9018, and that's the number put on the sign for people to call.

One more time. That's 520-223-9018. 9018 9018 So, yeah, and then when we get some calls from people that are trying to find Yeah, I get to drive it around. I haven't been driving it, but yeah, this one it says it's got a

cartoon of a donkey ass to... Ass first. Ass facing you. And turned around smiling. Looking over its shoulder. Yeah, it says AZ play. As play. Ass facing you. And turned around smiling. Looking over its shoulder. It says, AZ play. As play. Donkey.

Donkey rides? No, donkey shows. Donkey shows. Rides and something. That's a good one. Yeah, it's like perfect. It's everything that we asked for. Thank you for nailing it because it's perverse, but only like the first time I drove it, I drove it through the thrift store drop off. And Joe came out with Pat Gann's little kid.

And she's looking at the sign smiling because it's a cartoon donkey. It doesn't know that you have fucking ass play me so donkey shows just parties i think real big yeah that's what it is donkey shows uh rides and parties and then there's a it has the burner number that five to zero and then it has uh legs and ass play at Gmail or something. That guy probably set up his own, whoever

sent it. Field his own funny shit. But whoever you are. I got it. He sent me the thing because he says, he sent me the Gmail account login information. Oh, no shit. But you didn't write down his name? I totally forgot about it. I just got it last night and I was like, what is this?

And then I realized it was your sign. Oh, that's great. So if anyone sends an email asking about rates, we can respond. That's great. Right on. All right. No, I have a thank you. Okay.

Our buddy Bill Nash from Nash Guitars. Oh, fuck yeah. Just out of the blue sent me that fucking beautiful Jaguar bass. Oh, wow. it's brand new he he's just got he's a fucking artist man he makes them look all fucked up and old even like the the the silver where the pit where the uh the knobs are he's that's all oxidized i mean he's this thing is to the nth degree just detailed beautifully and it it's a great guitar. And thanks, Bill. I fucking love it. I want to play in a band now just because I got a badass guitar again.

I did have a thank you. I'm at about 300 subscribers on my Twitch channel right now. So thanks to everybody who re-upped and subscribed. You can check me out at twitch.tv slash hd underscore fatty. Twitch. Twitch.tv. Twitch.tv slash hd underscore fatty. Just look at my fucking Twitter.

You'll find it. I have it all over there. But I stream on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. And Jovi usually hangs out there and a few other people from around here. We have a good time. And after this podcast, fairly soon, because that's my deadline, Super Bowl. That's my New Year's Eve.

So Monday is the national holiday of hungover. And then I'll be hooking up with Brian probably in Las Vegas, Nevada to have a have some meetings spend some days and hammer out what the fuck we're going to do with the rest of this career so yeah if you're in Vegas don't fucking

talk to me I'm doing business go play the horse race go play the horse race unless you have a free place if you have like a really nice timeshare or something there, I can stay in without you there. That'd be great. Okay.

Oh, wait. Since you're sober, when we were there, as we were leaving, I never mentioned this. There's a guy that does the marketing for the race car driving. Oh. He wanted you to go and check it out, and I told him that, well, you'd have to be sober to drive race cars. And we were not that the whole time.

But thank you. But now, if you're sober, you can check it out. I think I'd only do that drunk. I think that's one of those. I think that'd be more fun if we all went. That'd be another time we all went. That'd be badass. Yeah, I'm there for this.

I want to play horses if we go back. I never thought I'd want to go back to Vegas. I just resubscribed. That's how quick it is. You just go on and you do it immediately. It's so much easier than the actual setup of the account, but once you're in, it's fucking great.

Set a reminder on your phone is what I tell people. And if you want a voice reminder, send me a whisper on Twitch and just tell me you want a voice reminder. Look at Technobob over here, man. And I'll record a voice reminder. I've done it already for several people. So I'll yell at you.

I can be angry. So you get chatted. Remember to fucking subscribe to the fucking Shane's Twitch channel, you piece of shit. And people like that sometimes. This is Chad. I'm going to eat this pickle now. I'm stroking. I'm gonna eat this pickle now. I'm stroking. I'm stroking the left side.

Here goes the pickle. Listen, I'm a whore. I don't care. We're done. We're done. See you next Wednesday with Is it an evergreen or is it not?