The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #309: Doug & Bingo Go Bananas

Episode Date: May 1, 2019

Fresh from a weekend of shows at Go Bananas in Cincinnati, Doug and Bingo have road stories of "in between" bartending, Sky Club famous and Pre-Board acid tripping.Join the Doug Stanhope Mailing List at [https://www.dougstanhope.com/](https://www.dougstanhope.com/)All current Tour Dates available at [https://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates](https://www.dougstanhope.com/tour-dates). Recorded DATE, 2019 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Bingo (@bingobingaman), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.This episode is sponsored byStanhope Store Merch - New online – the official Stanhope Shot Glass, a Podcast Coffee Mug, and, for a limited time, "THIS IS NOT FAME (Paperback) SIGNED with a PODCAST T-SHIRT! - [http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/](http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/)Ohio School of Trucking – Mention the Doug Stanhope Podcast for a little to no savings.Saxx Under Pants - [https://www.saxxunderwear.com/](https://www.saxxunderwear.com/)LINKS -Subscribe to Chad's Twitch channel at [www.twitch.tv/hd_fatty](http://www.twitch.tv/hd_fatty)We like what they are doing over at [http://www.FIRRP.org](http://www.FIRRP.org) - Check it outSupport the Innocence Project - [http://www.innocenceproject.org](http://www.innocenceproject.org) Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and Performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - [https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant](https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant)Comedy clip of Doug performing at GoBananas in Cincinnati, OH April 26, 2019\. Recorded by Mikey and used with permission from Doug Stanhope.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. We could use our table tents, the ones we steal on the road. We could actually use them in here now to advertise the Chucklehead shows. What was the purpose of stealing them before? On the merch table. We'd put, we take cards. There you go. Yeah, we weren't getting crazy. It was a hotel Bible

level of stealing. The last time I saw you were using a gaffer's tape and a paper plate, so I had no idea that you had evolved. Those were great. Remember that, Bingo?

Yes, I do. Paper plates. It's a stolen... You get 100 paper plates at the dollar store for a dollar. Yeah. I always have gaff tape

and you just put it down there and if you find a taco that needs a plate later. You're ready. You're ready to go. I still remember whenever I would start when you first do it in the Bible, and you would have the prices marked out, and then a higher price. Yeah, crossed out. And then crossed out.

Instead of a discount. It was 40, now it's 60. Get them before they go up. There's a lot of paper plate left. All right. This text just came in as we were about to start this podcast, which I'll get to towards the end of our stories about this week in Cincinnati. But our pilot friend, you might remember Alex,

he flew over one of the, I think it was my taping of No Place Like Home. A bunch of people came down and he flew down. He was flying private planes at the time to get his hours so he could turn pro. Well, he did turn pro. And I just got this perfectly timed text from Alex. Standing by the Atlanta E-Gate Sky Club and over here are some employees.

Yeah, he's some kind of famous author. He always wears these old looking suits and drinks like a fish. All the Sky Clubs know him. And then he writes, you're slowly becoming the face of Delta. like a fish. All the Sky Clubs know him. At any rate, you're slowly becoming the face of Delta. That's great, baby. We'll get to the e-gates of

Delta Sky Club because we were just there yesterday, hence why we might be the talk, the gossip of the day. I love that, though. All the Sky Clubs know him. That could be on your tombstone.

They did not know me in Minneapolis when we were connecting to go to Cincinnati. Oh, and you got a Minneapolis date coming up, too. Yes. You better change that. I mean, you better change that they don't know who you are because you're going to be there. It was an uneventful

stop in Minneapolis. Because we don't know anyone. You tried to remember everybody's names. You called people their names. You tipped well. Always? Yeah. Yeah, just our first dates

real dates back on the road was this weekend at my favorite comedy club Go Bananas in Cincinnati still standing so and fucking living low if you read the book you'll remember

the hotel that they used to put the comedians up at. And it was a weird thing because they would always announce because they had a trade out. Hey, and in the announcements, they'd go and stay at the town place suites in Montgomery. And like, what? You're fucking telling people where I'm staying, motherfucker. So that was the place where they were repainting the place and remodeling, and

the entire place was just reeking of... Like open during construction type thing? Yeah. Like here. And it kept setting off the fire alarms in the entire building we were in. So one morning at 6.30 in the morning, it went off, and I just woke up pissed,

and I tried to smash the fucking smoke detector off the ceiling with a fucking ice bucket. And I succeeded in getting it off the ceiling but not out because it was hardwired. I just thought it was your regular screw-in. I mean, I set my fucking thing off burning chicken with fucking Cajun spices

every time, but you just take it twist it off. This thing was like it turned into a pinata and then I had the brilliant idea of calling the front desk to tell them it was their fault that I just smashed their fucking smoke detector off the ceiling

because they're poisoning me with this fucking turpentine smell in the fucking hallways. And they responded by calling the police and the fire department and throwing us out, which is where we found the red roof in the next exit down that has smoking rooms. So, yeah, our first trip back, we flew coach. Yeah. And stayed at the Red Roof Inn in a smoking room. Nice. In the saddest part of fucking just nothing, like six lanes of fucking traffic to get across the street to a gas station.

And a Bob Evans. And a Bob Evans. That's the only thing that matters. And they did have a sushi place in the very back. I couldn't tell if it was open, but... We had what we needed. The gas station didn't even have fucking V8 juice. They're so against health.

You try to... They should be a fucking skinny person with a red circle and a line through it. Unsweetened iced tea. We have sweetened iced tea and extra sweet iced tea. No unsweetened iced tea.

So yeah, we know we're going low rent this time. Go Bananas. Not a highfalutin club. But my favorite. Bingo.ingo here i found this out chaley because uh usually i used to split up our when we uh would fly together because i have diamond status bingo's gold status yeah so she's two rungs down so i'd separate our itinerary so so he could get bumped up and I'd be left behind

in the class that is worst yeah or generally I would give up my first class seat to someone else to sit with bingo because it was fun yeah but then I get to pick who I give hey would you mind giving up that fucking awful

middle seat for first class can't grab their bags fast enough yeah would you mind giving up that fucking awful middle seat for first class? Can't grab their bags fast enough. Yeah. So this time, when I try to split up the itineraries, they have a new structure on Delta because now they separate economy plus from first class, from shitty. And they go, well, if you separate the itineraries,

she won't be able to get the economy plus seat. And I'm like, fuck it. Get to the airport. And she got bumped up. He did not. To first class and I didn't. And I'm like, she's a shitty gold member. Yeah, some kind of siren should have gone off.

Some shit. Yeah, some kind of light, just in case you can't hear it. You can see what's happening. But I wasn't going to complain about that. I was happy she got bumped up. But at the same time, how many other fucking gold scumbag gutter dwellers are getting bumped up instead of me, Mr. Million Miler fucking diamond medallion. Know me at the Sky Club. Drink like a fish.

Some kind of writer. Leave that part off. A writer or something. I figured it out on the way back, but I'll save the way back because that's kind of the pinnacle of the story. Five sold out shows and go bananas.

Don't be jealous. Fucking Patton Oswalt was playing there the same night. I didn't know until... In the same club? The last night I was there. No, no, not the same club.

He was at the Taft, which I'm sure is some kind of draft house with no stage. Or a theater. Click. And Tate, Jeff Tate was there. Yeah, Tate was there. And he said, hey, listen, I kind of changed it up a little bit where I'm just going to MC. And every night we're going to have a couple of different local comics come in. Because I remember the first time I get to work with you and how much that meant to me.

And I'm trying to put this hour together. I have to watch the opening acts acts especially when they're different ones every night that are hoping you watch them but he had fucking really good comics let me just let me rattle off the names of thursday two shows friday two shows saturday will moore josh faust grant styles and i'm gonna stop to mention grant styles also works for the club and does the offstage announcement. And since the door is shut, it's every single time he did it, I was on the fucking floor laughing. Because he just does your usual welcome to the club. Remember to turn off your cell phones. Please don't

handle the comics. But he'd go, get ready for me to blow you out, Charlie. I got it. Thanks. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Comedy Club. That's right. We're going to have a great time. Don't use your cell phone cameras.

Don't handle the comics. We'll ask you to leave. Are you ready for your headliner's touchdown? It was fucking brilliant. Just blowing everyone. And you're in the green room in the back, just following your fucking knees every single time. And then when he did a set, I forget about this. When he did a set,

he got people doing the wave. He's doing that on stage. It's a small, I think it's a 200-seater or something, small kind of comedy club. And it's just that fucking energy and just tall. He's like Gump, like Gump.

If Gump were even taller and ganglier and far more weird. And he was brilliant. Anna Mazza. Blake Hammond. I was going to say something, but it kind of would give away one of his jokes. But he was funny. They were all fucking great. Jeremy Johnston. Lee Kimbrell. Or Kimbrell, and Molly Hartzell.

That's the only last. For the record, Ali, I had to call Tate and get all of your last names because I remembered the first names. Hartzell was the only one I remembered her last name because of a bit that she does that's really fucking funny. So, yeah. So every night was new comics and it was fun bananas has uh a bar i still call it sneaky pete's it's called the bell and the bear now

i got new owners but it's fucking great because between shows you you listeners might remember, last time I played there, Rogan was playing maybe the Taft Alehouse No Stage or Giant Theater. So he came over after his one show to my second show. And I always bartend in between and after shows at go bananas which is it's a lot of fun it keeps interaction with fans fun but not long-winded what are you drinking okay fucking shot of jack and a miller light got a boom and it's fucking mobbed so you're moving really fast and dodging each other behind the bar yeah it's called work yeah i know i love it i love it when you don't have to do it and i was making some fucking good tips for those motherfuckers people are over tipping me and i don't take a penny i don't

i don't know how to use a pos system a million episodes of fucking bar rescue did not teach me how i know why but i don't know how and so i go ahead you did get yelled at yeah the fucking new owner the bell i guess the bear stays home most of the time with his otter yeah oh my god i was talking about her on stage the last show Saturday. Because I went in Thursday and I just got the lay of the land. Because I only bartend once every, I think it's been five years since I was there. Is this Belle, B-E-L-L-E? Yes.

Belle of the Ball type thing. And Belle is the hottest kind of broken chick. The hottest kind of broken chick. She's like tight jeans, like Daisy Dukes with legs on them. And she's just fucking hot and mean. And, you know, one of those people that you want to make laugh. I compared her to Steve Schrippa from the old Vegas. Riviera? Yeah, he went on to be on The Sopranos, and he was just a prick.

He's the guy that would say, you're doing seven minutes. Not 701, not 699. And he slapped me and shit. But he's one of those guys. If he did like you, you felt like you deserved it more because he didn't hit me this time. She was like that. She seemed like I was

a dick for being behind her bar, but then I realized that's just, she's a, I called her a dominatrix and she goes, so what are you, a bottom? I went, yep, with you. church said she goes so what are you a bottom i went yep with you uh i thought people in fight club weren't supposed to talk about fight club i gotta fucking yell that twice bartending for free chad i just guess bartender if i remember the bottle on the bar i go i just turned around to try to hand someone a credit card because i don't know

how to use your register i i just put it on my tab. This is a place that is like, there's like a little winding path. It's like a business complex. It's not like a strip mall. It's not like that. If a strip mall were a village. Yes, exactly. It's landscaped in between the businesses and stuff. So it's not like it's this big fucking Hooters or something like that.

This is an intimate little place. There's an Indian restaurant. Sushi bar still there? Sushi place is still there. Ate there every night. Every day. Me, MEI, sushi. So everything I needed.

And, but fucking, yeah, bartending. It was so much fucking fun. Because it was like hard ass. Bingo is doing dishes back there. We had a blast. And between shows, like someone emailed me, hey, I had some Adderall for you. I don't fucking take that shit anymore unless it's a desperate situation.

But bartending, the adrenaline with that many fucking people, and I'm having to duck out for pictures and then remember who had what. I didn't give a single drink away, Karis. That's her name, Karis, the fucking dominatrix. Oh, that's what I say. By the end of the week, the last night, Saturday, I go, the fucking bar the fucking new owner over there

is like the hottest fucking broken up fucking buzz. You know, she's got fucking miles by hot. And as I'm saying it, I'm scanning the room and then I see her standing right there. She's the most

hottest broken down woman and she's standing right there at the door but I'm gonna keep going and you did it was fucking hilarious she got nicer I heard a compliment behind my back I said I heard you complimented me

oh yeah what prove it that I'm better than your bartenders oh yeah what I go that you're prove it that I'm better than your bartenders because I know a fucking three count on a pour

she goes yeah I said that and that was it that's high praise actually especially from someone who's a little hot and angry

she was fun no she was fun. She was super fun. Bingo, were you doing a, were you a shot girl? No, I wasn't doing that. I was doing dishes and barbacking.

Bussing tables. Bussing tables. Hey, I'm fucking out of, I'm out of fucking these glasses. Rocks glasses. Rocks, their version of rocks glasses.

Yeah, and a bunch of people dressed up that is stanhope i fucking love it by the way because i get a lot of emails saying hey i was gonna wear either a suit they bought from me on ebay or a similar goofy suit but i don't know if that's gay like wearing the band's name to a concert that's're at the concert. Fuck yeah. It's like Rocky Horror Picture Show and there were a ton of them that fucking loved it. And one guy

Oh boy. that wasn't dressed as me he was dressed like the biggest fucking idiot in the world and I had kept Hold on. Now he was wearing

like a leather it looked like what might be a biker's vest or a Halloween costume with like the little, the things coming out of it. Like the metal or the metal. Yeah.

The metal spikes. Yeah. Little tiny spikes everywhere. Yeah. But very like lazy Halloween costume, maybe made out of vinyl, but it was just cheesy. And he was a doughy kid and he had his girlfriend kind of dressed the same way. lazy Halloween costume, maybe made out of vinyl, but it was just cheesy, and he was a doughy kid, and he had his girlfriend kind of dressed the same way,

kind of goth, but like if you dressed your kid up for Halloween as goth, that's all you could afford. So I just kept fucking with him. Walgreens goth. Yeah. But he kept telling me,

he was very soft-spoken and always a loud cover band in there, and he kept telling me, he was very soft-spoken and always a loud cover band in there, and he kept telling me that I'm the guy you talked about during your tin can rehab. And I go, I don't, about what? And he's like, I don't know. I go, well, if you don't know, that's a lot. How would I know?

I talk about a lot of people, and we don't remember the podcast minutes after it's over. He tweeted at me today, now that I'm back home. Yeah, sorry, you didn't remember me, but I'm probably not memorable. I hope I wasn't too much of a pain in the ass talking to you. Well, I see his fucking name on Twitter. Cody Hucker. talking to you well i see his fucking name on twitter cody hucker oh remember i yeah cody was like a mainstay of the tin can rehab podcast because oh yeah uh i i'd love to write a limerick

about it but i can't think of anything that rhymes with Cody Hucker. And then, of course, a lot of people took that seriously and gave me suggestions. He never told me his name, Cody Hucker. That's why we talked about you, your name. You never mentioned that part, you fucking idiot. Sweetheart. Odd choice of dress. I had a lot of fans there myself, and it was really appreciated.

First time back, a lot of people who read the book and listened to the album, and it was greatly appreciated talking to all of them. You had two girls cry. Yeah. Yeah, very weird. You were cutting onions at the bar, but I mean. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah, I miss the bartending. I think instead of Adderall, because the only time I have to do two shows again, I was thinking Minneapolis. I'm doing three dates there again, I was thinking Minneapolis. I'm doing three dates there, but it's weekdays. And I was thinking, fuck, I'm going to have to do two shows in a night two more times. But no, Minneapolis is just single show. So Go Bananas was the only time you have two show nights?

Yeah. Oh, good. I was surprised when I saw that because that takes a whole calibration of drinking. But coming out of that fucking shift was the adrenaline you used to get you did between your sets you went over and did before bartending between and after we should do that more often keep you occupied i don't know like puzzles or sudoku just something so you're not just i'd have more energy in the second show

in the alley while he smokes I think that's what I'm going to do in Vegas I think the two shows I have to do on the Saturday in Vegas between shows I'm going to go work the buffet can I take your plate sir can I take your plate

no no carving station I'm going to work the carving station ham a prime rib you want an end slice I got you an end slice please old lady I'm working as work the carving station. Ham or prime rib? Fuck, you want an end slice? I got you an end slice. Please, old lady, I'm working as fast as I can. And then come back for the second show even stronger. At all? You don't need it.

We don't need it. I just need to work the buffet. Let's take a break, and I'm going to piss sitting down. Please hold cock. Tails. Tails. Have you ever considered driving a semi-truck for a living? Then rev up your engines and come on down to Ohio Valley Truck Driver Training School. There are companies out there right now that have 10 to 15 rigs sitting every day because they don't have drivers

you can finish our course in five weeks enroll in a full-time in a 200 hour course or an 80 hour refresher course the workforce investment act funding is available for direct student loans for qualified applicants and major credit cards are accepted. Don't forget the Ohio Valley Driver Training School. Our facility has a 4.5 acre training lot and a 72 passenger bus. So call today, Ohio Valley Truck Driver Training School, 1341 Highland Avenue, Williamstown, call us at 304-375-4140. That's 304-375-4140. Your future is just 18 wheels away. Tell them the Doug Stanhope Podcast sent you. We'll be right back. sex underwear don't have sweaty balls was that good I don't know

I was we're rolling by the way yeah it was from a I was recreating a Seth Rogen movie moment he was on Stern today

pitching his new movie with what's her name oh you were driving yeah so you were listening to XM Series. Yeah, and there's evidently a scene that he was talking to Stern about

where he comes on his own ear. So when Tracy just said, there's something white on your ear, that was the easy callback. And then she made a gross face as she flicked it off. She's still making a gross face. Quick, hit her in the back hey i there's rumor i want to get back to go bananas but uh there's rumor that mamet got uh shit canned from the stern show so so should we

go recruit him i've been listening to only the uh old ones i haven't listened to new ones recently oh this i saw this on twitter oh i'll have to check it out they i haven't heard it mentioned i only hear them when i drive to the airport and since i haven't worked in nine months it's far few and far between uh i could see that we can ask shuley in two weeks oh yeah well we'll get the dirt that's right here let's just crank these announcements out now. Southern California, Irvine, Ontario, Brea, Oxnard, and up to San Jose. Not that order, but that's May and then Minneapolis. So if you go to my website for tickets, if you click on it,

fucking Brian does this weird thing where we have a portion that are brown paper. If it says sold out, still call the venue. For the improv shows. Alright, for the improv shows. So it's, we've got many shows. Just don't bother me. Exhaust every

resource, because I don't fucking know. I'll tell you right now, Doug. All of the dates, the May 6th, 7th, 8th, and 14th, and 15th are all Southern California. And those are either The Improv or Levity Live. If they're sold out on our site, dougsandhope.com, then you can contact the venue. The Minneapolis dates, the 20th through the 22nd, were sold out on brown paper tickets and the venue is showing sold out as well

so that's sold out sold out alright yeah I don't know that yep I just found out alright

and get on the fucking mailing list because a lot of these things you got they sell out on the mailing list yeah like all the Vegas tickets never even went online and I figured out

what Hennegan's doing when he does those when we when we post it on the mailing list you just can't go look and go the Vegas tickets, never even went online. And I figured out what Henning is doing. When he does those, when we post it on the mailing list, you just can't go look and go, oh, Doug's going to be going to Vegas soon. I'll just check on brown paper tickets. Henning is way fucking ahead of you guys. All right. There's no way you have to be on the mailing list to even get a link to be able to buy the ticket.

So there's no way to even do it if you think you're being sneaky. to be able to buy the ticket. So there's no way to even do it if you think you're being sneaky. And also, Chuckleheads here in Arizona, Matt Becker's chuckleheadsaz.com The day this goes out,

Dave Waite from Cincinnati, a Go Bananas alumni, a fucking monster I can vouch for. May 1 through 3. And that's a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday? Yes. Yes. And then Shuley from the Howard Stern Show, May 10 and 11.

I think I'm going to be in town for both of those. I don't know if they'll let me do a set. I'll have to ask. I'll have to go, listen, I don't want to be a dick, but if you need anyone. If you could get me in, I'd appreciate it. I also bartend. Chad is a professional host now.

My gal does dishes. Is there any way? Oh, and Brendan Burns, who now lives over here, who I know from the UK. Brendan Burns is living in LA. He's coming out May 16th. That's a one-nighter. And I'll be flying back on that day.

But just like today, sometimes I fly back and I have a lot of cocktails on the plane. So I stay over in Tucson. So hopefully I'll be here for Brendan Burns because I'm only flying from Southern California. So I think I could keep sober for an hour and 15-minute flight. Right? Right? Who's got my back? You're not asking anyone in this room, are you?

Who's got my back? I bid $1. You haven't stayed sober under 30 minutes before we board. That's the tough part and those fucking sky clubs but we'll get to get back to that sky club I'm just I'm thinking of

there was one point at Go Bananas it's a Friday late show and this doesn't happen hardly anymore where I to my stage right I look down And this doesn't happen hardly anymore. Where I, to my stage right, I look down and there's a couple women that are not having it. And it got a little rape heavy at one point. What I did is, because I'm working out the new, all of these shows up until Vegas, I'm trying to get this special tight.

If you've seen me other places, I'm playing places I haven't played, but I've been working on this material for quite a while. So yeah, you might hear some bits you haven't heard. So at one point for the early shows where I go, oh, I have to stick to time, I started working the show backwards. So I'm opening with my closer because as you know, I drink on stage. So the sloppiest parts of my bit are at the end. So I started, all right, I'm going to do my closer. Then I'm going to do the bit before the closer. At one point, I even did a callback to a bit that doesn't work as a callback.

Because it wasn't after. Yeah, because it's not after. That callback didn't work. I go, this is a callback. I'm working this set backwards. At one point, there's going to be a callback to a joke I haven't heard. But like Jeopardy, you are going to listen to the whole set, and maybe you can spot the bit that is

the callback. And that worked out great to a point where now I'm having to rethink the whole fucking set. Hey, Mikey at Go Bananas, thank you for recording every show and putting it on a hard drive. I put it in my computer and it sounds like this. It sounds like a drum. I can probably fix that. Maybe you can amp it up

yeah yeah and the only thing that i really wanted to play for this podcast was jeff tate has his own game and several people suggested this for death pool is mass shooting pool he doesn't play it with anyone else jeff tate is fucking brilliant and he's still fucking brilliant now he's super high guy he quit he still isn't drinking but now he's very high and just so fucking funny all the time but he does the mass shooting death pool where he's he guesses the next mass shooting is it gonna be a white guy white guy? Is it going to be a gun? Is it going to be workplace? So the Saturday show, we went up on stage.

I brought him back up after he introduced me, and we started pitching this and what rules should be, and it was really funny. And somehow that got cut out of the recording completely. It goes right from the guest set before me to me in the middle of my first bit and i wanted to play it on the air but that's a that's in the works setting out rules for next mass shooting look at him that's a current picture oh yeah so he he's he could also be the

president of mass shootings i mean look at him mass shooting. Mass shooting bingo. Well, that's the Cincinnati look now. Is that it? Jeff Tate started, Dave Waite carries it, but like... Squared off, long beard? There was one night where he had two of the local guys go up and I go, yeah, I'm the white male without a beard. I represent diversity on this show.

I just have some scruff. We can't play him, but if you go to Pandora and do a search for Jeff Tate, G-E-O-F-F Tate, listen to him. God damn it, he's fucking funny. And I hate that he's like Andy or Joey Coco Diaz. He's just got this patter that whatever he says is funny in a very high way. I can't... Obviously, I won't repeat his bits.

We did that one show where he was near us, so then he jumped backstage, and there was that kid backstage who just walked back there, and he told everyone that he was opening for you, and he wasn't even a comic,

and it was Jeffff tate was like dude you got to get out of here it's like you got it yeah but he's so chill oh totally that was why we put him on it because we were uncomfortable make him do the fucking pete townsend bit he he said he dumped it back when it was a an issue one of his first jokes i I go, no, it's more relevant now. And you have to hear the bit. God damn it. But, oh, that same show, the late show Friday, where I see these women that are very unhappy. And I addressed it.

I can see a few faces that fucking hate my guts. And as the show went on, I leaned in past the lights and I saw it's the eight top of dumpy office ladies that have gotten together. Again, at a certain ticket price, those people go away. You put some effort into knowing what you're seeing. Well, they hadn't done that. And then when I saw there were eight of them that were unhappy, then I just worked it into the show. Yeah.

I wish I could fucking play that for you, but the files. Maybe if Chaley fucks with the files, but I don't. If I could make it listenable, you'd put it on the end of this podcast i think so but i again i'm here it's a late show fucking saturday i'm i'm hammered so but because i had worked this set backwards the closer that i was doing which i think i might switch up and use that as a closer yeah i go it worked in so perfectly i i don't want to fucking say the punchline but i'll tell you you know the bit uh yeah i think i i go bananas was everything it needed to be to rework this set and i fucked with it and i I played with it. And then sometimes I just dumped it and did other shit.

And yeah, it was a great time. I can't thank all of you enough. Coop and Mikey and Lisa and everyone. And the bar that put you up so you could make some side money. Bell and the Bear. But I'm always going to call it Sneaky Pete's. That was the original name. But when they sold it, they kept the name because they moved it somewhere else.

Fuck you. You're always Sneaky Pete's. It's the only bar right next to go bananas uh and we met some nice people oh do you know uh i don't want to say her name uh people figured out i'm staying at the red roof inn yeah they did because after I'd tell a story about smashing that fucking smoke detector I said yeah now I'm at a shittier place

and then you were always surprised how did you know where I was well you just said it on stage you dumb dick I didn't say the name of the place I said it was a one exit down and it's a dump but it's the closest place to go bananas, which is still a drive.

Couple people. Hey, so this gal that I met on the Twitter. Fuck, I can't really tell this story. It was a gal that I knew when a common enemy brought us together. Darth Vader? Anyway, she says, hey, you're at the Red Roof Inn?

Are you up on one of those stinky floors? The smoking, second story smoking. And she goes, I got Adderall and Xanax. I go, alright, I'll stay awake for a free Xanax. Here, come down and have a cocktail. Bingo's completely naked.

Should I put on clothes? No. And she came down. She's a sweetheart, but she's Brooklyn. And has this thing. It was like talking to fucking Dice Clay. And I think, I know you know that I'm talking about you. And I think I was a little top heavy with saying how unattractive your accent was.

Yeah, I had a foursome once. And I go, I can't imagine hearing your voice during any sexual encounter. And I think I beat her up a little too much. And thanks for the bar. She loved it. She left me a bar Xanax, and I was probably mean to her. But that's what you get

when you give people free drugs at three o'clock in the morning and a fucking red roof in. Back talk. Hey, Doug, if I could cut in real quick. We mentioned Jeff Tate earlier. His website is justanotherclown.com. I'd like to plug

some of his dates. In 2018 he'll be at Hyena's on January 24th in Dallas, Texas. The Secret Group in Houston on the 26th. And the 27th he'll be in Lafayette, Louisiana at the Worst Beer Garden.

So yeah, check out Jeff Tate. Yeah, in your time machine. Go back in time and see Jeff Tate. He has Appleton. Cliffy, they closed Appleton. What is it, Skyline Comedy? Jeff Tate, his dad died. He's trying to get fucking back into motivated and stuff

he had to move back to Cincinnati for fuck's sake I'm getting to the last night on Saturday this is where this fucking weekend got fun so it's a you've done five shows 7am flight Cincinnati is kind of like

Denver where the airport is in Kentucky. So it's a long fucking drive. We have a 7 a.m. flight, which means 4.30 fucking call an Uber and hope that it shows. I called Ubers that would say, all right, it's 11 minutes away.

And then five minutes later, 19 minutes away. Like, what the fuck? Because it's 11 minutes away. And then five minutes later, 19 minutes away. Like, what the fuck? Because it's out in the suburbs. So we're going to have to get up really early to get to this fucking flight. Were you near the airport anyway? No, no, as I'm saying. It's like Denver distance. It's maybe a half an hour with no traffic.

Yeah. And I'm off stage at midnight. And then I'm bartending. And then I got to get paid and all that shit. Got to do your tips. I got to do my side work. I had a four top, and they only gave me like 5% on a six.

There's a note on his time card. Yeah, we don't have your W-4, Mr. Stanhope. We need you. And a cover band between shows I'm outside smoking and you can hear the cover band because the bar

is right there cover band where? at Sneaky Pete's oh Bell and the Bear but I'm just outside the window I'm smoking out

the back door of Go Bananas beside the bar so I can hear them and they start my fucking favorite song Willin' by by little feet yeah really yeah that's one of my like old time favorite songs from when i met jackie trinka the other

guy that was a one-man piano guitar act that worked the same club was rv parks i don't know if you ever had him up in alaska burt was it burden parks rv parks but uh parks had a it was Was it Bird and Parks? RV Parks But Parks It was a duo after a while RV Parks hooked up with another dude And yeah they rocked it That's where I learned the song Willin Been from Tucson to Tucumcari To Hatchipeda

So when I went back over to Bartend as it's clearing out a little bit I begged him to play it one more time because I only heard the beginning and then I had to go do my show. And I'm like, yeah, sure. One guy says, and the other guy said,

we're playing the same song again. But they did. They did, because fucking someone probably said, the only reason there's people in here is because it's his crowd from after the show. It's like a cover band

with that much integrity. It was just one guy. You think I'm repeating another song? They were great. Look at this guy. Who is this guy? I'm picturing him there pouting, not participating, while the rest of the band plays this song without him.

They try to get me up and actually sing it. I go, it's my favorite song, but I don't know the fucking lyrics right away. Once you sing them, I sing along with them. But I ain't that fucking good, even with a bad voice, to even remember. But I went up on stage, and I thanked them for doing it. And then it was a swimmingly fine evening. And then somebody gave Bingo acid. Gave bingo acid.

Now we have about three, three and a half hours between getting back to the red roof and getting on the plane, packing her shit, which, oh, my God, can she make a fucking disaster immediately? What? No, I'm saying she travels with 30 cases of Vienna sausages for her fucking diet. Everything is everywhere. Are you dealing in Vienna sausages? This is personal consumption, I assure you. Are you saying?

Intent to distribute Vienna sausages. You never had to take me out to eat once. You never had to take me out. I was taking care of you. But I did have to try to get you to pack while you're on acid. Okay, that was hard. That was hard. You got me there. Yeah, how did you

go to the front desk and go, do you have a garden rake? I'm shithoused. Yeah. But I'm fucking in control. I'm up. I'm going to be up all night. I'm going to be up for the flight and then the ass just starts working more oh i see a guy in the you know coming down the hallway the outside balcony hallway he's like hey just came from your show and i uh he's going to

get ice i go you know where the ice is he goes no i'm going to find it i go i'll make you a drink if you get me ice too and And I give him my ice bucket. So he came back in for one drink. And in the meantime, while I'm waiting for bingo to get better, bingo is getting worse, way worse. And at some point I like,

you got to pack. And I, I think you managed to pack before you went tits up and bingo at some point, just laid down. And it was just like rock island where she went catatonic and she's laughing to herself but ignoring me like bingo we gotta get we're 30 minutes from fucking leaving and she's and then she falls onto the floor does it header number one forward or back backward oh that's i don't know that's the bad bad place yeah you might have gone forward it wasn't cement it was carpet well by the time i dumped an ice bucket over her fucking head

like you're gonna fucking wake up because i love bananas i love sneaky peets but where you stay is so depressing there's three things is bob evans gas station highway and red roof in and it's so fucking depressing i'm not getting fucking stuck here bingo get the fuck up and all the sense you talk to her when she's in that state. Was she responding to things you'd say? Giggling. Okay, all right. Giggling and then sometimes talking in tongues to herself. Prohibituating.

Yeah, but no, you were saying actual words, but you were talking to yourself. Shooting salad, we called it in Tampa. And at one point, I dumped a now melted, mostly melted ice bucket in her face. I'm not getting fucking stuck here. You fucking have to wake up.

And what I didn't know, the part of the ice that wasn't melted had turned into a fucking ice rock snowball. Oh, no. And it thumped her in the cheek and drew blood. She started bleeding.

I go, oh, man, maybe that was too far. But it didn't wake her up. Let me tell you something. I am not a rookie. Don't have drugs on you on tour. Do drugs. Don't have drugs on you on tour. Do drugs, don't have drugs on you on tour. So I gobbled them up

and it backfired a little bit. You got to a place, I even called Tate. Because Tate was there for that Hey, can you get me some ice? And a band-aid. At this point it's like four in the morning and uh like if i could have someone

lift her maybe she'll snap out of it i am not getting buckets stuck here elevation you think would fix things tate was there when we had to do the evac from the denny's in Rock Island when she went catatonic off her meds. And we had to have Erickson and Tate and you in the van and drag her out of a Denny's corner booth. That's different though. Because she was not reacting then. But no, she wasn't reacting this time. Just because it was acid induced.

But you said she was responding to you. No, she was responding to herself. She was giggling. Same way she was at that Denny's years ago. She thought that we were all made up inventions in her mind. Is that what happened, Bingo? Well, I got to be honest. I don't have recollection of this.

All right, so we'll have to go with Doug. And then I snapped out of it. I remember being just straight as an arrow, just coming straight out of it yeah well this was after i had conceded defeat now oh i got her outside the door she took another header on the cement path outside and i went all right we're not gonna fuck with more headers so i got her back inside where she took a header into the wall. That was header number three. That's when I called Delta going,

listen, my wife has food poisoning. True. You're eating acid for dinner. What you're doing is you're establishing a timeline so when you get there and you missed your flight, you go, I called earlier.

Stephanie said to mention her name. Food point. You could do that. That's smart because you do that in advance so that it doesn't look like you're bullshitting when you're at the counter. Meanwhile, he also called the red roof. Do you guys have a kitchenette? I might be here for a little while. Well, we had already gotten bumped up to first for the short leg

from Cincinnati to Minneapolis. That's an hour. That's not even an hour, right? It's an hour and a half. Yeah, maybe an hour. Small. Up and down. But at least you get first class going in.

Free drinks. Free drinks. And the Sky Club in Cincinnati opens at 5, and they have a smoking area right across the way. Let's get there fucking early. I'll have some cocktails, some cigarettes. No, can't do it. But they did get us on a later flight at 2.30 in the afternoon.

Coach, shitty seats. Does that fuck up your uh your plane change in minneapolis oh yeah we had to go through atlanta oh they don't have a smoking area in minneapolis they do in atlanta so i went from smoking in cincinnati nice time at christ i did acid. Thank Christ. The roundabout booking. But I hadn't slept since the night before. I've been up since 10 in the morning. Now I'm going to have to be awake. We get Cincinnati, fine. Fly to Atlanta. Hence, Alex Airport. fine fly uh to atlanta hence alex airport our pilot friend we were there a four-hour layover

so yeah we we get to know everybody again at the delta sky club at e gates e terminal is the international terminal smoking so smoking full food court arby's sushi everything bingo is asleep most of the time oh fuck that was funny bingo it's a huge sky club and at one point bingo is just sleeping across two chairs and no one else is in that area and a lady came over with a fucking baby sits like right next to Bingo like of all the places you could fucking sit at 5

o'clock at night you pick this sleeping lady with your fucking screaming baby but they had massage so I got us both a massage inside the sky club they have a massage yeah sweet like a spa spa yeah uh valentina who you guys know from the podcast valentina gives me so much shit nobody knows you because no one ever recognizes me i go yeah now fucking occasionally one time i got recognized at pet smart she goes that's one time i've known you for like eight months it's one time i go no so i'm not suited up if i'm suited up everybody fucking recognized me

at this guy club to the point where a just confirmed, lady, that they're still talking about us at the fucking... Everyone. My massage therapist going, oh my God! God damn it! I know who you are! And it's another black guy. Would black people

fucking know you and like you? It's the best day in the world. A lady came up to me with my book with her pen holding the middle page open i'm reading your book right now so i kept taking pictures with all these people including the people that i go did you see that fucking lady yeah they put a baby right next to bingo sleeping. And we were talking too loud, but the lady noticed we were shitting on her. And I didn't care. So I just kept tweeting pictures of all these fucking people.

See, someone's reading my fucking book right now, unnamed lady. That's her name. Unnamed lady is Valentina. And then we go to get on the flight. In Atlanta. To Tucson. Did anyone get a massage? Yeah.

I got chair massages. I got mine from Diamond, which is perfect because I am Diamond Medallion. And Diamond. Yeah, it was fucking great. Just chair massage. I don't think we ever told the story of when we were coming back through canada and we had a layover and doug talked talked me into like let's get some chair massages so i lay down and that thing where like you kind of like leaning forward you got your face in the thing and and doug's next to me and then i'm getting like massage i'm

feeling and it starts getting harder and harder doug had quietly gotten up and told the lady to back off and then he started just grinding into me and i'm like my face is like mashing into this thing and i'm like when do i say when at this point i'm starting to like whelp a little bit i had no fucking idea I wish I remembered that with you when we were in Vegas we got massages while we were

at the bar right there oh yeah Luxor and she was on her own she was so brutal I swear she was trying to see was digging. She was so brutal. I swear she was trying to see which one of us would tap. It was just, I was like eye contact with Stan the whole time.

I'm not going to fucking, I'm not, just say when it's like, oh no. And she was up and like getting into it like a wrestler off the top rope, you know? Because I thought like, what's going on here? Because I walked into that not knowing that, like, I thought there was a thing. I didn't know what was going on because it was at the poker, the video poker, so you got the circle around your face so you could keep playing.

I'm pretty sure that's why the casino didn't object to it. Yeah, but she was up in it. Oh, oh, oh. So, bingo. No, I forget this part where b're bingo after being completely catatonic. Once I change all this shit and I change us to, now we're in fucking shitty seats. We could have had first class, at least with the first leg.

You motherfucker. We're going to be stuck in blue ash fucking Ohio in a drizzly fucking 46 degrees Cincinnati suburb for another fucking day change all the flights bingo pops up hey what's going on you fucking fucked us you fucking fuck oh I was so fucking angry I had a little remorse for that fucking icy snowballing face that made her bleed a bit. I came to just straight as an arrow. I remember all that.

Almost in time to actually catch our original flight, and then I called Delta back. Oh, it's too late. You're fucked. It's just like that lady in Trains Plane. Those first class seats have already been given to some fine gold members.

Well, what happens is on the long flight from Atlanta back to Tucson where you get a meal, guess what happens again? Bingo gets bumped up. And I don't. No, I'm taking your fucking first class seat this time.

And she got bumped up in my seat. I had got bumped up to Economy Plus, which is right behind my first class seat in the back. So I can look back between the seats. And I said, I hope you get stuck between two big fat fucks. Well. Until I saw, she's a window seat, but the middle seat was the fattest fucking guy

that you can imagine. I couldn't even, he was in my seat. He was spilled into my seat. Yeah, I'm going to fucking write Delta a letter about this because you can't sell half a seat. Wait, Bingo, you were in first class. No. Oh, okay.

She got bumped up, but I said, no, we're switching seats. So she got my seat. I was going to say, because there wouldn't be a middle seat on a first class. It was economy. Economy plus... Economy,'t be a middle seat on a first class. It was economy. Economy plus. Economy, there's a bulkhead that separates first class.

It's more leg room, but not more girth room. Yeah. So we're texting back and forth. And she says, look behind you. And I look, and his elbow is almost at her far tit. This guy was like sumo wrestler. Oh, wow. Fat.

All I kept thinking was, I deserve this. I deserve this. I deserve this. Keep your mouth shut. I deserve this. And I go, I'm going to do the right thing and switch out with that guy. But give him the first class? Give him first class.

But I thought, not until I get my sandwich and my second cocktail. Because I get a nice corned beef sandwich, which wouldn't sound appetizing unless that's your choice versus chicken pasta. You shouldn't be feeding his addiction anyway. Yeah. You should take the knee of a lady because if there was an open seat they would have moved her somewhere because she's like pressed against the fucking window that's horrible i see if you're saying that like

sarcastically like you're fat no no no I'm saying when I get on the airplane, I make a conscious decision. I fucking fold my shoulders. He was doing all that. He was doing that. He was. He was doing that. He still spilled over? He can't reach his shoulders around his girth.

Oh, that's so. Like fucking massive. So you should have had to have two seats. My 600 pound life. Two seat fat fuck. Listen, this is the same thing as with the fucking carry-on luggage. Are you checking this? No, these are carry-on and it's way too fucking big.

It's not the gate agent. It's the fucking ticket agent. They should be the first line of defense on this. They look at a guy who can't even cross his arms because he's so huge. It should be like, all right, yeah, we need to figure this out now. They let it go all the way until they get on the plane, and then little bingo gets jammed into the corner. And it's the same with the baggage.

Those people at the ticketing, they look at that baggage, and they go, there's no way that's going to overhead. But they let them go by. And then the gate agent lets them go by. And then they're on the plane, and they're like slamming that thing in. It could all be fixed at the at the first interaction and that's it that's at the uh or they could just sell fat guy seats fat guy i was gonna say that fat like they look at that guy and go okay we've got a fat guy seat i have them in the fun house for football they have those

little bucket things that you can set your bag in and and if it fits, they have to have a chair. You have to sit in this. If you fucking spill over, you have to buy another thing, you fat motherfucker. I'm sorry. What are those alarms? Listen, those are not good alarms. I hope they take my suggestion. I'm glad they listened to our previous podcast where I fought the guy

who kept reclining his seat seat and Delta now has said, yeah, what kind of fucking asshole reclines their seat on a goddamn airplane? Everybody at once. It's like the wave. If you get everybody to do it,

then yes, it's negligible. You're the one who has to do it if you have a fucking issue with how long your legs are. You recline. Reclining doesn't help my leg room. The fucking seat in front of me smashing into my knees is what sucks.

Yeah, you shouldn't really have those knees. That's what I'm saying. Or be leaving the house. I'm in agreement with you. I eat my corned beef sandwich. And I told the flight attendant. Your first class. This is really. First class.

Corned beef sandwich. Did you leave half for the fat guy? I thought about it. He left the apple slices. Wait, didn't I offer Oh, that was the flight out. With the old de bingo. There was a choice of something no one wants or a sandwich. And so I'm in row three and the guy in row four,

well, we're out of sandwiches. It was like a plain salad with no dressing or something. Something awful. He goes, I just don't want anything. So I ate half and I offered him the second half and he said, no, I'm fine.

He said, I'm a fucking good person and I never finished my meal anyway. That flight. So I eat my fucking corned beef sandwich and I told the flight attendant,

as soon as I eat, get it to me as quick as you can because as soon as I eat, I'm going to switch out with that guy because that's so unfair to put that guy

in a middle seat where everyone has to fucking sit with his elbows. She goes, okay. And I ate my sandwich. And then I got up and I look back and both Bingo and that guy are head back. Oh, shit. Well, what else was I supposed to do? I had to try to pull myself up. It's not your fault.

Now, because he had to get the extended waist belt and probably all his shit's back there. It's more of an inconvenience to wake him up. And make him try to drag his fat ass past whoever was in the fucking... Wasn't that guy in the fucking aisle seat a dick? Didn't that flick him shit? I forget why he was a dick, but I didn't know that until the end. Well, he just kept standing there not letting us

out when the plane had stopped oh and then he does that guy's trying to get out and the fat guy is not just fat he's tall and fat he's like a fucking nba lineman fat nba lineman nba sorry nfl sorry Sorry, NFL. That is fat. Holy shit. And tall. And that guy gets up immediately, and he's hunched over, and the fucking cunt in the aisle, the weaselly little guy, drops down the overhead to get his bag. Right on the guy's head. Doesn't wait for the guy. So now this guy's hunched over as far as he can. And the guy wouldn't move from the aisle.

He was such a prick. Oh, what a dick. So I slept off the last couple hours of that flight, and I had a drink that was just a whiskey splash of Coke that by the time I woke up had melted. But I woke up because I must have knocked the tray with my knee and it splashed melted ice and a little bit of whiskey Coke on the floor next to my partner lady in the window seat.

And she's like, it's okay. And she's wiping off her purse and her legs and stuff. I see 17 minutes till arrival. And I went, oh, I'm so sorry. Can I help? And then I go, oh, wait and I went oh I'm so sorry can I help and then I go oh wait I got time for one more drink I go hey can I get another double whiskey splash of coke

and the lady brings it back and sets it down and I'm laying back and I didn't touch the table this time because it's still awake I just had my eyes a bit closed and the whole fucking thing fell again. Glass broke, smashed,

full fucking double whiskey Coke all over everybody's shit, or both her and I's shit. You were the fat guy. And by the time it took her to clean all of it up, too late for another drink. Everyone, we're landing. Please fasten your seatbelt, motherfucker.

We made it home, though. Well, we made it to the hotel and then slept till we got home. Big announcement coming up soon can't talk about it yet till brian hennigan tells me i can talk about it but yes here's a big announcement that'll never happen i got a an offer for a new year's eve gig in like the worst place ever that I'd never heard of. But yeah, in a very shitty state, in a part of a state. Where in Iowa? No, no.

It's Alabama. Oh, okay. For New Year's Eve, where when I looked at the deal, I went, I haven't worked in New Year's Eve since maybe 2002. It's horrible. It's the worst. And then I saw the money and I went, looks like that streak's over, huh, Hannigan? Is it a club or a private party? Casino.

Oof. Those are always fun. Yeah. No, it would be terrible. No, no. It would be fun because then you would get your work out of the way, but then all of us could have New Year's in a casino. Oh, it would have been fun for all of you because they offered fucking all these airfares

and fucking ground transportation to the nearest airport which is hours away and and uh then uh hennigan went as i suspected the deal is off the table evidently he said he talked to his boss and someone there must have google because you know no one wants to spend fucking new year's eve and fucking buttfuck alabama listening to me fucking drone on about how the world sucks happy new year yeah but the uh the big announcement covers that and more well uh let's address uh merch because i saw that coming up on twitter while you were away this oh definitely natty big yeah that's chaley will not be with me on these uh may dates uh but i will be available to sign your books and your cds and your mugs and your glasses and your gi joe

doug stanhope lunch boxes and all this shit that Chaley sells. So buy the shit from DougStanhope.com and just have it. I'll hang out and sign your shit afterwards. You bring Sharpies? You bring Sharpies, right? No, you bring Sharpies too because sometimes I forget. Let's get it.

I got it. I did buy you a case of Sharpies. They're right down there to take with you when you head out. I'll remember. You're not going to be. Well, you'll be in Minneapolis. Bingo will be in Minneapolis.

But these fucking California dates, it's just going to be a lot of sitting on the 405 between games. But when I'm angry, I'm funnier. So it works out. It's good for business. I think that's a. That's a whiskey sour Tracy's making. 30 seconds, Tracy. I'm not doing it during the break.

Felipe said 30 seconds is the key. Fresh lemon juice and 30 seconds. So start shaking. One more thing while she's shaking for 30 seconds. If you're coming to Vegas, Vegas is going to be a clusterfuck I am going to be filming so that means I'll actually be working everybody

is coming to Vegas Chad is even coming Bingo's coming everybody's coming fucking Rogan is coming really yeah are you coming Chad? I just found out that I think I am you told me that when you said you found cheap rooms.

No, I said he wants to go. I said he wants to go. I couldn't get those cheap rooms because all the rooms are, like, it's Memorial Day weekend. It's fucking nuts. I will not be hanging out, especially Friday night. I do one show Friday, two Saturday. Yeah, after the taping is done, I'll be hanging out. But in the meantime,

it's not going to be like Go Bananas. I ain't going to be fucking Barton. Maybe the carving station, but... Yeah. The hardest part is going to be not drinking too much on Friday because we're taping all of them. And for continuity,

I can't be bloated out of my fucking head from stumbling back from a roulette wheel at 6 a.m. Saturday morning. So I'm going to have to hydrate do those things that are necessary for taping. I'm going to have to look the same the next day. I mean, you're not taping on the 24th.

Yeah, no, we're taping every show. Oh, fuck, I didn't know that. So we need to find a 24-hour dry cleaner. I'm saying, you're all going to be hanging out together. Everyone's going to be hanging out except me, but you're all friends. You'd rather hang out with fucking Bingo or

Chaley or Chad or... Gump can't come. He doesn't have an ID. There's a word that Andy Anders is coming out. I know the Brettsles are coming out. Oh, wow. Yeah. I hope they have fucking tickets.

Oh, they're not going to the show. Good. They're going to the buffet. I've seen the fucking show. They're going to the buffet good they're going to the fucking they're going to the buffet that you're serving them and please if you're coming to the taping just fucking pace yourself there was a kid and i don't know if you listen to the i'm glad you're bringing this up because you you approached it on twitter

this is this is important there was a kid at the early show, Friday or Saturday, at Go Bananas, and he said, I have tickets for the late show, but we're so fucking drunk that we think it wouldn't be right to go. And that kid probably doesn't even remember telling me that, but that is fucking everything I look for. I don't want to fuck up your show i'm too drunk to fucking stand up if you're like that in vegas someone will be there wanting your ticket i've had emails hey i already bought tickets uh plane tickets i'm already driving

there hopefully someone doesn't show up and i can get in so yeah if you're that fucked i don't i don't want you yelling shit out at the show because it's i'm taping and you're not going to make the edit that was a problem because a lot of these bits i've been working on for fucking two years so people just to show recognition would yell out a piece of the bit and like that that's not good that's not helping me i know what you're thinking is hey i heard this before well then you shouldn't have come don't come to two fucking shows until the special is out will you hear that bit on fucking Netflix or fucking Chumpster or wherever we put it out

Seesaw 2 Seesaw 2 the rebirth Seesaw so thanks I look forward to I'll see you in Vegas but I ain't gonna be fucking closing down the fucking night.

Punk rock bowling is a time. I've got a million emails from people that are going to be there for punk rock bowling. And they're like, now I got to decide. Do I really want to do punk rock bowling? You can do both. I looked at it because Tracy and I want to go to punk rock bowling. The Descendants are playing.

And Fear is playing. There's some great old punk rock. And is it downtown? Old Vegas? It's at some country club or something. But it's actually almost like a comedy festival. There's a bunch of different venues that are hosting things. So there's the festival grounds, but then they're also doing bowling alleys.

And they're doing little small club venues as well. So we're going to try and go to something, but yeah, that's, that's a big, that's a big weekend. That's why the hotels are so expensive.

I will see you there. And yeah, Sunday morning, you'll probably find me around a roulette wheel. Cause we don't, we're scheduled to leave Sunday night, but we have the room through Monday or Tuesday morning.

Maybe. Maybe we'll extend our vacation. Who fucking knows? It's Vegas. He says roulette, but he means little fake horses that run around in a circle. Little fake horses for you and me.

Bingo. Everyone was excited to have you back on the road. You took notes. Thank God, because I can't hear the fucking hard drive that Mikey gave me, but thank you, Mikey, for trying. Thank you, everyone.

Go bananas. I took good notes. That was fun. It was a blast. Chad Shank. Anything to plug? Do your Twitter channel. Twitch channel.

HD underscore Fatty. Subscribe with a free Amazon Prime subscription. Just go online on my Twitter. You can figure it out. Everybody that's going to do it has pretty much done it. I don't think I'm recruiting anybody new.

But, you know, the reminder is key because even when I, like, said, I tweeted, hey, I just remembered I needed to re-up my subscription, and then I get all these people going, hey, thanks, thanks, thanks. You need to keep reminding people to do that because it's no skin off their nose. It's already paid for. It's already paid for. So yeah, I appreciate all that.

Yeah, that's the only thing I got to say. Chaley and Tracy are working on projects. Tracy's recent one is making me delicious whiskey sours, which a lot of people at Sneaky Pete's slash The Bell and the Bear asked me to make them whiskey sours. And I would just point to a real bartender and say, problem customer, you deal with it. Just tell them blender's broken.

They'll buy it. They just want to order something from you, Doug. When I was working at Coots, playing in the band, I was getting so drunk that I decided that a way to drink less would be to give this big fucking fat bartender, call him Fat Matt. I go, hey, on the breaks, you go smoke cigarettes and I'll bartend. So I went and got my TAM license and everything so I could be behind the bar. And I would go, hey, we're going to take a break. And you come over there to the show bar and I'm serving drinks. As long as you want a beer or a shot, I'm your guy.

So I stole your idea. I would drink less by pouring the drinks. That's what I did between shows, yes. I'm not saying you're crazy. Working hard. That's the way to do it. You're saying I stole your bit, but you're doing it passive aggressively. You didn't know my bit.

I did it first. You didn't know my bit. It's smart. All right. That's a podcast. Stay tuned for a big announcement. It won't be on the next podcast. Get on the mailing list, because that's the first place it's going to go.

Yeah, dogstandup.com. Get on the mailing list. All right. Eventually, we're going to be coming back with new material. Wasted. Do you remember that? All right, we're done. Thank you. That's a project worth investing in. Do you do any stand-up comedy?

No. That's great. They laughed. Fucking 11.34. Fucking 4.30. All right. Keep going. Keep going. anyone no I'm going I'm going

I'm going back over to Sneaky Pete's that fucking new owner lady is the most fucking nurse ratchety like the hottest broken chick I've ever seen. She's fucking mean

and I think she's here. I just looked over there. She's here. I'll just stop right now. That's pretty much it. If you know me from the years, I always go to Stinky Feet and I bartend in between shows.

And I do that because A, it keeps me awake, it gives me an adrenaline buzz, and it stops me from having to talk to you for more than a drink interaction. It's good to see you too, William. Okay, I got the fucking thing. Boom.

Okay, I'm done with you. You sell merchandise? Oh, fuck. Look at the story. You know, I saw you in 1999. I don't want to hear the fucking story. Boom, over there, middle of the night, boom. And you fucking, and they tip well,

and she yelled at me twice last night for overpouring a maker's market, leaving a bottle of fucking vodka for one second on the counter. Don't leave that there. And the more mean she was, pouring a maker's market, leaving a bottle of fucking vodka for one second on the counter. Don't leave that there. And the more mean she was, the more I kind of fell in love with her. She's the fucking... Greatest, like, John Taffer

wouldn't miss that. John Taffer would go, why is she not friendly? You know why? Because you keep coming back hoping to make her smile every single time. Today I woke up, I go, I don't want to go back over there. I think I'm actually

bothering them. But no, I need to make her laugh at least once. That's why, you know how you work ladies, you know how you work with ladies? You know how you fuck with a guy? Oh yeah, he thinks I'm... Alright, now see

I went too long because I just saw you in the room when I was trying to fucking trash you. Molly! I just saw her walk out of the toilet. I'll tell her later. Yeah, I was just asking for you. No, I was just

looking for you earlier. No, remember when you ordered just two chicken fingers and I go, oh yeah, I used to do that. I just ordered one chicken finger because they're so fucking disgusting. But I need something to fucking swallow. You ordered two, but you left one behind and I wanted to thank you because I ate the other one.

I sought you out before this show. I tell you that. But there's only one person that can close this show, Molly. She opened for me in front of 3,000 people at the Apollo Hammersmith in London

with a joke. And now she's going to have to come up because she's back on the road. And you're going to close this. Did you see it coming? Did you see it coming? Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Don't forget to say thank you goodnight after. I just got a quick one. Okay, what did the O say to the Q? O! Dude, your dick's hanging out. Okay, what did the O say to the Q? I don't know. What? Dude, your dick's hanging out. Okay, good night.

Good night. I was standing back there thinking, I wonder who's supposed to go up there right now. I found out. How about that? Bingo, everybody! I found out. How about that?

Bingo, everybody, huh? And, uh... Oh, yeah, Doug. Doug, stay at home, huh? How about him? All right. Go, right... I just realized, by bringing Bingo up

against her will to close the show, I realized I missed out on my round of applause. Hey, thank you, good night. Go next door to the Bell and the Bear. They got a new bartender I think you want to meet. And thanks for coming. Oh, tomorrow night at...

Here, I always forget to say this. Tomorrow night at 8, I'm doing a podcast here with my brother. And it's at 8 o'clock. And I bet it's... I think it's free. I'm not getting paid for it, so it's probably free. Fuck, it should be. I don't know what I want to do. It's free. Right? I'm not getting paid for it, so it's probably free.

Fuck, it should be. I don't know what I'm going to do. It's free. So come back tomorrow if you're not busy. Right? What are you going to do? It's Sunday.

And, uh, what's that? It's called Altered Tates. Oh, I thought, I forgot to say it. I'm really bad at this part. All right, everyone. Have a great evening.

Doug Zeddoe, put the bell back. Come on. Thank you.