The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #318: Olivia Grace Starts To Actually Believe We Like Her

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

Doug and Olivia Grace take a break from their respective projects to discuss InCels, Thirst Traps, Murder Paranoia, Driving Panic Attacks & Joke Stripping. This episode has it all.Follow Olivia Grace - http://www.oliviaisfunny.com/, Twitter - @OliviaDoesBits and watch some of Olivia Grace's Roast Battle here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHdwU5hzeTw) (go to 1:30).Become a subscriber to the Doug Stanhope Podcast through our Patreon page (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast) - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast) to help keep this and future episodes coming. Any level of support helps and is much appreciated. If our monthly goal is met we will put out an extra podcast at the end of the month. This extra podcast will only be available to those who have donated for that month. Thanks in advance.  - https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcastFall 2019 Tour Dates are on the way so join the Doug Stanhope Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/Recorded June 14th, 2019 at the HomeStretch Foundation Compound in Tucson, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Olivia Grace (@OliviaDoesBits), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.This episode is sponsored by www.DougStanhope.com/store - Order one of the last VHS copies of “Popov Vodka presents Doug Stanhope in the Funhouse” at http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ (https://www.youtube.com/redirect?v=oIPRYcY_Xs8&redir_token=THAI8ouIQDtnov1_-Z9N9CsULH98MTU1OTM3MjkwMEAxNTU5Mjg2NTAw&event=video_description&q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dougstanhope.com%2Fstore%2F)LINKS -ATC's "Somethings Burning with Bert Kreischer" - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwHHCynYNuGw-gYX4RZ5AAsCNE2bvU2BvALTERCATION COMEDY FESTIVAL Sept 25-28, 2019 Austin, TX - https://altercationcomedyfestival.com/index/HomeStretch Foundation - https://www.homestretchfoundation.org/We like what they are doing over at http://www.FIRRP.org (http://www.firrp.org/) - Check it outSupport the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org (http://www.innocenceproject.org/)  Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. trap. Oh, okay. You should probably pick up your microphone. There you go. Oh, are you recording? Where are you at? Always recording. Always recording. Wait, were you recording what I just said? Of course. Wait, are you serious? No. No, no, no, no. I'm just getting levels.

Just relax, everyone. Don't panic. I got your back, lady. Okay. I think we're good. See, I just heard the... found out what an incel was. And then you were talking about the expression thirst trap.

Yes. Which refers to women who post suggestive... Anyone who posts... Suggestive pictures... A photograph or something suggestive pictures on social media with their cleavage or whatever. Or bulge. What did you just say?

Yeah, Anthony Weiner. What a thirst trap. So I would assume an incel, which is an involuntary celibate probably coined Yeah, yeah, they're like murderous and stuff i just read an article like the comic book guy on simpsons he's an incel yeah but these are people that are angry about it and you know going after women that are thirst traps uh

yeah that's what we're talking about Now we're starting a podcast Here at Homestretch Foundation In Tucson The sprawling estate And the heat of the summer I think it was 107 yesterday Catherine Bertine's dad told me Well, it was 96 in Bisbee

And it's usually Yeah, we're at 5,000 feet there So it's definitely hotter here. Great place. Yeah, I like it. It feels like a timeshare that spent no money on marketing. It's like a shitty timeshare, like the lights wouldn't be working. Like the place we stayed in Costa Rica.

Yeah, like 20 years. But this thing is beautifully landscaped and everything works but it's like they just well we're gonna fly in the neighborhood and we got some social media stuff we're gonna put out and well they tell that enjoy enjoy the breakfast you can have two the foundation puts up you know women cyclists that are you know struggling to make ends meet starving artists of cycling, but they're done for the summer. So that's why I'm up here working on a project.

We've probably been over this. And Olivia Grace is with us. Hey, that's me. And she's also in Tucson working on a project. All these projects. Everyone's doing a project. Even Bingo's doing a project right now. Is Bingo working on

can't say no no we can't say anything but uh yeah they're all everyone's having fun and uh we're not getting as much shit done as we should

but we're we're laying some uh some ground work yeah yeah I'm averaging like two days of not doing anything and one day of doing something. Which is way better than me.

Yeah. I've been here for two weeks. I got 17 pages, and I realized a lot of it. I'm being a bit redundant. Does that include doodles? That would be Bingo's project. But she's taking it real serious she's got a great project that actually a fan sent me some stuff and he had an idea which he glossed over and i go that's a great idea where he didn't in his own telling he missed the idea that he was telling me to do. And I go, ah, I'm doing the one that you're...

It involves Bert Kreischer on some level. But yeah, it's a perfect thing for Bingo to do. Is it eating? Or preparing food? Because he's got that thing with all things comedy. In the kitchen? Whatever. No, that's Henry.

No, no. He's got a, Henry's got a cooking show and Bert Kreischer, I think, has a cooking podcast. Yeah, something's burning. Yeah, something's burning. Yeah, that's what it is. It's good. He did one by the pool. I just remember hot dogs ended up in the pool.

I'm sure his wife's happy about that. There was a hot dog explosion i was just uh of of of the ladies that uh i know bingo and uh bertine and javelina like oh the other night i texted olivia saying hey how how you doing today you writing anything she goes no i think i have to hang it up for the day nothing and i go i'm the same place this is uh yeah the other night stanley cup uh game seven i go wednesday yeah so i go why don't we just uh why don't you just come over here and we'll get drunk and talk shit because i'm doing nothing either and we were up till seven in the fucking

morning we talked for 12 hours straight it was really fun i needed that though that was really fun so did i yeah i was in a really i was in kind of a dark place when you texted me because i wasn't getting anything done and i was like i think i'm just i guess yeah so was i files all day which is like doesn't help anything at all yeah and we needed to have a 12 hour talk we've never talked for you know except for in comedy situations where there's a million people there yeah well the first time i met you we talked like late into the morning because oh you are you and eric were stopping over going either east or west on a tour we were going east yeah and i remember you were up until all hours of the morning and eric was forced to drive

i think to albuquerque or el paso no you're going all the way to lubbock oh my god yeah yeah i knew it was somewhere far oh in the fun house i remember that yeah yeah yeah because it was like uh eric and i had to be in lubbock for a show next day the next day and he went to bed around one and then i was like i'll be right in there and then you and I were like, we should have a nightcap. And then at about like 4 in the morning, you were like, I don't think you're going to sleep. And then Eric woke up at 5, and he saw us talking. And we were both so drunk, we could barely stand up. And Eric was so mad that he was sober at 5 in the morning having to drive me while I sleep.

I'm not going to go down this path, but I remember what had to be. If it wasn't then, it has to be now. It was a me too conversation because I'm sure every female comic who has a male comic friend has to have this fucking discussion. And I remember that was mostly what we were talking about that night. I think that's how it started. Yeah, we definitely it was the theme of the night because i think it was right around the time the me too movement had started and like yeah eric's another comic yeah you guys toured and uh that was the first time you guys had come out and uh yeah i guess usually you guys split the driving yeah yeah just not to love it yeah yeah not to love it which was the hardest drive it was like 12 hours or something ridiculous like that but i don't know i think he

understood he i think he was he wasn't mad at me he was just mad that it was five in the morning you know what i mean like i i told her this morning i i never talk when I'm driving because I'm always fixated on, you know, someone running a red light. Crossing the double yellow. This was us that had this discussion, right? Nope. Maybe. It's possible. You're the only person

that I feel comfortable with you behind the wheel. That wasn't you? Wasn't that this morning? I have no idea. Where I'm not always... not always drive you anywhere no when i was driving i don't know maybe it was bertine on the phone or something i don't know but you said yeah you're the only person i don't have to watch their driving while they're driving like you're a backseat driver most of the time. Oh. Yeah, that was you. It had to be you. I haven't really talked to anybody. Okay.

Maybe it was. I was really out of it this morning. Yeah, and you asked me at breakfast, are you okay? Because this is how I would be if you had a problem. I go, no, in the morning I don't talk. Oh, okay. And especially behind the wheel

because I am always in a position where I think someone is about to drive into me. I'm hitting imaginary brakes in an Uber. I remember now. I do. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah.

I was just out of it today because I woke up and it was like the first time sober in 48 hours. So I was just overly self-aware. It was just that thing where I woke up and I just felt like everyone I've ever met hated me. And so I was just being weird all day. But I do the same thing. And I'm glad we had that conversation but but uh yeah I have that same paranoia but you have this paranoia about being murdered oh yeah I sure do I'm getting a lot better about it I think I wish there was a way the only only time I feel like we're missing, the listener is missing something for us not being on video

is when she has that smile on her face. Yeah. Because you stayed over here the first night I got here because we all went to that comedy show. Yeah. Was it the Amy Miller show or here because we all went to that comedy show. Yeah. Was it the Amy Miller show or was it Andy? No, it was Andy. And you were saying, yeah, I think you guys are going to murder me like Brendan Walsh in the desert.

And then when she came over for game seven night, which we didn't watch, it was just that night is how I remember it. She goes, yeah, I'm terrified of being murdered. Like when I was saying that to you guys, I said it like I was kidding, but I was just saying it to let some of the pressure off of thinking it. Yeah, I get really paranoid sometimes. I don't know why. Because I know it's not real,

but I still think about it in like a but what if kind of way. And it's like really the logic behind it is if i did get murdered i would feel really dumb i'd feel really dumb for walking right you called it you know but i called it told you yeah that's what it is i think it's just like it's just a really extreme version of feeling like people don't like you you know what i mean like like oh i yeah that's extreme yeah they don't like me so much that they want to murder me. Yeah, but I'm getting really good at not listening to it. Saying it. Yeah, or not.

I still say it sometimes, but yeah, I've gotten a lot better about it. Wow, I haven't seen one of these since 1981. Oh, the lighter leash? It's a lighter on a keychain. Yeah. Good. Yeah. oh the lighter it's a lighter on a key chain like yeah good yeah yeah i like sort of i don't believe it but it's still a concern sometimes you know what i mean where it's not like i'm sure people are gonna murder me it's just if they did that would be really bad you know most people think so yeah well it's the same as I fixate on someone in traffic.

Like, I'm a very conscious driver. I'm paranoid about being too close to someone's bumper because I know they might be an asshole like me or worse, a Chad Shank that's going to flip out or just someone inattentive and swerving into my lane. And I picture every car coming into my lane. Sam Morrison style? Yeah. Yeah. And there's no way I can avoid this. And so, yeah, it makes sense.

And now you have a million other paranoias too, but that's one. Well, when I first started driving, you got to a point where you couldn't drive anymore. And then I had to drive, which was job security. And you've made me more attentive because you are constantly – you're vigilant. No matter how hungover you are, you are in the front seat, vigilant. And only the last – Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

2017, I think it was the first time you actually fell asleep on the way to a gig and it was probably one of those 500 mile oh as a passenger as a passenger yeah yeah yeah because and then that's also when you freaked out going over the yeah i had a panic attack it was booze shakes shakes, but... While going over the Mississippi River. Oh, man. On a bridge that has... There's no breakdown lane. You can look down and see the water. It's like a steel mesh.

Oh, shit. It was freaky. Yeah. I have to usually drive in the number one lane in the center so he can't see over the edge. Okay. And then he was driving, and then I had to hold... I was asleep. No, I was editing, and I heard a commotion.

So I have my headphones in, and I'm editing in the front seat, and I'm hearing this commotion. What the fuck? I'm looking, and I see him shaking, and he's like – he's looking straight ahead. He's going, grab the wheel, grab the wheel, grab the wheel. And so I had to finally pull the headphones off. What the fuck?

And it's serious as fuck, right? And I grab the steering wheel wheel and then he just continues on and then we pull into a parking lot as soon as we get off the bridge and then I drove the rest of the way. Oh man, that's scary. I don't like bridges either. Like bridges are tall overpasses.

I get the same way. And then if someone's a passenger, they'll be like, oh, do you want me to drive over? And I'm like, no, I'll feel worse because now I, at least if I'm doing it, I'm in control of.

You're going to murder me. But I get physically incapacitated to stop. In a car full of people. There's four of us in the car. That's so scary. Yeah, I didn't drive for a while after that. Like months, unless it was around town. And I also stopped...

You didn't even go to Tucson. Drinking. I stopped drinking heavily. If I had to drive, I'd go, oh, I have to drive. This is a Xanax night. But yeah, I haven't had the booze shake since I've been up here. It's fucking calm up here. It's hot as fuck, and I love it.

I love sweating. Olivia, not so much. Youivia not so much you not so much about the heat i yeah but i'll take it over like cold weather though i'm talking about yeah my exercise regimen which has gone to shit since bertine went out of town yeah there's no peer pressure walking in the heat or doing anything. But I can tolerate it. You wouldn't even agree to the pool. Oh, yeah, that's right. Until the sun was going down.

Yeah, that's true. Do you tan? Are you a sunburn freak? I don't tan on purpose. But do you tan physically or do you just get sunburned like a ginger? No, I'll sunburn for a day and then it turns into a tan. Do you know your heritage yes because i know you're both you and chaley are both adopted yeah chaley said you guys had a conversation in vegas where like three of you all talked about being adopted and you all spent turns not trying to burst into tears about it. I think I was the first one out.

Yeah, yeah. It was pretty late. So drunk. Olivia and I were at the bar talking. It was probably 3 in the morning. Yeah. And two guys come up, and they're fans of the podcast, and they were at the show and everything.

And they were polite, and the one guy, I'm sorry I forgot your name. Jason and Lucas is what we've – Yeah, I think that's – Probably the name. Yeah. But Jason, he has an adopted kid, and he said that listening to any time that we've talked about me being adopted, my birth mom and stuff like that, it really – it helped him because it helped him understanding what his kid might be going through and stuff like that.

It was very interesting. And then that's when Olivia goes, hey, I was adopted. And then that's when we all got into talking about it. And it was. Yeah. Yeah. But you thought, what did you think he said initially when he came up to you? He had adopted.

I thought he was talking. Hey, I adopted too. And I thought he was talking about a dog. And I'm all hey good for you and chaley says well i'm a rescue so i know what it's like and we i think what happened was he didn't i didn't show any kind of expression yeah as as i as i did when i found out what he was talking about and i just kind of blew it off it's like oh yeah well yeah you know that's good those animals they need help and it's a kind heart they can do that

sir now let me talk to olivia and then she's looking at me like i'm fucking crazy and i'm like what and she's like i think he said like a kid adopted i had to go recant and go dude i'm so sorry what did you say again? Yeah. Yeah, because he said he had adopted a daughter, and you thought he said dog. Hey, come on, man. It's four in the morning or something. Yeah.

No, I think the sun had already come up. I think it was like six. How would you know in Vegas? Yeah, it was. Well, it's because only the four of us were there there. They'll clear out around four. What time are we at? Because I want to continue this conversation. But the cat, I have to teach her.

She's in the window crying. And I taught her the cat door. I was so fucking excited. You keep saying that, but the dog... The cat has never walked outside a door except the human door. Go around, idiot. Go around. Let me show you that.

He pointed at the cat and made a motion. Like, no, that's a window. Go to the left. Your other paw. Do you remember really, really late, early that morning, we had all had that vulnerable moment moment with that guy and we were all like having like a adopted moment and then that morning i you were already in your room with brett and tracy and i i was so drunk i thought it would be really funny to knock on the door

do you remember this no oh my god wait the between rooms yeah yeah when you were yeah because you were staying in a room next to us yeah i was staying in the room next to you and um and i heard you guys were still talking so i was like maybe this is good judgment and i knocked on the door and you opened it right away and you were like this better be important and i went your birth mom never loved you and i went into my room and i was like i i thought about it the next day and i was like that was not funny olivia like this i slammed the door and I turn around and I go, I'm going to murder her. Break? Yeah.

Cocktails. Cocktails. Cocktails. I love that Bisbee was voted the number one small historic town in America by the USA Today. I just hate the fact that they don't have books here. Or music. Or meatloaf. What the fuck are you talking about? There's a place called Bisbee Books and Music in the fucking convention center mall.

You fucking moronic shit-gibbon. How can anyone miss it? There are only like three places to go in Bisbee, and only two of them are worthwhile. There really are books? And music? What about meatloaf? It's next to a fucking restaurant called The Table,

which none of us like to go to, but I'm sure it sells meatloaf to all the fucking paps who come here looking for some sort of healing experience that isn't as expensive as fucking Sedona. Okay. So what you're telling me is we can get books. And music. And meatloaf. All in one stop shopping.

Yes, yes, yes. You can go there and get all that shite in the fucking convention center and then go back to the fucking Copper Queen and tell everyone you had a great time. And there's valet parking? No! What the fuck? Valet parking? It's not the fucking Ivy, you fucking turd monkey. No! There's no valet parking. You walk there like a normal human being, like Europeans, like pedestrians. So I bet there's no chance they have Doug Stanhope's digging up mother autographed at the Bisbee Books and Music.

Of course they fucking have it! He's the only local celebrity. Everyone else is fucking dead or dying. Well, there we have it. I guess tomorrow we're going to race right out to get books. Music. And meatloaf. Yeah, fucking do that.

Support local businesses, you ungrateful wretches. All right, we're back. back uh we're talking about your uh drunken adoption conversation in vegas when we did the the the filming a ways back and i i just wanted to mention on the drive home the hotel manager drove us home i don't know i don't think I've talked about this. The hotel manager from where? The Plaza. The Plaza Hotel. One Fremont Street. Or one Main Street.

One Main Street. In the Fremont District. Our old haunt. Again, I said it in the special, but it was the first time I've played a place that I had gone to as a customer for long before I even did stand-up comedy. When I moved to Vegas the first time, the plaza, and over the years, Becker and I would go to the plaza.

There's that fucking cat in the goddamn window. Same spot. I know. Don't know a door. So on the drive home, I said, well, they picked us in a in a limo they should be taking us out in a limo i'm not calling an uber so i called the front desk airport not yeah yeah to the airport to go home get out of there so to get in there they sent a limo and they go i'm so consumed with getting an uber i go no they brought us here in a limo. They'll take us out. So I called the front desk. Hey, can you have our car ready at one 30 or whatever it was? And they go, yeah,

no problem. And I went down and there was no car out there. So I asked the front door. I'm in line at the front desk and the manager knows who I am. And he comes over, is everything okay? And I go, well, we had a car scheduled. Well, they had put me like on the shuttle list and he goes i'll make this right sir this is great and so we're waiting outside for a while and i go watch this guy the man hotel front desk manager comes around in his own hyundai to drive us home because he's going to make this right for us and he did except he did have a plaza car he had a suburban or whatever but the the front desk manager drove us himself and i said yeah the and i was doing it calculated i said uh yeah the one thing i wish i had asked for is one of those old vintage uh prints of the plaza hotels that are in the room.

I thought about stealing one, but yeah, I thought that's probably not a good idea when you're staying in the place you love to play. Yeah, you probably shouldn't steal artwork off the wall. Not everything, yeah. He goes, I'll get you one. And I had forgotten about it. And yeah, a month later, shows up up jammed into a tube like he tore it

off one of the like you would have done yeah like he went but he had been talking about uh the fact that the first night we did one show friday two saturday to film and he said the i went to the first show friday and i saw a couple people with bibles in their hand and i thought that's weird those look like our bibles and he said he walked past the line on the second night half the people had bibles in their hands he's calling housekeeping going make sure there's bibles in every room Calling housekeeping, going, make sure there's Bibles in every room. They're stealing the Bibles. I had to explain to him our years-long grift of stealing and selling Bibles. I love that that guy gets it.

Well, I love the fact that he was more worried about people in a downtown casino in Vegas having Bibles when at some point all the water went out of the South Tower. I think you have your. But everyone had a Bible. Your priorities are skewed, sir. But that's what I love. Old Vegas. I love the plaza I it was one of the few times

I didn't lose shit loads of money there because I was sworn with fans like oh good yeah filming here yeah

fans everyone who says hey can I can I talk to you for a second yeah that gets me out of another

losing spin on roulette but it was very funny and it's yeah so yeah now we have uh the union plaza when we have the construction done will be somewhere hopefully in the backdrop of the podcast because yeah the plaza is great yeah and it gave you a place to cry about being adopted. Did you do like a 23andMe? No, I've met my whole birth family. How?

When I turned 18, my birth dad reached out to me and said he was going to be in Orange County when I was still living there, and I went out and I met him, and I met his son, my half-brother, and I still stay in touch with my half brother he's awesome i haven't talked to my birth dad in a long time and then uh tom goss and i at one point went out to salt lake city utah which is where my uh birth mom was living at the time but in a motel and on drugs and i stayed with her sister. I told Tom at the time. Wait, who was on drugs? You or birth mom? Birth mom, but I was also on a bunch of Adderall and Coke too. So I guess the both of us.

I told her last night. She said, yeah, I used to do Adderall and Coke. And I told her that line from my book where in Alaska, I was on acid and mushrooms. And that's like having a pie full of cake. There's that smile again. I love that line. That's so great.

After I read that in the book, I actually tried to make a pie into a cake. I call it a cake. Aw. It's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. What kind of cake? Well, I like white cake.

Like birthday cake. Yeah. Exactly. I'm not an animal. And then I did a cherry pie in the middle. So it was a white cake on the outside with a cherry pie in the middle. The problem is that you've got to get the thickness of the cake to be substantial enough and firm enough that when you set a pie on it, it doesn't just splurge it out and then get on top. Oh, I see.

So there was a little – it wasn't completely equal all the way around. It was delicious. That's amazing. Yeah. Wow. But with the white cake, obviously with the cherry, it goes really well together. That sounds great. A cake.

A cake. Yeah. I don't even like cherry, but I would try that. Sounds good. Well, it's sweet enough and it goes with the white cake. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. You could do yellow cake too, but I think you'd do more of a chocolate or something right yeah yeah or like a cream pie kind of situation

oh my god yeah pies are way uh way superior to cakes for celebrating anyway i think so oh fuck yeah okay peach pie a coconut peach pie we got a real pitch hitter. Sorry. It's a bingo song. Yeah. Sorry. I just wanted to try to get that fucking cat to use the cat door again. It was doing it. You saw it? Yeah. Well, we never saw it physically, but we saw the cat appear outside when there was no door

open. Yeah. Because there's an open window on the next level. Yeah. So you never did a 23andMe, but you met? Yes. Like when- They contacted you contacted you well my birth dad contacted me and then i eventually i think he got my number from my adoptive family all right um

that's a hard thing to process as the adoptive family family because that's my parents had a tough time with it did they really it's when the only one of the two times my dad has had cried in front of me was when they were explaining that she was getting in touch with us and we'd always celebrated our adoption day i think it was october 10th because that was the day that the adoption was finalized but that that was that time i can't remember the other time so i guess the only time I really remember. Were you adopted as a newborn? Yeah.

Wow, same. Yeah. Yeah. So it was like pre-planned, like while she was pregnant. Well, she was pregnant, and the way they did it back then, it was in the newspaper. He's a twin, too. Oh, that's right. And she didn't know she was having twins until like two weeks before she was due so the uh attorney called my parents and said hey uh we got a bit of a snag there's uh there's two in the oven

and my parents like they could they tried so for a couple years since they got married and they just couldn't they were just freaked out on having kids. And they said, oh, my God, we had to find two bassinets. And that was their whole thing, you know. And they never even considered, like, not going. Because the lawyer called to be like, so we can go with plan B or C. The two other gals that are, you know, they're still very pregnant and still need it. And they've just got one. So it just ended up that way.

And my brother didn't come home for a couple months because he was a blue baby. So then everything got kind of pushed back a little bit. Blue baby? Bill could corner around his neck. Oh my gosh. But I've always known my family was totally open about it at the time.

We just didn't know until I was 23 is when she contacted us. But before she sent us birthday cards on our 23rd birthday, she sent a pre-card to my parents going, look, I'm going to send them a card. Yeah, my parents didn't take it so well. Oh, really? Yeah. Why is that? It was well. Oh, really? Yeah. Freaked them out.

Why is that? They just got... It was a closed adoption, right? No. No? No. We always knew her name. Yeah.

There was no contact. Okay. Yeah. I think my parents just freaked out because, like anyone would, they'd be like, oh, what's going on? Now I don't have the control like is my are they my kids gonna leave me or it's just a freaky thing my mom worried about everything unnecessarily anyway but i understand that yeah yeah now were your parents do you think

at all jealous like oh she's gonna meet or you either one of you they're gonna meet their actual parents are they gonna love their real parents more than us do you think there's any sense of that probably on some level absolutely i think absolutely yeah my mom has always been really good about it though she always explained it to me and like uh as i got older it started to be more about like your birth mom is like in a bad place and you know she's you know it's hard for her to want to like not to want to talk to you but it's hard for her to contact you right now or write you letters anymore and like she always did a really good job of explaining it in a way where i didn't take it personally you know but uh and so she's always been really really good about that so but i do think i'm sure on some level there's some kind of like worry about like you know uh i'm sorry i i don't want to interrupt but who's out here

right now someone use the cat door percy yes good girl yeah the cat can get out if it needs to the cat whisperer doug's fucking chaley realizes because bertine left the cat stays in her house generally but since she's here and she doesn't know how to use the cat door until i show up. And they've never, they had a cat door, but they never took the fucking lid off it to try. That's a wall. That's a cat wall. But the cat has a litter box down where I stay, and you're the one who noticed.

The greats, the air intake for the entire house AC system has a cat box in front of it. Like you're trying to smoke people out of the house. Like you put the cat in through the cat door and you just wait out front. They'll be out. Oh, my God. Bertine is so passive aggressive. Like at one point she walked into where

I'm staying at Homestretch and I'm sleeping with an eye mask on, but I've left all the lights on downstairs, which is like 48 lights. I'm doing a bingo. You know what she does at the quiet house where there's like a million lights and she has them all on during the day.

Well, I'm doing that. And she only had to tell me once before I forgot again. So, I forget my point. Yeah. You went from cat box to eye mask. And you were saying you'd left all the lights on

and Catherine was trying to tell you not to do that. Oh, yeah. She said, yeah, it's weird you sleep with the lights on, but you wear an eye mask. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Turn off the fucking lights. Yeah. Why don't you just say that once?

Hey, turn off the fucking lights. I yell in the morning you noticed i smile after i yell so you want her to be less passive aggressive and more confrontational yes i'm trying to train her the same way she's training me to do exercise i'd be fucking nice to people i'm trying to tell her i don't notice unless you fucking yell at me and then smile afterwards yeah no well because i'm super i get like really scared when people are mad and you do this where you like spill something and you'll swear at it and then you'll immediately like giggle at yourself and

it's it's so nice because it's like an emotional roller coaster from like oh no dog's mad okay dog thinks it's funny that he's mad just just kidding, Bertine. No one's spilling anything. No, that was just a joke. But I have left the lights on several times outside. We have a thing. Fucking it's going to get bug season. I'm here for the summer. I thought I would work on this project for June to see realistically if I can have it done

before we're on the road in September. Like the month of June would be your attempt at gauging how long the entire project is going to take. Right. Okay. And right now I'm fucked. Yeah. I have to find a stride. I have to find a rhythm. Yeah. I have a bunch of notes that I took beforehand, but they don't come into play when you're in action. There's some billy ball going on here. So, yeah, I'll be up here for the whole summer. I mean, I have to come down to Bisbee.

Unless you just keep coming up here. Chaley came up and he brought all my mail and my boxes and well i came up because i'm getting that plaza thing the plaza thing uh the that he yeah that he deframed you're reframing it's like it's like a an art thief went in and cut out the mona lisa i mean there's a little damage on the corners but i mean we can yeah but that gets i got a place behind i got a place out here we can take care of that and then eventually so fucking good thank you plaza so much and you know what while you're out there listening on a forklift behind the wheel still drunk from the night before yeah make sure you uh find the uh twitter account for the plaza which i think is

it'll be in the show notes all right it'll be in yeah i remember what it is thank him for having me because i think we can do this regularly where uh we can at least do doug stanhope and friends where i can host a show with Olivia Grace and Andy Andrist or Kristen Becker or Brett Erickson and Brendan Walsh and a million fucking people. We can just do this regularly and have fun in fucking Vegas. I don't think they'd complain. Can I say this, though?

Well, you can say it because you edited it out. Is it bad for him to say in the showroom at the plaza, gratuity is included? They don't point it out to you. It is included in your bill at the end when you run a tab in the showroom. Yeah, but that shouldn't stop my fan base from over tipping because my fan base base i'm just saying when i have when i throw down money i go hey i want to pay cash on the tip and then i'll go oh

gratuity is included but that would be fine if you wanted they just oh yeah just chuck dough this is important to know about a lot of places always and i forget this most of the time tip cash just put zero on if you're paying with a credit card put zero and tip cash because a lot of the time that staff is either splitting that gratuity or not getting it at all. Like room service, especially. Yeah, fucking tip cash. Write zero in the tip and then fucking tip cash. Well, even when I found out on the third, after the third show, and I mean, I tipped over $70 on a $200 tab.

Do you know why? You know why? Because Chaley actually watched the shows. Three shows I watched. He wasn't working. I mean, he's always working. Well, we did kick that one guy out. Oh, I was at the last show. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that dude was really howling at you.

I mean, yeah. Do you want to talk about this? No, I was going to let her talk about it. Yeah, no. That guy was just wooing at everything you said. And I watched you and Hennigan go over and say something to him. And then he did it again. And you guys just calmly walked over there and then calmly walked him out. And it was really kind of a badass thing to watch.

It was really cool. Well, I mean, did I say it? I was exactly right. Yeah. Except I didn't know he was being disruptive to that point. I was there and I heard him say, whoop, like two times, like offbeat, not like helping, right?

And I went over there and I did, I don't know if this is what you're supposed to do, but I did a thing where I put my finger up and I said, that's it. So that everyone around can see that I'm telling him you've been warned. And then I walk away. No, when I walked up, the gal husband's wife situation or something, she turns around and goes, do we have to go? Right then I should have just said yes, because she has been in this situation so many times that she automatically knows

and she looks at me as an authority figure immediately and I go, listen, this is it. This is one warning. Please, just keep it down. I didn't realize everyone around that table were like lining up to beat the shit out of that guy. And I went right back up and I go, it's just a matter of time.

And then you went through another joke and then asshole. And he raised his hands up in his seat. Oh, hang on. Important phone call. Probably bingo. It is bingo. It is bingo.

For this project, I'm listening to years old podcasts. And Bingo calls regularly on the podcast. And I would hear my phone ring on the podcast, and I'd race for my phone. And I'm like, oh, no, that's on the podcast. And then I'm like, it's bingo calling during the middle of a podcast right after i told her hey we're gonna be podcasting so don't call she forgets in a minute so it's it's so weird to hear bingo before the brain injury oh uh

on the podcast yeah you know uh yeah. Yeah, there is a difference. And it's not just the voice, because her vocal cords get fucked up during the intubation, during the life flight. It's just, eh. But anyway, I don't want to get too deep into the book. I mean, the project. Don't even, fuck it, it doesn't matter.

They sent the wrong form so i so the guy almost immediately just inappropriate yells out asshole and i don't even know how that you know so i just walk over there and then hennigan's with me at that time and we walk over there and i go hey can i talk to you for a second outside i just want to talk to you real quick and i look down and he's wearing a cunt cancer reshirt research shirt uh cunt cancer awareness cunt cancer awareness and i'm like oh man of course god i was just a fan from so far long ago and i go hey come out real quick just i'll have you right back in the showroom i just want to come out real quick and i realized that all i have to do is get him out that door him and his gal out the door and just shut the door put my foot on it and then they just

they'll deal with him out there everyone knows what's going on but i go out there and i start to say like uh listen the reason and she turns around and goes see you've done it again she goes are we under arrest and remember i am dressed with my short little tie my purple hair standing straight up a checked jacket some ridiculous outfit me in this fucking laurel and hardy-esque outfit and on this yellow button hennigan is trying he's standing next to me pursing his lips trying not to laugh and she goes you look

we I understand exactly she ran I didn't say a fucking word and I go have a good night you can't come back

in the showroom she said everything and then we turn back in and Hennegan goes Jaylee I need to get a picture of you right now because

I can't believe anyone thinks you are a cop. Do you remember the last special? No place like home. Some guy was so happy to get thrown out of that show, too, that you guys threw out. And I didn't see any of that show. The only time I saw any part of that show was when I was dealing with someone like that or running through the room.

And again, it was someone I didn't notice because you're in your head. He was so shit-faced. Like drinking in the afternoon going, can't wait for Santa and drinking Jameson. That's how drunk he was. Because to get in the Royale, out the front there is like eight steps it took three of us to help him down the steps and then it's like now what now he's on a street with traffic yeah some of his friends came out and helped him out but yeah he was fucking shit-faced on that one and that wasn't like please please keep that in mind because we do have September dates that are starting to trickle out.

Hopefully we can get the fucking Emerald Theater to answer their goddamn phone. Is it still open? It's Michigan. Yeah, but they're doing just the special event kind of shit. They're not open on a regular basis. And they did agree to this, but then that's the only place i can you know i want to work there that's a proper theater yeah but it's proper for our size it's like 600 seats or 800 seats but they have bars on every level yeah so yeah they got back to hennigan and i had to tweet

it hey fucking killer termites get on the fucking emerald theater uh because yeah the last place we played it's fine for a rock and roll venue but it was all standing and you can't it's not good for comedy for uh and i i'm not shitting on the venue it's not good for comedy the token lounge yeah it's a great venue great people not good for comedy i The Token Lounge. Yeah. It's a great venue, great people, not good for comedy. I'm not shitting on the venue. It's a rock and roll club. Yeah. No one's dancing to comedy.

Slam dancing, probably, is what they usually... No one's crowd surfing or... It's a stand-up show. It's not... It's unconfident. Well, this is the thing. We've talked about this in the past when you when it's a stand-up show doug is very hyper aware that you are uncomfortable which makes him uncomfortable so then it's hurry up and get the set done just just blow out of

there yeah and so that that room had standing room only the last time you played the token yeah yeah oh so it was like they had no seats or anything like that yeah but it's a dance floor so if you're short you can't see the show and if you can't see comedy it ain't that funny yeah yeah and people don't want to stand and watch it i mean like what kind of things you look for what would i want i was going to fatigue sets in hey i was going to go to you because you've just done some touring of rock and roll clubs yeah tell me some bad ones i should i should have prepped you for this i think the one of the worst ones just say the city first maybe we'll guess the i i doubt it i doubt it it was uh um right outside of doubt like like outside Dallas, Fort Worth, somewhere like in between or on the outside. It was a strip club and it was enormous.

Like it was like a barn and. Jeez, it was bad. It was so bad. They were doing like comedian stripper, comedian stripper. Oh my God. And yeah, it was really awful. This was the 1940s? It was a hostile audience.

And it was an all black strip club. And like Eric and I had played it and we were debating whether or not it even qualified as an urban room because it wasn't a comedy venue. So it was like there was no way to really reach them because they were just confused by the whole ordeal, you know. And and it was just it was just a weird place. Like they had a kitchen in the strip club, but it was just like a it just was like a wall. And then behind the wall, they just had a dirty grill and then just like a shut it down a shelf of industrial salt and a loaf of bread and that was their kitchen that's kind of like what i have set up downstairs i had to take you to safe way to go what can you eat rotisserie chicken

and uh and i knew i watched all the comics go up and i knew the only way to get there because i had to do a half hour i knew the only way to get their attention was to strip. I knew that I had to do that. And so I went into it, and when I got on stage, I made a bet with the audience. I was like, I want to challenge you guys to something. Because I wanted to, I didn't even want to kill. I just wanted their attention and their respect. So I said, every time a joke...

Do you know what a bad precedent you're setting right now for young female comics? I want their respect, so I took off my clothes. But I set it up in a way where I had control over the situation. Where instead, I didn't want to pander to them, so I said, every time a joke bombs I'll take off an article of clothing that's not pandering that's

setting yourself up for failure but I had their attention the whole time which is what I wanted and so every time I bombed every time a joke bombed I would take off an article of clothing and then she's dressed like the Michelin man several layers Every time I bombed, every time a joke bombed, I would take off an article of clothing. She's dressed like the Michelin Man.

Several layers. But I got them a couple of times, and by the time I got down to my bra, the owner had gone over to- You own a bra? You haven't worn it since I've been around. I thought those were divining rods. I'm going to look look I actually do you wanna wait do you wanna wait for her to look up

divining rod no she was laughing I want I want that that laugh to stay I have a quiet laugh it's not good

for podcasting not a good precedent I will say I had bras but they're expensive and my expensive bras got stolen out of my car but that's another story before I forget

right now I have to you dumped social media and I won't go into all the details but you hated all your twitter account and my jokes are dumb and then you tried to dump them and then into all the details, but you hated all your Twitter account and my jokes are dumb and then you tried to dump them

and then you could only dump 3,000 and there was 200 more, but that goes back to the beginning of your Twitter account and you found one that was horrific. I found a racist, bad joke. It was not just a racist joke. It was a bad racist joke. It was like a racist, like bad, like joke. It was like, it was not just like a racist joke. It was like a bad racist joke.

It was really, I was horrified by it. So I deleted my entire Twitter. And at that point I had already like deleted Facebook and Instagram. So I was like, oh, I might as well delete all of my Twitter too. Cause I panicked. I was like, oh, I thought it was deleting all my tweets, but it just deleted most of them and then bumped up. But you are a very well respected

comedian even rogan when i talked to him randomly the other day saying oh olivia i remember when she was like 16 and she'd come to clubs and yeah she's fucking great and then hennigan says it's amazing how few twitter followers she has yeah I think she switched accounts and then you told me the whole story so so please follow Olivia Grace

because she will be on the road with me one day headlining I'll be opening for her at this rate hopefully fingers crossed

yeah so it's at at Olivia does bits yeah and I gotta change that too

it's just a stupid Twitter handle. No, you don't change it now. Oh, okay. Olivia Does Bits. You're stuck with it until you... Yeah. No underscores or anything.

Just straight through. Just Olivia Does Bits. Olivia Does Bits. Yeah. Straight. Okay. Thanks. Yeah, you guys really helped me

build this. And what about Facebook? Facebook? Facebook? I have Facebook. Which is? Olivia Grace. Alright, Olivia Grace. Yeah. Because more people use that.

I just don't like it. Yeah. People have bigger dicks there with less seems like there's less I don't know. It's still very relevant. We do our marketing for the stand-up store merch on Facebook,

and it works. I mean, I'd be the first to say, like, if I didn't like it for whatever reason, because I don't go on Facebook. But Tracy does all the marketing for that, and it works really well. Yeah. Hennigan, like, Instagram I know is a huge thing, but I've got gotta figure that shit out on the next tour I'll be Instagramming

and if you don't want to but and then I'll just do like we do with Twitter I'll just Instagram something and you can re-insta it I don't know what the fucking kids are calling it but I want to finish the strip club story if I can yeah so you had a dinner there

a salt sandwich a salt sandwich salt sandwich so grilled so intense grilled i'm the yeah and um and i i i'd gotten down to my bra which i the one i used to have and uh and uh the and then eric started giving me the light and i i looked at him and i was like what do you give me the light for and uh so i got off stage in my bra, put my shirt back on. And Eric was like, we got to go. Because there were these huge dudes that were like, who's her boyfriend? Mind if we dance with your dates?

Yeah, totally. And they thought Eric was my boyfriend. And Eric was starting to get freaked out. And apparently what had happened was the owner went over to Eric and was like, hey, it's a liability thing if she shows her nipples here. And you have to stop her. The police would never fuck with a black glove. Are your nipples not registered? Is that what it is?

They have to take some kind of a fingerprint? I don't know what it is. I think the strippers, like, signed something. Well, if she's on stage, her nipples are pointing out witnesses down below i promise not to lactate on stage yeah and the two the two guys who uh you know they were coming over to like say something to us um because i mean i had probably made them into a more horny more frustrated crowd and uh and eric was like i want to leave now and then the two the two big dudes tapped me on the shoulder and i turned around and one of them was like we thought you were fine we

just wanted to see your titties and that was like probably one of the best after a show compliments ever because i mean i had bombed for 30 minutes straight but by my own design you know didn't you tell them don't laugh and you'll eventually see my nipples yeah exactly yeah but it was nice to hear it from the crowd it was nice to hear that they were enjoying fan mail is always yeah yeah so that was a fun i just felt better about it because i i knew if i had done it the other way where i was like every time you guys laugh i'll take off my clothes i wouldn't have felt good about that story you didn't oh yeah i see no no i I get it now because if they laughed and you told them, don't laugh and I'll take off clothes, then you earned that laugh.

And they laughed a couple times. Yeah, yeah. I was up there for 30 minutes and I only took off, I think, like three articles of clothing. Oh, right on. Yeah. Did a tampon count? It's like when you're a kid. There's an ace in the hole.

When you're a kid playing strip poker. Wait. No, one sock should count. A bracelet. My watch. My swatch. I don't know if this is racist or not, but I even did the...

Have you guys seen that clip of Bernie Mac on Def Jam? No. The one where everybody before him had bombed. And he made friends with the DJ before. And he says, every time I hit a punchline, I'm going to go hit it. And then you play a song and I'm going to dance. And I did like this self-deprecating version of that where I went over to the DJ and I was like, every time a joke bombs, I'm going to say hit it like I'm defeated. And then you put on the loudest music you can and then I'll strip.

And that's how I got their attention and their respect I don't know if that's kind of racist but follow me on twitter at olivia does bits olivia I've told you this when you thought you were going to get murdered here you went down the brendan walsh hole of, you guys just brought me here to kill me. I'll tell you that story another time. Listeners probably already know it. But you kind of trust us now, and you are honestly one of the funniest people. And you're fucking 23 years old. You've been doing this since you were...

16. 16. Rogan said, yeah, she's like 17 years old. You've been doing this since you were... 16. 16. Rogan said, yeah, she's like 17 years old when I met her. Yeah. Yeah, I was just hanging out at the improv, and he was really sweet. Which improv? The one in...

Brea. Brea, yeah. I used to just... They would let me hang out on the weekends if I helped them hand out tickets for their weekly shows. Yeah. And that's what I would do. I'd just sit there.

I know you told me where you grew up before but i grew up in fullerton which is right next to brea yeah i grew up in um i grew up in villa park oh really and i got arrested in fullerton yeah well that's what they do there well you're gonna tell the story yeah i got a dy in fullerton oh jeez yeah you don't do that anymore do you no no no after that i i was uh yeah i was in like a bad place and i was drinking a lot and i didn't care about anything and so yeah i got pulled over and i spent the night in in jail and um i was so drunk too i was like um man how does this story go hang on i think it was right there on baston cherry where the

fullerton police department it's like across from amherst park yeah it's like the old school like old area where like fullerton like grew up around that area yeah that little like downtown area what an honor to be incarcerated yeah yeah and i i had been drinking so much that night where were you drinking oh my god downtown fullerton All the bars? No, we had this thing in the Orange County comedy scene called the Orange County Comedy Awards that was kind of like a roast show where everybody who was in the scene

would get a trophy for what they were good at. I want to mention, if you look up Olivia Grace Roast Battle on YouTube, that's where she made her bones, where she's kind of known so please look that up at the end of this podcast we'll put a link we'll put a link in the show notes for the for this yeah yeah unless you're fucking on youtube or fucking splatter chat or whatever it's there too all right yeah olivia grace roast battle killer go ahead so it was

like the orange county comedy Awards party and I'd been drinking a bunch and I had my friend in the car and it was funny. He was my passenger and he'd won an award for best use of public transportation and we were driving back to Long Beach

and I was pulling onto the freeway and I saw the lights in my rear view mirror. And the guns. But I was pulling onto the freeway and I saw the lights in my rear view mirror. And the guns. But I was so drunk, I was like, I bet I can still get away with this. Oh, yeah. And the cop came over

and I rolled the window down a little bit and he went, license and registration, please. And I went, I don't answer questions. And then he went, I'm not fucking around. And I went, okay, sir. And I just handed him everything. I backed down immediately.

How old? I was 18. Oh, shit. Yeah. Olivia's lived a good life. 18. With that kind of fucking gumption. Yeah. life 18 with that kind of fucking gumption yeah olivia will uh be honest talking to mike oh sorry thanks yeah olivia will be with us for the uh maybe the entirety of the tour in september

i hope so i'd love to yeah kristen becker Becker. I made the joke, and then I went, that's a great idea of Doug Stanhope and his all-girl band, but we're going to have to work out the details. And right now, I'm in the middle of a project. Kristen Becker I want on at least part of the tour. So we'll figure it out. I love opening for you. Your fans are such a fun audience.

Well, we'll change that. They're fucking great. Kristen Becker is also at J.T. Havrisat's show in September along with Olivia Green. Yeah, I had to bail out of that. Brett Erickson, Andy Andrus, and Jeff Tate. Yeah, Olivia's there. That's September 27th

I think yeah when we put together this project versus the tour and where we want the tour I had to back out of

I felt really bad because JT offered us a fucking great deal for the punk altercation tour we need to do a live podcast or we're going to tape

a live podcast yeah which is going to tape a live podcast. Which is the first one we ever did. I hate to bail out of fucking JT Habersat. He's so fucking kind, but I had to. But Olivia Grace will be there. I'll be there. And if you follow

her, at Olivia Grace. Olivia does bits. If you follow her, at Olivia does bits. I have a couple more notes. Gump left. Our intern, who will be on an upcoming podcast, will take over his place. Well, a dead tree could take over Gump's place. No, his living space. His living space.

Yeah, well, he'll be on an upcoming podcast. Shut up. I love Gump. I walked Gump to Delta Counter at Tucson for his flight out to take care of his sick grandpa. And I tried to get him listed at 23 or 22, whatever he is, as an unaccompanied minor. So at his layover in Atlanta, someone would have to pick up this gangly kid that's obviously kind of an adult. Put him in a stroller. And he had a three-hour layover, so they'd have to sit with him.

And I didn't want to get that Delta agent in trouble. But I talked to him today. How's it going in Mississippi? And he closed the conversation. That was brief. I just wanted to check in on the kid. And he said, well, I got to go. I got to wash my feet before my sister gets here.

Fucking perfect. You fell right back into Mississippi. Gump, we love you mississippi gump we love you and miss you i love you and miss you uh chaley actually said tracy while you're out get champagne i have some news so what is it he said i'll tell you when you get here. I love you, Gump. Adderall, I wrote that down. I wrote down Robert, and I don't have any idea why I wrote down Robert. So, hey, Robert, I guess that's a shout out. Thanks, Robert.

The fuck did I write down Robert? I think Olivia said Indiana Boyfriend. Yeah, no, that's another podcast we we we skirted some issues okay good we're we're we're at time right loaded yeah yeah we just need to talk about patreon patreon yeah chaley i don't listen a lot and i don't listen a lot, and I don't like to learn new things, but Patreon is where you can just a fucking dollar. We have a billion downloads a week, and one of you is on Patreon. The numbers that I'm giving you are skewed. But, yeah, just fucking donate a dollar so I don't have to talk about i'm not gonna point out yeah we're gonna i only want to do yeah just fuck fuck that yeah if you downloaded this just do a patreon

thing donate a fucking dollar a podcast and then we don't have to do not even our first tier is just a dollar for the month that's 12 a year to subscribe that's a deal we're talking about and this we this is our we're in our seventh year right well six and a half years we've been doing this all right and honestly this is just a way for us to not have to rely on advertising like we have in the past. I mean, we've. And if there is advertising, you know, one of us, me, Chaley or Chad or even our guest is strong about it. But from the beginning, we've always said no to more things than we said yes, because they will throw anything at you to have you do it. And we we will not do that you've doug has said no to sponsors because he did a bit about that sponsor

years ago and it would be hypocritical to advertise them now i won't do i won't do a vodka sponsorship because i've told you all vodka is basically the same. I found this out from fucking liquor people that, yeah, whiskey. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, I'll do whiskey. So you're saying if you support the Patreon, you're supporting integrity. Oh, but we've had.

Oh, fucking Olivia. That looked good on a windbreaker. And it affects Chaley, too. That looked good on a windbreaker. And it affects Chaley, too. And you will understand, as a comic, you just get one fucking tweet. Oh, wait. And you know who you are, cocksucker.

One guy says, listen, I've bought shit that I didn't even need from your merchandise. So why would I have to pay for Patreon to get an exclusive content thing? Well, that means you don't have to buy shit you don't need from the merch page. You solved your own problem. This pays for Chaley to do this. If there's no Chaley, there is no podcast. I can't figure out how to do this shit chaley had to figure out how to get sonos in this quiet fucking house

so olivia and i can write without hearing each other chew by the way this is a big problem for me hearing my chewing when you're across the fucking table yeah yeah i need sonos chaley does everything we need chaley makes the backbone of this work and patreon yeah chuck in a couple bucks thank you yeah very good and if that doesn't work then well at the end of the month if we've if we hit our goal then we're going to do an extra podcast and the extra podcast only goes out to the people that have actually subscribed to Patreon

yeah and that guy that guy that set us off on this one fucking weird tweet makes us go fuck these people it's one guy but there's also a million people that don't fucking jump up on patreon for a dollar yeah so yeah for the amount of people that download and the amount of people that have actually

subscribed it's we're building let's say we're working towards that let me ask you a question we need to explain it and uh we'll put a donate button on the webpage. And if you just want to do a one-time donation separate from that, that's fine too. But anything you can contribute would be great. So go to patreon.com slash stanhopepodcast. Patreon is the useless merch of the future. We'll figure out another way to bilk money out of these cows marketing wise we should

we'll work on that but that's a good start there are no wrong answers Patreon or we'll murder you at Olivia does bits you almost did it again I paused yeah follow her cause Olivia does bits. You almost did it again. I paused.

Yes, I got it. Yeah, follow her, because honestly, one of the funniest comics ever. And you're just going to get better. Thanks. We had a long conversation until seven in the morning. Oh, that was so fun.

And I tell you, the diarrhea bits you have. Well, that's... And you sounded just like, again, at Brendan Walsh, where you thought we were going to murder you. And I go, if you start talking about this shit,

and then I read you some emails I get, at some point I'll get to this guy from michigan state prison i'm like fuck yeah i'm like we won't bother you anymore it's a long story yeah remind me on twitter i actually tweeted about this guy and i fucking love this guy so much and he's like our guy in uh the crazy guy pennsylvania killed his mother wilmington wilmington not wilmington it's uh west virginia william and mary williamsburg oh vodka soda burg vodka soda burg yes all right but uh yeah this guy's fucking a great writer uh yeah we take care of the fucking crazies as best we can until they go sideways on you and then you go all right if you threaten my family fuck you but otherwise yeah we take care of the crazies and i think we

all are one of those on some level or another olivia grace greg chaley from at homestretch foundation.org yeah but it's a homestretch is uh f dn or fnd i can't remember at anyway yeah homestretch oh i was talking about the website so they can just get all the information oh yeah just the homestretch foundation google it I was talking about the website so they can just get all the information. Oh, yeah. Just Homestretch Foundation. Google it. Figure it out. And any links you can get from the show pages.

Yeah. Do it. I love all of you wherever you are, in your car, on a horseback. Shout out to all our horseback listeners all of your cowboy fans driving a bus listening to this on a phone in a town

where you cannot be on a phone while you're driving we're thinking about you in a parking stall with a garden hose from your exhaust into the back window. I'm Art Bell. Waiting for Doug to sign off. And I'm assuming that that rabbit that just ran by

is a UFO. Click. Thank you.