The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #322: Doug Wants To Fight His Yoga Teacher

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

Doug introduces his not so run of the mill Yoga instructor Tanya to the podcast.Thanks to all of the listeners who have supported the podcast by becoming members through our Patreon page (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast) - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast). We have recorded a bonus podcast and that will only be available to Patreon subscribers each month. Any level of support helps and is much appreciated. This extra podcast will only be available to those who have donated for that month. Thanks in advance.  - https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcastFall 2019 Tour Dates are on the way so join the Doug Stanhope Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/Recorded July 5th, 2019 at the HomeStretch House in Tucson, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Olivia Grace (@OliviaDoesBits), Tanya Witman (@Tanyers12), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.This episode is sponsored by www.DougStanhope.com/store -  http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ (https://www.youtube.com/redirect?v=oIPRYcY_Xs8&redir_token=THAI8ouIQDtnov1_-Z9N9CsULH98MTU1OTM3MjkwMEAxNTU5Mjg2NTAw&event=video_description&q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dougstanhope.com%2Fstore%2F)LINKS -Tanya Witman's website - www.mantrassage.com (http://www.mantrassage.com/)The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz - https://www.miguelruiz.com/the-four-agreementsHomeStretch Foundation - https://www.homestretchfoundation.org/We like what they are doing over at http://www.FIRRP.org (http://www.firrp.org/) - Check it outSupport the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org (http://www.innocenceproject.org/)  Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. It feels very Christmasy here in the basement, like the family all came home. I thought it was just because you've been opening packages for the last hour. But we're sitting at a table like you would have Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner at. We're usually sitting in the fun house or we're in a line. And the light fixture over us is very medieval times. It's a little bit King Arthur in the round table. At least not round.

This is going to be fun. We have Tanya here. Do you want to give your last name? Because we want to promote you. Whitman is my last name. No H. I know. It's a rarity. It's special.

Googleable. Tanya, No H. Oh. I know. It's a rarity. That's special. It is. Googleable. Tanya Whitman, without an H, is my yoga swami, self-described swami of yoga guru. Nice. Potentate. Oh, are we? Czar. We're in that conversation already then. All right. Let's jump right in. Nice. Potentate. Oh, are we? Czar. We're in that conversation already then.

All right. Let's jump right in. Yeah. Well, we've been doing yoga upstairs with Bertine just here at the house because there's no fucking way I'm going to a class with a bunch of people. I don't know how much differently you work just here personally. It's pretty similar i would say because uh olivia grace is here chad shank is here greg chaley's here as well as uh our cling-ons

jenny and tracy and bingo uh but we were talking about yoga and how this irritating spirituality part of it that you don't fuck with, which I love. Nothing comes up. Don't find your place. Even massage therapists do that a lot. Go to wherever you want to be mentally. I want you to rub my fucking muscles. Try to guide you somewhere.

Yeah. Tanya's just cruel. See how that hurts? Tanya does shit that I swear she does only because she's the only one that can do it. Now get in this position. Now try to lift your foot. You can't, can you? I can. I do that.

Yeah, you're a ball buster. That's exactly what I do. The show off technique of teaching yoga. Pretty much. If I can do it, look at me. I'm not that big. I'm not that strong. Why the hell can't you? What's wrong with you? Come on.

Get with the program. You're pretty strong. You're ropey like the Terminator chick. Yeah. Simui. Simui. I like it. I like it too. Yeah, how obvious was it that I was gawking at you when

you showed up? I don't have a problem with that. I worked hard for these fuckers. You know, like years it's taken me to get this. That's exactly what I said. You don't work that hard and don't appreciate it when people ogle you for a second. You don't think I mind that? It's like chicks that get tit jobs. Yeah, you can squeeze them.

Go ahead. Spend all this money. Keep them to myself. For real, you know? I mean, I want to use it. Yeah. And that's fun, too. That's what the yoga's for.

I get to play with it. And I also do massage, so thank you for that. Yeah, we got a table set up. So I have those two to live up to. I have feel into your place and place into your feel which i do that shit sometimes every once in a while i do that all right you know you know your audience though you know that's right you don't do that shit sometimes i don't know you never know where someone can get to if you if you baby step it you know the slippery slope you never

know what you might be open to when you're in a really chill happy place hell yeah no i know what that's what scares me about like the spirituality shit that we were talking about is like that that whole like oh it just seems like such an easy way to like get inside somebody's head you know yeah absolutely and some people do that you know because part of it's true that's the whole fucking yeah about it absolutely you have to well not everybody who's touting that is part of it is true at least maybe not you know maybe not all the time all those like visualization stuff has never worked for me because i'm so anxious that like i can only picture it starts to go wrong you know like when you say like think about the ocean it's like it's dirty amen to that i know if it gets too if you get too close to it right

it stinks and it's like plastic island yeah living in maine i know when people are talking about they're like the beauty of the ocean and i'm like just thinking swamp fish face yeah yeah the whole time and i'm like seaweed and seagulls like coated yeah i always didn't even get in the water. I always feel in such good company when I hang out with Olivia. She's the only other person I know that could ruin her own happy place. It's true.

It's true. It's a practice though. Reaching for the happy place takes work, particularly if you're used to reaching for other places. Imagine taking a dump, a giant dump. Yes. Yeah, that's a happy place. That shit feels, amen.

No wiper. And then- Oh, when you want to dream, dream big. Well, what about a, what's the thing? Bidet? Yes. What about one of those? Oh, they're great.

I thought you meant a hand job. Yeah, that. You're moving your hands up and down. Not left-handed. Not left-handed. I can't do shit with this one come on before we digress too far i would like to know how uh stanhope is as a uh a yoga uh instructor did he plant you to answer that question i'm actually curious because no fucking joke he's like naturally built for yoga it's super annoying like he just sits down and his hips are automatically

more open than katherine or teens and i mean you know she's like super body connected and he just opens up and his legs just move out to the side and she's all like do you have any idea how much i fight for this what i've got and you just have that shit for free and so he's he's gifted honestly after his second baby his hips i could tell something actually said that i said my yeah my mother always told me i had childbearing hips it's true she goes really i go no that's a joke i want to say that the only reason i agreed to even do yoga here privately was Bertine said, uh, Oh yeah. The,

the yoga instructor, she, she said she'd come to the house and I'm like, no, she goes, she's a huge fan of yours. I go, okay.

Yeah. I definitely had a moment like when she's like, guess who I met. And I was like, no, really? I went to Bisbee. I wandered around.

I hoped maybe I'd run into him but it didn't happen i mean i also went to bisbee just to go to bisbee and i like bisbee but you know it wouldn't it wouldn't have made me unhappy but it doesn't it breaks down a wall where i don't let you know who i am so i don't have to watch no you don't have to watch how you talk and you know that yeah i mean hopefully any yoga person worth their salt would be open-minded enough to not be a dickhead i don't i don't glean open-minded from yoga people yoga people seem very left intolerant a lot yeah for sure a lot of them a lot of them it's annoying hell. You're a lesser human being because you can't do exactly what, you know. You can't blow yourself.

You can't put, you can do this. Why not, you piece of shit? Now, do bear in mind, like, that little tough guy thing I was being a few minutes ago. That's how I used to teach. It's not so much how I teach now. I'm definitely more of the please stop here kind, you know. The, like, work where you are. And I'm not kidding.

Like not even, it's not a less than. It's like work where you can handle the sensation enough that it doesn't drive you over the fucking edge. So you want to hang out right there, you know, right where you're like, shit. Safe word. Okay. I'm not going to use it yet, but I know it's there if i need it you know like that's where you want to be in yoga there was a yeah there was a couple times i had to quit on a pose like ow okay i can't hold myself up like this any longer it's been fun to watch the whole fitness

stanhope thing for a number of obvious reasons but the one for me is because uh i've known for a while stanhope is deceptively in shape it's no joke dude that you would think he's a goddamn natural doughy and uh near death based on there's still dough i mean that's come on no there's still dough i'm saying he's surprisingly you know uh stanhope could take his shirt off at the pool and you're like wait that's stanhope well you know that's yeah it's not good but it's well i didn't never i never put words i'm talking more about saying you're thinking bottom end of the the barrel you know and uh stanhope's not that no it wouldn't take a lot of work yeah it would take more work than i'm willing to put into it but it wouldn't take, I don't have to shed pounds.

You're more in shape than your peers. If you had peers, I would say, you know what I mean? You're more in shape than me and I'm 23. I said to her this morning, I go, my career is six years older than you.

Oh my God. You walk so thin. Now hold that downward dog hold it that means you could comfortably date his career wow like wouldn't that be nice people wouldn't stare difference is a good difference it's nice there's enough time for a little bit of maturity that but not so far away my career i'll leave you for a younger woman that's a good time to think about it. Yeah, I mean, that's all I want from you anyway, is your career. Just date the career. You were doing some kind of weird yoga,

Chad. I'm still doing it. What's your weird yoga? It's not weird yoga. It's like, I don't know, it may have been one of the first yogas that was based on ego, I think. It was kind of the opposite of yoga. It's like, uh, I don't know. It may have been one of the first yogas that was based on ego. I think it was kind of the opposite of yoga. It's a, it's like a wrestler that does it.

But he like, when he first started off, it was like, dude, yoga, like, I know exactly what you're doing. I knew this was going to come up.

Man's yoga. I knew. So let's namaste, more TNA. But now he's, but, but he's, he's evolved it so that it is a lot badass isn't it

it is a lot more like regular yoga now than i think he ever envisioned it being but it basically it it helps with your core strength you do things with your core and i even know what you're talking about about stretching and knowing where i've been doing someone where i have to lean over my hip and uh you know it hurts real bad you to quit, but it also feels fucking good. Like if a chick pulls your hair, it's the same type feeling where it hurts real bad, but you like it. And you know, you're not going to leave injured, you know, sore maybe, but not broken. Yeah. Well, that's the cool thing.

Your hair will still be there. This thing is, it's a really cool program. I actually, I got to talk to neighbor Dave because Neighbor Dave actually called me up and asked me about it. And he was supposed to start up with it. And we're supposed to keep each other accountable. But that's working about as well as me and Jack and Dino keeping each other accountable. But I've been doing it as regularly as I can. You can start off.

He has a whole program where you can start off. If you're too fat to get out of bed, he has a series that is called Bed Series where you do exercise in bed. And then once you graduate from those three bed programs, now you do it standing holding a chair. And he has a progression that goes all the way through. It's really fucking interesting. Wow, that's a niche market.

Yeah, but he's getting like doesn't the word niche mean small because i don't know it's a big market you guys are right i shouldn't have said anything no it's not just but not just that like people who got um people who got injured well oh okay people like for example veterans like did you guys see that super heartening veteran yoga video? The guy who kept jumping out of planes and got so broken. That's the same program. Is that that guy?

It's the same program. So, I mean, he couldn't do anything. And he did, I mean, kind of like yoga, basically, to get better. And he did. Just mobility-wise. Years. Well, to build up the strength to stand on his own two feet, to be able to walk, to be able to run, which he eventually could do. It was crazy.

Yeah, he was a big fat guy who used like crutches and couldn't. Thanks for using medical terms. Big fat guy. It's technical to engineering based. But yeah, so that's the one. It's the same one. It'll get you in the cockles if you watch that one. I don't have cockles, but I'm trying to build my cockles up.

Once you get to the chair. Why do people need you in that? I always thought just the same as a personal trainer i would like i just joined the bisbee gym and i'm gonna get uh sonia 20 bucks a class as a personal personal trainer i'm gonna say yeah 20 bucks tell me like one what i should do in an hour and i'll just do that every week and i'll hire you once like i've tried to just memorize stuff that doesn't hurt one right i know dude i can remember stuff so what i'm what i was asking do people go to you more like a personal trainer keeps them disciplined or just to keep learning new

shit yes because both yes yes i mean like i don't it's not really my job to keep people accountable, though I definitely welcome them when I know them after a while and that can be useful to them because then I know their stuff. You know, I'm like, oh, you're the one with the shoulder. Let's see what we can do with that shoulder today. And I'll design a whole class around like that person's shoulder. I really will. And I do it regularly.

Well, you did that for me and that's what she, she's got the posture thing too. That's what I do. Yeah. You know, so like I'll design a class around the thing. I thought you designed it for him and that's what she, she's got the posture thing too. That's what I do. Yeah. You know, so like I'll design a class around the thing. I thought you designed it for him smoking. Yeah, that too actually. I don't smoke anymore. No.

What? No. But then RE, the other piece is like I teach people to find parts of their bodies that they usually aren't aware that they have or that they can control so yeah you've done that a couple times already right yeah she's a you know how like poker players can uh yeah they flip a poker chip around between their fingers she could probably do that with her toes she's like just web your toes out like my toes this you can't move my toes my little one goes out.

She goes, yeah, it took years. It depends on what you can become singularly focused on. And that's my biggest problem is that once I become singularly focused on a thing, then I overanalyze it. And then I realize that it's a fucking piece of shit idea and I discard it. So I'm trying not to just overanalyze this stuff but the foot well i read a book called the wiggling of one ear oh yeah it's the same concept of you know the if you sit there and just singularly focus on one thing for a long period of time you will be able to uh accomplish it you know the human body is oh without. Practice. We get good at what we practice.

That's it. Totally. The why is the problem I have. I believe all that, but I don't know why. I've said that to Bertine where I go, I think you're as much of a... Yeah, I have to drink every day pretty much.

But she has to do like two hours of cruel exercise every day or she's not mentally right so true absolutely it's it's a different thing i don't know but for what i choose i choose to not be mentally right and then i don't have to do anything for any hours the third way it's the third way yeah i sometimes wonder what the payoff is. But since I've been doing this, all right, I feel great. But yeah, I have to do it again tomorrow. Don't question too many things.

I'm telling you, you're going to run right into the same problem. Next you'll be going to a doctor. Well, not necessarily. I don't know. See, for me, I analyze the fuck out of yoga poses, like to the crazy degree. You've experienced it, you know. Yoga poses. Once again, you're still singularly focused i'll ruin you right now if you want to talk about it i can expose you to why it's dumb well of course you can and you'd be totally right by the way

you'd be absolutely a million percent right and you'd get there in like two steps it wouldn't take you very many just so you know like for real. Nice. And I also know that when you're into it, like it doesn't matter how stupid it is. You just love it. How much time do you spend teaching? Ergo doing yoga. Like people do it an hour of, you know,

every what a week. Let me think. I don't know. So you're doing it. 15 to 15 to 18 hours a week i would guess about why do you have to do it when you're teaching it can't you just oh you don't no i do with you guys to make it easier so that you can see me while we're doing it um but generally they actually instruct us at my place to not do it with people to wander around the room to keep an eye on people to let

them know you're there you know yeah we we went to just be there just be there and you know ideally you correct first with words try not to touch them so that they can find the awareness inside their own body so i'm like bring your right foot back bring it back like it see where it is take it back further than it is like the place where it is move it back from there and then if after like the sixth time of that it doesn't happen then people are done i get it well no they just don't they don't know they think they're doing the thing they really do and and that's what yoga's for i get panicked when i get it wrong like oh shit she said right leg i've been doing the left leg when she said right leg and i'm gonna get yelled at in class this is the part that i try to focus on i am so fat and out of shape that any attempt is correct i don't care

i don't care how bad i fucked it up i showed up i did look i showed up you're an inspiration to everyone something at all that's all that matters every moment people are just using you. Look it. Look it. He's here. I said before, yeah, a benchmark. I may be a piece of shit, but I'm not your level. Now, bear in mind, I honestly don't mean what I just said. I just had to join in because it was a funny-ass joke. But I love it when I see people like Morgan. Well, you ruined it when you said that. I thought it was pretty funny too before that

I'm just saying like I have this kind of deal with myself that I'm really trying not to say things Eat the mic lady I'm really trying to say things that aren't are true like all the time for me That's what makes me appreciate

what you're doing is because like So if I step over the line I correct myself like I did just then because I did You don't ever step over the line There's no line here In myself Oh okay In, I correct myself like I did just then. Because I did. You don't ever step over the line. There is no line here.

In myself. Oh, okay. In myself. I felt myself cross it. I felt my stomach go, no, that's not cool. So I said it out loud. I corrected it. We're done.

We can move on. Or we can. I missed the whole thing. This is the part. I think she's going back to the part where you said, why do people need you when you can just teach them and they can do it? This is the part where the spiritual part is where people need you when you can just teach them and they can do it? This is the part where the spiritual part is where you have to rope

them in and sucker them. Fair enough. If it works, I mean, whatever works. There's a million ways to get there. I've been trying to make eye contact with Chaley, but do we have to break? No, we don't have to. We usually do a 20 minute.

I don't know how this whole Patreon thing has changed things. Thank you. The people that are Patreon in this fucking podcast. We appreciate you. And you know what? If you want dinner, go out and get it. I'm being subtle with that. Yeah.

You don't need dinner delivered right to your fucking door Patreon did you mean to say patreon.com slash stanhope podcast yes get in on any level $1, $5 or $25 and at the end of the month if you are a subscriber you will get an extra podcast

yeah and when you see me on the road and you go, hey, I'm a Patreon subscriber, I'll go, oh, that's so cool, and I'll hug you. But if I find out you're fucking lying, I'm going to take that hug back. I thought

you were going to go, hey, Shaley, what's Patreon? Are you doing whiskey sours? I will. Yay! Whiskey sours. For everybody except Stan Hope, who's on the wagon. No, no. I'm not during podcasts. I am not on the wagon.

Oh, I thought we were still lying. I had a strong run of, yeah, complete teetotaler. And it's not like I've given up on it. I've just, yeah, I got to put my toes back in the water here and again. But I've cut way back on everything. Yeah. No booze shakes. I remember most of yesterday.

Nice. Driving? You're kind of good at driving anyway. Oh, yeah. I had a period where I was afraid to drive outside of Bisbee. Yeah. Bridges and shit. Yeah. Getting vertigo.

Horrific. Hello. Oh, sorry. Just server. So this is what we're going to get into. You were talking while we were doing yoga the other day as though everyone knew it. But I had no idea.

Like people that are like yoga potentates, they get like cult followings. And you were talking about Bikram. Yep. He's a prick. And she said as soon as they start buying into their own bullshit, they try not to, but eventually they all start buying into their own

bullshit. Like, oh, wow, these are like cult guys. Who's the guy you brought up? The guy that killed all those people? Arthur Ray. Sweat Lodge guy? Sweat Lodge guy. I used to do security for that guy at some of his

Phoenix and Tucson events oh my yeah only because I thought it was a hell of a scam and I was going to ride his coattails it was a smoking scam but it didn't work out pushed it too hard, killed folks

what kind of bullshit are people actually buying into what is the what's the hook it's you know the hook is all kinds of things it depends on which thing it is you know like this um with the becrum guy i think it was just the purity of his method is pretty much what he was selling like just tell me that quote because you go yeah it was a piece of shit but he had this great quote like he has a number of great quotes but this one is defy god but not your knees which i love i'm like that is straight up wisdom there i'm not gonna shoot the messenger you know like that's true don't fuck with your

knees be nice anyway so that's so i think the purity of the method was what they were selling and that people really get something out of of that singular focus that you were talking about. They get something out of devoting themselves to one thing. Totally. And there's not one. Well, it depends on what you think. Pitching purity is not a good sign. Well, and so in that way, it's like you have to know if you're in something that you just be aware.

You watch yourself. That was the fifth agreement of the four agreements, right? It was like have healthy skepticism. And I appreciate that. Wait, the five what? The whole other thing. Oh, you guys didn't read that book like we did? What's the book?

It's a short book. Four Agreements? It's called The Four Agreements. Miguel. Don Miguel Ruiz. It's like a way of how to live your life if you want. And it's real easy. Like, don't take anything personally.

Be impeccable with your word. Always do your best and don't make assumptions. Like, nice, easy rules. Like, not so bad, really. And bring ice. Was that on there? No, that was the fourth and a half agreement. Because then the fifth and a half agreement.

Because then the fifth agreement came out later. I think it was like his son or somebody that wrote it. That basically was have healthy skepticism. That's like a way to live life. All five of those things. He knew a good scan when he saw one. And that's some spiritual stuff, though. You know what I mean? That's some spiritual way to live.

All right. So at what stage are you in ready to buy your own bullshit? Yeah, shit. zero to crazy i'm like i'm riding that line like a lot because i'm fighting with this like professor i have right now about what i know that i feel like i should be given credit for and i'm like tony you are on the edge of like buying your own bullshit right now be careful like don't talk about what you know you know like be careful with that so i'm always teetering on the edge of it. Always. Anybody who teaches anything, I think, is teetering on the edge of it.

How many students do you have on any given roster? The average class would be probably about 20 to 30 on average. Wow. Yeah. Do you wear a headset? Sorry, I just pictured you with a headset. At yoga festivals and stuff, I do. I taught on the rooftop at Westford Look recently.

I had a headset. It was badass. And the sunset, oh, it was gorgeous. It was really nice. So you've still never gone to the class? This whole thing is fascinating. Once she started talking about all these yoga gurus that get massive followings and start going on tilt like when you do a yoga festival is there like fuck that guy doesn't even know how to do

yoga that well it just sells bullshit like is there infighting is there not at the festivals no online because there's infighting everything online of course the harmony project has a fight online i'm sure you know no festivals are festivals they're time to celebrate stuff so that's mostly what people do i'm trying to find they're like let's play some yoga i'm trying to find the parallels with comedy where you like who's selling more tickets who's got bigger classes at a festival you're following bigger, bigger following, bigger name, more DVDs, like bigger movement. Do you have DVDs? Do I?

No. Goodness, no. Uh-uh. But, you know, it gets, I don't know, everybody's there. Some people, they're super big. Super, super big. Oh, we could get you a gimmick. I got so many gimmicks.

I got a lot of gimmicks. Yeah, but if you're're gonna talk to my fan base Which you could cause you're fucking funny I wanted to read some of the texts We were sending back and forth Torturing Bertine That was so funny I was like oh you wanna play? Alright I'll play

Let's play I'm in You know that I used to do MMA for 9 years That's my gimmick Oh did you do MMA? Hang on She did MMA for 9 years that's my kid oh did you do mma hang on hang on she did mma for nine years yeah that also while i taught yoga and oh fuck yoga so your ears still look good though it's yeah they're not all popped they got hit once or twice not too bad i never did like the thank god the no i mean i did like smoker fights you know i don't know what that means

smoker fight is something you'll do it like a gym to kind of test your skills in front of a bunch of people, but not to the point that you're at a casino selling tickets yet. Although there's usually tickets. Like an open mic. Yeah, kind of. Kind of. Except one that you know what's coming, kind of. Because you know who you're going to be paired up against and you get a chance to try out your stuff.

We just went and saw one of those. That was a thing we saw in Vegas. Those were all kids that were training. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was the same thing. That's a smoker. Why do they call it that? I don't know, but it's a cool name, isn't it?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm like, oh, I don't know how it relates, though. Yeah. I don't know. Party? Yeah. Parties are smokers.

Hand me my phone and my readers. So, why did you get into that. Party? Yeah. Parties are smokers. Hand me my phone and my readers. So, why did you get into that? MMA? Yeah. Because I was working at Canyon Ranch at the time as a massage therapist. And I noticed that my left side and my right side were dramatically different in terms of their strength. And so, a friend of mine had just started to take some boxing classes. I thought you were talking about your titties.

I was going to say that's kind of natural. I'm sure about the same. From what I can tell, at least now. and so a friend of mine had just started i thought you're talking about your titties i was gonna say that's kind of natural from what i can tell at least now um but uh but the um yeah my friend was taking boxing classes so she took me to this boxing class and it was downhill from there i mean i just love it absolutely love it it's like one of my favorite things kind of heartbroken that i'm not doing it a whole lot right now because i only have time for like and thing, you know, one kind of working out. So is that why you got out of it? Only it's I mean, it's coming back as soon as I'm done with school. You can only be singularly focused on one thing at a time.

Like next summer. You don't know how singularly focused you are. I don't. I don't either. Like after the school stuff is done next summer, I'm back. So back to fighting and then yoga. Training. Training to fight.

Not so much the fighting. I mean, the thing is, I use my hands for a living. I'm not about to. I've broken them. It sucks. I don't want to have them broken again. So I'm not going to like. I just want to know how to do it.

I want to be strong enough to do it. I want to be skilled enough to do it. You know. Hang on. Broke what? Sorry. I was trying to find those dumb text messages. But this is.

It's right there. Oh, geez. Yeah. i'm a foot and the other foot and a rib that was annoying i think i had like three fights in my life and one that knuckle is so much lower than the other smashing my knuckle in on dave cow's head at home i knocked him down motherfucker well yeah it's funny i've had so many fights and I've only broken things on other people. Isn't that interesting? Because he follows through. That's the deal. He puts his hips into it.

Look at the elbows. That's the Chad Shank move. It should be everybody's move. The sharpest thing on your body. Have you knocked someone out have i let me think trying to remember i've choked people out in yoga or mma i don't think i did i don't think i knocked anybody out no do you have a record there was i

mean there nobody really won or lost. I mean, the boxing stuff. Everyone gets a hug, chick fight? No, it's just the thing is that you spar, you get to the end, and you say, good job, everybody. You sparred. Way to go. And in general, people know. They know who won. All right.

So we're going to, A, promote your first actual fight, and we're going to start. Yeah. The killer termite yoga workout. Oh, that'd be funny. Fuck yeah. I'm on board. I'm a fan of yoga. I will say that.

We'll sell him a chair. We're kind of like JOI. Super fun. Nice. Yeah. What's JOI? I'm not to that point still. I'm out of shape.

I'm doing just regular build my core up yoga so that i can do actual yoga jay is jerk off instruction i noticed my my my back and my hips hurt if i don't do i told jenny earlier i was like i didn't do my yoga this morning and i can tell my back and my hips hurt that's the hook when you guys ask what the hook is what the scam, the scam is that it fucking makes you feel better. And now you're hooked, you asshole. You gotta wait until you're hooked. You're hooked on feeling better.

Sorry. That's exactly what I'm saying. Jerk off instruction. It's a new like- Sucks to feel better. Sorry you feel so good that you have to keep doing this thing that makes you feel good. Like, sorry? I love that though. But as a yoga thing. makes you feel good. Like, sorry? I love that, though.

But as a yoga thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Because I went on a walk with Doug last night, which I never do. I don't like walking at all. I don't like exercise. I hate it.

I've talked openly about this for a long time that I just refuse to add it into my life. We went on, like, we went on, it was a pretty mild hike. And I felt amazing all day today i like felt so it like changed me to my core i was like it does it changes you biologically like i've written papers on this for the school program you know like all this stuff is tied in together all the things but like it biologically changes you on so many levels yeah you know like physical act there's a journal there's an entire scientific journal called physical activity and mental health like a whole thing they've written so many articles on it it needed a journal of its own yeah it makes sense it makes perfect sense especially after trying

but now i get to how yoga instructors can get in people's heads it's like if they're physically making you feel better they can chalk it up to some fucking spiritual well first of all they don't all do that. They can certainly say that a fair amount of it is breath. Just breathing more deeply helps your body work better. Not everybody's all like, here come join the spirit world.

But let's get back to that. Yeah, let's. The fucking kooky join the spirit world. The ones that you you because you were name dropping that fucking motherfucker

there were a few yeah that you tell us about the ones that you've watched the ones that I've watched I mean the thing is

it's like it's like celebrities they have like nine lives like they sometimes keep coming back which is really interesting

like what's his name the Sri Rajneesh guy the Wild West that guy right yeah west what whatever west wild wild yeah that um and he came back as osho you know what i mean like he was persona non grata for a super super long time and then all of a sudden there's this osho guy that i start reading stuff by and i'm like oh show's got some really cool shit and it is cool shit like it's undeniably cool shit it's'm like oh show's got some really cool shit and it is cool

shit like it's undeniably cool shit it's not a fate it's like some truths about how to approach things in life and you're like that's a good way to approach things in life i agree with that and then you find out it's that crazy guy that like and i'm like so all right so then first of all good opinion you know take right right. Take the message. Listen to the friggin message. It doesn't mean you have to, like, follow every single thing they say. You just pick out the pearls where they. Yeah.

Louis C.K. is still fucking funny. He's fucking funny. I goddamn think he's hilarious. Yeah. Quote him all the time. You know, good. Like it or not. If people whatever.

But that's it. So that's one. And then John john friend founder of anasara yoga which that was just a few years ago and it was just after this huge profile that they did of him in i think it was the new york times like it was big like front page profile like superstar yogi walk me through like a wikipedia page of how someone goes from you to Bhagwan Sri Rajneesh. Yeah, sure. I mean, well, for one, you do your homework. Like you do the work.

You go, you study with someone and you stay there for years and years and years and you mean it. Do you study with anyone? I have a teacher that I work with a lot. I would call her my main teacher, but she's, but I think it's more of a selection of people, you know, well, she's the one that's taught me the most. She's the one that has influenced my teaching the most. So when you're taking classes with me, it's really easy to tell who my teacher was like really easy. But I also take influences from lots of other people and I take classes with lots of different kinds of teachers and not all of them are yoga classes.

And I'm, you know, in graduate school. so i'm keeping my perspectives kind of widening as best i can so that i don't get too fucking crazy you know it's uh this is what's fascinating to me is like trying to find the analogy with comedy coming from yoga's bullshit that was like i know nothing about it yeah just stretch on your own fucking yoga sit around with someone ringing bells and ding and let's fucking yapping at you burning something in your face yeah people get caught up though in the pedigrees oh yeah who is what and then like exactly what what olivia said is that there's a truthfulness somewhere in there about you feeling good, and then people manipulate it

because people are good at manipulating. Some people manipulate it to help other people, and some people manipulate it to help themselves. Which is what Tanya said that day. It's so sad that eventually, even the great ones, they start buying into their own bullshit. Or they die, which is nice.

Sometimes they die first. I'm just saying. To be fair they just start fucking all the people is what usually happens. Sometimes or money. Those are the ones that they don't like anymore are the ones that fucked everybody. Or they do some shit with someone's money or they do some shit with some drugs.

Those are usually the three that I've seen. Like somebody starts selling massive quantities of drugs somehow mdma oh shit yeah i guess yeah that's the ecstasy would be the uh yoga drug yeah now i'm now i'm committed to blowing myself but we but we will work too in a pinch you know definitely not alcohol you do not want to be doing yoga drunk that's not fun just fall down all the time that's all you do yeah that's fun but I mean like you know

the kind that hurts not the kind that's funny I can so see you being the fucking yoga teacher for the killer termites hell yeah we'll plug this at the end and we'll have it on the uh on the the website but yeah how do people find you um well i have my own website which is uh mantrasage.com because i also do music and i sing and i sing at the end of my yoga classes m-a-n-t-r-a m-a-N-T-R-A. M-A-N-T-R-A-S-S-A-G-E.

Like massage and mantra mixed together. Yep. Yeah, I was going to get a half and half next time. Half a yoga class and half a massage because I bought that stupid table. That's a fine idea. Why not? I've done that. I do that with people. Yeah, 50-50.

Kind of did that today. You do me, I'll do you kind of thing. Ow, ow, ow, and then ah, ah, ah. That sounds like I'm doing all the doing, actually. Nobody in the history of following Doug's channel has anybody thought that asking for a 50-50 would mean half a yoga class. Yeah, half an ass.

So, yeah, it's fun. I like doing it. And Olivia Grace, I said the only reason, in order to keep up the Bertine system of systematic torture of exercise, I had to indoctrinate my own sucker, like Huckleberry Finn painting the fence. All of these are a multi-level marketing scam, for sure. Yeah, you got in my head because you made it seem like, who's going to go on a walk with me?

A nice, mild walk. Bertine's not here. And I'm like, oh, if it'll help you work on your book, I'll go on a walk with you. And then you're just fucking sprinting up hills like an asshole. Showing off like a yoga teacher. Can't do this? Can't do this? Yeah, you made it seem like it was like a mild

like, oh, I just need to get my head right kind of walk and a mindful walk. Sucker. But then halfway through, as she's bitching, Bertine calls, and I put her on speakerphone. You guys are walking this up. I can't even catch my breath. It's the best thing ever.

She's like, and now I know why you keep doing this, because Bertine just gushes at anything you do. She cares a lot. I know. She seriously does. I know. And it affects the ego. Well, and also, like, you know, the heart inside, you know, the feely place, the one that feels good when other people feel good around us. Yeah, I don't.

That part. I don't want to think about inside Bertine. I don't know about Bertine, but... I think she has Barbie parts. I think of Doug pointing to his heart like the Grinch. There's something that's tickly. Why is it brown?

So what's your next step? Because you're still in school. I see, I know. How old are you? 44. Oh, yeah, that's right, because I guessed it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's usually your move to guess. Ages. He's good. He is good. He's carnival good. Yeah, right? Because you your move to guess. Ages. He's good. He is good. He's carnival good. Yeah, right? Because you've got to be.

Because people will throw you all the time with that stuff. But wait. Healthy skepticism. So you're, and you work in the mental health field, which. I am interning in the mental health field, yep. I'm working with grieving people at Casa de la Luz luz i'm doing bereavement counseling for my internship so that's happening wait wait what kind like people talk to me after they've lost someone but i mean i don't know if there's a focus on that i don't know if that's another niche i just

do with like car accidents or p. I work with the military. It's not a big business for me. Well, it's whatever approach seems to work best for the person. You kind of get to know them a little bit and see what they're already doing. Like I noticed one person was using her hands a whole lot when she would talk and she was moving constantly. And so when we were talking about things to help her feel better, I wanted to use some kind of technique that involved her physical body. You know, not just like a think of something.

It was, no, it was EFT tapping. Thank you very much. Oh, yes. I found that bullshit a long time ago. But it helps, dude. It helps. What are you going to do? Like, it helps.

It helps if you have a sinus problem. Yes, it does that too. What's EFT? What's that stand for? It's emotional freedom technique. And it's this tapping thing. It is, but dude, it works, whatever. It works just as well because of like-

Well, it works like placebos work. I'm not denying that. I mean, things will work if you're singularly focused. Do you know what the placebo effect actually is? It's like 35%. Yeah. It's not nothing. But it's still a scam.

It's not a fucking scam no innate ability to heal yourself that's the least scammy thing there could be on your forehead and your cheeks it's drawing your attention to something other than the bullshit that's going on in your head it's uh which is uh similar to cutting and because cutting has an actual therapeutic effect exactly look dude i'm not going to deny anything that has a therapeutic effect particularly if it stimulates whatever inside us is like the thing that helps us get better you know well jerking off has a therapeutic absolutely it doesn't nobody wants to build a religion around it well yeah i mean i kind of do.

We're open to the idea. Have you heard the term on it? Wait, hang on. I think you just dropped a mic on that motherfucker. Say that again. I said onanism is a thing. It was like the worst. She just revealed that she also found a different scam.

Hi, folklore major here. That's Tracy. Yep, she's on it. So, yeah. So, folklore major here. That's Tracy. Yep, she's on it. So, yeah. So, I'm in the middle of school. I'm doing my internship. I'm working with grieving people. I'm part of a research project at the University of Arizona that also has to do with my major, and I'm teaching, and I'm doing

massage, and... You're working with grieving people, and we're grieving for working people. Amen. Don't you feel sorry for those poor people? No shit. I remember being so angry when I used to work in offices. Did any of you guys ever work in an office?

Are you doing Brendan Walsh's act? So I did. No, I was working, and I was looking out of my window on the second floor, which I was psyched that I had a window, but I see this asshole walking down the street at 2 o'clock on a Tuesday. And I'm like, who the fuck are you? That you get to be outside on a fucking Tuesday afternoon at 2. Who the fuck are you? And I was so angry.

And I'm like, I think maybe I need to not have this kind of job anymore. This is not going to work for me. The same thing happened to me when I was young. And I discovered how to be a piece of shit right away. anymore this is not going to work for me the same thing happened to me when i was young and i've discovered how to be a piece of shit right away and now i just do whatever i want with no cares in the world becoming part of the problem like i was so stressed out when i was like there's a solution and i know there is and it hurt and then whenever i was like fuck it just be part of the problem like there's an ease in that isn't there that's a yoga in itself absolutely

that's like bare necessities baloo jungle book kind of yoga that's what that is i've pared down maslow's hierarchy relax so that i need a lot less that's my book idea it's my plan it's my treatment plan is maslow's hierarchy of needs. That's how I'm going to be working with people. I got some notes probably. I've perfected it down. So I've cut some of the fat. Does it at least have three points? I've cut some of the fat off of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

I don't use this word anymore. I've been trained. But you faggots listening to this, who would have guessed that Chad Shank and the yoga instructor would start dropping fucking Maslow bombs in the middle? You don't know me. You don't know me at all.

Clearly. It's the point of being manipulative if you can't make people see you for what you want them to think you are. Amen. Abraham Maslow. Cocktails. You should have made that a double.

That was brilliant. I am seriously. I want to pitch you. I heard doing killer termite yoga. That's not that's a working title. I want to pitch you. Hurt. Doing killer termite yoga. That's a working title. I'm on board. I've already said.

Yeah, I don't know how this works, but I can see because I was so against this, as were a lot of my fans on Twitter. Let's be honest. Bertine was a little, I said at some point to Bertine, I go, you're tweeting this exercise stuff. Like people that just got engaged and married, tweet their like couple hood less.

Like this looks like kind of creepy almost, but you know, she's just so excited. You know, she's just really happy. I know. And and she's like look at how amazing this is it's so awesome to watch well it's she cried when she caught me smoking a cigarette she cried no really yeah i'm like i mean we laughed oh yeah yeah oh oh she's such a circle of life. She's a sweetheart. And I'm not saying that I'm doing this for her, but I'm insinuating it. Well, I think that I think that you want to do it, but you know, you can't do it.

So you have somebody else that will be your willpower for you. And that's pretty nice to have that is helpful i'm gonna i don't know because i totally dig you but i'm also saying think you can't do it isn't the same thing as no you can't do it i'm saying i think you know you can do just about anything if you want to but the question is how bad do you want it that's the problem at what it's the desire right well i don't want to do it what do i have to give up in order to do that to become singularly focused means i have to give up all of the other things and i don't want to be that well in this case too it doesn't have to be singularly focused it can just be like more focused than it was like it's like that's what i'm working on it

can grow out in a bunch of different i. I don't do good with mediums. All or nothing is what my wife calls me. Well, let's say, though, you give a little bit of your attention to something, but you're giving all of the rest of your attention to something else, then you are 100%ing it. You just changed the proportions a little bit, but you're still giving everything you've got to living your life, right? What if you're doing yoga so you can more effectively choke people to death?

Is that counterintuitive? No. You're asking the right person. Yeah, seriously. right what if you're doing yoga so you can more effectively choke people to death is that no ask the right person yes seriously i'm betting the killer termites yoga instructor damn it i want to make sure she understands what she's up against oh yeah now i now i want to now i want to fight her mma i'll be her first professional fight I don't know if she would wolf your ass But she has to train me She's my trainer and my opponent And I really suck at grappling I can defend but

I wrestle like a motherfucker You'd watch me one time and you'd know It wouldn't take any I can defend myself but I'm We wouldn't do a match We wouldn't do a full on match I can wrestle like a motherfucker If I'm the same as I was when i was a little brother i i could fucking wrestle yeah i was

very scrappy i would be the first time a smoker was literal where san hope would be having an ashtray in his car wait do i smoke do i have to hold this or is there an ashtray in my corner i already did that i fought tanya hard Hardy with the ashtray and beer. He's got one smoker of beer. I saw. I saw because I watched that movie. Well, her movie. Oh, yeah.

Which I loved. And then I saw that at the end and I was like, that is just too weird of a coincidence. That is awesome. That's so awesome. But you saw what at the end? The eye, Tonya. It went through the end. It showed kind of what happened to her later about the boxing stuff and all that.

Oh, all right. Yeah, but not me. No, but I went and looked it up. Once I found out it was you, I looked it up. What's the story with you and Tanya Harding? On the man show, I fought Tanya Harding because she was going into a boxing phase. And the one thing, I got Andy Andrist as a writer, the same joe rogan got eddie bravo as a writer like all right they don't even know how to open a laptop they're just like you're you're yes men not yes

men but idea guys you get fucked up at the end of the night but his andy just kept pushing this you should fight tanya harding and somehow they made it happen oh my god and then she showed up she goes well i'm going to fight for real. You can't fight a man. That's the whole joke is I'm a lifelong smoker, alcoholic, never fucking lifted a weight in my life guy. And you're supposedly an athlete. Yeah. Yeah.

Trained. Jesus. And they were there. The writer's room was coaxing me to just fucking knock her out. Just beat her. But she was with her boyfriend who was also the referee. He was like a six foot seven black guy. Fucking wall of

wall of bricks. Still, she was so troubled and broken. Punching her in the face. Redundant. Redundant. was so troubled and broken punching her in the face redundant redundant she was the ugliest human being like internally that I've ever met

she held a production for a while she wouldn't come out of the didn't Renee have to go in there and talk her out my wife was her corner girl and my mother was my corner girl. And my mother would, because I had gloves, she'd give me

drags of cigarettes and beer in the corner. But like the fight was nothing. I hit her a little bit once and I said, are you okay? And she said, no. I'm like, fuck. Really? Like, I don't... Did you have gloves on yeah giant

gloves bare knuckle i'm just saying like so the rounds they it doesn't i'm like you're drawing the rounds out now and i you would relate hennigan said and hennigan's an athlete he said that boxing just one one minute round was the most excruciating workout he's ever had and this is a guy that it makes you want to die and i've thrown up after doing it at least at least once i remember that one for sure oh yeah tanya harding puked in the corner my wife held her hair like i've never puked from hard something that was just physically hard until that like i've thrown up for so many other reasons but not that i wrestled i wrestled when i was young i've thrown up at wrestling practice wrestling practice yeah well it is it's that sustained effort that

non-stop heart beating as hard as it possibly can and fuck with your metabolism shit. Did you ever think about throwing up just to look as hot as you do now, but all you have to do is puke? I thought about that a lot when I was a kid, but I wasn't very good at it, the puking, unfortunately. I tried. I tried. My mom, my God lover, she didn't mean to tell me how to throw up. She didn't mean to tell me how to throw up. She said something like, you know, at least you're not using one of those terrible tricks. Like it was something to do with dish detergent. I don't remember what it was.

But she said, at least you're not doing one of those terrible tricks like da-da-da-da-da, which I immediately then tried and understood. Maybe you were just saying a lot of bad words. I understood. Yeah, maybe. And it made me feel like throwing up, but I didn't throw up. So how annoying is that? Go through all that and then don't puke. Bubble weight. Gained all that bubble weight.

Bubble weight. What you're going to do tonight is you're going to get on fucking Twitter because I'm kind of committed to Twitter and I'm not going to learn Instagram. Hennigan runs it. But in the meantime, people are going to tweet me. Ideas, what's the title of her workout?

The yoga thing that we are going to do. For the Killer Termites. Yeah, for my fan fan base i hate that i think it should be called like uh something aggressive don't be a bitch something like that maybe not maybe maybe i'm off base i don't it's a type of yoga. It's a no bullshit fuck you yoga. Yeah. It's a J-O-I yoga. I kind of am digging where you're going. Yeah, it's dominatrix yoga.

It's a million things. A million things yoga. Bend over. Is it an exclamation point? I kind of like the no bullshit yoga. I could get behind that. Yeah. Definitely get behind that.

We'll have a lot of ideas coming in. What is his name? What's wrong with that? Jack and Dino. He'll email and tweet a million ideas. Jack and Dino alone. Okay. He'll come up with something catchy.

I can't even fucking write my project. Jack and Dino, if you're listening to this. Yeah, I think this is a podcast. Yep. I hope so. I had a good time. Yeah. I did.

And, you know, by the time this comes out, maybe. What's it? All right. Yeah, maybe by the time this comes out. Yeah. Go to the DougStanhope.com. I don't time this comes out. Yeah. Go to the Doug Stanhope dot com. I don't know how you get the fucking podcast. I've never understood how Chaley makes it all work, but he will have.

Whitman without an H. Tanya. Tanya. T.A. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. We were just talking about Tanya Hardy, but she's a ta tanya whitman

not to be confused with the h where they sit in a watchtower in austin texas and start picking off people with a fucking sniper rifle that's charles whitman or the candy also. Oh, yeah, the candy. We'll also have your website on there, manchasage.com, and that is called The Show Notes, Doug, which is on your main page, dougsanhope.com. I have a website? Yep. Woo, I'm on TV. I do want to say, this will be out in time,

Brett Erickson is going to defend his 10-0 roast battle record on Tuesday, July 16th at 1130 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. You can watch it streaming live on the Comedy Store Periscope. And he is going against Omid Singh. This is no tomato can like last battle, which was Mark the Shark.

Omid is so funny. And one more thing, the Patreon is patreon.com slash standhopodcast and our first one had already gone out and at the end of the month we patreon.com slash stanhope podcast. And our first one has already gone out. And at the end of the month, we'll do another one. Bonus podcast only for the subscribers to Patreon. So get on there. Watch me on Twitch, twitch.tv slash HD underscore fatty.

Or just go to my Twitter at HD fatty or Instagram at HD fatty. See how much happier we are? We're not having to do fucking ad copy and we will do ad copy, but now it's going to be because I asked them to sponsor. Yeah. No, just cause it, just cause you asked.

No, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna say names, but yeah, I'm not promoting shit. I don't like anymore. All right. I love you bye cocktails Thank you.