The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #398: "Preferred Customer" Nate Craig

Episode Date: June 24, 2020

The Doug Stanhope Podcast welcomes comedian Nate Craig on to discuss Suits, Comedy Ghost Town and Covid. And, his full hour special, "Preferred Customer".Want more Stanhope? Subscribe at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast to get an extra BONUS podcast for as little as a $1 a month. Plus, video, insider communication with the podcast and more.Recorded June 20th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Comedian Nate Craig (@hypeman), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Doug's new special, "The Dying of a Last Breed", is out now on Vimeo.com - https://vimeo.com/ondemand/thedyingofalastbreed. The AUDIO ONLY is available on Amazon at https://amzn.to/3d7MFjv .We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/.  When we know, we'll let you know.LINKS - Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Nate Craig's Full Hour Comedy Special, "PREFERRED CUSTOMER", can be viewed at ALLTHINGSCOMEDY.com - https://allthingscomedy.com/videos/nate-craig-preferred-customer .Check out Nate's podcast, "The Visitor's Locker Room" at https://soundcloud.com/natecraigSubscribe to Chad's Twitch Stream by using your FREE Amazon Prime membership option. Just go to Chad's twitter (@hdfatty) for a link and instructions. Thanks.Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Good night, everyone. Good night. Good night. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Welcome all my friends to this show that never ends. We're so glad you could attend. Come inside, come inside. I should have let you sing that.

Carnival number nine. Come inside, come inside. I should have let you sing that. Carnival number nine. Next upon the stool with a sight to make you drool. Seven virgins and a mule. Keep it cool, keep it cool. Oh, I didn't know all that.

I only knew the intro. It's great intro music. Walk on stage. Welcome all my friends to the show. The words are copyrighted as well as the music. Yeah, yeah. All Alright. Cancel us. That was, what do they call that? Lateral thought?

Parallel thought. I think it might mean the same thing. If you know big words. We just got done another Saturday night and I ain't got no body. We just got done another Saturday night, and I ain't got no body. We just got done another Saturday night watching a rough cut of Andy Andrus' upcoming special, which will be as late as mine. What? No names.

There's no names. Even the ones we were discussing, don't say it. We watched somebody's special. No, not the name of the special. The name of the special, we were discussing, don't say it. We watched somebody's special. No, not the name of the special. The name of the special, yeah. No, you can say Andy. Yeah. No, I'm sorry.

I just get the five-second delay from my producer for what – that was the whole point of watching that special first. Yeah. But I don't know what Paul has – like what rules he's given Andy. Prevenza. Prevenza. Yeah, he just gives us the link and the password and it's all – I don't know what Paul has – like what rules he's given Andy because Andy just – Prevenza. Yeah.

He just gives us the link and the password and it's all – none of it is like, hey, be sure they get this at the Funhouse. This is Andy's copy to watch. The word I was looking for was continuity because there is one continuity issue. But if you're focused on that it could be a drinking game no that see there's a in the book that evidently we're recording you just walked

by me and told me that news evidently two weeks after July 4th we're recording the audible book and then you just went away it's not going to take two weeks within that two weeks you mean within that two weeks what are you what are you trying to do i'm just i'm firing a few cylinders right away

no one's working in this town all of a sudden well i've got a job i used a big word in that book where i go all right and i wanted to like like i used a big word you know i only found through thesaurus.com because i used every other word i knew for it and i was i was gonna put that in like look for the word no then you're not gonna listen to the book you're just gonna be trying to find the word and that's why i don't want to point out the the graphic incongruity occasionally. Because I wouldn't have noticed if you didn't tell me. Well, that's why

I'm saying this now, months ahead of its release. Months? I don't know. I think it's a race between you and him to get it out to get mine on fucking Amazon

yeah I don't know I don't want to yell at fucking Hennigan I don't want to yell at anyone anymore what's wrong with you well is that a symptom of COVID no empathy and

patience but uh like all right hennigan just resubmit the fucking video version on another like i don't know how you do any of that but just resubmit it if they won't fucking answer you act like you're a different guy with a different special i don't know how amazon works like even the name like name? Package it differently? I thought maybe if I call Rogan, because he's fucking, he's got bully strength. No, he doesn't have Jeff Bezos fucking

Hey, Amazon, take care of my friend. Oh, we were kind of filling everyone's cabinets during the fucking pandemic. I'm sorry if we didn't get the video version of your friend's standup special up. Are you in a hurry to get canceled, Mr. Stanhope? We're going to get your special out soon.

Oh my God. Yeah. We have a Nate Craig coming up shortly, actually in minutes. Yeah. Nate Craig. He has a new special out. We'll talk to him about it in a minute. But yeah, iTunes I guess they all have audio.

No, it's on YouTube. What? No, no. Not Nate Craig. I was going back to where I was. I was just checking the time on Nate Craig in case you're drunk. Yeah. Chad Shank did the smart thing and realized, oh, I have to do three Twitch streams and two podcasts a week with issues with Andy.

And you're fucked up all the time. Like, why don't you technically, I did the dumb thing and just set the, where I was just drinking every single day and killing myself. And then Shaley and I had a drunken conversation where I was talking about it. He goes, well, why don't you just change your Twitch streaming days to the days we do the podcast,

which worked out fine, except for now, except for now. Yeah. Drink all day. But I Twitch streamed last night and got so drunk that i ended up calling you that's the fuck that's oh that was last night that's a level of drunk that i get i guess yeah i was i was drinking with officer bob friendly uh in his new job

wearing a new uniform and he wasn't drinky yeah i i got i'll have one because i get the kids and uh then the older sister that can drive took the kids and he just sat here and kept he's like sorry man if you if you have shit to do i just haven't had human contact and for so long and i like all right so i just kept drinking with him so he was drinking me under the table by not drinking. That's a fucking trick right there. I took an edible like halfway through, maybe a quarter of the way through, and he just maintained. He listens to the podcast. So now he'll know.

It was nice to see him. But I got fucking ham. I hadn't eaten since brunch. I call it brunch only because I don't know what time I wake up anymore. I met like, uh, this might, uh,

like day seven or eight where I haven't taken a downer to sleep other than an edible, uh, which sometimes works or sometimes makes me stay up. Uh, silly. I've been drinking. No, no doubt about that. which sometimes works or sometimes makes me stay up. Silly. I've been drinking. No doubt about that.

But yeah, anyone who says, oh, you're addicted to Xanax. Yeah, no. No, I'm not. I am doing just the same. Yeah, but aren't you taking more edibles in place of Xanax? Well, edibles are healthier than Xanax. Well, true, but I mean, there's... I haven't taken Xanax randomly since fucking 95,

since I pissed the couch at Doc Mark's house. Not Tucson Doc Mark. We have a new Doc. That's an old Doc Mark from Anchorage. Was that your first experience of taking Xanax? You pissed somebody's couch and then you decided to keep taking it? that's an old dot mark from anchorage was that your first experience taking xanax you pissed somebody's couch and then you decided to keep taking it we had these ecstasy parties in anchorage and uh someone came by you coming down and i go yeah i'll take one of these and they gave me a

blue it's a fucking you know half a bar and then someone else said oh you're coming down here take a so i took a bar my first time and i pissed the fucking day bed down in his basement. And then I thought someone pissed on me because it was that kind of party. Like, we have a million pictures of me fucking dunking my balls on the passed out person. So then I woke up covered in piss and you pissed on me. I get it. I'm like, oh, shit. I pissed.

Hey, Billy Pat, drive me out of here. Come pick me up, Billy Pat. I just pissed this guy's couch. I don't know where I'm staying. Yeah, you don't even know where you're at. Yeah. It was too big a house to go looking for mail. Or a washing machine.

You can't wash a mattress. Couch. Hey, it's time. All right, here we go. Introduce our guest, Greg Chaley. All right. We've got a nationally touring headliner and a guy who's done theater tours with bill burr he's also been a guest star on the netflix series maniac and his

latest full hour comedy special preferred customer is available right now at allthingscomedy.com and on youtube it's nate craig yes yes Craig. Yes. Yes. Just in time. I just finished my coffee in time to start drinking. I can call you back. No, no, no. I got it. I was grabbing me a tall boy.

A comic that drinks? I figured that was the rules, maybe. Doug, can you see everything good on that? I know. I'm doing that thing where I'm deconstructing everything in the background. I want to look at all the pictures on your fridge. Yeah, I got comedy posters and wedding invitations, old wedding invitations on the fridge. I got Dionysus on the wall over here. Everybody asks if that's Dennis Rodman.

And I just got, I'm fresh out of tequila, but I got my. Yeah, that looks like a mojito you're drinking. You said Tallboy like it's a can of beer. Yeah, well, I mean, you know, I can't think too quick. What is it? Tequila, lemonade, and club soda. Oh, I can't think too quick. What is it? Tequila, lemonade and club soda. Oh, refreshing. Sounds.

Yeah. Actually, we have all those ingredients. If you want to drink, if you drink with Nate, you drink with the stars. Yeah. Let's be. That's Tracy, our bartender. And Tracy. Howdy.

How you doing? Good. Do they let you drink while you attend bar? I have to. See, I knew there was rules. You were right. So, hey, Nate, we met earlier when we did a sound check, and we've been communicating on email. Also on the podcast

is Doug's co-host, Chad Shank. How's it going, Nate? Hey, Chad. Good to meet you. What's going on, buddy? I was randomly looking at Twitter because I'm not really professional at being an interviewer. And I randomly saw one of your tweets today, and I clicked on to make sure I'm following you, knowing that you're coming on tonight. And I saw the link to your special i go fuck i'm in the mood to watch a special and that would be a good thing for me to do as a host is watch the fucking special first you do you do your homework you randomly did your homework well i i realized because i've

this is day one of month four in house here i've been march 20th i got done uh the tour the the truncated tour and i've been in the house for now starting four fucking months and i've watched i've tried to watch as much comedy as I can because I usually don't. And I realize you have to be in the mood to watch it because I've watched comics that probably OK, but I'm in a shitty mood. So I'm like, fuck this guy. Well, hopefully you're in a good mood today. No, but it was it. You have a special that stands up even if you're in a shitty mood. It was so good.

Like, Oh dude. Uh, Joby was here. Uh, Chaley had it playing right before we started, uh, our hijinks.

He was watching it and here. And, uh, like it's first of all, fucking well-dressed. It was, Oh dude. Sharp. Yeah. like it's first of all fucking well dressed it was oh dude sharp yeah it was like a throwback to people who fucking actually pretended like the audience matters i dress ridiculous but when you watch a special and a guy's in a fucking t-shirt like come on how about a little razzle dazzle

i never understand that um first of all it's fun to wear suits, you know, like and there's so many different ways, you know, you don't you don't have to look you don't have to try to be Clark Gable in a suit. You know, you can you can you can go like, you know, you can do Eddie Murphy. You in a t-shirt and jeans i remember one it was a rogan special where uh he had something like his phone or a can of chewing tobacco in his back pocket you don't think that's distracting i think it was a phone they need to make phones that are shaped like cans of chewing tobacco yeah probably not chewing but it was a phone. They need to make phones that are shaped like cans of chewing tobacco. Yeah, probably not chewing tobacco. But it was just – I remember like – Maybe it was a yo-yo.

But I mean – Dude, the only person that I can think of off the top of my head that I liked in a special not wearing a suit is like those old bobcat when he was like in those dirty t-shirts you know like where he was like he had like you mean he had like eight meals on his shirt you know like that was but that was part of his you know that was part of the thing but like yeah i i uh hell yeah i was gonna wear a suit i don't think i'm ever gonna to wear a suit. I don't think I'm ever going to not wear a suit when I tape something like that. I finally settled on a look. You wear good looking suits? Yeah, and it's fun to try to find them. Actual 70s.

But I appreciated that first. I took notes on your special as they go. Wow. I feel like I'm getting audited well i i we could just talk shit where are you by the way are you in la yeah i live in la yep are you going out i mean we live uh we live by the ocean so i kind of have a little cheat code i saw somebody tweet it was really great it's like if you're if you're quarantining with a swimming pool your quarantine doesn't count you know yeah and uh and and i i kind of feel that way about like over i mean it's you know i'm i'm all i'm an all-out

house cat now my wife's a nurse so she's still working so i'm like you know the housewife i was born to be but i do get to escape down to the uh pretty much daily. Like I went in there today and stuff. So that's nice. Are you going to stores? Well, I mean, I got to get my my. Casadoras and my mixers. Oh, well, she's out there. She's a nurse.

She's out there. Fucking make her go in with her fucking proper mask on her way home from work. Actually, don't even touch her.'t trust her i know that's my that that's that's been pretty much my job is like only wear the mask to bed uh i always do no i uh i i'm pretty much trying to make sure that that uh the last thing that i want to happen is for me to get her sick. She can get me sick, but I can't get her sick because she's actually helping people. And paying the rent. You're right. Well, I mean, it's nice.

I've been getting checks for the first time in my life. That's been helpful. Are you doing dates? I mean, I will do dates probably right now i would do dates if i could drive to them but i don't know if i'm ready to fly yet because you know they airplanes have been filthy since way before this so i like on twitter i see comics promoting their dates and i'm like you're fucking out of your mind Like on Twitter, I see comics promoting their dates, and I'm like, you're fucking out of your mind. I wouldn't get on a plane right now. How bad do you need to be bathing in droplets, you know?

Yeah, that's the thing. I asked my manager, Hennigan, the fucking Scotsman. I go, do you think these dates? Well, I think Chicago will happen in September. I go, well, we're spiking in Arizona. I'm going to decide the risk of me getting there, not being there. I'm not afraid to be on a stage away from people, but I'm not going to get on a fucking plane in the fucking filthiest state in the union. With no alcohol right now. Yeah.

They're banning alcohol. I've always had my own alcohol on planes. Don't worry. You think they're going to allow that? They never did allow it. You've been training for this your whole life. I'm not going to pay you $8 for a plastic bottle of fucking Finlandia. I pay you $8 for a plastic bottle of fucking Finlandia.

Yeah, the one-quart bag with your liquids. You don't need shampoo. You need 10 shots of fucking vodka and a travel mug that was empty before you filled it up post-security. Anyway, I got it down. It throws them off when you keep your liquids in the Ziploc bag, just the Ziploc bag. When TSA looks at the bag and sees it's all fucking mini bottles of vodka, good thinking.

That's white privilege. I think he was picturing it like you just dumped it all into a bag and shoved a straw in it like a capri sun when he got it off the plane it's like a like a poor man's breast implant just like this fucking vodka this vodka is that block they don't know what to do they're just like just just just keep walking uh what's the name of the special i didn't write that down preferred customer preferred customer all right the first thing and i again i i'm only telling you this because i went in order of my notes the first one uh is oh he stepped on my dick because that's one of the problems. The two problems I have with watching comedy, and I've only done it in quarantine, is, oh, fuck, I hope I don't remember something from this special later on and I thought it's my own thought.

But the other one is, I hope no one steps on my dick. But I'm glad you stepped on my dick because you use a reference that I've used and i'm trying to put back you know when you have a good bit and you go i could use just just that tag again and it was when you're talking about jacking off and it's my bit is like yeah i'm pulling soft cock like a lawnmower that's out of gas. You had a reference. Oh, shit. I got to ask you. Let me ask you now while I'm remembering. I was trying to tell Joby,

you talked about edibles in this. I don't have it in my notes. Who are you talking to? I'm talking to Nate. You're looking at Chad. No, I was looking for Joby because I said to Joby, oh, fuck, he had a bit about edibles. It used to be you couldn't eat marijuana.

And if you did, basically, it's a crapshoot. You could either have a nice day in the park or you're allergic to your own brain. That's it. Thank you. I'm good. There's a couple of bits that I don't want to burn punchlines, but the two bits I want to burn are standalone openings where you didn't even have to continue.

It's already that good. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Like you do a whole bit where the premise could have been like a headberg joke with a tag and the one was i feel bad for plastic surgeons because nobody ever god damn you know you never see the victories you always see the losses you know you nobody's nobody's good at spotting

only people that are good at spotting good plastic surgery are people that have had plastic surgery wish mine turned out like that uh do you get your dick done did you get your did you get your scrotum tucked Doug if I had to get one thing done I'd get my scrotum tucked it's really really letting loose in fact it's very funny Shaley just said ironed and that was another punchline I remember

of yours so I won't give them all away wait they can make your scrotum smaller I didn't know that was a thing now i'm gonna be researching ironing his money it was fucking brilliant nate craig yeah and it's available on youtube right yeah it's all things comedy.com all things comedy youtube channel yeah yeah they uh that's uh bill and al started that company you guys are well aware of it. It's a great company. I couldn't be prouder and happier that they dug it. And so, yeah, that's where you find it.

We're not doing video. I see you on video, but the podcast is not video. So I want to say you are a mixture of mishka shubali and polly shore and that's that's good i'm aging i'm aging into the uh to the art form all right this is where uh sitting alone watching you i go that's a fucking every bit of this is true where you're talking about uh sitting down to take a shit in a public restroom and you're googling the name of the guy you had the patent number and the name of the person and you repeat the patent number you've it's 149749 i should have tried to remember it that number us 479179 pretty fucking close and i go that's because i have done

that where i apply on like i just bad commercials and i would sit there and google the name of the person so i know i could kill them and you did a bit about this and i go i think that's absolutely true yeah i mean it's that's one of those things where it's just like how the fuck did we get here you know like who you know i nobody ever nobody, everybody knows that you got to flush a toilet with your foot. But did somebody actually ever complain about it to the point where they were like, all right, well, let's fix this problem. Or did somebody just be like, we, you know, we just bought the patent or we just got the patent on these sensors and we're going to start selling these to every public facility in America. You know, and it's like now we got these awful fucking things that nobody ever needed or wanted. And they're doing horrifying things that we never imagined were possible.

And I'm got I got fucking airplane water inside me now. And I'm never going to know. Everybody knows it. Everybody's been violated and it fucking sucks and it should never have happened this is where i was confused on that bit were you talking about there's not possibly a bidet in the milwaukee airport you're talking about just the sensors that go off because you twitch while you're sitting there yeah yeah yeah you get into like you know you get on you get on

your phone you get into an instagram worm wormhole and you don't move for four minutes and the toilet's like why don't you take some of this up your fucking asshole and then you're and then it's like it's a horror it's you know it's a the worst way to experience an airport yeah when you're when you're sitting there and it keeps going off even though you haven't moved and the guy in the stall next to you thinks you're some kind of fucking ocd person who just keeps flushing and you want to yell out it's not me it's the sensor after it does it once i'm up and out that's when i start googling who who's got the patent on the fucking thing but yeah it'll go out i mean either those things will go off like four times

when you're sitting on them it's awful it's worthless a lot of worthless inventions a lot of worthless things in our society that are just because you know somebody supply side i learned that from you supply side inventions oh yeah that's the name of the bit Supply side inventions Didn't know what that meant until you I learned more from fucking comedy Than I did from real life It's kind of I mean that's really It's kind of me

Kind of guessing at things That's my loose interpretation of what Supply side economics are If you sell it they will buy it you know it doesn't i was thinking that after i watched yours i only know enough of the bits that make me sound smart to make the bit work like other people like rogan rogan knows everything that's why his head's so big it's's not steroids. It's knowledge. And he skims what he knows already to make a bit. I have an idea for a bit and then have to learn enough and memorize some big words to make it sound like I'm smart. And then people want to come talk to me about whatever. And I go, no, that was the extent of my knowledge. come talk to me about whatever and i go no that was the extent of my knowledge everything in that bit was everything i know about that subject but it killed all right well that's all that's that's

the fucking cheat code me too man fuck it uh i'll maybe know i'll maybe i'll what i'll do is i'll forget i'll forget i'll learn something about something and then I won't need it. I won't need to think about it. It won't apply to my life on a daily basis for too long and then I'll completely fucking forget it. Exactly. I forget the shit I should know, much less the superfluous things that I just learned for a bit. That I just learned for a bit. Another time I like. Oh. Is he going to step on my dick with this bit? Because you have a bit about vaping.

And my first thought was. Oh I used to do. A bit about that. And then I realized. Oh no. That's a new bit. That I used to do when I did comedy. Three months ago.

But it didn't overlap too much where I can still do it. Oh, dude. I mean, yeah. No, I mean, that's all that stuff. Any of that, like those vapes, addibles, those are such wild. I mean, what comic isn't covering those? But i was afraid that you were gonna do the exact same bit and you didn't i was clear good all right but can you name a special that you've watched where you go oh please oh don't go there don't know this is my bit oh good he did he went left

i go right oh well you know what happened this This is just – I totally – I know so many people that stay away from watching comedy for that exact reason. They don't want parallel thinking to spin up into their product, and I get it. I totally get it. I understand it. I feel the same way sometimes, but that shit, it's hard to avoid. Cause that happened to me on a podcast. I was doing the, the, uh, dumb people town with the Sklar brothers and like, um, and I had a bit about, I got a bit about finding money like that. I've never gotten to work. And, uh, and I, you know, I said like, I found 20 bucks the other day. I like every time

I lose, I find money, I lose money. Like I found 20 bucks the other day. I like every time I lose, I find money, I lose money. Like I found 20 bucks the other day. I instantly spent $75, you know, like, like I spent it on fucking $150 worth of shit. Cause I, you know, I thought you instantly, if I 20 bucks, you feel rich. And like, uh, and like, I had this part of it where I was like, and then you find money, you keep, you know, you're, you're looking at the, like, you can't, I you can't i can't stop looking at the ground like i'm like oh it's just been down here all the time like there's probably money everywhere i just got my head in the fucking clouds and then like the line that i always wanted to use was like there's clearly been money here all the time

hansel and gretel ran out of breadcrumbs and they've been leaving a trail of money to find their way back to their cottage and like uh the sclars we were doing it and they were riffing and they just came up with it in a riff i was like god damn it that's the bit i never got to work and now it's done that's uh nick swartzen had one where i had that in a notebook but not fleshed out but it was the note was roller coasters as public transit and then like his first thing he ever did on tv he had a bit about it and i'm like that's so fucking random but it wasn't like he stole it from me i never worked it out i just put it in a notebook using roller coasters as public transit which is a fucking brilliant idea

everyone would be happy to go to work uh that's like there's a bit on the special there's a line on the special that that doesn't work in in clubs even it doesn't work it didn't work on the special but i like it so much i put it in anyway it's uh it's when i'm it's when i'm talking about how like it's basically kind of like the the overall it's the the theme of the you know the hour i guess it's the, the theme of the, you know, the hour, I guess it's just like, or like the, you know, when you, you try to get to a point so that the, the arc of the set has a fucking feeling, a vibe to it. And like, I, uh, I'm talking about just like how kind of this bullshit that everybody's kind of, you know, making about race and shit is really about classism and whatnot.

And, um, you know, I do a bit about banks and shit and I do a bit about how like, uh, you know, every, every, every town I go to has a fucking Bob Evans and a, and a, uh, a cracker barrel and Mexicans didn't do that, you know? And the, the line is, uh, you know, and I, I forgot to say a line like Mexicans didn't close down your, your favorite, your, you know, your neighbor's favorite diner, you know, like like like you can make it from you can make it from from Salt Lake City to Pittsburgh only using drive throughs. Mexicans didn't do that. And, you know, it usually does about like it just did. No, no. Sorry.

I just I just heard it. Just heard it three hours ago. But but like but like that's one of those things where it's like it's like i don't know maybe i maybe i hold on to that to the lines like that too much because you know you got to be able to kill your kids and shit but maybe i hold on to them because i know nobody else is going to say that you know i like i'm like that's pretty safe that one's pretty safe i think i i i've had, uh, friends, comic friends that go, Oh, you got to do that bit like that.

And you trust them and you know, it's never worked. It's funny to the back of the room. Oh, you got to keep doing that. And then I, because they said it one, Henry Phillips is the one guy that said the one thing I tried it repeatedly. Cause he,

no, you did that bit, but you didn't do the tag and my friend was here i told him about that and i'd try it forever and die on my ass right yeah yeah comics are the worst comics are idiots no they know funny and audiences don't. Right. Yeah, totally. Especially Henry. That guy's the best.

Yeah. I'm sorry to not listen to him. He's going to – if his advice doesn't work, you're going to be – that's a long cul-de-sac. Henry, buddy, I tried for five years. Oh, I got it. I know who he looks like. it's been torturing me this whole time sorry you don't know this guy but uh montreal uh goat cheese frankie well yeah frankie goat cheese yeah you look like frankie goat cheese from montreal

you look a lot younger on Skype. Oh, nice. I've got to use Skype more. How old are you? 43. All right. Because, yeah, I guess it's the suit that makes you. Now you have a fucking big Milwaukee hat on. You're a Milwaukee guy, I assume, because.

Madison originally, yeah. Yeah. That was actually, Doug, we met one time. You were on tour with, you were doing Unbookables, and my boy Brian Petrovka. Oh, my God. Petrovka, I'm the only one in this room that likes Brian Petrovka, and he still scares me.

Yeah, Podolsky's, he's, I mean, he was like, he's a good friend of mine. Like him, and I think you probably know C.J. Sullivan and Kinane, obviously. Oh, yeah. That was like my whole Chicago crew. But I was up in Madison. I think it was my first weekend. I think it was my first weekend headlining the funny business on State Street. And that's what it was at the time.

Yeah, yeah. It's still one of the best clubs yeah comedy on state now fucking great club and you uh you came you came in with powski you guys did a show somewhere you probably did some cool ass spot in madison that i don't even know about and then uh and i trails in is it called the trails in i think that was uh yeah i think that was milwaukee though yeah they i remember no no that's madison because i whatever radio i would back then i'd do radio and they'd always give me shit about brian petrovka like why was that opener there well because i find him funny oh man is he fucking he's a deep cut, dude. He had he had he had this bit.

This is so fucking such a fucking wild, stupid bit. I hope this doesn't eat a dick. I was thinking the same thing. He does a bit about he gives people a choice. And depending on what the crowd says, he's going to give them one or two responses. The one response is dude where's my car and the other response is who are you guys and uh at one point he says sure he says choose magma or chalk and they say chalk for some reason i don't know who are you guys it's just like what the fuck he's completely

fucking weird for a back of the room comic we brought him to the death valley party and uh it was divisive to say the least it was i thought he was but no he was like i thought all right no he's a fucking really weird guy in real life yeah keep it on stage he did the lake shore remember yeah and he was asleep sleeping every time we did the lake shore in chicago between two shows he was asleep until it was time to go on stage who are you guys yeah yeah i mean tough guy. I don't. I mean, I wouldn't want to fight him, but I never really saw. No, no.

That was one of his bits about. Yeah, I'm a tough guy. And the haunted house. He used a black voice. And I can't remember. This is going back 15 years. So 13. His white people, black people bit is the best white people black people

i've ever heard i i can't remember any of the punch lines but he's just like it's haunted houses it's going on haunted houses yeah it's it's yeah it's just dumb it's like it's like the most it's it's the most mundane differences between white people and black people it's great uh yeah okay uh you had us in origin notes on stage you fucking five giant i know well you know what though hey look man i i wish i had two takes at it but i had to do one that was a one oh shit so i was like man i don't want to like i i'm you know whatever but i i was fine with the first 40 minutes of it but then the last 20 minutes i kind of was like jumping around a little bit and you know i had to chop some shit out and had to you know i i just didn't want to forget anything i don't want to fuck

up the order and i don't i didn't have a teleprompter, you know, I know I was going to ask you just about that. I'm not against notes. I'll pull them out on stage and they'll go, hang on. This is not funny. I don't care.

Yeah. But I was wondering, cause you earlier, you talked about smoking weed and I didn't know if that's a weed thing. Oh no, that's just my own fragile brain thing. Yeah, I just I wish I could keep it all straight. You should be able to after, you know, putting together two years, three years of material. But I mean, it's sometimes you know how it is.

Sometimes you make it you call an audible like in the middle of the set. You're like, OK, this is this is when you push. This is when you take your foot off the gas. And and so that determines that can determine like the order of like a 20 minute chunk really like how how deep i'm going to go into something that i would otherwise use on the back end of it if you know that kind of that kind of thing and so i just want to be able to at least not get lost in my own uh We were wondering about the venue. Oh, that's a great spot.

It's called Dynasty Typewriter. It's at the Hayworth in LA and it was like an old spot that got rehabbed and the people that redid it, Jamie Flam and Vanessa Ragland, Jamie used to book the improv for a couple, four or five years there and they're great and they did a beautiful job with this spot and Vanessa Ragland. Jamie used to book the improv for a couple, four or five years there.

They're great. They did a beautiful job with this spot. Pepitone did his new special there. I love Pepitone. The best. Also, Sandler's last special, which I fucking loved. I haven't seen it. Oh, it's great. It's great. It's all over

the place. It's probably like, I don't know, like eight, maybe ten different venues. Some of them are arenas. And then it's one of the smaller venues is at Dynasty Typewriter. What's the whole? Sorry, I'm asking for me. Like, oh, probably not enough for you maybe. But it depends on how big you want the crowd to be.

Like maybe 175. 175 oh that's yeah to film yeah i've been outspoken about i hate theater specials where i know the norton jim norton i know his cadence normally you film it in a fucking you know theater and these people are doing applause breaks where he'd normally be continuing on small venues that's why i was asking yep that's that's uh then you should definitely check it out because i fucking love that place they did a great job with it and um yeah it was but i did but i just had the one show. So, but when did you film it? When did you film that?

Oh, that's like, that's, I put out the album first. I mean, it, it was the theater made it possible for me to record. Um, but I was, I just put the album out and then I didn't have, you know, I don't, dude, I don't even have, you know, an agent. So I don't, I had to figure out how to get this thing done as a special. I really pitched the opening part, you know, the opening that I shot, because that worked. And everybody at All Things Comedy liked that. They were like, this is kind of, you know, I guess every time they pitch a special, the opening is something that executives get off on.

So like, he was like, this is something I'd never seen before. That's their attention span. He looks good. Nice suit. Book it. Yeah.

Yeah. So I, I, I got, I was able to shoot a little something, but it just took me a while. You know, I had to do,

this is all mess on me. So it took me a while. And, and the, the, but we recorded it, uh, 20, I guess, 2018, late 2018. Oh shit. All right. Well, to do this is all that's all me so it took me a while and and the but we recorded it uh 20 i guess 2018 late 2018 oh shit all right well because i was gonna ask because i was happy that like some

of my shit is relevant now because mine went out in may and uh like just racism stuff because you went into a lot of the fucking people taking a knee for the anthem in the nfl and black people and cops and like you have to be happy that that's relevant well i don't think happy is the word that you're looking no like like okay well it's a good thing the world went to shit because otherwise that might not have been relevant well according to the i mean the opposite where you go oh i can't put this out now right right right i like young chicks right i make them suck my dick to get on stage right guys I immediately wanted to go to bat for Joey Diaz like yeah

he says this shit all the time but I know him he's the biggest fucking gentleman he's like one of those like old school gentlemen no you don't talk like that in front of a lady in real life but on a podcast he talks a bunch of shit and in a different way than

Ralphie May, you go, yeah, no, he didn't actually. If a girl sucked his dick in the fucking green room, I'll get you stage time, ha ha. But I'm not going to defend him, because Joey Diaz, I hope and pray, will be the one that

he's already, yeah, I'm fine, fuck off. Yeah. He doesn't want to be known as a nice guy. He's just like, yeah, that's what I do. Fuck off. Yeah, I'm going to leave defending Joey Diaz to Joey Diaz on that one. I know. That's the point. He's going to...

I doubt any girl is blowing Joey Diaz for stage time. The first thing I thought, who's going to come forward and admit that? Joey Diaz. Who knows? That comedy store was a real twilight zone there for a decade or two. Which decade? Because I was there for the 90s where it was

fucking empty i had a kid come from australia hey i'm a big fan i found you on napster or whatever hey i go well i get a spot on tuesday night at the comedy store that's it and then he showed up there and it's just me and Matt Becker and that kid on the steps of a closed comedy store. Cause no one's there. Then this decade. Oh, it got popular.

Yeah. I got popular. I'm safe for about two. I mean, I don't know exactly when in the nineties, but till about 2010 or so that place was a different, different than it is now. For sure.

You're talking about the decade of ghost town not the current i'd say i'd say even i'd say even towards 15 20 years yeah you know the whole time tommy was running it really yeah yeah i never knew the people i i just showed up i mean i only met him at the end after i had you know whatever i don't we don't need to talk shit about the comedy store, but it was, you know, it's definitely was a different place there for a second. All right. I thought, again, I don't know if you mean the recent incarnation where it's kind of Twilight Zone now that it's hugely popular like it was in 1981. Yes. Yes. I was saying in a bad way before. And now it's like an actual like it kind of has the vibe and the energy that would

be worthy of one of the more historic comedy clubs anywhere, you know, but before it was, yeah, like you said, it was a fucking ghost town for, for a long time. It was a fucking ghost town. I think Rick Ingram talks about that because he was, he was the king of the ghosts back then when he's on the podcast with Dice's – Eleanor. Eleanor. That podcast and he was telling stories about how like where have you guys been? I've been here the whole time.

But Rick Ingram is just one of these guys. Is he the piano guy? Nuh-uh. I shouldn't have said that out loud sorry i don't know but you forget i mean i've been i've been out of los angeles for you know 30 40 years but i mean back back in the 80s that place was fucking popping yeah it was the it was the only place yeah yeah the uh the i my uh my best friend growing up is uh is uh paulie's cousin she's mitzi's like third

i don't even know what that means third cousin what the fuck would that be but uh so like i always i always kind of like heard stories about the the family and whatnot and and like how great the club was and then this and that and this and that and then by the time i actually started comedy you know it was like it was kind of not that anymore i got i got i got one more note well i actually have two but i don't want to burn all your but one of those another one of your bits are you kidding me i i give a fuck how many punchlines you got all right i'll just i'll just do this for you right now i will take it i will i will do this for you and I won't even I'll let them watch this special

it's like building a door in the woods fucking brilliant thanks buddy the wall with Mexico don't even give it away make them fucking watch this special to figure out how brilliant that line is.

That's like building a door in the woods. And the last one. Hey, Doug, this is you. You know when I wrote that line? 2003. I have a fucking million lines. Again, the fucking pull starting a soft cock like a lawnmower that's out of gas i'm like i i'm sure i've used this before at some point but i don't know if it's

recorded and it's probably not something people fixate on but for a fucking tag to a bit yeah i'll reuse that one time hey you know brendan walsh the good news is. The good news is, Doug, the good news is, Doug, you use that line. I'll get accused of stealing it. So go ahead and fire that away. Yes, I do know, Brendan. I do know, Brendan. Yeah. Brendan Walsh has been doing like he does like like travel scrabble with his act. Like, yeah, he's been using giant hoagie sized food baby as a reference for poop since I met him in 2002. But he just puts it in different places.

He just, what's that game where you fucking anyway, it's refrigerator magnets. This is another bit of yours that you continue on, but you could have stopped right there is a, I saw a Nissan Versa with Hawaii plates, not in Hawaii. And anyone who doesn't already get where that's going, watch this special. It's fucking brilliant.

True story. True story. What the fuck are you doing with that fucking Versa? Get it out of your life. Cut and run, friend. Yeah. So good. Thank you, buddy.

Yeah. How's life in Bisbee, by the way way well uh everyone we know here we have uh well we're down to seven people we had nine they're not dead yeah no but we we had a viewing party for andy andrews yeah we had a viewing party for andy andrews going into this podcast. And everyone we know is definitely been quarantined. Nice. Because they don't leave their fucking houses either. How far away from you are from the door in the woods are you? Seven miles.

Oh, wild. All right. All right. Yeah, it's right there wow and an hour 45 from the airport to fly out of tucson when i ever decide to actually do gigs again because i'm in no hurry yeah yeah i'm i'll drive uh i'll drive a stretch But I don't know how If I want to get on an airplane for a minute Nah fuck it

We can drive to Chicago No Denver is still like Technically on the books as a wash Nah I'm fucking I'm happy to spend the rest of the year here I might do I'm supposed to go back to Wisconsin

There's a new club in Milwaukee That's an awesome spot. It's called the laughing tap. They, and they have like garage, they have, they've got like an old brewery that they, that they turned into a comedy club. So like they have a garage door. And then the back, they have like a delivery Bay. So like there's a ton of open air through it. I think they'll, they'll be firing off shows by the time I'm supposed to be there in August.

Um, and I'm And I might drive back. If I can set up one more week, like one or two weeks, like one on each side of it. You would think that if you're willing, they'll take you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just, you know, who knows what the rules are going to be.

And if this, you know, this pandemic that obviously half the country clearly understands and the other half doesn't. It depends on what it's going to do. Nobody knows. It's fucking four months old. People are acting like it's been in the books. Yeah, the conspiracy theorists. It's like a cold. Not if you've been smoking for 40 years.

Yeah. Or also, like, dude, viruses turn into cancers. Like, people have, like, my buddy's mom, my buddy's dad, he's a heart surgeon. And him and his wife were in... My buddy's parents were in Europe on vacation. They both got it. They both survived it. And now his mom has gone into anaphylactic shock twice since recovering from it.

And she's never had that happen in her life. She's had allergic reactions where her throat has closed up and stuff. There's shit that we're not going to understand. Fuck a vaccine. We're not going to understand the full effects of this new virus, which has already mutated once by the way. There's a version of it that's more contagious.

It doesn't, you know, it seems to have the same effects and shit. Dude, look, my wife's a nurse so that makes me a doctor. Hang on. I have to repeat that because there's a couple of people here that need to hear that. Jenny,

he says, he's talking about Corona virus and how it's mutated. He goes, cause my wife is a nurse, which makes me a doctor. Chad's wife is a nurse. She can't hear you. And I helped her study a lot so i know exactly what he's talking about i definitely am smarter than the average person yeah you're basically a

phd yeah yeah you yeah you you heard about one one physics question while she was studying for the mcats and now and now you're uh yeah dude i i uh i mean like there's there's small details that people that that seem to be uh like consistent you know like it affects certain blood types differently it doesn't do well outside you know but nobody knows like it's four fucking months old so please uh if you were dumb enough to vote for donald trump do not tell me about a fucking viral pandemic you know sorry i hope i didn't offend anybody no no not here not here i uh i got into a twitter beef with a guy the other night that's a anti-mask guy. I don't give a – it was fun for a while, like a three-hour drunken fuck you. But I don't care.

I'm not leaving my house. I'm happy. I'm way away from shit. I'm glad we live in such a rural, isolated area. I don't go anywhere. On the way here, I hadenny go put on your mask and go in and get ice would you because i'm i don't want to put one on i've yet to put one on but i'm not going to argue with somebody i have one if i needed to you know if it came to where i

needed it but they said i'm glad we live here i just i do it in i mean it's we're supposed to wear it everywhere here so i i i don't i don't necessarily do that if i want you know if i see people with masks on i I put it on. If I'm outside as a courtesy, I feel like that's something that you should do as a good person. Nobody likes wearing a fucking mask. I love these people who are just like, I'm not going to do – nobody wants to fucking sit in their own breath. Nobody likes – nobody collects breath. It's 105 degrees here.

It's fucking miserable he likes it the the few times i've gone out the the farmer's market was one of the first things to get shut down with other things when safeway is open well the farmer's market is open air so they made a rogue farmer's market off the grid and i went there and i wore a mask and it was fogging up i brushed my teeth it's still fogging up my glasses yeah you think tartar does that that's just breath that's how breath works that has nothing to do with it being bad breath that's just breath well it's have gingivitis pretty bad it's fogging that's when I took my contacts out and I had to wear glasses to drive. Doesn't fog up my contacts.

It's just breath just ages. Breath ages worse than fucking french fries, dude. It's fucking awful. And it stacks up in those masks and it's like it's just nobody likes it. So when these people are like, I'm not going to live my life like that. Dude, you only have to do it for a... It's not like it's for the rest of your life nobody fucking

you know put the iron mask on you if we're all supposed to be avoiding people like we all do i mean there's not even a cause for it to come up most of the time yeah it's but people want to be victims dude that's the thing it's an epidemic that's the that's the yeah the victimhood epidemic is crazy people it's fucking oh they're making me wear a mask oh my god what so you can go get fucking three kinds of ice cream like i don't understand this shit dude nate craig you're our new uh you're our new shane gillis he left oh shit that's a weird yeah i saw that i saw that breakup well you know what you know drop the zero get with the hero you can tell shane i said that yeah yeah

east coast west coast i know you guys have west coast beef You know, drop the zero, get with the hero. You can tell Shane I said that. Yeah, yeah. East Coast, West Coast. I know you guys have a beef. East Coast, West Coast beef. With a Milwaukee hat. Like, you should have just had fucking Switzerland on your hat. That makes me Tupac, I guess. I'll take it. Sorry, I'm spacing the name of the special again.

Oh, preferred customer. Preferred customer. Allthingscomedy.com, All Things Comedy YouTube channel, nadecraig.com for anything else, Visitor's Locker Room podcast, yada, yada, yada, TikTok. Get it. Pleasure, sir. Pleasure is all mine, friend. Tick tock. Get it. Pleasure, sir.

Pleasure's all mine, friend. Thank you, everybody. Thank you for having me. Thank you, man. Good to meet you, Nate. Likewise, Chad. Thank you, friend. Thank you, Greg.

All right. Thank you. Bye-bye. I got to do thank yous and I'll catch up with you. Just email me or DM me. I'll DM you. I'll send you a picture of my whole junk. All three testicles. I love you, sir.

I get it. I'm such an old man. He takes his headphones off and then talks. That was fucking hilarious. Alright. Fucking Nate, Greg. That was fucking hilarious. Alright. Fucking Nate Gregg. That was fun. I'm watching it special. I was going to do these thank yous, but I'll just

save them. I got a bunch. And I got a bunch of emails too. The guy who sent the book, because a fan sent a book that is self-published. It's a prison memoir. I don't remember the name. I don't remember the title.

But it's actually a book, the first book other than Alex's draft that I've read during quarantine. So I will plug that. I'm 220 pages out of 297 or something. And it's fucking good. So, yeah, I won't forget to plug you. Well, we can do thank yous and stuff because I told you I'm starting to get some questions for Bobby Caldwell and we gotta coordinate sometime.

Let's do it. No, no, no. We can do all that on another podcast. Oh, okay. Yeah. You didn't get what I was saying at all. No, I don't get what you're saying McNamara that's all I know there was no note in that one

from Kula Hawaii alright yeah someone said to his pocket pussies there was nothing on that box inside oh yeah that's right that's the one who said hey this is like banjo randy related but he signed the thing sl like the only one i know that knows banjo randy he sent the fucking beer taps and the fucking pocket pussies and

but i don't know who to thank wasn't me yeah he just signed it like his initials. SL, I believe it was. It ain't little Mikey. It's not Inman. Yeah, Inman has postage money. Last to go. The movie bombshell. What are we doing? Are you doing Vickies? No, I'm just looking through. Oh, hey, Lena. Lena G. I like your toes, my little

storybook boy. Yeah, she sent us a you had to be 21 and over and sign for the package. So I assumed it's booze. Missed the package. Had to drive to the post office and bingo in with her mask and gloves because I ain't going inside.

She said a T-shirt. You had to sign for a T-shirt? You risked my life, Lena G. I don't like your toes anymore. Thank you, Lena G. I just assumed it was booze where I had to sign for it if you want an autograph just

forge it mine's easy alright thank you guys very much thank you Nate Craig and thank everyone all around let's go get some food

take us out of here Bingo okay bye bye now Everyone all around. Let's go get some food. Take us out of here, Bingo. Okay, bye-bye now. Thank you. Thank you.