The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #406: SWAPcast : Pinch Fibbing with the Chubby Behemoth Podcast

Episode Date: August 19, 2020

Doug houseguest, author / comedian Sam Tallent, has a new podcast with his buddy, comedian Nathan Lund, The Chubby Behemoth podcast. It's a Swapcast with the new kids on the block to talk blackout drunk, soft hand assault and cool dudes in the green room.Want more Stanhope? Subscribe at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast to get an extra BONUS podcast for as little as a $1 a month. Plus, video, insider communication with the podcast and more.Get a signed copy of "Running The Light" by Sam Tallent - https://www.samtallent.com/Check Out Doug's Weekly eBay Yard Sale listing - https://ebay.to/3ham5brDoug's latest comedy special, "Dying of a Last Breed", is now available on Amazon Prime - https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B08CY4XDMC/ref=atv_dp_cnc_1_5Recorded Aug. 11th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Sam Tallent (@TallentSam), Nathan Lund (@NathanLund), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know.LINKS - Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/Sam & Nathan's Podcast – Chubby Behemouth - https://becktown522.podbean.comClosing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit - Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. Lund, can you hear us? Yeah, you guys sound good. Lund, Tracy's here too. Hi. Hi. Oh, there we go. All right.

That works. You look kind of wet, Nathan. It's hot, man. I can't have, you know, I don't, I have that box fan on. I don't want to have it on because I'm sure it would be loud. Yeah, that's going to be the issue with this. It would not help. That's the only audio issue that I perceive.

Do you guys use video at all, Doug? Rarely. Patreon. Patreons. Smogcasts. Do you guys use video at all, Doug? Rarely. Patreons. Swapcasts. Yeah, we're not going to start doing video for you. All right, good. We already started.

Yeah, we are started. What's the name of your podcast? Because this is a swapcast with the Doug Stano podcast and... Chubby Behemoth, the new hit podcast coming out of Denver, Colorado, starring Sam Tallent and his friend, Nathan Lund. I knew I knew that name. And then when I saw your face, I go, Oh, I definitely know that face. I mean, it's not the one we're seeing, but it's your, your default picture on Skype.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. I looked like that for a while. I think last time we worked together at the Oriental. Oh, so you did get a guest set there. I just, I just looked up your name on my old email. Did you get the email I just sent you? No.

You asked for a set in Reno in 2008 and I didn't reply. So I just replied now. We actually talked on MySpace. We ended up connecting on MySpace. I opened for you at the Zephyr in Reno and you hadn't done stand-up for a

couple of months. So yeah, that was the first time we met was thanks to MySpace. Are you logging back into your myspace what are you doing no i was looking for that email but that's probably probably an old email yeah i'm sure you sent it to like uh go wolfpack un, class of 1998. No. But you used to live in Reno?

Yeah, I went to college there. So I was up there 2000 to 2004. And then I just hit you up when I saw you were going to be in Reno because I figured it was a cheap flight from Vegas. I fucking love Reno, but the crowds there. The last time, I think it was my 50th birthday I played there and it was great but otherwise every other time we played Reno was fucking atrocious yeah I could see that I didn't I didn't do much stand-up there you know I didn't do it till after I

graduated college but uh yeah it's just college kids and then cowboys or, like, you know, locals, deadbeats. You had a lot of fun in Reno, though. You would come out of blackouts being hosed down by police. Yeah, the college experience was good. A lot of drinking and, yeah. A lot of sexual assault. And then a little, yeah, those cops were not gentle. I did blackout.

I got kicked out of a bar oh man that was a whole nightmare i tried i was at a vice principal's retirement party because i worked at a middle school and i got too drunk and i like was flirting with a girl and then she said something and i like pushed her face a little and everybody everybody pushed her face i pushed it a little like like jokingly but also i was drunk so and i didn't know her so like everybody got pissed at me and then i the the guy that was retiring wanted to fight me and i we almost got into it that's right she was 13 it was the time it was a teacher but but uh it's better one of our frontline heroes can you hand us all to their face yeah I got in trouble there

but yeah it was not a good look Nathan Lund says he pushes a girl's face and the host laughs I thought you were doing the safety I thought you were saying two points. Yeah, almost as good as if I would have kicked the field goal.

But, yeah, I ended up wandering the streets of Reno for a couple hours. And then a cop picked me up and they took me to the drunk tank and hosed me off because I had shit myself. And I came to them hosing me down and like laughing at me you can't even get that done for you at a five-star hotel yeah they want yeah the next day they you know they gave me my freshly laundered clothes I thought I was gonna have to like you know throw everything away except for like the shirt and pull it down low and walk home but they had to do they had to do my laundry they should have made you walk back winnie the pooh style yeah yeah just having to wear my shirt as pants you know because

it was the only thing that caked and shit so a word on the street is you don't drink anymore yeah that's yeah that's one of the stories that led me to eventually quit drinking decades later it was only 14 years later right yeah i almost quit drinking several times and then it finally stuck uh spent almost four years are you one of those drunks that none of your friends try to talk you off the wagon oh i'm always trying to get him to drink dude i'm constantly trying to get him to drink we used to have so much fun together we still do you know i'll watch him do puzzles or whatever i'll watch him i'll watch him complain on facebook live but uh no yeah i always want him to start drinking again and he won't because he's strong or whatever. Well, we had a lot of fun,

but I don't remember a lot of that fun. You know, it's secondhand fun that I was there for. So that was part, you know, I mean, it was a good time, but I felt like it was just, man, it was just turning into a real nightmare to deal with the hangovers every day and like trying to do a bunch of standup while feeling like shit.

I don't know how you guys do it. Yeah, you say real nightmare. I say the time of my life. You with your shirt off, dancing in the Squire and girls saying you were too sticky to touch. Yeah, no. I'm glad for...

Oh, yeah. We go by Lunchables and whip the meat out of his bare nude body. McDonald's pickles. Yeah, we're making a lot of money that way. But yeah, no, I'm glad we did it, but also glad to move on. I don't know. Well, as long as you're happy, we're happy if you're happy. As long as you're happy, we're happy if you're happy. Fuck that.

I want my own gun back. Sam selfishly wants the party. Yeah, I don't know. I still like smoking weed and doing, you know, mushrooms and acid and still have a good time. He also went through a real manic period where he was pulling not pulling knives on our crowds. He was like completely batshit. He was climbing trees and pulling knives on the crowd. And that was a lot of fun. Yeah. Yeah. On stage, man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There was a couple of months where I was real feral and and luckily people I don't know, people got scared and talked about trying to get me

to go to a hospital or something but it didn't happen and i was able to come out of it just kind of that nurse hostage one of my demands was that i not be arrested and so that that worked out. Yeah, no, you're doing good, Lon. I'm happy for you, man. Not. And you're in Denver. Yeah. Yeah. Me and Nathan used to live, we lived within 40 feet of each other forever.

We shared a bed for like a year. Not in a fun way, just in a fun way. Out of necessity. Yeah. Financial hardship. We shared everything and saved a few bucks that summer. Yeah, that's the thing. If you're not a drunk, I can't count the amount of guests said I drove all the way from wherever.

Well, just fucking sleep in the bed if you don't care. I don't give a fuck but that's because you're passing out yeah no one's getting curious fingers when you're blackout drunk and you don't give a shit who how sticky the guy next to you is he's gonna be gone at 6 a.m or he fucking better be or he won't work in this business again but uh yeah i would assume that's tougher to deal with a sober guy well also lun's about you know 280 and i you know i'm the massive shit you've been calling me since i got here so yeah i think i've been calling you fat every night when i well we've been getting high too we have

it's weird high makes me a happier but still more abusive but with a big smile. You're like if your dad has a good job and he beats you, as opposed to if he works in the mines or something. It's like you're coming home from a Fortune 500 company. Stone Stanhope is pretty great, man. A lot of wide-eyed bewilderment and just grinning, as opposed to rallying against the Jews when he's drunk. I'm not saying it. Rallying or railing?

You've been rallying. Rallying against the Jews? Yeah, remember you got your car out and you did laps around the flag of Israel? Doesn't even make sense. You were right. Yeah, Sam says a lot of weird he instead of saying wandering like if you don't know where you're at in a new town and you wander around he says wonder like wonderful

he says oh i wandered around for a little bit like no you didn't what are you talking about there's two different words i was walking around with wonder no no i was enchanted by my new uh surroundings i thought it was dude i was so dumb i thought it was pizza hot until i was like 22 years old just so busy that he can't like look at the sign in his you know there's like four things where he grew up and he didn't know the name of one of the four things that always that always gets me like You're so busy excelling in high school and thriving. I'd go into Pizza Hut

so excited that I didn't have time to read the sign. I'm shoving old ladies out of the way to get to the lunch buffet. And then I walk out of there with sodium blindness from downing seven pies in an hour. It was no surprise I couldn't read. I wish he fucked up that much in his book

I would be calling him all the time I'm glad you put pizza hot I did my father he was at one point deliberately looking for mistakes he was just so mad at how good it was

I'm glad he didn't find it i'm sure i've probably said this but i was looking for all the ways that guy couldn't be me yeah and yeah i said that he has kids yeah and he does he's always looking for coke yeah and yeah he drinks in a park. Like who'd fucking drinks in a park? Who goes to a park? It's just terrible. He has kids and is looking for coke. And you're always looking for kids after your show. Cause I'm all coked up.

Cause I brought my own. Yeah. I'll meet you at the border. Yeah. I wrote a book too. It's called sticking to your time. And I don't know. It's not, it's not, it's not as wild of a ride. It's more even keeled.

How long have you been sitting on that? I came up with it like an hour and a half ago. I thought you were going to say sticking to Nathan Lund. Sticking nickels. There used to be an after hours bar in Denver and we'd get all tore up and go down there and drink until like 4am and Len would either get laid or want to fight like a 17 year old boy.

That was a wild spot, man. Yeah, there was all kinds of weird shit going on in there. Have you two ever had a beef? You and this kid, Sam Talent? We didn't like each other immediately because I think we were both like the big funny guy, you know, the smart, you know, a bunch of bunch of references that a lot of people didn't get. So at first it was like, oh, good. Another fucking giant.

And we kept getting mistaken for each other, which was insane. He's like he's like six inches taller than me he's like a whole yeah he's he's funny likable i'm none of those things but we like both had long hair so everybody uh confused us for each other and that but pretty quick we started you know talking more, and we eventually started hanging out a lot. We should have tried to put a switch on our wives. Yeah, we never really used it for any gain. It was always just like... We were never parent-trapped.

It was just some idiot at a bar that would be like, Man, you're fucking hilarious. You got that one thing where you rhyme a bunch, and I'm like, That's fucking sam i i get that all the time with both uh andy and becker actually a lot of people no not that we look alike but we'd get off stage and they give me credit in front of like andy for a joke that he did and after he just died a miserable fucking death and like not only

does he not get any kind of like niceties from the audience the things he did say that were funny I get the credit I love that that's like go ahead well I was going to say at Lucha Libre and Laughs

when we do the wrestling show we people don't realize that we that we're both talking so a lot of i think some people attribute everything to sam it's like some of that shit was me damn it yeah we gotta we gotta try and stand out more vocally he was just talking about jeff tate and how jeff tate didn't like him at first and i wonder if he has Chaley syndrome where everyone doesn't like Mr. fucking Big Words here. Yeah, he's a lot.

And he also was, you know, Sam was doing improv more than stand-up at first. When I first moved to Denver, yeah. So that made me be like, I guess we're not going to be that close. But we, and then, you know, we all would go to this open mic at the Squire.

And it was a party. It was very, like, packed and loud. And you could maybe get a good set now and then, you know, get everybody to shut up and listen. But it was hard. And Sam didn't really get into it like some of us did. So he wasn't going there for a while. I didn't know how much everyone was getting laid at the Squire. That was the issue.

I didn't know if you had a good set. You got, you know, blown by a lady who looked like she was in the runaways. Yeah, it was worth it. That's why we were all there. Of course. You should have told me that instead of like, no, we're working on our craft is where you go to get good but you look like him you'd like ruin his game oh yeah i know it was you or you know they get the mix up yeah well yeah that's when we could have done it it was henry phillips was the original one when we both had long hair in the mid 90s in

la and he was like a guitar act like if you don't know henry phillips for the listener yeah he does like funny folk songs and he's this softest touch kid but we kind of looked alike so he would get shit after a show at the improv like those are not like a road show there's like 80 comics that go up as long as there's an audience. So people would come up to me and tell me how great my songs were and then fucking revile. Yeah. You are disgusting.

You took a shit in the kitchen, Henry. What's he doing now? Is he still around? He kind of gave up. He's just directing award-winning films. He kind of fell on hard times, you know? Oh, good for him.

Oh, it's good, that YouTube thing, the new one. Oh, the... Fuck, I don't know the name of it. The Highwayman. Highwayman. On YouTube. Yeah, it's episodic. Yeah.

Steve Gillespie was in a couple episodes and Dave Waite. He really scraped the bottom of the barrel to get some actors. Dave Waite. Another guy that I was just thinking of that looks or did look at least like Jeff Tate. Yeah. They were both Cincinnati guys. They came here. They both came here.

Yeah. I think it's because Dave, well, no, Jeff takes himself so seriously, but then he's wearing a raccoon hat with ears on it and fingerless gloves. He takes culotte jeans with crazy patches. Right, so you're the guy I'm supposed to fear and revere

and you're dressed like you're going to an anime convention. You're going to make me a balloon animal now? Yeah. I want a sword. On the last couple of pods, we've been talking about Baxley Lund and how much we all cared about him. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we loved him. And then he wanted to get paid to do our show when he didn't do a set. I ruled.

that i ruled yeah no he was he was a good uh guy to come up under because he was so funny and could drink and hang out and uh yeah i told him i didn't have a note what oh good just that you know we would all get drunk in here listen to troy for sure you know for a long time uh he told i i didn't have a like a good opener that i liked and he was like fuck up your name and i was like what do you mean he was like say say a different name say like nathan bund and i and i started doing it i was like i was like oh it sounds good troy you know i'm gonna be just like you fucking up my own last name how'd that hit in gillette wyoming it was pretty solid they didn't like it the second time though they didn't like the callback man one time we were at a festival

in denver and this is when lun was still drinking and we weren't getting paid for anything so we just drank all the beers in the green room. And I think it was a four o'clock show, and Nathan was closing, and he came out with his shirt off, and he held his shirt in the air. He's all dripping, you know, wet. Sticky. Yeah. He's, you know, nude.

He says, does this shirt make me look fat? Yeah, that was my opener for a little bit but that was not one that you want to become known for I really miss those days of when you're a young comic

and the audience was there to see comedy and not you so you could just do fucking anything eat a whole fucking meal on stage not be afraid to come out with your shirt off and hold it near drunkenly yeah that was the last time you ate a whole meal too you feel yeah that's i you feel like there's an expectation that you have to meet because your fans know everything you've ever said and yeah that's pretty tough

that comes into play like when everyone put out their first cd oh that's pretty tough. That comes into play, like when everyone put out their first CD. Oh, that's the first, like, 10 years of my act, and now every one has to be good. But the other problem is, yeah, that first 10 years of your act, you never had to change your fucking act. That's the sophomore slump with bands. They spend 10 years crafting their first album and then they go tour and they make some money or they get out there and then go

back in the studio it's like now do that you have uh eight weeks yep the point is but once once you put it out uh you're usually putting out your first cd because you've now got some kind of draw that's gonna buy it yeah so yeah for that first 10 years you're just fucking off and taking off your shirt and eating spaghetti on stage or getting hammered down man eat spaghetti now you've got an opener bud what was your drink on stage nathan 12 uh yeah just yeah just the all of the beers that uh were free i don't know i i would do whiskey uh sometimes but usually i would i would do beer and i i got sick of uh i got sick of drinking anything on stage after a while because it just is distracting to me and i hate when people

try to yell shit out and i feel like every time you take a drink somebody's just like ready to yell some dumb shit so i i uh at some point i switched from beer and shots like i think my first four you know recordings i'm saying hey can i get another miller light and a shot of Jagermeister? Yeah. What about those guys who take fake shots on stage? I've done that where there were one night as TJ's in Mankato, I remember legendarily, where they just relentlessly send shots to the stage and they didn't care what your material was. They wanted to see how fucked up you got.

Well, it's one thing, though. If the crowd's sending you shots, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the guy who's like, let's take shots. And he's drinking iced tea the entire time, but he has 12 shots on stage. Yeah, yeah. So that hopefully he can sell more liquor so the club's happy.

And then B, also sell merch at the end and probably finger bang someone who's blackout drunk. Yeah, I've never ordered fake shots, but I've said, said hey if they get relentless fuck them take their money yeah we got to the point though where it's like uh oh uh bob doug's on uh that someone in the audience wants to i know there's no sending we don't do that anymore there's no sending because then it's someone else goes oh let's send him a triple whiskey and then the jaeger someone comes to the stage oh yeah then i went through a

period where i just like i i said no more of these and then i'm who's broke and doesn't have a but again it just turned into a big time killer and yeah and an opening for them to get the way it goes up right in the middle of a setup oh yeah the timing so yeah it just doesn't pay off i mean when you're young, free drinks. Oh, when me and Lunn would go on the road and do, like, Brant Tobler shows in Wyoming. Man, do you remember that?

Remember, what is it, Retard Night? That night? No, but Lunn and I had a thing where you would, like, open, you know, like, if Lunn went on first, I would go up after him and be like what is it retard night you know because everyone would laugh because they laughed at him then we had do you remember the night when we were both like wasted and we made a bet with each other who could say it more during their set and i was do you remember that no yeah okay well yeah we

were like wasted and And, uh, I said it like seven times during my set and whoever said it more, I got 50 bucks. And then you proceeded to say it probably 40 times in your hour. Oh boy. Dude. It was, it was one of my favorite nights out there.

I'm sure. Another thing that just all the goofy shit you would do back then. And now you're just worried about, oh, did I do this bit last time I was in town? And I don't know if this clothes are fucking, you're trying to justify a $40, $50 ticket. And you're not saying something 40 times in a row to amuse your friend in the green room. Yeah, because you're each splitting $250 total. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I was so desperate to get out of those gigs when I was doing them. And now I think back on it and I'm like, fuck, if I wish I knew how good this was and how free and like fun and liberated this time was like the stuff you're talking about, not having any pressure on you. That's why I like when things fuck up outside of my control, because that is the reason to go to live stand up comedy, as opposed to a special that somehow is in a fucking twelve hundred seater.

And you go, I know that guy doesn't try twelve hundred in that town and the waves of applause and stuff. I want to see, I wish everyone would put out specials that were, no one, it was just comedy night. Yeah, that's kind of how my special is coming out. There's like, we did 40 people in Pensacola. We did JJ's Bohemia in Chattanooga. Yeah, we've been there. Yeah, so it's like, I just wanted to get, you know, what comedy looks like in America as opposed to this is my special taping.

Like that kind of shit. Because it's so false. Everyone's juiced. Everyone's crushing, you know. Yeah, so when someone vomits on the person in front of them in a live show, I'm like, all right, this has the goofy kind of experience that I want. But you can't blame me for, you know. It's not manufactured. not taking it seriously. I take it seriously, but sometimes I don't want to.

Yeah, Sam just started doing that. The headliner coming back through and everybody loved him, and so he has to worry. And I haven't gotten to that point yet. I just want to keep opening for Sam and doing whatever I want with no real expectations. I don't gotten to that point yet. I just want to keep opening for Sam and doing whatever I want with no real expectations. I don't have to do. I just know Sam's going to like me.

So I'll just keep I'll be I'll be your opener. And I'll do I'll do a shot for the troops and I won't drink it. We'll fake it. Yeah, one loves the truth. Just being a middle act is so fucking beautiful. Easiest money in the game. I miss middling. And I always would bury the headliner as hard as I could

or go down swinging and flame out. But, God, I wish I would have taken my time and featured for a little bit longer. I just wanted the extra $30. I was like, oh, fuck, I'm not going to come back here unless I, you know. You keep telling me. It went from two to three, I thought, times you've opened for me where I don't remember you. But did you ever bury me? No, because you had, I featured for you in Greeley, and I was so excited that I had a fine set.

That was 2013. And then I think you were so generous that the last time i did it ben roy featured for you you know ben roy i know the name yeah so ben roy is a fucking murderer so i just did 10 up front and hosted and then ben came on and then you went on yeah and you said the really nice thing about like uh just still in my bio i think you said i love it when guys like sam and ben open for me, because I know no matter what I do, you already got your money's worth.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, no, there's the, that there are those comics who. Yeah, but I thought you meant it.

No, I, I, no, no, there's comics who bring shitty openers on purpose because they're going to look good for me. Yeah. Which, uh Which I bring comics

I love that I don't want to follow and then they tank. It's a good business model, man. And then I get mad. I mean, I remember that time we had fucking Rob Dukes from Exodus throw out a heckler in Albany

because that guy smashed the... Yeah, because the fucking guy was heckling Junior Stopka. I'm like, I don't need an opener. Junior's not selling tickets. Yeah. I could do this show alone, UK style. I bring them out so other people can see them and appreciate them.

And also, hopefully, they get a couple more Twitter followers, you know, like, yeah, we're doing them a favor. a favor there's crossover i mean there's so many people who know junior just because he was in front of you but i get mad at the fucking audience it like no i'm i'm paying for you to see this you buck respect it and i'm like i'm not leaving till that guy gets thrown out and then there was no bouncer at this shit hole club valentine's i think it was called in albany luckily the lead singer of exodus was there yeah all tatted up and i'm like sorry to do this to you rob but you're the only guy that looks like menacing security you're gonna have to fucking throw that guy out yeah and he did and it

took about 10 minutes and then the guy threw a cinder block through the front window after it was standing there. I hope Rob said, this is your exodus. I think that was after Rob's exodus from Exodus. He bought the book. He tweeted at me, and I looked at his profile, and he was the lead singer of Exodus. He had like 1,200 followers.

I was like, oh, man. Oh, yeah, he had some stories. Yeah. That business doesn't pay as... We played for 10,000 people in Brazil. Yeah, in South America. Yeah, and then I had to get back to my day job.

You know, he's working at a radio shack. He's pissed. Customizing cars? I think he probably spoiled the way a little bit. Mm-hmm. What are you guys drinking? I think it probably squirmed away a little bit. What are you guys drinking? Vodka, soda, splash of grapefruit, splash of crayon.

But we've been doing the edibles the last couple nights and it's been fun. It's been so fun, dude. You too? Yeah, I ate an edible last night and we watched Video 43. It's called Movie 43. Have you seen it?

Yeah, I think I've seen it. Fucking brilliant. It's insane, the cast in that film, and how just gross-out comedy the whole thing is. It's a Kentucky Fried Movie, right? Yeah, but good and with Oscar winners. Halle Berry has big fake tits.

She's dipping in guacamole. It's awesome. Fucking Hugh Jackman has a pair of balls hanging off. It's really puerile comedy, but done by fucking A-grade actors. And there's one after another. Johnny Knoxville is in it. And it's got a 4% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Is that good? No, it's like the worst. Yeah, I'm like, that's the second time I've watched it in two months. I mean, it's a goofy movie that the critics hate. But aren't the critics on those things people?

Yeah, I mean, it's people and then also I think it's weighted by actual film reviewers have more say. No, there's two separate numbers on Rotten Tomatoes, right? Well, this is DirecTV gives you two different ratings. One was four and one was 23, but they're so... One's fans and one is critics. The second one is critics.

One's fans, one's critics, says my attorney in the corner. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah but i was like so stoned i'm like whatever you put on i'm gonna laugh at really hard and then you know elizabeth banks would be in one and i'd be like what the fuck i was that was i was fucking iry lund you how much you used you used to like go for the record of of milligrams for edibles but i know, did you try to pound them last night? No, I ate 15 milligrams last night. I used to eat like 2,000 and try and test the boundaries. Oh, wow. Yeah.

I have a 50 that I ain't going to fuck with for a long time. No. And also, that's after Chaley's spatchcocked a turkey and I drank eight beers with him and then switched over to White Russians or whatever. It's been a pretty debauched situation. And a lot of fly swatting. If anyone out there

is wondering what life is like at Stanhope, it's a lot of him fingering jars of caviar alone because he doesn't want to share. And then also swatting swi... swatting flies. He wanders around swatting swis.atting flies he wanders around flotting swis

yeah he's coming up with his own language again I smell toast it's all from the dumpster of the pizza hot hey how many callbacks can I make in one that pizza hot thing was something I never

told anyone for a long time because it was so stupid. Yeah, that's really bad. We've had a plague of flies like fucking Amityville Horror and it's all been since Nathan showed up. I mean, Sam.

Oh, hell yeah. At least even professional comedians, right? You know, fuck us up. Well, it's nice to have somebody like Stanhope be the one that mistakes us for one another instead of some drunken dickhead at a bar on Colfax. I had a guy say that we had done improv together a dozen times. And I was like, that's not me for sure. I don't do improv. That's Sam.

That's so weird. You're like're like dude you can say whatever you want about my friends or my wife but you say i do improv i'm fighting words brother well i tweeted last night that uh sam talent is a hipster who just couldn't fit into the clothes. It hurt a lot more than anything else he's said. Yeah, he tried to wear tight stuff for like two weeks, and it didn't stick, luckily. I don't know how he got that outfit off of you. He's got tattoos, and he knows a lot of big words, but he's slovenly, like he looks like my fan base,

but he knows too many many references talking about fugues yeah instead of when he was out in elizabeth colorado where everybody either like stole a cop car or like huffed paint every day and sam somehow decided not to do either of those things and read books and stuff, and he got cool. I puffed. I puffed a little bit. It's time in the stairs. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that was me walking up Black Knob today.

The rag was optional. Yeah, I used to know guys who would huff old refrigerators and old freezers to get the freon out of there oh it's a long way to go to get the product it's not a fun buzz either payoff isn't there if you're you know sticking up hvac guys you should probably try and get sober i would assume that it's like a whip it but yeah but like even a whippet, I don't think it's as volatile as Freon like taking that into your body. No, I don't know.

And then like with Tracy, we had to make a rule that she couldn't do them standing up with whippets. Oh yeah, definitely. Because she fell over one time. In Becker's house. But then like with I would have Freon just... You gotta watch your landing

there too. There's like tools. I would have Freon so my mask wouldn't steam up my glasses with hot breath. Ooh, nice cool breath. Then they kick you out of the Walmart. You're paying for all those refrigerators you cracked open you've been to this rc willies eight times this month and you haven't bought shit

you just keep the i'm gonna wait for the new model like usual on the podcast i'm gonna have to piss soon but i don't know since this is video if we should this is gonna be well i was gonna say should i have uh tracy or valentina be a seat filler like in the oscar so it doesn't look that was geez oh i thought there was an actual question no it wasn't an actual sexual tension between doug and chaley has been pretty heated man do! Wait till you see us fuck. It pays off. Last podcast, he's just gotten up and walked into the next room, which

is the bathroom, and continued to kind of have a conversation from the toilet. He was trying to avoid that this time. Well, I think he was trying to do it anyway. He just wanted someone in the chair. I thought he was talking to his dick.

He's like, we're doing good, mister. Oh, and a big boy. Stretch. Stretch. We will take a break. Do we have something to do at a break? I don't know if you guys have sponsors. No,

no. I put the link on the podcast. It went out last night to your podcast, but it doesn't come up in like a search. I know. Yeah. We, we've only done four and we're just,

we've, we've finally got the response from iTunes or whatever. Get on. Oh, that'll help. Yeah. Great. Yeah. I don't, we didn't release until we got i got here i was like waiting for a reason to put that's a good reason yeah

definitely so we'll keep putting the links yeah yeah look at the stanhope bump i did uh remember one thank you and i don't know who it's for all the shit this is the problem with the thank yous is the fun house is being redone and repainted so everything is taped down and all the shit this is the problem with the thank yous is the fun house is being redone and repainted so everything is taped down and all the shit that i had for thank yous i left in the fun house so now it's all under fucking paint tarps but one of them i don't remember your name but someone sent He made them himself police knee pads. And I see where you're going. Yeah, it's for when you put the knee on the neck. It says police.

Yeah, I see where you try to be funny with that. I don't see where this goes. So when you're kneeling on a black head, their hair doesn't scrape your knee. Yeah, that was his joke, but it just doesn't really... It doesn't translate. Yeah, it just has the police logo. It's the band, the police, too, so it's very confusing.

That'll be on eBay yard sale. Oh, that's up, by the way, right now. The Miller Lite sign? Miller Lite sign. Or Miller High Life? Miller Lite. Miller Lite? All right.

All right, we're going to take a break so you can go mop some of that sticky off your face. Fly strip skin. He's rarely this red. He looks like a thumb that's been slammed in a door. that's been slammed in a door. No, you know who you look like to an extent is Private Pyle. Oh, wow.

Can I get, let me do it. There we go. There you go. Yeah, what's that guy's name? Vincent D'Onofrio? D'Onofrio. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so you look like him in that movie

and then when I had my overalls I looked like him in Men in Black 1 or a couple of D'Onofrio lookalikes that's where the money is when I had longer hair people would tell me I looked like Oliver Platt which is so fucking random

I could see that I sat next to him at Gotham. I can see Joaquin Phoenix. If you had a hair lip. He used to get that all the time. I got that a lot. One girl got so mad when her boyfriend said that to me because she was a big Joaquin fan.

Not a big fan of you? No, no. She was like, no, you don't look like him. I'm sorry. And I was like, okay like no you don't look like him i'm sorry and i was like okay that's fine she was pissed i think you look like river phoenix after they found his body oh yeah look look like river phoenix would now if they dug him up all right i'm gonna go uh i'm gonna go pee sitting down since I'm not in a hurry. Man, you know, my origin story was my grandma got clawed by one of them motherfuckers.

That's my first sniff of blood. My dad goes, I go, where's grandma? And he says, follow the blood trail. And from the tiger's pod and my grandma in the back saying, I won't sue. It just like went downhill for my family from there. Hey, everybody. It's me, Brett Erickson from the Issues with Andy podcast. We love you, killer termites. And we hope you'll tune in and check us, Issues with Andy podcast. We love you, Killer Termites, and we hope you'll tune in

and check us, Issues with Andy, on YouTube. Yeah, it's not a podcast, right? Isn't it a vodcast? You're right. For once, Andy, you're right. It's a vodcast, which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka. And the V could also stand for video because it's a video podcast that's it as always i'm right and chad shank is writer

if you love the shit you're getting here on the doug stanhope podcast get more shit with us on issues with andy on youtube every friday and yeah well you keep listening and watching or however you do it, and we'll keep shitting. Landa, Doug just peed backward. He straddled the toilet. Reverse cowgirl.

I had a girl that I didn't know do that out of uh she we were at a show where there was just the one bathroom and i was in there and she came in it was like i have to pee and she sat and peed oh no she peed normal and i thought the only way i could top her was if i if i did reversegirl. I didn't know how to beat what she did. She was such a bold move. We did not know each other. It's really comfortable when you're

drunk to just put your fucking elbows up on the tank. I could just sit here. That's perfect. So, Len, listen to this. I have a pee story. I go to Horsetooth Reservoir every day and

walk my dog until he's tired, then I hop in the water. Usually when you're in the water, you pee, you know, but I was sitting on the beach after swimming, and I was reading when I had to urinate again, and I just was like, well, I'm just going to see what it's like, and I sat there and I pissed my pants. Len, what do you think about that?

Sounds like a good move, right? Well, I assume because you could just walk back into the water and rinse them off. And I hadn't pissed my pants purposely, or at least sober, in 30 years. I pissed my pants here on the driveway doing mushrooms, like too many mushrooms with Tom Rhodes. And we both were stuck to the earth in that driveway. And I go, I'm just going to have to pee. And I just pissed and bingo came out and changed me like a baby. I'm still to the fucking earth because we're going to get sucked into the atmosphere.

You never put up cameras in enough time. No. That would be fucking awesome. That'd be good Patreon. That'd be Patreon. Yeah. Baby changes. No.

I really am going to have to do mushrooms again. When I think about Tom Rhodes, I think about that old joke about penguins, how they mate for life and how we, we can't figure it out when we have all these advantages and we all look so different from each other. So there's a lot of options, but then penguins, they'll see their mate from a, you know, from across the sea and be like, there's my baby. baby wow i had a i had a penguin's mate for life joke a bit and then uh greg giraldo had one too and i'm like it's too late mine's already out i think he did his first but all with different takes of course that's where he killed himself that was my best bit man stanhope's always one step ahead That was my best bit, man. Stan hopes

always one step ahead. Lon, you peed your pants recently? Nah, man. I had a wet dream like a week ago. That was... Wow! That's funny, man. Yeah, that's better. That's better than piss in your bed because at least you

you know you came but uh yeah isn't that isn't that random as hell just just i think if i go back to that venue what was it called where if you did well someone would blow you oh the squire yeah you're 38 a week after your 38th birthday you had a wet dream yeah yeah i think it's because i sleep on my stomach you know it's just bound to happen you know you have to or you'll drown or you sleep in your stomach yeah somehow my uh my roll got uh wrapped over my dick all sweaty in there you remember what you were dreaming about fucking my own belly uh no it's just like i don't know it was just like where you i don't remember most of my dreams i think because from smoking weed but uh i think it was just you

know where you're interacting with different people and then eventually one of them like will want to have sex with you so you you start having sex and then you wake up and you came in real life is that when you rolled over on your belly i it's too long to explain and it's not because uh it's embarrassing it's just uh but yeah, I remember a wet dream where it was a big mentally ill black guy that I was friends with when I was 18 and moved to LA and he touched my penis in a cab and I had a wet this is 1985. So I don't remember the details. I just remember waking up terrified that I just had a wet dream about a man that wasn't even like plausibly attractive to anyone. You were upset because he was black, right? We might've been driving a car.

I don't know. All I know is Antar, whose name I had to change in the first book. Antar. That was the man's name? Yeah. Yeah, I went to an acting class with him, and he was mentally ill. So he was an Antar. There you go.

Come on. You can't put the ball on the tee if you don't want to whack it. Sam T-Ball. I have not released any valves. A nocturnal emission, I believe it's called. No, but I haven't even emptied the tank since I've been here. Well, yeah, that's right. You're only 33.

That's a stretch for you. What is? Four games. Going a few days without violating yourself. that's a stretch for you what is? four games going a few days without violating yourself without committing the sin of Onan I didn't want to be rude in the guest house but let me also think

about all the people who stayed in that guest house they're probably setting the record in there I thought you were going to say how many security cameras are around here. That's always it. Since Chaley put in security cameras every time before you jack, you're like, hey, wait. What zone am I in? So if I have a wet dream, it's because I'm being a good guest.

Yeah, you get backed up. You got to do it into the... I've thought about this. The least violating way that you can jerk off is directly over and into the toilet so that you're not like sweating in the bed and you're not jerking off and then touching all the sheets. You're just directly... Because you're shitting in the toilet and shitting is acceptable.

You have to. I'm too tall. Oh, I'm too short. I'm too tall for the toilet. I'm tall enough for the sink. Yeah, I'm way too short for the toilet. Not that I haven't done it, but then you have to fucking. You got to squat.

Lift up for the jizz. Otherwise, it's going to dribble down the front like a retarded person's chin. Like an antard. I had to. Yeah, I had to hold Doug up like Uppy so he could jerk off in the toilet. It was like he was peering over the fence to see the tigers in the back of the cage. Yeah, there is some squatting involved. My legs are always about to give out whenever I jack off standing up.

Yeah, I have that problem, but my legs are ready to give out anyway. That's why you sit, like you're saying, you sit backwards. You reverse cowgirl on the toilet. You can jerk off into it while sitting. That would be a weird downstroke yeah yeah it's like you're churning butter you gotta switch up the handhold it's a it's a jackhammer type move it's it's vertical but i mean switch it up lund's master jerking off all over get the evil out we're about in one of our first podcasts how much we hate horny guys,

like horny adults. You said it so long ago, Doug, that it's just a zit that you have to pop. You lance the boil so you can get on

with your day. Yeah, yeah. Like adults who walk around talking about wanting to get laid or how horny they are. It's very upsetting. It is. Well, comedians, especially Bobby Slayton was a guy. Yeah, the pit bull of comedy. He says that, dude, the first time i ever saw him he walked on stage and

said the n-word like five times immediately you know it's like shit i gotta watch every set he does he says it all yeah but i remember because i was you guys's age thinking no one wants to think about someone your age fucking no so if i do talk about fucking it's a it's a very negative place that puts the crowd at ease yeah i don't yeah yeah oh i was fucking my wife the other night there's a reason that that's a cliche about seeing your parents fuck or thinking about your parents fuck you're our parents stop talking about it definitely man although i'd probably you know get a cctv to watch you have sex just to just like a case study for the next book i think we've talked about this anatomy lesson

yeah i i like i like watching people that are good at sex have sex. Same with anything like sports, you know, people. I guess, but if you're really bad at something, too, I'll watch that as well. You want to watch sex bloopers? Yeah. Yeah. Bad. Yeah. Bad sex or bad.

Like, yeah. Bloopers for sure. Yeah. Have you ever seen the porno bloopers? Yeah. They're never good. They, for some reason, I'm like, oh, they're having good they for some reason i'm like oh they're having fun and then i'm like rock hard like look they're really having a good time at work

yeah they're never the ones you think where someone just completely shits themselves during anal like i've tried to watch the bloopers but it's just banter it's never like yeah oh yeah i think it's what it was. They quoted The Office. And I was like, yes. I just love to see people laugh. I fucking hate

those comics. Yeah, the ones that were doing some kind of false altruism. It's a gift. It's a gift and a burden, man. I just gotta fuck you. I was supposed to be a doctor yeah i watch every fucking covid report hoping that it's fucking going out of control so i never have to make people laugh again i i told sam the idea of doing a podcast and uh you know once we're doing shows it's with like no

interaction before or after with the crowd and then uh you know you just have to like get out of there you know instead of hanging out all night i was like that sounds like heaven you know the the perfect gigs that's hedberg hedberg would that. Fucking just ditch right after the show, right out the back door. Well, when I worked with him as kids, like these kids. It was a pressure that he felt he had to. I remember one time when he was like, there was a radio station that had a meet and greet where people fired calling winners after the show.

There's a huge line of people on the windows of the theater trying to how do we get in? These five people come up and he's like never, I'm not doing this. This is embarrassing. He was the least social guy ever.

Anyway. He was like you. Someone goes, hey, write this on the thing you're ever. Anyway. He was like you. Hey, write this on the thing you're signing for me. He would never do the same. He would do the same thing. Hey, write it to Brian. You're a cunt for not being here,

you fucking faggot. I'm not writing that. I'm not writing that. Faggot with four G's. Go get it. That's our thing. I'm drunk. that. I'm not writing that. Bag it with four Gs. Go get it. That's our thing. I'm drunk. I love you.

Yeah. You know, and that. I had Ron White sign a bottle of tequila for my uncle after I was hanging out with him. And I was like, can you make it up to Tom? And he wrote, to Ron. Stay evil. Was it his tequila? Yeah, it was his tequila.

My suburban uncle. Stay evil. Who are some of the good and bad headliners that you've worked with? Who was a cunt and who was incredible? Well,

shit. Doug, are you going to answer? a cunt and who was like incredible well shit well I thought of this like when I was a kid it was it has to be Todd Jordan but I was like terrible like oh yeah Doug hates Todd Jordan I let a lot of that stuff go. Once I've learned about mental. No, I was a kid and knuckleheads in Minneapolis and he fucking threw a fitted, threw me up against the wall because I was trying to fuck a waitress. And you're the, this guy's like you to try to fuck every waitress and give us all a bad

name. Well, I have a shot. Yeah. No, I was a kid. Yeah. You guys were just talking about how gross it is when grown men No, I was a kid. I was in my mullet years, baby. You don't have a mullet

for no pussy. And then Todd Jordan married one of the, you know, higher ups at comedy works. But I'm trying to think who's incredibly hot. Like, who I've had a oh yeah sam's all about it problem with i think neil hamburger was the one who was the worst of you

i talked about on the last pod yeah he was yeah ron white was fucking always beautiful to me i stole one of his lines on my early cd one of them not not from stage something he said in a green room not a green room a condo oklahoma city and yo this wouldn't fly in this day and age but the opening act was a girl named tracy brown from houston never saw her before or since uh and we're just sitting around after the show in the condo drinking beers and there's a lull in the conversation and he looks at tracy goes so tracy what are the chances you turn and lose some of that old pussy so yeah i i stole what is it all right yeah i'm pretty sure ron used that line on wendy curtis

six months ago dude yeah ron was in town i mean he wouldn't i don't think he'd remember at the grocery store and he said that to the clerk to judge one time in his last divorce trial. Yeah. Me and Lund were hanging out with Ron White with our friend Aaron Urist and we were all eating mushrooms. Me and Lund were

fucking going in real deep and the bowl of mushrooms went to our friend Aaron. Yeah, he had like a fucking ounce and a half of mushrooms ground up in the dust. And he was eating them all day. Lipping them like they were chaw. And Aaron had like a fucking ounce and a half of mushrooms ground up in the dust. And he was eating them all day. That's the way to do it. Pinching them, lipping them like they were chaw. And Aaron was like a total weenus.

I get the bandits. Oh, the bandits are great. Yeah, the snooze. Yeah. Harris reached in and took a fake pinch of mushrooms and put them in his mouth. And I called them out right there in front of God and everyone. I was like, you're pinch fibbing. his mouth and i called them out right there in front of god and everyone i was like you're pinch fibbing and he was like no i'm not i just don't want to get that high and i'm like eat some or

fucking get off the bus dude another fake pinch and i call i still call him pinch fibber to this day well that's what before you have to call me hey do you have a title for this podcast pinch fibbing oh no the Jewish behemoth he's one guy that I never really considered

but I've been introduced to people through their friendship with doug yeah do i know them as friends of doug's and not with a you know like rogan right i've heard of his name before until he got the mansion but ron white was the most gracious motherfucker i mean he let us run roughshod over his two houses we did houses. We did it in L.A. I don't know if you were there for L.A. And then, obviously, Atlanta.

He dared us to have as much fun as we wanted to. Yeah. And Eric said, yeah. And then in the morning he said, oh, yeah, I was drunk when I told you the tour bus is going to take you back into Atlanta proper. You're going to have to find an Uber. We got to hang out with his friend Tom Hester.

Do you know Tom? Oh, yeah. No, that's when I hung out on his bus doing mushrooms. I was at Hester's house. And Hester in Austin says, oh, I just got a call from Ron White. His bus is parked up there. He just got done playing a gig in Killeen. And, yeah, we hung out on that bus doing mushrooms all night.

Not pinch fibbing. He was he when we showed up, Tom, when he was introduced to us, shithouse, because they they got to where we were hanging out like hours before us. And and, you know, that that old crew. And so they started partying and we showed up late that first night and he was just like I just love Ron man I just fucking love

I love all of you too I don't give a fuck and we he was the best right away we had so much fun with him well he wasn't the best right away we thought he was an old drunk fucking hack initially because all he could say was I love you Ron that's all he said the whole time we were there and then we were hanging out with uh hester for the next couple days and he was the man hester uh i don't know what the fucking thing is

tom has yeah yeah fucking old school uh staple of austin comedy yeah and he went to Greece and sent me and I'm not really even that close with him like it's not like we talk yeah that's him yeah Hedberg knows him yeah Tommy so Hester went to like the Parthenon

or something and he stole a couple of pebbles that like you go to jail for life if they catch you and i still have a mirror somewhere in the fucking crawl space and i'm like that's so cool he mailed them to me and i'm like i don't even really know this guy i mean other than if i'm in austin i know to say hi and have a cocktail with him. Yeah, he had a great Camaro. No, no, he's got a Corvette. You do a better Tom than I do. He's got a Corvette.

We didn't take it out, though. He kept saying that we could get a ride in it, but it didn't happen. But yeah, Tom, he just fucking, I'm serious, y'all. There was a ship in the place place we were staying at there was this like uh little you know a model of a ship and he went up to it and grabbed like this little uh like a little placard and he just he acts like he's reading it and he's like this ship from in the 1800s was a big old part of the slave trade. And he just is talking, gives this whole history.

And it was the Wi-Fi information. It was none of it was on there, but he just weaved a whole little tale for us about this old ship. Tom had a great joke. He was like, yeah, man, you know, I've been dating some wild women. I mean, feral. Shit, they run up out of the woods. They know, I've been dating some wild women. I mean, feral shit. They run up out of the woods. They eat the food out of my dog's dish. I mean, wild.

He's gay as hell. He's never touched a woman his entire life. I wonder why he was in Greece. Not by choice, yeah. He went to where they invented it. Yeah, I haven't had anybody be a real dick to me uh that i can think of just like there's that vibe in the green room when they don't want the openers in there and then it's like all right i guess i can get out of here yeah i get that vibe the older i get but that's because the opener's always fucking talking over his friend who's the middle egg but it's a whole

different thing. And then we do a good cop bad cop where I come in hot and then if Doug wants him to stay he'll go no no that's cool Jimmy or he'll be like on the phone. Okay have you ever had a headliner tell you A drop

that bit because it steps on my dick or you can't sell merch, which is even worse. Chris DiStefano? I only know him because I knew Mike DiStefano, who was one of the best, and I always get confused. Chris DiStefano. Yeah, Chris DiStefano. DiStefano, yeah.

He was a very good comedian, but he was not happy with me because I was trying to get my JFL set together, so I was featuring for him the whole weekend, and I was just swinging for the fences, and he was really mad at me, and then on

Saturday, he didn't let me be in the green room, and he also told me to drop half my act. And I watched his act, too. He wasn't doing any of the jokes he told me to drop. But he was just like that. He didn't want you to drop the funny ones. Exactly, yeah. And I just did the other funny ones and rained even more pain upon him.

Wow. Yeah, yeah. He's very funny, too. Might as well. Yeah, all right. He's very funny too Yeah alright And then sometimes at Comedy Works We'll have to open for like the girl code comedians And they'll Jessie Mae Peluso

Yeah She was one of the She's been here No no Christina Hutchinson And uh fuck Now you're gonna to make me look bad for not remembering the other ones. I was opening for one of the Girl Code

comics one time. I don't remember her name or I'd say it. And she didn't even tell me to... She didn't even tell me. She's had someone else tell me to lighten up on her pretty much. It's even worse when the club is the one who intervenes

because they see how bad it's going. Yeah, I've had that happen. Like I've gotten bumped from a half hour to 20 minutes, and then by the end of the weekend I'm hosting and the host is featuring. Yeah. Because I remember, again, you have to understand that I haven't worked in like clubs where you have no say over who's with you in a long time.

Yeah. So it's either locals that have promoted the if we're just using locals and we're not bringing someone on the road or the person I'm bringing on the road. I've brought on the road for years. But I remember when merch had become a thing, like the opener saying, is it okay if I sell merch? Because a lot... I'm like, what fucking headliner would say you can't sell merch knowing how little you fucking make? That's a polite...

That's an etiquette. And a band is the same thing. If you're a headlining band, you have the most real estate on the merch table. And then the opening bands should get something, but they can't have 18 t-shirts. Mischka. They can't have a huge, when you were in bands,

the opening act or the local act that went up satan's penis goes up first yeah and then they've got seven t-shirts five beanies koozies and like get the fuck out of here yeah you get uh two square feet here on the end right but it's a courtesy and anyone any venue that has like like opening acts and middle acts like that i would i would love that because that's a tip of the hat the old days. It's like, hey, that's what you do. You ask permission. Hey, is this cool if I do this?

I just want to check. Well, no, they were doing it because other people have said, no, you can't sell merch if I'm selling merch. You're cutting into my sales. And the only time I've ever, and it's always someone I know ask someone to drop a bit is if I'm filming a fucking special

and I that kind of steps on the dick of this I also when I'm on the road and I have an opener and wants to sell their t-shirts or whatever I always do it alright so how about we sell one of my t-shirts and one of your t-shirts for 30 bucks yeah and then we both and I'll gonna yeah we do that a lot and i'll sell more too

because you're getting two for you know what they think is a bargain so yeah that's a good move to do it's so much easier now we get a square or something like that exactly yeah hey uh guys we podcast it's uh christina hutchinson would you have yeah and then fisher yes we did the all things comedy festival with them when they actually booked us at the All Things Comedy Festival. Yeah, that stopped. Yeah. All I remember is pissing on Ari

Shafir, and I only remember that because someone sent me video of it. Yeah, it just came up recently. Also, that's another guy, like Ari Shafir, because i know that you have this whole brand where you're like mean but you're not you know and ari shafir has you know he think no one thinks that he gives a shit about anyone but himself he's never been nicer to me no one's

ever been nice like in montreal he took all the new faces out to lunch and told us like who not to talk to who was a chicken hawk to avoid like what to say to agents yeah yeah and then he and then he you know paid a $900 lunch yeah yeah and then he looked me up he saw i was in milwaukee and had me like cancel my gig in madison and come feature for him at a giant theater gig in milwaukee the paps theater yeah all right great oh and now you can't get booked back into that place you canceled and Ari doesn't return your calls. Sorry. Yeah, I'll never be back

at that Hooters in Madison. Yeah, I've genuinely had really good experiences with comics. But also, you haven't had to work with the people who aren't comedians and they're YouTube stars or Tik TOK people. Well, no, we had to wait for that guy to close.

Wait, Nashville uncle was a fan. And that guy could not be more bored on his face to be backstage at Doug standup. Yeah. Are you talking about Nashville Zanies? more bored on his face to be backstage at Doug's stand-up, like his sold-out show. Are you talking about Nashville Zanies? Where they had a 7.30 show and this guy just pretended to be an old Southern grandma, but he didn't

even put on a costume. Oh, it was Southern Mama? Yeah. That guy got his dick handed to him in Montreal. Did you guys see that shit? Oh, that's the same guy? Yeah. His uncle or whoever it was, That guy got his dick handed to him in Montreal. Did you guys see that shit? Oh, that's the same guy? Yeah. Yeah.

His uncle or whoever was like the guy old enough to buy beer and drive. That guy and the guy's girlfriend, they wanted to come backstage to see Doug after the show. They did an early, early show and then a regular show and then we went on like at 10 or something. It was crazy, right? But it was like, you maximize the capacity for the shows at the venue, right? Put them in there. We don't care.

Well, there's no green room in fucking Nashville anyway. It's the office of And you walk right on stage at Zayn. We sold merch on the sidewalk at 10 30 at night but the green room is right behind the stage walk out the door and you're at stage left all right i was thinking that was the office but still we're rafi yeah yeah that's the office but uh the point being is like the uncle was thrilled to be back there and this guy just sat there this guy's just filming instagram i don't remember

meeting that guy i couldn't i i don't remember meeting that guy because i can't imagine i was sober enough to not talk shit after the show yeah, maybe I didn't know it was the guy. I also. He blended in pretty quick to like, I don't want to be here. Yeah. You would have brought him back at that point. I don't appreciate you guys misgendering Southern mama. All right.

How dare you have some respect. Put some. Two sold out shows. Yeah, of course. I think the first one loaded in at six yeah right a lot of people

are very dumb it makes sense that mama has a big old crab alright children I think we did a podcast

yeah I think so Nathan don't fall for his peer pressure don't start drinking again

you're doing fine oh yeah thanks man if you are or his peer pressure. Don't start drinking again. You're doing fine. Oh, yeah. Thanks, man. If you are going to fall off the wagon, though, come down here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where I'll, yeah, that is the only place that I would consider getting fucked up would be Bisbee. And then you'd go, I drove all the way for this.

Stanhope went to bed at 930. Yeah, but I'm up at 545, and I'm doing all sorts of chores. Yeah, Stan Hope cleaned the entire property today. It's wild. Yesterday was my day. Today was his day. Tomorrow's your day. I'm leaving at 8 a.m.

Oh, no, no, no. He's going to have to leave the patio. Are you going to Marc Maron me and lock the gates? That's weird. I was just when we were talking about comics, Marc Maron has never treated me bad, but he's one of those guys that I'm afraid of. Cause I think that he hates me because I think that he thinks I hate him.

Like this guy's as afraid of like Patrice O'Neill was a guy that, oh, my God, that guy could eviscerate you. If he wanted to take you down, him, Norton, they just, they're fucking good at finding your weak spots. I fancy myself good at that, too. You are very good at that. Yeah, but I don't think I'm that good.

You're very good at that. I'm afraid when you no longer walk me around. It will be evident after three cocktails. Tracy, we're leaving. Yeah, I've been waiting to get the boot. Sam, you got to hose down the driveway. I will. I'm actually going to strip nude and cover myself in soap and water and roll up and down the driveway. I will. I'm actually going to strip nude and cover myself in soap and water and roll

up and down the driveway. Listen, we're going into our six month next week and I don't want anyone cleaning for me because I am so good at it now. You do better

than the people you hire, which makes me angry when you say, I'm going to get this person to clean. I'm like, well, Julia. Yeah. Julia.

When she shows up late, I do the whole thing. I go, it's not that hard. Well, I get her to fucking run groceries or something. I find other things. Yeah.

I find other things I hate doing for anyone. We have a deep clean coming up in the funhouse because everything under those two tents has to be yep blown off and then like unless the fucking monsoons come in and they're gonna get washed by god and i like it when god works for me because he doesn't let you tip out is Is it for you or with you? Against me. Great to hear. I do want to say that, Sam, you listen to Doug's new book. Yeah.

That's going to be available August 20th on Audible. Yep. No encore for the donkey. I downloaded it, but for some reason I was wasted last night. Yeah. But I actually listened to chapter six. Doug, sounds great. Audio-wise, I thought everything was fine.

I don't know what they fucking... I don't know who has the patience over there at Audible to realize there's a pause here that is necessary. I'm hearing that. I'm not hearing like just a snare drop to the beat. there is pausing that's

going on there which is i think that's brian and uh our uh our director chelsea because i i was like even in my haze of drunkenness i'm like oh i'm not this is okay because i recorded it and i'm always and sam talents running with the light running the light running with the light, running the light, running with the light, running the light on, uh, Sam talent.com. That's where you got fucked up.

Sam talent.com. But Twitter is at talent. Sam was who else? It's the other way around. I know, but he should have a fucking website that matches his fucking Twitter handle. Just get a new website. Squarespace.

Have you tried Squarespace? I haven't since they stopped sponsoring us. Our website's on Squarespace. So is ours. Yeah. As soon as you make it on that and you say it a few times, then they don't pay you anymore. Yeah. Also, the preorder is live for the e-book if you're listening to this and you've been demanding the e-book you can get it on amazon uh running the light yeah running the

light what i was gonna say is because i've been pushing it but like when you watch fucking tiger king or something like everyone watched that now you can go on twitter and talk about it wasn't this fucked up like now that i a lot of you thankfully have bought the book read the book i'm not trying to get them sales i want to fucking talk to you who have read the book on twitter so read it once you it's it's like a good uh it's like ozark You watch the first episode. Oh, I'm going to be here for four days watching the entire three seasons. We're not talking about it on Issue with Andy until everyone's read the book. And all four people have the book. I'm just waiting for them to read it because they don't have the time.

That's what, like I said, I'm going to do press for my Audible book. But after, okay, I want you on my podcast. I want you on my radio show. Not until you've read the fucking thing. Don't try to tell me to tell you what it's about. So, yeah, read his fucking book after you buy it. Sam, you know what I were talking about last night. Well, I think I was telling you that I thought it would be brilliant to make people, like what Doug said, read the book first because it jumps off into so many stories because other comics, if they read that book, they will have a bajillion stories that relate to something with Billy Wayne.

Yeah. Billy Ray. Sorry. something with Billy Wayne. Billy Ray. Sorry, Billy Ray. But it is one of those things where if you did that, all these comics, they've got stories that parallel all of that shit. That would be in it. And they would only benefit

to have a better podcast by talking about something that is personal to them based on your book. It's a win-win. Just fucking tweet it at comics if you're listening tweet it at comics that it makes you think of after you've read it because the club owners the fucking this is the real road this is not i'm trying to get a fucking sitcom deal uh la toughened out long enough until my agent calls Yeah

Hoping to get on a boat Oh my god I'm glad you read it so quickly Because I sent it to Nathan And how long did it take you to read your best friend's magnum opus? I sat on it for a while Yeah what six months? Yeah I didn't read it right away. Sorry.

It obviously affected you. You're spiraling. You know who's not read any of my books? My wife. By the time the third one came around, I go, alright, I'm going to open up about a lot of shit.

Doug signed on to read a chapter in mine. I'm in. Oh, did we talk about this on a podcast? Yeah. No, he wants to get a different comic to read every different chapter. And I'm like, I'm in.

The Beastie Boys did that, and it was fucking fantastic, because you start by going, that's Don Cheadle. And then near the end, you're like, you don't even know it's Don Cheadle. It's someone talking about something that matters to them. Yeah, that's why I'm going to push it, because I like the last two books. This was going to be the one where we had all the people that were in it. But this one has fucking De in it hey dep heads dep donuts

yeah all that shit why hasn't he ever said anything on twitter about the whole johnny dep situation since well it's in the book there but fucking manson rogan and burr i covid fucked it up but the truth is I was developing ulcers in my fucking Crohn's disease, which I have neither. I was developing both just thinking of having to ask, hey, would you mind doing the podcast version of this book? Well, coronavirus didn't fuck it up. Coronavirus has been a boon for me i think this is like even i was uh talking to hennigan i think it's better that you were forced to do it all by yourself because it's of the personal

nature of the book i think the podcast version would have fucked up the whole flow of the book. Like the, the, it is, it's personal. And it's, it's, uh, it, there's a lot of shit going on. Whereas like,

if all of a sudden David Spade did a chapter, it might take away from that. Well, no, not like his. No, I'm not saying for you. This was,

this is a very, but to go into like what other people's memories of that event were, but we are going to do that for sure on a podcast. Yeah. Yeah. All the people that are here for like the pilot shooting and everyone we can get from here, we'll do a podcast. We can still do that for people who have listened to the book. And I love it. Sam loves it because that validates it.

It's really great, man. Yeah. But I will ask people for you. Hey, you gotta read a chapter. You heard it here first, guys. David Spade. If you gotta tell, dude, holy shit.

Tells the guy. I don't think you can read. No, yeah. I'll give him you know 30 bucks we were due for a podcast with Attell we were going to do one yeah but he's only awake at he was going to be two months max he's awake at 2am

he's looking for a new partner in crime I heard he wants to bump some mics oh my god that's a whole other podcast. What? Now? All the people that are being outed? Sam won't leave at 8 a.m.

if he's got David Tell on the line here at 2 a.m. Oh, I thought you were... He just led me into... He's talking about Jeff Ross. Fucking... Maybe we talked about this the other night. You mean you're going to try and give me the second mic? Thanks, Shaylee. I just want Doug to call me to tell at 2 a.m.

and make you not leave at 8 a.m. No, dude. I'll stay here for sure. Look, I'm going to send Lund up. He's going to hit my wife with the chloroform, and I'm going to stay here for a lot longer. She'll be fine being a doctor. She doesn't need you holding her back anymore.

You can stay down there. Hang out down there for a couple years. She'll be fine. Lund, what's your Twitter? At Nathan Lund. Is it a locked account? No. Do I have to no on a pending

to see if you accept me no no it's wide open as are his DM's ladies sure yeah get in there one loves nudes I'm gonna take a shower it's gonna feel so fucking good

I'm gonna hop in there too thanks to all the killer Termites for listening. And if you're a chubby behemoth listener, you know, follow Doug. He's the man. We didn't intro him for a reason. We didn't have to be like, oh, we got Doug Stanho. Yeah. I don't think we're going to.

He said he would be willing to shave his head. I had some ideas. Maybe we'll talk about it before he leaves do the do the two separate mohawks like uh like the legion of doom no like legion like uh hawk from legion of doom i'm gonna get my comb because i had an idea i woke up with an idea no tonight later i'm gonna do an edible and then a... Oh, okay. I know where this is going. I'm tying it on tight so you can do whatever you want to me, Doug. But I am going to shave the queer.

Shave his back. See if you got the commitment to shave his back. You know, weed whacker. Lung, call Emily Turner not to wait up. Is that his wife's name? Yeah. He wouldn't give me her name. he gave me her number but said you guessed her measurements

just gives her measurements yeah alright Nathan go put on your fan thank you the Chumbawamba podcast that's right yeah Chumbawamba say it say it for real Chubby Behemoth Chubby Behemoth Wumba podcast. That's right. Yeah. Chumba Wumba. Number one. Chumba Wumba podcast.

Say it. Say it for real. Chubby Behemoth. Chubby Behemoth. It's what son of Sam called himself in his letter to the New York Times. Huh? Yeah. Yeah.

It always resonated with us for some reason. I don't know if it's because we're fat, evil pieces of shit or not, but. All right. Thanks guys. Sorry. Sorry. Our career didn't work out, Nathan. Yeah. Maybe in another life. Yeah. You could have been Andy Andrist if you would have answered that email.

I did the show. I'm out. I'm out of this house and it's mine. Thanks a lot, man. Love you, buddy. I love you. Take us out of this house and it's mine. Thanks a lot, man. Love you, buddy. I love you. Take us out of this bingo. Okay.

Bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.