The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #415: No Reason To Be Funny

Episode Date: October 28, 2020

Doug welcomes a new stray into the compound and Chaille and Chad return from their trip to panamint. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0Check Out Doug's Weekly eBay Yard Sale listing - https://www.ebay.com/usr/stanhope_podcast?_trksid=p2047675.l2559Recorded Oct. 23rd, 2020 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know.LINKS - Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit - Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Good night. Hello? Hi. I'm sitting here. Please wait for the host to start this meeting. Oh, it's already started. It's not for me. Yeah. I've just been watching this thing rotate for the last six minutes, eight minutes. Maybe refresh it? Yeah.

I got to see why he's not in there. Oh, I see. I gave you the same link I gave Chad, so... Alright, I'm reopening it. If you open your Doug Stanhope Gmail, in your Hotmail, I resent the links again from this open window. The host has another meeting in progress. So you've got, you've got a link that's a Vogue.

So close out of that one. And then you'll see that. Yeah. Look, there you are. How come I don't see him? There he is. There he is. God. It just says Dougoug but hey hello you know me i was early

i just assumed chaley's being his usual late self i was up five minutes at least six minutes you will make your fucking wife do dishes in the background on purpose. I said, look, if we're going to do this, I need you working the whole time. I can't have you, like, not doing something. So even if you're just dirtying dishes to clean them. You're going to see Jonathan Short fetching me whiskey cokes. I saw him go by. Yeah, well, the other guy up here can't be named or seen.

yeah well the other guy up here can't be named or seen i love how chaley told me hey have your podcast notes ready like i have stories you guys have all the stories yeah it's all on the podcast it's on the podcast we already did yeah i told you all I told you already. I told you already. Well, that's true. They'll have to. We're driving traffic. That's the whole purpose of this one. I told you, Shaylee and I did the same exact thing.

And that's napped and sat in camp. We didn't take walks or adventures. We didn't participate in anything. It took one walk. Did you? Yeah, I finished a book, started another fucking fantastic book. I blocked entrance to the cabin

with my hammock and didn't give a fuck. Yeah, it's great. I wish I... You have no way to put up a picture, do you? Well, on the fly, no. It doesn't matter. I'll just tell you. You know about the meth drive-thru?

Yeah. Chad, do you know about that? Yes. The house down at the bottom of Black Knob, fucking tired of the meth house beside it, and put up a, yeah, there you go. Yeah, there you go there you go the paper well now the i walked the dogs past the uh meth house today the question alleged meth house in question these so labeled meth house and uh they've put up a sign in response. Huh. Taxpaying citizen? Around the corner? Hang on.

This is fucking beautiful. Come on. I gotta blow this up. Pedophile. Just a head on right. Misspelled pedophile just a head on right misspelled pedophile i think that's that's the kind that does your feet man yeah like pedicure yeah yeah. Appointment necessary. Yeah, that's not even a bad guy. It also made the police beat, which is old.

But when someone complained about the meth drive-thru sign on that guy's property and said the police said the property owner has a right to put up signs even if they're in bad taste. Well, I don't know. That might be a little much on that end. I don't, I don't know. Slander and the rules of slander and, and anything,

anything that enters into that thing. What is it? Defamation. All that. This is the wild west. This is going to end with somebody getting shot. Something. Yeah. We have two friends that used to live in the house right behind the meth all that. This is the Wild West. This is going to end with somebody getting shot. Something, yeah.

We have two friends that used to live in the house right behind the meth house. Alleged meth house? Yes, the alleged meth house. And now a state trooper lives there. I guess the guy did get busted at one time for having illegal arms

with the serial numbers filed off. That's normal. I mean, who doesn't do that? So he was out in a minute. Is that a big crime, Chad? Filing off serial numbers from arms? I've never had to do it, so I don't know.

I mean, is that something that that like if someone's doing that there's a that's that's probably uh they're doing it for i mean it's it's indicative of a bigger crime but i think it's a crime in and of itself as well yeah but the idea that if he if the guy is selling meth and there's that much traffic at night, that he's living beside a state trooper and that doesn't queer him away? Good cover. Good cover, though. Think about it. Yeah, that state trooper just gets home.

You think he wants to deal with shit? That motherfucker's got blinders on. I just got home from work. Yeah. What, I want to write paperwork up now? Fuck it. I don't care. Evidently, they're really fucking loud from all accounts.

Maybe he's just selling pussy. That's why he's got a lot of traffic in and out. That guy just assumed it was meth. Oh, he's selling pussy. But pedophiles go next door. That's a new branch. Pet eye files. Bisbee pussy.

I don't think there'd be much of a line out front, no matter what time of day. Well, yeah, he's important pussy. He's not selling Bisbee pussy. He knows his market. I'm trying to get my balance here. I'm sitting on one of those ass donuts.

Yeah, I got a I guess purple mud bunion. Well, it might be be uh i'm gonna call this one a tumor in my taint uh i got a big fucking i was i last night i was like what the fuck i reached around while i was laying on the couch and i started fucking fiddling with my taint and jenny's like what are you doing and i go feels like i have a vagina over here. Swell all up and fucking got it. Yeah, I had one of those a long time ago. Like everything else, he ignored it, goes away.

That's what I'm hoping to do. It could be a, if it's in the region near, but not the ass, it could be an ingrown hair, which. Oh, no. I was just going to say ingrown gerbil. This is right smack dab in the middle of the perineum, I had to tell

the VA lady on the phone. She kept me like, near your anus? I'm like, it's in my taint. I finally had to use the word taint so that she would know where I was. Stir, I won't have you use such a bolder term. Oh, okay. She got it when i said because she's like is it near the scrotum or the angle it's dead smack in the middle dmz

she's like what is it because i took it's like a lump in there and it's swollen and she goes well what is it can you describe it i go oh yeah it's like someone shoved a double a battery in my taint or a a large Tootsie Roll. She's like, okay, that's descriptive. Fun size or like a regular doctor's visit Tootsie Roll? This is a trick or treat joke. So she authorized me to go to urgent care

in the next 24 hours. So now all I have to do is hope it goes away. The next 24 hours. Hot compass. I'm to do is hope it goes away. Yes. 24 hours. I'm not touching it. I've been taking baths, but a warm bath to try to help it. But,

uh, the thing that scared me, cause I wasn't really worried about it too much until she started talking to me. And she's like, are you bleeding out of your penis? And I'm like, no. Okay.

If that, if that happens, you go right to the emergency room. I'm like, no. Okay. If that happens, you need to go right to the emergency room. I'm like, well, no shit. I have to go to the emergency room if that happens. You're pissing blood. You're not sitting on a phone asking questions. I'll wait.

I can hold. I'd still ignore it. I don't remember our good friend. I'd say the beats must have gone down the wrong pipe. It's a, well, the thing, when I looked it up,

like you could have a infection or anything going on anywhere in your body. And it's one of those places that'll like, you got like lymph nodes or some shit that'll swell referred. Yeah. It can be referred pain. They call it, you know? Yeah.

You have an infected chakra. Yes. Yes. I need to do some uh drugs jaylee you look so much more handsome on camera than even in person and you're a handsome man at first uh let me see i think there's a thing i found on here you go into video settings and i call it the moonlighting trick. It's touch up my appearance, and it slides over. You can go harsh to like soft Vaseline lens.

I wasn't going to say anything until someone said something. I did notice early on that you looked real smooth and nice. Yeah. I thought it was just refreshed after your vacation. Yeah, I don't have any of these settings. What kind of shitty computer did you leave me with? Participants, reactions. Yeah, I don't know.

Go down to where it says stop video. There's a carrot, an up carrot. Click on that and go to video settings. Video settings. I like this. Touch up my appearance. Let's see if it does anything at all for me. Oh, here it is.

Ooh, look at that. It softens it. It made the lump on your perineum go away. I look better not blurry. Yeah, Joby gave me this, and I realized, oh, this is really good for hiding my fucking wrinkly neck. I think that's why Joby always wears his, too. He doesn't seem to be a mask guy. I bet he's hiding something there.

I liked it. I wore one of those while we were in the desert, and you didn't have to use a mask unless you were going up to eat. So most of the time, you just wear it up over your head. Yeah, like on Survivor, they called them a bug. They were a craze for a while when Survivor was a craze. Yeah. It's like a tube. Yeah.

Yeah. So what does everyone think about the dog? What dog? Chaley doesn't seem to think I should keep it. Well, I don't think anybody thinks you should keep it. Everyone thinks it's great you did that and you saved the dog from running around in the street. I think it's a good, I think it's a cool dog, but don't know that it's a a lot of fucking work that dog is gonna be man that dog wasn't he didn't just get loose somebody decided it was too much work

for them and just let it jump their fence right but they they're not looking for it they know that you know they're like that's somebody else he can have them right i can't i gotta train him out of chewing shit and leaping the fence. I told the dog yesterday when I saw him, I go, just enjoy it. This is your foster, first of many foster homes, buddy. You're going to look back on this place with fond memories. Fantasy camp for dogs. At first, he hopped the fence.

He wasn't trying to get out. He was trying to get to me because I had left. I just went up to the quiet house to drop off something for bingo and the dog went fucking ballistic and leapt over. This is a fucking puppy and he still leapt over

a five foot fucking gate. With a paw that big. A puppy with a paw that big. Yeah, he's going to be fucking enormous. But the people, the neighbors up the street that uh coerced me into you know uh roping the dog in they have a couple dogs and they said hey why it's a puppy he's got a lot of before you get rid of it why don't you bring him over here

play with our dogs because they're young and active and that'll wear them out so uh i did it yesterday and today i brought him back and uh and then i left to see if he'd freak out because he generally won't leave my feet he's at my feet right now and uh yeah i left him with those dogs and he just went right back to playing with the dogs i walked out of his field of vision and he had no problem. So that's because that's what he wanted to do. Yeah. When he jumped the fence the first time.

Hey, I guess, you know what your neighbors have that you don't Doug a six foot high fence. No, they have a five foot high fence too. And it's, but it's, it's slats.

It's not, uh, your fence is taller than yours. No, they have five foot fence.'s five foot fence but he didn't try he didn't even he saw me leave and didn't give a fuck he likes dogs more than people he wanted when we first got him up here we had uh jonathan no mamu's dog and uh back to our mike's dog, the Pit Bull and Henry. So the four of them, they were just running roughshod. He seemed to be very happy, and he seems happy when he goes over there.

And I walk him twice a day, so it gets me exercise. Sounds like a win-win. He's going in to get his balls examined tomorrow to see what size of a saw it's going to take to take them off. All's examined tomorrow to see what size of a saw it's going to take to take them off. See, now, when you do that, aren't you kind of declaring that it's your dog? No, it's much easier. You could do that as a favor for the next owner. Yeah, it's much easier to get rid of a dog that's neutered. I guess anyone that would come now might have a complaint, but then yours would be, well, where the fuck were you?

This dog could be flat on the street by now. Listen, I'm not attached to the dog where if anyone with a decent home wanted to take the dog, I'd give them the dog, the cat, my old dog. I have no attachments. I don't get emotional. I don't miss Ichabod. Yeah, what a monster. I only miss Trousers because I swore that one would live the longest,

and that was the one that was the least effort. Oh, you just wanted to be right? Yeah, Trousers didn't bother me at all. She'd fucking let you pet her. She'd be nice. She didn't do, like, meat wig and yowl and wake you up at fucking four in the morning every goddamn day. Yeah, the beauty of meat wig is if he comes to the back door, we let him in, and he gets to go out once. That's it.

So then he stays out. Wow, maybe you should train this dog. If you train cats so well, they're untrainable. Well, maybe you should train this dog. If you train cats so well, they're untrainable. You can probably do wonders with this dog. Meatweed came up this morning when I was leaving to walk the dogs. And tentatively, first time he's come up on his own. And he got a little past the laundry room. And I just said, fuck it, I'll feed you.

I'll feed you down there. I don't know if he came in while I was gone. Has he been around down there? Yeah, every night. And Tracy says during the day today. Yeah, they'll fucking work it out. Henry's sleeping right here next to this fucking beast. The dog is cool as shit.

He's a nice dog. He could be a real good dog. he's just going to take a lot of training that kind of dog is going to need a lot of stimulus especially when you you know when shit picks up and you got to start going places you're gonna have to have somebody hang out you know all the time with the dog which means derrick is now living in your fucking house again again i i have no qualms with and the dog like you have no qualms with what our friend who can't be named he loves that guy like he will it's not like i'm the only person it likes maybe it's his dog we told him last night that he should take the dog. Yeah, why not? Fury told him he'd help him train it.

He's so fucking OCD. I said to Bingo, I thought that was a good match. Even Derek wouldn't take the fucking dog. He said absolutely no. And he owns his house. Our fucking... I would not let you give that dog to Derek. He's a renter. That wouldn't be right.

Yeah, being a renter does suck. That part plays a big... But that's his excuse. He's so OCD. I said it probably has... The dog will fucking flip its tail and knock one of his figurines, I assume he owns,

and twist it open. All his glass hummels? Yeah. You tell him. He twists them every day to get the proper sunlight on their faces. Well, no, they'll fade. If you keep them in the same direction facing a window, the hummels, the paint over time will fade. Oh, no.

He puts sunblock on them. It's my fantasy. He sunblocks them. He keeps them on a lazy Susan so he can spin them. Spin them around? Daisy Susan, so he can spin them around. You tell him, I said, it's time to be responsible for his actions and buy a house and get that dog and take it home with him. I agree. Oh, he's listening.

How about this, Doug? You just give me the dog for a week and I'll work it so hard, like building a railroad. And then our friend will take pity and go, bring him over here and then bottle feed him or whatever he wants to do. All right, Jonathan. Whiskey splash of Coke. What are you drinking? Whiskey Coke. I had to get in the mood quick. Hey, Trace, could I get a

Bacardi Coke Zero? Oh, Coke Zero? That's the way to live? That's a new thing for me. Yeah, it's a fucking terrible thing. Look, you already said it makes me look better. That Coke Zero makes you look airbrushed. I gotta start doing sit-ups

with my neck. I think I did ten podcasts of other people's podcasts while you were gone and all I do is stare at my fucking wrinkling neck. You know when you put that thing on, it's more wrinkles? Yeah, yeah, but it's more sharpay wrinkles.

Yeah. Cute. Flattering. Cute, not sad wrinkles. Yeah. Someone that watched my special emailed me going, you don't need to be in high definition. I couldn't get past your neck for most of your special

i mean what do you how do you how do you process process that doug but how do you do you both have something that's one random person made reference to that stayed with you the rest of your fucking life where you're always uh yeah the fucking ex-girlfriend I had Christine Hodge the fucking head of the class girl she was she had a

pregnancy scare and then she's in at the curse on address where you know that apartment the condemned apartment the bedroom where i can still hear her as though she's in the same room talking to her best friend yeah it was negative thank god i can't imagine having a baby porn with those yellow smoke stained chip teeth i've never smiled the same since yeah you blame me for that for a while, though, too, after Panamint. No, I fucking thanked you.

You're the one who said we're after an epic mushroom trip. One of the best nights of my life. That was, wasn't that Mescaline and Mushrooms? Yeah, whatever it was. I was following the Mescaline night. It was, yeah, it was a lot of drugs, and it was the early hours of the morning after a whole bunch of weird shit happened. Abe Lincoln. Erickson dressed up as Abe Lincoln dragging a fucking cooler through the desert. I don't even know why we went out into the desert for sunrise.

But at some point, you went, man, your breath smells exactly like rotten dog shit. I go, oh, I should go brush my teeth. But it's because I didn't know. I hadn't been to a dentist in so long. I didn't know I had fucking periodontal disease. So, yeah, I fucking lost like nine back teeth because no one said it sooner. Well, maybe you heard that. I try to tell people when their breath smells like fucking decay

and not just onions. I think maybe you heard that. I don't think I said that. Oh, you did? My recollection, and that's fine. That's fine. If that's what you heard, then maybe that's what I said. But my recollection was at dawn when we started walking out into the desert,

the mescaline just started hitting me. And I remember looking out into the mountains and then seeing the levels, the layers, all swirling. And I was looking at you. So things were happening. And the whole time I was taking care of Andy Andrus and Bingo, nothing was happening while I got fucking bogus mescaline. So now all of a sudden the

mountains are moving and i look at you and i saw your words coming out of your mouth as green letters which is kind of like no no this was back in the parking lot after the whole desert thing after my wife is still sleeping in the bed i had already hooked up with Bingo in her tent and then made out with Shawcroft, whose husband had just died. And I go, wow, I did all that with fucking dog shit breath? I should go brush my teeth. My fellow Americans, Congress sucks. In 2010, the Democrats were in power and Congress had an approval rating of 17%. In 2018, the Republicans were in power and Congress had an approval rating of 18%. If you're in the 80% of Americans who are tired of the terrible job Congress does under both parties, it's time to

just say no to Congress and defund politicians. It's time to vote for American hero Mike Saliba. Mike Saliba believes in legalizing all of the things. Mike Saliba believes pansexual family units should be able to protect their LSD labs with 3D printed machine guns. Mike Saliba believes pansexual family units should be able to protect their LSD labs with 3D printed machine guns. Mike Saliba will just say no to Congress and vote no on all bills that do not increase American freedom and defund politicians. Vote Mike Saliba, Michigan's 9th District, paid for by the committee to elect Mike Saliba. Uh-oh, puppy's having dreams over here. Cheers, man. Cheers.

I kind of like this. Let's all fucking quarantine all the time. Well, we just got a notice, Chad, I don't know if you saw it. We got a notice from Erickson that one of the people in the group just got a covid test that went out to uh branson and uh negative so that's good i guess yeah i think we're pretty safe everybody there seemed pretty fucking i was gonna start quarantining with you on wednesday because they go oh they're doing them for the Chalys are quarantining for 14 days. If I started on Wednesday,

then that would go right through to election eve and give me an excuse to fucking hunker down and quit smoking for two weeks. And then you didn't get here until Thursday. But still, I had Jonathan...

Ruined that land. Game changer. Well, last night I still gave... You didn't get here until Thursday. But still, I had Jonathan take me out of the water. Game changer. Well, last night I still gave Jonathan the rest of my cigarettes so I'd wake up without any. And then I'd at least quit through the weekend maybe. Jonathan, get over here. Bring me those cigarettes. I went out.

I had five packs by noon. So I'm pushing my quarantine until Monday. And now I think I get some fans coming over tonight, staying at the Shady Dell. I said, well, if you come over, since you're not going to be here to complain, I figure, yeah. I go about my business. I don't think we need to go over this on your podcast, but I go about my business. You invite whoever you want over up there. I know, but I'm saying I see your pinch face sometimes when I have weird people over.

Well, yes. Yes. During a pandemic, strangers, like uber strangers, like you don't even know them when you wake up in the morning. And then that afternoon, they're at your table. Yes, that's a pinch face worthy event. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You'd think you'd have a sense of humor about some of this stuff after a while. But my girlfriend is up there with you the whole time making you drinks, socially distancing.

So, I mean, yeah, if she wasn't up there, it probably might be a little different. This is a fucking normal. They're middle-aged. I vetted them. I didn't COVID test them. Define vet. They're criminal defense attorneys from Alabama. They're middle-aged.

They sent a picture. They don't breathe oxygen. They're middle-aged. They sent a picture. They don't breathe oxygen. They're anaerobic. No? Okay. Uh-oh. Oh, Tracy's here. Hey, get my work done over there.

Oh, she found out Jonathan was holding your smokes. I bet she has a cigarette in her hand right now. No, she's petting the dog first. Oh, sure. That was pretty good. He knows I can train Tracy.

No, you pet the dog before you get a cigarette. Good girl. Oh, that's nice. Well, you know, we had planned originally after Branson to go down to, obviously, Panamint. We were going to go to the Brechels. But then Tracy had jury duty and it was federal jury duty, which is in Tucson. So it's a little bit different. I've never really had.

I've only done it once. I think it was in Anchorage. I never got called. So I really don't know how it works. I just kind of bumbled through it. Well, I guess when the federal one, they pay for the hotel. If you get called in, you go there. And then they pay for your hotel for that first night.

And then if you stay there, you have a per diem and a hotel voucher the time you're up there. So we were booking back anyway because she had to call in this morning. And then they aren't doing it they keep sending the notices saying call in on this day but then they you call the recording it's like there is no jury selection until 2021 yeah there's no court due to can you apply for jury duty yeah i mean right now be right now would be perfect, right? Yeah. Just to talk to other people. Yeah, hang out with other people.

Just what you just cussed about, Shaley. You got to go stay in a motel where somebody else just slept and talk to strange people. That would be horrible. I try not to be a rat and a narc. Horrible. I try not to be a rat and a narc, but this is weird that Tracy did just take a cigarette out of a pack while she was putting her mask on. You can't smoke with a mask on.

I know. She put the mask on to smoke. Maybe she likes to double filter. Ow. Oh. Double filter. The upside is there is no jury duty. And we can actually start tomorrow working things out for the haunt,

whatever we're going to do in the front yard. You're doing it? We're not doing a haunt. We're going to decorate the front. But having her and being able to do it over more days than if we had to keep running out to Tucson and back, that could have quashed the whole thing if she was running out to Tucson and coming back and trying to figure that out so the fact that she is forgetting she's in costume when she's on the jury is a

fucking gargoyle i think that witch keeps falling asleep yeah i was i was i was reading uh the local newspaper that uh uh douglas or one of the no, no, not that. Not the newspaper. The Herald, the Sierra Vista. The Sierra Vista. Sierra Vista. They're going to do a drive-thru haunted house like they used to do drive-thru

high school graduations. They did it here in Bisbee in the ballpark. They had that one drive-thru. Everyone drove into the ballpark for a graduation ceremony. So I didn't know if you read that, if you'd go, oh, we could do drive-through haunted house. Just have the butcher of Black Knob fucking throwing a chainsaw into people's windows. All right, first of all, we don't do chainsaws.

Yeah, you know what? That might be interesting if we could get everyone on Black Knob to do it. That would be fucking kick-ass. Because then we could have people scaring cars as they're all lined up to get their candy. We know at least fucking eight people on Black Knob, and it's only three blocks long. I know. But we know three people through i know that we know eight people that fucking are won't get around to doing it scaring people in

their cars on a road that is bordered on one side by a 15 foot ditch might not be the best of plans i mean i think it's funny how scary is that that? Yeah. That's fucking scary. I'm for it, I guess. I just, it seems. I remember the Universal Studios tour when I was a kid. We grew up in Southern California. Every year we would go to Disneyland. Every year we'd go to Universal Studios.

And the old tour, which is much like the tour now, but it was very DIY. So they would go down and there'd be a flash flood and all the water come down and a tree would fall down and then you'd watch it. Right. And then at one point they were doing the classic monsters and you'd be in a wooded area with like these big eucalyptus trees, very, very kind of like, like you're going through like a tunnel of trees and there would be a

fucking wolf man that would come out. I mean, that guy's probably back there smoking Paul malls until he hears the tram coming. Right. But it scared the shit out of me because all of a sudden this fucking, this dude, cause it would direct your attention one way,

a total misdirect. And it's the perfect, like with the slew, like, like there, you come up on the, on the, on the slew side.

No one expects you to come up from the ditch. I like it. I think the perfect thing on a haunted house ride at an amusement park would be someone who just looks like a tourist. They get their leg cut off by the last fucking tram.

Hey, help me! The ride is defective! Tell them to stop the ride! They stopped the Wolfman guy or whatever they were doing during those early years because a guy got crushed and dragged by the tram.

Oh, shit. It was the final and best version of the Wolfman scaring the tramp. I knew there was no way to follow that. No way, man. Drop the mic. I got to chat with Dr. Drew the other night on a podcast.

That was fun. guest that was fun and he said he uh his uh his um tweet out prior to it reminded me of how much uh admiration he has for you and and respect in in that you tell it tell it like it is but he does i mean he i think he really enjoys talking to you yeah his wife His wife was there and I told Bingo. So I had Bingo just sitting right here off camera. And I go, just as soon as he asks about you, just pop in. I bet it'll be in the first minute. And it was. How's

Bingo? Hi, I'm here! Blue top hat, beard glasses. Could have been a puppet. Wah! Yeah, you guys talked a lot about I haven't heard it yet I am going to listen to it though because I grew up listening to Dr. Drew

you guys talked about a lot of mental illness issues and stuff yeah suicide mental illness yeah that's what I was going to say it was the only one that had that fucked up delay where you try to riff and you realize you're talking over someone because he had callers calling in and I don't know what where the delay was but it was the only one I had with the delay and he was reading the comments himself off the zoom like chad did that for us we gotta do that again we have to do the fucking zoom happy hours we'll wrap up talking about that so yeah uh

greg thompson i want to thank him not only for moderating those but uh yeah he sent me a an old it was his dad's it was an airplane tie tack tie clip and he goes yeah my dad this was his dad's. It was an airplane tie clip. And he goes, yeah, my dad, this was my dad's and I'll send it to you, but it better not wind up on an eBay yard sale. No, no, absolutely not. Oh, fuck. Have we even been doing eBay yard

sales? Yes, we just sold the whiskey. I did the last sale. We usually do it for five or seven days. The last sale was sold the whiskey. I did the last sale. We usually do it for five or seven days. The last sale was for the whiskey. What is it? Fireball cinnamon whiskey shot chiller. And that sold. And that just wrapped up a couple days.

So we have to come up with something new. We have it. Someone who bought. Oh, hold on. Oh, fuck. I should have done this in the fun house where all those – The guy who bought this, I don't have the money. He didn't send it to me.

So this is probably going to go back out on the eBay auction. But we'll run it concurrently with something else. We've got plenty of things. Yeah, well, because now I was down to all the fucking housework and organizing. I was down to the crawl space. So I went down to the crawl space, and I found tons of shit. Oh, good. I really think that for Black Friday, we should just sell a bunch of shit.

Now that I'm looking at Tracy for approval, not like the huge one like we used to do but we should we should put out a bunch of shit that ends on black friday so people can because i get tons of stuff well uh i'm just looking right now on our ebay auction site uh lyle mckay uh hey lyle they they they he won the uh the uh fireball cinnamon whiskey shot uh not only are we going to do that Hey, Lyle. And we've got so many posters from the tours. Yeah. So we're going to come up with some kind of a bundle, and we'll do that during November as well. Good. Yeah. Well, we've got a lot of free time.

Yeah. Oh, and the people, I think we're up to like seven or eight fan cutouts. Yeah. It's making me so happy. All the people. Ziggy Reese, I know, sent one. Ken Hill, I think is his name, sent one.

I don't have... Chris... Fuck, I have the names. Just not with me. I have it all out in the funhouse because I forgot you were going to quarantine. So I didn't know. All the shit's out there ready toouts. I have it all out in the funhouse because I forgot you were going to quarantine. So I didn't know. All the shit's out there ready to go. I saw them.

There's a Shaylee Challenge one. The company most people seem to be using is called Shindigs with a Z. So you get a cheap cardboard cutout just like Major League Baseball. And we're going gonna fill all the seats all around the funhouse on the deck or the patio in the funhouse oh rape trailer too i just realized there's uh at least four or five places out there yeah we're gonna we're gonna fill the place yeah up on the deck and the new deck yeah we're gonna have people everywhere by the end of football season we're gonna have a huge Super Bowl party

of fucking cardboard cutouts of fans. It makes me so fucking happy, Chaley. Someone sent, like, just Nicolas Cage from Raising Arizona with the mugshot. So, yeah, it's a lot of fun. I just checked. The guy who won this on the eBay yard sale? No. It's going back up. I'll set this up

tonight and it'll go back on. What a dick. Sometimes I think people goof around and they don't think they're going to win. Yeah. And they go, sorry, sorry. I was like, hey, don't you know eBay's been around since the internet?

Do you know how this fucking works? They're the same ones that heckle. They think they're helping. They're driving the price up. Trying to tie it up. When we used to do the big ones, I'd have people say, hey, I'm jacking up the fucking bid on this for you. And I'm like, don't do that. It's interesting because I did a little research after the first

couple of sales and uh ebay gets more money if if we start the bidding at a certain price and i put all the bidding at 99 cents so they go a fucking shot chiller for 99 cents goes they all start going up and then it just stops at like $133. And until the last five minutes of the auction, nine days later, because they're like, oh, man, I'm going to get something for $1.50. Yeah, don't jack people up. I'm not. And I want it to be. No, I'm talking to the people that are, yeah, don't help us.

We're doing this for fun and I hope people are having fun with it. People get a deal. Don't try to fucking bilk people out of money they don't have. Yeah, yeah. The price is what it lands on. I love it. Oh, Chad, remember the beret? I found the beret from a million eBay yard sales that you wear in your T-shirt.

Oh, that one never sold? It sold, but the fucking jackass didn't pay. Same thing. That's right. I remember that. And so I found that. So, yeah, we have tons of shit for Black Friday. Fuck Christmas.

That's funny. Get yourself something that you like from the podcast. Your friends and family don't listen to this. This is Chad Shank. And when I'm at Stanhope's, I drink plastic jug vodka. Because there ain't no other option. Plastic jug vodka. What's your favorite brand? Tweet me at

at Doug Stanhope or tweet Chad Shank at at HD Fatty. I do it. That's HD Fatty. Hyman Doberman Fatty with a Y. Hyman Doberman?

I don't know. What do we do in the next happy hour Zoom? Well, I just need a day's notice in advance just to let everyone on Patreon know about it. And once again, if you're on Patreon and you're at Doug Stanhope Hold on. I've got to fucking remember this stuff. It's been so long since we've podcasted. At patreon.com

slash stanhope podcast, you can help support the podcast by becoming a member for as little as a dollar. At the $5 and above tier, you are invited At the $5 and above tier, if are invited. At the $5 and above tier, if you say, hey, we're criminal defense attorneys from Alabama. We're staying at the Shady Dell. We'd love to have a beer with you.

Then maybe I'll bring you over while Chaley's quarantined and can't give me the fruit face. That sounds very specific. I don't think that's true. I was just saying. She did mention she was a $5 Patreon. Oh, that's great. Yeah. All right. Anyway, so $5 and above, we're doing these happy hours and we're trying to figure out how to do more specific ones for the tiers above that. So yeah, you'll get an email notice in advance so that you can just click on the link. And we do it through Zoom.

So go ahead and get on there because clearly Zoom is the winner during this pandemic. Well, look at how handsome it's made Shaley. I know. It's a pretty motherfucker. You know, there's another company, though, that I heard while we were driving that does this. And I totally forgot who it was so if chad if you hear of anyone it's not twitch it's a it's a streaming company that it's doing something like this and it's kind of one of these fringe things where it where it's uh it might be it might be cool just to uh explore that one too because uh i i tried Zoom before the pandemic and was like, eh.

Well, in the billion podcasts I've done in your absence, StreamYard was one. I think that's it. I'm going to write that down. I think that's it. I forget Dr. Drew's one, but, again, I said there's a delay, so let's blame it on them and not Dr. Drew. So, Chad, I come back last night,

and you guys were here up in the funhouse Twitch streaming and stuff, and I started to unload the car, and then, you know, get the food first, get it in the fridge, and I said, fuck it, to everything, just locked up the car and just figured out what's going on.

You know, I'm just going to fucking lay – because we've been camping the last couple of days. You know, fuck this. I'm just going to lay back and I'm going to watch a movie. I'm going to fucking – I'm going to – I'm home. It's been 11 days. I'm going to watch a fucking movie. And someone didn't pay the internet bill i still blame them but i can't figure out why blame them for cutting the internet because

that is their fault but you're supposed to pay for it and you were two months delinquent i told you he's the one who said you shouldn't click on my friend my friend said uh don't click on that it's it's a phishing scam so i go oh okay i don't owe them money in a phishing scam that says hey you're delinquent we're gonna cut your service that is all there's no there's no upside on the phishing side how are they how are they really i had a pop-up i was switching from fucking hotmail to news or something and i get a thing saying hey you owe what's your name fucking sparklight sparklight money uh do you want to pay now or continue without paying and i clicked on continue without paying because i go i don't think we have. I thought that's just a quiet house has that.

I don't think we have that. And then he made me think it's a phishing scam. And then now I'm hacked either way because I clicked on it. Wait, how is it a phishing scam if you don't think you have that? Well, I didn't fucking really think about it. And then he made me paranoid. Hold on a second. Is she my bartender or your bartender?

She just came in here, made me a drink, and she fucking left again. I know. And she walked. That's why I said motherfucker in the middle of your sentence. Because she walked out of here and I was going to talk shit about her. And before you could take a breath, she's over back at your house. Yeah, I was. I hate to say it, but I was excited to see you guys back so i'm walking the dogs and i

see oh there's the van fucking doors that being unloaded and here i come with my new fucking dog and my old dog and the first thing that that lady does is yell at me she goes your cat doesn't live here i'm like wow and then you say your first word is not hey how you been it's good to see a nice dog or nothing you just say look at all this fucking club soda she made me buy and then she doesn't want to drink club soda yeah it's complaining about her that you yell at her and she brought all your fucking baggage back home leave work at work we bought four chat i don't know if you know this. We bought four cases of club soda. I have three and a half cases and a couple of errant cans that I'm loading back into the funhouse. I don't know what happened. That was the first thing out of his mouth.

Frazzled booking. Not how you've been. Not how was his vacation. Just look at all this club soda I have to bring back in. In his defense, you have to remember that he forgets that you're always eating weed now. And he thinks that you're the regular Stan Hope who will appreciate a good fucking bitching about something. That's how we bonded all these times. Just bitching about stuff.

Miserating and misery. Yeah. About my cat living there. Well. Well, okay. Let's broach that subject here. Let's get to it. You said you had a dog.

And everyone at the party knew you had a dog at breakfast. And it was like, oh, you see that? Stanup's got a dog. So we're all sitting around going, oh, he's had a dog at breakfast and it was like oh you see that stanhope's got a dog so we're all sitting around going oh he's got a dog and then i know no one said anything but i know they're looking at me and going like uh-oh shaley's gonna have a conniption this is like now shaley's got a deal with doug's new dog his fucking straight doug always picks up strays gump always picks up strays gump always lifts up strays but now he's literally he's literally gone to a place and picked up a stray when we have a a city provided area that takes strays you can't turn gump into the animal shelter but you can take a dog you find into the animal shelter so wait wait wait

who told gump they could live in front of their house in an RV? Was that my house? Did he live there? Do you think I said to Gump, hey, stay here for two years. I don't care. No, I said, hey, I'll run you some electrical while you spend the night here. And then they just pushed. Yeah, and that's what I did with the dog.

I said, yeah, you can eat hot dogs here. Don't turn this off to me. You're the one who fucking rallied behind the guy and you loved his sloth so much that you fucking, you celebrated it. Yeah, because it's your problem. You invited him in.

Fucking dog. Why don't you rally the dog I forgot my point there about the fucking dog. God damn it. Why don't you rally the dog and teach him, oh, Stan Hope let you stay the night. Here, learn how to jump up on people since you're taller than most of us. I'll put saddlebags and I'll make him fucking carry cement from the fucking mixer up to the fucking grass area that I'm going to fucking put a mow strip around. That dog will be wearing a bandana and sweating through it, man. There's a sledding dog right there. Yeah.

Pretty nice dog. Jonathan just chimed in that the dog is more motivated than Gump. Oh, the dog could get a job at Safeway today before Gump could even go in there to pick up his last paycheck. I wonder if Gump's still working at that comedy club in Colorado Springs. I haven't checked in with him.

Not if he's shown up once. He'd been there for a minute. Come on, dude. How many clubs lowest common denominator. I'll keep this brief and on speakerphone, but we're going to check to see if Gump is still employed. You got to remember, comedy clubs hire comics. They'll hire anyone. I told him to drop my name when he was applying for the job. Yeah, why do you do that?

I don't think comedy clubs are still working all over, are they? Yeah, yeah. Fucking half this fucking country. I tried to drop Doug's name going into the comedy cellar in New York, and he told me not to. And that was just to get us in. Well, I said drop my name, and he did. And then they didn't believe him,

so he had to pull up old tweets where I'd mentioned him with a picture. Oh, I've been him with a picture. He's probably at work. No, really? Yeah. The phone still works. It's not disconnected.

It's the polite response. Hey, five gallon buckets of ice right now. I guarantee you. He's hustling. I, I don't know if we ever followed up, but Charlie Carter had an episode. Remember our old intern, Charlie Carter?

Yeah, Charlie the intern was the one who helped me do the grass area in front of the little house. And I meant to send him pictures because he... When you said grass area, you did this and I thought you were referring to your hair. He helped me with my DIY hair plugs. Grass area. He helped me a lot with digging all that stuff, and he was the only guy that I've ever said, hey, go do this. And I come back, and it's not only done, but but it's done quickly and it's done more than i needed and i maybe had something to do with the adderall but i i liked having a guy that i could put to work and then it was like i could beat him like a mule and he would still he'd just keep

going yeah he was a very helpful guy he would try to help everybody with everything i know and he was and he had a background like our two friends here from like financial banking yes and he's doing a hump work and doing well and all the things we thought he'd do well at like procuring a sponsor or or even getting me out of that shit with fucking Washington federal, those motherfuckers. Don't forget negotiating your, your, your latest car car purchase. Yeah.

Yeah. All that stuff is a complete fuck up, but man, he, yeah, he, he could take out a stump. Oh,

he's great. Yeah. He's a good guy. I did check in with him and he said, no, he just had a, like a, he didn't say nervous breakdown. He's great. Yeah, he's a good guy. I did check in with him, and he said, no, he just had a, like a, he didn't say nervous breakdown. He had a spin on what he went through. But, yeah, he did have to be psyche-valved for a minute. And they were worried about him.

Yeah, as much as we fuck with him, he's a decent guy. Yeah, I liked him. I didn't want to hang out with him all the time like you guys were. Not with the fucking Adderall because he always had the white corners in his mouth. Yeah, and he also gave me Adderall. So fucking stand back. I know. No, he was always very polite.

Always brought beer to the party was another thing that he stood out for. And like I said, he was like, because when he got here, Chad, I don't know if you know the timeline. As soon as he got here, at which point before that, I said, Doug, don't do this. And so Doug invited him here. So he comes here because it was just an email. And then he gets here. Several emails. Hey, I want to be your intern.

I will do anything. I will fucking wash dishes. I'll clean fucking outhouses. And that's when I was leaving to spend the summer. Right when he gets here, Doug leaves to fucking Tucson for months at a time. That's the whole point was why I brought him out here. I'm like, I don't know who's going to be able to take care of all this shit if I leave for the summer. And this guy sends an email.

Where was I going? You think maybe you and Shaylee could have consulted and then hired a guy? No. No. Who are you going to hire in this town? How dare you? I mean, at least then you can interview the guy and you make sure he's legitimate. We're hiring a guy.

Let's see, you know. I said no. Let's go through the list of people that live in the fucking neighborhood that are unemployed or on disability that can't even walk a fucking dog. Derek. Derek. Jen. Neighbor Dave. Do you want me to go up and down the whole fucking street? I don't know why you're listing the people that are

unable to do work. I'm saying that's why you have to go out of town when you have fucking a guy that keeps weird emailing you. Who's going to walk the dogs while I'm away? Nobody I know. But you hired a guy to do something specific in your

mind and then you left town for months on end. Yeah, that was the point. You didn't hire a house, did you? I wish Tracy was mine right now. I wish Tracy was mine. Yeah. Yeah. I wish Tracy was mine right now. I wish Tracy was mine. I know.

Yeah. I just think that you, like, Shaley's just saying, like, maybe you didn't really vet the guy. Shaley ended up having to vet the guy and get to know him. Chad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're completely wrong. Doug did exactly what he is supposed to do.

Take a chance. I'm saying, and you are corroborating that he was a nice guy that worked and was very like, he he's a guy that like he would show up at the football parties and he would be a guy that like no one would, there wouldn't be a problem with a Charlie Carter. You know what I mean? He,

no, he was overly nice. If anything, You know what I mean? No, he was overly nice, if anything. I liked the guy. The only problem with Charlie was he talked such a game and you believed him. Oh, by Monday, you're going to have a fucking

Washington Federal Bank is going to be calling you begging for forgiveness and I believed him. And I believed him. Hannigan believed him. That's how good a bullshitter he was. Hannigan doesn't believe anyone. He's like life's cereal. And what I was getting to, Shaylee, was that you really lucked out. Yes.

That this guy worked really hard for you. You could have ended up with anything while Stanhope was in Tucson, and you have to fucking figure out. I could have added a little loafer. But he did, you know, like you have to fucking figure out. I could add another loafer. But he did, you know, like you've always said he was on board. When you say I don't vet people, I do have a – That's not what I said. I said you vet people like to the way that you vet people.

Oh, he sent me an email, multiple, he must be all right. That's your vetting. Okay. It's happening tonight doug you have people that emailed you coming over to your house and you have vetted them yes yeah i think you're not listening to my point is you have to know at this point i have a pretty good like a probably a 95 accuracy of reading what kind of person i vetted charlie carter by the tone of his email the same way i vetted two people we basically don't say no names no names yeah no but the yeah the stalker like okay this is a stalker this guy's weird be on alert chad and joey show up with guns

and i'm right charlie carter didn't come up and show up here with fucking joey packing a fucking pistol in case this goes as sideways as I assume. So I have a pretty good fucking sense. You do have a spidey sense. I agree. But I don't think that's what we're talking about. We're talking about you introducing chaos. That's why I turned it into what we're talking about.

I know. I understand. I thought we were just trying to convince you that adopting a dog is an irresponsible choice. Or a great one. It could be a fantastic choice. But, Doug, Charlie Carter, and I've done this

a few times, because we get those emails, not frequently, but semi-frequently, where someone is like, hey, i'm out of work i do video production and you know and that the it just cascades from there but you do have a thing where like do we do this do we do and i'm i'm all for you introducing your chaos because i can handle it i i can i live down here like it's not a problem. First of all, you also deal with Andy Andrus, so it puts my chaos in perspective. That would be true.

Yeah, my chaos is basically, oh, my God. To a lesser extent, Sean Rouse as well. I mean, that was chaotic. Yeah, and did I do that very often? No. Actually, you did. The three times that I hired comics to go up to Anchorage, they were on your basis.

Like the three ones that you suggested flamed out pretty bad. Yeah, but that's sending them somewhere else, not bringing them into the house. We were just talking about that last night, and I forget who the example was that made Sean Rouse a reference, where Sean Rouse was going to come to one of the Super Bowl weekend parties, and I'm like, there's no fucking way. I'm not dealing with that.

I can't host. And Christine Levine, I'll take care of him. He's such a sweetheart. I'm not dealing with that. I can't host. And Christine Levine, I'll take care of him. He's such a sweetheart. I'll take care of him. And as soon as Sean gets fucking drunk and bitey, yeah, she's like, I gotta go to bed. I'm like, no, you said you would

deal with this when it happened. And she fucking disappeared and he started biting people. That's the blackout sign. I don't know, Chad, if you know that. I found out when Sean Rouse started to say, God bless, that means his eyes were almost 80% shut. And then when he's biting, he's biting by like echolocation like a bat. He's completely blind.

He's biting anything that's near him. And if he bites you, it's because you weren't fast enough. I was doing a gig in Fresno with him. And Tom Giannis was the head writer for the Man Show. And he drove his motorcycle up to hang out. And we went to this bar and sean rouse got to that place real quick the more he was on so many meds his liver was shot so he got to a place where he's blackout drunk after two fucking gin and tonic he still drank jagermeister too

like he was the last of the clan that drank jagägermeister. And so he's in some random bar and bit somebody. And Tom Giannis is like a big, he's like a Chad Shank biker, but with a real soft face. Like he's not really a fighter. He's not mean. But the bouncer came up going, your friend and you have to leave. And Tom Giannis said, well, what did he do? He said, he's really a nice guy.

And they're like, listen, I said you have to leave. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. And Tom Giannis said, let's do the hard way. He yanked them both out. I was so fucking drunk I had to go to bed anyway that's fucking story

I accept that a writer from Hollywood who probably doesn't have anything to talk about said we'll do it the hard way yeah he was just like smiling he was with Doug Stanhope he was laughing like smiling. He was with Doug Stanhope. He was laughing.

He didn't fight. He just made him throw him up. He wore a half Nelson to the door. It just went limp. Just for the story value. It's tearing me up. I remember when – I know people hate it when I tell stories on Doug Stanhope's podcast. But we used to – my brother and I used to –

See? Hang on. Wait. That's exactly – that was one comment you got that stuck in your brain forever. Absolutely, yeah. Just like yellow smoke stained baby teeth. Go ahead. I don't hate it when you tell stories. I don't either. I like it. We were scalping tickets in Southern California. We lived in Fullerton.

And it was a Pacific Amphitheater in Irvine. And we would be in the parking lot. We had that sign that said, selling tickets, need tickets. You flip them, right? And we'd see all the guys selling scalp shirts, like stashing their stash of counterfeit shirts for the band under a car like it's crazy right this is in the 80s so uh we go into the show because one of the chicks i sold a ticket to was pretty fucking hot and i'm like oh i'm gonna i'm I got the ticket next to her. I'm going to go in. So we went in. It was Spando Ballet.

Right? Go! Right? And I remember jumping on stage at the Pacific Amphitheater because I was so fucking bored because she went somewhere else with another dude. Because it was down in front, right? So I had good seats.

And I'm like, fuck fuck so i ran on stage and pacific amphitheater at the time had this like it wasn't even three feet to jump on stage but i hadn't realized that everyone's focus was on the lead singer of spando ballet was out front on a catwalk so no one looked at the wings where i jumped on stage and was running around there weren't even lights on me the only people who saw me were the roadies and they had to get bouncers to get me because i was out front going what the fuck what do i and i'm see him way out on the catwalk out in front with a fucking spotlight when it should be on me. And finally, a bouncer came up and I jumped into his

arms. I've never heard this story before, but you must have told it because while you were gesticulating this, Tracy was doing this along with your story, knowing you were doing

that while she's also blowing Jonathan because she was upset that you said the chick was hot and she got all jealous. That's wrong because there's no way there's anything but a cigarette or a drink in her mouth right now. Yeah, I know. He's uncut. She would never do that.

Can you send her down here? Oh, can you go get him a drink? The end of that story is... Wave goodbye here and then... The end of that story is... She's on her way. They took a Polaroid of me and kicked me out and said,

I'm trespassed. If I even show up to Pacific Amphitheater again, I will be arrested. Oh, we gotta go back. No, I went next week. We sold tickets you, Chad? We've got to go back. No, I went next week. We sold tickets to Billy Idol. How old were you? But you didn't go in. Go in with a lighter.

No, a can of Isis. I'm sure Chad's been 86 from somewhere, but we should do that tour. We go to the Pacific Amphitheater to see if they remember you. We go to Caesar's Palace to see if they remember me. Chad, where have you been 86 from? No, Palace to see if they remember me. Chad, where have you been 86 from? No, I've been kicked out of bars, but they've all been shut down probably.

What about the Walmart where you smashed a guy's head into the TV? Or over the TV? No, I just broke that guy's fingers in the makeup section, but I got away with that 100%. Why are you in the makeup section? I saw him in the makeup section, but I got away with that 100%. Why are you in the makeup section? I saw him in the makeup section, and it was like a corner,

and so I ran in there because he stole my TV. You were close. Yeah, I corrected myself over a TV. It's hard to get thrown out of places unless you're, you know. You know why he was in the makeup section? To cover up the black eyes from the other guy that beat his ass for stealing his stereo. Could have been his girlfriend that was screaming. It was a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode in his brain.

That guy beat me up for stealing his stereo. I got to go get cover stick. Cover stick. Do, do, do, do, do, do. I don't... I got thrown out of a pizza hut once for drinking out of the pitcher. I didn't know you weren't allowed to do that.

But I don't think they'd remember me. So that's not a good one. Let's go to a different one. You can't drink out of a pitcher? No. Yeah. At Pizza Hut? This should be trending on fucking Twitter.

What they should really do is say, quit putting all the oil in the bottom of the pan to deep fry your fucking crust, because it's horrible. Fuck, take that, Pizza Hut. Wrong rules, man. Pizza Hut, Burger King pepsi all shit oh oh i i shouldn't probably all right yeah i don't want to i don't want to talk about this but you know our our our movie star friend in town yeah yeah they they sent me some pictures oh Oh, this happened in Phoenix on our way back to Bisbee. And it's eight pictures of two, I don't know, bullet holes, golf club holes in their driver's side. What's a golf club hole?

Huh? What's a golf club hole? Like two smashed in things on the driver's side window. Two smashed in things on the driver's side window. And then other pictures of bloodstains and then a cop fucking with the window out analyzing it. And I go, what the fuck happened? And then radio silence. So now I'm getting the update. Oh, no.

I don't. Yeah, nothing. Just the pictures. Put it together yourself, motherfucker. I don't know. I got a lot on our drive. We did about, I think about over 1,900 miles logged on our drive. Tracy told me a lot about our friend.

How do you describe him? What's your? Beanbag. Yeah, beanbag. how do you describe him what's your beanbag yeah beanbag uh uh yeah because i i've only talked to the guy once when they walked up and i go can i help you because i didn't know who they were and i was ready to fucking shoo him away yeah i've never talked to him or his lovely his lovely uh counterpart she's she's fantastic and uh i And I hear you guys talking all the time. But I got filled in on a lot of the stories about Tombstone and everything that he's into.

Yeah. Yeah, it's very interesting. that the reason he makes me so happy is not only is he just a fucking great dude and funny and similar lifestyle past as us. Washed out, is that what you meant to say? As us. Like, yeah, he has a storied past. Yes. He has drug stories.

Storied past. Perfect example. Yes. Booker stories. Like, I was the biggest fuck up. But he's also new. Like, we know all of each other's stories. So, yeah, for like the beginning of COVID where, hey, what have you done this week?

Absolutely nothing. Like, oh, a new guy with stories. Tell us more. Tell us more. No, he more tell us more uh no he's a good storyteller and he's funny uh i only i hung up that one day i think i talked to you i think the first time when you were here and hanging out with them and i said that i'm i'm barbecuing started barbecuing during sundays so i'm barbecuing the whole time and I can just, I got my back to everyone. I can hear it.

I go, Doug sounds so like he's having so much fun in the conversation that's going on. Like, like that. You don't usually hear that. I think that's what it is, is that you've got someone who has something new to throw into that,

that big pot of stew of everyone hanging out here on, on, on football weekends. Yeah, it was weird. I was sitting there wishing everybody would shut up so I could fucking watch football. Which that's weird too. Yeah, that's weird. What I noticed, it made me be funny again. Because on one of these podcasts I did, I was like,

I realized I have no reason to be funny and that there was a reason i was ever funny was for social acceptance and i don't have that anymore you also have to recognize that the dog has brought me the fucking greatest joy just watching him be a fucking frivolous puppy and yeah that gives me some youth i'm fucking stealing his soul uh yeah so you also look remarkably like andy dick with that fucking scarf around your neck and that lighting i can't help but say joey every single time i look up like i'm like i think that's andy dick no's Stan. Doug, we need some lighting for you. We're going to keep doing this for the next

two weeks. Yeah, you got dark. That was just my way of saying it got dark in your room. Hang on. There's the bright one. No, I didn't say overhead lighting. Like you're in a dentist care. I'm playing on my goddamn remote that changes all the colors.

Put it on a yellow or something. That's the yellow. Jesus, man. Chad, he's gone over the fucking edge with this fucking... He's got LED programmable lights in every fucking orifice in that fucking place.

It's the weed, man. It's the weed. I love it. I'm a fan. I know you are. You don't have to deal with strays. What you need is a loom cube. These things are awesome. I'll have it for the

next podcast. I like my lighting. I can see myself. I like this lighting right now. Your face and neck scarf, your hair and your neck scarf blend into your background i did notice the hair blends into the background so that's why i need a different color and i'm just waiting for you to decide which color you're going to stick with because i wanted to go yellow but you went yellow and it was the greatest yellow no one does yellow don't lie you did yellow

perfectly i know it's the best color you've ever had. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And I only have a few colors to choose from, and you keep switching up. So then I go, I can't do that anymore. All you try to do is ruin my life. Yeah. That's exactly my goal. Mission accomplished, Bush said What's that

Do we have to start a go fund me For Chad to dye his beard Listen My beard is just barely turning white I like it I'll tell you right now For $100,000 Chad would change his fucking beard color For a lot less than that

No no Don't Andy Andrus this well it was never going to get back that high anyway it's like the cardboard cutouts the more fans that send them the more that will send them

because it makes me happy the more people that fucking get a weird haircut or dye their hair, the more of us in our social circle, the people that can't be named can't do it because they have professional Zoom calls. But why isn't fucking

Derek doing it? Why use Derek in any reference towards work or effort? Why do you do that? Make references to work or effort. Why do you do that? Make references to work or effort? Derek. Why do you use Derek in any

reference towards work or effort? I'm just saying, Derek would do something stupid. Like what? Dye his hair. You really think Derek would dye his hair? Fuck yes.

Listen, I honestly wouldn't have any problem dyeing my beard a weird color. The problem that I would have with it is that it goes completely against what I'm going for. I want to be less approachable to people. Yeah, but you do that by not leaving your house. Well, that's true. But I do, well, alright, when we were driving home, Shaylee, did you go through a place called Chino Valley

in Arizona? I don't recall. No, we took a, we went to Flagstaff, which is not the direct route from Branson. We cut off from between there and went down through this place and we stopped to get gas. And Jenny says, I'm going to go in and get water.

Hey, Stan, I've got prettier. Jenny goes in and I'm filling up with gas and she goes in to get water. And while I'm there, a guy pulls up next to me and he's got a truckload of pallets and he gets out. Like empty pallets, like people are trying to like make furniture out of just old wood yeah ballots right and he i'm washing the windshield and he he gets on he's like you better do a good job on that windshield i'm like yes sir you know i've got it i got her handled you know whatever you fucking banter you fucking spit back out thinking this guy, and then he starts walking over

to me, and I'm like, oh, fuck, you know, and I get these pallets over for, I split them for firewood, and they can start my fire, and I'm like, oh, well, good for you, sir. That's his entry! I'm trying to walk, he's like, walking up next to me, I'm walking away

from him, going over to check on the gas for no reason. And then he follows me around. They try to sell them for $5 and 60 cents behind the hardware store. But I go over to the mill and I can get them for free. And this guy's just talking to me about, you know, and I hate it for one thing, because I have to. You're circling the car to get away from him but he keeps wanting to like face talk me and I'm like get away from me

like the fat girl chasing the pirates on Pirates of the Caribbean he comes and then I go back and I'm washing the windshield again and he comes up you think Trump's gonna win I sure hope so and I was like I don't know man I don't know, man.

I don't know. And I just keep watching. Did you see they got a computer that has Russia money on it? And I was like, no, sir, I don't know anything about that stuff. And about that time, Jenny comes walking back out. And I noticed right away that she doesn't have any water. That's just what she went in there to get and uh she gets it and i go gotta go sir and i jump back in the car and jenny jumps in and i go

no water she goes it's like they're having a town meeting in there and not one of them is wearing a mask she's like there's the place is just wall-to-wall people yeah she's like oh she goes let's go till we make it about a quarter of a mile down. I'm like, are you hungry? She's like, are you fucking shitting me? Just keep driving. We're not stopping to eat in this fucking town. Yeah, that's true.

Sometimes you forget how backwoods Arizona can be. Everyone started busting up laughing at this story because you told me this last night. I go, oh, they haven't heard this. No, they're laughing because the dog, again, he did it the other day where he's stretching out his front paws and then farted like a complete human fart. Once again, all the signs are there to take him to the shelter. This dog will one day be mayor of this town. Hey, can you send my bartender down here? Uh-oh.

You ready? Yeah. Well, give him a bigger glass. You're going to start getting drunk. I kind of wish we were doing another podcast after this because I'd want one in the bank what are you going on another adventure I'm thinking of

just starting one like randomly starting a podcast because I'm drunk enough and I don't want to do anything else right now we talked about that if we had any skills we were going to do an Issues with Andy with me and Jonathan and I forget the other two, but

for a screen. I go, yeah, we'll just do our own Issues with Andy and we'll call it Issues with Andy and just completely mess everybody up. Which Issues with Andy is this? You'd get way more views than us, that's for sure. I was going to crash

Death Valley. Don't even start. Don't even start with that. I started a rumor that you were going to come just because in Alaska I thought it was funny that everybody had a rumor going around that you were going to show up.

And I knew that you were not going to show up. So I started the rumor in Death Valley that you were going to show up. I had my ditch bag out at the front door. I packed that ditch bag two years ago, and I had it by the front door. And then I thought, oh, it would be funnier if I just drove through the parking lot so you guys would see me pull in and I'm sure some of you would go I told you he'd show up and then just

turn back and just drive away so the whole time you're going well he's gotta come back he wouldn't drive 12 hours it's only funny if you do it and I didn't I got a story for you that i don't i don't think got fleshed out as on the other podcast so i could tell it here i guess whenever we uh we first got there we're driving down we all we left on different days uh the trailies and

jenny and i left on different days and then we stopped at the last stop gas station before you hit death Valley. And, uh, as soon as we pulled up, uh, we're getting ready to get out. We're putting masks on and,

uh, getting ready to get out. And Jenny goes, look there. And I look out and there's Shaley and Tracy walking out of the, the little gas station, uh, at the last stop.

So I opened it up. I'm like, Hey, so we all meet up there and, uh, of the little gas station at the last stop. So I open the door. I'm like, hey. So we all meet up there and follow each other out and get out to the spot. And we're hanging out there at the bar. Shaley's buying beers. And we're drinking beers and chilling out. And we're waiting for the Bretchells to show up.

And they have a specific time they've said they're going to show up so we're hit that time and then they somebody comes cruising by waving out tracy's waving i'm waving they're all waving that's them they pull into the the gas station down there and we continue to have a beer and just visit waiting for them to show up pretty soon we notice that they're not showing up maybe that's not them that can't that it's been 30 minutes it can't we just wave to fucking random people we pack up our table we move out so that we can overlook the little gas station and see this car and wait and see they're still in the gas station we're drinking beer that can That can't be. It's not them. There's no way that's them.

People come in and out. And we're getting drunker. We keep drinking beers in the hot desert. Yeah. Under the table. Erickson, well, somebody comes in and out. I go, that could be Erickson. No, that guy's bulky.

He's too bulky to be Erickson. That doesn't look good. Not cool. Somebody comes out. We go, that's Kerry Mitchell. Shaley's like, there's no way. 100%, that's not Kerry Mitchell. 100%, that's not Kerry Mitchell.

Thank you. Thank you, Chad. We don't know. We can't decide. And it was almost, I don't know, an hour and a half, maybe. Well, hold on a second. They were with another guy who had a full beard. Like a young dude with like a full beard.

It was like, what the? Nah, that's not them. And in a car we didn't recognize. But then they all come out of the gas station all at the same time. And you just see the one that we thought maybe was Carrie Mitchell. And you just see her go. Yeah. That was fun.

That sealed the deal. We knew it right then. That was Carrie. Oh, I thought you were going to say, and then you heard, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then you knew it was Carrie Mitchell. Either way. Either way.

That was a. Kerry Mitchell. Either way. Either way. Might not have been a great story, but it was fucking funny if you were there. It's a closer regardless because it's 528. I told those people at 530 because I need new fans. Don't let your money stream get in the way of random strangers showing up.

Invite them into the house and be on the podcast. Hey, lick my face. Man, see? I meant doorknob. Chaley and I, we should take walks together. You want to go walk the dogs shaley i dare you to fucking walk with me once a day i'll fucking out walk the fuck out of you oh well we could do that periscope we don't need to be tethered to a fucking well i would do a

gimbal with my uh iphone and uh we would do uh walks with my iPhone, and we would do walks with Stanhope. Is a gimbal a measure of drink? You wish. By the way, we've been talking about this Issues with Andy podcast. We went out to Panamint Valley, and we fucking had a very enjoyable time. And we have a lot of podcasts from that. Most of them, actually, all of them except for one, are on our Patreon only. So go to patreon.com slash issueswithandy, and then you'll be able to get those.

There's no other way. And, yeah, that was a lot of fun, and it wasn't Branson, turns out. And one guy, one guy, one guy gumped it. He fucking showed up. Crack the code. Fucking Chase, man. Heard he was a cool guy, though.

Very cool. Fuck, dude. Chad, you don't know and it's not your fault, but this was a thing where everyone there was cool, except for the dude who showed up in that fucking Rubicon fucking Jeep with the fucking brights on and everything. And he was a local. But the people who showed up, Doug. A local.

Oh, no. Doug, it was so bad. I heard the whole thing. We'll do this another time. We need to dissect this. This guy was so fucking bad. He would beg for James Inman to be in your neighborhood. I told him part of most of the story last night.

Yeah. Oh, if you want to get into it, I'm here. Because I thought you already talked about this on your other podcast. We did. We did. Oh, all right. But I just wanted to say that everyone there,

like in comparison to all the other panamint parties, there was, there was not a bad apple in the bunch. Everyone had a connection. Everyone, uh, could handle their shit or or brought shit or in the shit with us it was it was one of those things where uh at the end you're like that wasn't

so bad like because i remember panama party was like jesus christ we fucking made it honestly that was one of the the the when i was ready to go and it wasn't a lot of things held me back when i thought them through but i was ready to go crash it and uh one of the ones was just thinking about old panama parties because we did a shady dell party where the morning of after day two i was back home at 5 a.m i couldn't wait to be home you can't do that in death valley you're fucking yeah if you want to get out of there and have a fucking proper breakfast that's three and a half hours to vegas wow well shaley brought a microwave, a toaster, and a camp stove. Also, they had

a miner's cabin way over there that would have been perfect for you because it wasn't next to anybody. You didn't have to interact with anybody. Actually, Erickson rented it for Doug and then had to cancel it when I said cancel it because he's not going. It would have been perfect for him.

Can you go check the front? It looks like yours just showed up. Stan Hope. Seriously. The food game at Panamint fucking through the roof. Through the fucking roof. Oh yeah?

Like once a day. I remember back in the day we we would do breakfast, right? But it's all changed. Everything's changed. You would be uncomfortable, but at the same time, relieved. I heard they were out of breakfast for the whole fucking week. It doesn't matter. That did happen.

Most of the time, none of us were up for breakfast time anyway. But the food game at that fucking joint was incredible. Hang on, hang on. Our people are here. Better than most of the restaurants in Bisbee. Incognito, tell them that they're going to be on a podcast if they

can't show their face not to come in. I tested them with a wedge salad. I ordered a wedge salad. And I go, there's no fucking way. I told Tracy, I go, I'm going to order this, and I'm going to be disappointed at a $16 wedge salad. I couldn't fucking lick enough fucking blue cheese off that plate.

I was amazed. I would love to say the wings lacked something. They didn't. Everything was amazed. I would love to say the wings lacked something. They didn't. Everything was great. And I didn't hear one person complain about. I ate a barbecue cheeseburger the first time I went up there. Yes. $16 barbecue cheeseburger with beer-battered

fries. You would have paid $35 for it in a fucking town. The quality. The quality of everything. Had a cheesesteak the next day. Very good. I mean, it was... Hang on.

I just... I just... Oh, yeah. I'll just bring this Oh yeah No Well No I'll bring I'll just bring this out to them No

Let's Let's shut it down Yeah let's go Let's go say We'll shut it down by saying I don't want to reward this behavior To be honest with you No I

They're $5 Patreon members You don't want to reward that Did you hear that Patreon members Oh Maybe you're not Patreon members. You don't want to reward that. Did you hear that, Patreon members? Oh, maybe you're not Patreon members because this isn't Patreon. They have you. Give me their names. Let me check their fucking email.

Deborah, check their credentials. Oh, shit. I'm going to go on the other side because they're backlit otherwise. Oh, finally Doug's lighting it right. Chaley's been giving me shit for acting cool. Why throw me under the bus? Spin around. Just say something. Deborah Ann Pascal. Pascal. See? They don't have COVID.

See what? Look, they don't have COVID. Take off your masks and show them you don't have COVID. That's the opposite of what you should do Put your masks back on I'd bang either one of them without a rubber I'll say that just off of seeing them Chad said he'll bang either one of you without a rubber

See See You can judge a book by its cover Alright I have to go Your wife now has to go make drinks. What do you guys drink? Whatever you're having.

I'll have a beer. Vodka tonic. Alright. Chad. Chad. I mean, Chaley. You're going to die with that sour look. That's a sour look? I'm smiling.

Alright. Good. I love you guys. with that sour look. That's a sour look? I'm smiling. Pretty fun. All right, good. I love you guys. I can't. I'm so happy to be home. I'll get that fucking dog over here and I'll train that motherfucker to carry cement bags.

Get him over here. We're going to build a railroad from Black Knob to Van Dyke. We're building a railroad. I know you can hear me if I just yell like this. Hey, Chaley, I miss you. You look gorgeous.

This is fun. I love it. I'm sorry that we're not going to do another one right away. Chad, I'm going to call Brett and go, hey, Rally the Troop, let's do a podcast. I'm going to call Brett and go, hey, Rally the Troop, let's do a podcast. All right. I'm going to do a Twitch stream.

No, no. I know you can do both. Yeah, I'll bail out of that to do a podcast with you guys if that comes up. And everyone listening, we are going to do a happy hour in the next couple of days. You're going to get this. I realized I could do a happy hour without you with Greg Thompson. I just contact him. Impossible.

It would not be the same. We need chat on chat. We need me standing there getting drunk and eating pastries. There's so many. There's a lot of moving parts. Hang on. Stay with me. The key was I have no idea how to access my mailing list.

So, yeah, without telling the people on the – so get on the mailing list. Yes. Yeah, go to DougStanhope.com. Get on the mailing list, and that way you'll know when we're doing these. That's very important. More importantly – that was important. But more importantly, why don't you get on Patreon? Patreon.com slash Stanhope Podcast.

And then all of a sudden, everyone's connected. You can email us directly, even at the dollar level. Come on, dollar people. That's $12 a year. Can't you kick in some more? Because then you'll get the happy hours. There you go I love you Chad I love you Chaley

I have to go deal with these fucking deadbeats now you're in your heaven dude it's awesome I love you bye wrap this up honey I'm getting a little pickled okay bye bye now I'm getting a little pickled. Okay. Bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you.