The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #424: Lock In A Sock with Bobby Caldwell (40 for 40 - Day 12)

Episode Date: December 11, 2020

Day 12 of Doug's 40 for 40 (no smoking / drinking) and Michigan State Prison inmate Bobby Caldwell warns that a sock is no place for a lock.Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0Check Out Doug's Weekly eBay Yard Sale listing - https://www.ebay.com/usr/stanhope_podcast?_trksid=p2047675.l2559Recorded Dec 8th, 2020 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Bobby Caldwell (@NotesFromThePen), Tracey (@egglester) and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know.LINKS -Staying connected is an important part of life for those behind bars. JPay helps inmates stay in touch with the outside world by using an email system. Go to jpay.com create an account, and you’re all set. If you’d like Bobby to reply make sure you select the option to include a reply stamp.ROBERT CALDWELL MICHIGAN INMATE# 929141Check out Bobby Caldwell's Notes From The Pen podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/notes-from-the-pen/id1518819034Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit - Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. from. Got it. A prisoner at the Michigan Department of Corrections, Parnell, for 12 weeks. If you feel you are being victimized or extorted by this prisoner, please contact GTL Customer Service at 855-466-2832. To accept this call, press 0. To refuse this call, hang up or press. Your current balance is $49.61. This call is from a corrections facility and is subject to monitoring and recording. Thank you for using GTL.

Hey, Roberto. How are you, sir? I'm good. I'm doing good. Pleasant evening. How are you, sir? I'm good. I'm doing good. Pleasant evening. How are you? We're going to talk to you tonight. We're going to keep this one evergreen, as they say in the business, meaning it's one of these days during the 40 for 40, but whenever this goes out, we'll keep it. Which is also what you don't do in the business is call it evergreen on the evergreen because you just put it out and then no one knows.

But when you say it's evergreen, you've tainted the product. Well, who knows? Maybe this does go out immediately. Evergreen, meaning it'll store forever and it doesn't have to set the reference? Yeah. Speaking of storing forever, I think the hooch is done. Yeah, it should be done. When Shaley said

eight days, I was like, that's a long time. Usually like four or five. Oh, that's it. He's got it here. Ew. Ew. It gives me the chills just thinking about it. If I smelled it right now... That just smells like paint.

Is that what it smells like? I think I'm just thinking about it. If I smelled it right now. That just smells like paint. Is that what it smells like? Oh, that's good. I think I'm just smelling the bucket. Here's the, this is the. Why would I be able to smell it through a plastic bag? Is it that bad? Yeah, you could. That's why we come off, we only let it go about four or five days because you have to burp it all the time.

And it just, just smells so bad. And it stopped. It definitely has stopped producing. So the orange juice one has half a gallon of orange juice, I think half a cup, maybe three-quarters of a cup. I think I added some more sugar on top of that and yeast, and there's that one. It's very cloudy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then the other one, I did kind of like a Cadillac version.

I took your regular recipe, but then I took the recipe with oranges, five oranges, an eight-ounce can of fruit cocktail, a carton of blueberries. Yeah. Yeah. On sale. Okay. On blueberries. Yeah. On sale. On sale. Yeah. And mashed it all up

and then put it with sugar and yeast as well. And this one looks completely disgusting. Yeah, no, that looks like it's frozen. Yeah, it's not though. Yeah, that's... It looks like it's got like frostbite on the top. Yeah, but it's not though. I'm proud of you, Shaley.

You really went above and beyond. Who's going to drink this? Kenny. I'll drink it, but I didn't bring up anything to strain it tonight because I didn't. I thought it was going to have to go for like five more days. Yeah, no, it's usually about four or five days. Okay, so I think we're at four days right now. So, yeah, I'll strain it tonight, and then we'll let it sit until the next time we talk to you.

And I don't know when that's going to be. Can you do that? Can we do what? Let it sit like that? We've never let it sit. No, no, I'm going to strain it and then put it in a sealable bottle and then put it in the fridge. Okay. Yeah.

All right. Yeah, things we forget you don't have, like a fridge. Yeah, definitely not. Yeah, so what day are you on? Yeah, see, it doesn't matter. That's the thing. This is going out at some point. Oh, okay.

That's there. Yeah, all right. Well, then I guess me doing the math at how many days I've been in prison, it's kind of pointless now. I've been in prison 2,570, this is my 2,575th day. Really? In the NDOC.

Yep. And on, today was kind of a special day. When I came down in 13 to a level four to a maximum security prison,

my first bunkie was a 20-year-old kid, I think he turned 21 when he was in there with me, who was put in level four because he beat because he tied a lock to a bell. Actually, that's what you're supposed to do. But he put it in a sock. Okay, hang on.

First of all, explain the levels to our listeners. Okay. So, like in the movies and shit, it's minimum, medium, maximum security. And here in prison, they do it by number. So, level one is minimum. Level two is minimum. Level 2 is medium. There used to be a level 3 there's no level 3's anymore. It jumps right up to level

4 which is max. And then level 5 is super max. And level 5 you're in your cell for 24 hours a day 23 hours a day by yourself you don't have a bunkie. Level 4 max, not super max, you have a bunkie and you're in there for like 23 and a half hours a day by yourself. You don't have a bunkie. Level four Mac, not Super Mac, you have a bunkie and you're in there for like 23

and a half hours a day. That's where I went immediately out of quarantine because if you have over seven years, you go to Macs no matter what. Generally, I hate any time people put a Y at the end of a word unnecessarily, but I much prefer bunkie to

celly. I always cringed when someoneie to celly. I always cringed when someone would say celly. It is the most Nancy Boy kind of thing you could say and it's a prison word. My celly. That's got to be regional.

Up here we say bunkie. Or somebody walks. It's way more tolerable. Those are the levels. This guy was Up here we type Bunky. Or somebody who rocks. It's way more tolerable. So go ahead. So those are the levels. So this guy was, he came from where? Was he a level two to four? Yeah, he was a level two because he only had a couple years.

And they had moved him to, now he's like, I call him, his nickname's been Kelly Bunny. He's a good looking kid who's just dumb as rock. So I've been calling him Kelly Bunny. So just so you get a little picture of him. But he's got some street stuff to him. He's not, like, super gentrified or whatever. He's a little Italian and Polish kid. And he's there because the term is lock in a sock at the weapon, right?

But anyone who's really swung a lock around knows that, like, you don't put it in a sock. You hook it to an end of a bell because a bell is more sturdy everyone knows that of course everyone anyone worth their weight in fermented orange juice knows it so

he has a bunkie he has a celly that is like this old child molester and you know he gets the wild hair up his ass. And he's like, I'm going to, like, fuck with this old dude who is, like, being mouthy to him and, like, weird shit. So the long and short of it is he goes in here, he drops a lock in a sock and gets to slinging it around, right? He hits a dude in the head, and then it's a free-for-all. Now, because a sock's elastic, so it's, like, mouthy, he's hitting himself in the head and in the legs more free-for-all. Now because a sock's elastic, so it's like bouncy. He's hitting himself in the

head and in the legs more than he's hitting this guy, right? But he fucks this guy up. Like the first one really split the guy open. Now he's in, now you're locked in the cell together. Now he's in this like death struggle with this guy who he completely underestimated because this guy, he might be

like in his late 50s, but he's like 220 pounds. And now he's got a hold of him. So they his late 50s, but he's like 220 pounds. And now he's got a hold of them. So they're slipping around in blood and he's fighting them off. And the cops end up coming because they see like this rock is and whatever. So he ends up going to level four or getting transferred to another spot where I'm at. So this is my first bunkie. And we got split up. There's a bunch of other shit happening. And, um, this is back in 13. And we had got split up.

There's a bunch of other shit happening. And we got moved around as, as happens. And he went home. And then I came to this joint last year and I'm coming out the gym and I hear, uh, Gino, this is Kelly Bundy.

This is Mark. Like, what's up? Like, you know, you get real close. Like you're, when you're with someone for that long.

He's a good kid, man. It was good to see him. He ended up going home today. This is the second time I've watched his dumb ass go home. Yesterday, before he leaves, I've been calling him Kelly Bundy. He goes, I'm going to get out. I'm finally going to be able to see what this guy looks like. I was going to say, do you have to explain to him who Kelly Bundy is?

Well, I had before. I was like, it's from Married with Children. Christina Applegate. Yeah. And he just assumed with a name like Kelly that it's a guy? Like what? But that's like completely on brand for him. So I got his socks, like the socks and shirts and shit that he wasn't using. He's obviously not going to need anymore. So on all for him. So, uh, I got his socks, like his, the socks and, and shirts and shit that he wasn't using.

He's obviously not going to need anymore. So, on all of the wins. Wait, wait, wait, that sock?

No, the one. The one? No, no, no. No, yeah,

that was my lucky sock. I'm going to leave it with you. There's not a pair to this. We actually, uh, did, did an episode on the podcast where we made him,

like, tell the whole story. Did, did, have you ever had someone that you knew in prison leave and keep in touch on any level, even a postcard?

Yeah, so the big thing in here is, because we have the J-Pay system, this is the speech everyone gets on the way out. Bro, I'm going to hit you up. I got your info as soon as I get out. And to the point now, I go, okay, that's great. For a while, I've been digging. I'll be like, shut up.

You're not going to. Now I'm like, okay, well, I'm beyond annoyed with it. But yeah, there's about three guys on my JPA that write me. But there's a lot more people that go home from this place because I'm in a minimum security prison now. So they're more recent. And yeah, they'll message me on JPA. Has anyone ever visited that you just knew from prison?

They can't. Oh, really? I don't think they're ever allowed to. Yeah, which kind of bums me out because I got two guys that I'm really close with that are doing life sentences, so I'll never be able to visit them. I'll be able to put money on the phone

and talk to them and write them. That's weird you couldn't visit. But there's a lot of fucked up rules that, you know, not just I can't have a firearm and vote, but there's probably a bunch of dumb little shit like that. Listen, if I get out, if I get out and I'm in a car with someone that's also on probation or parole, while I'm on parole, and I don't even know it,

violation of practices. And they're even doing it now where if you're talking to someone who's on parole on social media, they monitor your social media, that can be a violation of parole. So, yeah, there's a lot of fuckery that goes on in and around this place. Will you be able to leave the state when you get out? Yeah, I don't know what to do with that. I can't. So if I'm going to go out, one of the ideas being floated is going to Colorado. But if that's the case, when I see the parole board, I'm going to have to say, yeah, I'm

paroling to Colorado. If not, you have to get permission from your PO to leave the state. Yeah, that seems really fucked up that they want to keep you in the state. Oh, I'm getting out of here. He said you just have to tell him at the parole hearing that he plans on paroling somewhere else because

they have to contact that state and then he has to check in there. You'd have to do the same thing whether you stay in Michigan, right? Yeah, yep. But they see that it's weird because there's different parole processes in each state, so I don't know how they'll work. And Doug's kind of right in a way that they don't like it when you're going out

of state, because they don't know that parole officer. They don't know how they do shit there. Which you'd think they'd be glad to get rid of the people they deem unworthy. Yeah, you'd think they'd bus you out of there like they fucking used to do with homeless people. Yeah, as a matter of fact bus you out of there like they fucking used to do with homeless people. Take you to the edge of town. Yeah, as a matter of fact, you're not allowed back to Mexico with you.

Yeah. I wonder how much of that is urban legend where they would bus homeless people across state lines. Because if I was like a governor, I would do that just to fuck with another state. Yeah, you're beefed out with the state next to you and you're just shipping up your degenerates.

Fuck Utah. Yeah. Just send them up there. Yeah, just ship busloads of fucking, you know, pedophiles and fucking... Flagstaff to Zion National Park.

All aboard. Deal with this, you Mormon weirdos. Yeah. What was that? Hang on. Chaley gave me the one-minute sign. We're almost at

14 minutes. Really? I fucking blew by. So when do you want to do this again? Chaley, are you going camping? Don't. Just pick your date. Probably after Friday. Well, listen. I'm not going to be a goddamn burden. These things aren't ever going to see the light of day anyway.

Oh, no. They are. It's just... I have a good one that's going out that I've already told the story, so I wanted to keep this one where we can throw it in after the fact and not be jumping around

with day this and day that. At this point, it's on your guys' schedule. The yards are back to normal. I can call whenever you want to do it. Every couple days is fine. Saturday? Saturday. That's what I was thinking.

All right. Saturday, same time? That doesn't fuck up your schedule? No. I'm in prison. The schedule is very fucking loose. And wide open. Are you still there?

And wide open. And wide open. So, yeah. What would that be? Day 2,500. Let me check my schedule. 79th? I'm open.

It's open. I got you. Hey, what's up with... Let me ask my schedule. 79th? I'm open. It's open. I got you. Hey, what's up with... Let me ask you this before we go. What's up with the book? Because what... Didn't it come out on Audible first? Am I going to be able to have someone order it for me for Christmas? Has it been six months? No, no. It'll be February before we can put out a hard copy. And I still have to

write all the shit. I want a lot of additional content from the Audible version, so people have a reason to do both. There she is. Fucking lady interrupts me every fucking time. Right when it starts to get good.

What a bitch. What a passive aggressive bitch. Alright, well listen I can't I hope that shit lasts till Saturday don't be afraid to give it to Kenny

or whoever the hell you said give him a cup and they can tell you how strong that shit is yeah why would it not keep I don't

I don't know I just I don't know I guess we're just so paranoid that we when I get them I just slam the shit

and then hate life for, well, I love life for a minute, and then a little while later, I'm trying to make sure I'm not blind. So, yeah. Next time, maybe we'll do the dumbest things you've done drinking fucking pruno, or drank,

as you call it. Drank. A drink, yeah. I got drunk on prison wine and made the wrong promises. Or the right one. Thank you for using GTL. Hey, I want to throw in a quick thank you before we leave. Shit, I don't remember his name.

I don't know. The guy that sent me the... It was funny because Bingo and I were just talking about it. I saw a picture of myself, an old picture that I was wearing a Mary uh the titty bar in portland mary's uh yeah t-shirt and i go what happens all these fucking clothes like i would never get rid of a mary's t-shirt i love that t-shirt i see pictures where i'm wearing clothes i'm like whatever happened to that because i love it and we had just talked about this and this guy randomly sent me a Mary's t-shirt. I'm like, wow.

Yeah, I thought, did we say that on a podcast? I go, no, that was just me and Bingo talking. So that was very cool. Thank you for that and he also sent a burned DVD of Los Enchiladas. Oh, really? Yeah. I want to see that. You haven't seen it? I have

one. It's a VHS but there's different versions. I think his name's Sebastian, maybe? I don't know. Man, it's Gokko? No. Maybe it's not even close to Sebastian, and that guy's going, what the fuck? Anyway, it's inside.

I'm sure there's a million other thank yous that I have that I haven't disseminated. And you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to fucking start putting out more pictures of all these people. Keep the cardboard cutouts coming. The last one we got was Tom Segura and Christina. So yeah, I'm going to get more

pictures. I'm going to stock some in the bedroom and have a picture of me in bed with one of my fans every night. Oh, and I have a fucking earring today. Maybe we'll save that for the next one. I woke up with an earring. Yeah, you'll find that out.

You'll already know about that by the time you hear this. Okay, take us out. Okay, bye-bye now. Bye-bye. Thank you. Thank you.