The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #429: World Premiere of Vodka Juicebox

Episode Date: January 14, 2021

Doug interviews Vodka Juicebox and debuts their first song "Unattended". Also, Chad Shank Zooms in and nobody in the FunHouse can do a good British accent.  The Vodka Juicebox song "Unattended" u...sed with permission. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded Jan 12th, 2021 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Bingo (@bingobingaman) Tareq, Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - Helix Sleep - Find your perfect mattress at www.HelixSleep.com/stanhope Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 A big shout out today to Helix Sleep. Take their two minute sleep quiz and they'll match you with a mattress that'll give you the best sleep of your life. Find your perfect mattress at helixsleep.com slash Stanhope. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Hello, good morning. Hello, Bisbee and surrounding countries. My name's Doug Stanhope.
Starting point is 00:00:35 It's my pleasure to welcome back onto the Doug Stanhope Podcast, Mr. Chad Shank via Zoom. Hey, what's going on, Stanhope? Now that the filthy COVID is threatening our borders of our street, of our block, of our gate. Yeah, we're back to zooming it in. Greg Chaley's here. Tracy's
Starting point is 00:00:57 tending bar. Her Majesty the Queen. Yep. Yes, thank you. Jesse George sent us a six-foot Queen Elizabeth. She can't. Like, that's going to be way more than life-size. Oh, definitely. Oh, she's standing on a box.
Starting point is 00:01:12 Four foot. Yeah, she is a dwarf, technically, isn't she? Well, I think she's under three foot nine, and she's like three-five. Probably has advanced osteoporosis and has been shrinking for 30 years. Plus they're inbred. They are. They're certainly inbred. I always wondered, and I'm sure it's a fucking hackneyed premise over there.
Starting point is 00:01:35 But what happens if they have like a Down syndrome child in the royal family? They disappear them. They go into a room and there's a nanny that takes care of them. Yeah, but now with cameras everywhere. They have a guy from China that drowns them. They're used to that over there. A sack man. A sack man.
Starting point is 00:01:55 I love the idea of a retarded king and I don't know why that movie's never been made. We can't say anything. This day and age you're just going to let them be king. I mean, who other than developmentally disabled people wear crowns
Starting point is 00:02:12 and enjoy that without feeling silly? People at Burger King? Burger King, exactly. Retarded. Same group. Fuck Burger King. So yeah, Jesse George, thank you for that. Can you hear fine, Doug? I can hear okay.
Starting point is 00:02:32 Not great, but that might be my hearing. Yeah, I feel like I'm really high today. I've been giggly as fuck being really grumpy online. But with a smile on my face, it probably doesn't show in my tweets.
Starting point is 00:02:50 I'm laughing when I say this stuff. Chad, have you seen that? Oh, wait, we have musical guests debuting their new hit song called Unattended. We have Vodka Juice Box is going to close out.
Starting point is 00:03:07 It's a track they just recorded. They won't be playing live, but they are here in studio looking dapper, but you can't see them. Only we can. Chad, have you seen that one I woke up to yesterday? I woke up. I've been waking up at fucking 3, 4 in the morning. I woke up to yesterday. I woke up.
Starting point is 00:03:24 I've been waking up at fucking 3, 4 in the morning. But I watched Hunt for the Wilder People. I did see your tweet, and I started it last night. And I made it. I don't want to give anything away, but I made it to the first good part where you're like, oh, shit. And then I realized I should wait for Jenny and watch this with Jenny. Excellent that we can't watch a lot of shit together because we don't like the same shit but yeah yeah definitely don't give any of it away because all i saw was the trailer and when you watch the trailer on netflix it's just the birthday song which you know this is fucking
Starting point is 00:03:59 hilariously weird and i'm gonna love this movie or or it's not that and it's that yeah it's fucking great I was smiling all goddamn afternoon and then this morning I decided to finish Cobra Kai season 3 and I was not happy all day why do I keep getting invited on these podcasts where we have to talk about fucking
Starting point is 00:04:22 Cobra Kai god damn those guys on issues with Andy watch have to talk about fucking Cobra Kai. Goddamn. Those guys on Issues with Andy watch it, too. It's fucking terrible. All right, one more. I just watch it to fucking hate it. It's terrible that you've watched it all the way to three seasons? I know. I slept through one episode, and the fucking kid goes from he's paralyzed
Starting point is 00:04:39 in a coma, and then fucking two episodes later, he's fucking karate-ing again. Fuck you. I mean, I look, like, it's a terrible thing where I look up the actors to find out if I can tweet them and tell them how fucking horrible they are. That one kid with the
Starting point is 00:04:58 fake hair lip, he looks like he's Hawk! Yeah, Hawk. He looks like he got drugged by the nostrils with a claw hammer. I thought society wasn't doing that kind of shit anymore. I thought they would only hire real hair lips. They're not going to put a hair lip out of business to have a fake hair lip. It's a really bad.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Yeah, get fucking Joaquin Phoenix. He was good in the Joker. It's a little old for the part. He's playing a 15-year-old. That's what I did as I look him up, the actor, just because I know I can insult him on the internet to his face.
Starting point is 00:05:33 To his hideous fucking shape of face. And then the kid is like 20 years old. I'm like, I'm sitting here, fucking I wouldn't do it, but I'm plotting fucking mocking a 20-year-old for his appearance where he's supposed to look like a douchebag. And I know, like, you can't do that anyway because then it's going to fucking come back tenfold on me. But I don't have to look at me.
Starting point is 00:05:57 I'm on the inside of me. I get the best seat in the house for this face. A house with no mirrors and the best seat in the house. You know, here's your spoiler alert. Fucking Cobra Kai doesn't fucking end. I thought, oh, I have one more episode. I'm done with this. No, that was the fucking season finale cliffhanger that was
Starting point is 00:06:18 weak as shit and I didn't even want to watch the last one, much less wait for another season of that shit. You went through all but the last of the third season and you're going to not watch it? The next season? No. I thought it was one more episode. No, they leave you on another big stupid cliffhanger that you don't give a fuck about.
Starting point is 00:06:38 So when's it coming out? Don't know. Did you add to your list? No, I'll watch it, though. I love to complain. Did you add to your list? No, I'll watch it, though. I love to complain.
Starting point is 00:06:47 Tracy and I have just seen the first three, and we're watching it going, who is this marketed to? Because they're playing all the 80s butt rock music, which no kids know, and they make a joke about that, which is funny. And then they start ripping on kids like, hey, Fatso, hey, Lip, to the kid with the hair. And it's like well this is like like and then the the gender stuff too like well women can't karate you know and
Starting point is 00:07:11 it's like what's going on it's like i get it our age we understand when that was happening you know it's a mash-up it's totally but like like the the parents would have to be like yeah maybe you go away for the end of this part. It's really weird. I really don't know who they're – You don't let a black kid in school. You don't go to school here, kid. Well, I mean the first thing out of Johnny's mouth is about the Mexican kid who tried to say hello. I'm new to the building.
Starting point is 00:07:40 And it's like, oh, great. I'm calling immigration or something. It was like right away. When did you come here? Where are your parents from? And it's like, oh, great, I'm calling immigration or something. It was like, right away, you know? When did you come here? Like, where are your parents from? He's like, Irvine. You know, it doesn't make sense. Yeah, like the one guy, the Johnny guy.
Starting point is 00:07:55 Johnny Lawrence. I say I never watched the fucking movie, but at this point, you have to. You know all of it anyway. Like, I've seen a million parts of it over 40 fucking years. So you don't need to see that movie. Well, they show a lot of clips in it, though. Initially, it was kind of fun where, all right, now this guy's a washed up fucking drunkard, which he's great at.
Starting point is 00:08:21 But they lose all that. Then he comes about these hideous kids. That's what I tweeted. That's the fucking most punchable face in a cast in Silicon Valley. And all those kids that are, you know, there's maybe two kids that you could even imagine ever being in a fight, and everyone else should be on Silicon Valley. Oh, the geeky kid.
Starting point is 00:08:44 Yeah, but he learned karate. Fuck you. Anyway, speaking of series, you made a great analogy about, because the next season of the President of the United States is about to start. Yeah. There's a segue. Yeah. Maybe. We. Yeah. Maybe. We'll see.
Starting point is 00:09:06 But Chad made a great analogy on the issues with Andy 100th about you talked about Trump like the same way you watch football where you don't watch it all season and then you're kind of cramming for the exam for the Super Bowl. Yeah. watch it all season, and then you're kind of cramming for the exam for the Super Bowl. Yeah. Which I, you know, I had problems going on when the election
Starting point is 00:09:29 started, so by the time I even paid attention, which I didn't care, like, he'd already fired like 15 people and like this whole rotating cast. It's like Game of Thrones by now. Who's Comey? Who's fucking this guy?
Starting point is 00:09:47 Who's the... Jamie Lannister? Charged the post office? Yeah, we can start from scratch with the Biden thing, but... If that... I don't know. We didn't think that all that capital shit was going to happen. So now they're saying inauguration yeah i i can't
Starting point is 00:10:09 even make a guess anymore i wouldn't even want to try i who knows what's gonna happen i i the i it's funny to watch like they got the argument that i like because i like guns and weapons and stuff but even though i'm not that ignorant i like guns so you know when people are like well they're gonna take your guns and i'm like well they can't come take my guns they can stop me from buying new guns but i have all the guns i need and i haven't been able to buy ammo for a long time because everybody buys it up in stores but technically i have all the ammo i'll ever need so really my only argument again i don't it's gone for me i get it for other people but I don't really give a shit about other people. You have to have been watching the hashtag no fly list.
Starting point is 00:10:53 All the people getting fucking kicked off of airplanes and crying like bitches. I wonder how much of this I would be vehemently opposed to if I didn't hate that guy so much. vehemently opposed to if I didn't hate that guy so much. I think... Because I've been reading a lot of Reason magazine, and they... There's a lot of bullshit with...
Starting point is 00:11:13 Someone just tweeted that hey, the Ayatollah who fucking threatened death to Israel still has a Twitter account. Yeah. There's a lot of argument. I mean, I sit there and I fucking laugh my balls off at all these.
Starting point is 00:11:35 And I don't want to have any sympathy, but I wonder how much of a hypocrite I am. But again, I'm not invested since the whole thing started. Yeah. That's how I keep from feeling hypocritical, I guess. It's just I don't care. If I express an opinion, it's the same as usual. I probably won't be that guy later, and I'll probably have a different opinion later on. So why would I try to double down on one thing?
Starting point is 00:12:04 Yeah, maybe we'll start fresh with the inauguration. We're definitely going to watch. It's the only inauguration you're ever going to watch. I don't want to say hoping, but for entertainment value, you hope some shit goes down. I don't want to just sit there and watch. First of all, they should do it indoors.
Starting point is 00:12:22 Not this year, of course. This year, they're going to have that front area where it's usually just jam-packed full of people. It's going to be like a flag display. You're not going to be able to get close. And it should be just completely televised anyway. Who cares? It should never be outside. I hate watching football games at Lambeau Field in the winter.
Starting point is 00:12:42 It makes me uncomfortable. Why are you outside in fucking January? The guy's like 115 years old, and you're going to have him shivering outside just to have some clunky speech? One of the great things about everybody being so split in the middle is that there will be so – I don't have to watch any of this live. I don't care if it's live. I'll wait. I won't watch the inauguration.
Starting point is 00:13:06 I didn't watch the last stuff. And then after about three hours, I can go through a neatly compiled compilation. Best of clips. Yeah, all the good stuff happens here. And then you can go to your crazy friend's Facebook page and look at what the other people are posting. And it's custom-made entertainment.
Starting point is 00:13:24 Yeah, that's like the debates. All right, I can just get the best of on Newser in the morning. They say you spend a third of your life asleep, and whoever said that was a slacker. I went to bed, what time was it, last night? 7 p.m. I get into bed to watch a movie, and I stayed in that Helix mattress until I had to bed, what time was it, last night, 7 p.m. I got into bed to watch a movie, and I stayed in that Helix mattress until I had to come out and cut this spot. That's about 16 hours, and I'll tell you, Helix Sleep has a quiz that takes you just two minutes to complete,
Starting point is 00:13:57 matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you. Everybody's unique, and Helix knows that, So they have several different mattress models to choose from. They have soft, medium, and firm mattresses. Mattress is great for cooling you down if you sleep hot. And even a Helix Plus mattress for plus size folks. I took the Helix quiz and I was matched with the Midnight Mattress because I sleep all over the place like a spastic monkey on Ritalin. So if you're looking for a mattress, take the quiz, you order the mattress that you're matched to, and then the mattress comes right to your door shipped for free. You don't ever need to go to the mattress store again. Helix is awesome, but don't take my word for it.
Starting point is 00:14:37 Helix was awarded the number one best overall mattress pick for 2020 by GQ and Wired Magazine. Just go to helixsleep.com slash Stanhope. Take their two-minute sleep quiz, and they'll match you to a customized mattress that'll give you the best sleep of your life. They have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it out for 100 nights risk-free. They'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it, but you will. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners
Starting point is 00:15:09 at helixsleep.com slash stanhope. That's helixsleep.com slash stanhope. Jonathan Short is here. What's up, Jonathan? I don't know if he can hear me, but... Yeah, he can hear you. Okay. Valentina's here.
Starting point is 00:15:31 Valentina. Maybe we should interview this musical guest. We'll wait until the end to close out with their song, but Vodka Juice Box is a big band here in Bisbee. I'm a big fan. You want to come up to the mics and let's interview you two.
Starting point is 00:15:51 You two? They should be so lucky. Now, Tarek, you are from the Persian Gulf area. Yes.
Starting point is 00:16:11 Oh, wait, you have a podcast called Kuwaiti Kuwaiti Don't Tell Me. Yes, so I was born in Kuwait. That's a lie. I'm from Kuwait. I was born in Kuwait. And that's a lie. I'm from Kuwait. I was born in San Diego, California. And yeah, moved out here to Bisbee. Wait, you're from Kuwait, but you're born in San Diego? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:35 Right. Well, and moved around my whole life. So my dad was a career diplomat. So every three or four years would be in a different country. You have dual citizenship i do yeah were you there for the uh that gulf war thing that i was allegedly happened i was actually allegedly um i was actually in germany at the time anymore yeah no i was living in germany but i had a lot of family come come out there to get away from that situation.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Wait, you fled to Germany? I don't want to say fled. No, we were there for like six years. And my cousins and uncles and family came out there and stayed with us to get away from that situation. And your partner here, let me check my notes, the other half of a vodka juice box, bingo. Bingo, bingo.
Starting point is 00:17:33 Now, how did you get involved in this duo? Oh, God. You want to go back? Sure. You and me. I'm not lying. You want to go back? Sure. Make some up. Just lie. I don't really have any. I'm not lying.
Starting point is 00:17:47 You and me went to Louisiana about 11 years ago. 11 years ago, yeah. About 11 years ago, Stan. We stayed at a bed and breakfast, and he lived there. We met him there. You don't even remember. I don't have this in my notes. I think I've got to talk to my producer.
Starting point is 00:18:04 Oh, okay. I'm sorry. The printer jammed,. I don't have this in my notes. I think I got to talk to my producer. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. The printer jammed, but I figured we could just wing it. Okay. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, I was living in the Bechet house out there. And I think whenever you do a show in Lafayette, you guys would stay over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:20 I remember. What's the Bechet house? Is it like a hotel? Chaley doesn't remember this because I'm surprised because I remember one of the times we stayed there, Brendan Walsh and I were trying to do prank calls. I remember specifically trying to get. I was trying to do like a prank call gay phone sex. So I got on like some.
Starting point is 00:18:40 I think it was back in AOL instant messenger days or something, trying to get in a gay chat to have anyone call me. I'm a fucking young, straight, white male. Weren't we doing it on a regular phone? You had a thing. Yeah, but I had to hook it up to a regular analog phone. Yeah, the sticky thing? Yeah, yeah. Remember those?
Starting point is 00:19:01 Yeah, like Mission Impossible. Suction. Yeah. Yeah. I had to use that little clip, the little RJ11 clip that goes into the phone that would plug into the wall, the modular thing. Yeah, I got it from Radio Shack. Okay, I remember that. Yeah, that was pretty good.
Starting point is 00:19:15 I mean, there's a lot of times where you and Brendan Walsh try to get people to call you for gay phone sex. That doesn't stand out as the only time. Yeah, but we were recording this. Well, I mean, at least... That's usually just me. There was another time where there was a gal who was helping us out with it, too. Well, that would probably be... What was her name?
Starting point is 00:19:33 From the Becheyos. Oh, Cherami. Cherami. Yeah, same. They were all fucking LARPers or whatever. Yeah, we were all in a metal band together. A LARP-y metal band? It was a really weird experience. I actually lived in the cabin.
Starting point is 00:19:48 You have the cabins in the back and then the main bed and breakfast. It was gorgeous. It was midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil kind of. A lot of ivy and vines and moss and shit. Haunted house too, apparently. Oh yeah, everything in fucking
Starting point is 00:20:03 Lafayette's haunted. Black mold. Haunted with too, apparently. Oh yeah, everything in fucking Lafayette's haunted. Yeah. Black mold. Haunted by black mold. Oogie boogie boogie boogie boogie. Yeah, it had ghosts of bad marketing. Marketing. So that's where this all took off.
Starting point is 00:20:31 This is where the band started. That's where it started. The genesis. So evidently, bingo, you live here in Bisbee. And then Tarek. I live in your house, you dumb dick. Okay, well, again, the printer jammed. I don't have all my notes.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Oh, okay, okay. You're going to refresh me on some things. Right on your forehead backwards and look in the mirror. I've been doing comedy for 30 years. I'm not going to remember every fucking face that I see. Oh, okay, tell us a joke. That was before COVID. Now nothing's funny. So, Tark, you stumble into this jerkwater burg of Bisbee, Arizona.
Starting point is 00:21:06 Well, here, I got the next part. I was trying to record the song for your audio book, and I was working with Robin and Doug Cubs. Hang on. Chaley, I have an audio book? Yes. Oh, boy. Okay.
Starting point is 00:21:22 You didn't write it, but they put your name on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mishka wrote it. Yeah, yeah. Ghost, boy. Okay. You didn't write it, but they put your name on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mishka wrote it. Yeah, yeah. Ghost wrote. Ghost. Ghost wrote. He's also got black mold on his name.
Starting point is 00:21:37 We can get that cleaned for 700 bucks. Anyway. Whoa. anyway so I it was COVID and I couldn't go to Robin or Doug Krebs to do the song the mastering
Starting point is 00:21:52 no the whole song the recording I don't know how music works so he had a situation where he got a hold of me and he knows how to record and I told him my situation that I couldn't do this he was like i'll come out and do it and we did it with he did your song so you came from kuwait during
Starting point is 00:22:13 so i was in la i actually was in la for three years um i was playing a rock band out there and um just really got tired of la, you know, the scene there. And wanted to just go somewhere else and start over and start new and see what kind of music I could make outside of all of that. And so when I came up here and tracked Bingo's vocals, I had a really good time doing that. And I was like, dude, music's supposed to be fun. Yeah, we had fun. Just made the move out here and put together a studio. We've been making music.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Just so you get, is your camera mobile? So can Chad see them? Camera's in front of you. Oh, that's the only camera. I would love to see them, but I can picture them.
Starting point is 00:23:06 I am a huge fan. I am a number one fan of Vodka Juice Box. If nobody else knew that. I've actually been the recipient of several sneak peek releases just because I don't share stuff with anybody. No, because you're up at 3 a.m. in the morning, baby. Come on, you're mine. So I've got to listen to several
Starting point is 00:23:33 sneak peeks, so I'm a big fan. Thank you. Thank you. So, long story short, you moved here and bought a house. In fact, you bought one of my favorite houses in the neighborhood. My favorite house in the neighborhood, which Bingo and I have actually- Been in before.
Starting point is 00:23:51 I don't want to say break into because it wasn't locked. We entered once. We broke in. No, it wasn't breaking. Okay, we entered. It was unlocked. Breaking and entering doesn't involve you actually breaking something. If you go into a house, if you open the door and go in, that's breaking and entering.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Well, they should put that in the fine print. They were checking for bad guys. All it said was for sale. It didn't say no breaking and entering. Fair enough. Yeah, it was for sale years ago. And we were walking the dogs and we're looking through the windows, which I think is legal. I have eyes that God gave me, and you have glass on a house that's for sale.
Starting point is 00:24:36 You go from breaking and entering to peeping Tom. I check the fucking doorknobs on every house I buy before I even think about negotiating a price. door knobs on every house I buy before I even think about negotiating a price. And that one turned and I went, oh, fuck, this might be an insecure facility. So I had to check it out. Neighborhood watch basically is what I was doing. So, yeah, we watched through all, went through all the spiral staircase. God damn it.
Starting point is 00:25:05 I was so happy when you bought it and sad at the same time. Yeah, a spiral staircase is beautiful, but it's quite the fucking hazard, too. Yeah, not a good drunkard's obstacle. We ain't drunkards, we're trippers, and it ain't good for tripping. We have a whole thing
Starting point is 00:25:21 whenever we go up or down the stairs, just to make sure if someone falls, they fall on the other person. Yeah. We go together. Depending on who's in better shape. Yeah. Christine Levine, you go down first. Actually, get rid of the steps and then it's just a fire pole.
Starting point is 00:25:38 Then you just got to go outside and go around up the street to get back to the top floor though. Yeah. You do have that option. Yeah. Because there's that door in the bottom, and it goes through the back. Yeah. I have a case in the joint.
Starting point is 00:25:49 Check the doorknobs. You lock it a lot, so I'm not in a lot. Oh, shit. Not a lot. That's another thing out here. No one locks their doors. Just wait until they go upstairs, Shaley. Then the downstairs is all yours for a while.
Starting point is 00:26:03 They're not coming down until they're done tripping. So just look around. Yeah, I've been trying to get Bingo to do some kind of slip and fall on the circular staircase and then sue him to put in an elevator under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and then I'm going to buy it out from under him when he's fucking hamstrung from that lawsuit. He'll sell for pennies on the dollar. I know how to get these buckets. That is a plan.
Starting point is 00:26:30 Shit. I have an attorney. She's an immigration attorney, but she'll probably work better for you than me, but she might branch out. She has a specialty in circular staircases. And so, how did you come up with the name of Vodka Juice Box?
Starting point is 00:26:54 Okay. Give us some of the other names that you flipped around. Oh, shit. I can't remember anything right now. Neither can I, but that's not helpful. No, a couple. I can't remember anything right now. Neither can I, but that's not helpful. No, I know. I can't remember anything. We had a few, but... Yeah, you had cocktails and Xanax. How did that name
Starting point is 00:27:13 slip past? Bingo was a little nervous and said, oh, I took a Xanax and she has a fucking drink that's a fucking 20... Oh, shit. No. Is that Bobby?
Starting point is 00:27:27 No, I thought it might be Bobby. Bobby might be calling. Oh, cool. Well, then we should take a break and then that would be probably later. All right. Okay. We actually came up with quite a few names
Starting point is 00:27:41 and the hardest part was actually remembering what those names were. That's true. Because we never had like... We need those names were. That's true. Because we never had, like, we need a name session. Pen and paper? You spent all your money on real estate? No, we spent money on a spiral staircase.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Come on. Post-it notes weren't a budget. But I'm pretty sure we had some pretty great names. How high do you have to be to not be able to yell stuff into your phone? That's pretty high. This name, Vodka Juice Box, came from our dear fucking friend, Jackandino. Jackandino is one person. Yeah, Jackandino, he always helps me out. He's the size of a duo. I always go to him for things like that.
Starting point is 00:28:25 And he came up with Vodka Juice Box and a lot of other ridiculous names. He had good ones. Yeah, no, he's titled more than a couple of my specials. Yeah, he's fucking amazing. And so that was one that Jack and Dino came up with, and we liked it. Yeah, he's always been good. I think No Refunds was his. No, that was mine.
Starting point is 00:28:47 That was mine. That was yours? No! Shady! He claims that Beer Hall Putsch was his, and I think it's not. I can't remember where that one came from. Well, I remember. I was reading that.
Starting point is 00:29:01 It seems like that sounds like his voice, Beer Hall Putsch. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I remember reading that. It seems like that sounds like his voice, Beer Hall Putsch. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I remember reading, a failed attempt at reading, what's the Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, I think it's called, in Costa Rica. And it's just, yeah, well, because, you know, a lot of those Nazis are down there. And if there was a good description, I wanted to be able to call the FBI or the Simon Wiesenthal folks on their 800 number. But anyway, yeah, I got, it's like 7,000 pages,
Starting point is 00:29:36 and I got maybe 40 of them done, but I did get to Beer Hall Putsch. I thought that was mine because of that. I mean, yeah, just that sounds like his voice, you know. He's that was mine because of that. That sounds like his voice. He's good at what he fucking does. And it sounds like something he'd say as well. Yeah. So
Starting point is 00:29:55 how many singles have you cranked out? Well, you have a Christmas album. Bingo has a Christmas album. It's Bingo Smells. Bingo has a Christmas album. It's Bingo Smells. Bingo Smells. What's the name of your Christmas?
Starting point is 00:30:11 Never mind. Excuse me? No, we've got some songs in the works. We have to mix and master. Don't worry, Chad. Sorry. The Chalys are... Greg and Tracy are doing a new morning show podcast called Chalys and Coffee.
Starting point is 00:30:32 I thought of that when I was making Baileys and Coffee. That's when I wrote the rest of these dumb fucking jokes. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's so dumb, baby. I love that you can leave. They're great. Yeah, Chad and Dave Rader are starting a spin-off podcast called Shank Jew's Very, Very... Shank Jew Belly Belly Much.
Starting point is 00:31:00 That's it. Shank Jew Belly Belly Much. Okay, that one was all right. I could see that podcast. Kuwaiti Kuwaiti Don't Tell Me is a fucking brilliant one. I did like that one. Yeah, it's not bad, actually. Okay, shut up.
Starting point is 00:31:16 I don't know if you get the reference, but wait, wait, don't tell me. NPR. Yes, NPR. Okay. It just sounded catchy to me. Yeah. We've got plenty of songs coming up, but this is the one we're going to. You've run a few past us.
Starting point is 00:31:32 Yeah, I'd say we got like four or five. Yeah. But this one in particular, we wanted to make our first release because it was kind of just like relevant to like how we were feeling um i guess over the last two weeks we were in quarantine what that really means is we were expressing how we felt on mushrooms in quarantine that is correct tripping balls every day and writing music it's been fun are you on twitter tarkarek? I started a Twitter account. How do you spell Tarek, by the way?
Starting point is 00:32:08 And everyone get your phone ready and see if you got it right. This is like Final Jeopardy. All right, everyone look at Tarek, how you wrote it in your phone. Okay, here we go. It's T-A-R-E-Q. Oh, I got it. Me too. But there's more to that story.
Starting point is 00:32:28 So originally it was T-A-R-I-Q. And I think I was like five. And my dad's like, got tired of people calling me Tariq. He's like, you know what? We're going to change the I to an E. And I remember I was a kid. I was like fighting for the I. I'm like, no.
Starting point is 00:32:46 Leave the I to an E. And I remember I was a kid, I was like fighting for the I. I'm like, no, leave the I. Now, what happened is your dad said, you failed third grade for the fourth time. We're taking IQ out of your name. Listen, son, there's no I in Tariq. Yeah, so it's Tarknox. So, all right, well, we got that. Now everybody knows.
Starting point is 00:33:19 Behind the music, how do you collaborate? What's your process? We've been in quarantine together for a while, so we got a lot of time. Yeah, because you're a hipster. That's such a fucking gorgeous suit. I wish you could see this, Chad. Make him walk over behind you. Yeah, come around.
Starting point is 00:33:40 Come around behind me. Thank you, guys. Thank you, guys. That sounded rude. I know. When you get the picture For the thumbnail of this Let's get Tark's full suit in it Oh look at that And it's matching pants
Starting point is 00:33:54 Come around That's Bingo on the other side of Doug With her top hat Her white top hat Oh no No Oh there she is With her top hat? Her white top hat? Oh, no! No! Oh, there she is!
Starting point is 00:34:09 Yes. Hi, Chuck! You guys look awesome as always. Stay there. There's a picture. Right there. Oh, man. Here we go. I loved your guys' look at the
Starting point is 00:34:24 tennis courts when the apocalypse game between Terminator guy and taxi driver guy happened. Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, I... It added to the whole thing, you know, the bingo's outfit and stuff. You can see I liked it. Cool.
Starting point is 00:34:48 Yeah, I can't wait for that guy to come back. Bean. Yeah, Bean's gone. I was going to text him today and say. Oh, Bean's in LA. Oh, he went to his other house. Yep. I was going to.
Starting point is 00:35:02 I'm going to. I got to remember to text him. Write that down, Tracy. Yep. I was gonna, I'm gonna, I gotta remember to text him. Write that down, Tracy. Uh, yep. Hey, rambling boy,
Starting point is 00:35:10 why don't you settle down? LA ain't your kind of town. There ain't no gold and there ain't nobody like me.
Starting point is 00:35:17 Send. Oh, no. I gotta go hardcore homo on that guy. Yeah, he'll love it. So, okay, your process.
Starting point is 00:35:33 So when you're collaborating, you say these mushrooms that you take. We do. We trip on mushrooms a lot together when we write. And we have really bizarre shit happen as well. Yeah. And so really when we're writing most of the time we're just documenting
Starting point is 00:35:53 things we're going through. And we had some pretty bizarre encounters from old friends popping up in RVs. I remember that. Yeah. We've got a metal tune about that. It's fucking great.
Starting point is 00:36:09 From trying to catch scorpions and scorpion traps, but then we accidentally caught a spider. Yeah. What was it? A worm that looked like an alien? It had legs. A worm with legs. Yeah. A lizard?
Starting point is 00:36:23 A centipede? No, I don't know what it was, but it was literally a worm with legs. It literally looked like it had feet. Nemetode? And they were like purple. A frog. Alienesque. No, it was a worm with legs.
Starting point is 00:36:36 That's what it was. All right. A centipede. We were tripping. It was a worm with legs. But we wrote a song about it, a metal tune about it. It's fun. Bingo, what do you do during a metal song?
Starting point is 00:36:47 I scream my balls off. All right. You actually surprised the shit out of me. I surprised the shit out of me. She screams. I mean, you scream like you've been doing metal for a while. But this is how it happened. We were on the couch out back and-
Starting point is 00:37:02 And there was a worm with legs. There was a worm with legs. I'd scream my balls off too. I'd scream and an album is written. We were outside out back and I was... Tell me you were recording. Tell me you were recording. I was telling Tarek that I wanted to do a metal song
Starting point is 00:37:19 and it was kind of joking. And he said, yes, we're going to fucking do this. And we did it that night. We just, we did it that night. What's more difficult for you, the music or the lyrics? The lyrics come very natural to us. And usually on the songs,
Starting point is 00:37:37 we totally collaborate on everything. So, lyrics come pretty quickly. Yeah, if we know what we're talking about. Yeah, which is not all the time. Which is not all the time. But yeah, lyrics come easiest because that's usually... Our experience. Yeah, like something very specific happens.
Starting point is 00:37:57 Yeah. And then we just figure out how to lay it all out. Yeah. I'm working on... Because I'm good with words, I know nothing about music, but I'm working on a poem that you could maybe put to music
Starting point is 00:38:13 called When Does All This Bullshit End? And it's called the Cobra Kai Anthem. That actually sounds like it would be a pretty fun project. What do you think? I think we can do this maybe tomorrow okay maybe tomorrow not tonight
Starting point is 00:38:29 I thought of it too late but a Christmas song if anyone put out a mildly amusing catchy Christmas song everyone's so fucking desperate to not hear the other shit but yeah that was too late.
Starting point is 00:38:48 We came up with a title for the song but we didn't come up with the song. Christmas at the Ward. Oh yeah, I was really drunk when I thought of that. Well, when are you not really drunk? In the morning.
Starting point is 00:39:03 Yeah, in the morning when I prefer to be left alone. It's just me and Twitter and fucking Netflix. You're probably still pretty drunk in the morning, technically. Yeah. Yeah. All right, you got me on a technicality. Have you ever considered driving a semi-truck for a living? Then rev up your engines and come on down to Ohio Valley Truck Driver Training School.
Starting point is 00:39:48 There are companies out there right now that have 10 to 15 rigs sitting every day because they don't have drivers. You can finish our course in five weeks, enroll in a full-time in a 200-hour course or an 80-hour refresher course. The Workforce Investment Act funding is available for direct student loans for qualified applicants, and major credit cards are accepted. Don't forget the Ohio Valley Driver Training School. Our facility has a 4.5-acre training lot and a 72-passenger bus.
Starting point is 00:40:18 So call today. Ohio Valley Truck Driver Training School, 1341 Highland Avenue, Williamstown, West Virginia, Highland Avenue Williamstown West Virginia right here in Williamstown call us at 304-375-4140 that's 304-375-4140 your future is just 18 wheels away tell them the Doug Stanhope podcast sent you. So do albums even count anymore, or are you just going to crank out singles? I think, well, I kind of like the whole singles idea, because you get to put out whatever you're feeling at that time. And we're always writing.
Starting point is 00:41:06 So an album, I feel like there's a lot of pressure associated with an album. It's like, oh, shit, we have to write an album. I think just putting out songs as they come right now just makes more sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that what we're going to premiere, worldwide premiere today, which is not a finished product. No.
Starting point is 00:41:34 But I think that's your best work yet. You do. Do you feel a lot of pressure to outdo yourself on the next one? I mean, this one is pretty good because I felt it was a very honest song and it happened really quickly. Pressure to outdo. I think... I don't know.
Starting point is 00:41:55 This is your thriller. I really hope not. I really, really hope not. I hope we can keep putting out songs that we think are awesome. Have you written a song during a bad trip? No, because usually I'm trying to breathe. I worry about you, Tark, because one night in here
Starting point is 00:42:19 in the funhouse, I don't know what we were doing. You were sitting what we call loser's row over there. Was that where the light was really bright? You're sitting back there in the fucking gamer chairs, the neighbor Dave chairs where we call it loser's row because this used to be a drinking
Starting point is 00:42:38 bar for football back in the day. Okay. And then all the drinkers started to not drink and just get high. And they'd just be staring with open mouths at the TVs where they used to be hollering. Because football's not that much fun if people are not into it. Right. And then they kind of got not into it because they're high as fuck.
Starting point is 00:42:59 So we called it Loser's Row. But you were sitting there one night on Losers Row when it was really Losers Row because you were sitting with Kenny and Derek, and I caught a moment where you seemed to be communicating on the same level as them. And I go, what have we got ourselves into here? I think I would be horrified if I ever saw what I looked like sometimes in this room while I was tripping balls. saw what I looked like sometimes in this room while I was tripping
Starting point is 00:43:23 balls. No, no, you seemed like you were having a conversation with Kenny and Derek. He doesn't know them very well. No, no, no, I know who you're talking about. Yeah, but you seem to be like, I'm like, no, no, you can't understand what they're talking about. Maybe he's
Starting point is 00:43:39 just being polite. Tell me, just for the podcast, say you were just being polite. I was being polite and maybe doing some research. You didn't have your hands up in a fucking wide gesture going, what the fuck
Starting point is 00:43:56 are you talking about, Derek? Which is the only way I know how to react to Derek by shaking my head and go, what? Right. Well, you know, I think sometimes there's some brilliance there, you know? Yeah, there's acorns of genius in their retardedness. Sorry, I've said retard a lot of times on this podcast,
Starting point is 00:44:23 and I don't want to lose a sponsor. I also said the right words. Where do you go from here? We keep writing. The road? We've talked about playing live, touring, and stuff like that. We've talked about that. But it's just not the time right now. Yeah, I think we're just going to keep writing.
Starting point is 00:44:47 Recording? Yeah, just keep recording. And we're pretty much at the beginning of this process, so we're still discovering what we can do. If you do go on the road, will you be stopping all of the mushrooms, or will you be looking for a driver? Driver with mushrooms. I was just about
Starting point is 00:45:10 to suggest the dulcet tones of Chad Shank's voice. Or would that... Have you asked Chad to sit in on a song? Have you considered that? We have not. We have not considered, but we will consider right the fuck now.
Starting point is 00:45:27 I didn't even know you were a musician, bro. Chad seems like a fucking angel. Yeah? He seems like a fucking... Give us something, Chad. He's amazing. I'd love to hear some of your work, man. I would love to.
Starting point is 00:45:41 Malt Chup Oldies, baby. Wait, didn't you sing on a Mishka song? It would be an honor to make an appearance on one of your songs. Oh, yeah. Didn't you sing with Mishka, Chad? Him and Joby performed on a song. They redid it. Yeah, Mishka and Joby.
Starting point is 00:45:57 Yep. And then you also performed live, I think, at the Stock Exchange one night, right? Was it the Stock Exchange? Yeah. Wait, how does that, a, at the Stock Exchange one night, right? Was it the Stock Exchange? No. Wait, how does that a performance at a Stock Exchange? It's a bar in Oh, wow. You never heard of that before in my life.
Starting point is 00:46:14 It's a closing bell. Yeah, the Stock Exchange doesn't exist anymore, but it was a bar that downtown. I think it doesn't exist. Oh, wait. I don't want to. Is she dead?
Starting point is 00:46:29 Yeah. She is dead. Patricia Stewart is dead. I don't know. Yeah, she owned the stock. What else did she own? Did she own the mission post? Did she own anything?
Starting point is 00:46:41 No, no, that's another lady. Yeah. No. That's the one you're waiting on to die? That's the one I'm waiting on. I understood that right away with the tone of your question. Yeah, last time we even brought up the hitching pose, someone got fired.
Starting point is 00:46:58 Yeah, that's right. Yeah, they took out the one cool thing, a video game. Oh, wait, that's Jonathan Short here. I feel directly responsible for that because I read Jonathan's words and we together got a lady fired. Shit. The raider who's supposed to be on his way here with Taco Tuesday, he asked me the other day.
Starting point is 00:47:22 I knew he had a fucking purpose around there. Everybody's been trying to figure it out. He's been sleeping over here a lot. Drinking and sleeping. That might be another purpose that we weren't aware of. Last night or the other night, one of those nights, it was like 6 o'clock, and I go, I'm going to go watch a movie. And he goes, all right, is the pink room open? I'm a little too
Starting point is 00:47:46 drunk. Are you docking? No, I can only do that with Jonathan. He's the only uncut one. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. My bad. I know. I don't like Jonathan either, but you're fucking targets of opportunity. If you can dock, you dock. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:48:01 I get it. Blink. I get it. There's a reason we get along still. Are we in a relationship? We used to be able to dock till you're vagioplasty. Okay. Fair enough, fair enough. Your female anteater that you used to have. I thought you'd go to the worm with legs.
Starting point is 00:48:28 That's brilliant. That is brilliant. All you need is two jokes in this podcast and then a series of callbacks and it's all good. Absolutely. Yeah, what were we talking about before docking? Yeah. Where was I? Docking.
Starting point is 00:48:52 I can talk about doxing. Dave Rader says that... He goes, is it okay if I do my impression of Jonathan Short on the podcast, and I said, oh, and in comes Raider. You mentioned his name three times. We're talking about him.
Starting point is 00:49:11 That was the third time. He arrives. He says, hey, can I do my impression of Jonathan Short on the podcast? And I said, well, I think Chad already did that. And he's like, yeah, that's the one that got them fired from the hitching post. Yep, he was correct. What's up, Raider? Come around, Raider.
Starting point is 00:49:31 Chad? Yeah, come around. So we're... Move around, idiot. Move around. I thought he was the man not to be named. Yeah, fuck it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:49:42 No. Hey, buddy. What's happening? How you doing, sir? I'm doing well. How are you? I have a seat. Shut up.
Starting point is 00:49:50 I brought Mexican food. I hope you're hungry. I brought Mexican food, not knowing there was going to be a podcast. Oh. What would you have brought if there wasn't a podcast? Jimmy's? I don't know. Docking.
Starting point is 00:50:08 What would Jonathan Short have brought? Oh, wait. No, we can do this. Something tasteless. Jonathan, I'm going to excuse the band for a moment. I love you. Love you, baby. Juice box. Love you. We're going to do I love you love you baby love you
Starting point is 00:50:26 come on Jack we're gonna do triple Jonathan shorts we're gonna do Chad and Raider and Jonathan shorts since this week go ahead I can't go first because the only reason I was
Starting point is 00:50:44 able to do Jonathan back then because we were all hanging out all the fucking time. All right. Don't tilt the hand, but I'll point to one of you. Hey. Wait. That's a fucking queen back there. I thought that was Stan Ho pointing at me. Yeah, it doesn't make much sense.
Starting point is 00:51:10 So, the lazy fox jumped over the brown dog. Is that correct? It's not whose line is it anyway? What was the... To tell the truth. Oh, yeah. Okay, so since this is audio only for everyone in podcast land,
Starting point is 00:51:30 Jonathan Short number one. What are we doing? How did you find Bisbee initially? I can't do a British accent. Well, you just brought this whole fucking thing up. I was just joking. They should all say the same phrase. Is there no joke?
Starting point is 00:51:50 I hate to correct you, Jonathan, but it's actually, the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. You've got it. The brown dog. They did a better job. That's every letter in the entire letter. Every impression I do sounds like Castle Rock. You do sound a bit like...
Starting point is 00:52:06 It doesn't matter. Everybody sounds a bit Shaun of the Dead when they try and do my accent here for some reason. That could be it. Go ahead. My British accent sounds like this. Derek, the quick fox jumped over the angry dog. What was it?
Starting point is 00:52:23 I don't know. Anger. There's always anger in his voice. He's just doing Kenny. That was Kenny. You keep doing Kenny, and Tarek is going to keep coming back to you going, hey, I wanted to hang out some more. What were you saying earlier?
Starting point is 00:52:36 Dude, that was really interesting. Dave Rader, who is reticent to give me any details, but I think I definitely got him laid. Shut up, Meatwigs. What? Well, but he won't tell me anymore if it's an actual love interest and he just smiles every time I bring it up. But, well, I
Starting point is 00:53:05 had to push an envelope when I found out he hadn't gotten laid in two months. I'm like, all right, let's fix this. Anyway, all right. Now he's just walking. He doesn't want to talk about it. Anyway, meat wig. All right.
Starting point is 00:53:21 Explain your experience in your Kenny voice. Move along, please. Move along. Move along. I was supposed to not say anything on this. He's dispersed. Way to go, Stanholm.
Starting point is 00:53:35 That's all right. Well, we have tacos. What time are we at? Do we have a... We've only done five minutes? You can't really just figure if it's been this long that if I put a five up, it's 50 minutes?
Starting point is 00:53:51 No. I didn't know if you meant... I was being ridiculous, but I didn't know if you meant we have five more minutes we have to fill. If you need a few more minutes, I really need to dox myself uh on a subject so yay i mean if you're done i i got something i need to say
Starting point is 00:54:20 sorry i need to take a hit of weed So I've been having a rough time lately because I'm spending several hours. By that, I mean 10, maybe more, plotting murder. And it's not healthy for me at all to do what I'm doing. And I don't know how else. I have all the details. I'll give you the bag i think i told you guys before i bought a uh a van for my son he had a bunch of children even though i brainwashed all of the children not to have children one out of the four had five children and then he didn't
Starting point is 00:54:59 have a vehicle so i found a 750 van on facebook and i bought it and i trusted the people who told me that the title was over at grandma's house and they would get it to me in a couple of days well that was in july of last year so i have a van that i can't put a title on in my car you know and the kids don't have a van to take all their fucking children around but the bottom line is that somebody ripped me off for 750 and that's the part that bothers me every second of every day uh you're 50 off from my fantasies about destroying someone fantasies about destroying someone this it's and it's so ridiculous to have you know i mean 750 is a lot of money for me but it's not a lot of money it's not enough money that i should be it is for olivia grace too it is it's not enough it's not the amount of money that i should know
Starting point is 00:56:02 where this person lives and i know what their schedule is and i would rather burn their house down with their family in it while they're gone so that they can suffer the fucking effects of fucking with the wrong person and every single day it just crushes my mind all day over and over of how i can do this and what is my next step and how to do this and i don't i don't want to do it anymore i need to be done and i just want to tell everybody that i'm thinking about this so that way i won't do it because now i've told on myself and i will never fucking go through with this i also started this uh this this chick started selling posting on facebook selling cinnamon rolls and peanuts and stuff for fucking homemade food
Starting point is 00:56:46 when when her last excuse to me for uh was that they had covid so uh i i started commenting now on in in uh public facebook like can i please get that title from the vehicle that i bought from you in july i'd really appreciate it just passive aggressive super nice texts and uh it's i don't know i just wanted to out myself because i have to i have to find a way to trick myself my whole life is just tricking myself into thinking differently and it's eating me alive to be contemplating doing this and i don't want to do it It's eating me alive to be fucking contemplating doing this. And I don't want to do it, you know, but I do. And I will.
Starting point is 00:57:32 And I fucking, it's a struggle. And I just want to, anyway. No, no, I completely understand. That's why I didn't tweet at a fucking 20-year-old that he looks like that fucking freakish... Who's that fucking guy with the nose in Congress from California? The guy with the giant fucking nostrils. Anyway, that's why I didn't tweet a 20-year-old actor and tell him his fucking fake hair lip
Starting point is 00:58:01 is less grotesque than his actual face. Yeah, sometimes you just... Because you didn't want to burn his house down? Well, I didn't go that far. I'd have someone else do it. You know what I've stopped myself from doing? Yeah, I'm someone else, son of a bitch. I've stopped myself from fucking trying to go to any of the killer termites
Starting point is 00:58:27 and showing up at one of these, like the inauguration. I want to tell the killer termites, hey, show up with a ridiculous protest sign, like fuck DirecTV, in the middle of all the fucking Trumpers, in a Doug Stano podcast t-shirt. Like, hey, you bought this shirt. Now fucking make the trip.
Starting point is 00:58:52 Get on camera and I'll give you a hundred bucks. I offered a hundred bucks to the first person who could pick out Wanda. Wanda was a bartender at the Birdhouse at Coots that was on Girls Gone Wild. She was 71 at the time and flashed her tits. And I demanded the kid stays in the picture. He goes, well, who wants to see that? I go, you hired me to be funny.
Starting point is 00:59:16 That's fucking funny. So I demanded he let her stay. She just showed up and stayed the night on vacation. Now she's 85 so i tweeted a picture and i offered 100 bucks to anyone who could you know spot who she was and a guy the first guy that did i said dm me you just want 100 bucks he never did dm me his address and i was serious and i was kind of thinking about throwing out a fucking, some kind of reward for anyone who shows up at the inauguration and gets on a fucking cable news network with my T-shirt.
Starting point is 00:59:53 But then you go, oh, that could go so poorly. Yeah, it would be on the wrong side. Yeah, he's going to be wearing the horns and the fucking hat and the face paint and a Doug Stano, and he's going to get maced and detained detained and he's on a no-fly list. And that's not worth a hundred bucks. He's got his feet up on somebody's desk with your face on his chest. Exactly.
Starting point is 01:00:17 But I do have an answer to that. And we've talked about this. I'm not going to talk about it on the air, but I do have an answer for where we can put some of our rage into a good place. And so, yeah, I'll talk to you off the air about it because I want to do it soon. I'm just waiting until fucking after the inauguration and see if the world calms down a bit. And then, yeah, Chaley's and coffee
Starting point is 01:00:46 will happen. Kuwait, Kuwait, don't tell me. All of these. Shank-ju very, very much. You weren't here for that, Raider. That's you and Chad Shank's new podcast. Shank-ju very, very much.
Starting point is 01:01:03 All right. Mid-Raider can get down for sure. Raider is an enigma. What'd you call me? What's this podcast about? It doesn't matter. It's just got to catch you later. Okay, gotcha.
Starting point is 01:01:17 That's all it takes. I've had a silly day, Dave Raider. We're going to go eat tacos, Chad. I hope you come back soon. I miss you. Well, you got a lot of people there. I don't want to go over there. But I'll Zoom with you guys anytime you want.
Starting point is 01:01:35 That's the fucking thing. We went into after Levine had the vid. The neighbor up the street had the vid and we were like alright oh yeah well Dirty Dirty Tarek had talked to her on New Year's Eve cause yeah he thinks my dad's a diplomat
Starting point is 01:01:55 I can't get yeah he's got diplomatic immunity he's got diplomatic plates in his head I hate to be a narc but Raider and Jonathan are packed in the fucking diner with Joby and Fury and Infected and everybody. So fuck you guys. I'm staying away from all of you. Yeah, no, I mentioned that afterward when we found out that someone had tested positive,
Starting point is 01:02:23 but then other people there tested negative. Everybody's, yeah, that's tested is tested negative. Backdoor included. Yeah. Oh, good, good. Yeah. That's a fucking... Even Dirty Dirty Taric.
Starting point is 01:02:39 That's a big canary in the coal mine right there to show that all the chain all the way down is clear. Well, that's what happened on uh football sunday kenny comes over and kenny's like he he lives in a dirty environment in his life like he's just and so he came and sat on the patio in the freezing fucking cold on sunday and meanwhile everyone that we know is quarantined is a lot of people. So everyone's in the funhouse except Kenny sitting all alone out on the patio. Because we know everyone here has been, as best to their ability, quarantined. Remember when Raider used to wear his mask in his car?
Starting point is 01:03:27 Now I just do that alone at home. It wasn't just a mask. It was a full-blown respirator. Let's call it what it was. That was just a metaphor for the whole fucking thing. Some of the people that were the most paranoid early
Starting point is 01:03:44 on while I was dismissing it are Lucy Goosey. While I'm the one fucking going, I'm hiding from you, motherfucker. There was a guy I saw on the fucking security camera that walked past the house. He's walking. Anytime someone walks past my house without a dog, suspicious. And I want to post it on Nextdoor. I saw a guy walking, and he didn't have a dog. What's up with that?
Starting point is 01:04:18 So this guy, like 20 minutes later, this same guy, and he's wearing a mask, like the blue kind, the blue square one. About like a Nixon mask. Yeah, it's like a cummerbund, but for his face. He didn't have a light blue tuxedo on. That's a mask. So then he comes by again, and then the second time he stops. He's not eyeballing the house, but he stops near the camera and then retreats and he walks the other way.
Starting point is 01:04:48 So I see this guy. Valentino was with me. Was it yesterday? And I saw the same guy as we're driving to the fucking Safeway or whatever. And I go, this guy has been walking past the house, and he has no reason to be walking. What reason is there to walk around? And people alone with a mask walking on a fucking desolate street. What do you need a mask for?
Starting point is 01:05:16 Another suspicious. And then I thought, what if other people are looking at us? I thought, what if other people are looking at us, with all the mask shit, looking at us in a car without masks, going, I'm so tired of these motherfuckers who refuse to wear a mask. Even though we're in our own car. Well, he's got a mask,
Starting point is 01:05:39 and he's not even fucking near my dog. Anyway, I ramble. That's basically next door, though, isn't it? The website. There was a man walking without a dog. I always want to post that. Like, next door is very tough to troll because I have to keep
Starting point is 01:06:00 it light. You do see these people. I saw a fucking woman walking four dogs today by herself, all unruly. And I go, shouldn't you be on a sled? I don't think she got the joke. She goes, I'm usually with my husband, but he's out of town. And she's trying to grow four dogs or yanking her. The Iditarod is that way, lady.
Starting point is 01:06:32 I've had a good day. I've had a couple good days. Chad, we miss you a lot. And check out Chad on Issues with Andy and on your Twitch stream. Go to at HD fatty because on Twitter it'll bring you there
Starting point is 01:06:52 and it's a fun place for all of us to hang out when oh you see Joby's on it Prisoner Mike Fury so yeah it's you don't have to wait for the... Raider, Jack and Dino, yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:08 Hack Oddity. There's just a bunch of people out there. It's fun. And it's free if you have Amazon Prime. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Raider. Jonathan Short, don't even bother him. Chaley, he's busy.
Starting point is 01:07:21 Raider, probably getting pussy. Everyone else... Oh, wait. let's bring in the kids. And tell us, I guess you're going to send us out with your song. Yeah. Right. This is exactly like Saturday Night Live. Unfunny, the bits went on too long, and now you're just waiting for the musical guest.
Starting point is 01:07:43 Vodka Juice Box, tell us the name of the song and where they can find it. It's unattended. We'll be releasing it before the end of January. You'll be able to find it everywhere. Are you on Twitter, Tark, or is that illegal in your country? They cut off your hand.
Starting point is 01:07:59 I'm on Twitter, but I haven't really posted anything yet. I'm kind of just figuring out what Twitter is. I'm a little, but I haven't really posted anything yet. I'm kind of just figuring out what Twitter is. I'm a little behind the times. But I plan to get on there and be a little more active at some point. We're going to create a band Twitter and Facebook and all that shit. We'll do it soon. Before it comes out.
Starting point is 01:08:18 The fans are going to be fucking lined up waiting for your Twitter account to hear the polished version of this. But right here on the Doug Stanhope podcast, you get the fucking unwashed, unattended. Play it, Chaley. Hey stranger, I got something to say I gotta tell ya I've been feeling real sad and it's not going away
Starting point is 01:09:08 I had to tell someone Hey there stranger, I you feeling the same? Let me show you Come outside and stand in the rain That's what I do when I feel this way Is my own shadow hiding from me? Because there's no one else to hide from me to hide from her We may be unattended
Starting point is 01:10:17 but we're never alone I want to feel something I want to feel I want to feel something I want to feel Is my own shadow hiding from me? Cause there's no one else to hide from We may be unattended
Starting point is 01:11:17 but we're never alone alone shadow shadow shadow shadow Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី�នបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានប� Thank you.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.