The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #431: This Call May Be Recorded...

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

The Bisbee freeze, Chad's update on the missing van title and Doug receives a call back from customer service on the air. Also, Bobby Caldwell calls in to sink with the ship. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded Jan 27th, 2021 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Bobby Caldwell (@NotesFromThePen), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Tracey (@egglester) and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - Check Out Vodka Juice Box at VodkaJuiceBox.com Staying connected is an important part of life for those behind bars. JPay helps inmates stay in touch with the outside world by using an email system. Go to jpay.com create an account, and you’re all set. If you’d like Bobby to reply make sure you select the option to include a reply stamp. ROBERT CALDWELL MICHIGAN INMATE# 929141 Check out Bobby Caldwell's Notes From The Pen podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/notes-from-the-pen/id1518819034 Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. Hey, welcome to 2014. Chad Shank is with us, and he's just catching up on Breaking Bad for the first time. You saw that, huh? I saw where you were live tweeting it too i was laughing my balls off i started yesterday and i'm still doing it i was doing it a little while ago i'm up to season three now how many tweets is that i don't know a lot i didn't read the full thread it's fun it's it's fun to a point except for a lot of people respond like are you don't you enjoy

the cinematography you know and well i'm yeah i'm enjoying it or i wouldn't be doing this i'm just saying funny shit i'm not shitting on the fucking thing it's it wouldn't be interesting for me or anybody else to just tweet about how much i was enjoying it i'm just fucking cracking wise it's fun yeah you always said that you you didn't want to watch it because you thought the it would make you crazy like like bending facts and that would never happen and that's bullshit i one of the things that i think got me i realized it because it got me again is that it's i can't imagine anybody being really that stupid and i had to just keep reminding myself yes their people are really that stupid but it was hard to i mean just to

make those kind of mistakes is pretty stupid where where are you at season three episode one is my next one how many what did that go six seasons? I never watched it past the second. I think five seasons is total. Is that what The Sopranos? I don't know. I had jobs back then. I didn't watch as much TV. I watched either three or five seasons of The Sopranos in a weekend in this sitting.

Coming off the road, I did the same thing with The Wire. I've not seen either of those either. I'll have to live tweet both of those. Fuck The Wire. I thought The Wire was great. I fucking hated The Wire. But I still think, especially season one, because a lot of people jumped off from that onto other shows.

I mean, it's almost every week. We're like, oh, that's a guy from The Wire. Raider was saying that Breaking Bad is his all-time favorite series. Deadwood, I think, I'd have to go for mine. Same here. If I had to pick a favorite TV show, it's definitely... I just was watching Deadwood again, too, last week. So I've seen that one hundreds of times.

Hey, isn't it cute it snowed? Morgan fucking Murphy keeps texting me. Oh, can you take a picture of my house in the snow I'm so sad I missed the snow I was supposed to come out But I had a lump It turned out to be a cyst So I could have come anyway

And now I missed the snow Will you take a picture of my house With the snow I said I don't have Why didn't you just rent a helicopter And fly over and then fly back to LA Not even touching Bisbee. I already had to walk down there.

Poor footwear wants to turn her water on so it doesn't freeze. Isn't she friends with anybody in Bisbee on social media? I saw four million pictures of snow. Shaley already had to change a broken pipe. Yeah, I sent Chad the picture. That broke down past the elbow, Shaley. But through the elbow. Yeah.

I should have done laundry last night. Whites. Wash them in hot. That PVC pipe, that shit busts. That's why you go with that new Pex piping. Yeah, yeah. With the shark bite fittings. Doug has that in Van Dyke. We just don't have it

anywhere else. That's on the short list. I was going to say, every time I've had plumbing, I always tell them, yeah, put in the good shit obvious. I guess we've never done that plumbing out with the washing. No, this was the thing that Joby ran that water line that was going to fund us. Joby sold us the cheap shit? It's just

it splits off from the water supply for the water. What a slap in the face. He probably charged us for the good shit. Oh, Joby! I don't know, check your receipts. Joby's the opposite. Joby would charge you for the shitty stuff and put in the good shit. I got nothing.

We have a... We don't have to talk the whole time, do we? We have a vodka juice box. They're all chomping at the bit to have their song played at the end of this. And I don't know. They're going to... We're going to play the redo.

Like, the rough track that we played before was just that. So now that it's all mastered, we're going to play it again at the end of this. And they're sitting here like the balloons are going to fall out of the fucking ceiling. And it's giving me the creeps. I just played this song two weeks ago. Kids, you really need to stare at me through the whole podcast. I can feel Bingo's nervous eyes on the side of my fucking cranium talk faster talk faster get this over with

yeah i'm not fucking amused by snow at all uh and the people who say oh i love it i i you're a fucking renter if you love snow you rent i'm watching just shelves of it hanging off the fucking edge of the roof, waiting over every door. There's no safe way in where an avalanche is not going to come down on my bald spot, ruin my newly died mohawk. You guys got a lot of snow right there at your place. I didn't get that much. According to Shea Sorensen on KVOA Channel 4 Morning News, we got 10.5 inches. Jesus. Dwarfing all the surrounding

communities. Like, Douglas was 3 inches. Sierra Vista was a couple. We're a little higher. We're up a little bit. Actually, according to Joby, Mr. Plumbing, he says Sierra Vista's actually higher than... That's what he says. I don't know. He always swore by it.

I'm in between the two, and I'm at 45, 50. It's not so much for him to go there to get us plumbing supplies. Because it's uphill both ways. It's a lot of gas money. Depends on which road you take. But, yeah, Shea Sorensen. So I took a picture of the snow still coming down yesterday and snapped a shot in the backyard and tweeted it at Shea Sorensen

because she's one of the few people that haven't blocked me at KVOA, including the station itself. But the station took the picture and tweeted it from the KVOA account. And Hennegan sent me a link to my... He recognized the house, obviously. And yeah, I couldn't click on that link. I could not see my own picture of my own house on Twitter. One day we'll have to make it up with them somehow. I'll do some charity drive

and save some kid with cancer or something. He'll have to unblock me. Then I'll go kill that kid. It was just a ruse the whole time. We should add Inman on today because I did that podcast. Did I even tell you, Chad? You know,

Don Barris came in the other day. Yeah. So I did his Big 3 podcast with Scary Perry from Windy City Heat and Mole. And God, that guy is so much easier to wind up than even Inman. Just from the beginning, that guy hated

me. I don't even want to do this podcast with this guy. Because he didn't know who I was. And they were giving him shit for not knowing who I am. And then I demanded a proper introduction before. They're like, introduce him Perry. I don't know who the guy is. How am I supposed to?

So then I acted indignant. Oh, funny. I don't know when it comes out. I think they only do it once a month. They do once a month, yeah. Yeah, they pretty much, I think they only do it once a month. They do once a month, yeah. Yeah, they pretty much, I think maybe it's too easy for them at this point, because I would have kept going. I was so

fucking amused, and I think they wanted to shut it down around the hour mark, and I would have definitely done three hours on that one. Hang on, Chaley's getting their bonafides. He's getting there bonafide. He's making sure this is really Vodka Juicebox and not imposters we've suffered with before.

Got a sneak preview of the Vodka Juicebox merch page coming up soon. Looking pretty nice there. I think it's live. Is it? Yeah, the website's live. Right on. And the website is Vodka vodkajuicebox.com? Yeah.

You got it. No underscore like the Twitter? No hashtag. Yeah, they have T-shirts. And are you selling fanny packs or is that just for- Fanny packs. Bingo's still trending. I bought a beanie last night.

You know who else wears a fanny pack, even indoors? I watched an episode of Perry's Apartment Part 2, and he was wearing his fanny pack in his apartment, and they were giving him shit. And he said, well, it's because I don't trust anyone here who thought the crew was going to steal from me. At his house? God damn it, that show is funny. I subscribe.

It's a... Big three. Big three. Big three podcast. And he sent me a link so I could get in and watch stuff, like a promo code. And it didn't work, so I just signed up. Busted balls over $5.99. I walked in at a very inopportune time watching them do the podcast.

Yeah. Yeah, and now I'm scarred. Why? Gal, it was supposed to be. Perry, you want to be my boyfriend? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, Sheila's a male. He kept saying my girlfriend.

That's my girlfriend you're talking about. And then he saw the dick. Oh, I got tricked again. He's so James Inman. Yeah, I'll have to check that out. I've never heard of that one. Yeah, it was hard because everyone was goofing on him at the same time, so it was hard to pick your shots.

But I wanted to do the same Inman gag where I told him that we're doing Windy City Heat Part 3 and that James Inman is playing him. I wanted to reverse the gag, but he wouldn't have known who James Inman is. But the whole gag was that they had me on because i was trying to recruit uh don barris to be on my podcast and create a fucking super group podcast of me and him the big two and uh yeah you get fucking riled up it's priceless fucking get a subscription and just go to any given episode i just all i want to do is keep annoying Don Barris. Like,

how did you set this gag up? Like, like, how do you, like, he has, they have pictures, this girlfriend that he was sexting with,

like they have all the fucking, all the chat from his phone. So they must have given him a phone. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. But there's like,

there's full pictures of fucking scary Perry jerking off. In full length, like wardrobe sure. Yeah. But there's full pictures of fucking Scary Perry jerking off. In full-length wardrobe mirror. Yeah. That he's sending to what he thinks is his girlfriend, and then she finally says, you'll never get this, and pulls her cock out. But yeah, the fucking million ruses they use. I'm the star.

I was the star of Windy City Heat. I don't remember you in it. I remember Carson Daly was in it. I'm the star. I was the star of Windy City Heat. I don't remember you in it. I remember Carson Daly was in it. I was a star. He still thinks... Yeah, it's the same exact story. I just watched 1917

in under an hour. It's a great, it's a perfect fast-forwarding movie. So you watch it on fast play? Yeah. Like, all right, the guy's alone. No one's talking, so I'm not going to miss anything on fast forward. Tension.

I don't need tension. Or audio. Yeah. I hear a bomb go off in the background. The guy's running across a field at night. Yeah, you know what? Yeah. No, he's a bit pensive.

Yeah, of course he was a war. For me, it's a movie. Get on with it. It's like you're trying to read 100 books over summer. I finished fucking Rosetta Stone in Italian. Fucking Sandpaw on Netflix. The Sins of the Saint. Yeah, it's five fucking hours.

It could have been done in an hour, and it's all subtitled in Italian. What a fucking stupid non-language that is to listen to. I don't even think there's real words in Italian. I think it's just wild gesticulations, and they mumble in tongues until one of them sounds Latin-based, and they figure out what each other's saying. I don't know.

It's really annoying. It sounds like the fucking cartoon the mother and did we already talk about this on the other podcast where the fucking italian you like you it sounds like they're they're goofing around it sounds like they're like the mother in the back of a mobster movie that she's making the paschetti and slapping the sun for not coming around and she has the over the top no they all No, they all talk like that. I always... It's fucking annoying. It went nowhere. Alright. The end. Hey, here's a fucking

spoiler alert. If you're watching Sandpaw, at the end, after he dies, they figure out he died of AIDS. No one knew he was gay. And you're like, I just spent five hours for... And that was your reveal? Five hours? Well, it's a series. It's five episodes. I've been waking up early again.

I woke up at, I don't know, 3.30 or 4 or something. I don't know. But I just, it was close enough to last night. It was closer to last night than it was tomorrow morning, so I just made a cocktail, Benadryl. Then I watched TV till 6, and then I slept till the bingo chime started fucking on my phone. I got fucked out of my

newspaper today that's why i'm a little extra glum wednesday's like i feel like bobby i feel like when bobby fails a piss test in prison and they deny him privileges because of the weather my newspaper didn't come and uh wednesday's a big day for me because it has the safeway sale paper so i can go up and down the imaginary aisles while I turn the pages and clip out coupons and make a list. And then I get to do my crosswords. And then when it wasn't there this morning, I called them. They said, oh, because of the icy roads, it won't be there until like 11 or noon. So I just wandered around like a fucking puppy waiting for his owner to come back, staring out the window, jumping up every time I hear what

could be a car or maybe snow cascading off the roof. And I finally called him at 2.30. I said, this paper is not coming. They said, well, some of the areas, what's your account number? What's your address? And I gave it to them and they said, yeah, they're going to redeliver that tomorrow, probably around the same time around. And I said, wow. They said, but you have the online option. Are you familiar with that? I said, have you ever sat underneath three comforters surrounded by ten inches of snow,

cuddled up, and tried to do a crossword on a laptop? And she paused and went, no, I don't think I did. I didn't yell. It was defeat, Chaley. I didn't even scream at the paper. I didn't demand that they send someone over because the roads are fucking fine. I just solemnly conceded.

You didn't even escalate to the stateside? No. It's local paper. They asked my name. I was going to say, check your best of 2020 under live performances. under live performances i i've been on the other side of that phone call when it snows in here when i worked at the newspaper and there's people you know there's there's snow all over the place in the country and they still get their newspaper every day you know you get fucking we our guy that delivered for bisbee lived in Hereford,

drove to Sierra Vista to get the papers, and then went to deliver in Bisbee. So if he missed one, people are like, I want him to come back. He doesn't even live in your town. He's not going to come back. I did cancel my New York Times subscription. I was a little bit more vocal about that because they chucked it over. I only get this Sunday or did get this Sunday paper. It's big and fat, and now we all do the Sunday crossword in that.

It's really hard, so we pass it around and take stabs at the easy one. It goes until they can't. That was fun, but once we started doing that, I realized I don't read any of that fucking paper anymore. You read one sheet of it, one corner of one sheet. They chuck the paper over. It's fucking,

they know it's going to rain. It's in their paper. It's in the forecast. They didn't put it in a fucking plastic bag. So I got a fucking eight pound New York Sunday Times soaking wet

that I sat in front of a heater for an hour before I could open it. And so I called them and told them to fuck off in no uncertain terms. But it took me an hour to do it. I guess it was my tone of voice,

because Valentina gets the New York Sunday Times, and she called to cancel it, and they gave her half off for two years to keep. And I guess I just had a tone of voice that said, I ain't bartering. I would have taken the deal. You came in hot and they were like, okay, red flag. Well, because I had the fucking asshole on the chat.

That's what I'm talking about right there. Yeah, I had the asshole on the chat feature because they're not answering their phone. That's not a person. That's a robot. Yeah, and so they asked me a simple question and then don't reply to me for 10 minutes. So meanwhile, I'm on hold with their phone number that doesn't answer, and this guy did offer me like two weeks free or something, and right then they answered the phone, and I'm like, fuck that guy.

I'm talking to the human being. That ended poorly. But we also went out and reviewed like two weeks later. The local paper that I'm still getting. Sloppy seconds. Yeah, it's just two weeks old. So we just, yeah, by the time you get that paid back, we're caught up. Buy local is what I'm saying.

I hate the New York Times. You can't get the L.A. Times here, which I would be more attuned to reading. Because most of the L.A. Times is just all this shit that I hate about New York. I mean, the New York Times. Like, they always have some really good story in the front section for Sunday paper. And stuff that's not necessarily headline news. Like, in-depth exposés of fucking Chinese prisons. And cool shit that you wouldn't get in the USA Today.

But then the rest of it's, oh, fucking here, the whole section on ballet. Go fuck yourself. You're just killing trees for this? Stinks. Stuff people, you should care about. I used to, they used to run those. They were like AP articles, but like they'd run a New York Times in the entertainment section of the local Sierra Vista paper, and they just

have some, like it's about Hamilton or something. Sierra Vista, no one gives a fuck about some off-Broadway fucking bullshit thing you're buying syndicated. And I would call them up and give them shit about that. Like, hey, don't fucking move here to read

about what's happening on Broadway, you fucking assholes. But the only other thing in the entertainment section, they have a nine-page weekly TV section. Actually, it might be more than nine pages. But yeah, with every day's best bet. Like the old TV guide. Yeah, but that's the entire entertainment section because there's no other entertainment. There's not even, even like movies to advertise when i worked there that was one of the biggest parts of arguments for keeping a physical paper going was that uh all the people would complain about their tv guide and it blew my

mind i was like dude these people realize there's like a channel with the guide on it now like i know these people are old because they're getting a newspaper but their tv guide and that was one of the biggest uh things that and the advertisements for the uh uh grocery stores safeway and fries and stuff yeah i'm that old guy now i'm all i'm all screwed up because i didn't get my fucking coupons today. I won't get a deal on my nectarines. I know. I'm going to have to fucking bear back it tomorrow.

I'm going to have to get the sale paper there. I'm not waiting until noon. I'm going to save money early. You call the grocery store and bitch that you didn't get your newspaper. Call the grocery store and bitch that you didn't get your ads because the only reason the newspaper is still alive is because of the grocery store. So you need the grocery store to lean on them,

and then they'll make sure you get your ads. The long con. Yeah. The newspaper mafia. Finding the person responsible. I found that note. It was high the other night. But yeah, I'd have to find the exact person responsible for fucking leaning on the local newspaper and go through it.

I'd just have to call. And I thought this is a fucking, it would take an incredible amount of editing. But I always pitch that as a TV show. Just every week, you're just trying to find the person responsible for some minutiae in your life that makes you fucking crazy and somewhere there is a person that made that fucking keep your tray in the upright and locked position during takeoff and keep your seat up why why how is i know it's a hackneyed premise how is it my seat being back too which is going to save a fucking life it does but find the one guy that you can really yell at don't yell yell at the flight attendant. Go up the chain. Follow the money. But then I thought, that's a great idea for a podcast.

But that would be a thousand phone calls that you would have to edit and sit on hold for a week. You should get an intern. Charlie, let's get him back. Charlie, you're back in business. Yeah, like the movie Roger and Me, where he's trying to get to the fucking corporate headquarters and standing out in the street with a megaphone. Why won't you talk to me? Do that exact same thing. But at the end, just burn a bag of dog shit on their doorstep and ring the doorbell because

I found you. But now I really have nothing. It's impotent rage. I'm going to order 50 pizzas to your house now. It was really the journey, not what happened when you got there. I talk about impotent rage. I noticed the other day I told you about that title. I was having problems getting that title for that vehicle,

and I feel much better. I've still been plotting murder, but now I know I'm not going to do it, so it's a lot more or less stressful. And I've been having more fun with the things like i noticed the other day she posted there her family was going to be at the bisbee farmer's market selling cinnamon rolls so so you're trolling to try i was gonna i was gonna put together a posse in bisbee so that each one of us could go buy a cinnamon roll and ask them politely to give me the title

but like nine dudes in a row let's just have Joby whip up some way better cinnamon rolls for half the price and set up right next to their fucking table it might take months of every Thursday going down this farmer's market

announce that we're raising money so that I can buy an abandoned, I can get an abandoned title since these people won't give me the title to my vehicle. Can't you do that anyway, Chad? Well, I looked it up and the thing I could do is I report it as an abandoned vehicle to ADOT. But the thing is that they'll contact the registered owner with a letter that says you have 30 days to go get your vehicle. So, I mean, I could just park it in the back. I mean, I could just park it in the back,

and then I just would let them know, hey, I'm going to do this. All you have to do is not respond to this know this thing but if you come here the registered owners and and and then hopefully they're already intimidated that uh you know because at one point on the last message that uh she called me rude and i told her rude i said you're lucky i'm not the person i was before i would have parked a fucking van in the middle of your living room and let you deal with the problem because it's in their name still so you know I'll just drive right through the front of their fucking house

with it and let them explain to the cops why their own vehicle is parked in their living room it's not my fault but I'm not that guy anymore so I have to just that was two podcasts ago I have to. So I have to just podcast to go. I still can think about that.

I just can't do that anymore. We all get old. Yeah. Are you having legal trouble and don't know where to turn? Trying to find an attorney you can trust? Do you think you've been cheated out of contingent compensation of back-end proceeds from third parties in the territory defined as North America and Mexico, including but not limited to all ancillary and subsidiary rights,

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Call Eric Greenspan. 310-820-7717. And keep calling. Mention Kenny for Mayor and get 10% discount. This advertisement has been approved. Do we have any ad I have to read? Nope. Are you sure? Positive.

All right. Well, so a lot of times you go, oh, shit, we were supposed to do. I checked yesterday. I saw ad schedulers for. What are we selling now? Fucking Trundle Bundle? Yep. Bix Cakes.

Good ones? Ones we use? Yeah, I guess we are. I don't know if I told you that sheet that I got when we were doing the sheets that one time. The ones that shunned us. Yeah. Jenny took all my uniforms and sewed it all together, made a blanket out of it, all my old army uniforms,

and on the back of it sewed that fucking comfortable-ass expensive sheet. That is the best blanket in the world. That'd be heavy, too. It sounds rather psychotic. It is very heavy. It's huge psychotic. It is very heavy. It's huge and heavy. Like a thunder blink. Yeah.

Yeah, because it's all your camos, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I just picture you sleeping in that with your gun and some rations and a teddy bear. And a deer with grenades. I don't need to sleep with those things. I just have them in the house. They're attached to the uniform.

Well, it cuts squares out of the uniforms. There's not like pockets full of shit or anything all over them. Are you coming for Super Bowl, Chad? Sure. When is that? Week from Sunday. It's the 7 Bowl, Chad? Sure. When is that? Week from Sunday. It's the 7th, right? I'm trying to get the book finished, the epilogue for the hardcover before then.

But, oh, yeah. Oh, Valentina just is on her way back from Tucson. She got vaccinated. Oh, right on. So we want to start fucking with her. Things are weird about her since her vaccination. She's 74 years old? A little bit.

A little bit older, I think. Because she has to go into courts and prisons and shit. Yeah. Which she doesn't really have to do because it's all remote until, like, April. She hasn't done it since. Yeah, so she just killed someone's grandmother. But, yeah, those fucking nodules on her head, have you noticed? What?

I'm just saying, we're going to make shit up. Just slow play it daily. Oh, that thing's getting bigger. Never mind. Have her just smile. Tell her to smile. I think it's drooping. Did you have a stroke?

Maybe a mini stroke? Yeah, what's going on? stroke. Your smile seems... Yeah, what's going on? Convince her a word that she said in a sentence doesn't make sense and it's not a word. Topiary? You say topiary? Like a common word. Half of us might not know

that topiary is a word. Ham burger? Ham burger? You mean ground beef? Ham burger? It's right in there ham so you want pork pork or just so it's like it's a i think she meant ham gerber what the fuck did she say it's just slightly off oh hey well we were ready for it just in Bobby. Hello, this is a pre-fix. I knew it. I'm not going to know when to hit zero. It's a private, a correction, Parnell Facility. If you feel you're being victimized or extorted by this prisoner,

please contact GTL Customer Service. Call Customer Service if I'm being extorted by a prisoner. Here's the number to the person responsible hang up how about 9-1-1 hello my name is wallace is somebody threatening you hello hey we're just you're on the podcast uh no we're just riffing on i don't know how much of that recording you can hear but if you feel like you're being threatened or extorted by this prisoner please call gtl customer service the first you're gonna call a customer service number if someone's fucking blackmailing you or threatening you?

Yeah, they're going to be like, on a scale of one to ten, how threatened did you feel? We're going to take that number down next time. I did take it down. Were you satisfied with your threat, Dean? If you're being threatened, press one. Then they'll call me out of my cell and tell me to step it up. I'm getting bad reviews. I always love doing that, is calling the How's My Driving 800 numbers

and then just giving them wicked shit. Like, the guy's driving fine. He's doing, why do I have to call you to tell you how he's doing? He's doing fine. Well, that's in case, well, no, it says, how's my driving? And then call, like, you need my fucking two cents. Are you in the habit of putting dodgy men behind the wheel?

Do we need to worry about your company? Exactly. Is this your vetting system? No calls. He must know how to drive. He's doing great. He's signaling and everything. Seems like a nice guy. What more do you want? This guy's doing the he's signaling and everything he's like a nice guy now what do you want this guy's doing the speed limit and using his turn signals and i'm trying to fucking i'm in a hurry i'm drunk and i need to get around this guy so you gotta fucking cure this guy

he stopped at a yellow light made me spill my beer on my floorboard. What's up, Bobby? Save this podcast. Yeah, I don't listen. When the phone was ringing, I'm thinking, you know, I'm apparently an 80-year-old man, so I nap during count time, afternoon count time. So I'm just getting up, drinking a cup of coffee. The phone's ringing, and I'm like, Jesus Christ, I hope it's not podcast time because I got shit. I'm literally staring off into the distance as the phone's ringing and I'm like Jesus Christ I hope it's not podcast time because I got shit I'm literally staring off into the distance as the phone's ringing

and my mind is just completely blank got nothing yeah I've been that way all day I was watching movies on fast forward just waiting to see the gory parts alright yeah it snowed like a motherfucker here and so

just to walk from the house to the funhouse, you're going through fucking eight inches of slush. That's so weird to me. I always picture Arizona on Ian's book. Yeah, that's what I pictured, too, when I bought the place. No refunds, evidently. Can't drive south. Yeah, I'm not here to save this this podcast i'm here to go down with the ship like a real friend my newspaper didn't show up and i said it was i felt like bobby having his

privileges denied yeah they uh i had a bunch of shit ordered like books and stuff on uh for christmas and i just got it the other day i'm like oh thanks you would have waited longer it'd be my fucking birthday so we can pretty much order any book for you off of amazon well this place is each prison has like some nazi that fucking works in the mail room that depending on how much they were touched as a child determines how much little shit to let through right so some there's a restricted list which obviously mind comp is on that which i have a problem with but uh fight club is also on it apparently so it's kind of hit or miss they rejected my buddy got

a machining because he works on cars and shit he got a machining book sent in. And they rejected the shit, but they teach a fucking machining class here. It doesn't... You're like, alright, this guy's just fucking with me. When my daughter was in jail, they rejected Cujo, was one of the ones they rejected that I tried to send her. Well, of course. She's going to read that and

is her life going to spiral down? She's going to go out and find a dog, give it rabies and stick it on people. I don't know. I was just trying to think of a book subject that we could get people to all send something. Just pick a topic that's fucking really bizarre that would make them go, what's he building in there? Why is he giving all these fucking needlepoint books? But like, I literally was like, I can't. in there. Why is he giving all these fucking needlepoint books? But the book's fucking...

Like, I literally was like, I can't. I want to read it so bad, but I know it'll get rejected immediately. Do we have any word on that, Chaley? We were supposed to get a new title. I have it all ready to go. Actually, I got

a local artist to do a new cover and we're going to take out everything that says pedophile in it so that actually people could buy it because it's a very funny book. I don't want it. Well, if we do get that done, that is something that could go into the prison system because it doesn't say anything about pedophilia. It's best of baiting is what it is. Doug Stano's best of baiting. I'll look into that. I'll see what my intern's got.

I mean, I tasked him with it. Do you have an intern? We used to. We did once. No, I thought I meant Shaley had an intern. He's being goofy. Shaley's been fixing busted pipes all morning from the freeze. Hey, Shaley.

Yeah. You know, I don't tell you this enough, and I'll deny it for future reference, but I love you. I shit on you a lot, but I love you. Thanks, brother. Bobby and I talked. We did a couple of phone calls the other night, and Bobby said, yeah, I can't wait to be able to come hang out in Bisbee. He goes, yeah, I think that Raider, he's going to be my whipping boy

because, you know, I'd fuck with Chaley, but that's just too obvious. I think I'm just going to fuck with Dave Ray. I said, yeah, he takes it well. Yeah, you fuck with Shaley, and then all of a sudden, the pipe burst. Shaley might not answer his phone. Oh, you need a cable? Hmm, let me see.

Sierra Vista, you'll probably have to go to Guitar Center. That's Tucson. Part of Raiders programming is to take that shit. He's a whipping boy robot. I think I called him a glorified banker last time I was with him. He's sitting

right here, too. Raider! I was joking about all that shit. Just wait until I get there. Tarek and Bingo are here. They're going to re-premiere their new song. Can Bingo hear me? I love you, Bingo. I need to write you again.

I'm going to order a stamp because I'm a cheap bastard. I'm going to order an old school envelope, stamped envelope, and write you at some point. Make it big block letters and not too long or otherwise one of us is gonna have to read it out loud to her okay i'll draw pictures hey can uh can someone send you like a beanie like a more like a toque or something to keep warm no no i'm good though i got one so it's pretty much just books or money or yeah not even

money because you know my situation just you know what it is you know what i would love uh magazine subscriptions as long as it comes from the publisher like playboy um i got reason magazine hasn't fucking showed up yet but playboy tattoo magazine shit like that because when i get them when you ride out to a new joint you usually miss commentary you're like fucked up for a couple weeks. You don't have any food. Those tattoo magazines and Playboys are money after they serve them. All right.

You heard it, Killer Termites. Go to notesfromthepen.com. And I'm sure your address is on your website. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure somewhere. We put it in the show notes. They can reach out.

Yeah. They can reach. Bobby, anytime you're on the podcast, I put it in the show notes. They can reach out. Yeah, they can reach. Bobby, anytime you're on the podcast, I put it in the show notes as well as how to get in touch with you and a brief explanation of J-Pay. That's why I love you. But yeah.

Well, that answers one question I had because, Bobby, I was going to hook it up so Bobby could call me and shame me into doing stuff. But it turns out I needed somebody to shame me into setting it up on jay pay so he can call me well that's where it starts yeah i'm actually uh was like how much was it um you got a velvety voice you got a nice voice shatley uh i'm uh um yeah i was like

wondering about that i was like how much was joking? Because I'll definitely be the worst life coach ever. I've thought about it a lot. My real hesitation is I don't want to bring you down. Impossible. I mean, I would appreciate you bringing me up, but I've tried to do this before and uh i've definitely i've ever been around even my wife is my wife is a only way i could describe her is like a buddha she's that fucking real and cool all the time and uh i definitely, I thought that she would help bring me up and I've definitely made her more harsh.

Uh, sorry for that. Well, uh, listen, I, here's the two scenarios. One, it works somewhat and I bring you up a little bit. Two, you ruin a guy who has survived so much and it'll be a jewel in your crown. Oh, it's like a challenge. Shit. All right. I dare you to ruin me. I'm in.

We only have about three minutes left, but I'd ask both of you. You saw where the leader of the Proud Boys has been a fucking police informant? Mm-mm. Brat.

Yeah, how would he hold up in either of your old circles or Bobby's current circle? No, it would be all bad news. And someone would inevitably show up and know him from somewhere. And when you, especially in higher levels, when you get a new bunkie, the first thing you do. So if I'm already in the cell and my old bunkie leaves and a new one's coming in, I take my PSI, which has all your information in it, and I pin it to the board.

That way they know, too, like, hey, my shit's up there. Give me your PSI. Oh, tit for tat. Yeah, and then this is a big red flag when they go, oh, they didn't give me one. Yeah. No, then you don't let them babysit. Yeah, but they might not just

be chows, they might be rats too. Wait, would that be on their fucking... I think a rat would have a fake one. Yeah, yeah. Well, no, because these guys, yeah, you would think that, right? But this place is so fucked, they don't even think of anything. So they'll send

a snitch in here with their psi and if they have codicil it'll say what they told that yeah he was the one that shot the guys yeah it'll say it right in there and they just wonder why people get fucked in their faces flashed and stuff yeah there was a tracy's looking it up there was a word they used for it wasn't just an informant he was was a blank, like, serial informant. CI, confidential. No, no, no, like the amount of informing he did. Oh, like he's a gold level?

Yeah. Prolific. He's got a platinum card. PPI. A PPI. Yeah, those guys get it bad. No one respects any of those guys. It got to the point where I remember being in a higher level and sitting down at chow, and there's a table.

You don't get to choose your table. So I sat down with three other guys there, and they're having this philosophical debate, these two idiots. And one says, I sit down in the middle, and he says, so if my sister gets raped and she calls a cop, she's a rat? And the guy's like, yep, she's a rat. I'm like, come, that's not. That's not a fucking rat.

She's not an owl. She has to call the cops. I guess it depends on if your dad is the one who raped her. Oh yeah, don't say nothing about that. Keep that in the family. Keep that in the family. You know that shit. You know that shit, do we?

I'm not going to be able to hear the song? Never. Well, 2025. All right. She could send you the music sheet. You could learn an instrument and play it. Prison Jug Band. Yeah, I thought about that.

Sounds like a lot of work. Oh, shit. You have one minute remaining. Oh. Harry, just sing one minute remaining. Sing one minute of it, Bingo. Hurry up. Jump in. 58 seconds.

Hurry up while our life raft is deflating. Hey, stranger, I got something to say. They heard it. You heard it here first and last. Next podcast, they'll have a mariachi version of it they want to premiere. Have it in Dutch on the next podcast after that. All right, Bizby Crew. I love you guys.

Here it is. Little Bobby. It'll tell us that he's gone. Thank you for using GTL. Nah. You could have cut to the middle. I wonder if Bobby will hear that right before he dies. No, I meant you have one minute remaining. I meant you have one minute remaining.

Maybe we'll all hear it before we die. Clutch our chest. You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. I should have thought of that earlier. Fucking Bailey's Whiskey Coffee. I went right into cocktails, panicking early in the afternoon. Wait, you did cocktails at 5 a.m.? I did a cocktail at 5 a.m. with a downer, and then I fell asleep to like 45 minutes left of Italian.

That's the worst. I was trying to fucking... They talk so goddamn fast. You're trying to read that fast, and then you're fighting a downer to try to get the last 45 minutes done, and I just put on ocean waves. Slept.

It's nice. That poor dog doesn't know what to do with himself. All this outdoor hideaway... Yeah, hideaway spots are covered in snow so he has to be inside and fucking look at me. She, whatever. We're not fucking anymore. What's it matter?

Did somebody there just assume Henry's gender? That's true. They. I wonder if Jack and Dino has that nickname for that reason so people call him they it's really the most confusing fucking nickname for one person is jack and dino and it like just like your email address and fucking hinty and no one has a good story for why they're called something well i have an email address from late 1992, 93. Yeah.

And it's the same one. I know. It's just like, why would you pick that? And every time you explain it, you go, I still don't. I had no idea someone would have, in the future, everyone's name would be attached to an email address. Yeah. When I named my stuff after my motorcycle,

I definitely did not think that anybody would ask me what it meant ever. It was just something I would remember. Yeah. Yeah, I had some, but they were like, what was it? Fucking stink chicken or something. Stink chicken. Yeah. Yeah.

That was my first email address. But it just sounded funny. It's like no one says, what does that mean? address. But it just sounded funny. It's like no one says, what does that mean? It's just something funny to say, stink chicken. I had AZ Outlaw was my first one that I really liked, and spam took it over. I could no longer keep up with deleting things that were coming into it. That was years ago, though.

Speaking of AZ Outlaw, now that Bobby's off, so what's your take on the Proud Boys guy, fucking leader, who's not... Well, he doesn't know the story. He knows they're fucking white supremacists, even though that guy's Hispanic. That is odd.

That's odd. I mean, I wouldn't know what their kind of politics and hierarchy is regarding that other than nobody fucking likes a snitch I mean yeah that guy is gonna there's gotta be enforcers to uh that's one of the

things that I was trying to tell Jenny early on we were watching Breaking Bad and they were trying to build a you know you've got you've got fucking production and distribution but you have no fucking enforcement whatsoever. You can't

start a fucking strong arm fucking company with no strong arms. So yeah, I would imagine that they have a... Like lieutenants or something. Yeah, yeah. You know, even motorcycle gangs and stuff have likeant-at-arms.

I'm sure the Proud Boys have a group that is enforcers that will probably fuck that dude up with his family and his life. I don't know. Maybe they'll just make memes about him. I don't know. How much do you know about meth? As far as Breaking Bad goes, is there such thing as making a quality of meth that's that outrageous that everyone wants it?

I thought it would just be, okay, this is meth or cocaine. All cocaine is pure, and it's just a matter of how much you cut it. I would doubt that there's some cocaine that's way more cokie than other coke. that there's some cocaine that's way more cokie than other coke. I've been close. The closest I've been to the production of meth is they would bring it to cut it all up at my house, and they would bring it in Pyrex pans and just smash it down into big, huge chunks and smash it all up. But I do know that there was different chemicals in different, different batches would look different depending on what they made it out of,

I would notice. Would you be more likely to wear a mask in that situation or in COVID? I was too busy looking for errant $80 chunks of meth that would fly off into the corner of my kitchen and hope that those guys wouldn't notice it so that I could skim a little extra off of what I was getting for being the

distribution location, I guess. Sort of bagged everything up and weighed it. Remember I told you when I was cleaning out one of the cabinets that I never clean out? I found... Shit.

I think I'm going to take this. I think this is DirecTV. Hang on. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. Tell them you're being recorded. Let me tell them.

Hello. This call may be... Hello? Hello. Is Doug available? This is Doug. Doug, this phone call is being monitored and recorded for entertainment purposes. How can I help you? Hi, Doug. My name is Tyler Worthy. I'm the president. I tried calling you a couple of times to see if you needed help with your remote.

Yeah, well, we had a couple of remotes that finally, after weeks of phone calls and direct messages, I finally got those remotes and figured out how to do them on my own because you kept telling me, oh, we tried to get a hold of you at this number and we left you a voice message, but you didn't. You never did. You just kept saying that. So on the podcast here, what we're doing right now, and it's funny that you should chime in, podcast here what we're what we're uh doing right now and it's funny that you should chime in is uh we're trying to implore all of our listeners to do a direct dump monday the day after super

bowl because when i tweet about direct tv and my problems i get two basic responses one is why the hell do you still have direct tv it's a ripoff use youtube tv use this and that and hulu and roku and fiddle thumb and and the other uh thing i get is yeah direct tv sucks and the only reason i live with them is for nfl package so i'm sure by next season we can figure out another way to watch all the nfl channels we'll figure out a way to steal it. Our listeners are good like that. But in the meantime, we're trying to get a collective dump going of everyone dumping DirecTV on Monday morning after the Super Bowl. It's a nice way, I think, to like there's an angst that comes with the end of football

season, especially this year. You know, a lot of people needed that escapism and without that they should at least be able to lash out and dump your overpriced product how many channels of hbo do you need to watch dr doolittle on seven different channels at seven different times during the day how much do i pay for that still there i don't, I'm still here. I'd have to look specifically at your billing ledger. Let me take a look. You charged me for like two and a half years of some kind of

Telemundo that because you are having a beef with a local affiliate, we couldn't get a playoff game, NFL playoff game, even though I spent, you know, whatever, what's it, 500 bucks a year for that NFL package, and it gets to the most important game of the weekend, and oh, well,

we're having a pissing match with Channel 11, the local affiliate. Well, it's not my problem. I paid for every single football game, and you didn't give me every single football game i don't want to prorate it to one game i wanted every single game or none you didn't prorate me for that so what we're doing is we're setting up everybody to just flush direct tv down the toilet i'm sure your job will still be fine you're working from home how's idaho we got snow down here it's pretty chilly these days pretty windy today we're on the mexican border we got 11 inches of snow where are you what are you nampa parma uh nearby yeah yeah i don't want his address or anything we're not taking this out on him he's a nice fella but yeah it's a thing they they say oh we, we'll call you. Well, you know, your call comes up as spam risk. I know you're working from home.

That's something we, but the fact that it doesn't even, so the few times you did call me back, I didn't answer it because it says spam risk because you're working from your house. Yeah, we have a voiceover IP number. I'm sorry that it came up as spam risk. Well, by now I figure out when it's a 208, I know that that's an Idaho area code. That was the first person

in America that I talked to about DirecTV. So now I pick up the 208s, especially now that it's too late. I just want to let you know that I gave you every opportunity over years. Just relentless, just relentless pounding,

pounding, no lubrication, pounding, pounding, no spit. Have you been doing Coke? Cause there's no spit. I don't know.

Get some vegetable oil, pounding, pounding. Conor McGregor. No, I'm not buying that anymore. Stop. Stop.

Can't you just finish? Sorry. You had that kind of experience um looking at the the package you subscribe to hbo max you're paying for the hbo max start and show time at about 41 per month oh my god but 41 a month to watch beast master again how can we bring this bill down a little bit? Let's take a look. See what's available.

I can pretty much guarantee with, you know, we have over 250,000 downloads of each episode. I can pretty much guarantee that we could get at least 1,000 people to dump DirecTV. We call it New Year's Day day but that's direct tv dump day our new year's doesn't start till after the super bowl do you watch the football i didn't catch your name yes my name is tyler yeah i'm a football fan yeah i'm i'm gonna it's either hey don't don't answer yet it's he's either gonna be is he seattle because we have a seattle fan here and we have a denver fan here

and i know boise's usually split down the middle or did you move from i bet he moved from a cold weather town to boise and carries just like arizona's i bet he's a midwest fan like the bears go ahead i'm a denver broncos fan yeah broncos all right I'm guessing he's a comedy fan. Do you ever go to the comedy clubs there? Do you ever go to Neuralux in Boise? I don't believe it's called Neuralux anymore. Oh, don't tell me that. It's a great bar.

You know what the neon crown on the back? I remember. I was there last year. I think it was there. Bad Jack Neuralux. It was there. It was near the book and the record store. Do you ever see a comic that's really drunk

named Stephanie Ann Mason? Man, she won't let it go. I can't say that I have. Yeah. That was very specific. You know, our friend Chad, he's here on the podcast, and he just started Breaking Bad, so he's doing a dump blockbuster tale.

I'm going to cut up my card. Is there anything good to watch on any of those channels anymore, Tyler? hard is there anything good to watch on any of those channels anymore tyler because i i just cruise through the the guide on hbo and showtime and stars and i don't know why like the movie channel is the one i don't get and that's the only time i see something that i want and sometimes they put it on for free and you go oh all those movies aren't there anymore. What's the last good thing you watched on DirecTV, Tyler? Fargo. The series or the movie? The series. Season 4. I have not seen

that yet. That's the one with Chris Rock. Oh yeah, I could probably watch that. You know, I saw it the other day that it was amazing and I recorded it. I hadn't seen it in such a long time. Porky's. So I recorded it so we can get rid of DirecTV. All right.

What can you do for us, Tyler? What kind of deal can you cut us to just end Dump DirecTV Day? Stop it in its tracks. Well, let's take a look. You know what you should do, Tyler? And I know this might come across, like if it was someone else's podcast, this might come across as somewhat not fitting with the times, but have you ever considered changing your phone name

to like Sanjay? You know how Indian call centers take on an American name. You ever think about going the other way? Like Lakshmi? Yeah. Lakshmi. Can't say that I have. Well, now I put that in your bean.

Soak on that for overnight. Bring that up at the next Zoom meeting. Sanjay. You still crunching numbers there? Yeah, I'm looking to see what we can do for you. I think we have a moment to see what's available. What's been your most embarrassing moment working from home? Have you ever had a kid run through a phone call with flatulence?

No, I haven't had anything like that. Your wife coming in drunk and saying, you never amounted to anything. You're still on the phone? Nothing like that. Do you ever say, I'm sorry, this is Jake from State Farm. Let me reconnect you to the right department. No, that wouldn't go over very well.

This is a party line? If there weren't so much snow and slush and ice in my driveway, I'd make one of my interns here run to get my telemarketing trophy and I'd stroke it gently while we talked to intimidate you. Hey, this is something that happens

to me when I'm on the phone with customer service a lot. Do you ever get a call that's real complicated and then just accidentally hang up on them? I can't say that's ever happened, no. You can't say. Good answer. Now you're being honest.

You're being honest. You're skirting the questions. You're a good attorney. He's answering correctly. I can't say that I have ever done that. All he said is he can't say recollection yeah it's also he could have said why would i say that i've ever done that would have been the same answer tyler this is my what like as as a usual like angry customer i always wonder why they don't have voice recognition while you're on hold.

So they know if you're screaming vulgarities, you fucking be my mother. That they would hear that you're screaming obscenities and transfer you to someone who's trained to deal with. Auto transfer. Oh, yeah. We're going to give you to the problem department. That's the guy who hangs up on you. I'm telling you, I always get that guy. Sanjay.

Yes. In India. Thank you. Come again. I do see that I can offer you a $25 discount for 12 months. $25 discount for 12 months? Yeah. That's an addition to the $60 discount for 12 months? That's an addition to the

$60 discount for 12 months that you're getting. Okay. Chaley says yes. All right. Okay. All right. We'll settle for that. Okay. I'll get the ad on. We did not dump DirecTV for that, but we won't tell them to

dump DirecTV. You ever get up to Garden Valley up on the South Fork of the Payette? You ever do a little whitewater? I have. Beautiful. It is gorgeous. My dad almost fell out of the boat once. He was trying to impress his wife that was leaving him. And so he went

whitewater rafting. He was a big... Wait, is he going to drown to impress her? Well, he didn't want to go whitewater rafting. He just got in the boat because she did the allagash, like category four whitewaters. Oh, wow. And now that she was leaving him, but they already planned a vacation to come see me up and crouch.

Crouch. Yeah. So he, oh, sure, Gail, I'll go. And then he could barely get in the boat. He's like this 65-year-old Eggman guy. You know, hanker for a hunk of cheese Eggman. He's all torso and no legs.

And they say, whatever you do, if you're in the front where he was, when we hit the rough stuff, keep paddling. Whatever you do, stop paddling. And as soon as the first trickle of white water, my dad's diving into the middle of the boat, crying. Hit the deck.

Tyler, do you want to take the next daily call, or would you like to regale us with some funny? Oh, can you put us on with the next call? Let Doug do a celebrity letdown? Yeah, can we listen in on the next call? Let Doug do a celebrity letdown? Yeah, can we listen in on the next call? I can't do that. Tyler, when you work from home, do they still make you put up

those stupid motivational Xeroxes around your cubicle? Say, hey, coffee's for closers, kind of that bullshit that they have in the office uh no i don't have anything like that at home all right do you have but do you have the opposite just to celebrate the fact that you work at home or you have like a you know a crude sketch of a customer in a noose i do have some of my Denver Broncos here in my room. All right.

Well, Tyler, can you please, on your next call, that you offer the same $25 deal, can you please refer to it as the Doug deal? Yeah, the Doug Stanoff discount. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to put you down for the DSD. That's $25 a month for 12 months. You just have to keep

explaining to Aaron Rodgers that he doesn't get the Doug Stanoff discount. Nice one, Trace. Tyler, did you laugh at least once during this call? Yes, I did. I wonder if that's... Alright, well i i hate to let you go you can hang out for the rest of the podcast and chime in but i don't want to get you in trouble i appreciate your time and your candor and your uh generosity well thanks for taking my call d'll be able to get your issue resolved. Okay. From now on, when I pick up a 208, I'm hoping it's AT&T slash DirecTV just to check up on

how I'm doing personally because I hope you're doing well and I hope to God you don't have kids that you have to deal with while you work at home. All right. I love you, Tyler. I'm not afraid to say it. Just by hanging up, you intimate that you love me back. You totally didn't get that deal. He didn't ask you to verify it or nothing.

All right, thanks, Tyler. Thanks for taking the call. Thanks, Doug. You'll be on the Doug Stanhope Podcast episode, what? 431. 431. Come out tomorrow. 431. I'll look for it. Thanks, what? 431. 431. Come out tomorrow. 431.

I'll look for it. Thanks, Doug. All right. Hi, Tyler. I guess I don't have to believe his name. He's probably the only guy that's not anywhere near show business that still wouldn't listen to this podcast, even though he's on it. I'm going to guess that he already has listened to the podcast or at least knew who you were before because I can't get people to stay on the phone

fucking trying to be goofy for that long. You can keep them on a little bit. No, the only reason they're calling me like this is because I'm verified to have a lot of followers. And this all started through Twitter DM. If I was just some chump on the phone, fuck you. Oops, I accidentally hung up. Yeah, that's me.

They've called me at least five times since I just said, fuck you. So, yeah, they're scared. I think you're on to something with the heat indicator. Like some algorithm picks up aggressive, like real hot talk, and it just automatically dumps you to a robot that says, we're experiencing a high volume of calls or whatever. That's a good one. That'll happen.

That's going to be the end of the future. Yeah, or the guy. When I did telemarketing, I was known as the customer abuse department. It worked the other way. We were calling out. But if someone gave a salesman a ration of shit, they'd give it to me because I was the most creative in my vengeance prank calls. Hey, about the call, just because security and stuff like that. We know his name was, but I'm going to put in Tyler instead.

I'm just going to slide it in there as a fake name. Sure. Sure. All right. Cool. Chaley is always looking out for the little guy. Well, you know, we got our deal. He doesn't want to get in trouble.

That was never established. I agree with Chad. Every time they give you one of those deals, you have to agree verbally like four different times like you're fucking buying a car. Like an electronic signature or something.

I should have held out for sponsorship. Don't push it. We just basically sold out for $25 a month live online. We could have said, hey, make DirecTV a sponsor. Well, you were going to hang up

and we were going to get nothing. And you asked him to tweak it to where we get money. I sold out for $25 a month. I was looking for the entertainment value in Tyler Chaley. I wasn't looking at the bottom line. We got both, sir. Who knew DirecTV was going to save this fucking podcast? Good job.

I thought that was hilarious. I did, too. I think we should play the number and quit while we're ahead. Quit while we're behind. That's a fucking glorious cloud of smoke there, Chad. The way the sun is hitting that. Yeah, look at that. I looked at it as soon as you said that.

I'm only saying this because every time Valentina takes a lot of work calls over here on the Zoom, and there's one guy she works with that every time I hear his voice, I try to remember until the end of the call to say, and now I have to play it for as soon as

we're done, but he sounds just like J.D. Harmeyer from the Stern Show. I gotta... So, yeah, write that down in your brain. I gotta play you J.D. Harmeyer. Speaking of Stern Show... Speaking of Stern Show, Stan Hope, before you do that, I was

gonna tell you, I just subscribed to Sh shuley's patreon i dropped my serious xm i was i was told jenny i was done with the that's expensive thing i just i just saw it on my credit card bill and i'm gonna either they're gonna do a serious discount or they're gone because i don't that's the one where i told them i was done and they basically talked me down to a very basic so it just works in jenny's jeep uh she can still have music in there and it's super cheap but i took the savings and i passed it along because shuley is gone from the stern show i haven't mentioned it or anything shuley's gone gone yeah so Shuley's got his own podcast, a Patreon podcast.

So I joined my first Patreon over there. I really like Shuley. And I have nothing against it. I'm not dumping the Sirius because of Stern. It's just we're not on the road. I don't listen to Sirius XM radio. And now that I've figured out how to fucking finally get audible in the car, there's no reason to have fucking radio. I don't how to fucking finally get audible in the car. There's no reason to have fucking radio. I don't listen to music.

I only listen... Well, I mean, you can listen to it on your phone, and we have wireless in the car that is not dependent on Sirius. Yeah, I'm saying, I don't... Also AT&T, by the way. It was like $274. I paid for... No, I think for the year, but I don't

know which cars have it and how. I got to get rid of it. That's how they fix, that's how they justify charging me $399 for the year, is they give people that don't look at their bill and charge them $300 for the year and average it out. Wait, did you say? I think it's $8 maybe a month or five bucks a month yeah you don't get like on demand no no i'll lose a lot of stuff and one of the things is stern and i will miss it because i like listening to stern but i'll i haven't i liked it as much uh since it went to

the you know uh uh lockdown in the last year that shows it's it's changed and stuff and become a little redundant for me but shuley was one of the reasons why i liked show, it's changed and stuff and become a little redundant for me. But Shuley was one of the reasons why I still liked it. Shuley's a funny guy. So I followed his podcast. Yeah, if I'm not driving fucking seven hours between Pittsburgh and Pennsylvania, I don't need Sirius Radio. Well, I mean, it ended up that we weren't even listening to Sirius.

We were listening to podcasts and Audible books. I mean, that was what the last two or three years of running on the road, that's what it was. We would listen to something until we got out of town. But when we got going, yeah. Shut up. Listen to the book. Matt Stock sent me his book uh it's called

life in the stocks voracious conversations with musicians and creatives volume one and uh like we talked about uh you know he put my fucking not only am i in the book, he did interview me in London in 2018, and he intersperses the interviews based on subjects. So it's pretty cool. I thumbed through it, and I saw some shit that I said, and I went, yeah, that's the problem with interviews, is I just say the same things because mostly you get the same questions. So it's kind of boring for me to read myself.

Most of the other ones are musicians. Here, let me give you a rundown, Chaley. Tell me if you know these people. I don't. Al Barr. Yes or no? I'll tell you yes when I hear a name. Andrew WK.

Yes. Be Real. Yes. Brian Fallon. No. Chuck Reagan. Chuck Robertson. CJ Ramone. Clem Burke. Danko Jones. Dave Howes. Doug Fallon. No. Chuck Reagan. Chuck Robertson. CJ Ramone.

Clem Burke. Danko Jones. Dave Howes. Doug Stanhope. Eugene Hertz. Frankie Aero. Jesse Leach. Jesse Mullen.

Joe Cardamone. Joey Cape. Justin Sane. Kyle Gass. Nothing yet, huh? Kyle Gass from Tenacious D. Yeah. Laura Jane Grace.

Well, you probably know the bands. Well, I mean, anyway. Yeah. What are you talking to the bass players? Tom Green's in it. Put your singer or your guitarist up. Well, it's usually more recognizable. Steven Van Zandt.

I know that one. Yeah. Tom Green's in it. Steve-O is in it. So, yeah. It's probably worth it. It's an illustration on the cover. It looks like your Cadillac on the cover. Well, it's Fear and Loathing.

It's the Fear and Loathing Cadillac where he put himself as the Johnny Depp character, not Hunter S. Thompson. In his own words, you'll see I put myself as the Johnny Depp character. Well, that would be the Hunter S. Thompson character. That's the same thing, isn't it? It is kind of. Unless there's a picture. I'll read it.

Yeah. Put you in your green. Yeah. Yeah, that was the, what's her name? Designer. Pulitzer. Yes, Lily Pulitzer. This guy sent me a book called Spinning Karma by Josh Samuel Brown.

It's a novel, and they sent a nice letter with it that I have not read. So I'm thanking you in advance. Sorry, I've been very busy. Let's just send that to Bobby. I didn't even have time to watch 1917 at real speed. I had to fast forward through it and get it done in 50 minutes. Doug, let's send all of the letters that you don't read to Bobby and then he will respond as you.

Well, I was going to tell people, if you order merch from the merch store, we have plenty of merch for you waiting. from the merch store and we have plenty of merch for you waiting. You know, all the letters and cards we get that I enjoy and sometimes they're silly or they're from prisons or they're weepy. We include that. I don't throw these away. We put them in the merch and send fan letters to me onto other people. Wouldn't it be weird if you ordered merch and got your own fan letter

from prison? I put a letter in so I make sure it's not going to like the same stage. Wait, Tracy, how, what's the percentage of merch items

that go out with something extra in them? With anything extra? Yeah. Oh. 100%. So I'm just, yeah.

Whether it's an extra sticker or stuff. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to save that. There's nothing to say. Save. I know. No one knows what you're talking about.

You don't have to respond with, we have to save that. No, Valentina just came in and she said, do you want me to talk about getting the vaccination? We should save that for... We're at hour 21 right now. Yeah, we're done. Did you say thank you to Stephanie

for sending the John Norris cutout? Oh, so, all right. Thank you, Steph. I think we're... I don't know. We still don't know who sent the Queen Elizabeth or the girl with her head cut off. No, the one that looks like a bull on top. Yeah.

But she didn't show up in the happy hour. Yeah. So that was weird. I did not read it. What does it say? Oh, well, there you go. That's Josh Samuel Brown. Wait, is he accusing him of something?

Hold on a second. Maybe we don't want to say this. I watched The Fucking Bachelor the other night, and I tried to live- Wait, the show? Yeah, it's so bad. Of course it is. Why would you even watch it?

Because it was Monday night, and there's no Monday night football. She had it on anyway. I go, I'm going to get high and live tweet The Bachelor, and it was monday night and there's no monday night football she had it on anyway i go i'm gonna get high and live tweet the bachelor and it was so bad like i thought i could be funny with it and it's just so repulsively everything that's fucking wrong with this country and and and i but i remember at one point saying i wish they'd do this with Eddie Pepitone as the bachelor. I just watch all these fucking phony bitches act like they're not disturbed by that. They'll get it annulled within five days. I'm not sleeping with that guy. I don't even know if they get married.

I don't know what happens with that. I just thought I was high and I go, I'll goof on it. And it was, fuck, the amount of likes. I was counting them there were more likes in one run-on sentence from one of those fucking bimbos than there are needle shots in one uh news story about covid uh hey uh it's been it's been uh brought to our attention that people want to know where to buy the cutouts because we're coming up on super bowl and all the cutouts for the most part the people that have been getting them are getting them from Shindig's.

If I knew we were going to get this many, I would have cut a fucking deal with Shindig's. You would have had a promo code Stanhope and gotten a fucking discount. But yes, rain or shine, those will be going out everywhere for Super Bowl. Shindig's is S-H-I-N-D-I-G-Z.com. It's the Z that makes it crazy. It's like Nicky with a Y. Strippers were never the same. All right, Tarek and Big O,

is there any setup you need for the new mastered version of your hit premiere's release? This is a... Unattended. This is a... is a this is a come over here. Come over here. Oh, yeah.

Give us all listen. I need all of you guys to follow. Oh, that's not me. Wait, that's not me. Where's that coming from? It's not me.

Oh, shit. It's mine. Sorry. Oh, shit. She just got the vaccine. Things are already going hinky. All right. She's got that 5G chip.

This is the mastering of... She's picking up Tyler's cell phone all the way from Idaho. This is the same song, just now you guys mastered it, right? Yeah. You tweaked it. Just came out on Apple Music today. All right. So do you want to give us your, where can people follow you?

And I need you guys to follow Vodka Juice Box, because numbers mean a lot of numbers to bingo. We're on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Just look up Vodka Juice Box. V vodka underscore jukebox no if so on twitter it's uh on twitter oh yeah so on twitter it's vodka underscore jukebox juice juice box just kidding i'm not nervous and uh on instagram it's uh vodka juice Box. And we're on, what else? Facebook. Facebook. It would be great if Tarek started sweating like Giuliani, but it's a purple dye from

his hair. I'm wearing a down jacket. And we got merch up. Merch is up. Okay. So what do you have for merch? And what's the website? okay so what do you have for merch so it's vodkajuicebox.com

and we got hoodies and fanny packs and all kinds of stuff we got our Instagram linked to there as well so any updates we have in the future that's a way we can stay connected you should have because this just came out

now you should have had discounted Christmas merch to open with. Like they missed the boat. Can we expect new music to be added? Yeah, so we're actually working on a couple tracks right now. And now that this is officially out there, we'll actually have the time to do that and just have fun and get back to doing that. But we're super stoked,

and thank you guys so much for the support. It means a lot. Hey, what if me, Chad, and Chaley all wrote our own songs, and then you have to put them to music? Would you do that? We could do it. I'd love that, yeah.

We could do it. That would be a lot of fun, actually. Mine would be a rap song. I'm going Swedish death metal. Black metal, I think you'd call it. I don't know music, so I'm just going to write the lyrics, and I'll dig through it. Yeah.

We'll make them one-minute songs. You don't need a fucking bridge. One-minute song? Yeah, a short song, like fucking Fat Mike. First chorus. Is it all no effects? Like a minute and a half or two minutes? Aren't punk rock like, okay, how long

could people listen to this? Let's do 15 seconds more than that. Yes. They could be short songs. Yeah, we could definitely do that. What's wrong with a one minute song? Nothing. You're right. I learn more music off of commercials than those 30 seconds.

One minute seemed long to me, if we're being honest. All right, so I guess Bingo and Tarek, Vodka Juice Box, take us out live with this new mastered version of the number one hit single on all the charts. Number one with a bullet. Unattended. Hey stranger, I got something to say I gotta tell y'all I've been feeling real sad and it's not going away

I had to tell someone Hey there stranger, I've been feeling the same Let me show you come outside and stand in the rain that's what I do when I feel this way Is my old shadow hiding from me? Because there's no one else to hide from We may be unattended But we're never alone Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol.

Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol.

Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. I want to feel something I want to feel You're a shadow hiding from me Cause there's no one else to hide from We may be unattended But we're never alone Shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់� Thank you.