The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #472: Hula Hoops and Apple Jacks

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

Doug welcomes everyone back into the FunHouse. Chad's playing prison, Raider used the "C"word and Doug has a sure fire Holiday gift idea. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. Recorded Nov 30th, 2021 at the FunHouse in BIsbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Bingo (@bingobingaman), Raider, Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 LINKS - BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Stageman Underwear - Stageman Underwear is ergonomically enhanced first layer gear for men. It's innovative design gently lifts the male genitals up and away from the legs for maximum performance and comfort. Go to www.Stageman.com and use Promo Code 'STANHOPE' to save 10% on your order. Keep the ear party pumping with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - https://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Need more Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo by ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast with chad shank in the house in the literal actually here not on the zoom hello guys bingo's here and uh the unemployed Raider is here with the trailies. Hello. Chad Shank, you know, if you listen to the podcast regularly on Patreon, you know that we offered Chad Shank an incentive plan to lose some weight because we are turning towards an all. Dave Raider is working on his book about nutrition.

We're here about. We offered Chad Shank for every pound he lost, which is up to 40 now, one free Sara Lee pie or an Entenmann's product. So spin the big wheel, Chad. One step forward and two steps back. Donut, donut, pizza pie. Chad lost 40 pounds and I didn't even know it.

That's how fat I am. I can lose 40 pounds and people won't even know. But you haven't seen it either. I haven't seen you, so I didn't know when you were 40 pounds heavier, more than likely. And I don't see fat i really i mean to within margins or or genders but on a gentleman that is true and it's kind of hard to notice somebody's fat when they're ugly you don't even care like why am i gonna look beyond your ugliness to know if you're fat

i don't care if it hurts as long as you're not in a middle seat yeah you do notice fat when they get into a middle seat then all of a sudden you get the laser pointer out like fucking early howard stern i don't know if they did that on stern but where they'd point laser pointers that was ralph ralph would do that on howard stern they had one yeah i don't know i remember that uh but yeah congratulations and you said you did it solely by uh not eating gummies well i'm trying to cut out edibles uh at night because i'm eating i eat basically once a day is what i've been doing eat all my calories oh so is this like quitting drinking to quit smoking you have to quit doing edibles to not

well if i do edibles it's later in the evening and i've already stopped consuming food because there's a whole science behind it it might be junk science i don't know it's a cult i joined a cult i mean you gotta follow something all of them yes that's right you have some rules that you're making whether there's you know yes and uh and it's working but you have to cut off your calories and then your body basically starts eating its own fat after you don't feed it for a while it's more complicated than that but so i don't want to eat edibles but i realized when i stopped cutting out late calories. It's not the calories from the edibles is what I'm getting to. No.

Well, see, I don't want to get into the thing. Once you start fasting, your body can go into what's called autophagy. And you can start burning the fat around your organs. That's why I researched this because I got a fatty liver. I'm just asking. I didn't know if you were stopping edibles because it would make you go eat real tons of food. No, no. Well, it will do that too.

But I only eat them just before bed and I eat them to sleep. All right. Specifically. I don't like being edible high. If I stay up through edible, I'm miserable. I would rather go to sleep. But I'm addicted to it to the point where now I'm sleeping four hours instead of seven. What do you do with the time?

Smoke weed. You can't eat. There's no calories in weed. You smoke it. I was going to say, do you take Benadryl? And wouldn't that be the same as taking an edible? I've been trying not to sleep as much as a as a coping mechanism it's uh i'm trying to actually be a better person try to see what happens uh usually it doesn't go well but i i remember the times where i did

quit smoking and drinking for periods of time where I would be up all that time. But that was pre-COVID where I had so much to do at any given time around the house that I could always be fucking around and putting away something that hasn't been unpacked. And there's always something to do for those extra hours. And you weren't hungover. So it wasn't drudgery to do the work i can't get out of bed yeah no i had a lot of energy but i also had a lot of shit to do that's what sucked when i was up in tucson uh for that summer watching uh bertine's house is because when i when i was like doing that health kick and fucking doing yoga and all that.

Yeah. One time you were on a bike ride and wore the bike pants. Yeah, we remember that summer. Yeah, but when I- Three walks you went on during the whole summer. But it was not my house, so I didn't have shit to do. Yeah.

If I was up, yeah, books, that was it. Fucking, okay, I can read books. It's basically like being in Costa Rica. There's nowhere to go. It's the middle of the night. I have a refrigerator full, but I ain't got a project. I can't fucking alphabetize my socks. You're lucky, though.

You do. You relocate yourself and have things. You figured out that technique to do you know and you so you have that at your disposal to go and be but since covid i'm somewhere else like everything's done like yeah yeah shit gets fucked up on our daily basis with dishes and you know food in the fridge but all the fucking tupperware is still organized all that shit that i i burned all those hours during quarantine or you have the long-term homesteading of it yeah i'm out of netflix shit it's not hard to do helium tank we haven't tapped into come on now there's something to do i basically live my life like like i'm in prison like. And I suck at being a person.

I would be on Hoarders or one of those 600-pound life. We watch those, and I'll tell you, these are my people. I get all of these people. If I didn't have her, I'd just leave shit alone. She fixes it. I don't give a fuck. And then it's, I don't know,'s pointless I guess at times so I spend a lot of time doing absolutely nothing in my own head never get bored I never get

bored doing nothing yeah do you have any projects at the house that you work on I have a ton of projects are you working on no the bathroom a little bit yeah a little bit I'm still doing it that was a need to yeah yeah but i should have been done by now jenny we still have to use the hallway bathroom down the other end of the hall because i haven't fixed my bathroom at all yet i suck it's bad you know about that the mold oh yeah there's a leak behind the wall and molded out behind my bathroom had Had to replace the floor, all the walls. Sucks.

Yeah, I would be more motivated to work on that than other things. But yeah, where I have to take a shit, that would be project number one. My mind, you would think so. It's even the more comfortable toilet. Like it's a bigger toilet. And I'm like, fuck it. I can walk down the fucking hallway and shit on the small toilet. don't care it's smaller it's yeah it doesn't it ends up in baggies i'm so i'm so adaptable that it's the most horrible thing ever i try to pretend that i'm in prison sometimes

though to just to organize oh just because i pretend like somebody's gonna come and inspect my shit like why do you fix all that right there? Pretend you're in prison and you're going to get in trouble. I don't know how else to do it. Jenny's, are you picking stuff up, Chad? Shut up, it's role play. I'm doing push-ups. She's like, are you playing prison again?

Yes. Clang the board against the bar before you talk to me. My coping tactics are thin, thin at this point. Dave Rader lost a job, job, job. Dave Rader lost a job. Dave Rader, who... Is this a new segment? Is that the lead-in intro?

It sounds like I was fired. I wasn't fired from anything. I just interviewed and didn't get it. He didn't get the job. They saved themselves this step of firing you by just not hiring you. They'd heard of him on the podcast before.

Dave Rader, he just seems like he would get any job that he asked for. But then he does the takeaway after the interview. That's your first interview for a job in a year? Maybe? Yeah, six months.

Or their last attempt to be employed, I should say, because you had a job up until a year ago no it was about six months ago it's not no it's not a year no i ended in mid-may where are we now i thought you ended during the 2020 covid no part one i got hired this sequel's really trying to top uh anyway uh so so you had this job interview, and then you go, yeah, I can never tell. I think it went okay.

And then you- Tele-interview? You're not going down to Old Bisbee, right? No, no, no. For the big office buildings? No, no, this was Zoom. Was your interview at the Grand? The coffee, the barista job?

I don't know what you do. You're not good at steaming, though. No, on Zoom with a shirt and a tie and a jacket and everything. And strongman underpants underneath. Oh, stop it. I'd fire him. Stage man. I just said strongman.

I'm high. Stage man underpants. Again. I thought maybe that was your nickname for him after you saw him in a stage man so what happened uh nothing just you know normal interview asked me a bunch of questions wait then he calls this galley nose afterwards puts her on speakerphone how'd it go did you know you got the job you know they're gonna give you any job you ask for well i just don't know i'm not that kind of guy that can but you thought you had the job and then you didn't have no not really i told her i'm like i'm not a good interview and i know yeah i know

what you told her but i know she also knows who you are very well in the business world yes so i assume she was calling you out on your bullshit of going i I'm bad at things and I don't know. No, I'm not. Someone is like that. There are things that I'm good at. There are things that I'm bad at. I believe him. He sucks at this.

I believe him. Interviewing, it's just not one of my strong suits. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Let's interview. Let's interview Ray. Probably here getting drunk with you. Oh, your six beers. Okay. Did you count them optimists

well in the bad low ambition though yeah i don't know if we can hire a guy like that poor uh british jonathan got employed and we've never seen him more depressed yeah yeah yeah you got a job Is he still here in town? Yeah. But he's talking about right now he's going to have to go up to the Bay Area three weeks out of the month and he doesn't know how long that'll last.

That poor bastard. I mean, he's talking about getting a roommate or like moving in and getting a room at someone's place. It's so expensive to live out there. Where's out there san francisco okay bay area south south of the bay yeah crazy yeah i people say things are expensive i don't go to town or to places but i went today i had to go uh uh for acupuncture on my hands this morning and it was right next to i don't have any kind of story unless

anybody has any thing they can tell me about acupuncture. They put needles in you and it doesn't hurt. Did you give her hot tub too? No, mine was a Chinese guy that did it. I forgot about that. Yeah, okay. Well, you know what? If it's all placebo effect, there's way more placebo from it from an ancient chinese man

when it comes to acupuncture are there levels have they done a test he definitely gave me the cliff's notes explanation you know about this originated in china deals with meridians you got it you got it thanks dude i don't do we have to do this You just gave me like the highlighted words. You didn't even give me the whole notes. The sentences. Yeah. The nouns and words. But anyways, I went. My point was next door was the auto dealership, and we had a recall on our Jeep.

So I took it over there for them to fix the recall. And I was walking around looking at vehicles. I have not walked around a vehicle lot in years. at vehicles i have not walked around a vehicle lot in years fifty thousand dollars was a normal starting price for vehicles on that lot newer used both yeah there was there was some there was a the same uh jenny's jeep the same one same year and everything for like fifteen thousand i was like jesus yeah right now it's crazy and i mean doug you turned in those yeah i dumped off dumped those two and you're even saying you need to get rid of another one but that's your last that's your last driver yeah i know i'm just gonna keep everything till shit settles down i would

jenny was stuck because our jeep was paid off next year and so jenny was talking about you know save do do another year after that and just save up that payment yeah and then put that and not trade the jeep and i'll sell it outright and then take all that money and put it down but i'm like jesus we're gonna have to wait more than one year if they're fucking fifty thousand dollar cars just for a basic. They're buying used cars, too, on those lots because they make more off of a used car than a new one. Yeah.

Were you not going to interview Dave Rader? I don't like to talk to him. Really, ever. Honestly. Let's see. Sorry, I just had to write down a note basket when you did your interview uh no actually technically doug's wearing my underwear now oh really because i gave them back are you wearing washed panties rose again okay i get. Why did you give the underwear back? He gave the underwear back because he loved them,

couldn't stop raving about them. Then he sent a picture of not him in them, just the model for stage man underpants. Which is probably better than the picture of him in them. Well, the models can look a little bit more Chippendales than the actual underwear appears. So, yeah. First of all, every underwear model, no matter the brand,

is going to look fucking way better than you. And with these, the pictures they use, it looks gay pornish. Well, all male underwear ads look gay pornish, but this looks like there's still fresh oil and cum smell in some of the pictures. It is a big banana hammock. Yeah, but not in fucking... With cum. Wait, so he returned them because...

No, because she said, ooh, don't wear those. As all the women that have seen them that we know have said all the other men are strong enough to say shut up woman they love them jenny jenny's first reaction i came out and it was to break out laughing which is not good but then i was like hey this is great i like it and then later she goes well you can't wear those with sweatpants when the grandkids are here so i was like then they do look good don't they i knew it they look full she's saying

it's a full look i will say this i can say this without any lying at all they are the easily the single most comfortable pair of underwear that i've ever worn in my entire life. Hands down, bar none. And I would liken it to a good brassiere. A good brassiere, if you're a buxom woman, you need the fucking support. And if it happens to make it look like your tits are up here when they're really down here, so be it.

Cost of doing business. They really are the Wonderbra of underpants be it yeah and you want to talk about you want to talk about starting your day with confidence you have that morning boner in that boner pouch in there you're like fuck yeah you wake up feeling good about yourself i'm just gonna i'm just i'm just throwing listen we're not gonna fucking stop to do reads for stage bad it's gonna come up there was you guys were talking about stage man before we hit fucking record and i go wow this that was honest behind the scenes conversation stage man.com uh promo code stanhope get yourself two pairs and you'll be fucking riding those two into your

grave. Do the Stanhope challenge. Buy two pair, wear them for a week and then go back to whatever you think is superior underwear. No, no, no. You just wear one for a week. And then when you're washing it, you wear the other. Not everyone's on tour, Doug.

I'm just saying, that's the other. Not everyone's on tour, Doug. I'm just saying, that's the challenge. Wear for an amount of time that you feel comfortable, and then go back to your old underpants, and you tell me. You tell Doug. Just text Doug or tweet Doug. Let him know.

Go to stageman.com. Use promo code Stanhope. Email me like, yay, you were absolutely right about the stage man. Anyway, I've been following you. I'm down on my luck. Then put your sad story after you. Rating the stage man. Stage man.com.

But yes, you guys were actually talking about the underpants. And earlier, the girls were talking about doing laundry. That's funny. Wait, what were you talking about? That was yesterday. Was that yesterday? For all the ladies that are me pre-surgery, these underpants would be great for you too.

Pre-surgery. Pouch. Do itsurgery, pouch, do it. Yeah, unless their vagina is like kind of towards the front. Your vagina's on your pelvic bone that would help. You could pull it up and put a rubber band on like a ponytail and then put the ponytail. It's a vagina saddlebag.

I still like to put my phone in mine whenever I'm on the toilet. And I don't lose it. It's about the 20-minute mark, so why don't we tell you about some advertisement that doesn't let us freeball like we can with stage man underwear. Oh, yeah, please hold. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. Check out betterhelp.com slash Stanhope for 10% off your first month.

Life is full of stressors. It doesn't matter who you are or what you have. Your life is probably stressful. Good news. The Traley's just got back from five days in Death Valley, right where the Manson family was spawned at the Spawn Ranch. They're talking gibberish. I say, don't talk to me, Chaley. Don't talk to me

about how you're an aging man and where did I get this bruise from? What might I have done? Maybe I should just do the bad, bad thing. Don't do the bad thing, Chaley. Go to betterhelp.com. Talk to someone who's not going to judge you like we do. Hey, better help. Maybe you're not feeling down and out and depressed or like you're at a total loss. But if your stress is high, your temper is shorter than usual, or even if you're starting to feel a strain in any of your relationships, you could probably use a chance to unload. Unload the stress and get it out. Talk to someone who's completely unbiased about your life.

Someone who isn't going to judge you or take sides on anything. When there are things you can't tell anyone or feel like you can't unload to family and friends, you need to unload it. And that's what therapy can be. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can start communicating with your therapist in under 48 hours. Unload the stressors and get some unbiased feedback. You'd be pretty surprised at what you might gain

from it. See if it's for you. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and Doug Stanhope podcast listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash stanhope. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash stanhope for 10% off your first month. So Dave's over crying over a Burger King fucking breakfast burrito. About his job he didn't get. I had something in my eye. Blubbering in my lap. And

I wasn't blubbering. But he was in his lap. His mascara ran all over. You didn't deny that part at all. I was sobbing jit. That's the joke. His mascara ran all over my Muslim prayer robe. His mascara ran all over my Muslim prayer robe.

I was trying to do my morning prayers. You're weeping. Like an infant. Well, JonBenet Ramsey, if that kind of makeup was on an infant. Oh, God. And I'm like, what is this, gagging porn? Which way's Mecca? We have this whole back and forth point being he says that uh he talked to that same girl that was assured he'd get the job not the girl that said he shouldn't wear stage man underpants because she was excited by it.

A different girl. His workplace lady friend who said he would definitely get the job, he called her up and she evidently said, you say it. You tell her. Oh, I said the problem may have been that I used the C word twice in the interview. What? Yeah. And she says. I used the C word twice in the interview. What? Yeah. And she says.

And she said C word, which confused me because I thought everybody would know what that meant. So I wrote back, see you next Tuesday. And then I got back a bunch of emojis with tears in them. Not unlike the tears that I had when I was a parent. And she probably didn't get it. She got it. She probably just. You know when bingo laughs at your joke really hard and you go there's no way she understood that joke but she's just like like i want to be a part of the group you know guys guys

i thought dave was being hard on himself when he said he wasn't good at interviews but even i didn't understand the context of C-word with an interview. Because I'm like, well, nobody would say cunt during an interview. Because fucking nobody's that retarded. No, you are. I didn't actually use the C-word. No, I guess she probably didn't understand why you'd attempt to tell a joke. So I don't understand what C-word is in a non-joking a lot of levels

that was the whole i'm still confused you've been spending too many overnights with stanhope i think no uh just as a joke she's like i don't understand why he didn't get it i said well i did drop the c word twice i was just kidding i didn't actually do that i just didn't he tried to make a joke to his friend about why he didn't get the job right but he was shocked that someone wouldn't know what the c word meant i think me and bingo are still shocked that he made a joke i'm actually very funny in that world in what world it's true. It's a huge difference. You walked into a room full of compliance professionals, right?

And they're all talking about compliance. I'm funny in that world. I come over here, different story. You guys are literally one of the... Oh, stop it. One of the greatest comedians as far as he keeps telling us. And then all of you guys who have kind of

been in comedy for years talking on stage and being funny in person are two different things so hugely different

but he's never funny clearly ever I've been doing a lot of edibles I ain't trying to lose weight so yeah

he makes me laugh when I'm high usually just by laughing at my jokes that's what i did i didn't like i go i get a schedule of fucking a meeting with chaley to uh decide what we're going to talk about on this podcast so i go i don't know and then you made me feel do you have notes or anything i didn't know I'm just high. I think it'll work out.

I didn't confront you, though. Don't make it sound like I keep stomping up and going, where are those notes? No, no. You missed the morning meeting. But then I go, why don't I break out my comedy notes? Like, these are the shit that I write on airplanes and stuff. Take this one.

No, because some of them are good. No, don't read them, because I... Checking our notes. Oh. What? Checking our notes. no because some of them are good no don't read them because a lot i what yeah that was after a gig uh you had notes anyway the point is i was prepared with something i'm not doing it but if nothing else i go i can read all this shit you know i always talk about i write down shit on the back of boarding passes and it never makes sense and it's awful so i thought i if nothing else i would do that but we have a podcast going we have a dave raiders balls to bust literally um hey it's not harder without stage man underpants i should have said that I should have prefaced that with... So you're just reading airplane notes now?

No, I was looking at them. I thought you guys were talking. I thought he meant he was going to read them out loud. Yeah. I didn't know he was just going to sit there and read them. He's reading with Stanhope. He just reads silently. Oh, here's a new podcast idea.

Okay. I have been thinking about changing up the whole format of the podcast, but the problem is that would have been something we could have done first week of COVID, had we known we would have had. But now I'm going back on the road. I'm going to be in fucking the UK or

wherever. Oh yeah, we're going to push those UK dates. Don't fucking worry about omnicrons or anything it's all bullshit really no one's going back i mean yeah it could be worse i mean raider had to drop that knowledge on us as we say here around the fucking just picking up on old terms that never uh that more people died of covid in 2021 than 2020 yeah and it's not a thing yeah no one's going back to people just gonna fucking die so buy the tickets don't they're they ain't getting canceled those dates start in uh march of 2022

and i'm probably gonna have to leave early in the morning to get there to get through all the bullshit screenings and fucking quarantines and well you're going from ireland to the uk to scotland and then all by bicycle because fucking they don't check your paperwork on a bicycle bicycle built for two it's prying the front or the back i think with those thighs he's gonna be the back? With those thighs, he's going to be the back. Because I'm just going to pretend to pedal. It depends on which way the wind's blowing. Because you need to be able to light your cigarette. So he's got to be the windbreak.

Is how you have to set it up. That's true. Okay, before you tell us your joke, give us the date of your ticket. You don't fucking... Hey, Delta delta i have a lot of fucking i have a that's all actually in my list of things to do is uh write a letter to ed bastion the ceo ceo of delta i'm trying to explain a lot of the i have i have a few issues. Oh, this is, yeah. I used to do that on Twitter occasionally. When I do drunk tweets

and then my sober replies in the morning. Like sometimes drunk me does fantastic things that I fucking shave and I cut my own hair mostly till Tracy can clean it up and I actually take a shower and I wake up all refreshed and nude and stuff

like a newborn baby I put foot cream on and everything and then booty socks over them and then I wake up in the morning and I fucking love drunk me and I would tweet like this is what I'm doing and in the morning I'd go fuck I was drunk and I did that and I would tweet like this is what I'm doing and in the morning I'd go fuck I was drunk

and I did that and I thought that would be a fun way to do a podcast it says new podcast me drunk dialing Chaley and having to explain apologize defend or simply kill any witnesses Jekyll and Hyde

drunk me with sober me so I would drunk dial you or drunk podcast and then sober me would have to fucking and it turned out to be too much work but I keep the fucking explaining it

doing it and I wouldn't want to do it sober like sober me would not want to fucking talk to drunk me no that relationship's over so it was a great idea when i was drunk because drunk me has fantastical ideas and then sober me just wants to fucking go to the thrift store dump off some shit who got the kids in your relationship we we both have you what helps the other i think you're right i think you're right last night i i go to get ice

and there's a tray of like shattered ice sometimes your ice shatters i looked it up and i uh i i life hacked it and I got conflicting things. The reason sometimes your ice shatters is it gets the hard water, the dusty shit we get with hard water. You know, inside a dry ice tray, like the fucking stuff. Come on, Chaley, you know every word about everything. Deposits. Whatever. That hard water deposit.

I have a purifier on our system, so we don't have that. All right. How's your ice? Is your ice perfect? It's still clear. It's still clear. But it cracks all even? Yep.

All right. See, we don't wash out the ice trays. So it says that. And another one said that doesn't even help necessarily. Because if you have grooves. Well, you'd only have grooves from scrubbing out the fucking trays. And who does that? People with shattered ice. So I think either way we lose.

Are you using sink ice? No. No. No. I use the bottle water. But you should pirate a pipe off their RO machine up to your house. But I don't know why, Stan. You put all of the ice trays stacked up really high. I'm telling you why.

Okay. So we didn't have a domestic violence last night. I don't DV in the morning. I'm fucking trying to sleep in. So I pull that out and it's all shattered. So I go to the next one. It's all shattered. Four in a row stacked. it's all shattered. So I go to the next one. It's all shattered. Four in a row, stacked.

We're all shattered ice. And Bingo had been making my drink. So what she'd do is she'd crack it. If it all shatters, she'd put it at the bottom and crack another. It shatters. Rather than just fucking leave them out so you know at least you have no ice. I left the red one in there. It's her fault too.

I didn't use ice out of it. I dug all the shards out but i did there were there were four four in a stack and uh so i set all those ice trays by the front door on the floor yeah so when you left you know i noticed i got up and i saw that i'm like that's my responsibility to fill up the trays or we're gonna have a problem this morning and i did but they're gonna crack like they're gonna crack well now we know we should That's my responsibility to fill up the trays or we're going to have a problem this morning. And I did. But they're going to crack.

Well, now we know we should wipe them out every here and again. Is that what it says? It's that calcium deposit. The residues. You're using bottled water, though. You shouldn't have that problem. It's bottled water that comes from a windmill on a desolate corner next to a hobo's mattress

that you get for a fucking quarter a gallon. There are green hose heading to the back of the windmill. The guy that runs that died years ago. The filter hasn't been changed in forever. Yeah. It's basically Bisbee water from a windmill. I just saw a nice ice machine for like 300 bucks on facebook marketplace the other day that would be badass for someone else just told us that no how did

he's trying to get us randall has a line on one oh all right that's what that's a different one yeah but uh is that why why is there no test like there are you know how they have fentanyl tests now they should have tests for that for all bottled water because how the fuck do you know you don't you absolutely don't i mean some of them say sourced city sourced water on it try to rinse bingo's hair with it i bet it nobody would want to i bet if you set up a stand that said like a cage-free farm fresh bottled water at the farmer's market you'd sell the shit out of it with just one leading statement that doesn't say do you know what's in the bottled water you think is clean like just make them think wait bottled water's fucked up you might have just stumbled onto

something good because the shaley could do it out of his tap and meet those standards if they tested it it would be the best water around how do we know that because it's that's those machines this is ass how do you know how can you you tell? Well, I drink it. Our ice doesn't shatter. I drink it. Our ice doesn't shatter. That's a pretty basic test. We can go further from there.

You can get your water tested. There's places that'll do it. I don't think you can't do it like a home drug test from CVS. I think you have to kill someone with an icicle spear before they'll actually test it. I bet you could buy one at Home Depot. Probably could. How do you know that? I have good water. I've never thought about it.

Bad bottled water people that are selling those tests. That's why I'm vegan. I use the taste method. If I can drink it, then I drink it. If I taste it and I can't drink it i don't drink it and in my house i can turn my faucet on and stick my head under it and just drink as long as i want all the night you can get them on yeah well i'm just going fucking straight queuing on

whatever whatever answer you give that makes sense no they're part of the conspiracy the water testing people are part of the conspiracy go ahead look it up they're just gonna find your fucking information 100 strips plus two bacteria tests yeah you click on that website and all of a sudden they're monitoring I'm not about this it's so good this fucking rabbit hole just comes out the other end and fucking starts eating its own ass I got you a cute t-shirt

where do you stop questioning things or why did we start in the first place I'm working on bits about this yeah yes i i like it i still like being an outsider to society i even got shots and stuff to get be like so i i felt like a productive member of society for once in a huge gap of not being that at all and it was just kind of a cheap shortcut because i don't care i secretly just hope the herd thins down like we all always talked about like everybody jokes about

and we talk about i really hope that and i don't i'm not a hypocrite if i'm part of that i'm part of that you know i went on a fucking rant at some point drug my life some of those florida dates are a little too drunk and too fucking out of control but i remember like yeah okay uh and so if the shot is like bill gates trying to depopulate the earth have you not listened to my actual last 30 years why would i be against that i i'd questioned the other day why I got the three shots. I was like, why did you participate in that? Because I thought about it because I went to the doctor, and they said, well, when's the last time you had a flu shot?

And I'm like, I haven't had a flu shot in like 15 years. I've never got a flu shot. I don't ever want one. And so then I was like, why did I get this one? I don't know. Peer pressure? I think it really boiled down. It was just a really cheap, easy way for me to feel like I was a decent production,

productive person in our society. I want to go full conspiracy theory. If I was still bored of COVID on Twitter, I would go complete conspiracy theory just on the booster. Like, no, you definitely have to get the first two, but the booster, that's the fucked up one.

I just started a whole stupid conspiracy theory about one of the shots in particular, the rest, they're fine. And definitely wear a mask, wear two masks, but don't get that booster. That's how society's gonna collapse there's just gonna be a million different cults everybody with different beliefs and there's everybody's too tiny if they wanted to fucking trick you into

taking it they'd put it in a mcrib until you only had a limited time to get it and then you'd rush out so you didn't miss a deadline did you watch that south park uh uh special the newest one no oh yeah god damn it all right well no tell me about it well because they address i know a lot of people have probably addressed it but they they did it at one point where the one guy wasn't vaccinated and then the hey you know you want to do a bump fuck yeah i want to do a bump and Fuck yeah, I want to do a bump. And he gets it all lined up. Wait a minute.

This is the vaccine, isn't it? I'm not putting that into my body. He was about totally fine doing a bump. I don't know. It's just really funny. I look back at South Park a lot on the road when there's a marathon and we have to sit through commercials because we live in a living hell without DVR and rewind and pause capabilities

on the road. And you see a South Park and you go, I have so many bits that South Park did the bit, kind of like their thing about the Simpsons did it. And I'll pause and look at the year if I'm home. And see, when was my bit and when was their bit? It doesn't matter anymore. It's not like I was going to go, you stole it from South Park.

But yeah, I stopped. I would record it, but they started doing like uh serial like what do you call that where you have to the one they're not standalone episodes episodic thank you uh and then i'm like oh now i'm never gonna get back into south park because i like i forgot it was even on for a minute like life catches up with you and like always sunny in philadelphia i thought was off the air for a million years they changed networks or something channels so it didn't record anymore i come off the road i watched what did i used to watch let me check my dvr i just saw an article about always uh sunny there's a podcast with the gang that watches the episodes from the beginning

and talks about what they remember and all of that stuff. And I was like, fuck, I might listen to that. That would be pretty good. I just read about that yesterday. I would listen to a podcast of them doing a podcast as them. Like, if that were an episode where they start their own podcast, which it probably had to be by now. But if Always Sunny is still on,

they probably had to have an episode where they did a podcast together. If they haven't, that's fucking, they overlooked an easy one. But then to continue the podcast as them, just from that episode

and continue on. That'd be fucking... Is this it, Chad? The Always Sunny Podcast? Yep. Yeah, it's on iTunes. I still haven't watched the... Apple Podcast.

Well, here's the problem with both of these. The COVID fucking... They were advertising in my smart TV, Chaley calls it. It's only smart if he's there. There was a post-COVID, because I remember hearing about the first South Park COVID episode was brilliant, and I never saw it. And then they're advertising post-COVID South Park on fucking ZD Plus or fucking. Paramount Plus, yes. HulaHoopFucking.com.

HulaHoopFucking.com. This was pretty. Me and Fred. Fred is an 81-year-old man that comes over here that's probably in better shape than any of us. Yes. Mentally, physically, and spiritually, intellectually. Yeah intellectually yeah he's gonna shit together but we're both be moaning like i wish they would put he go he was telling me something he watched on fucking you know apple fucking jacks and

and i'm like yeah once we like i wish they would bundle all these into fucking cable like okay I'll get fucking 2b or something and uh just because there's one thing on it I mean there's only a certain amount of shit I have HBO and Cinemax and all that I have that old school package why can't you just put all your fucking... CISO is the only one. That didn't work, evidently. CISO, where I put out my fucking last whatever special, the one in 2016.

No Place Like Home, right? Yeah. Every single subscription service, they keep multiplying and there's more and more. And CISO is the only one that died. It's the only fucking subscription service that just actually went away. There was another recent one that they did.

The one that invested in you. Quibi. Oh, yeah, that one. That one died quick. Yeah, that was quick. Oh, it did die? That one died quick. That one and C it did die died quick oh they were it was that one in cso neck and neck though for the no i quibby i kind of made a comeback for a minute

and then i haven't heard their name at all i'm surprised i remembered that but i yeah i remember people were talking to hennigan about when quibby was just in the LA, like Quibi's the new thing. It's going to be the new thing. And he's like, no, I still feel burned by CISO. So I'm not going to listen to everybody. But they're all, and it's short-term content. That's not what your standup specials are. These are 10 to 12 minute clips. I saw those on TikTokiktok there's uh people there's two i i i downloaded it because

i did this is old story i'm off it yeah i got off it right away i saw what it was and got away from it but it was one of the things that made me get away from it is there are people with millions of views just lip-syncing comedians oh there was one of those kids lip syncing doug's bits that's that's funny yeah this is this is just grown regular people that don't credit them or anything and just make it look like it's them saying these things that are just recorded comedy bits and i was like wow that's a bizarre the whole thing's bizarre but it's now i'm not gonna learn new things yeah i'm against it don't i said everything i needed to say over a million albums they're all available on fucking see so see so

get them while they're hot. Hot, hot. Oh, yeah, please hold. This podcast is brought to you by another podcast, the World Record Podcast. Hi, it's me, the B-Man. And I'm telling you, you should listen to the World Record Podcast. Go to worldrecordpodcast.com, watch the videos, the B-Man. And I'm telling you, you should listen to the World Record Podcast.

Go to worldrecordpodcast.com. Watch the videos. Join the Patreon. It's the funniest podcast in the world. Listen. If you put a frog in a kangaroo's pouch, is that safe? For the frog, mostly, I guess. Because I know in the kangaroo's pouch, that's kind of where there's a nip in there.

So I'm wondering if the frog was put in the pouch and he sucked on the nip, would the kangaroo milk hurt the frog? That's a joke. Dad, you would have to go to a veterinarian for that. Okay. So go to worldrecordpodcast.com. Watch all the videos. Join the Patreon.

Listen to all the episodes. Just do it. You ever did standing doggy? Have you ever heard of it? Standing doggy? What is it? It's a beer? No. It's a position. It's a position. It Standing doggy? Is it a beer? No. It's a position.

It's doggy, but you stand. I don't know what you're talking about, please. I don't know what you're talking about. Wicked! You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Yeah, it's a different day and age and that's for other people because i am i still wear 70 suits because i haven't grown up since then i fucking i've been getting these chad i was getting usa today did i tell you how they like tweeted, like we finally get a USA Today in a hotel like the old days, which is, me and Junior were talking about how long it's been since we've actually seen. They used to shove them under your door.

Every hotel room in the hotel we were staying at had a USA Today at the door used to be. And then you could just go down to the brett free breakfast and grab there'd be a stack for free yeah yeah that and then when i actually found one after junior and i were just talking about how you never see him that next hotel had one so i tweeted about it and usa today contacted me and they're giving i get i get the fucking daily every day mailed to my box some days i get two because it's Bisbee. You can't get today's news. They're trying to pad their circulation numbers.

Newspapers are dying in this tree. I know. So they gave me the free online. But what I've been doing, and I got to talk to USA Today. They gave me the free print version and online subscription for life. And we're both neck and neck. And who's going to make it longer? If I were on Twitter, if I was on Twitter, maybe I'll tweet tonight.

I'll make a poll. That's hilarious. So I've been going on eBay. And if you want to send things to 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603. I checked the eBay. But if you have any vintage USA Todays. So I've been buying vintage ones.

You find the ones at 9-11 and big headlines, Obama wins. But I've been finding generic ones and this one i randomly found on ebay and it's from uh 19 oh is that not the nine oh that's a different 1989 tuesday oh it's halloween 1989 and the headline is smoking ban set to fly in-house today. They're making it illegal to smoke on airplanes. So that's why I've been buying these and I read them on Delta

when I fly. I read it with my reading glasses at the tip of my nose just to see if anyone knows. But they're fucking more brilliant to read than today's news because today's news in the usa today is yesterday's news that i've already read on newser in your phone and it's trending on twitter but to read these yeah are they are they i mean are they cheap to

buy them on ebay like depending on what it is actually now i think of fucking usa today is like three bucks or something maybe it's two bucks but i think that's that one you had when we were in uh florida it was like that was a a notable one because uh pete pete rose was on the oh the one i brought yeah yeah that was 1985 that probably costs a couple of bucks well it was he had just broken a home run record. By now, Pete Rose, that's like saying, oh, Jared from Subway lost this much weight by eating Subway. And in the future, they don't know. The cost of that one might be more because it was a notable event in Pete Rose.

Before Pete Rose was in trouble. Yes. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's the Jared from Subway. in trouble yes yeah that's what i'm saying it's the jared from subway like oh i get a headline paper where he lost a lot of weight by eating turkey sandwiches not knowing that one day how much did you spend on my inquirer with laverne and shirley for my birthday yeah i that's all my favorite my favorite gifts hey here's a uh if you don't want to go to Stanhope.com, DougStanhope.com and go to the merch page

and buy merch for Christmas, if you are hard up for a gift, it's my favorite easy gift-giving idea is get some publication from the month or this specifically was the day and date of Bingo's birthday. Like I would go find old Playboy magazines for December 73.

I'll find a Playboy or a Penthouse or a Life magazine from that month. And then I go, oh, when I was looking up the USA Todays, I can get the specific date. So I got Bingo, the National Enquirer from the day she was born. And it was Laverne or Shirley.

I don't know. I fell in love with Chucky or I don't know. But it was fucking fabulous. That's great. Chucky the doll? I got one for Valentina. And hers was Madonna in a passionate fling with george michael that's beard on beard

holy that's awesome though what magazine was it like a tv i was one of like the star the inquirer was one of those fucking that's great the other day i was just thinking i want to do uh start doing my audio fucking engineering skills finding a way to like put them to you like practice and do things and i was like well i could fucking read the news you know i'll do like a twitch stream where i read news or something like that and uh but then literally i looked at like news article yesterday was a describing a tiktok video was a real news article and i was like i don't want to do that but if you to read old news. If I could get USA Today. Like a Twitch stream where I just read old news. I need the article about Madonna and George Michael right now.

And Shirley and Chucky. Shirley and Chucky. I'm going to steal your idea and work it my own way. Are you ready for a baby shower? Yeah, please. Yes, please. All right, Doug, you ready for some thank yous? Yeah, go ahead, because I'm just looking.

I was going to look at... Oh, this was a headline in 89. Flag-burning law faces swift test. Japanese by New York City landmark. Someone was just talking about this in a uh but that whole scare in the 80s where the japanese were gonna buy up all the real estate buy everything and yeah that was a that was a you know you're sitting out there listening everything's cyclical everything is about to fucking come down on you it's all bullshit

relax i mean entertain it as much as it entertains you wow yeah there's conspiracy theories i love them but it's not it's never fucking controlled my life i've never It's always been entertaining. Oh, fuck. The same as Bigfoot or Loch Ness Monster. Yeah, it'd be cool to I watched all the shows until I realized, oh, wait, the show is pre-taped. If they actually find Nessie at the end

of this, it would have already been on the news. Leonard Nimoy. The news, they should just call it spoiler alert he's fucking naked and afraid whatever well and he sees a cougar well if you get killed by a cougar they would have never aired the fucking episode which is that would be a law in my new america yeah no if it happens on a reality show you have to fucking air it hey did you watch the new uh tiger king i just watched it the other day no i haven't haven't seen it. Wow. It's good. Wow. Really?

Wow. Yeah, it's good. You want to talk about the gossip? It is a tangled web, and you'll be questioning what you believe from season one. It's wow. I was going to watch the trailer for season two and I thought, this is a cash grab just trying to capitalize. That's what made me think of it. It's what Stan was talking about

because that Making a Murderer, I never watched the second season because I was like, if they let him go, it would have been in the news now. It's anticlimactic. So I never watched Tiger King 2 until a couple of days ago. Is that good?

Yeah, I recommend it. It's tonight. Bingo and I recommend it. Fucking great. watched Tiger King 2 until a couple of days ago yeah crazy stuff are you coming to Vegas mm-hmm all right I am indeed good I got a Airbnb right down the block down the road from the plaza. Free steel grates on your windows? Well, it's just a place to sleep. It's not the greatest neighborhood, but I figure if I'm not safe in that neighborhood, who is? Keep Jenny close. They should pay me to stay there.

I'll walk you to the casino. I'll be your escort. Like when you go to Johannesburg or something. We suggest you hire bodyguards with your cab, bulletproof windows. Otherwise, it's a lovely city when you get to where you're going. But between the airport and we we we suggest a SWAT team it's a suggestion it's not in the actual tourism guide Jenny grew up there she uh she actually was one of the she worked at the uh glitter gulch

and would hand out the uh flyers flyers on the down open down Fremont years getting like used to milk and titty bars when it was in my youth when that was a thing to do I thought you loved me oh this is before you changed my world. Okay. Okay. Okay, dad. But I remember going in a glitter gulch. Before you swore off tits. Fuck you. Sorry, that was slow, but I was drinking a beer when I thought of it. Fuck everyone in here.

Fuck everyone, except for Tracy. We should do another shot now, Chase. We should. To tits. To t should. To tits. To tits, whatever size you have. I remember we were way too old to be at a titty bar, but for whatever reason or whoever was with us, we went to Glitter Gulch back in the Plaza days

before I was even playing there. We always stayed at the Plaza and we went and it was just like one of these like, oh, buy two, get one, but oh, it's a rip off immediately. Like, I would have just come in

and fucking spent all my money, but I'm going to drink my two, your fake fucking coupon thing. I'm just going to drink my things and get the fuck out. You could have fucked me for so much more money by being honest. I fuck

myself, people. All those fake coupons that you gave out to go to your dumb comedian shows too. I never gave out coupons. Harvey's. I got a coupon when I met you. Oh, yeah, back in the day.

I got a coupon when I fucking met you and you. Yeah, but I didn't hand it to you. I wasn't out on the street corner. Don't ruin this. I was picturing Shanho in thigh-high boots and a tube top handing out coupons in a gravel parking lot twisting ankles laughing

laughing laughing dressed up dressed up like the Empire State Building laughing in Portland, Oregon big star around me laughing

laughing laughing In Portland, Oregon. Big star around me. All right, UK. We should do another UK thing. You know why, Chaley? Someone write this down. Because we need to start pimping fucking UK dates. What do you mean we should do another UK thing?

What does that mean? You know, the early riser of funny business when we do it with the thing. Happy Hour. UK Happy Hour? Yeah, let's do that sooner rather than later. Yeah, let's do that

later this week. Yeah. Let's do it right now. That'll be fun. Come on! Bag it! Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, let's do it on Friday.

No, they need to know it's happening. I'm sorry about Raider. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, let's do it on Friday. No, they need to know it's happening. I'm sorry about Raider. I'm sorry. I have no idea what's up. Bingo says really bad words all the time. They're all meant for Raider, but Tracy gave me a shot. No, no, no.

One shot. But yeah, she'll watch movies and she'll just blurt out the worst thing you could say. No, really. I know. I have a problem. out the worst thing you could say. No, really. I know. I have a problem. Junior kind of has a bit about it, but the point is

we laugh at Bingo because she's a special person. I'm on the spectrum, okay? Get it fucking right. I'm not special. I'm on the spectrum. Only a retarded person would pretend to be on the spectrum.

I'm on the spectrum. Only a retarded person would pretend to be on the spectrum. We, uh, yeah. What was my point? Happy hour. Happy hour. This Friday. This Friday?

Yep. Today's Tuesday. Why don't we do it? This goes out Wednesday. Why can't we do it Saturday during the footy? All right. You can do whatever you want. No, I'm sorry. You can do whatever you want. No, I'm sorry. I don't have contacts in, so you've been a blur, and I've been high,

and I've noticed that I've been walking around without my glasses all day, and I can't see shit, and I don't care. I don't need to see shit, but right now I need to read your face where I thought maybe that would be fun for you because you like to watch the Premier the premier league because we're facing the other way i know but we could talk about it it's not really much to talk about yeah we can look up every now and

then and go hey wolverhampton is still the best team in the entire premier league all right however however you want to do it we'll do it wait i didn't get a game it, we'll do it. That's 8 a.m. What's 8 a.m.? What's your Friday? Why does Friday matter to your Saturday? Do you have days now? I'm saying it's 8 a.m. for us because we're going to be doing it UK afternoon. Yeah. Okay.

Well, I would say 6 a.m. Great. Whenever your footy starts. Yeah, I think F1 is this weekend too. Well, wait, actual thing here. Are we all getting the booster? There's no footy starts yeah I think F1 is this weekend too well wait actual thing here are we all getting the booster on Wednesday

yeah so Friday he might be knocked out better I got a booster that didn't do nothing to me no alright good to know

nothing and the other one knocked me down so on Patreon you'll get you'll get the notice through the Patreon portal

and let you know when we're doing the happy hour this week for the UK time. And we're going to talk to you. If you don't know how the happy hours work, we're talking to you. We talk about your fucking game or your suicide-iologies

or whatever the fuck what's going on. You can give us your latest news on the fucking necromicon fucking virus it's one of my favorite things to do i've met people that i've talked to you know in messaging and stuff that are really cool interesting people it's a neat fucking thing to do i like it so and i i that's when i find out what people's lives are like like i don't know what the fuck's going on in the uk right now i don't know if there's still like countries or counties and like i i know la is all fucked up i know i'm saying with the the

virus where they're shutting shit down like la when i was checking in next to someone who's going to la they're like oh if you're going to cal California, you have to have this and this and this. And I still have no idea what's going on in any given part of the world. I know here, fucking, we're overrun. And you know what? When you say fucking trust the science in Cochise County, which is 100,000 people for the entire county,

when you say trust the science, trust the guy you know that's doing this because the only time I've gotten anything that I took as fact were the the local people we know here at the hospital and our fucking guy at the Tucson hospital that works in the ICU and right now they're overloaded with beds. I just heard this, a friend of ours who works in the county got a call. You've got to know this story. Got a call. Hey, can you come in and cover a shift?

Because they're overrun and they don't have the staff. And the person said, no, I've been drinking. And they go, could you come in anyway? That's a true story. So, yeah, I believe that's not science involved. That shows you how fucked you are, because there's people waiting 48 hours to get to a real hospital. I just went to my v my annual va uh

appointment and the lady in there uh told me she said yeah all the hospitals are because she accidentally came in with her mask hanging down and talked to me for a minute she's like oh i'm sorry and i was like no i've gotten three fucking shots we're all right you know she's like she was the hospitals are full all my friends that work in the hospitals are fucking short handed, you know? So yeah, it's, that was who told me that same story was the doctor at the VA.

Yeah. I don't, I don't give a fuck about this science. I have to go down there. This is my new mask. Dig it? Nice. I love that one.

Nice. I just can't. That's why I like being in Arizona, because I feel safe having three shots, so I don't give a fuck. And so I just go into places with this in my pocket. And then if everybody else has one, then I can throw it on.

And if everybody else doesn't, then I'm like then all right. That's what we've had to do on the road. Like, we've been in every fucking time zone in this country on the road. And every different city, every different area has. If you're doing it, I'm doing it. I had to go ask for a face mask at Safeway because I forgot mine. Here?

Yeah. And I'm like, oh, shit. Everyone's still wearing masks in here. I go to the office. Can I get a face mask? Yeah. I'll give you one of those crinkly ones.

I can't believe how many people... I can't believe how many people are not selling cool face masks. It seems like it's past the time. Yeah, I think that happened already. It's not good. It seems like it's past the time. Didn't it happened already didn't happen you know that mess mess that i thought was done in 2003 that one is on the tv all the time between news i know i and then i know but i have the perfect t-shirt for that and i kept saying no well you can make it do they have a do they have a copper face mask

copper i was just saying that about my elbow like my like you wanted to like my whole elbow area just fucking hurts like just picking a suit up off the fucking yeah getting a hanger i know and i ignore everything like this forever and it goes away in a minute but i go i feel my elbow feels like i need one of those copper wraps you repeat a lie enough times listen to your body yes it says you need a copper wrap you need a copper wrap i have several a copper wrap. I have several starting at $39.99. You're good. He's good. But wait, there's more.

How about I just go lefty? I think we've had a podcast, and it was a pleasure because... Oh, wait, thank you? Thank you. Did you do... Oh. Yeah. I started to, but then you got a

role going with the usa today yeah yeah you should always have it yeah so uh awesome i want to say thank you to shelly uh canada she's a dentist who gave me her card when we were in houston and she said uh it was too late it was a free checkup for you guys in houston but i think she offered to you before but uh yeah anytime you're in Houston. But I think she offered to you before. But yeah, anytime you're in Houston. But I want to say thank you to Shelly Canada. See, that's one Shelly Canada thank you in Houston. I've gone to so many dentists.

And we were just talking about this again. Where I would get a coupon. When it's a broke comic, I'd get a coupon in the fucking nifty nickel mailer. And two different times, they would tell me that I had cavities in different teeth than the other one that I need to have filled. And I remember Bill Burr saying that. I don't know if we said this on the air,

but I remember an early Bill Burr hearing him on a podcast or an interview. And he's like, yeah, yeah. Well, my dad was a dentist and dentists are just like comics. It's like, how so? He goes, four out of five of them suck. I'm like, yeah, they're just like making shit up because they can. Well, again, go to a dentist. Well, thanks, they're just making shit up because they can. Again, go to a dentist. Thanks, Shelly Canada.

No smiles by Canada. We don't know. If you get your head shaved. And it's probably cheaper to drive to Houston for a free checkup than it is to get a checkup locally. So hang on to that. So hang on to that. We got a package from a guy known as James Inman,

the conspiracy squirrel on his Twitter. His name is Matt. He works for a company that has Kratom. I don't take it. I don't know what it is. But he gave me a bunch of Kratom that if anyone here here wants to try it um yeah kenny you'll do it i don't know what it is i don't know anything about it let's let's dare kenny to take all of it at once yeah no kenny's a definite liability issue at the very least andy's got a package

coming so uh yeah he'll get some andy was digging it yeah i think andy was doing it yes when he uh he had to yeah and then uh someone uh chase where issues with andy uh thursdays at nine uh right after laverne and shirley and chucky where were you where was flip schultz? Was that in? Dania Beach. Just outside of Fort Lauderdale. Someone gave us some mad honey from Nepal. I don't know. Worst anal lube that Dave Rader and I have tried.

But it's good in your tea. I guess. I don't know. I don't know what it is. You shouldn't have brought that up in your interview. Did you talk about the Nephileese hot toddy you two tried? I needed something between all the C words I was dropping. It's supposed to have some hallucinogenic properties, but I don't know.

Well, yeah. It's got a nice package. You're already hallucinating that it's a vagina yeah it's got a nice package you're already hallucinating that it's a vagina it's got a nice package it's male and uh on the road at the merch booth uh we get handed things all the time weird things uh and sometimes money you know and that's good this is the weirdest thing i've ever been handed um it was kind of a one of those handshake things and it was heavy it's a box of 22 bullets that you wanted me to give to you chad oh that that is a indeed a box of 22 bullets chaley with those. Each one hidden in his ass.

I got a message from this guy who told me that he actually had a bunch of boxes that he was going to bring and didn't make it to his storage. So you're lucky that you only had to mule. He ran out of gas on his way to the Capitol. Tiny box box thank you very much uh

for the 22. yeah yeah chile almost went on a plane with those yeah yeah that's uh they were in the merch bag one of the merch bags yeah that's that's probably worth 50 bucks right there on the black market right now and that's no shit I just wanted to make sure that they were what they said they were and there wasn't something else in there and then I'm like wait a minute it might not even be legal for me to travel with the bullets I don't know

that is true but one time somebody sent me something here and it was like a package of cookies or something that looked sealed and I went to eat one and I was like shit and then I realized oh there was some secret stuff down in there i wasn't supposed to throw you off you was eating packing peanuts popping paper popcorn literally popping paper once you start you can't stop Once you start, you can't stop.

So I will suck on every one of these bullets just to make sure they're not LSD. That's it for the thank yous. If you want to check out the dates, we've got a couple of 2022 dates, New York and Key West on the DougStato.com. Or you can check out the outside of the U.S. There's SoCal dates coming up. So be on the mailing list.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We have a project. I've got to tell Chad about my project coming up. Can I listen? Get on the mailing list. Yeah, well, I don't know. Oh, I know the project.

Yeah, but it's still with lawyers and shit and all that stuff it has to go through. I don't want to hear that stuff. Yeah. Well, I get updates going, I don't have any idea. Brian Hennigan is the CNN, cable news, Fox News, whatever.

We have a report of a school shooting and we're going to keep you clued in every hour that we have no idea what happened. And here's running commentary about no idea. Listen, we're going to go to so-and-so with what could possibly be happening. Here's a lawyer who has no idea also. Would you like to fight? I'll step back.

So, yeah. All back. So, yeah. All right. So stay tuned. I think I'm going to have to fucking be out of the playoffs and maybe the Super Bowl. I don't know. In a cold weather place to become the biggest star that's ever known to man. Tune in next week

where we'll have Dave Rader without a job, Chad Shank happily without a job, the Traleys trying to get a project done, Bingo Bingaman watching murder and telling you Okay okay bye-bye now សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្� Thank you.