The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #480: Stanhope Outs Chaille

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

Doug spills the beans on Chaille. Recorded Feb 7th 2022 on location in Chicago with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Bingo (@bingobingaman), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 LINKS -Helix Sleep - Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/stanhope - Helix is offering UP TO $200 off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners. Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/stanhope. BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Stageman Underwear - Stageman Underwear is ergonomically enhanced first layer gear for men. It's innovative design gently lifts the male genitals up and away from the legs for maximum performance and comfort. Go to www.Stageman.com and use Promo Code 'STANHOPE' to save 10% on your order. Keep the ear party pumping with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - https://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Need more Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo by EgglesterSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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Good night. Good night. Good night. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. I guess this is our first podcast from our undisclosed location that was supposed to be Chicago. And it's Chicago adjacent at best. It's not even suburbs. In the big

trucker's atlas, it doesn't come up in the Chicago... Like in the... Yeah, where they do the LA sprawl. Yeah, it doesn't even show up in the sprawl we're in the some barren wasteland and honestly i i prefer it to having traffic like chicago

but man i i mean i knew it was going to be cold when i first got here it was a high of 11 it was a high of 11 and a low of negative seven. And so today I think this is, I can't believe we've not podcasted since I've been here. Cause this is like 12 days. Yeah. But I've only had one. We had one in the bank.

Yeah. And I still don't know if we're going to put that one out. No, but I'm saying you must've done something last week or maybe. Well, we went on, we went on every other week because we had our ads schedule change

a little bit so that we could accommodate you being on set. That's what we're doing now. Just pandering to the man. We only do podcasts when... No, we still do stuff. I'm going to get some footage from shooting tomorrow and hopefully post that on Patreon.

Before we leave, we'll do another one, hopefully. It's your schedule. That's why we've set it up this way, so that the priority is getting your stuff done for the movie. I did pre-drink a bit for this podcast, as I always do.

I'm like, alright, I can't get into too much. You can't shit where you eat on a podcast because we're in a weird place. There's a lot of weird stories about where we are. We have not filmed much like any production. There's a lot of hiccups. And then there was weather issues. All right, we're finally on track. we had some screw-ups with some locations and then oh wait the governor declared a state of

emergency because of snow and that shut us down for two days and then they get back up so we haven't shot the day we flew into town 3,800 flights were canceled yeah before we got here and ours was one and i'd already been here a week yeah but i i mean i get here a week early to do whatever they you know i'd rather be here and be available for rehearsal table reads or this is not my fucking go-to game yeah i'm i'm not an actor i'm i i i mean i've filmed a bunch of shit but i never paid attention so yeah let me just know no one listens to you when you say i'm not an actor it's the old joke can you act no i can't all right we got a movie here whoa did you hear i just said yeah we heard you check heard you. Check out this script. It's a TV thing. You're a comic.

That's like saying, I'm a cook. Yeah, but can you farm? I tried to wedge a Hedberg line into this, but it was too clunky. There's a scene where the club owner's daughter picks me up and I say, she goes, are you the comic? And Hedberg is early days. He used to have a line. They say, are you a comedian?

I say, yeah, in some states. And I was going to say, yeah, it was like Hedberg said, but it just was too clunky for the scene. Anyway, so yeah, there was some issues. So I've been sitting around in a weird town and a weird hotel. And we'll get into it once they move my hotel and talk about the town, the history, and how it hasn't changed in 100 years. But, yeah, we're not anywhere near Chicago. And Hannigan was up here for the first week i don't know if we talked about this but before i ever came out here michael bean says

i i want to read the script and they read the script and then he said yeah and we we talked about this on a podcast where i said i i'm worried about how I'm going to like meet out my alcohol because I don't ever work sober. Like I don't even do podcasts or interviews sober. But the things we did film, I'm like, yeah, I don't need a drink during any of this. That's not been an issue so but you're but you're like totally the opposite because you know exactly what it takes to get you on staff to walk out on stage yeah and you don't you eat at the same time before the show you start drinking at the same time before the show and it's not beer bongs and fucking doing bongs. To work for an hour.

It is two cocktails to get on stage to have one more cocktail. Or four. Yeah. Or, you know, whatever it is. Yeah. Not all towns are the same. The more I watched my specials gradually, no refunds is so fucking annoying for me to watch because I have a beer and I'm smoking so and the beer

takes a lot of motion like now i drink cocktails out of a cocktail straw i can take a quick sip it doesn't ruin the timing as badly and i was made it less so when i watch that i'm like oh forget my point which is gonna it's the same with while you're uh you're not doing preparatory drinking while you're shooting you can move that yeah you should probably get closer closer uh but that's all in preparation to do an hour. So when you're, I'm prepared to do 16 hour shoots, but I, yeah, I haven't felt any compunction to drink.

Part of the reason that I would drink on stage that I do drink on stage is because you're saying the same shit every night and it does reanimate it to an extent. the same shit every night and it does reanimate it to an extent and it it makes my mind notice things that or or or riff things that i wouldn't otherwise uh see i can't get into that there's a scene in here that represents that perfectly and i i can't wait i I have a moleskin audible shout out to audible. After we did the last no encore for the doggie, they sent us all moleskins with our names personalized engraved on them. And so I'm like,

I'm taking like random late night falling asleep jokes about just weird shit that's going on here that I would never remember otherwise. Like the blatant stuff but like all right just those weird people in the bar and the thing that happened with the that are so so yeah when you're shooting a film yeah you have to remember three sentences of a bit and then you shoot it and then you have an hour while they recalibrate the cameras and battery packs and all that so yeah i don't i don't feel like drinking's an issue anymore xanax is a savior so i sleep with a xanax and then i can i wake up calm i don't panic uh

but i don't i don't know why i had to find this out through Brian Hennigan, who was here for the first week. Oh, that's where I was going. Michael Biehn, when he first read the script, he's like, and now he's going to be in the movie, as far as we know. He goes, yeah, I like the script. I submitted myself for this part. I'm like, all right. I don't know if we talked about it. That was the first you heard of it, when he said, I like the script. I submitted myself for this part. I'm like, all right.

I don't know if we talked about it. That was the first you heard of it when he said, I had already submitted? Yeah. And that's when it got in the ring? Yeah. And then he goes, yeah, I submitted myself for this part, but he had the wrong name. And I'm like, you can't play that. That guy's a 40-year-old guy.

He turned out he had the wrong name. Right. Right part, wrong name. Yeah. Right part. Yeah. He told me the wrong name he right i said right part wrong name yeah right yeah he told me the wrong character i know that character is a 40 year old up-and-coming phenom comedian you really think he can play that i thought he was fucking with me yeah and then after a long awkward discourse of no i can play that it says you're contemporary like uh Does he really think he can play a 40-year-old?

And then he goes, wait, I get the wrong name. I meant the part of Mikey. I'm like, you fucked up the name and that's your name. It's Mikey. It's ridiculous. So, yeah, he's in a movie playing.

Yeah. And that's not till the end, I think. But he said, listen, I guess you're not going to give up the sauce for this. Listen, I'm just telling you from experience, because he's got a checkered past as far as. He's been in the game a long time. Yeah, and having just done The Mandalorian, he he's still i think death at one point said i've never done a movie sober uh and he's like basically he goes listen i'm telling you from experience

if you're gonna drink don't be drunk on the set you can talk back you can fucking didn't he just tell us he punched a director in the face like a famous director oh that's hennigan would know he's the one who's saying yeah he told us on the phone he he punched it he goes you can fucking you can refuse to do a line but if you're drunk on this set anything goes wrong they're gonna blame on you being drunk which i it's one of these long uh he's i love michael bean but he tells me shit i know when he's telling me listen here's how the production is gonna work when we first got here and like yeah it's kind of fucked up he's like yeah no you know what when they first start they're gonna go like everyone's gonna the director's gonna be fucking worried about this and the producer and and you're on speakerphone and you're like yeah and he goes

always ends with but i'm probably telling you stuff you already know and i go yeah but the good thing is you make it long-winded fuck you all right fuck you click uh so he was saying, yeah, don't drink. Don't be drunk and make it a problem because they'll blame it on you. But what I'm getting to circuitously, why did I have to find out from Brian Hennigan? Well, he was up here for the first week. He was worried I needed to be watched. up here for the first week he was worried i needed to be watched being are you gonna have the the what the trick change greg in the trailer are they coming you shouldn't be alone he thought i'd spiral out fucking just sit here drink myself into fucking leaving las vegas so brian came out

which is fine uh but then i found out from brian why didn't you just tell me yourself, Jaylee? Tell you what? I noticed signs. You know, I try to ignore things in relationships. I try to, you know, we're together, but we have our separate lives. But Brian Hennigan told me that you hadn't drank in over 100 days. I saw telltale signs there was non-alcoholic beer in the refrigerator in the funhouse.

And I wonder who brought this shit here. And Tracy said, oh, that's Greg's because, you know, I thought because he had to do so many podcasts, he didn't drink on some of them. But now I find out from Henneken, oh, yeah, he's over 100 days with it. And now it's going to be like 106 days. You didn't want to tell me?

Tell you what? Oh, did Tracy throw you off by using a fake name to say who the non-alcoholic beers belong to? Who this Greg guy is, but shaley won't like him yeah how do you feel have you talked about this i feel am i the last to know you are certainly the last to know so this is on issues with andy no you're the last to know in the group of this room well podcast other than that no one else i don't go around telling everyone what I'm doing. I remember it was one of the – In fact, I'm not very comfortable bringing this up here.

I was hoping it was something other than this. I was going to ask. I remember – Fucking Hannigan. Big mouth Hannigan. Jesus. I think it was like Paul Verzi, one of those guys. I just got to know about all these guys during COVID,

during lockdown, quarantine, whatever. There's a bunch of comics that I like, all right, I'm going to watch new comics. And I don't know, Sam Orr, someone, I think it was Verzi, like just someone, because I was going to try to fucking quit smoking for a minute. And he's like, I saw a tweet i i wish all these people that went sober would just fucking shut the fuck up and not tweet about how sober or not smoking

they were something that wasn't directed at me but i i heard the message and i respected you for that but uh the fact that i didn't notice not at at all. I did not notice once, even with finding all the telltale signs of you cheating on me. You know, it's funny because when Hannigan asked me when I was in Vegas for that convention a couple weeks ago, we were driving around and he said something because he noticed immediately. He did. He noticed right away. When he came down to Bisbee, he said something. he noticed immediately he did he noticed right away when when he came to uh when he came down to bisbee yeah he said something uh what what happened he like caught something within the first two minutes he was in the room with me he goes hey are you not drinking and i'm like uh no like how the fuck because i might have just said something like oh uh give me the

unflavored soda. It was like, wouldn't, wouldn't tip anything. He immediately went, are you not drinking? And I'm like, what the fuck?

How did he fucking. But that's what I felt like. Like I should have noticed. That's what I told him in Vegas. I go, I don't think I'm almost a hundred days. I don't think Doug even knows yet. I would bet.

No idea. He took care of that. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing because you're always busy. So I just assume, like if you're not drinking, it's because you're going to be drinking later because

I drink early a lot when we're home and I have nothing to do. You guys are just coming to the fun house when I'm falling down. So I assume you're drinking when I don't see you, but like you never seemed like more or less fun. None taken. I don't know if that's what I'm saying. I don't know if that's offensive or I thought you were having fun on different hours than me.

Nope. Just this. This is it. Eating some weed. Yeah. After 100 days, I was doing some edibles. I'm not really good on weed or anything, but the edibles, if I just take, I mean, I'm taking five milligrams. Yeah.

And that puts me in a nice, like like go to sleep kind of like laying there which is nice and i don't need to but it feels i don't need to i don't have a problem this is the new chile i gave up drinking i don't have a problem with weed though i can quit any time we're just talking about how quick like bingo like at the tail end of her sentence is the period, and then a snore. Yeah. I mean, it's that quick. We were talking about how I can do that. But, like, I don't need to take weed to go to sleep.

But I do like the way it just kind of comes of the script that are like my stand-up, where they have stand-up in there that they expected me to rewrite to my own accord. And I got here, well, I'm going to be alone in a hotel, and I can write all this shit. But the best writing I've done, where where i enjoy writing has been on edibles and i'm like i wasn't going to travel with any and then after that week of sitting here alone was up then i find out oh wait we's legal in illinois check well where we are there's there's oh i'm sure it's not close yeah we're in a town that there's two blocks that have sidewalks like you could like we have a thrift store less than a mile away but you'd have to walk through a graveyard covered in stone literally there's literally only two blocks a fucking sidewalk so it wasn't till day five or six that i was even curious

enough to walk to the second block there's a restaurant when it was fucking three degrees i called bingo bingo's here now but for that first i called bingo i go you know what you know what it is here three she goes no it's like she thought i'm at the time i go no it's three degrees and i had to walk 115 steps i counted how i like i don't think i can make it just to the diner next door to get breakfast. It was that cold. So it was like six days in, five days in, where I went, I'm going to, it's almost 30. I'm going to walk all the way, and then I get past the second block. Oh, there's a gas station.

I'll just grab one of those tuna travel packs, go back to my room and eat that. Anyway, yeah, it's i but i could have been fucking sitting in this room eating edibles and writing my ass off and liking it i've been writing my ass off i was gonna say we just did the read today i i the first time is i read it i read the script and i haven't really heard any of it because i wasn't at the table reads in Bisbee. But today, I mean, all the stuff that you're adding to it is more in your voice than what was there, obviously. But at the same time, it's like it's very comfortable. It sounds like you talking.

Yeah, but to write like that and enjoy it. It's the difference between, listen, I'm just going to jerk off in the shower for stress relief. And then should I use soap? Should I get on my knees to get it right in the drain? Or having porn where I go, I actually enjoy masturbating rather than having it be some filthy release. I'm actually enjoying just the motions. And so, yeah. So all the things I rewrote were anger jacking into a fucking coffee can.

Leaned over to hit the drain. Yeah. This isn't even comfortable or relaxing. Well, I mean, hang on, because Tracy brought this up and I love talking shit about Hennegan because he doesn't

listen to our podcast well no it's just when we you guys you guys did my laundry I put out a tweet oh no no it's when Hennegan did my laundry I put out the tweet

but I didn't say because he does look at twitter but he doesn't look at my podcast he doesn't listen um he did my laundry you guys did my laundry yesterday we did we did laundry and yours was included yeah the point is that and i thank you for that but hennigan was doing laundry. Hannigan tries to be you. Like he got me duct taped, duct taped the fucking do not disturb. I don't know if you're travelers out there or if any comics listen to this. The fucking just sheer frustration of every time you open your hotel door and the do not disturb the dangly kind flies off the door. And then you have to get down and pick it up. You know, motherfuckers fix this.

This shouldn't. Hannigan got me duct tape to duct tape down like you do with gaffer tape. He got me actual duct tape and he tries residue. He tried to be the Chaley, but he didn't have a car. So it had to be like he tries really hard like because the michael bean thing and someone needs to watch me i don't need to be watched but you know what uh when you guys are here i like to be watched hennigan just it feels like the kids that's playing my kid i feel like oh i need to take care of you.

You've never done a film before. Well, I filmed like three things. So I will be your mentor and your dad. He's like, I'm doing some laundry. Like right now. If you want to do some laundry. And when you guys were doing my laundry yesterday, Tracy brings up that time in Traverse

City where I sharted and I went to go wash and she already had a load of laundry unstarted yeah about to start so I started the tub was just filling and you heard that and said oh I'll throw mine in no I think yours was whatever was, I think yours was already in there but you hadn't started it. Either way, I chucked my short stage mans before they were stage mans. I would not shard a stage man, but I said that

before. I sharded my underpants and I put, and Tracy really did go ballistic the same way Sal Volcano would go ballistic if you sneezed in his face and went ha ha ha

no he didn't laugh and she didn't laugh uh well Hennigan do you have any laundry and I've been here a week but I still have three pairs of socks two pairs of underpants. But one of them

I had used as a fucking spiritual cum sock. It's still wet. Oh, God. I'm trying to figure out hey, let me put it in a bag for you or something.

Making sure everything's turned right side out so you didn't try to turn... You put a thumb in that. You washed a fucking acrid cum sock, Mr. Henke. Yay! Oh, my goodness. He does get it. He earns his money. I mean, his percentage.

No, he dictates that he should have to dip a thumb in the cum spot. Yeah, his percentage. And not complain. He should snowball my load into a cum sock. Snowballing. There's a good line for that fucking one bit about she used to grind in a Yeah. Snowballing.

Oh my God. Yeah. Water sports. No one gets, I'll change that to. Yeah. No, that doesn't really work for anyway. Yeah. Yeah.

Nah, that doesn't really work for... Anyway, yeah. I'm trying to... Let's take a break so I can piss, smoke a bit of a cigarette, see if Chaley... Maybe we have to do some... Yeah, no, we must have to do. Yeah, we got reads.

I'll wait for this. Yeah, we got reads. Yeah, we got reads. Oh, wait for this. Yeah, please hold. Helix Sleep. Oh my God. If I could do this podcast in a Helix Sleep mattress, they say you do one third of your life as a chale. One third of your life is spent in bed. No, only if you're slacking. You can do 14, 16 hours. You just need the right mattress. A mattress is really the most important focal point of your life. That's what Helix mattress is all about. Helix Sleep has a quiz that takes just two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you. You don't even have to think. Everybody's unique,

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I get up and go, wow, I've held this piss for so long. My bladder has stretch marks. Octomom, it has to. And Tracy saying, yeah, on the script they should put one of your epic

pisses into it. And I go, I think that's been done. I know the belch has been done in like Revenge of the Nerds, the longest belch, the longest piss. But yet, there's so many things I could add to any road movie about a fucking old road comic.

You go, alright. I'm not going to pile. They wrote the fucking script. I'm like rewriting my parts a lot but i mean you're rewriting something in your voice or something you feel like something that happened to you and it's certain it's one thing writing gags yeah i find myself the more i drink like all right all right this does i'm writing my own movie now just fucking rewrite the shit that's in there they know how long this should be timed out i rewrite the bit to make it fit how many paragraphs that is or sentences uh but it we start hard tomorrow like we've had a lot of

time off and now we start hard tomorrow the person who plays my ex-girlfriend the one that got away I'm not going to tell you but you will be very happy to see I'm very happy to see who's playing my ex-girlfriend

it was a coup and it's perfect. And I look forward to it. And it is a movie about alcoholism. Obviously, we've gone over that. But Greg Chaley, you're not an alcoholic, but you have stopped drinking for however long you want to. How do you feel different?

Because we just did this table read and the longest I'm sober in this movie is a short amount of time. After a hundred and something days, which is I think a year or a mile or a furlong. In Doug years?

Yeah, it's a long time. Because, I mean, I have seen you be very happy on some of our podcasts where we're just fucking off we have hey yeah let's just knock one out right now click the button and we had a fucking bunch of fun yeah and you're getting a lot of shit done for me and probably other people and uh yeah you seem in good spirits yeah why are you surprised well i'm just saying how do you feel physically after fucking i feel good almost four months yeah four months i didn't that that has to go back to when we were on the road that was two tours yeah he was on the road

yeah florida texas didn't notice. That's how good I am at it. Well, the fake beers, it's kind of like a slight of hand at that point. It is one of those things where being in the bar, it's nice to, you know, drink when everyone else is drinking. Yeah. And the non-alcoholic beer, I'm not just drinking pedestrian, giving what you got. I actually researched and found a really good tasting beer. I like the taste of beer. Yeah, I did that a few times.

We're at no duels. Okay, this is a pacifier. This is a placebo effect. And it worked. That's what I was writing that into that scene where I quit drinking on stage but I'm drinking bottled water

and I'm ordering another because I'm drinking them so fast. I'm not drunk enough to do a set. Can I get another one of these waters? I did notice that I took a step back, but I'm like, was I drinking real beer as fast as I'm drinking this non-alcoholic beer? And I was like, oof. Because I could put them away.

I have to say, ah, come on. You're in here by yourself editing drinking non-alcoholic beer now the reason that you got a non-alcoholic beer is no longer here to be in a social situation you're drinking non-alcoholic beer by yourself in the dark editing you've got a problem how how much more annoying are me and all the other drunks do you stay away from drunks on purpose because uh not any more than usual i mean i don't really spend a lot of time up well on the road and stuff on the road like are you like all right this is i need a drink i usually don't drink

i mean for the past couple of years i've drank very the only time i was drinking was if we had a pajama gig where we had um the hotel if you haven't read the book is where you're in the same hotel like casinos yeah you can go from the gig to the elevator to the hotel is in the same building. So on those, we've got a day off the next day and not driving. By the way, New York City. Yeah, that was a pajama gig. The best gig I've ever had in New York City.

The club is still open, but the hotel is shut down. Is that COVID-based? Yeah, because of COVID. We're not opening until after Doug Stanhope's gone. We're ruining this for Doug Stanhope. There's the announcement on there. We're not painting this place and then have a Doug Stanhope show up. He's going to walk through Times Square and fucking eat it.

That was the best. The only time I ever enjoyed New York City was the last time where I could just take the fucking elevator down to the basement, go on stage, and take the elevator back up. But the Sony Music Hall

or whatever it's called, that's where you... I think that's the show. I don't remember the names. No, no, that's the one coming up. I remember Enjoyment. I remember Convenience. No, no, that's the one coming up. I remember Enjoyment. I remember Convenience. And Hawaii, that was a great gig.

And that's like Hawaii's going to, I don't know if we ever put Hawaii up, but we were going to do the same Hawaii gig we did last time in 2019, December. And yeah, they're Blue Note. Blue Note. Yeah. Jazz Club. Yeah, they're owned by the same people hawaiian or run by it's a it's a it's a franchise it's uh international actually yeah oh that's the same people that are doing the one in new york okay yeah so oh i i don't know

anything that's going on and i'm really happy that. I'm sure I'll be doing bits about that. I spent so many years trying to, hey, wake up, motherfuckers. And now I'm going, go back to sleep. Because now all the people that are woke up are fucking dumb as shit. And they think they have an opinion or know one way or the other when there's a thousand ways to know yeah just fucking live your life turn off the news bingo has been watching the news for the last like couple months she's like i'm watching cnn and so on and so i'm getting my news from bingo that's where's the newser i go on newser.com and that's where i get

and then that's where they have like yeah you have it's uh read less no more and just yeah so yeah the capital instruction and uh fucking this dog with three legs just did. I did a rod or something. The same. And then they always tell you, this is how you fucking remove earwax, grotesque pictures. And Clint Eastwood is dead. It tells me Clint Eastwood is dead or fucking just the clickbait shit. I'm getting my news from the same fucking source that's telling me that fucking Kylie Jenner and Ellen DeGeneres are breaking out

with the fucking actual truth. Like, just garbage, lie, fucking... Yeah, just don't... I get my news from Bingo, and it's more accurate than fucking newser.com. Read less, no more Bingo. And she's right.

She's right. She gets the stories right, but it puts her in a panic state. What? The news. Yeah. Bingo just woke up out of a slumber. Sorry.

I just poked a hibernating bear. The news there. Um, from Pennsylvania. Oh, sorry. She's muttering, I hate that guy from Pennsylvania like she just came out of a dream state. The Pennsylvania, and he's

an exorcist, and he's got horns. He's chasing me. He's chasing me with a hatchet. Okay, get out. Whatever's fucking up your head right now, it doesn't matter what it is. We all think that we're alone in our mental illness,

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Join over 1 million people who've taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp, Over 1 million people have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash Stanhope. Now you have no excuses. You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Are you losing weight? Yeah, that's the thing. I thought I blamed a lot of things on liquor.

And it turns out after not drinking liquor for a while, it's not the liquor. Turns out you got to stop shoving food in your face if you want to lose weight. Yeah. And other things, too, like medical things and stuff stuff like that my high cholesterol and stuff like that was trying to i just had another test and things are down to normal which you know i think that's part of it but i don't think alcohol had that much to do with a lot of the things i thought was the problem it's not this kid that that's playing my kid he's basically playing himself and he's a 21 year old fledgling stand-up comic and he's saying yeah like one of the breaks we had union breaks fuck unions uh we ate at mcdonald's and he's like yeah i i don't know because i i don't like to

because i worry about all the. And then like one time I called them about, hey, I want to change this part in the script. Sorry, I was at the gym. Like you're 21 years old. You go to a gym because you're not 21 years old anymore. Why would you go to a gym and a doctor when you're 21? And I went to the dentist and they're like, oh, your pockets are like number threes. It should be threes, but they're fours.

Like, why at 21 years old, who fucking goes to the doctor? Who has health insurance when you're, unless you're in school or something, right? Again, he's playing himself. He is. His dad's like kind of a Chicago comedian, a local legend. I think he's playing himself in the movie. He's playing a well-to-do kid who's fuck off med school. Mom, you can't tell me what to do. I'm going to go do comedy with this old fucking the guy that bred me accidentally uh but yeah so he's going to the doctor i don't i still don't

understand why you go to the doctor if nothing hurts uh does anyone bring their car in for a tune-up anymore is that just people of your age oh get a tune-up yeah get an oil change but a tune-up anymore? Is that just people of your age? Oh, get a tune-up. Yeah, get an oil change, but a tune-up is basically why you go to a doctor, right? Get a tune-up on a tour van. What do they do to it? Tune it up. Change all the fluids. They check all our fluids.

That's an oil change. Not necessarily. That's like hydrating. That's hydrating. I understand that's healthy. Hydrating. But what? You're going to get your fucking polyps removed from what? You're going to get them to check. If a polyp isn't fucking hurting you, all right, you have issues with Andy.

Now, hold on. I got my colonoscopy, what, three years ago, four years ago? Oh, man. Yeah, I did that because at the age of 52, 52 53 they like you to go in there and do it and they can find things in there early on in in your 50s that will take care of it i mean that's one of the things they catch early is uh colon cancer yeah i mean this goes back to travis lipsky fake science how. How do you know what cancer looks like? I don't know if you remember Travis Lipsky talking about fucking, yeah, you're going to trust a doctor. But yeah, Costa Rica Kevin, he would, yeah, he had some fucking thing burned off.

He was 30 years old and they told him it was precancerous. I know this through dentists where I would go to the dentist rarely. And now I'm missing a lot of teeth that you can't see because they're not in the aesthetic zone because I did end up having periodontal disease. periodontal disease but i would go to dentists when i was a road comic and sometimes i'd get a value pack coupon pack they used to send you and it would give you a cheap deal to go to a dentist and i go okay your first visit is 20 bucks and three different dentists over a course of many years saw oh you have a cavity in this tooth and then you don't have insurance well fuck you I can't pay that

and then I'd go to the next dentist three years later oh yeah cavity in the other tooth but they didn't mention it to the other guy yeah and I want to bring it back. Like if you went to a dentist and you had like the first examination and, Oh, thank you.

Anyway, the point is they all pointed out cavities and things that. Their own cavities without acknowledging the other dentists. Yeah. I remember listening to a, Bill Burr was a guest on a podcast where whoever the host was, this is years ago. He goes, yeah,

my dad's a dentist. And he said, you know, dentists are like comics. And whoever the host was said, what do you mean? He goes, you know,

four out of five of them suck. Immediately thought of all these dentists that I got with a coupon, the value pack. Yeah. And they all pointed out fucking cavities. I should have filled. And they all had the wrong teeth. So,

yeah, I don't know how you can trust doctors and that's when this whole trust science and i go well yeah i do more than fucking talk radio i trust science but i've never trusted doctors just like the guy in the strip mall. I never trusted him. So why would I trust? Well, because that doesn't put me out. A free fucking vaccination doesn't put me out. Is it going to cause autism?

Too late. Whatever. I don't give a fuck. And if you're wearing a mask, I'll wear a mask. When in Rome, I don't want to offend anyone in my off time i do that on stage if i want to fuck but i don't have no point of view and i don't know how you would ever trust i you get fucked over so much with your c-pap machine was it the c-pap you got fucked

yeah there was a admin issue there but but if you if you asked me, like right now, if I had to pay any amount of money that they're charging to get the machine to be able to have the sleep that I have now, the quality of sleep and the restfulness that I have, I would pay out of pocket. In fact, I'm getting a smaller machine and I called the place where I got the one that I have to pay $11 a month. That's my co-pay, right? And I go, hey, I want to get this other one. She goes, we don't sell that one here. And I go, well, I just wanted, is that something that I can get from someone else if I can't get it from you and stuff like that? She goes, yeah, that's not covered by insurance and we're not equipped to take cash. by insurance and we're not we're not equipped to take cash so they won't even broker a deal if i came in there with a thousand dollars and said i want this machine but i would still go and find it

to do it i'm not worried about it being covered by insurance that was a serious problem you had a problem that you went to a doctor to address how do you know that you're not getting fucked over by, oh, yeah, that spot is precancerous. So we're going to build your insurance. Don't worry. It's not going to cost you a thing. It won't cost you anything. You're just going to have to sit there where we put acid on all these fucking spots. And don't worry. you're just a conduit between us and the insurance. Like, if it's not a fucking problem, don't fix it. Sure. You don't know.

You never know. But I mean, you have to, I mean, there's certain times in our advanced age, Doug, that you should go in and see the doctor to check things like a colonoscopy. Like Andy, it's like this problem could have gone back years. We don't know. But he actually did catch it in time because it had not spread.

Hang on. Andy went to the doctor because he had a problem. Yes. He was vomiting all the time. He didn't go in for a checkup where they say hey costa rica kevin but he had this costa rica kevin wasn't doing a trade out with blow like in the old days he might have yeah he went in just for a checkup this 21 year old kid is going in and he's terrified of eating mcdonald's what you Eating McDonald's, well, you should be probably, but still. Because it stinks so good.

How do you, like when it's, when that is the incentive for you to go to the doctor is because they might catch something. Fear. Exactly. And with vaccinations, yeah, it doesn't cost me anything I don't care jab something into my arm I'm eating McDonald's happily I just wanted to take advantage of my union

break fuck unions there's been so many shoots I've been on whatever where everyone's like let's just fucking power through this we can't the union won't let us like we're on a roll everyone involved would say let's just keep going no unions yeah fuck unions that's we run into that in we were doing the convention out here with my brother for years

at chicago poof at the rosemont center. It, I mean, there's a carpet union, the electric union, the riggers union, the signage guys that is just fucking insane. And if you don't like, you have to do things that require facilities when they're ready. But us, since we're not union, we're working for ourselves. We worked through the fucking night. Then we work five nights, five days, full days, and then break it all down and pack it in a truck and leave.

And it's because we're motivated to get things done because it's our business. It's our stuff. We don't need someone telling us, hey, you know, you should take it easy. No, we need to get this fucking done. Yeah, what we do at St. Louis will be, you can tell when it's a union break because you walk by something and there's just a pile of shit laying on the floor that somebody was carrying and they just drop it they literally just drop it and go yeah no you you had that experience with hedberg when he's having an out of control show when you work

those theaters another reason that was the not only did phoenix that was also an issue where you get to get them off stage no no no that was in uh in seattle because that's when we were miked up and it was mayhem yeah like he's gonna go five minutes over you're gonna have to pay fucking double time i did have an infiel a guy not with head bring it didn't know with him with me i got this remembering all right no you're misremembering we worked at fucking comedy club yeah i i i understand unions started out with the best of intentions and then yeah absolute power corrupts absolutely and then you can't find j't find Jimmy Hoffa and it goes on and on. And then they elect presidents because they tell you what to think, which goes on into a bunch of shit that I don't want to talk about because I

don't have opinions. I'm filming a movie. I have my lines for tomorrow. I got this shit down. And we're going to tell you so much more shit once we're out of here. Or at least off of this specific location and to another location. Am I in trouble? You can't.

I just heard that I've been sleeping. You don't. No, no, you're fine. Did I do something wrong? Bingo, you did nothing wrong. No, no, you're fine. Did I do something wrong? No, you did nothing wrong. No, no, you're fine. You don't Yelp review the restaurant before your fucking entree comes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get the fuck out of the restaurant and then tell everyone what you think.

So we will talk to you next week. I really do enjoy the Chaley's being here. I don't know if it's good that I didn't notice that Chaley hasn't drank since October or whatever. October 6th. October 6th. I just remember it as after Panamint with issues. Right after Panamint with Issues.

After you were... Oh, yeah. I did hear about Panamint where you were out of control in your own viewpoint. According to you. Which was having fun. Exactly. Smiling a lot. Yeah, and that's what I

go, fuck, I miss Chaley smiling. Yeah, you did. It's like a harvest moon. It was. A blue moon. A blue moon. All right, I'm going to go act like I am an old, washed-up alcoholic who chain smokes and is dying of liver failures so if you have any kind of tips of how i could do this better tweet at me at doug stanhope.com and i will not

respond to you for at least a month because fuck twitter my twitter is output only. I'm not reading things. I'm not getting your text messages. I'm not responding to emails because I am a true professional and you do nothing but depress me if you say one bad word it's going to screw up my lines all

day. So I'll get back to you soon. Thumbs up to Chaley. Hey, bingo. You just came out of a fucking hibernation grizzly bear go take us out of here okay bye bye now សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.