The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #494: Magic Biehns

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

Doug welcomes Michael Biehn (The Terminator, Tombstone, Aliens, The Abyss) and his wife Jennifer Blanc-Bieh (Dark Angel, Party of Five, The Victim) back to the FunHouse. Michael Biehn on the Tonight S...how - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lDESEUWdcg  Recorded June 5th, 2022 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Michael Biehn (@BiehnReal), Jennifer Blanc-Biehn (@jenniferblancb), Chad Shank @HDFatty), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Helix Sleep - Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/stanhope - Helix is offering UP TO $200 off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners. Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/stanhope. Stay in the loop with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - https://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 BetterHelp. I love BetterHelp. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp Customized Online Therapy. Listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash Stanhope. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash Stanhope. Helix Sleep. Big shout out today to Helix Sleep. Take their two-minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Find your perfect mattress at helixsleep.com slash Stanhope. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. And long time coming.
Starting point is 00:00:50 We have Michael Bean finally back in town while I'm back in town, along with Chad Shank and the Traley's. Right on. And, of course, Mrs. Bean on the bed. We have the bed in the fun house because we're redoing the little house. And I think I'm going to keep it and fuck those old guys. What? What?
Starting point is 00:01:11 What? Oh! I knew it was for some nefarious purpose, but that's not the one that I get. When football starts. For starters. I just had to get it out of the way because of the painting and the flooring. But no, neighbor Dave and Fred, they come for football. All right, come on in.
Starting point is 00:01:32 Hello. Yeah, 730 is a long way from now. How about 630? No, that's us. 630 podcast. But make yourself at home on the patio. There's sloppy joes out there and patio. There's Sloppy Joe's out there and snacks and
Starting point is 00:01:46 there's probably no cocktails. But we'll figure it out. Tracy, can you run out there? I'll go take orders. Anyway, so thank you, Tracy. See, we're doing karaoke after this and I told people about 7.38 we'll be done in the
Starting point is 00:02:03 podcast. So, yeah, that's why I just called bingo. I go, do you think you could sit out there? Because people are going to show up early and you can police it. And she goes, I wasn't going to come. So anyway, but yeah, the old men's row during football is Fred, who's 80, and Dave, who might as well be 80. And they get the back row right where the bed is now. And I'm like, this bed is great. I could sit in bed and watch five TVs of different
Starting point is 00:02:30 games. So I bought new bar stools, really good ones so they can sit at the bar. Fuck them. While you lay in bed? Yeah. Well, three of us can lay in bed. We can figure out how to... Well, you and neighbor Dave.
Starting point is 00:02:45 Neighbor Dave and I and his CPAP, his oxygen. Daniel's going to lay in the bed. He's going to throw chicken bones to the peasants while he lays there watching football. I wasn't talking about you being old yet. But every time with Bean, every conversation is also trivia. Here we go. It's the same bit. He's been doing it for two years on me.
Starting point is 00:03:14 Yeah, but not on the podcast. You haven't? You didn't? Maybe we did. Your memory is worse. Your long-term memory is worse than my short-term memory. So you don't remember a lot of shit. I just tweeted suddenly, I remember more of the 90s than I do of the last 20 years.
Starting point is 00:03:34 Actually, you know, whenever I bring up a reference from the 80s or 90s, you always have it down. So you do remember that. You just don't remember shit when it has to do with me for some reason. I'm not sure what that's all about. Like when you went on Adam Carolla and said, yeah, what? You're Michael Biehn's son? What? I had no idea.
Starting point is 00:03:56 Michael Biehn's son works for the Adam Carolla show. Six times. Like I wouldn't be bragging on any of my children. No. What you probably told me is you go, my son works in radio or podcast. You know the guy, the tall guy with the hammer? And I would go, yeah, and then I would just give up.
Starting point is 00:04:14 What probably happened is you said, my son works, and he just tuned you out after those words. I think that happens a lot. I only do that with children that aren't adults. The rest of his kids are adults. I assume that you just want to assume, you know, whatever. I don't care what it is. The seven-year-old, I tune out any story about that.
Starting point is 00:04:41 Well, I had to, you know, talk to my son and, you know, because he is one of my children and I am proud of him. And I had to tell him. I fucking told Doug like five times. So, but he's not the kind of guy that you talk to about your children. He's not that guy. No, I mean, the adult ones, the ones, the actor in London and another one just went through some fucking problems. And yeah, yeah, yeah. Marital.
Starting point is 00:05:13 Marital. And yeah, mother wouldn't let you come home early for karaoke last time because you never visit for long enough. Because you never visit for long enough. And I know she, her wife, Jen, was trying to make you go directly from whatever gig you were at and skip seeing your mother so she could sing karaoke. That's what happened. But we did stop 15 minutes before we got to Lake Havasu where she lived. She, a friend of hers called her up. I tested fucking positive.
Starting point is 00:05:42 She had lunch with her the day before. I tested positive for covid my mom's 92 nurse practitioner she's like yeah get the fuck away from me 15 minutes 15 minutes out of lake albansu five hour drive all right all right both brothers go fuck yourself that was a smart plan of you to say that your friend got COVID. That was ingenious. It almost worked. We were going to, since we put the bed in here, we were going to do, I think, one of our first podcasts or near the beginning we did. It was called Pillow Talk Podcast.
Starting point is 00:06:21 It was Bingo's sister. And we had a very small motel room in montana so there's no place to set so we go we'll just do it in bed so it's me and her laying in bed and chad at the foot of the bed and i was in bed with yeah chile's in bed with the recording and the cans on with the the mixer on his chest and it was really funny times Great times, weren't they? Well, that's one of the reasons I bought that stupid chair to go beside the bed. I was going to do pillow talk with you and I in bed and have Chad Shank in that third chair as the co-host. Cold co-host.
Starting point is 00:06:58 I just have to watch. What happened is... Inside bed. At least you're not an old man. I don't even get a microphone. You're an old man. You end up in the bed. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:07 He did say... Mrs. Bean told me, oh, you have to find this on YouTube. Michael Bean is on Jay Leno with Richard Simmons as the secondary guest. And if you're listening, look it up. It's so fucking funny because Richard Simmons had been the first guest.
Starting point is 00:07:27 Michael Biehn comes out and Richard Simmons just won't stop, like, camping it up and just trying to get his face in the camera and being ridiculous. Fucking Biehn can't finish his sentence. I can't finish my sentence anyway. You were young and spry back then. I had a great line that they cut from the show, which was
Starting point is 00:07:48 where's OJ Simpson when you need him? Cut it out of the show. That was my best line of the night. Jalen. Even the clothes. I'm looking it up. Are you still off the booze, man? You look great. Boy, there's a big difference. Can you imagine what Stan Hope would look
Starting point is 00:08:06 like if he stopped? Now I can see why Tracy is kind of interested in you at one point in your life. What talk show was it, Doug? Leno. Tonight Show. It's on YouTube. You can find it easy. Just put Michael Bean, Richard Simmons.
Starting point is 00:08:25 So then we're about to go down a michael bean rabbit hole it's it's not only is it funny with leno but leno even apologizes he goes hopefully you can come back sometime when it's a little less richard simmons basically he had he never had me back but he had richard simmons back multiple times after that yeah no being a douchebag sells tickets yeah well then we go down the Michael Bean rabbit hole but it ends quickly because the next one
Starting point is 00:08:56 Michael Bean is on cameo please get a cameo from Michael Bean there's someone posted a cameo that you sent him it's four minutes long and you're laying in bed. You couldn't even bother to sit up to do the cameo. You're talking really nice. And then I realized, no, we're not doing the Pillow Talk podcast with Michael Bean
Starting point is 00:09:16 because then we'd all be laying down and talking like this, like you do when your chin's in your neck. Yeah. But yeah, that was a really fucking lazy cameo. But you were, it was very heartfelt, but I would suggest
Starting point is 00:09:29 sitting up. They're all very heartfelt. My fans are very, very important to me. And if they need a message, if they need a little uplift, a
Starting point is 00:09:37 little help. Yeah. They're for them. Although I did say to Jennifer, I don't want to do this shit anymore, Jennifer. She goes, you got
Starting point is 00:09:44 one more and then we'll just, you know, stop it. Are you really? I think so. I get lazy. And I just like, they sit there and like three days and then two days and, you know, and then time comes up. We've already taken the money. time comes up, we've already taken the money and she starts in on me in a very beautiful way, in a wonderfully
Starting point is 00:10:06 nice, wonderfully wifely fashion. You gotta do that cameo. You gotta do that cameo. I would crash your cameos but I don't think we have a lot of crossover in fans.
Starting point is 00:10:23 Turns out we don't. But you're on Twitter now. It's Real Bean. I am on Twitter. B-I-E-H-N. Still trying to figure it out. Most people are, most of the stuff Jennifer puts up for me, like, you know, it seems like a lot of work, you know, and I don't really need to promote myself for any reason. It just seems like every once in a while, it's like, really?
Starting point is 00:10:50 My opinion or my thoughts? Yeah, don't put your opinions out there. Twitter used to be fun whenever you liked to interact with people. It was different. Now it's like a repository of just like, if you're mad that your cable company is fucking making you wait too long on the phone, that's just the place where you vent.
Starting point is 00:11:11 That's all it is now. I do that at home to my seven year old child. I've got a place for venting. It's home. This is like deja vu all over again, right? How so?
Starting point is 00:11:30 I'm getting everybody all high. Four of us doing a podcast? Yeah. Well, you've been gone for a while. What was it? A year? I have no idea. A couple years.
Starting point is 00:11:39 Oh, that's right. Because, yeah, that fucking asterisk year of COVID. You guys weren't. Oh, yeah. You were there for some of football. Yeah, we had a spacing out at the patio. I didn't come by for COVID at all, so I haven't seen you guys in a while. Not because of that. I've just used that as an excuse.
Starting point is 00:11:56 I'm very used to not leaving the property. Best excuse ever. How much of yourself do you watch? Of myself? Yeah. All the time. When I'm on Rogan, you're always saying, you should have talked more about me on Rogan.
Starting point is 00:12:14 And then Carolla. I don't know if you're watching me or you watch everything that you might be mentioned in. I do. I'm obsessed with myself, Doug. You know that. Can't get enough of me. We had this kid, the couple that came, David and... Lauren and... Tedder.
Starting point is 00:12:33 Yeah, the Tedders. And that's when you were going to miss karaoke and the show night where we're filming. But the guy was like, he brought you up. Like, I was hoping to run into michael bean because he's all into this tombstone shit for tattoo reasons and but i said hang on i called michael bean up and but i go you talk to him about tombstone and he won't stop and i you lived right up to what i had i had promoted yeah i said but that guy was over the fucking moon. Yeah. Well, if he went to that website,
Starting point is 00:13:09 this is about all the information. Which he did, by the way. Yeah. He devoured the whole thing. There's no more information that I really know. It's not on the website. I kind of got tired of that whole thing. I was quite into it when I first moved to Bisbee and was looking for the grave and all that.
Starting point is 00:13:24 Now it's just like, yeah. Yeah, I was all into the renovating the guest house until I did primer for about 35 minutes, sweating my balls off. And right then the guy we hired showed up. He said, I'm not going to be able to make it until later. I go, oh, go get it started. Doug goes, I want to paint. I go, all right, I'll go in there and I'll set you up. He said, I'm not going to be able to make it until later. I go, oh, go get it started. Doug goes, I want to paint. I go, alright, I'll go in there and I'll set you up. Because some other guy's doing it, getting paid
Starting point is 00:13:50 for it. I'm not going to fucking do it. So I get the paint in there. We got kills. We're going to put on primer, right? And I go, Doug, like, I'm like got my back to him and Doug's got like a tray of paint and then the roller thing and I set it out for him and I'm like getting my paintbrush ready because I'm going to cut the corners. like a tray of paint and then the roller thing and then set it out for him and i'm like getting
Starting point is 00:14:05 my paintbrush ready because i'm gonna cut the corners paint in the corners and go along yeah and i go all right i'm gonna spin around to be like i'm gonna start here he's already just like going all over the place not like doing the w and then crossing the w and then filling it in he's just like one straight line and then goes and fills up the thing. I go, I'm staying in here for the whole thing. I still have primer on me from days ago that I don't want to take off because it shows I worked for at least 35 minutes
Starting point is 00:14:37 once in my life. You're still sore. That's like the guy that wants to build his own motorcycle so he has all the pieces. And they're like, ah, fuck, no, you put it together. And then the guy that he hires is like, ah, fuck. You give him this basket of fuck. So you're going to Australia?
Starting point is 00:14:58 Yeah. Yes. You never talk about your projects. Yeah, well, you know, these days people like to make announcements. There's some other cast members that they're rolling around trying to get. And so, yeah, I'm going to Australia. Where? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:15:17 The Outback. Perth. That's my favorite. Sydney and Perth? And Brisbane. Brisbane. Brisbane is the base.isbane brisbane yeah we'll work on your uh my my dingo lingo say that when you get there for sure
Starting point is 00:15:35 they're they're horrible racists where you go on stage to that fucking sold out theater and go you guys are wicked racist and they go no! They're awful. I watched a documentary once about call centers that are like in India and places and it was all about how racist Australia was
Starting point is 00:16:01 to the call center people. Oh wow. I do. There's times where you go, listen, I can't understand a fucking word you're saying and this bill needs to be paid. I'm not trying to be fucking jingoistic
Starting point is 00:16:18 or whatever that word is, but I really need to talk to someone who speaks English because I have no fucking idea what you're saying. And I'm sure you're a great person. I just get mad and try to say the meanest thing possible. That's why I stay home because somebody will film me just saying horrible shit.
Starting point is 00:16:42 Well, I'm not racist. I was just trying to hurt that guy's fucking feelings. I'm mad. I'm that asshole. That's why I stay home. I don't think that made it into the cut because I used to, when I did that Indian call center bit that was on the last special.
Starting point is 00:16:57 Madison. Yeah, but remember, it was direct TV, and I'm like, I'm so tired of having to deal with you fucking bumble tards and I should just cancel this all together because
Starting point is 00:17:12 no one even watches cable it's all streamed I go on this rant and at the end she goes sir sir I am not a bumble tard and I said you're great I go that's not even a word I made that word up and then we had a beautiful relationship on the phone after that i go you just fucking floored me
Starting point is 00:17:35 not only understanding that was a slur i did but it was a made up it was a one-time only slur speaking of uh movies that we're looking forward to doing that we've just done how's your how's your what's going on oh yeah no bobby bobby you know bobby caldwell prison bobby prison bobby he's like oh i can't wait till the next time i call and michael bean is there because he wants to give you so much shit for canceling that movie. He just thinks he has dirt that he can. I think that you said that I canceled because they didn't have a script supervisor. That was the last thing. Well, there were quite a few things that were going on with that movie.
Starting point is 00:18:18 Yeah. The fact that you only got, well, I've since found out you got no shots your first day. Originally, I thought it was one shot. First week. Well, your first week. I know, I was going to get to that. You know, I was going to get to the fact that, you know, they seemed to do one shot and then just move on very slowly to the next shot. And it wasn't just, and you were you were well let's go back to the beginning where i showed you the script and you texted me and said hey i put in for the role of so-and-so
Starting point is 00:18:55 the wrong name mikey no oh i did i did yeah the wrong name the one he was supposed to be was mikey but he fucked it up and said another one mickey no it was mikey it was your goddamn name and you said oh no i think it's the other guy and uh but no and i'm like because i think we probably talked went over this on a podcast that you weren't on but we were hennigan and i were sweating like how do we tell him that you're not the right age to play the guy that you said right and then thank god oh he's talking about mikey that yeah you could definitely play that role and it is a good script and it was a good role nice little 10 pages right right there in the middle of your movie. And they didn't believe that you actually wanted to play. I mean, it was a good part.
Starting point is 00:19:48 It wasn't like two lines or anything. It was a sizable part, but it wasn't a starring role. And they're like, he really wants to do this. It was like that day when you shot, I was like surprised. You did like no dialogue, and Fitzsimmons was talking the whole time. Yeah. So it was a good chunk. It was.
Starting point is 00:20:09 It was. It was a good amount of lines as far as that goes. It definitely was. I just, you know, when you're doing something professionally that you've been doing for a long time and it, all of a sudden you're put into a situation which i'm sure you both have been and i have been where it's not like anything that you're used to it you know i kind of i do that for a living you did that for a goof yeah exactly you went did that movie for a goof and you said come on well you know we'll have some fun it sounded like fun until you know well but production wise it was just fucking dominoes of shit falling at your heels the whole time but i get i'd gotten paid up front and i'm like this is everyone else's problem
Starting point is 00:20:53 every day to have to remind myself i was gonna get my 700 up front too again all you're doing i didn't say hey michael you should really be in this picture no i know i wanted to i wanted to well so as shit's falling apart like production wise and behind schedule all the other people's problems uh that's where you were more and more tentative about doing it and by the time that you said hey i think i might bail out on this i'm like yeah you definitely should because all i could like it was already so tense that all i could imagine is fucking michael bean is gonna come with a director's chair with his name on it and start going this is bullshit that's bullshit i spent the whole time just trying to bring levity to the set
Starting point is 00:21:45 and be a kook and a goof and just try to pitch in where I can. And you weren't drinking at all. You were playing a booze hound and you didn't drink the entire show, right? Is that correct? Not while I was filming. When I got home, yeah. I went to the Outback Steakhouse where I was staying. My only choice of eating.
Starting point is 00:22:02 I ate at fucking Outback Steakhouse. You know the Outback Steakhouse Hotel? Oh, yeah. I've been there a couple of times. Well, no, it was part of the hotel. So, yeah, I'm like, oh, fuck it, thank God. Because I was like, that was my biggest worry, is you showing up angry. No, I wouldn't.
Starting point is 00:22:18 You know what? The best thing about it was, I mean, the difficult thing was, I didn't want to let you down. I wanted to support you. I wanted to like you. And I thought it was a good script. I thought it was i mean the difficult thing was that i didn't want to let you down i wanted to support you i wanted to like you and i thought it was a good script i thought it was a good part and i wanted to show my friendship and my support and be there for you and you very nicely kind of and i was very anxious about telling you that i was you hear a little grunt back there by uh jennifer um she knows how anxious i was about telling you and trying to figure out how to tell you I wanted to bail on it. And you were actually pretty nice about like, yeah, go ahead, Michael.
Starting point is 00:22:53 I don't give a shit. Yeah, I'm here for a story. Yeah, I know. I know. We're not going to be walking down any red carpets for that. When are we going to see the production? He just texted me like a week ago and said it's all in the post
Starting point is 00:23:07 and it'll be about a month and we'll have a movie. When you finish filming, that would be the post. They were editing. When did they have to edit? They only had one shot of every scene. They had to edit it and make it a movie without all the scenes
Starting point is 00:23:23 that they couldn't shoot because of budget and time restrictions. You're going to get a call. Doug, is there any possibility you can come back for six days for the same amount of money? Mark my word. Or they just edit it down to a TikTok. That's where the money is. You know, more people are on TikTok that even have basic cable. All right, we're going to take a quick break and we will be back.
Starting point is 00:23:56 Please hold. Better help, everybody. Do you ever feel like maybe you're losing your fucking mind? Or maybe everyone else is losing their fucking minds. Maybe you're right on both counts. But don't sit around and stew on it. Go to BetterHelp.com slash Stanhope. Sometimes life feels like someone dropped a grumpy on your side of the bed.
Starting point is 00:24:20 It can be overwhelming and many people are burned out without even knowing it. of the bed. It can be overwhelming and many people are burned out without even knowing it. Symptoms can include lack of motivation, feeling helpless, trapped, demented, detached, fatigued, or just all around fucked. Maybe that's a sign that you should do something about your own better mental health care. We associate burnout with work, but that's not the only cause. Any of our roles in life can lead us to feel burned out and BetterHelp Online Therapy wants to remind you to prioritize yourself. Talking with someone can help you figure out what's causing the stress in your life. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on
Starting point is 00:24:59 camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than an in-person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. This podcast is proudly sponsored by better help and stand up. Listeners get 10% off their first month at better help.com slash Stan. Hope that's B E T T E R H E L P.com slash Stan. Hope. All right, we're back. Checking on the karaoke crew.
Starting point is 00:25:27 Tracy's out there doing due diligence. You can leave that open now. The contact high was, you know, every time that door opens, it's like when they came in with the... Chad's the only one smoking. Oxygen rushes in. I know I've been cutting way back on my smoking so that I don't smoke everybody out.
Starting point is 00:25:44 Does that oxygen fuck with your high a little bit? When you're actually inhaling oxygen? No, what? He has a new thing. A freeze pipe is a sponsor on another podcast we do. And it's like there's glycol and it chills it down, super chills. So we can take- Is it menthol?
Starting point is 00:26:04 Kind of, without the mint but he takes these big huge rips and there's no coughing what is the deal you would know this doug because you're a lot smarter than me why are they taking menthol cigarettes away from people that like menthol cigarettes does anybody know the real truth behind that i just remember hearing before the internet, urban legend about menthol smokers, it's a thousand times harder to quit, and I don't know if that's bullshit or not, but now it's flavored, all flavored
Starting point is 00:26:34 cigarettes because they appeal to kids where it's not kids I see smoking menthols. I've noticed that the cigarette packs now, they don't have all the fucking you're gonna die and these are your lungs and they don't have that on well that's no that's all europe every other country it was here i don't remember ever seeing a picture of
Starting point is 00:26:58 gross lungs yeah they had some uh well they changed the A picture of a fetus. Or lungs. I don't remember pictures on American cigarettes. Well, pictures and warnings and this will kill you. Bill Hicks had a bit about how they changed up. Every pack has a different warning, so I'm smoking low birth weight. Something to that effect. I'm sure someone will email and correct me.
Starting point is 00:27:35 It seems like to the African-American community, me. The article I read said something like, well, disproportionately, African-American communities are affected. Their health is, so we're trying to save these people. And I'm like, really? In that one area? That's where you're going to try to compensate? Oh, we live in such a great country. We look out.
Starting point is 00:27:56 I was going to tweet that about overturning Roe versus Wade, where you go, anyone that would vote for that would probably make an exclusion for minorities uh
Starting point is 00:28:12 I'm not laughing well no yeah they would and then I go I'm not tweeting that because I don't tweet my fucking opinions anymore if it's anything vaguely I could maybe say on stage, from now on, my fucking opinions, you have to pay for it. I'm not going to argue for fucking nothing on Twitter and get all upset. You know, the whole political argument, it's so, you know, I'm never going to change anybody's mind,
Starting point is 00:28:46 and they're never going to change my mind. And it's just like it's gotten to be over the last two or three years. I'm like, I'm just done, just completely done. I have no passion about gun control. I have no passion about anything anymore. I mean, I did tweet something out about guns. Yeah, you did tweet something about guns. And then you tweeted like something that got taken about Angie Dickinson.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Thank God no one knows that reference anymore. Police woman. It was Angie Dickinson. She was on 60 Minutes. She was talking about the Me Too movement. And she said, an open robe is not rape. And that's when I said to Doug, I feel better. I tweeted out, or she did it for me.
Starting point is 00:29:29 I tweeted out, I feel better about one of the experiences I had at Doug Stanhope's house because I got the open robe deal from Doug Stanhope. And I don't know if we've ever talked about that. Yeah, but the tweet did not come across like that. The tweet was like, Angie Dickinson's right about rape. People weren't getting the fact because you didn't spell out the fact that, yeah, I Harvey Weinsteined you on purpose with an open. Weinstein, whatever. Yeah, he just got thrown back in like his, you know, he's going to do the time.
Starting point is 00:30:07 What do you call it when you go back to court to try to overturn? Yeah, his appeal. His appeal just got, thank you. Hands on your buzzers. Yeah, he just appealed all his rape charges and shit a couple of days ago. They said, nah, you go and stay there for another 40 years. He produced a couple of movies that I did. But nothing happened?
Starting point is 00:30:31 Well. Other than an open rope. Were you hoping he got out on appeal so you could work again? Yes. What's the thing in Australia? You know what? Are you going to show up? I am going to show know what are you going to show up I'm going to show up
Starting point is 00:30:47 I would say at the moment it is a kind of a I'm sorry your fucking wife's talking to me in sign language behind you and I don't know if she's saying don't bring this up ok well they need to do things professionally Doug Doug, unlike you and me.
Starting point is 00:31:07 Some people take this stuff seriously, and they think, well, we've got to make an announcement. It's got to be on, you know, this, whatever. So until they kind of announce it, I probably shouldn't jump in early on your podcast. So someone told me you were up in Alaska recently. Yeah. I didn't know that Alaska was twice the size of Texas. And I didn't know that Anchorage, well, Anchorage, I didn't know there were only 800,000 people in the entire state. That is like per square mile.
Starting point is 00:31:45 Is that true? That's 800,000 for a state that is twice as big. Three times. I met a couple of people from the North Pole. They don't even know where a third of those people are. Well, like I said to you earlier, if I wanted to get lost, I would definitely go to Buckingham. Yeah, just an hour outside of Anchorage.
Starting point is 00:32:02 You could get lost driving home from here. That's true. I don't want to get into the details. Different kind of get lost. I don't want to get into the details, but you did one of your fucking Comic-Con things in Bossier City, and I'll just stick to the part where you didn't, even though I told you this, you didn't listen.
Starting point is 00:32:24 He thought he lost his fucking license, so he thought he couldn't fly. You can fly without an ID. It just takes a minute. They're going to fucking check you and run you through the computer and make sure your fucking story checks out, but you can still fly. He spent a week in Bossier City waiting for a fucking ID to be mailed to him. No, I got the ID right away. It was the weather that screwed me on that.
Starting point is 00:32:54 One flight got canceled, or one day's worth of flights got canceled. He still could have fucking... There's no way... Rolled movie posters at the gate. What are you fucking doing? That's me right there. There's no way.
Starting point is 00:33:06 There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way.
Starting point is 00:33:07 There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way.
Starting point is 00:33:07 There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's Just go tell them you don't need your ID to get on a plane. I thought after 9-11, an ID of some sort was always required. I didn't want to be the guy standing there going like, I did a movie 50 years ago called The Terminator. You don't recognize me anymore? I didn't want to be that guy.
Starting point is 00:33:38 That's why you need me as a hype man. You know who that is? That's how I get into the fucking chapelle after party at that netflix is a joke i didn't want to go drunk though i didn't want to go and they go if your name's not on the list i'm sorry i'm like great but it was christine who played my ex-girlfriend that played my ex-girlfriend on the movie she wanted to get in and then like three people went oh you don't know who that is let him in and i'm God, I had my out by not being on the list. Fucking fans.
Starting point is 00:34:09 Fucking fans. I want to ask you about, but that's still counterintuitive to book you, but just the shitheels that you meet on these Comic-Con signing things. Like, I mean, there's the classic William Shatner Saturday Night Live bit where he's being Q&A at a Comic-Con. And he's like, when's the last time you guys got laid? When's the last time you went out to make friends? And it was a really brilliant sketch. don't make friends.
Starting point is 00:34:42 And he, it was a really brilliant sketch, but like, do you, do you get where you're like, all right, you just grit your teeth and go, let's get through this guy. You know,
Starting point is 00:34:52 it's not work. Like I'm doing something you've been doing all of your life, which is making money and not working. Yeah. But this is, this is the merch booth, which is the worst part of my job. And now that's, but this is the merch booth, which is the worst part of my job. And now that's your only job is the merch booth.
Starting point is 00:35:08 You don't have to do the movie anymore. I get lazy, you know? I can go up to Tombstone every weekend and make 10 grand. Just a 15 mile drive and just go up there and meet people who tell me how fucking awesome I am and how wonderful I am. And I'm their favorite actor and my God, Tombstone changed their life
Starting point is 00:35:29 or Terminator, aliens changed their lives and their kids and their, you know, and it's, I get lazy. It's just easy money and it's just, it's not work. You know, when you're working on a movie set, not yours in particular, I'm talking about a regular movie where they actually have you there for 12 hours and you're actually shooting a bunch and it's you know five days a week 12 hour days you got to remember your lines you got to stand
Starting point is 00:35:55 on that mark you got to say things you got to stand in whether light you know it's work and i got i thought i was going to retire and i thought i'll just do the comic cons and uh i did the walking dead and i had kind of a fun role on that and i thought yeah i like this it's really actually the only thing that i can do is like stand on them i can't sing i can't dance you can't write i can't i'm not funny like you you're very funny well but not like you know i can't make any money doing it and uh the only thing I can do is stand on a dot and spit out fucking dialogue that somebody else has written for me. And I can do that a little bit better than other people, I think. There you go.
Starting point is 00:36:39 A little bit that way. There you go. Thank you. Oh, wow. Now I'm really going to start forgetting where I am. We're not anywhere, so you're right at home. My rate of shotgun hits to
Starting point is 00:36:52 Michael Biehn. We're getting Biehn high like a dog. It's a fraternity prank. Shotgun hits. Get the elderly high. I turned 55, so we could go to IHOP for senior breakfast together. And I could take you to Goodwill on Sunday, Mondays. We get 25% off.
Starting point is 00:37:19 At Goodwill? Yeah, I'll take you. Just buy anything you want. Doug, here's the thing. Shopping spree spree honey i've always wanted to dress like you anything with a blue tag so you You really enjoy Working at Comic Con Listen Actually they're
Starting point is 00:37:48 A place Break it down for us Because it's not Comic Con That's like a brand And once a year thing That's the one in San Diego The cons is what they are The conventions
Starting point is 00:37:57 And like there's a big one In LA this week Monsterpalooza Today's the last day of it That's usually one I would think you'd be at Yeah but you know, I try to, you know,
Starting point is 00:38:08 I don't, I just had too many children, too many ex-wives, and you know, so I still have some bills to pay. But I'm not like going to them like on a weekly basis. I hear about one there, I'm going to be there. But like, you know, Tombstone's right around the corner
Starting point is 00:38:24 or something big. Like, I've never been to Alaska. I thought, hey. I'm going to be there. But tombstones right around the corner, something big. I've never been to Alaska. I thought, hey, I'm going to go see Alaska. And if I'd known that Anchorage was... It is awful. It's terrible, man. What you have to do is get in a car and drive 20 minutes one way or the other, and you would have seen Alaska. Well, well, well.
Starting point is 00:38:52 Tracy's in there defending her home turf well born and raised in alaska tracy or you tracy yeah yeah well you know i i feel the same way about nebraska and and they drive eight hours in any direction you You're seeing the real outside of Nebraska. Yeah, I went to Alaska a fucking million times, and I never saw the Northern Lights because I was always in a bar. You were there mostly in the summer. Oh, no, you weren't. Twice I went to Homer or that island or something. But I never was like, oh, did you see the thing?
Starting point is 00:39:24 No, I didn't see the thing i was fucking hammered at a barge yeah tracking down this fucking skanky titty dancer that i went to high school in arizona and i never never went to the grand canyon it's like two hours away from where i live like fucking who are the who are the people from the north pole that you were talking about what the north pole people the people that actually live tracy tell you about those people there's actually a place called the north pole i guess that the People from the North Pole that you were talking about. What? The North Pole people. People that actually live. Tracy, tell you about those people. There's actually a place called the North Pole.
Starting point is 00:39:48 Yes. I guess that other than Santa, there's other people that live up there. Elves. What? The elves. There could have been this guy. They're people too. See, it's now, again, you're saying the wrong thing. Now the dwarf lobby is going to come after us because you.
Starting point is 00:40:06 Shit on elves. What did I do? The dwarf lobby. Well, you ignored the small people that work with Santa are actually people. Yeah. I was so worried about you. That's one of the reasons that we canned the pillow talk doing this podcast in bed is because I know that you wouldn't be controlled. I know.
Starting point is 00:40:29 No, I wasn't going to be able to control you from making all sorts of homophobic remarks about all three men laying in a bed. Yeah, we can't shut that down. I told you before that probably I think it was on the podcast that we all did together two years ago, whenever it was. If it wasn't for gay men, I would have no career. Would never have had a career because believe it or not, I was kind of cute when I was 20 years old. Yeah, when your picture kept coming up on YouTube after we watched the Leno thing, and it's always that same one. The cutout one?
Starting point is 00:41:11 Yeah, the cutout one. Yeah. Yeah, just, yeah. Which was taken by a gay photographer, by the way. I think that was, yeah, taken by a gay photographer. All my agents were gay. My first big movie, you know, everybody all around was gay. I'd say half the men I've had sex with were gay. My first big movie with, you know, everybody all around was gay. I'd say half the men I've had sex with were gay.
Starting point is 00:41:29 What? I missed that. What? Yeah. Michael and I fool around a little bit, but, you know, what's the big deal? It's 2022. Yeah, at our age, no one cares.
Starting point is 00:41:48 It's like, ugh, gross. You do make a number. I've got that. You're a very comfortable bottom. That's all I can say. It's a compliment. It is a all I can say It's a compliment It is a compliment Of course it's a compliment
Starting point is 00:42:09 I have the bottom of a man your age Well, I know But you're frisky Squishy You're frisky Sloppy It's kind of quiet over here on this side of the How do you erase mental images?
Starting point is 00:42:27 I'm trying to figure that out. Cleanser image. Oh, God. Silkwood shower. Oh, yeah, please hold. Helix sleep, Mr. Chaley, Mrs. Tracy. What do you two do in your Helix Sleep, Mr. Chaley, Mrs. Tracy, what do you two do in your Helix mattress? That's between you and God and no one wants to picture it. There's nobody like you on the planet, so why would you buy a generic mattress built for everyone else? Well, I guess for the guest room, but not for me.
Starting point is 00:42:58 I sleep on a Helix mattress. If you're not able to sleep because of today's politics, pandemics, mattress. If you're not able to sleep because of today's politics, pandemics, your love life, regardless, Helix Sleep is going to make you find excuses to never get out of bed. Helix Sleep has a quiz that takes just two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preferences to a perfect mattress for you. Everybody's unique and Helix knows that. So they have several different mattress models to choose from. They have soft, medium, and firm mattresses. Mattress is great for cooling you down if you sleep hot. And even a Helix Plus mattress for plus-size folks. I took the Helix quiz and I was matched with the Sunset mattress because I wanted something that felt soft.
Starting point is 00:43:37 And I sleep like I'm flopping around like I'm having the DTs coming off of heroin. So if you're looking for a mattress, you take the quiz, you order the mattress that you're matched to, and the mattress comes right to your door, shipped for free. You don't ever need to go to a mattress store again. Helix is awesome, but you don't need to take my word for it. Helix was awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2020 by both GQ and Wired Magazine. Just go to helixsleep.com slash Stan Hope, take their two-minute sleep quiz, and they'll match you to a customized mattress that'll give you the best sleep of your life. They have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it out for 100 nights risk-free. They'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it, but you will. Helix Sleep is offering up to $200 off all mattress
Starting point is 00:44:19 orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash stanhope you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast you're a you were a whore you were a terrible whore no i've never had a cock in my mouth well no no but no, but you slept around. You're a legendary ladies' man, or you were in the day. We get all this from your wife.
Starting point is 00:44:54 She was in a fucking line of 15 Filipino whores outside your hotel to try to bring you coffee or something. I don't know. That's how Jennifer and I met yeah over in the you can come chime in if you want but you're desperate to add in you can just yeah share the mic with michael yeah she's been she's been gesticulating the behind you the entire time since we started talking. She's like, no, no. Yeah, she's directing.
Starting point is 00:45:29 She should put that thing in your ear like that Michael Tyson thing you're talking about. Johnny Depp thing. I need one of those things. Is that what you're talking about? IFB? That's what it's called. I don't know if that's what it is. No, I was like, when we first met the two of you,
Starting point is 00:45:46 obviously Jennifer is the vocal one of the two of you. I'm the one. I mean, we get along just fine, but Jennifer fucking tells you all the dirt, and when you forget something, like we remember words for you, or references, or movie titles. She
Starting point is 00:46:01 gives you the director's commentary on whatever we just fed you the the word and she goes oh by the way it was the philippines that you've met yes yeah and he was working on a movie and staying in some uh eye picture of some kind of slumlord apartment situation no we uh we're both i was i was working with him i was working on it with him, and I got a job with Michael Biehn. My boyfriend at the time was a big Michael Biehn fan. Not anymore. But he was a really big Michael Biehn fan when I was leaving.
Starting point is 00:46:36 And I didn't know who Michael Biehn, but I knew he was the star of the movie. And so he showed me all his movies. And then I got on the plane. I was sitting next to him, and Lee Daniels was sitting behind us. Lee Daniels, the butler, Lee Daniels. He's a big director now, but he was his manager. And I fell asleep and he kissed me.
Starting point is 00:46:54 Oh my god. The fucking headlines that would make today. I remember this story. Yeah, you kiss a sleeping girl on a plane now. It's a different day and age. She was hot in his defense.
Starting point is 00:47:09 In 21, you know. I was 21. He was 39. Was the movie you were going to do Sleeping Beauty? No. Maybe it was just rehearsing, right? He was rehearsing for that, but no. He basically, I woke up and i was horrified and then kind of interested and he said he said i thought you were my wife sorry i thought you
Starting point is 00:47:34 were my wife it's fine i'm getting it it's okay and then from there what happened are you missing water no no no i'm good i'm good i good. Are you just saying you're high? No. Nope. Nope. Nope. It's Chad's fault. Right. If you get high, it's Chad's fault.
Starting point is 00:47:54 Yes. And we were staying in a hotel. Boxed in here. You were right next to him, right? Oh, yeah. My room was right next to his room. And I would just put a glass up to the thing every day. Because I started...
Starting point is 00:48:04 Everyone warned me. It was like, stay away from that guy stay away from him he's bad news you just do your job he's bad news and I was like so I was like I had a glass he had all these like women in there with like shiny shoes and he was out jogging in a black sweatsuit for like two hours but the girl would still be in there cut weight from all the booze yeah so that's how we met it was very romantic so what's creepier her
Starting point is 00:48:36 listening through your hotel room wall with a glass or him kissing you while you sleep on a plane this is like a soft touch version of the Johnny Depp trial. Well, no, you admitted on a podcast that you were listening to him have sex with prostitutes. Why wouldn't he kiss you on a plane, Miss Heard?
Starting point is 00:49:07 Oh, my God. All we need is that guy that owns that trailer. Oh, my God. My favorite person. Morgan Knight. But what's the name of the trailer? Oh, Hicksville Trailer Palace. Sounds like Truman Capote.
Starting point is 00:49:22 Oh, the guy that testified. All right. My phone blew up so much during the fucking job especially the verdict because you you like you can't watch and wait for the verdict you'd have to be really painfully like all right i'm just gonna watch a dead air court tv as a few people and bailiffs hang around waiting for the jury to whenever they decide it could be two hours it could be four 14 days you don't know but you were one of the people you were all over that trial and i had several people people i don't even know really that dm like uh tabitha wallace i journalist i read some great shit she wrote and she was, I want to make a fucking documentary about this.
Starting point is 00:50:05 And she's like, I'm shaking. That was. And then. Jennifer was shaking? No, I get a DM saying, I'm shaking. And when it's from her, I know it's just about Johnny Depp. No, not you. This Tabitha Wallace.
Starting point is 00:50:20 But then my phone just bam, bam. Holy fuck. He won. Bam, bam, bam. And I i'm like that's just me as an ancillary guy yeah i know you better than i well maybe not but about the same i don't like talk to johnny depp on the phone or anything i don't just i don't know how much you've talked about this on your own podcast either do i but okay he has no idea but and and you and you tell me if i'm just re going over so i'm gonna let you say it anyway so i won't stop as long
Starting point is 00:50:50 as you say it into the mic uh all right um the the insight that you had what is it five or seven years previously 2016 the insight that you had and the bravado to write that article about what was going on with the king without the clothes on was so heartfelt i think that i texted you back you know you know something about what a friend what you know like the insight and and the loyalty is and you know you called that the whole fucking thing five years ago. In that article, you called the whole fucking thing
Starting point is 00:51:29 and you kind of went out on a limb there. So I have to give you big, big props for that. I didn't even realize that's what I read there. There's a bullshit YouTube thing going around.
Starting point is 00:51:39 I know everyone sent it to me where it says, Amber Heard. Specifically. Yeah, it's about me says Amber Heard. Specifically. Yeah. It's about me. Amber Heard in bigger trouble. Johnny Depp's friend is suing her.
Starting point is 00:51:52 Well, no, I'm not. And then if you like, when we watch so many YouTube clips about the trial that word, the title is bullshit. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:01 In fact, there was one time that, that, uh, when she was being questioned she said well i wrote uh the op-ed but i didn't write the title and that's what they did when i wrote that thing in 2016 right when it was going on they titled it johnny depp is innocent and here's how i know like i didn't write that's so's so fucking, I wouldn't write that.
Starting point is 00:52:27 And then when she was saying, I didn't write the article, I go, all right, this is the only time I'm on your side. Because I wanted to tweet her. She hasn't blocked me on Twitter. It's weird. I mean, I don't follow her or anything, but. You'd be following her in Palm Springs. Not Palm Springs. 29, 29?
Starting point is 00:52:46 Yucca Valley. Yucca Valley. Yucca Valley. Well, that's a big drop off from that place that Johnny has. Affordable. What? It's affordable. It looked affordable.
Starting point is 00:53:00 Yeah. Yeah. I went to breakfast yesterday at the at the the fucking grand hello sir we're getting close to done we're gonna about 10 minutes but uh we'll be out there and she'll serve you a cocktail um uh i went to i went to the the grand for breakfast uh which is they have great breakfast and it's not overcrowded on weekends. Like, all right, best kept secret that I'm ruining. Yeah. But I went in, and it's called the basic breakfast,
Starting point is 00:53:31 which is eggs, bacon, toast, hash browns. It's pretty basic. The waitress came over. She goes, which one of you has the basic? I go, oh, that's me. And I point to Bingo. I go, yeah, I'm with the basic bitch here. Yep.
Starting point is 00:53:45 It's me. And I point to Bingo and go, yeah, I'm with the basic bitch here. Yep. It's okay. We can be abusive to women now that Johnny Depp won his verdict. That's the backlash. Oh, now women will never. Because people like Johnny Depp. No, no one liked Johnny Depp. And if I was going to fucking sue Amber Heard, I could win. Because that's what most of the book
Starting point is 00:54:05 of my last book, No Encore for the Donkey, is how he had all our fucking carts and wagons attached to Johnny Depp's coattails and then she fucking ruined it. He was wrote the foreword for my book.
Starting point is 00:54:22 He was the producer of his production company of my new special. And we were doing that. Pilot. Pilot. We were shooting a pilot. And then, no, it's all gone. So, yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:36 I think the. I should get at least 30 grand for all that. I think the moral of the story with her trial with with her is um don't be a lying cunt right there was so much in that and you know well no he said this no what is it no i'm just saying that well whether you're a man or a woman and my everybody i don't know i'm not worried about cunt that the word cunt no pertains to men as well uh if you live in europe everybody's a cunt over in europe and it's used here like you know like a bunch of times yeah probably okay well anyway i just uh you know whether you're a man or
Starting point is 00:55:19 a woman you know don't be a lying cunt and you know that just seems to be the takeaway right i know that's silent but no no no everybody's shopping shoes a little bit i i took an edible you have to remember so i i'm pausing for moments because you're setting me off on flights of fancy uh yeah no she's uh because i've i i think most of us I know Chaley's been in a relationship. I've been in relationships where you are fucking completely manipulated to a point, but you're like, ah, what are my options? Or whatever the reason. why why why would anybody stay with a woman like that for so long under those circumstances if she wasn't just fucking incredible in fucking bed right she's no no absolutely no that's i remember where i was standing in a mall in arizona headliner said to me, and I'm just looking at all these hot chicks, knuckleheads in Tempe, or no, it was Phoenix proper.
Starting point is 00:56:33 Anyway, and he goes, no matter how good they look somewhere, someone's sick of fucking them. But like every relationship I've been in, I don't care how hot she was. Yeah. The fucking thing is the first thing that it's not about good. What? How? As a woman, how are you good? You're available.
Starting point is 00:56:57 Willie, even if you're sleeping on a plane, I can come. You don't have to be good. on a plane. I can come. You don't have to be good. Yeah, that's not what it is at all. I don't know. Cost of Elon Musk? $250,000. $250,000.
Starting point is 00:57:20 When you can manipulate like that and do because i can like it's a bit of work it takes one to know one i'm sorry to interrupt but how long have you stayed in that relationship when you knew that you were getting fucking that was happening why because you don't want someone else fucking her i think the the an old bit was yeah you ever stay in a relationship with someone you hate for for too long but you're so afraid of someone else fucking her the guy's helping her move with the guy that uh uh motor not motorbikes but he buys a cyclist with good calves and he's gonna help her move a piano like i whatever the bit. That was in the 90s. But yes, that was Christine Hodge.
Starting point is 00:58:07 We had really nothing in common. But I didn't want anyone else fucking her. Well, but it seemed like he knew that she was spreading it around, right? I mean, isn't that what we all got from it? Right. I mean, yeah. Yeah. With the guy who also had the settlement.
Starting point is 00:58:24 What's the name of the actor? That was after they... Franko? Oh, that was so much bullshit in that. Okay. But she fucked him while they were still married. Yeah, they were still married because it takes you fucking eight months to get a divorce. They were publicly fucking...
Starting point is 00:58:42 It was public that there was a fucking restraining order so yeah that's divorced if you have a restraining order you can't go but technically we were married and you fucked him all right all right i just uh i don't uh i just don't it's hard for me to understand why men or women would stay in, well, I'm sure the lifestyle that, go ahead. Oh, no, I remembered where I was going. Well, I'm ruining it now, but I think I only have three days left to respond. Like every media outlet from the beginning has contacted me for comment, and I don't. But some lady from some tabloid thing in Germany offered me $5,000 to appear. And I thought, what if I just lie and just make up outlandish bullshit just to get the five grand?
Starting point is 00:59:45 Because that's what she cost me in 2016. It was at least another five grand that book would have sold and that special would have... Or just have Brendan Walsh do it and then you don't even have to worry about it. So I ignored the first attempt and then the second time she emailed me, I was high.
Starting point is 01:00:06 So I went, oh, this would be funny. So I wrote her back and I said, I have been contacted by every media outlet that you can imagine. And you are the first one that I've written back to. Because in her email, she said, we've interviewed. God damn it. Do you remember the names like uh fucking i don't know i was gonna say uh just all cnn famous people that are kind of famous herald over here three three people that they've interviewed and i go you're the first person i've responded to but to make sure that you are credible the names that you so openly drop that you've interviewed,
Starting point is 01:00:48 I would have to hear from one of them personally to let me know that you're on the level because I don't want to be taken out of context. And then, ding! She writes back, oh, I don't know how I could do that, and then, ding! oh uh someone that knows johnny used to do and i like i never responded after that because long story short what'd you do with the five grand oh no i was i'm still like she goes i'm doing the thing june 9th and right
Starting point is 01:01:21 now it's what the sixth or something i don't know. But I can't because, again, I did tell the fucking truth, and now I don't want to muddy those waters. No, no, no. But I still want to fuck with a tabloid and take the five grand and actually pay it to a charity, The Innocence Project, which is my charity of choice. Tell her that you know me and that I'll
Starting point is 01:01:48 be at a Comic-Con nearby her in the next week or two. I have all the dirt because I'm your friend. Where are your big draws when you do signings? Do you have places that you were fucking baffled that people know me and fucking pogo pago that's an american
Starting point is 01:02:07 well you know those movies the terminator and aliens those movies are just reaching some countries i mean you know whatever they they've been around for so long and people have loved those movies and um I don't know. But I'm saying, has there ever been a place where you go, no one knows these fucking movies here and you're glutted? Everywhere I go. Everywhere I go is like that. Are you surprised?
Starting point is 01:02:37 Hang on. Tell us about Tom Arnold having to perform to fucking nobody in folding chairs. You know. Sorry, I just read Jenny Pentland's book uh roseanne's daughter and then the when she he becomes the you know stepfather oh my god the grossest fucking person you just want to meet him after you read those parts about tom arnold when she he was married to Roseanne and just fucking talk about manipulator. Should we go back to Amber Heard? I'm all over the map.
Starting point is 01:03:13 I think we've all heard enough about it. He's a single father. Who, Tom? Yeah. Yeah, he's been married like five times. And four of them were Roseanne. We're going to just keep getting remarried. Did they?
Starting point is 01:03:31 I think they, yeah. I think they got married and then got married again like in a ceremony. Yeah, you were listening to the book with me. I think the first time they got married, it wasn't with like family and stuff. The thing I've always noticed about tom he did a a cameron movie and i used to see him here and there is that his mannerisms and the way he talks it always even now it always seems like he's high on coke it's just it's just his thing is just very sort of like high on coke all the time. Sense memory?
Starting point is 01:04:05 I don't. Is that it? That's not coke. Is that her problem? She's having a fuck coke problem. I'm glad I got out of the way to mention it. Yeah, I think some people just act that way, I guess, but he did have a coke problem.
Starting point is 01:04:21 Oh, he did. Yeah. Major. And her too, or just him, or was it? I don't know about Roseanne,. Oh, yeah. Major. And her, too? Or just him? I don't know about Roseanne, but no, no. There were a lot of interventions with him with Coke. I didn't even know that. But he acts
Starting point is 01:04:35 the same way now. Maybe he's still smoking. Maybe those interventions didn't... Well, you were a Coke guy, but were you... Booze. Booze. So you weren't, like like trying to get Coke. Oh, yeah, no, I was trying to get Coke, of course. But to drink more.
Starting point is 01:04:52 Basically, yeah. And to fuck poorly more. No, I couldn't fuck at all on Coke. But you tried. Yeah, I tried. I wasted a lot of money. I wasted a lot of money. I wasted a lot of money. Because it would affect my mind.
Starting point is 01:05:08 Sexually, I would just go into hyper fucking drive. And then the body wouldn't follow. It was fucking horrible. And like most addicts, I did it over and over and over again. And I'd end up with these fucking hookers. Looking at me just bored out of their fucking mind while I'm just yapping away and talking just fucking bullshit. I was in South Florida
Starting point is 01:05:30 and I got three hookers in one night and none of them were like sexually attractive but I did yap at them and then pay them and then call another one and yap at them and pay them. I would just tell them to suck it hard and if they couldn't, I'd blame them.
Starting point is 01:05:47 What's the matter with you? Your mouth's not even wet. You're not turned on? There's nothing, well, I'm sure there's some things worse, but a horrible feeling for me is being around a woman in a sexual situation with a limp cock. It's just fucking horrible. I just find that to be like, it just takes the man out of you. It just beats you up pretty bad.
Starting point is 01:06:20 So that's why I start YAP and start talking about this and that and whatever. Fucking bore them out of their minds. A lot of those are the days. Robin Williams was basically, he talks about coke in that sense, that I could just talk shit forever and then, you know. Fucking Glenn Woolhead. The first time I met Glenn Wool or Brian brought me into his show and he was doing a bit about, yeah, I did LSD and Coke together. That was a bad choice.
Starting point is 01:06:50 Last thing you want when you're hallucinating is confidence. And I was more of a booze guy. You know, I was booze, but like you said, I used to blow to kind of keep me awake for a while. And then I drank more. Yeah. But I was never out like, like,
Starting point is 01:07:09 uh, let's that guy in fucking, uh, Appleton, Wisconsin. I was rubbing my shoulder and said, Hey, when you're done with the merge,
Starting point is 01:07:18 but you want it. He had like four friends. You guys, you want to go try to find some Coke. I'm like, well, first of all wait you're not offering me coke we're gonna try to find cocaine it's like a buddy movie yeah it's a scavenger hunt we all split up in different directions you're 10 years younger than me
Starting point is 01:07:39 but in the 80s that was always part of any conversation let's go you go get in the 80s, that was always part of any conversation. You go get in the car with them and a guy looks at you and goes, so do you know anybody? Oh, that's you, little guy. Shit. I don't live here. That's the guy who did some weird thing with his thumb. He was rubbing underneath my scapula. Uh-oh.
Starting point is 01:08:02 Uh-oh. Giving me a massage. Whispered in his ear. Yeah. Uh-oh. Well, he was in the act for about three more months after that. What did he whisper in your ear? Do you want to go find some coke? Oh, oh, oh.
Starting point is 01:08:14 That was a long time ago. You're going to be fucking the new Jake LaMotta on this podcast. Did I already do that one? Yeah. 50 years. I've fought Sigourney Weaver so many times.
Starting point is 01:08:32 What did he say? What did he say about Sigourney? He's doing an impression of Jake LaMotta. Explain after. Let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it up. Jenna's leaving stains on my bar stool. She's so clammy to do karaoke.
Starting point is 01:08:48 And then we have the karaoke all-stars out there on the patio. And even though she said I wasn't gonna come, hey, take us out of this, bingo. Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្� Thank you. Terima kasih telah menonton!

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.