The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #51: Guest Host Comedian Brett Erickson

Episode Date: November 26, 2014

Comedian Brett Erickson guest hosts while Doug is on tour in Australia. This podcast sponsored by-Saxx Underwear - http://www.saxxunderwear.com/-The Shady Dell, a 1950’s inspired trailer park - http://www.theshadydell.comRecorded Nov. 11, 2014 at the Safe House in Bisbee, AZ with comedian Brett Erickson (@bretterickson38) and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille. Intro music "Don't Cut Yr Hair" by Mishka Shubaly. Closing song "Party Time" by The Mattoid. Both available on iTunes.Check Doug's tour dates at dougstanhope.com. Take a moment to register for Stanhope’s Mailing List and keep up to date on tour news in your area, including the USA, UK, Europe, Australia and more.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. The potato peelings in the sink Did not turn into vodka as I had hoped I only start to need a drink After the liquor stores have closed I heard you change your name again But don't you change your hair It was the only thing I liked about you In the end

La la la I liked about you in the end. La, la, la. Hi, this is Doug Stanhope. I am on hiatus, so filling in for me will be Brett Erickson on the Doug Stanhope podcast. And now to introduce Brett Erickson on the Doug Stanhope podcast. And now to introduce Brett Erickson is Chad Shank, introducing Brett Erickson on the Doug Stanhope podcast. Hit it, Chad. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. Doug Stanhope is on assignment in Australia. Your guest host tonight is Brett Erickson on the Doug Stanhope Podcast. This is the Doug Stanhope Podcast. I'm Brett Erickson, and I'm here with two legendary

comedians that I rescued from the green room of the Jukebox Comedy Club in Peoria, Illinois. The two had been locked away together for about 10 years before I liberated them and brought them with me to Bisbee, Arizona. Welcome, Richard Pryor. Hey, bro, what's up? And Sam Kinison. Always a pleasure to be part of family entertainment. You guys have been cooped up in the green room a long time together. Richard, what's it like sharing a room with Sam?

He's in my life. Every morning at 6 o'clock, he wakes me up. You know, hi. Poo-poo. I mean, he don't care. He wants to play. Oh, that's hilarious. Sam? Sampoo. He don't care. He wants to play. That's hilarious. Sam?

Sam? No. Come on. You guys are from the same town. In fact, Richard, you actually knew Sam's mom when she was pregnant. Well, I didn't want her to have the baby. I tried to talk her into getting an abortion. Oh, my God.

He's killing you, Sam. I think he's a jerk. Shit. Turkey? Pussies like you party at shit parties. Guys, guys, come on. Oh, my God killing you, Sam. I think he's a jerk. Shit! Stop, turkey! Pussies like you party at the same time! Guys, guys, come on, oh my god, guys, come on. Guys, stop it, stop it, please, come on, guys, come on. Stop!

Okay, you get the idea. So, most of you know Doug's in Australia, and he left us here at the fort with one task. Podcast. Australia and he left us here at the fort with one task podcast. Luckily, Shaylee and I knew just how drunk to get to the podcaster. Hey, do you want headphones?

No. Do I, should I have some? Do I, would it be cool? No, no one ever wants them, but I mean, yeah.

I had headphones when I filled in on the radio a couple weeks ago because I thought that was cool. You filled in on the radio? Where? In Peoria. Well, I know that. Well, why did you ask where then? I meant, like, what station? Was it a place where you, like, take the comics all the time for two months?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the AM station. It's like the AM talk station of Peoria, Illinois. So, yeah, you heard it. It's the Doug Stanhope Podcast starring Brett Erickson. Doug is not in Bisbee. He is in Australia. And I have decided to come to Bisbee

now after he's lived here for how many? Ten years? I've never been here before and I had one stipulation. I would love to come here, but I will only come here if Doug Stanhope is not here. So my requirements were met

and we've moved in. You threw down the gauntlet. You said, I will only go to Bisbee If I can actually pack everything I own Into an SUV And drive Two thirds of the way across the country

With a dog Hey, hey, hey Her name is Carrie Mitchell And I find her attractive And your girlfriend Oh, you meant the dog, the actual. And you could only show up here when Doug was not around.

Yes, well that's, I don't want Captain Buzzkill hanging out, harshing my good times. Yeah, we've been here for 48 hours. It was 1,852 miles from Walnut, Illinois to Bisbee, Arizona. And it's

fucking amazing here. And the last time we heard from you on the podcast was at... Was 1,852 miles ago. Yeah. And so, yeah, we drove out here. My girlfriend and I and our puppy dog and

it was... We went through Colorado to see an old friend of mine and we hung out there for a couple days and uh my girlfriend likes to smoke marijuana a lot legal in and she was very happy about going it was her idea to go from i don't know if you guys she doesn't know a lot about uh geography or the world you said where things are in the world is not something she concerned herself with so when i said yeah we're gonna go to arizona she's like yeah through colorado right i'm like well i guess i mean it's not really but yeah we can so we went there and uh we just she's been baked it's been fun. We drove through New Mexico.

We were in Silver City, New Mexico at a Wendy's. After Colorado. After Colorado. And we'd been smoking hitters since Denver. So this was like eight hours later, maybe through the mountains and through Albuquerque. This is like 1,000 miles later. Yeah, you left that morning. We left Albuquerque. We'd already been from Denver to Albuquerque. It's like a thousand miles later. Yeah, you left that morning. We left Albuquerque. We'd already been from Denver to Albuquerque.

We left from Albuquerque to Bisbee, and we went through the Gila National Forest. I think I'm pronouncing that correctly. I don't know. And it was beautiful. It was amazing. But it was kind of scary. And, you know, like Carrie Mitchell needed to be stoned

and have her Xanax in her. Like it was some sketchy driving. No longer in Colorado, by the way. No longer in Colorado. So we finally make it to Silver City, New Mexico, which is this big touristy trap part of the National Forest Area. And we stop to eat, and we go to Wendy's. And she goes in first, and I'm doing something in the truck.

And so I come in a minute later and we've both been in the car for like two or three hours. We got to pee really bad. So I go into the bathroom immediately and there's someone in the stall. So I go to the urinal and I start peeing and then all of a sudden the stall door opens and my girlfriend walks out.

How progressive. Yeah, and she looks at me and she goes and I'm looking over my right shoulder and I'm like, hmm, that's interesting. There's a lot of things you don't expect to see. And she's right there at the top of the list. And, you know, you see someone's in the stall like, oh, somebody's fucking dropping. This is going to be terrible.

I'm going to make this a quick one. What sort of slimy fat trucker is walking out of here? And then it's my girlfriend flipping her red curly hair. Oh, hey, hi, what? Did I go into the wrong bathroom? Uh-huh, yeah. One of us did. Well, and I'm peeing into a urinal, so I'm going to assume it was you.

Yeah. And the best part was, and this is why I fucking love this woman. She's so funny. She's like, yeah, when I was coming in here, I looked at the woman who was coming out of the women's room. And my thought was, oh, she just took a big, smelly, dumpy shit. And I got to go in there after her. And she even looked at me like, I'm sorry. And whoever has to go in there, oh, I'm ashamed of myself.

Don't judge me. This look of shame and weirdness on her face. We all do it. But it was only after she realized she had gone into the wrong bathroom that she realized that woman's look was not shame and disgust at her own actions. It was, why are you going into the men's room?

You're turning right, young lady, when you should be turning left. We should be brushing shoulders right now. She was straight up Colorado High the whole way from there to here. I love that she walked into the men's room, thinking it was the ladies' room, past a urinal. Past a urinal. An open urinal.

Didn't bring up any red flags. No. She's like, hey, maybe they're doing things differently. And what would have happened if the stall was taken? Would she have sat down in the urinal? stall was taken would she have sat down waiting sat down in the urinal or she'd have been waiting for this fat greasy trucker to fucking squeeze out a fucking wendy's frosty and she comes out of the bathroom to you and goes i took it like a piss in there but my back's all wet yeah it's gross i don't know what they do here yeah so, so then we make it to Bisbee on a Sunday night just in time.

And obviously, so many people know the Bisbee routine here, if you're listening to this, obviously. So it's football Sunday. Wait, hold on a second. What? You've known Doug. Can I jump ahead? No, you've known Doug.

Nobody cares about that. No, since the desert party. Yeah. Going way back. The original Desert Party. And you've never been to Bisbee. Never been to Bisbee. But ever since we did six or seven years of the Desert Party,

and that whole time, like half of that was Doug had the compound out here. And then after that, there was football, Fourth of July, Super Bowl. Well, because in my real life, besides comedy, I also worked for, I built swimming pools.

And in the winter, we were always laid off. So in the winter, I was always poor. So everyone always came here for New Year's Eve or the Super Bowl. And I'm like, well, I can't go across the country. I have no money. It's a timing issue. And actually, I can't go across the country to Doug's country. I have no money. It's a timing issue. And actually, I can't go across the country to Doug's house. I have no money is the sentiment that 90% of Doug's fans should heed.

Did you say 90? I think you left a nine off of that. 99. Yeah. So many people are like, oh, I don't have any money. I shouldn't go. I'm going. I'll be there tomorrow.

So I've never been here before. No, we've interviewed James Amen. Right, you guys know. You know about the people with the one-way tickets. So we got here on Sunday night, just in time to watch my Chicago... See, I'm a Bears fan, and we walk into

the Bears-Packers game, and the funhouse is filled with Packers fans. I've been on the road for a thousand miles. There'sackers game, and the funhouse is filled with Packers fans. I've been on the road for 1,000 miles. There's a few teams, and Green Bay is one of them, that they will all show up at the funhouse. Yeah, they did. And you showed up at kickoff. At kickoff.

With one block, Ben. Yeah, and April. And April, and well, Andrew didn't make it, but it was a... Steve. Yes. We had plenty of people here it, but it was a... Steve. Yes. We had plenty of people here representing. Plenty of Packers fans. That's a fine welcome.

And I was lucky I got here when I did, because I was able to sit down and enjoy the 14 seconds of the game in which the Bears were not trailing. So that was a highlight for me. Zero to zero in the first quarter was the highlight. So that happened. So then I just decided to get really drunk. quarter was the highlight uh so that happened so then we did i just decided to get really drunk so then the next day monday morning uh we wake up in a hungover

haze and we have a puppy dog that needs to be walked so we go out for a walk and it's i don't know eight o'clock in the morning uh and uh it turns out in uh the desert of arizona it's super bright the sun is actually fucking shining really brightly all the time so we walk out of the house and uh immediately we got the dog on the leash and immediately my girlfriend's like oh we need hats i'm like i'll be right back all of our shit is still, we didn't unpack, you know, football night. We just, you know, we just got here and started drinking. You got out of the car. And I started taking abuse from Packers fans immediately.

And so it's now the next morning. All of our shit is still packed up. We've just got the bare bones essentials. I don't have any hats. I don't have hats in the travel bag. So I'm like, well, I'll just get a hat. I don't have hats in the travel bag. So I'm like, well, I'll just get a hat.

We're staying in the little, the tiny house, the orange house right there on the south wall of the safe house. It's like a guest house. We call it the little house. Is it the little house? Yeah. It's the one in between a whiskey girl and no-wear man's house and the main house. And so we're staying in there. So I'm like, well, there's probably, you know, there's shit everywhere here.

And by shit, I mean cool stuff. You look around. It's like a mercantile with no price tags. There's got to be a fucking hat. Yeah. You know, that shouldn't be that difficult. So I go into the house, and I'm looking around, and I'm like, oh, top of the fridge. Oh, here's a hat right here.

So I pick up this trucker-style baseball cap, and I go to put it on my head. I'm like, oh, this will work perfectly. It'll be fine. But luckily, I read it first because it says in bold – it's like a trucker cap, like a Judah Friedlander 30 Rock. Like the foam front and the mesh back. Like the one that Judah Friedlander always wore on 30 Rock. It had like a – The snaps in the back. Yeah.

And on the front of it, it says in capital letters in a giant font like it's like it's a transfer type right and it's the font is big big like uh like the chicago tribune is declaring that uh the uh japanese have bombed pearl harbor do he defeats truman right so it says emblazoned on the front of this trucker's cap, it says, nigger it up. So I'm like, oh, maybe I won't wear this on the first day. Like, it just, I mean, I guess the moral of the story is read your clothing before you wear it, kids. Because that's quite a first impression for my new neighbors in Bisbee. They just put, you know, throw the hat on,

take the dog out, wave at everybody. Morning, how you doing? Hey, just came to town. Just got here. Pleasure to meet you. Beautiful day. Make it up. There's someone friendly here.

Why does everyone keep looking at us? Right. Yeah, and then you make some friends with people you don't want to be friends with. Like, wait a minute. He says we're having a rally later. Yeah, exactly. I made a bunch of new friends.

So, yeah, that was within the first 18 hours of being here. And here we are. It's Veterans Day, Shaylee. Did you know that? I do. That means UPS showed up, but the United States Postal Service did not. They need the day off to honor our veterans. It's Veterans Day, which for me

doesn't mean a lot because as an Erickson I come from a long line of cowards and draft dodgers. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm familiar with your work. Yes. Yeah. My dad, my grandpa, Grandpa Don Erickson, got out of World War

II because he had flat feet. Isn't that the most hackneyed, cliched reason? You didn't think that was actually even a real reason? At a point, you couldn't even get out for sucking dick. Yeah. But you could get out for flat feet. Flat feet, you can't go. You've got to stay here.

So he didn't have to go, and he got his wife pregnant with my dad. And then my dad, I was born in 1967, and my dad, when I was growing up in the 70s my dad would always tell me he's like, whenever I would fuck up or do something, my dad would say the only reason you're even on this earth was to keep me out of Vietnam and that war's over

yeah, so didn't that mean you could do whatever the fuck you wanted to because you kept him from going to war I mean, if think i mean if you think about it i maybe i wasn't thinking it through that way i think what he was trying to point out was that my usefulness had fucking ended and the war was done and he wasn't going to go anywhere so straighten your shit out but uh yeah so it's uh it's veterans day uh which uh i i guess i just want to say thank you to all of our soldiers

without you who would be the worldwide police force for the America Corporation I mean you're very vital and important and thank you for all you do if you were in a war that we

that was necessary, like the Civil War or... Was the Civil War necessary? It was necessary because those racist fucking cocksuckers in the South... I've been watching Deadwood, so that kind of... Well, the Civil War was necessary, man. I mean, you know, when half the country decides they don't want to be part of the country anymore, that's war. There's a reason

to live. And World War I and World War II, necessary wars. The rest of them, if you went to it, I'm sorry. If you got drafted, I'm sorry. You know, you shouldn't have gone, but you did, and that's brave. But if you just, anybody who's

joined the service after the draft, if you volunteer, you signed up to be in the army of your own free will. I don't understand why you think you need to be thanked for that. Don't just stare at me silently. I'm waiting to see where this is going. You're teetering on this thing where like you're using knowledge and we don't usually have a lot of that on this podcast. Oh, really? I'm sorry.

No, no. Go with it. I just don't know where a lot of that on this podcast. Oh, really? I'm sorry. Go with it. I just don't know where it's going. This has never happened before? I'm scribbling things, but it's nonsense. When was the draft? Look up that word. Google this phrase.

You're like Ox in fucking Stripes. Well, I thought I better join the army before I got drafted. Oh, there is no more draft docs. There was one? Wait, let me get this straight. The Civil War was within our country? It was both our sides against our sides? We couldn't lose. That was the best

part. Excuse me. You'll edit that cough out, right? There needs to be a cough button. This is a professional podcast. I'll bet you Mark Maron has a cough button in the garage. I'll put a button there, but it won't do anything to the recording. It would be nice if there was a button I could put. Here's my track mouse. Oh, that'll work.

Yeah, just touch that track ball. Yeah, just... All right, hang on. Let me see if it... Oh, it works, dude. Perfect. Oh, totally. I just clicked onto some porn.

I just clicked onto some porn. If you've signed up to be in the Army or any of our armed forces, that's fine. But you know the deal, right? I don't understand. I'm a little tired of the, oh, we've got to thank our troops for defending our freedom and all this shit you're not defending anybody's freedom I mean they read papers they know what's going on

you know better than that I mean if you want to do it that's fine go ahead and do it but you should now you need me to throw you a fucking parade for a hero you're sure fucking needy hold on a second doesn't this encompass all veterans isn't that really what we're thinking of we're not well i i this is why i said at the beginning it goes back a long way but this is why i said at the beginning if

you were in one of our necessary wars if you if you went off in world war ii to fight the fucking nazis that was a thing that needed to be done that was a thing that was happening they were marching across europe they were fucking yeah it turns out hitler was kind of a dick so like really yeah bad breath uh uh very flatulent oh really yeah yeah maybe that's why he was so angry well who wouldn't be right yeah absolutely uh so the people around him yeah well he didn't they gotta put up with it too they to pretend like there's no problem. So do you think there were lots of moments where, like, I mean, he's the big boss. Like, you can't fucking call him out, you know?

Like, do you have to pretend you're not smelling Hitler's fart? Yeah, like. Like, like. No, no, I'm itching my nose. And you're, like, walking. Yeah. No one can say anything. And Hitler knows he fucking just crop dusted the entire.

Or I guess there's got to be a better analogy for that. It's got to be more of a gassing. He's actually practicing his techniques on his fucking Nazi cabinet. But you'd have to pretend that you weren't smelling it or you didn't hear Hitler just fart. No, no, you couldn't acknowledge it. But maybe it's like when you live near an airport. You don't hear them. You just eventually. You don't hear the planes coming over.

That's just him farting. Yeah, I mean. Ah, the Führer. Yeah. The new Nazi is like, oh, do you guys hear it? No, don't. Just, no, we don't even hear those anymore But my point is that If you

So like when the other people Are talking about it Carpet bomb means a different thing Yeah Well that was his style He liked to get all of his Fucking Highest SS

Officers into a room And he'd lock them in And then fucking gas them Trial runs Wait a minute You mean there's no ventilation SS officers into a room and he'd lock them in and then fucking gas them. Trial runs. Wait a minute. You mean there's no ventilation? Yeah. So it's Veterans Day.

Where were we? It's Veterans Day. Clearly. That's what we were talking about. I guess my point is... The point you were making... I don't care about the troops. I don't fuck them. Listen, you were saying that when the troops went out and signed up... No, when the guys signed up to go to war, to fight Hitler, there was an objective.

That was a necessary thing. And this was a world threat. And that was right. And they deserve our thanks for doing something that needed to be done. It's like if you were here at the fucking safe house and you looked around and you said, Oh, my God, someone needs to fucking go around and pick up all the fucking beer cans from the fun house. The football game's over. And then you were the one who did that.

Then people would say to you, Thank you for doing that. That was a nice thing. It needed to be done. That's the soldiers from World War II and World War I. That shit needed to be done. But every war since then has either been a mistake or

a crime, frankly. So if you sign up, especially people like Korea and Vietnam, I mean, sure, we were helping the people of south korea in the korean war but it was probably still a mistake to do it and vietnam was obviously a complete sure boondoggle and if if you got drafted into those wars i feel sorry for you and you were brave to have gone but you don't deserve thanks you didn't do anything

you're not you know you could have just said no i'm not fucking going and and and that would have maybe made your life a hell but it also would have been the right thing to do so you don't need to be you know but after the draft is over there is i am not thanking one fucking person after that because you haven't done anything to help me. You shouldn't want my thanks or need it or feel like you deserve it. You're just a hired gun for America. And that's fine if that's what you want to do. But, you know, I want to do comedy.

I don't need America to fucking have a parade for me and thank me for it, although they should. They should. They should. They should. Yeah. So, basically, I'll be selling T-shirts on the Doug Standout podcast

that say, fuck the troops. That's not what you're saying. That is what I'm saying. Is it? No, it's not what I'm saying. But kind of. They just seem...

Like, here's the thing. All right. So, you know you know oh these soldiers these poor soldiers they all suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder yeah yeah it turns out trying to fucking kill people will fuck with your psyche yeah you shouldn't do that to yourself you that's my point you signed up for this there is if anyone signs up for the army now and is unaware of what the fuck is going on in the army then you're you're an idiot right why should why should i feel sorry for you that you're suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder because the series of huts you had to

run into in kabul were booby trapped and filled with children and you shot a couple of kids accidentally and oh my god, it was all terrible. Yeah, it's fucking terrible. You signed up to go to a terrible... You could have not done that. If you don't want to suffer from PTSD, there is a cure for that. And that is don't join the fucking army, you dummy.

So happy Veterans Day. I'm waiting for the second half of the analogy. Of like cleaning up the beer cans and being thanked. Yeah. And then what's the other part of that? The people who think they deserve thanks who don't really do that much. But I need the analogy part of like the people that hang around the compound.

Right. So like if you're like one of those soldiers who thinks that, who's pissed off because you have post-traumatic stress disorder and you can't work, even though you signed up to be in the Army, and now you can't work and you feel like America doesn't give a fuck about you anymore. want to say to you is stop playing video games in Doug's house on the couch and pick up a fucking couple of beer cans after the football game is over. That's all I'm fucking saying. And we will thank you then if you do something that is helpful.

They aren't veterans. No, I know. But you said the analogy. Yeah, I wasn't talking about Chad. I don't know him. He's probably a murderer and a killer and I don't want to get on his bad side. Only in his head. That's the only place you need to be a murderer, by the way. That's the important part. If you're a murderer

in your leg, you'll probably get people around you will be fine. But if you're a murderer in your head, that's fucking trouble. Or safer than in real life. Oh, you mean he just plays it out. I just thought you meant, oh, he thinks he's one. So, I mean, that's the first step to becoming one

is to believe. You've got to believe in yourself. You know, if you're a young... You haven't met Chad. Chad is... I like Chad already. Chad's intense. Wipes sweat from brow. Swallows hard. Gulp. He sounds like a good guy. Voice change. Alright, I have to pee really bad.

We've had a lot of drinks. Yeah, we can... You can keep talking. Oh, well, yeah. Yeah, sure. Why not? Or take a break. Hey, I'll do what I want. This is the Doug Stanhope podcast starring Brett Erickson. So, yeah.

I'll take a break. TheShadyDell.com. That is where you stay. If you come to Bisbee and you're staying at The Shady Dell and I'm in town, I will have a beer with you. I won't hang out that long. We're not going to be good friends. I don't want you to fucking tell me you're going to kill yourself.

But if you're staying at TheShadyDell.com, I don't want you to fucking tell me you're going to kill yourself. But if you're staying at theshadydell.com, vintage trailer park with all 50s, 60s trailers that we live a mile away from and we look for reasons to go stay there, come to theshadydell.com. Sponsored by... I might even come in and clean your toilet.

I don't know. Sex! Rulers of the underpants universe! Sex! Keep your balls off your legs and such! Sex underwear. Don't have sweaty balls. Was that good?

I don't know. That's Safety Ram. Yeah. Yeah, he might have to go to the fun house too because he's a ram. So where did this ram come from? Safety. This doesn't make any sense to anybody. No, we're just talking.

I don't. Okay, good. Whether it goes in or... The man came from Tampa. It was given to us... Are you going to talk into the mic or are you just going to do that? I thought we weren't putting this on the air. There's no reason to have this in front of you

unless you're talking into it. You just moved it one-eighth of a fucking inch. And now I can hear you. Are you kidding me? Like it wasn't recording before? You sounded like you were in Darth Vader's bathroom until Shaylee moved the mic one-eighth of an inch. No, I don't want to. No way.

Put that on. Thank you, Tracy. Put that on, please, is what you meant to say, Mr. Shaylee. Safety Ram is a plaster Paris ram painted like the kind of thing you make

it and then you paint it in craft class in sixth grade. Or you can buy the actual figure and then you just right and then you right so uh this was given to carrie mitchell when when she left tampa maybe 10 years ago and uh for whatever reason it was such a dumb gift that whoever gave it to us uh it was uh our friend marina said, oh, yeah, you know Marina, she's fun. So she said, yeah, it's a Ram. We're like, why a Ram? She goes, oh, you're traveling a long way. It's a safety Ram.

Like it's for safety for whatever reason. So we've always had it and we brought it here. And even though our truck was literally as fucking full as it could be, we had to make room for safety RAM. That's a good shitty gift for Christmas tag. Oh, thank you. What's this? That's a safety

colander. It's for safety. You like safety, don't you? Are you anti-safety? What's Eskimo fruitcake? Eskimo fruitcake? That's like... Hey, listen, Tracy, there's no need for name-calling. Eskimo fruitcake That's like Hey listen Tracy there's no need for name calling Eskimo Fruitcake is our edit point Okay so

Hey Eskimo Fruitcake was my rap name When I used to tour Homer I play Homer And then Anchorage and then Fairbanks Well you did those two shows in Seward Seward and Wasilla.

I'm actually half Palin. Ooh. Yeah. But the retarded half. I'm the retarded half. Claiming it. Yeah. Oh, why not?

I mean, it's all about fame. So I wanted to ask you when you met Doug. You wanted to ask me or you are asking me? Hey, you know what? When did you meet Doug? You wanted to ask me or you are asking me? Hey, you know what? When did you meet Doug? Thanks. Doug who?

Get it? I met Doug in the fall of 2002 at Sidesplitters Comedy Club in Tampa, Florida, United States of America. And the opening joke that he told see like i was opening for him and he was one of my favorite people in the world but obviously he didn't know me from adam okay hold on let me let me back you up a little bit mitchell was your girlfriend carrie mitchell working there she was a bartender and a waitress at the club.

Sidesplitters is like this classic 80s style. Yeah, it's in a strip mall. Strip mall comedy club. And it's owned by Bobby Jewell, who every comic in the country knows, who is, he's like, you know, we just made fun of Dan Conlin in Peoria. The last podcast. Right, who is one of my dearest friends. Dan Conlin is a maniac, but he means what his heart is.

Dan Conlin's heart is good. It's good. He really wants to do well. Bobby Jewell's heart is black and cold. And he really is a bad person. That's just the way it is. And so he ran the Sides splitters comedy club and uh so i was dating carrie mitchell who was working there so i was also working there that week and doug was

headlining at his april of 2002 and his opening joke was hey i just got back from uh the aspen comedy festival and the big topic of discussion was, after 9-11, when will it be okay to do comedy again? Audible gasp from the audience. 9-11 reference, and then he goes, I say June 3rd. Because on 9-11, there were 6,800 people killed at the World Trade Center.

Now there's only 2,900 people dead. At that rate, on or about June 3rd, no one will have died at the World Trade Center, and we can finally let fly with the funny. And I was in love right away. And that was back in the day when Doug was still playing clubs that would book him because he was a good touring comic. And the audience was made up of people who a third of the crowd really liked him and

came because it was him. And a third of the crowd came because they liked the club and it was Wednesday. And another third of the crowd came because they got a coupon. A free appetizer. Yeah. So, I mean, immediately within the first two minutes, that's when he walked the room a lot. I've seen enough. Right.

Chairs scooting back. Yeah, yeah. But it was fucking fantastic. And we've been... In fact, Doug was so enamored with Carrie Mitchell and I and our love for each other that he proposed to a lady the next day. At Sidesplitters? In Tampa.

In Tampa. I don't know about this. Yeah, you've met her, Renee. Oh. Oh! He proposed to her the next fucking day. She showed up that, like, she showed up maybe that night or something, and we just, we all just got really drunk and probably did a bunch of drugs.

And we just all were hugging. And we just had the best time, just the fucking greatest time. And maybe it's not causal, but I like to think it is, that he proposed to Renee the next day. Yeah. And that's worked out swimmingly for everyone. Yeah. A couple years later later they got fake

married at tommy rocker's right in vegas absolutely with extreme elvis naked on stage drinking his own piss yeah it's a giant fat storybook it's a storybook listen it's actually kind of hackneyed and cliche a little bit i mean at this point you know god so yeah so that's when, so that's when I met Doug. So that was a long time ago now, it turns out. And then a year later, he had the first desert party. Desert party in Panama Springs. And, yeah. And that's when we met. That's when I met you.

He invited me, and I brought Carrie Mitchell and the Tampa crew. And we ended up with the cabin right next to one greg shaley and solo solo to the desert park and uh and uh so so we meet him and at one point uh me and uh carrie mitchell and uh rob and joe getting really drunk and greg is looking through this telescope at the stars and we're like hey can we look through your telescope, man? And we all became really good buddies. And then we ate a bunch of mushrooms. Here's what I remember about the first desert party.

And maybe this is stupid to people who don't have any idea, but I don't really care. This is 2003. Yeah. May. The hottest part of the desert. Right. Where they can't even get anyone to get the rooms.

We've rented out the entire block of rooms. Right. It was easy to rent out the rooms because no one wanted to go there. Yeah, no one's there anyway. In the middle of... They're usually not painting them and not refurbishing them at that period of time. So we're hanging out the very first night and we're having our little... The very first year we had a dinner where everyone got to meet. This is the point where it's weird now that because of the desert parties,

a lot of us know each other now for a very long time. And we feel like we've all... But this is when we were all first meeting. The only thing we had in common was that we all knew Doug. Yeah. And a lot of the people were from the message board and all these people. But we're all actually physically meeting for the first time. I knew Doug and Renee.

Yeah? Those are the only people that I knew. I knew Doug. Yeah. You know? And the three girls you brought. And the three girls I brought. Which, by the way, that's a harem.

Yeah. Bringing out three females. Well, here's the thing. And here's the best part was that it that it was obviously it was a great time and when i remember that carrie mitchell and and we're so proud because when doug blogged about this afterwards he's like yeah the first night such and such such happened whatever he's like the next morning i get up and the only people up are uh erickson and the tamper crew and then parentheses the only real professionals out here.

These bitches know what they're doing. They're professionals. So anyway... And so professional, they didn't laugh at all the losers who went to bed before 8 a.m. Well, here's the difference. Here's what I've noticed about Carrie Mitchell

and the Tampa girls that I've hung out with down there. And this is going to sound extremely uh sexist i guess but i don't mean it to be a lot of times you meet a girl and the partying aspect of it is oh my god i've had 12 spritzers and i'm so wasted oh i'm gonna have a 13th i've had 13 last like these are the kind of bitches who don't tell you the shit they're doing. They're keeping everything on this super secret down low. And then later, if you're cool enough to hang out with them,

they're like, hey, come over here. Have some of this. 2 a.m., they have a cold beer. It's like, how the fuck? Where did you get that? When we walked in, jackass, you always throw three beers in the crisper because no one's going to look there. No one looks in the crisper. And you're like, that's very cool.

And then you pop the beer and they're like, here, snort some of this. All right, perfect. Where the fuck did that come from? Where did you get that? Oh, you don't know the Tampa Scrape? Yeah. You don't know the Tampa Scrape? Tampa Scrape.

Exactly right. So that was the crew and that was the first year. But this was my favorite part of that is that the very first memories of that was we were at this dinner and uh and it's like an outdoor barbecue thing first night no one knows anyone no one knows anybody the gal who is own who owned the place at the time who no longer owns it she decided hey i'll do a dinner a barbecue dinner for everyone like 12 bucks a head the chicken and burgers right and we'll feed

everyone here. That was the first and only time they ever did that. And that's what you're talking about. And no one knew anyone, so you were sitting like park bench style at tables where you had to either look like a douche and eat by yourself

or you talked to the people you were with. And then we all started to get to know each other. And then all of a sudden there was was just some sort of commotion. And I look up, and there's this guy on the road across the street and down the hill, maybe an eighth of a mile away down the hill, a naked man on rollerblades. And everyone's pointing like, oh, my God, what the fuck? And at that point, I don't know that any of us, I certainly didn't, knew if he was part of what we were doing.

I mean, there was a lot of weirdness happening out there. You didn't know what was on in Death Valley. Right, and at this point, we don't all know each other. This could be Wednesday night. This could be how they do it. But immediately, the Skyline crew, Cliffy, and the gang from the Skyline, which I take it back, I actually did know the Skyline crew

because they're part of my area. But Skyline Comedy Club Which I take it back, I actually did know the Skyline crew because they're part of my area. But Skyline Comedy Club in Appleton. In Appleton. Yeah. And he brought a giant slingshot water balloon launcher. So like immediately we're like, oh, we know exactly how to handle this naked rollerblader

problem. And we start launching fucking water balloons at this guy from like an eighth of a mile they're majestically flying through the air and they start to land around him and that's when he's like oh fuck and he's like he's trying to go back up this hill on his rollerblades and he's being pelted with these water balloons and he's shaking his fist at us and i thought it was the funniest fucking thing i've ever seen so so later i find out well this guy he's he's part of the uh part of the crew i see this guy this kid later and he's this guy, he's part of the crew.

I see this kid later. He's not a local. He's wasted. This kid is wasted out of his mind. And he goes and he passes out in Doug and Renee's cabin, the main fucking cabin. And he's wearing these overalls and he's already puked once and he's like a hot mess. So a couple hours later he wakes up and he comes out of the front of uh doug's uh main the main cabin and everyone's cheering like oh he's he's up and he's like yeah he does like his

obligatory like i'm up thing and then everyone's looking at him so he's trying to do something funny so he goes along the the little walkway the steps was just lined with uh you know half full cups and beers and shit and he's doing he starts doing the fucking caddyshack spalding thing at the country club where he just starts everyone's cheering and he's waving and he starts pounding these fucking half half empty drinks yeah and then as if it's a scene like he gets a fucking butt filled right just like it's from fucking caddyshack and he immediately starts starts, like he's going to throw up again. I'm like, this fucking kid is out of his mind.

So like five minutes after that, Carrie Mitchell and I are walking out of our cabin. And at this point, we're eating some mushrooms. And we're fucking giggly. And we're like, the stars are all shiny. And all of a sudden, we see this fucking same kid coming toward us. And we're giggling like stars are all shiny. And all of a sudden we see this fucking same kid coming toward us and we're giggling like he can't see us.

You know, like, oh my God, here comes that kid. I got to giggle. And he looks at us and he goes, hey, see you at the after party. And I fucking lost my shit. Like, how fucking funny was that? So then the next thing that happened is that right after that is when i'm we really met you and really got to know you on the porch and we we went and that's when we went

out on the road like the one highway that runs past panama only not the one right only well actually one means only but let's not fucking quibble. So it goes forever. It's just a straight line down into the valley and back up the other side. I mean, it's probably six or seven miles to the top of the other plateau. Yeah, you can see it. Whatever it is. You can see until the road disappears. Right.

You can see a car coming at night for 45 minutes before it gets there. Yeah, yeah. And so we go walking down this road, and it's me and you and Joey and and Kerry Mitchell and we're all tripping on mushrooms and we're giggling

and we're fucking and we're looking at the stars. First time I ever did mushrooms, by the way. Really? First time ever. And it was, but we're just having,

like, we're all just hugging and laughing. It's the time of our fucking lives and we're like a couple of miles down the road and all of a sudden we hear this fucking weird sound behind us and we're like, what the fuck? And like, at first it's like time of our fucking lives and we're like a couple of miles down the road and all of a sudden we hear this fucking weird sound behind us we're like what the fuck and like

at first it's like everyone's like everyone thinks they're the only person who's fucking hearing this weird you look around like what yeah what the fuck is that like from the sky or like it's like what the fuck is that and then all of a sudden we all realize that we're all hearing it so it's like a real thing that's happening and And we're like, what the fuck? And then we realized that somebody is fucking coming up this road like on foot, I guess, maybe. It's just weird. So we all just dive off the edge of the road into the ditch, into the shoulder. Like there's enough of a ditch. We kind of just like hide down into the rocks and gravel.

And then in the – and it's fucking, I don't know, 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning. It's like – it's pitch black. We were in o'clock in the morning. It's pitch black. We were in the middle of the fucking desert. It's pitch black. And we were on the only highway through there. So all of a sudden, past us, silently and quickly, is this vision of a fucking person, right? Like, I guess, maybe a person.

It looked like a superhero running. is this vision of a fucking person, right? Like, I guess, maybe a person. Like, it looked like a superhero running. Like, when you're tripping, like we were, like, it looked like the bionic man, like the old... Yeah, but it even looked like that because you're seeing tracers off of him as he's running. And then we all look at each other,

like, we're all super quiet because we're freaked the fuck out. Huddled down in a shoulder. Yeah, we're like, holy fuck, did that just happen? Like, a fucking ghost just ran past us so then like so after he's gone we hop back up on the road and we walk for a little while and we start giggling we kind of forget it's even happened and we end up we walk all the

fucking way back to to the to the house the main place the main yeah and that's when we we all camp out on these recliners right in the front of the place. Now, the party, the main party is happening behind the place in front of Doug's main cabin, which is like – There's kind of like a bent line of 12 cabins. Right. And then a main cabin that had a couple extra rooms, which was like – that was the place where everyone who didn't have a place stayed. And that was where the party was. and that was where the party was. And then between that big cabin and the main place where you checked in

and there was a restaurant, that line of cabins, there was a road, like a little access, that you would park your car. Yeah, but I'm not even talking about that road. I'm talking about in front of the main road. Maybe you don't remember this. We sat in the recliners in front of the main fucking...

I'm just saying, the way it's set up is it goes highway, check-in spot, access road to the cabins, the cabins, and then back. So it just kind of went in layers back there. And parties would break out in the cabins, out in front where we were, and way back in that other area. Right.

So we're sitting on these reclining chairs in front of the whole place, right on the highway. And we're still just tripping balls and drinking and giggling. And all of a sudden, out of the fucking, out of the nothingness, comes this fucking sound again. And we all look at each other like, oh, my fucking God. And then, all of a sudden, out of the blurry fog comes this vision. And it's a real person. And he just comes and he runs right up to us and fucking stops.

And we're all like, holy fuck. And we look up and it's the same fucking guy. It's the same guy on the rollerblades we were shooting the water balloons at. It's the same guy who passed out early in the overalls and who fucking drank the cigarette butts. It's the same guy who said, hey, I'll see you at the after hours. And he fucking runs up and he's perfectly fucking sober and awesome and on point. And it's fucking Andy Andrus. That's how I met Andy fucking Andrus. I'm like, are you for real, dude?

He's like, hey, hey, yeah, yeah, good, good. And from that point on, like, yeah, Andy. And it's been that ever since. And it was Andy. He was so fucked up. And if you know Andy, he runs. So the only way he could shake it off, like he had to fucking shake it off,

is that he went to his tent, he changed into running clothes, and he took off on a fucking six or seven mile fucking run at two in the morning in the middle of the fucking desert. And he ran past us. But we were freaking... Who the fuck... Why would we think there was someone from the party jogging at fucking 2 a.m.?

It's all about us. It has to be some sort of fucking ghost mushroom runner. But yeah, Andy Andrist. And he was king of the party that year. He was fucking well-deserved. After that of the party that year and he was fucking well deserved after that any andy that year actually two years in a row he kept showing up doing things that were just fucking amazing because later on after he did his run i remember we were sitting on those lounging like like pool loungers yeah like recliners yeah total and we were just kicking back talking

whatever and then all of a sudden someone it was like a couple levels like there was the parking lot level and there was a stairs like six steps up uh-huh then it was a little bit of a landing then it went a couple stairs up and then it was like where the veranda was yeah and then you would walk into the building at one point we were just sitting there talking on the lower level and a radio flyer wagon flew out and it was Andy jumping the steps. This is it because that's the next chapter to the story because once you realize it's Andy Andrus, and if you know Andy,

then you know that once Andy realized he was killing with us. We were shrooming and laughing, and we were laughing at everything he said. Now that he's found an audience that loves him, all of a sudden, he's now on. The next thing he did was come flying past us in an old radio flyer wagon. Yeah, all fucking pell-mell and fucking bloody and fucking dusty

and wiping out in the fucking gravel for our entertainment. Didn't he paint himself? He painted himself completely blue. Was it blue? Yeah. Yeah. Wasn't it blue? It looked blue to me, man.

That was silver. It might have been silver. It might have been silver. It might have been silver. It might have been silver. I think it was silver. But it was Blue Man group style. He was completely fucking. Like his back.

He had someone do his back. I think at some point someone even said, is that the kind of paint you should be putting on your... I don't know. Those aren't the questions you ask someone who's painted themselves in the desert. No, it's just

semi-gloss latex. I got it from the fucking shed behind the restaurant. So, yeah. So, Panamint Springs Resort in Death Valley.

The only resort in Death Valley. People go there. We don't anymore. I don't know why. I wouldn't go there. We don't anymore. I don't know why. It's overrated. Too many Germans. Two years ago, I went on the road with Doug with Jeff Tate, and we had a lot of fun.

I was there. Yeah, you were there. I was telling you, and you were there. Yeah, you were there. I was telling you, and you were there. But when we set that up, I got a phone call from the Scotsman, Brian Hennigan. Wait, when they were setting up you going on tour? Yeah.

Yeah, but that's how I, you know, Brian Hennigan called me and said, and I can't do a Scottish accent, so you just have to add it in yourself. Let me see if I can do it. Tell me what to say. He said, how about you just tell me what Henning would be telling me. But I want to know what he told you.

I'll edit this creatively. Okay, good. Okay, so he told me that Doug wanted to do a tour. He wanted me to go on a tour with him. And he said, but there was one stipulation, and that was that I had to have merch.

And did I have any merch? And I said, no, I don't have any merch right now. And he said, well, you have to have merch. And then I said, but I don't have any merch. And he said, well, Doug said that he's not taking any comedian on the road with him who's too fucking stupid not to have merch. And he said, well, Doug said that he's not taking any comedian on the road with him who's too fucking stupid not to have merch. So, at that point,

I got Dan Conlin, our favorite crazy comedy club owner, who's nice enough... From the Jukebox in Peoria, Illinois. From the Jukebox Comedy Club in Peoria, Illinois, that you should probably go see Andy Kindler coming up in two weeks. Dan was nice enough to give me a week of headlining work so that I could record it and make a CD,

which I titled Merch, and which is available somehow. I don't know how. You don't even know how? I don't even know. I don't even think I have any left. I don't know where. They're in storage.

I'm creating more value by not allowing them to be no i get it and then you're smart dude you're doing the bootlegs on uh ebay dude if you want to come record me and fucking put it out there like it's the fucking like it's umphreys mcgee i'm fucking down do it really yeah i don't know uh so yeah i was going to do the the hennigan but then you just kept going. I'm sorry. I forgot you were editing. I know. That's all right.

But that's, yeah, so that's how that went down. I forgot why we brought that up. I think the pop-off vodka is kicking in. I love that sound. Yeah? Yeah. Where did you get that? You mean, where did I get this?

Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville Cougars. I just see the S-I-U-E. And you don't know what that means? No. Because I live in the real world. I pay for my daughter to go to college, and in return, I get this. Are you still paying? Yeah. Not to put too fine a point on it. And in return, I get this. Are you still paying? Well, yeah. Not to put too fine a point on it.

Well, I mean, at the moment, not. Not if you don't buy some merch, fucking assholes. And where do you buy that merch? DougStanhope.com, I believe. How do you profit from that? How do I profit from that? I don't profit from that. Oh, you mean my merch?

You can't get it. That's what I meant. Eventually, you'll be able to get it. But seriously, by then, there's like so few copies floating it. That's what I meant. Eventually, you'll be able to get it. Seriously, but then there's so few copies floating around. It's going to be so valuable, dude. My goal is to only have one CD, like one. I think Wu-Tang did this. You only have one, then someone's going to pay a lot of money for it.

You only got to make one. Oh, one disc. One disc. Yeah. In this day and age, do you think that's possible? No. No. I don't know.

Yeah. I guess not. But I have a... A daughter that you're paying... A thermit. I was going to say a thermos, but you say daughter. I have a thermos. It's not a thermos.

It is a thermos. It's fucking... A thermos has a screw top. No, this is a fucking progressive space age thermos. No, that's a... progressive space age thermos. No, that's a... Listen to this. This is a thermos, and it will keep your drink, as a thermos will, hot and or cold. And this thing is fucking badass.

You can pour coffee into this, and tomorrow it will burn your fucking mouth. And how much are you selling those for on your website? I will sell these on my website. Or that one. BrendanWalsh.org. I have the one. BrendanWalsh.org. BrendanWalsh.org.

It's $350 and I'll sell it to you. And it'll come filled with pop-off vodka and iced tea and lemonade. Wouldn't it be better if it was going to arrive at your door with hot coffee? Because that's the claim. It actually would be better. It'll fucking burn you. It really is good. So my daughter went to college, and in exchange for my paying for her college, I get a thermos.

Erickson, I want to make this distinction. The only reason you're sitting here across from me is because doug's in australia and right it's her first moments in college she's a freshman she just started college yeah so once they go to college you're done parenting right i mean i'm pretty sure i think a lot of people have different opinions yeah well people are stupid i think we've established that here on the podcast people are fucking idiots. Once my daughter's 19 years old, she can do what the fuck she wants.

Okay. Basically, I'm leaving. Goodbye. If my fucking kids are so fucking shitty. Wait, you just said you're leaving? You left, motherfucker. I left. Well, I was recreating a dramatic moment.

Is this you telling them? Yeah. Hey, I'm fucking leaving. Hey, by the way. Give me my thermos from your college. The reason the light's not on. Ouch, I burned my fucking mouth. God damn it, I put coffee in this yesterday.

It is good, though. Yeah, so. BrendanWalsh.org. BrendanWalsh.org, $350. I feel like this. Like, my kids are 21 and 19. If either one of my kids say to anyone in their lives,

yeah, my dad fucking left. Oh, really? Your dad left you? Yeah, I was 21. I could barely fucking blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? I had to not pay for college. I had to pay for my own phone bill on my own.

Gosh, your dad sounds like a real fucking monster. I mean, after I went over my overages. Yeah, well, I mean, they cover the main part of it, you know. I cover one-third of the overages. And they don't even do that, by the way, just for the record. They're still fully funded in the telephone bill. Even for the example of making a point, you couldn't even give them the bills. It would actually be funnier if they paid some of their bill, but they don't.

But you couldn't incorporate that into the ridiculousness of it? Yeah, you'd think a better comic would. If I was a comic worthy of touring Australia right now, I probably could have spun that into something. Erickson, you've been talking about what you're doing right now. Yeah. Basically since I met you yeah yeah i know and doug talked about that i don't know if he brought it up but uh in previous podcasts he has talked about you opening for him and being this fucking crusher comic that can handle the fucking well let's see if he can fucking follow me first how about that really no isn't that all he did on tour well i mean he went up i mean yeah he went up after i went out i mean technically if you're counting you chronologically yeah he followed me but i did

he really he paid you and you didn't pay him yeah there's that part of it he paid me really good money and i gave him nothing in return other than... Like an asshole that he is. Yeah, he's a buzzkill. Making you go first and taking money. Oh, my God. Instead of... All the slings and arrows up front.

I mean, comics know. That's the fucking brutal part. I mean, if you can go up after someone's fucking taken all that shit, and it's just fucking... It's a walk in the park. I'm doing the fucking heavy lifting here, and Stanhope comes in at the last minute, says a couple of outrageous things, makes some references

nobody understands. Yeah, fucking chugs his fucking drink, wears a suit that looks really funny and now he's a fucking comedy genius. Meanwhile, I'm out in the fucking alley. I'm out in the alley talking to my kids on the phone. Yeah, kids, I'd love to be with you and help you with

your homework, but fucking Doug Stanhope making me fucking be in Saginaw, Michigan right now at this fucking terrible theater. I gotta fucking open up for this fucking guy. You guys want to go to college, right? This is what I gotta do. Hold on a second. I gotta talk to this dude. I gotta get some coke.

Hang on a minute. Hang on. This wink wink. No, it's my kids. Don't worry about it. Yeah, no, they're cool. So what's a half? My kids are cool. What's a half?

Are you going to drink? No. I want that. I'm establishing a thing. It's going to be like, you know how, I'm about to ask you the dumbest question of all time. You know how comedians do callbacks? I'm eventually, like, I want to associate this sound. You said you liked it. I want to associate it with me.

Can you hear that? You got your headphones on? So that eventually I can just eliminate myself from actually talking. I want to be like Zeppo Marx where I'm just that's all I am anymore is just the sound of a thermos full of vodka

jiggling in the ice. I think you need to explain who Zeppo Marks is. Is that even the right Marks brother? I'm not even positive it is. Harpo was the one that didn't talk. Which was the one that had the fucking horn that he fucking... That was Harpo. Then Harpo.

All right, it's Harpo then. See, I didn't even know which one it was. Right, that's what I'm saying. That's what eventually... Zeppo talked. Zeppo was like the greasy... Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, racist. Oh, shit.

No, that was Chico. Chico was the greasy one. Clearly. Zeppo was the smooth operator, right? I thought Groucho was the... No, no, Groucho was like the in-your-face guy. You know who Groucho always reminded me of? Alan Alda from MASH.

That's a dumb joke because he always did the Groucho impressions. Alright, never mind. Edit that out. We'll fix that in post, you guys. The thing with Groucho, no one ever mentioned anything that he had paint on his face.

The mustache? Yeah. Or the eyebrows, right? Was it the eyebrows? Did he have eyebrows? Yeah, maybe. But no one said, like, hey, doofus. Hey, fucko.

Yeah. Yeah, fucko. Oh, no, he died in... So maybe it was like the same sort of vibe around the Marx Brothers that Hitler had when he would fart

on the fucking... on the Nazis. Like, no one wanted to say anything. Like, hey, fucking don't mention it. This fucking guy drew a mustache on his goddamn face. Ladies and gentlemen, Brad just experienced

a callback. It was a callback, comedians. It's called being a good comedian. Richard Pryor did nothing but callbacks his whole fucking career. Every show, nothing but fucking callbacks. I said experienced. I meant displayed. Oh, well done.

Oh, here's something I wanted to mention. The fact that Zeppo did talk and you meant Harpo? I meant Harpo. Listen, if you're the kind of person who's sitting out there going, fuck this guy, he doesn't know his Marx Brothers. And they're like, who are the Marx Brothers? You're like way off base. Listen, I enjoyed Brett Erickson's contribution to the Doug Stano podcast right up until the goddamn point that this fucking cocksucker doesn't know the difference between Harpo and Zeppo Marx. Fuck him.

If you're that guy, you know what? I'm cutting you loose. You're free to fucking not like me. When Brett Erickson was really talking shit about veterans and really hammering it home that they deserve no fucking kind of like congratulation for your service. Fuck them. I was okay with that.

But when he couldn't discern between the guy who didn't talk and played a harp expertly and a guy who was a shmarmy dude who fucking ended up getting cut after the first three fucking harp brothers. Zeppo never even made the cut. Zeppo, like, he was in and out. He was like Richie Cunningham's brother after, like, two shows. Chuck. Chuck.

Vietnam War. Yeah. John, right? Is that what happened? Ba-boom! Greg Shaley just did a callback Nicely done He experienced a callback

We all experienced a callback Here's what I was going to say I know that I'll probably be the only person Actually Your lovely lady Miss Tracy is with me on this I know I promise she is I am a your lovely lady Miss Tracy is with me on this I know and maybe you are too

I promise she is I am a and I say this the same way I mention to people that I don't eat meat because it's like one of these things you say and you expect blowback like oh god I am a fucking grammar

file and I did radio for about I am a fucking grammar file. Like, I... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's... And I did radio for about seven years before I started doing stand-up comedy. So I did a lot of radio. How long ago was that? I did radio from 1990 to 1997. Admiral.

Yeah. What did you do on the radio? I did... I was a radio DJ. Are you kidding me? I had a morning radio show in Peoria, Illinois. Okay. Fucking...

What did I do on the radio? Back up. What do you mean, back up? Okay, I'm sorry, what? Want me to do radio? Hey, we're backing up here. Okay, when you say you do radio, a lot of people don't even know what radio is anymore

because they got podcasts and shit like that. When you did radio, you could be a guy who just did voice tracks. you could be a guy who just like did voice tracks you could be a guy who did songs you could if you did the morning show then you could be the morning you could be the host you could be the co-host you could be the fucking you could be the sports guy you could be the weather guy you could be the guy in the street i was the number one afternoon drive jack on country 104.9 wxCL in Peoria, Illinois from 1994 to 1996. That's very specific.

So you fucking asked, buddy. That's what I wanted to know. And I did some morning shows. What did you do on the morning show? I was the host of two different morning radio programs. The lead fucking guy. Did you run the board? Listen, here's what you need to know about Peoria Radio in the 90s.

It was all about the morning zoo. Like, everyone had to have the morning zoo. Craziness. Like, this wild craziness. But what... The problem is... I'm trying to make you feel at home. No, I made the mistake of working for a company that thought you should do that by yourself.

So... I was... Like, when you say, oh, so you were the lead guy, you were the news guy, you were the sports guy? Yeah, I was all those fucking guys. Well, we had a news guy that would come in and we had a girl who did the weather. At the 20s? At the 7s?

It was different on each station because we had four stations and they worked for all four of them. So they would fucking rotate each one down the booths and i was to fight and i had them for the first four minutes and if you weren't on your clock you were fucked there we had to go to the next yeah they're going they got to get over to kfwb the reason i even brought any of this up is because one of my super fucking radio pets no one wants to know about it well what am i like i'm a fucking grammarmophile right And one of my Super pet peeves was

And lots of radio DJs do this So for me to pick On my old stamping ground Of Peoria, Illinois And the radio station I used to listen to For doing this, they're not unique in doing this at all But there's a difference between The words titled

And entitled If you have a band And you have an album in doing this at all. No. But there's a difference between the words titled and entitled. If you have a band and you have an album, you title it something. You don't entitle it. Yes. It's like, fuck,

there's nothing, I fuck, I, oh, well here, you know, this such and such band has a new album.

Entitled? Blah, blah, blah. No, it's not entitled. It's entitling. Entitlement is something, is feeling, what's the definition it's entitlement entitlement is something is feeling what's the definition

of entitlement feeling you deserve something yes right it's not that you named it that that's titled that's the word titled and

I know that radio is dead and it's in its death throes and the people who are still on it are just the people who are not according not according to people in radio well of course but the people who are in radio according to people in radio, by the way. Of course. But the people who are in radio now,

they should understand that they are the September call-ups of radio. They're the guys who are like, hey, listen, we've got 20 more games to play, and we're 50 games out of first place.

We're going to let you guys fucking play shortstop and go up and do some hitting. But it's going to end. There's a finite end to this, and it's very, very soon. We see the end. Right. So the people who are doing, who are on the radio now are these people, and they don't understand.

It pisses me off as a former radio. I shouldn't say pisses me off. I don't really care. But I notice it. Back in the day, you used to be on the radio, and there was a thing. It was a thing to be on the radio because you were licensed by the FCC.

The community that you lived in gave you your radio station an FCC license. You were the professional broadcasters of your goddamn community. So you'd think those people would be the people who knew what words meant. And when they said words, would understand... Communication.

I was a communications major, and I graduated from a college. So when I hear these easily fixable mistakes, I fucking get pissed off. So let me just tell you that mistake number one and pet peeve number one is the difference between the words titled and entitled. If you are an artist and you have a painting or you are a band and you have an album or you are a comedian and you have a DVD, it is titled whatever the fuck you want to title it. to anything other than hanging out on a fucking box under your house and not being sold because

people who listen to your podcast aren't buying enough merch it's really interesting to me now looking back on it that i chose a field i went to college i went like i was in college to do that well i didn't go there to do that i went to college to go to college to fucking get laid and smoke weed and drink. Like your daughter now? Hey, hey, hey. She's a good girl. Like my son. Oh, is he going to a different college?

He's going to a different college. My daughter. This is the difference between my kids. My daughter, I was talking to her yesterday and she's like yeah um i if i get one more a on one more test i don't take any of my finals because i'll have all a's in all my classes and you don't take the finals if you have all a's and my son i'm like have you gotten a job yet he's like what who is this so he's a couple years farther in school than her aren't you so glad you waited this long to come to Panama?

To come down to the same house? Yeah, I was totally worth it. I totally raised him right. Yeah, now I already forgot what I was talking about. I was saying some nonsensical shit about my life in radio. Oh, yeah. This is what I was going to say. It amazes me to think about the fact that i went

to school and was trained and worked in for seven years in the 90s a field that is completely obsolete and going to be absolutely gone i mean there's still going to be some talk radio stations but only a handful across the country they'll be local like like i always wanted doug to set up a local like pirate radio here because a no one would fucking care right and b it is relevant like if you the locals it's like it's like chris and northern exposure you're actually talking to the people you're legitimately talking to people i when i when i first started doing radio in peoria i was a part-timer and then i got my first full-time job In this little town called Princeton

Which is a little town in Illinois Which is right by where I grew up But it was my first full-time job So fuck yeah, I'm going to take it So I was the morning show host on the FM station And I did this wacky morning show And then at 10 a.m. I went over to the AM station

And I did a one-hour interview show That's old school. Yeah, you leapfrogged. Yeah, absolutely. But this was the kind of town and the kind of radio station where the people were actually listening to the station. Like they wanted – All day. All day.

And the information we were disseminating was actually impertinent to their fucking lives, which will – on some level, that will still survive. But the radio thing is over like i got into radio because i wanted to be dr johnny fever i wanted to be i wanted to be stoned and off work at 10 a.m that seemed to me like a fucking perfect plan right so that worked for a while but it blows my mind that the that the job i like if someone would have said to me in 1989 while i was in a senior in college that the whole thing you're doing is pointless because in 20 years this there's going to be this thing called the internet there's going to be this thing called pandora and spotify and it's all just going to go away i would be like podcasts podcasts are you

fucking kidding me like it's all going to go away. Podcast? Podcast. Are you fucking kidding me? It's all going to go away. I would be like, but that's the fact of the matter. And good, and good. Because I had this conversation with a friend of mine who was one of these people who was immediately nostalgic

for anything that's old. And I'm like, yeah, we're talking about radio. Pet rocks and hula hoops. Right. She's a girl who is like, oh, it's a girl I worked with in my swimming pool job.

Super sweet girl. But she's like, yeah, that's too bad about, you know, it's just too bad there's no DJs anymore. I'm like, no, it's not too bad

because here's why. DJs are fucking idiots. If they had any talent at all, they would be doing something else in the entertainment field because radio DJing is the bottom rung of the fucking, of it all.

You don't even have to have as much talent as a party hosting DJ because those people are in front of people. Radio DJing. Eye to eye. Face to face. Absolutely. Way tougher. The DJ has the anonymity

and the distance. They can run the tape. Here we go. The reel-to-reel. You run the reel-to-reel while the song's playing, and you record the jackasses that call in, and it's the same three people all fucking day. And there's no problem.

I mean, it's the bottom rung of the entertainment. Absolutely. It's fake celebrity, I always called it. Being on the radio was fakes you felt you were and you and your employee like the the co-workers you were made to feel like you are more than what you really are right but when you go out to do a fucking in-store you know exactly oh my god well three guys wearing diapers and one girl who thinks she's hot. And you're like, hey, come on down. Dude.

Hey, we're at the Mapco. We got some tickets to give away. I used to, when I worked in Peoria, I used to go every Friday to this giant red boom box that was like the size of a trailer. And it was next to Jim McComb Chevy at the corner of War Memorial and University Emporium. And I would, every Friday afternoon or Saturday morning, it was two of us, Chris Michaels and I, we switched shifts. But one of us did Friday afternoon and the other one did Saturday morning where we were live from the rolling radio. Live from the rolling radio. We're here.

It was a big red boom box we stood inside of it and we and we talked to car car salesmen about the fucking and then and of course every day and every time it was like well brett the deals we had today are the best deals we could ever we got hot dogs we got reba mcintyre tickets like come on down dude so i yeah so i did that so here's my point by the way about this girl about this girl who right this girl who i who was like nostalgic for old radio i'm like no you know what fuck i'm glad it's going away because that's the kind of shit like here's the deal uh it's evolution pandora it just and i i'm not this is not a commercial for pandora i'm just technologically

probably 10 years behind everybody else and i think pandora this is not a commercial for pandora i'm just technologically probably 10 years behind everybody else and i think pandora is a new thing and it's exciting but just the idea that that an algorithm will decide for you based on your likes and dislikes songs you like and don't like and it will pick the songs and then you can up thumbs up or thumbs down them and it'll it'll it'll hone in even more precisely on the shit you like. That is, imagine 25 years ago in radio, if a music director on a radio station, his whole fucking job was to decide that shit and now a simple mathematical equation does that

for each single person individually completely differently. That is way better. That's way better. So don't cry any crocodile tears for this fucking wolfman jack radio thing that's going away and everyone's going to be no we're not going to be worse off for it we're all getting better radio and that's radio even if you get the free one that has a 30 second commercial every five songs it's still better than having hey well we're coming out of britney spears and it's 37 degrees and

wake up that fuck that guy you don't need that guy he's not important that's also on your smartphone you can all you can get all that it's by the way brett that happened 25 years ago that person said oh fuck you that'll never work it'll never work that'll never work. It'll never work. That'll never work. It'll never fly. And those are the same people kicking and screaming, saying like, no, iHeartRadio is the future of listening experiences for the tweeners or whatever they're fucking trying to sell people right now. Yeah. That still goes on because they are clawing

at a fucking vertical wall as they scrape down it. Yeah, absolutely. They are trying. And that's iHeartRadio and this whole thing. You know, we're going to be the thing that's going to make the kids today are going to. No. No. They have no idea.

They're done. Well, talk about callbacks. We can bring up fucking Dan from the Jukebox Comedy Club in Peoria, Illinois again. I've had this discussion with him a million times because he's old school. He likes to advertise his comedy club on the radio. That's fucking great. That used to be the way it was. You've got your comedy club advertisements on the morning show

and the comics would go in, they'd crack some jokes and people would come out to the show and it was fucking great. But it doesn't work anymore because no one listens to the radio. And I've tried to explain to him, and I will explain to anyone else who cares to listen, my kids are 21 and 19. They don't even know what the fuck radio is.

They've never listened to the radio. Never. They've always had some sort of device that gets them the entertainment they need that is not radio at all. They will go where they're going with no radio rather than not listen oh my god pandora and well and and maybe i mean if you want to you know slowly spiral the drain that's fine but if you want to still be here in 10 years i mean think about this in 10 years my

kids are going to be 31 and 29 having never listened to the radio. They're going to have kids who are coming up who are the next generation. You have to figure this out. Radio is gone. They have to sound out the word radio in their head. To them, radio is a terrible character Cuba Gooding played in the shitty movie.

But I spent thousands and thousands of my parents dollars being trained in how to do this sort of thing that now doesn't exist anymore it's like going to blacksmithing college in 1903 right outside of detroit like i think these ford brothers fuck them they're not gonna fucking this this i'm gonna keep learning how to Shoe horses Actually you'd be Better off With a blacksmithing degree Than radio

Than radio Yeah Yeah Well it's like Being a traveler I have I have a sooner cause To call

A blacksmith Right To the suicide house Than a radio district Absolutely We could be Because right now There's two sitting in here

And I can't think of Anything I can have them do. Either way, they're worth a shit for anything. No. No. No, we know the difference between titled and entitled. Other than that, fucking not good. I know the difference between second annual

and why you shouldn't say first annual. I can fucking explain that to you at length, but I can't fucking help your horse out. Your horse is fucked. If your horse is walking over gravel, I can't help him. I know a guy. Good, because he's got skills. Silverton, Colorado. Right, he's walking over gravel, I can't help him. I know a guy. Good. Silverton, Colorado.

He's got skills. It's going to take us a while to get there. Oh, wait. Colorado? He's probably not going to be able to do it because he's going to be Colorado high. Oh, wait. There was supposed to be an ice jingle right there. We can add that in, right? I can pull it from the other one. I drank all my drink and it's gone, but that would have been a callback

and a finish right there. That was have been a callback and a finish. That was my closer. Thank you. He had the thermos. My thermos. Wait, there it is. Was I not shaking it right before? Yeah. Well, I guess my Parkinson's disease

wasn't... Do you want to end this? I thought I just did when I did that hilarious callback to Colorado and my ice shaking. You went dead on that because it didn't go. I thought you were going to fix that

in the editing. I can fix it. Now, this is what I've also learned about podcasting is that we make all these jokes about, oh, we'll fix that in the editing, blah, blah, blah. But the thing about podcasting

is you don't fix anything. It's just you rambling on. And you remember when we did the doug uh uh big stink tour a couple years ago we listened to podcast after podcast after podcast my complaint was that it was too loose and disjointed and you know well you can listen to a guy talk for fucking eight hours and what's he even talking about he's got no direction but now i've realized that that's the attraction, is that it is an unproduced free-form style. And I just was, because I had been trained in radio, and I didn't want to let that go.

I was like, well, they're not talking about anything right now. No, but you made a good point. It's called podcasting, dumbass. No, you made a good point, because we listened to some where we would listen to, I want to say, seven or eight minutes. And at that point, either you or I said, are we done? We're done listening to this, right? Yeah.

Because we were just like herky-jerky finding things. And that is the radio thing. You need to have a point. There needs to be something. Unlike this podcast tonight. Right. I mean, this is the exception that proves the rule but when we would listen we would be listening for something well what i don't what i didn't like originally was that we were listening

to some podcast that spent 15 minutes talking about what the podcast was going to be about like before like yeah you guys know you are doing the podcast now, right? You're already 15 minutes in. You should have been talking about what the first 15 minutes of the podcast was going to be about because it hasn't been about anything yet. That record light has been solid the whole time we've been talking. Always press record. Always press record.

But that's a salient point. Yes. Thank you. When you're talking, there needs to be a point. It's like that. Don't talk about what you're going to talk about. Yeah. Well, right.

And that's basically. Listen, when we're in a van with three comics and me driving, when something goes on the podcast, the podcast machine starts emanating sound Right There's only so much you can take Before you start looking I start looking in the rear view mirror

Who else is fucking fed up with this And you are the only one Who would like either Immediately go yeah change it Or like hey Wake me when this gets interesting. Or something, right? But that is one of those things.

It's like you can't always assume that it's going to be interesting just because it's on the air. And that's what a podcast is. It is what it is. I can't believe I said that. I don't want to say it is what it is. But until someone objects to it and then you move on it is you're fucked well listen what my complaint about podcasting two years ago is still

my complaint about podcasting and that is that it's pointless drivel but it's also the best quality of podcasting which of which i didn't realize that and that's it so that's when you say it is what it is to me what i'm taking from that is that it is both things it is pointless drivel and beautiful pointless drivel because that's what you're looking for you're looking for that you're looking for that unproduced moment you want to hear what you know joe rogan or or burt kreischer or todd glass has to say. Are you not saying Bill Burr? Motherfucker. Are you not saying Bill Burr? We're on the All Things Comedy channel.

Oh, we are? Yes. Well, I thought that was... Throw Al Madrigal in there, too. Al Madrigal? Are you kidding? Me and my friend Al Madrigal from the old days? Yes.

Yeah. I mean, what the fuck? Martin Maron, huh? I mean, come on. Ah, he's not on this channel. He's not on this channel. Fuck that guy. But my point was that, you know, we listened to these podcasts,

and I heard these guys. Like, when I was trained in radio, you were severely limited in time always. Even if you were, like, I hosted a morning show, but even then you were severely limited in time. You had get to your fucking point hit it and move the fuck on and podcasting is not that way at all and i just i bristled at it at first but i realized that it's my still my number one complaint about podcasting is that sometimes it's just endless bullshit with no fucking direction no clock no clock no like hey we need to get out no right like yeah you can listen to a you can listen to a bounce from topic to topic to topic to topic

and now three hours have gone by and you're like what what the fuck they and they never got to some of their points because they keep getting sidetracked on every you know true but it's also the best part about podcasting because it's unproduced and it's real. And these are these people really actually talking. And that's what I didn't realize then. That's the main attraction for it is that there is no filter. So this is it. So this has been the Doug Stanhope podcast starring Brett Erickson, featuring Brett Erickson and also starring Brett Erickson, produced by Brett Erickson.

Tune in tomorrow for more exciting Grammarly tips. Now here's Chad. No. How do you end the podcast? How do I end the podcast? How does the podcast? I wander off drunk. How does the end the podcast? How do I end the podcast? How does the podcast... I wander off drunk. How does the Doug Stanhope podcast end?

How does... Wait, is this a quiz? Did I have to fucking listen to the end of the Doug... I don't know. It ends with a... Well, this podcast has been brought to you by Pop-Off Vodka. Plastic jug vodka. Listen, if you want me to read a

shitty script for your dumb comedian friend, then you fucking give it to me before we go to air, you fucking asshole. You fucking make me look like a dick in front of these people. Are you fucking kidding me? God damn it, Shaley. God damn it! You let me read this

fucking depressing copy, and I go into an up-tempo song, and you motherfucker. Kudos, Casey. Fuck it. I'll do it live. How do you end the Doug Stanhope podcast? How do I end the Doug Stanhope podcast in a suicide house? By blowing my brains out.

I don't know the answer to this question, Greg. Play the mattoid. A way to sell it. Hey, I'm fucking reading it upside down, you dick. You can at least fucking write it so I can read it. I'm across the table from you. I thought you were going to have...

Of course, I knew that's how the podcast ends. I'm not a fucking dick. I thought, of course, being a professional podcast producer like you are you probably had a downloaded gif of Doug saying play the Matoid

and then you would hit that and it would sound like Doug was part of this he's not here I thought you guys were pros you're featuring on the podcast you're middling on the podcast was a part of this. He's not here. Well, I thought you guys were pros, man. You're featuring on the podcast. Listen, I went... You're middling on the podcast.

I used to stay at Kyle Cease's safe house, and I used to do his podcast. And I can tell you, when he was gone and I would sit in for him, he taught me in his class that he always had his open and his closed prerecorded. So I just kind of thought that's the way comics did it. How much did it cost for you to

host this podcast only my soul play the mad toy Greg part time part time part time Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Suck your drinks and eat your eats, it's party time Laugh your laughs and eat your heats, it's party time

Smile your smiles and blue your blues, it's party time Dance your dance and shoe your shoes, it's party time Howl your howls and suck your socks, it's party time Oh baby, crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Everybody! Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time Everybody! Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time One more!

Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time Here we go! D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d Party time, yeah Party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, hey! Party time, yeah! Party time! Party time! Party time! Party time!

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