The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep #515 - "Campfire Death Talk with Aussie Comics"

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

While Doug is currently on tour in Australia, he still carved out a little time for a  campfire style podcast in the round with local Australian comics. Thank You Patreon Subscribers. We could not do this without your ongoing support. Recorded Feb. 15th, 2023 in Brisbane, QLD with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Shayne Hunter (@shaynehunter), Sian Smyth (@siansmyth3968), Ben Ellwood (https://benellwood.wordpress.com/bio/), and Eric Hutton (@erichuttontime). Produced by Alex Hodgins. Edited by Chaille. Stanhope Store FIRE SALE - Stanhope merch - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/  We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - Background music - Airport Lounge - Disco Ultralounge by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100806 Artist: http://incompetech.com/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - Alex HodginsSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

If you go out there to piss, your neighbor is playing a classical piano. At what point do you like, shut the fuck up! They're playing gorgeous piano music. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Well, we're not sure whose podcast this is. It's me. My name is Doug Stanhope. And let's go around in a circle and everyone say their name.

We're sharing our fear of death. Yeah. My name is Shane. My main ones have been AIDS and cancer. AIDS? And nuclear war was a big one but now I realize Shane who? you're a comic

a great comedian thanks cheers man this is one of our podcasts whoever wins at the end the listeners decide who's my guest we're gonna go around our podcasts. Whoever wins at the end, the listeners decide who's podcast. We're going to go around. I don't know. Just say your name. Oh, my name's Sian. I was going to say my name's Sian. I'm an addict. I'm so used to doing that.

Sian Smith. Sean Smith My name's Sean Smith And I'm a comic from Brisbane And I am scared of Am I scared of death? I don't know I feel like I should be Because I'm a comic And we always go on about it But you're not I don't know

I've taken drugs Like I'm not afraid of death But then I stop So maybe I am You know And Ben Hoffman. Ben Elwood. It's because we were talking about LSD earlier.

No, no, I just thought why did I think Ben Hoffman and I corrected myself and then still said Ben Hoffman. I would hate to be murdered. I'd hate to be horrifically murdered. Yeah, that's rational.

I'm Ben Elwood. Yeah, that's rational. Yeah. I'm Ben Owen. Okay, man, fucking hell. Jesus Christ. I'm not afraid of... Introduce yourself. I just wanted to get the names out so we could go back to the death. My name is Eric Hutton.

Yeah, I ain't afraid of nothing. I always... Two of my biggest fears would be being buried alive or burned alive. And it's weird that those are your two choices of what to do with your body. Oh, yeah.

But do you think that's why you're afraid of it? Because it's kind of the final manifestation of... I'm hugely claustrophobic. You're just... Burning is... How do you go on plane flights if you're afraid of it? Because it's kind of the final manifestation of... I'm fucking hugely claustrophobic. You're just burning as... How do you go on plane flights if you're claustrophobic? Well, not that claustrophobic. I guess everyone has a... It's kind of a time saver, being buried alive.

In Mao's China, he made a man bury his son alive. So would you rather be the man burying the son alive, or would you rather be the son? Yeah, fuck that kid. That girl said she was on the pill. What's the question? Would I rather be him or have a million bucks? Is that the question?

I was so afraid of death for most of my life and now I don't feel like I am at all anymore. And I don't mean that in like, well, I'm ready to die. But I had two surgeries earlier last year, and I was really cognizant of keeping track of the general anesthetic at the moment where you go. And I think that might have gone a long way to making me not afraid of being dead. Because it was just this, it was so relaxing not existing.

And I was in a very bad place around the times of those surgeries. So to just have everything stop. And then the first time I came out of the surgery, there was a moment of like, ah, man. Like, here it is again. It was nice not being. And now I'm at a point where the idea of anything after this is intolerable. The idea of some kind of afterlife or I just want it to be done when it's death is

death is your like out at some point for me it was like what if i couldn't what if death wasn't a thing yeah and i don't have that option freaked me out that's why they see this is the conversation leading into anybody's podcast is these kids today talking about AI is freaking them out the same way in my day cassette tapes are going to ruin recorded music industry.

I always ruin death. Yeah, so I have no concept and I don't give a shit. At some point your brain overloads just like so many fucking megabytes of memory. I kind of ironically hope to God that there's not an ongoing thing. I pray that there's nothing after that. And I got a good life.

I can't imagine what it's like to have a terrible life. And all these people have a terrible life. I hope there's something after this. Really? You don't want it to just be done? Yeah. Yeah.

Perfect. You're talking about going under the needle, but have you done DMT? Yeah. Yeah, same thing. But I, no,

I went crazy after that. I thought I was dead for like a month. Oh, yeah. I thought I was like Alice in Wonderland syndrome. I was afraid to look at this generator outside of

the writer's room where I go, I can make that explode with my mind. I can't look at that. But the trip itself, I'm like, if this is what death is,

that's what full knowledge of everything. Absolutely. Can I ask, did this happen to you? I've done both is what I'm saying. I've done DMT

and general anesthesia. Both of them make death seem pretty, pretty good. I've done both, is what I'm saying. I've done DMT and general anesthesia. Both of them make death seem pretty, pretty good. No, I went to hell when I did DMT. Maybe that's where you're fucking destined to go. Yeah, I know.

That's what I thought. I was like, oh, motherfucker, yeah. You don't hear those near-death experiences. I went and I saw my grandmother in the light and no one says,

I was burning in hell. Yeah, there was like blood waves with like skulls in them whoa yeah and the people were i was and but were you giving it were you giving an answer were you giving like this is what it all means yeah eventually and what was the answer uh to leave zach to leave my ex-partner right okay yeah but that's an answer about the narrative of your life i mean he looked like a devil. He looked like the devil. And I was like, he looks like the fucking devil. Like, I'm fucking terrified of this guy.

Oh, shit. When I did DMT, I was not aware of anything in the room. I was in another universe. Yeah, I was in another universe. But he was there. And he was the devil next to me. Wow. When you got the answer, like the meaning of all things,

is that something you can articulate? No. Yeah, it's crazy, right? One thing my cousin mentioned to me. Because it wasn't outstanding. It's like, yeah, yeah. It wasn't the same thing. Yeah, I've known all this.

Yeah, the meaning of life is obvious. Everything. To make your own meaning. It sometimes makes me think that I'm a real basic cunt because when I took TMT, I saw a bunch of squares. A lot of squares. I was going through the universe like code, zeros and ones and stuff like an Asteroids thing,

game, early 80s. I got sucked into the light and then it was just me floating. I mean, this is all me trying to put language to something that is difficult to put into language, but it was me kind of naked in space. And then these two beings unfolded and they were like made of time or language or something. And they go,

you're dead. You've had drug overdose and you're in your living room carpet and you're dead. And this is the meaning of life. And it was the equivalent of like, it was like, so, and I remember just bursting out laughing, going, what, that's it?

We've all been killing ourselves for that? And then I started to atomize. And then when my consciousness started to dissipate, I was like, oh, you're definitely dead. And I had a moment of pity for mum. I was like, oh, you've overdosed, and your mum's going to be devastated. But then it was this kind of like, well,

that's just part of her narrative in this silly game that we're all playing and then when i shot back into my body i was with nick sun and i remember scooching back in and just going like no no no no no no like i didn't it was not good to be back and for a month see any squares dude yeah there were heaps of fun this is for you and everyone else were you coupling with anything else because i had drank maybe a six pack when i did it yeah so what else were you doing anything else when you did dm yeah i wasn't doing it no i wasn't doing anything but i wasn't expecting to do it because my my like best friend just like came through my door at like two in the morning yeah that's bad yeah and i was like oh okay and then it was like, babe, let's do GMT. Yeah, that's bad. Yeah, and I was like,

oh, okay. And then it was like, but I vomited. I remember I vomited and I felt really good after I vomited. And then I felt like, oh, thanks.

I think you feel good vomiting a lot. I'm just looking at your figure. They call it a disorder and I call it a benefit. No, I tried to have an eating disorder

at high school to like fit in, but I like couldn't commit to it. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tried to have an eating disorder at high school to fit in, but I couldn't commit to it. Really? Yeah. I tried to vomit. I was like, oh, being so dramatic. I wanted, you know what I mean?

Super formative. I was vomiting, but I was like, I don't mean this. She's faking it. Faking bulimia. I was faking it. I was. Were it, I was Were you on anything when you took it, DMT? Nah, it was pretty straight

And then there was that other time when we did it That was great That was real good Yeah, the four of us smoked a joint with DMT in it And we were all like And then God knows how long we were standing there silent for And then one of us just goes Whoa And the other three went Yeah and then God knows how long we were standing there silent for, and then one of us just goes, whoa.

And the other three went, yeah. I've only done it the once, and it was, I'm out like general anesthesia. Shot out the top of your head. Count back from 100, and at 97, you're gone, and the next thing you know, you're coming out, oh, my goodness. On a mantra, oh, my goodness, oh what i on a mantra oh my goodness oh my goodness oh my goodness and i liked it i remember but it wasn't like a social like smoking it and it's

coming on to me it was fucking done and back the damn tea yeah yeah right i remember when i came out of um like whatever i was on for some operation, get my nose reset, I was like, I don't even want to find out what this is. That's reset? Yeah. It was a little button before he went in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had a cute little fucking elf nose before. I actually got it extended. I was like, give me the limo, cunts. Stretch Hummer, please. Yeah. No, this is the better version of my shit. But yeah, I remember when I came out, I was like, I don't even want to know what I'm on right now. Because I'll spend the rest of my life trying to find it.

Like, it was so good. Oh, I never wanted to do it again. DMT or anesthetic. Oh, anesthetic. I'm saying like whatever DMT or anesthetic. Oh, anesthetic. I'm saying like whatever I was on in the hospital when I woke up. Yeah, that. I was like, I'll go rob people if I know what this is. I let my wife drive me home from the hospital.

That's how high I was from general anesthetic. I'm like, yeah, you can drive today. Why didn't you ever want to do DMT again? Too much? You don't want to know that much yeah don't fucking tell me the end of the story spoiler alert dmt i remember something you said years ago about feeling like you were the rat that realized you were the rat yeah no that's i i am not telling that story because that's my only story and i feel like i've told it too much but if you had if you were a rat and then all of a

sudden you smoked some shit with joe rogan and you had the consciousness you have now but woke up as a rat going oh wait i know what it's like to be human and now i just i fucking i'm filthy i'm a fucking garbage eating. Yeah. But I still have to live out my life as a rat. Yeah. I don't, I didn't need to know that. I always felt like it was,

I was the pixelated Mario from the late 80s going like, walking across a flat planet, doink, doink, doink, and then sucked out of that TV into the third dimension like, whoa. And there's a guy sitting there and he's controlled everything I've ever done and then back in. And it was like that.

I got to collect coins and jump on mushrooms and shit with this. It's not good. I don't think you can function properly in your normal life knowing too much or whatever, even if it's knowing. I don't even know if it's knowing. Having the delusion that you know too much. An awareness that doesn't fit into your day-to-day routine. Yeah, I work at Payless Shoes,

and I used to be happy doing it. Yeah. Yeah, well, it's that thing where it's like it's impossible to integrate that. It's like a lot of that, like the fact that we don't have free will, right, from a scientific point of view, like there's no reason to think we have free will,

but you can't integrate that knowledge into your day-to-day experience. So you can't talk to the person at the shopping center and go, hello, this is a predetermined recording. Yeah. Like it's like God leaving a message on an answering machine. Yeah. That's one of those things where even if it's true, what's like God leaving a message on an answering machine.

Yeah. That's one of those things where even if it's true, what do you do about it? You know what I mean? I think it is true. You just surrender to the fucking. This goes back to our podcast where the pot one. Yeah.

The grocery store, like the people, if you look at everyone in the aisles at a grocery store, how many of them could you have any conversation with about anything that mattered much less some metaphysical shit yeah spiritual yeah i'm saying most people in the world you can't talk to we have comics we have a a blessing yeah it is it is a blessing don't you think I think relationship... I hate the expression, but that was the only word I came up with. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We have a community of sorts where we at least can communicate on some level. Yeah, Ben Hoffman's such a dear friend to me. Well, I stopped for a couple of years, and the reason I went back was to reconnect with everyone. I didn't go back wanting to do stand-up again. It was I missed just hanging out well it's with that it's true it's true it's without parallel man like i reckon like yeah i'm a comic supremacist yeah we are better people than other people but have your relationships with comedians like always kind of like meant a fair bit to you? I think I'm like Ben Hoffman.

I'm changing my name. I can restart with no baggage that Ben orders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, yeah. No, but what Ben just said about... Those accusations were against Ben Elwood. I think I stay in comedy. When I go to L.A. or New York, I hate those places,

but I see comics. I never see comedians. I mean, I tour with comedians, I know, but I'm not ever at comedy clubs. So when I go there, I'm like, oh, can we hang out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I miss comedians so much, and I think that's why I don't quit. It's kind of like this base-level understanding. Like, you know, I hang out with a bunch of like recovering addicts.

It's also like the same like base level, like understanding we have of each other, you know, and everyone has a personality disorder. It's the same with recovering addicts and the same with coming, you know. It's weird when you go to another country, like to New Zealand and you see like, I saw like the Kiwi version of every comic.

And you're like, this sick game is playing out all over the world. Oh, no, it's called the Parallel Universe thing? Yeah. It's even weirder when you go to Malaysia or Thailand. Yeah, yeah. There's always a terrible port of contact. They have a completely different backdrop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like it's illegal to be gay and stuff. And yeah, you'll have the same trope. Like, oh, I'm the disabled comedian. You see a guy that looks like Ben doing a real racist accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll have the edgy comedian. You'll have the corporate guy.

You'll have the resentful guy. The two stereotypes, but they're ones you don't understand. I'm half Sri Lankan and half Cambodian. That means... That means I wipe my ass with an oak tree. My killing fields have mountains. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Like, every scene has, like, the resentful comic slash promoter. But it also happens on time cycles. So if, like, the wacky one-liner guy drops out in three years' time, he will regenerate in a new form. It happens all over and over. You can never kill him. You can never kill the type. It's like Hero of a Thousand Faces.

Absolutely. It's just, like, archetypes manifest. You can never kill them. It's like Hero of a Thousand Faces. Absolutely. It's just like archetypes manifest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And is that what inspired you to do the unbookables and stuff? I didn't do the unbookables. You didn't do that? Don't even blame... Oh, well, I tried to start a thing

because it was around the time of the Kings of Comedy and the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, and all my friends were fuck-ups and drunks and drug addicts fuck-ups that wouldn't show up for gigs and so I tried to do that tour but it failed for obvious reasons. The movie The Unbookables I had nothing to do with

James Inman. He was an unbookable because he was like just the goof the guy you goofed on and he still is is he still a conspiracy no oh he's now he's just conspires about himself right he just keeps plugging this documentary they made that thank god sean rouse was in it but otherwise it's a piece of shit uh-huh let's not bring it up cut that out of whoever's podcast i don't even want to give them but but the uh i

was never cared about the documentary i wasn't even really aware of it but i remember the album i think you're hosting it and then maybe you do it as well and there's andy artris and sean rouse and who else was on it and i remember like shockcroft was on it uh headbergberg's I don't know. What's the name? Widow. The old Widow Hedberg. I didn't even know there was a movie. You are reminding me of Lynn Shawcroft

so much since you've shown up. Oh, okay. Is that a good thing? My experience of her was lovely. She's lovely to me yes very sweet very lovely yeah uh the regenerated thing that we're talking about yeah i'm very lovely but no you you have facial uh iterations is that a word you it feels like there's only like 25 faces in the world right headberg's been regenerated about 50 000 times times. Oh fuck yeah. Yeah there was a Sydney comic doing Hedberg for a while. It was

grim. There was many. There was one in particular he's regenerated as many different comics over the years. He was Glenn Wool for a while then he was Marin. Yeah yeah. Pretty rough. But then you all grow into yourself. Not everyone. I tried

my best not to be like dice clay because he was the reason i got into comedy but then i formed some other accent that was neither him nor me yeah and if you see like this early youtube footage of me and i'm like talking out of the side of my mouth and i had no point of view. I was 23. I was doing it the same way. If you could sing, you would sing karaoke to get pussy. If you could do it well.

So I go, I can't sing, so I'll do this. How far into it do you feel that you got at your own point of view? Probably six, seven years. and was there like a definitive well or well everyone was doing one-man shows yeah and i i go i'll book myself at this uh to do a one-man show knowing if i had a deadline i'd have to write it which then two days before i'm like i never did anything but then i started I was telling stories and that's where I started

telling stories that I wrote out and yeah I think that's around storytelling what about you who is the guy that you wanted to be this is weird guys

this is where the fractal reality tears open Do I get my dick out now? I don't know how that's going to work How old are you? Because that was in my late 20s I'm 34 so I've been doing comedy since I was 18 Yeah yeah yeah We were talking about having like a thing of your cum

Like a wrap up I'm joking Doug It's the first time I've ever seen you look scared like a thing of your cum like a rabbit. Joking, Chuck. It's the first time I've ever seen you look scared. I didn't quite understand. A thing of your cum and then trails off. You mean like a vial? Instead of being like, oh, I'm being inappropriate, don't do that.

Like a vial of blood, but a vial of cum. No, Sean asked me if I would swallow your cum, and I would swallow half and put the other half in a vial of blood but a vial of cum Sean asked me if I would swallow your cum and I would say I would swallow half and put the other half in a vial around my neck but that's just silly buggers in their car this is why they're afraid of AI

keeping their fucking minds in perpetuity I always talk about the conversations that are meant to just be between us and I I bring them out, like, talking about, like, when we have, like, really transphobic conversations. Yeah, a very ironic conversation that gets brought up as if it's, like, a very sincere thing.

All right, I don't know how to phrase this diplomatically, but as a couple and comedians. No, we're not a couple. Oh, all right. We're besties. All right. Well, either way, as besties... They fuck, but, you know...

Sorry. His girlfriend would be like, kill me. Oh, okay. Cut that out. Who would be the headliner and who would be the opener? He's the... I... You're the headliner.

I feel like Sean would have a more interesting... I'm saying that the booker is deciding. Who is he going to say is headlining? You're headlining. Yeah, in a comedy club thing, but in terms of a solo show, I think people would have a lot more fun watching Sean. We're not talking about a solo show.

I'm trying to get the dynamic. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know. I guess so. But like Sean... Mind you, we're in Brisbane right now. Yeah. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you. I'm trying to get the dynamic. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know. I guess so. But like Sean... Mind you, we're in Brisbane right now. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you. I should have asked them. It's easier for them

to tell me the truth. I don't know because I think it would be different based on the city. I think it would be different in Sydney because everyone knows you more in Sydney than they know you. I don't know. Yeah, but I get banned from like every room. Like I'm coming back from like being a fucking dude. Oh don't know. Yeah, but I get banned from every room. I'm coming back from being a fucking dude. Oh, I know.

You're going to be on my show. I'm going to be well behaved. But that's which show? So I can plug it. But this is the one time. Okay, that's Saturday night. Brisbane, Saturday night. Yes, that's the 18th.

Yep. But both of you. It's the 18th, and you're going to do that other punchline she just she riffed a fucking bit at the table which usually is you don't throw bits at me

when I just met you but it was hilarious and she goes I go that better be in your act cause if it's not you're way funny you're too funny for me to follow if that's not in your act I can't follow you. If your other shit's that way. She goes, well, that's in my act, but I use this other punch line, which is softer.

I go, you do the hard one on my show. Yeah. Save it for the show. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good thing about a Stan Hope show. It's the one place where no one can really say, like, hey, what did you say that for? It's like, what did you show up for yeah yeah no I yeah so I'm like coming back after getting banned from places but both of you have had to rehabilitate yourselves at some stage yeah

banned for your act or your behavior for my act both both yeah more which no my act Both Both Yeah More which No my act Both mate Come on Did you say act A bit of both A bit of both A bit of both My act

Usually like Off the rails act Leads to off the rail behavior And vice versa Yeah I was gonna say I've been banned Yeah

For my act Because I was too drunk And that's why my act Was like Yeah yeah yeah And then you come off stage And you're a bit of a liability. You know? Yeah.

I mean, you've been there. You've been there. No, but also Bitch was just like running complaints about me on Instagram and shit. She's a rape apologist. Mate, when you're off the rails, it's pretty fucking full on. And I say that as someone who's been off the rails. Remember when I cried on the ABC shoot for the whole day? Yeah day yeah i know it was a lot it was a lot we were filming a sketch and she's fucking in a corner weeping it's like oh come on man we're just trying to be funny on a

fucking little sketch yeah and there's too much but but did do shine didn't you also bring a friend on that thing that kept pulling her oh that was another time oh that was a completely different time oh yeah i brought my like crazy friend and she like was another time I was on ABC. Oh, that was a completely different time. Oh, yeah, I brought my, like, crazy friend and she, like, the first time I was on ABC, I brought, like, my crazy friend

and she was, like, pulling down her pants and, like, sitting on her ass and stuff. I remember Marielle, my lady, worked on that as well and she was like,

do you know this Sian lady? And I was like, yeah, she's cool. She's cool. Why? And she's like, oh, I went in the bathroom

and she was, like, bawling her eyes out. Oh, is that, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's Marielle. I don. Why? And she's like, oh, I went in the bathroom and she was like bawling her eyes out. Oh, is that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's Marielle. I don't know if you remember. But she was like, yeah, I didn't know what to do.

And I said, hey, are you okay? Like, you know. And she was like bawling and she just goes, no, I'm okay. Just you do you, baby. I was going through a hard time. I was like, yeah, it's confirmed. You met Sean. That's fine.

Oh, it was a hard time. It was a hard time I was like yeah it's confirmed you met Sean It was a hard time It was a hard time When Sean first came to Brisbane She just got out of that relationship And like She would Like I'm trying to like vouch for her And go oh this

You gotta book Sean She's sick And then she would just like Go into a Like be rocking in a fetal position And people were like This guy knows what the fuck he's talking about. Yeah, but then I'd still go up and crush

and then I'd go back down. As long as you crush, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know that there's anyone I'm very comfortable with that couldn't be diagnosed as some type of mental illness. People that would not be diagnosed with any mental illness i would probably not have a conversation with well you know they did that like uh there was a study

like back when psych wards were a bit more dodgy like in the 80s or whatever they the good days yeah the classics right and they put they put like a did an experiment where they put like normal people in a psych ward, but then they give them a diagnosis, and then they have to get out of the psych ward, and they end up not being allowed to leave. Yeah, of course. And then they have a breakdown, and they're like,

well, of course they are. Yeah. You know? And so it gets to Catch-22. Part of it. Yeah, you know that bit in that john ronson yeah that guy oh are you a psychopath yeah yeah there's that great bit where the guy he like got in a fight and he like punched someone pretty fucking bad and they were like just claim you're insane and

you'll get into this ward so he went in but he wasn't really and then he was like okay i'm gonna try and get out now but all his behavior started just getting seen through that lens. So he's watching like a nature documentary and he's like, you know, bees tell other bees where like the pollen is through this dance. When he saw his notes, because he'd said it to one of the wardens, they were like, thinks bees can communicate through dance. I can't know. They fucking... Bingo. My wife, who's been in a lot of mental institutions over her career, they said, when was your last... Her last day in a mental institution,

when was your last psychological break? And she said, well, we were filming a pilot for Johnny Depp at my house. And I showed up because I thought the wardrobe was in my closet, which was the psychological break. But we were. And it was like I was with Napoleon. And they were one of the funniest because it's like he's so fucking famous. And he is also a little sketch.

Like, yeah, perfect one. Yeah. But yeah, she's a fucking famous, and he is also a little sketch. Like, that's a perfect one. Yeah. But, yeah, she's a small-town fucking Bisbee girl, all fucking crazy with blue hair, showing up, saying, oh, I was doing a pilot television show for Johnny. Marilyn Manson. Marilyn Manson was in the room. I sent the front desk flowers, like, the biggest bouquet that they that they sold yeah and i got one name

and i signed it from johnny depp it would be great if you had a got johnny depp to go and pick her up oh my god just really show them all i'm just be like hey i'm here to pick her up the first time he threatened to take a fucking helicopter there. I mean, that would have been... Dude, when I was peak crazy, peak, I did a gig with that Sacha Baron Cohen guy, the Borat fella. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and it just didn't really hit me what I was doing or whatever. And then people were like, oh, you're doing a gig with Sacha Baron Cohen? And when I was in my rape phase, whatever and um i just like and then people were like oh like like just like like get like um it's like you're doing a gig with sasha bone cohen and i was when i was in my rape phase like when i was like i have to talk about being raped on stage i think it's very funny yeah yeah and um and then i was like and then i just and then i was like the only person you could talk and i just fucking did like the most foul fucking rape set for like fucking went over time just talking about being raped on stage like with and then they're like you're doing it with sasha brown cohen i was like good he can find out i got

raped and then i was like i was like it's part of my recovery from being raped and i fucking do it in front of sasha brown cohen all that needs to know and then they're like well we don't want to silence her but apologize to your loved ones that's you in a corner, Cun That's alright It's like you kind of treated the rape like Like, you know, the coffee stamps or whatever Like you get to be entitled Yeah, yeah, yeah Ten rapes and you get to make Sacha Baron Cohen uncomfortable

Feel awkward Yeah, yeah, yeah And then I remember I got off the stage And you just gave me like a pound back Oh, but What, as Borat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dressed as Borat.

That's fucking awesome. You're okay. You'll be okay. Oh, what a life. You're just coming to me. Fucking hell. The worst is when someone famous watches you die. The worst.

Because you're fucked up. The worst. They just do that pat on the back kind of attitude. Terrifying. No I thought I was a genius. I still am. I'm a fucking genius. Those are the ones I wish I blacked out completely but I remember just enough

of seeing the disappointment in a peer's face. I did it recently. I had to do a I thought he was doing it because he thought I was brave but but I guess he was doing it because he felt sorry for me. I mean, it's nice that he even looked at you. He wasn't even making eye contact with the other acts. Yeah. That's what you're going to do.

Yeah. He was avoiding everyone. You get raped, bitch. Maybe. Do you still have that thing where you need... I said that on stage. Get raped, bitch. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. Do you still have that thing where you feel the need to impress some person that you think is great or better than you or whatever it is? That's the only time I get worried in a show. Someone

not even necessarily famous, but like your hometown and some girl that you knew in high school. Totally. totally totally that's who you want to impress that you know they're randomly seeing you and they're not a fan of you necessarily they just oh you're a comedian i heard and i'm gonna come see you do you remember me i'm laurie buttram from chandler junior high and yeah i don't remember you necessarily, but now I have to.

All the people that you go, oh, I'm going to get back at all the people I hated in middle school. And I don't even remember who they are. But I still feel they're a presence. Sometimes they have to come and tell you who they are. Yeah, and you don't remember them. Hey, do you remember me from Thingo? It's like, oh, now i'm fucking sad that i died you know i choke i choke because it's that part of me that knows that they knew me before this manufactured swagger yeah and so they can they can see straight through how fucking false and not like in your mind they're like you still shit yeah you're still

this fucking fat little fucking piece of shit from high school you don't you know you're not this guy that's like, in front of 300 people and confident and all the rest. The ones I hate that are fictional in my head can't see through that. And they only see whether you do well in front of other strangers or not. Right. So if I have a bad set that night, they're going to think they were right. But if I have a good set, they're going to go, wow, I was so wrong.

But do you feel like you want to impress comedians still? Or do you know you've impressed them all? No. Do you feel like you have to live up to something? What we were just talking about. Yeah. When you said, oh, he's the greatest comic, Ben Elwood. I'm going to reinforce Ben Elwood.

If we keep saying Hoffman. I like this Hoffman guy. I like Hoffman too. I like Ben Hoffman, yeah. There's a lot of people that want Book Ben Elwood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hoffman's a cruise guy. It's all in your head all the time it always fluctuates

if i think you think that i'm supposed to live up to some level then i want to live up to that level and i go you know what i'm at a stage of my act right now where i'm kind of bored with it it should be filmed so i could be writing new things, but I'm going to plow through it. And now maybe you don't think that I'm as good as I was. And maybe if you saw me in six months, you'd think I was better. You saw me six months ago, and now am I living up to what I think that you think that I think that I am?

It's the worst. It's so narcissistic. Well, like, yeah, I mean, they talk about like in like zen shit right they talk about like the archer who can always hit a bullseye and then as soon as he's got to win 50 whatever dollars in zen ancient china he fucks it up yeah but he can get it every other time and it's as soon as you're and it's your brain is in a tug of war like you're not in the flow state because you're you're distracted it's like the athletes who get the flow state because you're you're distracted it's like the athletes who get the yips yeah and it's like apparently it's like that thing where like um like

a lot a lot of people in a stress situation like they have to like you know about how like when people are you know how they do that plane thing where they're like go walk through the exit thing and they tell you that because a lot of the time they'll be in a situation where people can save their own life but they're so overwhelmed that they'll just sit there right and it's because they're worried what the old high school friend would think of them in that moment yeah yeah yeah all right oh yeah please hold Do you ever find it weird when you think there's just a couple of people out there and you're just like, just per chance,

this dude over here has only ever seen me when I died. So fucking hot. Oh man, all the time. Only ever. If any time anybody must say that I'm good to him, he must be like, what the fuck? What are you talking about And then like on the other side

There's some dude who's only ever seen you Gabe Lindstrom Rip That's your dude Yeah He's only ever seen you eat shit That's what Kappa said about you man I know for two years

He only ever saw me eat shit And he came up to me after he finally saw me do well And he's like People have been talking about you for ages I never fucking saw you Yeah yeah yeah I find it so funny though like

sometimes like that dude was in the crowd for me once and I was dying again and I just couldn't help laughing to myself because the look on his face was just like

why would anyone ever like why does he even get a gig yeah yeah yeah so who was the guy going oh local guy

Bisbee where I went and tried to speak in front of uh city council where i go i could do this i just moved to a small town and i i was and and why are the police if you think and i was yelling and like but i'm not on stage i'm and i'm dying and it's an afternoon in a senior center and you know you're dying and you're dying and some old lady's writing it all down. And then it was a mayoral candidate thing and one guy goes,

I don't know how to respond to that. It's as soon as there's intent involved, as soon as there's a goal outside of just getting into flow state in any interaction, whether it's not it's on stage or talking to someone or whatever as soon as there's some kind of imaginary goal that's when you can't relax into yourself it's when that guy when he came it was a his mother was a mayoral candidate

that we were supporting so i thought i was gonna talk shit and i fucking died so horribly and he's like what and every time he was at my shows after that just i would like i would just die and i'm like don't come to my shows anymore because every time you're here i suck there's this book that i love it's cool i think i've given it shown it to you, Finite and Infinite Games. It's this crazy, the guy that invented game theory wrote this book. It's like instructions for life. But there's a part in it that I always think about where it's, because for me now, success on stage isn't about killing or anything. It's like, was I present in my own head?

If yes, it probably sucked. And if I was in flow and I was like, whoa, you get off and like, whoa, that happened, it probably sucked. And if I was in flow and I was like, whoa, you get off and like, whoa, that happened. That's successful. But in this book, they talk about, you know, to have the motivation to win a game as in crush on stage or win a conversation or whatever. You need to have the motivation to convince the audience that you're not the loser that you think they think you are. you're not the loser that you think they think you are. And through convincing them that you're not the loser that they think that you think that they are,

you prove to yourself that you are the loser that they think. It's like weird fucking... You know, like you're a fucking loser because you're trying to convince them that you're not a loser instead of just being in the fucking moment. Oh, wow. I'm trying to do a bit. But the people, especially in award shows,

and this goes out to everybody who told me that I would never be anything. Nobody ever said that to you for real. That was the voice in your head that you projected on other people. And everyone who said it. Did someone say that to you, motherfucker? Never.

Show me tape. we're in a everyone records everything show me the person that said you are your dreams are never gonna realize the voices in my head suck there you go that's the punchline i was looking for i was making it that's so interesting that like that point because a lot of the school shooters the the victims well the victims they always go like the the school shooters like oh i was bullied no one liked me and but like everyone's like we just didn't think of gary like we didn't bully that's the truly that's the truly confronting thing no one cares but then they've like projected that narrative and they've done the school shooting which is like the ultimate bomb because they want people to like

them but then when you shoot up a school they're going to be... Yeah, it's the ultimate bomb but then they come back for the ultimate kill. Yeah. I wonder if someone would be disappointed in their own school shooting. I'm too in my head right now.

I built it up too much. Sorry? have you read we need to talk about yeah you know when they're like all the shooters are like talking about how some of the other ones are hack and stuff like that oh and he's all like spoiler alert if you want to read or watch we need to talk about kevin but he's like i did did it with a fucking bow and arrow. You know what I mean? You guys are so derivative. I think it was called American Terrorist. It was about Timothy McVeigh, and I remember a passage where he was at that Supermax in Colorado, and it was with the Unabomber and someone else, three major.

And the Unabomber, they would talk in the yard on their one hour daily, but the Unabomber got along with Timothy McVeigh but didn't respect him because Timothy McVeigh targeted children in OKC. Yeah, that's a podcast these days.

That's some high level... The hierarchy goes so much lower than you think yeah oh totally but the the intent is the fucking killer man it's brutal fucking pole pot is somewhere going yeah hitler get all the credit because he's white it's asian shaming i killed as many people as Hitler. Now, man, now it's fucking brutal. Oh, it gets all the credit. Now it makes Hitler look like fucking silly idiots.

Oh, I know, I know, I know. Hitler gets a lot of credit because he's got a quick... It's a time frame. It's the industrialized nature of it. It's that unprecedented industrialization of it that's... Yeah, but I did read Man's Search for Meaning last week. It's a great book, right? I love Man's Search for Meaning.

Have you listened or read Man's Search for Meaning? No, listened is the right keyword. I'm an audible person and I have audible credit. Man's Search for Meaning. Man's Search for Meaning. Dude, dude, it's great. It's

written by like a psycho analyst, like a psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust. And it's just about what he observes in the day-to-day. But also, it's he. And how they kept going. Like how they found meaning and how meaning is like... But it's a lot about free will. It's a lot about free will.

So I've been thinking about free will. Free will's not real. I would be more interested in how the fuck someone perpetrating those crimes as a higher on could keep fucking meaning with. Is this really what I? Yeah. Well, apparently, I know I'm only following orders, but it seems kind of fucked up. Well, it's about my boss sometimes.

Well, the thing is that one of the things that drives that fucked up behavior is they think it's the empathy, right? So, like, one of the things that's interesting is, like, it's a mother bear will rip your face off because you're near the cub, and it's the empathy for the cub. But with humans, because we can think in abstractions, like, if I hit Ben, you guys would be like, Shane's a cunt. Not me. That'd be funny. Bad example. distractions like if i hit ben you guys would be like shane's a cunt but not me

if ben represented the jews just randomly um and i was like did you hear what ben did he fucking stole all our money that fucking did he you know yeah i am jewish you know and then so it's the empathy for the um victimizing of the in-group. So with the guards and stuff, they thought they were protecting their bear cub or whatever. So that was the way that they could justify. Yeah. Or not even justify. It's not like, oh, I'm going to quit tomorrow. Like that kind of justification.

It's an emotional kind of feeling that they feel righteous in it. Totally. Man, I was telling Benny the other day, I had the coolest story on this documentary it was like right at the end of auschwitz they're like you know the uh america and whatnot's moving in and they're like oh it's done man so all the guards just fled they're like let's just get the fuck out of here and it was like just prisoners at the prison and they were like this is like the 11th hour man they're closing in and then they got a call at auschwitz from the ss being like yeah they're sending over like explosives blows the

whole thing kill all the jews blow it up you know and this one rad jew fucking there was like the clown of the place camp clown did an impression of one of the wardens who was just like nah don't worry we already did it we already blew it up yeah don't even send the explosives and he fucking saved like 15,000 lives

that's a story that if it's complete bullshit who gives a fuck keep telling it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I heard that story about how Chachescu got overthrown. I don't know if it's a true story or not, but it's a great story. Ceausescu is the Romanian dictator. And he was responsible for spreading AIDS all through Romania. He denied that Romanians could contract AIDS. That somehow Romanians were immune from AIDS. And he fucked everyone in the ass to prove it.

I'm good AIDS. I'm gonna fuck you in the ass. Who'd you vote for? I'm fucking you in the ass. We're all a party. And he instituted this policy where every Romanian woman had to have, I think it was like five children for Romania. So it was all forced inseminations, AIDS

everywhere, AIDS babies. It was just horrific. Oh my God. He's one of those dictators you don't hear a lot about, but he was real fucking bad. And all of his family were in high-level government positions. He was in power for decades. He's one at a late stage, like 90s, the public execution. This is the story I heard of how that went down.

So he was pretty old at this stage, full-on dictator thing. Everyone's in the square. He's on the balcony. Everyone's getting AIDS, but me. Everyone's, man. The whole crowd's covered in lesions. There's big posters of him.

He comes out, and apparently one guy in the crowd starts going, fuck you, Ceausescu. And everyone starts freaking out and backing away from this guy really quickly. Like, oh shit, he's going to get it and we don't want to be close to him. Oh wait, so the guard, okay.

So what are you saying, the guard's reaction? No, no, no, a guy in the crowd. Yeah, yeah. A guy in the crowd starts screaming, fuck you Ceausescu. And everyone else are surrounding him. This is like, we're talking like tens of thousands of people in the square.

They're backing away from the guy swearing. They're backing away going, fuck, fuck, fuck. I don't want to be associated with this guy. And then it causes this kind of cascading chaos where... I am Spartacus. Yeah, yeah, where banners start getting snapped and there's just this general kind of hubbub.

And then someone else kind of, fuck you, Ceausescu. And it kind of starts simmering around. And the footage is amazing. You see Ceausescu, he's on the balcony and it's the first time... It's filmed? Not around. And the footage is amazing. You see Ceausescu, he's on the balcony, and it's the first time... It's filmed?

Not that, but the balcony stuff is filmed. And for the first time in his fucking dictator life, you can see he's kind of like, what's going... Like, why isn't my shit working? And he's a bit of a doddering old man, so he's kind of like, what's happening? And he starts calling for silence,

but now it's spreading. And his security guard leans in. And he didn't realize the security guard that he was talking to a live mic. And he said something, you know, in Romanian, but something along the lines of, the situation's become untenable. We need to get the fuck out of here. That goes out on live TV. Three days later, full revolution in the country. Him and his wife are lined up in a barn and a farm.

It's like taken out completely. And, you know, apparently it all started from just one guy going, fuck you. Wow. So always, yeah, that's interesting. It's just that, I mean, you know, it would have happened probably one way or another. The guy had pushed everyone to the limit.

The greatest heckler of all time. The greatest heckler ever, right? It's fucking... Yeah, that's so interesting. It's like Michael Richards screaming the N-word. I'm on Seinfeld. I'm untouchable, right? That would be a great deep fake to do

to put Michael Richards on Churchescue. The Michael Richards tape is mortifying, but his apology on Letterman is a thousand times more mortifying. Have you seen that? That's hilarious. Everyone just keeps laughing. Oh, my God. So Jerry goes on Letterman.

Oh, because everyone's so used to him being a funny character. Yeah. So they cut to Michael Richards like, I'm really sorry. And everyone in the audience is losing it because they're like, it's Kramer. He's like, I don't know where all the hate comes from. And people are like, yeah.

And Jerry's there going like stop laughing it's a great clip the only thing that's missing is for Paul Schaefer to be like it's crazy but all that courage it's like it's I just finished a book today on audible and it's like... I just finished a book today on Audible. And it's a Scientology book. I got out of Scientology, one of those,

which are all good except for this one. I won't mention the name because it sucks. I gave it a... I never give a one-star review. But I listened to this whole thing. It's just so poorly written it's written like this guy was in scientology forever and it's like the only part i wrote the review was in one sentence this is akin to um a history of Hitler and the Nazi party from the perspective of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes. I know nothing.

You gotta suck to get out of Scientology and not write a good book. He had all these old woman cliches, and he's obviously a Nellylly gay man and he narrates his own book so it reinforces the writing and he'll like and i was i was born on a weekend but i wasn't born last weekend at first like cliches like that i'm like yeah really this is that's so bad if you want to love it but he repeated it later in the book i was It's like if someone writes an account of being in Auschwitz, you're like, oh, this guy's just not a good writer. This sucks. This is a shame.

That's the thing. He's just writing about like he edited the videotapes for them. And it's like if he was Hitler's sous chef in a giant sea of all the cooks and he just bitched about all the different people that he had to work with and how hitler didn't tip and fucking how picky he was and they would give full recipes like logs of his day and then i have to do the editing and i was really good at editing and there's nothing about scientology and i wanted to write the bad review in the first 35 minutes, but then I'm reading the other

bad reviews and I'm like I couldn't even finish it. I go, well now I have to finish it. So you hate listening to the whole thing? Yeah, I hate listening to the whole thing. Wow. How fucking long was it? Well, I did it at 1.35 speed so I think it was

7 hours. That's why his voice was so fucking annoying. I was born yesterday. But the point was that you think, who believes this shit? Who buys into these cults or these parties? And this guy,

this guy, who's still completely clueless to how bad Scientology is, and he's just like, you know what, that guy was a jerk to me. And he punched me in the face once. This cabbage was a real.

But you don't understand. It sounds like, so what you're saying is he left Scientology not because of the irrational, abusive belief system, but because of like petty workplace dramas. It's like the Nazi party's wrong. I'll tell you what what 3 p.m i could get that if i started a cult today i could get that guy at 49 years old i look him up you know when you hate listen to something you look down i didn't know everything about this guy yeah he's now 49 uh he's been out of scientology for decades but i could get him into my cult you could easily form a cult i could give him a four-star review on his book

and say, hey, listen, I listened to your book. You have a lot of talent. Do you want to join a cult? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't even need to couch it. Do you want to join my cult? Talented, you say? I think a lot of co-mates could start a cult.

You could use that. You could say, oh, you could be born again this weekend. You know, he would love that. You could be a cult leader you could be my number two what we just have to start at the bottom that's what shane's known for everyone says he's gonna be a cult leader or a school i wasn't a cult at one point were you yeah well that fucking anarchist shit oh that was dark days man yeah that was you were all like left-wing fucking maniac i went crazy yeah it wasn't good group of anarchists yeah i was like living in squats and he was against the state but he

you were friends with that guy that threatened to fucking murder me and the woman and children that i was with at the time i was that was wild i want to say friends but he he he was around he was fucking nuts dude yeah he was insane. I did this gig at an anarchist collective, and halfway through my set, this guy comes in with a V for Vendetta mask, and he's like, Anonymous never forgives and never forgets. Okay, buddy.

And I'm just kind of roasting him a bit, just like, so, you know, you believe in communism, and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, you're eating a fucking Aporto's burger. Aporto's is a burger chain here. And he's like, it an aportos salad and i didn't get the coke so he's like i'm only half participating in capitalism and then i remember this and then i was just like oh well i guess that's okay um and made some comment about how his beef vendetta mask is manufactured by warner brothers um so you know he's still and he fucking

clicked out so it was that whole thing where someone's cosmology is so paper thin all you need to do is kind of

tap it a little bit and the whole thing comes crashing down but he was sending me emails I know where you live cunt I'm gonna murder your wife

and kids you fucking asshole that was a bad crew to be running with yeah it was toxic as fuck

all the emails like that that I don't get are the ones I worry about. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, that impotent rage, they can at least imagine they got to your face, then it dissipates. Do you still get people going, fucking? No. Yeah.

No, all the young guys get them now. Yeah. I used to get those emails. guys get them now yeah i used to get those emails i i actually got an email from you like maybe 14 years ago so like 15 years ago something i sent an email something about like i don't know i don't even know why i think i bought a cd that you signed or something from across the street and then i i wrote something about how the world was going to end right just something cracked out like 2012 it was just like some paranoid world war 3

looking through your own shit AI is going to kill us level of thinking and then I forgot about it and then one year I said something about this time next year the world will be ended or something and then never set a date I should have been more vague like Notre Dame or whatever and then i never set a date yeah yeah yeah i should have been more vague like

notradamus or whatever um and then and then i got an email back one year later from you and it just said so how's the end of the world going um and i don't know how, I don't know if somehow you, you, you like auto the email to send a year time or. That is completely. Random. One of those times where you go, listen, I'm alone. I get the weekend. I'm just going to go through a bunch of old emails or folders or whatever, or unread emails

or if I get crazy folders, hate folders suicide folder what's a suicide folder like people telling you they're gonna kill themselves because of you yeah so so i'll go is there a sense of responsibility because nick cave does i don't know if you know nick cave the music the australian musician he does this thing called the red hand files where people can just send him anything letters and he gets a lot of fucking suicide things and i'm having a mental breakdown when i was having my drug psychosis i sent him this wretched letter at three in the morning about how but it's it's the act of desperation you know you're just you're crazy and you're launching out into the ether to someone that means something to you i don't solicit these no that's oh yeah

so if it's a suicide thing i'm pretty sure in the no refund special you're soliciting to me to send you an email about the end of the world yeah it was coded you didn't realize you were saying it yeah it was the prime numbers that would be the craziest folder i don't go through the crazies what do you get in your emails did any stand stand out to you? Well, I've had a lot of suicides. I just had some guy... So people saying that they're going to end it all day. Yeah, fucking recently. Well, recently anymore is in the last year.

Seems like last week. But yeah, a fucking guy. Like, hey, I'm going to kill myself. But then he got very specific about it. Like, I'm doing it right now told me basically where he lived in England and it's like I wrote him back saying

hey I'm trying to make light of it and it's too late I've already taken the pills and I'm going to go You were talking to him back and forth Email Thanks for trying your best but I've already taken the pills and I'm going to go out to whatever beach somewhere in northern England. And I go, it had to be recently because I go, it's fucking October or November in England. You're going to swim out into the ocean and drown.

It seems like the worst way to go. Why don't you at least get to the states and go somewhere warm to kill yourself and then i'm like fuck now so then it just turned into this like i gotta fucking but i'm trying to call you can't call 9-1-1 internationally yeah you can't plus four four nine one one. And so then I'm looking up his town and how do you report this? And now I'm going through if you're a solicitor please press vote now.

If you're a comic and one of your fans is about to off themselves get bloody six. How do you engaged with it well the guy did finally because they put it out on the news

I found on google news search he had a very specific name so he showed up where this is a emergency alert if you've seen this man oh my god I emailed him i asked the detective that called me because they're calling me for can you forward me the email that he sent you

that made you do this and fact checking me and can you tell me like if you find them and they didn't finally i i talked about him on my podcast, and he finally emailed me weeks later going, yeah, I guess I'm a dick. I should have said, yeah. I just, I never went in the ocean. They found me walking down the street blacked out, and I feel like a dick. Did you roast him? No, I just, but then I checked in on him again a month later.

I didn't care back. That's sweet. Well, yeah. I like that i like that that's very sweet dog that's sweet yeah that's really nice yeah that story in the book where you uh felt real bad for telling that lady's husband fucking diana hode yeah i was like that's a crazy position to be in feel you said you like felt like a suicide rat or something? Yeah, I kind of knew her as a fan. But that's a tough fucking sitch. I don't think there's any rats in that situation.

She's like, hey, I know your mother killed herself. What did she take? Don't try to talk me out of it. I'm just in a place and I just need advice on how to do it so I don't fuck it up me out of it. I'm just in a place and I just need advice on how to do it. So I don't fuck it up. And I'm like, so I'm trying to,

Hey, you never finished that artwork. You were banking about me and bingo. Why don't you send us that first? Like, Hey, listen, I'm not fucking around.

You don't have to do that thing. Yeah. And then I go, well, at least let me, yeah, I'll be with you on the phone when you do it uh you know like i did with my mother and she goes yeah we could do that

and i'm like still hoping she's bluffing and then she's not yeah i'm gonna do it today and so i found her husband and i go fucking she's and i called him I found him on Facebook and I said hey call me and he called me and I said hey your wife's been in touch with me she's supposedly about to kill herself right now I've been talking to her for days

it was during the last episode of Breaking Bad because I remember one of the texts I go you can't kill yourself before the last episode of Breaking Bad I was so terrified of dying before the last episode of Breaking Bad

oh my god that's what I knew she was serious she's like I don't give a fuck about Breaking Bad and this was the sweetest girl in the world. When we saw her in San Diego, she was so sweet all the time and afraid to come up to us. And she had made a painting that she hadn't finished

but wanted to show us how. Fuck. Yeah. And did she do it? Yeah, well, because I fucking, I called the husband, the poor bastard. He goes, oh, is she doing that again i can't believe i'm talking to doug stanhope oh my god she's like really doing it okay i'll go

well they found her she had raised her suicide did it like really traumatically so she took pills but didn't die so then she like gouged her fucking wrists out and they found her in the hotel she went to days later and I'm like, because I fucking narked you out. Should I have shut the fuck up? No, man. I'm kind of pro-suicide on some level. Yeah.

It's very hard. For me? Well, if you want to do it, you don't know what you're doing. It's very hard. It's Like for me, but I don't. Well, if you want to do it, you don't know what you're doing. It's very hard. It's a case by case thing. It's like the cycle thing. It's like how do you know if someone's in their right mind

that they're not doing it, that they're not going to. Like I've got a mate who used to do comedy. He's a psychiatrist now, and he has to go against his moral conscience because his job at the moment is being in the hospitals and there'll be like an 80 year old man who's got chronic untreatable severe pain in his legs they can't do anything no nothing's going to stop the pain he's not going to get better and his quality of life is zero and he gets called because they go oh we got a guy who's a suicide

risk and and jeff has to go lie to this person i shouldn't say his name but it's all right and then lie to him and go oh it's all going to be fine it's you know but like in the back of his mind he's like this guy needs to just die you know there's things that are there are things that are much worse than death i'm pro like the friend of mine that i was telling you guys about before we went on the mics I'm pro like the friend of mine that I was telling you guys about before we went on the mics the fact that it was so planned out and the fact that it was completely structured he knew the date there was this weird kind of when we were driving to his funeral there was this weird kind of not joy but it was the most thing that it was the most him thing that he could have done like just take control of his situation.

He'd had enough. He wasn't having a psychotic episode. It wasn't like he got wasted on drugs and just went... He knew exactly what he was doing and he did it. And there was some kind of weird, I don't know, fucked up empowerment in that in a weird way. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you can be pro like that, but it's like in that situation. Yeah, in that in a weird way does that make sense yeah yeah yeah yeah you can be pro like that but it's like in that situation yeah in that situation you gotta give you gotta at least give the uh husband a shot it's like you've been trying you gotta pass the ball to him at least give him a shot that's such a fucking weird situation doug i'm gonna i'm gonna be a stand-up comedian and this is where i'm going i shouldn't tell this part I know her sister and there's a back story I'll talk to you rapey rape rape rape rape

she was you've heard her stage name before groomed and molested by this guy who's a TV producer I'll keep it vague who i i he did a couple shows i don't know about but so i uh i followed him on twitter and i said hey i'm a big fan of whatever show that uh he goes oh hey uh uh i love your stuff uh yeah a lot of comedians love that show and comedians follow them and i i was i was gonna fucking set them up

uh and then when the me too shit got too heavy i'm like i'm relying on someone else's word that this happened i don't know i've only publicly defended one person because i had fucking inside baseball i was there for a lot of it i i can't in good conscience like i want to fucking bring you down i want to have someone to blame i want to believe that this is true and I was shown emails and text messages from the person that fucking knew what happened, where he's like, hey, is this still about the thing? And I'm like, all right, I know this is true, but I don't know. I don't have firsthand knowledge. You didn't say the right. You've got to be sure before you drop like an anvil on someone's head.

It's such a very tricky. It's like sharddinger's cat. Totally. You can never... But it's also... It's not your story to reveal. It's not my fight. Exactly.

A very close friend of mine had something happen, and I want to fucking... And, you know, I will say the person's name to people privately, but it's not my job to fucking, that person doesn't want that thing out in the wider world. So it would be a disrespect of that person to be like, meh, meh, meh, yelling it from the rooftop. Yeah, there was a bunch of like, well, why didn't you?

Well, because there was a legal thing and he paid a settlement, but we have a non-disclosure about it where I go, okay, this is true, but it's not my fucking game and when it gets so heavy-handed with everyone trying to be the fucking police to every situation uh that's the art of war the sun tzu quote where if you stand at the banks of the river for long enough you'll watch the bodies of your enemies float by. 100%. 100%. I lean into that so much lately. That's a great lazy person's quote as well.

It's like, I don't want to do shit. They'll float by. It's true. I mean, the person that we know that is a fucking awful predator, there hasn't been the hammer. I'm right here, Ben. There hasn't been the hammer i'm right here ben yeah there hasn't been the axe blow kill shot but it's death by a thousand paper cuts and and he is slowly bled out and reputationally destroyed and things have just ebbed away and so i guess there's some satisfaction in that but

again ultimately it's it's it's no one's job but the person who's directly involved if they want to go public about it. It's unethical for anyone else to start crowing. To someone else to start. Well, to publicly start outing it. If the person involved doesn't want it to be a public thing. Because that can be a good way that the person can go down and the other person doesn't have to deal with all the shit of coming out and saying it.

Yeah, I mean, it's all just so fucking murky and gross. Yeah. Well, I just decided to be as outspoken as I wanted to be. Really? Yeah, yeah. No, I know, I know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought you were saying really.

I was like, yeah. No, no, no. Don't you remember I went on ABC News? Oh, I know, I know. I was like, this is making fucking headlines. She went on a poster tearing campaign. I know. I was like, this is making fucking headlines. He went on a poster tearing campaign. I know. No, but there was like, yeah, I don't know.

I felt such a need for justice. Yeah, I know. You know what I mean? Like such a fucking desire for fucking justice. And I feel like I fucking got it, you know? But it helps that I'm lucky that I was funnier than him. You know? You know what I mean?

That's why I win. What? If I hadn't been funny, I wouldn't have won. That's why you win personally? Funnier than him. Is that what you said? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I was funnier than him. But you mean that as a... Wow, that's a great way to do... Instead of the legal system, it's just roast battles. Roast battles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Judge Judy by a roast battle. Oh, bro, I fucking won that shit.

I won. I fucking won. Oh, fuck. That's great because that's how it used to be back in the day. It's like if you made people laugh in court, you got off and shit. Is that really? Yeah. Well, you know, it's like in movies like True Grit where he's like fucking,

he's like, and then you shot him and what he died. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he's like, tends to happen when you shoot a guy. No, it's like fucking He's like and then you shot him And what he died And then he's like tends to happen when you shoot a guy And all of a sudden he's like ah That wasn't the news He sent me a defamation letter And I used the defamation letter to advertise the show Wow I was like

Oh joke's so good my ex tried to make them Illegal And then like And I was like Oh he reviews my show as like oh joke's so good my ex tried to make them illegal and then like and like fucking like you know and i was like oh he reviews my show as uh vindictive as like vindictive because that's what the um defamation letter said what you're doing is very vindictive i went through the the opposite thing where i was falsely accused yeah i did too yeah it's fucking horrific nightmare and not only do i feel bad i feel bad because my grandmother who kind of raised me has now passed away like she caught wind of it and i'm sad that she caught

wind of it and then like she had to say oh this could follow you for the rest of your life and then like i feel pissed off that if i have a kid or wife in the future that that impacts them you know and it's like a fucking evil hex some cunt you know has thrown on me and yeah and then like in the and that was in that 2014 when you had that wave of the me too thing it was new year's eve of me too yeah yeah i was right at the peak of the wave of that um collateral damage you know because it's the it's like i understand that there was there's problems in society and you know um but it's also yeah very much like kind of like the drone strike of justice like like I was the villager who was shot, you know? Collateral damage.

Collateral damage. Yeah, that's also what, like the Me Too movement was just kind of made it. But I also have a bit of empathy because like, well, if that part of feminism is a lot of traumatized mentally ill women who have been traumatized from sexual abuse it's not unfair

for me to think that maybe some of their ideas how to solve it might be a bit hysterical and extreme that they're not going to necessarily go well habeas corpus let's think about history and you know but um what happened to you mine was well before like if the one i wrote about in my book where 1990 89 90 90 uh yeah she's a girlfriend we came back from the telemarketing company christmas party and uh she's she i lost her the keys to her car, or her boss's car she had borrowed. We had to get a ride, and she's yelling at me about losing the keys,

and she fucking punched me in the mouth, and I got right in her face like you do at that age. I'm like, are you going to fucking hit me? I dare you to hit me again. And she started just throttling me in the face, so I pushed her outside the house, and I shut the door and locked it. It's fucking December in Vegas. It's freezing.

She's banging on the door. I go, okay, I'm going to let you back in, but you're going to be cool. All right? And I open the door, and she just started. Never tell a woman that you were raised to not hit a woman woman because then they know you're not going to hit them back. And she's just beating me. And then she starts. I call the cops.

The cops show up. And she said, he beat the shit out of me. I'm in a tuxedo. And I'm bleeding from the lips. And like you said, I was funny. I made him laugh. I said, I just want to get my shit out of here. That's all I want to do.

And I'm bleeding from the lips, and I'm carrying my stuff out. I go, other than that, the Christmas party was great. And she threw a full beer can at my head in front of the cop. Yeah. And like, all right. Sails the deal. Thank God you fucking ruined your own keys. Yeah, that's a good one.

And then she's like, I want my fucking keys back I go I still have a cat that lives here He's outside right now. I I gotta get my and she goes I fuck your cat and he goes lady. I'm a cat purse Thank God she imploded in front of me because I would have in this day and age been immediately Escorted to fucking jail and had that following me around. 1990. Yeah. Oh, wow. I remember I went from there to an open mic with my lips still bleeding.

In the tuxedo? Yes, in the tuxedo going, hey, Pandora beat the fuck out of me. Because it was so weird. Her name was Pandora Trinowski. Oh, wow. because it was so weird her her name was pandora trinowski and like for in the early days of google i'm like what's such a weird name that i can't find it on google because that was her real name and then i said it on a podcast i hadn't googled it in a while but i and then fans found uh google search history of her, a million arrests. I don't know if they have newspapers like that.

Some redneck states have newspapers of just arrest pictures, mug shots. Yeah, mug shots. They found mug shots of her deteriorating on meth for prostitution, meth. And the last one was an obituary and i'm like what a great way for this story to end no wonder you believe in the art of war quite with the dead bodies well i had a version of that where i i saw them i don't know it's yeah they've now transitioned and i don't know I probably don't

let's kill this one I'm going to piss and blow my nose so bad you can tell I'm getting snotier and snotier I keep trying to do it on it can I piss in the car go piss I'm going to piss in the... Go piss.

I'm going to piss in here because I need the toilet paper. Yeah. Time out. Time out. I mean, ultimately, it's up to Doug, right? Are you exhausted, Doug? I'm not going to the after party. But I also have a tendency to, like, do more than I have to.

You know what I mean? Yeah, and don't race home to fucking drop your... Are you going to want to do a spot when you're in Sydney on your night off? No, fuck no. Absolutely not. That's a definite no. Or is that like a complete night? Absolutely not. That's a definite no. There's such a good room.

I'm saying that like it's some kind of opening act. It's like, well, give me the gig. Yeah, no, I... I did Skank Fest, and it was so much fun except for when I had to go up. What is Skank Fest? That's the Legion of Skanks podcast. It's the East Coast crew of the people who say bad things still.

Oh, like the come down guys. Jay Oakerson and Louie J. Gomez and Shane Gillis. Anyway, it was just a fun fucking no one gives a shit. But I just hated doing my sets like i want to i want to be there as a fan do you enjoy doing sets at all anymore no have to be a full show yeah i can't i can't do yeah 15 minutes yeah i mean if you see my show my first 15 minutes is me warming up to do an hour yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah.

So, yeah, to try to, and I did try to, okay, I can make this section something. It's too much fucking work. And you're doing it with a bunch of comics you want to watch. I don't want to be, you know, I don't see comics at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So when I'm seeing like Eddie Pepitone, I don't want to have to worry about what my set is going to be or what it was like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to be a fan. Pepitone's so fucking great. Fucking fantastic.

He's phenomenal. He's so good at voices and shit as well. Really? Yeah, yeah. Wait, are we not on? No. Shane's doing a pitch. We're recording though, aren't we doing a piss we're recording though aren't we we're recording oh we're recording

I'm interested in like all that me too stuff and all that sort of shit I like that topic I find it interesting I thought we were kind of swiped we're going to the close we're just trying to wait for everyone to be here yeah

no I wanted to tell this story about cause like when I was in denial about all that stuff and I was like oh well maybe we could work it out

like Shane I was like to Shane no no we'll be able to work it out you know and then we'll do a split show and we'll call it Rape Tarded

like me and him like the guy like imagine that like the guy and the me and the person that raped And the guy that raped Everything's content

Yeah I was like I just And I thought Rapetarded was like The funniest thing to call it Like retarded rape And why didn't you do that show? Why didn't I do

Because I don't think he'd agree To do a show He wouldn't agree He wouldn't agree To do the show with me He wouldn't have agreed To do it

Sure Wow Suddenly Suddenly consents an issue't have agreed to do it. Sure. Wow. Suddenly consent's an issue. So why'd you do it? Why are you sensitive? I know, it's suddenly consent, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Very good punchline.

Rape targeted. Don't want to do it. Let's put this out. We're on air, Shane. Yeah, so keep your microphone down. No, you're doing good not chewing into a mic. Yeah. Is there a way to just put this out as one podcast that's none of ours?

It's just called the Rape Tarded Podcast. Episode one, and there's never another episode Episode 1 I just don't know Pilot slash finale How do you put that out Where people would find it If it's

No one would find it It'd be out there But no one would find it No they'd find it Alex will figure it out On my Instagram Do you have a podcast? What is your podcast?

Comedian's Guide to True Crime My podcast is my podcast With Doug Stanhope It's called Rape Tardy We can put that out If you have a podcast Put it out as your own as a swap cast Isn't this going to be a swap cast?

For all of us It's called Rape Tardy The one and only episode Fuck yeah we're calling it Why don't we release it under a combo Of all of our names? Yeah, but no. No, it's called Rape Turded.

But no, you put it out as a swap cast. Oh yeah, Rape Turded, bye. We did, I believe, coin that term, because at the beginning, podcasts were mostly comics just talking to each other. I'm like, if you have a podcast and I have a podcast, and we're just catching up, there's no theme, let's call it a swap cast and we both put it out as our own

or on our channel as a swap cast we can do that with the part one and part two this will be part two the one from earlier is part one yeah yeah yeah well not if part two is a rape cast the one and only alright you guys figure it out I'm done talking

any final thoughts? About anything? About anything? I'm excited for this Brisbane show. There was a lot of good talk about death and suicide and rape. The second part too. Yeah, rape doesn't do

enough justice to the suicide and murder and death. If you come back to Brisbane or whatever in like three years, you know? I don't have three years left in me. Are you going to be coughing through that second episode? I was just

going to say this, I don't know, like suicide or something, I don't know. Put it into ChatGPT. ChatGPT will come up with a great title for this i've got a feeling chat gpt won't like it so much oh yeah yeah yeah considering its opinion chat gpt is not a fan of yours it's always like dog stanhope has very controversial opinions that i am not going to repeat here which which would probably be the prompt he'll say when it's putting us in the gas chambers. We find this very offensive. My bad.

Alright, are we putting a bullet in it? Let's do it. Bang, bang. Do we have to plug the show? No, you already plugged my shows, but your shows. We might as well. Can I plug Sian? Has a recording of her show called Rape Target.

Rape Target. She did a great solo show where she was talking about being a meth-addicted prostitute and the bits are in the order of the steps of the AA program. And she kind of goes through the narrative that way. Clever. Clever. Nice central conceit. program and she kind of goes through the narrative that way yeah so like clever clever yeah and it's called western girl because that was the name that the guy that ran the brothel called me western girl western girl did you have a i had a joke about did you use your actual name no i used a different name the first name that came to mind

i thought like Because trans people always look like prostitutes You heard it here first They do I just reckon they do And so the first name that came to mind was Rose Can you bleep that please

Thank you She does look like a prostitute I thought you were talking about the Joan Armour Treating song Oh don't you do that to the boys It's just the first thing that popped into my head But yeah I have a show about it Called Western Girl

It's very nice of you to plug Shane loved it Shane said it was like listening to jazz It was fucking fantastic Very funny highly recommend it That will be on a link somewhere. Rape, meth, prostitution, all in one show. Comedians Guide to True Crime.

It's just both in one show. That's not all. There's only two things you said. Rape and meth. Meth. Oh, and prostitution. Okay. I skipped the rape because I think it didn't happen.

But good punchlines all throughout. It was sick. Yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So it's like jazz but written out so it's the same every night. That's probably like a lot of jazz musicians. Exactly. Or rappers.

Freestyling. It sounded organic but it was completely contrived. Yeah. But it's like not done in the voice of an SJW. Great. You know what I mean? organic but it was completely contrived. That's fucking masterful man. But it's not done in the voice of an SJW. You know what I mean? If you like hearing cool rape. Yeah, cool rape.

It's a cool way done. I call it prostitute. Smooth listening rape. It's not done. It's not done like I don't want people to think I'm some leftist I really like the work of Ayn Rand You know like

It's autistic right wing rape It's autistic right wing Rape And prostitution and all that Sort of shit so yeah But please all the left wing The meth was left wing Yeah anyway so thanks for that And comedians But please, all the left-wing sex workers. The meth was left-wing.

Yeah, anyway. So thanks for that. And Comedians Guide to True Crime is also. Yeah, if anyone's interested, we do a podcast where we talk about Australian serial killers and cults and other catastrophes that happen with comedians. And it ends up being awesome. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Great.

Yeah. I got nothing to plug. You got nothing to plug? What about the kid? Which kid? Are you having a kid? The kid? Are you having a kid?

No. No, I said this kid. The kid. I keep forgetting he's here because we're kind of all under a light and he's kind of in the dark and we're all faced at each other and I go, oh, fuck, I got to involve him more. No, it's Eric. Yeah. I don't remember a lot of names.

Damien. I mean, Doug. It's Eric. All right. Eric Hoffman. Eric Hoffman. It's actually closer than Elmer. Yeah.

Eric Hutton and... I've got to make a drink. Yeah. Plug. Yeah, but it's a joy to do this. I've got my plugs. Do you have any? Have you got plugs?

Oh just go I mean come and watch Doug In Sydney And then you'll see me and Ben Oh yeah we're on Me and Eric are on in Sydney And you are on in Brisbane You're on in Brisbane Yeah

Great I'm coming I'm going to make it You don't have to do that And if you're coming to it For that reason Then you know We're only on stage

For like seven minutes So don't come for that. All right, stop the recording. All right, finish. Thank you, Del. Thank you. That was fun. That was great.

Yeah, you liked that. Yes. I just wish I could have had a coughing fit. That sounded like something that was heard post-rape. Yeah, you like that? Yeah, I think at the end, when you start overthinking things and it's too late i'm like we didn't get into your rape enough because you had alluded to it with the joke where my father so i assumed i wasn't right about my father well you the joke you told me was it's

like if your father didn't rape you or whatever off air so I assumed that was the thing so it was too late when I figured out oh you got raped by a comedian recently but we haven't set that up it was like two years ago now he doesn't do comedy anymore does he it was like two years ago now

I think it's actually my rape-aversary on the night I'm doing your show it's actually the anniversary of me being raped. Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានប� Thank you.