The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep 85: Geoff Tate Carries the Podcast Because Doug Can't Talk

Episode Date: July 9, 2015

Geoff Tate carries the podcast because Doug can't talk.Geoff is touring the US with Emma Arnold and he wants to play your town. Email him at [e-mail] and include your city in the subject line.Recorded July 05, 2015 at the Four Points Sheraton in Tucson, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Geoff Tate (@GeoffTate96), Sidney Stanhope, and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.Links-"Everything Is Bullshit" - http://amzn.to/1q5NtGNGeoff Tate - @GeoffTate96 http://www.justanotherclown.com/Emma Arnold - @iamaroadtrip http://www.emmaarnoldcomedy.com/Chris Maddock - http://www.chrismaddock.com/Junior Stopka - http://juniorstopka.com/David Heti - http://davidheti.com/Stanhope's Youtube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/user/stanhopetvClosing Song, "Another Like You" by Hayes Carll. Available on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

All right, this is the Doug Stanhope podcast, minutes after the last podcast, but we have to cram them in when we can because you only have guests every so often, and Jeff Tate Hello. Hey, Doug. Is going to carry this motherfucker. Hey, Sidney, we're talking about you. Live. Talking a little shit about Sydney Stanhope.

Yeah, she's kind of cocky, yet taciturn. Hang on. Is that Ducky? Is that your boyfriend? We're talking about you on the podcast. Give me the phone. No. You started talking about my boyfriend? We're talking about you on the podcast. Give me the phone. No. You started talking about my boyfriend. We're on the air.

What? I talked about sex with you on the air because you are taking birth control, which is... That's personal information. I don't want your weirdos to know that. Talk into a mic. Say that into a mic. All right. I will. Ducky. Ducky. She has to know that. Talk into a mic. Say that into a mic. All right. I will.

Ducky, Ducky, she has to hang up. We're doing a podcast. All right, you can go outside. All right. Shut the door, Bingo. Shut the door behind us. Oh, wow. Switch got flipped in the last six minutes.

Yeah. So we're both at the same point of fuck comedy right always always for years yeah i had my i went through my second stage of uh quitting this year earlier this year i fucking wanted out real bad i tried in 2010 i tried quit, but I didn't have a plan. I just was like, fuck this, and then got a job waiting tables in a media. I was like, well, I don't like this either shit. And so that was not a good plan. I always think I would rather bartend.

When we do Go Bananas, instead of signing shit, I bartend at their bar next door. Oh, that's great. It's wicked good. Yeah. Instead of signing shit, I bartend at their bar next door. Oh, that's great. It's wicked good. Yeah. Even got Rogan. Yeah. Rogan showed up for my show. I'm like, no, we don't do signatures.

We bartend. I just realized I can't talk. So this fucking podcast is done. Right now? Pretty much. Go ahead. I'll just let you talk no rogan showed up with uh two other dudes red band and uh tripoli yeah show that was the night that you you have been up the entire night before so we had to get some medicine and i had slept in it before but i like medicine and so you and me and junior did a little medicine to stay up through those shows then rogan shows up then we end up at a

the bartend we bartend till it closes then we go to steak a shake there's two guys to take a shake arguing over uh ufc versus boxing yeah and one of them was an off-duty cop like some musclehead fucking shithead cop arguing about if ufc is better than boxing with rogan sitting across the room not involved uh and then two cops show up to deal with those two guys they realize joe rogan is in there and six more cops show up and the three of us are blown out of our head. And I got the rest of the medicine in my pocket. And like just every cop in that fucking neighborhood is at the Stegoshake talking to us. It's like it's my worst nightmare.

My worst fucking nightmare. But they were just they just all wanted pictures with Rogan. And they got their pictures with Rogan. They got their pictures with Rogan. No one checked my wallet. The worst is when people you hate are fans. When cops go,

you're the bad people. Oh, fuck. I have an exact story like this. Last October, Pearl Jam came to Cincinnati, and they named the mayor declared that day Pearl Jam Day. And I worked with this radio station a lot, 96.5 in Cincinnati, and they did their morning show, and then they had to do an afternoon show live from a restaurant near where the Pearl Jam show was. So the mayor could go on the radio and declare it Pearl Jam Day. And it was like the best afternoon of radio because they only played Pearl Jam songs.

The mayor's there. I'm on the mic. The mayor shows up. And he's like around my age, but the exact opposite. The mayor? Yeah, he's like 38 or 39. He's just a little bit older. I think he graduated high school in like 93.

I graduated in 96. A young Jerry Springer. Yeah. This guy is a fucking snake. He's a smarmy green... He's not good. And then he's on the radio. Young Jerry Springer. Yeah, but Jerry Springer was

like, you could see yourself partying with Jerry Springer. Yeah. This guy's a square. He paid for whores with a personal check. Yeah. That's some gravitas. Yeah, that's balls. Yeah.

And will you take a check? Yes. Wow. Do you need to see ID? No, I don't, Mr. Mayor. We all recognize you, sir. You're the mayor. So this guy's on the radio talking about how much he loves Pearl Jam. He's like, I just grew up listening to him. I listened to him in high school. And I can't. I'm like, did you just never listen to anything they said? Why are you like this now if you love Pearl Jam? What the fuck is wrong with you? Like when a cop goes, I'm a huge Stanhope fan. From what? What did you hear?

Did you see two episodes of The Man Show and you're like, that guy's my favorite and never listened to an album? That happened. That happened to comics driving back and forth between gigs where I was in Chattanooga and they got pulled over. They were listening to me on satellite radio and the cop said, Is that Doug Stanhope? Yeah. All right. I don't remember the rest of the story.

I'll let you talk the rest of this time because I'm fucking hammered. So as soon as the mayor gets off good leaves uh we go to commercial we come back from commercial and i just can't stop talking about how does what this guy heard better man and that was it and so this is his favorite band because he heard one song because there's no way that he actually has followed the career of those dudes and then turned into this fucking type of politician. Any type of politician. Why are you a politician if you love Pearl Jam? Do you get nothing? You understand

nothing. You just heard fucking one song, half a song in a grocery store in 1994 and you're like this is probably music I like. And then 20 years later you try to meet him. This is why it's such a fun. It really worked out for me him being a shithead, because he had two tickets set aside. To Paradise?

No. He had two tickets set aside. He had two tickets set aside to go to the show. But he was only going to go to the show if he could go backstage and meet the band. And, of course, the band said no. So he didn't even want to go to the show. That's how big a fan he is, is he didn't want to go to the show unless he can go backstage and didn't go to the show.

And then guess who got those tickets? Me. Jeff Tate. Yeah. So I didn't go backstage, but I just wanted to see the music because I actually like those songs, Mayor Cranley. I'm not a fucking weird poser with dumb ties and you're drinking at Myrtle's Punch Bowl like a fucking weirdo.

With your three yes men around you blocking everybody so no one can be like, why'd you fucking wait for the streetcar until the All-Star game showed up? The city of Cincinnati is on a massive fucking pulling an all-nighter to fix downtown because the All-Star game is a week from Tuesday. They're treating all of downtown the way I treated Science Fair the night before. Let's fucking fix this. People are actually going to come here. Yeah, you knew this for three years, and now you're doing something about it? People are getting shot every fucking day.

This guy fucking sucks, and he wants to go on the radio and talk about being a pro-jampagne? I don't know where this came from, the thing about cops being fans of yours. I don't care. All I know is I said, you're going to have to carry this podcast, and you're doing it. So could you get us two cigarettes and that Pepsi can for an ashtray? We're smoking in the room because that's how we do it. We're rock and roll.

Yeah, Mayor Cranley. This is what people who listen to pearl jam do we're gonna throw the tv set out the window even though we're on the first floor we're gonna casually we're just gonna unplug it and then set it out nicely yeah this is uh yeah so 2010 i tried to quit i got divorced and i got real depressed and i tried to quit. I got divorced and I got real depressed. And I tried to quit. You were one of the reasons I couldn't because you made me go on stage the night it went from a separation to a divorce

at the Southgate house. I have a lot of cigarettes. I just need the thing. I'll smoke one of those. She's lighting them for us. Don't worry. No, this is pretty great. Man, when I make my podcast, I have to light my own cigarettes. Oh, jeez. You don't worry no this is pretty great man when i did when i make my podcast i have to light my own cigarettes this is oh geez you don't burn the carpet that's all uh crank that door wide open anyway so you quit comedy well i tried to like the day i decided

i wanted to quit three hours later you made me go on stage. And you did the funniest thing. Somebody I knew was opening for you because they had an in with the venue. And I didn't know. And I just was like, I was all bummed out. And I didn't have, I was like, I'll go with you. I didn't have any money or anything. And I knew that we had worked together or whatever.

But I've never been able to ask anybody for anything. That's why. That's my least favorite thing is, hey, you're coming to town. Now I know you well enough now that it wouldn't bother me at all. But in 2010, I didn't know for sure. So I was like, I'll go with him and I can watch the show and at least have some distraction. But I guess he went in the green room in panic and immediately told you he came with me. And you were like, go get him.

Someone go get him. And someone from the bar came and got me. Someone from the venue came and got me. And you were like, you're going on. I'm like, I don't want to do stand-up. I don't want to. There's already two people. And you're like, all right, well, you do seven, you do ten.

And you go, how long do you want to do? And I go, I don't want to do any time. How long? I was like, maybe ten minutes. And you go, okay, 25. It's like, but I said ten. You're like, I don't give a fuck. But nothing's funny.

I don't care. You think I care if it goes well? Just go up there and fucking do some stuff. And there were some times when the only person, 500 people, the only person laughing was you. But that's the great moments. Yeah, because I broke down in the middle. Because it's not your fault.

You're the opener. The middle act is always the best place to be. I want to retire and be a middle act. Oh really? Move to Columbus. They all did that. They all used the headline and now they're fine with their $600 a week

copping other people's acts. They don't cop their act, but they cop their style. I lived right. I have no kids. I have my shit paid for. i want to be a middle act for the rest of my life because there's no pressure i can try out new shit we'll talk about this after because this is what i want to do well i really uh like i remember having a breakdown in the middle of that 25 and just being like i'm probably the same as all you people you know i spent my afternoon walking around target trying not to cry no one laughs you laugh

you come out next and spend 10 minutes explaining why that was the best joke they'd heard so far it was like there's no way like there's you know you motherfuckers stonewalled them but you you know that he didn't sit down at a Starbucks and think I'm going to write a joke about Target and that's what he wrote. He just said some shit that happened today and you just stared at him. You motherfuckers don't know comedy.

That's how you started your set. And then someone gave you mushrooms and you ate them on stage. And I ended up throwing out I threw out a birthday party in the back because they were fucking up the show and they didn't know I didn't work there, and they just went to see comedy. They were like, let's go, there's a comedian.

They didn't know what they were seeing, and they were just being a problem. That's why we upped our prices. And for you people out there going, hey, you know what? Oh, you're playing Glasgow,gow you're fucking cunt you're fucking it's 32 pounds it's a little steep you know what it fucking weeds out that we i just started reading this book everything is bullshit which is like everything you've been told is bullshit all the all the books i like that are about bullshit is about wine. There's one chapter about wine and why does it boils down to people who drink the same bottle of wine,

like it better in a blind taste test when it costs more. They go, this is the $6 bottle, this is the $20 bottle. Yeah. And they like the $20 bottle more of this same bottle of wine. We decide what we're worth. And I'm cheaper than Jim Jeffries, and I make that a point. I'm at least a dollar cheaper than Jim Jeffries. I saw Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers in 1999, and the ticket was $27.50.

I ended up with a ticket to see Dave Matthews in 1997, and the ticket was $27.50. And if you go see Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers now, the ticket is $34.50, and Dave Matthews is like $75. Wait, I don't know what that proves. I think it proves Dave Matthews is a jerk. No, it proves I have to up my ticket price to $76 to be cheaper than Dave Matthews. Well, you better call Jeffries and make him hit $77 so that you can pay both a $1 more than Dave Matthews. I don't want to be involved in some price-fixing scandal with Jim Jefferies. I have a point that I have to make. Well, there's very few.

Like, when you go on the road, you take people who are solid. Like, the $25 or whatever it is to see you, they're going to have a fucking great show. You can pay $12 or answer an email and go go to a funny bone and you probably won't like any of it it's weird even the chicken you're you're worth what you say you're worth i'm just not figuring that out like because the thing that i like it took me six months of going to see a therapist and a career counselor oh yeah you're gonna tell me about the career counselor. Well, I didn't know it was a thing.

And then I was watching, when I was still dating Tina, we started watching Friends on Netflix. And somewhere in the middle of season one, Chandler goes to a career counselor because he hates his job. And I was like, fuck, I hate my job. I wonder if that's a real thing or if that's just a TV show thing. So I Googled it, and it's real. So I signed up to see this always real on google i i signed up i saw this lady i probably saw her 15 times uh i would see her right after my regular therapist and between talking to both of them about what i liked and didn't like and what i was trying to do like the therapist has

a lot more to deal with but the career counselor was just about jobs, and I had to take some tests. There were some fucking quick, like, snap answer shit, like, are you good at this? And she would just snap up flashcards, and I'd be like, yes, no, yes, no. No time to think. And she would record it. She would make, like, yes piles and no piles and then look at it and be like, so you think, like, you can do this so like then she started looking at jobs and uh copywriting was something i was pursuing and i still might pursue

in a freelance capacity but because it seems fun and it's and like everybody i talked to is like it's a real drag it's really tedious i'm like have you ever worked the westport funny bone that is also like have you worked fucking anywhere? Like, any of these clubs? It's tedious as shit. So at least this, like, this seems like comedy, but easier because you don't have to think of the first part. They show up with a premise and all you gotta do

is punch it up. That's a fucking breeze. I gotta think up the first, I have to think up both parts. Now, I gotta think up the thing to talk about and then make it funny. You go to a copywriting job and somebody just hands you the thing and they're like, make this something. Okay, that's a fucking, by when? Oh, you have three weeks.

It's three weeks. Okay, so I got to take two and a half weeks off, not think about any of this. And then the night before, be like, pow, here you go, fucking forward.com, your thing's better, because this is what I, this is what I know how to do, but I've realized, what I realized was, I love, I love doing stand-up comedy, but I hate being a comedian, and those are two separate things, and they don't tell you that, like, they teach classes, but those classes do not tell you any of the important stuff they don't there's no comedy class in the world that tells you to uh if you're staying in a condo take your own soap it's not gonna have soap and if it does you don't want to use it like you want to have a fresh bar of soap and maybe your own pillow you know i mean

like even if you're flying like figure out how to take a pillow like that's a comedy class like uh by the way uh let's stop for a commercial break and say we're staying at the Sheraton Four Points at the Tucson Airport where we always steal a pillow. My home is decorated with pillows we steal from them. But we also pay a huge fucking bar tab every time we're here. And you've never charged me for a pillow that we steal because they're nice pillows. So back to you. They are nice pillows.

I used two of them for three nights this week. And bingo for the entire... You know what? Johnny Depp was witness to Bingo showing up with her own fluffy four-point Sheraton pillow that she travels with every time we stay here because she has blue hair and she stains it blue. So, yeah, she steals it because it's not really usable. Yeah.

They're just going to throw it away. Exactly. Or bleach it or whatever or turn it inside out. I don't're just going to throw it away. Exactly. Or bleach it or whatever. Or turn it inside out. I don't really know what happens in hotels. We don't know. I worked in hotels for a while and I have no idea what you would do with a pillow. So you're a counselor.

Yeah. As you're 36 years old. Yep. You go to a career counselor. Yep. Not mocking you yet. No, that's fine. Actually, I'm mocking you. So you go to a career counselor. Yep. Not mocking you yet. No, that's fine. Actually, I'm mocking you.

So you go to a career counselor. Well, what I wanted this time was I wanted validation. Not validation. I learned in 2010 that if you just try to bail without a fucking actual plan, you just get right back in it. Because here it is four years later, and I'm still fucking miserable doing this. There are occasions when it's really fun. The first two weeks I was on tour with you,

it was really fun. The last week I came on Rabbit a little bit, because that's a long time to be on the road. For the listener at home, Tate is really one of the funniest people. Funny to the point where you go, I don't want to follow that guy. And there's only a few guys like that. Joey Coco Diaz.

Even when he was not famous from the Rogan podcast, you don't want to follow that guy. I did. It was terrible. You're one of... There's guys that are funny. Brett Erickson. You go, alright, he's hilarious. He's great. I can promote the shit out of this guy.

But I can still follow. I don't want to follow you. There's a few people that you go, no, no, I don't want to follow you. And you're that guy. That's wild. I really appreciate that. That is wild stuff.

That fucking means so much to me. I also think you're crazy, but also it means that's very nice of you to say. I'm all flush now. That's the alcohol. Something happened. Either one is directly related to you. So, yeah, the flush was caused by Stan Hope being around. So I figured out if you just cut out the being a comedian part

and you just do the doing the stand-up part, then it becomes super fun. What's the difference? The difference is being a comedian means you have to do a lot of shit other people say. You gotta have meetings and you gotta try to be on Workaholics and you gotta fucking... No, that's not... But it's part of the job.

I can do stand-up, but I don't have to do it. I don't like their terms. I don't like traveling alone. I don't like having someone i don't like traveling alone i don't like having uh someone put a middle on the show that because it's every now and then it's great like chris matic was a rando rando yeah and god damn it that guy was hilarious and then we get funny not like and he's another guy where the next time i went to that town he middle for me again and then after

that like when during that week i just thought just thought, this guy shouldn't fucking open for anybody. Just make him a headline. Yeah. Stopka. Hey, step up, Stopka. Hey, this is two podcasts in a row. Step up. I want to say Maddox's name

because he stands out, but I also now regret that there's definitely three people that are like, I thought I was good. I have a bad memory. So I just decided to... David Hedy was a guy that on this Canadian tour we just did a couple

several weeks ago. I don't know. Recently. Yeah, you haven't been home since. Fucking hilarious. But if he was opening for me, he would eat shit because he's slow and deliberate. It's the same reason I fucking hate the Bill Hicks thing. Oh, you're like Bill Hicks and then the other people who take it to the next. You're trying to be like Bill Hicks.

I'm not like fucking Bill Hicks at all. Bill Hicks would eat shit if he's trying to be like Bill Hicks. I'm not like fucking Bill Hicks at all. Bill Hicks would eat shit if he was trying to follow me. Because, yeah, he was slow and deliberate. And if you listen to Bill Hicks, tell me one thing about Bill Hicks' life that you know.

No, nothing. Nothing. It was all opinion. And there's nothing personal in it. He had opinions. He's like the Seinfeld version of an edgy comic. I'm not shitting on him. No, no, no. I'm saying he's so...

But it's like he decided to take that route. Yeah, when you compare him to me, no, I'm more like Kinison or Chris Rock. I don't know. Hinnison or Chris Rock? I don't know. I feel like you're more like... Like, I wouldn't even compare you to a comedian. I would compare you to, like, Hunter Thompson or... Like, Bill Hicks is like Tom Wolfe.

Tom Wolfe was never a character in any of the things he wrote. He wrote about other people doing other things. Hunter Thompson was always the main character in things he wrote. He wrote about other people doing other things. Hunter Thompson was always the main character in whatever he wrote. So he would inject himself into it somehow. Kerouac. People like that where if you follow what their output is, by the end of it, you're like,

what don't I know about this person? The only thing I know about Bill Hicks is at one point he decided that he wanted to dress like a cowboy and that's only because he dressed like a cowboy in that one special. I'm talking about his act. That's what I'm talking about. There's nothing in his act that's personal.

There's nothing he fucking divulges about himself. He doesn't empty his guts and say this. Right, that's what I mean. That's what I'm saying. Oh, he got pulled over by a cop on acid. That didn't really happen. Stop it. I got pulled over by a cop on acid.

But he was only 32 when he died. So why would you even give him any credibility? At 32, I was barely talking about my actual personal experiences in life. I had started to talk about, you know, shit that happened, but I wasn't, yeah. You were getting there. You were like that guy at the bar last night who thought the interesting story was fucking that hooker and Tijuana in her ass. And he's got that sentence out.

You got that sentence out and then you just go, zero! That is an open mic zero! Guy's got a scar across his face and he thinks the thing we want to hear about is... He invaded our territory. Yeah, he came to us.

Injected himself into our converse and then was like, what's fun about being a comedian? And you're like, this is what's fun, except now you you're here i get to hang out with my friends for a couple days because i'm a comedian i get to know these people and hang out with these people and you are ruining it and all you have to do to not ruin it is tell us why you got that fucking scar on your face i don't want to talk about it that's what what he said. Then don't talk about anything. Then leave. Why do you keep forcing yourself into our conversation

when I just got off a fucking plane from Australia with a seven hour layover in LA and then Salt Lake and then here and I'm so confused. I just spent five days hanging out with Johnny Depp

on the set of a Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Oh, really? I fucked a hooker once. Oh, so your story is one time I had $40. That's it. That's it. That's all you have. I've also had $40. 40 i spent 80 on a cowboy outfit

you've been here i fucked you over kind of me yeah because you said i'm coming for fourth of july but then there was stories in the uh hinter, in the wind, that you went tits up, like Walsh did after his mushroom thing. Yeah, but I think the problem we had was every time we talked about it was in the middle of the night. I would be on my porch. You'd be standing outside the Black Rock House or whatever. Black House. What is it called? Get on, Mike. Hazard? Get on, Mike. Yeah. The Hazard House. Black Knob or whatever. Black House? What is it called? Get on, Mike.

Hazard? Get on, Mike. Yeah. The Hazard House? Black Knob. Yeah. Black Knob. You're standing out there taking a break from writing.

We're both drunk. Hazard. That's Hazard. Either way, we're both drunk. You're sneaking cigarettes, and I'm just fighting off sleep because that's when the demons come. And so that was when we made all our plans i'm gonna be a phoenix and i'm gonna have three days off yeah but in the meantime i heard that you had they quit la and you just blew everyone off oh fucking erickson said yeah uh he came back into town hey

jeff tay came back into town and he was gonna at someone's house, but he didn't know where. Erickson's going, why didn't you just call me? We'll put you up. My problem was, first of all, I did not remember that he had moved to Los Angeles. And the other problem was, I had forgotten I was going to LA until the night before. And I had not set up a ride. I had not set up a place to stay. I had just been in a fucking daze. And then on Friday night, I realized, oh fuck, I got a fucking 10 a.m. flight and nowhere to go when I get to LA. So I assume I can, uh, I assume that I, like, I just tweeted it out

like, hey, I'm going to be in LA in eight hours and I got nowhere to go. Please fix this. And it worked. Because Brett saw the tweet. Yeah, I retweeted it. He goes, I wouldn't even know he was in town if you didn't retweet this. Yeah, but he saved me.

And I had to go there the next week and i stayed with him then and i'm gonna see him tomorrow uh now that i know like first of all i fucking did not really like la but i love brett erickson and mitchell yeah and hanging out with them does not feel like hanging out in la it feels like hanging out with just some people that are good yeah and there's none of the fucking bullshit there's none of the brett brett doesn't sit around and talk about uh how comedy central fucked him over whatever what what thing might happen i'm working on a submission tape for whatever man i'm so bored already why do you like how do you still like it that's all i want to do

when somebody brings that up as i just was how do you still like it that's all i want to do when somebody brings that up as i just how do you still like this don't tell me about your fucking meeting tell me how you still like this but that's why you're doing what you're doing is going out on a 40 date tour yeah it's my own terms like i don't care if i go bankrupt i never have money i'm gonna have fun though and that's i'm taking my friend out she's hilarious hilarious. What's her name? Emma Arnold. She's fucking hysterical. She have a tweet? Her tweet is at I am a road trip. That's her Twitter handle.

I am a road trip. Easy to remember. Yeah. And her website is EmmaArnoldComedy.com. And your tour is at? I'm hitting Philadelphia. No, no, no. Where do they find this?

Oh, my tour is at justanotherclown.com. That's where the dates are at. Justanotherclown.com. That's my website. You can find out everything about it. And I will be on four dates of this. At random. At random four dates of this, I guarantee...

Yeah. This is going to happen because this is being recorded. Four days. No, this is on two podcasts. Yeah. Yeah, so four shows on this tour. You might pull a golden ticket and see Doug Stanhope as well. I'll just be the host.

I'll be the annoying host that's drunk trying out new material because I have this quandary myself where I've been doing this material working it out for 18 months and then we're doing it through

the UK and Europe and then I'm dead I'm fucking dead I'm writing, and then I'm dead. I'm fucking dead. I'm writing a book, then I'm dead with this material. Hopefully we tape it for a special, and then I'm going to have to figure out how to work out a new hour without burning cities.

It will start at Go Bananas, I guarantee. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, at some point. It usually does. It's not a bad room to fix an hour. It's not a bad room to take a legal pad up and then by five shows later you have the hour. Yeah.

I'm doing that this week. The hour I'm doing it, I've done three times, I think, as an hour. So by Sunday it'll be fucking... Then I'll tour that hour and record it in January, and that'll be the one that comes out next year. Alright, we're gonna shut this podcast down because I am drunk as shit.

Jeff Tate carried this podcast. Plug yourself at... JeffTate96 on Twitter. No underscore. No underscore, no. JeffTate96 on Twitter. No underscore. No underscore, no. JeffTate96. But if you think he's the guy from

Queensryche, you're an idiot. A guy who hosts a metal show on a public radio station in New York thought I was the guy from Queensryche and thought he could get to the guy from Queensryche on Facebook. And it went all the way until I did a 45 minute radio

phone or interview with this guy and I could bullshit my way through the Queens rec stuff cause I had his Wikipedia page up on my phone while I was talking to him. And then it gets to the part where he's like, what are you listening to now? And I was like, Oh, I fucking don't listen to this. Like there's nothing I'm going to say that you're going to recognize. And he goes, do you don't like, do you hear the new king crimson like uh no he goes i i make this kind of music man i don't listen to it i listen to a lot of like some like this outlaw country stuff i started talking about jason isbell and todd snyder and fucking tom petty and hayes carl and uh just i that Carl. That was all I could do. I started rattling off about them, and they were like,

do you think that you created the Seattle Sound? And I was like, oh, I can talk about Pearl Jam now. So I just started talking about those bands. Those guys really did it. 45 minutes. We get to one commercial break. He's like, thanks, man. He goes, if you want to stick around, that'd be great.

I was like, sure. Let's do another break. Let's keep going. i did three breaks i sat through i sat through two excruciating commercial breaks of small talk where i actually have like i started talking about wine because he makes wine i guess it was so fucking ridiculous and then that's it i never i don't know i have any idea what happened after that. But I'm not the guy from Queensrack. I'm a comedian. Just Another Clown.

Come to the tour. And also, there's an email address on there. Tell me to come to your town. I need to know where to go because I just want to do more and more of these. The minute I mention it, justanotherclown.com. And you can email me at jefftate77 at gmail.com. When you email me, just put your fucking town in there. Because if you tell me, oh, my wife, she wants to divorce me,

and you're the guy that kept me alive through this. I was going to kill myself. I don't care. Doug, that was a text message that I sent you. You're a million guys. All right. Put your town in there. Email jefftate at...

jefftate77 at gmail.com. GOF. GOF. It's the G-E-O, Jeff. Not like your brother. I'm going to every fucking town, man. Sidney, I am drunk. Oh, Montana.

How do you feel about that? No, real quick, I want to say this. There are eight states I've never performed in. Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire. Sidney. Delaware, Mississippi, Montana, Wyoming, and Hawaii. So if you live in any of those states, fucking figure this out. Help me figure this out.

Mississippi, we did. They have a good scene. That was, name drop again, the fucking some elephant. We did some elephant. Hippo. Laughing hippo. Laughing hippo. Laughing hippo.

That's good. That was actually good. That would be perfect for you. Okay. Yeah, they actually have a room. That's Mississippi But Maine Yeah come to Maine

This is my niece Sydney Okay There's one ticket sale Farmington is the Farmington Maine Oh Farmington is where you do the sushi bar No no we do that Bangor Bangor is close to Farmington

So I can come up from Bangor. Down from Farmington. Up from Farmington. Wait, but where are you? In Farmington. Okay. She's west of Bangor. All right.

I've looked it up. But you never came to see me. I didn't come to see you. I just brought you to see fucking Johnny Depp in goddamn Australia. You thankless whore. Please. Mean. Come to mean.

Bangor or... No, man. Stanhope's got fans everywhere, so just email me, especially if you're from those states. I want to hit those states. Let's fucking do some shows. States, one more time. Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Delaware, Mississippi, Montana, Wyoming, and Hawaii. Burlington, Vermont is one of the best places we've ever played.

So fucking great. After Bangor, we drove across to Burlington. They have a fantastic club. You should have gone. You almost went to school here in Tucson. We thought you were going to be our kid It is pretty hot here I can't handle it But I almost went to school in Burlington

But they did not have what I wanted What did you want? Actually I wanted special education But then I didn't do special education So I could have gone there But I didn't They don't have special education where? There's retards everywhere

In Champlain They don't have special education where? This retard's everywhere. In Champlain. I almost went to Champlain College. Champlain? You're not saying it wrong? No. Champlain. No, she's talking like special needs people. There's an episode of Cheers where Rebecca can't say Champlain.

Can I get a Champlain with orange juice? Champlain. It's a mimosoma. It's a Mimosa. It's a Misoma. So Mama. Mimosa. Champlain. We'll take this outside. All right.

All right. That's a good podcast. I don't know if it's good, but it's done. Yeah. It was just plugs, but we'll do it. All right. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. You were smoking on a cigarette, talking about the deficit, putting all them wild boys down. I like a drunken Mona Lisa or the lean and tired tired pizza You were hanging off the edge of town I overheard Afghanistan It's safer than a minivan Left me wondering what I should do You're like a four-leaf clover

I just had to come on over I've never seen another like you. You were falling like the alamo, drinking fast and talking slow, looking like it's time to go home. Were you hitting on the strip because you can't afford to tip her, or just afraid of being alone? You were so openly frustrated You said Dylan's overrated Or singing tangled up in blue I don't know what I was thinking

I can feel my heart is sinking I have never seen a fella like you Ain't that the way we knew it? Should we fall for the first one? How come it always ends up the worst one? Well, you're probably a Democrat. Well, what the hell is wrong with that? Nothing if you tell a man Oh, I see

Well, I bet you slept with half the sound Don't you ever shut your mouth How much did you pay for that tan? What did you pay for those boots? Oh, shouldn't you be purging? Well, you're probably still a virgin I can't believe you're not on the view. Let's have

another round. It's looking like we're trouble bound. I have never seen another like you. Ain't that the way we do? It's true, you take the breath from me.

Seems like you are bound to be the death of me. Oh, well, a couple hours later, we were in the elevator. I'm making out like Bonnie and Clyde. We were dizzy from the love we found. Growing up and going down. Lord, it's been a hell of a ride. I'm having trouble breathing. I probably should be leaving.

You know I'm up in room 402. Well, I gotta hand it to you. There's a chance I'm gonna screw ya Oh, I've never seen another like you I don't know if it's forever But I'm glad that we're together I have never seen another like you Thank you.