The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #99 ½ Pt. 2: Ten Minute SpeedCast

Episode Date: October 7, 2015

Another Ten Minute SpeedCast with Doug Stanhope, Brian Hennigan, Bingo, and Ggreg Chaille. 10 miutes, that's it.Doug's UK TOUR MERCH - http://bit.ly/1KQLuVBDonate to Chaille here. Thanks. Really, Thanks a lot.Recorded Aug. 15, 2015in the new Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), Bingo (@bingobingaman) and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS -Clayton Distillery Lemonade Shine - http://claytondistillery.com/two-dog-moonshine/Closing Song, "Party Time" by The Mattoid. Available on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

three two one yes 10 10 minute we're several shots into uh lemonade shine that uh joe anonymous joe was sent to us through the mail i guess it's illegal i don't know actually no i read on newser it's they're they're making it legal to sell sell send booze through the air mail. We're drunk. What the? It's your phone, you fucking douche. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Wait a minute. Hold on a second. You're ruining the integrity of the game. It's a 10-minute podcast, and it shuts off at exactly 10 minutes. He's got it set up. I hit the timer. Go ahead.

What, you hit your timer? No, to select the timer ringtone by accident. Sorry. I don't care what you did. All right, now we're going to talk about trousers because I had something else in my head, but it's, yeah, my cat trousers dead and it stinks. All right, But what happened is after we had to put down trousers in a last minute situation, a small town situation where the doctor is saying, yeah, I could die horribly.

But today skip trousers. Well, we have two dogs to henry phillips and ichabod and uh occasionally when they get walked because bingo only has one job in our whole life is walk the dogs and sometimes she does it and but our friends live down the at corner, and they have a good dog. My dogs are stupid, idiot, stupid, moron, idiots. And then our neighbor has this dog, Bo, and it's smart. So I would walk my dogs past Bo, and I'd go, why can't you be smart like that dog? I'm an abusive parent to my dogs because he's smart, and he listens, and he sits, and can't you be smart like that dog? I'm an abusive parent to my dogs

because he's smart and he listens and he sits and he chases balls. Dropped him right at your feet. Yeah. I throw something in front of my dog. He goes, where's food? The thing about Bo was that you watched Interplay with Bo and your dogs

and your dogs weren't looking at him with like envy or hatred. They were looking at him with a sense of like wonder. They had no idea what they were looking at, which was a fully functioning dog. An actual dog. If I were Bo and my audience were my dogs, they'd be going tit fuck joke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. That's what Henry and Ichabod were looking at Bo going, tit fuck joke. So while Bingo who I daily go, you have one job, walk the fucking dogs. While she

wasn't walking the fucking dogs what she did was give her the mic yeah just tell them what you did for uh brett because fiona and brett we don't see that often but we see beau every time we walk the dogs past and our dogs bark and he goes I don't do that he was a great dog so they had to put the dog down they put Bo down today and they put him down at 2.30 so I went over to their place

and well Puspa was taking pictures of Bo oh yeah I had to do a photo shoot that whole the UK to do a photo shoot That whole By the way there was a photo shoot There was a photo shoot that was going on And you said

I got Puspa to send me A picture of Bo And Bo was sitting in our wheelchair And he was right in front of the B In the bingo sign Like trousers Puspa Bo front of the B and the bingo sign. Like trousers. Puss. Puss bow.

Bow. Like trousers. Bow the dog was still he was dying of cancer, but he didn't know it. He was still chasing shit. He was still a happy dog. He didn't know he's about to die. Hold on a second. This is a collie. A black and white collie. With David Bowie eyes.

I just want to give everyone that. That's an easy thing to picture. I don't wish to be pedantic, but obviously it's in my nature. Yes, David Bowie. I know we know about David Bowie eyes. This ends at fucking 10 minutes. They were actually different colors than David Bowie's or not. No, no, no. I mean,

Bowie only had one functioning eye. David Bowie has two functioning eyes. They're different colors. Anyway, so I got the pictures framed, and I put them on their porch with some whiskey, bourbon. That was my part. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. No, no, no, no. I'm i when he came in after trousers died and he said that beau our favorite dog in the neighborhood including our own yeah who's your favorite child other ones which one any yeah we and that was our favorite kid in the neighborhood of all the dogs,

including our own. And when he came over to football on Sunday and said that he had, and the dogs running around our yard. Playing. As our dogs are going, why is he chasing a ball? Why isn't he just begging for meat? Going, why is he chasing a ball? Why isn't he just begging for meat?

And the most lively, energetic creature on the earth at that moment. And I mean, I'll say, I'm looking at it thinking like, wow, I know what's happening. My first dog, Otis, was the smartest dog in the world. And I thought it was because I am some subliminally great trainer of dogs. And then every dog after that is stupid as fuck. Yeah. Oh, I guess sometimes they have their own. You have to understand. There's a lot of fucking. This is part two of.

There's no part twos. that's what we learned in life there's no part twos there's a lot of goddamn lemon shine made whiskey trousers and uh yeah so boga put down bingo put this beautiful display out on their porch while they had to go put him down and yeah I got worked up me and Brett both were fighting back I got very worked up on the Sunday afternoon because

I was talking to Fiona and Fiona's a hot Scottish chick Fiona's very hot Scottish chick Fiona's very hot and that's like an albino mammoth if she was still living in Scotland she'd have like curtains around her

where people could only look and not touch like the elephant man or something because you know being attractive in Scotland is actually a disability because it impedes your ability to get pies so

so if you're meeting those pies so if you're aware so if you're very attractive she also has a sexy accent unlike mine she has one of those female sexy accents. Rare. Yeah. It's like a chick with a New York accent that's hot.

Yeah. That doesn't happen. And she's obviously upset about what's happening to Bo. And I was trying to encourage her that I feel that she should immediately adopt or foster another dog. she should immediately adopt or foster another dog because all the wisdom she's learned and developed with Bo could be well placed with

another dog. Yeah, but I'm not getting more pets. Fucking trousers. They're not exactly lining up like an audition line. Eight years? Nine years? I don't know. I don't have that kind of faith

that I'm going to live that long for another cat I don't want another cat to miss me the same way I'll miss Travis later on in the edition of Warren Zevon's Unreleased Classics so bingo

tell us again the dog that mattered to you most in your life right the dog that mattered to you more than any other dog the dog well no first of all she she was uh she made a a a long a lengthy uh video facebook tweet about how she wanted to feel something about trousers but didn't. Oh. And that was very apparent to me because I was a blubbering fool about my own stupid cat.

Well, I felt guilty. You did or didn't? You should. And you should. And you will. And I'll make you feel guilty for the rest of your life. Yeah. Trousers will be your Oslo.

But here's the important point, though. Here's the important point, though. Bingo, when you reflect on all the llamas you've known. You've known llamas? Yes, I have. Have any of them died? And have any of them died in such a way that affected you? I don't know.

She brought her chickens, her dogs, when they were puppies, Ichabod and Henry Phillips, she brought up to her parents' house and they killed chickens. They both got my hands. So those chickens never came home to roost. Hey, UK merch is on sale. Where? In the UK?

No, just on the website. Can't deal with all those problems with selling merch in the UK. But you can get UK t-shirts on the website at DougStanhope.com and posters. We have, oh, Jim Ether's doing posters too? We got posters. We have, Oh, Jimmy, there's doing posters too. We got posters. We have t-shirts. We have everything you need to go out in public naked, a poster to cover your genitals and a t-shirt to cover your,

uh, voluptuous man top and, go to Doug Stanhope.com and look for the merchandise page. My world tour asterisk places that speak English. dot com and look for the merchandise page. My World Tour. Asterisk. Places that speak English that will still book me. Yeah. All right.

Hey, play the mattoid. Party time D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- Do your blues, it's party time Dance your dance and shoe your shoes, it's party time Howl your howls and suck your socks, it's party time Oh baby, crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Crap your crap, Sam Fuck your fucks, it's party time Everybody! Crap your crap, Sam Fuck your fucks, it's party time

One more! Crap your crap, Sam Fuck your fucks, it's party time Here we go! Part 6 Party Time Here we go! Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Party time, yeah! Party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, hey! Party time, yeah! Hey!