The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#340: Doug Answers Patreon Subscriber Questions

Episode Date: November 13, 2019

Patreon Subscribers submitted questons for Doug and the podcast crew. Support the podcast through our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast and have direct access to the podcast. New subscribers will automatically have access to a Bonus episode every month plus access to all past BONUS episodes. Any level of support is appreciated. Thanks in again as your subscription helps keep this podcast going. Patreon page (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast) - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast).Recorded Oct. 11th, 2019 at a Howard Johnson's motel in Harrisburg, MS with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Olivia Grace (@OliviaDoesBits), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.Doug's last DVD, “No Place Like Home,” is now available on Amazon Prime - https://amzn.to/35ila3g2020 Tour Dates are made available first to members of the Doug Stanhope Mailing List. Join today at https://www.dougstanhope.com/This episode is sponsored byThe ISSUES WITH ANDY Podcast with Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille - New episode every Friday and only available on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHhpCYwNEGcS_DA7VjG4DwLINKS -Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org (http://www.innocenceproject.org/)Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast no it's good start with that yeah good since we're in Hattiesburg I am glad we didn't put that show together oh me too yeah it was a fun idea like for a minute but it's also yeah i never did get to that i was when we talked about being here on a night off in hattiesburg which we had already planned we we were probably going to play the thirsty hippo which is uh it's not a cash cow let's just say but it's an off night that we could either spend here or we could go there and do a show but when you're threadbare in your soul and about the direction of your career at the end of

a fucking unremarkable town tour uh and you couldn't book the thirsty hippo in hattiesburg mississippi so yeah we we i've harbored a kind of resentment we stayed here anyway and then we thought about just sitting there at the thirsty hippo going yeah we could be performing but somehow hannigan couldn't get the owner to commit to a fucking well we were coming in pretty late to be able to properly... It was six weeks before the thirsty hippo has a fucking hard... Six weeks. Well, no, he'd been talking to him. He was still trying to get a fucking word back is what...

I'm sure there's two sides to every story, but fuck the thirsty hippo side. We're here. We're going to look up who's there. Tracy, look up who's there. If you ever have me at the thirsty hippo side. We're here. We're going to look up who's there. Tracy, look up who's there. If you guys want to ever have me at the thirsty hippo, I... I don't think there's anything there. No, no.

I looked at their website, and it seems like they don't have any events up or anything like that. They might not even be open. It's one of those things where it just didn't work out. I'm happy to not be working there the fact that we were unable to land the deal it's i remember becker and i where he was uh trying to wingman for me he wasn't trying i was he's forced into the spot where i had a hookup early days you know mullet days and he's like i'm not doing that she was less than attractive to him cut to several drinks later he goes back to her house and wing man's for me and then he comes back that's when we're sharing that shitty fucking bachelor

apartment in fucking mesa arizona and he came back and he's like yeah like you dropped his standards quite a bit on my behalf and then she's like i'm not fucking you so he stole her last food stamp out of her wallet while she's in the bathroom and left and he put that food stamp on our on a magnet on our refrigerator it was a different day and age patreon questions this is a fucking bonus for uh for anyone who wants patreon questions questions from fans well it's so much easier to do this in a hotel room a motel room on the road than to do it one by one at a merch booth all right what's your what's your quick question and we'll give you our long boring versions of an answer uh the way what i do is as i submit the the post on patreon so if you're a subscriber to

patreon from time to time i I'll say, hey, anyone got any questions? We're going to be recording a podcast later. And if you want to get on Patreon, we would appreciate it. You just go to Patreon.com slash Stanhope Podcast. It's as little as a dollar a month and you can be included in all of this. Yep.

Alright, so here's the first one. We got a shitload. Steven Murphy asked to Doug, how does it feel to be cuckolded by issues with Andy? I remember when it first happened. Were we in Vegas? Where were we? No, we had done it. I was laying on a fucking couch next to all of you guys doing it.

Where? No, we were in Alaska at the Alaska Before You Died Fest. No, no. No, the first one you recorded. I don't know the first one you put out I was in the room and I'm pretty sure it was Vegas That was the first time we had done it

after coming back from Alaska because we did two podcasts in Alaska and then we did the But I was like there on a fucking couch right next to everyone and no one asked me any questions It feels awful it feels awful it feels i told him to say call it the cuckold podcast i probably mentioned this and that's

probably why he said it but yeah to fucking have chaley sit in the back editing in the van while i'm driving and he's just cackling over my fucking book on tape and i know he's listening to that he never i watch him edit my fucking podcast all the time not a sound i can sleep right through it nothing yeah well yeah no andy should be andy needs his own podcast i've been like him and levine i told years ago to start one like they're always doing nothing and they're both hilarious he's still doing nothing because brett erickson's doing it and they got a guy to edit from the comedy store brett's doing a great job and i'm helping out with with the technical stuff when i can but it's just us all friends

we've known that's the only one i. That's the only one I listen to. The only one I listen to was the one I was like half fucking drunk or hungover trying to sleep beside it. The one I was in the room for is the only one I've listened to. I'm against it. It's video. I hate it. I retweet

it sometimes, but I'm sure it's funnier than this. It's video now. Well, it's only video that's why we haven't put out the other ones you told me that this you get complaints about i don't want to watch the video yeah and when i went to click on one i didn't like the whole four camera thing it's like cnn or those shitty espn shows where they have a bunch of talking heads looking at you i didn't like it either but i also didn't want it to i didn't want to watch it well yeah uh so don't watch it well

i know it's funny we're getting less of those now and it's it's really just uh it was it was all about andy and that's how we came up with the name, not having any idea. Like, he's even less capable with a computer than he is when he's lost on stage and he can't find the punchline or something. What it reminds me of and why I don't do those interviews anymore and the reason we don't have guests that call in, where we have a fucking lot of guests that would be great if they were in Bisbee or in Hattiesburg, Mississippi at the fucking Hojo's.

But the delays and people trying to talk, just even watching. I love going on Twitch, HD Fatty's Twitch. Chat Chanks, Twitch. But not if I had to be involved. Because the delay in everyone talking over each other you don't have eye contact i don't even do phoner interviews unless it's contractually obligated for to promote something because it's just that little beat so it gives me that same anxiety to watch or even listen to that where what would you said what hang on there's a delay but yes i hate it

and i'm all for it well there's uh the that technology has come along a little bit since then there's there isn't that staccato between uh everyone we kind of just all back up and let andy keep talking till he runs out of steam if if he does, and then kind of move in. But we've had that discussion, Chad and Brett and I, that let him go, wind him up, let him go, and then... Well, that would be the other thing that would be distressing to me as a control freak around Andy,

that I'm a professional Andy handler where I would be going, no, stop and say this. You missed what he, I know what he was going to try to say. And I'm sure I'd be like that. So I'm not. I don't know why I just, yeah,

I didn't mean to cut you off. But I was actually thinking that because I remember I was there when you guys did one in Vegas. And I like there, I think, did you end up putting out the one that you did where me and Thomas did it? See, that's different we're not

we didn't do anything with those because it's audio just to go straight YouTube we're not putting it anywhere else it's only on YouTube got it and it's all video okay but I was gonna give you kudos because it's harder than it like like it's harder

than you would think if someone is just like murdering just they cannot stop being funny like to do like the impulse to chime in like do you well andy gets on a roll and you don't know if it's going to be funny or not he just keeps going and going and going but that's yeah why i know how to corral him back into where he was going i know that's why issues with andy is us not trying to corral him letting him go and then when they all went to austin to go do the jt harris that's uh that's the one i want to watch if he does since they did that then they came back and they all had stories where they're all

connected where they're where you can have chad and brett kind of chime in on things and me going what was that like? What happened here? Because it's not just yet. Usually it's just handy. And what happened since the last seven days? How many more DUIs? How many more tickets? I guess that doesn't make a difference if it's all everybody.

They're having the same story with a different take as opposed to just like what happened. Yeah. What else you got? All right. Phaedrus Kirk. No, I'm sorry got? All right. Phaedrus Kirk. No, I'm sorry. These fucking names.

Phaedrus Crick. Why do comedians play venues? And they put play in parentheses. I think what they're saying is rock venues. And this person continues, makes sense for musicians since they play instruments. Apologies for the dumb questions uh but well all right thank you for the apology for the dumb question that's poorly uh written out but if that is what you mean that we have to infer a lot of venues i mean a lot of comedy clubs when you work a comedy club they're gonna drop tabs at a certain

you have a you have a hard out you order from a waitress and you get your jalapeno poppers and you know i'm 20 minutes into a set that hopefully it goes an hour 10 or maybe an hour 40 if i wanted to we're at venue, a rock and roll venue, where they're actually, like the people at a venue. I'm playing fucking Bob's Country Bunker. Bob gives a fuck about how long. He wants me to play longer. He's getting more money.

No one at the fucking Slappy Bones. There's no Mr. Slappy Bone there going, go on, keep going. And I'm fucking raking in money here. They're all fucking Chili's people that don't have any vested interest. They want me to be done. So they get their fucking tips and then they go out and party. I understand that. I'm not against it.

You're saying that when you're on stage and they drop tabs 20, 30 minutes before you're supposed to end, if you're on a roll and you want to keep going, in the back of your head, you're going, oh, they're sitting there, no one's getting drinks. They want to leave. They want to, like, I can't drink anymore. Why the fuck would I stay? Yeah, there's a lot more freedom to a place where they have a vested interest in making money. Why would a fucking

funny bone waitress or even manager slappy bone slappy bone why would they don't get a cut of me selling drinks like a bob's country bunker yeah bob's getting money and yeah the more they sell at the bar the more you're tipping at the bar here Here, it's a TGI comedies, and they want to get the fuck out because they get no... Every comedy club should be like the Green Bay Packers where they're publicly owned, so every fan gets a fucking cut of the stock or something. I don't know.

But also, a lot of venues, oh, you show up and, well, did you bring a sound system? Like, oh, fuck. Well, the thing now is I've noticed, and Henning and I were talking about this, is that some of these venues, when we go in, we work Sunday through Thursday routinely.

We don't want the Fridays and Saturdays. We travel or we do this. Fucking hate Friday, Saturdays. But that gives us an opportunity to be in a venue that is usually dark for the night so monday they're scrambling to find crew because they've all got to find babysitters or they've got to get off their chili's job to but or they want to go to the show the people that work these venues see comedy all the time they wanted like last night there were a bunch of the the guy that justin there's our green room server he said oh he's cool as fuck he said there's bartenders and staff

that are in there for the show and he's like what the fuck how come they're not sitting in my section but he goes yeah man you guys are welcome back anytime you guys your crew is great because they're all drinking like fish but then that point, that stop point where they're not going to, and that gets in your head. Olivia, you've just done almost six weeks. We've done a good half and half of comedy clubs and what you call venues, rock and roll joints, or like every different kind. We've played theaters and roadhouses.

different guy we played theaters and and road houses and i don't know what to me sometimes you breathe a sigh of relief that you're out of fucking slappy bones because you know everything's already worked out there's a green room there's a way there's a bathroom in the green room there's a way to see the stage from the green room yeah they have tickets worked out. They don't go, well, how do we figure out who's getting in? I would say this is a different question to answer. Good, because his question sucked. He already apologized. So answer your own question. Well, I think,

were you going to ask if I like the rock clubs or the clubs better? It's hard to say because it doesn't really make a difference to me because I know I'm performing for your fans, whether they're at the club or the rock venue, which is great. But you've done your own shows in rock and roll venues. Well, that's the benefit of doing that is it's,

and like you guys know this more than anybody. It's such a, you can kind of customize the experience a lot more, which is kind of what you're saying with the check drops and the comedy clubs do things the way they do things. And like, I don't know. I think it's really interesting watching you guys sort of manage almost every aspect of the show besides just the performance at certain places.

It's our room. Yeah, exactly. That's what I love it though, because it really does. It's just so cool. It's like something a lot of people i don't think think about for the most part comedy clubs are only a problem in that the hard out like if i want to go fucking tits up i don't want to either being you know affecting your ability to drink

during my show or a waitress's ability to go fucking get out of work i don't know i would mencia was fucking legendary for doing like three hour shows past last call past check drop right oh past check drop but past legal last call and people are like yeah no i was saying well what you're saying with a comedy club though is they're used to being done by like 10. The show is only as long. It's 90 minutes. It's a 90-minute show, but at a club, or not a club, but like a rock venue, if they're a bar, they're used to being open really late. And so the staff doesn't resent you if you're having fun and then you go a long time. You're keeping people in the bar.

Exactly. In a comedy club, they resent you for keeping people in the bar. Yeah, which is so, keeping people in the bar. Yeah. Which is so, it's kind of backwards. But I would say I think one of the biggest issues that I have when I try to set up shows is that I would rather a lot of the clubs that have been around for a while or that are hard to get into, you know, they'll be like, well, we can't give you any paid stage time, but maybe you can come and not even feature, but like just do a guest spot and

all that. And I'm like, well, I could go to a smaller city near there on my route and uh find the local comics and have them find a venue and have them let me do an hour and maybe i'll only walk away with like a couple hundred bucks if i'm super lucky but i know i did an hour i know i made connections with comics and i know that i found a venue that i could come back and play and maybe sell more tickets next time. That's what you're doing on the road is building an audience. That's why you need to follow Olivia Grace when she's

doing her own shows at OliviaIsFunny.com Alright, what's next? Alec Ray has a question for everyone. I love Alec Ray. He's one of my favorite Patreon people. The question is for everyone except me. I hug everyone that tells me they're Patreon at the merch booth.

That is true. Alec Ray asks, for Shaylee, Olivia, and Tracy, apparently Doug's drunk food is pineapple bacon pizza. What is all of yours? But, Doug, it's not. Only on this tour. Yeah, double bacon, double pineapple. No, no.

No, you switched it. Oh, yeah, I switched it to single pineapple, double bacon. That's right. But that's only been this tour, but it's been almost every night. God damn it. I was doing so well. Domino's. It really is. it's streamlined now

oh let's you want to get some olivia's a feeder so what's your drunk foods people tracy what's your drunk food drunk food the pizza drunk food what's your what question is what are your drunk foods come back to me do you mine is whatever I'm usually not supposed to eat. Oh, like a lot of bacon pineapple pizza that I didn't eat, and it's everything that's bad for her, IBS. Oh, yeah. Cheese and gluten make me really sick, but I eat Doug's crust. That's probably been the thing I've eaten the most on this tour is stuff I'm not supposed to eat.

Nashville, I remember we ordered a pizza during the day, and I go, wow, it's weird eating this sitting up because it's usually Olivia Grace. You have a lot on your chest. Yeah, she's like a feeder, and I'm the 600-pound life, and I'm eating it, just holding my head up as much as I can off my chest, scraping the toppings off of my fingernails. There was one night where you had it, you took a piece of pizza and you went over to the bed and you

laid down on your tummy and you started eating it like it was a pussy. And this sounds... Same. It sounded like, remember when we watched the cat eat that rat? Bertine's cat. Oh, my God.

The fuck? Percy. That's that cat. You just sucked the cheese off. You didn't even eat the pizza. It's like eating pussy. All right. That was too gross and easy.

What's your drunk food? what's your what's your drug food i i'd say especially on this tour uh just fucking going meat or eating you get i remember you got taco bell that was you bought stacks of it that was cleveland and i woke up to stacks of cold unrefrigerated above the refrigerator taco bell burritos and tacos i there were like two burritos i didn't even touch and you didn't even put them in the fridge i would have eaten them listen taco bell now has a vegetarian menu not veg is a veg yeah vegetarian menu not vegan but vegetarian and uh that was when we went to the fun house bar oh in cleveland fucking love that bar that was so fun next door it was uh tracy and olivia and i and uh And next door is a Taco Bell.

Two of the fucking, this fucking great little bar. And yeah, we fucking bought a ton of food and went back. And yeah, it was ugly. Do you have an answer yet? My ultimate drunk food is like mac and cheese. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mac and cheese. Oh, like from the pantry in these mid-range hotels

that just microwave? Like a Stouffer's. Stouffer's mac and cheese is so good. If you can get the brown bits around the edges. Yeah. All right. Well. Yeah, way too many fucking pantries.

I don't know why you're browning something in an in-room microwave. Better question. I used to eat Velveeta shells and cheese until I would vomit in the good old days yeah no it was from being drunk on evan williams but it was back when you could afford the two okay uh hey do you want to do a james inman one No. Okay. Inman's, yeah, whoever asked about Inman.

I'll cut that. No, don't cut it. Just Inman, whenever we can get Inman, we get Inman. That's the answer. We love Inman. Just leave it in. Luke Sapp asks, do you know if Louis, meaning Louis C.K., wrote that part you played with you in mind?

I can't imagine anyone else nailing it like you did. Oh, and if you ever need an opener in Kansas City, hit me up. No, I'd hit up James Inman. Then I'd cancel him for you. No, he did not write that with me in mind. He said it was an amalgamation of like uh mark maron and a few other people uh but yeah no one could have nailed it like i did i can't imagine any of those guys being anywhere near what i'm still like you've often said that the only thing different is uh broke which i'm getting down to now that

i lost fucking hattiesburg at the thirsty hippo now i'm gonna be living back in that car it's a little oh it's free trivia night oh i see why they couldn't oh wait the thirsty hippo has free trivia do you remember the aloft hotel in tucson when bingo was in a coma and they would have trivia night we're lodged in that hotel for like drinking with geeks right geeks who drink well whatever it was it was right beside the bar that we are sullen and withdrawn waiting to see if my wife is gonna live and they're doing goofy trivia so we weren't playing but we'd yell out the answers to fuck up the whole game you can't do that yeah we can yeah yeah we can uh so uh so yeah we we could do that at thirsty hippo but i think we're uh i think we're safer

inside the room here as we just watched a parade of fucking tweak, tweak or more go by. Yeah. Let's, let's, let's lock in like Fort Apache. The Bronx has a fucking reference.

Huh? So Dominic Cummings, Heil, Hilton asks, uh, I've heard Doug mentioned his enjoyment of cooking before. What does he like to cook? and does he have any recipes? That's the one I said ditch.

It's a boring question. Oh, sorry. Oh, and Dan asks, fuck, marry, kill. Chad, Shaley, Hennigan. But he didn't ask who he's asking. So in this room, it would be everyone except me has to answer. Yeah. Do you want to start?

I think we should have Tracy start. Tracy. I'm going to marry Shaley. Wait, who the fuck are you fucking? I'm going to fuck Hannigan because it would mortify him to no end. So sorry, Chad. I have to kill you. He'd appreciate that.

Oh, man. You have to answer now. This is an intense one. I would definitely... Wow, Jesus is tough because then you have to get to the fuck part. Because I would definitely

marry Chaley. But I... I would definitely marry Chaley but I I fix stuff it makes sense I shouldn't be talking sorry I shouldn't be tainting the answer

oh jeez yeah no I but yeah fucking Hennigan or chad uh yeah yeah i love that you're like having a real tough time with this this hypothetical all right i'll fuck hennigan because we'll never talk about it again. Yes. Much like when I got really drunk after Chattanooga and half-fired him by text in the middle of the night. We never speak of it again.

All right, Chaley, you're my wife. Or I'm your wife. I still am anyway. That's so sweet. Didn't that happen with all the Bingaman sisters? I think they all married Shaylee, didn't they? Yeah, they all married me. Oh, you know what?

Maybe I can change my answer. No, I already know it. I heard it. What? You can't change it. I heard it. Well, I was going to say, I'd marry Henn know, once I'm married, I don't fuck anymore. Go ahead.

I'm overthinking this question too. That's why I put it on you guys first. Because I like, okay, here's the thing. So I. There's an uncut issue in there too. Oh, wow. I don't know that she knows that. That's why I put it on her. so I there's an uncut issue in there too oh wow I don't know that she knows that that's why I put it on her

are we talking about Hennigan's foreskin? yeah always she has a selfie with it well aware guys yeah I don't know it's a tough one who wouldn't want to marry chaley you're obviously you guys have such a great relationship but that's also why i don't

want to say that because i don't want to step in i don't want to hypothetically step in tracy's territory because i have as much respect for tracy as i do for chaley and i don't want to kill chad because chad's my friend oh. We can't all kill Chad. Oh, I killed Chad, I guess. I never said it. So by default. Yeah. Right, yeah.

Well, that gets rid of fucking danger. But I also can't fuck Hannigan because I want to be a professional and, you know, so I, you know, I got... You'd be willing to. Would I be willing to? No, I mean, in the context of the question. In the context of the question,

I would most want to marry you. I would most want to fuck Henning and I would most want to kill Chad, but I don't... You know, I don't want to kill Chad. You don't want to do any of these things. That's why it's... Yeah, ask Tracy.

You don't want to marry me who did you kill i killed chad oh everyone killed chad yeah well yeah double down on that but i don't want to get him before he gets you yeah also another good reason if you marry me i don't want to marry anybody i don't want to ever be married you guys make it look awful okay doug uh rudy lemur asks are you doing skank fest south in houston next year i i wanted i've wanted to say this for several names because chaley stumbled on a few names but chaley mispronounces everything antibiotics what was he saying the other I think it was the last podcast he kept saying

something so completely wrong I couldn't say something you're right because I was editing it going motherfucker I gotta listen to myself oh it was uh no no no one can pronounce that fucking McKenzie from Bird Cloud pronounced that right the other night without trying and I went I can't remember what it was, but I was saying something wrong.

I think it was repeatedly something simple. Anyway, so he asked what are you doing? Skank Fest South in Houston next year. Skank Fest is a comedy festival that's in New York. Yeah. In connection with the Bonfire and Legion of skanks i've been in some not communication but like a shared uh twitter feed with louis gomez after the jay gomez yeah after uh the shane gillis podcast and like what but i i want to do skank fest and i'm, I don't know the dates when it is,

but I'm far more likely if I'm invited to go to, if they do one in Houston, Houston, because that's the biggest fucking hang up with skank fest is fucking Brooklyn. I hate New York with such a living fucking passion. And Brooklyn is not even like New York. That's like a weirder part. And no, yeah yeah I want to

do Houston fuck yeah right on uh alright we got two for Olivia here the last two I'll answer for her alright uh

Olivia hold on Kipper Skipper asks Olivia where the fuck did it go hold on Kipper Skipper asks what were the worst parts about touring with Doug oh man that's a hold on a second we need to preface this

by saying you guys were on and off again in the summer at the house in Tucson. Yeah. Homestretch. I just said homestretch into my drink.

So you guys had been living in a communal space for a while, riding and hanging out and smoking your cigarettes and everything. We spent a week in London too and barely left the hotel.

So now it's six weeks in a van um i would honestly say that i think like the hardest part about touring with you is it's nothing to do with you that's the thing it's like i'm usually so oh this is gonna get actually this will get dark it's gonna get dark all right so uh i've like do you want me to start no start do you want me to be mean so it gives you a reason to be mean no i'm not gonna be mean i'm gonna be vulnerable so why don't you come he wants to get mean so you become more vulnerable okay well and then lash out at him and then he can shout you down and make fun of you somehow oh okay well i won't take one let's fucking make it happen there's four seats in a green room there's a chair and there's a couch that seats three i

sit down on one end of the couch you sit in the middle seat that's like brendan walsh's bit about going into a movie where there's just one person and then sitting on either side of the only guy have i done that yeah yeah oh really yeah does that bother you it makes me scared for you why like you like the dog from the grinch that stole christmas that wraps himself like you're like you're scared to be alone in a green room that you sit in the only seat right next to me. I think that is where it might be. I think it's a, yeah. It's adorable for a minute. Are you serious? Does that really bother you?

Oh, come on. This is supposed to get your spite up. No, I don't want my spite to glow up. See, this is, okay, here we fucking go. There you go. That's what I want. I, okay, the hardest part about touring with you is not knowing when I'm annoying you.

I knew you were going there anyway. I see you looking at me when I'm driving. Like, is he mad? Is he mad? Or I think you're thinking it. That's because, oh my God, driving with my parents was the worst. My mom would freak out every time she was behind the wheel

and then be mad at me because i like just for what because i was just like not the person she was mad you know what i mean so whenever someone's driving i have such a like intense reaction to anger like i can just i'm so but generally my anger when i'm yelling behind the wheel is not really anger it's just yelling i like to yell that's what i'm learning about you is that you are not you don't use people as a punching bag unless they deserve it you know what i mean today when it was like it would like rain hard for like three seconds and then stop immediately and i just keep fucking with the windshield wipers on full blast and then completely

off and i was gonna scream fucking rain or don't fucking rain but i know you're sitting next to me and i know you're gonna take that as you want to yell a lot no but that's that's what that's what i'm talking that's what i'm trying to get to right now is what really drives me fucking nuts and what's been driving me crazy this whole time is how much i hate myself like how i i haven't learned it until now, being around you. You're, like, you're my favorite person. Like, I love you so much. And, like, I get so angry at myself.

Because the more I, like, like being around you, the more frustrated that I get with myself. That I continue trying to, like, push you away somehow. You know what i mean like like i like i like the way you say that like i look for things that drive me crazy about somebody i also look for excuses to start disliking people that i like i bit chaley on the hand the other night for no reason you bit chaley on the hand metaphorically speaking we run up like you do this thing where like you look out for people and i take it as like, Who are you talking to?

I'm talking to you. Oh, okay. Like, you look out for people and in my twisted psyche, I go, Chaley's talking down to me. I should fucking teach him.

And I've been, I've been my own fucking bouncer this whole time where I'm like, don't explode on anybody, Olivia. They like you.

They've done everything they can to show you that they like you. You don't, don't lash out. Don't push people. And so. They like you. They've done everything they can to show you that they like you. You don't, don't lash out. Don't push people. And so I've just been in my head constantly butting heads with all of my insecurities nonstop in order to not fuck this up. Like, so when you get furious, I have to consciously go into my own head and talk to the scared

kid in me and go, you're an adult and doug is your friend and he's just mad he doesn't have his shoes okay you don't have to get him you don't have to he lost you had nothing to do with it no one's gonna blame you for losing his shoes you don't have to buy him new shoes he's not gonna get drunk and throw file cabinets at you because he lost his shoes like i just it's so exhausting and then i get so depressed because i'm like how fucking broken am i that i've like met people that i love so much and i'm constantly fighting with myself to like not be shitty that's why i'm quiet all the time because i'm like just don't say something mean like you don't have no reason

there's no reason to say anything mean but sometimes it's like the other night when you uh some the bartender was asking like me to clarify my order and you clarified it for me i got i was like furious for a second and i was like oh he's just helping he's just helping out oh you said you said something uh i threw you wanted completely you wanted kale i'll have the kale salad, but you had told me before the waiter came, you wanted kale only and only chicken. I know. There's roots for this. What I'm saying is that when I look at them

and I look and I go, that's only kale and only chicken because there's candied walnuts and cranberry and all this other shit that I knew I was cutting to the chase. Tell her the roots. Because Doug. Bingo.

The last tour she was on was similar, but that was every order. I want a chicken Caesar, but it can't have croutons. It can't have Parmesan. Rather than just say, I want just lettuce and chicken. That's it. Let it lettuce and a sliced chicken breast oh okay okay okay no problem but you do the other thing bingo would just like keep pounding the rock like to the point where i need a a vodka diet soda and like but it has to be diet and you have diet right and that is diet and then she'd still make me taste it to make sure it's diet,

which I hate fucking diet soda more than anything because you can't get the fucking taste out of your mouth. No, totally. I see what you're saying. And I'm glad that you clarified it because that's what you... So, yeah, you hit a trigger with Chaley when you ordered kale and chicken. It wasn't a trigger. I was like, oh, I know this.

And I don't want a thing where we're all done eating and you're getting your third salad coming back because the other one had candied things. No, totally. Not that you would do that. But I'm like, oh, I know how to simplify this. Yeah. Oh, then that's only kale and only chicken. All right, done. Because you're helpful.

I didn't know you were throwing daggers at me. No, no. I was talking about a different way where i actually no no that was that was teamwork in my head because i was talking about the i think it was in chattanooga when we were at a bar and i ordered like i wanted only the meat and then you were like and she means no bread no peppers no onions and like no no that was it uh that was at the new brooklyn tavern afterwards no that was in chattanooga because i remember that was when brett brock was there and No, that was in Chattanooga because I remember that was when Brett Brock was there and I almost blew up on him too.

Oh, I almost blew up on Brett Brock that night, but I was shit-faced. Brett's a great guy. He just is happy to be involved. No, he's totally sweet, but he just said something about a dog. I wish I really could have... Yeah, he blew that one.

I really wish that we could have spent that extra day in Nashville because he fucking knows that town. That's like he knows all the people at Zany's. So it would have been fun to like go around and see. For me, at least. I don't know about you. You don't like to do anything. But I would have liked to have gone around because there's a lot of new things that are happening in Nashville.

But Brett, thank you for inviting us. Yes. All right. Do we finish? i think i think i i don't know that question i think just really the hardest thing about going with you is constantly hang on for myself that we're okay yeah that's been our entire relationship i know and i want it i want to stop it so bad i hate it stop picking your nails and don't sit right next to me in a fucking three-seater when there's one at the end. You've got to tell me if that's bothering you. I've got to tell Brett Brock, because I don't want you to listen to this.

I was going to blow up at him because I got woken up shit-faced when you guys came home and you said, oh, Brett Brock needs a place to crash and i was like get a fucking uber and you're like he lives in nashville whatever and then i went back to bed no he he was probably gonna go sleep in his car and olivia was nice enough to offer it was sweet yeah i got a bed next to me and he's the nicest guy and the background with brett brock is he does our tour posters and he's done yeah i know i just woke up and i thought it was yet another problem no there was no problem yeah actually you made it a problem well i didn't say in front of him no no but yeah i almost i woke up

just like firing hennigan in the middle of the night oh it's the same night it was the same night yeah i woke up at fucking like 2 30 in the morning and i was upset this special isn't out and this i think part of it was like oh fuck i'm playing the comedy catch again it's your fault hennigan do i do anything else that bothers you i really want to know no you're gonna give me something good you gotta give me something good. You gotta give me something good that really bothers you. Something that you do that really bothers me? That's not about you. Oh, Jesus.

Tracy could fucking jump in on this. Oh, he takes a shit as soon as we get into the hotel room. Everyone's got something. What bothers me about you? You know what really bothers me about you? What? When something bothers you and you don't fucking tell me until it's on a podcast. But that's why you save it for the podcast.

Don't you ever listen to the podcast, you dumb idiot? You could definitely shower more. Why? I don't sleep in your room. I sleep with the Chaley's. They love my smells. Well, hold on now. You said something about taking a bath

so you can watch the water get more gray as you bathe. You've been around for that. The Chaley's where I get in a bathtub and I haven't fucking bathed for fucking 10 days and then it just turns into this grayest, murky fucking... Oh, man. It bothers me that you you're drinking your entire did i i don't know if i said this we did laundry when we were in uh cleveland no it's the other place on the river where harrisburg and we did laundry and it was my turn to do i did me and her laundry and it was my turn to do it and then I was folding fucking all the laundry because she folds mine I just chucked

mine in a bag all crumpled but she folds mine so I folded hers and I did a count and it was like eight pairs of underpants for her for a week and one for me and two pairs of socks and like why you have so many socks and underwear after a week oh you change your clothes weirdo yeah i mean that was a little shocking to me too i was surprised at how little but you know i think some of that was uh you you were had to ditch. I only have fucking one suit. You had to ditch a lot of underpants. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, early on. But no, I wear pajamas during the day,

pajama bottoms and a fucking work shirt and a suit at night. And that's it. And I throw away a lot of socks. I'll give a complaint. How about this? Here's a tour complaint. I wish the girls would get two smaller bags. They got these big fucking bags.

Oh, my God. Fucking Olivia Grace is the worst. But this is Tracy, too. I'm just saying it because I know Doug would agree with me that if you could just pare it down to a roller bag, like a carry-on roller bag. I'm going to defend Tracy on this because Tracy dresses up and fucking like a 1920s poker dealer. Fucking she has outfits.

All she wears is a fucking hoodie and black jeans all the time. Why do you have a fucking monster hump bag that you have to schlep up to a room every night? I did your laundry. My jeans and T-shirts are. Will you change them? Yeah. Why? They look exactly the same. I get really sweaty and so I like to change my clothes

when I can. You're preaching to the choir over there. Yeah. Real sweaty. He's so sweaty and smelly he's killing the bed bugs that are on him biting him right now. There's nothing I hate more than getting out of the shower and putting on a shirt that I wore the other day. I hate more than getting in a shower.

Yeah, you guys... That's why I only wear the same pair of socks for four days. I throw them away after I'm not gross. Gross comes before that. Is that it? There's one more question.

All right. It's for Olivia. And the reason, you guys, if you brought smaller bags, I could put more birch in the van. So anyway. Wow. We're just robbing you. We have one suitcase and one backpack. All right.

Yeah. There's really... I tried to lump you in on this so that we could all kind of pair down. Well, I don't know. I have exactly what I need in my... And if that's the case, then that's the case.

Really? Because I got my socks, I got my underwear, I got my t-shirts. And you have a fucking storage unit with a handle and wheels on it.

It's called a suitcase, Doug, and it's where you put your clothes. It's a giant... It's the biggest suitcase. You couldn't put that in overhead. You'd have to check that. It's the biggest suitcase you can buy and there a giant. It's the biggest suitcase. You couldn't put that in overhead. You'd have to check that. It's the biggest suitcase

you can buy. And there's no same size as a normal suitcase. I can. I have a suit on a hanger and a backpack.

Yeah. And that's for a week. You could put that in a fucking bag, by the way, Doug. You don't have to like you have a you have a suit

on a hanger with a tie and a shirt. But I have a suit on a hanger with a tie and a shirt. But I have a suit that if I dropped it in mud, you couldn't tell because every morning when you set it down for me, because I don't care. I know it's a suit. It's it's it's like, again, like a Vegas rug. If you puke on it, no one can see. All right.

Here's the last question from our Patreon subscribers. We thank you so much for participating here. Ben Hall asks, when is Olivia going to podcast her review of Caddyshack? I don't know. I guess after I watch it, that'd be probably a good place to start. The list of Olivia Grace has to watch

this movie is so fucking long at this point. There are things. She hasn't seen Windy City Heat. Yes, I have. Oh, wait. I thought that was one. There's been a few where you go... We were in a thrift store. We were in a vintage store the other day and I go, hey, and I pull up this vinyl

and I go, hey, you know this? Disco Duck? And she goes, oh, yeah, I know that. You shouldn't know Disco Duck unless you had to suffer through the 70s. It is a thing that it became something. No, it didn't. For a moment. Not if you're born in 95. No, there's no reason.

Yeah, that's like asking a six-year-old, do you remember Mambo No. 5? No. All right, all right. No, it didn't scar my psyche. It is catchy, right? I thought you were... It's catchy in the way that if I think about it for any longer than I have to,

it makes me want to kill myself. I was pretty like... So you should watch Caddyshack, though. What's the... No, Caddyshack is the... She hasn't seen Animal House. Oh, God. I've watched parts of Animal House.

Bill Murray's not in Animal House. The point is... This all came from her saying... Well, Caddyshack... She hasn't seen... There's a million Bill Murray movies. She doesn't like Bill Murray's not in Animal House. This all came from her saying... Well, Catty, she hasn't seen... There's a million Bill Murray movies. She doesn't like Bill Murray. Well, she's only seen Ghostbusters. I want to clarify my Bill Murray comment.

You have a million times. It's not that I dislike Bill Murray. It's that there have been so many people in my life that love Bill Murray. 24-year life. You're old and in your 40s, and you're an angry person, and that's why you love Bill Murray. 24 year old and in your 40s and you're an angry person and that's why you worship Bill Murray. So it's I hate we're in our 50s

association of people who like him a lot. I'll watch Caddyshack. I think that would be actually kind of a fun thing to do. It's like if you like Caddyshack is not the starter. There's probably a better one. I don't know.

But Caddyshack I've rewatched and it's sluggish and it kind of goes all over the map and it's but it's not it's more of a rodney dangerfield movie than a bill murray movie yeah stripes but i yeah stripes right there that's the one that was way more of a vehicle for uh bill murray fletch harold ramis sorry i just said fl said Fletch just to get the fucking I never got that movie he wasn't even in Fletch I never fucking got that movie

I loved Fletch I just didn't get it I just didn't think I know Bill Murray's not in it you fucking idiots that just stopped the podcast

right there to tweet me I'll show him click click click yeah I mean I don't know I'll watch it Bill Murray's more of a personality even than even his movies that's why we love Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I'll watch it.

Bill Murray's more of a personality even than even his movies. That's why we love Bill Murray. I think that's it. Hunter S. Thompson. How many of his books did you read? It was his personality. I haven't even seen the movie. But I'm saying, fear and loathing and that's all you need.

Yeah, other ones are okay. But all you needed was the personality that he continued. Oh, my God. Oh, my jeeps. So she, Olivia here, would rather drink with anyone except Bill Murray. Your classic question, Doug. Yeah, yeah. Who would you rather drink with? Bill Murray or?

She would not want to drink with Bill Murray because she'd pick anyone else. So who's the person? Well, that's... We're about to close and you're muddying the thing where now you have to make her pick who she'd rather not drink with than Bill Murray. Yeah, I know.

It is one of those things. Is Bill Murray going to come up again? Ted Bundy. She's a serial killer fan. Good one. No. Crawl Space Guy. Who's Crawl Space Guy?

No. John Wayne Gacy. No, she's talking about fucking, wow, I can't remember the fucking... Dahmer or Ted Bundy? Who would you rather day drink with? Wow. That's actually a really good question.

I don't know. I'd have to maybe say... I'd go with Dahmer because he just... He's like... He always acted like he didn't really want to kill anybody. He just had to so he could get off. I would go... Wow, that's a...

Maybe we start this. If we get enough feedback on Twitter, on hashtag daydrinkwith, we'll start that. But for serial killers. Because I would go... Because Ted Bundy was a pathological liar and i wouldn't believe anything he said and i have too many of those people in my life that throws up half the

people that are going to answer would say no just because the guy's a clown i wouldn't want to drink with him either he seemed like he's even for a serial killer he seemed like a pretty angry guy yeah but i think i could manipulate him more than Ted Bundy. Well, Ted Bundy's just insane. Well, they're all insane, but I mean, Ted Bundy's not a... What was the podcast? Oh, I want to drop that, too.

The Pret? Pret? Pret. Pret. Pret. It's called Insider. But the one was specifically with George Conway.

George Conway on the Preet podcast. George Conway is Kellyanne Conway's husband somehow. And that podcast was so fucking incredible to listen to that guy talk and his exasperation in his voice. It was one of the best podcasts I've listened to. It's Diagnosing Trump with George Conway. And it's Stay Tuned with Preet. And it's great.

I love the podcast. In fact, I have become a... He's on a Behind the Paywall with Cafe.com. Before I do my fucking normal thing of forgetting my point point being he he called trump a something narcissist like which is it would adhere to ted bundy as well oh he had a clinical name yeah he had the the dsm where Trump fit nine out of nine diagnoses of what you have to have.

It's a great podcast just because you're listening to two intelligent people talk and you feel like... Like human beings and not pundits. Hyperbole after hyperbole and making everyone feel dumb if they don't agree with them. These two guys. And you're like. It's like listening to two people from the Trump administration talk at a bar going, I don't fucking get it.

Like, what the fuck is going on? Like this. He said this. Preet was fired by Trump. He was left over from the Obama administration as an attorney. He was nominated, uh, or about to be nominated for an assistant attorney general. And then he just fucking bailed.

Anyway, he didn't bail. He got fired because he said, I'm not quitting. He has to fire me. All right. We're way off topic and we're way too done with this. I hope you enjoyed this podcast.

What do I like to cook? Uh, a lot of, uh, a lot of omelets are my favorite thing to cook an egg white omelet with a lot of i do a three pan omelet your chicken in a crock pot thing well that's for football anything in a crock pot is easy but for me i like like every single vegetable and serrano peppers and jalapeno peppers in an omelet.

Parmesan cheese on the top. No, no mushrooms. No, fuck mushrooms. But every kind of bell pepper, onion, spinach wilted, Parmesan cheese, salsa. And sometimes I will put four different kinds of hot sauce on the same omelet in sections. Because sometimes I can't figure out which one. You grid the omelet? You want me to tell a dirty secret because I'm drinking? Uh-oh.

Not if I ate it. No. One of the hot sauces that I use is green. And I won't tell you the brand because the brand, if I were a monarch, an oligarch of this country, I would ban Louisiana just for having that hot sauce on every fucking counter. I like the green. I came out of the closet. I like the green. I'll never say their name, but I'll eat the green.

Thank you for enjoying this podcast. Hey, let's get a pizza. Yeah, let's get a pizza. All right, take us out. Okay, bye-bye now. now guitar solo Thank you.