The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#342: Ohh, Whoa, Whoa Chaille's Cryin'

Episode Date: November 28, 2019

Doug is in search of his Flow State, Chaille wasn't crying until now, will Chad be in Vegas for New Year's and more Patreon eMail questions. Support the podcast through our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast and have direct access to the podcast. New subscribers will automatically have access to a Bonus episode every month plus access to all past BONUS episodes. Any level of support is appreciated. Thanks in again as your subscription helps keep this podcast going. Patreon page (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast) - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast). Recorded Nov 25th, 2019 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. 2020 Tour Dates are made available first to members of the Doug Stanhope Mailing List. Join today at https://www.dougstanhope.com/ This episode is sponsored by UnTuckIt.com – The original untucked shirt. A modern solution to an old problem—with no tucking or tailoring required. Go to untuckit.com and save 20% on your first order by using promo code STANHOPE at checkout. The ISSUES WITH ANDY Podcast with Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille - New episode every Friday and only available on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHhpCYwNEGcS_DA7VjG4Dw LINKS - Doug and bingo think you should take a listen to the Brass-A-Holics? Go to www.RobinClabby.com and tweet Doug that you gave it a spin. Whisky Girl and NoWhere Man – YouTube Video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMq7cW9aYAo Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org (http://www.innocenceproject.org/) Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast test that mic check check does it sound funny test test testing the less funny microphone i got a new microphone no you got a new mic stand. Eh, whatever. It's new to me. It's all new to me. Do you like it? Yeah.

I got three more coming. Well, it's this thing. It's like a... I can cut those down. I don't want to cut it at night when I hate myself. I figured that was so you could hold on to it as the night wears on. It's like a cane kind of podcast cane.

Yeah, I don't understand the purpose of this size of a post. Well, because the bottom, you loosen it with an Allen wrench and you can lift the whole thing up. Like the whole apparatus slides vertically. But I'll just, I'll cut that off once I know we're going to keep it. In case you have Andre the Giant on as a podcast guest. I guess so. I like them because it

gets rid of the traditional boom. It's like a lamp. An old desk lamp is what the boom arms are. It makes sense when you explained it to me, but sometimes you have to explain things to me in real particular. The window of explanation is 15 seconds

less for Doug because my explanations, you're a little too wordy but i i it's a thing that i am purposely in my mind as i'm doing it i'm going how many how many letters in every word because he's gonna he's starting to gloss he's starting to gloss exit exit exit wrap it up right now your starting line is i don't give a fuck you're like all right i gotta hurry up i'm already i don't give a fuck what so i went up to tucson to write this weekend after you heard about last podcast and painters outside while i'm jerking off and all that i hit another wall fuck it i'm gonna go to tucson i know the hotel well enough that they know me by name

welcome back mr stanhope It's fucking great. I smoke in the room. They turn a blind eye because I bring the front desk lady flowers. And Oseum, thank you. Oseum should be a fucking sponsor. I'm writing it down right now because that's a great idea. I don't know if that's really why. It could just be because the housekeeping staff turns over a lot and they don't really give a fuck. Oh, no, I don't know if that's really why it could just be because the uh housekeeping staff turns

over a lot and they don't know i don't i didn't know the house you know there's a 20 there oh there you go i used to fight with lynn shockcroft about it you don't tip housekeeping and no you do you do especially if you fucking just spent three days there to keep their mouth shut yeah well i mean grease them with a five is way cheaper than $150 cleaning fee, right? Bogus cleaning fee. You know, we tipped on the entire last tour, and that's the first time we've actually done that, the entire tour. And it's worth it. It feels better because we don't leave it in the best shape.

I was about to say, you guys are some fucking pigs, too. Chad, we've got that. We're actually better. Don't leave it in the best shit. I was about to say, you guys are some fucking pigs, too. I really have a motel. Chad, we're actually better. I'm just teasing. Bingo was a lot of that because of the food that she would eat. And just drop all the wrappers right next to the bed. Gum on the thing. And not bagging on her because she's not here. She doesn't listen to the podcast.

We've talked about that in the past. She's rough on a hotel room. Lynn Shawcroft rough. But with us, we've gotten to the thing where we get a food delivery at night or something like that and it goes in the corner. It doesn't go

in the bathtub smeared on the mirror. Look what someone else did. Or over here and over here and over here and over here. We make a pile, a pile. Yeah. Like if we had a rake,

Jenny, Jenny pre cleans motel rooms before we leave. She'll strip the bed and leave a pile and move all the, the, the, the, that seems like you committed a crime. That's weird.

When you start stripping the bed there, hold on this, there should be yellow tape on this door. It saves me from having to tip is all I care about. I actually checked out of this one and I unpacked because I actually put shit in drawers. Because that's half the problem of writing here is it's not only all your shit, but it's all in disarray. So I don't want to spend the whole day making a hotel. Put my shit in drawers.

Of course, I forget I did that. So I left like half my fucking clothes in drawers. But they know me at the front desk. And they know I'll be back. And I'll have to pack less. I was going to say, that's the first time I would have ever seen you open a drawer. Other than the nightstand to look for a Bible. Yeah.

That's the only time. No Bible this time. I'm picturing the people at the hotel room a Bible. Yeah. And that's the only time. No Bible this time. I'm picturing the people at the hotel room going, fuck, don't even take the clothes out. Just throw a padlock on there and we're just going to give him that room again. We don't want him smoking up all the rooms. Just let him have that drawer. No, no. Mr. Dog's room.

Nobody enter. Nobody enter. Okay. So this time I went up because Valentina's brother Roro has a house and he's a writer and he smokes in the house and he just broke up with his gal. So I go, oh, and I talked to him. It was late at night enough that I gave him buyer's remorse. He's like, no, you can come here anytime and write. I go, that'd be fucking great.

I'd have fresh eyes to read the book like anyone i could give this book to of you guys you already know the stories so if i'm like leaving out something that a someone who doesn't know the stories needs to know like he'd be great eyes i could talk to him good point but because we already know the cast of characters or the circumstance to where we will we would might gloss over the fact that you left a detail. Who is that person? There's no context to this. Oh, yeah, we have that built in.

Is Reverend a real neighbor, Dave? No, not ever. But is he your neighbor now? Right. What's his connection to Frito-Lay? So I was going to just go up there, and then on the way up I go, what if he was drunk? Like, I don't know what the setup is.

And then maybe the dad is there because he comes in and out. So I just booked the hotel, and I'll go check it out. So Saturday, I'm writing in the hotel, and I'm on a fucking tear. Like, this is exactly what I need. No fucking bothering. No fucking, meow fucking wow wow fuck the cat the mailman can you sign for a thing you went into this chaley it was the night after the the last podcast and i go i wish i recorded what you said and it was something about the flow

equipment no but i came in to write out here because you were editing i was writing it's perfect we're in the same room if i need to go hey do you remember this is this right and then you go back to editing but you you just immediately it's called flow state flow state yeah and just how it takes you 20 to 30 minutes just takes you 30 minutes to get into that zone. That's a good thing. You immerse yourself. So if you are constantly interrupted at 15 minutes, 20 minutes, whatever it is, before you get into that flow state, it starts over. Now you're back to minute one.

So it takes you 30 minutes to get there. And then when you're there, you only just begun because now you're in that thing where you're like jesus christ two hours gone by you can't do that if if the painter is looking in the window if the cat is meowing enough that you have to get up and move it you're broke your stream of consciousness is your attention that's what it is your attention is broken and if you think of the reason i said this to you a couple times and we talked about a little bit was because and i i'm cognizant that i have to do 15 seconds the reason is i want you to understand that so that you can put a time on things and go like hey look man everyone who's coming over here they're interrupting me every 10 minutes let's put a close sign on the door let's lock the door let's you're not even getting to

that 30 minutes that means that's a wasted day anytime you can't get into that leave go to a movie night that i got the most done which was you know the night i sent joe i was up till eight in the morning i think we talked about that but i can't keep those hours to write i'm too fucking old you know just take those as you can get those times but it sounds to me like stanhope even is beyond that where he's even got to go remove because like i have laundry that i could fold like just things that you know you can do even though they're things you don't have hotel none of it's mine yeah you don't know the neighbors and you're two hours away yeah so you can't even you can't even worry about oh that amazon package someone's gonna have to sign for it well fuck it somebody else's problem it'll it'll get taken care of yeah and you know three days is plenty because then you start to panic about bills and shit come down for a couple days and

fuck off again what you said you got to i don't know if you're gonna talk about this you got into a point to where you were writing on your computer you're gonna going to talk about it. Yeah, this is the story. So it's Saturday afternoon, evening. My fucking computer dies, which is like, come on, really? And it was just like it was out of juice. And I thought maybe I kicked the plug out. And then I plugged it into everything else. And no little light goes on or nothing. I mean, motherfucker.

And rather than take a golf club to the fucking laptop out of frustration. As is your history. I just fucked, because I was on a roll, and I just grabbed a yellow legal pad, and I started writing by hand, and I wrote fucking great pages. And the next day is when I was going over Sunday.

I was going to go check out Roro's place and see football's going on. The family will be there. And let's see what it would be like. So Valentina picked me up to drive me so I could drink over there because I ain't going to meet fucking family members and hang out watching football all sober. But we stopped. She's like, oh, no,

we'll stop and get you a new laptop and that way you can have a designated laptop for your book. Hey, you know how high strung she gets when she has an idea. And you know how I am with buying computers. It's the same as cars. I point to one and I want to get the fuck out.

And she is I'm'm gonna look up all the reviews for everyone oh my god she's consumer reporting it yeah and i'm like let her have her because that's the thing she's into and she's driving me let her do this and then uh she said this kid little gay kid I go alright thank that it's the one I just would have walked out with the only thing I wanted different from the laptop that shit the bed was

sound I need more volume for the painter I need the if the painter couldn't hear the porn I want louder speakers. And, uh, so, so, so I'm going, well, first of all, she said, uh, well, the speaker, she goes, it's, uh, it's just for porn. And she said that to the sales sales kid, this shivering kid. It's just for porn.

And can you put some on so we can hear it? And he goes, no, I'm not allowed to because there's children. And I go, oh, no, we don't watch porn on it. We edit porn. And we go, it's Christian porn. So it ends with the procreation. The baby is the money shot. He wanders off to find out information about this and that.

To get permission? Yeah. Can I get headphones? I've got to play porn for these guys. Kyle, it's christian porn it's it ends in procreation in a couple he found a reason to leave at that point i went over to lenovo the piece of shit that i've suffered through for what eight years this lenovo and i still think it's probably the charger that's the problem that killed my laptop it's not the

charger it's not well eventually yeah that doesn't It's not the charger. It's not. It's the connection. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. This is the thing with Lenovo is we found out Chad, he lost one of his chargers. So then we went to go oh, it's just a USB. No, it's not. There's a notch in one of the fucking corners of the USB

that plugs into the actual, to the unit. So you have to buy their proprietary notched out fucking thing i guarantee that's where the issue is inside the system this is what i think maybe i remember there was a huge issue last time we had to replace a charger so i went over to one of those because i'd been unplugging and plugging my charger for the lenovo in for fucking three hours the night before trying to figure out if it's the so I know what it looks like so I go over to one of the display models of Lenovo and

unplug the charger to see if it's the same thing that sets off every fucking alarm in the store and you know if you've ever been a Buy, it's hard enough to get a fucking person that works there to come help you at all. They couldn't. Someone who's got the key. Just goes on and on. Meanwhile, I go out and I'm looking at other. You walked away. I'm surprised he didn't just go and unplug all of them

so they'd have to figure out. Don't get ahead of me. Oh, shit, no. All right. What I did, I'm looking while he's doing his due diligence on whatever I had pointed to first, I'm going to look at other computers in that range that I'm trying to find the volume.

Do I get volume on the speakers? and I can't figure it out. But then I found the alarm clock setting. So I started setting all the alarm clocks on every different computer for 15 minutes from now. Fucking Valentina is going to send you the video. She took video of me It's a prank show What are you doing, Stando?

Except for the Without the payoff part Nobody videoed Where the alarm clock went off No, well, that's Did you have it? They didn't Because I said

I'm setting them for 15 minutes Because I already told the guy Which computer I want And if I'm still here In 15 fucking minutes All of these computers This entire section of the store Are to start going off one after the other. So let me get this straight.

She'll give you the video. You can post the link. Let me get this straight. I've known you for Jesus since 95. We we've known each other since then. I get 15 seconds to pitch something, anything to you. You give a best buy kid 15 minutes before you skedaddle.

No, just to buy the fucking thing. You know, it's weird. I got this in cobalt blue. I like, of course, that's the one I noticed. It's got a color.

It's a sensitive era. We can't do black. So Valentina asked him all the questions I should be asking and you would be asking and how many gigabytes and terradangs. Terradangs! And shit. I don't want to say hurry up, but this is fine.

And the kid says, okay, but I'd suggest you get the black or the platinum. And I go, all right, well, what's the difference? And he goes, they're just better colors. No fucking way. How fucking weird is that? Wow. It still weirds me out.

It's like if you say, okay, this is the color I want. You sure you don't want it in blue like why would you say that i thought there was like some we use a thinner material on the blue ones and it's uh more prone to breakage they anodize the silver so it's a little thicker so thermally that one's going to be protected if you leave it in the sun oh do you punch computers that's what he should have asked you know the black ones are tougher. Come on. Stronger bone structure.

Got an extra bone in their ankle. I heard it. Hey, Tracy, these are kicking in. Thanks. I think what started this was you talking about how I glass over anything mechanical, technical. Or words. What started this was you talking about how I glass over. Yeah. When anything mechanical, technical. Or words.

Well, the javelina gets. No, I'm going to show you how this works. No, I'm glad she did. Because I like you. I can just fucking blow off. But when she's like, all right, she's going to set this thing up for me during a football game. Because I'm only there for that long. I'm going back to writing.

And she's going to set this up. And then she's, no, this is how, look, are you looking? You don't say no to when she's in a fucking high, whatever, however you call it. however you're saying it i'm not finding it but good good good job but uh yeah you just shut the fuck up and listen all right but uh yeah i learned some shit about uh all the stuff i work with uh oh, wait, you can do that? So yeah, I learned some stuff. Sometimes it takes someone that's really intimidating. 25 years telling this guy how to do

things. I can't believe you didn't teach him just to ask is that a Mac? Just because of the simplicity just because everything is so propriety. That was an instant gloss over. He's not even listening right now. Yeah, I'm talking to you. I noticed I was turned towards you through that whole part of that

conversation, but it's just easier to use is the thing. Thank God that she doesn't use Macs and hates them too because if I had to pretend to strong word for such perfection. I had to use a Mac for the fucking man show and that's why it sucked.

Wait, the Mac or the man show did you ruin Macs the man show ruined Macs I did figure out eBay I bought a parcel of property in chloride Arizona I thought you were going to say you sold your Mac from the set

on eBay on eBay wow wish'd have thought of that oh my god oh my god ebay yard sale during the show just slowly selling off parts of the shit there are still there are a couple of venues i well we especially the last little run we did where the picture on a big screen somewhere entering the showroom, it says man show. And it's like, I think that should be something that goes into the contract. Yeah, like they get the music, they get the booze and what's supposed to be backstage. It should be, they will take care of everything I don't know why I'm doing it, that's a bad accent

I'm trying to do it again they will take care of everything no man show reference please, whatever you do don't mention the man show because he gets a little he gets a little peeved Chase, that's not Irish?

How would you do it? How would you do it Irish? It started off good, but at the last, I pictured a little leprechaun flicking his heels together. I think I did more Asian. Mine was a little Asian. I don't, I can't. I need to perfect the. Hispasion.

On the Issues with Andy podcast, we can't tell a story with Henneigan unless you do the voice like you do and it's uh it's turned into a thing well fortunately he doesn't call that often so i don't have it burned into my head all right but spend a weekend that was actually really good. Listen, I'm going to go back and just listen to this podcast. I have to edit it, but I'm going to listen to it just for Doug's interpretation of Hennigan. We'll talk offline, Chad, but there's a reason that this is important.

Everyone needs to know the Hennigan accent. It sounds good. You called me off guard when you did that laugh. When we do the Twitch stream, Dave Rader, sometimes Deb is on the Twitch stream with us playing games, and Dave Rader will be on there, and he'll pipe in, and he does a Kenny impersonation that blows me away. I'll be like, Kenny's here.

I'll be all happy announcing to everybody that Kenny's here. And then it's like, oh, fuck, you got me again. Raider has done... Multiple times. He's done impersonations on stage. Like in the Funhouse here. We'll get him on here to do a Kenny. I'm telling you, it's spot on. We'll have him

on as Kenny. And... And then just have him on as Kenny and oh and then just have him say the stupidest shit actually let's do battle of the Kennys Kenny will answer things we heard that on Todd Glass with Henry vs. Henry if you write down phrases

Henry Phillips and fucking I always forget his name the impressionist that we love Texas guy he did Mitt Romney on Stern fuck but he's the one who started the henry phillips impression that we all impersonate but they were on the same podcast years ago on the road we listened to it and uh they did dueling henry's oh my god so if we if we wrote down phrases and told neighbor dave to perfect them neighbor dave i mean not neighbor dave mayor dave is what we

call him sometimes might be uh raider dave raider uh if we perfected some you know get some things he'd i love that that'd be good that could be a segment yeah all right let's uh let's break and we'll call them right now and set it up untuck it bingo showed up at the house today in her usual ridiculous garb but she found some plaid pants i think maybe she was trying to impress me that she found somewhere goofy looking plaid pants but she was wearing like a sharon in casino, like evening. What did you call those? Low cut. Yeah, where it just covers your chin.

Plunging neckline. Plunges down to almost the belly button, but she had it tucked into jeans or pants or whatever. Acid wash? My first thought was, are you going against brand here? Not only did it look ridiculous, but we're untucked people. And you took the most ridiculous thing. I don't know. Is she being a rebellious child?

Ironic. Untuck it. Do you know why traditional button ups look so long and baggy? Because you had to tuck them in. And you should never tuck in a shirt anyway. Wear your shirt untucked. If you're wearing your shirt tucked in, you look like you think you're way too important.

Listen, if you're wearing a pattern from the 1800s, you should be wearing a bowler or a straw hat or whatever, like the big stovepipe Abe Lincoln hat. This is a cut made for today. Contemporary styling, they call it. Yeah, look like you're fucking comfortable. If you have your shirt tucked

in, I feel like I should be wearing some of those plastic fucking slipper things over my shoes when I walk onto your white shag carpet. Fucking relax. You immediately look like you're undercover. Untuck your shirt. Nice mustache, narc.

Shave it and untuck your shirt. Untuck it, I found, because of the t--shirts because i always wear my leisure suits untucked my shirt is untucked and then you're wearing some fucking you know walmart three-pack brand that's hanging down below your Adam's apple. And I'm like, oh, that's cool. It's not like a Henley with buttons or something like that. There's a little slit, and it's just a little style thing that they threw in there. I fucking love it.

You wear the shirts, too. And I realized, oh, I can wear a lot of those shirts with the leisure suit, because this ridiculous WKRP and Cincinnati jacket is going to usurp any vision of the vintage year of the shirt underneath, and the tie is going to fuck the rest of it up. But they won't know the reason you're so comfortable, the reason you are delivering the performance you're delivering is because you're comfortable inside,

Doug, inside that laser shoot. You have absolutely captured the essence of comfort because it's a wonderful t-shirt that holds everything else up above it. We should get a picture of Chad Shank with his shirt tucked into anything and say, untuck it. Any questions?

See? I'm wanting to lose weight right now just so that I can wear shirts more comfortably untucked. I couldn't wear a shirt comfortably tucked in at all. Oh my God. But people do and it's gross. Comfortably tucked in around my gut. So I've always been a fan of untuck it.

When we go to thrift stores to get the outerwear, we try things on in the aisles. My mom used to work in a pants store. So if you take your hand and hold it up, yeah, they had pants. A few shirts. But you hold your hand up like this and put the waist in your pants and over to your elbow. That's about the size of your waist. Wrist to elbow. A cubit.

Didn't they call that a cubit, Tracy? I don't know how. It depends on where you wear your pants. Above the hip, at the hip, below the hip. Untuckit. try it on in person at one of untuck it's 50 stores or go to untuck it.com to get started they even offer free shipping and returns on all orders in the u.s and you can save 20 on your first order by using my code stanhope at checkout that's untuckit.com, promo code Stanhope.

I also learned I can stand there and flex my muscles for an hour, but if I don't pull my dick out, I'm not getting $100 and a ride to the airport. dick out i'm not getting a hundred dollars in a ride to the airport so that's exactly the experience i've had in comedy a lot of times hey everybody it's me brett erickson from the issues with andy podcast uh we love you killer termites and we hope you'll tune in and check us every friday issues with andy on uh youtube yeah okay it's it's a it's not a podcast right isn't it a bod podcast you're right for once andy you're right it's a vodka which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka oh oh shit i was drinking cola i fucked up and the v could also stand for video because it's a video podcast. That's it.

Oh, shit. As always, I'm right and Chad Shank is writer. Or more right to be correctly incorrect or something. If you love the shit you're getting here on the Doug Stanhope podcast, get more shit with us on Iss with andy on youtube every friday and yeah well you keep listening and watching or however you do it and we'll keep shitting she will keep shitting con i mean shitting content and that's what we do we'll polish it up and call it a turd you can shit on it if you hate it and love it.

Yeah. Thanks for watching and shit. All right. Thanks guys. The microphone, Andy, the microphone. Oh,

we're back. And, uh, you know what I should have mentioned? Shaley, is do you remember the Brassaholics, Robin Klabby's? Yes, New Orleans. New Orleans band, that fucking night.

I wish I could tell the actual story of the first time when you did One-Eyed Jacks. Oh, yeah, well, every time we did One-Eyed Jacks, there's a story that probably shouldn't be told. But he's no longer in New Orleans, but he put his own first album out of his own original shit. So go to robinclabby.com if you like saxophone, New Orleans sound. If you like good music that's actual music yeah robin clabby uh r-o-b-i-n and clabby is c-l-a-b-b-y.com and uh yeah he's uh the one that taught bingo everything she knows great fucking dude too man when i when i walked in the funhouse bingo it was all mellow in here jama i was immediately was like

oh this is a great vibe and he was like that's my friend robin clabby i was like, oh, this is a great vibe. And he was like, that's my friend, Robin Clavey. And I was like, oh, right on. Yeah. Yeah, stuff you can write to. Andrew. Andrew, I kind of threw under the bus on that last podcast with just me and Chaley. 341. Yeah, didn't mean to. But I brought him up as an example of someone else.

And then I never told the story about him that would exonerate him so it sounded like i was bitching about him so if you ever hear it andrew yeah i was trying to talk about the the fan who showed up and started talking about her dad dying of cancer where i go oh this was going to be a one drink and i'm back to work but no all right your dad's dying i can't speed it up and Andrew had had a similar story the day before, but he's a friend of mine, so yeah, you listen. She was fun. No, she was great. Uncle Jeff and I can't remember her name.

Stacy? Stacy, I think that's what it was. Who's this? They just showed, well. You know, fans that show up. But I was writing, so again, I used that as an excuse. Listen, we turned off the electrified fence and we let him in. I had a text to stand up last week, and I'm like,

I'm going to be in Bisbee on Saturday for that show that's going on downtown, Billy Wayne Davis' show, Chuckleheads. He said, I'm going to be downtown, and you're going to be around. And he's like, I'm not going to the show. And I'm like, I knew you weren't going to the show. I was asking if you were going to be around your own house. I was going to see, you know, stop by. I left the day before.

And he's like, yeah, fuck yeah, I'll be here. Come by. The little house is open if you want to stay. But I also, well, we've hung out a time or two, so we know each other fairly well and I'm the same way. So I sent a litmus test text from the show. This show's running kind of late. I don't know if you're still going to feel like having company.

Silence. I read it tonight. Perfect answer. I was kind of hoping that either you would say, no, I'm busy, or I'm going to bed, or that you just wouldn't answer, which is probably what I would do if I had changed my mind about people coming to my house. Yeah, now when I'm away, I shut my phone off and I'll check

it like twice a day to see if there's an emergency and otherwise, yep, I'm out. I love that strangers just stop by all the time whenever there's you know. No, it doesn't happen a lot. I'm gonna, I'm gonna. Well, I know if I'm here and it's happening, I'm

seeing it and then I just act like I'm not here. But then I was, oh, this is a good excuse to do something else other than my. But you did. You prefaced it with, I'm going to have a drink or two. And you're going to leave. Because they hung out afterward. Tom Konopka showed up. Oh, yeah.

And took the heat off of everyone yeah tom can chat and he and ingratiate oh and he's he's a good representative of bisbee he will oh the mind tour oh the goats i mean anything you talk about getting to that part in the book where we finally reconnected like and as depressed as i was on last week's podcast now i'm getting into shit that's more fun to write or at least angering where it's not just like getting into like ugly thoughts i'm actually having fun writing this part we wrote about wait were you depressed last week yeah i was during our podcast no i wasn't crying like you were. That's the weird thing.

I got a lot of tweets about, hey, Shaylee, what's crying? I go, well, listen, first of all, Doug just said, are you crying? And I say, no. And you're like, why are you crying, Shaylee? He was crying. It wasn't. Tracy sighed. Listen, I'm comfortable.

I was not. I tried to. He said allergies. I'm going to replace Shaylee with you. Fuck replace chaley with you we're gonna do issues with tracy we're gonna have our own podcast now that we have already copyrighted that i've already copyrighted all of our names issues with wait a minute this sounds interesting i think we should start a video podcast where we videotape doug trying to start a podcast. That's pretty good.

That's pretty good. I was going to say buying a computer, but he has help now. No, listen, Doug. I would have loved to have broken down and cried at the last podcast. It just wasn't there. I know. Afterwards, we were talking about my mom. We were both getting a little lumpy-throated at parts. I wasn't. Well, his...

Alright, Tracy, she's got my angle. She's behind me. She saw you getting a little verklempt. I don't know why she says that. We've talked about it. You know, I didn't want to... It sounds like... I got no problem crying on mic that's true now i'm realizing you're serious i thought you've been being kind of sarcastic on twitter

where i didn't cry i had the allergies i go look i don't know i should have listened to this podcast before i said listen i don't know what it is, but maybe it's empathy blossom. Because of my age. I said maybe it's the empathy blossom. It's not any one thing. But it wasn't coming because after the podcast, I told you my mom's last words to me. And it wasn't a thing that got me because I thought it might open it up because I wanted to.

I want to. I really fucking want to. I want to feel that emotion. But at the same time, it just wasn't happening. Doug and I just had, like, we just hung out. It was fun to talk on that level

where, well, except for you accusing me. Like you can't do it when there's no microphones. But it's like, me crying or not, I don't fucking care. I've done it enough. Really? On mic that it's like, it shouldn't be such a big, look at him. Oh, like, come on, man.

I don't got a boner in my pants and deny it. Are you crying right now? God damn it, Doug. you catch me every time I was just going through a lot of old texts for research but I found my my last text exchange with whiskey girl

and it was alright here we go oh no it's not a crier i said uh hey just so you know if you die you don't get your security deposit back and she wrote back yes lord she called me lord as landlord yes lord and i said don't get any blood infection in the flooring and she wrote oops and that was And that was it. That's awesome. But yeah, when you get in that fucking sensory deprivation hotel. All right, now you got me.

Now you fucking got me. God damn it. Every time I put that video on, it. Oh, those two dancing is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Yeah. Like when they like, I'm going to put a link in the show notes on this thing if you've never been to the show fucking notes now's the time to go that video is beautiful

it's better than anything Tracy's crying right now I'll tell you I'm not going to cry but I'm going to agree with Shaylee I've gone to that See, I'm not going to cry, but I'm going to fucking agree with Shaylee. Yeah. God damn it.

I've gone to that video when I wanted to cry for no other reason that I want to fucking feel water come out of my face. And I go to that video. And the last time I played it in here, everyone in here was crying. And it is one of those things. It's so fucking it is beautiful that I want to know. I want to know that people that don't know them I want to know if it hits them on that visceral level that it does us because we know that we know

how beautiful those two people were I would love to know that that translated to me because to me it almost seems like they knew what the end would be if you go I go you know what I mean I never thought of it like that like it's uh there's a connect the did the look between oh god damn fuck you guys man

oh shaley's crying two things for some reason because i've been having to go back to old youtube podcasts of our shit for research and for some reason that keeps coming up in the feed of recommended yeah on the side like out of the blue because bravo it should that is that is one of the best i haven't looked at that for years and especially when you're in that kind of mood anyway from writing about it. And that's just showing up. And the other thing is they thought that video was fucking ridiculous. That was someone else's idea.

And it's like when someone tells you, oh, that bit is my favorite bit. You go, that was like filler. That was like a throwaway dick joke. And that's what. Yeah. So read what you want. Yeah. I see it, though, because I think that they connected in that.

I can't believe we're doing this. So there was a connection between them. Does that make sense? Yes. Yeah. Everybody else here. The video is them dancing, ballroom dancing in this beautifully lit. It's a dance class.

And they're stepping on each other's feet. It's awkward. But they're a duo that knew what the other person was going to do way before they were going to do it. And then they're in this thing where they're uncomfortable, but they're doing it. And then the connection, we're tearing apart a movie like Ben Mankiewiczicz on turner classic movies but it's like they knew how ridiculous this was and they were laughing and then that's the connection that you get you get the love between them and then yeah well we haven't talked about this in a long time but if you remember the bizarre thing when we were over there in the house later on well we were in new

york uh and we were over there eating breakfast in the on. We were in New York. We were over there in the house. Eating breakfast. In the middle of cleaning up. And all of a sudden, the stereo came on. Oh. And started playing Derek's music. Yeah, Bingo even remembers the size. What a Lonely Boy.

Yes. Was the song. I don't know the song. And just spontaneous. There was probably six or so of us. It was on the podcast. Yeah, yeah. Not one of us was closer than 15 feet to the stereo system

that just came on and started playing that. And all of us, a bunch of fucking atheists and fucking negative fucking moribund fucking nuts. I remember I said something about that's just fucking circumstance. Let's get through this. Did you count the ghosts? Yeah. Did you count them?

I was mopping. Are you coming to Vegas? I, all right, well, ah, shit. So I did something.

So, hold on, hold on. I'll say right now, Doug, stand up.com. We got the tour days. We've got Hawaii coming up

In December What 13th 14th I know where Well you're either there Or you're not Yeah Check it out Go to DougStanhope.com

I know it's the blue note I know the hotel The gigs in the hotel Are favorite Pajama gigs I call them You just hit the elevator Hit lobby Go out tell your jokes

Hit five For your fucking Shitty suite Then We've got Vegas On New suite. Then we've got Vegas on New Year's, and then we've got March dates, and we've added San Francisco at the punchline. We've got Seattle.

Seattle's fucking going fast. We've got Baltimore, Boston. So San Francisco's the latest one that went up. So anyway, these are the dates that are up. Vegas, we're driving out. Yeah, New Year's Eve. We're going to drive up early because I don't want to deal with fucking New Year's in Vegas. Get there early.

It's an early show, 8 to 10. It's not watch the ball drop or the two balls drop with Doug Stanhope. Can you imagine my crowd if I had to play to them at midnight on New Year's? They start drinking at 10 a.m. already. Word in edgewise. So what's going on? Tracy and I are going. Olivia's going to be there.

Doug, obviously. Here's the thing. I'm either going to drive up there or fly. Usually drive up there or fly up there from here is about the same money-wise. It's a push think during the holiday it might be easier to drive so we're probably going to drive up there but I called the book

a holiday inn room when I had to go back to my hometown a couple months ago and they were like oh well you've stayed in enough hotels this year we're going to give you this offer. So it's a timeshare offer. Nice!

So I was like, I'm either fucking ridiculous for doing this or I just am going to have a good story. But I'm going to Vegas for New Year's on a timeshare program where I have to listen to 120 minutes of timeshare pitch as part of my stay. Hostage. And then I get all the money that I paid up front for my rooms. I get refunded at the end of my timeshare pitch. Make sure that happens.

Well, that's, again, to me, all right, so I'm going there with you guys. Maybe we'll podcast there. I don't fucking know what's going to happen, but when we get back, I'll at least have a fucking story of how I got ripped off at a time share. There's a million of those. Or how I skated the system and stayed in Vegas for New Year. So I don't have a ticket to the show yet, and I thought maybe I know enough people that I could trade some security. Well, you know the deal.

Or lifting heavy stuff. You might have to open the show or at least do the offstage. You got to dance for your dinner. I'm game for that. Yes, sir. It's my anniversary. Taking Jenny. It'll be our 21st wedding anniversary.

Oh, you're taking your wife for your 21st anniversary to a timeshare? Listen, we share the same bank account, Shaley. She knows how much of an event. We're like, listen, do we want to trade 120 minutes of our life to be able to stay? Because the plaza was already booked by the time I knew. Oh, no, no, no. I was having an extremely late-term abortion where I'm not having children anymore soon.

I looked it up, and yeah, there's nothing. And even the one that we're staying at, which is like a little 15-minute Uber ride away from where you guys would be, is like $318. $318 bucks the minimum right now yeah yeah so uh i feel like i did a good thing although we'll see what happens because i do have to sit through there will be a story and i looked it up to just online to see if anybody else had experienced this of course and they said uh people said yeah well they what they do because i had to pay 250

bucks up front that's cheap okay and i get uh three days four days three nights so uh for and when i get there they said when you check in you'll get an envelope with 249 250 bucks cash back right but that's not the case because i called them when i registered they said you're going to get at the end of the uh pitch you'll get 200 so what they're going to try to do is hijack me for longer from what i've read you know people just they try to just well you know who do that and i want to go well don't you want your 250 bucks you gotta stay to the end of the thing so i figured i'd start a timer as soon as it starts. And then just let them know. Hi, 120 minutes is what the fucking thing is.

And, you know, I don't know. Maybe I'll also have Jenny's phone recording. So that way you guys can be. Absolutely. No, have her record you. Video record you. When I'm in jail, you guys can play it on the podcast. That's a story.

Hilarious it is. Then I got thrown in jail at the time you might be banned from all holiday inn properties listen am i gonna get no that's uh that's kind of what happened with fucking caesars when i snapped on the customer service lady i'm assuming now that's why they banned me yeah because they gave me a free trip. And then at the end, try to fuck me around on details. And oh, wait, there's how much money for this free trip? Fuck you. So Ronnie Putnam was my best friend in Vegas.

When I started comedy, he was the guy that ran the open mic, big fat guy. But we did one of those because we lived in Vegas. And I got one of these things for free nights at a vegas hotel well i live here so we showed up listen to the pitch and then we sat down together as a gay couple and they're going okay well what would fit you for the time share like a five-year plan i go oh i i won't be around in five years i have i have the virus and you can see her scrambling through her head in my notebook yeah i did not get this rebuttal training the flow chart does not reflect an aids patient well then she finally after the most pregnant of pauses said, well, is it AIDS or HIV? And I said, it's full blown.

And then I turned my laugh into a cry. Like when he did prank calls, I better step out for a cigarette. And then she said to Ron Putnam, maybe I should just get your gift, which was a CD boombox player. Oh, nice. And yeah, before I finished my cigarette, Ron Putnam's out with the fucking CD boombox player. Got a picture back in the film days. A picture said, get it developed. Hey, Doug, are you crying?

get it developed. Hey, Doug, are you crying? No, but according to my cough, you can tell the antibiotics I got put on last week have not cured anything. So that chest x-ray is still in play, but let's let it ride until I hit my rough draft.

I'm going to get my nurse, Tracy, to get me one more penicillin shot, but I have the same thing because I got sick on tour before you did. And it is not abated. It is still a motherfucker. Thanks for letting me know you guys are all fucking infested before I go. No, listen, it's not something you can catch.

Because we've made out so many times since then. But it is one of those things where I got to go to the doctor and go, Hey, Hey, look, I don't know nothing about nothing, but this is a long time to have like post-daisy drip without doing Coke and, and coughing without smoking. This is a weird,

yeah. Mr. Chaley. Got me. Have, have you found yourself crying at all? No, no.

You're going to lie to me I can't treat you Because that Doug Stanhope is a liar I want you crying Oh, that felt so good crying about whiskey I love crying about them Because it's such a beautiful I don't want to go back into that

I'm sorry guys But that is one of my favorite things to go to You know, if you were crying and you had to wipe your eyes with your shirt, you wouldn't want to have to untuck it and then dab your eyes. You just want it right there. I'd want to do it quickly and discreetly like a gentleman. And it would be so fast that no one in the conversation would know. They'd notice your gut.

But anyway, I guess you got that on tour too. I lost all the tour weight, Doug. I didn't gain weight on this last tour. We'll talk off the air, Chad. We might have to, one of us, join you as your partner a your your your partner proxy your civil partner oh jenny doesn't want to play the fuck with but i i bet one of us would go sit through your hour 20 was andy is andy coming andy's gonna be there oh okay yeah because i tried I tried to, as an anniversary gift, I tried to tell her she didn't have to go. And I was like, no, no, just be me.

Like, so that she can stay there and I'll just go eat. And she's like, oh, no, sir, you have to. Part of the rules, you have to be with your. We've talked about it in the past. And I was like, okay, yeah, then we'll both be there. Kristen Becker's going to be there. That would be funny to show up with a fucking obvious lesbian

militant and she was more dominant than me so I could just be you submissive Kristen Becker she shushes you I don't think this is honey honey

I don't think this is a good idea pumpkin we talked about this in advance I don't think this is a good idea. Hush up right now. Pumpkin, we talked about this in advance. That's not Kristen Becker's voice, and I don't want her to think that's how she talks. I don't know how to do Kristen Becker's voice either, but she's hilarious and I love her. Oh, that would be fucking funny. I'm game for any of that. It only means that I'm staying hotel-wise and that's great free so i like it so

i know where you're staying i know where brett erickson's staying i don't know where andy's staying oh no and i'm pretty sure andy doesn't know where he's staying does he ever no no and that's the issue with andy i'm gonna i'm gonna put my pseudonym at the front desk, Andy Andrist, because that's the last one he'd guess. I know, and I'm not staying here. We're trying to do a live podcast on the 30th. Sure. No, the issue is, Andy, you don't want to do a live podcast.

No, no. I'm saying, sure, that'll give you something to do, because I'm going to be fucking writing right at the show. I know you're going to be writing but i'm just trying to say and i shut down andy when he talked about it because he has no right talking about anything that happens with the podcast but it is one of those things like we're all going to be in town and i just it's a wasted opportunity if we don't do something sure like the And Andy's going to be in Vegas, so he's going to have issues. Probably, where

am I staying? I remember the last time we were in Vegas, we drove through an intersection and we were stopped right before we drove through the intersection, and we saw a guy laying on the street on a curb, and his head was up on this curb

unnaturally, and we're like, is that Andy. And his head was like up on this curb, like unnaturally. And we're like, is that Andy? And Chase is like, I was thinking the same thing. It was, it was one of those things where, yeah,

she tweeted it. It's like, it's not, there's parallel thoughts here. Like everyone looked over there and thought that's Andy. Wait, is it? So that's

we got that to look forward to, I guess. I'm definitely looking forward to it. But when's your timeshare thing? The 30th through the 2nd. It can't be the 30th.

It can? No, we're gonna... That's why I'm staying there. I don't know when the 30th. It can. No, we're going to... That's why I'm staying there. I don't know when the fucking timeshare thing is. Oh, no, the timeshare thing. Don't they do it beforehand? They're going to... They got to tell me when...

How do these scams work? Listen, I've never been scammed like this before. You're not going to. I told the guy... You put out a video camera of someone else's video, and you had a timer. They're going to... Sir, don't be disruptive.

We're going to ask you to leave. Perfect. The dude dude whenever he sold it to me because i was like dude if i just got this like a cold call i would have already hung up on you but i was on the phone with holiday in who transferred me to this deal so i'm gonna fucking assume that it's either gonna be a gigantic ripoff or it's going to be some way. He's like, we just want word of mouth. And I go, well, guess what? You're going to get your wish either way. Good or bad. Either I'm going to have a great time

and I'm going to tell people what a great time I had or I'm going to get ripped off for $250 and you're never going to hear the fucking end of it. Be diligent on getting corporate information names of everyone you talk to your name sir yeah yeah definitely i've made several i have several points of contact there's no way you're getting ripped off let's all be honest you're the one they go like there's a there's a flow chart i'm like if he says yes go. If he says no, like boiler room. Doug, I did the boiler room too much. There's a flow, and then you're the one where a light flashes.

It says, exit interview. Return the money. You add that in boiler room ad specs. And I think in most circumstances, yeah, I would definitely, I would have already shut it down but it was just wait till the last day when you're checking out pay it out yeah and your bags are in the car and then you go listen we have a problem because that way they can't call the cops and go you get nowhere to stay for new year's exactly yeah no as long as i can get confirmation i still haven't got it yet i've called them back i i've I said, I got three points of contact already.

I told you I did that deal one time. I fell for a deal where they were like, lower your debt. You have debt. We'll pay off your debt. You just send us money, and then we'll negotiate with your creditors, and you pay off debt. And I was like, yeah, I'll do that. And then I realized right away, I was like, oh, fuck, that was bad. I don't do that and uh then i realized right i was like oh fuck that was bad

i don't do that yeah that's a good thing and they changed the name of the company and everything but i had so many points of contact that i was able to name drop a bunch i would look at all the people cc'd on all the emails that i had ever received and i just name dropped so many people and i'm like look i've got private investigators outside your address uh here at 2100 uh i said we can either fucking do this ridiculously stupid or you can just refund me fucking the three thousand dollars that i have in your account right now and uh and he was like how do i fucking get your money back to you and i was like all right here we go and then that was the only leverage i had i mean he could have just said fuck you and i would do it and sure enough two days later i got a check back you bluff it made it i bluffed it out no one wants

to no one wants to fucking deal with him my way out of a scam oh my god i still feel bad for two things valley hospital in phoenix when bingo was locked up as a medical issue and we that's all i have her uh i have her patient number three zero zero one nine someone sent it to us 2016 someone sent us to that on a block of wood it's hanging around here no it's in an entryway yeah and i can't i always i walk in the door i hang up my coat and i'm like, what the fuck? Oh, that's the Green Valley thing. I also got burned by a hooker in 2016. That, yeah, stuff I've never told that, oh, I just get to write that part this weekend for the book. Oh, nice.

Yeah. Oh, it's way better than that. The person's house I was at doesn't even know about it. He doesn't own the house anymore. Do I have some questions? No, no. That's enough of a tease. No. I want to ask you the special you

filmed, what's the status? It's in the works. Brian's fucking wheeling and dealing. It's being edited and it's going to get pitched to someone to distribute. That's a Brian thing. That's the shit. I just want it fucking out, but I don't want another CISO problem. So Brian's dancing between, oh, well, this could work, but this might be better.

Pitching it. Yeah. Fielding offers. I'm writing a book. I don't give a fuck. I'm saying this because I get emails constantly. Yeah, they don't listen to the podcast. Tell them, listen to the podcast.

No, they listen to the podcast, but they also want a connection to Doug. If you go to stanhopepodcast at gmail.com, I'm answering those. Doug's not answering those. I'm answering those. Doug's not answering those. If you go to anything with the merch, if you go to anything that has anything to do with this podcast, chances are, well, actually, no.

Doug has nothing to do with it. I'm answering those. If you message Doug directly, one out of three will be Doug. Mostly Henningen or me will answer the questions. Dude, people are asking me these questions. I find it hilarious that I have found a group of friends where I have become the approachable one. Hey, let's ask Chad Shank. He's probably the easiest one to ask.

They go down the list. Leave me alone, motherfuckers. I'm not talking to you. I'm not talking to him. I'm not talking to him. What's baffling to me is people think that we would be keeping it secret when this is going to be released unless you ask. Because we don't want you to know when I'm going to be playing fucking St. Petersburg.

I agree, though. Did I miss the 4,000 tweets? Yeah. know when I'm going to be playing. I agree though. Did I miss the 4,000 tweets? I agree with them in that they want to know because your base of fans is enviable I think from other people because

they will follow you to the ends of the earth. That's where I'm going. Are we all? the killer termites or anyone that tunes in they think that they have a connection because they actually do yeah they actually do that's what you get here a lot at length and if you go to patreon.com slash stand up you'll know first that those are the questions we're going to be on the mailing list they're going to the questions we're going to answer at the end of this podcast it is one of those things where

people want to know and it's it's it is one of those things where there's an accessibility to you that i don't think they get anywhere else so they ask you dumb questions or questions that you've answered a million times and it is one of those things where, yes, we're working on it. You're not the guy. It's out of your hands. You spoke words into a microphone. Everyone else does everything else. What are these questions?

Go ahead, Chad. Oh, no. I'll pull them up. I was going to say the same thing for my Twitch channel. You guys all showed up on my Twitch channel. That was so much fun. And just being there to interact with people gave such a boost. And yeah, you weren't playing video games.

You were playing poker so we can all talk shit. Drunk Shaley might have a story about that. What are you talking about? Oh, maybe you don't remember. Oh, shit. That's right. We were in here. Doug was over.

That was after the last podcast, right? Yes. Doug was quote unquote, I do the air quotes thing, writing. And he's fucking sending barbs to the fucking Twitch channel. And talking in the room with the things he didn't put on the Twitch channel. And I ended up buying a fucking PlayStation during that. It's the fucking whiskey. What whiskey is that, Tracy?

Joe and Sean got me McCallum's whiskey. Three whiskeys in. I'm fucking. Chad, I almost bought us all airfares to Alaska last night. That's why today I'm like, I'm so glad. What is this whiskey? Give me some of this whiskey. It's truth teller, man.

But it is one of those things where, yeah, I got a PlayStation so Tracy could beat the shit out of you guys on poker. Because we're in here. And Doug's like, he's not looking up because we're in here and Doug's like he's not looking up but he's hearing and he's watching and then Tracy's like commenting. I'm on the comment stream. Yes, you're watching it and then

on the Twitch channel that you and Joby Stocks was on it Prisoner Mike and the Fury. And the Fury. Jack and Dino. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Castle Rock Kenny. It's crazy. Well, is it the? Anyway, it's one of those things where Tracy's like, motherfucker, watching you bumblers fucking be ridiculous in your poker hands. And then I'm like, oh, I'm doing it. And I've done this.

I've feigned this this action before where I've stopped myself that night I bought it and then all last night I'm like yelling because I can't everything every turn you take on a PlayStation 4

is well if you join this if you put your fucking email here if you pay here it's like i bought a 9.99 pop-up maker i wish i wish i could fucking tap into that i bought a nine dollar fucking uh game for tracy that she told me she wanted at best buy and it cost me 45 to get us logged in to be able to do it and i still don't even know what the fuck is going on uh you might have uh signed up for a timeshare no yeah i'll sit there i'll sit there i'll sit there god damn it what i thought was cool about it was that uh if that uh if that ever occurred

again you could have the playstation set here so Tracy could be playing. But Tracy doesn't want to talk to our dumbasses. But Stan Hope would fucking throw headphones on and be the one to talk shit while Tracy, and then that would be a blast. I talk mad shit here in poker. All right. No, no, no.

Tracy's good. Tracy would want to talk to our dumbasses, and I underestimated our dumbasses. She'll be on the next time you guys play poker because if we don't put it up here, we'll put it down there. But I can tell you, it is very engaging.

Very engaging. I just wish it was real money to pay for the fucking... Get to the questions. What do you want to do? You said you had questions. I got questions. I'm going to go try to fucking feed the notes

I wrote on the way down here. These are Patreon questions. If you go to patreon.com Fuck, I'm too drunk. I can't fucking remember the Patreon thing. You had two drinks. No, I had like nine. Oh, alright. Alright, this is a good one.

Chad's going to blush. Steve, this is through Patreon because that's where we get our questions. He's going to read that letter. Let's do that first. And we'll close on the question. Oh, he has that secret letter he has to read. This was given to us in, I believe, Orlando.

Oh, secret letter. Don't open it yet. Okay. Hands down, Chad. Shelly has just physically restrained my hand. Oh, wait, wait, wait, my hand there's a wait wait wait there's a touch between

podcasts broadcasters before that Orlando did I forward you the email from the mousy girl on the stretcher

I don't have it up it's alright yeah she was so awesome she heard the podcast she emailed me I'm not gonna give you my name

or any specifics cause I'm has a real job yeah she's or trying to get a real job whatever but she said that she was only on a stretcher because she's a tiny girl and drank too much and she was puking and then some overzealous woman the way it was explained to me when we were there at the merch and it's it's fast and furious at the at the merch booth yeah and i thought it was her friend going ah becky every time and it wasn't it was some fucking nosy body randomly jumped in there and the manager is the one who smoothed it all out she goes get out of here i'm gonna handle this but she had already called 9-1-1 and her boyfriend was trying to get her out of there and she thought it was like a date

rape is trying to take care of a which that's a moral quandary sure uh in this climate yeah but so yeah the mousy girl on the stretcher and i had to she goes uh there's pictures out there and i go that was me screaming someone get a picture sorry about that but that that uh that connected to what you did inside where you're like hey well i don't want to say it but like where you where you mentioned yeah hey the only time to take a picture inside is this. And then you yelled that, and there was a callback. I get it. But at the same time, it's like, there's a privacy in a bathroom. Well, no, this is on her way through the lobby on an EMT stretcher.

Where I assumed she was dead. They put a plastic bag, like if she was robbing a bank. Over her nose and mouth in case she puked. And I go, Tracy, it's not billowing out. She's not breathing. That's a dead person leaving. Oh, no. Yeah, well, I was the bewitched neighbor, Kravitz.

It wasn't an Abu bag. They just taped it. They said, she's dead Let it go But it would Honestly It's to Protect her privacy

At this point Because She's Looking for a job And I hope she gets it But She bought merch She made herself

A What The letter Oh yeah She made herself available To To us At the merch booth Because she was so fucking cool that she wanted to abortion. She wanted to abortion his green shirt so bad that I went out to the van to grab it and bring it back.

And that was very fucking cool. And then when Tracy told me it was her, I'm like, oh, my God. Not one of the gals I like. Chad, you got mail. What'd you get in Orlando Chad and he got a handful of fucking Adderall

and some acid that he forgot about as far as he knows that he had no idea until he got home and I told him while he was in Portland or Eugene

I go hey you know you got drugs he goes no oh fuck look at that look at that so I got uh i got uh two ten dollar bills and i what's even more interesting and makes me want to read this letter more than the two

ten dollar bills is this uh dnr bracelet that has been cut that's not your size that's the mousy girl size you always crack crack me up, stand up in the crew here, seeing me through some dark times. Wish there was more, but I'm a poor fucking close. This is my DNR bracelet from my time in the ICU from a few weeks ago. Thought you'd appreciate the sentiment. Love it. John, and I did indeed.

That's fucking great. That'll go into it. I now, in addition to having friends. Proof of life. In addition to having... Proof of life! In addition to having friends and all of the fucking complicated shit that it fucking brings, now I also have a collection of shit that means something to me from places I've fucking been or things people gave me. So I'll add it to that, which is...

That's sweet, dude. Right before I left this weekend, and I haven't found it. I just left it for you because I was on my way out. I left it for Chaley and Tracy. It's a Stan Hope and family. But it was a short book. I got it.

I got it. I got it. Oh, you got it? Because the most important part. All right. I have to tell you right now that when someone decorates an envelope like that. Put a lot of time into it.

That's someone. I mean, look. They're in a hospital or jail. Or way absorbed into their head. This is a thing. I live there. That's a jail. Look at the outline of the wording.

Right? Yeah. That's fucking. Everything's doubled. That's fucking. Everything's doubled. That's bingo precise. Yeah. That's when Bingo like laid all those things out. Yep.

In the Rio. She laid out. Doug's fascinated with what I'm doing here. No, I'm waiting for you to get to the letter. I got it. I got it. I got it. Here's what she sent.

But I'm going to read you what she wrote. Dear family, thank you for being there every week with laughter and the grossness and the Got it. Here's what she sent, but I'm going to read you what she wrote. Dear family, thank you for being there every week with laughter and the grossness and the nonsense of the inside. Oh, my God. That's fucking, that's us. Sending this along in a self-serving manner for thanks. Thought it might be of interest because it's not fiction. Relatively short and to the point and Arizona-based.

Love always. Rachel Walter, Termite Class of 05. But the most important part on the front when I opened it and then left it for you, she sent 20 bucks to who? Tracy. No, Tracy. Tracy. For bartending thank you that's the first time tracy's gotten a fucking cash tip in the mail to 212 van dyke street bisbee arizona 85603 tracy is the greatest bartender in the world there'd be way more breaks I would drop money all the time for Tracy except for I've hung out with Stan Hope

before and I know that he does that for all of us when we're all hanging out so I don't really worry about it but Tracy is the greatest bartender she's pretty good because she hasn't bartended like legally in a long time well Well, this is legal.

But like she left Coots years ago. And she's fucking, she still knows her fucking shit. Which, Doug, I got four letters here. I don't know. I can't tell who the, I don't know what we know or what we don't know. Let's go to Patreon. Let's do Patreon. Yeah, we'll read those letters on Patreon,

and we'll read the Patreon letters on this, and that way these people that send me snail mail will have to join Patreon. Oh, look at Stanhoff with the fucking marketing scheme. Okay, so I'll tell you right now. Seems like it works. Sounds good to me. Hey, Jeremy Teal, KJ Vanderberg, Anthony Villanuevo.

He won't hear this. He lives on the streets. Yeah, he's out. And some squiggly guy. Yeah, you guys get on Patreon and we'll answer your emails. Maybe. Doug. Strong maybe.

Steve Tinsley asks, this podcast was just so good. I really appreciate Chad opening up and giving the glimpse into his mind. It was honest and revealing. I only wish the very best for that man. I'm sorry. Yeah.

I know you don't like positive things. Hold on. Hold on. It gets better. The stories were great, and the chemistry between the group has never been better. My best to all of you. I hope to see you on the road some... I'm sorry, there was no question. Oh, I think he sent it to the wrong...

Chad, are you crying? Listen. Chad, are you crying? He was sending that to Issues with Andy. That look you see is pure confusion because I've also gotten responses like this on social media from that podcast, which I think may have been the third podcast we did that day. And I don't remember a single fucking thing at all from what happened on that. So I hope it was OK.

Sounds like it was to him i'm not gonna listen so uh i'm i appreciate the support i don't know valentino is sorry valentino listened to last week's podcast because i said i really both chaley and i even the next day he said i think that was a really good podcast so i told her to listen to it. And then she'd text me like a simple sentence of, yeah, that's how it's supposed to be in quotes or something like that. I don't remember what I said. I just thought it was good. That is really, that's a good point because Chad will chime in on this, I'm sure, because we've talked about this.

we'll chime in on this, I'm sure, because we've talked about this, is that when we're in here and you are out there listening, we're all in a room. We're all in a bar. You're overhearing a conversation that we are having. While we're drinking. And sometimes you are sitting at the table with us. We hope you are. This is what this is.

This is us talking. For better or worse. No, I was pausing for Tracy doing the Iranian coffee spill. This is the thing. Doing cocktail. You listeners are flies on the wall Termites on the wall Listening to what's happening

And that is one of those things Especially when we're three Podcast deep Not tonight But that one When we did that other one We had done several Hey let me tell you what Cameron Fogg said.

Thanks for the podcast, Doug and Shaylee. First and only Patreon I will subscribe to. Cheers. Cheers, Cameron Fogg. Thank you, Patreon subscribers. This is the only reason this has continued. We would have stopped halfway through this fucking year if we didn't have Patreon.

Because we're six months in. Six months in. It's fucking fantastic. We have to do something for the new year. You know the one we have to do. Oh, I know. They keep texting. I drunk dialed him because I was writing about both of them.

But Johnny called me back and he said, come here and write in the most. No, no. But Johnny called me back and he said, come here and write in the most. Oh. No, no. Like, I, yeah, he's trying to get me to go to the Bahamas. Oh, boo hoo. Hey, no, no. Like, white people, white people, comic problems. No, no.

Like, I'm that dedicated to this book where I go, there's no fucking way I'm going to be writing shit on a fucking island. I remembered you on the merch line in Orlando and a guy walked up with a fucking beautiful. Marilyn Manson has the best merch in the world. Yeah, absolutely. And he had a fucking awesome Marilyn Manson shirt. And you dialed Marilyn Manson. I texted the picture. Yeah. Absolutely. And he had a fucking awesome Marilyn Manson shirt. And you dialed Marilyn Manson. I texted the picture of it. You texted a picture

of Marilyn, to Marilyn Manson of a guy wearing a Marilyn Manson shirt with Doug Stout at the merch booth. That's not good. That will,

your, your experience will differ, listeners. But that was fucking awesome. Well, I think the cool move would be to go to Johnny Deaf Island with your pad and paper. And everyone who you know. And never once look up from it.

Just sit there and write, thanks thanks on your way out yeah we tend to keep separate hours anyway just go there and write you keep separate decades every day means something now and that would be a day of travel

who knows how to get there do you have to get a skiff from Nassau I don't fucking know it's a submarine you could only get there through submarine To get a skiff from NASA. I don't fucking know. Absolutely. Yeah. It's a submarine. I don't fucking know. You could only get there through submarine. It would be a good story. But this story wouldn't be in the book that I didn't finish.

Tracy, I need you to read this next one. It's a gal. And I need you. Yeah. This is. No, it's not a crying thing. Don't cry. Because I would read it.

I'll know right away. Sarah Gilbert writes. Oh, from the Roseanne show? I just want to thank the great Stan Hope for mentioning me on a previous podcast about me getting into his Nashville show. Unknowingly, he got me together with another Stan Hope fan here in Memphis, in Memphis, Tennessee. My boyfriend, Greg, heard your podcast and found me on Facebook.

It did help we happened to have one friend in common, so it made it easier for me to find, it made it easier for him to find me. I met the funniest and sweetest guy I've ever been with because of Stan Hope. That podcast ended a five-year bad relationship so I could start a much better new one. You have always been my favorite comic,

but now I feel forever in your debt because, to you because, to you because, to you because. Gross. Oh, God. If you had any kind of high school education, you could read. I just read Chad. Don't you take care of it. That's gross. I just

wrote about this. Do you remember that, Doug? Do you remember that? No, I don't. I'm going to say because Cameron Fogg. Because that was the next person. No, I just wrote about this. And it's too, I have to rewrite that chapter because it's too self-deprecating

and you're involved. About how fucking uh yeah the line running is how we both know what pieces of shit we are while we agree that we're better than everybody else at the end of every podcast i think we think that should be the disclaimer. This line won't be in it because it's not a great analogy, but I talk about one of the good things I have hosting is I have great people I meet, and I put them together, and then I back out, and I never fucking talk to you again. But that's like Harvey Weinstein saying,

if it weren't for me, me too would have never happened. Glad you met each other. I'm out. Drop the mic. You know that drawing of the staircase where you- Escher. Yeah, Escher. He's going up and-

Where you follow it up and it goes up. What you described is exactly what happened, except you left out the part where you hate yourself for being that way. And then it just fuels more. Oh, I fucking hate that. But I'm better than that. No, you're not. You fucking piece of shit.

At least I'm a piece of shit, but I'm better than that. No, you're not. You piece of shit. I love that you haven't read the whole chapter. You just put Escher in like this self-hating. The worst part about it is half the time you're rolling upstairs that's fucking

which is impossible this happened right after the last podcast where I shouldn't have hit send to Joby but I took what I wrote about you and Joby because they're together I'm just describing our inner circle and I copy and pasted it into an email to the two of you and ite because they're together i'm just describing our inner circle and i copy and pasted it into an email to the two of you and it said hit send i hope you enjoy whatever like i wasn't

afraid to hit send and then i woke up in the morning and i have forgotten to hit send and i'm like fuck them they'll get it when it's polished you're gonna you're gonna be here to fucking talk on that book about it anyway. I'll sound surprised during that part when I read it. What? That's what you think? Hey, Doug, here's one. I think Clay has a Patreon question for you.

What are Greg and Chad's IQ? Do you know your IQ? Hold on. Hold on. In the book, I describead as obscenely intelligent oh i like that and the fact that it's still daily even more baffling that you would have showed up to where we met makes no sense we talked about you'll enjoy it uh doug you and i talked about this on the last podcast with

headberg where we always thought he was a level ahead yeah and with me it was like 10 levels ahead and i feel chad is the same way and like i can't pin it down it's like i don't know how smart the fucker is but i respect it chad has an angle but I don't know which angle it is. That's exactly it. Absolutely. Doug, with Hedberg, you never... Chad, stop laughing for a second. To listen to the compliment is...

With Hedberg, that was the thing. You never knew at what level he was because he would display something the stoner persona aside he would display something he was like what the fuck I got it on my toes I got my toes around this guy

and at the same time he's your best friend in the world he made the people that are around him feel like do you get that? I get that with Chad where him feel like do you get that? Yeah, no, I get that with Chad where I feel like Chad will never understand

how much rage issues that we share because I can't exhibit them the way he can. I have to internalize that and hate myself even more where he can actually go do the bad bad thing

but he doesn't i have to take a connection wait i i like you said that i don't understand it but i understand it as one of my redeeming factors for even being here as the fucking i just snorted i did i have to say i just snorted on the mic. So, yeah, no, I understand it. It is one of those things. Here's how I have a metaphor for what you described, Shaley. And imagine being able to build an amazing sandcastle. And I may have said this on that other podcast where I was being real. I don't remember.

I don't do it very often. Which one was that? The one that somebody referenced earlier that I don't remember at all because this is a real thing that i don't share with a lot of people but it's a metaphor that i have is imagine able to you're able to build an amazing sandcastle that people are uh really like yes in hawaii during the 13th and the 14th at the blue note the The trick is that you build it four feet off the ground with nothing underneath it to support it. So you're basically having to trick everybody

that you've built this beautiful sandcastle four feet off the ground while hoping simultaneously that they don't notice that it's four feet off the ground with nothing underneath it. Because if they did, it would fucking fall down into a big, giant fucking pile of sand. Wrote about that, too. So it's a... I hope that picked up.

Was that your bet? These mics aren't that sensitive. So that was my metaphor for that. I've overanalyzed that whole situation before as well, Shaylee. Doug, I have a couple more questions from Patreon. Ujulislam says, can Patreon weirdos get some pictures of the haunted

house that the Shaylee brothers put together? Well, come on. That was a Bisbee collective. You guys made it sound incredible. We are collectively putting something together. It's not.

Yeah. Go to Chaley's Instagram. I have a formal request regarding that that I'd like to submit to Mr. Stanhope immediately. Whenever whatever sort of polished end comes out of of that could you tweet it at richard christie because he would like i'm a i agree with you 100 richard christie fan and i would love to tweet it at richard christie but he would probably never notice it because he's a fucking busy fellow from the howard stern show goes like he travels like my brother.

Like he will go to the ends of the earth to go check out haunted houses during October. Yeah, yeah. And it's one of those things where he is going to do that regardless of you or anyone else. Or even Howard Stern saying it. It's an aside. I think that Richie Christie didn't tell the Howard Stern show he was going to do it. They found out he was doing it. He's passionate about it.

He's gone to some of the most massive haunted houses. Here's the thing. I guarantee you he would appreciate something of that caliber. Yeah, absolutely. Being in this little town like this that's so underappreciated where people would really pay money to go to a scare no he would not come here but he would appreciate and that's my whole point so yeah if i had one request about that while i'm drunk is uh yeah uh he wouldn't care if you fucking tagged him on that. No, absolutely.

I need a reason to tweet him. He's a good guy. He's the best. He's my favorite of the Stern people. So, hey, go ahead. Do you have something? Yeah, always tell people when we're talking about him on the podcast. Do what I like. Hey, you got name dropped at the fucking 56-minute mark,

and I can just go to that. Hey, Gornop... Gornop... Gornop... Don't try that. You didn't practice this one. No, of course not. Tracy, spot him.

Read that. Gorn... Gorn... Gornotopus. Gornotopus. I run into this on the Twitch stream a lot of times, Shaley. What you do is you read the first three to four letters. Hey, Gorp.

I say Gorn like we do with the fun notes. You just shorten it. Gorn-O-P-I-S. Gorn-O-P-I-S. I don't remember Dave, but I know uphill Dave. I'm not trying to read everybody's ridiculous name. Gorn-O-N-O-P-I-S. Oh, okay.

Good. It says, some questions on thrifting. Number one, preferred thrift store chain. Well, Salvation Army or St. Vincent's because Goodwill is fucking jacks up their prices. That's interesting. And they are for profit,

what you told me. Yes. Goodwill. And they're dampened compared to other thrift stores. Are you fucking kidding me for this you know this is a thrift store right goodwill but yeah i've heard it's a thing to shoplift from goodwill just for that very reason like a lot of people oh my god oh my god

they're the only ones that ever in life ask me for id with a credit card like you really need id like i'm doing credit card fraud for a pair of fucking used fucking long underwear it's i got a belt they're the only ones and then the local thrift store before when it was run poorly they would the, they were spectrum special needs. And the two ladies would hold up a $5 bill into the light to see if it's like, you know, it's counterfeit. Like anyone's counterfeit if he wants it five. Tracy.

I saw them do this in Sifui. There is a big misconception that I also put forth for a while. They are not for profit. They are a nonprofit and they, they employ people. No goodwill. That was something that I thought for a long time. I had heard it and I repeated it wrongly.

They're, they are a nonprofit and they, all of their stuff goes for employing. And goodwill radio sucks shit to the point where I've looked up Goodwill radio. No Goodwill radio. You're listening to Goodwill radio where I've left a Goodwill cause the music is so fucking bad.

I don't care what their politics are. Goodwill is easy to steal from. And I stand by my decision. All right. Uh, the, uh, other parts of the question,

uh, do you prefer non-chain mom and pop thrift stores to chain stores? We can, at this point, we can tell by looking. Tracy looks at the Yelp and she can tell by the pictures in the Yelp. Walk right by it. Yeah. So, yeah. Is it big?

Yeah. Mom and pop is fine. I don't give a fuck. Like, oh, you're going to call us corporate sellouts. If we go to the fucking salvation army, rather than fucking Bob and fucking mom. That's fucking Stan. Hope crew blew right by our mom and pop.

Bougie ass thrift store. All right, white people's thrift problems. Hey, Doug, no one follows you? Oh, shit. This is from Andrew Galbraith, and I know it's going to... This will answer a lot of questions. When Doug answers this question, this is your town while you're listening uh any chance on wise

guys in utah ogden or slc and and expand that to that would be a town usa that would be a hennigan question uh what's the capacity versus what we can draw i mean people, people say that like Austin is a huge town. Hey, I have a 60 seater. It's really, I know you like small rooms. Yeah, not in a town where I can draw 600 or 1200. So yeah, I don't know the size. I love Keith Stubbs, but I know Hennigan's run up against the same issues every time he asks me to work there, and I don't know what they are,

but it's probably a size of the venue kind of thing. Size matters? Is that what Tracy said? The funniest person in the room? While she's fucking yanking my cock behind the bar where you can't see it. Hold on. Wait a minute. Whose hand is on my cock?

I'm closest. Wait a minute. Whose hand is on my cock? I'm closest. Wait a minute. I was about to comment that Tracy's cheeks are flushed with heat right now, and she looks even more beautiful of a bartender than ever. And Stanhope is lying because Tracy's not touching him. More news. All right. Hey, Derek Murphy asks,

why does Shaley's facial hair look like it was drawn on? Oh, because we take turns drawing it on before the podcast. All right. Well, where did you see it? I don't know. I don't know. It might have been in the Bernard Arringer days where you did have the little tiny

sneaky man pencil stash of a Kearney. Sherry does change it up often. I get so many questions. Why? Like today. Oh, like she's in the checkout in front of me.

At Safeway. And never was Sherry. By the way, people in the merch booth there's a new one bad as sherry never was sherry someone in florida says never was sherry that's a fucking thing and she turns around and looks at oh she's in my hair she goes oh why the green i go, the green picked me. What the fuck? I don't fucking know. This isn't a mapped out fucking thing, motherfucker.

Yeah. All right. One more question. One more. I like to give it out. Jim asks, I'm going to cut to the chase. Have you folks ever considered taping a tour like the tour you recently have been on? Almost like a documentary showing how different personalities maneuver around

the tour. Show the raw of a tour. Thanks. Thanks for what you do, Adam. And his name is Jim at the beginning and his name is Adam at the end. Go ahead. Did he just describe the unbookables?

Yes. Yeah, he did. But what he also misses, we have nothing to hide. You're getting the best of it on the podcast. I'm reading what the guy said. I know. I'm responding to it. I'm a doofus.

I'm responding to it. All right. doofus. I'm responding to it. All right. You said what he missed was. No, that guy. No, that guy. All right. All right. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Shady literally postured up in an old school pugilist fashion with his fist in front of his face. Let's do this, motherfucker. With his fist in front of his face. He got so defensive right there. That was a physical thing.

This is not me. No, that's what you miss. If we did a documentary, you'd hear this podcast. Exactly. And then me going to bed early and you having to get back to your place 25 minutes away and Chaley editing silently. Tracy, like, like leading you to your bed. your place 25 minutes away and Chaley editing silently. Tracy like leading

you to your bed. Like those are the And then Tracy late at night while we're all sleeping. The slipper steps of Tracy leading an elderly man way past his Seroquel. As she goes downstairs quietly

finally alone to masturbate on webcam. And that's how we financed this. On PlayStation 4 with the Twitch.tv. You have all the footage when Stan Hope dies. I want to do the voiceover. I'll be like, the scarf that Stan Hope thought was

so fashionable conveniently turns into a leash when Tracy has to lead him to bed in the wee hours of the Arizona morning. Like a Komodo dragon. It's like, you're not leading that thing. It's accepting that it's going to go your way. She just twists up the scarf and just drags him inside.

She swings it around her palm. Yeah, yeah. I'm a fucking herald. I'm a fucking irrelevant. I cut my headphones off. Make. Make. I'm going to put a bell in there right there. Yeah, make the bell.

Oh, fuck. All right. Hold on. Hold on. I got to look at my notes. Hold on. Hold on. Oseum.

We love Oseum. Yeah. I already said it. You took a note from this. Hold on, hold on. Oseum. We love Oseum. Yeah, already said it. You took a note from this podcast. Tour dates. We've got in December just go to DougStanup.com Get on the mailing list. Just get on the mailing list. We've got Hawaii in December and Vegas

in New Year's. In March we've got Seattle, Baltimore, Boston, and San Francisco. You've got two dates at Punchline. Last time. Remember the last time we were there? Yeah.

Fat Mike opened the show. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then it shows. Roseanne was at one there. And she was going to go up to the last minute. And then she gave the cutthroat sign of, I'm not going up, so the emcee knew to bring the next person up.

We call that the Marilyn Manson. Might have that special company in Hawaii. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Hey, guess what? Issues with Andy, with Brett Erickson, Chad Shank, and myself, and a little-known comic named Andy Andrus, is every Friday we do one. So check that out.

And twitch.tv is, well, Chad, that's your thing, right? Yeah, twitch.tv slash HD underscore fatty, which is a pain in the ass. Just go to my Twitter at HD fatty. My pinned will tell you how to convert your free Amazon prime to a paid subscription for me. And I get what dire straits called money for nothing. And sometimes the entire crew of the podcast will chime in in the comments. And yeah, we're's on it now.

Yeah, more expectantly in the offing would be Tracy playing poker with us, which I find amazing because I thought Tracy was above that. But that's all right. She might be there. Poker or playing with you. Playing with us. We'll see you guys there, though. All right, bingo.

Take us out of this mess. Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្� Thank you.