The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#349: Stanhope's Demon Seed Theory

Episode Date: January 22, 2020

It's Edibles, Adderall and Alcohol in the FunHouse with Doug, Olivia Grace and Chaille.Get direct access to the podcast when you subscribe through our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast. New subscribers will automatically have access to a Bonus episode every month plus access to all past BONUS episodes. For as little as a dollar a month you will help keep the podcast going. Any level of support is appreciated. Thanks in again as your subscription helps keep this podcast going. When you subscribe, the dollar a month you will never notice, but we will. -  Patreon page - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast).Recorded Jan. 17th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Olivia Grace (@OliviaDoesBits), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.2020 Tour Dates are made available first to members of the Doug Stanhope Mailing List. Join today at https://www.dougstanhope.com/This episode is sponsored by The ISSUES WITH ANDY Podcast with Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille - New episode every Friday and only available on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHhpCYwNEGcS_DA7VjG4DwLINKS -Here is a link to the podcast Doug mentioned which includes the line “Haze of Anal”. Ep. #007: PILLOW TALK WITH BINGO'S SISTER KELLY- Doug crawls under the covers with Bingo's sister Bongo to discuss poop, sexual discovery and labia augmentation. Recorded July 7th, 2013, at the Dude Rancher Lodge in Billings, MT with Doug Stanhope, Bongo, Chad Shank and Ggreg Chaille. Produced and Editied by Chaille ( https://allthingscomedy.com/podcast/doug-stanhope/the-doug-stanhope-podcast-pillow-talk-with-bingos-sister-kelly )Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.orgClosing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast i know you're recording and both olivia and i are eating yeah very much eating i have a mouthful of gummy bears muddy bears and uh she's got a mouthful of three slices of bread that she's eating at once. It's a bread sandwich. Why three at once instead of just like one piece at a time? Because I knew we were going to start recording. Oh, so jam it in your pie hole real quick? Yeah.

You can eat it faster when you want. This is laying sandbags before the Tracy flood of alcohol. I'm having grain as well. It's called a martini. Very cool. I would love to talk to you about this because you have that fucking disease that you spread all over our house. No, just don't worry. I'm going to kill time until you swallow.

I'll hold the last bite. That's one bite? yeah well technically it's just three slices of bread it's three bites mostly air yeah but you can't eat bread and all this stuff that you say you can't eat and now all of a

sudden you're pounding down everything that you say you can't eat I'm worried if I have to call a plumber in advance listen can I schedule based on her recent diet You say you can't eat. I'm worried if I have to call a plumber in advance. Listen, can I schedule based on her recent diet? I know my toilet's going to be clogged in at least within 48 hours. Can I schedule ahead? Is that a triple cheese sandwich?

Wait, what? Cheese. There's no cheese in it. Oh, okay. It's just bread. All right. Yeah. We could probably knock it out with a stick.

She's just eating three slices of bread stuck together. It's not like... And it's discount bread from Safeway. It's so good. Wait, you can eat just like regular bread? Well, here's what I... So I went to a GI because I was having really bad stomach pains. Like a service man?

Gastroenterologist. A gastroenterologist. James Inman and I both read the same book. We bonded over that in our early days. My cousin, my gastroenterologist. It was very funny. All right. Sorry. In in our podcast scavenger hunt we said james inman and gi i've checked those off hey can you uh podcast bingo i am high

and on adderall yes edible adderall alcohol that's how this fucking book wraps up that's how you started this morning when i saw you you No, that's how I ended this morning, and I restarted. You had a whole pan. Oh, fuck. That's what I was going to do. When we immediately said, hey, we should podcast right now, I thought, oh, I should go take another edible, because I don't think I've ever done a high podcast.

You want me to put this on? No, I'm eating. Hey, Tracy, will you grab those edibles? They're in the kitchen. They look like regular candies. And then maybe when we take a break at 20 minutes, we make that a 20-minute break

that the audience will never hear to see a double edible of me. You seem pretty okay right now. Shut up! What were you saying about your bread? Oh, so yeah. I went to a gynecologist. Well, I did go to one of those too.

He's making bread down there as well. It's coming in one hole and coming out the other. Man, you guys know nothing about a woman's body. Enough. Enough to hold down these olives i'm drinking so anyways i had diarrhea for years right and then uh jump right in then i started getting really bad debilitating stomach pains and i went to the doctor and she was like

you have ibs we've ruled out everything else you don't have an ulcer that's irritable bowel syndrome yeah and it's basically we know all the acronyms here it's basically just like over sensitivity of the nerves in your stomach and so there's a certain diet you can go on where you can eliminate things that trigger it and make it worse and that's what I was doing for the last like year taking out like cheese and bread and shit like that so do you it's a process of elimination like when you're doing an allergy test diarrhea pretty much yeah but then i took like i took a course of probiotics which helped a little bit and then when i was back in new york i'm like i can't stay on this diet here i'm not in new york cheese sandwiches every day and pizza and so i like just slowly started trying foods

that I had been cutting out for so long I was like you know what this isn't that bad it's not that much worse than it was on the diet so I was like fuck it I'm just gonna eat whatever I want now the other day I was constipated really bad but it's fine so that's my story that's why i'm eating bread now so the the the the worst it was was not much worse than when you were actually following the stricter diet yeah yeah so you're like fuck it i'm still i'm still uh hunched over a bowl or however you girls do it exactly hunched over a bowl yeah so, so that was my logic with it. I'm just, I was just sick of fucking, didn't make it that much better.

So who knows, you know? Yeah. Doctor's dog obviously. I already lost my train of thought. No one really does. Yeah, I know. It's really kind of a boring story once you wrap it up. Well, no, diarrhea is never a boring story,

you fucking lummox. Diarrhea is great. And you're on a diet to stop diarrhea from happening. Why would you stop diarrhea? Diarrhea is the best thing ever. No, it's not the diarrhea. It's the pain. Diarrhea is...

Irritable bowel syndrome. Thank you. Irritable. Amicable bowel syndrome thank you irritable amicable bowels abs i remember one drunken night you're trying to come up with a better name for it yeah we were trying to find friendlier names for uh we i say no just me it was mostly you yeah but i what was What was the one that started with an F? It was like pho. Pho is P-H-O. Oh, got it. Right.

Yeah. I don't remember. God damn it. Can I get a vodka soda with grapefruit, please? And some bread chaser. And a bread chaser. Man, I've been loving the cheap bags of bread you've had lying around. I'm eating almost all of them and they're so good.

I love it when people eat my shit. Yeah you don't whoa that's a different podcast except for tom canoff god damn it tom i love talking to tom even though he's right out there in the rape trailer and i could have told them this today like i buy good cheese like fucking a like a $10 brick of cheese fucking strong extra sharp cheddar Dublin or whatever and Tom opens those and eats them and just leaves them open

oh does it seal them back up with a ziplock so it turns into a fucking yellow brick of translucent edge. Oh, yeah. It loses all the dairy. He did that the other day. So I put it in a plastic bag out of the paper wrapper he left it open in.

And then he opens the second one. Oh, you're getting the jelly slice where they're wrapping it in butcher paper? No, no. Fucking in the cheese section in the deli. All right. It's wrapped in paper, Dublin or whatever the other one is. Kerrygold, yes. So instead of going to the one I wrapped up in a plastic bag,

he goes and opens the other one, leaves that fucking open too on the day that you're putting in a new refrigerator. What have we here? Another package. He's just testing them all. I know. But I know he'll listen to this and I love to fuck with him through the podcast.

Jesus, Tom. Yeah, yeah. You don't take people's good cheese. You take their bad bread. Tom, again, I'm a fan of anyone that eats my food because I eat very little. It's true. You can't fucking shop for a guy that eats a half a meal a day

without a lot of leftovers. So, yes, eat all that shit. It's hard to order for you. Because everyone... The waitress has an objection to I'll have the two by two, but I only want a one

by one. And they're like, we can't do... There's no... There's no can't back there. Yeah, fucking Noah's Ark of toast. I just want one piece of toast and egg that's their that's the highest price item on the on the plate and they're like well no we can't no and you said actually you can get one egg off of uh the what do you call it side menu yeah yeah one egg but

toast is two oh that's fucking noah's No, I just want one piece of toast. Well, it comes as two. Then throw one away. Hold it. You've even said, look, charge me for the full two by two breakfast. I just want one piece of toast and one egg. And we can't do that. And I don't know.

Either of you have worked in a restaurant. You can do whatever the fuck you want behind there. It's maddening. We should come up with a good lie for you for that. Like, certain, like, coach Special Olympics kids with Down syndrome didn't have, like. I knew you were going to go retarded. Because that scares people. It does.

Like, we don't want a scene here. Everyone calm down. Right. Don't start throwing poo or whatever they do. I don't know. Bingo. On her driver's license, she was wearing her first one when she was bald still. When she moved here, she wore a life vest.

Life preserver. Bright orange life preserver. Yeah, bright orange life preserver. With Ichabod. And she said, I have to have this because of my mental illness. And they didn't ask any more questions. It's my service preserver. Tard card.

Yeah, people don't want to get into an argument about that. We don't even have to say you're mentally challenged or anything. It's just like there's a thing that I think kids with Down syndrome have where they don't have a satiary response, so they'll just keep eating, and you have to really limit their food and their snacks. We weren't allowed to give them snacks and stuff like that, so maybe that's what we say.

Everyone's afraid to offend or to somehow be like, what do you mean he can't have one egg? You know what's going to happen. These knives start flying, and there's nothing we can do about it. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Yeah, if he has two eggs, it gets real bad. Morning's Cafe has figured out one piece of toast.

That you tip big? Yes. I'll fucking tip $10 on a $2 fucking meal. I want the smallest pancake you could possibly make. And they can't do that. They can do one piece of toast. Wait, did he say that? Oh, no.

This is where I was going. Are you serious? She's right with me. Yeah. I want the smallest pancake you've ever made. Like the kind we get in... Yeah, the fucking... Like the Hampton Inn rotisserie...

Like when you pour a pancake and the drips that come off the edge of the thing, they make a little bloop, bloop, bloop, and you usually just scoot those off the side? That's what you want. They let me order off the children's menu already. What fucking

fat child are you feeding this entire fucking pancake to that's the smallest one you can make it's grotesque a pancake really should be a like i and instead of going fries for the table and a pancake for the table because it really is something that you it's the hedberg joke you start out you love them and then by the end of it you're fucking sick of them it really is you just when you think of pancake i don't know maybe some like you just want a bite you want a bite or two and you're done headburn just rolled over in his grave not because the disservice you did to his joke he was doing more heroin twitch response Twitch response? Chaley, I know that you have this problem.

It's weird. Even Bingo has this problem now. And I don't know if it's a thing of age, but with waste. I know you fixate on it as much as I do. It's waste. I can't stand it. It fucking makes me crazy. It makes me crazy in that I know like everything

is coming out now about recycling and everything how bullshit it is but it still makes me nuts because I feel like I have to do something and even like in food I just especially like that one tour I did I told Tracy I'm not ordering any food

I'm going to eat whatever Doug doesn't eat on the tour and And I would probably still gain weight. At the end of it, it is one of those things where... Well, you're a woman of a certain age. Well, it all goes to my hips. But it is one of those things where, why?

Why can't you order what you want and the portion that you want? And it drives me nuts in that, like, all the stuff like even with blue apron when we were doing that for so long it was like i just i had to use everything i had to i had to cook i would cook three whole fucking blue apron meals in one day for football i would do all of them because i go i can't eat all of this food in this upcoming week but you know what

everyone there they'll eat it all they'll eat it all and it drives me nuts yeah you don't want to sit around and watch it rot exactly yeah that makes sense and eating fresh food is kind of a thing it's nice kind of nice i love being home but i just don't eat that much i eat well and yeah for fucking tom to hoover up the leftovers. It's fantastic. What were you cooking this morning? You have to understand that I'm in a world of fucking people that don't eat anything normal. Well, now she's eating bread.

Olivia Grace. Bingo eats Vienna sausages. Pumpkin and mayonnaise. she's eating bread olivia grace bingo eats vienna sausages pumpkin and uh mayonnaise and uh cheese dogs is her new thing cheese dogs because of the keto and so i can't get rid of food like i i i i cook meals and i bring them down to just gen yeah that's true uh just so i don't waste it she's probably under the false impression that i'm magnanimous on some level where no i just don't want to throw this away and henry phillips is finicky about things like tomatoes and spinach the dog the dog yeah but that that crept up on me late in life. And now even Bingo is saying I have problems with waste

when we also have problems with hoarding. It feels gross to throw out food. It really does. I don't like it. Well, I grew up in high school surfing, and I was always hanging out with other dudes. We were fucking broke the whole time. And we would go eat something.

It was basically, you would share a fucking burrito. We're fucking broke as fuck. And eating ketchup packets, or hot sauce packets. Yeah. Aw. Telemarketer days. I'm fucking... Things are better now.

I wrote about that, I think, in the first book. I still look back at those days knowing that in the moment, I loved those days because you were in a band. I was a fucking opening. You were a comedian. You were a live-in-your-car comic, and you had no real direction. You just kept doing what you were doing. Yeah, you were in a band we romanticized i did in the moment like this is cool i'm fucking oh if three of the four guys said let's do it i'd do it there's no way another one would say let's do it there's not one other guy because it was like you said it's romanticized

and it is a younger man's game that's why i still fucking discount meats i'm looking for a bargain all the time and at the same time blowing shit loads of money on stupid things otherwise guys. We all die. It always goes back to that. And you've said it. In the end, you're dead. So why not have some fucking fun? Why don't you spend your money now? But it's the fixation

on what you consider to be a bargain cigarettes. This pack of cigarettes. what you consider to be a bargain cigarette. This pack of cigarettes, I would rather lose $1,000 that I knew I had in my pocket than to see you dump a beer on a pack of cigarettes. Cigarettes have actual value. When you get to a place where you have enough money,

okay, this is, I can replace that immediately. Cigarettes are always intrinsically valuable in that when you run out, that fucking store is closed and you need a cigarette. Yeah, I've taken an Uber at three in the morning to a gas station because I ran out of cigarettes and I was too drunk to drive myself. You can't not have them.

Didn't you, over the summer, take an Uber from that fucking great resort we stayed at to the homestretch just because you were out of cigarettes? No, no. From Tanky Verde? Yeah, Tanky Verde. Yeah, Tanky Verde. Yeah, I did do that. Yeah, that's funny. Oh, and you made me talk to you on the phone

because you thought the Uber driver was going to kill you. Oh, I remember that. To be fair, to be fair. He did kill you? To be fair. I was right. Always going to be right. Clearly not.

We were driving and I asked him like, he almost missed a turn and i was like excuse me you gotta turn here excuse me you should turn here and i said that like three times and didn't say anything just kept driving like straight into the desert and i was like well i should call doug wouldn't you be scared in the middle of the night thank you especially because where we were all you can do is turn right to get to we were basically on the same road oh no i'm good right yeah yeah yeah it's like yeah it's a straight shot out from the like when they're driving all over the place you're like what are you doing what are you like there i know how to get to where we're going yeah so yeah he didn't kill you no it's because i called doug oh doug

well he knew i had a friend that was waiting for me and you can't i can't pull some shit after that the whole time yeah yeah the entire three months it was there actually um i don't remember why i took it because i was supposed to stay with you and tracy and the night of the podcast there and then you had left and then you and i started talking on the phone at like three in the morning and then at one point you were like why don't why don't you just come back here and we'll finish the conversation because my phone was dying or something like that yeah you were trying to be out by the pool and we had no reception out there or you had no reception it was something like that i love that place that place is so cool. It's fucking great.

It's beautiful. Except for phone reception because I was taking care of Dementia Mother at the time. And I'm like, oh shit, she can't get a hold of me out here. My cousin says there's a great hike up to the falls out there. Did you ever go up there? I don't like walking.

I was looking at Doug. I know what you like and don't like. Well, I I gotta add bread to the list now yeah but did you ever do the walk up to the fall cause we were always there

it's not the time to go when we went but my cousin says when the falls are going that's fucking great up there but that'd be a nice place to do another podcast from just because

we know how to work it now bring extra cigarettes and bring your own beer oh no they have a the patio is smoking yeah yeah you're at the bar and that's a great bar fucking great bartenders oh shit what was his name remember the musical theater guy no oh he's from iowa going back or something wasn't it wasn't the one guy going back back home oh yeah he was going to visit yeah oh no that was the girl who was no different there's a guy and a girl okay and they

were going back east right yeah okay they'd been there for like the summer right and it felt like meatballs like the camp counselors were leaving they were oh, that's the place I showed up fucking naked. I locked myself out of my room, and I had to go to the bar to get the front desk. God, what was I? I didn't have a towel. I had whatever I had. Maybe a hat over my junk. You wore a hat.

You're telling me you wore a hat. Like a beanie? I don't know. I'm trying to... I had something over my junk. Doug in his pork pie hat. He got locked out of his door. He got locked out.

But no pants. He got locked out of his room, but he did remember to grab his pork pie hat. Wearing only a hat. Certainly wasn't a sombrero. Am I right, ladies? Maybe it was my reading glasses I put over my dick. Oh, to make it look bigger?

But either way, I had to go into that bar right before last call. If nothing, holding my junk. And there was a couple from the Netherlands.

You have to walk in front of the pool, in front of the restaurant. Yeah, but it's 11 o'clock at night. I understand. It is one of those things. That's a daunting task. You might want to just sleep on the furniture out in front of your patio. No, obviously, if it's 11 o'clock at night, I'm drunk. It wasn't some weird off night where I'm not drinking at that hour.

I locked myself out for a reason. I'm talking about the people that are staying there. I'm not concerned about your comfort or what's happening. The fact that I was outside smoking naked really should be in question. Wait a second. Let's look back. Remember what our view was from those hotel, those bungalows?

It is out into the Saguaro National Forest. It is nothing but an expanse of cactus and dirt. It's a perfect place to stroll around naked and drunk. Or just sit. Ooh. Sit on the things we were sitting on.

Yeah, what if Andy stayed there, Nature Jacks? What? Is it 20 minutes? Yeah, we're at 24. All right. I was going to get another drink. I don't know why we have to break it 20 minutes. Thanks, Patreon people.

This isn't a Patreon podcast. I know, but I'm saying thanks, Patreon people. Yeah, we'll talk about that on a podcast behind everyone else's back. That's what I love about Patreon is occasionally we stumble into a subject where you go, we shouldn't say this. And then I go, I look at Chaley and I say, it's Patreon. You know what? You're right, Doug.

And I haven't told you this, but editing the patreon podcast is a delight there's very little editing it just goes straight into the fucking ether yep fucking narcs don't have a fucking buck a month to spend and beat it queers and we uh i i assume a lot of the people that listen on patreon are listening now thank you so much for uh subscribing all the people that are coming on board and uh if you if you haven't yet it's as easy as a dollar a month you just go to patreon.com slash stanhope podcast and that is the only thing that got us through this year the dollar a month you will never notice but we will we'll be back after these messages. my dad goes, I go, where's grandma? And he's just followed the blood trail and from the tiger's pod and my grandma in the back saying,

I won't sue. It's just like went downhill for my family from there. Hey everybody. It's me, Brett Erickson from the issues with Andy podcast. Uh, we love you killer termites and we hope you'll tune in and check us every friday issues with andy on uh youtube yeah okay it's it's a it's not a podcast right isn't it a bod podcast you're right

for once andy you're right it's a vodcast which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka oh oh shit i was drinking cola i fucked up and the V could also stand for video because it's a video podcast. That's it. Oh, shit. As always, I'm right and Chad Shank is writer. If you love the shit you're getting here on the Doug Stanhope podcast, get more shit with us on Iss issues with Andy on YouTube every Friday. And yeah,

well, you keep listening and watching or however you do it and we'll keep shitting. All right. Uh, wow. I just had 18 thoughts go through my head, but before I get to to where are they now

ah fuck i left for a piss i know come back and i had like eight things i was gonna say and it was before i left it was where are they now yeah where are they now we'll just go into that but i thought of something right when you just she was talking about something and i said write it down and where are they now when we were podcasting one other time just after we got done reverend derrick who i haven't seen in seemingly years but maybe weeks or months. It was at least a month because he said the last month he'd been in Missouri. I don't think I've even been here for a year. Well.

So I said, hey, maybe we should fire the podcast up and start a series of where are they now? Old guests from the podcast. Kenny. a series of where are they now old guests from the podcast Kenny even Tom I know he was around in the background for something recently but so where are they now if we did a

where are they now old time long term listeners tweet at us why don't we do a who do you want to hear from that's been on a podcast i mean there's so many margo i want back on desperately i don't know what's going on with nurse betty those are deep track where are they now oh even uh electric yeah electric day he he Electric Dave. Yeah, Electric Dave. He had stories that we just couldn't get to. Yeah, oh my God.

You know what? We could do a poll. We could run a poll on Twitter or we could run a poll on Patreon. No, no, no. I'm putting this out to the listeners. Who do you remember? If you put a poll up.

But if you put a poll up, it's consolidated into one result. But I would probably forget people that you will tweet at me. Hey, tweet at me. All right. Hey, what about? And I'm like, oh, fuck. Let's do that.

You tweet it at Doug Stanhope. And from the top. No, fuck Twitter. I want people who listen to the podcast. I'm not just going to put that on... How are they getting in touch with you? I don't know. Email you?

Hi. You said tweet you, and then I said, yeah, let's do that, and you said, no, I don't want to hear this tweet. None of this has to make sense. I fucking busted out 3,000 words last night on an edible

an alcohol an Adderall is that a good advertisement for the writing it's yeah it's getting writ said the author point being none of that was clean cleanup work that was all creativity so everything

that you hear out of my face tonight on this podcast or in the morning wherever you are whatever hump job you're fucking slugging it out in yeah can i give you some criticism yes it's about time have you started asking you i was talking to doug not you oh i see uh hey uh unlike other podcasts in the day of your uh when you give me criticism i won't storm out of here like a bitch. Oh. Remember those a couple times? Fucking Chaley would just, well, it's because I was being abusive. But regardless.

Well, you know. So don't give me criticism. You're saying so much. Don't give me criticism. Give me abuse. Am I critical? No. God, that's my worst nightmare.

This is the deal. No, we want reaction. That I critical? No. God, that's my worst nightmare. This is the deal. No, we want reaction. That's what we want. We're not on video here, but we can definitely react to what's happening. Doug, you reading something that I lived through last night. No, I know you were too fucked up to realize you read me the passage from, what was it? It was... Bird Cloud?

Yes. Yeah. Farts Festival. You read that whole thing to me last night. And I'm listening to you read me the rough, rough draft before you clean it up. It's just stream of consciousness going through it. And you're reading it, and I'm laughing,

remembering things that were fucking hilarious that I'd totally forgotten about. In an instance, this is just this one little condensed thing. And I'm like, that's great. I think you were doing a good job. Oh, this was good criticism. I'm sorry. Oh.

Oh. I did the left turn there, ladies and gentlemen. Even the fucking listener is out there honking his horn in no traffic. Fuck you, Kaylee! No, it was interesting because you brought up points that I had forgotten because it was condensed because Farts Festival was end of tour, come home, put on a show, Halloween, two days later, it was fucking insane. And hearing you talk about it, I realized that I should take more vacations. It was definitely one of those

things where like, it was, it was fun listening to it because I was living it and I still got something out of it. And, uh, yeah, I do like that. It is it is uh one of those things where uh people don't chronicle their lives and that the book you're writing right now is one whole year of craziness that you gloss you forget a lot of things like you forget the little things brushing your teeth and shit like that but you forget like in that year there were so many huge things that have just gone by the wayside because there were other huger things and the excess involved in that because it was a year that i had really no obligations i had already done all the work the the special no place like home was already in the can the book was written

end of the world podcast that was a big thing that you weren't even going to go do and that was a little before the fact but there was a little pressure there and yeah so the the entire I had nothing to do but drink and like to go through all of that year and the excess where you go, fuck. I mean, fucking Daytona. Oh my God. I still look back on that and going like, oh shit. How did Doug even go to that? That's nothing you would go to.

But I had no obligations the only reason was it was your birthday and it was junior stopka being the one and like the the one guy who was like the most he was the parent in the room it's like i gotta watch that and it was your birthday and we were all gonna go but it was one of those things where you wouldn't the stars aligned for that because it for doug to go to this thing andy put doug on the fucking t-shirt for their tour it was sean rose it was like it was like these tertiary fucking unbookables thing we're like oh doug doug boy doug doug's a friend i'll put him on it's his his name his we hey are we still selling those shirts trace i bought i was so bummed out that andy

bought all these t-shirts i bought all of them from him and i still got a fucking carton of definitely buy those t-shirts because it's like the misprinted stamp yeah Yeah. What was it called? Like a misprint. Yeah. Like a double stamp or an off-center. Well, where it eventually has more value because it's so... Well, I'm hoping. That's the point here. Yeah, buy anything, get one t-shirt free.

yeah buy anything get one t-shirt for you yeah in the book Daytona that's the last time I saw Shani Rouse alive later in the tour is the last time I saw Ralphie May alive and you're just wondering

when it's gonna be you oh fuck I gotta get to that part do you think about that yeah no no I gotta get to that part do you think about that yeah no no I gotta get back to writing after this because there's a fucking part that's beautiful we're all listening

I get good shit in this fucking book it's just trying to piece together people say how do you remember an hour's worth of material every night i well try writing a fucking book about a year and try wait did i already say that in february about but it was that kind of year where it was this cyclical abuse of parties we had do you remember the i don't want to fucking get ahead of the book but the amount of parties that we had that year

and thank god for bingo's coma because it gave us an excuse a break she can't have over stimulation so we have to kill that is true super bowl fourth of july that year was a fucking a rat party and then on tour like i did hear you say two times in like within the last three weeks you said this to the room do you realize during football we would get here at 10 a.m. and we would drink through four games. Rum smoothies. That's the start. Or you would do some kind of a health drink

with air quotes, but there was rum or something in it. And Bailey's Whiskey Coffee, Bloody Mary's, and Mimosas. You had your choice, and I would do all four. That was the early game. Yeah. And then break it up with a beer and then hit cocktails.

Well. Real cocktails. Like a gentleman. Yeah. Maybe close it out with some wine or White Russian. Always. And that was Sunday, Monday, and then they started Thursday games.

But the Sunday thing, you brought that up two times to everyone here, and no one made any real mention of it. Like, oh yeah, yeah. But that's a daunting thing to go through for an entire season of Sunday games knowing Monday is also showing up tomorrow.

You are drinking for 10 hours. And that's why i started cooking food but there was there was a moment where the drinkers started getting high and then what we call loser row back there or we called at the time was just all the high people yeah except for brad most people started getting high. Even neighbor Dave, he drinks some, but he's 800 pounds, so he can't. A bit medicinal. Yeah, everyone was like football. There was no, ah, anymore.

It was just, ah, ah. Something happened. Yeah. So that worked in our favor, and Bingo's coma worked in our favor. Wait, how did the high, oh. No, like. Enthusiasm was waning because of the Potsmogon. Because there used to be days of football parties that were just people outside that didn't watch football. And it was, the cleanup was the same the next day it's a fucking you know litter fest of people that never came inside to look at a game

and we we tapered that down to just the packer backers and a couple others. Yeah, I think they're going to make it. I think the fix is in. We don't want to date this. Wait, come on. This is an evergreen. What is it? Congratulations, Packers, for winning the Super Bowl. Since we don't want to date it,

we'll just say what we know is going to happen. I remember hearing so long about all your legendary parties here. And I think the first time I showed up here, it was Thanksgiving of 2017. And I was, for some reason, expecting it to be bananas. You know what I mean? What I had heard about, what you guys were just talking about. Thanksgiving parties? You heard about the legendary Thanksgiving parties?

No, but I mean when people are here and they're drinking at like 10 in the morning. You know what I mean? And so I showed up. I think we were like Oh my god, Rosh Hashanah! It's that old place! It's so awesome! Oh, Thanksgiving is purple. Well, you guys were just talking about how you always have an excuse to party. You wouldn't throw

Easter and Rosh Hashanah in there, but you'll do 10 football games a week this is not on my watch this will be explained in the new book 2016 why we fucking shit can't i didn't think of that right that is interesting in that it was a reflex it was a reflex to what had happened in 2016 is that is that what you're saying yeah sort of like toned down the party. 2016 was so much overkill. There was no, we didn't have a meeting. Well, right.

Yeah, it just sort of naturally happened. I think everyone was exhausted by January. We did have a Super Bowl party that year, but it was... Wait, is that that one is that was that was that the wall 2017 after bingo's now good she can't really be around people but uh yeah 2017 was the last real super bowl party that was uh patriots coming back oh my god i gotta fucking put this out tracy knows that was when the patriots came back from 25 points down in the third quarter to win an overtime against the atlanta falcons and this comes in now maybe dates it a bit but who gives a fuck that year

of uh the 2016-17 season earlier in the year Chris Dunwoody we used to call him and Mikey Palmer senior lunch they'd come over for these football parties just to see what was on the spread sure eat and then leave and they were adorable but one night it was a night game that the Patriots were playing the Denver Broncos they were down by 24 points in the third quarter and I was pickled and I said I'll bet anyone here five bucks the Patriots come back and win this. And Dunwoody, knowing that $5 is his rent, put his hand up, a quivering finger, oh, take the bet.

Patriots came back and won. And Dunwoody, I said, I know it's a lot of money to you, but I'm going to collect. We have betting rules here in the house. And to spot you 24 points in the third quarter. And do you mind if I come back tomorrow? Because he didn't have five on him he had to take a payday loan he didn't want to lose his money so cut to super bowl that same season

dunwoody is in the house crowded and patriots are down 25 points i go hey done woody you want a double or nothing and the same crooked finger thinner it says yeah patriots won in overtime so just recently, what was the game? It was the Chiefs-Titans. Oh, no, no. Chiefs. Yeah, Chiefs who? Doesn't matter.

Chiefs down 24 points. Chiefs-Ravens? Texans. Texans. Yeah. Yeah, Chiefs-Texans. Look at you. Look at you.

Osmosis got that to you. What are you guys talking about? Olivia Grace is a huge football fan. Wait, hockey, right? WNBA? Is it basketball season already? So, yeah, they're down 24-0 in the fucking second quarter, and I said, wow, too bad

Dunwoody doesn't come here anymore because if I bet him $5 Chiefs will come back and win this game. And then Kenny puts up his own crooked finger. I'll take that. The Dunwoody crooked finger. Yep.

The Chiefs came back. Not only did they come back, they almost won by as many points as they had been down right when Kenny made that bet. So I take full fucking credit. Shut up, meat wig. That's all right.

People love the wig. I just put 20 bucks. Did I say this on a podcast? Wait. Are you on another podcast? Joby, stand up Celebrity Death Pool. That's a phone call, Doug. A phone is different than a podcast.

Celebrity Death Pool. Get on it. Start your team, your league, your whatever. Start your team? How are you going to start your team if this isn't ever going to happen? So Joby and I, we just talked, and he said, I was just thinking about you, too, because I was wondering if we're down to two pets,

Meatwig, the giant, half-Mancoon. I almost said half-Coon, and that would have come across as racist. Well, yeah. What's the big fat cat? Mancoon. Mancoon. He's part big fat cat? Mancoon. He's part Mancoon. Whatever. Versus Henry Phillips the dog. And I got you

Meatwig. He's gonna die first? No, no. Last pet stand. I got the cat. Joby's get the dog. 20 bucks. Really?

Is it in the death pool? You want in? No. I love both those animals. Tracy? No way. I only said that because Tracy's in the room. One day we're going to get Tracy to open up on a Patreon

that would be a really good podcast 20 questions for Tracy 20 questions for Tracy 5 would suffice yeah I like the where are they now but we need to figure that out

so we'll work on that I forgot we were talking about that figure that out so we'll uh we'll work on that i forgot we were talking about that well that's how we started because i forgot everything that you were gonna but between me leaving the room and coming back you had i don't know some flash no no wait wait hang on olivia gray's had something i said write it down now and said, what do you want me to write down? You said, forget it. Let's go. And she didn't write it down. No, I was talking to her. I know. You're just always busybodying in my conversation. No, I walked in

because I have a pen and paper in front of me and she does not. I said, let me write it down. And you said, no, let's go. I remember. What was it? She's not drunk or high. That's why she's eating bread. She's bread high. Dude, there is no other high like it.

Wait, are you eating every kind of bread now? I can eat whatever I want now. Can I make you a loaf of bread for tomorrow? Would you? Oh, my God. Do you want whole wheat or white? He'll fall asleep during. You're going to love it.

Someone tell the story about the Chaley bread. This is so funny. He fell asleep. He was up here getting shit faced, put a loaf of bread in the oven that he'd been making all day, and then woke up in the morning. I was shit faced up here. I went down to our place,

and I went into my process of making bread. Of course, why wouldn't you? But, well, and then there was this, there was a little container of gummies, and I was hungry, and I took a bite, and as I'm chomping down on the gummy I'm going

I wonder if this is weed and I ate the fucking gummy I remember what what Chase? Chase you have something to say yeah because I leave little tiny bowls of regular gummies laying in our kitchen I may or may not have realized it was gummy

before I thought about it. Oh, that was sarcasm. Yes. So you didn't sell that. So I ended up getting through three quarters of the process of making a loaf of bread, a homemade loaf of bread. And Tracy found me face down on the bed,

shoes, everything just like flat down. And she asked, and I said, did I just leave it there? face down on the bed, shoes, everything just like flat down. And I said, just leave it there. And then in three minutes, you're going to take the lid. And I said all these words that I know didn't land because honestly, I had put something in the oven earlier at 350 degrees and she cooked the bread at 350 instead of 450, which was basically a doughy gooey fucking like a shot put

so it's Tracy's fault your bread didn't turn out got it got it Shaylee alright you can make me some bread oh you're gonna love this bread

what were you just promise you lie face down while it's cooking I don't even know what that means I don't know either I don't know

I'm either getting ass fucked or I'm dead no apparently she has ill will towards me I just offered her bread of life.

I have no ill will. I don't think we've read her talk at all during this podcast. I'm so happy to be here. All right. Wait a minute. Hold that thought. We'll be right back. Hey, go to the merch store.

What do we have for sale, Chaley? All right. Now we've got the Swollen Valor Tour T-shirts, what's left, and the Olivia Grace boxers. That's not all. What else do we have? There's going to be like shot glasses and fucking. Yeah, we got all that stuff.

We've got some mugs still, plenty of T-shirts. I want a mug. You got one right in front of you. That's one of mine? No. Yeah. All right, I'll get you a mug. Someone emailed and said in front of you. That's one of mine? No. Yeah. All right, I'll get you a mug. Someone emailed and said, hey, you need more bar shit for your merch store.

And I agreed. We're doing the Gentleman's Pack coming up pretty soon, which is based on- We have a largely male fan base? Yes, turns out. All right, we'll have a ladies pack maybe later in the year. Like what? Olivia Grace boxers. That's why she did boxers, because your fan base is going to be guys.

They're unisex. Yes. All right. This chair keeps sinking, so I'm assuming God is telling me we're done. Buy merch. Tell him where, Chaley. I'm going to make it sound like his voice is trailing off. Buy merch, Merchant.

DougStanhope.com. Get on there. And while you're there, get on the mailing list. You can find out about all the 2020 dates. Thanks. Bye. All right. All right.

We're back. What were you going to say? Oh, yeah. I had two instances after the Vegas show where i snapped at your fans listeners or fans no fans like fans that were at the show like well just like you know oh god i don't know okay was this in vegas yeah it was in vegas it was uh one was after the uh the show and then one was at the issues with andy podcast. You guys did it. At Tommy Rocker's. Yeah.

And I felt so bad about it because I was just like, well, they're not... It's not like you're snapping at someone at a bar. You're snapping at Doug's fans. You know what I mean? There's this one guy. You know Jonathan's girlfriend?

Oh my God, she's so sweet. Does anybody else... Does the listener know what she's like? No. No, she's crazy. She's adorable, though. She's self-aware about it. Yeah, she's self-aware that I can't look at you in the eyes

because it weirds me out. Yeah, but you're her hero. Is that weird to you at all? That's always weird. Yeah. That's the weirdest. Understandable, yeah. I think that's the weirdest part of weirdness is.

When you know someone idolizes you. Yeah, and it's like now everything I think you're going to say is tainted because if you just said, hey, hand me that screwdriver. But if you go like, oh, my God, I'm such a fan of stand-up. Hand me that screwdriver. That means something different to me. He handed me a screwdriver. I don't know.

I don't know her on that level. I just know her standing next to Jonathan. For sure. She's super sweet. The first time I met her, she was wearing a shirt with two serial killers on it. And I was like, that's a great shirt. And she was like, thanks.

I have one for almost every serial killer. And I was like, you're I have one for almost every serial killer. And I was like, you're pretty fun. You're pretty fun. So she doesn't really revere you as much as she does me because she doesn't really say anything to me. So I guess that puts you in your place. Or maybe,

you're lesser than life where I'm larger. Oh, that weed gummy just kicked in. Not for me. All right. I mean, I don't know why we had to... Answer the question. Turn this into an anti-Olivia podcast.

Okay, well, there was this guy. Jonathan had gone to bed, and there was this guy that had been, I think, tripping balls all night long. Andy Andrus. It was... Might have been involved. I don't know for sure.

Guy? No, no, different guy. Uh, not guy. Third base. Um,

but there's this dude hanging out with Jonathan's girlfriend all night, sort of like keeping an eye on her or whatever. And they were palling around and having a good time, but he was just like slightly annoying, but not enough to like say anything about it like he was very aware of how obnoxious he was being but like you know what i mean like when someone can't put your finger on it hey just stop being awkward olivia you said that and doug and i both locked eyes and did the oh yeah yeah we know exactly what you mean yeah it's like that overly intense thing where you're just like,

I know you're complimenting me, but you're complimenting me in a way that sounds like it's so aggressive that I almost want to correct you. Security. It's like a guy in the audience that just keeps staring at his sock with his one leg up. He's not heckling, but he's not ever making contact so you can't say hey security have this guy that's bored removed from my show yeah for sure and so he was like

that all night i kept running into him on the casino floor deep cut yeah uh that kind of guy wait did that happen once real guy it's sitting just staring at his song? No, no. But you know as a performer. Yeah, as a comic. Or the one that just mouths stuff to you that the audience can't hear. They're in the front row and they're just mouthing things at you, repeating your punchlines because they've seen them before. The worst is when someone's heckled you like five times in a row and then you finally go what did you just say and then they don't say anything back and then they shut up

that's the worst and they say mom i said don't sit in the front row we're way off topic we are way off topic but yeah so i had run into him a couple times on the casino floor. Who? This guy that was hanging out with Jonathan's girlfriend. Getting you back to the one. He was just being slightly annoying, but it wasn't that bad. He was just having too good of a time or something. But then at one point, out of nowhere. I'm there.

I mean, that's all it was. That's why you're not shitty to them. But then out of nowhere, he approaches me on the casino floor, and he just starts fingering my pockets. And I went from fingering my pockets. What does that mean? I have pockets on my jacket, and he was fingering my pockets. Like in your jacket pocket.

My jacket pocket. Not your pants pocket. Because I had the two pockets on the side that were like regular pockets, but then the one up here, for some reason, the way the jacket was designed was sewn shut shut so he was like this one's real that one's real that was not real and then he was like trying to get it and i was just like but i was like and so i went i immediately was just like dude fuck off you've been annoying all night now you have crossed the line you're touching my pockets and you gotta stop and he

was like i'm sorry i know i'm annoying i'm so sorry and all this stuff and i was like bread fuck off and i said that and i just felt i felt so bad about it because it was like what so fast yeah because just like i was uh i was mad real fast you know he was touching your pockets. That's not okay. You guys think it's all right? No, you were mad for a while. I remember the last time I put my hand in someone else's pocket.

Yeah. Seventh grade is the last time I put my hand in someone else's pocket, and she was my girlfriend. And it was a leg pocket. It wasn't a fucking crotch pocket. Why did you do the little hook thing? Well, it's just like a, yeah. You weren't just a man. It wasn't a fucking crotch pocket. Why did you do the little hook thing? Well, it's just like a, yeah. You know what I mean?

You weren't just immediately irritated. You had been irritated for a while. It certainly built up all night. Yeah, that's true. We were probably cut from the same cloth of, because I know you, that you just let shit build up and then expound way over the top

for what you've given them. Okay, here's what you think my boundaries are, but my boundary is murdering you already in my mind. Ba-boom! Exactly. Like, it's a different, your response when it goes murdering you already in my mind. Boom! Exactly. Your response when it goes is exponentially way more than

what they think they could get away with. Exactly. That's why I felt bad about yelling, I guess, because at some point I was like, I should have said something way sooner, but I kind of was, but in a joking way where it's like, you're clearly annoying me. And he's like, I know.

You and my prom date have a lot to talk about yeah sure give me your number how many relationships uh all of us been in the three of us and you hopefully the listener where you just fucking suck it up swallow it down and then one time you go, fuck you, I am not taking this shit anymore. Well, it's because they're so cute at the beginning. I still think about it. I, at one point, told the girlfriend, you're a piece of shit. And I thought we could still be boyfriend and girlfriend after that.

But it was one of those things where, like, there's enough stuff going on here that I don't like this. And I thought we could still be boyfriend and girlfriend after that. But it was one of those things where, like, there's enough stuff going on here that I don't like this. But famously, to me, I backed away from the mic and gave a slit throat thing. I'm going to stop that. No, no, I'll jump in. The amount of relationships on

any level, friendship is even harder than a bingo. I can give her shit, but I know she won't listen. You got to stop hoarding, whatever. Tell me the mayonnaise. Just fucking let it go.

You get to stop hoarding whatever. I mean, the mayonnaise. Just fucking let it go. You get to an age where you want to stop wasting. Sorry, I was looking for a call back there. I'm high. You can be really hard to read as a friend. I remember when you were out of town and I was using your desk to write, and then you came back, and then you were like, you can still use my desk. I could tell that you wanted your desk back but you weren't going to say anything about it wait you shook your head i'm sorry are you crying i

think i'm crying okay i didn't react i didn't react to what you said at all okay is it doesn't have anything to do no i was thinking of my girlfriend it's your own thing just continue on what you want to talk about i think you're on track okay i think it might be okay so anyways so i knew you wanted your desk back when you came out of the house no i told you immediately you came out of the house in the morning and you were like so it's the desk in the little house does it have like other people's shit on it that's when you left and i took i took all my shit off your desk and put it on my desk good instincts by the way good and then later on in the day you were like did i tell you to

get your shit out of the desk and i was like no i just did it on my own and you were like okay good because i really needed that office back. No, because he told me. I texted you. No, Doug. No, no, you did. I texted you. Doug would never say anything directly, but at the same time, he will tell more. No, I would.

Some people I would not tell directly. But you and I do have a good friendship, though, where I know if I annoyed you, you would be like, you're driving me crazy. I just thought you would figure that out, because when Doug told me what was going on, I'm like, oh, yeah. We're doing this ping pong thing. We're a fun house, main house, office. Because we got construction going on. You guys are both writing. You both have different writing projects that are not the same.

So it's a weird fucking thing. And it is one of those things where you caught that from him saying it. Good for you, by the way. Yes. There's a writing desk in there. But it is one of those things where he's not going to say it directly, but eventually he will. Well, no, I'll say it on the podcast.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The truth cast. Oh, well, no, I'll say it on the podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Toothcast. One of my writing exercises has been exorcism of the fucking demon seed. So occasionally I'll jerk off when I'm, like, overwhelmed with the fucking writing. I'll just throw on fucking 30 seconds of fucking deviant porn and jerk off to it. So yesterday Hey this is

the evergreen. Don't say a date. Well no I'm gonna be writing this fucking book until it comes out. This is valid every week. Yep. Because this book is fucking rough draft,

final draft. Yeah, you're always fucking rewriting the book. So continue on with this. Yeah, well, whatever I started writing at like 2 p.m. or something. Brace yourselves, everyone. Yeah.

Can I get another vodka? Olivia Grace 2 p.m. or something. Brace yourselves, everyone. Yeah. Can I get another vodka? Olivia Grace, like they shadowed me into the little house. And then I'm edible, Adderall.

These are good fucking jack instruments. The double A's. Olivia Grace was never outside of my peripheral vision for fucking like 10 hours. And then when she finally went to bed, I tried to jack off and it was. Yeah. Wait, are you talking about last night? Yeah. You were there all the time.

You didn't even. You seem like you liked having me there. I did like having you there. What are you complaining about? I'm saying it's one of those things where you go, oh, I can't even jack off in my own house, which I could have by just saying, oh, I'm going to bed. But the jack off part is 30 seconds long yeah and uh i i yeah i but it's we we have to come up with a better system for this because you and i are both trying to write avoiding people

and jacking off avoiding people yeah i've fucking knocked out this big love in the middle where you're all where you're cool with each other yeah we get along i think we get along pretty good i usually i usually can tell when i'm bothering you but saying hey i have to jack off is a weird thing is that why last night you were like i have to tub no that was earlier i really did did I do that? I said it the same time he did. So wait, are you telling me that I was keeping you from jerking off all day yesterday when I thought we were having a nice time writing? Look, you're not that important. Yes, I am.

Oh. Saying that. There you are. Wow, this is really. It wasn't like, oh, she's keeping me from jerking off. It's just jerking off was something I couldn't do the entire time. Those sound like the same thing. So no,

no, they're not. I enjoy your company. I enjoy your company. You guys are Tony Curtis and Sidney Portier in that one thing where they're handcuffed together. The jail break. At some point, Doug has to like break the chains can't you just walk away doug

can't you just walk away and go do your thing yeah go jerk off in the woods like your friend andy yeah yes oh my god issues with andy issues with andy every friday on youtube with Andy every Friday on YouTube. It is a weird thing. Alright. That as much as we have expanded this house with the new addition, still always feel weird about jerking off.

I mean, I feel weird about it anyway at my age. You have curtains now too. I feel weird jerking off in the little house. No one ever, who has ever walked in there except for a football Sunday to the little house. That is honestly,

honestly, I have to tell you, that is the weirdest thing. That's the best time to jerk off. That's when all the men are here. It's the best place to jerk off because no one walks in there. The old guys,

you don't have $5. Oh, go in the fucking little house. Go make $5. Oh, go in the fucking little house. Go make $5. Hold on. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was in the day. Sorry, Tracy.

Yeah. Tracy's sidebars. I got caught jerking off in the little house back in the day when people were invited over here. And that's why it stopped. I think the problem is not that you need... Doug sealed up the door. That you need more privacy so you can jerk off when you feel like it.

I think the problem is you stop jerking off when people are around. Right? That's the best time. I'm not up at those hours.'m already passed out i stayed up with you till like five in the morning and then fucking try to jerk off but by now oh i can't feel anything from my fucking legs down i'm born on the fourth of july i'm tom cruise i'm fucking dead lieutenant dan that's why you're so you're so hard to read you can have such a good time

with someone that you can barely stand and it is so hard to read you sometimes yeah it's fucking hard to read myself sometimes i don't want to jerk off i do it to try to release some kind of fucking ephemeral. Fair enough. Ephemeral. Ephemeral. Yeah, that was a word I was going to put in my book. Just fucking release some tension, some focus. Try to forget the man I once was. The man you used to be.

Jellyfish. Hey, I got a couple things here you got a fucking list of notes one thing i thought would be great is get as many mics as i could get on this fucking bar top and do a podcast without doug oh i just came up with that idea. What are you going to call it? Issues with Andy. Thank you. Obvious. And that lends to it being... It would be interesting because it's the no... Like, where are they now? Is getting everyone's...

It's the same thing, I guess. All right, now I have two trains of thought. Hang on, what if I... Don't let him go! He loses it all! He's feeble, he I guess. All right. Now I have two trains of thought. Hang on. What if I'm going to jerk off? I'm writing. He loses it all. He's feeble. He's old.

He's high. All right. But I have one too. Two trains of thought. One is I used to say, hey, if I'm on the road, do the podcast without me with a guest host. And you said, no, no, no. We did it twice and it never aired. All right.

Well, you're just suggesting doing it again with the whole cast of characters with with your blessing and a thing that would be something that would and the second thought is lost so go ahead olivia grace thank you olivia my point was what if i want to jerk off while we're writing what. What about what if you're ever in my way? You're in the little house. Right. No one ever. I don't even knock on your door.

I text you if you want to go to sushi. Are you awake? You sleep like Brett Erickson until fucking three in the afternoon. No one ever walks in on you jerking off. It has a lock. It does have a lock. Traceking off. It has a lock. It does have a lock. Trace is right. It has a lock.

Yes. Unlike my door. Hey, I have one more thing. You guys done? Yeah, no, I just wanted to throw it out there. Talking about the mechanics of locks. It's just like, what if I'm frustrated while I'm writing? You know, no one ever asked me how I'm feeling.

Go ahead. Really, it doesn't matter. It doesn't. It really doesn't. Olivia, i have a question for you tell me about it what have you learned from doug stanhope oh ew gross wow another lock a door i get it i'll tell you what i've learned from doug stanhope i have learned d, how long have we known each other? 25 years. 25 years. And I love you, Doug. Doug, I love you.

Doug, I love you. We've known each other for a long time, but you're high right now. So I'm going to take advantage of it. No, Jaylee's drunk. My Adderall is battling my high. But honestly, lately, I think a lot more about death. But I've also thought about what I've learned from you.

What I've learned from you. What do you think I've learned from you? Oh, fuck. That's a great question. What do you think I've learned from you? Don't look at my notes. Well, definitely patience write about it a lot in the book read it to chaley he cries

uh but other than patience and just allowing me, I try to write about the disconnect that both Chaley and Hennigan must feel with working with someone with my fucking longevity. Disposition and longevity. Yeah, you have to go, oh, is this better for his health or finances or what uh so uh but definitely patience i mean i i push you to a fucking limit you you nailed it which is that's really what i've learned from you you're very wait i got it right i was hoping for more when when i am going off the richter

scale of getting crazy on something i i go back to doug when with the things are craziest in doug's life 2016. when things are craziest in his life, he fucking mellows out and levels, and you're able to, what? That's not what I expected. I was talking about your patience with dealing with me being fucking. My patience in my everyday life is basically predicated by what I've learned from you. Because the question was,

what have this young buck and I learned from you? But it is one of those things. You nailed it. Because it is one of those things that I noticed about you is that no matter how crazy, the crazier the situation, the more level, like Doug is the cop at the scene going like,

well, ambulance has been called. There's triage applied. We'll do this. It is one of those things where the crazier the situation, you relish without... I need new material. But without being crazy about it, you relish it in that

you fly... Sully Sullenberg, the guy landing on the... in New York, you know what I mean? Yeah, you do seem very well composed in chaos. The crazier the thing is, the more times he'll walk up and back from the cockpit to the back of the plane to make sure there's survivors.

Let's go the other way. The more silly and ridiculous. And that's when I go fucking haywire and I scream at fucking Ashley from the Peoria subway. I put the number into my phone because she made a misstep of saying it's against the law to sell breakfast sandwiches. To put an egg on bread. She meant the fucking store policy. And I couldn't let it go. Oh, you?

Yeah. You didn't just let that one slide? Yeah. Fucking have an aneurysm. Egg craving Doug couldn't let that go. No. He called her on tour, the entire tour. Called every morning to find out if he...

For a year. It was like lowest bullet call. Didn't you get banned from Domino's on the tour you and I did? Yeah, someone has to take more notes, but yeah, that's a true story. What happened? No, he got banned from Domino's, right? On a tour that I wasn't on? The one that you and I, you were on too. That specific Domino's.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It wasn't regional. It was just a store. Well, I don't know. They have a system. I was still right. And I'm fucking, always fucking desperate. What was your argument? Because the fucking Domino's delivery guy was in

the hotel and he said, oh, we're open for fucking 20 more minutes. But I called and they go, we're closed. I go, I just talked to your fucking guy and he said, you're open right now. Well, we close up early because it's slow. Then fuck!

Whatever it was. He's also their attorney, so he should be fired. To be fair, Doug isn't banned from Domino's. I ordered it on my phone through the app. I am banned. Oh, yeah. I am banned from the Domino's. So Doug is still, he's legal to order.

For the listener, before you give me shit about ordering Domino's pizza rather than your fucking luxurious craft pizza mom and pop shop. Artisan. Yeah, I don't know that those exist. I get home drunk after a show and I know Domino's is tolerable. It's like the McDonald's to a Burger King. Burger King is awful.

McDonald's is always tolerable. That's what Domino's is. So before you say, hey, come to Fungus and Guys next time you're in fucking drop stop fucking Pennsylvania. No, I'm not going to do that.

I'm going to get what I know is okay. You're only going to eat two bites anyway, so it doesn't fucking matter. That's how I justify it. The chambermaid gets the pizza. I mean, we usually order something else for Olivia. The chambermaid gets the pizza that's i mean we usually order something else for you for olivia there were so so the pizza is such an album title that was i'm still upset why are you upset that nobody has ever started a band called Haze of Anal. I think I might have put that in the book. It was, yeah.

Yeah, Haze of Anal is such a great band name. That was such a good podcast. That was so fun. If you could hear it. It's a second or third podcast, the Pillow Talk podcast. Second or third? It's like in the teen somewhere. No,

I think it's like the second. Keep talking. I'll find it. I might be drunk. Cause I just got the urge to just go. I love you guys so much. Just out of nowhere. I don't know why,

but I mean it. Oh, I just tried to, I just tried to type something into my board. What'd you write? I love you guys so much. I'm, I'm typing into the search haze of anal

just to see what comes up. Because I am fucking curious, man. Everyone's got a contact that I can mute. Oh, God. Yeah. I was high last night. That's not a good thing

to put in a search. That's not it. Yeah. I was high last night. That's not a good thing to put us through. No? That's not it. Nope. Last night. You didn't get anything wholesome? What happened last night? Go ahead.

I forgot already. Last night. Last night. Oh, I told Olivia, because I fucking wrote a ton I mean there's a lot of cleanup was this before or after you masturbated? I never masturbated I only tried

you ruined it at like 5am after you had gone to bed wait was this last night after you told me that I'm so glad you don't feel like a burden here anymore? yeah while't feel like a burden here anymore? Yeah. While you're being a burden?

No, it was just the amount of time that I didn't ever once have. There's a lot of shit going on. What was I saying? Oh, I told Olivia Grace because i did an edible i thought that will help me right because i'm writing too much depressing shit and uh yeah in the right headspace an edible will make me giggly but i forgot because there was one night i tripped on mushrooms oh my god thinking i would help me write and oh it did nothing but make me trip my balls off yeah i kept thinking i shouldn't do edibles that's what they make me do and then i remember saying oh i was confusing those with tripping no that night that night

you started tripping i was like worried about you well i'd never seen anyone trip on mushrooms before one and then two you went from typing at your computer and then you're like oh i can feel like a little buzz in my heart to just like charcoal black eyes wandering around mumbling turning the lights on and off i texted tracy and i was like hi uh what are you doing what are you doing that's right that's what i said and you were like i'm just chilling like eating a pot pie or something you were doing something like that and i was like doug is tripping and i don't know if he needs anything and you were like oh he's probably fine and then five minutes later i watched doug on the security camera leave his house go right down to your house pound on the door and then all of a sudden you guys are back up here i was so scared because i didn't i i knew that you could tell how nervous i was and i knew i wasn't helping and I didn't know what to do. But you went to a dark place pretty fast.

Yeah. Yeah. They come up here and again, those dark places. I knew I was in over my head instantly when you were like, you sat, do you remember sitting on the stage? You were sitting on the stage mumbling to yourself and I was sitting in front of the stage. Here in the fun house?

Yeah. Oh, wow. In the fun, he got up on the stage and sat on the stool and mumbled to himself while I was sitting right in front of the stage. Here in the fun house? Yeah. Oh, wow. In the fun house. He got up on the stage and sat on the stool and mumbled to himself while I was sitting right in front of the stage Googling how to help people who are scared on mushrooms.

One thing that you don't do is if a comedian's on the stage, don't be a comedian that's a friend in the front row. Were you sitting back here? I guess that was my first mistake. Yeah. Oh, man, that was so weird.

So Haze of Anal was episode number seven with... Bongo Bingham. If you don't know that reference, it'll be in the Audible book coming out this summer. Oh, my God. This one's going to be.

How do you feel about it? Oh, I feel good about the book. It's trying to go out and get all the off script people that I want. Because it's the Audible books. Yeah. because just like the audible books yeah yeah i write i read what i wrote but then we cut out when we find someone who might have a fucking different take or can add in and that year oh fucking god there's so many people yeah so yeah it's to require travel. I'm going to have to do road work for this Audible book. Isn't that by design?

Do you want that? It'd be helpful if they were all in one place, but... Have one of those... I'm going to have to trick Bill Burr into fucking talking on this at all, much less have him come to my house. It's 2020. You could trick him into another end of the world. That's in play,

and it should be. Should we? Rogan? Burr? I was in a bad space that time. I need a comeback fight God that was the first time I met you guys or at least met Tracy

yeah I don't remember you guys had a lot going on I don't remember now we should Chaley's just clicking on things I'm trying to get to episode seven we're on the all things comedy yeah web web portal now so it's you gotta get that fucking cunt that said hey you say you uh tell your fans all the uh breaking news on your mailing list why did was i not aware that we switched servers or something like what i don't

even know what that means yeah we switched from audio boom to uh all things comedy because it's patreon that's who's paying our bills right now and all things comedy offered us to tell who started our content yes we love we love al Badrigal. We love Bill Burr. They're the ones who started this whole thing. Why wouldn't we do it? It doesn't matter. It sits out there. Absolutely right.

And why does anyone need to know? I'm trying to wrap this thing up. I think we're going to get to a place where... We should do another one. I'm having fun. Yeah, well, I was going to say that next. I'm trying to just get to sell. We have to reset.

Yeah, we're over right now Didn't mean to cut you off I might be going somewhere warm Episode 7 so she can Olivia can hear Ace of anal Well we set up for the next one Nah don't set anything up

These are evergreens These are in case I disappear after the rough draft of this book which is gonna be rough as fuck and then go back immediately to making it good before i go on the road yeah all right hey uh we appreciate you listeners and uh if we sound sound as slurry in the next podcast, it's because I went somewhere fucking warm. We don't have to do them in order. We can do the slurry. They don't know.

Do the slurrier one earlier and fucking mix it up and put the more. Tease it. Bingo, bingo, bingo. Make Chaley shut up. Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.