The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#351: Everybody Yang Gang Tonight

Episode Date: February 6, 2020

Meatwig won't stay down, Customer Service doesn't want to play, and here comes the Yang Gang! Doug, Chad and Chaille are back in the FunHouse.Support the podcast through our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast and have direct access to the podcast. New subscribers will automatically have access to a Bonus episode every month plus access to all past BONUS episodes. Any level of support is appreciated. Thanks in again as your subscription helps keep this podcast going. Patreon - The dollar a month you will never notice, but we will. Patreon page - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast).Recorded Feb. 4th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.2020 Tour Dates are made available first to members of the Doug Stanhope Mailing List. Join today at https://www.dougstanhope.com/This episode is sponsored by The ISSUES WITH ANDY Podcast with Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille - New episode every Friday and only available on YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHhpCYwNEGcS_DA7VjG4Dw/videosLINKS -Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.orgClosing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. Oh, expires. We're live. What? That's my Safeway Elite customer card. We're live. What? That's my Safeway Elite customer card. All right. What about it?

Well, since I have them on the phone, or will have them on the phone. Hey, this manager isn't there anymore. I know. Oh. I was going to have them replace my uh safe safeway elite expired 2011 i just saw in the back well they don't know here we are hello hello yes yeah i gotta help you today well of all, I need my Safeway Elite customer card renewed. What is the card number?

Yeah, it doesn't have a card number. Safeway Elite customer, free concierge service, 24-hour pharmacist, 24-hour party ordering wine steward unfortunately it expired uh 12 31 2011 so it's about nine years old but um okay go ahead and just give me a few minutes and i can see what we can do while i get you on the phone uh uh what's that what's up with the digital coupon thing uh what what happens because i'm borrowing this phone i don't have my own phone because i'm blind so how do i get those digital coupons without having a phone that i can't afford or is that are those coupons just for rich people?

I mean, you would have to do it through a computer in that case or a tablet. So you really have to actually buy really expensive products to get $3.25 off a coffee mate? I mean, you can go to a public library as well and you can be able to use the computer there. Use a computer to do what? How do I scan something? Okay, so I bring that computer from the library to the Safeway? Yeah, but I'm still blind blind did you forget that part i mean you can have a friend help you oh so you have to have a friend this is like

so you what you're doing is you're excluding people that aren't friendly i mean unfortunately the way that the program's up, you have to go and create yourself an account online. If you can't do that, then you can't. Why would that matter? If you're just trying to give someone a deal, why would you make them do all this bullshit work? I have to take computer lessons as a blind person. We have to put out their coupons as digital coupons, so we have to work with our manufacturers. Yeah, it seems like it's excluding a lot of people like me and i think it's probably

against the americans with disabilities act that uh somehow i have to take computer classes find a friend somehow pay for a the bus ride to the public library which is not on a bus route and i don't have legs so i can't really walk there either like i'm really in a bad it's a very bad day for me and all i wanted was three dollars and 25 cents off the 32 ounce coffee mate and i want for our customers. I'm also because of problems with me and children in the past I'm not my parole doesn't allow

me to be on public computers. Okay. I mean again you can ask the store to see if they can assist you. All they need to do is just be able to help you create an account we can be able to add the coupons. That's all that's needed. All right.

Can we work on this, get my new Safeway Club Elite Customer status? I need a new card. This one expired nine years ago. Okay. Well, in order to be able to get that, you would have to request for a new card from the store, and they should be able to provide one to you. Huh.

Yeah, well, it's only got this 800 number on the card, so I called that to replace it. Okay. I mean, here's the opposite. If you do not carry the cards, you would have to pick one up from the store. All right, but I'm still a Safeway Club Elite customer. I didn't lose my status.

You hit there as one, but you would need the card first. Yeah, but I have a card that's expired. But can you check on my Elite status? Well, what is the phone number and the system that we have for you? Oh, f***. F***. F***. F***. That's an unlisted

number, so don't give that out to people. So, I mean, yes, your account is still in here. I mean, in order to get the card updated, you would need to get the new card. Do I still have the elite status? As far as what I've seen, yes. Alright, so I can still get this 24-hour wine steward?

It should. All right. 10% off per gallon fuel discount. $5 Friday extended all weekend. Does that still apply to me? She didn't want to fucking play anymore i don't want any of that really on a podcast i don't know if you were even around this is it expired in 2011 but they would it was a gimmick

where they'd give these out to if you shop there all the time and it became a status thing with like neighbor dave and like russ dunn was around he got a fucking safeway elite card they just they'd catch you at the door and go uh mr stanhope would you come with me thank you for being a yeah safeway elite card so those of us in Bisbee that were not elite, or were elite, were rubbing it in the faces. I was just having a good time picturing you blind and legless with not enough money for the bus, but needing a wine steward. And also trying to get up the...

Well, he's trying to get the discount. I mean, that's how the rich, blind, legless people make their money. They take advantage of all the deals. They're not getting full-price wine stewards, you're saying? I would love to see him get up the steps at the Bisbee second-story entrance to the Bisbee library with his legless blind self. I'm going to try. Since you recorded that anyway, let's.

We're still going. Let's call. Well, that was the. That was the store manager on the written on the front of my Safeway Club elite customer card is the handwritten your store manager. Call anytime. Chad just got here. So so we gotta buy some time. He's gonna make a drink.

Don't worry, I'm still fired up. I know. It's on speaker. It is on speaker I wonder if this is poor prick he's probably long since moved on from Safeway and this is probably still

his cell phone number that's his personal line he would have gone to Safeway forget it the gag is played i just wanted to fucking wake up and yell at people i've been on quite a bender mr shank since uh super bowl i got up at 8 30 in the morning didn't even sit till like two in the afternoon for the first time hold on a second when i saw you in the afternoon when we were uh working on the cat yeah we got a list of things

to go through oh geez yeah uh you you were talking you were bragging about taking a saraquel i figured within the next couple of hours but then you kept calling me in because you wanted to run a tweet by me that you'd been working on for over four hours. Oh, wait, yesterday? Yes. I never took the Seroquel. I know. Yeah.

You were up monitoring tweets until like two in the morning. Yeah, I was up. God damn it. Fucking Chad will chime in on this. That's why he's here. I close out the night with Olivia Grace. I thought it was like

7 at night. It was like 10. And a new 30 for 30 came out. I don't know if you ever watched 30 for 30s. I know what they are. Yeah. And it was about fucking Michael Vick. Oh, that's a good one.

Yeah. Oh, it's two hours and I'm like, alright. It's 54 minutes in and they haven't so much as shown a dog. It's just sad and he was brought up in poverty and he was great and he talks about how great he was and like,

alright, now it's an hour and 30 minutes in not a picture of a dog like even when they show their fucking whatever projects they were brought up in in fucking newport news there's not even a dog in the background like you better get to the fucking dog murderer thing you're just trying to make this guy look like a sympathetic character. Fuck that guy. That guy's a piece of shit and he keeps talking about how great he is and licking his lips. I started making it a

drinking game. I drank every time he licked his lips. Holy fuck. First I thought it was Tracy and it is Tracy but it's also fucking 90 mile an hour winds that make me agitated well are the 34th the fucking two hours like all right five minutes left they're not gonna talk about him killing dogs what the fuck is this oh and then i look oh it's part one

of a series and netflix is doing this shit to me. That fucking Aaron Hernandez shit could have been summed up in 40 minutes. But they made it a three-parter. The Devil Next Door. John Demandjuk. We started watching one last night. I was thinking about you, our conversation with this same thing. This one took a different tactic. Not only could it have been one episode, they've stretched it into five.

Halfway through the first episode, they just started talking about a different murder it's like a murder jenny's like did we did you change the channel i was like no i don't know they just started talking they're just trying to to do two stories running at one time like the first 48 but they're doing it over five fucking that's what the fucking devil next door was. I watched the first one. What's the devil next door? Ivan the Terrible. He was the Nazi prison guard that started his life over

as an Ohio auto worker forever, and then they're like, wait, you're a Nazi prison guard. No, I'm not. I was a little bit, but that was a different Nazi prison. I wasn't Ivan the Terrible. That guy was really bad. Oh, I knew that guy.

Yeah, I know who you're talking about. We got confused all the time. But I watched the first episode. And that's another thing. They don't tell you anymore how many episodes. Do you want to watch the next one? How many are there? You caught on.

Yeah, this was the same thing on ESPN. Part one of a series. A series of fucking how many? I fell asleep to the middle three of Ivan the Terrible, woke up for the last one, having seen the first one, and didn't feel lost at all. I think if I put out a fucking comedy special on Netflix, I think they'd go, yeah, can you put in a lot of fucking filler and make it six episodes of your one-hour special?

Didn't your dog die this year? Let's have an episode about that. Send a B-roll team over to the place in England to have them talk about... Hey, a guy walks into a bar. Now we're going to cut away to a bar and there's a guy that's going to play you reenacting

you walking into a bar where there's a Chinese a Jew and a priest I thought maybe 30 for 30 yes Tracy I better have one like a publicist like a publicist thing where they where they come up with an angle and they go look we're going to do this thing but we'll put no dogs and then we start to change the narrative that like we remind everyone that you were a poor

black kid who came up from the projects and we don't say anything because that's what they did with the fry festival what they had those two two productions that came out at the same time, right? One of them was the publicity agency or the production agency that was with the Fry Festival that wanted to distance them. Hang on, I want to order a blended drink from Tracy while she's dumping ice into a fucking loud plastic bucket. Everyone likes the ice noises. Everyone's drinking when they hear the ice noises.

But what happened was the production company goes, we need to distance ourselves from this motherfucker. This is bad news. So they came out. They produced their own movie where they looked pretty fucking good. In fact, they looked fucking spotless. Yeah, they were on the opposite. One was on Hulu and one was Netflix or something.

Yeah. But that's what they do. I did too. Put up with the whole thing. Put up a whole thing to change how everyone is thinking. Because people just watch. Michael Vick is such a piece of shit. And I couldn't wait.

Like, the more they built him up as a sympathetic character, the more I couldn't wait for the dog killing parts. And now they foreshadowed it where he had the wrong element it was staying at his house and they like to do four wheelers he had some rural property that he bought so he could get away and he had acreage for uh four wheelers and then he loved to spend time with the dogs that's the right at the end they show him with a fucking pit bull and and he built them kennels and it cuts to you think you're watching ivan the terrible like cement you know where where they let prisoners walk like okay you get outdoor

wreck but it's like a 6x12 fenced in like if you have all this fucking acreage, why do you have these fucking concentration camp fucking cells for your goddamn dogs, you fucking piece of shit? God damn it, he's awful. And I'm going to fucking watch the next one when it comes out. The hook is in. Is it because people who are football fans are not going to get rid of their heroes no matter what, so they kind of just have to make excuses for them? Because thataron hernandez one kind of did the same well it wasn't

his fault i mean he was gay that was the whole gist everyone watched it because he's gay yeah i didn't i didn't even know that's what it was about until i started watching i was like well i don't care if he's gay change the narrative yeah see well and then they had one guy on there who was also gay and played for like the same team and i was like oh there's some sort of scandal that happened and they kept having that dude come on no he was just on there because he was also gay and played football like you could have got rid of a whole episode if you didn't have that dude in there

fucking I'm glad you're all annoyed I'm all annoyed too I walked in with that fucking shitty phone call and I had the same kind of phone call with SiriusXM yesterday for about an hour did you get it did you get phone call with SiriusXM yesterday for about an hour. Did you get the deal? Yeah.

SiriusXM is so desperate. Now, I'm just going to cancel it. But wait, hang on. Well, they called my bluff. I did that the first time, and they called my bluff. And she was like, well, then we're just going to give you a $20 credit. And I was like, no, I don't want that. I just want to cancel. Like, well, uh fucking cancel so i had to hang up and call back get somebody else i used to she oh that's funny they never used to do that hold on hold on let's not be rash she was mad because

i had already asked to talk to the supervisor because the other dude wouldn't fucking speak English to me. I just called the big bingo, some hotel reservations for her travels. And I call our usual place at the airport. And I go, hey, usually I get someone I know. Hey, Doug, yeah, sure. And she goes, hang on, let me transfer you to our in-house reservation department I go

don't send me to India you're not right and then of course they sent me somewhere yeah Tucson airport whatever I go you aren't in the Tucson Hotel.

I know there's no department there. I know everyone that works there. They don't have a department. There's usually one person, the maintenance guy that Chad yelled at, the person at the front desk, and then the person, the front desk person is training.

That's it. When I was on the phone yesterday, they wouldn't give me the customer service. I said, well, let me speak to your supervisor then. Oh, okay. Well, why do you need to speak to my supervisor? I go, because we're having a communication issue and I need to speak to your supervisor. He goes, okay, before I can send you to customer service though, I have to send you to advanced technical support. Hold on.

Then he just sends me to his buddy. Next door. Hey, this guy's a pain in the ass. Is this advanced technical support? And he goes, yes. His advice was, make sure you have the internet on when you're trying to access the phone. Are you fucking shitting me?

Are you really advanced technical service? Three-year-old knows you have to access the... Are you fucking shitting me? Are you really advanced technical service? Three-year-old knows you have to have the internet on, you motherfucker. So they were mad at me. I cussed at them. Don't curse at me, sir. Then don't be a fucking liar, I told him. That's my favorite.

You don't have to use that kind of language. Well, you don't have to use that kind of accent because that's the way I talk, is using that kind of language. And you have that kind of accent. So we're just going to have to use that kind of accent because that's the way I talk is using that kind of language and you have that kind of accent. So we're just going to have to agree to get along and tolerate each other, you fucking hump. I'm so glad there's somebody just to phone call away when I'm angry and hateful,

but I'm afraid I'll murder somebody if I leave the house. That's how I woke up yesterday after fucking Super Bowl. I woke up because I've generally, I've lost a lot of my morning rage and it just came back. I've been in positive places a lot of times where yesterday I just woke up and I fucking wanted to hate someone, but I had a lot of things to do. Life got in the way? Well, I had a lot of things to do. Life got in the way? Well, I had a conundrum.

I put everything off. I was putting everything off till Monday, including Meatwig, who I'm like, all right, this cat's going to die. But I'm not doing this on a Saturday and driving the fucking cat to Sierra Vista 35 minutes when the cat's terrified of cars. I'm not going to put him down after he's terrified for 35 minutes and then kill him.

But then I found a vet in town that's a new vet that's open on Saturday. So we can drive him right up the street to kill him. So we kill your cat seven days a week. No, we tried to get an appointment on Friday for that Saturday. Chaley and Tracy did. And they said no. And then Doug called in Saturday morning and got to the front of the line. Well, I asked him.

I was about to bribe him. I didn't even think they were open on Saturday. But I go, if they have an emergency number, I'm just going to bribe them. Yeah, you don't work Saturdays. How about for a grand? Will you come to my house and put this cat down? That was the plan? Well, yeah.

I didn't offer the money yet because they were open. I said, I need a cat put down. Do you do house calls? She goes, well, do you want to bring him in first to get an appointment just before you make that decision and i went yes this is not my first cat i know when a cat's gonna die this cat hasn't moved for over on my leg he's gonna fucking die lady just put him down i don't care i went through the entire grieving process and And I was about to. I took a picture with him in the white Russian, just like mother and Ichabod.

Final white Russian. And this is not my first cat. I know when a fucking cat's going to die. The cat hasn't drank water, won't eat food, won't move. Just sitting there, lost weight, mouth half a jar. Drooling,'t eat food. Won't move. Just sitting there. Lost weight. Mouth half a jar. Drooling, too. Yeah.

Waiting to die. Yeah. And then Tracy comes up. She goes, oh, yeah, we'll bring him in. He'll get shots and he'll be fine. And Tracy, you know, she's the softest touch. And I'm already fucking bawling and stuff. She goes, no, he'll be fine.

And I thought she was in huge denial and she goes no he's just get the abscess under his chin he had them on his cheeks when you were off on fucking johnny depp island this same thing happened he didn't eat for three days thing finally burst he was fine and i'm like oh fuck maybe he's gonna be fine because i'd already i've already gone through the fucking five stages of the cat's going to die. I'm already at acceptance. And we already had an appointment in Sierra Vista for 1230. Yeah, but that's a 35-minute drive.

That's going to terrify the cat. I understand. Yeah, we bring him in. He was fine. Fucking dick. The whole time that Meatwig was sick last time, we bring him in. He was fine. Fucking dick. The whole time that Meatwig was sick last time, Doug wasn't here. So when Tracy came into the bedroom,

and I'm watching classic Universal Monsters, I'm like, ah, this is a great morning. I'm just going to kick back. Then we'll go to Sierra Vista. Cat will get his shots, whatever. All of a sudden, everyone's scrambling, because Doug got us this emergency fucking fucking we'll tend to it now because he gave the secret like could someone just kill this thing before i curb stomp it

i mean that was basically i'm gonna cancel this account i'd like the promotional i need your advanced technical go ahead go ahead see what we care the guy with the golf club called your bluff too but then i realized hold on meatwigs actually doing better sooner this time around doug has no context he wasn't here last time meatwigs sat around for like three or four days getting dehydrated so he got all matted and they just look they look like they're going down here quick and then all puffy and then and then all of a sudden like like just scratched under his chin that abscess went and it just it floored it all over the the cement out there right where bingo fucking took her spill remember that puddle of blood where that i refused to let anyone clean up

ichabod would go over and lap at Bingo's coma blood. When Bingo heard that, she goes, who had more blood, me or Meatwig? Trace is all, oh, Meatwig. No, no, no. Bingo had more blood, but Meatwig had more pus. Oh, that's disgusting. She goes, what? And I go, well, we tended to Meatwig sooner.

We let you lay a bit. Lay in state. That cat sounds gross. I'd put it down just for that. Oh, man. That cat's great. Accesses everywhere. Yeah, he's been out, by the way, Tracy.

He's fucking going out. There's a bit of a lump. We're going to have to express that. It's going to pop. Tracy and Chaley are the medical pit crew. I'm not good with pus and abscesses. I'm actually fine.

I was in there looking at it today. I'm surprising myself on this one. It's weird that I'd be more okay with putting it down than expressing its abscess. We went through a whole list of, well, Joby's working. You live fucking 45 minutes away. If we were going to have to have it put down on a Saturday, old school. And I was close to doing that. I must have been in a bad mood

there should be a cooling off period for you doug when you decide to put an animal down that like nothing there's a lockout that's why that's why i was calling joey i like i just because i don't know if it's me I need fresh eyes on this of someone who is unemotionally involved that can tell me I'm right. This cat is definitely dead, right? Look at it. It's going to die. My cat's almost 20.

It fell down the other day. It was just standing there outside. It just fell over. I'm like, oh, are you all right? But he got back up. He's just all wobbly. The most feeling i have i mean i like him he's a cool cat i but i i walk past him outside i'm like oh shit you're

still alive every time i walk past him he's laying in his bed i can't believe he's still alive but i guess maybe i should probably have him put down or something but yeah you how can you tell well he's still alive i just figured but then Then I thought, well, I'll just wait till Monday because cats, you know, they know how to die by themselves. It wasn't in pain. It was just sitting there with his mouth hanging open and not

eating. We don't want him to crawl into a wall and then go, what? You just didn't want to watch him die? I don't care if you die. I just don't want to watch it. Yeah, well, he was in a separate room. He wasn't moving. I just had to sleep next to him.

But again, it was everything I was putting off till Monday because it's fucking Super Bowl weekend. And then on Friday afternoon, all that fucking Johnny Depp shit came out. We'll get to that. We'll save that for Patreon. shit came out. We'll get to that. We'll save that for Patreon. I don't want any kind of fucking BuzzFeeds getting this

fucking, their gossip for free. But also, I jumped on Team Yang. Yang Gang. Andrew Yang for president. And why? Because you researched his platform?

Well, first of all, I saw the Dave Chappelle. No, he's funny. I watched the debates, and he's funny. And I don't know. Yeah, give you $1,000 a month thing. I don't know if that works. I don't give a shit. I just appreciate that you're being funny about it is all. I'm sick of fucking comedians being serious about politics.

Oh, no. It's the worst. I went through that phase, like George W. Bush days, where I thought I knew something other than he's a prick. But, yeah, everyone's a fucking expert. Like, really, if I had any political savvy, if I could ask you like three questions deep about what you're fucking tweeting about,

you would have no idea. No idea. Hang on, yeah, let's take a break. But we'll go into that Andrew Yang thing, the Yang gang. Yeah, I'll come back to Yang gang, because I had a fucking moral conundrum, maybe, after the break. Well, I was thinking about my grandma always doing the cough syrup

and getting a buzz off it. And then I was like, I got a chronic cough, and I don't mind a buzz now and then. So I've been doing a little bit of cough syrup and getting a buzz off it. And then I was like, I got a chronic cough, and I don't mind a buzz now and then. So I've been doing a little bit of cough syrup. It keeps the coughing level down for the Airbnb guest. You're using cough suppressant so you don't cough when you smoke weed? Yep. How about just don't smoke weed when you've got someone standing there?

Hey, now. Hey, come on. Come on. The only way you quit is like Willie Nelson. It's like he just can't physically do it anymore. Hey, everybody. It's me, Brett Erickson from the Issues with Andy podcast. We love you, Killer Termites, and we hope you'll tune in and check us every Friday.

Issues with Andy on YouTube. Yeah, it's not a podcast, right? Isn't it a vodcast? You're right. For once, Andy, you're right. It's a vodcast, which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka. Oh, shit. I was drinking cola.

I fucked up. And the V could also stand for video because it's a video podcast as always i'm right and chad shank is writer if you love the shit you're getting here on the doug stanhope podcast get more shit with us on issues with andy on youtube every friday and yeah well you keep listening and watching or however you do it and we'll keep shitting yeah i woke up this morning with that same kind of all right this bender's gone on too long and uh i you know i i should i should i fuck i was supposed to look at all my tweets from yesterday before this podcast you did you like to

finish before the break you did not take a sleeping pill you didn't even go to sleep you stayed up until two in the morning yeah uh whatever time i went to bed after Super Bowl, I didn't take a sleeper that night, Sunday. So I only got like five hours of miserable sleep and was up at like 7 a.m. But I had already done the Yang Yang thing. Before I started, I listened to a podcast because at the break, we're just talking about issues with Andy,

which I really enjoy. And Andy never runs out of issues it's fucking brilliant but i don't know how i stumbled onto it but uh it's a dumpster fire 2020 is this podcast and i started watching it and i really liked it and she was talking some politics but it kind of made sense but she she sounded a lot and looked a lot like lindy mindy whiskey uh uh whiskey girl's sister who's hilarious but kind of a like dopey hilarious like and i'm like i really enjoy i i'd listen to probably 15 minutes while i was you know fucking around in the morning and i go go, I want to retweet this, but I know my fans have probably shit all over her.

It's one of those times where you want to promote something, but I don't want my fans to be fucking dicks. And this chick shouldn't be talking about politics. Maybe that's how I stumbled into it with the Yang Gang stuff. Here's what the problem was on friday and continued to be a problem into monday is all the johnny depp stuff if you follow the hashtag justice for johnny oh recently released fucking audio tape of a phone call where she admits to fucking starting physical fights and blaming him well you always walk away during a argument so i

have to fight with you physically to get your attention like oh she just fucking buried herself and it was beautiful it was such vindication after fucking three years for me too for johnny yes but yeah she sued me as well and i get all this shit from fucking twitter for being a fucking wife beater apologist and oh guess what fucking smoking gun proof at the same time that i had made myself the official minister of fear and disinformation for the Andrew Yang campaign. So now I'm starting what's funny. I'm making funny tweets, but at the same time, it's a complete lie. So I'm going, do I want to tweet about, hey, I'm finally vindicated. I was right.

I was correct. I was honest. But at the same time, I got gotta tweet all these lies about andrew so when i woke up monday in a fucking foul mood i went no i'm gonna focus on the positive let's stay with the yang gang stuff and keep it funny and but at the same time tweeting a little bit of hey johnny depp i know all your fans are waiting for me to come out and fucking trash that lady, but most of that's in my book. And then fucking Johnny Depp calls when I'm fucking wicked ham.

I started drinking whiskey at what? Fucking nine o'clock in the morning. I laughed so fucking hard yesterday. I know I was overtired on day two of a fucking bender after going through all that shit with meat wig. Who's fine. I was just fucking tweeting.

I don't even know. I'm going to have to go back and look. I was just tweeting some ridiculous shit. I'm by myself. I'm screaming. Anytime Chaley would walk by or Olivia grace would come in. Stay with me. I need someone should take me off Twitter.

We needed like one of those mannequins you put in your passenger seat so you could drive in the HOV lane. We need one of those that has like eyes that are open because Doug just needs to look in the eyes of a mannequin and then he'd be fine. I was having the fucking greatest time. I don't remember laughing that hard all by myself like crying heaving over going the harder you laugh the more you shouldn't hit send on that

tweet but i did repeatedly and then i started feeling bad like when you like the usual thing where if i'm having this much fun i must be doing something wrong and i i napped for a minute and then woke up and i got drunk three times in a fucking 30 hour period just start to sober up after a nap and go oh white russians how about white russians let's hit this again that's the only reason hepped. No one was there to make him a drink, so he nodded off. That's true. Totally. You said you spent, like, I kept popping in there, but I needed to get just the smallest amount of things done yesterday.

There's no food on the ground that the dog is going to get into or anything like that. To clean up enough in here so there's not flies or something like that. Just a little bit of things. But then he kept calling me in there. I'm like, I want to go back to bed, man. I'm not on 22 hours of drinking. I want to go and watch movies.

I want to relax on a day that I should be doing something. I'm fucking off like you. I just have a different way of doing it. The Yang Gang started with Dave Chappelle. something i'm fucking off like you i just have a different way of doing it the yang gang started that's with uh dave chappelle yeah there was a viral footage of him at yang campaign headquarters how you got into cold calling people as hi i'm dave chappelle i'm an internationally known comedian i want to talk to you about andrew yang oh oh you're coming to my show it was it was very funny so i tweeted that's how i started phone banks at one of the uh yang so i and then they

asked me to make calls to iowa for the caucuses i don't even know what was that the safeway one earlier i said on behalf of yang don't forget vote for andrew yang oh i did that i did that to the fucking uh the when i was making the hotel reservation. She goes, I have to read you this. I go, well, since you have to read this, whatever, I am obligated to read this and get your permission to charge your card. I go, well, while I get you on the phone, I want to talk to you about Andrew Yang. And then I did get her off the record though how much did i affect

you uh are you thinking about andrew yang and she said yes uh she was just trying to get you off the phone no she was i i was making her laugh yeah that's well you know whatever remember whenever you used to get phone calls for people trying to get you to change your long distance oh my god that was that was a thing it'd be like this is AT&T who do you I would always do there was a commercial you could dial 10 10 220 yeah and then the number and it was like the cheapest long distance ever so I would always every time I'd get a phone call for uh do you want to change your long distance no but have you heard of 10 10 220 let me tell you it's great you dial 10 10 220 and then the number it's just five cents a minute i'd

go in like that was the commercial and they'd always hang up on me and put me on their do not call list oh that's what it was she was trying to sell me a vacation i have to do that well while we have you on the phone do you want to uh marriott offers a vacation for and i go no, I don't want that. But have you thought about voting for a Yang gang? Counter sale. That was the tweet that started it. Hey, Andrew Yang campaign is asking me to make phone calls like Dave Chappelle, but I'm going to do that, but mine aren't going to be funny. Or sanctioned.

I'm just going to be funny and or sanctioned i said i'm gonna i'm just gonna say that i kidnapped your kid and now you have to do whatever i say i saw it almost work in a mel gibson movie but never in a campaign oh shit i'm gonna go back to it today since we're drinking. I like the attributing fake endorsements. I said that Jimmy Carter and Lars Ulrich and Samuel L. Jackson had all jumped from Bernie to Yang Gang. Really? Is that true? Yes.

It's going to be the first time ever you have an actual assassin show up here to get you, Stan Hope, because you've lied to them about their sacred political... About Bernie. These kids are crazy. These crazy political ideas. They're hopped up on avocado toast. Hopped up on idealism.

I don't know. It already happened in the 60s. Read some books, hippies. Last election, I voted for Gary Johnson because he followed me on Twitter. And I said, so if Andrew Yang follows me on Twitter in the next eight hours and within an hour, he followed me and said, hey, thanks for your support. He tweeted at me. And so you're verified. So this is a chance it may have gone across his desk or his laptop before.

his desk or his laptop before Yeah, if you're verified you get an extra button that tells you when verified people have liked your tweet or responded to you. I always get sad because Bert Kreischer follows me but Bert Kreischer will never see anything that I

tweet because he's admitted he only looks at the verified button to see which verified people interact with him not regular folks. That's why he never responds to me. God damn it. I have his phone number. I stopped short of

God. Hang on, I'm looking at my notes. Hey, Trace, is there another Bala Merlot over there? No. Something's bad. Here's, here's, here's, because I'm, Yang is probably going to be in his last debate on Friday. I think he might make it to New Hampshire, but I'm not sure.

Yeah, well, the debate's in New Hampshire, but it's before the actual. Oh, before the primary? Yeah. Oh's before the actual... Before the primary? Yeah. Before the caucus. But here's how you... I don't know what any of those are. Here's how you support Andrew Yang.

Every one of you has two stupid friends, at least, that will do anything you say. Let's say Derek and Kenny. And if you tell them, like, hey, listen, I need you to go out and vote. Everybody knows two stupid people. And if you know three, like, then you can even back out yourself. You don't even have to do it.

You get your two dumb friends that will do anything you say and have them go vote for Andrew Yang. They're not going to ask any questions. And then you get to feel the feeling of accomplishment since you didn't do it? I don't understand the point. I'm just going to ask any questions and then you get to feel the feeling of accomplishment since you didn't do it i don't i don't understand the point i'm just going to stay home we are not one of those friends in fact this was a test to find out if you were and if you're a woman of even unattractive you can get 10 people in any fucking VFW hall or wherever you drink. You just give them that look like, yeah, I'm going to fuck you. But after you go vote.

Yeah. Yeah. Just fucking again. We're all fighting for the fucking minds of the stupid. So make them go vote for Yang. Tell your dumb friends. They don't need to fucking know what is politics. Someone said one of the tweets.

It was the one that I really liked. All of them are fucking retarded, but I love that one. Oh, that's when I was attributing all these people, switching from Bernie to Yang. And I said, and they all said that they valued his courage, his honesty, and above all, his humor. And someone wrote back, well, hey, Doug, listen,

policy counts more than humor. And I wrote back, I ain't in the policy business, lady. I wasn't necessarily a lady. I was channeling a lot of Brendanndan walsh yesterday it was funny we should have you and brendan debate i was trying to like the best way like people love a fight and i was trying to figure out what comic i could start a fake fight with about one candidate versus another, like Tulsi Gabbard, who's never going to go anywhere.

So it makes Yang look good. And just start, because people love a fucking beef, but I couldn't figure out who was as drunk as I was, who was willing to play 10 hours of let's stage a fake beef. Nobody. You do have a stamina. Well, yeah, it's like a Bert Kreischer. Someone might be into it if they were drunk at the same level at the same time.

But most people have lives. That's a small window. Yeah, that's why I said no. Bert has a lot of things to do. There's nobody going to get drunk over that. Bert's a busy guy. He was drunk over like 30 hours you were drunk, Stan. I'm not like 10 hours.

No, but 10 hours of tweeting. That's Doug drunk. You can just throw a bunch of fucking darts at a dartboard. You're going to hit a number that Doug is drunk during that hour. There's some kind of thing where you can find out who your fucking biggest people that follow you are. Oh, I did Dan Tosh. i try to loop him and say dan tosh just called me and threw his support behind andrew yang i don't nobody's biting i don't know

how many people believe it but people are going hey you get a hashtag caucus for oh yeah because it was that night it was the iowa caucus and like that doesn't make sense we should be tweeting all this shit at caucus for bernie because otherwise it's that was good we should all we should all turn outside at the last minute in the circle if you're gonna have a circle jerk of fucking turn your backs to each other and fucking spread the seed outward. Yeah. Just keep telling each other that's already on that hashtag.

Yeah, you're going to Bukkake all your Bukkake in the choir is how they say. I can't wait to go back. That's how the priests say it. Somebody might have said that before. I don't know. It back and fucking read it. Somebody might have said that before. I don't know. It might be a new term. Someone did tweet back, hashtag blue cocky. I thought that was clever.

You'd have to know which was blue and red, I guess. I don't. All right. Let me quickly break and plug some shit that you're gonna love it. Sex! Ah! Rulers of the underpants universe! Sex!

Ah! Keep your balls off your legs and such. Sacks underwear. Don't have sweaty balls. Was that good? I don't know. How did your Super Bowl go? Pretty good.

And I did not do this because it would probably jeopardize his career to even have me ask him. But the proposition bets, if you don't follow football betting, there's literally hundreds of weird proposition bets. Exotics. You can have four different bets on the coin flip, whether it's going to be heads or tails, which team is going to win the coin flip,

which team will elect to receive, and which way the other team wants to kick. That's four bets just on the coin flip. And so there's all these weird ones. And the ones that seemed like fucking no-brainers to me were, will they mention the Patriots at all during the game? Will they mention Tom Brady how can they not well they mentioned Kobe Bryant yeah who's not mentioning but it's the odds yeah you'd have to bet like fucking thousand dollars to win ten dollars on something that easy or will they show a member

of the military of course they will but the odds reflect that but for tom brady and the patriots two separate bets will troy acheman or joe buck the announcers mentioned these i also bet colin kaepernick that's the only one i lost because because he was the last they were in the last time san francisco was in the super bowl he was the quarterback they would do that yeah and then that's when Alex was going, no, this is Fox Network. It's on Fox. Not to mention NFL was probably,

you know what, guys? We got the 100-year. Let's focus on that. What name do I drop every football Sunday? Oh, Joe Buck's the announcer. He follows me on Twitter. He's a fan. And I'm like, I'm making all these bets on what Joe Buck may or may not mention on the Superbets.

I'm like, oh, I had to fight myself not to DM him and go, hey, by the way, make sure to mention these three names. We were in, Doug was out on the smoking patio. And so I was in here with Fred and neighbor Dave and Brad and Gil and just kind of mellow. But it was one of those things where we were talking about your exotic bets. And the bet was that Joe Buck would say. One of the two. Oh, I thought it was Joe Buck because the joke I made was, wouldn't it be funny if Joe Buck was like, hey, Troy, what's that guy from the Patriots? And it still gets said, but you don't win.

No, I just kept saying Joe Buck because that would have been really funny to fucking just i get it inside track i know that one of the celebrity i'm a celebrity get me out of here kind of shows celebrity get me out of here kind of shows or celebrity survivor. Someone I knew that was on one of those shows that had gotten kicked off early, but it's prerecorded. He went and bet the fucking exotics because he found out who won. So he did a PA or a trip. Well, no, he knew the people. Yeah.

So, yeah, he went and put, like... They limit the bet. So it was, like, two grand was the max you could bet. But he had friends bet it, too. And beat a fucking sportsbook handily. Well, what was the points? I think right before kickoff, Kansas City was getting one and a half. One.

I think it was right up. Giving one. Yeah. Yeah, Kansas City was a one-point favorite. Oh, really? I bet that. Yeah, I get Kansas City. Well, that didn't work out for Vegas.

Everyone was betting Kansas City. We had one person, except for Tracy, who just. But other than that, there was only one real San Francisco 49ers fan here. And anywhere I go, Safeway, hey, who you got on the game? Everyone's Kansas City. No one likes the fucking 49ers. Fred? Well, this fucking sports book, I'm not going to mention their name.

It's not the one that sponsors us i still have money that's been floating around in there and and that's why i wanted to fuck them because they put out a tweet i really want to fucking mention their name this is you're talking about someone who's not a sponsor of the show right has been. Then you should mention their name. No. Oh. What are we, TV? You don't need to. Well, the point is, I saw their tweet. That was what reminded me, oh, fuck, I got to make my proposition bets. And they had a tweet with a picture of all the odds that are just on the

national anthem, which you could bet like fucking 9, 12 different bets on the national anthem. How could bet like fucking 9 12 different bets on the national anthem how long it's gonna go will demi lovato be wearing nail polish that was one of them but on the fucking picture the odds are like crazy and it's like plus 900 which means you win uh 900 for a hundred dollar bet that she will be wearing nail polish. And I'm like, that's a fucking, not only a no-brainer, but huge money you would make. She's gonna go to the ratty nails.

All these odds were fucking fake. When I go to their real site, no, you fucking, you have to bet $100 to win $17 if she's wearing nail polish. This is complete fucking fraud, you fucking assholes and that's why bait and switch online

betting is that who you're talking about dot net dot net bait and switch dot net yeah and this is an offline fucking bank account that's what I say to Kenny like yeah it'd be really funny to fucking DM Joe Buck and have him fucking fix all these

yeah because they're fucking scamming people to fucking dm joe buck and have him fucking fix all these because yeah because they're a fucking scamming people to fucking get them to the website anyway and he goes yeah wouldn't that like break federal law for him to do that i go it's offshore betting it's breaking federal law for my bank to actually you have to lie to your bank and say, oh, that's an offshore investment. It's such a pain in the ass. That's why I never took the money out, because if I wanted to put it back in, you have to go through all this fucking rigmarole with that site anyway. Not our sponsor. Our sponsors are our sponsors.

Yeah, so that's why I just wanted to bet everything in the account. And if I lost it, then... You'd be done. Yeah. Then they'd call you incessantly. They said Patriots. They said Tom Brady. Chiefs won and covered, and all I lost was Colin Kaepernick.

Good game, right? So, yeah. I still have a few hundred bucks in there for next year. You had fun on that Super Bowl? Yeah, that was the first Super Bowl because now that it's not a party and it's just the regular fucking locals, we do football Sundays even when I'm not here.

And I think I've only been here for two this entire season. You were writing a lot of the time and then even sometimes when you were here, you weren't here? Yeah, I'd be in the main house. When I asked Dan, I'm like, what's going on for Super Bowl? And he says, are people coming by? And he goes, yeah, people will probably stop by.

And I was like, yeah, I'm not stopping by. I don't want to be one of them people that fucking stop by. You don't need anybody to throw people out. I don't need to be there. We did have an over-under of three interlopers. Because you usually get people that still think there's a big Super Bowl party and fans, and I set the over-under on three, and we had none. They'd leave early.

They're like, no, we got to go. We got a sick pet or we got something in the oven. They'd find a reason to leave. My goal the whole day, I said, I'm going to go over and just say hi to everybody and like get stoned with some of my friends and just hang out and have a drink or two and then leave and then i was like yeah you know what maybe i won't do that everybody everybody's watching football ain't nobody looking to fucking say hey to me right now let's just fucking uh leave this alone

i had all my cooking shit done by two and And I watched the entire game. Except for the after. Which is the first time in a long time. What did you watch? Swamp People. Oh, God. They kill alligators. Yeah.

But isn't that one? Smoked weed and watched Swamp People. The two brothers? Is that brother still in there? The one brother died. No, no. Those ones aren't in there. Those are my favorite ones. Yeah, I like those guys.

I watched some of the new 10th season. I hadn't seen that. I only watched the first two seasons of that before. I'm fascinated with Alligators. It's a good show. I'd love to go alligator hunting. That'd be fun. But I'm redneck.

Alligator, there's a few. I'm anti-hunting. But there's animals I could kill without. Definitely. In season 10, you can tell it was new. Like this era, not 10 years ago, because right away they're like, well, there's a lot of children in danger from these alligators, and we have to go out and save all the children from these.

Not that we're going out hunting alligators to make money anymore, but we've got to save all these families because these people swim in this area. The problem is that conservation and everything about the protection of animals worked so well when it started really taking hold that the alligators have bounced back to a level that they need to be culled. That's why there's a show. The only reason there's a show is because they have tags. And once a year for 30 days, they can go and kill alligators.

And the rest of the time, it's illegal. They are. Except for you realize that it's the middle of nowhere in Louisiana. Their motherfuckers are killing alligators whenever the fuck they want. Alligator, I could kill them. No cameras. Yeah, yeah. Sharks, alligators.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on. Javelina. I bought a paintball gun once just to fucking shoot javelinas on the dog walk. Are you talking about the New World pigs? No, no, no. Javelina are different. Javelina are a peccary.

They're related to rodents. It's called a New World pig. It's a white-collared peccary. It's a New World pig. It really is. Collared peccary is what they're called We did a whole segment on Near the Wild And I

Chat almost did a spit tape My straw Stuck to my lip So when I took my drink down My straw stayed on my lip Your last one stuck to the I don't know what it is Sharks are apex predators They help the ocean on my lip. Your last one stuck to that. Yeah, I don't know what it is. I got stick on my lip.

Sharks are apex predators. They help the ocean. They don't... Listen, that's different than an alligator. Tell that to that surfer girl with one arm. She's still surfing and she doesn't hate sharks. I bet you she doesn't eat shark. Wrong ally.

All right, not my ally. What about wild herpes infested monkeys that have arrived? That was one of my tweets. Wait, what country? Because it was a real Florida. The country of Florida. Oh, I saw that. Yeah, because I tweeted that with the link to the story,

the headline, wild herpes-infected monkeys have arrived. And I tweeted that story with the link and then said andrew yang is the only candidate that can stop this from happening and spreading to iowa and new hampshire do you think on a meeting like this morning like in their early morning Andrew Yang like it gets the political like there's video conferencing that's set up all of the spread out all over and they're talking about this do you think your name came up

we need to do something about this Stanhope issue he's tweeting things and he's saying that he's with you and your policy. And I have the blue checkmark and I added that to my profile, which again, if you're verified, you can change your profile to say whatever you want. Thank you, Brendan Walsh. Yeah, Brendan Walsh, that's what I thought of too.

Malibu dentist or whatever. I don't know what he's doing. Yeah, that's the first person i checked with like can when you do that could they like could twitter unverify you because it was travel was when i first thought of it i am a travel journalist for all these con mast and all these fucking major publications but if it's got a blue check mark and i'm going hey you can lie all you want once you have that hey hilton resort properties i was supposed to be upgraded to a suite i'm going to give you a bad review oh hang on mr stanhope i have our technical support person who's willing to give you a so yeah so i put that i'm the minister of fear and disinformation for the Andrew Yang 2020.

You know, Twitter quit giving out those blue check marks. So that's a fucking power that can be wielded only by those that have it already. That have it now? Yep. That game the system. Yeah, I read an article not too long ago that said they quit doing that. Yeah, because they were giving it to too many people. You'd see someone verified and then they have 629 followers.

And it doesn't even say what they do. If you want to jump on the Yang Gang goof, it doesn't matter if he's going to win. Then it's going to go to, well, you're taking votes away from Bernie. No, you're not. It's funnier than being a Bernie, bro. You can go back to the candidate you like if you don't like it but if you want to hop on this with a goof yeah just join along don't get too crazy and don't fucking fight people invade the other fucking hashtags of bernies and warrens and

and and make up lies listen your candidate you to be honest, but that doesn't have to work for the constituents. Just fucking lie. Just make up fucking brilliant lies and don't fight with people. You're talking as a citizen, not as a gang gang representative right now. Even if you say even answer, even if you just say, oh, that's bullshit. Because Andrew Yang doesn't go. You're exactly the person that Yang Gang is fighting for. Andrew Yang.

You're just fucking. I hate it. I hate the word gaslight because it's one of those. It's like punching, punching down. Like everyone catches out of these fucking words. But yeah, fucking lie. Just go out and lie for Yang. Don't use the hashtag lying for Yang.

Lie for Yang 2020. That'll work. You said it over there, because we're going to wrap this up, because then I want to get into the fucking Depp shit, and that's Patreon. We want to say thank you to Bird Snatch. They sent a bunch of artwork and a bunch of other stuff too. I took the artwork already down there.

I think we're going to send some of it out, and then the other stuff I'm putting. I put artwork. Ray from Mass, I just found. I think he sent socks. I put artwork in our bathroom. Delta socks. What he sent socks. I put artwork in our bathroom. Delta socks. What?

Delta socks. The thin ones? Yeah, fucking bird snatch. What's bird snatch? They send a bunch of stuff. They send really cool art. Nice. They sent those key chains once.

But just really cool art art but another time where they i think they put packing penis in just to fuck with me after like a handful you know like a like a 14 by 14 by 14 box there's a handful of penis that's a fucking that yeah they wouldn't protect anything and then overwrapped all their fucking shit i think they were doing it just to fuck with me douglas uh well i can't read his last name but i'll say douglas from akron he sent that uh that custom poster that he did which has like like 13 of us from the podcast on the poster doug unraveled it just enough to see that it was me and him and tracy and then he shut it back up and he goes let's let's do a ebay or sell on this but i think

when you unrolled the thing hey thanks anyway you're cool i love it he has a total style and it took a long time to do that it's kind of what's the is it matisse who does the dots what okay i there there's a there's a style to what he did he did it all the way through and i think we can get everyone to sign that thing did we thank there's no one dead yet did we thank tom dustin and uh joe from key west since we left joe joe john well the guy that owned the fucking comedy joe oh joe the giraffe john the giraffe the giraffe. That was yet another vacation. I booked drunk and just lasted one day too long. The last day,

Chaley and I are like, we got to get this. This was not a vacation, Chad. This was not a vacation at all. This was drunkenness. Tell me about it on the next podcast. There's also a guy. This is Bird Snatch. He doesn't have anything on here to tell how to get to Bird Snatch,

but I think he's on Twitter as Bird Snatch. Yeah. And Bird Cloud. I don't know if they're technically back together, but they had a serious falling out. And when I was in Nashville, I saw McKenzie, and I was trying to fucking facilitate a get back together to fucking let bygones be bygones.

And then they fucking tweeted pictures, texted me pictures of them back together. At BirdCloud USA. Yeah. So I don't know if they're back together as a group, but they're back together as friends and that's all that matters. Well, I heard the thing that got them back together was they both

decided to be part of the Yang gang. Yes. Bird cloud. Bird cloud. Andrew Yang facilitated McKenzie and Jasmine talking to each other again. Nobody could have done that. No. Yang brought them. Yeah.

He had them reach across the aisle. And Yang Gang is the only fucking. Andrew Yang was very funny. Bingo. Kind of retarded. She's in the room. She's in the room. But when I was laughing at myself

and fucking getting liquored up, she's like, what's his name again? Wang Chung. Everybody Yang gang tonight. Yeah. I go, it's okay.

You can, you can say actually racist things. Cause it's out of the mouths of babes. Kids say the darndest things. She called Andrew Yang, Wang Chung. I tried to make a tweet out of that forever. All right.

Hey, thank you for listening. Bingo, you want to take us out live this time? Because we're going to go to the Patreon for the fucking other stuff that I love so much. Hey, just go to... Go to patreon.com slash Stanhope Podcast. And it's as little as a dollar a month. You get an extra episode every month,

which is what we're going to do next. And that's where we talk about the shit that, uh, don't worry. No random person is listening to this. Just the fucking seal team six of the fucking Doug Stanhope podcast. Okay. Tell us how we're going to get out of this bingo.

9, 11, 7. Okay. Bye. Bye. Now. 9-11-7-8. Okay, bye-bye now! សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់� Thank you.