The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#354: Do 2 Yonies Make a Dick?

Episode Date: February 19, 2020

Wayward traveler Goldmund was passing through Bisbee and Doug invited him to drop by and enlighten the crew with tips from his book, “How To Seduce Women Through Photography”. Help out the podcast by participating in a quick survey at www.Wondery.com/SurveyListen to the rest of this podcast and get another BONUS one each month by subscribing through our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast. ALL levels of support will get direct message access to the podcast and instant access to a Bonus episode every month plus all past BONUS episodes. Any level of support is appreciated. Thanks in again as your subscription helps keep this podcast going. Patreon page - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast).Recorded Feb. 9th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Goldmund (@ShamanOfThe), Olivia Grace (@OliviaDoesBits), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.2020 tour dates are already up on the website. Don't find out too late about an upcoming performance in your area. Get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/This episode is sponsored by YOU. And, we Thank You for supporting Doug and this podcast by subscribing.LINKS -An Introduction to Camera Game: How to Seduce Women Through Photography - https://amzn.to/2P3QhcbVisit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast and this is us on the doug stanhope podcast with olivia grace we're going to try to hurry through olivia grace because she doesn't want to be here. I finally got back into the book and I felt good. Tip that mic up to your face, dude. Oh, you're doing the drinky, drinky move. No, the drinky one is this way,

like taking a glass and then tipping it towards you. Yeah, the Benny Hill. I was doing an empty glass. Do you know what the Benny Hill is? No. The Benny Hill? The Benny Hill. I'm doing the Benny Hill for Olivia Grace, who doesn't know nothing

about nothing. Tracy, this is a good time to take pictures. Alright. Ask me what time it is. Doug, what time is it? Oh, let me check my watch. Then you get the free drink. Benny Hill was always incredible at comedy. Benny Hill would stand in front of a guy with a full drink,

and he'd place his glass, empty glass, next to the guy's hand. He'd go, excuse me, what time is it? And then he would, oh, yeah. And then he'd chase around the little bald guy and slap him on the head. This is where comedy is coming back to. All right, let me give you a heads up. Someone just tweeted me, we're stockpiling podcasts

for when Chaley and I are away. We have away months when Chaley does his haunted thing in St. Louis, his haunted house shit thing. Well, his haunted house shit thing. Well, it's the Trans World Haunt and Attraction Show. I believe this is the 18th year, Tracy, in St. Louis? No, it's not that long. It's been a long time.

I've been doing it over 25 years with my brother. And, yeah, it's at the America Center in St. Louis, the 19th to the 22nd. Please come out and say Doug, stand up at the door and see what it gets you. Johnny Dare always comes to Ghost Ride. If you're a Kansas City radio person, Johnny Dare has most of his yard afflicted with Ghost Ride productions. No. He's got a lot.

His stuff is fucking pyro. It looks like he bought at a garage sale from Kiss. I mean, he's got 40-foot fucking things and fire i'm like oh my god i love johnny dare why do you still do morning radio how about an evening podcast johnny dare i'll be on your show more often uh so so yeah we so we're stockpiling uh podcasts for while we're apart because i can't do them by myself and just at this moment someone tweeted me hey doug stanhope are you in bisbee i'd love to do a uh an interview he's a blogger i guess he doesn't follow me what's a blogger it's an old school thing from when we were kids it was before they did vlogs or i don't know

what the fuck they do anyway so he's supposed to be here in 15 minutes and uh olivia grace is not in a mood to deal with new people i'm just i'm hesitant about talking to him you know i'm like she just seemed i he wanted to talk about pc culture's effect on comedy where i don't i don't think a lot of people don't really want to have that conversation i don't think or at least i mean like it's something that like you don't want to there's so many parts of it that are like i'll edit that out i have a question, Olivia.

I'm sorry. I think it's coronavirus. Yeah. You talk. No, she. It's going to sneeze again, but. There it is. She tweeted today.

I was in desperate need for some comedy today. And I saw her tweet. She played Tucson last night. And she tweeted that she told people she had the coronavirus and no one would talk to her after the show. It was very simple. But I know Olivia Grayson. I could see her actually,

that came all the way to Tucson and no one will talk to me. Yeah, it was just a long show. Since we don't do this on video, we should let everyone know we do have masks on while we're doing this. We're talking through our masks. I cut a hole in mine. That's why. I get the Nixon mask from that surfer movie. Point break.

Yes. One, not two. Joke's on you guys. I've been licking all your cups. My question was, Olivia, you go into a room and talk to complete strangers not anything about him all the time why would you care about someone who's coming over here to interview doug why i just don't i like i don't want to argue with somebody on the podcast i'm a peacekeeper well she already looked up his blog and there's something about like he's it seems kind of uh tucker maxi okay i'd be curious i'm curious i

don't you know i like curious that's like are you is like chaley saying bees antibiotics you buy curious i'd be curious i'd be curious beceuticals that's what i was looking for that was an old Stern commercial bee-suiticals and it was like his uncle's company and it was I don't think it took off wasn't it

honey from bees or pollen bee pollen or something yeah Trace do people eat bee pollen

yeah so do bees right tell us about your night before your these people show up before you run out of here with your hair on fire maybe I won you run out of here with your hair on maybe i won't run out of here though because i do i am i'm a little curious i want to see what

kind of person he is and i want to i've never talked to someone who's a man coach before he says not he says he's not a pickup artist he's like a he's gonna coach you on how to pick up chicks oh my god that's even why did you say that? I can't wait for him to get here. Yeah, I'm curious. I want to see what kind of guy he is. He's 15 minutes away. I want to get laid. You can take some nuggets out with you. When is the last

time you got laid? Last time I got laid? Oh my god. Not including last night. Oh, he didn't get laid last night. I know. You said you had the coronavirus. They didn't even pay you. They threw you out the back door with a broom. I didn't say I had the coronavirus, but I did say that I...

Like Benny Hill. Isn't that the end of Carol Burnett? Someone getting sweeped off the stage. Swept. Oh, my God. Goodness. This is not a Patreon podcast. I'll say that right now.

Save the good shit for that. Yeah. I had a show on Tuesday night. I went up early, and one of the first things I did was, I have been putting this off for a really long time, but so you guys know how I pick at my fingers and it drives everyone crazy.

Well, it's been like, they've been getting worse and worse for the last couple months, so I finally went to a doctor, and's been like, they've been getting like worse and worse for the last like couple months. So I finally went to a doctor and I was like, I can get a cream. I need to get a cream for this. Like bitter apple? Yeah.

No, actually like some kind of like, they're like getting infected. Okay. So I was like, hey, I think they're getting. You pick at the sides? Yeah. Like if you rolled your index finger into the side of your thumb, you just kind of nervously scratch? Yeah, just like pick at it, and then it starts to flake. And then you rip the flake off.

First of all, I know where you're going with this. Because this went into, well, now we have a similar bit. And you go, hey, and you called me. Oh, I wasn't going to talk about that on the podcast. Because I was going to say. I wasn't going to talk about that on the podcast. Because I was going to say. I wasn't going to burn both of our bits. She says, hey, now we have a similar bit. Is it wrong if I do that?

I go, no, do it. Just not in front of me because I don't have a lot of new bits. Uh-oh. There we go. If that's him, he's quite a dandy. Maybe that's just someone walking down the street. A car pulled up in part. I think that's him. There we go. If that's him, he's quite a dandy. Maybe that's just someone walking down the street. A car pulled up in part. I think that's him.

Yeah. Okay. Oh, he's going to the mailbox. Oh, he's passing the mailbox. I told him to go to the gate, but you don't know what the gate is. Tracy, he's coming back. Just yell it over the gate. Bring him in there so we can see you on camera.

Yell. He looks like a ghost. But everybody looks like... He looks like, yeah, like one of the guys at the end of the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland with a top hat and he's hitchhiking. We're watching a security camera that looks like

the Blair Witch Project. It sure does. This guy can't figure out the gate from the fucking front door gate, but they're both gates. It's all a spectacle. It's a spectacle. Oh, but they're both gates. It's all a spectacle. It's a spectacle. There's Tracy.

Oh, he's got a beard. He's a pickup artist. How cool would it be if I fell in love with him after all this him and Han I've been doing about him? Do we take a break or do we throw him right on the mic? I say throw him right on the mic. Live by the sword, die by the sword. But you haven't answered how long it's...

Have you gotten laid since I've known you? Like, since we've lived in Tucson? On the road. Yeah. No, we didn't... Make that guy a drink, and we'll put him on in a minute. What are you drinking? Hello.

Whiskey. Whiskey. Tracy, did he go through the metal detector at the mailbox, or did he come through the gate? He went through the gate. Okay. Well, it's on you then. He just had an epic acid binge.

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm a little weak now. Yeah. Take your time. Yeah. We'll go to break, and we'll get to you. But we're talking about, so.

Yeah. When did you get laid that you didn't even tell me about? I did tell you i think you just forgot i forget a lot i know it's okay i get to i like telling the same story so we make a good pair you felt like a friend on the road that you reconnected with yeah but we didn't we didn't do anything that night okay yeah we just went and got some hash browns why are you winking at me i'm not oh oh oh oh the cut the throat thing okay i'll stop i'll stop that was my i'm just itching my neck i'm thinking about making love

making whoopee oh sorry we censor ourselves on this podcast yeah so to answer your question last time i got late i was i briefly dated a fella in new york when i was back there. We met on Hinge. Oh, wait. The most recent time you went to New York? Mm-hmm. All right.

Well, that doesn't really count. That's the road. But you said- What do you mean that doesn't count? Well, she's been here most of the time. I thought maybe she got laid here. Are you asking me, like, am I fucking your neighbors? Yeah, that would be a funny story.

That would be a funny story. Put it down. Well, it depends on the neighbor. Point in a direction. Most of your neighbors are... If you go that way, it's neighbor Dave. Funny. That way, back door Mike.

It's been done. Which of your neighbors should I fuck that it wouldn't be funny? All right, let's go to break let's go to break before i say the wrong thing all right please hold oh max cryo freeze oh max it's like It's like IMAX with an O. This is CBD stuff. If you're living with chronic pain. Okay, all the mics are open because I understand that that's the way we're going to have to do this. It works for people that live with chronic pain.

It's more than just a feeling of discomfort. It can affect your entire life. I know these people, but I also know people that have used this product since it was sent to us ahead of time and it's worked for. What we're going to do is bingo tried this because bingo after her traumatic brain injury and now even worse going to a personal trainer what was worse your coma or the personal trainer i love the personal trainer or three reps of 10 but yeah you suffer from chronic pain but you used this and it worked for you. I was personal training and we were doing upper back. Personally trained. Okay.

You're the bottom. Okay. We were doing upper back and I pulled a muscle in my neck and it was very painful. And I had this product that I used it and it works fast and I woke up feeling great. Which one did you use? I used the sport recovery cream. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's the one I have. So it's a topical. Who rubbed it on you? You seen someone? Washtub Willie. There's a call back. Omax Health is offering my listeners 20% off a full bottle of cryo-freeze CBD pain relief roll-on plus free shipping. This discount also applies to any product site-wide. Just go to

omaxhealth.com today and enter code, what? It says it at the bottom. Oh. Well, you don't put it at the bottom if that's where it's supposed to read it. That's why I gave it to you to pre-read. Well, then you should have crossed out XXXX and put it right there where I'm supposed to read it and call it to action. I am not starting over.

No, no. I want Omax Health to know your incompetence. I'm going to smash that screen over your head. No, no. You know what? A bad read has never helped anyone, Bill Burr.

Yes, put it out as is. If they fire us, come on. Like, that was an honest thing from Bingo. She goes, no, that actually worked. And Bingo doesn't want to ever be on the podcast but she goes no that actually worked the thing the cb cdb or the bcb or the bbc no honey just tell them come on and tell them it actually worked the way you told me yeah that's a fucking way better commercial than hey golfer kyle stanley uses it who knows who fucking a

golfer is you know who bingo is because you listen to our goddamn podcast and it worked for her so go to omaxhealth.com and enter code stanhope to get 20 off cryo freeze site-wide. And if you heard it from Bingo, it must be true. So go to omaxhealth.com and enter code Stanhope to get 20% off cryo freeze site-wide. I have been tripping on acid all day. But hang on. Goldman. Goldman.

Goldman doesn't even follow me. But he tweeted something about he just had an epic acid trip. And he's going to Bisbee to meet some old hippie or something. And then someone that does follow me saw Bisbee and said, hey, you should see Doug Stanhope. So we've already set this up before you got here because we started. Yeah, yeah. And like I've seen you before and I've loved what you've done

because you piss people off. And that's what I think comedy is all about. But like I said, that was a long time ago. And I don't follow you, Doug. Sorry. a long time ago and i don't follow you doug sorry that's all right i didn't follow you i just directly fucking responded to you google my address literally 20 minutes ago yeah doug stanhope if you google doug stanhope's address you'll come up with 212 van dyke street bisbee arizona 85603 where you can always send us free shit just don't over package it no packing peanuts no packing peanuts uh so yeah you fill us in on your backstory oh my gosh all right so i left new york about eight months ago because i got it i had to get the fuck out of that city the the situation

just got out of control with politics you You can't have a conversation there anymore. Like a reasonable conversation with people. It's impossible. So I left New York and I've been on the road ever since. And I found Cochise County and fell in love. Especially with Whitewater Draw. No idea. That's where the cranes are.

We just went out there two nights ago. Two mornings ago. Beautiful moon rise. Or moonrise or moonset. And the sunrise was awesome. And I'd never been out there that early. And I was amazed at the sound of the cranes. And they are a mile away. And you can hear nothing but them.

It's like an alien attack. They're dinosaurs. Yeah. All I can hear from the cranes is political white noise you can't even have a conversation with the crane how did were you staying out there no i'm staying at an airbnb in sierra vista now because that's a free place to camp you can camp at whitewater draw it's fucking crazy yeah and there's a lot of old people camping there now yeah yeah yeah and i was talking to them all because i was like i was tripping my balls off today and so that they're all old people like i'm i'm the youngest guy there and like everybody there is retired and they all want to talk to me

and i'm tripping my balls they want to know you the secret of uh youth i don't know what the hell they wanted i just talked to everybody and they told me to come here yeah someone did on the on the twitter uh and that's how it works yeah if we're in the mood at the moment that's how you get invited to the fucking email me four months ahead of time my wife and i are gonna get married in tucson and we're thinking about dropping down it's five o'clock on fucking august 30th fuck you oh and where can i stay that was that was how the first time that i came here was like i messaged you like a month before i knew i was gonna be in arizona and you were like ask me the day before and then i messaged you the day before we were gonna be passing through and you were like show up tomorrow i'll forget you know my address yes that's how you know now having been here for quite some time you know that that you would

probably change that to the day of you wouldn't do it the day before yeah let's see what time maybe four or five maybe he just has a drink four or five o'clock i would like after one drink i would kind of guesstimate when that would be yeah yeah you're like one of the few people who has a less than 24 hours notice policy yes uh that that's true i i came up with a question because new york city you like that's not a a tripper's paradise. That would be the worst place to trip. Exactly.

Did you come across acid in your travels, or did you bring it with you from New York City? I brought a lot of mushrooms with me on my way. But did you trip in New York City? Yeah, when I was living there, I grew mushrooms, so I would do that, and it would freak me out. Like on a farm? Did you trip outdoors? Because I've never seen indoors I would do that. And it would freak me out. Like on a farm? Did you trip outdoors? Because I've never seen indoors in New York City.

Jamaica Bay is a good place to trip in New York. Yeah. All right. I'm usually stuck in Manhattan. And it's an awful place to even be alive, much less tripping. Yeah. Yeah, there are too many vibrations. Too much shit going on. It's too weird.

But out here in the desert, it's perfect. This is meant to trip. How old are you? Get a guess, everyone. Hang on. Okay, this is a fun one. I'm going to go 34. Don't answer.

I'd say 37. I'm also saying 37. I'm going to be 37 in April. Oh, that's pretty good. Thank you, though, sir. No, you went over. You both went over. I win.

I missed it by two months? Probably less than two months. Thank you. Actually, the rule is within two years. No, it's not.'s yeah within one or two years it is you're right i've been drinking all right so doug when i came and on twitter i told you i want to talk about pc culture and its effect on comedy because yeah we already discussed this oh you did already yeah she shit canned you because you wanted to talk about how pc culture affects comedy because it's so

fucking boring to us and chaley was the uh the the pro vote on yeah some weird guy's gonna show up yeah let's do this well the thing is i have a book a best-selling book it became a bestseller because of a controversy because of pc culture feminists came after me after the me too movement happened it's a dating book, How to Seduce Women Through Photography. And they attacked it. They wanted to get it banned. They didn't read it.

They just saw the cover and wanted to get it banned. It sounds fucking grotesque. She already did some due diligence for the agreement. Did Hugh Hefner write the foreword? No, man. That was all me.

How to pick up chicks. That was all me. Yeah, how to pick up girls with a camera. It's a great way to meet girls is what's the what's what's what's your talk about it okay so i how yeah how well just imagine being a really horny guy in new york and you want to talk to girls on the street but you don't know how to approach them uh-huh so i would do street photography projects okay like oh can i take your portrait? By the way, when I'm doing the portrait,

tell me the most attractive thing you find in a man. And then have them write this down, like a Humans in New York thing. Get their story, and then if we get along, get a date. And then, you know, go from there. What about fucking, like, Tinder? I hate that shit, man. I don't know what it is. I'm an old dude. It's man i don't know what it is i'm an old dude it's the

worst i know what it is but everyone's getting fucking late on tinder like myspace days dog it's the it's the dregs of society man it's not the people who you want to meet on tinder what do you think is better about meeting people your way because it sounds to me like you're kind of doing the same thing where you're like out on the street and you see somebody and you want to talk to them but tinder's kind of the same thing where you're like out on the street and you see somebody and you want to talk to them but tinder's kind of the same thing no it's not not through a screen when you see somebody and get their energy and their vibes and you talk to them right away you know if you like them or if you don't i could see that yeah and on tinder you're just like you you have all these expectations visual on tinder and their

fucking photograph is a lie or yeah whatever you think in your head is not the expectation of reality when you meet them. Right. Someone who used Eros Guide for hookers in the early days of the internet. Yeah, the picture is not necessarily. Or Backpage, back when it happened. Same thing. But, you know, I got to ask the question. That doesn't work everywhere.

I mean, you can't be inoming and think you're going to walk down main street where there's three businesses open one of them a dairy queen one of them a gas station and you're gonna go hey you know this is a metropolis this is a big city thing yeah there's a there are a lot of doug has a point i'm getting ahead of myself but i know i'll forget it if i don't say it we should have a wager on whether you could get laid in old Bisbee tonight with your technique. Oh, I want to do it. I was told to go to Chuckleheads by Brandy, the bartender where I had dinner. All right.

Where was that? What kind of dinner? It was on Main Street. Wait, tell us what it was. It was just a burger. Okay. It was a shitty burger and some jalapeno poppers. Table. I say

Santiago. Just a table. No, it's not. Santiago is Mexican. Yeah, I know. It was an old bar. Oh, alright. Very old bar. Quarry. No. Was it on Main Street? No, that's not on Main. That's on the coast. Oh, wait. Grand. Grand.

Mm-hmm. Grand. Yeah, that's what it was. The Grand. Good. coast. Oh, wait. Grand. Grand. Mm-hmm. Grand. Yeah, that's what it was. The Grand. Good. Yes. Yes, focus on the Grand. Good day drinking spots. Yeah.

And bands. They took the pool table out, so they're doing more bands there. They're working their way up. Yeah, she said there was a band at 3 p.m. today, but that's at 3 p.m. Oh, fuck. It's Sunday. It's Sunday. Oh, my God. It's so fun. My head is so far off. Brunch bands are great. Let's get back p.m. Oh, fuck. It's Sunday. It's Sunday. Oh, my God. It's so fun.

My head is so far off. Brunch bands are great. Let's get back to the kid. How do you do acid and still think how to pick up chicks is a good book? Don't you ever go, oh, this is such a fucking blind alley to go down. Look, trip and then still. No, when I trip,

it's a great way to meet girls. And my book was a reaction for online dating. Cause I hated it so much. So my book, I wrote it as a reaction to it. So I'm still, I'm very proud of it. And plus like young guys want to get laid all the time.

There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not saying it's not a bestseller. I'm saying how can you vacillate between I'm writing books about how to get laid. I'm fucking nearly 40. You're almost 37. That's 40. Yeah, that was six years ago.

So, I mean, that was six years. It's not like I wrote it last year. But you're still pushing it? What are you, James Inman with the unbookables? It's great. It works, man was six years. It's not like I wrote it last year. But you're still pushing it? What are you, James Inman with the book of those? It's great. It works, man. It works. I've got no shame in doing it, and I still do it.

I did it in Tucson the other night. I had pretty good luck with it. What did you not like about online dating? Like I said, you get this thing built up in your head before you meet the person, and it never lines up to reality. And I'm a very reality-focused person. So just seeing someone on a sidewalk is reality yes that's reality to me if like i'm attracted to you if you're tripping so what are you saying like on like if you're like you match with someone

online let's say and you're is it that you've built up too many expectations in your head and then when you meet them it's not the same yeah i mean like there's too much time between like matching and meeting them and plus i think as a man as an aggressive young man you like to hunt online dating is not the hunt i love to go out there to the bars and on the street it's like a hunt it's fun for me yeah it's super fun what do you mean by hunt hunt like let's uh like you go with your balls man the cat and mouse chase oh yeah i had to get one of those you're a writer olivia grace uh describe this gentleman like physically and and attire i don't know i mean did you dress this do kind of have like a... Yeah, he's got the Tranny Danny fucking fedora. He's got a giant beard.

He's a thin svelte man with a... Is that... He's got a vest over a sweater over a t-shirt. This is for warmth. It's cold in the desert. Yeah, I don't know how to describe any of that. You do look like you came out of one of those old-timey pictures at the mine museum and just like...

That's it. You do have that vibe. Like you're working a claim up in the Gulf. Yes, exactly. It's like, oh, did you leave your pickaxe in the car? I do have a machete in the car. Oh, that's... Here he goes with the hunt stuff again. I do have a machete in the car oh that's here he goes with the hunt stuff again

I do have a machete yeah okay so what was what has been some of the big controversies that you've had in your career as a writing about getting laid well when you write about it from a man's perspective

and you put like power into the man's hands feminists got mad at me especially when the me too movement came out that was october 2017 they tried to ban my books which was ridiculous they didn't read them they saw the cover i made the cover salacious on purpose what was the specific content of the book that they were upset about the title title is called An Introduction to Camera Game, How to Seduce Women Through Photography. Okay. And that was the title that- It's called How to Seduce Women Through Photography.

Okay. They just ran with it in their minds and they screamed- He said they didn't read it. They did not read it. I promise you they didn't read it and left one star reviews. Like, if you buy this book, you're going to jail. You're a rapist. Like, this is, it was just the most ridiculous thing in the world.

Don't worry. She's pulling up your one star reviews. Yeah, just put, it was just the most ridiculous thing in the world. Don't worry. She's pulling up your one-star reviews. Yeah, do it. Just put her on that. Introduction to camera game. Tracy has just gone from bartender to our fucking. Do it. It's all over.

Yeah, they left fake reviews on Amazon, but it worked well for me, for my audience, because my audience knew me already. I understand that. And they knew I wasn't a goddamn rapist. They just, so they thought it was funny, which it was funny, and it propelled the book into bestselling. It's a little silly book. It's a great idea, but a little silly book. And the fact it became a bestseller is crazy.

What does bestseller mean? Hold on. I just did it. Oh, you're funny. Number four is a creepy book teaches how to swim through photography. And then it's How to Swim Through Photography by Goldmund. That's me. Yeah, I thought it was a man. teaches how to suit his women through photography and there's uh how to just swim through photography by gold mund that's me gold yeah i thought it was a man it's gold mund if you're gonna search um yeah i mean it's uh it's on amazon right oh it's on amazon yeah but but it's like they're not

amazon's not coming up it's like all people that by just the first sentence they don't like it there was hundreds of articles all around the world writing hit pieces on it yeah which is great for publicity i didn't care i thought it was awesome did you have people that were also like on your side like oh yeah yeah definitely okay that yeah a lot of people were on my side anybody who knew me was on my side anybody who read the book was on my side is it family and friends is it is it comedy like is it supposed to be funny like how do you fill an entire book of how to pick up chicks through photography i gave scripts and lines and the how-to thing everything that worked for me i wrote it all down in the book and i had many many stories and i shared some of the stories in there too so there are some lewd

like like sex stories in there which are it's fun for me to write i like writing about sex i always have that's why that's why we don't do this on video because it wouldn't be good for people to picture you having with this beard oh my god yeah here we go here it is here we go here's the cover so i'm i'm see i'm going to be completely honest okay yeah that's I did that on purpose before I was going to say before I saw I want to fuck you now on the cover

does she have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis this is a heavily pixelated image man fair enough I was going to say before I want to fuck you women with a skin condition it looks like she might be Irish

no she was French that was a girlfriend of mine she was all about it that's the picture that's a TV picture and I wrote the book six years ago with the aim to piss off photographers and to piss off anybody who would want to get pissed off.

I have a question. Happen to be the feminist. And I don't mean this as a joke. Go ahead. Are you a good photographer? Oh, yeah. I'm a brilliant photographer. Never taken a picture in my life.

No, that's what I was doing while I was on acid. That's why I went to the wildlife place today to take photos. Okay. And I do street photography that also do very interesting projects. So, yeah, I take that side seriously. Yeah. photos okay and i do street photography that also do very interesting projects so yeah i take my that side seriously yeah have you ever had um like someone you've stopped on the streets like can i take your picture and they're like no yeah that happens yeah and i'm just like okay that's it's a numbers game that's fine yeah we're gonna get along anyway fair enough it's Kind of a numbers game. Yeah. How did you, where's your money come from?

The book sales, I have subscription to my blog where I do a lot of photography projects. So the subscription to my blog, people pay 10 bucks a month like Netflix, but they get access to all my photos because I do this shit all the time when I've been traveling. Been traveling around America for the past eight months, writing mostly about the sex and dating culture because that's interesting to me. And it's, you know, people want to get access to that. And the people I interview and take photos of don't want their stuff public sometimes. So I make it private and I tell them that.

In the intro to you, when we started this podcast, Chaley said, what's a blog? Like that just seems such an antiquated thing to old men of our age uh i hate that word what's a blog it's a website yeah it's a website well blog is just i don't know it's very 1998 yeah 2002 yeah well i didn't get on until later. Yeah. It is a cheap word, though, because I'm a writer. I don't want to say I'm a blogger. But people pay for that. I'm a professional writer, yeah. All right.

Anyway, that's that. It's not Patreon or. I do have a Patreon, but I don't do anything with it. Yeah, neither do we. But we're trying. So what you been up to, Doug? I've been writing a book yeah yeah i was gonna ask you that you wrote a book six years ago when what's the new one gonna be about i wrote other ones but i mostly do updates on like my travels it's impossible to write a book when you're on

the road like i'm literally at a new place every other week. One year stood. Yeah, you know how it is, right? It's impossible to write a book anywhere. You try it everywhere. If you've been on the road blogging for eight months, what were you doing nine months ago? Oh, I also do coaching. So I do nightlife coaching. I thought he was going to say Coke. No, Coke in America sucks.

There's another story uh nightlife coaching so guys who want to go out and actually meet girls this is a new york thing that was a but i've done it all on the road i do it all i'm still doing it hey if anybody wants nightlife coaching hit goldman dove what what's some of the advice that you give people that you're coaching uh mostly guys are afraid to to be sexual so if they approach a girl they kind of their conversation ends up being a dud because they talk about work and life and boring shit when they should be like oh like say something about how how she's attractive or you like her style or at least let her know you're interested that's the biggest hang up for most guys is not putting your balls out there first i definitely i think hold on people put your balls out there first i haven't been to new york in a while i have such an off-topic story about that and i'm gonna tell it in your because i'm

drinking uh when i first moved to la i had to leave hawaii on vacation to go back to audition for the first line of Jerry Maguire. And the line was, that's the way you get to do it, man. You get to put your balls out there. And it was Tom Cruise walking into a Kinko's and the guy giving him the copy that he had read. And Dave Mustaine, I believe it was. From Megadeth. Yeah, I had to fly all the way back from Hawaii to put your balls out there. And I practiced that.

And you didn't get it? No. I love it. This guy would have got it. I love it. You got one of your balls caught in the zipper. Can I get one of those smokes? Yeah.

Hey, Olivia, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to jump in there, but I thought it was very funny. No, no, yeah. I like where you're going with this because it is one of those things where you're interested in how someone has, how they think they're smart enough to tell other guys how to get chicks. I'm also curious, too. Yeah, well, I also had years and years of experience. they think they're smart enough to tell other guys how to get chicks oh yeah curious too yeah well i also you know i had years and years of experience well every guy has had experience no but it declined well yeah i'd slept actually slept with hundreds of girls before i started the

the business and started doing the writing so i do i do have the work to back it up i got the resume. Just ask my dick. Do you have the herp? No, I don't have the herp. See, you didn't sleep with enough girls. I didn't sleep with American girls that much. Olivia, where were you going on that? I'm sorry.

No, that's okay. I was just, well, the next question I was going to ask, because you seem to be talking about how men date but i was curious why you think that um how men date and how women date are different well men are the i'm talking about like an aggressive male yeah who's going after i don't know attractive european females who are usually on the more submissive side so that's the that's the point of view i'm writing from so i don't really i don't care about the the women's side how they date because that's the point of view I'm writing from. So I don't really, I don't care about the women's side, how they date, because that's not my expertise. But it sounds relevant because the men you're talking to are dating women.

Well, they're not dating them. They're trying to seduce them. Right. I'm good with that. When it comes to relationships and stuff, I don't really touch it because I don't want relationships. I just want to like fuck around and have a good time. Well, I think maybe I misspoke when I said dating, but but i mean like women want to get laid too so what's the difference i feel like it would behoove you to understand how women want to get laid too

she just said woke it ain't the same but how i mean i'm'm asking you genuinely curious. Well, I think as a man, I'm saying as a man who has slept with hundreds of women and come out relatively psychologically unscathed, I've seen women who have fucked hundreds of guys and they're fucked up in the head. I don't think I'm doing all right. Well, just read that part out of my book to you but it from a different angle very different how'd you take it though oh uh that uh when i say that i'm a whore i put myself on that level

of women i know that sleep around a lot just to get some kind of validation for themselves and i've been that guy where yeah i've fucked but i think that's what most people do though i mean like that's what that's the whole psychological need behind having sex and i'm like i'm not like speaking out of place with that i mean that's just like common knowledge is it's like you're filling a need whether you're a guy or a girl but i'm aware of of it. Yeah. Where someone like you, the hundreds of women you fuck are all from a place of falling for your bullshit. No, no, it's not bullshit. What I talk is authentic stuff.

I do pickup artist stuff. I hate pickup artists. I think they're scum. But I'm saying you have a racket the same way I only get laid because I'm on stage. Yeah, I'm the traveling artist who does whatever he wants. Yeah, you have a game. Yeah, that's my game.

So you're targeting a specific type. A girl that I like. Yeah, that I'm attracted to. That's my type. Yeah. That will fall for this you're attracted to more well yeah she's gotta like me yeah she's gotta yeah exactly well of course

but what if she slept with hundreds of guys do you hold her to the same standard that you hold yourself well if it's for if it's a night thing usually the girls I'm really attracted to haven't slept with hundreds of guys but how do you know do you ask them? Yeah, we usually get into it. I get very psychological.

He did say that you have to go forward being sexual, which is part of it, right? Yeah, we talk about that. What did I just read to you out of this? What are you going to do? Read your book on the fucking air right now? I love what you're doing. No, no, the point is I've just read all of this shit to you. It's great. No, about, the point is I've just read all of this shit to you. It's great.

No, about the idea that... Keep going. I want to hear this. No, that the best, you know, about being a fucking whore, but the best relationships I've had have been one night stands where it was someone else that's like you that would rather fuck a stranger than just look in an ugly mirror

alone at night. Available soon on Audible. It's a fucking depressing joke. Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, because it's, yeah, I think. That's depressing. That was a great, like that whole,

I mean, I know I was installing. I'm going through a fucking rewrite of a final draft. I was installing doing i'm going through a fucking rewrite of a final draft i was installing cable the whole time he was talking about this but the whole time i'm listening going man this is good i've known this guy forever and he's distilling his personality sexually yeah to me oh boy while i'm you know laying wire but it is one of those things where it's very interesting. It was well put. And I look forward to the book and listening to it

because I've heard it in chunks like when he wants to read something out there, which is what you just did there. So you're not giving anything away. It's just one of those things. So just settle down and let Goldman tell his story. But it's actually kind of the opposite of what you're writing, where I'm talking about how that need to fuck is a problem.

You're disgustipated, whereas he is on the hunt. Yeah. Yeah, it's liberating. Sex is liberating to me. Yeah, but it's so forced upon culture like that's something you should need it's something you should desire it's something that validates you where it doesn't yes take it from the air fresheners behind me those are great well there's also lots of racist shit behind that's the whole point but That's another part of that chapter.

I assume that's the same chapter where you talk about that, about how it becomes a thing where you just turn off. Yeah. I'm aware. That's why I was asking how you can trip and still not be aware of that's just a false flag event. Alex Jones? You know what?

So a big thing of mine, I grew up in a cult, like a pretty hardcore sexually repressed cult. So it's like a lot of that has to do with Jehovah's Witnesses. Okay. Yeah. I called it Jehovah's Witnesses. Within one religion. You got it within Witnesses. Okay. Yeah. I called it Joby Colton. Within one religion. You got it within one religion.

Yeah, yeah. And so I grew up hardcore, knocking on doors. Like, if you have sex before marriage, you're going to die. Literally told that since I was, you know, I was born into the cult. So I was coming out of that in my 20s, repressed, because I'm really, like, always wanted to fuck and always held it back. And then once I finally got over that shit, with help of psychedelics you know acid ayahuasca mushrooms like really I was like okay now I could fuck and then I just let myself out into the world of course I went crazy

oh like Michael Jackson not a normal thing Michael Jackson is in the cult what age did you get out of the cult? Man, well, I got banished for the first time when I was 18. And then I got back in, and then I was banished for a second time. All right. How do you get back in once you've been banished? You repent. So I went into monk mode for two years. Oh, no. Yeah, totally.

And I would say that's a long rumspringa. I was going to say, do they have a rumspringer type thing in the Jehovah's Witnesses? Is that a Jewish thing? No, that's Amish. Where they get to go wild? No, that's not allowed. Okay. Not allowed.

Not allowed. So there's nothing. No. So I'm banished. I'm totally. Two times. Yeah. So I'm never going back.

And they're not allowed to talk to me. They don't want you. Big scandal. Oh, no, no. I'm a man of the world now. Wait, where did you grow up? Jehovah's Witness. I grew up upstate New York where their headquarters is.

So both my parents were near Patterson, New York. Don't know it. It's about two hours north of there. We haven't fallen that far. We did have to do Binghamton. We did Albany? Binghamton was that did Albany? Binghamton was, that's north, but that's as far as we've fallen in our careers.

Yeah, upstate New York. That's where the cult headquarters is. Yeah, both my parents were in it, so I was expected to be a priest. Was it like a cult where you guys had land that you all lived together on? No, no. I mean, it was pretty normal family.

There's nothing really that weird going on. It was just the brainwashing techniques they keep to keep you in. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, but there was nothing really weird going on. I never got sexually molested. Olivia came from a cult too. Yeah, I got intellectually molested, not sexually molested with a brainwash. Lucky.

Lucky. I know. I want to introduce you to andy he took the hard road like a champ like a champ all right wait a minute hold that thought we'll be right back hey any turkey updates uh they were in my backyard the other day and i uh ran them out with a hose and made them i made them fly it's like you know we're trying to run an airbnb not have turkey shit all you know now that i'm we have guests and we don't you know we're like disneyland they're not they're not people who are staying in our room they're guests but that seems like that could be an added attraction to your airbnb you know wild turkey well the dog comes up the dog has a tendency to lick up in the turkey shit and i i always say the same thing it's like why do i

even bother feeding you this is what's going on man you know let you know let's just go to our natural form you lap up turkey shit and uh and i won't feed you so you know we got that going on uh but i can't you know maybe a guest would like that. Here, look at that turkey shit. Don't worry about it. Riley, come here. That could be your attraction, the turkey shit eating dog. It saves you the trouble of scooping it up yourself if you've got people in your backyard. I think it's a perfect situation.

That's why you take them for walks. I can't do that dude yeah i'm in west hollywood i pick it up if people are looking or i mean i i recommend her for her choice of spots sometimes and and it's really hard to explain to a neighbor look i already cleaned up three times after her shit i didn't know she was withholding a fourth one for your prized lawn but there's also wild turkeys in the neighborhood. So let's just get a little more liberal. Okay. You know, you put up your Andrew Yang signs and you're upset with me. Come on. Hey everybody. It's me, Brett

Erickson from theues with Andy podcast. We love you, Killer Termites, and we hope you'll tune in and check us every Friday. Issues with Andy on YouTube. Yeah, it's not a podcast, right? Isn't it a vodcast? You're right. For once, Andy, you're right. It's a vodcast, which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka.

If you love the shit you're getting here on the doug stanhope podcast get more shit with us on issues with andy on youtube every friday and yeah well you keep listening and watching or however you do it and we'll keep shitting wait wait i get it no no now you have to wait ready oh i forgot you couldn't hear it i forgot you couldn't hear it no no but wait wait wait is supposed to be my opening line and you just and i was saying you're goading me wait wait wait having to read this kills me because this is entirely a bit in the special that i have that hasn't come out yet that will be coming out soon i promise you we'd like to learn more about you you'll have an opportunity to tell us what you like about this show and what you'd love to hear in future episodes please complete our survey

at wondery.com slash survey that's wondery w-o-n-d-e-r-y slash survey that's wondery.com slash survey which one is it wondery or wondery.com wondery.com slash survey. Which one is it? Wondery or Wondery.com? Wondery.com. You left one of them out. They fucking know. How much do you want me to edit? Oh, my God. I get the whole bit about is there anything that you can do, purchase, participate in where you don't get some. Hey, please tell us how we did. Yes.

That's on a special special this is more for trying to figure out our listenership yes and it's a great thing it's a great thing to go to wandery.com slash survey and tell them what you think we should do because you don't do that to me enough abusing my email telling us what we should do so actually do go to wandery.com slash survey and tell them your opinion about us because i'm tired of hearing about it all right we're back you were saying i'm very curious though about like just the difference if you think that there's like a fundamental difference between men and women getting laid because you did point out that you think that the women when they get laid more there's something wrong with them but men when they get laid more it's it something wrong with them. But men, when they get laid more, it's an act of power.

Yeah, it's an empowering thing. Because we're males. We're meant to spread our seed everywhere. But you're spreading your seed all over these women who want to fuck too. And I don't know why you have such a problem with them. I don't have a problem with them. I love doing it. Yeah, but why do you think that there's so many women that have fucked so many people and they're crazy for it?

Because I've seen it over and over and over again in New York. But I'm trying to figure out what the fundamental vulnerability is. You think that women have that men don't. They're women. They could have babies. They're super vulnerable. They have pussies. We have dicks.

We have fuck. They take it. Okay. It's very dangerous. I would say that this is a Louis CK joke that I wish I'd written, where he talked about men like tits because that's where we were weaned. And then he said, yeah, but so were women. It's so fucking simple and so brilliant.

So when you say you have to spread seed they still have to spread babies yeah there's more effort on their part and wear and tear of course thank you yeah but no I used to teach

biology too I used to be a teacher in New York a high school teacher make as much as a good poet. But when you talk about biology, yeah, the males of every species of mammal just go around and fuck as much as they can. And the females are very selective because they have to have babies for so many months. They've got to gestate. They're very vulnerable. I see your point in terms of animals don't have podcasts.

Grow up. Yes. Yes. just think they're very vulnerable i see your point in terms of animals don't have podcasts i see your point in terms of like the biological vulnerability of women because of the that but i also don't but you seem to be making a point about psychological vulnerability that doesn't end up with your biological argument how because you're saying that the women that have fucked hundreds of men are crazy and the women that have fucked hundreds of men are crazy and the men who've fucked hundreds of women are not that's a social thing where women are uh shamed for fucking hundreds of guys yeah by him no as they should be that's not women throughout what women should not run around they should not run around being whores that's just like they should protect themselves. Like that's a thing women should do.

You're contradicting yourself because you teach guys to go out and fuck women. And then you're telling women like protect your flower. Yeah. You dumb whore. I'm a man of the times. And you didn't want to do this podcast. I was going to do the same thing. And God damn it.

I got to get that lavalier mic for Tracy. She's going to wear it. Yes, women should protect their yoni. It is sacred. So any woman that falls for your yoni, she should really rebuff you? Listen, that's up to them. Like I said, the world's out of control. I don't care.

I'm just wandering through it like a fish but you're but you're but you're what you just said was fish don't write books about how women are whores sorry chaley please go ahead but but you say women are whores you said they are if they fuck more than what's your number what what's the number high low no is it like a is it like a gradient scale of horror women that I date no it's just like if they fucked like five guys but they were all in relationships with them that's cool I could accept that

but there's I don't know so any woman that you end up banging she should have said no to you right no because sometimes it's a wonderful spiritual experience. They should protect their yoni. Yeah, but they're also fucking me,

which is a wonderful spiritual experience. Says you. Says me. Yeah, yeah, says I. I have a question. So says I. I've got a question. What do you think about lesbians, then?

Oh, that is not my territory. Clearly. Again, not my territory. Two yonis make a dick. Not my territory. I have a question. What's the number one mistake

that men do when trying to pick up women? I know you said something earlier, but is that the number one thing? They don't express their sexuality in a proper way. That's what it is. So what's the number one mistake women do that get fooled into having sex with you? Well, women are 100% run on emotion. I'm going to be on TV. No, they're 100% run on emotion. I'm going to be on TV. So, no, they're 100% run on emotion.

So if I tell them a story and I bring them into my world and I could be very sexual and tell them I'm going to make them cum and they believe it. That comes out of your mouth? That phrase comes out of your mouth? Oh, yeah. I'm going to make you cum. Like before we go home. Yeah. Because I try and do this very fast.

I don't try and waste hours on this. I try and do it very, very quickly. I try to do it before she has time to Google me. That is true. That is very, very true. The worst relationship I was ever in started with me looking at her and going, you want to fuck? And nine years later, I was celibate for three years and didn't talk to women.

It doesn't always end up that way, but I didn't read your book. Yeah, sex is always a tricky conversation, especially in America, where it's all, I don't even know. It's just tricky. Oversold? Yeah, it's all around us. Either you joke about it. You know everybody talks about it very seriously.

If you have this conversation at a bar, most people just laugh it off. Well, that's dick jokes, they call it in our industry. But I remember being in the UK, playing there, where you go, there is no sexuality here at all. The advertisements don't have a chick with her tits out. There's no boring. Have you ever seen a Bennington ad in the UK?

There's a woman, a bare-breasted woman as a billboard. They're UK. Do you ever watch British porn? Look it up. A new porn ad. See how it's rated. British porn. Oh, I'd like to take that in my funny no nobody watches that it's fucking grotesque

oh man i should have never had a boner in fucking since 2002 i've been going to the uk never once had a boner. Tried to make one. Couldn't have it. No. Yeah, when you talk about politically correct culture, though, the UK has got it really bad. They got it really bad over there. It's different.

Oh, plus, because I know the industry, the dating. I know the pickup artist industry. I've seen them. I always kept my eye on them. That's an industry? Oh, it's a huge industry. Pickup artists. And they started, a lot of them started in London.

So they literally made a law about pickup artists in London where they can't approach women. So if a woman gets like approached by, because they're all over the place. Like a scarlet letter? They get a. Yeah. How can someone tell that someone's a pickup artist when they come up to them? Well, it's just. I was going to put Tracy on Googling this, but I'll let the listeners do it.

They're doing it right now. Basically... Are you on Twitter, by the way? Yeah, I'm on Twitter. What's your Twitter? Right now, well, I got banned a couple times. Right now, it is... I just tweeted you.

At Shaman of the. Shaman of the. And then my name is Goldman. Yeah yeah it's that's a terrible twitter handle well i have a book how to pick up chicks with a twitter handle that people will remember on a podcast that's audio bestseller yeah yeah you were saying european women oh the uk so anyway that that law in the uk that they pass it's basically if a woman feels harassed Yeah, yeah. You were saying? European women. Oh, the UK. So anyway, that law in the UK that they pass, it's basically if a woman feels harassed,

which is understandable if a creepy weirdo is coming up to you using a pickup line, but she can actually go to the police and charge him. Oh. For that. Yeah. As like, you know, sexual crime. Which is, that's kind of insane.

It's like catcalling would be an actual crime because i'm coming from new york where i you know catcallers are all over the place it's just kind of part of the culture so to make that a crime is very bizarre to me that happened in the uk olivia grace is writing a uh script right now a pilot script for the uk for us and i had to tell her it's the the the censorship is so different over there where she had some allusion to i'm grossed out by people in wheelchairs and like that would be a red flag over there where over here it would be cunt or something like over there you call guys cunts that's a the vernacular it's a salutation yeah hey you fucking cunt it's your turn to buy a fucking pint you fucking cunt you did say earlier handicap cunt

oh sorry you handicapped no you did say earlier that uh your technique works on like going towards it's like fishing going for striped bass uh going to for european women well yeah because those are the ones i like the most so it's usually whatever girl i like the most that's what i have a license for no they're just the ones i i'm just fascinated sure. So it's basically whatever girl I like the most. That's usually where, not my techniques, my game works on. When's the last time you got laid? Because we started this with Olivia Grace. Oh, this was in Tucson.

It was actually a few weeks ago. Was it the Whitewater draw with all the campus cranes? You fucked a crane. Ain't happening out here. They don't speak English either, those cranes. I was trying. Yeah, but it was in Tucson. It was a happening out here. It ain't happening out here. They don't speak English either, those cranes. I was trying. Yeah, but it was in Tucson. Yeah, it was a couple weeks ago.

With a beautiful Greek, I called her the goddess. She called herself a goddess. Wow, you guys sound like the perfect couple. I can't believe you're not married. Yeah, she called herself a goddess. I was like, yeah, I called myself a god. It worked out well. You're kind of a bottom. i mean isn't that okay the people

that want to fuck get together and fuck i mean what's the problem with that yeah there's nothing wrong with that i just unless you're i'm questioning this technique there's no technique other than the scripts in my new book oh in his old the camera. In his old book. Seven years old. If there's no script or no technique, then what is it you teach? Putting your balls out there. Being sexual.

An attitude. And not being weird. Like being confident about it. And it's okay to talk about sex with women that you're attracted to. Totally okay. Most American guys are terrified to breach the subject.

But how can a woman talk about sex if she hasn't like in your fucked a lot of guys well i mean i'm not saying that actually sounded bad but i mean like how can like how can you like why would you want to have a conversation with a woman about sex openly but also still at the same time being like well i hope she hasn't fucked a lot no i don't really care this is so i can separate my game personality from my like what is the truth about the world personality i can definitely do that no problem but like all my experience of what i've seen and the damage that promiscuity has done to women like i can't ignore that fact it's fact what damage has promiscuity done to look at any woman who is single in her

30s in new york city she's heavily fucking medicated. Probably gets paid more than you. Yeah, who cares? Nobody gives a fuck about how much a woman makes. Why is money coming out of that? Nobody gives a fuck about that, especially men who are making money. Okay. Do not care about a woman's job. Rather, her not have a job for dating material.

well when you say new york city yeah uh as opposed to a bunch of the fucking clump husters that we play in the middle of the country where you can't find a woman that doesn't already have kids at 17 they'll have one yeah i don't know about that uh yeah you have an array of single women that don't have children that do make money I don't know in New York yeah yeah they're all over the place and a lot of them are

really really damaged everyone in fucking New York City is damaged from living in New York City it's a fucking horrific place yeah every time he says New York I look at Olivia to see if she's going to react.

Because I don't know anyone in New York. She's lived in there quite a while. I lived in Astoria and I lived in Bushwick for a little while. Oh, Bushwick. We might have been neighbors. That's where I was. I fucking hate that neighborhood so much. I actually am not a big fan of Bushwick.

Do you like it or not? No, no. I'm not taking big fan do you like it or not like no no i picture of bushwick is kind of like a like uh there's just a lot going on it's very like a lot of like young hipsters and stuff like that and it was kind of loud and but like ridgewood it's where i like to live it's like up in queen so it's a little quieter i'm gonna take you off topic because you wanted to talk about club congress where you just were in tucson where you were last night yeah yeah you were there last night i was there last i was there wait

was no i was there friday did you guys have sex i did a photography project there well i was not actually i wasn't trying to get laid that night i was i was actually trying to do a project okay i wasn't trying to get laid that night. I was, I was actually trying to do a project. Okay. I wasn't trying to get laid that night. Was it loud when you were staying there? I didn't stay there, but I was there until, until it closes. They close at two. They close early there.

Yeah. It's a, yeah, I didn't, I knew that it was a club, but I didn't realize that I like, for some reason, didn't think about it when I booked a room. Oh, you stayed at the hotel. Yeah. Yeah. They get the earplugs for a reason. loud yeah i mean but it was still fun but i was like i wanted a drink somewhere but i didn't want to drink it like a college dance club

but then i was a saturday night it was a saturday night yeah i was pretty hipsters and everyone looks like you with but with a scowl you smile and. And no game. I'm happy. No game. I get laid. I'm happy. They just sit there angry, and they grow their beards out of it. Yeah, the reason chicks won't fuck me is because my beard that I'm going to keep growing as an excuse. You're just a loser.

That's why you're not getting laid, bro. You're not putting your balls out there. Yeah, you haven't read my books. bro you're not putting your balls out there yeah you haven't read my books it's a fucking terrible ploy sir oh man i'm against you goldman i love it i love it i i know but you like a scam dog you you i like a scam but at some point around your age i like But at some point around your age, I'm like, yeah, I just keep trying to fuck ladies to... Oh, that is happening. That is happening. What is happening?

That transition, because I am reaching that age. Yeah. I'm creeping towards 40. I'm not going to be doing this. you how can you like overcome a fucking strong acid trip that gives you some self like an awareness yes awareness you hope that you still have a little bit of it after the trip is gone yeah how about fucking human connection rather than just fucking jizz on her belly yeah no but you're you're misunderstanding he's an ass man no sofa what don't get no jism on the sofa i learned it from a frank zappa song but he likes european

women so yeah you should know that that's the human connection he should hear that all the time sofa no i am because i am having that epiphany i know i'm not going to be doing this in a few more years i know i hope i know that your fucking book is six years old yeah exactly and yeah i'm getting up there man gonna be 37 hey sorry chicks off the market ladies soon not now soon tombstone i'm looking at you. I think right now, Olivia Grace is writing how to fuck any stupid dude

who thinks he has a fucking gimmick. Oh, my goodness. Oh, yeah, take my picture. Oh, there's no film? Just fuck me. It's a pamphlet. Yeah, you won. I lost. no film just fuck me it's a pamphlet yeah i i do one i lost i do want to ask too just i mean since i i don't have any balls but i would i haven't been late in

a while and i'd like to know if you had any advice for how i can make that happen what kind of guys do you like oh okay uh start there okay wow okay um like just describe your ideal attractive man it's like as somebody somebody with some goals somebody somebody ambition yeah you like call it ambition did the tubby guy with the beard that we that you met on the road did he have ambition yeah is that yeah he's a cool guy yeah it's just we were we're both funny you said he's a cool guy yeah it's just we were both funny you said he's a cool guy you didn't say what he's has ambition towards yeah no he's he's a chef oh you said you wanted to get laid ambition and laid do not really what is that what it's a one-night stand why do you fucking care because i'm kind of i'm kind of one of those people who like... Ambition? She's a girl. Remember? I remember she's a girl.

I remember at Homestretch when I started this stupid book. She went out on a, I don't know if it was a Tinder date or whatever. No, we met at the AT&T store. We met at the AT&T store guy. Safe place, a lot of light. And she came back

crying because she could have fucked him, but she, I chose not to. Cause I was just like, I'm never going to get laid. Sorry. I did the voice.

I'm never going to get laid because I, I, I froze up at the last second. Yeah. I didn't pull the trigger. Okay. So you, you, when you,

I asked you the question, you said ambition, first of all. Okay. Let's, let's just say one night stand. I want to get laid. Forget ambition ambition let's just talk about like physical where are you gonna find a guy like this it's like a guy to sleep with yeah i guess at a bar

okay what's he gonna look like it's like uh handsome but not like too handsome okay describe handsome okay so handsome is like just a guy who's good looking, but it's not like, you know, hack handsome where it's like, well, of course you're handsome objectively. Okay. Like a big mustache and a pot belly? No, for women. Like women and porn all look the same now. They all look just overly fucking made up.

And it's just, I think that's what you're trying to say for guys that are just dudes that are just Tom Brady. You're looking for Tom Brady. Just like somebody like, like just no, like not ugly or smelly. That's kind of, when was the last time you saw a guy like this?

Can you picture a moment in your head? Not in this room. Oh man. Yeah. Last night. And then he started talking about his wife oh started talking about his wife he came over and wanted a cigarette we had a good riff going about how like whoa cigarette and you had a room at the hotel that you were in right yeah but he had it he was a kid open micer and how fast did you think about that guy not that how fast did you think about fucking him? No, not that guy. How fast did you think about fucking him after he came in after the cigarette? When did sex enter the mind?

As soon as I saw him, I was like, ooh, it popped into my head. You are horny. I'm alive, man. I got needs. Protect that hoo-ha. I'm a person. Inwa. The yoni.

Yoni. For fuck's sake.. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni.

Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni.

Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni.

Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni.

Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni.

Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni.

Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. Yoni. women sluts who don't protect their yoni okay little kingpin that's all right you just fucked her no no she was like 85 years old you can't do that what what impossible impossible. You haven't turned 40 yet! What's the

oldest woman that you've made love with? Oh man, this was in LA back in like 2014. I think she was 54. And you were... Don't make me do math. I don't know 54. And you were? Don't make me do math.

I was like 32. Yeah, she was 54 and she just... Yeah, it was the end of the night at the bar. How did the pictures come out? I didn't take pictures. I just brought her back to my hotel. It was gross. She licked my ass. She licked my ass. That's an LA thing. That takes off five years. That's a fucking LA thing, dude. That's an L.A. thing that I found out. That takes off five years. It's not an L.A. thing. It's a fucking L.A. thing, dude.

It's gross. Someone's saying, oh, drivers in St. Louis are awful because one guy cut me off. Oh, it's an L.A. thing. Three times in that one trip it happened. I got my ass licked three times. I was not expecting it either. By the last time, I was enjoying it. You didn't pay for it once?

I was enjoying it the last time. You didn't pay for it once? I'm seeing your beard and I'm looking at what your asshole must be. Yeah, it's disgusting. Dude, that's what the machete's for. That was good. All right, let's close on that. Your book is Plug Yourself.

Yeah, Introduction to Camera Game, How to Seduce Women Through Photography. My name's Goldman. I also have many other books out there, but that's the big scandal. Goldmund. M-U-N-D. Yes.

Goldmund. Yes. Yes. You can find me on Twitter, at Shaman of the... That's how I found you, Doug. No, you found me through a fucking mutual twitter followers it all works we don't follow each other i will never follow you fuck you doug i like your

human connection when i completely unplease a woman follow me on twitter if you're not ugly or smelly. At Olivia Does Bits. Thank you. Olivia Does Bits and at Greg Chaley C-H-A-I-L-L-E and at Egg Lester. Just figure that out. That's Tracy. She pours her drinks strong. Hey, take us out of this bingo.

Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.