The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#355: The Best Place To Be Broken

Episode Date: February 26, 2020

Doug doesn't remember calling this meeting, Chad shows up unannounced and the results and damage from the FunHouse Hot Wing challenge.Listen to the rest of this podcast and get another BONUS one each month by subscribing through our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast. ALL levels of support will get direct message access to the podcast and instant access to a Bonus episode every month plus all past BONUS episodes. Any level of support is appreciated. Thanks in again as your subscription helps keep this podcast going. Patreon page - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast).Recorded Feb. 23rd, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@HD_Fatty), Olivia Grace (@OliviaDoesBits), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.2020 tour dates are already up on the website. Don't find out too late about an upcoming performance in your area. Get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/LINKS -Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast uh i don't remember uh calling for this meeting check one of your hands. Didn't you write it down? No, I did write down Louis C.K. though. Maybe we should call him to find out what time we were supposed to meet.

Or is that who we're waiting for? I think he's playing tomorrow or something. Tucson. I don't think I'm going to make it. And when I say that, I mean, I don't think I'm going to it and when I say that I mean I don't think I'm gonna make it like you're gonna die something like that okay yeah I was I vaguely remember

talking about podcasting today yesterday but do I need to start taping phone conversations? Oh, it was on the phone? I thought it was in here. Oh, well, no, that didn't happen. It was a phone conversation. All right. I was drunk when I received word, so I'm just happy I remembered.

Yeah, we were on the stream last minute. I'm like, oh, I have another bit of technology I can get in touch with, Chad. Somebody had to tell me. Shaylee just typed in the chat that you're podcasting tomorrow. I'm like, oh, podcasting tomorrow. It's our viral marketing. There are a lot of elusive ways to figure out when we're podcasting and when we're not, though.

Sometimes I just hear the sourdough bags coming off the mics, and I'm like, oh, here we go. It's time to think of something. Sourdough bags. Are you looking up history of Anchorage, Alaska and the sourdough mining company? Are you getting ready for your big foray up into Alaska? Sort of, yeah.

I know you guys have been suggesting stuff to do, and I have five days where I'm not doing a show, so I'm very invested in exploring alaska well stay away from the sourdough bags that's what they call that's what they call old hookers in alaska i was wondering how you got that yeah that's a very chaley thing to say chaley knows you have weird details sourdough is a thing up there. Marketing now. Back then it was a way to stay alive. That's how you made bread. That's why they got all those sourdough billboards.

Well, I think that's what they called people who were out in the bush for a long time. Sourdough, yeah. Yeah. Oh. Sorry, I can't find where I tidied up and put Tracy's lav mic that someone sent us. I'm working on it. It's the second thing you've just admitted that you got drunk and tidied up and put Tracy's lav mic that someone sent us. I'm working on it.

It's the second thing you've just admitted that you got drunk and tidied up. Well, he's tidied up and I can't find anything. All my tubes arise. Have a look. All right. Yeah. We had the last podcast was that pickup artist guy. We get a lot of good feedback on shitting on okay

yeah we got a lot of feedback of how we handled it especially olivia yeah who didn't even want to show up yeah she looked him up online and said i'm going back to bed you could put one sourdough bag on one of those mics because I'm not showing up. It really could have gone either way. You know what I mean? Like, he could have been, like, a way bigger jerk, though. So I think that, like, you know what I mean? Like, he could have been way more aggressive and shitty, but he just sort of was, like, a little bit smug. And that's more fun.

He probably wouldn't have gone out if he was a total dick. Yeah. Yeah. You could leave that open, Raider. What? It's just weird. Let's fucking look at the smoke. What's he doing?

Oh, you're watching the smoke go out? Yeah. Yeah, it's smoky in here. Smoky as fuck. The other day I was in my studio, I think it was after I streamed. I was streaming and I was open and I was like, wow, it is foggy out. All of a sudden, after it started to clear i realized no that's just the smoke rolling out of your fucking building i was out of your smoke box yeah i was uh sniffing laundry today oh fuck i got laundry yeah you

gotta put it over the dryer yeah i was sniffing a thermal shirt i couldn't tell if it just came out of the last load or going into the next and i went to did the fucking armpit sniff and it was just fucking reeking of cigarette smoke because that was inside from your armpit yeah yeah every bit of my clothes smells like cigarette smoke when i leave here that's's inside, because in the office, the new office in there, that's some pretty small square footage if you have it shut down. We should get one of those old-timey smoke eaters that hang down

from the ceiling. Maybe Olivia can bring one back, put it in your suitcase. From Alaska? Yeah, up there, people still think those kill smoke. They still put them in bars. They have them at the American Legions here in town. Exactly.

What do they actually do? Are they just like a... Well, I think they work if you maintenance them on a regular basis. Oh. But no one touches them after they get installed. The ones at the Legion have just years of nicotine stuck to them to where there's hair stuck to the site. They just look like a useless ceiling fan.

I remember the Michigan diners because Michigan was one of the last places you could smoke and eat breakfast. And those railway car diners where the back the fiberglass walls would just be dripping with yellow

fucking nicotine. And grease. I mean mean it's yeah it's everything speaking of laundry day the other day i stopped by here uh it was the first time i'd ever just stopped by here unannounced i believe and leaned over the gate and yelled is anybody home and stanley's like yeah and i just i didn't want to go home so i just stayed here against everybody's will drinking for a long time and it was awkward i kept telling stanley like you didn't want to go home so i just stayed here against everybody's will drinking for a long time and it was awkward i kept telling this town i'm like you don't have to stay here and entertain me go inside i'm just gonna finish this drink and go well he didn't know how to respond

because i've never just showed up before you yeah you well you were talking about that you'd uh recently been micro dosing and uh i thought oh maybe he's micro dosing because you were in fucking full chad shank bloom and he gave us an excuse to start drinking on a day maybe we just won't drink today because this is this whole week i did i did feel bad about that because you guys were decided to be sober and then well ch Chad's here let's go ahead and drink there's one nod I go so should we have a cocktail nah

yeah I guess yeah we'll probably just one yeah yeah one Chad's talking let him finish his story have a polite cocktail yeah that's the rule and then I just kept staying yeah and I knew I knew I was doing it the whole and then i just kept staying yeah and i knew i knew i was doing it the whole time but i just i didn't want to go home so i'm like you guys just go leave me

sitting here doug's not used to that either but yeah but you don't have to be here yeah when people do the drop by they want doug to be here and they want him to stand and listen to the story we had kids at the house and i just wanted to be out longer and not home so i didn't have anywhere else to go so if i left here i had to go home and i was like i don't care i'm gonna feel awkward and stay here and make everybody else feel awkward too i don't give a you didn't make anyone feel awkward yeah you didn't seem like you made me feel awkward mostly though it was because Stanhope was wearing blue jeans. That was weird.

That was laundry. That's how deep I was into fucking I need to do laundry. All I had left, I didn't have any more pajama pants left, and I had a pair of jeans. I go, I could wear those. I was like, maybe Stanhope's a whole different guy when I'm not here. I don't know. See what happens when you drop in? You're the real Stanhope. Yeah, he's putting on a whole different guy when I'm not here. I don't know. See, that's when you drop in.

You get the real Stanhope. Yeah, he's putting on a persona just for me. I never knew. It was interesting trying to watch you be like, all right, how do we hang out as a group? You were like, do you guys want to listen to some music? I told you it was awkward. Is it interesting to you? The whole thing was awkward.

No, then he kept going, we should be podcasting. Well, because we would tell stories that everybody was cracking up. And I was like, this is the kind of. How come there's not a microphone in front of my face? Yeah, it's awkward to talk to you guys without a microphone. And that might have been part of why I felt awkward. But then you guys are doing podcasts with weirdos and stuff. And I'm like, well, how about if we do a podcast

where everybody's telling funny stories that we've never heard each other tell, and we're laughing, because that's kind of what we used to do. I don't remember any of them, so if you can recall any. That's why I think I kept saying we should be podcasting, because I know we'll never

remember those stories. Anyway, it was weird to see Stan open jeans. It was weird to show up here unannounced and just hang out against everybody's will. I think one of the first things you ever said to me was you were shitting on me for wearing skinny jeans all the time and you hated Levi's.

It was fun to watch you wear Levi's jeans. I don't hate Levi's. It's the only jeans I ever't hate Levi's. Yeah. Only jeans I ever knew. Well, it's because laundry day, everything else, meaning all of his PJ pants. Pajamas, yeah. It's the opposite of what regular people do. Like they go to the laundromat with wearing PJ pants because all their Levi's are in the wash. Yeah, you do have like a surprising array of pajama pants.

You have high standards for your PJs. Deep pockets. Yep. Don't watch it falling out. Excuse me, Tracy, can I get another one of those Evan Williams and Coca-Colas? Yeah, we got some thank yous. I don't fucking know. I'm so lost today.

We got some thank yous. I don't fucking know. I'm so lost today. I've been doing... We've been getting high almost every single night on edibles, and it lasts for fucking hours. And then last night was Seroquel night. All right, enough of that weed and fucking seeing the sun come up shit. Seroquel, fucking 13 hours this time.

Dead sleep. What happens when you do what? My mouth completely concrete dry this morning. Cinderblock fucking dry. I almost drank the drink that I had fallen asleep with on the nightstand, which was like a whiskey Coke. Actually, at that point, I had run out of coke for a mixer, so I was just drinking whiskey, but it was in the glass.

Whiskey yogurt? Tracy had been making me whiskey sours in, so it had the egg white residue around the side, and I was so parched, and I didn't want to get up, that I almost drank that, and then I just laid back down for another 30 minutes and finally got up. There's a sink with a faucet in that same room.

Yeah, we have to get out from underneath the weight of the thing. You have to move. I have the same problem. Joby made some weed butter a while back, and I have the same exact problem. Every time I eat too much of it, I'm knocked out for so long. My tongue turns into a stick of wood. If I don't have something to drink right next to me, I'm too lazy to get up and find something. And what I finally do do i just fill my mouth with water and try to go back to sleep with

a mouthful of water hoping it'll just absorb back wait a minute how did chad drown this is the weirdest thing i think you would naturally drink it before you would naturally drown if you fell asleep so so that's with the weed butter yeah so that's basically edible and doug you were saying that today was saraquel yeah last night yeah i've i've been prescribed saraquel in the past too saraquel jenny's the one that made me stop taking saraquel because she's like if the house catches on fire i can't make you get up and leave if you're on that drug maybe uh make a small bed, well, a large bed for you

on a dolly. With some wheels. Like a two-wheel dolly. A pallet jack. He's gonna roll it out. So, Doug, what happens to you on weed? You stay up till dawn?

Well, this week, we're fucking... No, he wakes up early. My friend McKenzie's down here and we've just been fucking laughing our balls off. And sometimes, like like weed I'm always eating not smoking right yeah

edibles yeah yeah no I don't smoke I don't want a bunch of people dropping off a bunch of weed here smoking yeah I get yuck mouth and I get too high like I can I know the dosage with edibles I I like that sweet tobacco he's always inhaling.

With that fresh breath. But you do go out. You drop off and fall asleep for a while on edibles? Well, the idea is to fall asleep on them. But if I don't right away, then I can be up. It turns into a party.

Yeah, but a lot of times it turns fucking dark. And I'm like, I'm too high. I can't be around. I was doing a little bit of that to Olivia a couple of times. I thought she hated me one of those nights. No, you were just high, and I wasn't high or that drunk. So it just seemed like I was annoyed. But you were having fun. You having you wrote a whole album you remember

that whoa musical he's musically talented yes he performed a musical like like in front of you guys and dolls I think he was just encouraging Mackenzie to write some songs and he was like I can write one right now

that's a pretty bad one that's some really good ones I was encouraging Mackenzie to write some songs, and he was like, I can write one right now. How hard is it? I had some pretty bad ones. I had some really good ones. Shit, shat, shart. And bitches be chirping. Both of those I would click on. I mean, that's... Bitches be chirping. It's a narrow audience, but it's there.

It's there. Yeah. I mean, you get the click. You still get the credit i don't know how long do you have to listen before you get a full credit i don't know how any of that works try and make strangers click on something that would do it as easy as just writing about what's going on around you bitches be chirping I'm getting a contact memory high it was pretty funny to see your eyes glaze over there for no reason

oh it was fun we can talk about this is sort of on topic because i i was what i picked wait there's a topic it's sort of a topic yeah but you know i i know go ahead i'm sorry that was my attempt at a segue i stepped on it it's okay it's not anyone's fault um i was so i was in tucson the other day because i was um you know i was like you know so I was in Tucson the other day because I was you know

I was like you know so I was like I went off the IBS diet and I was like I'll eat whatever I want and then I started doing that

and I started shitting blood right oh I forgot about your shitting blood well on tour you've been pretty strict on the like there's

there's a very small window of things that you can eat yeah and then recently you're like fuck it I'm eating everything yeah I'll eat whatever I want yeah so now what happened so then i started shooting blood

right and like it's like is that bad yeah for like the first day i was like i do it all the time is that bad i'm taking the temperature of the room dude i thought it was gonna go away you know but then it was like it's like it was like a lot it was like it's like a shot glass of blood and i was like it's not stopping yeah it wasn't stopping so i was like i'm gonna It was like a shot glass of blood. It's not stopping. Yeah, it wasn't stopping. So I was like, I'm going to have to go and see someone. I'm going to have to talk to a professional about this. So I went up to Tucson. And I had already gone the week before to get some cream for my nail picking.

And I went to the doctor. And they were like, you probably have hemorrhoids. I'm going to prescribe you a hemorrhoid suppository. And I was pissed off about it afterwards. Because I had gone all the way up there and she didn't do anything she was just like well i don't know i mean like i i'm about as in the dark as you are and i was like didn't you go to school how can you be in the dark about why i'm shitting blood she's like i don't know you're gonna need like a ct scan i'm like are you don't

you have that she's like no you're gonna have to find someone else. Wait, she just looked at you and said, I think I need to prescribe hemorrhoid cream? Yeah, pretty much. She didn't put a flashlight in her mouth and go, OK, bend over? Yeah, no. She didn't look at your butthole at all? Well, OK, here's what did happen. She was like, I'm going to check and see if you're anemic from all the bleeding. She sent in a nurse.

My veins kept rolling. And they didn't take my blood. So they were like, you're not anemic. OK. You said my veins kept rolling and they didn't take my blood so they're like you're not anemic okay your veins kept rolling yeah that's what they when you can't like get a vein you can't stick one yeah and then what's anemic anemic you get it from not from bleeding too much it's like a lack of red blood cells low iron okay yeah and so then they were just like well you're probably not anemic because we couldn't get your blood and i was like well that's really comforting and she did at one point look at my butthole and she put on gloves i thought it was gonna be like when she was like well your butthole looks fine from the outside i was so pissed i was gonna be like can you just like fish around in

there a little bit tell me what the hell's going on it's like i've never wanted someone to like shove a finger up my ass more. I was so freaked out. Did she really say your butthole looks fine from the outside? Because I've never had a doctor tell me that. Now I'm self-conscious about my butthole. It wasn't a direct quote, but I'm paraphrasing. I got you. I was going to ask if they used the word butthole.

As you get older, I'll tell you right now, you're still a youngster. So as you get older, only thing you need to learn about shit and blood is knowing the difference between fresh blood and old blood. That's really the only difference. Good advice, Chad. Sage advice. Bright blood, you're fine. That's near the exit. Exactly.

It was bright blood. Yeah. If it's black, go to the doctor, man. Yeah, yeah. Something's going on. Yet it wasn't. All those Theracol you've been saving up for this very occasion. Make that cocktail.

Yeah. So is it, did you get the hemorrhoid cream? Well, here's what happened. She prescribed me hemorrhoid suppositories. Sure. I go to, and I actually left the doctor disappointed, but I was like, well, there's a Walgreens around here that has a cute pharmacist, so I'll go find and then halfway through driving there i was like oh i'm picking

up hemorrhoid suppositories maybe a day's a bad day to go visit jason you know so i found a different on the upside with you wanting to someone to put a finger up there a suppository is like a baby finger up your butthole i know isn't that nice so you are getting your wish granted yeah and i'm like and the doctor asked I'm going to prescribe you suppositories. Are you okay with that? And I was like, yep. Like, I didn't even think about it. You know, it's like, yeah, sure.

Do you have a roommate? Is he cool? Wouldn't it be great if the cream that they prescribed for your fingers would also help your butthole? And then you could just put your fingers in your butthole and that would keep you from chewing your nails too, probably. I was thinking the one cream would definitely cure you of touching your fingernails. I think they call that an ecosystem. Two birds, one finger.

You've really got to remember which finger you used to put the suppository in if you want to bite your nails. I spread peanut butter on those crackers with one of these fingers. And then the suppository. All right. So I get to Walgreens, right? And she's like, your insurance is not going to cover your suppositories. So without your insurance, it's going to be like $200.

Or what you can do is you can just buy Preparation H. And you can buy glycerin suppositories you can make your own little hemorrhoid suppositories i'm like i'm not we're doing arts and crafts now like i have to make franken poop she's sending you down a rabbit hole because you can buy preparation h suppositories she said she didn't have them she's like you gotta make your own you gotta take the preparation h you to give it a little hat. Sticking up your ass. And I was like, I'm not doing that.

Wait a minute. You can just put the cream on the outside, I guess, or just try to get it up there as good as you can. And I was like, just give me the cream. I'm getting out of here. She said make a little hat. No, she did not say make a little hat. I was going to say that same very specific, you know, make a little hat. It's like, what the fuck is this? I've tried those.

Sesame Street for suppositories? I've tried those preparation Sesame Street for suppositories? I've tried those Preparation Age suppositories, and I think I'm too tense because they just keep shooting out like a rocket as soon as I try to put it in there. Sneeze before you put it in. I have to learn how to relax. I mean, how often, though,

do you have to, like, shove something up your butt for fun? Did you go to this clinic at a flea market? Or in a Puerto Rican neighborhood? Knock on the door that's not marked oh you guys remember that remember that butt plug dream that i told you about a while ago where i keep having a dream where like i'm at my mom's house and i cannot find my butt plug i finally had a dream where i figured it out she took it i don't know why to clean it i don't know she can does she need she took it i remember confronting her in why. To clean it? I don't know. She can...

Does she need... She took it. I remember confronting her in my dreams about it. She took my butt plug. Oh, sorry. Does anybody want to chime in? No, I wanted... I thought that was funny.

I was wondering if maybe you just... Psychologically, now you're looking forward to sleep. It's like a saga. Now you want to find out why she took your butthole. I mean, that was the earlier story. Butt plug. And for your butthole. I know how it works.

And so you can look forward to sleeping again. Yeah. Like a soap opera. So, yeah. I'm not looking forward to anything ever. Create your own ending? I was going to take a break. We can do that. Yeah, I just keep

running into things. I can't talk about that now. Can't talk about that. Alright, yeah, let's take a break and reconnoiter. Let me check with my attorney please hold he wants me as a guest and then he finally said the magic word is i'll give you drugs so i'm like yes I can meet you almost immediately. Okay, so the podcast I listened to, he was very angry about a situation. But, you know, when you hear somebody ranting and yelling, it's kind of unnerving.

But if it's a podcast, you can kind of enjoy it because it's not directed at you necessarily. Although this podcast did have my name. I was going to say, in your case, it might be directly about the fact that he can't get you as a guest. I had to listen to about a 20-minute rant to get to the part where he was talking about me, and he goes, one of my heroes, I want to have my guest Andy Anhurst on my podcast.

Hey, everybody. It's me, Brett Erickson from the Issues with Andy podcast. We love you, Killer Termites, and we hope you'll tune in and check us every Friday. Issues with Andy on YouTube. Yeah. It's not a podcast, right? Isn't it a vodcast? You're right.

For once, Andy, you're right. It's a vodcast, which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka if you love the shit you're getting here on the doug stanhope podcast get more shit with us on issues with andy on youtube every friday and yeah well you keep listening and watching or however you do it and we'll keep shitting The other night we came out very high and Olivia was having a bad night. I probably made it worse by laughing at her. But that was the night before Chad came here microdosing and Olivia finally wakes up.

You couldn't even make features out of her face her head was so swollen drinking the night before and uh but i said yeah yeah i said olivia had a little bout of self-hatred last night and chad shank said i don't remember exactly what it is. Isn't this the self-hatred mecca? This is where all of us gravitate towards. I was just so embarrassed to cry because I knew exactly what I

did wrong. I was like stressed so I wasn't eating. And then as soon as we were reading something that I had written together and it just didn't I just didn't feel good about it afterwards. And so I just started slamming drinks on an empty stomach. And then four hours later, I'm crying about how everything is crying about everything. I couldn't even keep my story straight.

So you tried to escape the crying and ran right into more crying. Yeah, I was trying to keep my story straight, but I kept like contradicting. I think it's just like when you're just angry and sad and it has nowhere to go. And Doug was trying to make me feel better. And then I would completely contradict myself just to justify still being angry and upset. So we're glad you're here, Chad. This is a comfortable place to be broken, Olivia. Look around the room.

We've got a house full of broken. I've been married to Jenny forny for 21 years and that's the most comfortable place that i'm broken much to her detriment i mean she just gets all the shittiest parts of me and then i get to try to shine them up for everybody else to see but this aside from my own house this is the greatest place ever to just be broken in and know that nobody else gives a fuck yeah but i don't i don't like to break man you know i pride myself on being like pretty strong and stoic and i can i can handle anything and then sometimes you just like i'm so stressed i microwaved food and then found it in the microwave the next morning you're pretty broken olivia i No, I'm fine. I'm totally fine.

I am happy. Can you imagine a religious person making it to Mecca and be like, I don't even need to be here. This is fine. This is stupid. I've eaten so little this week that I've only been to Safeway twice. Sometimes I go every day and sometimes a couple times or three times a day.

And yeah, we just, well, we have gotten high and purged in the middle of the night or binged in the middle of the night. Purged is different from binging. That's why I changed it. It's the opposite. That's why I changed it.

I self-edit. Don't cry they're up purging and binging all night long in the wrong order and i usually have some kind of mental sense of what's bad like how long how long when did i make this fucking ground beef like has it been two days or a month? I have no sense. My sense of time has gone. Have we even talked about the chicken wing hot wing challenge?

No, we haven't podcasted since then. Or right before it. I can't remember. That was before or after the pickup artist guy. That was a... That Halloween challenge was a fucking blast for me. Yeah.

Joby. Explain what... We're probably going to have to get Joby on a mic to explain the fucking Scovilles and all that. Joby's a barbecue hot sauce. I think people know who Joby is. Yeah, but they set up this for your Twitch stream.

Yeah, yeah. We had the six different increasingly hot wings. The last one being with the Carolina Reaper and ghost pepper and extract. That's the one I wisely quit before eating. Yeah, you quit after three or something. No, you went five? I went five.

And I was the only one who went five among the people who dropped out that finished it. Those guys started five and spit it right out. That was Joby Spice Spice wing. A very flavorful sauce, by the way. Oh, man. This is a very important thing that Olivia brought up, which that's what reminded me of the

chicken wing challenge, was drinking on an empty stomach. Because that's what I did that day, and I was fucking laying down at like 7 p.m. I was like I can't I can't stay up any longer then I rallied for

one or two drinks and I couldn't focus on people's heads and they're talking to me and I can't I don't know which eye to cover with the other hand I should just didn't know whether to binge or purge I think one of my favorite things about doing that twitch stream I should just... Didn't know whether to binge or purge.

I think one of my favorite things about doing that Twitch stream here is that I was just really self-conscious about it. So immediately after we did the wing thing, I went and tried to shut it off. And everybody was like, no, no, those guys were saying that you guys were going to leave it running for a while because I was like, well,

because the only thing I can do is just self-project things on other people. So I'm like, well, if I was Stan Hope, I would want all these people to fucking leave here immediately. Like a dump truck. Just lift one end up and everyone slide out onto the street. I did you a favor, motherfucker. Now, why are you still here? So I was trying to bail out.

And then Stan Hope was like, well, no, no, you can, you know, let the stream run and then you guys can play darts or whatever. And then I still felt weird. And then whenever Tracy came out and put on her dart playing shirt and started kicking ass at darts, it really then, I was like, all right, now it's, I don't know. Your focus shifted. Well, I didn't feel like I was a burden again.

I don't know. Being a burden, you always feel like a burden. Does that make sense? But why do you feel like a burden when you're here for Joby's thing? Well, Joby was doing a thing for me. Yeah, yeah. I was a burden on top of a burden. You were burdening a burden?

Listen. I'm hard cream on top of a surprise. Cumbersome, and I'm aware of it. It's all right. But you just forgot about all that it started being really fun it was a real party because then the music went on low and then uh rob dukes was fucking oh yeah dukes was down was it was a ringer he was nailing some darts i got he i think he's coming down for our next dart tournament uh uh he was telling me that's awesome yeah dave

raider's here to take measurements to put a dartboard over behind the stage yeah i had a good time it was really fun making up fucking reasons to pitch your uh your how to find you on twitch or just go to at hd fatty that's the one thing just and it's we make it confusing by trying to go through Twitch. I learned that over time. Go to at HDFatty because that's where... My pinned tweet will tell you how to do it. Last night we were streaming.

It hit 410 subs. What's that mean? 410 subs. Subscriptions. It's subscriptions. Paid subscriptions. Fucking Lonely Hearts club fucking i'm 11 month anniversary by the way they just told me listen i appreciate it i get because all of those

things even though it doesn't cost you money since you already have amazon prime i get money from it so i didn't think it would get up this high and hit 410 so i was tweeting you know now 420 is a reality oh uh stanhope retweeted it. Got a bunch more viewers. We had one of the guys that's in there. He's been in there since the first stream. He's been on every one of them. He gifts 10 subs to hit 420.

At the same time, Fury does his free subscription to try to help, and all he did was fuck it up, so we hit 421. So we hit 421 last night, which is, I did it on a calculator last night. If I had that consistently, see, today it's already down from that because it goes day to day, and then it averages out for the month. But if I had 420 subs consistently, that's over $1,000 a month for that Twitch stream. So it really makes a big difference. month for that twitch stream so it really makes a big difference we were on last night everybody doing that man and it's just in the background

while we're fucking around last night we were playing music mckinsey was yelling out songs and then i would play a song and then everyone go change this song and then i have to play mckinsey song again but it was it was fun but and I'm watching on the side it's like there's three conversations going on and they have nothing to do and then I go what fucking stupid ass

game are they playing there's a guy in boxer shorts with like a happy face on his head and finally I just texted in there I go

what the fuck is going on there's no game like they're talking between the game I had the volume off so we could hear the music that we're playing and i was half engaged in it but then trying to find out what was happening you can't a lot of everyone's talking a lot of the stream is not us playing games a lot of it is just

just drinking and smoking and talking shit but then even the chat though will have people that have there's been people who've made networking connections like musicians who've hooked up with other musicians and game developers with musicians there's been cool stuff that's happened through these uh link ups so it's really pretty fun it happens fast everything the the chat rolls a couple weeks ago i was playing a video game and they were playing trivia in the chat i was chiming in playing trivia while I was playing video games. Yeah, we should definitely do more of that live in the Funhouse. Even if it's just podcast, I'll just fucking talk to people. You know what?

It bumps me up, so I appreciate any of that. But I did have a good time hanging out here and doing that. It'd be easier if I just put a PS4 here. So we'll put one in here so we can put it on the big screen. I don't know if maybe you guys, people probably't know, people probably don't think about it, but to be a fly on the wall at a party at the Funhouse, which is basically what that was. Yeah, there's no chance for Chaley to edit.

Yeah, yeah. As much as I try. Unless you were over there talking into my phone, you couldn't really hear conversations. It was just being a fly on the wall at a fun house party and I think that's a, I don't know, I think people enjoy that. I think it was cool. Thanks, Daniel. Yeah, no, I had a blast

except I didn't eat. That blast was short-lived. Oh, that's what I started off saying. That was the greatest thing about it is it was such a great amount of time and then everybody cleared out of here by 8.30. It was done. I know I woke up and the place was fucking spotless

and I never know who does it. That's Joby. Joby came back in the morning and cleaned. I know that much. He won't say. I never know who to say thank you. It's either Joby or Olivia or Jaylee or I don't think it's ever Tracy. She sleeps in on me cleaning that night. I do remember like at the last minute,

because we in the actual fun house, it was just going to be the people eating the ring girl and then people taking the camera shot because it is your phone so you had to have some control but we had people here want to watch i'm like scrambling at the last minute go how do we put on the the big screen out there and i'm like trying to hook up a chromecast and uh roku and i'm like can alexa help me what the fuck am i trying to do here and i couldn't't do it. And I'm like, wait, I have a PS4 down.

Is that how you did it? That's how I came up and cooked it up in two minutes. That was, we watched it. That was the other thing that made me feel more comfortable with seeing you guys sitting out there on the porch, watching the Twitch stream lab. And I'm like,

all right. So it's not like standoff sitting in his house going, well, motherfuckers filming in my house. Fucking assholes. Again, that would be me, not you. I'm just projecting that if I were you. But also watching the messaging

that's going on on the side. Out there, we can yell at the screen and then I'm furiously typing in on my iPad to react to what people... But I've got a group of people. So it sounds like I'm what people, but I've got a group of people. So it sounds like I'm saying it, but it's, I'm taking the best of what's happening at the table.

Yeah, it was fun. It was a lot of fun. Well, I had a good time and my asshole burned for two days. The last of which I knew it was the last part is I was sitting on the couch watching TV with Jenny and I farted and it was like, Oh,

and I knew I was like, maybe that was the last of it right there his farts aren't supposed to burn when did i eat tax oh man well yeah kenny well you never believe kenny you know he always exaggerates but he came by the next day and said yeah the then i finally or joe b joe b called in to check on kenny because kenny did all six fucking wings two of the number sixes well i the reason i i threw in the hundred bucks and then oh yeah that's a huge thing because when after five anyone could give up at that point because they're like just one more and then they could but the culmination of all of those i'm like if i threw a hundred dollars right now now

kenny's fixated on that hundred. He's not thinking about the wing. So I'm thinking about my boy. I've trained that guy. Yeah. And that was, that was the plan. I doubled down.

I threw it. Perfect. That matched your bet. Yeah, that was great. But at that point, I knew Kenny was going to win. When there's money down,

and it's just eating something. And we had discussed that before, because I was like, Kenny wants to win this, but Kenny needs some monetary incentives. And I saw I was telling Joby, I go, should we each put in money to, you know, everybody who's participating, put in money in the pot, you know, so that. For the winner. So not just for Kenny. And then we, you know, all of us are fucking poor. So like, yeah, that's going to be like $40.

Nobody gives a fuck about that. So that was why I got that trophy with the Hulk holding a trophy sitting on a toilet. And then it says winner with a question mark. Did I really win? So I really did appreciate you guys fucking making it way more interesting there at the end. On the last round, Shaylee runs in and throws $100 down and says, $100 to the winner. But I know how Kenny works.

Yeah. Yeah. Joby sent me a picture the next day. He had to borrow a respirator, like fucking Breaking Bad from Dave Rayner, just to cook that shit in his house. And I said, fucking stay here. How are you going to sleep in a fucking mace farm? Why didn't he just wash it down the urinal?

Oh, can you imagine your eyes tearing up every time somebody pees for the next two months? Actually, it would smell better in our shop. For the next months. Because every time that line gets cleared, it just smells like urine. And cayenne pepper urine, probably better than just urine. I think that urinal was probably a better idea when that was the neighbor's property.

Now it's kind of a stupid idea, I guess. What are you looking for, Doug? Someone slow rolling on the... Oh, no. But the next morning, Jody texted me a picture of him. He's just to do dishes in his house the next day from that hot sauce. He had to wear a...

He's got the fucking respirator on just to do dishes. And you had to... Joby, you had goggles, right, too? Because it didn't burn your eyes? Just the smell? It was when I finished that number five wing, you would have thought that i

took my hands and just rubbed them right into my eyeballs even though i was very careful to not touch my face my whole eyes were on fire it was burning my my face my eyes it was brutal did you did you do the number six i did not do the number six and rob dukes said for people who didn't watch the stream or find out rob dukes goes uh at six goes kenny you do it you win you do it you win i'm not gonna do this and tie or and make it be something where like i eat this but you end up winning yeah you do it if you eat the whole thing you fucking win he had already won number six so it was whoever had the second number six. And he just allowed, yeah, if you do it, you win. He's a diplomat. I like Dukes.

He also said that Kenny needs the money. I go, how do you know Kenny needs the money? He said, because he said to me, I really need the money. He fucking seeded the mind with everyone. I'm sorry, salted the mind. That's fucking great. Oh, that was fun. That's why we have the lights here.

And setting this up to where you could do a switching, like a two-camera shot, is something that you can do on Twitch. Well, send us your ideas of what you would like to see happen in the funhouse on the Twitch stream at HDFatty. We could do

open mic. That would be thoroughly embarrassing. We could set that up easy to do open mic. Actually, Doug, we're already set up to do open mic. I know, but on Twitch. I'm saying what people would want to see. Especially when you do like russian roulette open mic where you just point at someone and say you're going up well and it's not even someone yeah it's everybody has to go up no matter

who you are stanhope has that role and it's so much it always ends up being so much fun that's a that's a that's a party here that that's one thing that happens after the party. Yeah. When the recordings stop. That's so hard for me not to record that shit. Oh, yeah, I bet. But it's like you go up against your will. Yeah.

And that is a fucking great idea. Yeah. That's some of the most fun. Yeah. Yeah, we do two camera shoot easy. Plus, I have a good plan for next open mic night that's all hey hold on a second i gotta ask you uh baby joey if you know or chad uh do you use a different software like discord or something to be able to do the switching i'll show you obs

oh it's obs okay so that's what that that's Erickson we use for... Okay. It's OBS. Issues with Andy? They already heard the commercial. Yeah, none of this shit is going to be happening until probably maybe March, probably April, because we're all getting the fuck out of here soon. I don't know who's going to be here in March who could do this. No, no.

I thought it might be just sometime in the future. Is Red Band showing up to install a bunch of fucking video and shit? We're gone. You're on tour? We're going to St. Louis? You know, the phone works surprisingly well for those things. Everybody has always been like that. Even us. we were surprised we

didn't know how well it would work but it works really good so i don't know iphone commercial i don't know what the fuck my point was shaley don't do any work i just need to get someone to hold my phone that's what you were trying to say no no uh well i was just trying to move on but the like one of the guys we met on the stream he he came and visited Liberal, the dude from Australia. Yeah, yeah. He sent me an Elgato, which is... That's a cat? Yes, the cat.

The cat? Yeah, yeah. It's an OBS system specifically for streaming platforms. You can put green screens and everything with the software. Anyway. Anyway, we could do this offline. Yeah, yeah. Nobody else seemed to have anything else.

Where's my pillow? I want to go to sleep. Nobody else is talking about it. Let's take a quick break and plug some shit that you're going to love it. Hi, this is Doug Stanhope, actor, writer, enthusiast, and part-time broadcaster, as seen on YouTube and all the other social networks. Do you like apparel?

Well, what if I told you you could get apparel right there on the Internet? I get all my apparel from Zip Zoo Apparel. If you ever want a t-shirt that has a kind of Felix the Cat head on it and it says you're gonna die in a really kooky font and it's on a yellow t-shirt, none of that black shit, go at ZipZooApparel. Apparel all year long. ZipZooApparel.com in Cincinnati. I want to forget the thank yous, even though one of them is going to be anonymous, and he sent the most shit.

No, we got it. I looked it up. Chad reverse engineered it. Not Tim. And his, is it Twitter? Twitter. His Twitter is at I underscore am underscore Cartwright. Which he may or may not want advertised, but we're doing it anyway.

Do you want me to delete that? No, he wouldn't have put it on the fucking paper But when I started, the box was here And I started unloading it on the day that Chad was here When he busted in unannounced When I crashed to the pad So I started unloading the box Because I go, Doug, have you looked at this box?

And he goes, no, I just sat it over there So I started unloading it. And I'm like, all right, here's some St. Germain elderberry liqueur, some peanut butter whiskey, and a recipe to drink both of those with. And then a Bruce Lee magazine, an Eddie Izzard biography, and then drugs. an Eddie Izzard biography, and then drugs. And I'm like,

this guy, Chad, you go, that guy sent that in the mail? Because I hand you... Do you have that peanut butter whiskey? Yeah. Yeah, well, and an eight... Of course we do.

It hasn't been opened. It's peanut butter whiskey. No, it's been opened. I tried it. We tried it. You handed me an eighth of Critical Kush. Kush.

So... There were three blister packs. And a butterfly knife. We tried it. You handed me an eighth of critical kush. Kush. So. There were three blister packs. And a butterfly knife. I forgot about that. Yes. Because apparently there's a bunch of junior high kids that hang out here. People know me.

There was some Seroquel. There was some Provigils. There was a three pack of readers in our prescription. There was some provigils. There was a three pack of readers in our prescription. There was some weed candy. I think this guy might be a stalker now that I'm thinking about it. Who is this guy? And while I was cleaning up, I found just today two envelopes in the Eddie Izzard book. One that says HD Fatty and one that says egg lester i think

that's you tracy at egg lester oh fuck oh wait wait wait wait wait wait wait it has his twitch on the back of it oh that's his twitch okay come here okay all right you know the the credit you gave earlier is me is might be the right one, but I'm not 100% sure. I think it is, but I don't know if you want to leave it in, Shaley. Leave it in. Oh, Jesus Christ. Hey, this guy is not a stalker at all.

What was I saying before? I thought it was one bill. That is, yeah. Tracy, here you go. That's good. Hold on. Let me get those. Well, maybe I should have done that in private. What if Tracy only has one? Tracy, here you go. That's good. Maybe I should have done that in private.

What if Tracy only has one? 60 bones in the ass. What if she has eight? 60 bones in the HD fatty envelope. Thanks a lot. This is Cummings on Twitch. Nice. What was his name?

Well, not Tim. We'll say that. What the fuck is this? No? Well, not Tim. We'll say that. What the fuck is this? As long as they know it's not Tim. That's me. Jesus Christ. What is this? This is peanut butter whiskey. Peanut butter whiskey, everyone.

It's not bad. Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers. I'll try it. Oh, I can make some cocktails with that. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, I can make some cocktails. Yeah, yeah. I'll say right now.

Nothing berries for one. Bailey's with that or the Godiva chocolate with that. Exactly. I could drink loads of big shots with that. You got your Godiva in my peanut butter whiskey. Yeah. That stuff's pretty good. I don't like flavored whiskey, but that's not bad. Yeah. But I could only do one drink of that. That's sweet. It's very sweet.

No, that's why it's perfect in coffee drinks. The other thing is the St. Germain, which is a fancy motherfucking... I think we had a bottle for 30 days in the hole that we needed it for one of the weird drinks. But he did... This is what I love. He sent two weirdo drinks. Like, no, weirdo liquors, right?

Yeah, we didn't even mention the brand of that whiskey, and we won't until they're a sponsor. But he also included in the note that I threw away when I was cleaning it up, he included two recipes that he suggests with that. And the St. Germain, he says, add that to your mimosas, which I love because I like less champagne and more booze. God, I have fresh squeezed oranges. I squeezed the whole bag, and I got a couple. We have champagne,

but it's a little late for mimosas now. What about some with St. Germain? Orange juice and champagne. Oh, you want to do that right now? No, I don't. But I like that he sent a recipe. How many bottles of champagne, too? No, we have a full bottle. Yeah, we can get rid of it.

Thank you. Wow, that peanut butter whiskey sticks around in your mouth region. Especially if you have cotton mouth from already smoking weed. I hear if you put it on your finger before you poke in the suppository, then you can taste peanut butter. Yum.

And it keeps you from biting your nails. Yes. Wait, do you bite your butt nails? Wait, you pick. I pick at them, yeah. And then I have some kind of eczema thing that makes them flakier and so then it's just fun to like

rip off the flakes it's like watching her tear jerky off I make fun because I do the same thing Olivia and I I do mine terribly

but I've been on this new medicine for about a month and a half that the psychiatrist gave me I think it's called

you don't need to have sex anymore just draw that's the main side effect i've noticed is my libido is gone and uh my fingernails are growing so i have to keep figuring out how to deal with that you know your fingernails always grow this one's all shiny no because i just chew them down to where they're like a good quarter inch below the end of my finger they're growing faster than you can chew and they're they're snagging on stuff and breaking and ripping halfway apart it's a yeah i'm gonna stop taking this medicine i want to bite my fingernails and fuck again at the same time fuck Fuck this medicine, man. Oh, Lord.

Guys. Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah, my wife is in the room. I forgot my wife is in the room. He's banging, and he puts his finger in her mouth and goes, just start chewing the nail. Oh, Lord. Jesus, you a darge.

That's why I turned away and then... This one was in my butt. Is that peanut butter? Oh, no. Oh, did you get... I'll try one of those. I don't usually like mimosas because I don't like the champagne, but

I'd try it with the St. Germain, the elderberry liqueur. I'll take mine. We should probably wrap it up. Yeah, let's wrap this up. Yes, thank you for listening. Oh, hold on. The guy that dropped off the thing in the lit t-shirt. Yeah, I'm doing something for a second here.

Stall. What? No, we can do that at Kenya Cowboy on Instagram his name is Dan he came by he's very polite very respectful and he dropped some Evan Williams bourbon off and

a medicinal cigarette for Chad and a nice note thank you very much oh that's when we were here you guys were here but chatty Kathy over here Chad was talking so much you didn't even notice him

walking by listen whenever I crash a place I don't want people to feel like they have to entertain me I want to entertain them Chaley's been working nonstop hours. It's fucking 8 o'clock at night and you hear a saw going

outside. What are you doing? Sorry, I put a muffler on it. No, the fact is that there's no muffler. Yeah, I was cutting wood late. For the fireplace? Yeah, that's why he spots a guy drops off a package because he's running no i didn't that was the thing i'm like how the fuck i went out there late because sometimes uh fedex comes by late and throws it in our box out there i'm like

there's a there's shit out here who the fuck dropped off shit right and then i go back in the camera to see what's happening and it was the exact time that tom and i went to the dump and chad was here telling a very interesting story that was the the window of time that this guy walked up and no one saw what was happening well thanks for the joint yeah shaley texted me the the picture of the guy dropping it off he's like someone dropped you off a joint i might'm like, see my motorcycle in the background. I'm like, I was there. He could have handed it to you.

Balls are coming from inside the house. Get out. All right. What is this? Fun. Well, thanks, everybody, for everything. We're on deck. What is that?

Oh, man. Is it fucking New Year's Eve? We're on deck. What is that? Oh, man. Is it fucking New Year's Eve? We're still dragging this thing out. We're ending the podcast while we continue to drink experimental drinks? That seems counterintuitive. We could always do a Patreon after this. We're drunk. They don't mind. Well, maybe you have to

tune into Patreon to find out what this experimental drink is that I'm about to drink. This is Dan at Kenya Cowboy. Thank you so much, Dan. Thanks for being polite. Thanks for hanging out with us. We need you as much as you need us. That's more palatable than a regular

mimosa, by the way. That's alright. It tastes a little shampoo-y, but... Yeah, but I'm not opposed to that. Yeah, it's good. Pretty good. I mean, come on. It could be worse.

Hey, Doug. You can crank that. What about bingo? Is she going to get us out of here or what? Oh. All right. Live from Mardi Gras, here's Bingo to take us out of this. Okay.

Bye-bye now. Thank you. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you.