The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#358: More Patreon Questions & What's Eating Chaille?

Episode Date: March 11, 2020

Doug answers more questions from Patreon subscribers. Somethings got Chaille steamed but nobody can figure it out.Listen to the rest of this podcast and get another BONUS one each month by subscribing through our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast. ALL levels of support will get direct message access to the podcast and instant access to a Bonus episode every month plus all past BONUS episodes. Any level of support is appreciated. Thanks in again as your subscription helps keep this podcast going. Patreon page - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast).Recorded Feb. 19th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Olivia Grace (@OliviaDoesBits), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.2020 tour dates are already up on the website. Don't find out too late about an upcoming performance in your area. Get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/LINKS -Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast what are you talking about we're talking about how much questions from patreon hanging out with you questions from patreon that was i don't i want to gloss over that that chad just said i love hanging out with chaley and dismissed us like we're fucking because it was a personal conversation why did you hit record well because it sounded like you were talking credit of oh chad likes me best i can hit oh you're such a dick ch Shaylee did win. Here's a good podcast right now. Mark it. Remember in the

beginning whenever I first saw Shaylee, I thought he hated me. And after a while, I thought he hated me. I guess you're right. Never been brought up. Everybody still to this day. Oh, I believe Olivia Grace brought that up drunk last night.

Yeah, that's what we were. I remember this very clearly. I still think Chaley because I think he thinks I do nothing here. I go, no, he knows you're working. You're writing. No, you're an artist. You do nothing. No, he knows you're working.

You're writing. No, you're an artist. You do nothing. But it's like, I don't know. You have like, you have such like your face when you're stressed out is like so intense. You just have a very like abrupt like stress face. And I'm like, what did I do? Bingo will attest to this. It's not you.

It's just who you are. When I do get in a working groove, I'm like that with Bingo. I go, no, no, I'm actually fucking working. Like when I get in that, like maybe once a week, I'll get into a place where I'm going to fucking just keep moving. A zone. Yeah. I had the same thing with Hennigan.

He didn't like me, which was true as well. And then I did the same thing that I did with Shaylee. Instead of wait and see if they didn't like me, which was true as well. And then I did the same thing that I did with Shaylee, is instead of wait and see if they didn't like me, I just adjusted to how much I was willing to contribute to the cult. And then once I was like, they're like, oh, this guy's all in, I think. Hey, how about this? Here's a thought experiment, Olivia. This is for you.

Hey, Olivia, that idea of what you just expressed of like Shaley and his look, right? Imagine that look representing you. Would that be cool? What do you mean? Like in your endeavors. Oh, absolutely. Oh, so it's a positive thing for Mr. Stanhope. Totally.

I wasn't kidding on it at all. It's a podcast. It's great for the podcast. It's great for Issues with Andy. It just doesn't work with you when you walk in here at the zero hour and you're like, you interpret something. That's what I was saying. I was saying,

I know it's me. I know how hard you're working. I know how focused you are. Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I fell asleep during that part. And I like, so I respect you a lot. And so it, so I respect you a lot. And so it's just, but you do admit that you do have a face that's a little intense sometimes. Oh, totally. But the people I work for don't complain about that face.

I wasn't complaining about it. I was saying that I know that when I- Actually, you actually dug this. Yeah, I do. Because that's how it all came up with you two bitching about me in the cone of non-silence. Totally affectionate bitching about you, though. No. Because it's like, oh, you're such a respectable person.

You're awesome. No, don't do this. I'm not doing anything other than. Olivia, I love you. Okay. And I support you and what you're doing. Yeah. But at the same time, don't make this be about making me feel better.

I don't give a fuck. Good start to the podcast. I hope we're not starting yet. This should be Patreon. We have to take Patreon questions. I got them right here. Thank you, Patreon people. Thank you so much for Patreon because they're the only reasons we made it through last year.

Chad, some of those checks I cut, I couldn't cover them until Patreon came on board. And I appreciate it. I appreciate it, too. Who has a question? I appreciate it, Chaley. That's my credit. That's not Chad's credit.

I'm fucking drunk. Yeah, give it to Chad, then. No, I can rate it. It's not that drunk. Jesus. Go ahead. James Frost Wynn says, your story about your mother. No, I can rate it. All right. It's not that drunk. Jesus. Go ahead. James Frost Wynn says, your story about your mother. Hey, I know that guy.

Do you? Yeah. For real? Yeah. Why? In Austin at the festival there, JT's Festival. He was the guy who played the trumpet in our pot circle. And then he came to Las Vegas.

He was at Tommy Rocker's. Oh, the sax guy yeah yeah not not the guy who came up on stage but his buddy they have the beer yeah yeah all right so james frost win says your story about your mother is very important piece to me both of my parents had passed away by the time i was 25 and they had an incredibly dark sense of humor as well. I scattered both of their ashes by putting them in a pinata and busting it open on a beach in Hawaii. So my question is, sorry, I should have gone to this. Did you do anything dark for the funeral or with the ashes?

Did you do anything dark for the funeral or with the ashes? Which I honestly don't know what's gone on with all that. Well, other than the ones that we snorted with cocaine with Johnny Depp. That is true. I don't think that story's been told anyway. No, it has. It was alluded to in This Is Not not fame because i couldn't use his name but fuck it uh but no i the the mother's ashes we try to sell on ebay to uh for a charity for uh humane society fucking no it's all a donation it was clearly stated it's illegal

yeah so yeah those ashes are still around and a funeral is a fucking waste of time we had no funeral i should have written a funny obituary for the fucking bisbee observer but no the dead people don't care by the way ashes aren't like uh someone flicking a cigarette or a cigar. Ashes from a funeral. There's bone chunks in there. Yeah, like, I can't even, I'm trying to think of a fucking analogy. Is it like sand?

No, it's way chunkier than that. There's like, if you ground bone and meat through one of those hand crank things that you'd get chunks of bone in. You've eaten ground beef where you get a chunky thing. I've started your mom and I know the difference.

Go on. Next question. I don't know what, Doug. I think we've talked about this. You slid through this one. Yeah, you told me to cross out the ones that I don't want to fucking read. Okay.

X's mean read it. C means it's about you. I know, but you had an X and a slash, so I don't know what that means. Chad, do that one. Joaquin. Joaquin says, Do you have any great stories about being on the road with Joey Diaz, and will you guys ever swap cast with each other?

The road stories are early days where he just hosted the Joker broker at the Broker Inn in Boulder, Colorado. I know that because I got a driver's license there. Did we just talk about this? No. Yeah. When I lived out of my car in Colorado, my driver's license had expired.

So I was playing the broker in Colorado, and you could get a driver's license the same day in Colorado. So that's when I had. Yeah, we did talk about. No, we talked about it because we were talking about. And I get a license forever. He was he hosted the open the open mic. The fucking where?

Triple gig at the broker in where I got that driver's license city. Boulder, Colorado. And Joey Diaz was the house emcee, but he didn't really want to do it. So he came in. I'm sorry. I'm fucking sick. I got to push me, pull you. Fucking flu.

You don't know which end to fucking aim at the toilet, because it's coming out of both ends. And I got to go. He didn't give a fuck he was a fucking open mic basically 94 i was mc and he was the funniest guy that had to be 94 right uh it was probably earlier really yeah like 92 probably when he got booked up to anchorage it was from roger rittenhouse who was out of denver who was giving me seattle comics and la comics and i don't know and then all of a sudden denver she's got the next one denver comics

started showing up and i'm like that's what the fuck where's denver comics la seattle and then denver and joey diaz shows up like he's one of the guys that and this is always one of the guys this is the same run that i met you and had already done fucking like time in prison for kidnapping or something he didn't give a fuck his whole thing was like he uh floated across uh to get to a florida anyway he shows up in anchorage and i'm picking up the comics at Anchorage Airport and I walk I don't know who these guys are and he walks me

Hey two questions Are you Shaley? And where do we get Madden News Thunderfuck That was it I remember when we booked him We booked him at Lakeshore Theater We booked him at Lakes Shore Theater. We booked him at Lake Shore Theater. Wrong order, by the way.

We booked him at Lake Shore Theater. In Chicago. Yeah, back in that heyday. And he didn't show up. And whatever that guy's name was, the fucking random place. Captain Spalding or whatever. He said, yeah, your friend didn't show up for the gig

and is about to start and I called him he goes yeah I couldn't make it shit happens and hung up on him that gig was Jesus Christ who was it Erickson everyone

Norm Wilkerson and Brendan Walsh and then a bunch of other people and this is classic I don't know what you know what Hannigan has that footage I filmed the whole fucking thing but it is one of those things where it's like like in your head you're like

that didn't happen that fucking happened and there's footage of this where Brendan Walsh fucking Brendan Walsh goes of this where brendan walsh fucking brendan walsh goes stop this shaley yeah you need to stop this right now and he was pissing on my in a trash can draped in an american flag he was pissing on a flag in a trash can which is why i have video i get drug out in the trash can me, because the only reason we could stop this, because the whole audience was on the stage, so Doug can have them all smoke,

because we were extended. We've gone over this. Go to the next question. So my friend Greg Chaley, who I respect so much, handed me this piece of paper and circled the name Sid Villain, who asks you muttered something about Brian Regan recently but I couldn't get

whether you knew him or not curious because you two are my faves though on different ends of the spectrum the autistic spectrum no no Brian Regan is he's like Seinfeld you go, I appreciate what you do.

It's not my kind of comedy, but you do it so well. And the only time I've met Brian Regan, unless Chaley corrects me and goes, we ran into him in an airport. Never. No, when I was a kid. I was a middle act in fucking Knuckleheads in Minnesota at the Mall of America. Yeah. I must have opened for him, but there was a stupid mall bar next door, and he came over, and he drank, and he was really fucking cool.

This is like 94, 93. Yeah. He's a great guy, and he's a great cool. This is like 94, 93. And yeah, he's a great guy and he's a great comic for what he does. We won't co-headline anytime soon because we're opposite ends of the spectrum. You know, I think... But yeah, he's a great guy. I reflect often on that whole thing

where you talked about, hey, everyone listening, I would rather drink in an airport bar with Dane Cook than all of you. That back one, like that beef was heavy. But I shit on his comedy, but I would still rather hang out with him than my biggest fan. It stands that there's a common respect that is not evident in politics that comics will always hang out with each other because they have they have

the core it's a very weird life stupid it's ridiculous it's like saying hey all and all bass guitarists would all love to be of course they would because we complain about the lead guitarist we have we have a through line and and comics are the same way and i always think about that every time we're in uh airport situation or in a situation to where like doug could be uncomfortable it was like, oh, it's a comic. Like the Robert Schimmel thing. Oh, stand down, Shaylee, stand down. Yeah.

Like after a show too, you can see like who's like a comic is there like way at the end of the line and they're kind of like hovering and they're just like, oh, I'm a comic. And then there's like a immediate like, okay, there's a rapport. Oh, you can tell who's a recent comic and who's done comedy. I am so good at profiling comedians that are at the shows.

Yeah. Comedian? Yep. How'd you know? I know. Oh, did you bring your backpack here? That's usually a good way to tell. Oh, my God.

You can do a whole episode on backpack comics. Yeah. Hey, Doug, Jim wants to know, actually have been through a similar situation with my father, kind of curious about the changes to Amy's personality post-injury, if any, and what it is like to reconnect, re-acclimate, et cetera. Well, Amy is in the room. I always love when people call her Amy and not Bingo. It's like they're trying

to show her respect that I don't give her. Or they're her doctor. I don't like that. You have to remind Bingo of a lot of things. I don't remember anything. Don't worry. Before your brain injury, you didn't remember anything anyway.

You're fine. And she gets frustrated a lot. And her patience is limited. But it always was. It's just more pronounced. But, yeah, she's doing fine uh she just doesn't remember which i go through the same thing as a fucking drunkard where i get frustrated i don't remember what happened i don't i don't fucking know i was thinking about the frustration and the patience thing with you two. Everything you were saying really described you well. So I was like, that's perfect.

You guys are made for each other because you just described yourself. Yeah, it's embarrassing on some level. I hate going out in public sometimes where I'm afraid someone's going to go, hey, which happens all the time. I'm the guy. I don't know. There's a lot of guys. It's been 30 fucking years almost in this business where you go. And I've written about it in the book.

It's fucking yeah i i don't want to i don't want to have to say i don't remember you and bingo and i we had a a thing we still have a thing where if she sees the look in my face or i see the look in her face safeway all the time people go Hey how you doing Bingo hey stay at home And we have no idea who That person is someone We met in town and

Bingo Would always say at a party Oh I'm Bingo what's your name when she Saw that I couldn't remember their name Or vice versa Yeah It's a fucking weird life. A comedian's life, you meet so many fucking people

and you can't remember them. What was the question? Well, Doug, the question is... New question. A very serious question from Plastic Dingus. Why do I always get these ones, Shaley? I don't know. I'm noticing a trend.

That's on his driver's license. Plastic Dingus asks, if Doug ever had to leave Bisbee, we'll assume gentrification ruined it. What is the next place you guys would move to? Bingo, if you want to chime in i always before i moved here i wanted to move to reno because it's a weird place to fucking live and you know the temperature is not that different it's really fucking hot in the summer and like bisbee it's fucking cold in the winter and reno is a weird weird place to live reno is the place that i i would probably go to

chaley and i and key west we're talking about yeah well yeah where would you move to? We had this conversation. I don't know if it was on a podcast. No, because I saw the email questions that came in. But no, Costa Rica was when we first started going to Costa Rica. Oh, I want to move here. And then two weeks fucking later, I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. I need real internet. I can't go to get the fuck out of here. I need real internet. I can't go to a library.

Bisbee would have to go like one way or the other so far that we would have to leave here. He's saying hypothetically if we had to leave here, where would you move to? Me?

Yeah, you live here. I like Tucson. Tucson is actually fucking great. I'd go to New Mexico. Okay. Before we moved here, we were

either going to move here or to Casper, Wyoming. That's a good spot. Those were the two places we researched before. Cold, cold, different, different season.

Wait, can I still say your merch? Cause I'll move anywhere. I go there. Yeah. Bingo. Where would you say? You don't have to get up.

Where would you go? Straight back to New Orleans. New Orleans says Bingo. I do have that property in Alaska that me and my crazy friends have talked about moving to and starting. Can't wait for that reality show.

Just hang in. Hang in there long enough. They'll do a reality show of you going to your fucking property. i have a lot in chloride arizona that i bought drunk during the man show in my office drunk on ebay and i you have to get a surveyor to find out where it is yeah we went to chloride but we didn't find our lot because it's a fucking field of scrub. Actually, Doug, I've sold it four times on eBay.

It's a field of bramble. What are you talking about right now? I tried to give it away to a homeless person, and they didn't want to pay the paperwork. Oh, he was so stupid not to take it. You got to pay taxes? Fuck you. Yeah, it's like $11 a year for taxes. As you drive take it. You gotta pay taxes? Fuck you. Yeah, it's like $11 a year

for taxes. But I have to write a check, which is, I'd rather pay $11 to not have to actually sit down and write a check. As you're leaving chloride, there's advertisements for chloride.

They don't even know how a car works. Oh, chloride is a fucking weird town so i have the first time whenever i heard about chloride stanhope actually offered it up to us as our arizona destination when we weren't in alaska because whenever i i found that i had i had land in alaska my dad says, I own this land here. You can have it. I started talking with all of the degenerate people you've introduced me to or that I've met through you. And pretty soon everybody's like, hey, we can live in Alaska.

We can do this. We've got farmers and killers, and we've got all kinds of different people that live in. Farmers. That could live. And farmers. So I told my dad about that. It's kind of a blue state with a red state kind of vibe. Oh, farmers and killers.

Well, you know, everything in between. You've got to have a lot of. I don't want to give away all of your assets. You don't want to just tell everybody what you've got going on. We were at that burger spot. We were having burgers and shakes at the Roadrunner.

Oh, in Anchorage. Yes, in Anchorage, Alaska. And you fessed up to where that was and we just tried to find it on any fucking thing that was showing on a map. And that is, like, clearly, when I'm sitting in Anchorage, Alaska

at a burger shop, I'm like, we can go there. I got guys that get us there. It is one of the things. But it was the summer. No, wait. It's fucking winter.

Yeah. You can get there over a river. It's easier. It's easier in the winter. You can get there over river. It's easier. It's easier in the winter. You can get there over river in the winter. I was a mate. Doug, this place is so far out of like. Oh, I'm sorry.

I was off doing the issues with Andy podcast on the other. It's available on YouTube. I know you're lying. Every Friday. I know you're lying because we don't have room for guests. I'm doing issues with Inman. So you must be doing a different one. But your dad's place is so far out of the fucking...

I don't even know how you'd consider that a thing. It's called Remote Alaska. When you look it up on the map, it doesn't have a name. Below. It's way below. Outside Willow. Okay. Just across the map. It doesn't have a name. Below. It's way below. Outside Willow. For the listener, it's outside Willow. For the listener, it's outside the city.

Serious listeners. Serious! Serious listeners! My point of this was that when I told my dad about this, he was excited about it because he said somebody's going to go live on my land that I bought in the 70s that I never thought you know anybody would do anything with and then I told him also I said well I got a group of friends that we're all kind of just on the edge of

life and death and none of us really care so we all have a plan that we might just start taxing border crossers and drug smugglers and stuff. And he's like, oh, no, that doesn't sound good. He's like, why don't you meet up with the guys that want to go to Alaska with you? And I go, yeah, same guys. Same exact guys. Were you trying to tell me to break earlier? We needed a break because this is a regular free podcast.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Take a break. All right. Sorry. No, no. It's not your fault. It's Chaley's fault.

Why is it my fault? All right. Omax cryo freeze. Living with chronic pain is the worst. It's more than a feeling of discomfort. It can affect your whole life. Many of my listeners probably have some type of pain that has prevented them from relaxing and sleeping or stop them from exercising. Many of the people around me, all of these people that I'm trying to turn into a cult in Bisbee, and they can't do shit. They can't even walk my dog. Someone's got fibromyalgia.

Or Derek with his steel rod in his leg being put back together. And old people pain. And fat people pain. And neighbor Dave and his bad knee trying to lug around that giant carcass of a body. Yeah, we have chronic pain all around us and we're giving everybody Omax Cryo Freeze. What's your story, Chaley? Well, you know, Doug, lifting all that merch in and out of the van all day, it can take its toll. And I get this little pain on the outside of my elbows and I use that Cryo Max roll-on and that's what you smell when we're driving to the next gig.

It's like a mentholatum kind of smell, you know? And that tells me it's working and that I remembered to put it on because sooner or later, that pain just melts away. And I love using it nightly right before I go to bed. And I just dream and dream of lifting big bags of merch over my head and throwing them on stage because I feel totally revitalized by morning. How does it work for anal? All right. Omax Health is offering my listeners 20% off a full bottle of Cryo Freeze CBD Pain Relief Roll-On plus free shipping. This

discount also applies towards any product site-wide just go to omaxhealth.com and enter stanhope that's omax o-m-a-x health.com and enter stanhope to get 20 off cryo freeze and site-wide not that the listener will ever know, but yeah, these podcasts, I think we're on our fourth because... There's no fourth. I don't know. Everything is one. Ladies and gentlemen, our guest today, the Frankenstein monster.

Yeah, and Olivia Grace. Wait, I... Her name is Warden Edgewise. Wait, does that mean I'm Frankenstein? Of course you are. Hey, Doug, by the way. Hey, Doug. I forgot halfway through

these Patreon questions. We're sending a gift to all the Patreon question people that we've... I'm way drunk and then half like two podcasts. When Chaley gets drunk it's the

Greg Chaley podcast I like it. I do. He carries it Listen I remembered that we're sending something so I need to remark on these papers so don't throw the papers away Alright so who's got the

next question? Olivia Grace? Oh, have you spoken in this podcast? Wait, hold on. This is the beginning of the podcast. Introduce everyone, Doug. It's not the beginning of the podcast. It's the new one. Oh, is it? Yeah. I thought you were telling me to take a 20-minute break.

Oh, shit. I did. Yeah. There you go. No, no, don Yeah. There you go. No, no, don't fucking edit that out. Don't you edit yourself out. Hey, guess what? No, don't you fucking dare.

Olivia Grace, what's the question? So Zach says, Doug, for someone who makes people laugh for a living, you must look at a lot of smiles and therefore a lot of teeth. How do you deal with an unfortunate dental situation in the front row at your shows? He's got more questions. It's a bit of a long one.

Should I barrel through it? Oh, see. Yes, go, go to the end. I am going to. I am going to. Doug, here's a personal experience here at the end. Yeah, no, the fucking teeth question because i remember renee my uh former wife lady and i was at a party

daytime where a guy with the worst teeth i remember there's a smoking commercial where a guy had the fucking giant fucking long in the tooth, yellow smile. It was a don't smoke because you look like this. And he had those teeth that I now have. And I remember him smiling fucking so big all the time. He didn't give a fuck. And it's in the book. the commercial oh hang on do you want to take a spam bot call uh and i remember like appreciating the fact that he smiled

regardless of he had the same teeth of a fucking like when you canadian cigarette packages and uk cigarette packages this will make your teeth look like this he had those teeth and he didn't give a fuck and that's in the book about burt kreischer he makes you laugh regardless of the fact that you have bad teeth because now I have those teeth. Yeah, so no, I've never had a fucking issue with someone with bad teeth because I have them. I think what they were really getting

at was like, what's happening in the front row? Does that affect you? No, he's talking about specifically about his own teeth. I'm trying to make this... There was about three quarters of the question that you didn't listen to. Oh, shit. I'm not going to read this one.

What? Read it. Zach has a very long question, but you put an X by it, so I'm going to read it. That's the one she just read. Teeth is like fucking... Holy shit, Shaylee's drunk. He's about to read your question again. When I

fucking started going bald and I go, who gives a fuck about hair? Teeth are the same thing. They're just... God damn it. Why does that guy get a premium? What? Hey, Joe Rock asks...

Hey, Shay Rock asks Hey, Shane quit reading over my shoulder Just read the fucking question, Chaley Hey, you still go to the Shadydale or whatever the fuck that trailer park is called Never heard you talk about it anymore Keep on keeping on Hang on, Bingo wants it on.

Bingo wants to talk. Dot's Diner at the Shady Dell is going to reopen. It's like an eight-seat fucking diner, and Bingo is going to pour coffee. She can't work there legit, but she's

going to actually help out. It's actually illegal for Bingo to work there well it's not illegal but she loses benefits but she can pour coffee for me it's illegal for her to work there she can fucking hostess and be uh like feel like she's got a fucking job that she can't have which is uh that's a whole fucked up conversation. The fact that, yes, she's got complete disability, but she can actually help somewhere. She can do stuff, but if she does it and gets fucking 5.25 an hour,

I don't know what minimum wage is or how much a gallon of milk costs. That's why I can't run for president. 10 years ago, that was right. But the Shady dell is still open and they pay current minimum wage i don't know what the 525 came in from whatever it is anyway yeah so yeah the shady dell go next question i don't have it gerain asks what has become of washtub willie and his Parliament of Owls?

Parliament of Owls. Wow. She should be ghostwriting my book. She? Germaine? You assigned a gender to that name? I don't know. He did.

Whatever. He said she. I go with whatever. Doesn't matter. I'll go with whatever. Doesn't matter. Washed Up Willie, when we asked earlier on, a month ago or whatever, if we did a where are they now of people that were regular guests or semi-regular guests, Washed Up Willie was one of the top ones,

and he will be back on. He will definitely be on the Audible book when it comes out. Yeah, he's doing his own thing. He's a fucking good guy. And from the beginning, he was a good guy. And we found a common cause in bingo where other cunts might have an adversarial. Wait, my wife left you for now now we're gonna fucking take care of this chick yeah it's in the book uh he's uh he's around he's he's he's doing

he's doing whatever he has to do to survive like everyone in fucking Bisbee. They're just trying to fucking make a living. I think they were more concerned with the owls. Oh, the owls are dead. I killed them. Dead owl. That didn't really happen. The Parliament of Owls is because when he was in the outhouse one time

there were owls living in the outhouse. Yeah, yeah. It's in the book. Fuck them. Parliament were owls living in the outhouse. Yeah, yeah. It's in the book. Fuck them. Parliament of Owls is what you call like a murder of crows. It's a Parliament of Owls. That is not true. Thanks, Sheely.

You had a different term. Really? Constitution of Owls. You had it in your book. I think you called it like a Constitution of Owls or something like that. No, no.

Parliament of Owls is what you call a herd of cows. He was no. I had my own phrase. I heard of cows. He was telling you he had his own phrase for... Get me a fucking whiskey Bailey's coffee and shut the fuck up and don't ever tell me I'm wrong. Oh, there we go. I'm telling you what you used in the book.

Oh, he just threw three of those at me. No, it was popcorn. Oh, popcorn. Well, good. Now the fucking dog's going to choke on it. A kernel in his neck. I'm going to have him put down. No, you just have to give him a Heimlich maneuver.

Wait, wait, premature. He just has kernels. Shut up. I'm going to put all of you down. I'm going to replace all of you with the unbookable's four. Give me a question. Give me fucking double caffeine that one he's eating popcorn on the podcast don't don't eat it in the microphone read the question alex butler asks hey guys where do you think each of you would be today if you've never met each other and made the funhouse what it is. Hey, guys. I'll tell you.

We'd all have our own podcast that no one listened to just like this one. I've actually been contemplating this question a lot because all I would have to do is just shut off my phone and take a lot of naps

and then my life would go back to where it was where i didn't know anybody yeah oh and i didn't have any friends whatsoever i have had a the last year and a half i have had a like a weird year where starting with this fucking book and fucking living at home stretch. And yeah, where would I be? Look, doing stand-up comedy. You would hustle. You would figure your own thing out. You're Tom Destin.

You would figure, you would, look. People don't understand that I have lost money every book i've written because comedy pays so much more and like every when you write a book and you you're not good at it you have to to try. Unlike stand-up comedy, yeah, it's a fucking work of ego. Well, you sacrifice a shitload of time writing a book that you... And squander a lot of time going, I wonder if Doug's going to knock you down on that.

He's squandered a lot of time in this book. But that's what you do when you write, is you go, I'll find every excuse not to write. It's a cliche, but yeah, you do. But Doug, this is between me and you. Hey, Connie Chung. All right, I don't have to ask a question You go on

I didn't put any whiskey in it That's for you to do Go ahead I'm listening Chael My question was When I was playing in a band I was Bouncing off a couple other guys

And I was actually Booking the band If I If like all of a sudden someone said, you can't do this anymore, what would you do? I'd have nothing to say. If someone in 96 said to you, you can't do stand-up anymore, what are you going to do?

What would you do? What's your fallback? That is not the question this guy that's my question his question was if we hadn't met each other what would we be doing what you're saying in a fantasy world if i could do anything what would i be doing if i wasn't a comic would be defense attorney. Because I am the best fucking attorney. I can't imagine you not. Of all the attorneys I know. Like, that answer is exactly right.

Like, that is perfect for you. I just don't know law. But I know fucking arguments. You would if you dedicated yourself to that craft. Anyone can learn the law it takes up no no i fucking come on i did i i went to real estate school that taught you every thing about legal shit but not how to sell real estate when i was fucking 19 or something i went to real estate school I got a goddamn diploma

and then got out of there and did not know anything about how to sell it anyone can learn the law you have a way I have an associates degree in business management how about that manage this podcast

how about that for worthless fucking accolades yeah I had to learn a lot of the nomenclature, but I didn't want to sell a fucking house. I was fucking 19, and I look like I was four. I don't know anything about anything. So what would I be doing? Chaley just changed that whole question. So let's scrap that question.

No, I tried to make it relatable. I don't know if we didn't know each other. Well, that's why I answered it, because I figured I was about the only one whose life would be different if we didn't know each other. I was trying to make sure you'd still be sitting at home. Yeah, right. You'd still be doing comedy.

But my life's the only one that would be really different from what it is now so what i tried to do was make it be before that all right doug you couldn't do comedy shaley because olivia grace would still be doing comedy so chaley are you you're the only one that can answer it so go ahead what would you be doing the way i framed the question was that if someone said to you you can no longer do comedy after you won the san francisco comedy come become that's not the question if we didn't meet each other what would you be doing and my question was what would both of us answer a question with a to answer the question. If... Like, at the same time...

No one's drinking here. At the same time, if we didn't meet, what would I be doing? I don't fucking know. And I was posing that upon you of like, what would you be doing if someone said in 95, you can no longer do comedy? What would you be doing? No, I'd still be doing comedy if I didn't meet you

the question wasn't after you met Shaley and your life got fucking crazy it says if you hadn't met each other but it's a stupid question go to the next question I was a stupid question

I want to know, Doug, in 95, after you won the San Francisco comedy competition. Stop fucking dropping my best accolades. He just wanted to see if he could say it. That's exactly what just happened. Doug,

after that, what would you if you thought oh, this is the best ever. I could never do better than this. What am I going to do after this? I'd be a defense attorney. I already answered this. Asked and answered.

I'd go to law school and be the best lawyer. I'm going to be boring and go on to the next thing. Troy Ramig asks, as Doug has been working on the new book, has it generated any new material that he's saving for the next act?

Generated. Has it generated? That's a good question. He heard it. Fuck it. It's actually the opposite where I'm writing That's a good question because... He heard it. Fucking haters. It's actually the opposite where I'm writing the book and I go,

oh, this is something I want to put in my act, but this would go so good in the book where I'm like, all right, fuck the book. It's more important to have new material for the road than it is to have it fuck the book. It's more important to have new material for the road than it is to have it in the book because the book is not supposed to be fucking bits.

So, yeah, if anything, I get bits I don't put into the book rather than bits from the book that I put into my act. Constantly where you're editing, like this is a book thing, this is a thing that has legs, it's going to go further than that? The book is about 2016. I'm talking about in the writing process.

Yeah. Are there things that come up? Don't fucking look at me like that. I'm saying are there things that come up? Don't fucking look at me like that. I'm saying, are there things that come up that are not just like this? Chad Shank and Olivia Grace are here, too. Are you trying to fucking walk me? Yeah. I love it when you walk.

What? That doesn't happen in a long time. I hope that doesn't happen today. Calm down, guys. This is our fourth podcast in a day. The last time you guys got into a fight was at the bar at the Alc... I don't remember the fucking name of the hotel. And then I had to defuse the fight by picking on a bunch of bands that came in.

Do you guys remember that? Where? What's that name of that hotel that we in. Do you guys remember that? Where? What's that name of that hotel that we stayed at in Tucson? What city? Tucson. Oh. By the hospital. Oh, the Aloft.

Aloft. Aloft. Not the Alco. That was the other place. The Cryballs. Cryballs. That's in the book. The Aloft.

That's what happened, too. At the bar. Jalen just tried to throw a beer can at me. Jalen started throwing things at Stanhope. And I was so uncomfortable, Olivia, that I didn't know what to do. So there was chicken. Read a question, for God's sake. Read a question.

Hang on. All right. Hold that thought. We'll be right back. that thought we'll be right back james have you ever used eros guide for hookers on the road eros guide that sounds interesting what is it eros guide is where uh in my later stage of getting hookers via computer i would go to eros guide. They have hookers in every major metropolitan area. So, is this like Craigslist? It tells you what they're...

It gives you pictures, tells you what they're into. Right, because I'm tired of going to Craigslist, finding these skanky hookers. Is there a better place to go? Hey, your face isn't really pixelated. Get out of my Motel 6. How much to just talk for three months? All right, I'll give you $250 an hour,

but I get to live on your couch for a year and a half. And believe me, you'll be paying me that back. Did you say no? I like what you did. I respect that. Can I do some laundry at your house it's just it's just this jacket and cap all right that's a plug from james inman now back to the podcast already sort of in progress

oh yeah yeah all right all right we're back read a question Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. All right. We're back. Read a question. All right. All right. Way to Carson it up.

No, that's a David Letterman. And if they weren't real cards, could I do this? I mean, flip the cards. I was trying to take some of the edge off of the segue there, Shaylee, from the anger that you had expelled. I know. He's very angry. A lot of times I think that Shaylee doesn't like me.

From squeaky TV. Even though you respect him so much? I didn't say that. You said that. Question, question, question. Shaylee's gone. Shaylee's walking. I didn't say that. You said that. Question. Question. Shaley's gone. Shaley's walking.

He just threw over a chair. He's kicking things. Holy shit. Shaley, you tore the screen. He tore the entire door off the frame. That's going to require a handyman. You know you're laughing. Should I still read the script?

Go back to it. You just did really tear a thing off a thing. But I know he's laughing. Should I just hit stop? Sorry, it's not. Question.

Squeaky Tinky asks, did Inman always act like Inman? Or was he normal when you first met him? No. Hey, guys, here's my Patreon question. What's the deal with James Inman? Is he the psycho girlfriend that just got dumped? Does he have legitimate mental issues? If it's a goof, I

certainly don't get it. Anyway, you get it. What you're reading is two different questions about Inman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually tweeted that. Was he normal when you first met him? No, he was actually

more brilliant when I met him. But crazy. He was still hardcore conspiracy, and we'd load him up with Jägermeister shots to make him fall down on stage and lay on his back and scream at open mic. But he had kind of not legitimate, crazy. But then after 9-11, he started to go like trying to be mainstream. And then he was awful.

But to this day, I still don't know. Someone's like, is this a goof? Like a running thing? It's like Windy City Heat. And I go, yeah, I don't know if like I fuck with him, but I don't know how savvy James Inman is to the fuck with. And sometimes I coach him like, just do you crazy James Inman shit. And then I'll block him on Twitter for a day just for fun, just to watch him go fucking ape shit and i don't know how much he's aware of like i'm the best guest on your podcast and everyone wants me back and you guys fuck with me but he's like the only person in my adult life at 50 something years old i'm doing the math almost 53 actually by the time this comes out maybe 53

but that i actually got a physical altercation with on mushrooms where you're being a fucking dick i pushed him up against the wall with my fucking hand on his throat like just fucking inman have some goddamn respect like i flew you out here on my own dime and you're walking up and down my street at four in the morning in a quiet neighborhood screaming where's doug stanhope's other house you fucking all the cool people and i i and i i try to talk to him rationally on mushrooms when you're most rational. And he's just such a fucking cock. So, yo, when I fuck with him, I do fuck with him because it's funny, but I don't know how savvy he is to, all right, I'll just be a dick.

I think he is. It has to be. He's good at it. He's funny. He's a funny comedian. I'm going to go in March to the comedy store. They're doing an Unbookables reunion. Yeah, this might go out after that.

Or most likely never is what I'm thinking. I was just trying to talk. Oh, no, this will go out, but this is going to be when Chaley's doing his fucking... Do you think... Chaley can't really be mad. He really did walk out. Well, he really did bust that door down.

Yeah, but he can't be... He's just drunk. I don't think he's mad. We just got drunk really fast. I'm fucking hammered. This was a marathon. For the listener, sometimes when we go, oh, we're not going to see each other for a month, we got to put this fucking podcast out every week.

So sometimes I don't even know if there's three or four that we've done in a day. I just know that I am threadbare at the soul. And so now we're doing this without Chaley. So Olivia Grace is going to have to start using words with her mouth. You ready for the next question? Yeah. Okay. This is from Charlie Monroe.

Who designed or made the cartoony parts of your condo? Condo. What? Who designed or made the cartoony parts of your condo? Well, that's been a work in progress over almost 15 years. Bingo and I fight over the colors occasionally. But yeah, we just make it. Sorry, I keep bringing up the book.

But yeah, we made this place a fucking perfect mental institution for bingo. And yeah, that's why there's bingo signs everywhere and everything's painted weird colors including the gravel and uh yeah you you you make something over 15 years we build a little bit of something or decorate something and All these fucking signs. Yeah. But we always have someone that knows how to do construction to do it for us. It's not like we're Chaley. Chaley!

Oh, my God. Tracy's following him. I think he's really angry. I think he's just drunk angry not real angry here's oh god damn it he's gonna have to edit this so I can't talk about him behind his back

he'll hear it that's why I'm being so nice he takes it seriously we were just talking about the times where we've walked him. But he, yeah, he's out there angry. This was the biggest because he never broke the door on his way out.

Well, he has to fix it. Well, he probably wanted a new door. Not has to fix it. He chooses to fix it. He probably already has a new door on order. This is all scripted. This is all scripted this is all scripted yeah it's all a scripted thing by

Shaley alright I'm gonna read the next question go ahead Mike why do I keep getting these bingo to read one listen Michael Hunt really yeah I got Peter. Listen, Michael Hunt. Really? Yeah. I got Peter Johnson once again.

Michael Hunt. Mike Hunt. I get it. Yeah, yeah. You're funny. I just watched Gilbert, the Gilbert Godfrey documentary on Netflix. Would you ever consider slash allow slash invite someone to do a Stan Hope and pals maybe documentary?

We have we've talked about this. Maybe not on the podcast, but we've talked about. Doing a documentary, but you know, my life. Is the most fucking boring i just sit around and i i either watch tv or i i don't do anything that's interesting your documentary would end up being like a castle rock canny documentary. Yeah. Because he just stopped by. He at least plays video games. I don't even do that. I just sit there in my own head

and I don't do anything. He wouldn't play it downtown, the local baseball, the old time baseball. He does a lot of stuff. I don't even do that. It would end up being a spinoff just because he came by your house.

Ask Olivia Grace what it's like on the road with us yeah it's like it's just it's a lot of driving check seeing what a thrift store might have finding sushi and you not wanting to do anything and occasionally at the hampton inn or wherever we go down and we write silently. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You and I never talk when we're like sitting.

It's never like, what do you think of this? What do you think of that? It's like. At best. Yep. That's the conversation. Is this a funny punchline? Right.

And then we go back to silently writing at the fucking closed breakfast nook at fucking two in the afternoon because we're close to where we can go out and smoke. And you poke your head up every once in a while and be like that guy's a fan. Guy in the pool. He's got blue hair.

He's definitely going to try to talk to us. And I don't want to talk. He's pretty accurate with those predictions. Oh yeah. It's so fun though being like especially I like the to us yep and i don't want to talk he's pretty accurate with those uh predictions oh yeah it's so fun though being like especially i like the plaza because every you know everyone in the casino is like kind of trapped there if they're going to be there for the show they're at the casino too you know what i mean and so you can really like run into people like those big shows that's different but i still have to hide away.

Hang on. I'm talking to Bingo. Can you go fucking... Chaley's in the backyard over there. I can't... He can't really be mad. Should I go? No. You two are fucking Chaley-ing this thing.

No, I've been on shaley's side did i yeah it's you i really did make him mad yeah not me it was you i know but but but was it warranted that he just smashed this fucking probably not no probably not as drunk though as we are yeah that if you include drunk factor like a windchill factor if you include the drunk factor probably i i want i want to hear feedback from the listener i don't know what you're doing listener right now i don't know if you're in fucking traffic or you're just sitting at your fucking cubicle listening but did i really say anything that could make Chaley? Chaley, the fucking most placid person in the world,

just ripped off a thing. I thought he was being theatrical. But I saw Tracy follow him out into the dog shit yard and trying to talk him down. I hear people on the roof we're surrounded yeah oh I remember last night when we kept hearing the fucking

oh here they come I think I hear Tracy so I think he's coming back we have to if he's coming back in we have to just read another question read another question we sort of double down on the if if chaley comes in just make up a question that's about chaley listen chaley obviously is the only person responsible for this podcast why don't you give him more respect

like read that fake question if he comes in go ahead but in the meantime read real question michael myers asks do fans come to your shows dressed in bad suits do you consider it homage or hacky i love that question i fucking love when you dress up like me it feels like rocky horror picture show i love when you dress up usually you don't really match like i do but you don't have a lot of time or money but yes every time you show up in a fucking weird stupid stupid fucking 70s leisure suit i fucking love it i feel like yes i i feel vindicated is not the right word i i feel yeah i love it yes it absolutely i hug you as much as i do patreon people i hug people who fucking show up in a weird plaid suit and a bad tie that doesn't really match and then i go you should have worn something different with that tie

you do really you have a lot of fashion rules you have like things that you're like really like oh even though it looks good together it's still not right you know i fucking hate comedians that do whatever netflix whatever specials and they're wearing a t-shirt fucking come on glam rocket you motherfucker i think it's awesome that you dress up but there are there are the two schools of like thought and comedy where it's like you don't want to dress in a way that's going to distract anyone from your face but then there's you where you're you're you're the from what's your rule about dressing up when i started doing that i thought this takes away from my fucking bombast about i hate the fucking world or whatever i'm saying but i'm just like a fucking idiot like fucking Herb Tarlick from WKRP

in Cincinnati it takes an edge off of my fucking hate it's like Bozo the Clown going fucking New World Order I'm against it honk honk

on my fucking clown nose yeah uh and yeah and it gives me perspective that yes i'm a comedian so you never feel like you're taking yourself too seriously right that's what i or they're not okay or they're not and then yeah right right right i love it i think it's great because there is i think i can't remember who said it it might have been ralphie may who said always dress better than your audience right is that sort of what you're is that i don't know where like is that ralphie may say that i don't i don't remember i don't remember it was god knows what he dressed like um i don't remember who said it honestly but yeah it was some kind of thing with them there's like other comics were like oh dress down and look normal so that you know yeah i already know i fucking people just people will do a fucking netflix

special dressed like you just a fucking whatever gas monkey garage t-shirts and would you ever think that sometimes like uh you know if they've already established themselves as that character like that's the no every comic just dresses in a fucking t-shirt because i would feel weird trying to dress like you do you know i have a jacket and different stuff that i've worn but i always feel fucking weird dressing this you know or you don't do stand-up comedy well i understand that but i'm also still in your fucking world so it's weird is it is it like a thing of like just like a respect thing like you should like i just i try to be showy okay i see what you mean uh on some level not to the level of i'm fucking Eddie Murphy wearing fucking Michael

Jackson outfits and tight leather jeans. It's a fucking goof thing and I enjoy it. I think the way that you I think the way that you dress compliments. Bingo Bingo's chiming in and doesn't

realize that Chaley's mic is open. Go ahead. I definitely think that the way that you dress compliments your fucking comedy, just like you said, to where you're- It offsets the bombast. You're biting, but you also look ridiculous. Bingo, you don't have to talk. Just stay right at the mic.

Right where Chaley should be. Yeah. God, I really feel bad that I pissed Chaley off because he's done so much over this entire weekend

basically he's drunk that is what's going on it's okay he's a sensitive person. After he's put in so much goddamn work for this entire fucking weekend. Not this entire weekend. Is Chaley really mad to hear Tracy's back?

He said he's not mad. I know. I thought it was all for show. We're at an hour. Should I just hit stop on this? No, why not? No, we got more questions. One more question.

I think we're out. I think we're out. Are we out of questions? I think so. Bingo, do you have any questions? Get over on the microphone. How about Tracy? Do you have any questions get over there we want to we need closure on the chaley thing because he did walk out and cause a ruckus and we've talked about

it not answering for him but answer for us he says he's not mad. He is pretty fucking drunk. I told you, it's just drunk, not mad. I know, but Key West drunk Chaley is happy. And I just had to walk home and I didn't know where I was and he was happy. Now he's just smashing doors and stuff and throwing his headphones. I always hate when he fucking walks out.

This is Incredible Hulk happy, Shaley. You don't know. It's different. You don't want to see me angry. Olivia Grace, do you want to promote anything? Oh, wait. Alaska.

You're going to Alaska. Alaska before you die. Yeah, passes are available now. That's going to be fun. What a fun trip. Were you there last year, Chad? Yes. Oh, yeah.

That's right. Yes. Oh, bingoes throwing chairs now, too. And I'm very... Oh, shit. I'm very jealous that I won't be there again this year to see you guys. Oh, man. It was such a good time. I wish very jealous that I won't be there again this year to see you guys. Oh, man. It was such a good time.

I wish I could go. Yeah. I'm really looking forward to it. I think it'll be fun. Yeah. Thank you, Patreon people. All right. We'll be back again.

Bingo. You want to take us out of this? I think I'm going to throw up. I'm not really going to throw up. 11, 2, 4. Okay, bye-bye now. Oh, do it again. I don't like the numbers.

6, 12, 14, 162. Okay, bye-bye now. Hey, we dedicate this podcast to the memory of Greg Chaley. He was out sitting somewhere in a chair, angry that that was not the chair that he tipped over on his way out. I love you, Greg Jaly. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you.