The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#360: Quarantine Bisbee Style

Episode Date: March 27, 2020

Doug, Chad and the Trailles are back in the FunHouse to recap the abbreviated tour and figure out their Bisbee version of quarantine.Doug and Chad both suggest 'Tiger King' on Netflix - https://www.netflix.com/title/81115994. Get a BONUS episode each month by subscribing through our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast. ALL levels of support will get direct message access to the podcast and instant access to a Bonus episode every month plus all past BONUS episodes. Any level of support is appreciated. Thanks in again as your subscription helps keep this podcast going. Patreon page - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast).Recorded March 26th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.Until further notice, check out upcoming dates at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. Just get on the Mailing List so you can keep up to date for new shows.LINKS -OMAX HEALTH – If you’re looking to get rid of nagging muscle and joint pain immediately while providing long lasting recovery, then you NEED to try the natural, breakthrough pain relief solution, CryoFreeze CBD Roll-On developed by Omax Health Get 20% off a full bottle of CryoFreeze CBD Pain Relief Roll-On, plus free shipping! Go to omaxhealth.com and enter promo code ‘STANHOPE’ to get 20% off CryoFreeze and sitewide!Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

We're back in kind of... Hold on, we're not back yet. Are you ready? Yeah. All right. I gotta do her. We'll do her. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast.

Oh, my shoe's untied. We are back for real. You guys that have been listening for the last few weeks, I guess, listening to a lot of evergreens, a lot of Chaley crying, I guess. One drunken night is all you've been listening to. Yeah, I have been answering a couple of emails. Well, I've seen comments on Patreon. Is it me or is Shelly drunk a lot now?

Is he sad? Is he okay? It was like an eight-hour drunken-fueled binge that we had to record because we were leaving town. Oh, and conversely, because someone sent us some smoked kipper from the Isle of Man, Matt, Matthew, and he said in his PPS, you know, Chad is hilarious and loosening up more than ever. Whatever he's doing, he's doing the right thing. So, yeah, evidently Chad's on the upswing, Chaley on the downswing. But that was weeks ago.

Chad's on the upswing, Chaley on the downswing. But that was weeks ago. I felt so bad. You guys are listening to nothing but coronavirus, and then you come hear our take on it, and it's five weeks ago when coronavirus was just a goof. Before the White House even knew about it. I don't know if that's a good thing. Maybe people were happy to just hear Chaley smashing through screens

like fucking hey, Kool-Aid. These guys are oblivious to everything that's going on. They're just. That's why I tune in. They don't give a fuck. I think the last podcast we did was Spokane after we found the gun. With Lisa Young. Yeah.

Yeah. That was the last live. The last one we did chronologically for us and then we had all the evergreens of shit faced in the funhouse and that never gets old not to me does to me editing fortunately had to re-listen to all those we only had to live through them once and i don't remember yeah it was him yeah to himself. Yeah, that was the hardest part. But yeah, right after we did that last podcast, we went to ground zero at the time. That's how much it's changed in a couple few weeks.

That was like the 7th of March, and now it's the 26th. And yeah, Seattle was still going. We did the last two shows at the Neptune Theater before they shut that show down and canceled todd barry yeah yours was the last show in the neptune so someone tweeted at todd barry yesterday saying hey happy birthday and he goes that's tomorrow and i wrote in yeah mine's today they confuse us a lot and he goes this is this is something. And I said, don't worry. It'll go just like Seattle. I'll have my birthday and they'll cancel yours tomorrow.

But it was like such a fuck tour. I really thought I was going to get through it. Like Hannigan and I were talking about, all right, we're just riding a wave here seeing when it's going to break because we're playing all the Seattle canceled right after I did did the shows there then i had to fly to baltimore i'm sitting at sushi next to the gig before the show and they have the live local news on with the governor giving the press conference no more gatherings higher than 250 people and i was like a 350 seater so i call the club like all right what the fuck's happening

now and he goes well probably a lot of people won't show up anyway so we'll just we'll we'll we'll round out the numbers at the door so we got through that then i had to fly immediately to boston the next night so the baltimore one went but it was like went it was minute to minute basically yeah and i mean you were at the seattle shows that's the fucking at the time seattle is ground zero of the pandemic and the shows were not realizing we were actually going into the third turn and new york was hot on their heels louisiana coming on the outside. We'll see what happens. And the shows were packed. Yeah.

And I said, I'll fucking shake every hand. I was taunting people in the audience. Come on, high five your neighbor. Trust fall. In hindsight, probably. I mean, I wasn't, they weren't doing it. Didn't you do that on the second night? Yeah.

Where you said you were going to have everyone high five and then you thought that it would be like in this litigious society, someone is going to say, that's when it started. He was having everyone high-five. They didn't do it. I said it jokingly. Yeah, I know. We were all tongue-kissing at the merch booth because he told us to.

I did not deny a hand. I did not elbow bump anyone who put their hand in my uh in front of me but uh after that baltimore just squeaked by then boston flew there you know and then they canceled hours before then fly to san francisco san francisco had a thousand uh it started with no gatherings over a thousand in california they they just had come out with a cap, which was different than Seattle. Everyone's doing their own fucking take on an imaginary number. But I had three nights off before my three shows at Cobbs in San Francisco.

So I flew from Boston, got there, and they go, oh shit, they just dropped it to 250. And that club holds four or 450. But then they go, oh, since you're here early, maybe we can spread it into five shows. Because all the other- And yet under the cap. And then in those couple days waiting,

they went, all right, no, nothing. Bars are closed. We're locking down the town. And I just went fucking, Delta, thank you, Delta. Since I'm elite, they answered my phone call. Because Expedia, I tried to cancel a room four and a half hours on hold. You stayed on hold for 40 days?

No, three different times. Oh, yeah, yeah. A total. Cumulative, yeah. Yeah, like, ah, fuck this. Can I say this about San Francisco? cumulative yeah yeah fuck this can i say this about uh san francisco the reason that they were going to stretch out his dates were just like the thursday friday saturday or something like that they were going to put a wednesday show and a sunday show it was a wednesday thursday

tuesday wednesday thursday and they were going to add the sunday monday so all the same people that bought tickets could get in but it would be under the 250 cap. But the reason they could do that is because everyone canceled that was going to perform there or they all bailed out. And Doug's like, we don't cancel shows. Yeah, they had no shows. And I'll fucking show up. I don't care. I thought that was at least you were showing up.

And like the Boston gig, I saw someone saw someone said fuck i'm waiting at the door pounding i was like well doug just left pounding the door there he was doing the same thing he didn't know i got a picture of me in front of the sign in front of cobs sorry yeah but then they shut down the whole state so i'm like i'm not getting fucking stuck here so i called delta and then booked the next flight then i couldn't get to tucson because it's small market i go what about vegas yeah you can get to vegas so i'll go hang out with hennigan got a room downtown and uh was there for two days i was gonna be there for five or whatever i was gonna be there for the whole tour and then uh yeah sitting at a fucking happy hour bar six o'clock

oh steve sisolak the governor also my old telemarketing boss that fired me and tom kanopka in 19 well he didn't fire tom uh fired me but our old boss is now the governor yeah shutting vegas down and and that included get the fuck out of the hotel. Like, we got back to the hotel, fucking me and Hennigan. And yeah, you got to be out by noon. Jesus. But it's like, I remember I just visited Hennigan when we were coming back from Boise. And he was telling me about what happened.

And I agree with your logic when you guys were leaving you're like well noon noon ish and so when you guys got down into the lobby at the hotel yeah you and Hennigan figured it's gonna be lax whatever what the fuck there's security

wanting them to get the fuck straight out why are you still in here like the housekeeper is coming to my door. Are you checking out? Like, yeah, it's a mandatory checkout. Yeah, I'm just packing my stuff. Like, they don't give a fuck. But the security down below is like,

and it's a completely empty casino, which looks weird, right? And that security there just gets, yo, ride out, guys. That's it. I had tickets to go to California because I was going to go watch that Unbookable show and then podcast with those guys.

And my one time, I'm never going to travel anywhere, make travel arrangements, and I had to cancel it. They charged me like $150 cancellation whenever I did it. and i called stanhope and i go hey i don't know about this stuff i was gonna just let it go because it was like because i and it said yeah you have a non-refundable ticket is why and all this stuff so i was like

well i guess i i couldn't afford the refundable one i had to fucking buy the non-refundable and i guess i fucked myself so i finally i was like after a couple days i called stanhope i go you know about this stuff and I don't. Is that Santa? He goes, no, call him and ask him. Called him. It took me about 30 minutes on hold to get in with him. But I asked him.

Lady was nice as shit. She was like, nope, sorry. That was just the computer's not set up to give everybody full refunds yet. So it's just a glitch. She's like, don't worry about it. So yeah. I did the same thing with our tickets leaving Boise or salt lake city to come back here for a little bit

and there's no way i was gonna have was gonna be that's that was in that's in five days i'm already home there's no way that was gonna happen i knew that that we were gonna be back and immediately delta gave me like so fast i'm like did did i call like jim florentine did i get like crank crankers or something? Because they are so quick to go, no, no, we'll take care of that. What you'll have is a credit, which is all I want. I'm going to fly again. But I'm like, wait, this is, I've never, it's always been some pushback.

Like, well, there is a convenience charge or something. There was nothing, the full amount done. I thought I was at least going to lose money. I didn't care about getting a refund. A full credit would have been happy with me, and then that's what they gave me was a full. So now I'm just waiting on tickets to Hawaii to go on sale that low. I'll take Jenny to Hawaii.

You might have to wait long. They're going to be last in the arc. I remember that's when we went to Costa Rica, when Becker called after 9-11 a few months after. The prices are cheap. We should fly all over the place. Let's go to Costa Rica when Becker called after 9-11 a few months after. The prices are cheap. We should fly all over the place. Let's go to Costa Rica. Chad put the spit take.

The amount of... It's all stuck to my lip. Like, how quick the dominoes fell. Because we were worried about a couple of big gigs, like Boston. Like, maybe they cancel that they canceled shit anywhere but you chaley is on his way to load up the fucking hot truck to go to the big convention in st louis well there's no way they're gonna cancel that oh yes international show yeah we were leaving seattle on the 9th, and the trailer, the 35-foot trailer,

was there waiting for us to load it on the 10th, and the guy was going to go there to pick it up at 6 p.m. on the 11th. At 8.30 p.m., he could finally take the trailer. We were that close getting everything in, and we had to just sit there and wait. And by eight in the morning we got a call that the show was probably going to be it's absolutely going to be postponed

but they they were not going to be able to do it because of the uh the governor basically shut down any kind of uh gatherings so the truck had just left one of their their waypoints and they had just turned around and bring it back so the stuff never even made it halfway there. You have to put a link in because while you had downtime, you started making videos. Hey, if we can't bring this shit to a convention, all your... Well, I mean, we write 80 to 90% of our business

during that one convention. Okay, that convention's not happening and it's of no fault of your own. You've got all this product. Now what do you do? Well, what? You sit around and wait for the government to send you $1,200? Yeah.

Like, there's no way. He's got a crew that's ready to go to work and everything. So basically my brother goes, well, let's just do a video catalog and send it out. And I'm like, hey, this sounds like a good idea every year so I don't break my fucking back unloading and loading trailers. So, yeah, we did that, and we put it together. Yeah, we'll put and we put it together. Yeah, we'll put a link in there. But right now, Idaho just locked down.

So now 21 days. My brother put his crew on hold for seven days. And then the governor said, make it 21. So all of them are unemployed. Idaho was one of the last three with no... Bisbee. Because Arizona is a big fucking empty state. So they were going by county.

All right, if there's no recorded cases in that county, we'll let that slide. And then one fucking asshole here in Cochise County, which I'm happy about. I have never been more fucking happy. Well, if you've got no way to test, there'll never be a count, right? If you can't test someone, if they have it, then no one's got it. There's

no test. I mean, I don't know how you even get a test. I haven't been there to talk to anybody. I don't know. The sad thing is, I was kind of looking at this whole thing like a wildfire that's just gonna burn out all the the shitty underbrush and you're gonna be on your roof with a hose and help you know it'll help out the the population and stuff but then i started to think about it and i go you know what's gonna happen it's not the shitty underbrush it's all the people who have jobs and senators and smart people the only people that are going to survive

are people like me. They're just shitheads that have been self-isolated for 10 years already. I was doing, yeah, that was a bit I was doing when it first started, when I still had shows about, it's just going to kill the old people that make you uncomfortable at Thanksgiving. And the people you feel guilty about not visiting in the home, they'll be gone. It's good for everyone. But that's not really the case anymore.

It's not? No. No. I've noticed they don't show fucking. They'll have interviews with people who survived it and what it was like on cable news. news but they're not showing fucking bodies you keep hearing about people are dying in the emergency room because they couldn't get treated quick enough and by the time this goes out which is probably tomorrow it'll probably be a completely different thing yeah yeah it changes over but it's i don't know we're in the perfect place

captain trips or tube neck or whatever they called it in the stand it's not's i don't know we're in the perfect fucking place captain trips or tube neck or whatever they called it in the stand it's not gonna i don't know oh i've been saying that bisbee is gonna be like the las vegas of the stand but i don't know that i don't know the exact references i watched it as soon as this all started happening just so I could get up to date on my references. Get some pointers? Yeah. We were talking about on the drive back down from Boise, and it's like this really, the minute Trace and I get back here

to the compound in the funhouse and we set the gear up, this doesn't change our life much at all. No. It would put a damper in yours, Doug, if you wanted to go every morning and get meat on the cheap at safeway yeah as soon as i get back to bisbee because everyone knows that i've been in every fucking hot spot i just went right into fucking quarantine and uh i'm i'm close to six feet away from chad Close, but he doesn't leave his house.

Chad's the buffer. He's blocking for me. Yeah, you're dirty. He's my virus security. Fucking Tracy. One in, one out. Sorry. Tracy's here.

Oh, my God. Do you have that email? Which one? From Shannon. I'll pull it up. Shannon, if you remember from the podcast, she was the girl that made Chad Shank cry. Well, let's just put it

like that's not what happened that's oversimplified i know but people will remember her she's agoraphobic and hates going out and thinks everyone stares at her and we make her like it was one of those it was a very heartfelt was a good fuck we do she also inspired my idea for the sad fat fucks dating app Trundle. There's a lot of aspects to look at. Explain Trundle if you haven't already. I don't think we did. On one of the podcasts I think we did. I know we talked about it via text.

I know we talked about it because people were tweeting me about it and I don't remember talking about it. I remember talking because that's the time Chad and I talked on the phone for like half an hour or an hour full hour i go sorry if i'm being too chatty i took an adderall oh i've been smoking meths i'm a little chatty myself no No, you're doing acid. That's what it was. Whatever.

We were chatty. I was chatty. Yeah. He's pulling up Shannon. I'm looking for it. You should have told me this before. I think we should just sit here quietly. We can do it at the end. Let's just sit here quietly while Shaley looks for it.

I think we should just sit here quietly. We can do it at the end. We can sit here quietly while Shaley looks for her. Basically, Shannon, who works like in a fucking Dollar General or something. Like some retail grocery or something like that. She hates going out of her house, and we give her confidence. It was a beautiful email that we read, and she emailed me again since then saying oh my god now i have to work the floor i used to be in the back room away from people but all these fucking shitheads come in i forget how she phrased it it was a beautiful email that's that's the only reason i'm looking

for it because that was it was really yeah it's i can get it on my computer when we break. Here we go. Oh, there it is. Yep. My cough is constantly wet. They say, oh, it starts with a dry cough. Every time, my cough is gunky. I got it. Okay, Shaley's got it.

I've had a weed smoke cough for a while, but nothing. No other symptoms. So I'm fine. What did you want me to read? Or do you want Tracy to read on this? Trace is going to read. All right. Trace, try your mic.

Let's hear it. Okay. Yeah. Sounds good. Tracy's got her mic connected to her scarf that she's using as a face mask, with eye goggles over her reading glasses. And this is exactly what Shannon was talking about. This is what brought it to mind. Tracy is wearing what Shannon is about to describe in an email.

Dear Doug and the team, hope all of you are safe and well. World went crazy fast, didn't it? Shelter in place, socially isolate, and constantly wash your hands. I've trained for this all my life. Doesn't sound so crazy now, does it, world? People talking about how bad it is to be alone and not go anywhere. All I can think is, it's been less than a week. I've done years at a time.

You'll be fine. My store is insane. People buying out everything, then yelling at us that it's gone. TP is a distant memory. I see people in masks, gloves. A couple have come in wearing what I'm calling the redneck bio suit. Swimming goggles. Shooting range hearing protectors. Dust mask, gloves, and a fetching cut trash bag suit complete with shopping bag booties.

The best part was they used the drawstring top of the trash bags to cinch around their waists. Giving them a wash like hourglass figure. The others at the prepper's potluck must burn with jealousy over. Looks like a landfill was struck by lightning and acquired

locomotion. Having to spend more time on the sales floor in the thick of it and not my cool dark prep room i'm getting through as best i can irony is most people are getting less interaction i'm getting more thank you all for mentioning me in the last podcast i was working and i as i listened and it was a great surprise lift surprise lift to my day it's kind of like someone lighting a candle in a dark window to let you know you're not forgotten at home. You're not forgotten, Shannon.

And you seem to be thriving in a pandemic. Shannon is witty as fuck. She would kill it on Trundle. I know. She's like fucking Jack and Dino, the most socially awkward person until he gets at a keyboard and he's fucking brilliant. Are we breaking?

Yeah, okay, let's break. I'm gonna let Tracy pour me a cocktail with her fucking redneck biohazard soup. Trust fall. sex rulers of the underpants universe keep your balls off your legs and such sex underwear don't have sweaty balls I really think that Olivia Grace, not only did she cancel the tour to work, we did a pitch meeting with the UK

via teleconference yesterday on my birthday because birthdays for what? You've done them in the past where you guys sit in here

and you like Skype or something. Yeah, it's Zoom whatever. But they are now they're all at home too

because the UK finally shut down. We're pitching a fucking TV show. And I said, this is like downfall. If you've not seen the movie Downfall, it's subtitled Hitler in the last days in the bunker. And he's demanding, put this army on the fucking eastern front and they're like there's there's no armies it's just crazy like it felt crazy that we're pitching a fucking tv show as this pandemic hasn't even hit an apex here much less across the world yeah well

we'll just keep pitching tv shows soldier on it was it was very funny and i was drinking at fucking 9 30 in the morning had a long day but i olivia bailed out on opening on that tour to work on this project and then while i was away she moved from the guest house rented another house a couple blocks down by herself. This is all because Olivia Grace, she's that much of a hypochondriac. She's that much of a, like, you didn't need your own place. You had your own place. No, she knew I was coming back from the fucking Ebola zone.

To be fair, having your own place here and having your own place down the road is a hugely different thing very different yeah just for one because we can't get drunk and try to make you come podcast with us so easily that's also two and three yeah she's got shit she's trying to do oh she has every reason to but i think the reason is that she's fucking terrified of anyone who might bring her the ebola or whatever it is i i have pulled a couple of mice i set the traps in there and uh she's discovered dead mice like under the cabinet i heard it snap shaley and so i come over. And I thought that might be it. Well, that's everywhere around here.

I know. That's the thing. She swears she's getting bitten in there. And she's washed all the bedding. And she swears she's getting bitten. And it's like Chaley on the road where we're all in the same shithole motel, but Chaley's the only one who wakes up with hives.

I'm delicate. So I think it was nervous things that she was getting bitten by but she's not gonna get bit by a mouse while she's i mean she's sleeping on the floor covered in peanut butter there's a fucking big jug that came in from amazon of bed bug spray oh no yeah i think i going to just stay in there for a few nights to prove. Yep. Then all the bed bugs go home. I'm itching. Hanging out with the Stanhope.

I think it's the Stanhope. It would change up my quarantine. I'm on day six or seven or something. Yeah, I'll just stay in the... I'll do staycations on my own property. I'll go to the rape trailer scare tom off tom's been using the rape trailer for i don't know what tom does well when he watches the place but he hasn't been around you've been quarantined it's been beautiful

i saw kenny walk past the house the other day and he didn't stop. Like, wow, people are scared of me because Bingo told me I haven't seen Bingo except once when I was walking Henry and I waved at the quiet house. She came out. Bingo sits at the quiet house and she just waits for people to walk by with their dogs. And she has a different costume and they'll wave and make them smile. Bingo. This is great. Safeway here.

It's like everywhere else. Toilet paper. Not as hard to get as maybe in fucking a bodega in New York city, but it runs out quick if you don't get there early. And so she showed up when they had toilet paper and it said limit two per customer packages so she got two and then ran home to the quiet house changed her costume and went back like she's kidding anyone you got blue hair and now you're dressed like a fucking cowboy instead of a fucking ballerina. They would remember.

They remember every single person that's been in and when they'll be even later, even if they're not dressed outrageously. She's trying to make a hide. Can I have my cigarettes? Hey, Trace, is there any tomato juice over there? I don't know what the stores have. I have black pepper V8 juice inside. I haven't opened it. It's above the fridge.

I don't like Bloody Marys with that. It's more for the vegetables. Produce is hard to find. Is there one in there? Yeah, there's one in there. All right. Well, I want to try that new mix. Great.

Thank you. I've been rationing, like seeing how many uses I can get out of a paper towel. What? Yeah. Because this shit might go on forever. They're going to have more paper towels though the trucks are still running well yeah go to the this is not a fucking shelf this is not a supply thing this is demand paper is gone that's because people are using stolen bibles to wipe their ass

throw away all of your regular towels do you not have towels anymore for bacon grease well yeah then the plumber is gonna get called because you fucking put and you are a job creator i'll tell you if they're working i'll tell you a real downfall of this is as soon as this started happening i started taking solid shits for the first time in 12 years which takes way more toilet paper to clean than a liquid that's just flies right by and i don't know what caused it i i have no answer for you i have booze so i'm still shitting liquid oh i have booze as well matter of fact i had to go for blood work again the other day i told you guys i had blood work and they said you should probably go get your liver looked at and i was like no i got really

fucked up the night before. So that's probably all happened. So I dismissed it. Well, I had to go for blood work again. And this time I had to go for blood work because of my mental health medicine. You do this like annually or something? Well, this is like twice within the last like five months that I've had to do it. But you've gotten these before.

This isn't something new. So you're used to this. So I started on this new medicine. So my mental health, my psychiatrist has the comment on my blood work. It says, your liver tests were abnormal. Not shown above is your GGT, which was very elevated. This most likely suggests serious alcohol drinking to the point that it is damaging the liver

please follow up with me about this at your next appointment and then he ordered a ultrasound of my liver which i have to go do tomorrow so cheers well i never bottoms up i never did get that chest x-ray that chaley got but i know if i get this I'm dead because shortness of breath. I've walked Henry twice since I've been back in the last seven days, and I'm short of breath. Just walking the most vague incline on flat ground. But yeah, that's because I've been fucking chain smoking in goddamn quarantine. It's not new. You haven't changed anything that you're doing, though than well at home i'm fucking healthy drink smoothies every day with whatever kind of

fresh produce i can get spinach or kale or shrubs what whatever canned beets now because can't get fucking real beets canned beets are just gross to look at yeah and a lot of sodium in that sodium's good for you it's like lithium uh so so yeah i eat healthy at home uh i smoke too much but you're writing still. You're finishing up, right? Yeah, yeah. That's the only good thing. I rolled in here last night at 10, 11 o'clock at night. I just saw Doug for a little bit last night and then for an hour before you got here.

I don't know what his routine is. I looked for you earlier and the car was gone, so I figured you went out. I don't know. I organized my Tupperware cabinet. Yeah. Cleaning the fuck out of things. Doing laundry all the time.

Busy work. That's what they call it. Busy work. And I like it because I don't feel like I have to. My gigs are fucking canceled. There's one in Denver that's been moved from April to May. Do you think we're really going to be fucking up and running by may not according to the fear-based news trump trump has me there in may hey trump buy tickets no refunds if you're so yeah you're so

sure you should scalp them speculate yeah we, we got fucking UK dates who you go, how do you even know? We just talked to Joby. He's like the Roger Klein thing. I always go to every year in June in Mexico. You can't even get into Mexico or out of there. So I don't have any idea. And it's bliss. out of there so i don't have any idea and it's bliss i have too many things that i want to do that are nothing like read a book and i can't decide should i clean the pink room or should i

read a book or should i netflix binge have you seen fucking tiger man yet i didn't know how many fucking episodes that was and jenny and i stayed up till two in the fucking morning the other night because i told her if we shut it off i'm never gonna finish this stupid fucking thing i thought it was six and then i thought i was done and like oh wait it's fucking eight oh it's i wasn't unhappy no no the same concept applies as most all of them they could have done it in four or three. I would never go and get to the point. I was the whole time.

That was one of the best. Because you got nothing to do. You got nothing to do. You don't rush it on. There was just so many points to it. Jenny's just like, all these people are fucking crazy. I'm like, that's... Yeah. What's it called?

Tiger Man? Tiger Man. It's about the... I'll sum it up easily. It's about the infighting between the big cat collecting community. That's all it is. If it was about Gibsonton and circus freaks.

Oh, in Florida. And Lobster Boy and murder If it was about Gibsonton and circus freaks. Oh, in Florida. And Lobster Boy and murder and fucking backstabbing and narcs and rats and fucking it. And everyone. There was only one person that I liked out of the entire thing. What to the one was the one I was calling him uh uh castle rock jobey and then andy texted me uh saying it's uh the uh tiger king jobey but there's one guy that looks like a meth head version of jobey the long-haired guy's usually sitting down and he's missing teeth he's the one who took care of the tigers when everybody fucking was in fight there's's one scene. I liked him too. This is not even a fucking giveaway,

but there's one scene towards the end where he's shit-faced and he's slurring, but they have it so perfectly framed with plastic jug vodka on the table behind him. I noticed that. I noticed it. It is so fucking brilliant. Oh, and I wanted to tell you this while we're

talking about shit to watch mcmillions is fucking good you have to have hbo go now i figured that out and then hbo go or is it on uh it's on h it was on hbo so you can find it on hbo go which you might be able to get some of that stuff on prime to whatever. Yeah. Uh, but, uh, we were talking about Amanda Knox and that was before I left. Cause I was so enthralled with Amanda Knox on that documentary.

That's on Netflix. And, uh, I looked for her on social media to tell her to come to the Seattle shows. I couldn't find any way to get a hold of her. But I found out she works for the Innocence Project a lot. Nice. And now I'm even more.

I just want to fucking meet this. Yesterday, I see someone on my feed on Twitter tweeting at Amanda Knox. And I clicked on it. Not only does she have a Twitter that I couldn't find somehow, she follows me. Oh, shit. I'm like, this is so cool. So I wrote her a very drunken

long DM message. Nice. Did you send it? Yeah, I sent it. She wrote back. Oh, wow. Cool. Happy birthday. Nice to meet you. Yeah, wow. Cool. Happy birthday. Nice to meet you. Yeah, McMillions is on HBO. Hang on. Let's take a live.

Hey, honey, you're on the podcast. Oh, jeez. Oh, my Christ. You guys are podcasting during coronavirus? Yeah, it's a quarantine. We're six feet apart. Wait, is she wearing her mask? Bingo, put on your mask. Oh a quarantine. We're six feet apart. Wait, is she wearing her mask? Are you wearing her mask? Bingo, put on your mask.

Oh, shit. I'll be right back. Bye-bye now. I don't think she did want to be on the podcast. I liked her way of saying so. She probably knew we weren't wearing masks. I found masks under here when I was looking for podcast shit and and uh so it's just a small box they're here somewhere right down there I've been I've been married for

21 years so this is a real odd feeling for me but it feels like whenever you're gonna bang somebody that you kind of know you're like listen I trust you guys we're all right we don't need to wear masks there's a there's this box of masks and i said hey i found these jail he goes no no that's for tom doing yard work priorities yeah man i don't care about us and back all the weeds are grown man i need them out there fucking working so that's great yeah i think those are probably the last ones in this in the county actually because i bought them before we left i think people are actually donating them to the hospitals if they find them right now there's such a shortage of them that was the thing yesterday with the porn hub did you see that no porn hub donated 50,000 masks.

Why do they have that? And then someone's on Twitter going, why does Pornhub have 50,000? Fetish videos, probably. Yeah, but like a case. 50,000? Listen, I... Are they buying bulk? I mean, they're not going anywhere, right?

Wait, you porn, that's an aggregate. They don't do... They don't produce, do they? Well, they own all going anywhere, right? Wait, you porn, that's an aggregate. They don't do... They don't produce, do they? Well, they own all of those. They're probably the editors. They have to put it on. Yeah. The editors. Oh, Jesus. The cameraman.

It stinks. They knock Zima under their nose. I demand PPE if I'm filming these anal scenes god damn you well that's actually where PPE is really developed is the porn industry and then it trickles down to the health industry it's

so weird to watch like I had to curtail my news like alright I'll watch in the morning. I'll watch at night just to know what I have to know. Like an early morning update. It's like any hurricane where they spend three, four days building up.

It's coming. Now the trajectory, it could wipe out fucking San Juan. And it's always worst case scenario because sensationalism is going to... I just read a great article that Dan Rather tweeted. I like Dan Rather's tweets. Man, that guy, I trust whatever he says. He's like the Walter Cronkite of our generation.

So I can pick and choose what i want to do to stay informed and not like so that was a real good article but i'm not watching no fucking news fuck that i'll just i'll lose my mind if i watch news well i mean you're not going anywhere no no you know enough to but it will anger me that because i've worked at newspapers and i understand why how you sensationalize things because it's all for profit and it's fucking frustrating to watch so i don't like it you know and you can really get any new news right in the morning and then it's just on a loop i just gave if it's that important if when i hit search on twitter it'll show me right there if it's that important and it happened that day. But we live outside.

You recognize that, Chad Shank? That's the fake newspaper that they wrap around all the shopping circulars. Like the Thursday and Tuesdays. To pad circulation numbers so that they can stay alive as a horrible print newspaper. It says the Vista Weekly. And all it is is a four-page thing to shove all the circulars in and it usually has some fort huachuca fucking nonsense story you don't read the thing this was the most comprehensive news in this week's it's all about what's happening with coronavirus in our fucking backwards county. And they're,

they're not arresting people for fucking drugs and all this shit. And I heard about that. Yeah. It's, it's in the Vista weekly. Next time you go to see what's on sale at fries, read the newspaper, how they,

they go into detail about Walmart, the one in Sierra Vista. They say they have all their shelves stocked at 6 a.m when they open and but there's a line and the early birds clear out all the shit it's not like they're out of shit they stock every fucking day so yeah stuff you need to know yeah it's and it's mostly the same people going back every day so they'll reach a point where they stop when they were like I can't eat all this toilet paper and then

no matter how much no matter how much hand sanitizer I call and then the next generation who's a little bit less dumbass than they are will buy it all out for a little while until they stop how more they can eat and then it'll trickle down to where normal people can go and buy toilet paper well yeah uh tomorrow because i said well i have a fucking bar that i could trade because they shut down the bars here yeah yeah the governor said in

arizona the governor said okay uh you're allowed to uh deliver alcohol with food well we don't have delivery here so yeah i could trade booze for toilet paper and then i looked at our booze supplies since i've been gone and yeah we're down to like four fucking handles well it's thin but it's but we're not in crisis mode mike berbiglia started a thing taking care of comedy club staff like we're doing a go fund me because all of the service industry are fucked absolutely fucked and i thought why don't i if we're getting this check the 1200 check or whatever it. I'm just going to give it to one service industry person. So if you want to follow my lead, if you have the disposable income to get rid of the fucking Trump check,

I picked, who did I pick? Chad Shank. No, service industry. Tracy's service industry. Tracy. Unpaid. I'll give her a double or normal better pick Tracy now that you bring that up and now we just painted Stan up into a corner he can't pick anybody but Tracy if I get a check

it's going to Charlene from the aloft yeah yeah yes so I am gonna pick one service industry person because she was she was the gal gal that went to our next gig. Yeah, she was in whatever. She was in Albany or Syracuse. And then drove. We talked to her. She was such a funny bartender that we talked her into doing her first open mic two hours away at our next gig. She drove it.

I killed. She was great. Wow. Yeah. So I texted her. I didn't tell her i'm giving you if i get that check i'm picking one bartender from the last year that's a good idea and uh yeah you get it all you don't get a fucking cut of it from a thing but uh yeah you do what you can do oh she got Now you're paying her for the opening slot.

Chaley and I have yet to talk, Chad, at length about what we're going to do. But we're going to have to step up the podcast since we're fucking all stuck and done. I told Chaley the other day, I'm game. I think it's funny to gather whenever everybody. Also, it's having a weird effect on me because whenever I want to stay home all the time, and then as soon as somebody's like, you have to stay home. The other day I was outraged. I was like, I need to go to Best Buy to return these headphones and then in my mind goes yeah for the last year motherfucker

you've needed to go return headphones to best buy you could have done it any day and now you can't 365 and now you're mad because you can't i saw that chick on twitter giving you shit about going out for chocolate milk? I go out for Starbucks for Jenny because she has one addiction and I have several and she puts up with all of mine and I have to put up with hers. And if I had to drive to town to smoke weed every day, then she would let me and I would do it. Fuck you, everybody else. So yeah, somebody got mad let me and I would do it. Fuck you, everybody else. So yeah, somebody got mad at me

and called me insensitive or horrible. Horrible. Is anybody that horrible? You have to go every day? You couldn't just go once a week? I think that was the... Her whole thing was... She picked on you and Tracy too.

I'll tell you, I can tell you what they were almost word for word because they made me mad. One of them was like, is Shaylee and Tracy just trolling us by telling us that they're driving through three states to bring their diseased selves over to you? Or is anybody that stupid? And then she tagged me in the next one. And it was like, also, is Chad Shank really going to the store for chocolate milk?

Or is he trolling us? And nobody is that horrible and stupid that was the thing so i should tracy and i should just park the car on the side of the road and sleep in the car you don't understand shelter in place shaley you get a fucking tent yeah they had to drive back for go from Idaho back to Bisbee. You go through all of Nevada, the entire length. No, we actually went. No, but you would.

We would have, yes. But Nevada, again, no hotels. They had no campsites. So I went and bought sleeping bags in case we had to sleep in the van. And then I was talking to Doug. I go, what do you think? He goes, just fucking go for it, man. Just pop some Adderall and straight to Vegas.

You have two drivers. I know. I know one of them's a woman. So I decided we would go through Utah because Salt Lake City still hadn't locked down from what we could tell. So we stayed in Proo and then uh drove through to vegas and it was it was fine but we go through we go from idaho to utah then touch into um

arizona and then into nevada and then back into arizona i mean we're and we had to make sure we could stay any place we were gonna end up at night you know so yeah i was still willing to travel to go to california it wouldn't tell everything of course got shut down to the point that you couldn't that was so beautiful me was whenever all of a sudden jenny was like what if we get there and can't come home and i'm like oh wait a minute that changes the whole thing that's why i bailed out of san francisco that's why you left seattle a couple days ago no you left seattle early we drove you to the airport yeah to get out of there before they locked you down yeah seattle was such a treat to like to go places and they're like we we went

to the airport took him to the airport at like 10 in the morning i didn't touch the brakes from downtown seattle all the way i mean we just cruised right in fuck i saw footage of the 101 in la yeah but but seattle it was what it was like in the 70s before y'all had all those kids i can't believe they're not out there filming apocalypse movies right now this is what they get their difficult permits gorilla movie shooting right now you can't get a crew i've driven through old bisbee i actually drove through sierra vista once because i'm not going anywhere i'm in my car so it's still quarantined but just i went the long way through corona proof windows and then I went through fucking old Bisbee. And that was Sunday.

And it was a beautiful day. This is high season in Bisbee. Because, yeah, it's fucking like 70 degrees. Sunny. And we're just going into it. Yeah. And that was the weekend where it would be fucking mobbed. Empty.

I mean, it's not like there's traffic jams there, but still, it's fucking creepy. When there's events, when it's high season, you can't find a place to park, though. It's difficult to find. I mean, so it's packed. And us coming back from Boise to our home, I mean, this was not planned we weren't going to a trump rally and then coming back and hitting all you know an amusement park and then going to an aquarium i mean we were basically going into pulling into a gas station filling up using the restroom and leaving and there's nobody on the road right now but truckers no i i can tell you what how i responded to that person, too, just because I'm normally trying not one.

I try not to engage with people. Positive a little bit, but not a lot. You can't punch someone from six feet away. Yeah, negative at all, because it's only going to devolve to, if I had money, I'd fly there and just beat your fucking ass, but I can't, so I'm just impotent. There's no point in fighting with somebody online at all. I know where it's going.

But I said something as, did you somehow miss, because this is a person who's retweeted a bunch of my Monday motivations that I recognize. And I said, did you somehow miss the fucking part where I am a horrible person? I said, I don't give one fuck about my own

mortality and the thought of and i find the thought of yours utterly hilarious so then i felt a little bit bad but not only for about a minute well i i mean we're not gonna have to leave anywhere for the next. I mean, we were basically alone with my brother and his wife for the past four days. And then, I mean, I'm not worried about what she said. I'm just saying, I thought through it. How am I going to get home? I got to get home.

And then we go cruising in some states. You can't even get a cup at the soda fountain or a cup of coffee. You have to go ask them for a cup. And I go, oh, this is one of those things I wouldn't mind if it stuck around. You know, people with finger in all the cups and everything. So maybe that's good. Then you go to the next state and you can lick the straws. No one fucking, no one cares. And there's cups out and everything.

There's no consistency from state to state. The only thing that was consistent was Tracy and I rolling through there, not touching anything, not talking to anyone, and having our own sanitizer, which we made our own, by the way. Alcohol and hair gel. Not just alcohol. I should have put some in my hair whenever Shaley gave me some earlier, which I think it might be working

to the opposite effect. It makes your hands so sticky. You're now attracting the coronavirus to stick to your hands because of the hair gel. We are working on the formula. I tweeted that

the good parts of this. People learning that they can work from home, which I've pitched for fucking 20-some years. Why is it that I have a cell phone and I'm calling you saying I'm going to be late for a meeting because of traffic when we could have this fucking meeting? I'm talking to you.

You've already started the meeting by saying I'm going to be late for the meeting. Yeah, why? And now that and the fucking light traffic I'm talking to you. You've already started the meeting by saying I'm going to be late for the meeting. Yeah, why? And now that and the fucking light traffic and there's so many positives to this. You have to take care of your own fucking kids that you thought the state should pay for. Jenny's been talking to this teacher at the school, and she's like, this is horrible because most of these parents don't give a fuck at all. They're not even.

They don't care about the education. They care about the babysitting. This is more time they spent with their kids than ever. I was making fun of them. They give you a little website where you can monitor and get homework, and they can help the parents and stuff. And somebody posted, my laptop don't work i'm like holy shit that's a parent it's lab top two separate words my lab oh two words my laptop my laptop don't work

you are oh kids are gonna find out how dumb their parents are I don't need your help you have ultimate knowledge available to you on google you don't need to sit in a fucking classroom for 8 hours except your parents have to work for 8 hours funny how that works yeah

there's a fucking million great things that can come out of this and if I have to die I just hope some of them stick. Oh, come on. Some of these things are going to stick. You can't put the genie back in the bottle. It's a scary fucking death. Yeah. It's a scary death. That article that I read earlier that Dan Rather

tweeted is in theatlantic.com. Oh, that's a good publication. And it broke it down about what's been going on, what happened, what you could reasonably predict and what's being predicted in the future. And then the aftermath, it talked about how in the future we'll deal with these things. They're like, the next one that hits in 2030 is going to get shut down so fast

because everybody is going to... It's something nobody's been through before. It'll be old hat by then, I guess. I don't know. It's a good article. I listened to Chris Cuomo the other night clit nose fucking zero douche he's now now he's becoming

less of a commentator and more of a personality like a Hannity and he's which which guy is that Chris Cuomo he's the fucking what channel CNN okay yeah and he's going now the big fear is the second wave everyone's afraid of it no no one

actually knew about that till you told him to be afraid about it you fucking asshole yep i'm looking at air in here right now everyone's worrying about listen you you take all the pictures you want because the picture is going to be of you and your silly getup. Are we at Aspen if it went Section 8? It took me a second to know who it was when she first came in. She was so covered up that I couldn't tell. I'm like, oh, it's Tracy.

Yeah, are you afraid of... I'm going to show you my no ass so you can tell who it was. Are you afraid of us or we should be afraid of you with that outfit? I think he loves on for me. Maybe a drink. Hey, Doug, let's take a break and set up what we're going to do to close because we got a bunch of mail and stuff that came in while we were gone.

Sure. I'm having fun. Yeah. We'll put an end to that. I'm stoned. No way, dude. I know I'm always high, but now I really feel fucking high. That squirrel can load a bowl. I'll probably probably you know i'm gonna put together a three to four hour documentary on squirrels

the history channel it'll just play there you go yeah there it is don't fuck with my computer he's like trying to figure out how to tag his friends what's up squirrel like any podcast guest he takes off when he realized he's not getting paid hey everybody it's me brett erickson from the issues with andy podcast uh we love you killer termites and we hope you'll tune in and check us every friday issues with andy on youtube yeah okay it's it's a it's not a podcast right isn't it a bot podcast you're right for once andy you're right it's a vodcast which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka

if you love the shit you're getting here on the doug stanhope podcast get more shit with us on issues with andy on youtube every friday and yeah well you keep listening and watching or now she's talking i took the mic off her now she's talking again it's really bothering me it makes me really i realized that i mumble to myself a lot during the podcast yeah and without on there i can't do it so it kind of it would be funny People did like you on that one podcast you were on. Tracy's mumblings would be good. Yep. I could do it as a separate track. It'd be a hidden thing at the end.

That'd be great. All out of context. Just mumbles. Stupid motherfuckers. Hey, read that letter, Doug. These dumb asses that's all it would be yeah i only had vague memories of this when i was trying to write when we were all in daytona i try to write that chapter because the book is about 2016 the most fucked up year ever

and I try to write about when we were in Daytona for my birthday four years ago and nobody has I listen to all those podcasts and they're fucking unlistenable

but I do remember this girl that uh i sat down at the air the hotel bar still drunk from flying in the night before and i was gonna save her thought. I don't know. I had a... Oh, shit. You remember? Yes. So I just got this letter, handwritten, as Tracy says, in the perfect female fifth grade.

Doug, I met you at the Plaza Resort and Spa in Daytona Beach, Florida. The night before, I walked in on my boyfriend with two other women. At the time, I didn't know many people in Florida, and you graciously offered to find me somewhere to stay until I got back on my feet. You were so kind, and I truly never had a chance to thank you. About four years later, I am about to marry the bartender, Matt, who took care of you and your friends during your stay at the plaza. We only thought it was appropriate to send you an invitation.

We know you are busy and we have no expectations, but we somehow think that without you, we wouldn't be together. So thank you for being a shining light in my dark story. All the love, Marley and Matt, room service and bartender. the love Marley and Matt room service and bartender I remember do I seem creepy like is she

a fucking we were so fucked but yeah I know we can fucking set this up for you don't worry she was a mess you're trying to get her to manager to give her the night off so she could come to the show that we're

going to right next door. It was where the hotel it was in. And it was the manager of the cafe or the place where we ate breakfast and he came up to the room when it was wafting with smoke.

The two of you smoked in the non smoking room the manager walked in and it describes him but the room was so smoky when he walked in you offered him a place to sit because you were going to talk to him about it

and a cigarette and he pulled out his own cigarette and lit up right with you and fucking smoked yeah the fuck yeah that that whole trying to write 2016 so fucked so fucked like i'm drunk right now and i feel like oh i got sober since daytona that trip alone i can't imagine having to listen to those 10-minute podcasts. I listened to them all, and I wrote in the book. I listened to them all.

They're unlistenable. I thought I'd find stuff about the manager and all that. Hidden gems? No. It's just me repeating myself over and over. Oh, it's fucking terrible. But what a good time to forget. All right.

We're going to figure out what we're going to do with this. Maybe we add more podcasts during the week. Maybe we fuck with video now that we have plenty of time. Maybe we do more Twitch things. Chad, give them your Twitch. I'm game for that. You just go to at HDFatty on Twitter.

Yeah, the Twitter's the best. And it's the pinned tweet. Yeah. It'll give you all the information. We've upped the... Do some more shit. We've upped issues with Andy to two times a week now.

Nice. Yeah, we will try to feed your need for entertainment because we need it too exactly uh yeah it's fucking weird times uh my only problem i'm doing the 14 day quarantine say for this i think we're safe here. But I'm still a fucking high-risk item. After I make sure I don't have it, I'm more afraid of getting than giving. So, yeah, but we could do open mics in here as long as we know, like, hey,

I know Olivia Grace is quarantined as fuck. Chad Shank quarantined as fuck. Joby quarantined as fuck. It's our natural state of being. Fury is more quarantined than anybody I know. We can get him up for open mic. He doesn't come out 14 days a year. Yeah, that's true.

He'd be good for quarantine open mic. Quarantine open mic. Like I said, it feels like you're trusting somebody you met at the bar. You're all right. You're all right. Kenny just met. I know you're all right. Kenny is probably patient zero.

He walked past the house the other day. I think I already said that. I didn't drive past your house, but i drove down the road yesterday and i thought about uh hollering uh happy birthday over your fence but i didn't even bother to do that i just drove the other direction yeah i i i i i was out in the sun for three days it was sunny as fuck oh yeah hang on do I have a tan line no I'm not gonna fart at you he's just gonna moon you

do I have a tan line I don't see a tan line god damn it it burns my ass rats alright let's give some thank yous My ass. Rats. All right, let's give some thank yous.

And you know what? If you want more thank yous, send us stuff after you've antibacterialized and packed it to 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603. Maybe you should put a stop on packages for the time being. I just had to unpack a couple of these. Oh, that's right. You put on gloves.

Oh, by the way, yeah, when I got back from the road, Olivia Grace, I'm not blaming you. I just said your name. So, yes, I am. I used to have, like, lots of sponges and fucking rubber gloves and stuff. Just the latex medical gloves. I would occasionally jack off into them just because I didn't want to get a towel. Oh, that's a good idea.

I know. It's a fucking great idea. They were closer to you than your towel? They're gone. My sponges are gone. Fucking everything. Because fucking Olivia Grace living out her fucking what's his name from the simpsons mr burns howard hughes existence down at her new place

yeah i got nothing but uh yeah send some good shit and then we'll mention you maybe, if I remember. Thank yous. Go ahead. J.A. Graham. Which one was... I think that's Juan. There's a... Yeah, that's that card. Yeah. There's a mug wrapped up there with a note and a shot glass.

There's a whole bunch of stuff. Is that the guy with the empty bottle of vodka? It was... No, that's a different one. That was the one with the gizzards and some other. Chad opened the box and he's like pulled away and he's like, I don't know what that is. It's a bad smell. Yeah.

And it was one. And I'm like, I don't know. I just said it has a smell. I was trying to be a diplomat. Yeah. Yeah. That's like how you. Turns out it was, you know, gizzards.

Gizzards. I was right to say that it had a smell. No, you were right on that. Thanks, J.A. Thanks, on that Thanks JA Christopher Lewandowski Is that that one? That's this one here Some A basket of

Fake flowers for bingo It was a Securely wrapped football With Another little securely wrapped box with some macadamia nuts for me. Thank you, Chris. I do like those.

He said I mentioned them somewhere, and I didn't remember them, but Jenny said that I did indeed eat those, so I probably did mention them somewhere. Someone sent fucking maple syrup. That's this one. Full bottle of maple syrup. That's grade A. Full bottle of maple syrup. Oh, that's grade A.

100% pure maple syrup. Empty bottle of vodka. Full bottle of maple syrup. Got it right. Snacks? Yeah. Let's see. What is it? Superfood.

Superfood creamer. Original with functional mushrooms. I'm pretty drunk. I thought that said fictional mushrooms for a second, but I realized there's no such thing. I am so doomsday preppers that I'm not throwing any kind of food away. I had one of the weird things

when I was cleaning out my uncle's place. I had to go down again a couple weeks ago and clean up some more of my Uncle Randy's stuff. And he left everything to me, so I have to decide what to throw away and what to keep and he was a bit of a hoarder and uh i told jenny i have a big it's i don't know about three and a half feet tall bucket of food 30 day food supply like dry freeze dried yeah like from costco like

jim baker yes like a jim Baker food bucket, 30-day supply. And I was like, throw it away or keep it. And she was like, eh, keep it. Now I'm like, I'm so fucking happy we kept that. It's so weird for me to not pick a side on anything. Like, I vacillate between, oh, fuck, I could die, or I don't give a shit. Like, work-wise, I don't give a shit. I'll figure out.

Actually, half the bits that I've been working out on this tour, they play way better when I have a fucking coronavirus angle. I go, yeah, but who knows when I'm going to be able to do stand-up comedy again. I think we will start an open mic in the Funhouse. Limited? Yeah.

It's supposed to be 10 or less. Technically. We might be able to fudge some numbers at security. Does that include staff? Well, listen, we don be able to fudge some numbers yeah at security that includes staff well listen we don't have to explain everything bingo is now under third day of quarantine because i saw on the news where oh new orleans is like the fifth most infected place and gets no coverage because fucking new york someone tweeted that and whoever hopefully more than one

person but the one I read was like oh good work New York to fucking make this all about you and they don't tell you what's going on in fucking Rock Island Illinois or something yeah it's just New York we're gonna need

ventilators. He's the first one who's going to be affected by this, but certainly because Louisiana is definitely going to be following what happens in New York. And they're saying that it came back from fucking Mardi Gras and bingo was at Mardi Gras. I'm like, yeah, you probably

should shut down because at first I was like, well, bingo. Alone at the quiet house, she's going to go out of her fucking mind that she's already out of. So I yeah, that's okay. Well, what if my personal trainer keeps me? And I told

her, well, yeah, you're not touching each other. You can do. Can't go to the gym. That's part of it. But no bingo talk to doc mark who fucking saved bingo and yeah he's he's working around the clock in tucson at the emergency room he's got six fucking corona patients and he goes it's bad it's really ugly and i go all right listen to him not me yeah i said go ahead forget what i said train yeah so yeah it's fucking that's that's a from a trustworthy source he ain't selling fear he's

working sure 18 hour shifts like we used to at the same hospital it's it's been fun to watch as a fan of chaos it's like on what at one in one day on social media a woman posted that she was at coffer queen community hospital and that she had been they were openly using the term coronavirus in front of her in front of her but they said that there was not testing available for her and uh within the same hour on facebook the copper queen community hospital is like listen there's no cases here at this hospital there is a somebody posting on facebook that's erroneous like they were trying to correct to correct but then it became really muddled because within that same hour Cochise County released a social

media statement saying that there was one confirmed case but it was off of Fort Huachuca. The whole thing got so muddled and I was just watching all of the people's misinformation and just eating it like fucking candy. You guys are just fucking done.

When I first heard the beef about, oh, he called it the China virus, Trump. That's racist. And I'm like, it's probably just him being stupid. But then I would get tweets saying, no, it's definitely China. Like people, I think we talk about this off the air but there's people that i am a bipartisan comedian that was a fucking high thing i came up with like i have both sides of my fan base where and then i thought who else does burr does rogan does like does burr does rogan does like yeah we connect people and there's something to be done with that like there's we have a fan base on both sides and who else has that other than a lot of fucking

comedians yeah i would i would agree with that yeah i'm processing the thought because i've never thought about that but that is that's the one unifying fucking factor that you could ever find, I think. Yeah, I went through listing all the comedians, even like Skank Fest, which I was going to Skank Fest. I told them I'm going to come on The Secret. I'm not going to be an act. I just want to be there. That was supposed to be right now.

I was supposed to be at Skank Fest, and I had to cancel because at the time I go, all right, this is like three days into the tour, and I'm already drunk every night. I'm just going to go to Skank Fest and make an asshole of myself. It wasn't coronavirus related. I really need to get the final draft of my book done and i had other reasons oh i could go to skank fest and get like sal volcano and there's a shane gillis was gonna be there and get them on the fucking bunch of people audio book not shane gillis but there's other people for the book yeah to take and i go i'm just gonna show up and i'm gonna try to keep up with fucking ari shafir by stapling my balls to my chin or whatever like i'm just gonna be an asshole and hate myself and they go hey well thanks for louis

gomez hey well thanks for thinking of us we understand you can't make it. And then fucking three days later, it was canceled. Yeah. Just like Chaley's fucking convention. And the Unbookables show. It's so fucking funny. I tried to troll James Inman. I go, I said something about, hey, because he said he was going to come see me in San Francisco to do a podcast to promote the Unbookables show. And I go, after it got canceled, I go,

well, you're still coming up here, right? For the new venue for the Unbookables show. Wait, what new venue? That's what I was expecting. He didn't even bite. He didn't even notice that I said there's a new venue. But maybe we do that here. Any more thank yous?

Guy Adams sent that box of, well, it's a bunch of stuff. But he does have two packages of Garbage Pail Kids, which is cool, and a joke book for Bingo. The rest of the stuff is just going to go into the stuff that goes out from people that buy merch. Natalie sent me some vintage shit from New Mexico, and it's down there. I don't know.

I got to clean this place out. I got to clean out the funhouse shelves as part of my fucking... Listen, you at home, tweet at us what you're doing with your time off. I did Tupperware. Tweet at Stanhope what you're doing with your time off.

Yeah, I'm trying to stay off Twitter. I don't want to fucking waste all my time on Twitter, but it is a good outlet. And don't forget Patreon. We love our subscribers, and we've got another one going out probably on Monday.

So this is going out on Friday. And if you want to get in on Patreon with us, it's patreon.com slash stanhopepodcast as little as a dollar a month. And if we add any more podcasts, I think we should add a Patreon as well just to balance it out, to balance it out.

Yeah, we get a lot of free time. The one that's coming up is the one right before we left. McKenzie was here. I drank. I found out the next day I was driving for eight hours to Vegas and I had, Tracy told me, I drank almost

an entire bottle of bourbon. This was after I went and got you after you trashed the door. No, no, that was another time. Oh. This was the right before we left. We did a podcast. McKenzie was here. And I drank.

No, that was all the same night. No, it wasn't. I remember her saying, yeah, because you were. You took that picture of McKenzie smoking. Yeah. Yeah, we did two podcasts came in and you were like on your knees and just doing i love you mans what in the main house like he's really fucked up and you have to leave the next day yeah and uh i go i don't think he's

gonna i drove over nine hours and and then she said yeah i saw him at 9 a. think he's going to get an early start. I drove over at 9 hours. And then she said, yeah, I saw him at 9 a.m. He's still walking around cleaning up. You what a fucking monster. And Tracy wanted to drive, and I'm like, nope, I do this to myself. How much did I drink? She goes, you drank almost that entire bottle of bourbon. But you drank other things throughout the night. It was a long.

There is cheeseez Whiz here. That came from one of these boxes we unboxed. Indeed it did. Hey kids, don't panic. You might die. You might be broke. You might

have to live in the streets. But don't panic. Because we'll be here for you for a limited time only. Until we panic. Hey, Bingo never called back, but we have you as an outro on record. Play it. Bingo, take us out.

Okay, bye-bye now. You talked over it. You talked over the thing you can't hear. Sorry, it's not your fault. Go ahead. Bingo, take us out. Okay, bye-bye now. Thank you. guitar solo Thank you.